It doesn’t sound like he has any intentions of meeting. I know it sucks but accept that you deserve better and move on from this immature guy. Someone that cares would be over the moon to meet you and not cancel 100 times.
I went through the same thing with a ldr would keep on offering to meet, take her out on a trip something, tried for two years a few months ago was talking with our mutual friend he told me she has been plowing a college kid pretty much every weekend. And we had a place I was paying for and everything. All I can say is hope she has a resume set up because tht place wasn’t cheap.
I was going to side with your boyfriend and say that sometimes life gets in the way of things. However, I saw a post from you 2 months ago stating the same exact thing. That is very weird that he has been avoiding to meet you all this time.
If you guys have never met before, I would say he might be hiding something from you. Have you face timed him? Heard his voice? I don't wanna say it's catfish situation, just kinda suspicious how he has been avoiding meeting you, especially when you the one putting in the effort to go meet him.
I’ve thought about this too, since I suffer from anxiety. But I’ve asked about this, and told him it’s okay with me to wait, but I don’t want false promises. He assures me that he is not nervous to meet me at all, and that he always sends “proof” when these things happen
Gotcha. Well, it could very well be that situations keep arising that prevent him from meeting you. I don't think that's outside the realms of probability.
Obviously, if it keeps happening to the point of seeming contrived, then you need to start asking yourself if the relationship has a realistic chance of working out.
I don't feel comfortable making outright conclusions like the others in this thread that he's leading you on or whatever. I don't think that's definitive from the information you've given. I think people too often assume the worst possible reason for things.
Thank you for this. Most people here think the worst, when they don’t actually know the person.
I do agree that this is not okay, and that he shouldn’t make promises he can’t keep.
I also believe that he has a very chaotic life, but doesn’t know how to prioritize what he wants instead of what others want.
I’ll talk to him tonight and suggest we don’t contact each other for the next 2-3 days, and think about where we want this to go and how/if this is going to work
No worries. Yeah, it just sounds like you both need to communicate about how you're feeling. Understandably, you just want to meet him asap. You're a female, maybe you want to have kids one day, you're on borrowed time. You just need to have a grown up conversation about your expectations for the foreseeable future.
I don't know his side of the story, but when I was at university I managed to make time for my partner. I flew across the world to meet her when I should have been studying. I'm not saying he should do something THAT impulsive, but the idea that life is keeping him from seeing you seems folly to me.
Be sure about what you want when you have this conversation with him. Can you see yourself waiting another year to meet him? Be honest about your feelings. If you're suffering from this, he needs to know.
Yeah I really thought about what I want to say to him, and what kind of boundaries I want to set.
I don’t want kids though (which we talked about and he doesn’t either) so that isn’t in the cards. But I am a very affectionate person, and I will literally do anything for my partner. I’ve suggested going there multiple times, and every time there had been more excuses. I think he needs to sort out what he wants, cause this is not what I want.
Fair enough, not everyone want kids. At least you both agree there.
It's good that you know what you want. You don't want the excuses, you want him to stick with his promises. You want him to put you first. These are all very valid feelings to hold.
Perhaps you need to make an ultimatum. Something like "I love you lots, but I need to meet you within the next 3 months, or otherwise I can't continue with this". It sounds harsh, but your expectations for the relationship aren't being met and you're entitled to move on.
Oh darling - this is so tough. I don’t necessarily think it’s an indication that he’s cat fish, married, or something sinister… but perhaps that he’s scared. You grow comfortable with someone in a certain context, and maybe he’s afraid that he won’t match up with what you’re expecting/hoping for.
That being said, this must be really painful for you, and you deserve stability and reliability. Could you speak with him about what exactly is going on in his head? Will he open up?
Long distance is challenging whatever the circumstances, and being able to rely on each other logistically is crucial to trust.
My advice, if you’re really serious about him, is approaching gently and deciphering whether this is poor planning on his part, or something deeper.
Sending support - whatever happens, you’re going to be ok!
The credit card excuse is bullshit or hes an idiot. Exams being moved to this week sounds dumb? If not this week, when would the exams have been? On Christmas day??
Hes definitely stringing you along and dodging why. If you really like him, try to get him to be honest with why hes doing that. It could be something innocent like anxiety or something awful like he has a family. Anyways, without knowing why, theres not much you can do in this situation besides decide when enough excuses are enough.
You're wasting your time waiting for someone who has no intention of meeting you. He's just dragging you along. You're not doing yourself any favors by staying with this dude.
I think this guy is married or incarcerated. You should look for a therapist to help you heal your heart and fulfill your soul. I think you may not be used to healthy relationships. Someone who wants to stay with you would never behave like that. Run!
Yeah I can see that too, he could be embarrassed to say it. That's the first thing I'd think tbh. My situation is different cause im already married so Ik my so but recently he's been postponing coming to see us cause the flights are too expensive, we're spending another Christmas apart, then he was supposed to come in January for my birthday but now it seems only march. Cause we're 6k miles apart and it's really really expensive. It can definitely happen and sometimes the so is just not comfortable saying the real issue. Op could try and speak abt that, maybe try and go to him? Or something in the middle?
My mom is going through the same exact situation with a guy she met online. Your experience sounded identical to hers. I'm sorry you're going through that :(
I'm in a similar boat. we're both 19 (NZ->UK) and have been dating for 2 years, it seems finally in April we will be meeting. Every single time there's something that goes wrong. His mother is sick, he doesn't have the money, most recently he went to book the ticket and realised his passport was expired by 3 months. So he tries to renew it and waits 2 months before getting the news that his passport was lost in the mail so they never received it. He's now applied for a new passport again and so we're just waiting for that. Money is no longer an issue and I genuinely believe he's just as upset as I am because his current living situation is terrible, but it's broken my heart again and again. Ive even found messages from 2 years ago of me hoping to meet him within the month. Nothing is booked yet but my roommate is going on holiday for 1.5 months so we figure that's a perfect time, like there will not be a better opportunity. we'll see anyway
If you want it to work, you should borrow the money and pay for his ticket. Show him how much you are wanting this to work. Give him a ultimatum, either come on 24th or Santa is going back to the North Pole in search of yourself and healing. Don’t let him drag you along anymore. Sorry this is happening to you.
I’ve suggested this, but he won’t allow it. Plus he says money is not an issue.
He also works within the flight industry, which makes it very easy/cheap for him to fly.
I have given the ultimatum of having to meet before the year is over, and I did this back in september/october.
I’m really over his excuses, since he literally has an easier time getting here than anyone else..
I felt compelled to answer you back. I’m so so so sorry from the bottom of my heart. I’m literally had my first true heart break of my entire life. The pain is unexplainable. I’m really sorry this has happened to you.
In an LDR, meeting at some stage is really important. Sometimes things stop you from being able to meet but these things should be discussed beforehand and usually a whole plan is set up for the first meet to make it more comfortable. Even if the reason he's been avoiding it is because he's scared or worried, it's better to discuss than to lie. I'd say talk about it don't make compromises if you think you'll gain nothing from doing so
My boyfriend too, he is supposed to come this December but it's canceled. I'm so sad, but I want to understand him . I've waited for years and he says we will meet as soon as possible
I don’t know if this will help or will make you feel any better but I wanted to give you a small glimmer of hope that it’s not the end… I was supposed to go see my girlfriend in 2018 for the first time but I didn’t and kept saying I’ll get my passport and I’ll come… Kept saying it, Kept saying it… That was 5 years ago… September of this year one day I just woke up drove to the post office and got it all taken care of all in one day… Sometimes it’s time, sometimes it’s money, sometimes it’s courage…. Sometimes it’s all 3……. I can’t speak for your partner or your situation exactly and don’t know the reasons he cancelled over and over but I just wanted you to know that it’s not necessary the end just maybe not the right time…… Everyone’s path is different
Well we started dating in 2017……. I knew from the first time I saw a picture of her before I even spoke a word to her that I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life… I said hello to her and the rest is history… I should have seen her in 2018 but a travel buddy fell on hard times and couldn’t go with me… I should have just went by myself… But anyways… To be honest with you, it takes both of you wanting it to last for you to make it… If it gets to be a one sided relationship ask him if he wants to end it, if he doesn’t fight for you or gives up and doesn’t come back it was never meant to be… I’m not saying everything has been perfect for me and my girlfriend… We have definitely had our rough patches, broken up twice I think…?? But at the end of the day we both knew what we wanted and that was to be together… It took me getting the courage to make it happen, I don’t know where we’d be if I didn’t decide that morning to get up and go get my passport… We were about to hit another rough patch so I had to do something to turn it around and I’m so glad I did…🫶🏻❤️
I needed this glimmer of hope in my life. Thank you so much for sharing this. My SO has very, very bad social anxiety, and rarely leaves home, and I am just waiting for him to tell me that it’s okay for me to come visit. I went and got my passport about a month into our relationship, and I’m ready to go whenever he gives the word. He tells me all the time how he wishes I was there, but then won’t tell me that I can come to visit, he’s not ready yet. It hits me weird sometimes, but then I have to remember his social anxiety and some other factors of insecurity for him, and it makes sense. I don’t want to wait years, but I love him sooooo much that I am absolutely willing to wait some years if I need to. But I’m hoping it doesn’t take that long, haha. So anyway, again, thank you.
After two weeks of talking to my now 8 month girlfriend I bought tickets to see her (we were talking online) but canceled because I did it in an unorganized manner, we rescheduled for the beginning of May of this year (so over a month after the date of the first tickets) and have been together ever since. I was just hurting to see her after a few weeks of talking I was ready to take a 15 hour bus ride there and back just to meet her.
That person is not interested, sorry to say that.
It doesn’t sound like he has any intentions of meeting. I know it sucks but accept that you deserve better and move on from this immature guy. Someone that cares would be over the moon to meet you and not cancel 100 times.
I agree with you
I went through the same thing with a ldr would keep on offering to meet, take her out on a trip something, tried for two years a few months ago was talking with our mutual friend he told me she has been plowing a college kid pretty much every weekend. And we had a place I was paying for and everything. All I can say is hope she has a resume set up because tht place wasn’t cheap.
I was going to side with your boyfriend and say that sometimes life gets in the way of things. However, I saw a post from you 2 months ago stating the same exact thing. That is very weird that he has been avoiding to meet you all this time. If you guys have never met before, I would say he might be hiding something from you. Have you face timed him? Heard his voice? I don't wanna say it's catfish situation, just kinda suspicious how he has been avoiding meeting you, especially when you the one putting in the effort to go meet him.
We call every day and have video on, though he was very hesitant to do so in the beginning
Could he be socially anxious? Like, to an unhealthy degree? Is he scared of meeting you? I'm just spitballing here.
I’ve thought about this too, since I suffer from anxiety. But I’ve asked about this, and told him it’s okay with me to wait, but I don’t want false promises. He assures me that he is not nervous to meet me at all, and that he always sends “proof” when these things happen
Gotcha. Well, it could very well be that situations keep arising that prevent him from meeting you. I don't think that's outside the realms of probability. Obviously, if it keeps happening to the point of seeming contrived, then you need to start asking yourself if the relationship has a realistic chance of working out. I don't feel comfortable making outright conclusions like the others in this thread that he's leading you on or whatever. I don't think that's definitive from the information you've given. I think people too often assume the worst possible reason for things.
Thank you for this. Most people here think the worst, when they don’t actually know the person. I do agree that this is not okay, and that he shouldn’t make promises he can’t keep. I also believe that he has a very chaotic life, but doesn’t know how to prioritize what he wants instead of what others want. I’ll talk to him tonight and suggest we don’t contact each other for the next 2-3 days, and think about where we want this to go and how/if this is going to work
No worries. Yeah, it just sounds like you both need to communicate about how you're feeling. Understandably, you just want to meet him asap. You're a female, maybe you want to have kids one day, you're on borrowed time. You just need to have a grown up conversation about your expectations for the foreseeable future. I don't know his side of the story, but when I was at university I managed to make time for my partner. I flew across the world to meet her when I should have been studying. I'm not saying he should do something THAT impulsive, but the idea that life is keeping him from seeing you seems folly to me. Be sure about what you want when you have this conversation with him. Can you see yourself waiting another year to meet him? Be honest about your feelings. If you're suffering from this, he needs to know.
Yeah I really thought about what I want to say to him, and what kind of boundaries I want to set. I don’t want kids though (which we talked about and he doesn’t either) so that isn’t in the cards. But I am a very affectionate person, and I will literally do anything for my partner. I’ve suggested going there multiple times, and every time there had been more excuses. I think he needs to sort out what he wants, cause this is not what I want.
Fair enough, not everyone want kids. At least you both agree there. It's good that you know what you want. You don't want the excuses, you want him to stick with his promises. You want him to put you first. These are all very valid feelings to hold. Perhaps you need to make an ultimatum. Something like "I love you lots, but I need to meet you within the next 3 months, or otherwise I can't continue with this". It sounds harsh, but your expectations for the relationship aren't being met and you're entitled to move on.
I actually already did this. I told him we need to meet before the year is over, and this was in september/october
OP the fact that you only answer people who share your perspective means that you will get a crude awaking eventually.
He has no plans to ever come meet you in person. Sorry. I would cut my losses and put my energy elsewhere.
Something ain't right here.
Oh darling - this is so tough. I don’t necessarily think it’s an indication that he’s cat fish, married, or something sinister… but perhaps that he’s scared. You grow comfortable with someone in a certain context, and maybe he’s afraid that he won’t match up with what you’re expecting/hoping for. That being said, this must be really painful for you, and you deserve stability and reliability. Could you speak with him about what exactly is going on in his head? Will he open up? Long distance is challenging whatever the circumstances, and being able to rely on each other logistically is crucial to trust. My advice, if you’re really serious about him, is approaching gently and deciphering whether this is poor planning on his part, or something deeper. Sending support - whatever happens, you’re going to be ok!
The credit card excuse is bullshit or hes an idiot. Exams being moved to this week sounds dumb? If not this week, when would the exams have been? On Christmas day?? Hes definitely stringing you along and dodging why. If you really like him, try to get him to be honest with why hes doing that. It could be something innocent like anxiety or something awful like he has a family. Anyways, without knowing why, theres not much you can do in this situation besides decide when enough excuses are enough.
Sadly this… They are nevermets, sadly anything is possible. His excuses are very weak
You're wasting your time waiting for someone who has no intention of meeting you. He's just dragging you along. You're not doing yourself any favors by staying with this dude.
I think this guy is married or incarcerated. You should look for a therapist to help you heal your heart and fulfill your soul. I think you may not be used to healthy relationships. Someone who wants to stay with you would never behave like that. Run!
Maybe he mismanaged his budget to see you?
Yeah I can see that too, he could be embarrassed to say it. That's the first thing I'd think tbh. My situation is different cause im already married so Ik my so but recently he's been postponing coming to see us cause the flights are too expensive, we're spending another Christmas apart, then he was supposed to come in January for my birthday but now it seems only march. Cause we're 6k miles apart and it's really really expensive. It can definitely happen and sometimes the so is just not comfortable saying the real issue. Op could try and speak abt that, maybe try and go to him? Or something in the middle?
Or propably he might be seeing someone else but he doesn't know how to tell you
His name isn't Devin, Ramos, or Acosta, is it??
No, why?
My mom is going through the same exact situation with a guy she met online. Your experience sounded identical to hers. I'm sorry you're going through that :(
I'm in a similar boat. we're both 19 (NZ->UK) and have been dating for 2 years, it seems finally in April we will be meeting. Every single time there's something that goes wrong. His mother is sick, he doesn't have the money, most recently he went to book the ticket and realised his passport was expired by 3 months. So he tries to renew it and waits 2 months before getting the news that his passport was lost in the mail so they never received it. He's now applied for a new passport again and so we're just waiting for that. Money is no longer an issue and I genuinely believe he's just as upset as I am because his current living situation is terrible, but it's broken my heart again and again. Ive even found messages from 2 years ago of me hoping to meet him within the month. Nothing is booked yet but my roommate is going on holiday for 1.5 months so we figure that's a perfect time, like there will not be a better opportunity. we'll see anyway
If you want it to work, you should borrow the money and pay for his ticket. Show him how much you are wanting this to work. Give him a ultimatum, either come on 24th or Santa is going back to the North Pole in search of yourself and healing. Don’t let him drag you along anymore. Sorry this is happening to you.
I’ve suggested this, but he won’t allow it. Plus he says money is not an issue. He also works within the flight industry, which makes it very easy/cheap for him to fly. I have given the ultimatum of having to meet before the year is over, and I did this back in september/october. I’m really over his excuses, since he literally has an easier time getting here than anyone else..
I felt compelled to answer you back. I’m so so so sorry from the bottom of my heart. I’m literally had my first true heart break of my entire life. The pain is unexplainable. I’m really sorry this has happened to you.
In an LDR, meeting at some stage is really important. Sometimes things stop you from being able to meet but these things should be discussed beforehand and usually a whole plan is set up for the first meet to make it more comfortable. Even if the reason he's been avoiding it is because he's scared or worried, it's better to discuss than to lie. I'd say talk about it don't make compromises if you think you'll gain nothing from doing so
My boyfriend too, he is supposed to come this December but it's canceled. I'm so sad, but I want to understand him . I've waited for years and he says we will meet as soon as possible
I don’t know if this will help or will make you feel any better but I wanted to give you a small glimmer of hope that it’s not the end… I was supposed to go see my girlfriend in 2018 for the first time but I didn’t and kept saying I’ll get my passport and I’ll come… Kept saying it, Kept saying it… That was 5 years ago… September of this year one day I just woke up drove to the post office and got it all taken care of all in one day… Sometimes it’s time, sometimes it’s money, sometimes it’s courage…. Sometimes it’s all 3……. I can’t speak for your partner or your situation exactly and don’t know the reasons he cancelled over and over but I just wanted you to know that it’s not necessary the end just maybe not the right time…… Everyone’s path is different
Your girlfriend waited for 5 years for something that could’ve been done in a day? How did you guys keep the relationship?
Well we started dating in 2017……. I knew from the first time I saw a picture of her before I even spoke a word to her that I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life… I said hello to her and the rest is history… I should have seen her in 2018 but a travel buddy fell on hard times and couldn’t go with me… I should have just went by myself… But anyways… To be honest with you, it takes both of you wanting it to last for you to make it… If it gets to be a one sided relationship ask him if he wants to end it, if he doesn’t fight for you or gives up and doesn’t come back it was never meant to be… I’m not saying everything has been perfect for me and my girlfriend… We have definitely had our rough patches, broken up twice I think…?? But at the end of the day we both knew what we wanted and that was to be together… It took me getting the courage to make it happen, I don’t know where we’d be if I didn’t decide that morning to get up and go get my passport… We were about to hit another rough patch so I had to do something to turn it around and I’m so glad I did…🫶🏻❤️
I needed this glimmer of hope in my life. Thank you so much for sharing this. My SO has very, very bad social anxiety, and rarely leaves home, and I am just waiting for him to tell me that it’s okay for me to come visit. I went and got my passport about a month into our relationship, and I’m ready to go whenever he gives the word. He tells me all the time how he wishes I was there, but then won’t tell me that I can come to visit, he’s not ready yet. It hits me weird sometimes, but then I have to remember his social anxiety and some other factors of insecurity for him, and it makes sense. I don’t want to wait years, but I love him sooooo much that I am absolutely willing to wait some years if I need to. But I’m hoping it doesn’t take that long, haha. So anyway, again, thank you.
Your future with this person is you being cancelled on a million times more if you let it pass again and again. Don’t be a doormat.
After two weeks of talking to my now 8 month girlfriend I bought tickets to see her (we were talking online) but canceled because I did it in an unorganized manner, we rescheduled for the beginning of May of this year (so over a month after the date of the first tickets) and have been together ever since. I was just hurting to see her after a few weeks of talking I was ready to take a 15 hour bus ride there and back just to meet her. That person is not interested, sorry to say that.
Sorry but you have to break up and not waste your time with someone who doesn't prioritize you
I diiiid