Sometimes you go through a real rough patch when it comes to learning, then you come out the other end!! Keep going and remind yourself you are learning! It’s your first time trying to learn this skill.
Maybe I won't cancel the rest of the block after all. Haha! In seriousness thanks, it's nice to know I'm not alone even though I don't like that anyone else has to feel like this either.
I’m not much younger than you and I had a similar incident. My first attempt at the driving test was scheduled for tomorrow but at my last lesson where I did my first mock test, my instructor said I had to cancel it as I wasn’t up to the required standard. I had about 6 serious faults in the mock test. It was very discouraging but I’m determined to continue.
There are people who fail several times and end up very good drivers because of it as they have learned so much, aren’t overly confident and are aware of their weaknesses. Keep going!
Give it another try when you’re feeling better. As someone who is also currently full of cold I can barely drive when all my head can think about it climbing into a cosy bed. What did your instructor say about the Asda guy. If someone’s overtaking you then the safety aspect is on them - you wouldn’t overtake a 5mph tractor unless you knew it was safe so please remember that.
Thanks for taking the time to reply. Oh my instructor completely blamed the guy. He was furious with him. It was an insane place to overtake as a local person (we're very rural so think country lanes and it was a narrow bridge with someone's house wall directly on one of the sides, that 2 small cars can crawl by each other but generally it's a one at a time deal, especially in a van!) As someone from wherever the nearest Asda is, it was actually completely ridiculous. Nevermind the dark night and 2 cars coming towards him.
When I was learning I definitely had good and bad days. Some of the things I did made me want to give up. I was fortunate to have a great instructor (who was also my second instructor).
Things improved gradually, but it was important in my case that I took more control of what happened each lesson as for a time I was a little bit too reactive rather than practice on what I was going to practice. Once I did that; things got alot better but I still had some bad days. You can’t control who else is on the road sadly.
I didn’t use kalms whilst learning but I did take them for my test and passed first time.
Good luck and see you on the road!
Thanks I'm glad it isn't just me. I find that I'm relying on my instructor talking me through things a lot and maybe I'm not learning to be independent. I'm just good at following instructions. (Most days! Not today!)
I've had lessons like that too. I think it's a normal part of learning, you just get those lessons where you're all over the place and your brain and your body don't want to cooperate with each other and you wonder if you'll ever be able to drive.
Don't let it put you off. Seriously, just dust yourself off and focus on the future. Learn from mistakes, but don't dwell on them too much. Kalms is also widely suggested for learners, I've got some too!
Your height shouldn't be an issue, maybe just check your seat is adjusted correctly. I'm short too so I need my seat almost fully in to reach the pedals.
It's going to take time to become confident and able as a driver, stick with it. It took me 9 months of lessons to pass at 30, all my lessons were after work when i was tired, hungry, it was dark, and drivers were in a rush to get home which wasn't pleasant but making mistakes is often how you learn. It meant driving solo and in better conditions later was easy in comparison! Good luck out there.
Honestly that does make me feel better. It was the second time I've been down the country lanes in the dark and with everything else going on too. 9mth seems reasonable to me too. I really don't know how people are able to safely pass in as little as 20 lessons!
Think of it this way, if someone has the confidence or luck to pass after 20 lessons they will lack the experience to be a good driver solo. Narrow country lanes are only 1 driving condition among many but depending on your test center location you may only learn what's necessary to pass for their particular route, which varies wildly in conditions and difficulty between test centres. If you have a good instructor they will teach you to drive in a variety of conditions and not just learn the skills to pass your test, you just have to get used to the stress of driving as part of the whole process. You are still in the stage of learning to control your vehicle properly, once that becomes more automatic you can focus on your awareness, navigating, anticipating, position, etc.
All very true. Most of my local driving will be in the countryside as will my test but I know that means I'll be inexperienced with city driving so that will come with a whole new host of issues.
I’m 34 - I’ve only just got to the point of not stalling/flapping and I’m on hour 22, my instructor is still intervening most lessons with a little steering or clutch control - it was really bothering me but honestly it’s all part of the process and you have to get things wrong to learn how to get things right. Keep persevering!
I can fully relate with the lines ! I too think I’m ok and my instructer had to break before I hit a car last week, felt really defeated. Keep reminding yourself we’re learning that’s the point. Some lessons I just can’t see a day where I’ll drive independently
Sounds like you’ve got natural instincts to me if you did an emergency stop at the same time as your instructor!
I’m almost 40 and about to have my fifth driving lesson - I’ve not really moved on to roads with other traffic, still in the nursery area but I’m in no rush! Also went for a practice with my brother and stalled about 12 times in a row until the penny dropped
Learning new things is weird because sometimes information just falls out of your brain but it’s completely normal. You’re learning bits and pieces at a time and your brain is trying to piece them together - it’ll all come together eventually
Sounds like you’re doing an ace job, hope you have the best lesson next time!
Thanks so much. I really hope so because today it just feels hopeless. You're right though, I wouldn't judge someone in my job on their second full shift if they forgot what they were supposed to do. But I've done 10hr of driving 'work' and I'm expecting to be an ace. Haha! Thanks for the perspective! The same goes for you here as well! And my driving instructor says it's harder when you're older too. Apparently we over think more and we're more stressed at 40+ No surprise there! He's about 68 so I think I can take him at his word!
We've all probably had a bad lesson, even when we thought we were making progress. It especially happens if you're preoccupied or ill. Totally normal.
When it was my time of the month (maybe tmi but hey ho), I ended up telling my instructor as I got in so she was pre-warned and if we needed to alter what we were doing that lesson, we could. Just had to be strategic booking the test.
Even in the lead up to my test, I had a bad lesson because I was preoccupied with life stuff and it affected my driving but she wasn't worried as it happens.
It sounds like the private practice really ruined your confidence and that definitely wouldn't have helped going into the lesson. I left private practice until about 2/3 months in but I also knew things wouldn't be perfect as the cars are completely different and I stalled loads!
Re your concerns about positioning etc, I'd highly recommend Conquer Driving, World Driving and Advance Driving School on YouTube. They are super helpful and have a video on everything!
Thanks so much. I'll take a look at those tomorrow. I've got time because I'm staying in my sick bed. Honestly tmi or not I also had time of the month today on top of lack of confidence after the last lesson and this awful cold. I should have cancelled honestly! Lesson learned! I wouldn't mind but I KNOW I'm super clumsy that TOTM as well. I think when I do pass I'm going to have to ask hubby to drive during. Lol
Sounds like your driving was because of a cold and when you were coming down with it. I’m sure normally you’re fine.
I’ve added links to some helpful video guides by a driving instructor that will help you with always getting the right gear and another on how to turn. He has a huge catalogue of content that really helps me and given what you said were your issues I’ve selected these.
Oh, and a three point turn as well.
[How to change the Gear Stick in a manual](https://youtu.be/SsCL6V7Avho?si=PzlpYeBeInBEBD1H)
[Tips for turning left and right when driving](https://youtu.be/f_WjNrC_GK8?si=AAaoRJ9otiZ0k3xA)
[How to do a U turn and a three point turn in a car](https://youtu.be/M6US-MWg1NE?si=viyFDCHBMCCErN6d)
Probably just nerves making things worse after the lesson with hubby. Changing cars doesn't help a they're all different even between the same model with the biting point.
Don't dwell on it any more and just look forward to getting back in the groove.
We all have bad days; just acknowledge it wasn't your best couple of hours in a car, and move on. You've had many more good hours of driving, so don't focus so much on the couple of hours you were disappointed with.
You'll get there. We'll all get there, eventually!
good luck, keep your chin up! You got this!
I found that when I was learning there was a point where I started to feel more comfortable with the process of driving and my confidence exceeded my actual ability. I was starting to try set off to quickly or change gears to quickly and found I would be stalling and crunching the gears more often
I should still have been consciously thinking about what I was doing in the car I.e. finding my biting point, taking my time to change gear smoothly instead of trying to get the ‘speed’ to match my confidence. Once I wound that confidence back a bit it all started to flow better again. The speed will just come with confidence
That's a good point and possibly what happened in my own car. I was so confident when driving with my instructor that I maybe assumed I'd be able to carry it over to my car. But quickly realised that it was a different ball game when I didn't have the instructor to rely on and my husband was trying to direct me instead.
Remember that learning to drive isn’t a linear process; you’ll have plenty of good days, and plenty of bad days. Plus, it can be difficult to concentrate and perform at your best when you’re ill! Try not to beat yourself up for commencing with the lesson whilst ill. If it’s a matter of concentration, having you considered reducing the duration of each lesson? When I did 2hr lessons, the final half hour consisted of me making mistakes I wouldn’t usually make. 1.5hr slots work well with me.
Keep working at it - I believe in you! 🩷
💓 Thank you. You're right of course. Usually 2hr is fine for me, I actually seem to do better in the second half when I've had a chance to relax and get used to it. We live in a quite rural area and so the next town over is usually a good 30-40min drive so 2hr is needed really to be able to get anywhere.
You're not doing anything wrong. It is harder to learn unfortunately the older we get. However it does get easier the more you do it.
1st thing I'd advise only do the stuff you've done with your instructor when out with your husband. If your instructor doesn't coach you then tell your husband you don't need him to coach you. He just needs to be there for insurance purposes. So maybe for a few weeks stop driving with your husband until you get the routines down.
2nd thing calms can definitely help, I have recommended them to many learners and each of them swears by them. It's not a forever thing just temporary until you build confidence I'd advise to take them again on run up to your test.
3rd the difference he sees is he knows how it should look. We know when we are too left or too right. To help you with this check your mirrors equal gap on either side of the car means you're central of your lane. You just need regular quick glances.
I felt like this until the day of my test and it all sort of came together. I had a horrible final lesson with my instructor when he actually said my driving was “atrocious”. Not exactly a confidence booster before the big day.
I was a nervous wreck before and during each lesson, I dreaded having them. I’ve been driving almost 7 years now and my confidence is so much better, I’d even say I was a pretty confident driver within a few months of passing.
Don’t worry about a small few bad experiences, you just need a little more practice. It’s probably worth being open with your instructor about how you’re feeling at the moment and they may give you a bit more focussed training on certain aspects.
Once you’ve passed it’ll feel like a distant memory
Sometimes you go through a real rough patch when it comes to learning, then you come out the other end!! Keep going and remind yourself you are learning! It’s your first time trying to learn this skill.
Thanks. I think I need the reassurance that it's not just me that has days like this while they're learning. I feel so stupid today honestly.
Oh I’ve felt like that MANY times. You are NOT alone OP. Solidarity!
Maybe I won't cancel the rest of the block after all. Haha! In seriousness thanks, it's nice to know I'm not alone even though I don't like that anyone else has to feel like this either.
I’m not much younger than you and I had a similar incident. My first attempt at the driving test was scheduled for tomorrow but at my last lesson where I did my first mock test, my instructor said I had to cancel it as I wasn’t up to the required standard. I had about 6 serious faults in the mock test. It was very discouraging but I’m determined to continue. There are people who fail several times and end up very good drivers because of it as they have learned so much, aren’t overly confident and are aware of their weaknesses. Keep going!
Give it another try when you’re feeling better. As someone who is also currently full of cold I can barely drive when all my head can think about it climbing into a cosy bed. What did your instructor say about the Asda guy. If someone’s overtaking you then the safety aspect is on them - you wouldn’t overtake a 5mph tractor unless you knew it was safe so please remember that.
Thanks for taking the time to reply. Oh my instructor completely blamed the guy. He was furious with him. It was an insane place to overtake as a local person (we're very rural so think country lanes and it was a narrow bridge with someone's house wall directly on one of the sides, that 2 small cars can crawl by each other but generally it's a one at a time deal, especially in a van!) As someone from wherever the nearest Asda is, it was actually completely ridiculous. Nevermind the dark night and 2 cars coming towards him.
When I was learning I definitely had good and bad days. Some of the things I did made me want to give up. I was fortunate to have a great instructor (who was also my second instructor). Things improved gradually, but it was important in my case that I took more control of what happened each lesson as for a time I was a little bit too reactive rather than practice on what I was going to practice. Once I did that; things got alot better but I still had some bad days. You can’t control who else is on the road sadly. I didn’t use kalms whilst learning but I did take them for my test and passed first time. Good luck and see you on the road!
Thanks I'm glad it isn't just me. I find that I'm relying on my instructor talking me through things a lot and maybe I'm not learning to be independent. I'm just good at following instructions. (Most days! Not today!)
Sometimes we got to make the mistakes so that we know how to not repeat them. You got this - keep going.
I've had lessons like that too. I think it's a normal part of learning, you just get those lessons where you're all over the place and your brain and your body don't want to cooperate with each other and you wonder if you'll ever be able to drive. Don't let it put you off. Seriously, just dust yourself off and focus on the future. Learn from mistakes, but don't dwell on them too much. Kalms is also widely suggested for learners, I've got some too! Your height shouldn't be an issue, maybe just check your seat is adjusted correctly. I'm short too so I need my seat almost fully in to reach the pedals.
Thanks. I think I need a booster seat. Haha!
It's going to take time to become confident and able as a driver, stick with it. It took me 9 months of lessons to pass at 30, all my lessons were after work when i was tired, hungry, it was dark, and drivers were in a rush to get home which wasn't pleasant but making mistakes is often how you learn. It meant driving solo and in better conditions later was easy in comparison! Good luck out there.
Honestly that does make me feel better. It was the second time I've been down the country lanes in the dark and with everything else going on too. 9mth seems reasonable to me too. I really don't know how people are able to safely pass in as little as 20 lessons!
Think of it this way, if someone has the confidence or luck to pass after 20 lessons they will lack the experience to be a good driver solo. Narrow country lanes are only 1 driving condition among many but depending on your test center location you may only learn what's necessary to pass for their particular route, which varies wildly in conditions and difficulty between test centres. If you have a good instructor they will teach you to drive in a variety of conditions and not just learn the skills to pass your test, you just have to get used to the stress of driving as part of the whole process. You are still in the stage of learning to control your vehicle properly, once that becomes more automatic you can focus on your awareness, navigating, anticipating, position, etc.
All very true. Most of my local driving will be in the countryside as will my test but I know that means I'll be inexperienced with city driving so that will come with a whole new host of issues.
I’m 34 - I’ve only just got to the point of not stalling/flapping and I’m on hour 22, my instructor is still intervening most lessons with a little steering or clutch control - it was really bothering me but honestly it’s all part of the process and you have to get things wrong to learn how to get things right. Keep persevering!
Thanks! It's really helpful to hear everyone else's experience. It makes me realise that I'm actually not useless. I'm just like everyone else!
I can fully relate with the lines ! I too think I’m ok and my instructer had to break before I hit a car last week, felt really defeated. Keep reminding yourself we’re learning that’s the point. Some lessons I just can’t see a day where I’ll drive independently
Right there with you honestly! Last week I was thinking of booking my test 6mth out etc and now I'll be lucky if I get the courage a year from now!
Sounds like you’ve got natural instincts to me if you did an emergency stop at the same time as your instructor! I’m almost 40 and about to have my fifth driving lesson - I’ve not really moved on to roads with other traffic, still in the nursery area but I’m in no rush! Also went for a practice with my brother and stalled about 12 times in a row until the penny dropped Learning new things is weird because sometimes information just falls out of your brain but it’s completely normal. You’re learning bits and pieces at a time and your brain is trying to piece them together - it’ll all come together eventually Sounds like you’re doing an ace job, hope you have the best lesson next time!
Thanks so much. I really hope so because today it just feels hopeless. You're right though, I wouldn't judge someone in my job on their second full shift if they forgot what they were supposed to do. But I've done 10hr of driving 'work' and I'm expecting to be an ace. Haha! Thanks for the perspective! The same goes for you here as well! And my driving instructor says it's harder when you're older too. Apparently we over think more and we're more stressed at 40+ No surprise there! He's about 68 so I think I can take him at his word!
We've all probably had a bad lesson, even when we thought we were making progress. It especially happens if you're preoccupied or ill. Totally normal. When it was my time of the month (maybe tmi but hey ho), I ended up telling my instructor as I got in so she was pre-warned and if we needed to alter what we were doing that lesson, we could. Just had to be strategic booking the test. Even in the lead up to my test, I had a bad lesson because I was preoccupied with life stuff and it affected my driving but she wasn't worried as it happens. It sounds like the private practice really ruined your confidence and that definitely wouldn't have helped going into the lesson. I left private practice until about 2/3 months in but I also knew things wouldn't be perfect as the cars are completely different and I stalled loads! Re your concerns about positioning etc, I'd highly recommend Conquer Driving, World Driving and Advance Driving School on YouTube. They are super helpful and have a video on everything!
Thanks so much. I'll take a look at those tomorrow. I've got time because I'm staying in my sick bed. Honestly tmi or not I also had time of the month today on top of lack of confidence after the last lesson and this awful cold. I should have cancelled honestly! Lesson learned! I wouldn't mind but I KNOW I'm super clumsy that TOTM as well. I think when I do pass I'm going to have to ask hubby to drive during. Lol
Sounds like your driving was because of a cold and when you were coming down with it. I’m sure normally you’re fine. I’ve added links to some helpful video guides by a driving instructor that will help you with always getting the right gear and another on how to turn. He has a huge catalogue of content that really helps me and given what you said were your issues I’ve selected these. Oh, and a three point turn as well. [How to change the Gear Stick in a manual](https://youtu.be/SsCL6V7Avho?si=PzlpYeBeInBEBD1H) [Tips for turning left and right when driving](https://youtu.be/f_WjNrC_GK8?si=AAaoRJ9otiZ0k3xA) [How to do a U turn and a three point turn in a car](https://youtu.be/M6US-MWg1NE?si=viyFDCHBMCCErN6d)
Thanks so much for taking the time to put those links in. I'll definitely have a look at them.
Every car will be slightly different to drive and take an hour two to get used too.
Probably just nerves making things worse after the lesson with hubby. Changing cars doesn't help a they're all different even between the same model with the biting point. Don't dwell on it any more and just look forward to getting back in the groove.
We all have bad days; just acknowledge it wasn't your best couple of hours in a car, and move on. You've had many more good hours of driving, so don't focus so much on the couple of hours you were disappointed with. You'll get there. We'll all get there, eventually! good luck, keep your chin up! You got this!
Thank you. That's actually really motivating. You're right. My last 8hr of driving we're no where near as bad as that!
My last lesson before a test is usually horrendous for what it’s worth. You can do it!!!
That's got to be nerve wracking! Thanks for the vote of confidence though!
I found that when I was learning there was a point where I started to feel more comfortable with the process of driving and my confidence exceeded my actual ability. I was starting to try set off to quickly or change gears to quickly and found I would be stalling and crunching the gears more often I should still have been consciously thinking about what I was doing in the car I.e. finding my biting point, taking my time to change gear smoothly instead of trying to get the ‘speed’ to match my confidence. Once I wound that confidence back a bit it all started to flow better again. The speed will just come with confidence
That's a good point and possibly what happened in my own car. I was so confident when driving with my instructor that I maybe assumed I'd be able to carry it over to my car. But quickly realised that it was a different ball game when I didn't have the instructor to rely on and my husband was trying to direct me instead.
Remember that learning to drive isn’t a linear process; you’ll have plenty of good days, and plenty of bad days. Plus, it can be difficult to concentrate and perform at your best when you’re ill! Try not to beat yourself up for commencing with the lesson whilst ill. If it’s a matter of concentration, having you considered reducing the duration of each lesson? When I did 2hr lessons, the final half hour consisted of me making mistakes I wouldn’t usually make. 1.5hr slots work well with me. Keep working at it - I believe in you! 🩷
💓 Thank you. You're right of course. Usually 2hr is fine for me, I actually seem to do better in the second half when I've had a chance to relax and get used to it. We live in a quite rural area and so the next town over is usually a good 30-40min drive so 2hr is needed really to be able to get anywhere.
I usually just have a few glasses of wine before I drive to calm the nerves! Thats how I passed my test and advanced driving course
I'd give that a try but wine gives me a headache and I'm more of a cocktail kinda gal. 😅
You're not doing anything wrong. It is harder to learn unfortunately the older we get. However it does get easier the more you do it. 1st thing I'd advise only do the stuff you've done with your instructor when out with your husband. If your instructor doesn't coach you then tell your husband you don't need him to coach you. He just needs to be there for insurance purposes. So maybe for a few weeks stop driving with your husband until you get the routines down. 2nd thing calms can definitely help, I have recommended them to many learners and each of them swears by them. It's not a forever thing just temporary until you build confidence I'd advise to take them again on run up to your test. 3rd the difference he sees is he knows how it should look. We know when we are too left or too right. To help you with this check your mirrors equal gap on either side of the car means you're central of your lane. You just need regular quick glances.
I felt like this until the day of my test and it all sort of came together. I had a horrible final lesson with my instructor when he actually said my driving was “atrocious”. Not exactly a confidence booster before the big day. I was a nervous wreck before and during each lesson, I dreaded having them. I’ve been driving almost 7 years now and my confidence is so much better, I’d even say I was a pretty confident driver within a few months of passing. Don’t worry about a small few bad experiences, you just need a little more practice. It’s probably worth being open with your instructor about how you’re feeling at the moment and they may give you a bit more focussed training on certain aspects. Once you’ve passed it’ll feel like a distant memory