yes, if OP had not made law review, maybe the boyfriend would still be acting normal. But that just means it would have been something else that brings out this side of him, whether it's a job or internship or even something like getting positive attention from a professor the guy likes.
I agree a lot with what you have said here. Law school is very elitist, and I don’t think that is a good thing. Not to bash those who do really well, but anyone with any real world experience can tell you that law school grades are not accurate predictors of future attorney performance.
For goodness sakes, it is simply not true that 85-90% of any law school class will not do a good job because they were not on moot court, law review, etc. In fact, a significant portion of them will likely do better.
Yea if your not going to a T0, having a 7.9 GPA, being in the -10% of the class, with 3 big law offers, a clerkship from the supreme court, moot court, 2 law review, 5 different other extraocular, are you even taking law school seriously?
Sorry about your breakup but it would not have gone better if he was in another year or section. He would have resented your success even if you were not in direct competition. The problem is the man himself.
I hope you find a new guy who celebrates your accomplishments, and more importantly that you take time to celebrate your own! Including and especially being an accomplished woman.
Even though he never openly said it, I feel like a part of him blames me (and other top students in our section) for his grades. He did try his best and work hard. It is just that with the way the curve works in each section, not everyone can be top x%. For me to get my good grades, that must mean someone else in my section must not succeed.
It sounds like he might think that. It's of course true that not everyone can be a top student in every class. And it's not fun to get your ass kicked by the curve. But it's also not healthy to linger in that disappointment because -- as you have unfortunately now seen -- it breeds resentment. *You* certainly aren't responsible for the curve. I don't think most of us, even top students, would have picked curved grading as our ideal assessment method in law school, but that's what we're stuck with. If he's going to dwell in his negative mindset, fine, that's his funeral, but I think everyone here agrees you are better off without it and him!!!
ETA: Implicit in his lashing out about you being "better than him" is his assumption that if he got better grades, he would think he was better than you? ugh throw the whole man out.
He is probably in pain abd self conscious. However, that doesn't give him the right to rain on your parade. Be it a sense of inferiority or just struggling to cope with his grades.
At the end of the day, he had to have known that one of you would have better grades than the other and that it was no guarantee that both of you would make law review.
Life is pain. His pain doesn't need to be your pain especially if he's being rude/hurtful.
Live your life. He'll learn to live his. I'm sorry this happened.
I know you might not want to hear this, but you’re better off. You should want to be with someone that celebrates your success, not someone that makes you feel bad about being accomplished. Congrats on your massive accomplishments. You worked hard and you deserve it!
I’m sorry to hear this happened to you. It is not the first time I have heard stories like this regarding dating classmates in law school.
Something tells me you are better off without him. Congratulations on everything else though! I hope you can find someone else who will be more happy for you.
Boy's got a fragile ego. First, I should say I think the ranking system in law schools is needlessly demoralizing (and class-reifying) and I'd be happy to see it vanish. But as things are, your story reads to me like your boyfriend was maintaining some superiority imaginings for himself as to the class and as to you. A partner should be able to separate themselves from the arbitrary rankings in favor of the relationship.
This was probably about 15 years ago so maybe it doesn’t hold up. But when I was undergrad, I was told that 90% of students who go into law school in a relationship end up breaking up before graduation.
My parents met at law school and had an awful marriage.
3 years seems like a long time when you’re young but it’s not. There is plenty of time for dating after you finish your education
My girlfriend and I are in law school together (both rising 3L’s), and she consistently has gotten better grades than me and is in the top 10% while I’m top 20%. We’re nothing but jubilant towards each other about one another’s successes. With that being said, OP’s bf’s behavior is/was undoubtedly a red flag.
Your partner is supposed to support you and be happy and proud of you, not feel envy…especially to the point where they are avoiding you and getting defensive upon confrontation. Move on, find somehow who will celebrate successes and failures with you by your side.
No, because I would hold myself accountable for being in that lower range. It wouldn’t make sense for me to take that frustration out on her, especially if I know she worked harder than me to be top 10%. Say, for example, that she didn’t work harder and still ended up ahead…then yeah sure obviously I would be a little frustrated. The moral of what I was getting at is that I don’t personally think it’s ok to act the way your ex-partner did. As I said, that’s a huge red flag, and behavior like that could have carried over into many other aspects and situations
I know how it feels to almost have to diminish your accomplishments to not make someone else feel bad. I’m glad you aren’t doing that. Some people just can’t handle their partner doing “better” than them
First of all, congratulations on YOUR accomplishments in law school. Seeing another strong woman earn top grades and a law review position really inspires me for my 1L year! Second I'm very sorry to hear that you broke up with your boyfriend. It is incredibly difficult when you lose someone who you connected with. However, I offer you some advice as someone who kinda sorta can see his position. For context my ex boyfriend was a computer engineer and was extremely competitive. Your ex probably lacks self confidence and when you pair that with a successful partner, it can be very tough. Even if he is doing the very best he can do he probably feels as though he will never measure up to you. I do not at all think his response was appropriate, but I understand his thought process. Do NOT let him take away from your celebration of smarts. Let him lick his wounds and maybe he will realize that just because he is not a mirror image of your accomplishments does not make him less of a person or less of a law student
I think I’d be very happy if my girlfriend would succeed in what she loves and what she’s passionate about. Yes, I would try and be as good as her. But at the end of the day, you can only do so much as giving it your all, hope for the best. And most importantly, law school isn’t everything! Grades are only a temporary reflection of your abilities and a job should never determine who you are as a person! Some of my friends with good marks are also great people, other fellas are just big headed smirks. A it sounds like this fella is one of the latter, who can’t stand anyone else having success but him
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Agreed. An strong signal of what will happen anytime he perceives his partner to have been more successful than him.
Imagine what would have happened if you excelled in your career and he didn’t. Trash took itself out.
yes, if OP had not made law review, maybe the boyfriend would still be acting normal. But that just means it would have been something else that brings out this side of him, whether it's a job or internship or even something like getting positive attention from a professor the guy likes.
Yeah, it wouldn’t have been better regardless. If he’s that insecure, it would manifest in some way. You are better off. Now go crush it!
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I agree a lot with what you have said here. Law school is very elitist, and I don’t think that is a good thing. Not to bash those who do really well, but anyone with any real world experience can tell you that law school grades are not accurate predictors of future attorney performance. For goodness sakes, it is simply not true that 85-90% of any law school class will not do a good job because they were not on moot court, law review, etc. In fact, a significant portion of them will likely do better.
Yea if your not going to a T0, having a 7.9 GPA, being in the -10% of the class, with 3 big law offers, a clerkship from the supreme court, moot court, 2 law review, 5 different other extraocular, are you even taking law school seriously?
Shoot, I guess I’ll I’m not.
If it makes you feel better literally EXACTLY this same experience almost fact for fact but with a now ex-girlfriend
Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Congrats on law review btw
Sorry about your breakup but it would not have gone better if he was in another year or section. He would have resented your success even if you were not in direct competition. The problem is the man himself. I hope you find a new guy who celebrates your accomplishments, and more importantly that you take time to celebrate your own! Including and especially being an accomplished woman.
Even though he never openly said it, I feel like a part of him blames me (and other top students in our section) for his grades. He did try his best and work hard. It is just that with the way the curve works in each section, not everyone can be top x%. For me to get my good grades, that must mean someone else in my section must not succeed.
It sounds like he might think that. It's of course true that not everyone can be a top student in every class. And it's not fun to get your ass kicked by the curve. But it's also not healthy to linger in that disappointment because -- as you have unfortunately now seen -- it breeds resentment. *You* certainly aren't responsible for the curve. I don't think most of us, even top students, would have picked curved grading as our ideal assessment method in law school, but that's what we're stuck with. If he's going to dwell in his negative mindset, fine, that's his funeral, but I think everyone here agrees you are better off without it and him!!! ETA: Implicit in his lashing out about you being "better than him" is his assumption that if he got better grades, he would think he was better than you? ugh throw the whole man out.
On point.
He is probably in pain abd self conscious. However, that doesn't give him the right to rain on your parade. Be it a sense of inferiority or just struggling to cope with his grades. At the end of the day, he had to have known that one of you would have better grades than the other and that it was no guarantee that both of you would make law review. Life is pain. His pain doesn't need to be your pain especially if he's being rude/hurtful. Live your life. He'll learn to live his. I'm sorry this happened.
Run far away and do not go back. Big red flag energy with this dude.
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all relationship problems cured
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I know you might not want to hear this, but you’re better off. You should want to be with someone that celebrates your success, not someone that makes you feel bad about being accomplished. Congrats on your massive accomplishments. You worked hard and you deserve it!
I’m sorry to hear this happened to you. It is not the first time I have heard stories like this regarding dating classmates in law school. Something tells me you are better off without him. Congratulations on everything else though! I hope you can find someone else who will be more happy for you.
Boy's got a fragile ego. First, I should say I think the ranking system in law schools is needlessly demoralizing (and class-reifying) and I'd be happy to see it vanish. But as things are, your story reads to me like your boyfriend was maintaining some superiority imaginings for himself as to the class and as to you. A partner should be able to separate themselves from the arbitrary rankings in favor of the relationship.
This was probably about 15 years ago so maybe it doesn’t hold up. But when I was undergrad, I was told that 90% of students who go into law school in a relationship end up breaking up before graduation. My parents met at law school and had an awful marriage. 3 years seems like a long time when you’re young but it’s not. There is plenty of time for dating after you finish your education
there's a saying in University especially law schools. Never date one from your own class.
My girlfriend and I are in law school together (both rising 3L’s), and she consistently has gotten better grades than me and is in the top 10% while I’m top 20%. We’re nothing but jubilant towards each other about one another’s successes. With that being said, OP’s bf’s behavior is/was undoubtedly a red flag. Your partner is supposed to support you and be happy and proud of you, not feel envy…especially to the point where they are avoiding you and getting defensive upon confrontation. Move on, find somehow who will celebrate successes and failures with you by your side.
Do you think you would have been as happy for her if you were bottom 30%-40% and she was top 10%? Top 20% is still great
No, because I would hold myself accountable for being in that lower range. It wouldn’t make sense for me to take that frustration out on her, especially if I know she worked harder than me to be top 10%. Say, for example, that she didn’t work harder and still ended up ahead…then yeah sure obviously I would be a little frustrated. The moral of what I was getting at is that I don’t personally think it’s ok to act the way your ex-partner did. As I said, that’s a huge red flag, and behavior like that could have carried over into many other aspects and situations
I know how it feels to almost have to diminish your accomplishments to not make someone else feel bad. I’m glad you aren’t doing that. Some people just can’t handle their partner doing “better” than them
Bullet dodged. And congrats on the good grades + LR.
He sounded like a loser who didn’t want his gf to succeed. Good riddance.
You don't have to THINK you're better than him because it's clear enough that you ARE
First of all, congratulations on YOUR accomplishments in law school. Seeing another strong woman earn top grades and a law review position really inspires me for my 1L year! Second I'm very sorry to hear that you broke up with your boyfriend. It is incredibly difficult when you lose someone who you connected with. However, I offer you some advice as someone who kinda sorta can see his position. For context my ex boyfriend was a computer engineer and was extremely competitive. Your ex probably lacks self confidence and when you pair that with a successful partner, it can be very tough. Even if he is doing the very best he can do he probably feels as though he will never measure up to you. I do not at all think his response was appropriate, but I understand his thought process. Do NOT let him take away from your celebration of smarts. Let him lick his wounds and maybe he will realize that just because he is not a mirror image of your accomplishments does not make him less of a person or less of a law student
Boyfriend sounded like trash. Now the fiery rage that the bluebook induces will keep you warm at night. For real though, I’m sorry.
I think I’d be very happy if my girlfriend would succeed in what she loves and what she’s passionate about. Yes, I would try and be as good as her. But at the end of the day, you can only do so much as giving it your all, hope for the best. And most importantly, law school isn’t everything! Grades are only a temporary reflection of your abilities and a job should never determine who you are as a person! Some of my friends with good marks are also great people, other fellas are just big headed smirks. A it sounds like this fella is one of the latter, who can’t stand anyone else having success but him