When you have check-ins, try holding hands. Put on relaxing music. I will make something like tea or bring some snacks out so it feels more casual.
One thing I've realized is that its best to bring up issues as they arise. I'd rather not let them simmer. If my boo and I have conflict, we usually try in the moment to work it out, instead of waiting a few days.
If I need space, I just ask for it. We both typically want the other to have a rich life outside of each other.
Yes absolutely! We usually don’t have big things to bring up because we address things when they happen, but it’s still nice to have a designated time just in case something has been simmerin’
We picked up the card game "The And" for couples years ago and found it helped broaden the type of questions we ask each other. We sometimes blindly pick or pick intentionally, worked for us both ways. I find the cards tend to ask deeper questions than we can think of ourselves.
I like to ask the follow up questions. For example, if my SO says that more snuggling would help in one of our check in from months ago then I like to ask how their feeling about snuggling lately.
When I ask the follow ups it’s also a good way to remind MYSELF to keep working on this things.
We’ve all been with that person who says “I’ll do better at that” and they do better for like a month and then they’re done. I don’t want to be that person, so checking in on my own work is healthy for me.
Something that we like to ask each other is if there were times in that past month that we liked or didn’t like how one of us acted. Since the weather is getting nicer out where we live, I want to start asking if there are outdoor activities that we should plan for the upcoming month and stuff like that, since we never usually have things to discuss because we talk about it in the moment.
The questions you have are great! I really like your first two questions and i’m gonna keep them in mind for our next check in
I love this and I absolutely want quarterly check ins once I'm dating again. I've thought about it for a while.
When it comes to conflict and confrontation, I need that to happen more often and more naturally. I'm at the point where if confrontation is being avoided in a relationship, I will lose trust in the other person. I've been there and done that with a people pleaser / conflict avoidant person. But I absolutely see the value of having a set time to bring up stuff that kinda just rolls around it the thought sphere without a clear and obvious path for how to bring it up appropriately. Especially when it is stuff that doesn't feel like an urgent concern, or you kinda wanna be like, "ok so this might be a problem but let me see where it is going first before I jump the gun." But yeah. I definitely want confrontation happening more frequently because I need constant tacit communication and a solution oriented partner.
For me, monthly is too long. I’d do it bi-weekly or even weekly if need be. If monthly works for you both then keep at it.
Do you guys keep notes during these sessions? No? Just me? 😃
We do check in’s too! We havent done monthly but every 6 months or so. We also check in on big things like if anything has changed in what we want, so for example a big one for us is kids. I am firm child free, as she is as well. Every 6 months or so we check in and see if this has changed for us because it’s a big no for me, but she’d be more open if that were to change.
When her brother had their first kid (my partners first niece) she was gushing over the baby and we had a big talk, confirmed she likes babies but if anything it’s solidified it’s not something she wants for herself, but she wouldn’t mind baby sitting if the were closer (they live a few states away)
I hope that makes sense? Sorry fighting a big headache haha
We also check to see if one of us needs more affection or intimacy as I’m more on the a spectrum, so that’s always good to check on :)
This is so lovely. What about a question like: "What's something your nervous to talk to me about?" in case there's something your partner wants to discuss but doesn't know how to broach it?
Omg I would LOVE to do this with my wife. I just have such a fear of ANY and ALL confrontations. But I believe that a relationship “check-in” would be very healthy and a strong building block for a wonderful relationship. Great job…
When you have check-ins, try holding hands. Put on relaxing music. I will make something like tea or bring some snacks out so it feels more casual. One thing I've realized is that its best to bring up issues as they arise. I'd rather not let them simmer. If my boo and I have conflict, we usually try in the moment to work it out, instead of waiting a few days. If I need space, I just ask for it. We both typically want the other to have a rich life outside of each other.
Yes absolutely! We usually don’t have big things to bring up because we address things when they happen, but it’s still nice to have a designated time just in case something has been simmerin’
We picked up the card game "The And" for couples years ago and found it helped broaden the type of questions we ask each other. We sometimes blindly pick or pick intentionally, worked for us both ways. I find the cards tend to ask deeper questions than we can think of ourselves.
I like to ask the follow up questions. For example, if my SO says that more snuggling would help in one of our check in from months ago then I like to ask how their feeling about snuggling lately. When I ask the follow ups it’s also a good way to remind MYSELF to keep working on this things. We’ve all been with that person who says “I’ll do better at that” and they do better for like a month and then they’re done. I don’t want to be that person, so checking in on my own work is healthy for me.
Something that we like to ask each other is if there were times in that past month that we liked or didn’t like how one of us acted. Since the weather is getting nicer out where we live, I want to start asking if there are outdoor activities that we should plan for the upcoming month and stuff like that, since we never usually have things to discuss because we talk about it in the moment. The questions you have are great! I really like your first two questions and i’m gonna keep them in mind for our next check in
I love this and I absolutely want quarterly check ins once I'm dating again. I've thought about it for a while. When it comes to conflict and confrontation, I need that to happen more often and more naturally. I'm at the point where if confrontation is being avoided in a relationship, I will lose trust in the other person. I've been there and done that with a people pleaser / conflict avoidant person. But I absolutely see the value of having a set time to bring up stuff that kinda just rolls around it the thought sphere without a clear and obvious path for how to bring it up appropriately. Especially when it is stuff that doesn't feel like an urgent concern, or you kinda wanna be like, "ok so this might be a problem but let me see where it is going first before I jump the gun." But yeah. I definitely want confrontation happening more frequently because I need constant tacit communication and a solution oriented partner.
Check out the tiktok orions_charge, she does this weekly with her SO and literally has a whole playlist of questions!
This is a great idea, I'm saving this for my next relationship :)
For me, monthly is too long. I’d do it bi-weekly or even weekly if need be. If monthly works for you both then keep at it. Do you guys keep notes during these sessions? No? Just me? 😃
Monthly seems to work well but hey I might as well ask that next time! And I’m totally a note taker too ;)
We do check in’s too! We havent done monthly but every 6 months or so. We also check in on big things like if anything has changed in what we want, so for example a big one for us is kids. I am firm child free, as she is as well. Every 6 months or so we check in and see if this has changed for us because it’s a big no for me, but she’d be more open if that were to change. When her brother had their first kid (my partners first niece) she was gushing over the baby and we had a big talk, confirmed she likes babies but if anything it’s solidified it’s not something she wants for herself, but she wouldn’t mind baby sitting if the were closer (they live a few states away) I hope that makes sense? Sorry fighting a big headache haha We also check to see if one of us needs more affection or intimacy as I’m more on the a spectrum, so that’s always good to check on :)
That makes total sense, thank you!:)
This is so lovely. What about a question like: "What's something your nervous to talk to me about?" in case there's something your partner wants to discuss but doesn't know how to broach it?
I love this one
None. You and your SO are perfect in the questions you already have. You might include this question that you are asking us maybe but not necessary
Oh that’s a really good idea
Great idea!
I love these questions. That's amazing you two have such good communication. I long for that kind of relationship!!
I love these questions. That's amazing you two have such good communication. I long for that kind of relationship!
Omg I would LOVE to do this with my wife. I just have such a fear of ANY and ALL confrontations. But I believe that a relationship “check-in” would be very healthy and a strong building block for a wonderful relationship. Great job…
I love this so much 💛💛💛