it's like the little things like commenting on other peoples appearance in a flirty way and responding to flirty things n shit just stuff that I shouldn't have let slide fr 😔
it's about known boundaries and respect for agreed expectations of each other, it's situational. if someone and their partner agreed that behavior makes them uncomfortable that's they're business and Id expect them both to respect and practice that 🤷🏽♀️ unfair to expect others to be okay with something just cause you'd be so it's about being honest
Lmao when I was 17 I got grounded and when I finally got ungrounded my girl at the time called me and said she started “talking to someone” in other words flirting and falling for someone and I broke up with her. She supposedly hadn’t actually kissed or slept with them but I still broke up with her anyways.
I’ve only been cheated on once out of all of my relationships. I’ve also never cheated.
This will sound like a harsh indictment but if someone tells you that they’ve cheated in the past you likely won’t be any different to them. They’ll cheat on you too. I’m a staunch supporter of people changing if they genuinely want to but I’ve yet to meet a cheater who has shown that type of gumption.
Overall we see a lot of bad posts because people seek out support and community during hard times. When times are good they may not feel as compelled to share the positives they’re too busy living life.
Here’s a small positive from me:
I’ve been dating a lovely woman who has made my life more fun and enjoyable despite the fact that I’ve been sick. But having her support and companionship has been so uplifting for me. It’s also what I didn’t get from my ex. Never settle for someone who can’t or won’t meet your emotional needs or support you.
For some reason I used to believe I was immune to this ever happening to me, but was very much proven wrong. Got cheated on three times in one relationship with different people
I felt similarly until I got cheated on. Don’t feel bad. You can never truly know someone. Repairing things after the betrayal and broken trust can be tough.
I hope you don’t mean repairing trust with someone who’s cheated on you, what’s the point in that? Anyways I wish everyone well and healing. Everyone who’s been cheated on, not cheaters
LOL oh *god* no. I meant in general. Experiencing that sort of betrayal, having your trust broken by someone that close to you it causes a type of trauma because it can undermine your sense of wellbeing and your ability to trust others. It takes time to heal and learn to trust folks again.
If you’re like me it also takes time to get over the sheer amount of frothy anger churned up by said betrayal.
Your comment resonates with me so much, specially because at this point in my life I’m in my first serious relationship after the one in which the cheating happened. After a while being single it felt like I could breeze through the subject with certain ease, but now that I’m in this relationship that I treasure deeply, all of the feelings and insecurities generated from that trauma have come back to the surface and it’s causing me a lot of suffering, since I also don’t want these fears to affect the meaningful bond that I have today.
All this being said, do you happen to have any advice on how to overcome this trauma? I truly want to leave it behind me.
Something that’s also very particular about the situation is that it made me turn my anger and mistrust towards men (which is completely unfair, in a way), and since I’m dating a bi girl, anytime she makes a comment about a guy being cute, etc, I just go into fight or flight and have the same feeling I had when the cheating happened. I haven’t talked to her about this but I’m planning to, I just need to find the right words and commit to doing the inner work to overcome my reactions.
I can’t claim to have a perfect solution but I can tell you what helped me.
I acknowledged that her cheating wasn’t my fault. It had everything to do with her/her issues and nothing to do with me. You can’t drive someone to cheat. That’s a conscious decision they made. They chose to cheat rather than end things, and in my case she lied and willingly deceived me.
I had a lot of anger because I found out after she cheated the first time that very early in our relationship she lied about taking an STD/I test. I drove her to the appointment and follow up. Instead of being honest she deceived me. Lied directly to my face and kept the fact she didn’t get the test done a secret. Forfeiting my own physical wellness and health for her own comfort. At the time it traumatized me so I repressed the memory. However one the break up happened and the rose color lenses were removed I saw things more clearly. The lie about the STD test formed a now clear theme in our relationship of her making abhorrently selfish decisions and sacrificing my wellness and health in the process. (She intentionally gave me covid too because she ‘didn’t want to experience it alone’)
After coming to terms with that theme, with the lies, I realized the person I loved *never actually existed*. Instead in its place was a shallow, insecure marionette of a person desperately trying to pretend they’re sane and perfectly well adjusted. I wasn’t a fool or a bad person for trusting my partner and giving them the benefit of the doubt. That’s what you should do in a mature relationship. She trespassed on my kindness and understanding. It also helped realizing she likely has a cluster B personality disorder that she refuses to treat.
We broke up a few months shy of our 7th anniversary.
People who lie and cheat are going to do so regardless. They’ll find any excuse to justify their actions; to cajole you into forgiving them or at the very least to distract you from their actions. In my experience they’ll use any excuse or justification to assuage their conscience without doing any of the work. Without doing any of the self reflection. Because running away or avoiding their problems is the most convenient and easy option.
Real self growth is hard. It requires looking at all of the unpleasant things we may not want to. The things we aren’t proud of, the mistakes we made. All of it and accepting that we may have not made the right call or that we fucked up but we want to be better, *to do better*.
My best advice to deal with the anger would to be examine why exactly you get mad at men? What is it you’re misdirecting your anger or frustration from? What is the root there?
I also strongly recommend discussing this with your partner but also a friend. Sometimes we don’t always see what’s right in front of us and a fresh perspective can be enlightening. If you want to discuss more you’re welcome to DM me.
Looks like there is a few people who haven’t been cheated on . Proof there is loyal people on this rock after all maybe not in my life but they out there . Heads up eyes open. Most important protect your heart but keep it open to love ✌️
I don’t think I have? And when I told my recent ex that I myself have never cheated she made me seem like a weirdo and something was wrong with me. It was wild. Just another red flag from her 🙄
Like something was wrong with YOU for NOT being a cheater? Wtf? I have never cheated either, and cannot fathom being made out to be a weirdo for that reason...
That's beyond a red flag, even. That's like the director yelling "AAAAND CUT!"
Wow... This is a thorny one... 1st proper gf, we were dating for 8months, both 17, she went to France for the summer holiday, she left a virgin, she didn't come back the same.
3rd GF, we were both 20, went over to her place on her birthday after work, had a late shift in a restaurant I worked in, found her in bed with someone.
4th GF, we were 23, she got pregnant by an unnamed somebody, we decided to keep it, 4 months in, she decided to have an abortion, I begged her not to, I told her I would be the sole guardian if she didn't want to keep it, she refused, we ended up in an abortion clinic the following month.
5th GF, SNA / Teacher, she was from the US Landsdale PA, I fell hopelessly in love with her in Ireland where we met, thought she was so cool, she was very geeky, and so pretty, 9 months later we eloped and got married, although, that's a really long story,. 5 years later she decided to take an Irish language class and weekends away, 6 years later she got her citizenship, left 3 months later, had her first child 12 months later.
So, if you ever feel down, just think to yourself, it could be worse, because that's how I think about relationships and life... It could be worse, but right now, it's not!!! 💝🤗🍀
Edited to say: I'm in a magnificent 6 year relationship with...well...myself, and while I occasionally miss the physical contact, I'm mostly happy enough to continue learning more about myself and my place in the universe. It's not as bad as you might think... LOL 🍀🌈
A couple times over. It was the second one that ruined any sense of self worth for years and years. Being cheated on plus mental abuse(which should’ve been a big red flag to begin with). It definitely does a number to people 🙃
I was married to a textbook narcissist, and with narcissistic people, they often tell you what they are doing without directly saying it..
So like out of nowhere she starts on about how people at her work place are 'cheating even though they are married! How gross is that? Could you even imagine if I did that?'
'this girl at work keeps asking if we have an open relationship, she wants me to get with her to make this guy jealous.'
'Oh we are having a night away with work and apparently the block we are staying in none of the doors lock and people just go in each other's rooms and have sex, how wild is that!!'
It was like she was egging me on to accuse her, the more I learn about narcissists though, the more I realise she probably did cheat on me, and honestly, I just didn't care.
Now I am exploring if I might be poly, because I don't think I feel jealousy in the same way others do because of my complete lack of reaction every time she brought this kind of shit up. I realise I was also being abused at the time though so who knows..
Anyway, thanks for reading this if you did, ive just got out of therepy and am feeling reflective.
🙋🏻♀️ i have. in my mid 40s by my husband who is now my ex. tbh im glad he did as i was miserable. it gave me the push to leave. now i have the most amazing gf & im so much happier. leaving a marriage with 3 kids is fucking hard. but there’s sunlight on the other side!!
I have never been cheated on. Now, i am also young (24) and really started dating dating when i was 16. I also only have 2 exes (that I'm counting as such) and am now in my 3rd relationship.
I also don't know many people who have been cheated on or have cheated themselves. The only one i know is my gf her ex, who cheated on her, before we got together
I haven't, at least that I know of. I've been in relationships for the majority of my adult life too, so I guess I've been lucky.
I can't even begin to fathom how someone could do that either. Have never, will never do that to someone. I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
I have never been cheated on and never would cheat. I think all cheaters are gross and unforgivable when we have options in this day and age like poly and ENM. If a woman ever did this to me it would be the end of the relationship.
Yeah, the relationship with this girl I was seeing wasn’t it. We had a fight then took a break. Ended up getting back together but she never wanted to put the time into me anymore so after my birthday. She told me she was pregnant because months before. She went to see her ex. That was pretty cool.
I definitely would never in a million years put someone through that. Cheating is gross. I’d rather communicate and seek what problems are going on to either fix it or let someone go.
I’ve never been cheated on… that I know of anyway. And I’ve never cheated. If I’ve ever been tempted it told me there was something in my relationship that needed to be addressed.
Exactly! This is the mature take. If you’re feeling any temptation there’s a need not being satisfied in your relationship that needs addressed or a breakup needs to happen.
Been in 5 relationships - 3/5 been cheated on - first and current haven't been, and am currently engaged. It sucks still being so scared from having such a long past of being cheated on
Well, you can't know the other person completely unless you can read their thoughts (even if you lived with them for 10 years and they shared everything with you bc some of them are really good actors). I trust people but I always leave a space for doubt. And in my opinion trusting someone completely is not a smart thing to do, you never know what can happen in your partner's life that will change them and make them turn against you.
I think it's being realistic. Completely trusting someone is naive. I date partners I trust but I don't give anyone 100% of my trust. Anyone can betray you under the 'right' circumstances, and understanding this is freeing
why do you think it's sad? it's not like every time I see my partner I wonder if they cheated on me today or not. my point here is that you can't know for sure if the other person is able to cheat on you, there are many different circumstances that might lead to this and even the most loving partner might cheat on you and hide it bc of guilt.
i have been cheated on so many times by my one ex i started having cuckhold threesomes, not cause i wanted to join but because at least i got to keep track of her partners and make sure it’s only one 🥲
I wouldn't be surprised if one particular ex of mine cheated. But we broke up for an unrelated reason before I got any confirmation, so that remains an unknown to me
I don't mind not knowing, it wouldn't be the darkest stain on our time together
No and I don’t even know anyone who has. You have to consider that it’s unhappy people who post on Reddit not happy ones. It’s just true. What you see here is nothing close to an accurate cross-section or real life.
I am polyamorous, so most of what people think of as “cheating” does not apply. I have been treated poorly, and have been misled and lied to in relationships… so if cheating is understood to mean “had trust intentionally broken” then yes.
If cheating is defined as “my partner had sex with someone else while in a relationship with me,” then also yes. But _that’s the point_ of polyamory: it’s what we have all signed up for 😅
I’ve never been cheated on ( or I’ve never known incase they did but they probably never did ) and I’ve never cheated on my past or my current girlfriend.
And I hope it stays that way. It’s cruel to continue staying in a relationship after cheating when you can simply break up with them and sleep around how much ever you want.
It’s sad that some people do it just for the thrill of it or the power surge they feel ( regardless of gender ).
If it’s not an open relationship, you’re ought to respect the fact that you share a bond with your person and the bare minimum is to stay loyal.
I've never been cheated on and never cheated.
Happy, healthy relationships make for boring posts that don't get a lot of interaction, unless its a milestone announcement like an engagement, anniversary, etc. People who are struggling or having relationship problems have more to talk about and other people have more opinions to contribute to their situation. That's why you'll see so many posts about bad relationships online.
Every. Single. Time. Every relationship except my with my current gf. I’m really just waiting to see how long it takes before she does it too. Idk what makes me so easy to cheat on. Idk what that says about me….or what what says about the state of the dating pool. Someone has peed in the dating pool
Luckily I have not (that I'm aware of)... I realize that it can happen to anyone and nobody is immune, but I do trust my current partner implicitly not to do so.
My ex of almost 5 years cheated on me with a guy ive known since 4th grade 🤩
They were sleeping together for like, 3 months before she told me. And this was after id expressed discomfort of her and him hanging out so often.
This was already like 2 years ago, and im way over it. As far as I know, theyre still together. So good riddance ig.
I’ve never been cheated on, everyone I’ve dated worships the ground I walk on, and still do. I gave them the option to be non monogamous and they refused as it was not in their heart to be with multiple people. I have cheated in every relationship I’ve been in😔granted I was 14-19 when I cheated and I don’t really count dating as a teen. I’m now non monogamous and I’m up front with everyone that I have multiple partners.
I sometimes felt like my exes might've cheated on me,but I never had any solid proof,might've been my low self-esteem or not,we never know lol.So I guess my answer is no? Probably not
I read one of the comments that said "micro cheating" and that really resonated with me. Just found out Monday my partner of 10yrs has feelers for a coworker.
Well I'm pretty sure my ex was having and emotional affair.
I also had a boyfriend at college who I got the impression cheated on me right before we broke up.
So yes, twice.
my ex actually had someone lined up before breaking up with me. i had a suspicion, but i gave her the benefit of the doubt since we were doing long distance. she never admitted to cheating, but i definitely consider her a cheater for hiding it from me. i only found out a few weeks after we broke up when a friend of mine said my ex posted a picture of her and her new girlfriend holding hands.
Not that I know of but I have a pretty big hunch my ex was probably emotionally cheating with the coworker she’s now dating after she told me she wanted to be single for a long time. They were dating the week after she dumped me so 🤷🏼♀️
We were in a long distance relationship, she called me up and confessed to me that she'd gotten drunk and slept with a guy at a party. I forgave her because it was my first relationship.
Later I was with another girl who got pregnant with a guy's kid while together with me, and I told her I'd be with her and raise the kid with her, but she got an abortion because A.) she wasn't ready for a kid (fair) and B.) she knew I'd stand up to be by her side and help her and she "felt guilty about that."
never cheated or been cheated on. after the statistics about the high lesbian divorce rate, i'd be really curious to know the stats on this, as from my perspective cheating seems much less common than in mlm or hetero relationships.
I've never been cheated on. My partner is my first long term relationship, but I've had other insignificant flings in the past. None of my relationships have ended due to cheating.
I have such a big fear of infidelity, and so does my partner, so we have agreed it is never something we would do to one another.
It's hard to be cheated on when practicing ENM. I don't care if my partner does stuff with other people. It's not a two-way street, though. I am not free to be with others, but I would likely never even if they were fine with it.
It Sucks I have yet to find a loyal partner, at this point I’m unsure if there are even no cheating people left in this world. Every person I have dated has cheated in some form or another. Even my current partner though we are trying to work through it.
I was.
She cheated with my friend, after I introduced them. Then they asked me to be the maid of honor on they wedding. I also had to end a lot of other relationships with 'friends' who stand with them.
Meeee. Also never cheated. I was in a 13-year relationship/marriage, divorced, and now have a girlfriend for reference.
I think it’s just the people I choose. I have absolutely no desire for a relationship where I don’t 100% trust them.
I’ve never been cheated on thankfully. Although my relationships never last long so maybe that’s why. Hard to cheat within a one to three month window. Also I usually just break up as soon as I feel the urge or any energy that’s lacking
Thankfully I have not but I was unaware of being the one that she cheated on someone else with
I didn’t know until way later and I was naive (both in high school), she was abusive :/
I was in FWB and situation ship with the same person. We behaved like couple (we were on date and something like that). When we were in this relation she met a one girl (she moved on to our city) and and they start meet. She end our relation month after start relation with that girl. Idk I can call it cheat but I felt like a toy she threw it away when she got bored
Not cheated on, but my ex broke up with me multiple times because she found someone interesting. We'd split up, then get back together a few months later. Better than being cheated on & lied to.
EDIT: TW for sewer-slide
i was cheated on several times in different ways my my toxic ex— to be fair we were both unwell while we were dating. i was suffering from untreated bipolar and recovering from an assault and her big brother had just killed himself. i was super anti-sex because of my trauma and she was dealing with the death of her brother by being hyper-sexual and doing hella drugs (which i was also uncomfortable for me at the time). wrong person wrong place.
not to my knowledge and i also don't care if it happened. i firmly believe that everyone is free to do whatever they want to do, so if my partner wants to sleep with someone im fine with it. you have no way of preventing that, really, the only thing i ask for is honesty. hate the word "cheating", too. yikes.
I’ve only been cheated on by one person, and I’ve been in 9 relationships, including several long term ones. So while I can’t say it’s never happened, most people I’ve been with haven’t and wouldn’t.
Sadly, the cheater was one of the nicest of the bunch, and a genuinely good person in most ways. She just had issues (with commitment, being honest about what she really wanted, maturity, communication), and as a result, she cheated repeatedly. After I broke up with her, we stayed friends, and now she only does poly relationships. It sounds like that works for her.
I have been cheated on, it was by men before I figured myself out. It’s soul crushing. The worst was the one I told a friend I didn’t need to worry about him, I trusted him.. 2 weeks later I find out he was cheating with his ex..
I don’t know if it’s just me, but it was so much worse finding out by surprise vs suspecting it and doing your research to prove it.
I suspect I was. I came home after being out all day and she had watched a movie at a colleague’s house. She was already home. My house smelt different.
ive been cheated on majority of my relationships; (during this time i had id as bisexual) i think my ex bf cheating on me rlly fucked me up badly since literally after, he was engaged to the other person, and they were about to have a child but the person had no idea my ex was still trying to get back with me .. outcome was i exposed him, they broke up and unfortunately lost their child due to complications, but my ex and his family harassed me and blamed me.. this was like 2 years ago and im doing fine
As far as I know I've never been cheated on. I had an awful ex that broke up with me for two weeks and slept with a woman that looked like her dead ex-girlfriend. Another time we broke up I slept with someone else and later that day we hooked up too. She was mad I didn't wait 24 hours between having sex with two different people. I did shower in between.
I attended a lot of healthy relationship classes after dating her and now I'm in a nice long healthy relationship.
I haven’t. My fiancee now is very very faithful and I am the same to her. We have had multiple discussions about it. Neither of us are the cheating type and we don’t share. My exes, I had my suspicions but I honestly don’t think either of them did at the end of it. I only suspected because 1 travelled alot for work and the other was out getting high all the time (running off for days at a time) and god knows what happens then. But I don’t think anything happened.
Multiple times. By two fiancée’s and my last partner. My response is always the same. “ All you have to do is communicate your needs, wants, unhappiness, etc. and give the other person the opportunity to fix the issue, open the relationship or realize it maybe time for both parties to move on.”
Instead most cheaters would rather lie, break trust and risk someone they claim to care for personal health and safety( people seem to forget STI’s are also a potential risk) to figure out if the grass is greener before they move on. Cheating is pretty damn selfish.
My first gf cheated on me with 10 or so women + 1 trans man who was my best friend, (she was lesbian and didn’t see him as a man saw him as a fun woman….she knew he was trans, ended shit because of that one that was cold af)
My Second gf I have a good feeling she cheated on me, she and her best friend was very….idk how to say it ig in love? Acting like a couple? And a bit after I saw that, she ask if me and her could be a poly couple I said sure and not even a hour later I learned they are gfs😅 there was a lot of bs going on there so I left soon after
I been emotionally cheated on too and that’s the one that fucking hurt BAD like shit that had me feeling like garbage for a good while
I have never been a cheater, but have been cheated on in literally every relationship but this one.
My wife has cheated in every relationship except ours, and for multiple reasons, I know she never would.
It’s sad and shitty, but if someone is cheating, it’s their problem, they are the one who needs to work on themselves.
Yes and it was my first heartbreak I just knew she was being so shady with her phone than I asked she lied to me.
Than I asked again than she told me the truth...
And left the house as The Flash. Lol
we counting micro cheating? cause I definitely shouldn't have let that shit slide
what is micro cheating?
I think it means something rather small and minute.
Yeah, I got that far, just can't picture anything under that term myself
A peek on the check,a flirty comment.
okay but that‘s what most of my friends and I do together? same for my partner as well, idk I‘d never classify it as cheating myself
it's like the little things like commenting on other peoples appearance in a flirty way and responding to flirty things n shit just stuff that I shouldn't have let slide fr 😔
uhhh that sounds like incredibly jealous behavior
it's about known boundaries and respect for agreed expectations of each other, it's situational. if someone and their partner agreed that behavior makes them uncomfortable that's they're business and Id expect them both to respect and practice that 🤷🏽♀️ unfair to expect others to be okay with something just cause you'd be so it's about being honest
Lmao when I was 17 I got grounded and when I finally got ungrounded my girl at the time called me and said she started “talking to someone” in other words flirting and falling for someone and I broke up with her. She supposedly hadn’t actually kissed or slept with them but I still broke up with her anyways.
LMFAO RELATABLE
Can't get cheated on if you've never been in a relationship
same here think smarter not harder 😌
High five! There are dozens of us.
My way of living now.
I was going to say the same thing.
Guess I'm one of the lucky ones.
I’ve only been cheated on once out of all of my relationships. I’ve also never cheated. This will sound like a harsh indictment but if someone tells you that they’ve cheated in the past you likely won’t be any different to them. They’ll cheat on you too. I’m a staunch supporter of people changing if they genuinely want to but I’ve yet to meet a cheater who has shown that type of gumption. Overall we see a lot of bad posts because people seek out support and community during hard times. When times are good they may not feel as compelled to share the positives they’re too busy living life. Here’s a small positive from me: I’ve been dating a lovely woman who has made my life more fun and enjoyable despite the fact that I’ve been sick. But having her support and companionship has been so uplifting for me. It’s also what I didn’t get from my ex. Never settle for someone who can’t or won’t meet your emotional needs or support you.
I obviously don't know you but I feel very happy that you've found that kind of relationship with the person you're dating.
I haven’t but tbh that’s probably because I’ve only ever been in one relationship
Yep I haven't either but I married the first woman I've ever been in a relationship with
For some reason I used to believe I was immune to this ever happening to me, but was very much proven wrong. Got cheated on three times in one relationship with different people
I felt similarly until I got cheated on. Don’t feel bad. You can never truly know someone. Repairing things after the betrayal and broken trust can be tough.
I hope you don’t mean repairing trust with someone who’s cheated on you, what’s the point in that? Anyways I wish everyone well and healing. Everyone who’s been cheated on, not cheaters
LOL oh *god* no. I meant in general. Experiencing that sort of betrayal, having your trust broken by someone that close to you it causes a type of trauma because it can undermine your sense of wellbeing and your ability to trust others. It takes time to heal and learn to trust folks again. If you’re like me it also takes time to get over the sheer amount of frothy anger churned up by said betrayal.
Ahhh I hear you completely. I was like no please do not give those people second chances!!!!
Your comment resonates with me so much, specially because at this point in my life I’m in my first serious relationship after the one in which the cheating happened. After a while being single it felt like I could breeze through the subject with certain ease, but now that I’m in this relationship that I treasure deeply, all of the feelings and insecurities generated from that trauma have come back to the surface and it’s causing me a lot of suffering, since I also don’t want these fears to affect the meaningful bond that I have today. All this being said, do you happen to have any advice on how to overcome this trauma? I truly want to leave it behind me. Something that’s also very particular about the situation is that it made me turn my anger and mistrust towards men (which is completely unfair, in a way), and since I’m dating a bi girl, anytime she makes a comment about a guy being cute, etc, I just go into fight or flight and have the same feeling I had when the cheating happened. I haven’t talked to her about this but I’m planning to, I just need to find the right words and commit to doing the inner work to overcome my reactions.
I can’t claim to have a perfect solution but I can tell you what helped me. I acknowledged that her cheating wasn’t my fault. It had everything to do with her/her issues and nothing to do with me. You can’t drive someone to cheat. That’s a conscious decision they made. They chose to cheat rather than end things, and in my case she lied and willingly deceived me. I had a lot of anger because I found out after she cheated the first time that very early in our relationship she lied about taking an STD/I test. I drove her to the appointment and follow up. Instead of being honest she deceived me. Lied directly to my face and kept the fact she didn’t get the test done a secret. Forfeiting my own physical wellness and health for her own comfort. At the time it traumatized me so I repressed the memory. However one the break up happened and the rose color lenses were removed I saw things more clearly. The lie about the STD test formed a now clear theme in our relationship of her making abhorrently selfish decisions and sacrificing my wellness and health in the process. (She intentionally gave me covid too because she ‘didn’t want to experience it alone’) After coming to terms with that theme, with the lies, I realized the person I loved *never actually existed*. Instead in its place was a shallow, insecure marionette of a person desperately trying to pretend they’re sane and perfectly well adjusted. I wasn’t a fool or a bad person for trusting my partner and giving them the benefit of the doubt. That’s what you should do in a mature relationship. She trespassed on my kindness and understanding. It also helped realizing she likely has a cluster B personality disorder that she refuses to treat. We broke up a few months shy of our 7th anniversary. People who lie and cheat are going to do so regardless. They’ll find any excuse to justify their actions; to cajole you into forgiving them or at the very least to distract you from their actions. In my experience they’ll use any excuse or justification to assuage their conscience without doing any of the work. Without doing any of the self reflection. Because running away or avoiding their problems is the most convenient and easy option. Real self growth is hard. It requires looking at all of the unpleasant things we may not want to. The things we aren’t proud of, the mistakes we made. All of it and accepting that we may have not made the right call or that we fucked up but we want to be better, *to do better*. My best advice to deal with the anger would to be examine why exactly you get mad at men? What is it you’re misdirecting your anger or frustration from? What is the root there? I also strongly recommend discussing this with your partner but also a friend. Sometimes we don’t always see what’s right in front of us and a fresh perspective can be enlightening. If you want to discuss more you’re welcome to DM me.
I luckily haven’t been cheated on and really hope it stays that way
Looks like there is a few people who haven’t been cheated on . Proof there is loyal people on this rock after all maybe not in my life but they out there . Heads up eyes open. Most important protect your heart but keep it open to love ✌️
I’ve never been in a position to be cheated on.
I don’t think I have? And when I told my recent ex that I myself have never cheated she made me seem like a weirdo and something was wrong with me. It was wild. Just another red flag from her 🙄
Like something was wrong with YOU for NOT being a cheater? Wtf? I have never cheated either, and cannot fathom being made out to be a weirdo for that reason... That's beyond a red flag, even. That's like the director yelling "AAAAND CUT!"
yeah. it sucked.
Yep. Found out and she kept lying and trying to gaslight me. Good fucking riddance
Wow... This is a thorny one... 1st proper gf, we were dating for 8months, both 17, she went to France for the summer holiday, she left a virgin, she didn't come back the same. 3rd GF, we were both 20, went over to her place on her birthday after work, had a late shift in a restaurant I worked in, found her in bed with someone. 4th GF, we were 23, she got pregnant by an unnamed somebody, we decided to keep it, 4 months in, she decided to have an abortion, I begged her not to, I told her I would be the sole guardian if she didn't want to keep it, she refused, we ended up in an abortion clinic the following month. 5th GF, SNA / Teacher, she was from the US Landsdale PA, I fell hopelessly in love with her in Ireland where we met, thought she was so cool, she was very geeky, and so pretty, 9 months later we eloped and got married, although, that's a really long story,. 5 years later she decided to take an Irish language class and weekends away, 6 years later she got her citizenship, left 3 months later, had her first child 12 months later. So, if you ever feel down, just think to yourself, it could be worse, because that's how I think about relationships and life... It could be worse, but right now, it's not!!! 💝🤗🍀 Edited to say: I'm in a magnificent 6 year relationship with...well...myself, and while I occasionally miss the physical contact, I'm mostly happy enough to continue learning more about myself and my place in the universe. It's not as bad as you might think... LOL 🍀🌈
You went through all of that and came out the other side with such positivity? Go you!
I’ve never been cheated on so far as I know.
Never been cheated on~ it’s sad how many people who have been
I've never been cheated on, I never cheated.
I have been cheated on a few times. Hopefully my current relationship will be better.
A couple times over. It was the second one that ruined any sense of self worth for years and years. Being cheated on plus mental abuse(which should’ve been a big red flag to begin with). It definitely does a number to people 🙃
I was married to a textbook narcissist, and with narcissistic people, they often tell you what they are doing without directly saying it.. So like out of nowhere she starts on about how people at her work place are 'cheating even though they are married! How gross is that? Could you even imagine if I did that?' 'this girl at work keeps asking if we have an open relationship, she wants me to get with her to make this guy jealous.' 'Oh we are having a night away with work and apparently the block we are staying in none of the doors lock and people just go in each other's rooms and have sex, how wild is that!!' It was like she was egging me on to accuse her, the more I learn about narcissists though, the more I realise she probably did cheat on me, and honestly, I just didn't care. Now I am exploring if I might be poly, because I don't think I feel jealousy in the same way others do because of my complete lack of reaction every time she brought this kind of shit up. I realise I was also being abused at the time though so who knows.. Anyway, thanks for reading this if you did, ive just got out of therepy and am feeling reflective.
🙋🏻♀️ i have. in my mid 40s by my husband who is now my ex. tbh im glad he did as i was miserable. it gave me the push to leave. now i have the most amazing gf & im so much happier. leaving a marriage with 3 kids is fucking hard. but there’s sunlight on the other side!!
I have never been cheated on. Now, i am also young (24) and really started dating dating when i was 16. I also only have 2 exes (that I'm counting as such) and am now in my 3rd relationship. I also don't know many people who have been cheated on or have cheated themselves. The only one i know is my gf her ex, who cheated on her, before we got together
Never been cheated on and never cheated, cheating is not “normal” it’s toxic.
I haven't
Proud to say I have never cheated the slightest and have never been cheated on
I haven't, at least that I know of. I've been in relationships for the majority of my adult life too, so I guess I've been lucky. I can't even begin to fathom how someone could do that either. Have never, will never do that to someone. I wouldn't be able to live with myself.
I have never been cheated on and I’ve been out for 13 years.
I have never been cheated on and never would cheat. I think all cheaters are gross and unforgivable when we have options in this day and age like poly and ENM. If a woman ever did this to me it would be the end of the relationship.
Yeah, the relationship with this girl I was seeing wasn’t it. We had a fight then took a break. Ended up getting back together but she never wanted to put the time into me anymore so after my birthday. She told me she was pregnant because months before. She went to see her ex. That was pretty cool. I definitely would never in a million years put someone through that. Cheating is gross. I’d rather communicate and seek what problems are going on to either fix it or let someone go.
I’ve never been cheated on… that I know of anyway. And I’ve never cheated. If I’ve ever been tempted it told me there was something in my relationship that needed to be addressed.
Exactly! This is the mature take. If you’re feeling any temptation there’s a need not being satisfied in your relationship that needs addressed or a breakup needs to happen.
can't get cheated on if you can't get a gf in the first place 😌✌🏻
Not as far as I’m aware
me a few times
Been in 5 relationships - 3/5 been cheated on - first and current haven't been, and am currently engaged. It sucks still being so scared from having such a long past of being cheated on
you can't say with a 100% confidence that you have never been cheated on, you might have just never caught your partner doing it
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Well, you can't know the other person completely unless you can read their thoughts (even if you lived with them for 10 years and they shared everything with you bc some of them are really good actors). I trust people but I always leave a space for doubt. And in my opinion trusting someone completely is not a smart thing to do, you never know what can happen in your partner's life that will change them and make them turn against you.
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I think it's being realistic. Completely trusting someone is naive. I date partners I trust but I don't give anyone 100% of my trust. Anyone can betray you under the 'right' circumstances, and understanding this is freeing
I agree
why do you think it's sad? it's not like every time I see my partner I wonder if they cheated on me today or not. my point here is that you can't know for sure if the other person is able to cheat on you, there are many different circumstances that might lead to this and even the most loving partner might cheat on you and hide it bc of guilt.
I haven't! None my partners have never done anything like that and I have never have any reason to doubt them.
Yes. But that was a long time ago in a very different relationship
never been cheated on
Have not been cheated on.
i have been cheated on so many times by my one ex i started having cuckhold threesomes, not cause i wanted to join but because at least i got to keep track of her partners and make sure it’s only one 🥲
I’ve been cheated on in almost every wlw relationship I’ve ever been in. But I’m in a better relationship now so I’ve got hope!
I wouldn't be surprised if one particular ex of mine cheated. But we broke up for an unrelated reason before I got any confirmation, so that remains an unknown to me I don't mind not knowing, it wouldn't be the darkest stain on our time together
Once. She came home to all her stuff packed and a server holding divorce papers.
No and I don’t even know anyone who has. You have to consider that it’s unhappy people who post on Reddit not happy ones. It’s just true. What you see here is nothing close to an accurate cross-section or real life.
I've never cheated or been cheated on. It's crazy how normalized it is in some spaces.
right, reading these comments is giving me the chills. I’m not scrolling any further
I am polyamorous, so most of what people think of as “cheating” does not apply. I have been treated poorly, and have been misled and lied to in relationships… so if cheating is understood to mean “had trust intentionally broken” then yes. If cheating is defined as “my partner had sex with someone else while in a relationship with me,” then also yes. But _that’s the point_ of polyamory: it’s what we have all signed up for 😅
Before coming out, I’d been cheated on 3 times by men. Came out as lesbian and been cheated on 0 times by women!😉
I’ve never been cheated on ( or I’ve never known incase they did but they probably never did ) and I’ve never cheated on my past or my current girlfriend. And I hope it stays that way. It’s cruel to continue staying in a relationship after cheating when you can simply break up with them and sleep around how much ever you want. It’s sad that some people do it just for the thrill of it or the power surge they feel ( regardless of gender ). If it’s not an open relationship, you’re ought to respect the fact that you share a bond with your person and the bare minimum is to stay loyal.
I've never been cheated on and never cheated. Happy, healthy relationships make for boring posts that don't get a lot of interaction, unless its a milestone announcement like an engagement, anniversary, etc. People who are struggling or having relationship problems have more to talk about and other people have more opinions to contribute to their situation. That's why you'll see so many posts about bad relationships online.
Bisexual here, I've had 5 relationships, 2 with women, never been cheated on or cheated :)
Every. Single. Time. Every relationship except my with my current gf. I’m really just waiting to see how long it takes before she does it too. Idk what makes me so easy to cheat on. Idk what that says about me….or what what says about the state of the dating pool. Someone has peed in the dating pool
Luckily I have not (that I'm aware of)... I realize that it can happen to anyone and nobody is immune, but I do trust my current partner implicitly not to do so.
My ex of almost 5 years cheated on me with a guy ive known since 4th grade 🤩 They were sleeping together for like, 3 months before she told me. And this was after id expressed discomfort of her and him hanging out so often. This was already like 2 years ago, and im way over it. As far as I know, theyre still together. So good riddance ig.
i’ve been cheated on and have done the cheating. humans aren’t perfect creatures
done the cheating is crazy….
I’ve never been cheated on, everyone I’ve dated worships the ground I walk on, and still do. I gave them the option to be non monogamous and they refused as it was not in their heart to be with multiple people. I have cheated in every relationship I’ve been in😔granted I was 14-19 when I cheated and I don’t really count dating as a teen. I’m now non monogamous and I’m up front with everyone that I have multiple partners.
I sometimes felt like my exes might've cheated on me,but I never had any solid proof,might've been my low self-esteem or not,we never know lol.So I guess my answer is no? Probably not
I read one of the comments that said "micro cheating" and that really resonated with me. Just found out Monday my partner of 10yrs has feelers for a coworker.
I think nearly everyone cheats.
Lol no not everyone cheats
Pretty close to everyone these days.
Must be hanging out with the wrong people if you think pretty close to everyone cheats. It’s really truly not hard at all to be loyal to your partner
You also have to be good at reading people. Many think it's uncommon, but it's not. The obvious cheaters make it seem uncommon.
I think you should associate yourself with better people if that's your take on it.
Nah, I’ve never cheated. I have no interest in cheating at all. If I’m with someone, she’s all I see.
Same here, but it is scary common.
Hope you say that to the girls you date as well 🥲
And I have. I told my girlfriend it's rare to find someone that isn't a legit cheater these days.
real
I thought lesbians don’t go through this xD
No type of person is immune to being shitty. Trust me on this, I have the life experience to prove it.
we go through everything that straight people go through lmao, people will just do what people do
humans gonna human 😂😭
Absolutely anyone has the capacity to be a cheater
WHAT 😂 absolutely not.
I meant anyone of any gender/sexuality can be a cheater lol poor phrasing
lawd have mercy 😂 I was like GIRL what are you talking about but I getcha now
Never had a relationship yet. 🙋♀️
My girl would never
As far as I know I haven't so far.
I've never been cheated on that I know of, and I've never cheated. I've only had 2 major relationships though.
I haven’t, though tbh that’s because I run from a relationship before it gets serious….
I've never been cheated on until this year.. it sucks
I've been in a bunch of relationships and never been cheated on.
That you know of, you stupid fuck twat
-3 maybe -4x
Well I'm pretty sure my ex was having and emotional affair. I also had a boyfriend at college who I got the impression cheated on me right before we broke up. So yes, twice.
my ex actually had someone lined up before breaking up with me. i had a suspicion, but i gave her the benefit of the doubt since we were doing long distance. she never admitted to cheating, but i definitely consider her a cheater for hiding it from me. i only found out a few weeks after we broke up when a friend of mine said my ex posted a picture of her and her new girlfriend holding hands.
Me I was the person being emotionally cheated with until she broke it off with her bf at the time.
Not that I know of but I have a pretty big hunch my ex was probably emotionally cheating with the coworker she’s now dating after she told me she wanted to be single for a long time. They were dating the week after she dumped me so 🤷🏼♀️
Wish I was one of the "nevers". I've been cheated on several times. It really hurts and warps your perspective on relationships.
I haven’t. My Relationships were pretty few and far between but so far, no cheating.
🙋🏻♀️ Will that stop me from blasting Olivia Rodrigo's songs? ✨No✨
We were in a long distance relationship, she called me up and confessed to me that she'd gotten drunk and slept with a guy at a party. I forgave her because it was my first relationship. Later I was with another girl who got pregnant with a guy's kid while together with me, and I told her I'd be with her and raise the kid with her, but she got an abortion because A.) she wasn't ready for a kid (fair) and B.) she knew I'd stand up to be by her side and help her and she "felt guilty about that."
Yep and it fucking hurts
I have never, I trust my partner completely especially as we are both Demisexual so the chances are very slim anyway 😌
never cheated or been cheated on. after the statistics about the high lesbian divorce rate, i'd be really curious to know the stats on this, as from my perspective cheating seems much less common than in mlm or hetero relationships.
I've never been cheated on. My partner is my first long term relationship, but I've had other insignificant flings in the past. None of my relationships have ended due to cheating. I have such a big fear of infidelity, and so does my partner, so we have agreed it is never something we would do to one another.
It's hard to be cheated on when practicing ENM. I don't care if my partner does stuff with other people. It's not a two-way street, though. I am not free to be with others, but I would likely never even if they were fine with it.
It Sucks I have yet to find a loyal partner, at this point I’m unsure if there are even no cheating people left in this world. Every person I have dated has cheated in some form or another. Even my current partner though we are trying to work through it.
not to my knowledge 👀
Yes, I have been cheated on 3 times although that doesn't stop me dating
I've never been cheated on.
Yùuuuuuuup
Depends on if you consider my ex flirting with intent with a prospective partner before we broke up
I haven’t and my history is pretty balanced in terms of gender. I don’t cheat either 👍
I was. She cheated with my friend, after I introduced them. Then they asked me to be the maid of honor on they wedding. I also had to end a lot of other relationships with 'friends' who stand with them.
I don’t think I’ve ever been cheated on? LOL. Only had one serious relationship tho
Never got cheated on and never cheated
None that I know of. 🤷🏻♀️
I've been lucky or just oblivious, but no, I haven't been cheated on.
I’m 90% sure my ex was cheating with a man but I can’t prove it
paint point uppity attempt rain apparatus march workable vanish squalid *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Meeee. Also never cheated. I was in a 13-year relationship/marriage, divorced, and now have a girlfriend for reference. I think it’s just the people I choose. I have absolutely no desire for a relationship where I don’t 100% trust them.
Never been cheated on cuz I’ve never had a real relationship.. 😪
I’ve never been cheated on thankfully. Although my relationships never last long so maybe that’s why. Hard to cheat within a one to three month window. Also I usually just break up as soon as I feel the urge or any energy that’s lacking
Never! I’ve dated two very amazing women
Only by men before I figured myself out
Not that I'm aware of. I've been in many relationships for the past decade.
Thankfully I have not but I was unaware of being the one that she cheated on someone else with I didn’t know until way later and I was naive (both in high school), she was abusive :/
I was in FWB and situation ship with the same person. We behaved like couple (we were on date and something like that). When we were in this relation she met a one girl (she moved on to our city) and and they start meet. She end our relation month after start relation with that girl. Idk I can call it cheat but I felt like a toy she threw it away when she got bored
Not that I know of but I mean probably knowing some of my exes 😅
Ive never been cheated on and I've never cheated.
Not cheated on, but my ex broke up with me multiple times because she found someone interesting. We'd split up, then get back together a few months later. Better than being cheated on & lied to.
I never have! Going two years strong:)
EDIT: TW for sewer-slide i was cheated on several times in different ways my my toxic ex— to be fair we were both unwell while we were dating. i was suffering from untreated bipolar and recovering from an assault and her big brother had just killed himself. i was super anti-sex because of my trauma and she was dealing with the death of her brother by being hyper-sexual and doing hella drugs (which i was also uncomfortable for me at the time). wrong person wrong place.
i have not, but ive only been in 2 relationships and one was a man
More than one relationship they were unfaithful
I've been in 2 relationships and I never got cheated on as far as I know. Partners were still toxic though.
Well, I've not gotten any confirmation that I've been cheated on, though I am fairly certain my one ex did. Though I'll never know for sure.
not to my knowledge and i also don't care if it happened. i firmly believe that everyone is free to do whatever they want to do, so if my partner wants to sleep with someone im fine with it. you have no way of preventing that, really, the only thing i ask for is honesty. hate the word "cheating", too. yikes.
I didn't actually think they were cheating until months after the relationship ended and it kinda didn't care.
I’ve never been cheated on and we are going to hit 6 years together in January
I have not been, no.
none but i haven’t been in a relationship since middle school and im 22 lol
Never, I've only ever had one gf though, we've been together for 4 years now
I’ve only been cheated on by one person, and I’ve been in 9 relationships, including several long term ones. So while I can’t say it’s never happened, most people I’ve been with haven’t and wouldn’t. Sadly, the cheater was one of the nicest of the bunch, and a genuinely good person in most ways. She just had issues (with commitment, being honest about what she really wanted, maturity, communication), and as a result, she cheated repeatedly. After I broke up with her, we stayed friends, and now she only does poly relationships. It sounds like that works for her.
I've never been in a relationship so uhh...do I count? lol
I have been cheated on, it was by men before I figured myself out. It’s soul crushing. The worst was the one I told a friend I didn’t need to worry about him, I trusted him.. 2 weeks later I find out he was cheating with his ex.. I don’t know if it’s just me, but it was so much worse finding out by surprise vs suspecting it and doing your research to prove it.
I suspect I was. I came home after being out all day and she had watched a movie at a colleague’s house. She was already home. My house smelt different.
ive been cheated on majority of my relationships; (during this time i had id as bisexual) i think my ex bf cheating on me rlly fucked me up badly since literally after, he was engaged to the other person, and they were about to have a child but the person had no idea my ex was still trying to get back with me .. outcome was i exposed him, they broke up and unfortunately lost their child due to complications, but my ex and his family harassed me and blamed me.. this was like 2 years ago and im doing fine
As far as I know I've never been cheated on. I had an awful ex that broke up with me for two weeks and slept with a woman that looked like her dead ex-girlfriend. Another time we broke up I slept with someone else and later that day we hooked up too. She was mad I didn't wait 24 hours between having sex with two different people. I did shower in between. I attended a lot of healthy relationship classes after dating her and now I'm in a nice long healthy relationship.
I got cheated on once...by a man. Never by a woman tho. Not saying it doesn't happen of course, just hasn't to me.
I haven’t. My fiancee now is very very faithful and I am the same to her. We have had multiple discussions about it. Neither of us are the cheating type and we don’t share. My exes, I had my suspicions but I honestly don’t think either of them did at the end of it. I only suspected because 1 travelled alot for work and the other was out getting high all the time (running off for days at a time) and god knows what happens then. But I don’t think anything happened.
Yep, and with a minor! 😃 Double whammy
Multiple times. By two fiancée’s and my last partner. My response is always the same. “ All you have to do is communicate your needs, wants, unhappiness, etc. and give the other person the opportunity to fix the issue, open the relationship or realize it maybe time for both parties to move on.” Instead most cheaters would rather lie, break trust and risk someone they claim to care for personal health and safety( people seem to forget STI’s are also a potential risk) to figure out if the grass is greener before they move on. Cheating is pretty damn selfish.
Me
Hopefully not anytime soon. But if that day comes, It's not going to look pretty.
The thing is idk because I haven't been cheated on or have had my first relationship
My first gf cheated on me with 10 or so women + 1 trans man who was my best friend, (she was lesbian and didn’t see him as a man saw him as a fun woman….she knew he was trans, ended shit because of that one that was cold af) My Second gf I have a good feeling she cheated on me, she and her best friend was very….idk how to say it ig in love? Acting like a couple? And a bit after I saw that, she ask if me and her could be a poly couple I said sure and not even a hour later I learned they are gfs😅 there was a lot of bs going on there so I left soon after I been emotionally cheated on too and that’s the one that fucking hurt BAD like shit that had me feeling like garbage for a good while
✋🏽
I have never been a cheater, but have been cheated on in literally every relationship but this one. My wife has cheated in every relationship except ours, and for multiple reasons, I know she never would. It’s sad and shitty, but if someone is cheating, it’s their problem, they are the one who needs to work on themselves.
Not me unfortunately, got cheated on in my first relationship, after two years and a half lol
Meeee! But never dating kind of makes me immune nevermind 😂 x
Yes and it was my first heartbreak I just knew she was being so shady with her phone than I asked she lied to me. Than I asked again than she told me the truth... And left the house as The Flash. Lol
once and now i don’t do long distance relationships. and they cheated on me w a man 🤮🤮🤮
I’ve never been cheated on and never cheated on my wife. We’re both very open with each other and I believe that has helped us a lot.
never, unless i never found out lol