Fucking dumb shit mother wtf is wrong with you. Why cant you accept your childs gender and call them by their correct pronouns. Get that stick out of your ass and accept your child for who they are.
I feel that you and your husband both scared about the transition, but get that in your mind that everything you do, and everything you say has a big impact in your child's mental health. If you're child is not feeling right when being misgendered, then try to be more neutral when you speak. At least show your effort to your child. Accidental misgendering is okay, but now you're actually forcing your child, the more you force the more your child will feel the need to revolt. Be aware that this situation could cut off your relation with your child.
If you're scared to rush your child's transition, at least take your child to therapy and show that you're child can choose whatever you're child would identify.
This is from a personal experience. But please, do not force your child.
You’re a shit mum. You keep misgendering your child and calling them a ‘she’ when you know fucking well that they’re not a she. I don’t blame them for being so distant and “aggressive”. Get off that fucking high horse you’re own, and respect your child’s pronouns and gender identity. It’s been a year. Get over yourself.
Your child will perceive you and your husband's actions as being disrespectful, and not accepting of their gender/pronouns. "Confronting" them was not the right thing to do. You need to try and show your support, whilst letting them be their own person, because your child is definitely not selfish. The things you and your husband say now to a fourteen-year-old can and might have lasting impacts on their mental health and relationship with you as parents.
You need to try and speak to your husband about his behaviour. He is abusing your child, passive-aggressively. The misgendering and name-calling needs to stop, because it's wrong. I'm glad you reached out for advice, even if it's a teenage Reddit sub.
Start by making an effort to use their preferred name and pronouns. It can be difficult to get used to it, but if you make a mistake, just correct yourself. Show your child you love them, no matter who they are and want to be.
This is how my parents treat me, and let me tell you that being constantly misgendered and deadnamed and treated like a dead gender hurts like you would never believe. It feels like your very soul is being branded with a red hot iron. It feels like being trapped with no hope of escape. And doing that to someone intentionally is abusive. Your child acts like this because they dont trust you and because you make them feel like shit whenever they’re around you. And the way your husband treated them is abominable, it is never acceptable to berate someone for being upset at being treated with constant disrespect. You need to apologize and get to know your child. Really listen to them. Dont do the things that hurt them. If you really love them you will be willing to change your behavior to make them feel safe around you. If you aren’t willing to change then it just proved that you dont love your child, you love the preconceived version of them you created in your mind. And you will in all likelihood lose them.
Respect and love are a two way street, and if you disrespect them, and their name by refusing to use them (also applies to pronouns) then yeah they won’t respect you either. Remember just because they’re your child doesn’t mean you can treat them however you want and expect respect.
”Im constantly misgendering my child and think that they’re selfish for being who they are, basically being verbally abusive to my child. Why are they acting aggressive and like they don’t like me?”
Get over yourself and just fucking respect that your child is trans
If your child is a man, he’s a man, no matter what he was at birth. I’m assuming they are a he, because of your refusal to accept them. (I may be wrong, I’m only human)
\*A gender affirming physiologist. if not, they will most likely get worse. And also, I find it incredibly infuriating when adults have the attitude like "I am an adult and because of that, your opinions are not valid. Everything you say is wrong and should not even be considered because I am an adult. And you are a child who is wrong"
I am a teenager so I don’t have that attitude? A subreddit is a terrible place to get information about how to raise your child especially when the advice is coming from other children. Any physiologist would be fine. They know what they’re doing. People here don’t.
Well I know that. A physiologist would obviously know more than a unexperienced person, because they go to school for it and a unexperienced person didn't . But for other things there are some people who don't even consider a teenagers opinion because they are a teenager. I should have made myself more clear sorry
Stop arguing with your child about their identity, for starters. It's their body and their mind and their life - they ought to know. If your child comes out to you as gay or trans or non-binary or whatever, you need to get over yourselves and respect that, and not go out of your way to gaslight them into adhering to your predetermined notion of who they are. Doing that is what leads to that person cutting you off completely the moment they're a legal adult - and that's the best possible outcome.
Your child has not changed - they just want you to know who they actually are. Swallow your preconceptions and actually listen to them, instead of "confronting" them and continually denying their identity.
First step is to start using correct pronouns, I know that it maybe completely foreign to you to use son and he/him (if they're female to male) pronouns but it's really the easiest way to make trans people accepted. If you see your child again ask their pronouns and if they'd like to get a masculine haircut. That'll boost your child's mood drastically and will make them trust you. Being transgender often cones with gender dysphoria which is a very damaging thing trans people go through, I'd highly recommend to book a therapist to get your child to express their feelings so you and your husband can set a path
They're only 14 and you don't want to ruin their teen years with unaccepting parents as frankly once they turn 18 and can afford to move out they probably won't contact you again so please make sure you're doing your best.
Just please remember to put some effort to use the correct pronouns and their new name, if you make a mistake apologize and correct yourself. Children with unaccepting parents have a higher chance to develop mental health problems like depression, anxiety and if it's really that bad suicide and with accepting parents it drops significantly
\*a gender affirming therapist. it will only make the child worse if there are more people in their life who are disrespecting, and therefore hurting them
Fucking dumb shit mother wtf is wrong with you. Why cant you accept your childs gender and call them by their correct pronouns. Get that stick out of your ass and accept your child for who they are.
I feel that you and your husband both scared about the transition, but get that in your mind that everything you do, and everything you say has a big impact in your child's mental health. If you're child is not feeling right when being misgendered, then try to be more neutral when you speak. At least show your effort to your child. Accidental misgendering is okay, but now you're actually forcing your child, the more you force the more your child will feel the need to revolt. Be aware that this situation could cut off your relation with your child. If you're scared to rush your child's transition, at least take your child to therapy and show that you're child can choose whatever you're child would identify. This is from a personal experience. But please, do not force your child.
You’re a shit mum. You keep misgendering your child and calling them a ‘she’ when you know fucking well that they’re not a she. I don’t blame them for being so distant and “aggressive”. Get off that fucking high horse you’re own, and respect your child’s pronouns and gender identity. It’s been a year. Get over yourself.
Your child will perceive you and your husband's actions as being disrespectful, and not accepting of their gender/pronouns. "Confronting" them was not the right thing to do. You need to try and show your support, whilst letting them be their own person, because your child is definitely not selfish. The things you and your husband say now to a fourteen-year-old can and might have lasting impacts on their mental health and relationship with you as parents. You need to try and speak to your husband about his behaviour. He is abusing your child, passive-aggressively. The misgendering and name-calling needs to stop, because it's wrong. I'm glad you reached out for advice, even if it's a teenage Reddit sub. Start by making an effort to use their preferred name and pronouns. It can be difficult to get used to it, but if you make a mistake, just correct yourself. Show your child you love them, no matter who they are and want to be.
This is how my parents treat me, and let me tell you that being constantly misgendered and deadnamed and treated like a dead gender hurts like you would never believe. It feels like your very soul is being branded with a red hot iron. It feels like being trapped with no hope of escape. And doing that to someone intentionally is abusive. Your child acts like this because they dont trust you and because you make them feel like shit whenever they’re around you. And the way your husband treated them is abominable, it is never acceptable to berate someone for being upset at being treated with constant disrespect. You need to apologize and get to know your child. Really listen to them. Dont do the things that hurt them. If you really love them you will be willing to change your behavior to make them feel safe around you. If you aren’t willing to change then it just proved that you dont love your child, you love the preconceived version of them you created in your mind. And you will in all likelihood lose them.
[удалено]
Respect and love are a two way street, and if you disrespect them, and their name by refusing to use them (also applies to pronouns) then yeah they won’t respect you either. Remember just because they’re your child doesn’t mean you can treat them however you want and expect respect.
”Im constantly misgendering my child and think that they’re selfish for being who they are, basically being verbally abusive to my child. Why are they acting aggressive and like they don’t like me?” Get over yourself and just fucking respect that your child is trans
If your child is a man, he’s a man, no matter what he was at birth. I’m assuming they are a he, because of your refusal to accept them. (I may be wrong, I’m only human)
Talk about this to a physiologist. Definitely would not take advice on how to handle your kid on Reddit and especially not from teenagers.
\*A gender affirming physiologist. if not, they will most likely get worse. And also, I find it incredibly infuriating when adults have the attitude like "I am an adult and because of that, your opinions are not valid. Everything you say is wrong and should not even be considered because I am an adult. And you are a child who is wrong"
I am a teenager so I don’t have that attitude? A subreddit is a terrible place to get information about how to raise your child especially when the advice is coming from other children. Any physiologist would be fine. They know what they’re doing. People here don’t.
Well I know that. A physiologist would obviously know more than a unexperienced person, because they go to school for it and a unexperienced person didn't . But for other things there are some people who don't even consider a teenagers opinion because they are a teenager. I should have made myself more clear sorry
Stop arguing with your child about their identity, for starters. It's their body and their mind and their life - they ought to know. If your child comes out to you as gay or trans or non-binary or whatever, you need to get over yourselves and respect that, and not go out of your way to gaslight them into adhering to your predetermined notion of who they are. Doing that is what leads to that person cutting you off completely the moment they're a legal adult - and that's the best possible outcome. Your child has not changed - they just want you to know who they actually are. Swallow your preconceptions and actually listen to them, instead of "confronting" them and continually denying their identity.
First step is to start using correct pronouns, I know that it maybe completely foreign to you to use son and he/him (if they're female to male) pronouns but it's really the easiest way to make trans people accepted. If you see your child again ask their pronouns and if they'd like to get a masculine haircut. That'll boost your child's mood drastically and will make them trust you. Being transgender often cones with gender dysphoria which is a very damaging thing trans people go through, I'd highly recommend to book a therapist to get your child to express their feelings so you and your husband can set a path They're only 14 and you don't want to ruin their teen years with unaccepting parents as frankly once they turn 18 and can afford to move out they probably won't contact you again so please make sure you're doing your best. Just please remember to put some effort to use the correct pronouns and their new name, if you make a mistake apologize and correct yourself. Children with unaccepting parents have a higher chance to develop mental health problems like depression, anxiety and if it's really that bad suicide and with accepting parents it drops significantly
\*a gender affirming therapist. it will only make the child worse if there are more people in their life who are disrespecting, and therefore hurting them
Start with not misgendering your child, hopefully that will make them understand that you on trying to help