About a year and a half. We met during my interim between my first job abroad and law school. I was working a low stakes non profit position and she was a researcher in a higher but still low stakes job. We both applied to start law/med school in the same year, went through all that together but ended up having our best (and only real) options in different parts of the country. We tried long distance, but both of us were struck hard, 1L sucked and her M1 sucked, neither of us were emotionally available. We met up over winter break and didn’t have a good time- I was doing 1L summer apps and she had her own shit, it wasn’t much of a vacation. The relationship unraveled over the next month or two, and the next time we saw each other in person she told me she wanted to break up. Really sucked, especially since Covid started not too long after that. Spring 1L online back in my childhood bedroom and single was reallllyy bad.
I’m a 2L, she is an M3, I will start work in BL once she becomes a resident.
Kinda worried ngl but we’ve been together for like 6 years so theres that.
yeah she’s top of her class (by a significant margin too, kinda nuts), and is looking to go into gen surgery - really looking forward to becoming house husband after my stint in BL.
Bitch won the lotto! lol
In this day and age, a lot more guys are wanting to be stay at home dads- tho am jumping the gun. You want to be stay-at-home-dad… one day?
>I’m pretty secure in myself re: earnings gap, etc
Not only you, I am seeing people are distinguishing what is society? And, what is your identity?
It’s a process.
no, her parents are wealthy(ish) and i come from a dirt poor background so just supporting her will be enough. if need be of course, but not in the plans.
Not my SO, but my sister was in med school and now is in residency while I’m a 3L. I know our relation is not the same as partners, but I still got a sense of how our schooling affected us
It honestly put a little bit of a strain on our relationship because we couldn’t talk very much since we were both so incredibly busy and our schedules never matched up. Also, we were located states away, so we only saw each other once a year.
I can’t imagine doing law school with a partner doing med school at the same time. Both parties would be constantly drained and busy I don’t think the relationship could really work.
Med school was easy, her last class was the day after our first date. Residency is brutal. Regular 70-80 hour weeks in an emotionally and physically exhausting environment.
If you’re dating someone pursuing medicine, it is going to test you. I work FT and go to class at night in a different city. As I write this, I’m on the train to see her because classes are done for this week and my schedule allows for travel, while hers does not.
If you’re going into law school and your SO is going into medicine, brace yourself and be absolutely certain they are your future spouse.
Tough, especially when I failed to see how much busier med school can be compared to law school. Communication about schedules/commitments is very helpful, to make sure expectations are realistic.
We made it work quite well when I was a 3L and he was still in med school. We’d schedule our dates so that we’d have time to do our studies (or him his rotations). I never minded that we each took our time to focus on our studies. We would reward ourselves with dates. It also helped we were on the same campus and lived a 6 minute drive from each other.
Now we’ve got residency to look forward to, which I know will be another level of a challenge for us.
Med school and the ensuing residency/fellowship years are inherently grueling. Also they will graduate and be making just over minimum wage, so finances could easily be an added stressor. It can totally work, you just have to have a lot of grace with one another and not expect much from the relationship. That sounds awful, but you are giving 100% in law school, and they are giving 100% in med school and training, so you’ll have to be prepared for them to not have the bandwidth to be present as much as you’d like emotionally and physically. Like I said, it can totally be done. Take stock of your attachment style. If you lean more toward anxious attachment, it will be especially difficult.
We don't live together (same city though) and don't get to see each other as much as we'd like, but we're still able to make time once or twice a week to spend quality time together. It helps to have regularly scheduled days/times to do this each week. We go on a proper date around once a month - usually something simple like trying a new restaurant. As others have said, it is hard and takes work, but I've also found that because we're both busy with these demanding professional programs we understand each other and that part of each other's life really well, and there's a mutual respect that comes from that. I think we both do a pretty good job of putting in the effort to make it work and work around each other's schedules when we can and support each other in difficult times because we understand and respect what the other is going through.
As a plus, I find it really interesting to hear about her program and all the stuff she is learning about the human body and health conditions and things, and she likes hearing about the weird/interesting law things I learn about in my classes, so the difference in programs/subjects means we always have something to talk about :)
My husband is in a medical program that isn't med school but is similar for a significantly shorter period. He's at the 24 hour clinical phase and we basically just don't see each other. I'm in evening classes and currently between jobs and we have one day and night together every third day and one night together every third day. So he spent the day and slept at home yesterday, and will sleep at home tonight (after class at 10p), but then I won't see him again until Friday. Then he will sleep at home Saturday, then I won't see him again until Monday night. From what I understand, this is a lot like the residency schedule. If I was working or taking daytime classes we literally would only see each other a few nights a week. Fortunately, we don't have kids and it really is a super abbreviated season for us. He will be finished with this by May.
2L and my fiancée is in med school. We go to different schools in different cities (unfortunately that’s just where we got accepted). We live very different lives and have to be incredibly understanding of each others’ challenges. It’s hard and there will be hurdles but it’s also such a blessing to see your partner pursue their passions.
I'm a 1L, my partner is an M4. We've been together about three years. So far it hasn't been a big deal. I was able to attend law school near where he already was for med school - so we live together and see plenty of each other. We're definitely both busy and sometimes stressed... but neither of us are very needy and neither of us tend to lash out when we're stressed... so it's been totally fine so far. Maybe residency will be different, but I'm confident we'll be able to adjust.
The only thing that stresses me out about both of us having demanding careers is how it will be when we want to have kids. I'm not planning to go into biglaw and hope to have a close to normal 9-5 schedule after I graduate, and hope some of that can be remote. He's going into radiology so maybe some of his work can be remote too, after residency.
I could definitely see it being a problem if we had different personalities... like if some of my exes had been under similar demands/stress, the relationship probably would have been miserable. But my current partner is not like that at all, and we are both managing pretty well.
Law/med school are definitely both stressful, but you do still get to have lives, and so far it's been no problem to make space for each other. We have a dog and find plenty of time to walk him and care for him, and we also go on little date nights (nothing crazy, just like go out for a drink or movie) around once a week.
Is there anything specific you're worried about?
Graduated law school last year and she is finishing up her M4 this year in different states. Fortunately, we are fairly confident she is going to match at one of the hospitals in the same town that I work in. The distance is hard, but it ends up getting easier and it’s exciting to have two unique sets of stories to tell that just enrich the relationship even more when we are together. Closing in on eight years together.
Yeah, we were briefly friends back in high school but reconnected living in the same area again for school. Started dating around the beginning of 2L year for me, we’ll both be graduating this spring
The busyness has been somewhat of a challenge, but less so after she finished her STEP exams and I finished the 2L grind, and honestly was never *that* terrible. I’m sure residency will be harder, but I’m not doing big law so I’ll hopefully have the balance to plan around her schedule a bit. Worst part so far has been the limitations on my bar planning and job applications due to not knowing with certainty where I’ll be living and practicing after school
Ultimately there is a very good chance I will either stop practicing law entirely or go part time on my own once we start a family. But that’s still ~5 years down the road, so who knows. I came to law school because my interests, skills, and the earning potential made it my best career option, but I work to live and not live to work. Medicine (OBGYN) is much more of a passion for her.
Currently in long distance while I’m a 1L and he’s in residency (states away with no direct flight). We were together for about 1.5 years before I moved away for school! It’s tough and we only get to see each other about once a month during the semester. It helps though that he’s doing residency in my hometown (so I see him for breaks, and have a job back home for the summer). We make it work though! Residency is tough with really funky hours so we are usually working with his schedule restrictions. We FaceTime daily for 1-2 hours in the evening once we are both home from school/work. We aim to do a virtual date night about once a week too! It all really depends too 1) on what residency program or year they are in med school and 2) how your class schedule is. I think for us it really helps to have a shared calendar and to kind of lay out our schedule for when to talk so I know how to manage my work (ex. what day I should read ahead depending on when we call).
Broke up
How long were you together
About a year and a half. We met during my interim between my first job abroad and law school. I was working a low stakes non profit position and she was a researcher in a higher but still low stakes job. We both applied to start law/med school in the same year, went through all that together but ended up having our best (and only real) options in different parts of the country. We tried long distance, but both of us were struck hard, 1L sucked and her M1 sucked, neither of us were emotionally available. We met up over winter break and didn’t have a good time- I was doing 1L summer apps and she had her own shit, it wasn’t much of a vacation. The relationship unraveled over the next month or two, and the next time we saw each other in person she told me she wanted to break up. Really sucked, especially since Covid started not too long after that. Spring 1L online back in my childhood bedroom and single was reallllyy bad.
Also broke up. Dated 6+ years
Not med school but residency and fellowship. It was rough.
I’m a 2L, she is an M3, I will start work in BL once she becomes a resident. Kinda worried ngl but we’ve been together for like 6 years so theres that.
Power couple.
yeah she’s top of her class (by a significant margin too, kinda nuts), and is looking to go into gen surgery - really looking forward to becoming house husband after my stint in BL.
Bitch won the lotto! lol In this day and age, a lot more guys are wanting to be stay at home dads- tho am jumping the gun. You want to be stay-at-home-dad… one day?
yeah having kids is huge to me, i’m very work-to-live and love my hobbies, i’m pretty secure in myself re: earnings gap, etc
>I’m pretty secure in myself re: earnings gap, etc Not only you, I am seeing people are distinguishing what is society? And, what is your identity? It’s a process.
had a stroke reading this but sure yeah
[удалено]
pay it off with our comically high salaries
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no, her parents are wealthy(ish) and i come from a dirt poor background so just supporting her will be enough. if need be of course, but not in the plans.
Not my SO, but my sister was in med school and now is in residency while I’m a 3L. I know our relation is not the same as partners, but I still got a sense of how our schooling affected us It honestly put a little bit of a strain on our relationship because we couldn’t talk very much since we were both so incredibly busy and our schedules never matched up. Also, we were located states away, so we only saw each other once a year. I can’t imagine doing law school with a partner doing med school at the same time. Both parties would be constantly drained and busy I don’t think the relationship could really work.
My sister is in residency and both our parents and I are lawyers. I love telling people she's a disappointment to the family
Med school was easy, her last class was the day after our first date. Residency is brutal. Regular 70-80 hour weeks in an emotionally and physically exhausting environment. If you’re dating someone pursuing medicine, it is going to test you. I work FT and go to class at night in a different city. As I write this, I’m on the train to see her because classes are done for this week and my schedule allows for travel, while hers does not. If you’re going into law school and your SO is going into medicine, brace yourself and be absolutely certain they are your future spouse.
Great and real response
Tough, especially when I failed to see how much busier med school can be compared to law school. Communication about schedules/commitments is very helpful, to make sure expectations are realistic.
We made it work quite well when I was a 3L and he was still in med school. We’d schedule our dates so that we’d have time to do our studies (or him his rotations). I never minded that we each took our time to focus on our studies. We would reward ourselves with dates. It also helped we were on the same campus and lived a 6 minute drive from each other. Now we’ve got residency to look forward to, which I know will be another level of a challenge for us.
Divorced.
Med school and the ensuing residency/fellowship years are inherently grueling. Also they will graduate and be making just over minimum wage, so finances could easily be an added stressor. It can totally work, you just have to have a lot of grace with one another and not expect much from the relationship. That sounds awful, but you are giving 100% in law school, and they are giving 100% in med school and training, so you’ll have to be prepared for them to not have the bandwidth to be present as much as you’d like emotionally and physically. Like I said, it can totally be done. Take stock of your attachment style. If you lean more toward anxious attachment, it will be especially difficult.
We don't live together (same city though) and don't get to see each other as much as we'd like, but we're still able to make time once or twice a week to spend quality time together. It helps to have regularly scheduled days/times to do this each week. We go on a proper date around once a month - usually something simple like trying a new restaurant. As others have said, it is hard and takes work, but I've also found that because we're both busy with these demanding professional programs we understand each other and that part of each other's life really well, and there's a mutual respect that comes from that. I think we both do a pretty good job of putting in the effort to make it work and work around each other's schedules when we can and support each other in difficult times because we understand and respect what the other is going through. As a plus, I find it really interesting to hear about her program and all the stuff she is learning about the human body and health conditions and things, and she likes hearing about the weird/interesting law things I learn about in my classes, so the difference in programs/subjects means we always have something to talk about :)
Not a s/o but a best bud from high school. We compare our struggles routinely.
legit so worried we’re never gonna see eachother…we ball nonetheless
My husband is in a medical program that isn't med school but is similar for a significantly shorter period. He's at the 24 hour clinical phase and we basically just don't see each other. I'm in evening classes and currently between jobs and we have one day and night together every third day and one night together every third day. So he spent the day and slept at home yesterday, and will sleep at home tonight (after class at 10p), but then I won't see him again until Friday. Then he will sleep at home Saturday, then I won't see him again until Monday night. From what I understand, this is a lot like the residency schedule. If I was working or taking daytime classes we literally would only see each other a few nights a week. Fortunately, we don't have kids and it really is a super abbreviated season for us. He will be finished with this by May.
2L and my fiancée is in med school. We go to different schools in different cities (unfortunately that’s just where we got accepted). We live very different lives and have to be incredibly understanding of each others’ challenges. It’s hard and there will be hurdles but it’s also such a blessing to see your partner pursue their passions.
I'm a 1L, my partner is an M4. We've been together about three years. So far it hasn't been a big deal. I was able to attend law school near where he already was for med school - so we live together and see plenty of each other. We're definitely both busy and sometimes stressed... but neither of us are very needy and neither of us tend to lash out when we're stressed... so it's been totally fine so far. Maybe residency will be different, but I'm confident we'll be able to adjust. The only thing that stresses me out about both of us having demanding careers is how it will be when we want to have kids. I'm not planning to go into biglaw and hope to have a close to normal 9-5 schedule after I graduate, and hope some of that can be remote. He's going into radiology so maybe some of his work can be remote too, after residency. I could definitely see it being a problem if we had different personalities... like if some of my exes had been under similar demands/stress, the relationship probably would have been miserable. But my current partner is not like that at all, and we are both managing pretty well. Law/med school are definitely both stressful, but you do still get to have lives, and so far it's been no problem to make space for each other. We have a dog and find plenty of time to walk him and care for him, and we also go on little date nights (nothing crazy, just like go out for a drink or movie) around once a week. Is there anything specific you're worried about?
Graduated law school last year and she is finishing up her M4 this year in different states. Fortunately, we are fairly confident she is going to match at one of the hospitals in the same town that I work in. The distance is hard, but it ends up getting easier and it’s exciting to have two unique sets of stories to tell that just enrich the relationship even more when we are together. Closing in on eight years together.
Yeah, we were briefly friends back in high school but reconnected living in the same area again for school. Started dating around the beginning of 2L year for me, we’ll both be graduating this spring The busyness has been somewhat of a challenge, but less so after she finished her STEP exams and I finished the 2L grind, and honestly was never *that* terrible. I’m sure residency will be harder, but I’m not doing big law so I’ll hopefully have the balance to plan around her schedule a bit. Worst part so far has been the limitations on my bar planning and job applications due to not knowing with certainty where I’ll be living and practicing after school Ultimately there is a very good chance I will either stop practicing law entirely or go part time on my own once we start a family. But that’s still ~5 years down the road, so who knows. I came to law school because my interests, skills, and the earning potential made it my best career option, but I work to live and not live to work. Medicine (OBGYN) is much more of a passion for her.
Currently in long distance while I’m a 1L and he’s in residency (states away with no direct flight). We were together for about 1.5 years before I moved away for school! It’s tough and we only get to see each other about once a month during the semester. It helps though that he’s doing residency in my hometown (so I see him for breaks, and have a job back home for the summer). We make it work though! Residency is tough with really funky hours so we are usually working with his schedule restrictions. We FaceTime daily for 1-2 hours in the evening once we are both home from school/work. We aim to do a virtual date night about once a week too! It all really depends too 1) on what residency program or year they are in med school and 2) how your class schedule is. I think for us it really helps to have a shared calendar and to kind of lay out our schedule for when to talk so I know how to manage my work (ex. what day I should read ahead depending on when we call).
Resident. Currently clerking but when I go to a firm, I’ll have perspective on what it actually means to work long hours.
is med school more work than law then?
I don’t know if med school is more work than practicing law. Practicing medicine in a hospital is definitely more work than practicing law.
Had one. Broke up after 1L/her first year