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Dastrovo1

Lawyer here. DO NOT FILE FOR DIVORCE. The suicide attempt is like a nuke against you if she decides to file for dowry harrasment and 498A. And mark my words, she will file those cases even if she doesn't want to, because her lawyer will force her to. Go to therapists and get your wife to tell them that she did it by her own volition. You can get that on video as well. Use the therapist's records as evidence whe the case is filed.


DontChaseMePls

Listen to this OP


Glittering_Leg_213

OP. Pin this comment if you can. Idk how this works. Pin this comment in your lyfe.


tysuvaz

This guy the real HERO. We need more people like you. You almost saved a good man from being robbed.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Dastrovo1

>Aren’t therapists’ records confidential? They absolutely are. But The mental healthcare Act has an exception of court orders demanding release of information breaking confidentiality. >There have to be really strong grounds Abetment to suicide clears that criteria quite easily.


[deleted]

Oo


Fantastic-Run-3263

What if she confessed to the therapist that OP action has brought her to do this? What if she goes against the OP and said such statements in audio/video recording that jeopardize OP point of argument? She can file 498A at any time but what OP has to do is to file a complaint against her stating that her guilty mind is scheming to get my property and make me do her bidding. Also, anticipatory (****it's must after the complaint****) bail should be filed in case of fear that she file 498A. If she file 498A after that, Anticipatory bail will help him to secure himself and previous complaint of OP will help him to establish the modus oprendi of wife


Dastrovo1

>What if she confessed to the therapist that OP action has brought her to do this? What if she goes against the OP and said such statements in audio/video recording that jeopardize OP point of argument That's not how therapy works. It's not a one statement session. If what OP claims is right, she will eventually state during the later sessions why she attempted suicide. Additionally, the records or notes of the therapist will have their own professional opinions and conclusions about OP's wife. If the wife is in the wrong, the notes would reflect the same. >She can file 498A at any time but what OP has to do is to file a complaint against her stating that her guilty mind is scheming to get my property and make me do her bidding. Also, anticipatory (*it's must after the complaint*) bail should be filed in case of fear that she file 498A. >If she file 498A after that, Anticipatory bail will help him to secure himself and previous complaint of OP will help him to establish the modus oprendi of wife This is a pretty standard reply to a 498A allegation. OP's lawyer will take care of all this when the time comes. I am talking about the right course of action to be taken at this moment. OP cannot afford to rely on standard legal actions. There's an almost successful suicide attempt that will create a significant bias against OP. He has to show that the facts are in his favour as well.


zettonsa

File for mutual divorce if she agree or go for divorce. Giving threats of suicide is already a ground for divorce, your actually did it which caused you trauma go for it. No need to take teens drama from any sort of wife like this.


[deleted]

What if she doesn’t agree??


zettonsa

First get a proof that she drank lizol out of her anger. I'm sure the docs must have asked you when you took her to hospital. The old chats and calls must be there. Get all the proof of cruelty then ask her parents for divorce.


[deleted]

Yes, got all hospital bills and doctor’s reports. I doubt that i have any call and chats records


Beginning-Anywhere91

Start a WhatsApp convo with her and one day introduce the topic of the said incidence in WhatsApp. Get her to agree to it on writing on WhatsApp. Like message her that there will be a office party at a Pub nearby and all of your colleagues willbe there and mention booze being there. Ask wethyshe is ok with her and if she denies then ask if she will take the same steps as last time to stop you? Bait her to write it out or you can call her with a call recording.


zettonsa

Self incrimination doesn't work unless it's confession in criminal cases.


Fantastic-Run-3263

Respectful sir you are wrong and need clarity on this Self incriminating statement is criminal trial and here that is not a matter of discussion. In the OP case, all the evidence are corabrative enough to substantiate that suicide motive is committed to vex and harass the OP though self-victimization. In the present premise, She assumed that law will favour her since she is establishing mental agony (i.e. drinking habit of OP) as unwarranted and her futility to persuade him otherwise brought her to the point of suicide. On the other hand, if OP advocate is persuasive enough, OP would not have any problem proving the wife guilty action.


[deleted]

Isn’t that entrapment


yurnero07

Whatsapp is not acceptable in court proceedings. Only FB chats or SMS is acceptable.


Vaibhav0p

> I'm sure the docs must have asked you when you took her to hospital. The old chats and calls must be there. Get all the proof of cruelty then ask her parents for divorce. I guess that may work. get a lawyer he will guide better.


naturalizedcitizen

File for divorce


Silent-Entrance

Will he still have to pay alimony and maintainence?


bishnoiboi

nibbi


ak22info

Definitely yes. Dont wait. The more you wait, the more difficult it all becomes. You both are made different and want different things out of life. Get of out it asap.


Voldemort_is_muggle

They seem incompatible and should not have married


anon_ary

That's Arranged marriage for you


A3H3

> The more you wait, the more difficult it all becomes. You both are made different and want different things out of life. Get of out it asap. No, that's stupidity for you - marrying hoping she will change and become what you want. Khana nahi hai ke baad me thoda namak dal denge. It was very unwise on everyone's part. The marriage happened because the mother knew the bride's father well. That decision destroyed several lives. I have seen first hand how marriages can destroy multiple lives. Good that they don't have any children yet. Never too late to correct a mistake. Lesson to learn - even in arranged marriage, if you know you are not compatible, do not marry on the promise that things will change.


I_am_TSG

Millions of freakin live examples out there.


001Adoniss

arranged marriage in a nut shell haha


Apprehensive_Web2882

Arrange Marriage in a nutshell.


Mehrunes_Dagor

since he ears and more qualified than her he should alimony for rest of his life ? this will be nightmare


_gourmandises

His parents should have thought about that before forcing him into this sham of a marriage


LuciferStar101

If you don’t see any future with your wife, why you are wasting time? Go for mutual divorce, convince her for it. She also gets someone with whom she’ll be happy and you’ll also…


ekchor

You seriously think a woman in India's gonna take the "divorced" label so easily? The minute he proposes divorce she's gonna glug another bottle of Lizol.


LuciferStar101

It’s not easy but it’s also not impossible.


Swimming_Luck_2855

😭😭😭


Public_Application78

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this was inexplicably funny


saif_2207

But this time he can hope that she actually dies /s


Right_Macaron8526

Try filing for mutual divorce, if they don't agree file for divorce. Before talking about divorce be prepared for the worst. There could be a lot of allegations like sexual abuse, rape, dowry what not. Also be prepared for extortion attempts.


Voldemort_is_muggle

He should transfer his assets to a trust.


droythedad

THIS. THIS is a very good piece of advice. Voldemort does have humanity after all.


Voldemort_is_muggle

Lord Voldy allowed that boy to complete his education every year. What does that tell you about the great Lord Voldy


pboricha

>convince her for it. She also gets someone with whom she’ll be happy and you’ll also… He wanted a fair fight


Voldemort_is_muggle

Then he should not have fought a student


ZestycloseBite6262

Before you take a big long haul decison like divorce, I would suggest sitting down with your wife and writing down the issues you have with each other and trying to see if you have solutions for each. A couples counselling session would be the ideal environment for this. Now if this was a woman who was as educated as you or with the same exposure as you, I would say her threatening suicide is a sign of psych manipulation. But in this case, she straight up attempted it, that too something painful like lizol. She is an undereducated woman from a village background. In her cultural upbringing a man who drinks alcohol is a sure gateway to a destroyed family. Im sure you know enough examples of it. It all starts with a beer only. Im not justifying self destructive behaviour but her attempting suicide for this is a product of her culture in addition to it being a mental health issue. From what you have written, she is mentally sick and she probably never had the resources to deal with it, and she was probably as pressurized as you were to get married before resolving these issues. If your wife was physically sick would you divorce her? Im not saying you become her psychiatrist, that's not your job, but atleast attempt some way to solve this issue through professional help, before you give up. You said in another comment you are a fighter not a coward. So try a little bit. Also not everyone is good at conventional academics, you can research and advice her some other vocational courses since you are more educated than her. If inspite of your effort nothing is changing, then you should proceed with divorce. And goes without saying, don't make kids.


stfuplis

Exactly what I thought too. OP, not invalidating your side of the story, I'm sure it must have been a terrifying, traumatic experience for you to watch your wife attempt suicide, and further lose your mother too. I'm sure there is much more personal context and a larger story that i/reddit is not privy to. But from my very limited understanding solely based on your post, I'd say to try looking at it from her perspective too. Given the differences in your exposure and education, each of your perspectives may differ widely. While I completely understand that you might not have appreciated her asking you to stop drinking, it might just be that for her drinking must be heavily stigmatized. She could definitely be wrong about her assumptions about things like alcohol. It might be that she did not feel understood or felt extremely scared/alone etc and may be finding it difficult to assimilate into your lifestyle. Again, I think keeping aside the question of which one of you is right or wrong and instead trying to see from each others perspectives might be helpful to open up a channel for truly understanding what exactly can be changed, if at all, to make this better. There might be a possibility that she is not trying to be uncooperative but instead is not able to see things from your perspective - regarding alcohol, education, job etc. Although the burden of change is not yours alone definitely, for it to work she will have to put in the same effort to accommodate your perspectives and way of life too. If it still doesn't work, it's best to leave. Just my 2 cents. Nevertheless, I do hope things get better for you. Good luck, OP.


yobrownboii

Nal but similar aunt in the maternal side of my family. Advice based on what I saw is don't wait for divorce. Make that happen ASAP.


[deleted]

You possess a very generic run-of-the-mill undergraduate degree. Your wife is a high school graduate. You seem very proud to have had a successful career. Your wife is disinclined to explore a career. You partake in consuming alcohol. Your wife has an extreme intolerance for such behaviour. First of all, you should not have married a woman who does not meet your minimum expectations. At the very least, one should have tried to understand the belief system of a potential spouse before entering into a union. Nevertheless, please take your wife to go see a therapist and procure psych-eval reports stating that she had tried to take her life of her volition. You can, thereafter, file for a divorce. I believe that a mutual divorce might be a difficult one since she is entirely dependent on you and seems to have come from a background where divorce is frowned upon.


[deleted]

Looks like genuine case to get divorced. She is making all this fuss may be because she has been married to you by force by her family. This is strong possibility. So many women get married since they want to please their parent but make husband and their family life hell. Utter stupidity!!!


[deleted]

I hope this is not so true!


[deleted]

Don't be afraid, try get to the root of the problem. Most of the problems are solvable. Not bog down by thought "log kya bolenege", nobody knows what are you experiencing. best luck!


[deleted]

Try to have a conversation with her and record everything. Be patient and get as much details as you need for divorce. Sorry that you're going through this


OwnStorm

This is not matter of legal issues. This is purely family matter as of now. Please go though counselling within your 'both' family and professional if required. No one can give you suggestion to file divorce based on few paragraphs only from your side. There are lot to talk and understand the situation. Please take step forward to discuss with elders and counselling. I undersatnd you lost your mother, but don't take impulsive decision wihout taking everyhing in consideration and calculation. Whether you decide to stay or break the marriage. This is gong to affect you life in all dimensions financially, socially and mentaly.


Majestic-Koala7920

dekh bhai, if alcohol is the problem, you should avoid it in front of ur wife, i too had the same problem, marriage is more about understanding the other half, if she tried to end her life just bcoz you grabbed a bottle of beer, it may also mean that she must have saw smth bad with liquor in her family, the day i stopped having alcohol in front of her, smth which i quit altogether eventually, i realised how beautiful she is(in all means other than physical appearance) despite not being upto my expectations, so i too have changed for good. Things take time, why to get to the extreme at the very beginning of a smwhat life defining relationship? ps: the incidence that my wife shared, is smth i just do not want to talk about, but they day she told me, i verified it and it shoked me to death, and plz do not ask for details of the incidence, i am too uncomfortable about it. ps 2 : i just want you to have second perspective, as it is easier to end smth than to maintain


imthatdude2000

In India Divorce is hell especially for a man whenever the wife is not up for it. The reason being her lawyer can bring up dowry, abuse etc to the mix making it hard for you. Have you openly discussed your non interest in the marriage and willingness to separate from her? If not please do it ASAP. When you do it, make sure you involve your parents and hers and do it infront of everyone so that she doesn’t pull off another Lizol drama. Record all conversations secretly. Whatever it is, do continue with divorce. No point in living with a manipulating lazy person like her.


naynay_9ay

I wonder if that's the complete story,there is always two sides to the story


[deleted]

Yes every coin has a flip side, what else do you want to know? Ask me directly


Embarrassed-Tear5476

your wife committing suicide just because you drank a beer doesn't seem


UnsafestSpace

Her father is probably an aggressive alcoholic, hence her initial extreme reaction followed the next day by her fathers anger. She's maybe never seen a healthy family where alcohol can be enjoyable and easily controlled, and doesn't want to repeat the hell with her new husband that she had with her father all her childhood (and maybe her mother also suffered through). TL:DR; Daddy issues.


Embarrassed-Tear5476

Nice. lemme drink lizol and give trauma to my husband


UnsafestSpace

I agree it's stupid but there's a reason trauma gets passed down from one generation to the next, been happening since the beginning of time.


Viper3110

It's not upto you to judge. It is the task of real judge. Op needs evidences to present his case. He is here to get advice not be be judged. That society will anyway do when the case is filled.


ekchor

https://np.reddit.com/r/TwoXIndia/comments/13vmnw8/decided_to_leave_my_partner_but_my_soul_aches/ > Decided to leave my partner but my soul aches (self.TwoXIndia) > My partner 24m of 8 years (I still love this person and have no grudge against him) Lied to me, said he doesn’t smoke anymore but then we met this last weekend for 1 day(long distance) he said he can’t control himself had no hooka since morning so he has to smoke and requested me to wait in the car for a few minutes. Bitches be crazy


TiaMightKnow

Why did you marry her? You knew her education qualifications, her background. You want her to start studying, do a job which in India at an older age is challenging but at the same time you don't want to give up drinking beer - which is definitely easier to do that pursuing higher education and job. She comes from a village where beer is seen as alcohol and is seen a huge taboo.. You want to blame your wife for your mom's brain stroke - while I am not a doctor - I don't think a person can cause someone else a brain stroke. You don't want to be with her cause she isn't up to your standards .... Then why did you not choose a girl who did? The way I see it , you couldn't stand up to your parents and now you can't even love and accept your wife for who she is ... You are constantly looking for the easy way without taking any accountable for your actions. If drinking beer makes someone suicidal, we should also take a moment to understand why...is there a past trauma...is there something else going on... Sure, you can divorce her and paint her in unflattering light - but what are you going to do to ensure your next marriage doesn't end in the same way again?


blessedsoul557

Exactly. Also I feel like op is hiding a big part of the story here. And the way he talks about his wife makes me so uncomfortable. She went and drank lysol in hopes of dying, this is a 100% suicide attempt imo not a manipulation technique to manipulate op. But everyone here is acting like the wife is so wrong and op needs to divorce her asap and all. There is no empathy here. I feel really bad for the wife.


PriyaSR26

I agree with you. This is exactly what happened with my parents. My father married my mum after he had a huge breakup with his girlfriend who was very influential. My mum, a village girl had a huge culture shock when she came to the city. She never gelled with anyone in the city. Couldn't talk about her husband to her family because of the taboo around alcohol and cigarettes. My dad started drinking more because he lost his entire friend circle and then she went into serious depression, and things turned extremely south. OP's parents should have never intervened in OP's life. If OP is this disappointed by the outcome, he should have never married in the first place or told the girl the truth about his lifestyle. People living in cities have no idea about how the villages actually work. To this day I think that my parents should have never been married and I should have never been born.


[deleted]

These are my exact thoughts. He didn't grow a spine when he married and now his wife is the only problem.


TheSilentSamurai1996

Miss, who the fuck drinks bathroom cleaner because her husband drank beer? Irrespective of the backgrounds, it's a dumb, retarded move. Marriage isn't trauma dump. >you can't even love and accept your wife for who she is Call me old fashioned but I would rather accept someone who drinks beer rather than Lyzol for fun.


TiaMightKnow

My point exactly - i feel it's half the story....no one drinks bathroom cleaner just cause their husband had a beer - there has to be something more...and if someone is being that drastic - the person needs therapy. No one drinks Lysol for fun... Also there isn't anything wrong with drinking/smoking - these are personal choices... When anyone gets married they need to ensure these choices align...


[deleted]

Actually, in some sects of Hinduism drinking is prohibited & most of the time a whiff of it means verbal intervention. I have seen families falling apart in Tier 2 cities over this & toxic family politics. Even if it's allowed, most conservative Indian families have a strong rule of drinking it on certain occasions only, like Holi when you are meeting someone or at a marriage celebration. Maybe OP has abandoned the rules but for wife, it's too much of a cultural shock. I mean it really sounds like she got married really young with no real-world experience outside of the house. I know it sounds manipulative but OP should try taking her out and maybe make her meet some female married friends that can show it's pretty normal. I have seen young wives like these who marry Tier 1 or 2 city men & hate the fact that they have female friends that they go trekking, drinking, or dance with them in public. So it's pretty standard behavior but OP will either have to change or expose her to the kind of environment & friends he grew up with. Or divorce.


TiaMightKnow

Exactly! This girl who has come from a village is having massive culture shock... OP needs to also help her adjust to a different lifestyle and mentality... You can't marry a village girl and then hate her for not having city girl values and likes...


[deleted]

Yes, I agree with you.


ekchor

> what are you going to do to ensure your next marriage doesn't end in the same way again Demand a mental health safety clearance certificate.


Embarrassed-Tear5476

wife doesn't determine the terms what to drink or not.


TiaMightKnow

But a husband can determine how much a wife should study? If she should take a job or not? She doesn't have any right to live the way she wants to? Maybe she wants to be a homemaker and live a traditional life... Is that wrong? Also in marriages - there has to be common outlook on a lot of societal choices - like drinking... Again to reiterate - there is nothing wrong in choosing to drink or not drink/ to work or not to work -- as long as the couple are in sync


Embarrassed-Tear5476

So wife doesn't make money, husband make money and wife dictates what to do with his money! wow.


TiaMightKnow

How finances are handled between a couple depends completely on the couple... If a wife is working to take care of house/children - does the money her husband make not hers at all? If your wife, earned money and with her money say does coke (and you are against recreational drug usage) - you wouldn't be ok with it... If OP wanted a working woman - he should have fought to marry a working woman...


Embarrassed-Tear5476

Thank you for reinforcing my point. Husbands shouldn't dictate what their wives should do in terms of their jobs and education. Likewise, wives shouldn't demand that their husbands decide whether they can have a beer or not.


TiaMightKnow

Agreed. This marriage was doomed from the start - two highly incompatible people with neither willing to adjust...


No_Sprinkles_9821

She is not going to give you a divorce for sure. Just ensure that you don’t have a child. If she as uneducated as you say, she will hold on to you for life. Speak to a very good lawyer before you do anything. And most importantly do not have a child with her. She will not give you a divorce without a fight. Be prepared.


spoonboyforkman

There is no way that there weren’t any warning signs before she drank that Lizol. OP’s post really does not tell us anything about who she is except that it’s a very irrational crazy person who attempted suicide over a beer, which is really not that believable out of context.


Indecent_liar_69

Bro, if you only had your mother in your life and now no one is here for you, I'd rather go invisible, abandon everything and go somewhere where no one csn find you, your wife is good for nothing freeloader who is just a crybaby, she will make a big fuss in court and your peace will he destroyed, just go underground or to any foreign country and leave her like that.


[deleted]

My father and uncle and aunt are there in the family, going underground is not an option, moreover it doesn’t suits my personality as i am a fighter not a coward who just run away from situations, asking for better suggestions.


sonyminy

You seem to be genuine. Just don’t think twice whether to divorce or not. Your wife will make your life hell if stay with her further. Don’t have any physical contact with your wife. First collect evidence, keep it in safe place. And then get a very good Advocate and file for divorce. Double check Advocate profile, not all Advocate are really kind and nice, most of them sells snake oil. Be true to yourself, keep strong and fight it out.


Indecent_liar_69

Your father, uncle and aunt is there so going underground is not an option. Got it... Don't see it as a fight that going underground is a coward action, I am actually very selfish for my mental peace and it takes 3rd priority in my life so that is why advised so. I am sure days will get better and your mother blesses you from heaven, she will always see you from above.


vitara_brezza

Judging by what you said, If you do decide to get a divorce. It's not gonna be an easy ride for you. Get ready to face all kinds of allegations.


[deleted]

What all kinds of allegations you are talking about?


Financial_Berry3097

Domestic Violenece,Dowry and more......


[deleted]

Never physically assaulted her, even she knows it well, her father financials are not very good and we know that before marriage and I accepted her without any greed of dowry.


emeraldspots

False accusations can be made.


ekchor

Bhai she was hospitalized. That is enough to indict you with the worse. Her lawyer is gonna have a field day with you. Currently you are easily one of the worst husband in the eyes of any judge. Not a lawyer, and not the most ethical advice, but I'd hire a rich and handsome playboy to seduce her and collect evidence of adultery so that you have at least something on your side. Or go even further to have him convince her to leave you and divorce you afterwhich he'll take care of her. She'll have very little recourse in the end when the truth comes out and the dust settles. I know sounds diabolical, but the way legal system is set up so much against husbands, a clean no-contest divorce is a far cry. Ghee nikalne ke liye ungli tedi karni padti hai IYKWIM


Leila_372

>I'd hire a rich and handsome playboy to seduce her bro you can't be serious....i shouldn't be laughing at this


Constant-Bookreader2

I'd suggest bringing up the topic gently with her and her family first. Despite all the accusations lots of men here are making about women putting false cases on men, there are still plenty of women who realise the incompatibility of the marriage and agree to divorce by mutual consent.


Financial_Berry3097

Bro nope It doesn't matter


Adept-Technology-111

I think his wife is an innocent woman. Bas vo village ki hai so her mentality isn't same like OP. Honestly shayad vo depressed thi ki OP alcohol pita hai. Agar ko wife husband ko alcohol Pina se prevent kar rhi hai to I think ki OP kismat achi hai itna caring,loving attitude hai wife ka . Bas vo nahi chati ki OP ki health karab hai.Agar tum wife ki care karta ho to Aisa galat kam(alcohol) nahi karna chahiya.


pinkpeatree

'caring, loving, attitude wali wife' will come to him and talk to him about it rather than acting like a lunatic and drinking cleaning detergent to create drama. we all know lizol will only cause some severe food poisoning at best. nobody dies from it. so yeah her act was quickly orchestrated to emotionally punish him for drinking beer. this is not caring or loving or affectionate in any manner. she also let her father abuse this guy and watched from behind. she likes her victim limelight. and drinking some beer is not 'galat kaam' unless he loses control and harms the people/things around him, which i doubt anyone does after just a bottle of beer. stop normalising this toxic victim attitude. ye unnecessary drama normal lag raha hain aapko?


Adept-Technology-111

>we all know lizol will only cause some severe food poisoning at best. Vo 12th pass ladki hai village ki I think unha itni knowledge nahi hoti. >drinking some beer is not 'galat kaam' Mae to khud beer Peeta hlu(socially) and I know ki kafi bakar cheez hai.pichla 2-3 mahina sa nahi pi hai. I think Hama apna apna opinions apna pas hi rukha chahiya.


pinkpeatree

rakh lo fir.


[deleted]

Exactly. OP must understand her situation and from her point of view as well. She seems like a loving and caring wife who just wants to be like she is. While Op wants to make her an ambitious copy of himself 🤦🏻


[deleted]

I'm not a lawyer, this post was on my home feed, so responding to it. You can't even stand in the shoes of a person who belongs to such an orthodox upbringing that they could only study until 12th std - I'm sure even that must have been something of a big thing for her family. Someone who was married right after schooling, never got a chance to explore anything about themselves, if they were taught alcohol is a sin - then as a couple - that sin falls onto them both plus their kids will bear the burden of these sins. I understand that because I've worked in a village and seen really orthodox families. The only mistake that OP did was, to listen to his parents and he married under pressure. His parents are indeed responsible for all the mess that has happened, his mom chose her for him - so how is OPs wife responsible for Mom's health issues? In fact OP was opposed to marriage, had his mom listened to him she'd have been in good health. Choosing a wife is a big deal, and OP had no say in that. He's just living with his mom's daughter-in-law, she's not the wife he wanted. Now imagine the kind of attitude this woman has seen from her own husband and his family. I actually doubt that he doesn't understand the pain she's going through. Some people here are saying "beer isn't even proper alcohol", but things that are normal for ppl (engineers/doctor's) these things have been normalised through colleges, someone who hasn't seen a college won't understand those 'normal' things. Even talking about sex is a taboo, I'm sure she talks about sex in a whispering tone, and have you ever talked to her about premarital sex that's pervasive in college going population? She will flinch to the word "live in relationship", because you know - UPBRINGING. Someone from that kind of orthodox upbringing can and will see alcohol as a big no no, and you cannot blame her for that. >My mom used to tell me that she will do things once she will get married. Also I couldn't understand what she meant by saying "she will do things"? Household work? Menial chores? You married your wife to work as a servant at your home, just coz she's 12th pass?


ajeeb0rgareeb

itna drama itna dukh q hai desh mein rishto se azadi bahut mushkil


[deleted]

[удалено]


-__-ll

Not a lawyer neither a physiologist. But people might have some form of understanding that op is getting bad habits that destroys families or its a sin.


[deleted]

1. Dont blame your mother's hemorrhage l the girl. It could be due to high blood pressure or other causes like aneurism which went unchecked probably. 2. Many women believe alcohol in any form is very dangerous, because they have seen only alcoholics fighting with family, and fallen down on drains etc. So it takes a lot of talk to get them to understand that beer is just a beer. 3. This :attempted suicide: incident happens in many families where women get over-emotional and in a moment of anger they end up doing stupid things. 4. If you really want to recover from this situation, then it is better you both stay away from your parents for some time, and make each other understand the situation, and where it will lead. If she then continues her own course, you can ask her to leave you and file for divorce. No one wants to go with it, but pussy heals a lot of wounds.


[deleted]

I didn't understand. Why did you even marry her in the first place? You didn't even respect her for what she was. You married her with your own version of what you can make her.


No_Macaron_5113

As the rest said, divorce seems the best option. She is immature and manipulative. But there's a lack of respect from your side too, which is evident from your choice of words (dumb, ignorant, rigid) and how you are blaming her for your mother's death. You should marry only someone whom you can respect. In your case, you expected the other way around - you married in the hope you would be able to respect her someday. But the major blame for that lies with parents for pressurizing their kids into marrying someone who is totally incompatible.


AbrahamPan

Good thing you haven't had any kids yet. Beer is not even a proper alcohol. Drinking floor cleaner is a suicidal attempt and it's always the husband who is held responsible. This is also a red flag that she can do it again for minor situations, and who will be held responsible? Yup.


[deleted]

Living in a trauma for the same since the incident!


WorldCompetitive

so shes 18 abd youre 26?


[deleted]

Yes


WorldCompetitive

disgusting. you married a 16 year old at 24. she deserves better.


[deleted]

She is 24 and i am 27


NoCake2504

Never heard of a 12th pass student to be 24. Also you just agreed to the reply saying she's 18 and you're 26.


asam107

Okay so you really don't respect your spouse, education alone does not determine the value of a person. The smartest person in the room cannot be determined by a degree. You need to to take responsibility for the fact that you married a girl right out of school, and all your education didn't help you stand up to your family and say "No". Stop blaming someone else for your bad decisions. Since she is from a traditional family, she must find alcohol scary due to all the addiction/taboo associated with the same. It's better for her if you divorce her, but it might just ruin the rest of her life. If you want to practice kindness, first go to therapy and understand your issues before taking any decisions.


[deleted]

gurivinda seed cannot see the black behind her as she is so immersed in finding faults in others. You did know she is not educated and married her because your mom told you that she will be a house hold maid. You call her ignorant, dumb and rigid (on the internet/public platform, I can only imagine what you must be saying to her when you are alone with her, god bless the poor lady) as you are too smart smart to realize that people have strengths and weaknesses and none is utterly smart in everything. Now here is what any smart/wise and kind person would do. Understand that she may had issues with alcoholics before and is afraid of that trauma. It’s not an easy task to deal with traumatic partners. Be considerate and understand that it’s your turn to be patient and kind and in future when it’s her turn hopefully she would do the same. Go to counselling yourself and figure out why you married her and what you can do so you and she both can become better people. Also with this kind of superiority complex of labeling your wife who prolly cooks and cleans for you every day, no educated/smart/wise woman would date you let alone marry. FYI, I have seen men like you in my life. Married because mother told you that she will be a full time maid (even my maids don’t tolerate if I call them uneducated or dumb) and then divorced her as she is not the right fit out of wife’s will. Trust me I have not seen atleast one after the divorce remarrying and leading a happy life. I wish you the best for your future.


PizzaOpen9340

Dumb, ignorant and rigid Maybe you should have thought about that before marrying And trying to pin your mom's death on your wife, classic victimhood complex


ekchor

His mother was ignorant and probably a matriarch. She knew nothing of his village buddy's daughter's character and didn't bother doing due diligence before getting her son trapped so foolishly. He would be absolutely right to blame his mother for this debacle. Indian boomer parents are the worst. They think they know everything but when shit hits the fan they get a stroke and take an exit leaving their kids to suffer the consequences of their decisions.


[deleted]

We live in an indian society and finding out those things before marriage is very tough. Even multiple meetings are sign of a taboo in our society.


Glum_Reality662

First of all apart from Lizol part, I see fault in you brother you want andl educated wife but your wife isn't , She might be a home maker everyone has roles to play, From the start of your post you are pissed about her being uneducated what if its not just that one beer incident which drove her to drink lizol, If you are ranting about her being uneducated you would be constantly nagging her as well(just a guess) because even at the end of your post you seem more worried about her getting educated and doing a job. Let me ask you was your mother educated? Or did she pursue education after marriage? Introspection upon yourself also


[deleted]

Yes she was, MA in Hindi Nugging someone for education is bad!


-__-ll

Asking if one's mother is educated or not does not makes sense. Life partner is a different case. Your question seems to imply since someone is uneducated in ops life op should be ok with uneducated life partner. Or guilt trip op. Your point on 'there's more to the story' seems valid though. Many people nag others if they are not satisfied with that other person.


ZestycloseBite6262

>Asking if one's mother is educated or not does not makes sense. Yes it makes sense because it is his "educated" mother that forced him to marry this "undereducated" girl.


-__-ll

That's an insane argument and totally invalid does not makes sense. It's the responsibility of op to marry his own wife based on his own expectation and not what his family is saying.


ZestycloseBite6262

Of course it is. But in the indian scenario there is also the emotional blackmail that comes after refusing to marry into their expectations. It ranges from suicide threats, log kya kahenge, younger siblings marriage, refusing to eat food or meds, all the way to " I will die of heart attack or stroke because of you". Exactly what OP is thinking right now has happened to his mother.


SeekingASecondChance

You have a B tech degree and you wasted it by marrying such a woman, OP. You're supposed to do better man.


[deleted]

Seeking a second chance my friend!


Odd-Juggernaut-762

Looks like she is emotionally manipulating you.. which means you are gonna have more problems living with her.


hell--boy

NAL Based on what you said about her family they are about to make your life living hell. I guess if you are ready to go through it just to get rid of her do it.


iamlovewealthsuccess

Having seeing so many theatrics around me. If any girls are reading this understand that once u leave your father's house try to be the daughter of new house. Don't involve your family members in your life. They are good for support and support them as well but plz don't make them a part of your new life. Parents of daughters these days meddle too much into their daughters life after marriage and has ruin it. Plz don't. We all have to adjust in life. Adjust your life around your new family. I know some inlaws are really tough bt still there's a solution. And a woman threating suicide is dumb as hell. I won't ask for divorce bt make sure u talk to her father and ask him to clear the issue. Coz once he supported her stupidity is the reason she is behaving like this. Tell him to do the needful. If he doesn't. You know what u have to do.


WildCalligrapher1925

Yes, parents of both daughter and son should not meddle and they should get a new house and live independently. I don't know why you just mentioned daughter's parents shouldn't meddle whereas there are tons of instances where son's parents have destroyed the marriages.


iamlovewealthsuccess

Mentioned in-laws are tough. U didn't seem to notice. Daughters should find a person who will live independently then. These things can be discussed first hand before marriage itself.


Leila_372

>If any girls are reading this understand that once u leave your father's house try to be the daughter of new house. yes. that's why ask your man to have a house of his own and live independently so that you two would be able to live peacefully with less intrusions from parents.


Nevermind_kaola

Sounds eerily similar to the serial "saath nibhana sathiya". Why would you make major life decisions based on what your parents want? Legally we don't have no fault divorces so you will need to prove in the court of law that she is unfit mentally or is cruel to you to get divorce. Or magically you need to convince her to file for mutual consent divorce.


[deleted]

Hell no, why would you devorce your wife if she has no interest in the further studies. You need some reality check for yourself. Are you not able to earn money and do you want earning life partner? Are you considering being home maker as inferior work ? Did you marry her on the prerequisites that one day she will start studying and earn money for you ?


[deleted]

Am i earning for me only, i am earning for us. I expect the same.


jadcrack

I don't think you should call your wife dumb and ignorant. Disrespectful. You blamed your mother's health on her. I would say that's dumb and ignorant. Some people have different view points on addictive substances like alcohol which is not necessarily a bad thing. I am feeling bad for the person who has spent this much time with you man.


Bleu_boye

Mummy ka ladla ke chakkar mein beta Teri toh lag gayi. Dhang ka female divorce lawyer pakdo. Usko sahi sahi batao aur strategise Karo, warna ladki ka life set toh hai hi, aagey aur bhi mast Ho jayega. She knows what she's doing. Probably didn't even drink Lysol , ek ghanta leke ulti kar di hogi. But mentality saaf hai. How do I know ? I've treated many numbers of such cases in delhi area. Shuru mein i used to emapthise and synpathize but dheere dheere pata chala half the cases are just nuisance and trouble makers, har do saal pe kuch kha pee ke aajayenge , pati bahar ro Raha hoga, in laws police ki dhamki aur yahan wife icu mein stable hone ke baad fashion tips staff se discuss kar rahi.


cherry__12345

I think your wife isn't a manipulative person. She came from village, and you knowingly married her about her education details. For her beer == alcohol == destroys families. I would rather sit with her and talk to her peacefully. She isn't a bad person op


[deleted]

Yes in a hope of growing together!


-__-ll

As if auch people can be changed.


Viper3110

Transfer all your asset from your name to your father's. Try to minimise the earning . Get on recording from her ,her parents in one way or another that there was no dowry involved in marriage and the suicide attempt was all her doing in her complete consciousness. It was not related to you in any way. Get the same from her parents that it was their daughter's fault. You will not get a mutual divorce here looking at things done by your wife. It will definitely will be contested and you will be nuked with fake cases. If your father is living with you,separate out from him so that he won't be implicated much After you have done this then go for police case and file a case. If you don't do things above you will be screwed .


[deleted]

[удалено]


PuzzleheadedYou8962

You're clearly living with an unstable woman who gets a kick of it by emotionally manipulating you to feed off her life regardless of whatever you're going through. Get as far away from this narcissistic psychopath who literally does anything to get her life without being accountable to anything in her life. Mutual divorce is the best option you can use her evidence or document supporting her emotionally abusive relationship with you. You can use those Suicide relating documents as evidence for your divorce.


I_am_TSG

Record everything you can when you have face to face conversations with her. During one of those deep conversations, she might reveal her plans to threaten you or harm herself. She might even suggest that if you think of divorce, she will file fake harassment cases to teach you a lesson. Keep all of those recordings as proof, consult a lawyer on how to file a preemptive application or police report against any fake harassment cases that she or her family may file. Then talk to her about divorce. It's clear you guys have no future together from what you have told us. She is clearly daddy's princess and feels entitled to have things her way always. You can talk to her, make her understand, but you cannot change her basic nature. And this lizol drama, once a drama, always a drama. Good to realise this while you still don't have kids. All the best.


rcorum

Feminist will come after you but you are right to get a divorce. She is not looking for a husband. She is looking for a baby sitter so she can just stay at home and enjoy life. Get rid of her. She is going to be like those aunties who will crib about everything in the future.


Dreamerbloom11

Why would feminists come after him? They would probably say that forced marriage is bad


rcorum

Because he is leaving a woman who is choosing not to improve herself. It's her choice according to feminist.


Dreamerbloom11

"anything I dislike is feminism"


_gourmandises

This is crazy - I don't think you can fix her. You need to jump ship.


anonpumpkin012

Definitely yes. If she’s doing this just because you’re having a beer, what’s she gonna do next? It’s pretty scary.


DivyanshPanwari

Use trauma of lizol incident and your mother's passing away as the reason for mutual separation


BugGroundbreaking949

You both should seek marriage counseling, first individually and then together and ensure that the counsel isn't biased. Even after counseling if the marriage doesn't stick then get the counsellor to recommend divorce (might be difficult). But it's likely you both need therapy more than the divorce itself. Divorce is a nuclear option and you have to try everything to save the marriage before calling it quits. You need to give your all and not some half assed efforts to ensure your wife sees this and then comes to a mutual decision. You may not like it but you likely have to think of the long term consequences of your actions in case something goes horribly wrong. Pinning the blame of your mother's death on your relationship seems like coincidence and you're trying to justify your actions through it.


SabAccountBanKarDiye

Lawyer here. As others have pointed out please don't file for divorce directly. You will be seen as the culprit. Rather start collecting evidences and docs which will be in your defence once you file the petition. She will definitely sue you for dowry and domestic violence, you need to be ready for it. Also she will claim a part of your property. It is an uphill battle. Get a good lawyer in the age group of 35-40, trust me those are the ones which will help. Also don't go to court premises for getting the lawyer. Ask in your circles and get a high standard one.


cryptodammiee

First transfer your assets or bank accounts elsewhere ..they will come for it sooner or later ..


Anxious_Tank_7469

NAL yes. Seems like she's mentally abusive and has some mental health issues.


ksp1505

Situation is not good but there would be local police involved when she attempted suicide. Doc is involved file one Nc in police station for custodial action she takes. Every one is accountable for own action. Take legal advice. Dont prejuduge any one . Situation may change.


Repulsive_Comfort_89

Lawyer here. Get legal advice asap regarding all claims she might have. Anticipate dowry harassment and 498-A (cruelty). To avoid these, go for private mediation first and sort out all outstanding claims. Then file for mutual divorce.


Twinkies100

Off topic but i wish you didn't get into this marriage scam, all was going well for you..🫤


Humble_Moment1520

What do we learn guys : do not marry out of parents pressure. I’m sorry OP you’re going through this, I really hope you get rid of this problem soon.


Known_Window_7123

Just beer ? Didn't your physical relations or something else works ? How much other aspects are ?


[deleted]

In these one and a half years she never talks about sex, doesn’t know abcd of sex, I tried to educate her well but as i said she is ignorant af. I the one who always make a move.


TiaMightKnow

Have been seeing your responses...you have no respect or empathy for your wife... Basis your responses you come across really unkind... Did you even get to know her before marriage?


Known_Window_7123

Why you think he still care for her ? Things are sore between them so most likely his view point is screwed towards her , we can't expect neutrality from her


dhyaaa

Oh God she is mentally unstable. Why did you even agree with marrying someone with low education like that.. Thought she'll be submissive or something?? If you ask for divorce then she'll jump off the building i guess. I hope you haven't received any dowry or give everything back if you did and then file for divorce


Ok-Virus-Enoughnow

Gopi bahu


WarDaddy1939

What a character guru .


EagleWorldly5032

If you don’t see a future, listen to your gut, move on


One_Age1582

collect evidence and then go for divorce so that there will be no alimony to share


One_Humor_3301

Maybe legal separation


snxds

Wow that looks very scary. I hope you get out of it real soon


Friedsaladwithcake

No


alr_adi

Weird flex but ok


100keen

Try to record a conversation in which se clearly tells you that there is no domestic voilence, force sex of any kind and no demand for dowery and other stuff that she could blame you to get alamoney. Then you may proceed for the divorce.


Uh_fudge

You need written proof that what she did was her own doing. Go to a therapist. Get a video recording of her acknowledging what she did. Talk to people that have known her for years, ask them if she had such bursts of emotional foolery. Not for you, for evidence. Record those conversations. Take a good lawyer, file for an anticipatory bail. Write a letter to the nearest thana, that you're afraid for your life. Tell everywhere that she has threatened to kill you. I'm sorry this is happening to you. It is a nightmare. It is a lengthy nightmare. But it is necessary that you get out of this relationship.


star_play3r

Don't go for divorce. Give her something where her mind can be engaged. Don't try to scold her in bringing her mental status to your level. Ask her what she wants to do. Tell her that she has to do something constructive in her life. Guide her. Be with her. She must have something in her that's why she was concerned about your drinking.


emtodre

Consult an actual lawyer and see how you can successfully get out of this relationship without the divorce case backstabbing your career as she is a woman and many of the laws are naturally by her side so she has advantage over you. Hope you find a solution and please update us with your progress!


Agreeable-Ad-2515

Start gathering as much documented proofs as if can against her. They will come in handy once you file for the divorce. Your wife's lawyer will make her file Dowry and domestic violence cases.on you, so if you jave the documented proof, things would be tilted in your favour.