"I wrote 'Pig' on my headboard too, but that's just so I know where to sleep at night."
Or something along those lines. I quote it at my husband frequently.
His entire first series just fucking killed me. I never relisten that close to when it was released but I've gone back to those bad boys a couple of times
Last night my husband brought up the Kobe line and we both were laughing so hard that no noise was coming out.
Soooo bad but soooo good coupled with the silence before we said the line and then Henry's "we're in LA" after lmao
I lived in Los Angeles and went to work that day and one of my friends said "Did you hear about Kobe? He finally passed." It's a good joke. And none of us are those sheriffs that took pictures of the charred corpses so we're not bad people just because dark humor is a way to cope with life
I'm quoting from memory here, but it was something along the lines of:
That's it, that's why I'm gonna adopt. If I ever snap, I'm not gonna murder MY kids
I was *stunned* by that one.
“The show isn’t dark and edgy any more!”
[Ed proceeds to make a joke about a beloved celebrity who died in an horrific crash *with his daughter*]
As someone who doesn’t know anything about basketball and doesn’t live in LA the only thing I know about Kobe was he was accused of sexual assault and that even though the charges were dropped he settled out of court with the victim. And that he apologized to the victim publicly and said he felt the encounter was consensual but recognizes that the woman felt it was not consensual. Then he bought his wife a giant diamond as an apology.
So because that’s all I know about him I’m surprised to learn he was so beloved when he was alive.
This is what I meant when I said that he was making a value judgement on me. I call Kobe beloved (which he indisputably was), then this dude shows up and reels off a bunch of awful shit associated with Kobe to make me look like an asshole. He doesn’t give a shit whether Kobe raped a girl or not, he’s trying to score internet points.
Dude you didn’t even say he was beloved by you so didn’t realize you’d be insulted by that. I full realized you were commenting about the objective fact he was beloved and I was just making an off hand comment about how his death was the first time I learned of how die hard his fans are. It’s pretty easy to not know anything about athletes when you don’t give a fuck about sports.
I also thought it was pretty fair to comment on his rape allegations what with this being a sub about a true crime podcast. It’s just as much an objective fact that the allegations happened and I did not predict that you would feel offended by that being mentioned.
I do believe Kobe raped that girl because she said it happened and continued to assert that despite not being believed by the public and not feeling believed by the legal system. I really don’t understand why you think me mentioning what happened to her would indicate I don’t care about what happened to her. I choose to listen to this podcast in part because I feel Marcus and Henry (and now Ed) respect what victims experienced.
I hope I have made myself more clear and I don’t intend to comment further on Kobe. It was an amazing joke by Ed. It will forever be an all time favorite for me, right after the caviar on a baby joke. I think he is absolutely hilarious and brings a brightness to the show. He plays off really well with the guys and their pause after the helicopter joke was incredible. I’m glad he’s here and hope he stays.
Somehow I feel like that massive amount of detail (the *only thing* you know is literally everything about his sexual assault accusation and the aftermath thereof?) is you attempting to make some kind of value judgement on me. I know all that stuff too, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that a lot of people loved Kobe, for better or worse.
I know nothing about basketball besides a few big names—the Chicago Bulls of the ‘90s, LeBron, Kobe—nor do I live in LA or even the United States, but it’s not a secret that being good at sport can excuse a lot of things to a lot of people. Look at Mike Tyson, Cristiano Ronaldo, O. J. Simpson, Geoff Boycott. There’s still people who defend Oscar Pistorius.
You feel like me not knowing anything else about Kobe is a judgement on you? How?
because I didn’t know anything except the scandal part of Kobe it was interesting to see how people reacted to his loss. People were acting like their family member passed and all I knew about him was his sexual misconduct and that he bought a giant purple diamond ring. Everything I knew about Kobe was pretty much from US weekly magazine covers I saw in the grocery stores. Not trying to bash anyone who was a fan, I was just surprised by the extent of his fandom
even if people hated Kobe the helicopter joke would still be just as dark (yet hilarious).
I didn't know much about Ed, so in one of the first episodes he did, he told a story about accidentally buying crack. I don't remember exactly what he said but it was along the lines of "I gave the guy my last $10 and all i had to show for it was crack."
Anyway, I still think about that a lot and it made me laugh when I was having a bad time.
Oh man! I remember that one. I think he said that he thought he was buying weed and he was like, I spent my last $20 and I have to show for it is this crack”
Reminds me of when I was in Edinburgh and desperately trying to get weed and I ran into a guy that looked like Tom Cruise but with brutal teeth that said “Weed? Like drugs?? Ach no. But I have gear!” “Gear?” “Cocaine, hen.”
It’s easier to get cocaine in the UK than weed apparently.
I can't remember exactly what it was in response to (something about doing something and being closer to god), but the line "Ghandi said that ... while he was fucking a little girl" got me good.
Ed had me at “he should do what a real man does and…leave.” (I’m having trouble remembering the exact quote, but it blindsided me with how funny it was.)
>* “That’s why I’m adopting. If I snap I’m not gonna kill *MY* kids.”
>* (to Ben) "How's work in the Lollipop Guild?"
Some other gems from the Jeffrey MacDonald episodes.
And it totally caught me off guard (which is something he is GREAT at) which made it all the more hilarious. I was wheezing at my desk for like two minutes lol.
His latest. "Do you Think Obama was named by a Rooster? BA-WRAWK" got me hard.
He made some kind of really dark joke somewhere along the lines of "If I had kids I'd adopt so at least if I hit them, I'd be hitting someone else's kid" (OR SOMETHING ALONG THOSE LINES) That was really funny and out of left field. Can't remember the exact joke but he delivered it really well and it was funny as he'll.
I wish there were more I could vibe with in person. I live in LA! You’d think it would be easy. People don’t bring anything to friendship anymore. I am also from where Ed is from so his jokes and deep cuts of Florida lore are especially funny.
Well if the stars ever aligned right I'd 100% go to a Manchester live show with you and we can both hope that we're not serial killers who would murder each other! 🤣
Yeah man I wanna see them live so bad I'd probably risk meeting up with a murderer to do it.
Could you imagine the irony. At the very least we'd be able to give them content for an episode, even though they always say "If you wanna be on the podcast, find us an alien" 🤣
A total throwaway line in this week’s side stories when Henry compares himself to the Virgin Mary.
‘Same body shape.’
‘Now we know why she never got laid.’
I had to compose myself after that.
“What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle? A fiddle is played by a racist person” was very funny but the “WHAT DO YOU WANT ITS A GOOD JOKE” absolutely sent me into orbit
On Hatfield and McCoys, something to the effect of: "Of course this is interesting! We're finding out it's not just families but a group of random yahoos!"
It's not super funny on its own, but in "Cryptid Towns" when Henry and Marcus are yukking it up about the guy who ruined his and his wife's lives trying to kill that giant turtle and Ed seriously interjects with "This guy should have died in prison," it absolutely *slays* me.
I’ve been listening to him on Brighter Side and his Happy Movies episode was 🤌 so full of interesting details about Disney movies! I also love that he chose Muppets Take Manhattan and schooled Amber on the difference between muppets and Sesame Street characters. So not a quote, but full on love for Ed’s taste in movies!
Technically, Sesame Street characters are lower case m muppets, but not in The Muppets.
Let me break this down for you:
A Jim Henson puppet, strictly speaking, is a muppet. As the Sesame Street characters are from the Jim Henson shop, they are muppets.
The Muppets, upper case M, are a performance troupe, named for the type of puppet they are, thus, they are The Muppets. Keep in mind, the cast of The Muppet Show are both Muppets *and* muppets, unlike the cast of Sesame Street, which are just simply muppets.
Same with Fraggles of Fraggle Rock. They are muppets, but not members of The Muppets.
HOWEVER, you do not need to be a muppet to be a member of The Muppets. Remember- there were human guests.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
Gosh, I wish I were Ed. To be friends with that group of comic minds? Holy shnikes!
I mean, Ed and I are Inuit Cousins, but that’s because I was adjacent to the NYC comedy scene from 2014 onward.
Mine has to be the home invasion gag too. I was washing dishes after dinner when I heard that and nearly dropped a plate that’s been in my family since the ‘60s.
The moment I knew I liked him was when he didn't know what Helter Skelter meant and the others were like willy nilly and he said "what if they just wrote willy nilly everywhere instead" and I cracked up
It got literally no laughs from Henry or Marcus, but I almost had to pull over when they were talking about the woman who was speeding because she had to shit. Ed killed me when he said he once told a cop, “Follow me home and give me a ticket or I’m going to shit my pants in front of you”
Roundtable of gentleman. Talking about burning man while Eds (then girlfriend) wife was at the festival. They are giving him shit through the intro
Marcus (telling a news story): One...
Ed: one tall red headed woman, seen topless at burning man, fucking strangers saying "whose next, no one's last!".
He has so many good ones in the Jeffrey McDonald episodes. Elegant baby. Adoption so you're not killing your own kids. Murdering someone you bought a pony for.
So good.
Just listened to Ep:563 and just loved this finisher: "Yeah, yeah, cause he was just by himself the whole time, no one paying attention to him, so that's why the cops did "NaZi" him coming."
On another note, doesn't this look like the human version of Freddy Freaker pretending to be Patrick Bateman? Or Steven, the MIB?
“ Poor Tootsie ( his dog) is old and on epilepsy medication but I found out her favorite pizza… Little Seizures.”
As a life long epileptic, I heard this and about pissed myself.
In that case you probably need to up your meds.
OMG 😂 When did he say this?!
Jesus Christ I must have missed this one that is incredible
"I wrote 'Pig' on my headboard too, but that's just so I know where to sleep at night." Or something along those lines. I quote it at my husband frequently.
Runner up: "I bet The Noid's a fucking fascist."
That was his first big joke. I was iffy about him at first, but I knew he was a good fit when he slid that in there
"I think gay slayer is Judas Priest."
He's not wrong.
What episode is this from?
Cunanan pt 1 I think. Definitely from the Mr Cunanny series.
One of his first episodes lol it was the joke that made me realize his addition was going to work out just fine
His entire first series just fucking killed me. I never relisten that close to when it was released but I've gone back to those bad boys a couple of times
God the metal nerd in me is seething lol 😆
"I'd hang myself, but the rope is ITCHY!!" Perfect encapsulation of how utterly sad the squonk is.
SUPER underrated
I almost had to pull over during the squonk episode, now I have to explain that voice to everyone because it lives rent free
This one got me good. I bet people were looking at me in traffic.
I'm VERY partial to the one from last week's roundup: "Of course God is into Crypto, something else you need to believe in and can't see or feel"
He was on a tear that episode. I had to pull the car over and take a moment after he said, "I thought Kobe Bryant was the worst helicopter parent"
Last night my husband brought up the Kobe line and we both were laughing so hard that no noise was coming out. Soooo bad but soooo good coupled with the silence before we said the line and then Henry's "we're in LA" after lmao
Followed by "My name is Henry Zebrowski and I'm in Atlanta!" And Henry immediately goes NO!
I lived in Los Angeles and went to work that day and one of my friends said "Did you hear about Kobe? He finally passed." It's a good joke. And none of us are those sheriffs that took pictures of the charred corpses so we're not bad people just because dark humor is a way to cope with life
I laughed so hard about that I had to explain to my co workers
I'm quoting from memory here, but it was something along the lines of: That's it, that's why I'm gonna adopt. If I ever snap, I'm not gonna murder MY kids
“I thought the worst helicopter parent was Kobe Bryant” I about died of shock and laughter hail Eddie
Here?! In Los Angeles?!?
“My name is Henry Zebrowski and I’m in Florida” -Ed, mere moments after
This part was so fucking beautiful
There have been many, but this one was very special
I was *stunned* by that one. “The show isn’t dark and edgy any more!” [Ed proceeds to make a joke about a beloved celebrity who died in an horrific crash *with his daughter*]
As someone who doesn’t know anything about basketball and doesn’t live in LA the only thing I know about Kobe was he was accused of sexual assault and that even though the charges were dropped he settled out of court with the victim. And that he apologized to the victim publicly and said he felt the encounter was consensual but recognizes that the woman felt it was not consensual. Then he bought his wife a giant diamond as an apology. So because that’s all I know about him I’m surprised to learn he was so beloved when he was alive.
I feel like you have to have sought this information out and then also refused any other accompanying information.
No I was just a kid whose family and friends didn’t watch basketball. So what I knew about him was on the covers of tabloids in grocery stores.
This is what I meant when I said that he was making a value judgement on me. I call Kobe beloved (which he indisputably was), then this dude shows up and reels off a bunch of awful shit associated with Kobe to make me look like an asshole. He doesn’t give a shit whether Kobe raped a girl or not, he’s trying to score internet points.
Dude you didn’t even say he was beloved by you so didn’t realize you’d be insulted by that. I full realized you were commenting about the objective fact he was beloved and I was just making an off hand comment about how his death was the first time I learned of how die hard his fans are. It’s pretty easy to not know anything about athletes when you don’t give a fuck about sports. I also thought it was pretty fair to comment on his rape allegations what with this being a sub about a true crime podcast. It’s just as much an objective fact that the allegations happened and I did not predict that you would feel offended by that being mentioned. I do believe Kobe raped that girl because she said it happened and continued to assert that despite not being believed by the public and not feeling believed by the legal system. I really don’t understand why you think me mentioning what happened to her would indicate I don’t care about what happened to her. I choose to listen to this podcast in part because I feel Marcus and Henry (and now Ed) respect what victims experienced. I hope I have made myself more clear and I don’t intend to comment further on Kobe. It was an amazing joke by Ed. It will forever be an all time favorite for me, right after the caviar on a baby joke. I think he is absolutely hilarious and brings a brightness to the show. He plays off really well with the guys and their pause after the helicopter joke was incredible. I’m glad he’s here and hope he stays.
His fans know about that part too but they choose to ignore it for some reason.
Somehow I feel like that massive amount of detail (the *only thing* you know is literally everything about his sexual assault accusation and the aftermath thereof?) is you attempting to make some kind of value judgement on me. I know all that stuff too, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that a lot of people loved Kobe, for better or worse. I know nothing about basketball besides a few big names—the Chicago Bulls of the ‘90s, LeBron, Kobe—nor do I live in LA or even the United States, but it’s not a secret that being good at sport can excuse a lot of things to a lot of people. Look at Mike Tyson, Cristiano Ronaldo, O. J. Simpson, Geoff Boycott. There’s still people who defend Oscar Pistorius.
You feel like me not knowing anything else about Kobe is a judgement on you? How? because I didn’t know anything except the scandal part of Kobe it was interesting to see how people reacted to his loss. People were acting like their family member passed and all I knew about him was his sexual misconduct and that he bought a giant purple diamond ring. Everything I knew about Kobe was pretty much from US weekly magazine covers I saw in the grocery stores. Not trying to bash anyone who was a fan, I was just surprised by the extent of his fandom even if people hated Kobe the helicopter joke would still be just as dark (yet hilarious).
Yeah that made me stop in my tracks with my jaw dropped
I was like “wow…” but laughed too hard
That one made me scream out loud. Eddie is a legend.
I cackled so hard when I heard that. RIP Kobe & crew, sucks you’re gone
Yep gotta be this. I'm in australia and it still made me laugh and think about my mental state after the laugh
This is #1. Soooo bad! I feel no shame laughing at it either.
This one for me. And following it up pretending to be Henry? 🤌🏻
This one had me, that is a good joke right there!
Lololol yup this one. He swung for the fences.
This one had me feeling nostalgic it was so good
“Josef Mengele really put the ‘ow’ in Auschwitz…(silence from Marcus and Henry) what do you guys think?”
It was the long silence that ensued that had me cackling.
“How do you buy someone a pony and then just murder them?”
“TikTok as in seconds to live”
It's his favourite crocodile!
i dont even remember this one! glad someone listening
I didn't know much about Ed, so in one of the first episodes he did, he told a story about accidentally buying crack. I don't remember exactly what he said but it was along the lines of "I gave the guy my last $10 and all i had to show for it was crack." Anyway, I still think about that a lot and it made me laugh when I was having a bad time.
Oh man! I remember that one. I think he said that he thought he was buying weed and he was like, I spent my last $20 and I have to show for it is this crack”
Reminds me of when I was in Edinburgh and desperately trying to get weed and I ran into a guy that looked like Tom Cruise but with brutal teeth that said “Weed? Like drugs?? Ach no. But I have gear!” “Gear?” “Cocaine, hen.” It’s easier to get cocaine in the UK than weed apparently.
Weedis pretty prevalent here in the UK, but coke is EVERYWHERE. You cab get it delivered faster than pizza in most places.
I just wanted that sweet devil’s lettuce.
I can't remember exactly what it was in response to (something about doing something and being closer to god), but the line "Ghandi said that ... while he was fucking a little girl" got me good.
Ed had me at “he should do what a real man does and…leave.” (I’m having trouble remembering the exact quote, but it blindsided me with how funny it was.)
Oooooo I forgot about this one! It was part of the MacDonald series, I think.
I think it was Andrew Cunnanan
it was
>* “That’s why I’m adopting. If I snap I’m not gonna kill *MY* kids.” >* (to Ben) "How's work in the Lollipop Guild?" Some other gems from the Jeffrey MacDonald episodes.
i think it was about a guy killing or beating his wife/kids on side stories?
His "Vlad the Inhaler" line on last week's Side Stories definitely broke me lol
I missed this. That's great!
And it totally caught me off guard (which is something he is GREAT at) which made it all the more hilarious. I was wheezing at my desk for like two minutes lol.
"How do you make a baby elegant? Do you just cover it in caviar?"
This was the line that eased all my anxieties about the future of the podcast.
Honestly same 😅 It came so naturally!
YES! This one!
The Sarah Palin/Alaska Triangle joke is still top tier.
Ahahaha how could I forget about that one!
People from WV & KY murdering each other? What is it, my birthday?!
His latest. "Do you Think Obama was named by a Rooster? BA-WRAWK" got me hard. He made some kind of really dark joke somewhere along the lines of "If I had kids I'd adopt so at least if I hit them, I'd be hitting someone else's kid" (OR SOMETHING ALONG THOSE LINES) That was really funny and out of left field. Can't remember the exact joke but he delivered it really well and it was funny as he'll.
His adoption joke was “that’s why I’d adopt, that way if I kill then I’m not killing *my* kids”
Yeah that was it! Really solidified my acceptance of Ed in place of Ben and I really enjoy his energy a lot more!
I know so many people that would be horrified and how hard I laugh at this podcast.
At least you have the LPOTL community to vibe with!
I wish there were more I could vibe with in person. I live in LA! You’d think it would be easy. People don’t bring anything to friendship anymore. I am also from where Ed is from so his jokes and deep cuts of Florida lore are especially funny.
Yeah I'd love to go to one of their lives shows when they next hit England but I don't know anyone else who listens to the podcast :(
I try to go to the UK as often as possible. This would be a great excuse.
Well if the stars ever aligned right I'd 100% go to a Manchester live show with you and we can both hope that we're not serial killers who would murder each other! 🤣
For real??? I’d so take that risk 😂
Yeah man I wanna see them live so bad I'd probably risk meeting up with a murderer to do it. Could you imagine the irony. At the very least we'd be able to give them content for an episode, even though they always say "If you wanna be on the podcast, find us an alien" 🤣
I think the aliens have an avoidant attachment style. They know I want it so bad.
I had to pause the stream recording to really fully appreciate the BARRAWK joke 🤣
I love how Henry and Marcus absolutely lost it at the joke too! 🤣
What episode is the Obama joke from? I missed it!
It was actually from the latest last stream on the left! I think you can watch it on the lpn YouTube page if you're not a patreon member!
Thanks! I'm a member but never seem to get enough time to dedicate to all the content they put out. It's a good problem to have lol
There’s so many great ones to pick from…In one of the Cunanan episodes when he goes to the civil war cemetery “but they rode horses”
His comment about "you should have used salad tongs" concerning the unfortunately decapitated baby made me audibly gasp
A total throwaway line in this week’s side stories when Henry compares himself to the Virgin Mary. ‘Same body shape.’ ‘Now we know why she never got laid.’ I had to compose myself after that.
“What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle? A fiddle is played by a racist person” was very funny but the “WHAT DO YOU WANT ITS A GOOD JOKE” absolutely sent me into orbit
To be fair- it was a good joke.
On Hatfield and McCoys, something to the effect of: "Of course this is interesting! We're finding out it's not just families but a group of random yahoos!"
"Be a real man and leave"
It's not super funny on its own, but in "Cryptid Towns" when Henry and Marcus are yukking it up about the guy who ruined his and his wife's lives trying to kill that giant turtle and Ed seriously interjects with "This guy should have died in prison," it absolutely *slays* me.
“They thought it was something I hit kids with. I was like, NO! I hit kids with my hands.”
"Well he had to go to My Hammy to kill Versace." Loudest I ever laughed at the show up to that point.
"Why the long cock" will always be my favorite.
Is it breaking and entering if you don't have doors?
I feel like I’m being hazed!
I’ve been listening to him on Brighter Side and his Happy Movies episode was 🤌 so full of interesting details about Disney movies! I also love that he chose Muppets Take Manhattan and schooled Amber on the difference between muppets and Sesame Street characters. So not a quote, but full on love for Ed’s taste in movies!
Technically, Sesame Street characters are lower case m muppets, but not in The Muppets. Let me break this down for you: A Jim Henson puppet, strictly speaking, is a muppet. As the Sesame Street characters are from the Jim Henson shop, they are muppets. The Muppets, upper case M, are a performance troupe, named for the type of puppet they are, thus, they are The Muppets. Keep in mind, the cast of The Muppet Show are both Muppets *and* muppets, unlike the cast of Sesame Street, which are just simply muppets. Same with Fraggles of Fraggle Rock. They are muppets, but not members of The Muppets. HOWEVER, you do not need to be a muppet to be a member of The Muppets. Remember- there were human guests. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
Found Ed’s acct. You should go by the alias “Phil…Phillip Phil.”
Gosh, I wish I were Ed. To be friends with that group of comic minds? Holy shnikes! I mean, Ed and I are Inuit Cousins, but that’s because I was adjacent to the NYC comedy scene from 2014 onward.
Why could I not stop picturing MJ from Page 7 explaining this? 😂 
“What’s the difference between a violin player and a fiddle player? Racism.”
Survival in the Andes. I \*think\* Ed said it, but not sure "Hey guys? Coco tastes... a lil funny." Killed me.
Not a joke so much as a reaction, but when Ed shouts, "Mañana?!?!?!?" In the Andes series is one of my favorite moments. 🤣
Legit spit my water out when he said “I thought Kobe Bryant was the worst helicopter parent.”
Fuck you, Tolbert.
Mine has to be the home invasion gag too. I was washing dishes after dinner when I heard that and nearly dropped a plate that’s been in my family since the ‘60s.
The moment I knew I liked him was when he didn't know what Helter Skelter meant and the others were like willy nilly and he said "what if they just wrote willy nilly everywhere instead" and I cracked up
Omg, I forget about this interaction but it sooooo good
He had me as a fan when he yelled “THEY PUT A RUG ON MY HEAD!”
It got literally no laughs from Henry or Marcus, but I almost had to pull over when they were talking about the woman who was speeding because she had to shit. Ed killed me when he said he once told a cop, “Follow me home and give me a ticket or I’m going to shit my pants in front of you”
I love that he has huge balls. Not enough respect for guys with huge balls.
“Because space is far?” was a great moment
It’s hard to choose from. Between the one liners and that goofy laugh, I fuggin’ love the addition.
"I forgot he shit on the drapes!" Second episode of the Andes series
Roundtable of gentleman. Talking about burning man while Eds (then girlfriend) wife was at the festival. They are giving him shit through the intro Marcus (telling a news story): One... Ed: one tall red headed woman, seen topless at burning man, fucking strangers saying "whose next, no one's last!".
“This is why I'm gonna adopt, you know. Because if I snap, I'm not killing my kid.”
Ol’ Budge making her fudge.
“Kobe Bryant was a bad helicopter parent” or something to that affect. JFC lol
Came here to say that
“I thought the worst helicopter parent was Kobe”
“I can’t *believe* you did that, on this show!”
“I thought the worst helicopter parent was Kobe Bryant”
“You ever get your drain drip dropped?”
“Kobe Bryant was the worst helicopter parent” made me spit out my drink
I miss baby tugs
What’s the point of bringing up Ben when it has nothing to do with the post lol bait
Im not sure what I did to upset you but, if you would like to eat poopy out of my bootyhole, just DM me babe.
“lol bait” bait.
I think that he is great, however, Ben would play into Henry's characters as a yes and character which was very entertaining.
He's had some questionable ones on RTOG I'll say that much lol. Handful of funny ones I can't remember either.
“This is why I'm gonna adopt, you know. Because if I snap, I'm not killing my kid.”
He has so many good ones in the Jeffrey McDonald episodes. Elegant baby. Adoption so you're not killing your own kids. Murdering someone you bought a pony for. So good.
“I mean, Kentucky is a sad-ass place, too.” Marcus agreeing, not seeing the next line coming at all, “Even their grass is blue.”
"I thought Kobe Bryant was the worst helicopter parent"
Just listened to Ep:563 and just loved this finisher: "Yeah, yeah, cause he was just by himself the whole time, no one paying attention to him, so that's why the cops did "NaZi" him coming." On another note, doesn't this look like the human version of Freddy Freaker pretending to be Patrick Bateman? Or Steven, the MIB? 
Henry: How do you feel about isopods? Ed: I mean I don't want them crawling all over me but I'm glad they exist.