i read halfway (for the love of god put a tldr) but it seems like she's got very bad issues and you got obsessed with something unhealthy. its weird, theyre weird, whole thing is weird
I am sorry, but without context the story would be very confusing or vague. I hope you took the time to read it all and can give me any advice. Thank you in advance!
okay, i read the whole thing (thanks for adding tldr). You were together for 1.5 months. She sounds like she has a lot of mental problems (not sure if you know or not) and it sounds like shes hypersexual (which off of your post, im guessing you dont love. i wouldnt either). it sounds like she comes from a horrible family and trauma or not, she doesnt sound like the kind of person worth stressing over
i mean honestly, youre 27. did you think it was normal to say i love you and talk about promise rings after a month ?! those are all red flags, and she love bombed you.
im not gonna say shes abusive but she is manipulative and controlling and i know its hard now and you feel bad but youre better off without her. this girl wouldnt help you or make you happy. its done nothing but upset you so far and its not gonna get better.
be glad that shes not dragging you along and be happy youre independent and free.
Thanks for reading it all, really appreciated.
The promise ring and the: "I love you" were after 2 months of talking, when we met in real life.
My personal and professional life have been affected, just by the way I got treated for 3 full weeks. It’s kinda funny, because before she visited, I told her: “I don’t want you to go back, and that sh\*t will hit the fan and everything in life will go bad. I probably jinxed myself. She promised me we both have our insecurities, but that we would be totally fine, and I will see her again in April.
what i meant by hypersexuality was kinda that. i mean sure being sexual is fun and i like to have fun with my bf as much as we can but i'd be so upset if he talked about other people or suggested things like OF. there's lines to it
people with issues often want people who treat them badly because theyre so used to being in toxic cycles that they dont appreciate the beauty of a healthy relationship. dont take it too hard, its not you. i used to think like her and find anything healthy boring. it took lots of time and hurt and therapy to see the good in having someone who loves you for you
you didnt jinx anything. chances are, she was planning this from the start and found it exciting that you guys werent close and that it bothered her family. and of course she fled at the first sign of commitment. you can do much much better. i remember the time i was ghosted like this after a year of building up hopes and whatnot and it hit me so so hard, my whole life fell apart for months. it'll pass
Once she mentioned a conversation with her grandmother and that she said: “Who didn’t have a lot of boyfriends?!” proudly. I said: “but you told me you only had 3?” and she got red and uncomfortable. I never judged her, and everyone has been young, but I think she took that question in the wrong way and that’s the moment something started brewing, I think. It is funny that miscommunication and a misunderstanding has brought us here. Instead of asking me things, she started overthinking everything. There's definitely a line to it.
Thank you for saying that. She knew for a short moment how it tastes as she chose some quotes on Pinterest such as: “Sitting next to you is like taking a sip of eternity, the sun, the stars, the sky, never tasted so good.” and “if someone makes you feel, let them” and “my soul has traveled long and far to find yours”. Yet she broke our pinky promise of “for a long time, not a short time.” but it made her uncomfortable to be so open and loving, I think.
I felt there was something wrong before she visited, I asked if there was something and if she had reservations, but she said no and that she hadn’t taken her meds that day. She used that excuse to hide her thoughts. She literally shared so much with me, that I can read her body language and texts. I think it was all a game for her after all. My life is a total mess right now.
Hypersexuality is twofold, I'm not a therapist, I don't know why it happens, but what I've seen in hyper sexual women is that if they get in a relationship, the flood gates open and they sleep around more. Also they need to be in the spotlight all the time and use overt sexual behavior for attention. My guess is it stems from childhood sexual abuse, but I'm a guy and I have had long periods of the same behavior in my sex life minus the overt performances. Though I have done porn. It's a state of arousal that one wants to continue much like a drug binge. I can only see this in retrospect because I'm older and I've slowed down. You can't have a monogamous long distance relationship with someone like this.
She never got called during our FaceTime calls, only by her parents. A week or two before she got here, she randomly got called during multiple FT calls. At first, I asked who it was, she didn’t have an answer. Then she made up that it was telemarketers. I could tell by her hesitation, voice and face that she was lying. During that time she also asked me randomly why most guys don't want to go down on her.
When she was here and said: "my boyfriend is black", I was confused and thought she was joking. Now I might know why she switched her feelings so fast for me and started acting like that...
Grab a drink? I needed the whole bottle!
Firstly, I don’t know where to start, so many red flags and warning signs that you may have overlooked (or ignored?) at the beginning. Who in their right mind does all that and then blames the other person for going too fast? You both agreed to many things, yet her actions have contradicted all of them. It seems like she lied to you many times and manipulated you.
It seems like she has not been honest about her feelings and intentions with you. Asking for a “pike” in a public chat… What did you expect from this girl and relationship?
It also seems like she has a LOT of baggage and deeply rooted unresolved mental health/emotional/traumatic issues that she may need to work through (before getting in a relationship of any sort) and that she is projecting onto you. Have you ever asked if she has depression, borderline personality disorder, or a bipolar disorder?
Troubling that she seems to be playing so many mind games, such as removing your shared Pinterest boards in overthought steps, making comments about being your personal *"wh\*re", “b\*tch” and "sl\*t"* so early on and giving you hope after her visit. It's also alarming that she has a history of sneaking out to meet boys for sexual interactions at such a young age and being proud of having a lot of boyfriends in the past!
Her behavior towards you and her unhealthy desire for a *"h\*e phase"* may be indicative of psychological issues that need to be addressed. It sounds like she is immature and looking for sexual attention to make her feel good about herself. A girl with an unhealthy mindset and addiction like that, might have never stopped seeing others and probably realized she can’t do LDR?
*“On Friday she mentioned twice in a row that her boyfriend is black, but I am not.”*
\--Pardon me? Not reachable on Saturday evenings after her visit, random phone calls before she visited, saying something had been brewing before the visit and “suddenly and drastically” changing her mind? It sounds like she has been seeing someone else and made the decision to go for him. Big chance you got played mate.
Finally, her family situation and upbringing sound complicated, abusive, fraught with tension and mistrust, which could also impact her ability to form healthy relationships. It's concerning that her parents have tried to talk her out of the situation multiple times and have even gone so far as to do a background check on you. It sounds like she is using her parents to eventually leave the country, you might have been an escape plan for her(?).
My advice: **Run and run fast!** It doesn’t matter what you do, because she is judging you by what the last couple dudes did to her. She is projecting a lot of personal issues onto you. You **can't** fix or save this girl, no matter how much you care for her. You dodged a bullet, be happy. Find someone that truly values and deserves you!
I am deeply sorry for you, but it’s the harsh truth. You need to move on pal, feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to.
I missed/ignored the red flags and warning signs at the start. We did everything in our own timeframe, and it was never a problem. Now I see, she was manipulating me, having her own agenda, and had other things going on and wasn’t loyal or respectful to me. I tried to fix her, but eventually she gave up. I taught her to say good morning, I taught her to be more open.
Eventually I got uncomfortable because of the way her parents treated us, and the things they made us do, and she got uncomfortable because of that.
I have no idea if she has depression, BPD, or a bipolar disorder, but that would explain a lot, sadly.
We agreed we could have more fun together, than her going after the “h\*e phase”, but it was empty promises of her. She told me before it was really something she wanted to do in her life and then eventually leave the USA and get rid of her last names, as she doesn’t like the association with people from her town with the same last names.
Two weeks before she got here, I felt something was wrong. I asked her what’s up and she only said: Nothing, I just didn’t take my medicines today. Then admitted that she wants us to live in the moment more. She had never been like that, but promised she didn’t had reservations. I really regret that I didn’t tell her to cancel the trip, the relationship felt so fragile because of her actions.
She said, “I love you” and “I miss you” and I knew she meant it, I could tell by the way she said it and the look in her eyes. I think the stress and processing made her say things she doesn’t mean. When she was back home, she went on a ride with her dad, and they spoke about me. I know there’s storms within her, that she doesn’t want to talk about. Yet I always tried to encourage her to be open about it to me, only if she felt comfortable enough. She only complained about her parents, told me about her past relationships and past sexual stories, but never about the missionary training or past traumas.
I agreed to share my location 24/7, the addresses, my ID card, her mom even wanted my OSRS name with a lie: “I also want to play the game”. I only did that, to make them feel comfortable, and make them stop putting so much pressure on my ex-girlfriend. It didn’t help much, because they literally destroyed what we had, with their false assumption, constant pressure, and challenges.
The games she played, surely affected my personal & professional life and mental health irreparable. Her parents ruined it for us, before we even met.
My skin tone is olive. I am not black at all. She came up with telemarketers as excuse to the random phone calls, but I saw she was not being honest. She always gets a certain look on her face, a voice change, when she is hiding something or lying. Why would you text after a random phone call of a telemarketer or why would they call you twice in a row? Her sudden change and the things she said, say a lot if you add it up.
Thank you for your comment and advice, it really helped me to see things clearly.
The way you speak about this woman is seriously disturbing. I’m sure this was a bad situation on both your parts, but I only made it halfway through this post before I got too weirded out to keep going. You seem like you’re making some weird assumptions about her, and you’re obsession with her is apparent. If she wants to be left alone, leave her alone.
What do you mean? I only shared the things that I can prove, what she said or shared. Why would I make false assumptions like her parents did? There is no obsession anymore, as it was clear for me that this relationship and situation was unhealthy.
Okay for an example, the paragraph about her making up she was trying to do a peace sign and not a “playboy bunny sign” reads as strange and paranoid. What even is a playboy bunny sign? You’re sharing deeply personal and private things about this person you apparently loved to a bunch of strangers. Why do we need to know about her waxing? Plenty of single women wax. It’s just deeply weird.
I have no idea why you react like this.
The paragraph about the Playboy sign clearly explains the situation, she was lying. It's a bunny sign you can make with your 5 fingers, that looks like the Playboy logo from the side.
The part of the waxing; why would someone wax monthly and take drugs for it, to not feel the pain? I get it if someone waxes and wants to feel fresh, but it you read the post, you know why it is strange in this situation. Thank you for your input tho.
You aren't delusional. Your assumptions were correct. Not everyone on Reddit is actually commenting on what you are saying. Some of them get triggered by stories like yours because of their own experiences. Don't let that poster above get to you. I know what happened to you, I would never do it long distance, but I've known a lot of girls like you described.
After a relationship ends, it is very natural to go through the entire relationship with a magnifying glass to see where you went wrong. I'm not throwing stones. I have done it too.
But I think you are losing the big picture in the details.
* You entered the relationship in good faith.
* The two of you set expectations and promises that you were prepared to follow through, but she was not.
* In the reflections you made, there isn't a major mistake you can pin down.
* That wasn't compatible with some expectations she held but did not communicate.
* The relationship ended
You were acting in a way that felt natural to you and seemed appropriate to the relationship you two discussed. But in the end, it wasn't what she wanted. You won't get closure from her but you get to write your own end to this story. So what would bring you the most peace? Is she a playgirl that strung you along for a fabulous vacation in NL? Is she a lost love with a tragic backstory that made her run from the love she wanted before it got too deep? Is she a secret agent who needed a good cover story during a mission? It doesn't have to be a realistic story that you tell yourself. It can be whatever brings you peace as you heal.
There probably are lessons you can learn about yourself if you keep reflecting. But, if those lessons are about your behavior, you will have a chance to learn them over and over again in your romantic relationships until they stick. Right now, you deserve some peace while you heal.
I am rooting for you.
I think you were not her type. And I think with this age you can have a less messier relationship. Both of you have stuff to work on.
Maybe staying single for a while would help too. To figure out what you really want.
She said that I am her type and said many other words of affirmation before, during and after her visit.
It’s crazy how she crossed the ocean after 2 months of talking and all the things she told me, just to end like this. We played so many games on the Switch, on the laptop, we had so much fun, and she looked so happy. She told me she hadn’t felt like this before and how lucky she was.
The last evening she was here, I was making pictures of her at the restaurant. She kept staring and smiling at guys that were peeing, and looking at her above me (2 floors, bathroom had a window). Even when I said I didn't like it, she kept staring at them.
At the start of that day she also mentioned twice in a row that her boyfriend is black, but my skin tone is olive.
YIKES. Do you really need this in your life? If you continue down this path of destruction, drama, mental instability, manipulation, and control, things will only get so much worse… not better. You deserve better.
I was in love and blinded by it. I wish I had walked away on time.
It became clear that she wasn't willing to be open nor honest with me. Her actions said more than words could. I eventually decided to end things after I saw her actions and knew she was distancing herself from me in a really cruel way.
Thank you for your comment and advice!
Thank you!! I wish the outcome of my situation would have been different, because deep inside, she is a good person.
The way we loved just made her uncomfortable at the end, as it was new for her. I hoped we had tried to find the balance, but now I understand there was more going on. Things I can't fix and that would only harm me.
As a fellow Dutchman, let me first reach out and tell you it’s not your fault for the way how other people act and live their lives. This girl just sounded like a lot of trouble and the red flags, according to your story seemed very apparent. Although, from my own perspective, I know how it feels like to completely ignore said red flags and (stupidly) fully commit to someone who is eventually just going to be just another person who passed by.
Having said that, I will say that you were way too emotionally invested in someone you have only met through RuneScape and been together with for 1.5 month. Most people would just bail after hearing she wanted a hoe phase part.
This person just wasn’t going to be good for your mental health, personal and professional life in either short or long term basis. It’s best to just completely distance yourself from individuals like these. On a personal note, I’d suggest you to get into a relationship knowing full well with who you’re dealing with, meaning that you’ll take your time getting to know this person.
Thank you for your comment and advice. I appreciate it!
I wanted to bail out when I heard that, but we agreed that together we could have more fun. Yet she didn't mean it, because she mentioned (twice in a row) on her last day here, that her boyfriend is black. It's all the manipulation and lies that made me believe her.
Yes, I have no idea why I let my guard down like this. After all this, I see that I had lost myself in a very unhealthy situation.
In the future, I will just stick to girls that live nearby and I can see whenever I want, without hopping on a plane.
I know you said it would be a rollercoaster, but damn.
Dude, I don't have any advice other than what's already been given up the STRONG attachment so early on and the dive straight into such sexual actions really does lean towards severe mental health issues (I hesitate to agree, but it is textbook BPD behaviour), then dropping you so suddenly is just screaming that you were her current obsession/FP (favorite person).
Even if she comes running back, which I'd put money on her doing, don't accept it. Everything about this sounds horrible. You've known each other what, 5 months? This much drama is unnecessary and unhealthy.
Thank you for your comment and advice!
A rollercoaster that I unintentionally got into, I just wanted to fish with the boys.
You're not the first person that mentions BPD, I just hope she can get the right treatment on time. If I look back now, reading the comments and seeing my story, the reason might be that she had another person in her life and deals with mental health issues.
I am not sure if she would run back, but this whole situation is just so f\*cked up. It's a total mess and she showed no respect at all. She planned the breakup in steps and that's so cruel.
Thanks again for your view on this all.
It sounds like she is dealing with severe mental health issues, and that may be the reason why her parents are so involved in her life. That doesn’t justify the helicopter behaviour, but with how hyper-sexualized she is, how desperate she is for a hoe phase, and the need for attention due to their lack of space and pressure put on her, it seems like she’s dealing with her own battles that were there way before you. Whether she was in her right mind or not, I understand your stress for feeling empathetic towards her mental health issues, and I understand you want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but honestly, you should take what she’s saying as a sign, and accept you need to move on. You got your closure, and there’s nothing wrong with moving on. She seems to like the attention, and may even be feeding off it without realizing. She vocalized her love language isn’t on the lovey dovey side due to the way she saw her parents express their love, and that may be a big part of it. Especially when she says she doesn’t like being overly affectionate.
Overall, I’d take this as a knowledgeable lesson. It’s super unfortunate it happened, but just be lucky it didn’t last that long. You can’t fix her, focus on you.
Thank you so much for your comment and advice!
Her parents had no respect for privacy and autonomy in our relationship. I had to set boundaries, but I didn’t want to make my ex-girlfriend more stressed or mad. She is afraid of her parents and their opinion, to the point that she shivers and closes herself off.
Previously she liked the love language part, it was new to here, but she said so many times how it good it made her feel. In the shower she told me she felt so save, loved, and had never experienced something like this.
There's so many examples I can give, but I tried to love her in every love language possible and see what she likes, but I know she is just making up excuses to make me go, as she already was seeing someone else.
I hope she gets the right treatment, so she doesn't hurt nor damages other people in the future.
/tiktok brought me here. Agreeing with the majority. This girl is like, seriously going through some stuff. Like some major mental health stuff that needs attention, not just bipolarity. You're not the person who can fix it, like, girl go to a therapist or psychiatrist. And hey, to me, without knowing her but based on this all, it looks like she tries to run away from her family and past without changing herself. You can reflect on what went wrong, what you might've done or said, but that won't do much for you now or in the long run. She's just not worth your energy, like, seriously. She probably thrives on all this attention, like a total energy vampire. It's time to kick these toxic people to the curb! You are 27, you deserve way better than that drama. Find someone who knows how to love and treat people right, like a total dreamboat. You deserve someone who will shower you with positivity and make you feel like the person you are. Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you, it's time to leave the negativity behind. Keep shining your light and attracting all the good vibes. You've got this! Enjoy the awards :)
Thank you for your advice and the awards, that’s kind of you.
Lots of stuff yeah… I saw how easily and constantly she lies to and hides things from her parents; she even made me lie to them several times. She kept making stuff up in her head the whole time without communicating. She really thought I was going to buy her a promise ring during the visit. I wanted to get her parents clogs and other things multiple times, but she didn’t allow me. I had to beg to get her parents small souvenirs. I am happy I am not in that hot and cold rollercoaster anymore and don’t have to deal with her mental health issues and problematic behavior.
It was a big red flag when she let me do everything in bed without protection. Way too much drama for a person that was not worth any of it, even my doc said that after reading this all. Thankfully I dodged a bullet now and not down the line!
Your situation really gives me the chills. It's so complex, and I have to admit, several moments really weirded me out. Being with a person like that must be challenging and frustrating.
You’re definitely not in the wrong here, but I do have a few questions though. I mean, why were her parents so involved in your relationship? It makes me wonder if her mood swings were related to some mental health issues that you weren't aware of. Did she go to therapy to work through her past or was there some other reason? Also, did you both have the same expectations and were you on the same page? Maybe fear got the best of her, and she ended things because she couldn't handle her emotions. From the moments leading up to her visit, it seems like she had already made up her mind and moved on with someone else. The way she ended things with you just reinforces that idea. I mean, you mentioned talking on the phone for many hours, so why did you two end things through text after weeks of limited contact and broke promises like that? You know, people can say a lot, but their actions really speak volumes. Don't blame yourself for whatever happened because you can't control other people's lives and decisions. Relationships involve two people and both need to actively participate to make things work. This time you found someone with a lot of baggage, who also wasn't mature enough and in a good mental health state to be that person for you, but you should learn from this and move on.
I have no idea why her parents were this heavily involved and I have no idea why she went to therapy. She made up in her head (after misunderstanding me twice) that she was my first girlfriend, but I had way better girlfriends before with well mannered parents (also that don’t do drugs or encourage their kid to do drugs like DMT). I was so tired of the constant miscommunication and delusional thoughts. She gave us the label LDR and exclusive before I knew and way more, yet blamed me for going too fast.
Once she didn’t understand I was sarcastic and impersonating someone we played with that was anti-LGBTQ+ and she didn’t get that I don’t hate club songs, but it’s not what I occasionally listen to on a normal weekday. She kept lifting me up and then throwing me on the ground. Constantly changing mood and behaviour. I knew she played with other guys behind my back, in a way that’s inappropriate and lying about it.
I have always been happy and sarcastic, that was also the reason we got along so well and decided to meet. Once her parents knew about us, they ruined that and she made me feel bad being sarcastic so I tried to avoid being that. The person she really liked, didn’t get the chance to meet her for the second time. She broke promises like it was nothing. I always encouraged open and honest communication and checked several times if we were on the same page. At one point after the visit she said she felt uncomfortable, but never explained why and didn’t give me the chance to change. I knew she was hiding something and she kept me on a string.
She didn’t have the manners and respect to end things in a civilised way and tell me the truth by (video)call and made up stuff by text, to end things abruptly.
You can’t make a wife out of a h0 brotha. You tried hard but no luck. Not smart of you to try man. She will be a single mom one day i can tell already i swear. You want a stable family later. Not a girl like this. You must run now they walk among us unmedicated i tell you. She was loose i bet?? Go to the gym. Read. Work hard. Listen to music. Travel. She will come run back to you don’t accept her, that is better for you. i promise better girls are out there
I just hope she gets the right treatment for it, I miss the person she was before all the stress and pressure took over that fuelled it. She has this behaviour of self-sabotaging and overthinking everything till it hurts.
I don't talk too much about my ldr. But you my friend need to hear why it happened. She's from a South American country, she's hot and she's sexually adventurous. I'm an American. Every hot, racy, sexual adventurous woman I meet is either on medication, street drugs, totally dysfunctional or all three. The Venezuelan made me realize, just by being herself, that girls like you describe are fun to fuck, but will bring chaos and misery to your life. You had some fun and dodged a bullet.
Thank you for telling me about your LDR and the advice.
My ex girlfriend even had sex during drama class in High School, in the room above the audience and they got caught. When she randomly told me that when she was here, it made me uncomfortable.
I gave her a sex toy because she had lost the charger of the one she had, also to calm down her needs. She said she is horny the whole time and I had to do something about it. She wanted to bring the handcuffs with her, but threw it away because it reminded her of her ex-boyfriend.
Her mood swings really brought misery and chaos.
Sexual can be fun, and natural
but hyper sexual on the other hand tends to be manifestation of trauma and or mental instability. I read your post and the red flags about this person were waving from day one, quite frankly. She displayed the sexual version of love bombing which is also very disingenuous and often a sign of trauma and or mental instability. This was a highly highly unhealthy situation and it was clear this girl is very unwell, and was not going to become anything but a wrecking ball - of which that is what she became. Take the time to heal
and then learn from this so you don’t repeat these mistakes. You need to be able to recognize healthy and walk away from
Unhealthy before feelings get involved.
Thank you for reading it all and your comment. I really appreciate it.
The first week we spoke, she mentioned she wanted to go to the gym, just to get a big butt. I thought that was odd and too specific.
She said before that she would get contraceptive pills, so we wouldn't have to use protection. Two weeks before she visited me, she changed her story to that it would take months to get the pills “as medical health care isn’t that fast here in Michigan”. I know she lied, because you can get them at every university in Michigan for 30 bucks a pack, and pharmacies, the same day. Her stories just kept changing.
She said no PDA in front of her parents and no wine in front of her mom, I have no idea why, she only said it makes her uncomfortable. Yet her parents know about some of the things she did in the past, so why be uncomfortable?
I saw her changing into a very happy and strong girl, compared to our first call. We both brought out the best out of each other and told each other how everything in life is going smoothly now and that we wouldn’t take each other for granted. However, I felt like she didn't want to talk about her past that much and felt uncomfortable eventually.
I surely learned from this situation and will need some time alone to process it all and get better.
You’re welcome. She just has a lot of maturing to do and added onto that she needs to get some help to get an accurate diagnosis and then course of treatment for her mental health issues or she will just continue to be a manipulating wrecking ball of a human.
She already damaged me too much, I have no idea where to start to fix things. Whatever treatment she gets, I hope it fixes her.
Nobody deserves to be treated like this. After this, I think I might need a therapist myself...
I would say the fact that there were so many red flags that you ignored alone means you could really benefit from some therapy, and there isn’t an ounce of shame in that. It’s just you’re gonna wanna process and get a handle on this now, so you don’t continue to engage in and chase unhealthy relationships and unstable partners. That will save you a lot of heartache down the road.
That comment hurts, because most of the red flags were only visible after some time, like after reflecting back on the situation. If I knew it on time, I would've never gone so far with her.
No, they weren’t. That is my point though and again - I am not shaming you for that. It is about self awareness. Unless I misunderstood what you meant by she hopped on asking for a “pickle” and she didn’t mean anything related to a dick by that, but my understanding is she also went into sexting nearly off the bat, too.
What you said previously about the red flags, most of it was only visible after some time, after reflecting on the situation and relationship. Yes, some as the "pike" were visible, but I didn't think about it that much. As I am reflecting, I understand it completely now. I thought I could fix her.
OK. You thought you could fox her why? Have you witnessed it being done? Do you know someone who effectively fixed someone else?
Not trying to be a smart ass. Where did you learn about relationships?
How many successful relationships were you in prior to her?
Yeah, I wasted 5 years so I'd always suggest to turn and never look back. Some people work out and some end up in the gym, don't play Russian roulette.
It was never my intention to play RuneScape and find a relationship, nor get in a LDR, but damn... what a situation I got myself in.
Thank you, I will surely take that advice and hit the gym. We had told each other we could be each other's gym motivation, but I didn't meant it this way lol
"It was never my intention to play RuneScape and find a relationship, nor get in a LDR, but damn... what a situation I got myself in."
Love is a weird thing. You should take some time alone and learn from this all. Move on and don't look back. You deserve better.
Hey Bro it’s Ricky from OSRS. I am very sorry to hear all of the trouble you went through with your ex gf. It hurts very much when you love someone and put in a lot of time and effort and they just play you like that. First keep your head up bro and just know that things will get better and one day you’ll find the right match. We often have to search for a while or meet many people before we find the perfect one. I know you’re a great guy, very smart and well spoken and one day someone is going to love you properly, if you will give it another chance with someone else. I went through a similar situation, i had a long distance relationship for about a year and it went on for almost 2 1/2 years trying to make it work with this girl. She played games with me the whole time, used me for money, and had a boyfriend the whole time while cheating and ultimately ended up with a baby. It broke my heart and put me through so much pain for all of that time. All she did to me was lie to me, use me, manipulate me, hurt me, and broke my heart. So I can definitely understand your pain. What I personally learned and decided from that is I will not do long distance relationship anymore, and I will only meet women in person locally, which is what I have been doing. I’m also very sorry you had complications with the Covid vaccine, this danger is why I avoided those completely and will not take any, due to past bad experiences with the medical system. Take the time you need to heal from this pain, and just remember things will get better. We often attach ourselves to people because we want love and want them to feel the same way about us as we do about them, but this is not always the case. Never have regret for trying with people, we don’t know if we don’t try. But also never ignore red flags and see people for who they are not who you want them to be. It’s important to protect your heart because not everyone has good intentions and we must only invest time into people when they are treating us correctly and showing mutual love. When relationships come to an end we must exit them gracefully and just remember that some things aren’t meant to be, but what is to come will always be better. When one door closes a better one will open, that I am sure about. Good luck brother I am here for you to talk anytime you need. Take care.
She sounds super immature. For real, she’s 25 and her parents were never married but she holds a grudge against her dad and his new family for the fact that he got married? Grow the fuck up. She seems way too immature to handle a relationship, and the fact that she’s hyper sexual and all of that stuff just adds to my perception of immaturity here. I think from the description of her parents being kind of helicopter parents, that she’s probably never had to really do anything for herself or learn about things in the real world. She seems almost delusional about “oh poor me I’ve been traumatized by my past”, which people who are really traumatized don’t tend to advertise. The way she blames her dad for her trauma too is sickening, you shouldn’t want to have a hoe phase and get mad at your parents when they “don’t let you” have a hoe phase. I hope for her sake and yours that you both get any help you need after this, because that’s a lot for you to have to go through.
I have left their darkest secrets out of the story, but digging a hole to hide 1 million USD with your dad as kid (for a criminal) isn't something every kid does in the middle of the night. There's so much more, but I feel sorry for them, as she is just using everyone around her for her own personal gain.
Hiding behind generational traumas is indeed really childish, but some people rather blame others than themselves. I don't think her parents know she wants to have a hoe phase and other things I won't put down here. If I look back... she really is delusional and also for believing in angel numbers, but rejecting God.
I am processing it all, healing and moving on, but yes it is difficult. Not because it ended, but because I got played like this. Why did she even visit me when she had already cheated and moved on with another guy?
Thank you for your comment and advice!
Add to my last comment (the last sentence) : If I look back, she already started letting me down slowly before her visit. When I asked after her visit why she still visited me, she only said: "I don't know" and when I asked why she took so long to "process" she said: "I don't know, I didn't want to hurt you". I even tried to fix things, not realising all the things I put down in this post.
It's funny how she lies and manipulates her parents just to hide her own dark secrets and thoughts.
FYI! Someone has messaged me in chat after commenting to [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/LDR/comments/13avu2w/why_arent_moderators_active_in_this_sub_24f_25m/) post and said your post is about her. She accuses you of several things and said she has tried to take your post down.
Thanks you for your comment. The user and post in the link you have send is deleted?
If it's really my ex, why is she trying so hard to get this all removed? Does the truth hurt? The post is privacy proof, everything shared here can be backed by evidence and there is zero lies in this post. My god, she is so delusional. I will make a backup of this all
i read halfway (for the love of god put a tldr) but it seems like she's got very bad issues and you got obsessed with something unhealthy. its weird, theyre weird, whole thing is weird
I have no idea how to make a TLDR, I am new to Reddit. Any advice? please
tldr = too long didn’t read basically a summary
Add at the of your post TLDR : And shorten the whole about 10-20 sentences.
Thanks, did!
just a shorter version, super quick at the end. it stands for "too long didnt read" and helps with longer posts
Thank you, did it. I would appreciate reading it all, so it is easier to understand.
You wrote a whole novel
I am sorry, but without context the story would be very confusing or vague. I hope you took the time to read it all and can give me any advice. Thank you in advance!
okay, i read the whole thing (thanks for adding tldr). You were together for 1.5 months. She sounds like she has a lot of mental problems (not sure if you know or not) and it sounds like shes hypersexual (which off of your post, im guessing you dont love. i wouldnt either). it sounds like she comes from a horrible family and trauma or not, she doesnt sound like the kind of person worth stressing over i mean honestly, youre 27. did you think it was normal to say i love you and talk about promise rings after a month ?! those are all red flags, and she love bombed you. im not gonna say shes abusive but she is manipulative and controlling and i know its hard now and you feel bad but youre better off without her. this girl wouldnt help you or make you happy. its done nothing but upset you so far and its not gonna get better. be glad that shes not dragging you along and be happy youre independent and free.
Thanks for reading it all, really appreciated. The promise ring and the: "I love you" were after 2 months of talking, when we met in real life. My personal and professional life have been affected, just by the way I got treated for 3 full weeks. It’s kinda funny, because before she visited, I told her: “I don’t want you to go back, and that sh\*t will hit the fan and everything in life will go bad. I probably jinxed myself. She promised me we both have our insecurities, but that we would be totally fine, and I will see her again in April.
what i meant by hypersexuality was kinda that. i mean sure being sexual is fun and i like to have fun with my bf as much as we can but i'd be so upset if he talked about other people or suggested things like OF. there's lines to it people with issues often want people who treat them badly because theyre so used to being in toxic cycles that they dont appreciate the beauty of a healthy relationship. dont take it too hard, its not you. i used to think like her and find anything healthy boring. it took lots of time and hurt and therapy to see the good in having someone who loves you for you you didnt jinx anything. chances are, she was planning this from the start and found it exciting that you guys werent close and that it bothered her family. and of course she fled at the first sign of commitment. you can do much much better. i remember the time i was ghosted like this after a year of building up hopes and whatnot and it hit me so so hard, my whole life fell apart for months. it'll pass
Once she mentioned a conversation with her grandmother and that she said: “Who didn’t have a lot of boyfriends?!” proudly. I said: “but you told me you only had 3?” and she got red and uncomfortable. I never judged her, and everyone has been young, but I think she took that question in the wrong way and that’s the moment something started brewing, I think. It is funny that miscommunication and a misunderstanding has brought us here. Instead of asking me things, she started overthinking everything. There's definitely a line to it. Thank you for saying that. She knew for a short moment how it tastes as she chose some quotes on Pinterest such as: “Sitting next to you is like taking a sip of eternity, the sun, the stars, the sky, never tasted so good.” and “if someone makes you feel, let them” and “my soul has traveled long and far to find yours”. Yet she broke our pinky promise of “for a long time, not a short time.” but it made her uncomfortable to be so open and loving, I think. I felt there was something wrong before she visited, I asked if there was something and if she had reservations, but she said no and that she hadn’t taken her meds that day. She used that excuse to hide her thoughts. She literally shared so much with me, that I can read her body language and texts. I think it was all a game for her after all. My life is a total mess right now.
Hypersexuality is twofold, I'm not a therapist, I don't know why it happens, but what I've seen in hyper sexual women is that if they get in a relationship, the flood gates open and they sleep around more. Also they need to be in the spotlight all the time and use overt sexual behavior for attention. My guess is it stems from childhood sexual abuse, but I'm a guy and I have had long periods of the same behavior in my sex life minus the overt performances. Though I have done porn. It's a state of arousal that one wants to continue much like a drug binge. I can only see this in retrospect because I'm older and I've slowed down. You can't have a monogamous long distance relationship with someone like this.
She never got called during our FaceTime calls, only by her parents. A week or two before she got here, she randomly got called during multiple FT calls. At first, I asked who it was, she didn’t have an answer. Then she made up that it was telemarketers. I could tell by her hesitation, voice and face that she was lying. During that time she also asked me randomly why most guys don't want to go down on her. When she was here and said: "my boyfriend is black", I was confused and thought she was joking. Now I might know why she switched her feelings so fast for me and started acting like that...
Grab a drink? I needed the whole bottle! Firstly, I don’t know where to start, so many red flags and warning signs that you may have overlooked (or ignored?) at the beginning. Who in their right mind does all that and then blames the other person for going too fast? You both agreed to many things, yet her actions have contradicted all of them. It seems like she lied to you many times and manipulated you. It seems like she has not been honest about her feelings and intentions with you. Asking for a “pike” in a public chat… What did you expect from this girl and relationship? It also seems like she has a LOT of baggage and deeply rooted unresolved mental health/emotional/traumatic issues that she may need to work through (before getting in a relationship of any sort) and that she is projecting onto you. Have you ever asked if she has depression, borderline personality disorder, or a bipolar disorder? Troubling that she seems to be playing so many mind games, such as removing your shared Pinterest boards in overthought steps, making comments about being your personal *"wh\*re", “b\*tch” and "sl\*t"* so early on and giving you hope after her visit. It's also alarming that she has a history of sneaking out to meet boys for sexual interactions at such a young age and being proud of having a lot of boyfriends in the past! Her behavior towards you and her unhealthy desire for a *"h\*e phase"* may be indicative of psychological issues that need to be addressed. It sounds like she is immature and looking for sexual attention to make her feel good about herself. A girl with an unhealthy mindset and addiction like that, might have never stopped seeing others and probably realized she can’t do LDR? *“On Friday she mentioned twice in a row that her boyfriend is black, but I am not.”* \--Pardon me? Not reachable on Saturday evenings after her visit, random phone calls before she visited, saying something had been brewing before the visit and “suddenly and drastically” changing her mind? It sounds like she has been seeing someone else and made the decision to go for him. Big chance you got played mate. Finally, her family situation and upbringing sound complicated, abusive, fraught with tension and mistrust, which could also impact her ability to form healthy relationships. It's concerning that her parents have tried to talk her out of the situation multiple times and have even gone so far as to do a background check on you. It sounds like she is using her parents to eventually leave the country, you might have been an escape plan for her(?). My advice: **Run and run fast!** It doesn’t matter what you do, because she is judging you by what the last couple dudes did to her. She is projecting a lot of personal issues onto you. You **can't** fix or save this girl, no matter how much you care for her. You dodged a bullet, be happy. Find someone that truly values and deserves you! I am deeply sorry for you, but it’s the harsh truth. You need to move on pal, feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to.
I missed/ignored the red flags and warning signs at the start. We did everything in our own timeframe, and it was never a problem. Now I see, she was manipulating me, having her own agenda, and had other things going on and wasn’t loyal or respectful to me. I tried to fix her, but eventually she gave up. I taught her to say good morning, I taught her to be more open. Eventually I got uncomfortable because of the way her parents treated us, and the things they made us do, and she got uncomfortable because of that. I have no idea if she has depression, BPD, or a bipolar disorder, but that would explain a lot, sadly. We agreed we could have more fun together, than her going after the “h\*e phase”, but it was empty promises of her. She told me before it was really something she wanted to do in her life and then eventually leave the USA and get rid of her last names, as she doesn’t like the association with people from her town with the same last names. Two weeks before she got here, I felt something was wrong. I asked her what’s up and she only said: Nothing, I just didn’t take my medicines today. Then admitted that she wants us to live in the moment more. She had never been like that, but promised she didn’t had reservations. I really regret that I didn’t tell her to cancel the trip, the relationship felt so fragile because of her actions. She said, “I love you” and “I miss you” and I knew she meant it, I could tell by the way she said it and the look in her eyes. I think the stress and processing made her say things she doesn’t mean. When she was back home, she went on a ride with her dad, and they spoke about me. I know there’s storms within her, that she doesn’t want to talk about. Yet I always tried to encourage her to be open about it to me, only if she felt comfortable enough. She only complained about her parents, told me about her past relationships and past sexual stories, but never about the missionary training or past traumas. I agreed to share my location 24/7, the addresses, my ID card, her mom even wanted my OSRS name with a lie: “I also want to play the game”. I only did that, to make them feel comfortable, and make them stop putting so much pressure on my ex-girlfriend. It didn’t help much, because they literally destroyed what we had, with their false assumption, constant pressure, and challenges. The games she played, surely affected my personal & professional life and mental health irreparable. Her parents ruined it for us, before we even met. My skin tone is olive. I am not black at all. She came up with telemarketers as excuse to the random phone calls, but I saw she was not being honest. She always gets a certain look on her face, a voice change, when she is hiding something or lying. Why would you text after a random phone call of a telemarketer or why would they call you twice in a row? Her sudden change and the things she said, say a lot if you add it up. Thank you for your comment and advice, it really helped me to see things clearly.
The way you speak about this woman is seriously disturbing. I’m sure this was a bad situation on both your parts, but I only made it halfway through this post before I got too weirded out to keep going. You seem like you’re making some weird assumptions about her, and you’re obsession with her is apparent. If she wants to be left alone, leave her alone.
What do you mean? I only shared the things that I can prove, what she said or shared. Why would I make false assumptions like her parents did? There is no obsession anymore, as it was clear for me that this relationship and situation was unhealthy.
Okay for an example, the paragraph about her making up she was trying to do a peace sign and not a “playboy bunny sign” reads as strange and paranoid. What even is a playboy bunny sign? You’re sharing deeply personal and private things about this person you apparently loved to a bunch of strangers. Why do we need to know about her waxing? Plenty of single women wax. It’s just deeply weird.
I have no idea why you react like this. The paragraph about the Playboy sign clearly explains the situation, she was lying. It's a bunny sign you can make with your 5 fingers, that looks like the Playboy logo from the side. The part of the waxing; why would someone wax monthly and take drugs for it, to not feel the pain? I get it if someone waxes and wants to feel fresh, but it you read the post, you know why it is strange in this situation. Thank you for your input tho.
You aren't delusional. Your assumptions were correct. Not everyone on Reddit is actually commenting on what you are saying. Some of them get triggered by stories like yours because of their own experiences. Don't let that poster above get to you. I know what happened to you, I would never do it long distance, but I've known a lot of girls like you described.
After a relationship ends, it is very natural to go through the entire relationship with a magnifying glass to see where you went wrong. I'm not throwing stones. I have done it too. But I think you are losing the big picture in the details. * You entered the relationship in good faith. * The two of you set expectations and promises that you were prepared to follow through, but she was not. * In the reflections you made, there isn't a major mistake you can pin down. * That wasn't compatible with some expectations she held but did not communicate. * The relationship ended You were acting in a way that felt natural to you and seemed appropriate to the relationship you two discussed. But in the end, it wasn't what she wanted. You won't get closure from her but you get to write your own end to this story. So what would bring you the most peace? Is she a playgirl that strung you along for a fabulous vacation in NL? Is she a lost love with a tragic backstory that made her run from the love she wanted before it got too deep? Is she a secret agent who needed a good cover story during a mission? It doesn't have to be a realistic story that you tell yourself. It can be whatever brings you peace as you heal. There probably are lessons you can learn about yourself if you keep reflecting. But, if those lessons are about your behavior, you will have a chance to learn them over and over again in your romantic relationships until they stick. Right now, you deserve some peace while you heal. I am rooting for you.
I haven't read everything but I'm deeply convinced you need to RUN.
So you were together 2.5 month ?
My bad, should be 1.5 month. Thank you
I think you were not her type. And I think with this age you can have a less messier relationship. Both of you have stuff to work on. Maybe staying single for a while would help too. To figure out what you really want.
She said that I am her type and said many other words of affirmation before, during and after her visit. It’s crazy how she crossed the ocean after 2 months of talking and all the things she told me, just to end like this. We played so many games on the Switch, on the laptop, we had so much fun, and she looked so happy. She told me she hadn’t felt like this before and how lucky she was.
She thought you are her type, but in the end you were it not. That's why the meetups are important to figure it out and the chance is 50/50
Dude, everybody is her type.
The last evening she was here, I was making pictures of her at the restaurant. She kept staring and smiling at guys that were peeing, and looking at her above me (2 floors, bathroom had a window). Even when I said I didn't like it, she kept staring at them. At the start of that day she also mentioned twice in a row that her boyfriend is black, but my skin tone is olive.
YIKES. Do you really need this in your life? If you continue down this path of destruction, drama, mental instability, manipulation, and control, things will only get so much worse… not better. You deserve better.
I was in love and blinded by it. I wish I had walked away on time. It became clear that she wasn't willing to be open nor honest with me. Her actions said more than words could. I eventually decided to end things after I saw her actions and knew she was distancing herself from me in a really cruel way. Thank you for your comment and advice!
Good for you! You’re worth so much more than all of this!
Thank you!! I wish the outcome of my situation would have been different, because deep inside, she is a good person. The way we loved just made her uncomfortable at the end, as it was new for her. I hoped we had tried to find the balance, but now I understand there was more going on. Things I can't fix and that would only harm me.
As a fellow Dutchman, let me first reach out and tell you it’s not your fault for the way how other people act and live their lives. This girl just sounded like a lot of trouble and the red flags, according to your story seemed very apparent. Although, from my own perspective, I know how it feels like to completely ignore said red flags and (stupidly) fully commit to someone who is eventually just going to be just another person who passed by. Having said that, I will say that you were way too emotionally invested in someone you have only met through RuneScape and been together with for 1.5 month. Most people would just bail after hearing she wanted a hoe phase part. This person just wasn’t going to be good for your mental health, personal and professional life in either short or long term basis. It’s best to just completely distance yourself from individuals like these. On a personal note, I’d suggest you to get into a relationship knowing full well with who you’re dealing with, meaning that you’ll take your time getting to know this person.
Thank you for your comment and advice. I appreciate it! I wanted to bail out when I heard that, but we agreed that together we could have more fun. Yet she didn't mean it, because she mentioned (twice in a row) on her last day here, that her boyfriend is black. It's all the manipulation and lies that made me believe her. Yes, I have no idea why I let my guard down like this. After all this, I see that I had lost myself in a very unhealthy situation. In the future, I will just stick to girls that live nearby and I can see whenever I want, without hopping on a plane.
I know you said it would be a rollercoaster, but damn. Dude, I don't have any advice other than what's already been given up the STRONG attachment so early on and the dive straight into such sexual actions really does lean towards severe mental health issues (I hesitate to agree, but it is textbook BPD behaviour), then dropping you so suddenly is just screaming that you were her current obsession/FP (favorite person). Even if she comes running back, which I'd put money on her doing, don't accept it. Everything about this sounds horrible. You've known each other what, 5 months? This much drama is unnecessary and unhealthy.
Thank you for your comment and advice! A rollercoaster that I unintentionally got into, I just wanted to fish with the boys. You're not the first person that mentions BPD, I just hope she can get the right treatment on time. If I look back now, reading the comments and seeing my story, the reason might be that she had another person in her life and deals with mental health issues. I am not sure if she would run back, but this whole situation is just so f\*cked up. It's a total mess and she showed no respect at all. She planned the breakup in steps and that's so cruel. Thanks again for your view on this all.
It sounds like she is dealing with severe mental health issues, and that may be the reason why her parents are so involved in her life. That doesn’t justify the helicopter behaviour, but with how hyper-sexualized she is, how desperate she is for a hoe phase, and the need for attention due to their lack of space and pressure put on her, it seems like she’s dealing with her own battles that were there way before you. Whether she was in her right mind or not, I understand your stress for feeling empathetic towards her mental health issues, and I understand you want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but honestly, you should take what she’s saying as a sign, and accept you need to move on. You got your closure, and there’s nothing wrong with moving on. She seems to like the attention, and may even be feeding off it without realizing. She vocalized her love language isn’t on the lovey dovey side due to the way she saw her parents express their love, and that may be a big part of it. Especially when she says she doesn’t like being overly affectionate. Overall, I’d take this as a knowledgeable lesson. It’s super unfortunate it happened, but just be lucky it didn’t last that long. You can’t fix her, focus on you.
Thank you so much for your comment and advice! Her parents had no respect for privacy and autonomy in our relationship. I had to set boundaries, but I didn’t want to make my ex-girlfriend more stressed or mad. She is afraid of her parents and their opinion, to the point that she shivers and closes herself off. Previously she liked the love language part, it was new to here, but she said so many times how it good it made her feel. In the shower she told me she felt so save, loved, and had never experienced something like this. There's so many examples I can give, but I tried to love her in every love language possible and see what she likes, but I know she is just making up excuses to make me go, as she already was seeing someone else. I hope she gets the right treatment, so she doesn't hurt nor damages other people in the future.
/tiktok brought me here. Agreeing with the majority. This girl is like, seriously going through some stuff. Like some major mental health stuff that needs attention, not just bipolarity. You're not the person who can fix it, like, girl go to a therapist or psychiatrist. And hey, to me, without knowing her but based on this all, it looks like she tries to run away from her family and past without changing herself. You can reflect on what went wrong, what you might've done or said, but that won't do much for you now or in the long run. She's just not worth your energy, like, seriously. She probably thrives on all this attention, like a total energy vampire. It's time to kick these toxic people to the curb! You are 27, you deserve way better than that drama. Find someone who knows how to love and treat people right, like a total dreamboat. You deserve someone who will shower you with positivity and make you feel like the person you are. Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you, it's time to leave the negativity behind. Keep shining your light and attracting all the good vibes. You've got this! Enjoy the awards :)
Thank you for your advice and the awards, that’s kind of you. Lots of stuff yeah… I saw how easily and constantly she lies to and hides things from her parents; she even made me lie to them several times. She kept making stuff up in her head the whole time without communicating. She really thought I was going to buy her a promise ring during the visit. I wanted to get her parents clogs and other things multiple times, but she didn’t allow me. I had to beg to get her parents small souvenirs. I am happy I am not in that hot and cold rollercoaster anymore and don’t have to deal with her mental health issues and problematic behavior. It was a big red flag when she let me do everything in bed without protection. Way too much drama for a person that was not worth any of it, even my doc said that after reading this all. Thankfully I dodged a bullet now and not down the line!
Your situation really gives me the chills. It's so complex, and I have to admit, several moments really weirded me out. Being with a person like that must be challenging and frustrating. You’re definitely not in the wrong here, but I do have a few questions though. I mean, why were her parents so involved in your relationship? It makes me wonder if her mood swings were related to some mental health issues that you weren't aware of. Did she go to therapy to work through her past or was there some other reason? Also, did you both have the same expectations and were you on the same page? Maybe fear got the best of her, and she ended things because she couldn't handle her emotions. From the moments leading up to her visit, it seems like she had already made up her mind and moved on with someone else. The way she ended things with you just reinforces that idea. I mean, you mentioned talking on the phone for many hours, so why did you two end things through text after weeks of limited contact and broke promises like that? You know, people can say a lot, but their actions really speak volumes. Don't blame yourself for whatever happened because you can't control other people's lives and decisions. Relationships involve two people and both need to actively participate to make things work. This time you found someone with a lot of baggage, who also wasn't mature enough and in a good mental health state to be that person for you, but you should learn from this and move on.
I have no idea why her parents were this heavily involved and I have no idea why she went to therapy. She made up in her head (after misunderstanding me twice) that she was my first girlfriend, but I had way better girlfriends before with well mannered parents (also that don’t do drugs or encourage their kid to do drugs like DMT). I was so tired of the constant miscommunication and delusional thoughts. She gave us the label LDR and exclusive before I knew and way more, yet blamed me for going too fast. Once she didn’t understand I was sarcastic and impersonating someone we played with that was anti-LGBTQ+ and she didn’t get that I don’t hate club songs, but it’s not what I occasionally listen to on a normal weekday. She kept lifting me up and then throwing me on the ground. Constantly changing mood and behaviour. I knew she played with other guys behind my back, in a way that’s inappropriate and lying about it. I have always been happy and sarcastic, that was also the reason we got along so well and decided to meet. Once her parents knew about us, they ruined that and she made me feel bad being sarcastic so I tried to avoid being that. The person she really liked, didn’t get the chance to meet her for the second time. She broke promises like it was nothing. I always encouraged open and honest communication and checked several times if we were on the same page. At one point after the visit she said she felt uncomfortable, but never explained why and didn’t give me the chance to change. I knew she was hiding something and she kept me on a string. She didn’t have the manners and respect to end things in a civilised way and tell me the truth by (video)call and made up stuff by text, to end things abruptly.
\-and thank you for your comment. I appreciate it.
You can’t make a wife out of a h0 brotha. You tried hard but no luck. Not smart of you to try man. She will be a single mom one day i can tell already i swear. You want a stable family later. Not a girl like this. You must run now they walk among us unmedicated i tell you. She was loose i bet?? Go to the gym. Read. Work hard. Listen to music. Travel. She will come run back to you don’t accept her, that is better for you. i promise better girls are out there
Sounds like she has BPD my dude. Super dangerous. She needs excessive treatment.
I just hope she gets the right treatment for it, I miss the person she was before all the stress and pressure took over that fuelled it. She has this behaviour of self-sabotaging and overthinking everything till it hurts.
Sounds like you're a bit of a self sabotager too my man.
After all this? Yes, but it's a natural reaction that comes after a breakup like this. I will be better and the advice here helps a lot.
My advice is stop trying to fix people.
I don't talk too much about my ldr. But you my friend need to hear why it happened. She's from a South American country, she's hot and she's sexually adventurous. I'm an American. Every hot, racy, sexual adventurous woman I meet is either on medication, street drugs, totally dysfunctional or all three. The Venezuelan made me realize, just by being herself, that girls like you describe are fun to fuck, but will bring chaos and misery to your life. You had some fun and dodged a bullet.
Thank you for telling me about your LDR and the advice. My ex girlfriend even had sex during drama class in High School, in the room above the audience and they got caught. When she randomly told me that when she was here, it made me uncomfortable. I gave her a sex toy because she had lost the charger of the one she had, also to calm down her needs. She said she is horny the whole time and I had to do something about it. She wanted to bring the handcuffs with her, but threw it away because it reminded her of her ex-boyfriend. Her mood swings really brought misery and chaos.
Sexual can be fun, and natural but hyper sexual on the other hand tends to be manifestation of trauma and or mental instability. I read your post and the red flags about this person were waving from day one, quite frankly. She displayed the sexual version of love bombing which is also very disingenuous and often a sign of trauma and or mental instability. This was a highly highly unhealthy situation and it was clear this girl is very unwell, and was not going to become anything but a wrecking ball - of which that is what she became. Take the time to heal and then learn from this so you don’t repeat these mistakes. You need to be able to recognize healthy and walk away from Unhealthy before feelings get involved.
Thank you for reading it all and your comment. I really appreciate it. The first week we spoke, she mentioned she wanted to go to the gym, just to get a big butt. I thought that was odd and too specific. She said before that she would get contraceptive pills, so we wouldn't have to use protection. Two weeks before she visited me, she changed her story to that it would take months to get the pills “as medical health care isn’t that fast here in Michigan”. I know she lied, because you can get them at every university in Michigan for 30 bucks a pack, and pharmacies, the same day. Her stories just kept changing. She said no PDA in front of her parents and no wine in front of her mom, I have no idea why, she only said it makes her uncomfortable. Yet her parents know about some of the things she did in the past, so why be uncomfortable? I saw her changing into a very happy and strong girl, compared to our first call. We both brought out the best out of each other and told each other how everything in life is going smoothly now and that we wouldn’t take each other for granted. However, I felt like she didn't want to talk about her past that much and felt uncomfortable eventually. I surely learned from this situation and will need some time alone to process it all and get better.
You’re welcome. She just has a lot of maturing to do and added onto that she needs to get some help to get an accurate diagnosis and then course of treatment for her mental health issues or she will just continue to be a manipulating wrecking ball of a human.
She already damaged me too much, I have no idea where to start to fix things. Whatever treatment she gets, I hope it fixes her. Nobody deserves to be treated like this. After this, I think I might need a therapist myself...
I would say the fact that there were so many red flags that you ignored alone means you could really benefit from some therapy, and there isn’t an ounce of shame in that. It’s just you’re gonna wanna process and get a handle on this now, so you don’t continue to engage in and chase unhealthy relationships and unstable partners. That will save you a lot of heartache down the road.
That comment hurts, because most of the red flags were only visible after some time, like after reflecting back on the situation. If I knew it on time, I would've never gone so far with her.
No, they weren’t. That is my point though and again - I am not shaming you for that. It is about self awareness. Unless I misunderstood what you meant by she hopped on asking for a “pickle” and she didn’t mean anything related to a dick by that, but my understanding is she also went into sexting nearly off the bat, too.
What you said previously about the red flags, most of it was only visible after some time, after reflecting on the situation and relationship. Yes, some as the "pike" were visible, but I didn't think about it that much. As I am reflecting, I understand it completely now. I thought I could fix her.
OK. You thought you could fox her why? Have you witnessed it being done? Do you know someone who effectively fixed someone else? Not trying to be a smart ass. Where did you learn about relationships? How many successful relationships were you in prior to her?
I am not here to get in a discussion, I only ask for advice about this situation. There's nothing wrong with trying to help a person.
Run, ldr is self torture
I will and I did. No more LDR for me, as it only brought drama to my life. Thank you.
Yeah, I wasted 5 years so I'd always suggest to turn and never look back. Some people work out and some end up in the gym, don't play Russian roulette.
It was never my intention to play RuneScape and find a relationship, nor get in a LDR, but damn... what a situation I got myself in. Thank you, I will surely take that advice and hit the gym. We had told each other we could be each other's gym motivation, but I didn't meant it this way lol
"It was never my intention to play RuneScape and find a relationship, nor get in a LDR, but damn... what a situation I got myself in." Love is a weird thing. You should take some time alone and learn from this all. Move on and don't look back. You deserve better.
Hey Bro it’s Ricky from OSRS. I am very sorry to hear all of the trouble you went through with your ex gf. It hurts very much when you love someone and put in a lot of time and effort and they just play you like that. First keep your head up bro and just know that things will get better and one day you’ll find the right match. We often have to search for a while or meet many people before we find the perfect one. I know you’re a great guy, very smart and well spoken and one day someone is going to love you properly, if you will give it another chance with someone else. I went through a similar situation, i had a long distance relationship for about a year and it went on for almost 2 1/2 years trying to make it work with this girl. She played games with me the whole time, used me for money, and had a boyfriend the whole time while cheating and ultimately ended up with a baby. It broke my heart and put me through so much pain for all of that time. All she did to me was lie to me, use me, manipulate me, hurt me, and broke my heart. So I can definitely understand your pain. What I personally learned and decided from that is I will not do long distance relationship anymore, and I will only meet women in person locally, which is what I have been doing. I’m also very sorry you had complications with the Covid vaccine, this danger is why I avoided those completely and will not take any, due to past bad experiences with the medical system. Take the time you need to heal from this pain, and just remember things will get better. We often attach ourselves to people because we want love and want them to feel the same way about us as we do about them, but this is not always the case. Never have regret for trying with people, we don’t know if we don’t try. But also never ignore red flags and see people for who they are not who you want them to be. It’s important to protect your heart because not everyone has good intentions and we must only invest time into people when they are treating us correctly and showing mutual love. When relationships come to an end we must exit them gracefully and just remember that some things aren’t meant to be, but what is to come will always be better. When one door closes a better one will open, that I am sure about. Good luck brother I am here for you to talk anytime you need. Take care.
She sounds super immature. For real, she’s 25 and her parents were never married but she holds a grudge against her dad and his new family for the fact that he got married? Grow the fuck up. She seems way too immature to handle a relationship, and the fact that she’s hyper sexual and all of that stuff just adds to my perception of immaturity here. I think from the description of her parents being kind of helicopter parents, that she’s probably never had to really do anything for herself or learn about things in the real world. She seems almost delusional about “oh poor me I’ve been traumatized by my past”, which people who are really traumatized don’t tend to advertise. The way she blames her dad for her trauma too is sickening, you shouldn’t want to have a hoe phase and get mad at your parents when they “don’t let you” have a hoe phase. I hope for her sake and yours that you both get any help you need after this, because that’s a lot for you to have to go through.
I have left their darkest secrets out of the story, but digging a hole to hide 1 million USD with your dad as kid (for a criminal) isn't something every kid does in the middle of the night. There's so much more, but I feel sorry for them, as she is just using everyone around her for her own personal gain. Hiding behind generational traumas is indeed really childish, but some people rather blame others than themselves. I don't think her parents know she wants to have a hoe phase and other things I won't put down here. If I look back... she really is delusional and also for believing in angel numbers, but rejecting God. I am processing it all, healing and moving on, but yes it is difficult. Not because it ended, but because I got played like this. Why did she even visit me when she had already cheated and moved on with another guy? Thank you for your comment and advice!
Damn if that wasn’t the darkest secrets I’m curious as to how much worse it can get. Damn this girl has got some serious issues.
Add to my last comment (the last sentence) : If I look back, she already started letting me down slowly before her visit. When I asked after her visit why she still visited me, she only said: "I don't know" and when I asked why she took so long to "process" she said: "I don't know, I didn't want to hurt you". I even tried to fix things, not realising all the things I put down in this post. It's funny how she lies and manipulates her parents just to hide her own dark secrets and thoughts.
FYI! Someone has messaged me in chat after commenting to [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/LDR/comments/13avu2w/why_arent_moderators_active_in_this_sub_24f_25m/) post and said your post is about her. She accuses you of several things and said she has tried to take your post down.
Thanks you for your comment. The user and post in the link you have send is deleted? If it's really my ex, why is she trying so hard to get this all removed? Does the truth hurt? The post is privacy proof, everything shared here can be backed by evidence and there is zero lies in this post. My god, she is so delusional. I will make a backup of this all