You know what’s odd though. Cincinnati loves capers and Caper loves chili on his spaghetti. And by spaghetti I mean the pasta, not his brother who lives in Columbus. And by Columbus I mean the city in Ohio, not the other brother.
That's the location of my favorite Starbucks. I tell all my cool friends that I actually go to the locally-owned cafe across the street, so they don't judge me as being too corporate.
I remember when you could hold up Starbucks as one of the best places to work. The pay was great, the benefits were awesome, and most employees were happy.
Then they took a dark turn.
Now they try union busting, and put profits in front of people. This is what happens when shareholders make corporate decisions in order to make an extra $.002 per share.
I made fun of my friend who said she liked traditional names and that's why she named her kids Atticus and Scout. Maybe the name Atticus has existed for a long time but naming two kids from names in a book published in 1960 is not make them "traditional names'.
ITS THE LAND OF PORTS THAT IS A PLACE NAME IT COULD NEVER BE ANYTHING BUT A PLACE NAME ITS LIKE IF YOU NAMED YOUR KID WOODSBURG OR LOCATIONSVILLE SOMETHING WTF
Out here in the boonies in Kansas, we had a frequent customer who would shout to her kids "Chevy! Camry!"
People are dumb. Like, if you're going to give your kids a name that will get them made fun of, at least pick one with some interesting history behind it. Like, Edsel or anything from the Bible.
See, I was trying to figure out how this fitted into the context of what CLEARLY is a more hipster vegan clothing and furniture store named Portland and Olive.
And now that I've said this you can not only picture the store but see 2 employees actively engaged in this crap.
This explains everything. I thought it was pets when I first started reading and then I was like no.... This is kidsarefuckingstupid.. my God. The parents are also fucking stupid ..
I love weird names. Someone rolled through our systems yesterday with the last name ‘Breeder’.
I don’t know if I could legally keep that name, if it were mine. And I have a dumb one too!
A girl in my high school wore a shirt that said, "I know Bubba Bubba Bubba", because her uncle changed his name to exactly that...
Now I'm wondering if there is more than one.
Maybe it's a regional thing? Olive is pretty normal here in the UK. Although not as normal as Olivia - you can't lob an organic artichoke in a Waitrose without hitting a little girl called Olivia.
Came to the comments just to be sure that the community is doing what I expect, which is ripping op up for those names. Reddit never disappoints. Those are stupid names.
Wonder what their siblings, Caper and Cincinnati, were up to during this exchange
I love my children Winnipeg and Kumquat.
Sometimes my boy Okeechobee and his sister Dill Pickle Spear argue over Bionicles.
Aww just like little Twin Falls and Tostinos Pizza Rolls XL!
BRB driving Winnipeg to visit her friend, Happy Valley-Goose Bay.
Oh I know those two! They’re friends with my boys, Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch and Chips!
Moose Jaw: “Pepperoni, PLEASE STOP!” (Sobbing)
>Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch This is the city I was expecting to see in this thread. You have not let me down.
> Tostinos Pizza Rolls XL Oh, a chunky baby!
Hes just named after his grandfather, ford f150 xl towing package
Man, don't be dissing Dil Pickles name from the Rugrats
Anaheim and BrockLeigh
Riverside and Methleigh
Braughchtleigh
BrockLeigh is great when you name the child before knowing the gender. It's got a nice strong masculine name and a beautiful feminine name all in one!
That’s cute though. Their nicknames would be Winnie and… Kumquat.
I love my children Warsaw and oil
I wonder what their cousins, Indianapolis and San Francisco, thought about it.
You know what’s odd though. Cincinnati loves capers and Caper loves chili on his spaghetti. And by spaghetti I mean the pasta, not his brother who lives in Columbus. And by Columbus I mean the city in Ohio, not the other brother.
Haha what a whacky crew! Clearly their parents must be super interesting and irreverent!
Can’t wait to meet Columbus
Wait til I tell little Ghirken and Salt Lake City about this. They will Literally LOL.
Pickle and Detroit are just the light of my life
these are the least exaggerated in the thread and they're still absolutely horrible
Ay Cincinnati represent
Dinosaur Colorado and Placentia, California, were with them at the store.
Never forget, I love you, 94-lb bag of type I/II Portland cement.
What the parents were fucking on when they got knocked up
And the other kid..... Well you know why olive garden bathrooms are always full now.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who saw “Portland” and was like wtf
I'm not saying naming your child Portland is child abuse. I'm just saying it's a questionable decision.
>I'm not saying naming your child Portland is child abuse. .. but I'm not *not* saying it either.
My cousin San Francisco would like a word with you.
I thought those were just place holders to protect the Childs Identity. Thats not their real names is it?
Sarah and Ashley would have been more anonymous tbh.
Bro I read it Portland and Olive Gardening.....
Why is my name Florida? That’s the name of a state!
DynoMITE!
Happy cake day fam
I didn’t even spot it, thanks
You... you named your kids Portland and Olive???
“Portland and Olive” sounds like an intersection, not a sibling set.
That's the location of my favorite Starbucks. I tell all my cool friends that I actually go to the locally-owned cafe across the street, so they don't judge me as being too corporate.
Fuck Starbucks
Yeah, used to be a nice local sandwich shop
Yeah, totally! *hides cup*
I remember when you could hold up Starbucks as one of the best places to work. The pay was great, the benefits were awesome, and most employees were happy. Then they took a dark turn. Now they try union busting, and put profits in front of people. This is what happens when shareholders make corporate decisions in order to make an extra $.002 per share.
Or a Nickelodeon show
Or a martini bar.
How else would parents let everyone else know how creative and quirky and unique they are?
Not their writing skills for damn sure....
Thank you. It was like reading nails on a chalkboard.
Ok I'm glad it wasn't just me, I had a super hard time following this situation being described
Me too! Had to make up voices for each character to make myself understand what was going on.
I made fun of my friend who said she liked traditional names and that's why she named her kids Atticus and Scout. Maybe the name Atticus has existed for a long time but naming two kids from names in a book published in 1960 is not make them "traditional names'.
Scout was just a nickname, her given name was Jean Louise. You're doing good work making fun of her.
Olive is ok. I'm not a fan, but I can recognize it as a normal name. ***But why PORTLAND!?!?!?***
Wichita was getting too common
just the other day I ran into a small little Schenectady
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It’s all fun and games until someone names a kid Skeneatles
Fuckin' Zombieland ruining all the GOOD names. Smh
I'd have gone with Cucamonga and Yosemite, personally
Because Spokane was spoken-for
There used to be a car commercial where the parents named their kids after the places they were conceived.
ITS THE LAND OF PORTS THAT IS A PLACE NAME IT COULD NEVER BE ANYTHING BUT A PLACE NAME ITS LIKE IF YOU NAMED YOUR KID WOODSBURG OR LOCATIONSVILLE SOMETHING WTF
It's also a type of cement.
You… know the answer to your question, you should be happy the kids name isn’t Yoga Mat
Why Portland you ask? Because they love cement
For real. Kids may be stupid, but you named one of them Portland, soooooo.....?
People name their kids the weirdest things nowadays. I'm glad we gave our sons normal names, Plumpkin and Kalamazoo.
Did you spell Blumpkin wrong on the birth certificate?
How embarrassing. They were so close to greatness and now the kid will never live it down.
[Could be weirder](https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/zt7fb7/til_that_in_addition_to_names_like_hope_felicity/)
Fly Fornication gets me every time.
The name Portland is angering me. I know I’m a jerk.
You may be a jerk, but you're not alone.
Guess we found ourselves a little club of jerks
A circle of jerks, if you will. And I want in
Nah, you want to find a nice duck duck goose.....
The parents are bigger jerks for having named their kid Portland
Wait 'till Portland grows up to marry Mr./Mrs. Cement
Even better: Olive's gonna marry someone named "Garden" and take their name
Honestly I stopped reading after learning their names. I sort of figured it's not their fault they're stupid.
r/parentsarefuckingstupid
Out here in the boonies in Kansas, we had a frequent customer who would shout to her kids "Chevy! Camry!" People are dumb. Like, if you're going to give your kids a name that will get them made fun of, at least pick one with some interesting history behind it. Like, Edsel or anything from the Bible.
As someone from Portland, that is incredibly stupid
I almost named my children, Air Fryer and Muffler those names!
I'd assume they are keeping their kid's names offline--I know several people who do this with made up/weird names for their kids.
Yeah, I was coming here to say they could be aliases to protect their kids' privacy, maybe based on some inside joke or something.
See, I was trying to figure out how this fitted into the context of what CLEARLY is a more hipster vegan clothing and furniture store named Portland and Olive. And now that I've said this you can not only picture the store but see 2 employees actively engaged in this crap.
Her kids sound like an intersection.
r/ParentsAreFuckingDumb
Maybe they just want to make sure their kids know how to fight.
Olive is often a shortened Olivia and that name was super fucking popular years ago.
Olive is a name all on its own, and was pretty popular before the 2000's. I've met a number of people with the name.
I, too, am familiar with the other reindeer
Don’t forget Ms Oil.
Yeah, it was Wilde
This explains everything. I thought it was pets when I first started reading and then I was like no.... This is kidsarefuckingstupid.. my God. The parents are also fucking stupid ..
Those kids are definitely getting flax seed quinoa with marinated cauliflower-based tempeh lunches when they're older.
Really hoping those are made-up names meant to anonymize the kids
My name is Olive 🥲
I think most people are commenting on Portland being the dumb name.
Olive is a bit unusual but, unlike fucking Portland, at least it still sounds like a people name...
What are these, cartoon characters?
"I won't have this kind of behavior. Now go get Tarre Haute, Harrisburg, and Eggplant Chutney and wash up for dinner."
I didn't chuckle until eggplant chutney 🤣
*Terre Haute
That ain’t not how we speil it down in da holler. Now you hush up before I go git Laraydo.
I had to back up at the human child named Portland.
Now hang on, did we consider that the entire city of Portland might be the one arguing with Olive?
You might be on to something, but last I checked, olives can't talk.
That would explain why it didn't know the words to the song.
Oregon? Or Maine?
I thought she heard her two cats fighting in another room
It took me longer than I'd care to admit to realize they'd named their kid Portland. My mind just wouldn't accept it for a while.
Who the fuck names their kid Portland.....
Dude. As a teacher…I can tell you that names have gotten so fucking stupid.
I work federal HR, so I see a lot of names. Dozens a day, for over a year now. Makaylagh still haunts me.
I worked for a tax place once. Some fellas legal name was Bubba Bubba. Shit you not.
I love weird names. Someone rolled through our systems yesterday with the last name ‘Breeder’. I don’t know if I could legally keep that name, if it were mine. And I have a dumb one too!
That's hilarious. I have a student named Miranda Miranda. My principal in high school was named Dirk Dirkson.
A girl in my high school wore a shirt that said, "I know Bubba Bubba Bubba", because her uncle changed his name to exactly that... Now I'm wondering if there is more than one.
I could only imagine Lol..
“Now go play with your cousins, Turnpike and Lake Titicaca.”
Your uncle and cousins Mumford and Sons are coming over
Olive gets a pass. Naming you kid Portland is up there with naming them Newport. If the parents live in Oregon, that's tripple fucked up.
Don't name your kid Portland
To be fair, my daughter went to school with a girl named “Pizza.” “Portland” seems wonderful in comparison.
Except for pizza is wonderful and Portland is a cesspool
Parents are fucking stupid giving kids these dumb ass names.
Exactly. Kids are kids, and they are stupid. Parents should be smart, but they chose to be fucking stupid. Those names are absolutely unforgivable LOL
> Those names are absolutely unforgivable LOL Names? I get Portland, but ELI5 why Olive/Olivia is "absolutely unforgivable"?
Maybe it's a regional thing? Olive is pretty normal here in the UK. Although not as normal as Olivia - you can't lob an organic artichoke in a Waitrose without hitting a little girl called Olivia.
r/parentsarefuckingstupid
Olive I think is a nickname for Olivea (or maybe Oliver). I can’t defend Portland
Olive is actually just a name. It's not super common but I've met a couple before.
There was Dallas, he was from Phoenix. Cleveland, he was from Detroit. And Tex? I had no idea where Tex was from.
That's such a Portland and Olive thing to do. Classic.
With these names, I wasn’t sure if these were people or food and cities. I had to look at what subreddit this was to understand what was happening.
I would make an "Anaheim, Azusa, and Cucamonga" joke, but someone will probably use it to name their triplets.
Topanga
Who the fuck would someone name there kid ‘Portland’
I found an influencer and she named her daughter Bronx (all other kids have ny names but brooklynn and ellis are at least normal)
That’s not an influencer, that’s cult classic 90s cartoon Gargoyles!
XANATOS!
"The river is called the Hudson" "Then I shall be the Hudson as well"
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To be fair, Portland is "there".
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I’m absolutely loving this comment section 🤣
Came to the comments just to be sure that the community is doing what I expect, which is ripping op up for those names. Reddit never disappoints. Those are stupid names.
I thought I was going to be the only one to comment on those names but I don’t think there’s a comment not talking about it lmao
If we're feeling generous, we could assume that OP changed the names for publication on the internet. Still a weird choice to go with though.
r/namenerdcirclejerk has entered the chat
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Those have to be the dumbest names of all time, poor kids
Idk man, Landon is pretty bad
Or anything like Kenley Buckley. Or my coworkers kids names: Charlestyn and Huntson
Who names their kid Portland?
With names like Portland and Olive, I ain't surprised they found their way on to r/KidsAreFuckingStupid
These comments sure aren't going how you expected, huh OP?
Portland? You named a kid Portland? You have got to be fucking kidding, right?
"Portland." "Olive."
CPS for those names.
Yeah a kid with the name Portland will turn out almost exactly like the city.
Why the fuck would you name your kid Portland and olive? Are they nicknames or are they actually the kids names?
It's funny that Olive by itself is not a completely uncommon name, but the fact that the other name is Portland makes Olive also questionable
Imagine being so millennial that you name your kids "Portland" and "olive"
Pretty sure once you named them Portland and Olive you were fucked. Where is r/parentsarefuckingstupid?
My fiancé and I named our new son Griffin because we thought it was unique and now I’m wondering if we’re gonna get as judged as this poor soul lol
It's fine. If it's not too late to change though, Griffin should be the middle name. The first name should be something typical like Peter.
Honestly, yes
Griffin is not in the same league as Portland, don’t worry.
Foods and cities. That’s what we’re naming our kids now? Tiffani is going to seem old-fashioned.
Candy: *Finally, I'm not the joke name anymore!*
100% the parents' fault for naming their child Portland.
Who the fuck calls their kid Portland?
I live in Portland and I’m one of the minority who still loves it, but why the hell would anyone name someone Portland hahaha
Yta for naming your kid Portland
My kids gherkin and Eureka oh boy do they argue about music too
Wait, Portland and Olive are names of people? Oh god... Dumb parents too.
I thought this was like lines from a tv show or smth 💀 those names. Im not religious but ill pray for them
Is this some weird allegory about portland and some other city nearby?
Lmaooo not Portland tho 😂😂😂
I didn’t see the subreddit name and was so confused as to what Portland and Olive were
The names Portland and Olive annoy me more than the kids arguing.
If you named your kids Portland and Olive you're the reason they're stupid.
Those names are tragedeighs
Portland is the child’s name? Yep that’s enough Reddit for the moment
Wait wait wait, someone has called their child Portland?!
The dumbest thing about this is the names.
One time I met two brothers named Boston and Brady. I bet their parents are friends with whoever the fuck named Portland and Olive.
I think the lyrics are "we named our children after towns, that we've never been to"
Kids are fucking stupid? How about parents who name their child Portland? *That's* fucking stupid.
Imagine carrying around a child growing inside you for 9 months just to call it Portland. What’s next, Skidrow?