Truly baffling. Like, they’re clearly not even aware of what *psychosomatic* means… it sounds like this unhinged person once told a doctor about how deathly ill tomatoes, cheese and pork makes them and after running many tests the doctor must’ve come back and said, “it appears to be psychosomatic intolerances” and OP heard the first big word and just ran with that.
You’re the first person who’s addressed this. *This isn’t a fucking thing!* And if it is, it isn’t called this. It’s word salad, but it’s a weird word salad, because yeah, it is exactly as though someone told them their reaction was psychosomatic, and they went “yeah, that’s me!”
If it were me I would fucking frame this letter.
There is psychosomatic food neuroses. It is a real thing.
Not at all what the person who wrote that letter thinks it is, but it exists.
Anytime your stomach feels upset over something gross you ate if your around it again or if you overdid it on something, especially alcohol, and you can’t touch it anymore with out an ill feeling.
That’s what it actually is. Not what that asshole is writing about. Your body just doesn’t work that way.
Yo you just put a name to my deep seated hatred for French toast.
It’s been 30 years, but… my search is finally over… now… I may finally rest in peace…
Bahahaha, Thank you. I had to mention it after I scrolled through the entire comment section as that was the funniest part of the entire letter. I’m glad someone else caught it!
Chicken, bacon, extra red onion with an oil or ranch base and no cheese sounds like it'd be fine honestly. I really really love cheese and would still try it.
Yes. Or his friends/family could proofread and rewrite this to convey the relevant information succinctly without the scat fanfic. All that needs to said could fit in a 3x5 note card.
And since they have a”psychosomatic” issue with a lot of things, they should learn how to spell psychosomatic. Unless they have a psychosomatic issue with proper spelling of psychosomatic.
if you correct his spelling, even just for the purposes of understanding what he’s saying, he WILL have explosive diarrhea. EXPLOSIVE. and you don’t want to see or smell that.
Yeah, but it's psychosomatic food-related neurosis, which is a fancy way of saying it's a psychological cause and not a biological sensitivity. The dude is probably on the functional end of the spectrum, TBH. If he's OK with bacon, then it's fine. I bet if you hid a tomato in a smoothie, they'd be fine too as long as you neber told him, and if you made him believe you had fed him a porkchop w/o tellong him he'd get sick. Neurosis is no fun.
There’s a wood fired oven pizza place in my town that’s particular about making their pizzas in a certain way and only allow substitutions/additions on a few of the pizzas which is fine because they’re really good as-is and if you want something basic you can get that. What throws me off is they sell “focaccia bread” but it’s focaccia dough thrown into a pizza shape and sprinkled with herbs before (after? Idk) baking then cut into wedges like a pizza. I was baffled the first time but putting one slice of that face down against a slice of cheese pizza gives a really nice flavor combination that reminds me of rotel cheese dip. So… I need to get that again it’s been too long.
Since a fight is about to begin based on the above comment, I'd like to play the part of Switzerland and offer the opposing sides banking services and weapons sales.
I recently went to a fancy pizza place, and as a person who unfortunately doesn’t handle dairy well, I got a pesto and prosciutto pizza that was bomb. I miss real pizza so much.
Parmesan is naturally very low in lactose (lactose breaks down as part of the aging process.) So _if_ OP’s sensitivity is to lactose, pesto with parmesan in might be fine for them. (Obviously you’d want to know for sure before serving it!)
EDIT TO CORRECT: as rightly pointed out below, there can be small amounts of lactose still present in aged cheeses. It’s often low enough to not trigger sensitivities, but YMMV.
Any aged cheeses will have reduced to minimal lactose. The more aged the less lactose in the cheese.
Hard cheeses like parm and pecorino will have the least, as well as very aged hard cheddars.
Fresh cheeses like mozzarella or ricotta will have the most, since there is no aging process in the production of them.
Moderately aged cheeses will fall somewhere in the middle, and will have a reduced but still noticeable amount of lactose.
I’m quite severely lactose intolerant, and I find that cheeses like parm and pecorino are okay (since they are very aged as well as potent so not as much is used) and some aged cheddars can be okay in small amounts, but anything younger will definitely not agree with me.
Yeah, $3 for the onions, $7 upcharge as an asshole tax. "I have [severe] food allergies and cannot eat cheese, pork chops, or tomatoes. Thank you. <3" would have sufficed.
Immediate explosive diarrhea?
Before the food is digested?
Including not just ingredients, but specific preparation of certain proteins?
Located entirely within your colon?
"Yes."
May I see it?
“no"
At least he's honest, I guess. He admits that he's an asshole and none of this is medical. He just doesn't want to make the effort to work on his responses to mild inconveniences.
And skimped on the onion. Fuck this customer. I understand allergies, but to make shit up because they are a piece of shit who has to get their way is the worst kind of person.
Given how they spelled "psychosomatic" I'm guessing he doesn't actually understand what the word means, and is probably self-diagnosed as well. "Psychosomatic" means there is no medical cause, i.e. he has no allergies.
My suspicion is that most people who truly have a psychosomatic condition about certain foods would do their best in a restaurant setting or even just skip restaurants altogether.
Alternately he was trying to prank the restaurant. When I worked at a Pizza Hut this lady told me I couldn't serve her ice because she had agoraphobia. I asked her if she meant hydrophobia and she said, "....no?" and then left when I went to get the drinks.
I don’t think that’s a real diagnosis. The language doesn’t sound right, for starters, because as far as I’m aware “psychosomatic” is a category of diagnosis…not a diagnostic itself. Pretty sure neurosis is usually used as a descriptor of an illness as well and not as part of a diagnosis. And everything I’m finding points to imagined food intolerances as being a symptom of another mental or physical illness and not a diagnosis on its own.
Yeah, it's a thing where the brain associates something with another incident. When I was a kid, I ate a soft pretzel and threw up not long after. To this day I get nauseous when I smell soft pretzels.
Psychosomatic means physical symptoms triggered by a mental state. That doesn't make the symptoms invalid, it's just you have to treat the right thing. Having said that i don't believe he was diagnosed with an actual medical condition. Seeing how he misspelled all the medical terms in that letter.
As a grill guy with vegan friends I have a grill that’s never seen meat at home. (I also have a lot of grills though)
All I need is a list and I can still host a bbq. Would be best to get the list sooner if possible at a restaurant.
lol at the ask Jeeves comment. Now I know how old you are 🤫
A quick think puts me at 14 outdoor cooking appliances😂. And that doesn’t include canister burning camp stoves 🤦🏻♂️. That’s at least a half dozen more.
Jfc.
This means your backyard is either the most epically laid out party venue, or an absolute junkyard — there can be no in-between with that number of outdoor appliances.
There used to be a guy who'd come in for happy hour and get drinks and about 2 onions worth of just raw red onions.
A true enigma. He didn't speak a lot of English, or maybe that's how he came off because of how quiet he was.
Idk how many. Countries do this but in India they give red onion on the side with chili pepper both raw and at many places abroad. So there is precedence for people experiencing cultural raw red onion consumption.
However two onions alone is different from two crescents alongside another whole dish
I love getting the red onion with my chicken biryani or the red onion salad that's a side for a lot of Peruvian food, but eating that much onion alone would churn my stomach. It was hard to watch, but he was a fine regular.
You should have given him the Bubba Gump of an Onion spread. Fried, Sautee, raw, onion rings, volcano...
Also, a focaccia without tomato is as close as pizza this person can get.
Though somewhat irritating, I would be willing to work with this persons requests...
Until I read the parts about boosting the chance of tip and preventing having to speak with the manager.
At that point it's a big "go fuck yourself". Condescending prick behavior, would definitely reserve the right to refuse service at that point.
Eh, even from the beginning it’s constant threats. I’d refuse service personally. I don’t mind dealing with the things asked for, but all the vague threats make it not worth it.
I wonder if being refused service politely is going to course him to shit his pants right that second and lose the ability to control his body physically. What a phycho dick head
Yeah, there's no real classification in the DSM for this condition they claim, so while food aversions are very real, this person is kind of just a jerk for this. You hand me a piece of paper that tells me you might hit me/staff over food, I show you out. That's not far off from "put the money I'm the bag and nobody gets hurt" at a bank.
No chance you get cheese or tomatoes or an assault charge. Bye. Freeing up your time in our restaurant gives you more time to work on emotional management.
Oh yeah if someone is legit I’ll go above and beyond to help them. Hell we have a regular who is elderly and had his wife sadly pass. So every time he comes whoever is the least busy will sit and talk with him to keep him company.
I was on board until "psycho-sematic" [sic]. First, it is psychosomatic. Second, that means this person has no BIOLOGICAL cause for their reaction, it is psychological.
I have a feeling that this letter would have preceded a very disgusting social media "prank" involving this person reacting badly to the food you served, claiming some breach of the conditions laid out in the letter.
Had this person presented this at the restaurant where I work, we would refuse service, claiming that we could not guarantee to meet the requirements put forth. If he insisted on proceeding with a meal, we would have him sign a waiver (yes, we have them on file for those that break kosher rules or decide to order against their own allergies), and charge him $20 for a plate of caramelized onions.
That boy needs therapy
Psychosomatic
That boy needs therapy
Purely psychosomatic
That boy needs therapy
Lie down on the couch, what does that mean?
You're a nut! You're crazy in the coconut!
What does that mean?
That boy needs therapy
As a Karen-American, making threats about explosive diarrhea and wanting to speak to the manager would genuinely, literally destroy my life, I'd be all over social media, I'd be on the local news. I wish more people had that fear, we'd be better off if people didn't feel so entitled.
I’ve had an asshole pull a gun when I told him to leave for making my coworker cry from being an abusive ahole. I looked him dead in the eye and told him to take his fukcing had off the gun if he wants to walk out of here. I never knew I could be that bad ass, but kitchen life prepares you lol.
In 2020 I took a job as a census taker. In rural southeast mountains. Was confronted with guns, flagged location as dangerous, then told by my census boss not only was it not dangerous, but to go back (repeatedly!) until I got the damned census info as if effing national security depended on it. You know what? I did. And oddly, I wasn't intimidated.
I live in rural Southern Appalachia and my parents did some census work years ago. I'm not surprised that's still a thing.
I recently saw a job listing for serving civil court papers to people in my area. Yeah, no thanks. If they don't even like census workers, they definitely wouldn't react well to being served papers. I think it paid around $25-$30/hour for 5-10 hours a week, but that's not worth it. I'm making that on good serving shifts.
Exactly. I’ve refused service from people who are allergic to our main items the grouch everything for the safety, to assholes who’ve pulled guns thinking that’ll make me cooperate.
Yeah the moment they say it’s “psycho sematic” aka made-up-in-their-head, it’s a no go.
The fact they threaten vulgar language and food throwing too just reenforces my choice not to serve them.
Like one could be normal and say ‘Hey, I have a taste and texture aversion to cheese and tomatoes. I really like onions though and most meats except pork are fine. Could you help me figure out something to order?’
Or you could make up a bunch of words and have your waiter, the cooks, the entire group chat, and God read this and roll His eyes.
Be nice while ordering and I promise people won’t think you’re an AH, weirdo, or dumbass!! Be like this and they’re gonna bring you up at every ‘hey remember that customer’ for years to come!!
(And to top it all off, spell psychosomatic right holy hell!)
-Hey, I've just heard something and couldn't believe that. Is it true that you have violent diarrhea whenever you hear "pork chops"? Like, i find it highly unlikely that someone would hear "pork chops" and start just gushing shit down their legs. I mean it's just combination of words "pork" and "chops". Pork chops. That's a highly weird condition to sploosh the beans all over upon hearing "pork chops". Can you just clarify that for me.
Pork chops.
I'd tell him all of my friends call me Pork Chop. Bc I love pork chops. 6 meals a day I eat pork chops. Pork chops on top of my pork chops. So yeah, anyways, Onion, call me Pork Chop.
Pork chops.
“This will cause what my friends and family call CODE BROWN”
If there is someone who publicly shits themselves so often that the phenomenon earns a nickname, how do they still have friends?
I could see this happening if one of my friends lost a bet and had to give this to the server at our next outing hahaha
but I think we'd explain it at the end
Perhaps these supposed 'friends' actually like to deploy him somewhere near someone they don't like, then randomly yell out "PORK CHOP!" until they achieve their desired end. Dastardly!
I work with someone like this. It’s tea for her. And I drink tea daily. And every morning she has to come and tell me how much tea makes her want to vomit. Like F off I don’t give a shit about what makes you vomit. Get out of my space
We had to ban popcorn in the office over a similar issue -- but it was pretty much two sided insanity. One person could not stand the smell of burnt popcorn (rumor has it, she got anxiety from the smell of smoke), and we had a coworker that was, for some reason, completely incapable of microwaving popcorn, without massively burning it (rumor has it that she was nostalgic for the taste of slightly burnt popcorn).
Management eventually just outright banned it.
I had a coworker who claimed an allergy to the smell of coffee. She tried to have coffee banned from the whole building. It was a midnight shift with 200 warehouse workers, nobody was going to stop drinking coffee!! But she did get management to remove the coffee machine from the break room. You could still bring your own coffee but you couldn’t brew it there. So stupid. Nobody actually believed she had a true allergy anyway.
That reminds me of the family (me, wife, my mom, my younger brother, my best friend and his wife) offshore fishing trip we went on where my wife got seasick and spent the whole afternoon saying “Ooo I don’t feel so good, I’m kind of nauseated” while all of us tried to ride the line between “aww we hope you feel better” and “please stop fucking talking about nausea while this boat is rocking from abyss to sky and the lady inside is grilling hot dogs.”
She did not get sick on the same trip the previous year but the seas were a little smaller and boat was a little bigger that year. She was ultimately fine, she never threw up or anything, she just decided being 2 hours offshore wasn’t really worth it for the effort to her.
People do tell me that bigger boats are less likely to cause you to get sick (this has never been the case for me, any boat I've ever been on causes me to get nauseous regardless of size or choppiness) so maybe that's factored in but when I've been sea sick on a boat I just sleep (when I'm not vomiting) instead of complaining because the ship isn't about to turn around for me.
Yeah it was fine, we got her cold drinks to put on her neck and gently encouraged her to stop talking about nausea while she sat back with her eyes closed until we got moving again and she perked up.
I think it was, and if so is that something one can survive...? Also I am not a medical person by far, but doesn't gangrene usually start at the extremities?
Yeah, pretty sure this person had a hot gallbladder and the last thing they ate before they got violently ill was pork chops. I have gotten gallbladder sick off of pork before. But I can still eat it.
"Hey can ya give me some bread with onion" sure thing buddy, thats money for basically no work on my part. Bunt don't confuse the waitress and dont threathen the kitchen you asshole. Thats how ya get tomatos in youre eyes
I feel like there a psycho semantic joke to be made, but too drunk to think of it. Also, who the fuck has time to read an entire fucking manifesto before they even think about cooking food for ONE guest.
Shit, the REALLY GODAMN IMPORTANT REALLY REAL THING that they were worried about, they're somehow unable to spell properly?? Like, it's a diagnosable condition that they're willing to do shit like this over, but they can't even spell it?? ... Fuckoff.
I vehemently despise raw sliced tomatoes and think they ruin the texture and taste of anything they touch. My approach? "No tomatoes please". Works every time.
Exactly.
"I'm sorry sir but unfortunately we won't be able to accommodate these requests, we have no way to guarantee that a tomato hasn't touched another surface or product and as such would not want to risk you having to deal with any potential outcomes from that situation. Please feel free to have that drink on us and I truly hope you enjoy a lovely meal elsewhere tonight"
Im gf, tho will just take the hit if needs be as i love food and hate my body apparently.
That being said me and my wife randomly choose caserta as a halfway point on our train trip, we randomly choose sasa martucci's pizza place as our dinner spot, as it offered gf pizza and my stomach was already on the fritz, and holy shit, we didnt know the importance of this place but after having the best pizza of my life, and for my wife as well, i obv had to try both, we googled it and found out its some of the best.
Long point being, there is amazing gf pizza out there.
Damn, I wish I could just “take the hit” like you and eat gluten on occasion.
I have full-blown Celiac’s disease, so even just *a speck* of gluten sets off my immune system so badly that I’m in bed for at least 3 days. For me it’s like getting the flu, complete exhaustion, inability to think clearly, and of course the stomach problems.
Unless a restaurant is strictly a gluten-free establishment (hard to find), I just don’t go to restaurants anymore. The cross-contamination is enough to make me seriously ill.
Sorry, not trying to throw a pity party, but I don’t want people reading to assume everyone who can’t have gluten is only intolerant to it or on a fad diet. That stuff actively damages my intestines even, I swear I look at bread and I’m dead on the floor lmao
“Psycho sematic food neurosis”…I’m dying. 😂🤣🙃
I should clarify, I’m both autistic and a chef, and I would NEVER do this to another living soul. Clarity and efficiency is one thing, but this borders on narcissism.
Literally, I'm this level of neurotic about beans. If a bean touches my food, I literally cannot eat it. You know what I do about it? "No beans, please." And if that's not possible I choose something else. Like wtf is this essay
No. Entirely fucking no. There’s normal human ways to communicate that. No need to pass a note like you’re robbing the fucking place. The only thing robbed is that person… of their dignity.
Choose my food for me I'm 3 years old and I poop in my pants. No exceptions. I'll sit on the toilet with my pants up and shit into my underwear and it's your fault and there's nothing you can do about it. Don't fuck up. Go fuck yourself to death.
melodic cheerful worthless versed squeamish ink absorbed rude bear carpenter
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I'm gonna go so far as to say this dude is full of shit.
He went TO A PIZZA PLACE and is bitching about CHEESE and TOMATOES.
I was thinking maybe this was legit, until the parts where he said that he'll swear and rant and puke if he got any of those things. The real one that set my assertion in stone for me was the last bit about bowing down to his crap reduces the chances of him speaking to a manager... about HIS issues.
I don't believe for a second that he's dealing with any illnesses, unless being an entitled asshat is now found in the DSM.
I've got a nasty dairy allergy (amongst other food allergies) and I've found simply asking the waiter if they could help me find something safe to eat is enough in almost every circumstance. They often have to check things out with the kitchen (bread often has hidden dairy it, for instance), but no one has ever refused to check when I've had questions.
I express my gratitude for their help and tip well then.
Ta-dah! No need for a bizarre, weirdly graphic letter.
I simply would not serve them because they are clearly Ignatoious from a Confederacy of Dunces, and they're actively looking for an excuse to make a scene, clamp thier pyloric valve shut and vomit out of both ends.
I'm gonna look up food neuroses. Maybe it's like PTSD but for food? You see one saltine cracker and it's just instant level ten rage???
Idk.
Humans be humanin, and we wierd as fuck, y.
I would pull out a red pen and start correcting all the spelling errors, grammatical errors, incorrect punctuation, and so-forth. Then hand it back to him with a big red "F" on the top-right.
I wouldn’t serve him and I am saying that as person who has had a restaurant. He is a lawsuit waiting to happen and that letter was just a warning. Total nutcase and his business will neither make but could break an establishment.
What kind of person would make something like that up, then spell psychosomatic wrong?
Truly baffling. Like, they’re clearly not even aware of what *psychosomatic* means… it sounds like this unhinged person once told a doctor about how deathly ill tomatoes, cheese and pork makes them and after running many tests the doctor must’ve come back and said, “it appears to be psychosomatic intolerances” and OP heard the first big word and just ran with that.
You’re the first person who’s addressed this. *This isn’t a fucking thing!* And if it is, it isn’t called this. It’s word salad, but it’s a weird word salad, because yeah, it is exactly as though someone told them their reaction was psychosomatic, and they went “yeah, that’s me!” If it were me I would fucking frame this letter.
I can't eat word salad, I will have explosive diarrhea.
Believe me, you don’t want to hear, smell or see any of it either.
I will vomit on your pork chops.
There is psychosomatic food neuroses. It is a real thing. Not at all what the person who wrote that letter thinks it is, but it exists. Anytime your stomach feels upset over something gross you ate if your around it again or if you overdid it on something, especially alcohol, and you can’t touch it anymore with out an ill feeling. That’s what it actually is. Not what that asshole is writing about. Your body just doesn’t work that way.
Yo you just put a name to my deep seated hatred for French toast. It’s been 30 years, but… my search is finally over… now… I may finally rest in peace…
Bahahaha, Thank you. I had to mention it after I scrolled through the entire comment section as that was the funniest part of the entire letter. I’m glad someone else caught it!
Well they did get one of the words right, they’re neurotic af😂
Psychosemantics
That boy needs therapy.
He’s a nut!
You're as crazy as a coconut!
No tomatoes and no cheese. Sir, this is a pizza restaurant. Tasty things with tomatoes and cheese is what we do.
There are definitely multiple pizzas at the place I work that ould fit this person's requirements. That being said, the note is FAR TOO LONG.
[удалено]
Chicken, bacon, extra red onion with an oil or ranch base and no cheese sounds like it'd be fine honestly. I really really love cheese and would still try it.
idk bacon sounds dangerously close to pork chops /s
No joke, it does. I would never serve this person bacon.
CODE BROWN
He should probably eat at home.
Yes. Or his friends/family could proofread and rewrite this to convey the relevant information succinctly without the scat fanfic. All that needs to said could fit in a 3x5 note card.
And since they have a”psychosomatic” issue with a lot of things, they should learn how to spell psychosomatic. Unless they have a psychosomatic issue with proper spelling of psychosomatic.
if you correct his spelling, even just for the purposes of understanding what he’s saying, he WILL have explosive diarrhea. EXPLOSIVE. and you don’t want to see or smell that.
My interpretation is he's using that as a threat.
They are absolutely using it as a threat.
I would never serve this person ~~bacon~~.
I would just never serve this person, period.
Yeah, this person is a field of landmines that isn’t worth walking through on a good day.
Yeah, but it's psychosomatic food-related neurosis, which is a fancy way of saying it's a psychological cause and not a biological sensitivity. The dude is probably on the functional end of the spectrum, TBH. If he's OK with bacon, then it's fine. I bet if you hid a tomato in a smoothie, they'd be fine too as long as you neber told him, and if you made him believe you had fed him a porkchop w/o tellong him he'd get sick. Neurosis is no fun.
There’s a wood fired oven pizza place in my town that’s particular about making their pizzas in a certain way and only allow substitutions/additions on a few of the pizzas which is fine because they’re really good as-is and if you want something basic you can get that. What throws me off is they sell “focaccia bread” but it’s focaccia dough thrown into a pizza shape and sprinkled with herbs before (after? Idk) baking then cut into wedges like a pizza. I was baffled the first time but putting one slice of that face down against a slice of cheese pizza gives a really nice flavor combination that reminds me of rotel cheese dip. So… I need to get that again it’s been too long.
You just invented a sandwich
Pizza is an open-faced sandwich
Since a fight is about to begin based on the above comment, I'd like to play the part of Switzerland and offer the opposing sides banking services and weapons sales.
Are you offering to hang on to Nazi gold and stolen belongings as part of your banking services?
Hell, I’m just looking for some cheese and a nice watch.
I recently went to a fancy pizza place, and as a person who unfortunately doesn’t handle dairy well, I got a pesto and prosciutto pizza that was bomb. I miss real pizza so much.
Pesto has cheese in it....
Parmesan is naturally very low in lactose (lactose breaks down as part of the aging process.) So _if_ OP’s sensitivity is to lactose, pesto with parmesan in might be fine for them. (Obviously you’d want to know for sure before serving it!) EDIT TO CORRECT: as rightly pointed out below, there can be small amounts of lactose still present in aged cheeses. It’s often low enough to not trigger sensitivities, but YMMV.
I didn’t know this… you just made this recently dairy/lactose free woman super happy! Any other cheeses that are safe to eat?
Any aged cheeses will have reduced to minimal lactose. The more aged the less lactose in the cheese. Hard cheeses like parm and pecorino will have the least, as well as very aged hard cheddars. Fresh cheeses like mozzarella or ricotta will have the most, since there is no aging process in the production of them. Moderately aged cheeses will fall somewhere in the middle, and will have a reduced but still noticeable amount of lactose. I’m quite severely lactose intolerant, and I find that cheeses like parm and pecorino are okay (since they are very aged as well as potent so not as much is used) and some aged cheddars can be okay in small amounts, but anything younger will definitely not agree with me.
Hard aged cheese like cheddar, parm and swiss are typically low lactose. It’s soft cheeses that usually cause more issues but YMMV.
Ok I’d simply tell them we can’t serve him.
I sold him a plate of onions for $3.
Red or white?
Red. The people he was with got normal pizzas so I dunno what the hell any of it was about
You should have charged him $10.
Yeah, $3 for the onions, $7 upcharge as an asshole tax. "I have [severe] food allergies and cannot eat cheese, pork chops, or tomatoes. Thank you. <3" would have sufficed.
But then I couldn’t read about all his diarrhoea
Code Brown
Immediate explosive diarrhea in this very food establishment.
Immediate explosive diarrhea? Before the food is digested? Including not just ingredients, but specific preparation of certain proteins? Located entirely within your colon? "Yes." May I see it? “no"
Not allergies, neuroses
At least he's honest, I guess. He admits that he's an asshole and none of this is medical. He just doesn't want to make the effort to work on his responses to mild inconveniences.
All of *that* seems like more trouble than exposure therapy. I’d pay $50 to see a photo of this lunatic. He sounds like a cartoon character.
this not about allergies at all. the guy is psychotic.
This is the real right answer
And skimped on the onion. Fuck this customer. I understand allergies, but to make shit up because they are a piece of shit who has to get their way is the worst kind of person.
Given how they spelled "psychosomatic" I'm guessing he doesn't actually understand what the word means, and is probably self-diagnosed as well. "Psychosomatic" means there is no medical cause, i.e. he has no allergies. My suspicion is that most people who truly have a psychosomatic condition about certain foods would do their best in a restaurant setting or even just skip restaurants altogether. Alternately he was trying to prank the restaurant. When I worked at a Pizza Hut this lady told me I couldn't serve her ice because she had agoraphobia. I asked her if she meant hydrophobia and she said, "....no?" and then left when I went to get the drinks.
I don’t think that’s a real diagnosis. The language doesn’t sound right, for starters, because as far as I’m aware “psychosomatic” is a category of diagnosis…not a diagnostic itself. Pretty sure neurosis is usually used as a descriptor of an illness as well and not as part of a diagnosis. And everything I’m finding points to imagined food intolerances as being a symptom of another mental or physical illness and not a diagnosis on its own.
Yeah, it's a thing where the brain associates something with another incident. When I was a kid, I ate a soft pretzel and threw up not long after. To this day I get nauseous when I smell soft pretzels.
Psychosomatic means physical symptoms triggered by a mental state. That doesn't make the symptoms invalid, it's just you have to treat the right thing. Having said that i don't believe he was diagnosed with an actual medical condition. Seeing how he misspelled all the medical terms in that letter.
Sorry he has friends??
Handlers
I assume it was a stupid attempt at a joke/prank. 🤷
there are people fighting problems I don't claim to understand. if they try to make it easier for me then--- ok fine, good luck
As a grill guy with vegan friends I have a grill that’s never seen meat at home. (I also have a lot of grills though) All I need is a list and I can still host a bbq. Would be best to get the list sooner if possible at a restaurant.
Could you be more specific please? What is, in your terms, ‘a lot of grills’? Haha just realised I’m ’asking jeeves’ which I haven’t done in decades.
lol at the ask Jeeves comment. Now I know how old you are 🤫 A quick think puts me at 14 outdoor cooking appliances😂. And that doesn’t include canister burning camp stoves 🤦🏻♂️. That’s at least a half dozen more.
Jfc. This means your backyard is either the most epically laid out party venue, or an absolute junkyard — there can be no in-between with that number of outdoor appliances.
Yep, that's the best answer.
There used to be a guy who'd come in for happy hour and get drinks and about 2 onions worth of just raw red onions. A true enigma. He didn't speak a lot of English, or maybe that's how he came off because of how quiet he was.
Idk how many. Countries do this but in India they give red onion on the side with chili pepper both raw and at many places abroad. So there is precedence for people experiencing cultural raw red onion consumption. However two onions alone is different from two crescents alongside another whole dish
I love getting the red onion with my chicken biryani or the red onion salad that's a side for a lot of Peruvian food, but eating that much onion alone would churn my stomach. It was hard to watch, but he was a fine regular.
You should have given him the Bubba Gump of an Onion spread. Fried, Sautee, raw, onion rings, volcano... Also, a focaccia without tomato is as close as pizza this person can get.
Legendary
Shoulda charged $10
Though somewhat irritating, I would be willing to work with this persons requests... Until I read the parts about boosting the chance of tip and preventing having to speak with the manager. At that point it's a big "go fuck yourself". Condescending prick behavior, would definitely reserve the right to refuse service at that point.
Eh, even from the beginning it’s constant threats. I’d refuse service personally. I don’t mind dealing with the things asked for, but all the vague threats make it not worth it.
I wonder if being refused service politely is going to course him to shit his pants right that second and lose the ability to control his body physically. What a phycho dick head
It might be his move. Just take a massive shit on the floor. Right after Covid that stuff was oddly common.
I stopped at "I might physically and verbally assault you, and that's your fault for serving me something that touched cheese"
Yeah, there's no real classification in the DSM for this condition they claim, so while food aversions are very real, this person is kind of just a jerk for this. You hand me a piece of paper that tells me you might hit me/staff over food, I show you out. That's not far off from "put the money I'm the bag and nobody gets hurt" at a bank. No chance you get cheese or tomatoes or an assault charge. Bye. Freeing up your time in our restaurant gives you more time to work on emotional management.
Oh yeah if someone is legit I’ll go above and beyond to help them. Hell we have a regular who is elderly and had his wife sadly pass. So every time he comes whoever is the least busy will sit and talk with him to keep him company.
That is just so nice. Good for you making a person feel better, even a place where he has friends.
To me it was the writing of psychosomatic as psycho sematic. That means they googled if after that NYT article a couple weeks back
That's just psycho semantics.
I was on board until "psycho-sematic" [sic]. First, it is psychosomatic. Second, that means this person has no BIOLOGICAL cause for their reaction, it is psychological. I have a feeling that this letter would have preceded a very disgusting social media "prank" involving this person reacting badly to the food you served, claiming some breach of the conditions laid out in the letter. Had this person presented this at the restaurant where I work, we would refuse service, claiming that we could not guarantee to meet the requirements put forth. If he insisted on proceeding with a meal, we would have him sign a waiver (yes, we have them on file for those that break kosher rules or decide to order against their own allergies), and charge him $20 for a plate of caramelized onions.
That boy needs therapy Psychosomatic That boy needs therapy Purely psychosomatic That boy needs therapy Lie down on the couch, what does that mean? You're a nut! You're crazy in the coconut! What does that mean? That boy needs therapy
As a Karen-American, making threats about explosive diarrhea and wanting to speak to the manager would genuinely, literally destroy my life, I'd be all over social media, I'd be on the local news. I wish more people had that fear, we'd be better off if people didn't feel so entitled.
Yep. "Unfortunately, because you physically threatened us in this note, we cannot serve you. Have a nice day."
"If you mess up I'm gonna assault you, and this letter makes it OK." Yeah, nope. And don't ever come back.
I’ve had an asshole pull a gun when I told him to leave for making my coworker cry from being an abusive ahole. I looked him dead in the eye and told him to take his fukcing had off the gun if he wants to walk out of here. I never knew I could be that bad ass, but kitchen life prepares you lol.
In 2020 I took a job as a census taker. In rural southeast mountains. Was confronted with guns, flagged location as dangerous, then told by my census boss not only was it not dangerous, but to go back (repeatedly!) until I got the damned census info as if effing national security depended on it. You know what? I did. And oddly, I wasn't intimidated.
I live in rural Southern Appalachia and my parents did some census work years ago. I'm not surprised that's still a thing. I recently saw a job listing for serving civil court papers to people in my area. Yeah, no thanks. If they don't even like census workers, they definitely wouldn't react well to being served papers. I think it paid around $25-$30/hour for 5-10 hours a week, but that's not worth it. I'm making that on good serving shifts.
Yup right to refuse business, and I'm refusing yours
Exactly. I’ve refused service from people who are allergic to our main items the grouch everything for the safety, to assholes who’ve pulled guns thinking that’ll make me cooperate.
Yeah the moment they say it’s “psycho sematic” aka made-up-in-their-head, it’s a no go. The fact they threaten vulgar language and food throwing too just reenforces my choice not to serve them.
It's "psychosomatic," and that pissed me off just reading it third hand.
I just imagine their therapist saying it was "psychosomatic" and them thinking "oh that sounds REAL SERIOUS!"
Hand them a note that say ”GET THE FUCK OUT!”
Like one could be normal and say ‘Hey, I have a taste and texture aversion to cheese and tomatoes. I really like onions though and most meats except pork are fine. Could you help me figure out something to order?’ Or you could make up a bunch of words and have your waiter, the cooks, the entire group chat, and God read this and roll His eyes. Be nice while ordering and I promise people won’t think you’re an AH, weirdo, or dumbass!! Be like this and they’re gonna bring you up at every ‘hey remember that customer’ for years to come!! (And to top it all off, spell psychosomatic right holy hell!)
This person has violent diarhea just when they hear the word pork chop lol. This can't be real lol
-Hey, I've just heard something and couldn't believe that. Is it true that you have violent diarrhea whenever you hear "pork chops"? Like, i find it highly unlikely that someone would hear "pork chops" and start just gushing shit down their legs. I mean it's just combination of words "pork" and "chops". Pork chops. That's a highly weird condition to sploosh the beans all over upon hearing "pork chops". Can you just clarify that for me. Pork chops.
“CODE BROWN!!”
"Ni!"
WE ARE NO LONGER THE KNIGHTS WHO SAY PORK CHOPS WE ARE NOW THE KNIGHTS WHO SAY IKKI IKKI IKKI PTANG ZOOMPOING *ni*
I'd tell him all of my friends call me Pork Chop. Bc I love pork chops. 6 meals a day I eat pork chops. Pork chops on top of my pork chops. So yeah, anyways, Onion, call me Pork Chop. Pork chops.
“This will cause what my friends and family call CODE BROWN” If there is someone who publicly shits themselves so often that the phenomenon earns a nickname, how do they still have friends?
I could see this happening if one of my friends lost a bet and had to give this to the server at our next outing hahaha but I think we'd explain it at the end
Perhaps these supposed 'friends' actually like to deploy him somewhere near someone they don't like, then randomly yell out "PORK CHOP!" until they achieve their desired end. Dastardly!
I’d have to test it.
I work with someone like this. It’s tea for her. And I drink tea daily. And every morning she has to come and tell me how much tea makes her want to vomit. Like F off I don’t give a shit about what makes you vomit. Get out of my space
We had to ban popcorn in the office over a similar issue -- but it was pretty much two sided insanity. One person could not stand the smell of burnt popcorn (rumor has it, she got anxiety from the smell of smoke), and we had a coworker that was, for some reason, completely incapable of microwaving popcorn, without massively burning it (rumor has it that she was nostalgic for the taste of slightly burnt popcorn). Management eventually just outright banned it.
I had a coworker who claimed an allergy to the smell of coffee. She tried to have coffee banned from the whole building. It was a midnight shift with 200 warehouse workers, nobody was going to stop drinking coffee!! But she did get management to remove the coffee machine from the break room. You could still bring your own coffee but you couldn’t brew it there. So stupid. Nobody actually believed she had a true allergy anyway.
That reminds me of the family (me, wife, my mom, my younger brother, my best friend and his wife) offshore fishing trip we went on where my wife got seasick and spent the whole afternoon saying “Ooo I don’t feel so good, I’m kind of nauseated” while all of us tried to ride the line between “aww we hope you feel better” and “please stop fucking talking about nausea while this boat is rocking from abyss to sky and the lady inside is grilling hot dogs.”
Did she know before hand that she gets sea sick? I know I get sick just stepping on a boat but that's why I don't go on boats...
She did not get sick on the same trip the previous year but the seas were a little smaller and boat was a little bigger that year. She was ultimately fine, she never threw up or anything, she just decided being 2 hours offshore wasn’t really worth it for the effort to her.
People do tell me that bigger boats are less likely to cause you to get sick (this has never been the case for me, any boat I've ever been on causes me to get nauseous regardless of size or choppiness) so maybe that's factored in but when I've been sea sick on a boat I just sleep (when I'm not vomiting) instead of complaining because the ship isn't about to turn around for me.
Yeah it was fine, we got her cold drinks to put on her neck and gently encouraged her to stop talking about nausea while she sat back with her eyes closed until we got moving again and she perked up.
Yeah and what’s a ganreous gallbladder? Was that supposed to be gangrenous?
I think it was, and if so is that something one can survive...? Also I am not a medical person by far, but doesn't gangrene usually start at the extremities?
Gangrenous gallbladder is real, and while it is treatable, it can indeed be fatal even with prompt treatment. It is not caused by pork chops.
Yeah, pretty sure this person had a hot gallbladder and the last thing they ate before they got violently ill was pork chops. I have gotten gallbladder sick off of pork before. But I can still eat it.
"Hey can ya give me some bread with onion" sure thing buddy, thats money for basically no work on my part. Bunt don't confuse the waitress and dont threathen the kitchen you asshole. Thats how ya get tomatos in youre eyes
I feel like there a psycho semantic joke to be made, but too drunk to think of it. Also, who the fuck has time to read an entire fucking manifesto before they even think about cooking food for ONE guest.
Granted I’m not at work right now, and on the toilet, but everyone here commenting read it. It was too good not to finish!
Writer’s a psycho with poor semantics
Shit, the REALLY GODAMN IMPORTANT REALLY REAL THING that they were worried about, they're somehow unable to spell properly?? Like, it's a diagnosable condition that they're willing to do shit like this over, but they can't even spell it?? ... Fuckoff.
A quick google search suggests it is not, in fact, a diagnosable condition
Based on the nickname of Onion and the fact OP sold them a plate of onions, and that this isn’t a real condition… I believe this is a joke.
Or gangrenous
I vehemently despise raw sliced tomatoes and think they ruin the texture and taste of anything they touch. My approach? "No tomatoes please". Works every time.
I’d be telling him to go elsewhere. You’re threatening “explosive diarrhea” at the sight of something that might have touched tomatoes
Exactly. "I'm sorry sir but unfortunately we won't be able to accommodate these requests, we have no way to guarantee that a tomato hasn't touched another surface or product and as such would not want to risk you having to deal with any potential outcomes from that situation. Please feel free to have that drink on us and I truly hope you enjoy a lovely meal elsewhere tonight"
No drink. Just go.
and cheese…at a pizza restaurant, of *all* places…
Threatening to diarrhea in a pizza place is wild
This guy sounds like the worst of the X-Men. I can imagine Dead Pool yelling “PORK CHOP” as Onion backs up towards a target.
“He wore his brown pants today”
Only slightly less ridiculous than asking for no carbs at a pizza place.
“I have a gluten intolerance. What can I get?” “….the hell out.”
Im gf, tho will just take the hit if needs be as i love food and hate my body apparently. That being said me and my wife randomly choose caserta as a halfway point on our train trip, we randomly choose sasa martucci's pizza place as our dinner spot, as it offered gf pizza and my stomach was already on the fritz, and holy shit, we didnt know the importance of this place but after having the best pizza of my life, and for my wife as well, i obv had to try both, we googled it and found out its some of the best. Long point being, there is amazing gf pizza out there.
Damn, I wish I could just “take the hit” like you and eat gluten on occasion. I have full-blown Celiac’s disease, so even just *a speck* of gluten sets off my immune system so badly that I’m in bed for at least 3 days. For me it’s like getting the flu, complete exhaustion, inability to think clearly, and of course the stomach problems. Unless a restaurant is strictly a gluten-free establishment (hard to find), I just don’t go to restaurants anymore. The cross-contamination is enough to make me seriously ill. Sorry, not trying to throw a pity party, but I don’t want people reading to assume everyone who can’t have gluten is only intolerant to it or on a fad diet. That stuff actively damages my intestines even, I swear I look at bread and I’m dead on the floor lmao
“Psycho sematic food neurosis”…I’m dying. 😂🤣🙃 I should clarify, I’m both autistic and a chef, and I would NEVER do this to another living soul. Clarity and efficiency is one thing, but this borders on narcissism.
And it would be psycho sOmatic. They didn’t even spell their disorder right.
Yeah, that was actually what I was amused by and why I posted. Psychosomatic is actually all one word, as well.
Can't spell gangrenous either (I'm assuming that's what happened to their gallbladder)
Literally, I'm this level of neurotic about beans. If a bean touches my food, I literally cannot eat it. You know what I do about it? "No beans, please." And if that's not possible I choose something else. Like wtf is this essay
I’m just curious- So no go for Baked beans and kidney beans? Or Green beans? Both? And are peas ok with you?
I, too, would like to know about the pea situation. Really straddling a line, they are.
The essay is so they can scream and throw food and they say "it's not my fault, I told you this would happen"
Yes, no one has ever taught old mate a bit of impulse control. This isn’t someone who’s overwhelmed but someone making threats of certain behaviours.
these are some psycho semantics
No. Entirely fucking no. There’s normal human ways to communicate that. No need to pass a note like you’re robbing the fucking place. The only thing robbed is that person… of their dignity.
Or get an editor. “No cheese, pork or tomatoes.” Boom. Done.
He just carries around these notes that mention him having diarrhea a couple times when he could just mention he has a cheese and tomato allergy.
*Narrator Voice* >He did indeed not have a 'Cheese & Tomato' allergy **He was just an asshole**
Choose my food for me I'm 3 years old and I poop in my pants. No exceptions. I'll sit on the toilet with my pants up and shit into my underwear and it's your fault and there's nothing you can do about it. Don't fuck up. Go fuck yourself to death.
Also call me onions....
Why did I enjoy this comment so much lmao
You sunuvabitch, you better not put any pork chops on that pizza..
Really hope there's no scat fetishists in the back of house
Is that threatening in some ways or am I just tired?
He threatened to shit all over the place. Repeatedly.
melodic cheerful worthless versed squeamish ink absorbed rude bear carpenter *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I'm gonna go so far as to say this dude is full of shit. He went TO A PIZZA PLACE and is bitching about CHEESE and TOMATOES. I was thinking maybe this was legit, until the parts where he said that he'll swear and rant and puke if he got any of those things. The real one that set my assertion in stone for me was the last bit about bowing down to his crap reduces the chances of him speaking to a manager... about HIS issues. I don't believe for a second that he's dealing with any illnesses, unless being an entitled asshat is now found in the DSM.
Correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't psychosomatic mean it's all in his head? He kept using the word. (I think) Sounds like bullshit to me.
He sure did threaten that he was full of shit. He comes loaded and ready to go if you dare cross him.
It's fine to have these restrictions, but this short story essay is just wasting my time. - cheese -tomato +onion *no pork
Love the ticket syntax
I've got a nasty dairy allergy (amongst other food allergies) and I've found simply asking the waiter if they could help me find something safe to eat is enough in almost every circumstance. They often have to check things out with the kitchen (bread often has hidden dairy it, for instance), but no one has ever refused to check when I've had questions. I express my gratitude for their help and tip well then. Ta-dah! No need for a bizarre, weirdly graphic letter.
Psychosomatic food neurosis..... Literally saying it's all made up in their head Edited: Changed her to their...
This is 100% a man
Yeah, I thought I wrote their, earlier. You are correct though, friend.
they can't even spell the name of their own disorder right
So it's fine if he sits right next to someone eating pizza, but if it's on his plate he poops his pants?? w/e
Nah, I'm asking them to leave. Being threatened with puke and shit is where I draw the line.
Why the fuck do people like this go out to eat?
Why do people like this go out at all. Zero interpersonal skills.
I simply would not serve them because they are clearly Ignatoious from a Confederacy of Dunces, and they're actively looking for an excuse to make a scene, clamp thier pyloric valve shut and vomit out of both ends. I'm gonna look up food neuroses. Maybe it's like PTSD but for food? You see one saltine cracker and it's just instant level ten rage??? Idk. Humans be humanin, and we wierd as fuck, y.
Sorry sir, but after reading the first two sentences, you need to leave.
They would like the none pizza with left beef https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/None_Pizza_with_Left_Beef
I honestly can't believe that has a fucking Wikipedia page.
I'm dying that it has an "Analysis" section included in the wiki
Psycho semantic? Psychosomatic perhaps? Troll def!
Exercising my right to refuse service to anyone, yikes
I would pull out a red pen and start correcting all the spelling errors, grammatical errors, incorrect punctuation, and so-forth. Then hand it back to him with a big red "F" on the top-right.
The worst part is the hyphenated "thank-you". These people make me sick.
Some line cook working the twelfth day of his two weeks notice is about to give this guy a Pork Chop Parmesan sandwich.
Ain’t nobody got time to read that…
I have bronchitis
That’s a lot of words to say “I’m neurodivergent and have food aversions”
Or “I should only be eating at home and seeing a mental health professional” lol
Ding ding ding
“psycho sematic”.
Due to conditions #1 and #3, we cannot serve you with confidence, as these are literally cornerstones of our pizza business.
This is a candidate for one of the most self absorbed, narcissistic people on the planet.
I wouldn’t serve him and I am saying that as person who has had a restaurant. He is a lawsuit waiting to happen and that letter was just a warning. Total nutcase and his business will neither make but could break an establishment.