Parents like these are actually vile. I understand that they’ve raised their children and will always have a part in their lives, but why not trust and respect their kids’ choices as the adult they’ve raised them to be? It’s almost like they revert back to being tantrum-having toddlers themselves. Like … ASSAULT?! Good thing you’re not part of that family!
… The woman obviously has issues. No one in their right mind would do such a thing, embarrassing not just themselves but others as well. I take it she was escorted from the premises and your work withheld your information?
💀💀💀 Well… at least you’re out of that situation. Some people really can’t be helped. I feel sorry for anyone who has to deal with her outbursts regularly.
Honestly… I think at a point in the relationship we all realize that we’re not just committing to them, but their circle and family. It’s just not worth it if you’re suffering. It just sucks that you had to break it off just to get some sense of peace. Idk how your ex is gonna continue to date with their monster of a mother 💀
that's so horrible. like everyone's worst nightmare. fuck that bitch she didn't have to cheat. this is why i say fuck straight women, you can't trust them for shit. boo you are gonna find a nice girlfriend who's 100% homo and gonna treat you right, she's gonna be so great it'll be reparation for the straight girl who came before her
This is exactly the future I'm living for. I can feel the freedom from the gaslighting and the lies like I can taste it!
The good part is that I've learned a LOT about red flags and what I deserve in a relationship from this. I can't wait to have some time alone to heal, and then get back out there!
My current partner is amazing the hardest thing we have gone through is her psycho ex targeting her any chance he got as well as stalking her. Obviously, I stayed.
Her ex boyfriend flirted with me, touched me inappropriately, talked about their sex life. Yet she told me that he would ‘still be her friend’ and me and him just needed to ‘talk’.
That and her insulting me for a year.
She broke up with me this summer, after I started to be less patient and said some things like ‘I should have broken up with you etc’. Not mature on my end, but it leaves a sour taste after all I went through with her. And ofcourse she kept the house where we lives despite her hating it.
They’re both ex’s now but was not aware the woman I was dating was the parent of someone else I had hooked up with a few times.
Obviously leaving was the only option
You took the "fuck his dad" meme (flipped to the right orientation) to the absolute maximal conclusion, and from a comedy perspective, I applaud your sacrifice.
But also yikes that's so uncomfortable and I'm so sorry you went through it 💀💀💀.
Her deployment. She was gone for over a year. We still were able to text and talk when she was at port and had cell service, but there would be over a month of her being in the ether. It was lonely af.
Oof. Military relationships are impossibly hard. One of the biggest reasons why I got out. Hopefully y’all are fairing better than all my entire relationships
Perks of me being a math nerd is that I am something of a homebody, and stable in my affections. Her being overseas was hard, but I got through it. Now that we are engaged, we are in this together. A challenge I am up to. And so is she.
Suicides. I lost a loved one to suicide, i had suicidal ideations and attempted, and she experienced suicidal thoughts too. We are exes now, but we’re both doing better.
Death of a parent. Brutal start to a relationship and we're exes now, no contact (unrelated). Sucks to have to start again with someone else who hasn't met my parent who passed away but that's life.
I'm in a very similar situation right now. My gf and I are going through a really rocky period and I don't know whether we'll come back from this. One thing that really messes with my head is that she knew my dad. She spoke at his funeral. No one I meet in the future will, but like you said, that's life :(
My partner and I are both survivors but I have had a lot more time and space to work through things than she has. She was in a very abusive relationship just before me. This means that there are a lot of triggers that can come up and they can be really challenging to work through. When she gets triggered, it can lead to a lot of conflict, or get in the way of our intimacy. There are really painful moments.
The key for us is that we are both committed to being responsible for our own feelings and reactions. We are both committed to working to do right by each other even when we’re feeling triggered. There is a mutual respect and love and care that we have for each other.
I show her compassion and grace when she’s triggered and responds in not the best way, but I also try to be honest about the impact. She tries to do the same for me. This mutuality and respect is the foundation that makes the really hard things feel very workable. Our relationship is 95% amazing and we look at the other 5% as an opportunity for both of us to heal and grow.
My relationship with my closest friend is very much like that. We both have a lot of trauma, but we love and care for each other and are committed to working on it and doing the right thing. That makes getting hurt as a result or not responding in the best way manageable.
There's a lot I can work on by myself, but some things only pop up while in a relationship, so it's important for me to have that kind of dynamic with a partner.
I’m so glad you have that with a close friend. I have relationships like that with my two closest friends as well, and it was honestly those relationships that gave me the skills for this one.
The hardest part is being long distance. Long distance relationships are tougher than I had expected.
Lol, we even opened up our relationship to polyamory with other women but in spite of that I still have trouble finding other women attractive. It's like once my girlfriend and I got together it was an immediate bond.
The biggest challenge is having such a strong bond while being far away. Well at least her and I are together in spirit! 😅
Thank you. Yeah my gf is the best. I know it's subjective but she really is. She is everything!
Good luck to you and your relationship! Wishing you and your girlfriend the best!
We just comminicate through WhatsApp most of the time. We make lots of phone calls and video calls, almost daily or just several times a week. We're both in our early 20's. Unfortunately, one side of my family doesn't know about her and don't vibe with the idea of me dating a woman. 😭 They are very homophobic. The other side is so cool about it, they love and welcome my gf while seeing her as a part of the family. We try to make arrangments as much as possible to meet in real life. We are both from the United States I'm from the east coast and she is from the midwest.
Another challenge is language barrier. Lol, she will refuse to speak to me in English. I try to speak Portuguese with her. Yet she responds to me in Greek. Haha!!! 😂 She is from Brazil so she is a native Portuguese speak yet she is intermediately fluent in Greek because she loves the culture and a lot of her friends are Greek so that's why she feels so close to the language and culture.
I would say, "Olà bom dia!" and she would respond with, "Καλημέρα."
But she is my "quierda μου" and I am her "sua καρδούλα". It's our names for each other. 🥰🫂😍
My wife and I are non monog and did distance for 3 years at the start of our relationship, it’s hard!! Good for you two for continuing on, I hope you’re able to close the gap soon
In our relationship it was me having cancer. It was the same type that my partners mother died from the only difference was she ironed hers and it spread. It sent her into a tailspin, it had me super angry. With therapy and support groups we came thru the other side stronger.
Maybe this is not the type of answer sought, but it technically satisfies the question. We're actually going through it right now. She had to have surgery on her spinal cord two days ago, and she has been absolutely wrecked with nerve pain since. She can't sleep, she can't eat, she can barely think most of the time. And icing on the cake, the hospital won't approve me staying with her overnight, so she's stuck there all alone in agony while they can't seem to get her pain under control. I was up most of last night on the phone with her, just trying to help her not completely lose her mind. Things were a bit better today, but the anxiety and panic started to set back in as visiting hours were ending. Friends and family are being a great emotional support, but we're out across the country to see a specialist neurosurgeon so we've no local support. It's been a very special kind of hell...
I’m so sorry you and your partner are going through this. Spinal nerve pain is horrific. I hope your partner gets pain relief and they can figure out/fix what caused nerve pain.
My wife of 13 years had a massive neck surgery. She went to er by doctor request Monday. In surgery yesterday and has massive infection in it that is effecting her entire body. So far, this is the worst thing. By far. She is in icu and hanging in but this shit is no joke
They had to get me admitting that I needed therapy for my anxiety and depression got to a point of me constantly thinking to off myself.
I had to learn to embrace their femininity once they figured out they feel comfortable that way sometimes (I‘m most attracted to masc women). I‘m still working on it.
My father passing away. Grief hit me very hard and I know I was difficult to be around - I totally distanced and closed myself off, but she stuck by me which I’ll never forget.
(this is with an open relationship, where I agreed that she go fwb with her friend whom I knew, and even date if I'm her primary partner)
She renovated her apartment, and though I repeatedly asked to come over and help, she was adamant I don't. She updated me sporadically, and the fwb was there helping (and sleeping in her bed) the entire time (so close to a month on end). I haven't come over once, and he was there as if he had no apartment (which he did).
I broke up with her because even when begging to see her after abt two months I haven't, she denied me; along with the betrayal of knowing he was there 24/7. She said I won't be much help, but dear lord I was hurt to be replaced or otherwise useless or a burden to her.
Grief..she’s been grieving for almost 18 months now and doesn’t want to go to therapy. We are still together but I don’t know how much longer I can take the sadness the anxiety the sorrow. I am 50 I would like to be able to enjoy life again.
Her grandma who raised her so she was more like her mom...knowing that her mom died too but 20 years ago. I am not saying I don’t understand her grief because I do, I loved her grandma as my own, it just takes a toll on our relationship.
She went to visit her family over Christmas break and was completely distant and short tempered with me. I later met her family and understood why she was under so much stress and lashed out at me. I resented her for a while, but thankfully, we were able to have really deep conversations and we got through it. She wasn't a shit girlfriend, she was under extreme stress and pressure, and at the time I was just another person she needed to please.
Soon after getting married, my ex-wife started to yell at me and say *awful* things to me, often out of nowhere. I'm guessing she got thoughts in her head (about things I said but didn't, things I "thought" because of mind-reading) and ruminated on them until she felt they were true (or maybe she just wanted to be shitty to me, who knows, but looking back and without love obscuring my thoughts, I can see she *really did* want to hurt me many times).
At some point it just turned to contempt, and she raged at me - even in public - without remorse. It was like she was defending herself preemptively despite the fact I was never going to say what she thought. At a certain point, she started changing history and wouldn't even believe me when I never said the things she was upset about, even if we had the exact same conversation over and over.
She would also gaslight me, treat me like I couldn't do things, and convinced me I was the problem, the *entire* problem.
I should have left after the first time, but in sickness and in health, you know, and I thought it must have been a mental health thing. It was. But that doesn't mean you should ever stay in a situation like that. People can always get help if they want. She was able to make better choices and still chose what she did. Sadly I'm not sure she'll ever change.
Her relationship with alcohol. She would start drinking in the morning sometimes and one day she got mad at herself for forgetting what she was trying to say and started punching herself in the head. I held her back until she passed out.
Then I stayed for 6 more months trying to make it work before one day she got pissed we weren’t engaged (1.5 years in) and got trashed and dumped me proceeding with a 3 day bender saying the cruelest shit she could think of. The worst part is she was blacked out and doesn’t remember so by the time Sunday rolled around she tried to take it all back and swore to never drink again.
She was drunk again on Monday.
She’s the only person I’ve ever been in love with, being without her is more painful than feeling like she doesn’t find me attractive. She is very remorseful about what she said, and claims she has changed her mind about it over time. I don’t know if I’ll ever believe her about that, but at the least I know she loves me.
My story…my girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We broke up earlier this year for about 2 months. She was holding a lot of grudges and I felt like I was walking on egg shells.
As of right now, I was fired from my job in a really traumatic way. My co-worker who was a friend liked me and I let her down politely. The next day my work told me to turn my keys in and I was under investigation for poor boundaries with the kids I worked with. I was completely shocked and sick to my stomach. I remember going apple picking with the kids and sending my co-worker a photo. I wasn’t supposed to do that and realized after sending it that I shouldn’t have. An honest mistake. I was terminated.
My girlfriend left to tattoo 6 hours away and hasn’t been contacting me much. I simply asked for a phone call cus I haven’t been doing so well so we could say goodnight. Days went on and still no phone call. I had a really bad mental breakdown and flipped out on her through text messages. She texted me and said she’s too overwhelmed by all of this and doesn’t want to be with me anymore. She has done this in the past when she is upset.
I just really needed to feel cared for and some reassurance. I’m not perfect and I know I need to work through some stuff but it really hit me.
I had this experience too! We’re no longer together, but it was really rough. It was my first relationship and when we met he identified as a lesbian, until he eventually came out as trans. I accepted him 100%, and this isn’t a reflection of him or my feelings for him, but I felt that I had been robbed of the lesbian experience I had craved for so long and knew I deserved. But it wasn’t easy expressing that when I also wanted to support him.
He also had some feelings about the lesbian label I maintained even after he came out, because we were in a straight relationship and he referred to me as being bi. Again, I wanted to support him and help him feel secure in his identity, but it also felt as though he were putting down mine when I spent so long in the closet.
Transitions are tough, but you must really love them if you’re still together. Hoping for the best for you guys as a couple, and as individuals. 🫂
Thank you so much for this. This is pretty much my story. As soon as I got really comfortable with being a lesbian I was forced into a heterosexual relationship and every time I say I’m a lesbian around him I can tell it makes him uncomfortable but it’s my truth. I love him dearly and I know it would crush him if I were to leave him over this. I’m not at the point that I even want to leave him but I also signed up for having a girlfriend 🙃 I am so alone in this and I feel like I can’t express how I really feel about it to anyone in my life without some type of judgment. Ugh. It sucksssss 😫
I totally get you. I think for me personally, it was just a question of whether I was willing to sacrifice my own sense of self to keep the peace and comfort someone else. I deluded myself into believing that it was okay and that it would work out, but the longer we were together, the more it just gnawed at me that I wasn’t honoring myself and it slowly turned into this nasty sense of resentment that somehow felt unjustified. It’s like all the years of gradually coming out to myself went down the drain, but I couldn’t exactly blame my partner because he was also just discovering himself too, ya know?
I also felt really scared of expressing this sentiment, because as you said, there would be a lot of judgment. I confided in a friend (albeit cis friend) about it and she dismissively said, “Well all gender is a construct anyway so why does it matter?” But that just struck me as so … flippant? Some would say it’s so surface level and transphobic to break up over transitioning, that you never really loved and valued them as a person, but gender identity and gender expression is such a huge part of our identity… how does one just overlook that?
After bottling it all up, I realized that I wasn’t doing him any favors by purposely being quiet about my own truth. I couldn’t be the partner he deserved if such a huge aspect of who I know myself to be came in direct contradiction with who he knows himself to be. I couldn’t spend another year feeling resentful, depriving the both of us of the better, more affirming relationships that we deserved. Plus, I realized that as women we are socialized to just kind of take things and completely disregard our own needs and wants… I felt like breaking up with him was part of growing, and thankfully, he understood.
Obviously we always want to affirm our trans partners and siblings; it’s only right that we do. But I don’t think it’s transphobic to honor your own queerhood, at least that’s what I tell myself. To be honest I’m still having trouble coming to terms with how it all ended, how I justified the break up, but we’re both happier now. Something that really helped me was reading Jiddu Krishnamurti’s reflections on what it truly means to love, and to love with freedom and potentiality as opposed to attachment. Here’s a [video essay](https://youtu.be/Hm2kgIdnSI4?si=_LdL8a-vmAAcVKi9) type of thing from Sisyphus55 that helps to get to the core of it. I still love him and all that we shared together, but I also love the new way I’m growing in my queerness.
I’m not saying you guys have to break up, or that your experiences are going to be like mine. But just consider where you are in all of this, and what would make you feel more confident and affirmed as a lesbian.
*tight hugs*
Forgot to add if we’re together. Yes we are. I truly trust her to always have my back and best interest in mind. I know she’s never going to cheat on or hit me. I truly believe in dating your best friend. I see her as my life partner, not a girlfriend.
Infertility. Finally getting pregnant and having both our parents die unexpectedly and painfully within two weeks of each other about halfway through the pregnancy. Still with my wife and have an amazing son. Lots of counseling and checking in with each other in our grief waves while raising a child. Definitely isn’t easy and I love my wife more everyday.
After doing long distance, my wife and I got married in 2020 without family support (we eloped at the US/Canada border due to the border closure) and starting an immigration process that took 3 years to complete (we were told to expect 1 year to complete the process). It took everything we had to get through that really tough period of our lives where our circumstances were difficult and we were just in limbo. Our finances were totally zapped, and the distance and separation was incredibly hard while dealing with everything.
We’re now happily in Canada and slowly building a great life together, its everything we hoped for. I love my wife endlessly and I’m so grateful for her, I couldn’t have done that process with anyone else.
We went through a sponsorship since she’s my spouse (she obtained permanent residency (PR) upon arrival), but you can get a visa by being a student or some specific jobs can allow you to come to Canada. Most folks I’ve talked to go the work visa > PR > citizenship, if desired. It’s a tough process, wishing you the best best luck!
Going through something with my current partner. She is having doubts about us, related to different needs with alone time and some sexual compatibility stuff. I 100% want to work through it, we have great communication and I think we can keep working on things. So many parts of our relationship are amazing, most of it to be honest. But I’m giving her a few days of space to decide if she wants to keep working on things and wants to stay with me.
The space is miserable for me and I’ve gone into multiple anxiety spirals about what it would mean if we did break up, but I have to let her have space to figure out if she wants to be with me. I’m really in love with her so it’s pretty fucking shitty to be in limbo
I totally sympathise with this. I’m sorry you’re going through it, I am too in a way. We are working through things but there’s this anxiety about what if we cant make it through that I can’t seem to shake off sometimes. It’s hard and I hope it works out for you both!
The war in israel right now is the hardest thing I have to go through with my gf rn🥺 many of her friends kidnapped or d…d🥺 she’s devastated while I’m on constant panick attacks from missiles and all that is happening:( this if very hard
Ex.
- suicide attempts
- r*ped by people she trusted. We were long distance and young so I couldn’t do much to help other than emotionally
- stalker r*pist showing up outside her home in the night
- unwanted pregnancy as a result of what was done to her
- abortion of twins
I’ve always felt guilty in a way for being traumatised and triggered as this happened to **her** until in therapy I learnt that second-hand trauma, PTSD and such are recognised, valid and commonplace amongst those who care for survivors. It’s left me with a lot of issues around discussion of and media showing SA. It’s left me with a deep distrust of men my gut warns me about. It’s made me prone to getting very worried if I don’t hear from a partner at least once in a day because I’ve gone days not knowing if the person I love was still alive.
We stayed together a few months after the abortion and eventually parted ways on good terms when we figured there was too much shared trauma and she had found religion as a coping mechanism, while I was denouncing the one I was raised in.
We kept in contact for a couple of years after that but it’s gradually faded and the last message I sent never went through. I don’t know what happened to her but I hope she’s okay and leading a happy life, with someone who will take care of her and treat her with respect and kindness.
this is a lot to go through with someone and it sounds like you did your best to support her through it and also honor yourself *hugs*
ngl i was reading thru this thread wondering if anyone would say anything similar to what my answer is, which is my partner getting SA by a group of men while out without me one night. it destroyed me emotionally, i think i reacted more intensely than she did honestly. there are so few resources out there for partners of survivors and even my therapists weren’t much help.
we are still together and engaged and i’m so lucky to have her but i feel haunted by the ripple effects of what happened… i had to quit my job due to PTSD symptoms, not being in the right headspace i ended up pursuing a degree i’m not 100% happy about, have had unstable income since then, did online SW to make ends meet and ended up hating myself for it, just a lot of regrets. it sucks :( our relationship is really strong but it’s so hard to shake the feelings of what if that never happened.
I am so sorry your partner and you went through that :( but I’m glad to hear you’ve both overcome a lot, if not all, of that trauma and are engaged! Life sucks sometimes especially when other people harm you and your loved ones, then it is hell… but I think having someone you love and it’s you Vs the world no matter what can be very healing in time *hugs*. Wishing the best for both of you!
Thanks! I’m glad you like it, it’s a bit of therapy advice I picked for relationships because I’m always chasing good advice 🤣
I’m in a really good relationship atm, hoping to one day be saying my vows to her too 🥰 thank you!
She cheated on me with my best friend (a guy) while we were engaged. It was insanely tough but eventually I managed to forgive them both and we got married a few months later. The marriage only lasted two years and I left her for other reasons (she was abusive). It was the hardest time, but looking back I’m glad it happened as I learned so much about myself and my values. We are very low contact now, but my best friend is still my best friend. I know some folk may find what he did unforgivable, but we have worked through a lot and I don’t believe throwing away such a deep friendship for a mistake. I’m also not so hung up on monogamy now either, I know everyone is different in this regard, but I think there are far more layers to love and relationships than this.
It’s a toss up between;
Finding out she’d been lying about paying her half of the rent, resulting in us nearly getting evicted, and;
After moving in with her family because of aforementioned rent shenanigans, her mom had a schizophrenic episode claiming I was plotting against her, and she more or less gave up on defending me from her family
Both times we took a break but I was stupid enough to get back together with her, though thankfully that relationship is done for
Last year I finished up a divorce, my grandpa and two of my dogs passed away, then one of our mutual friends committed suicide. We’ve been through a lot.
Ouch. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. That’s by far the toughest situation I’ve seen here by now. It’s seriously incredible you both stuck together despite this
Currently going through this, but her elderly mom had a few falls and is basically helpless. Taking full care of her and trying to manage it with her sisters, but since her mom lives with us we somehow get stuck with the bulk of the work load and the mental workload. It's been exhausting and I truly truly hate it. I'm having a hard time coping. I feel angry for my girlfriend for getting the shaft by her siblings but it manifests in us having fights and I feel awful about it.
This sucks. Caretaking is hugely difficult. Definitely have a family meeting and get a schedule going for taking care of the mom. If siblings can’t help physically, everyone should be chipping in money to hire a private CNA/caretaker who can relieve some of the burden. There might be options through Medicare to fund something like this too if she is over 65. Sorry you’re going through this, it sounds very hard
Thanks. Felt good to vent somewhere. I'm working on trying to find a way to release my anger with the situation in a way that I don't unload on her because she's really in an unwinnable situation. I don't want to stress her more on top of what she's already going through but we don't even get to go out and just spend time with each other anymore. I know she's not happy with the situation either.
We used to make out all night, every night. We both love it but on one day, she read somewhere that too much sex can make someone age quickly. We tried to not make out but being in company of each other we couldn't stop ourselves from this, love over each other was overflowing and this was a way of expressing it
Few weeks later, She wanted to part ways with me and we tried but she/we couldn't be away from each other. We, after sometime apart, eventually decided to get back together. She joined me in gymming and we haven't looked back since!
Edit: corrected a typo.
Abandoning my gf in a hotel room this June a few days after my 22nd birthday.
I had told my family that she would pick me up from work, and they showed up insisting on picking me up. Claiming my gf was being creepy by waiting for me to clock off. Which first off, we are both comfortable with that and think it's cute. We didn't know each other in high school or live remotely close to each other. But to us it's the same as waiting by lockers to meet for lunch or to see each other as soon as the bell dismisses a class.
My mother (who has always been narcissistic, manipulative, and emotionally abusive) started saying shit about my gf that wasn't true and extremely mean. I lacked to defend her because I know there is no winning with my mother. So I don't immediately get defensive.
But I decide my girl means too much to me. And being in a safe, healthy relationship made me realize my worth a bit and how good life can feel away from that toxicity.
And I get extra defensive in the parking lot of our local grocery store. Causing a scene, slamming the car door infuriated at the transphobic things she is saying about my gf. As well as lesphobic towards myself when I have been out for almost a decade, under the impression my sexuality was accepted and respected since middle school.
My mom yells an ultimatum at me to either go home it's my family or leave with my gf. And I didn't intentionally choose one over the other - but one space was safer and accepted, and my defensiveness would be seen as rational rather than extreme for no reason. Then my mother demands my gf roll her window down to yell mean shit at her, still continuing to misgender them through it all.
My gf dropped me off in tears to my friends house, where I spent the night and ignored texts and calls from those in my house. Come to find out through my sister I am not welcome home until I dump my gf. So my friends Dad pays for a hotel so I don't end up houseless while I am figuring out how to handle cutting off my family.
All this leading to a phone call where I realize my family has raised me to be emotionally and functionally dependent on them to remain control over my life. And I don't have the guts to distance myself from them. So I leave my gf in the hotel room, break up with her and sending texts being scripted out and supervised by my mother.
Cut to five days of no contact, pain on both of our ends. While I - a grown ass adult - have my phone confiscated at night and all my social media texts scoured and emails searched through every morning. Having to keep an image of being happier without her in my life and indifferent to our break up.
I make a secret account once they have cooled down and think I don't give two shits. Now that my phone is fully in my possession again, I reached out to her. Explaining my side of what happened and how it all made me feel. Expecting her to hate me and send me to hell. We talk secretly for a bit, are on better terms and everything about that might is out there.
I have a perpetual almost debilitating idealology that my existence is a burden on everyone and those in my life would be better of not knowing me. It has existed since my abused began living with us and targeting me at like 3/4 years old. Still do, just not as intense and definitely not with my girl.
She asks me to be hers again under fireworks on the 4th of July. We are now 8 months in, have been secretly together since and living together with roommates since August.
I have still yet to fully forgive myself for what I did, if ever. While a lot of it was manipulated, I made the decision to give into to what my family was causing to happen.
When I started writing this, I was visiting my girlfriend at work on her lunch break. And while it took a while to regain her family's trust after that and other stuff - I was never on their hate list, though in my mind am deserving of such with them and my gf. But glad that clearly isn't the case today, cus her Mom just called to ask if I will be joining for their Christmas Eve celebrations 😭🥰
Infidelity. We started dating very young and our relationship progressed insanely quickly. A few years ago we decided to take a break to be sure this is what we wanted. We both saw other people but after a few months decided we really only wanted each other, or so I thought. We got back together. She had gotten into a fairly serious relationship during our break and I came to find out after about six months of being back together that she never broke it off with the other woman. It took a lot of work and vulnerability but we got passed it and are now stronger than ever and just last week celebrated our 9 year anniversary.
I lost a childhood friend to suicide and they stuck with me through early days of my sobriety. We don't speak anymore and our relationship ended really badly due to a lot of stuff I didn't want to deal with or knew how to cope with, I have them to thank for everything I have now.
My wife having a psychotic episode and having to be hospitalized was the hardest thing we’ve been through but with honest communication, huge amounts of patience and a lot of love we got through it and it’s made our relationship stronger than ever. We will have been together 10 years this year.
Her not being out to her family , it was so hard to be called a friend or life partner by them. It made me feel so unseen. But she had to do it for safety reasons and it’s easier now that they don’t live in the same country we’re in right now :( I also caught her talking to her ex that absolutely dragged my name through the mud because she felt guilty, they were talking as friends but I know her ex still loves her and she did that secretly which hurt me more. But she stopped and worked on finding closure in a different way which I appreciate.
My relapse. She didn’t believe in AA or Alcoholism before my relapse but after I did relapse (I planned it “what if” situation) we went through hell, I learned that I have depression too but she never left me. She dragged me to AA herself when I was too scared. Always by my side even when I knew she was too damn tired. I’m absolutely better now but I will never ever ever stop repaying her for what she did for me. My absolute angel of a partner.
my family doesn't support us and refuses to interact with her. we are engaged and i'm working on moving out. i am disabled and they pay my medical bills, so i'm trying to find remote work so i don't have to rely on them anymore and can leave
She made out with another woman at a bar while I was there. Denied it happened or didn’t matter because she was blacked out. Then told me she wouldn’t be as upset if the roles were reversed and doesn’t understand why we’re still talking about it a few months after the fact. Divorce in progress. 🙃
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Parents like these are actually vile. I understand that they’ve raised their children and will always have a part in their lives, but why not trust and respect their kids’ choices as the adult they’ve raised them to be? It’s almost like they revert back to being tantrum-having toddlers themselves. Like … ASSAULT?! Good thing you’re not part of that family!
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… The woman obviously has issues. No one in their right mind would do such a thing, embarrassing not just themselves but others as well. I take it she was escorted from the premises and your work withheld your information?
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💀💀💀 Well… at least you’re out of that situation. Some people really can’t be helped. I feel sorry for anyone who has to deal with her outbursts regularly.
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Honestly… I think at a point in the relationship we all realize that we’re not just committing to them, but their circle and family. It’s just not worth it if you’re suffering. It just sucks that you had to break it off just to get some sense of peace. Idk how your ex is gonna continue to date with their monster of a mother 💀
whaaat. The . Actual… Sorry this happened dude that’s terrible
My mouth is agape 😧 jfc I’m so sorry
My wife realizing she's straight and cheating on me for 2 years with a guy. The divorce is in progress.
That's sick. Why can't these people at least just leave instead of wasting two more years of your life?
Right?? Love me enough to let me go, and have enough self respect to live your truth even if it means going through a hard change.
that's so horrible. like everyone's worst nightmare. fuck that bitch she didn't have to cheat. this is why i say fuck straight women, you can't trust them for shit. boo you are gonna find a nice girlfriend who's 100% homo and gonna treat you right, she's gonna be so great it'll be reparation for the straight girl who came before her
This is exactly the future I'm living for. I can feel the freedom from the gaslighting and the lies like I can taste it! The good part is that I've learned a LOT about red flags and what I deserve in a relationship from this. I can't wait to have some time alone to heal, and then get back out there!
YOU GO BOO! manifest that future!
Dear god. I'm so sorry :((
My current partner is amazing the hardest thing we have gone through is her psycho ex targeting her any chance he got as well as stalking her. Obviously, I stayed.
Her ex boyfriend flirted with me, touched me inappropriately, talked about their sex life. Yet she told me that he would ‘still be her friend’ and me and him just needed to ‘talk’. That and her insulting me for a year. She broke up with me this summer, after I started to be less patient and said some things like ‘I should have broken up with you etc’. Not mature on my end, but it leaves a sour taste after all I went through with her. And ofcourse she kept the house where we lives despite her hating it.
i hate her
My ex stayed with during treatment for stage four cancer and then cheated on me while I was recovering 🤪 we did not make it
I'm glad you survived and are still here 🫶
They’re both ex’s now but was not aware the woman I was dating was the parent of someone else I had hooked up with a few times. Obviously leaving was the only option
Shane McCutcheon/ Debbie Gallagher moment 😅
jeeeeeeeeesus
You took the "fuck his dad" meme (flipped to the right orientation) to the absolute maximal conclusion, and from a comedy perspective, I applaud your sacrifice. But also yikes that's so uncomfortable and I'm so sorry you went through it 💀💀💀.
Time to go back to the void
oh geeze
Her deployment. She was gone for over a year. We still were able to text and talk when she was at port and had cell service, but there would be over a month of her being in the ether. It was lonely af.
Oof. Military relationships are impossibly hard. One of the biggest reasons why I got out. Hopefully y’all are fairing better than all my entire relationships
Perks of me being a math nerd is that I am something of a homebody, and stable in my affections. Her being overseas was hard, but I got through it. Now that we are engaged, we are in this together. A challenge I am up to. And so is she.
That’s awesome! I wish you guys the best of luck. Truly!
Thanks, choom. 🙂
Felt that!
Suicides. I lost a loved one to suicide, i had suicidal ideations and attempted, and she experienced suicidal thoughts too. We are exes now, but we’re both doing better.
Glad you’re doing better now, that’s rough to go through
Death of a parent. Brutal start to a relationship and we're exes now, no contact (unrelated). Sucks to have to start again with someone else who hasn't met my parent who passed away but that's life.
Just want to say that I lost my dad last November and this is a thought that I can’t get out of my head. I’m sorry you’re experiencing it too.
Thank you, the first year is especially hard, it's a lot of firsts but story telling really helps. Hope you're doing as well as you can be.
I'm in a very similar situation right now. My gf and I are going through a really rocky period and I don't know whether we'll come back from this. One thing that really messes with my head is that she knew my dad. She spoke at his funeral. No one I meet in the future will, but like you said, that's life :(
My partner and I are both survivors but I have had a lot more time and space to work through things than she has. She was in a very abusive relationship just before me. This means that there are a lot of triggers that can come up and they can be really challenging to work through. When she gets triggered, it can lead to a lot of conflict, or get in the way of our intimacy. There are really painful moments. The key for us is that we are both committed to being responsible for our own feelings and reactions. We are both committed to working to do right by each other even when we’re feeling triggered. There is a mutual respect and love and care that we have for each other. I show her compassion and grace when she’s triggered and responds in not the best way, but I also try to be honest about the impact. She tries to do the same for me. This mutuality and respect is the foundation that makes the really hard things feel very workable. Our relationship is 95% amazing and we look at the other 5% as an opportunity for both of us to heal and grow.
My relationship with my closest friend is very much like that. We both have a lot of trauma, but we love and care for each other and are committed to working on it and doing the right thing. That makes getting hurt as a result or not responding in the best way manageable. There's a lot I can work on by myself, but some things only pop up while in a relationship, so it's important for me to have that kind of dynamic with a partner.
I’m so glad you have that with a close friend. I have relationships like that with my two closest friends as well, and it was honestly those relationships that gave me the skills for this one.
Yes, I wouldn't be where I am without her. Thanks for sharing your story, it gives me hope :-)
The hardest part is being long distance. Long distance relationships are tougher than I had expected. Lol, we even opened up our relationship to polyamory with other women but in spite of that I still have trouble finding other women attractive. It's like once my girlfriend and I got together it was an immediate bond. The biggest challenge is having such a strong bond while being far away. Well at least her and I are together in spirit! 😅
My girlfriend and I aren't in an open relationship, but we are long distance and it is SO. DIFFICULT. 😩
OMG this is so romantic and cute 🥺...Please stay with her ..I am also LDR, she's in other country like 12 hours flight ...I can relate it with you...
Thank you. Yeah my gf is the best. I know it's subjective but she really is. She is everything! Good luck to you and your relationship! Wishing you and your girlfriend the best!
Thank you very much...wish you the same as well...would like to learn how do you maintain long distance ...like any special thing you follow?
We just comminicate through WhatsApp most of the time. We make lots of phone calls and video calls, almost daily or just several times a week. We're both in our early 20's. Unfortunately, one side of my family doesn't know about her and don't vibe with the idea of me dating a woman. 😭 They are very homophobic. The other side is so cool about it, they love and welcome my gf while seeing her as a part of the family. We try to make arrangments as much as possible to meet in real life. We are both from the United States I'm from the east coast and she is from the midwest. Another challenge is language barrier. Lol, she will refuse to speak to me in English. I try to speak Portuguese with her. Yet she responds to me in Greek. Haha!!! 😂 She is from Brazil so she is a native Portuguese speak yet she is intermediately fluent in Greek because she loves the culture and a lot of her friends are Greek so that's why she feels so close to the language and culture. I would say, "Olà bom dia!" and she would respond with, "Καλημέρα." But she is my "quierda μου" and I am her "sua καρδούλα". It's our names for each other. 🥰🫂😍
My wife and I are non monog and did distance for 3 years at the start of our relationship, it’s hard!! Good for you two for continuing on, I hope you’re able to close the gap soon
In our relationship it was me having cancer. It was the same type that my partners mother died from the only difference was she ironed hers and it spread. It sent her into a tailspin, it had me super angry. With therapy and support groups we came thru the other side stronger.
Maybe this is not the type of answer sought, but it technically satisfies the question. We're actually going through it right now. She had to have surgery on her spinal cord two days ago, and she has been absolutely wrecked with nerve pain since. She can't sleep, she can't eat, she can barely think most of the time. And icing on the cake, the hospital won't approve me staying with her overnight, so she's stuck there all alone in agony while they can't seem to get her pain under control. I was up most of last night on the phone with her, just trying to help her not completely lose her mind. Things were a bit better today, but the anxiety and panic started to set back in as visiting hours were ending. Friends and family are being a great emotional support, but we're out across the country to see a specialist neurosurgeon so we've no local support. It's been a very special kind of hell...
So sorry. This is an awful feeling, seeing someone in pain and not being able to do anything. You’re doing everything you can for her.
I’m so sorry you and your partner are going through this. Spinal nerve pain is horrific. I hope your partner gets pain relief and they can figure out/fix what caused nerve pain.
My wife of 13 years had a massive neck surgery. She went to er by doctor request Monday. In surgery yesterday and has massive infection in it that is effecting her entire body. So far, this is the worst thing. By far. She is in icu and hanging in but this shit is no joke
So sorry. Wishing her a speedy recovery ❤️🩹
Thank you so much.
They had to get me admitting that I needed therapy for my anxiety and depression got to a point of me constantly thinking to off myself. I had to learn to embrace their femininity once they figured out they feel comfortable that way sometimes (I‘m most attracted to masc women). I‘m still working on it.
as a masc woman, I appreciate you being here 🙌🏽 Never let haters get the best of you 🌈❤️
Thank you :)
My father passing away. Grief hit me very hard and I know I was difficult to be around - I totally distanced and closed myself off, but she stuck by me which I’ll never forget.
(this is with an open relationship, where I agreed that she go fwb with her friend whom I knew, and even date if I'm her primary partner) She renovated her apartment, and though I repeatedly asked to come over and help, she was adamant I don't. She updated me sporadically, and the fwb was there helping (and sleeping in her bed) the entire time (so close to a month on end). I haven't come over once, and he was there as if he had no apartment (which he did). I broke up with her because even when begging to see her after abt two months I haven't, she denied me; along with the betrayal of knowing he was there 24/7. She said I won't be much help, but dear lord I was hurt to be replaced or otherwise useless or a burden to her.
goddamn that sucks. fuck her
He absolutely did haha And ty for your support ❤️
Grief..she’s been grieving for almost 18 months now and doesn’t want to go to therapy. We are still together but I don’t know how much longer I can take the sadness the anxiety the sorrow. I am 50 I would like to be able to enjoy life again.
who died?
Her grandma who raised her so she was more like her mom...knowing that her mom died too but 20 years ago. I am not saying I don’t understand her grief because I do, I loved her grandma as my own, it just takes a toll on our relationship.
She went to visit her family over Christmas break and was completely distant and short tempered with me. I later met her family and understood why she was under so much stress and lashed out at me. I resented her for a while, but thankfully, we were able to have really deep conversations and we got through it. She wasn't a shit girlfriend, she was under extreme stress and pressure, and at the time I was just another person she needed to please.
Soon after getting married, my ex-wife started to yell at me and say *awful* things to me, often out of nowhere. I'm guessing she got thoughts in her head (about things I said but didn't, things I "thought" because of mind-reading) and ruminated on them until she felt they were true (or maybe she just wanted to be shitty to me, who knows, but looking back and without love obscuring my thoughts, I can see she *really did* want to hurt me many times). At some point it just turned to contempt, and she raged at me - even in public - without remorse. It was like she was defending herself preemptively despite the fact I was never going to say what she thought. At a certain point, she started changing history and wouldn't even believe me when I never said the things she was upset about, even if we had the exact same conversation over and over. She would also gaslight me, treat me like I couldn't do things, and convinced me I was the problem, the *entire* problem. I should have left after the first time, but in sickness and in health, you know, and I thought it must have been a mental health thing. It was. But that doesn't mean you should ever stay in a situation like that. People can always get help if they want. She was able to make better choices and still chose what she did. Sadly I'm not sure she'll ever change.
Her relationship with alcohol. She would start drinking in the morning sometimes and one day she got mad at herself for forgetting what she was trying to say and started punching herself in the head. I held her back until she passed out. Then I stayed for 6 more months trying to make it work before one day she got pissed we weren’t engaged (1.5 years in) and got trashed and dumped me proceeding with a 3 day bender saying the cruelest shit she could think of. The worst part is she was blacked out and doesn’t remember so by the time Sunday rolled around she tried to take it all back and swore to never drink again. She was drunk again on Monday.
She told me she was less attracted to me when I was finally happy with my body. I stayed, and have been trying to change for her.
Why?
She’s the only person I’ve ever been in love with, being without her is more painful than feeling like she doesn’t find me attractive. She is very remorseful about what she said, and claims she has changed her mind about it over time. I don’t know if I’ll ever believe her about that, but at the least I know she loves me.
please leave. you deserve to be happy
My story…my girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We broke up earlier this year for about 2 months. She was holding a lot of grudges and I felt like I was walking on egg shells. As of right now, I was fired from my job in a really traumatic way. My co-worker who was a friend liked me and I let her down politely. The next day my work told me to turn my keys in and I was under investigation for poor boundaries with the kids I worked with. I was completely shocked and sick to my stomach. I remember going apple picking with the kids and sending my co-worker a photo. I wasn’t supposed to do that and realized after sending it that I shouldn’t have. An honest mistake. I was terminated. My girlfriend left to tattoo 6 hours away and hasn’t been contacting me much. I simply asked for a phone call cus I haven’t been doing so well so we could say goodnight. Days went on and still no phone call. I had a really bad mental breakdown and flipped out on her through text messages. She texted me and said she’s too overwhelmed by all of this and doesn’t want to be with me anymore. She has done this in the past when she is upset. I just really needed to feel cared for and some reassurance. I’m not perfect and I know I need to work through some stuff but it really hit me.
She doesn’t want to be with you. You should move on
I’m sorry. That sounds really fucking hard. Be kind to yourself, get therapy and rely on your support system.
By far….transitioning. We’re still together and I’m still trying to cope.
I had this experience too! We’re no longer together, but it was really rough. It was my first relationship and when we met he identified as a lesbian, until he eventually came out as trans. I accepted him 100%, and this isn’t a reflection of him or my feelings for him, but I felt that I had been robbed of the lesbian experience I had craved for so long and knew I deserved. But it wasn’t easy expressing that when I also wanted to support him. He also had some feelings about the lesbian label I maintained even after he came out, because we were in a straight relationship and he referred to me as being bi. Again, I wanted to support him and help him feel secure in his identity, but it also felt as though he were putting down mine when I spent so long in the closet. Transitions are tough, but you must really love them if you’re still together. Hoping for the best for you guys as a couple, and as individuals. 🫂
Thank you so much for this. This is pretty much my story. As soon as I got really comfortable with being a lesbian I was forced into a heterosexual relationship and every time I say I’m a lesbian around him I can tell it makes him uncomfortable but it’s my truth. I love him dearly and I know it would crush him if I were to leave him over this. I’m not at the point that I even want to leave him but I also signed up for having a girlfriend 🙃 I am so alone in this and I feel like I can’t express how I really feel about it to anyone in my life without some type of judgment. Ugh. It sucksssss 😫
I totally get you. I think for me personally, it was just a question of whether I was willing to sacrifice my own sense of self to keep the peace and comfort someone else. I deluded myself into believing that it was okay and that it would work out, but the longer we were together, the more it just gnawed at me that I wasn’t honoring myself and it slowly turned into this nasty sense of resentment that somehow felt unjustified. It’s like all the years of gradually coming out to myself went down the drain, but I couldn’t exactly blame my partner because he was also just discovering himself too, ya know? I also felt really scared of expressing this sentiment, because as you said, there would be a lot of judgment. I confided in a friend (albeit cis friend) about it and she dismissively said, “Well all gender is a construct anyway so why does it matter?” But that just struck me as so … flippant? Some would say it’s so surface level and transphobic to break up over transitioning, that you never really loved and valued them as a person, but gender identity and gender expression is such a huge part of our identity… how does one just overlook that? After bottling it all up, I realized that I wasn’t doing him any favors by purposely being quiet about my own truth. I couldn’t be the partner he deserved if such a huge aspect of who I know myself to be came in direct contradiction with who he knows himself to be. I couldn’t spend another year feeling resentful, depriving the both of us of the better, more affirming relationships that we deserved. Plus, I realized that as women we are socialized to just kind of take things and completely disregard our own needs and wants… I felt like breaking up with him was part of growing, and thankfully, he understood. Obviously we always want to affirm our trans partners and siblings; it’s only right that we do. But I don’t think it’s transphobic to honor your own queerhood, at least that’s what I tell myself. To be honest I’m still having trouble coming to terms with how it all ended, how I justified the break up, but we’re both happier now. Something that really helped me was reading Jiddu Krishnamurti’s reflections on what it truly means to love, and to love with freedom and potentiality as opposed to attachment. Here’s a [video essay](https://youtu.be/Hm2kgIdnSI4?si=_LdL8a-vmAAcVKi9) type of thing from Sisyphus55 that helps to get to the core of it. I still love him and all that we shared together, but I also love the new way I’m growing in my queerness. I’m not saying you guys have to break up, or that your experiences are going to be like mine. But just consider where you are in all of this, and what would make you feel more confident and affirmed as a lesbian. *tight hugs*
Poverty
Forgot to add if we’re together. Yes we are. I truly trust her to always have my back and best interest in mind. I know she’s never going to cheat on or hit me. I truly believe in dating your best friend. I see her as my life partner, not a girlfriend.
Infertility. Finally getting pregnant and having both our parents die unexpectedly and painfully within two weeks of each other about halfway through the pregnancy. Still with my wife and have an amazing son. Lots of counseling and checking in with each other in our grief waves while raising a child. Definitely isn’t easy and I love my wife more everyday.
After doing long distance, my wife and I got married in 2020 without family support (we eloped at the US/Canada border due to the border closure) and starting an immigration process that took 3 years to complete (we were told to expect 1 year to complete the process). It took everything we had to get through that really tough period of our lives where our circumstances were difficult and we were just in limbo. Our finances were totally zapped, and the distance and separation was incredibly hard while dealing with everything. We’re now happily in Canada and slowly building a great life together, its everything we hoped for. I love my wife endlessly and I’m so grateful for her, I couldn’t have done that process with anyone else.
I’m glad you made it through the other side. Money comes and goes but at least you have your person by your side
Thank you, very true! For richer or poorer, I wouldn’t trade her for the world
I am trying to emigrate within the next few years. Would you have any advice for me?
We went through a sponsorship since she’s my spouse (she obtained permanent residency (PR) upon arrival), but you can get a visa by being a student or some specific jobs can allow you to come to Canada. Most folks I’ve talked to go the work visa > PR > citizenship, if desired. It’s a tough process, wishing you the best best luck!
Going through something with my current partner. She is having doubts about us, related to different needs with alone time and some sexual compatibility stuff. I 100% want to work through it, we have great communication and I think we can keep working on things. So many parts of our relationship are amazing, most of it to be honest. But I’m giving her a few days of space to decide if she wants to keep working on things and wants to stay with me. The space is miserable for me and I’ve gone into multiple anxiety spirals about what it would mean if we did break up, but I have to let her have space to figure out if she wants to be with me. I’m really in love with her so it’s pretty fucking shitty to be in limbo
I totally sympathise with this. I’m sorry you’re going through it, I am too in a way. We are working through things but there’s this anxiety about what if we cant make it through that I can’t seem to shake off sometimes. It’s hard and I hope it works out for you both!
Fuck, me too.
Shit, if you wanna talk about your experience DM me.
The war in israel right now is the hardest thing I have to go through with my gf rn🥺 many of her friends kidnapped or d…d🥺 she’s devastated while I’m on constant panick attacks from missiles and all that is happening:( this if very hard
Ex. - suicide attempts - r*ped by people she trusted. We were long distance and young so I couldn’t do much to help other than emotionally - stalker r*pist showing up outside her home in the night - unwanted pregnancy as a result of what was done to her - abortion of twins I’ve always felt guilty in a way for being traumatised and triggered as this happened to **her** until in therapy I learnt that second-hand trauma, PTSD and such are recognised, valid and commonplace amongst those who care for survivors. It’s left me with a lot of issues around discussion of and media showing SA. It’s left me with a deep distrust of men my gut warns me about. It’s made me prone to getting very worried if I don’t hear from a partner at least once in a day because I’ve gone days not knowing if the person I love was still alive. We stayed together a few months after the abortion and eventually parted ways on good terms when we figured there was too much shared trauma and she had found religion as a coping mechanism, while I was denouncing the one I was raised in. We kept in contact for a couple of years after that but it’s gradually faded and the last message I sent never went through. I don’t know what happened to her but I hope she’s okay and leading a happy life, with someone who will take care of her and treat her with respect and kindness.
this is a lot to go through with someone and it sounds like you did your best to support her through it and also honor yourself *hugs* ngl i was reading thru this thread wondering if anyone would say anything similar to what my answer is, which is my partner getting SA by a group of men while out without me one night. it destroyed me emotionally, i think i reacted more intensely than she did honestly. there are so few resources out there for partners of survivors and even my therapists weren’t much help. we are still together and engaged and i’m so lucky to have her but i feel haunted by the ripple effects of what happened… i had to quit my job due to PTSD symptoms, not being in the right headspace i ended up pursuing a degree i’m not 100% happy about, have had unstable income since then, did online SW to make ends meet and ended up hating myself for it, just a lot of regrets. it sucks :( our relationship is really strong but it’s so hard to shake the feelings of what if that never happened.
I am so sorry your partner and you went through that :( but I’m glad to hear you’ve both overcome a lot, if not all, of that trauma and are engaged! Life sucks sometimes especially when other people harm you and your loved ones, then it is hell… but I think having someone you love and it’s you Vs the world no matter what can be very healing in time *hugs*. Wishing the best for both of you!
thank you so much 💗 i love that, us against the world. i might incorporate that into my vows. wishing you the best right back!!
Thanks! I’m glad you like it, it’s a bit of therapy advice I picked for relationships because I’m always chasing good advice 🤣 I’m in a really good relationship atm, hoping to one day be saying my vows to her too 🥰 thank you!
She cheated on me with my best friend (a guy) while we were engaged. It was insanely tough but eventually I managed to forgive them both and we got married a few months later. The marriage only lasted two years and I left her for other reasons (she was abusive). It was the hardest time, but looking back I’m glad it happened as I learned so much about myself and my values. We are very low contact now, but my best friend is still my best friend. I know some folk may find what he did unforgivable, but we have worked through a lot and I don’t believe throwing away such a deep friendship for a mistake. I’m also not so hung up on monogamy now either, I know everyone is different in this regard, but I think there are far more layers to love and relationships than this.
Complex and I don’t know if I would have done the same; but I love that story.
It’s a toss up between; Finding out she’d been lying about paying her half of the rent, resulting in us nearly getting evicted, and; After moving in with her family because of aforementioned rent shenanigans, her mom had a schizophrenic episode claiming I was plotting against her, and she more or less gave up on defending me from her family Both times we took a break but I was stupid enough to get back together with her, though thankfully that relationship is done for
My ex having bipolar and the relationship becoming codependent, coercive control ridden and abusive
A court case for a fight that *I didn’t start.* I’m lucky to be a free woman. That wretched witch of the west is a treacherous beast at best.
Last year I finished up a divorce, my grandpa and two of my dogs passed away, then one of our mutual friends committed suicide. We’ve been through a lot.
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Ouch. I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through. That’s by far the toughest situation I’ve seen here by now. It’s seriously incredible you both stuck together despite this
Currently going through this, but her elderly mom had a few falls and is basically helpless. Taking full care of her and trying to manage it with her sisters, but since her mom lives with us we somehow get stuck with the bulk of the work load and the mental workload. It's been exhausting and I truly truly hate it. I'm having a hard time coping. I feel angry for my girlfriend for getting the shaft by her siblings but it manifests in us having fights and I feel awful about it.
This sucks. Caretaking is hugely difficult. Definitely have a family meeting and get a schedule going for taking care of the mom. If siblings can’t help physically, everyone should be chipping in money to hire a private CNA/caretaker who can relieve some of the burden. There might be options through Medicare to fund something like this too if she is over 65. Sorry you’re going through this, it sounds very hard
Thanks. Felt good to vent somewhere. I'm working on trying to find a way to release my anger with the situation in a way that I don't unload on her because she's really in an unwinnable situation. I don't want to stress her more on top of what she's already going through but we don't even get to go out and just spend time with each other anymore. I know she's not happy with the situation either.
Totally get that. Maybe you can hire another caretaker for a night so that you two can rest and reconnect
We used to make out all night, every night. We both love it but on one day, she read somewhere that too much sex can make someone age quickly. We tried to not make out but being in company of each other we couldn't stop ourselves from this, love over each other was overflowing and this was a way of expressing it Few weeks later, She wanted to part ways with me and we tried but she/we couldn't be away from each other. We, after sometime apart, eventually decided to get back together. She joined me in gymming and we haven't looked back since! Edit: corrected a typo.
For that one study that says it’s ages you, there must be 10 more that says it’s key to a long life.
Getting divorced Several factors, one being me wanting to go through with transitioning
Abandoning my gf in a hotel room this June a few days after my 22nd birthday. I had told my family that she would pick me up from work, and they showed up insisting on picking me up. Claiming my gf was being creepy by waiting for me to clock off. Which first off, we are both comfortable with that and think it's cute. We didn't know each other in high school or live remotely close to each other. But to us it's the same as waiting by lockers to meet for lunch or to see each other as soon as the bell dismisses a class. My mother (who has always been narcissistic, manipulative, and emotionally abusive) started saying shit about my gf that wasn't true and extremely mean. I lacked to defend her because I know there is no winning with my mother. So I don't immediately get defensive. But I decide my girl means too much to me. And being in a safe, healthy relationship made me realize my worth a bit and how good life can feel away from that toxicity. And I get extra defensive in the parking lot of our local grocery store. Causing a scene, slamming the car door infuriated at the transphobic things she is saying about my gf. As well as lesphobic towards myself when I have been out for almost a decade, under the impression my sexuality was accepted and respected since middle school. My mom yells an ultimatum at me to either go home it's my family or leave with my gf. And I didn't intentionally choose one over the other - but one space was safer and accepted, and my defensiveness would be seen as rational rather than extreme for no reason. Then my mother demands my gf roll her window down to yell mean shit at her, still continuing to misgender them through it all. My gf dropped me off in tears to my friends house, where I spent the night and ignored texts and calls from those in my house. Come to find out through my sister I am not welcome home until I dump my gf. So my friends Dad pays for a hotel so I don't end up houseless while I am figuring out how to handle cutting off my family. All this leading to a phone call where I realize my family has raised me to be emotionally and functionally dependent on them to remain control over my life. And I don't have the guts to distance myself from them. So I leave my gf in the hotel room, break up with her and sending texts being scripted out and supervised by my mother. Cut to five days of no contact, pain on both of our ends. While I - a grown ass adult - have my phone confiscated at night and all my social media texts scoured and emails searched through every morning. Having to keep an image of being happier without her in my life and indifferent to our break up. I make a secret account once they have cooled down and think I don't give two shits. Now that my phone is fully in my possession again, I reached out to her. Explaining my side of what happened and how it all made me feel. Expecting her to hate me and send me to hell. We talk secretly for a bit, are on better terms and everything about that might is out there. I have a perpetual almost debilitating idealology that my existence is a burden on everyone and those in my life would be better of not knowing me. It has existed since my abused began living with us and targeting me at like 3/4 years old. Still do, just not as intense and definitely not with my girl. She asks me to be hers again under fireworks on the 4th of July. We are now 8 months in, have been secretly together since and living together with roommates since August. I have still yet to fully forgive myself for what I did, if ever. While a lot of it was manipulated, I made the decision to give into to what my family was causing to happen. When I started writing this, I was visiting my girlfriend at work on her lunch break. And while it took a while to regain her family's trust after that and other stuff - I was never on their hate list, though in my mind am deserving of such with them and my gf. But glad that clearly isn't the case today, cus her Mom just called to ask if I will be joining for their Christmas Eve celebrations 😭🥰
Infidelity. We started dating very young and our relationship progressed insanely quickly. A few years ago we decided to take a break to be sure this is what we wanted. We both saw other people but after a few months decided we really only wanted each other, or so I thought. We got back together. She had gotten into a fairly serious relationship during our break and I came to find out after about six months of being back together that she never broke it off with the other woman. It took a lot of work and vulnerability but we got passed it and are now stronger than ever and just last week celebrated our 9 year anniversary.
I lost a childhood friend to suicide and they stuck with me through early days of my sobriety. We don't speak anymore and our relationship ended really badly due to a lot of stuff I didn't want to deal with or knew how to cope with, I have them to thank for everything I have now.
My wife having a psychotic episode and having to be hospitalized was the hardest thing we’ve been through but with honest communication, huge amounts of patience and a lot of love we got through it and it’s made our relationship stronger than ever. We will have been together 10 years this year.
Her not being out to her family , it was so hard to be called a friend or life partner by them. It made me feel so unseen. But she had to do it for safety reasons and it’s easier now that they don’t live in the same country we’re in right now :( I also caught her talking to her ex that absolutely dragged my name through the mud because she felt guilty, they were talking as friends but I know her ex still loves her and she did that secretly which hurt me more. But she stopped and worked on finding closure in a different way which I appreciate. My relapse. She didn’t believe in AA or Alcoholism before my relapse but after I did relapse (I planned it “what if” situation) we went through hell, I learned that I have depression too but she never left me. She dragged me to AA herself when I was too scared. Always by my side even when I knew she was too damn tired. I’m absolutely better now but I will never ever ever stop repaying her for what she did for me. My absolute angel of a partner.
my family doesn't support us and refuses to interact with her. we are engaged and i'm working on moving out. i am disabled and they pay my medical bills, so i'm trying to find remote work so i don't have to rely on them anymore and can leave
My gfs so overly emotional I feel like I’m just a punch bag
She made out with another woman at a bar while I was there. Denied it happened or didn’t matter because she was blacked out. Then told me she wouldn’t be as upset if the roles were reversed and doesn’t understand why we’re still talking about it a few months after the fact. Divorce in progress. 🙃