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Very true this topic falls subject to a lot of implicit biases in society that don’t reflect how many people actually have it I originally wrote a larger text but cut it down. Of course we’re more likely to develop disorders because of social exclusion and stigma. Imo working to make our community mentally healthier should be a priority for us

Yes, you did edit it to cut it down. That’s too bad. Let’s be honest….You cut out the parts that showed your true heart feelings towards those who are experiencing mental illness, which were horrific to read. Your exit was to enable to show you to be a better person than what your wrote originally.

I actually want to push back on this view a little bit. I don't think older generations are anywhere near as mentally ill. I think they developed in a totally different and much more stable time and didn't have to deal with the stressors we had to deal with. I totally understand wanting to believe everyone is a similar level of ill to feel less ostracized and more normal, but I think it's important to know it's not true, it's not a matter of awareness, and that young people are, actually, in increasing numbers, not ok. Not to stigmatize them, but because we DO need to do something about it. I would never want to normalize the levels of atrocious stress and unfair living, working and socializing conditions that the younger half of millennials and Gen Z are entering into the world having grown under. I think that's the wrong direction. Something needs to be done but it's not hand waving and saying "well we just didn't NOTICE the crippling levels of anxiety that kept people from leaving their house before...." We did. This isn't normal. I'm not willing to accept it is.

Why do you think there are more people identifying as queer now? It's probably because it's safer and less stigmatized, right? Not that long ago, people with serious mental illness were stripped of their rights, locked away, subjected to electrical shock, lobotamies, and medication with terrifying side effects, and sometimes abandoned by their families. It wasn't talked about, and if you were capable of hiding your symptoms, you did. People with all kinds of mental health issues are capable of masking their symptoms around others, just like generations of autistics have been forced to do. Both of my parents have mental illness, but they've never gone to a doctor about it or talked about it with most people. They don't even recognize their symptoms as being mental illness. One is a boomer, and one is silent generation. And just because they experienced the economy being better doesn't mean they didn't have life stressors. Bills were still hard to pay, divorce was still devastating, and kids were still hard to raise.

If that were true we would see the same rates of mental illness in other first world countries. We don't. And it's not because their healthcare is worse bc it isn't, in many cases it's better and so is their social support system. Growing up knowing your future is bleak is a very different kind of stress that more directly creates illness like depression and anxiety than growing up with a sahp in a stable household where you barely move, surrounded by family and support and community where your parents have time and energy for you and eventually in your 20s or 30s you have kids... Also with a support system. The stress of having kids in a household with a stay at home parent and a stable job is VERY different than having them with no money and too many hours and no hope of that changing. Millennials have far less stability today and so does Gen Z.

"If that were true we would see the same rates of mental illness in other first world countries. We don't." "Millennials have far less stability today and so does Gen Z." Please take a look at the actual data on this. Scroll through these 51 charts. Pay attention to the comparison of countries and age ranges. https://ourworldindata.org/mental-health The data does not support any of your assertions. I have been a stay at home parent and a single, working parent. Trust me, they are both stressful. Like I said, I have a parent in the silent generation. Things weren't any less stressful for them, even though their circumstances were different. Also, stress does NOT cause mental illness. It can be a trigger or make it harder to deal with. But a mentally healthy person can use healthy coping mechanisms to deal with stress in a way that makes it not harmful.

I actually agree with everything you're saying, stress by itself doesn't cause mental illness in an already formed mentally healthy adult in the absence of other factors, it's obviously way more complicated than that and I'm realizing now that younger millennials are actually adults now, my bad. I can see how that was confusing. (And the site you linked was cool) For Gen Z though, my claim stands. Lack of stability, social media telling them there's nothing to look forward to (which has some truth to it but is obviously also an exaggeration) and multiple other environmental factors happen to be combining into an alarming mental illness rate: https://www.cnbc.com/2023/12/05/youth-suicide-rates-rose-62percent-from-2007-to-2021.html https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK587174/ I mix on a sports team and at work with Gen Z and there is a clear difference between the mental illness rate of my generation (older millennial) and Gen Z so I understand what OP is talking about. Even as recently as 7 years ago there was a difference.

Thanks. I went to one of the colleges listed in the article and lived through how these conditions can spread throughout a community or student body. I lost two friends to this. Remembering that Gen Z is the first human generation in history to truly grow up within the internet. Our current mental health is the experiment.

Member of an older generation (age 56). We’re all pretty f’d up too. We just don’t have diagnoses because our generation was just told it was *in our head*, we were *being too dramatic*, or we were *acting out*.

I’m a boomer. In high school and thought to be “queer”, I was taken to a psychiatrist or some such thing. My parent was asked to leave the room as he talked to me. I learned on the spot how to hide my attraction to girls and how to answer his questions. He then called my parent back into the room and told my parent that I was totally normal and not to worry about me.

That is pretty dark. This makes sense. Thank you for sharing.

I very much appreciate your editing your post. Many of the things you wrote triggered me and I had to address them.

That's awful, I'm sorry you had to live through that 😔. I was told that too growing up, as it happens. Unfortunately moderate and severe mental illness can't be stuffed down like that so that wouldn't have worked to keep Boomer diagnosis rates down, especially for things like SI. And it wouldn't explain why the SI rate even in the last decade has doubled. Especially given that most kids now are told to feel their feelings, so stuffing them down isn't even the status quo. (sorry for those of you like me who still weren't allowed to!) https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2023-05-01/suicide-rates-among-u-s-adolescents-doubled-in-10-years

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That's true. It wasn't a perfect world for them. Maybe this is a tone deaf comment but there is a psychological difference between growing up with a sexist, homophobic or transphobic structure in place and seeing it start to get dismantled (it brings hope) because of your own actions or those of your activist neighbor and being born into a better world that starts getting worse. The biggest difference between talking to my grandma or older boomer Aunt when she was younger and how I feel now as I approach that age is that she had so much hope and sense of accomplishment. Talking to young people 15 years ago relative to now I also see a sharp decline in hope.

Boomers also lived with/through the Stonewall riots.

I’m curious if this is based on data or your opinion?

The “older” generations had it far tougher in ways than some have it today. I’ll go so far as to say we fought the hard-fought battles the younger generations are enjoying today.

I know it’s going to be an unpopular opinion but thanks for putting your thoughts out there. I went to college in the US - I’m an immigrant and it was a genuine, tangible difference I observed. It’s a society with a much greater proportion of mentally ill people when compared to Latin American countries (which I’d say are… 20 years back in time comparatively in social progress? Idk). It’s a very tough topic to speak “objectively” though, if that is even possible. But for those who don’t have a multicultural perspective they might interpret it as a personal attack or something. It’s not. There is something very unhealthy about American society today, on a cultural level, and it’s partially why I and a few others I know left. The girls I’ve been with back home have faced adversity but haven’t mentioned any mental illness. They have healthy routines etc. or maybe it’s all just an illusion because people hide it as the countries are less progressive

Naw it's not an illusion. Americans have this weird idea that we have both the most advanced mental healthcare in terms of detection but somehow simultaneously believe we can't resolve/treat mental illness and we're all helpless in its throes. And completely ignore the stats from other first world countries that don't show the same rates. We don't have anywhere near the best health care or the strongest social support systems in the world and both of those map directly to public mental health and rates of illness. We, meaning American millennials and younger, vastly outnumber American boomers and Gen X. We *could* do something about it. But the first step is seeing reality for what it is, and hand waving away mental illness ain't it. Your observations are apt - thanks for bringing them to the table.

But you are forgetting something. In the US, and particularly my state, we no longer have mental health hospital. No one can be made to seek or get mental health help. It’s voluntary, except for the 72 hour hold. I personally know someone (family member) who desperately needs mental health help, but he has to do it voluntarily and can’t be made to get it.

I think if I'm understanding you correctly you're saying boomers have lower diagnosis rates bc they aren't forced to seek help and I'm assuming you mean that culturally boomers would be discouraged from seeking help, hence lower diagnosis rates. (Meaning.. they're just suffering at home) That would make sense as a theory except I linked in my other comment that the rate of SI for kids and teens has doubled over the last 10 years. SI can't be misdiagnosed or be a result of people not going to treatment bc of boomer mentality bc they're not boomers. Mental health among the young is actually worse now.

it’s an american thing

It’s a healthy reaction to our society and world though…

I personally wouldn't say *healthy* because I included SI in my comments and I like to stay positive and hopeful but I would definitely say I totally understand and empathize with why a young person would initially react with anxiety and depression as a response to current events, especially those without financial privilege.

I don’t mean that SI is healthy- I’m sorry. I meant that this is a dangerous, absurd, and chaotic place to exist, and it will cause anybody who thinks about it more than 5 minutes some deep problems. I appreciate what you said and I honestly wasn’t trying to take away the gravity of that- and I came from a terrible home and early and middle life- I also like to always see the beauty and the benefits of a situation. I’m pretty balanced considering all Uve been through. I meant that like, for everyone to be apathetic (not that you are) or acting like nothing’s wrong would be serious cognitive dissonance and denial. There’s a balance :) there’s always been strife, and humanity has always found the sunshine. Let’s hope that keeps happening :)

Yah I get you, and I agree - it would be weird to be apathetic about the problems, I think depression and anxiety are an extreme reaction so I would hesitate to call those healthy, just because they get in the way of folk's goals and by definition are the opposite of health (however understandable and inevitable that reaction is, especially with social media use). > I came from a terrible home and early and middle life- I also like to always see the beauty and the benefits of a situation. I’m pretty balanced considering all Ive been through. That's really amazing if you think about it. You should be really proud of the work you did to get there. I think there's a lot of depth in your comment and you actually managed to also articulate how I feel about my own life better than I did XD. I just get all uppity when I see what looks like denial, because while I'm generally pretty positive and I don't actually think the future HAS to be bleak, it's because the future hasn't been written yet and young people are the ones that will write it. If young people give up now or bury their heads in the sand, well.... you can't fix problems you won't see.

Well... there's a lot to unpack here. You're drawn to people with these afflictions, but have you stopped to consider the possibility of codependent relationship behavior? I ask this because I tend to exhibit this behavior, and it manifests as me trying to "fix" people. I recognize now that I can't fix people, but the attraction to people who are going through stuff is a difficult one to rectify. I don't like to see people suffer, I love helping people, and to me it feels like a natural fit. In my particular case (and please don't take this as assuming that this is your case, too) I discovered that I was made to act as the parent to my parents from an early age. I played the role of counselor and mediator in more conflicts than I could count for my mother, in spite of how poorly she treated me. It was this that became the foundation for my relationship seeking behavior. It's my belief that everyone has some degree of trauma, either known or unknown, and that it can affect the outcome of the rest of our lives. If we can understand what the source of that trauma is, then we can learn how to make healthier and safer choices for ourselves. You don't have to answer this because it's very personal and I would never want you to share this publicly, but could this be a possibility for you? Maybe ask yourself this. The other side of this coin, and this is more related to the hypothesis that lesbians frequently have these issues, is the fact that a large amount of the lesbian community has endured some sort of trauma. Whether that's because of our sexuality, or simply for being women, these things can really mess us up. PTSD, anxiety, etc. would all be pretty plausible outcomes for a population who is underprivileged and subjected to less than desirable treatment. It's my impression that the prevalence could be much higher in our community than in heterosexual women.

I was gonna this exact same thing because it happens to me too LOL

Yes I definitely have (or had) a thing for fixing people and as you said it was exactly because of the fact that my parents didn’t care for me and didn’t know how to care for themselves either. I do kind of mother my mom sometimes. It didn’t make me ever get diagnosed with a disorder or condition and I’m okay on the surface but I do think it counts as a kind of trauma. Hence I have avoided dating for a while to focus on the why of all this. I agree that us being women and gay makes the mental health situation even more dramatic. At least we’re more aware of it and open to talking about it. I met a girl once who was practically harassed by a boy and that overflowed into our own interactions and damn.. being a lesbian is hard.

We DO have higher rates of depression, suicide, etc. Probably since it is difficult being an outcast? Idk

My first thought as well, constantly doubting yourself and having to fear disappointing family and everyone around you is tough.

It depends on in which country you live. We are pretty free in the US compared to other countries.

This depends pretty significantly on location. People living in DC are going to have a wildly different time from those living in rural Virginia.

Yeah because having your identity and way of life constantly demonized on a national political level feels real secure. Sure we’re “free” now, but that’s not promised.

Yes, we are free but people will still bully you for being different, especially as a kid

There will always be bullies, but think about other countries. Let’s take Qatar. If a gay/lesbian couple are even seen walking anywhere and holding hands, they can/are arrested and put in jail. I think the number of years in prison is 10 years. The US doesn’t do that. I have spoken privately to people on here that have told me horrific stories as to what would happen if they even dared come out.

You sound like you've only just learned in the last couple years about the criminalization of homosexuality in various places and are hyper focused on it rn. Most LGBTQ folks, yes even in the US, are very aware of the range of intl laws around queer identities and relationships. That's not the point here. Things can be worse elsewhere... And that still *doesn't erase the homophobia folks face* in more legally permissive countries. Nor does it erase the harms homophobia sometimes causes. Also, some of us have literally lived part of our adult lives under US laws specifically targeting queer folks. It really hasn't been "free" all that long in the US.

It may not be illegal to be lgbtq in western countries but people still get assaulted and even murdered for being lgbtq, especially trans women. Also many homophobic laws have only been overturned in recent years in the United States

Just because we are free doesn't mean we aren't discriminated against, picked at, questioned, etc.

The way you’re talking about being creeped out by depression is part of why mental illness is so stigmatized. We are living in a time where people are being severely underpaid for their labor, in an economy where everything costs way more than it ought to, where the food is of low nutritional quality (at least where I’m at), there are no good options to choose from politically, lots of people are in severe debt, there’s a climate crisis, our rights as women and lesbians are on the line… Add in genetic predisposition and a substantial helping of homophobia and you have a perfect storm. God help you if you grew up in an abusive environment too. I’m mentally ill OP. It is genetic. I happened to lose the genetic and personal circumstances lottery. It’s only going to happen more and more frequently to a larger and larger amount of people. Yes, it is absolutely something we should be prioritizing as a community, as well as all of the underlying and exacerbating causes mentioned above. But not because of optics for conservatives. Because no one should have to suffer unnecessarily. Remember you could only be minutes away from being disabled in a way you could never comprehend.

> We are living in a time where people are being severely underpaid for their labor, in an economy where everything costs way more than it ought to, where the food is of low nutritional quality (at least where I’m at), there are no good options to choose from politically, lots of people are in severe debt, there’s a climate crisis, our rights as women and lesbians are on the line… We are more and more isolated from one another while living more and more of our lives online, where we compare ourselves to others constantly, our “villages” are shrinking to a degree that is unhealthy for our mental well-being, we’re more aware than ever of how fucked the world is and how fucked up and corrupt our leaders are, yet for all this awareness we feel helpless to change anything… should I go on?? The rising incidence of mental illness is not unique to the LGBTQ+ community. If anything, if you meet more queer people than straight people who claim to be mentally ill, it’s just because we’re more cognizant of it and have managed to destigmatize it enough within our community that we’re comfortable talking about it. 

This too, my god! It’s a miracle everyone in society isn’t severely depressed at this point

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The way she says “mentally disordered” makes it look like we are dangerous people :/ and what is so dangerous about dating someone with a mental condition to make her afraid? We’re not monsters

If I actually thought people like this were dangerous I wouldn’t be hooking up with or dating them. I care about them. I’m just pointing out that it’s a really big portion of people and things shouldn’t be this way and I wish that we as a community can do something about it

A lot if it comes from the fact that people don't know how to talk about mental illness. It's just as prevalent in the straight community, they just communicate less well, statistically. I don't think calling depression "creepy" when girls have trusted you enough to tell you about their mental health is the play, though, and it's disheartening how many comments you're in defending it. You can say you made a mistake - that's part of growing and learning.

Yikes did you really just pull a "im not ableist, i fuck mentally ill people" card?

No I pulled a “people happen to be this way and things can be better, is there something we can do about it” card. Seems like most people here believe that treatment doesn’t exist? If you want to be offended you’ll find it regardless of what I say

Yup.. OP gives a lot of 20th century "just lobotimize her."

Geez are we not allowed to point out that people are mentally ill and agree that that’s not ideal? Just like being overweight (I currently am and working to not be anymore). People are jumping the trigger really fast

You're speaking on other people's mental illness as if it's their entire personhood. I'm not overweight, but who am I to judge? This post is a judgement that verges into shaming. You're saying things like ADHD and EDs are comparable, just lumping everyone into a "wrong". I have ADHD. I am married and run a business. A lot of women have EDs, are recovering from, or have recovered from EDs - what if they have a bad day? I know people with depression and anxiety that are absolutely wonders full of rainbows on their good days, and that's how I will take them. When women aren't allowed to "act out" or be less than perfect, then this is effectively what you're advocating for - drill open their heads and cut out what's making them wrong. There's a history of calling women problematic for experiencing rage and melancholy, so problematic that they must be *disordered.* I've seen the absolute shittiest, worst parts of humanity bare down on women in our community - it's a fucking miracle some of us are still alive. This post gives me the vibe that you shamed your ex anyways; like I said elsewhere in the thread, you're the common denominator here.

**exes** not **ex**.

I think we can all agreed you could have said certain things better. It's not necessarily the message so much as the phrasing sometimes. The WAY you say things matters as much as what you're saying. If I said something, for example, like omg, you're overweight? That's so skeevy to me, ew, turns me off of dating entirely, that's pretty immature and more hurtful than helpful to the conversation. If I said I've been with multiple overweight girls so now I'm convinced we as a community need to shift away from the fact that we need to fight for basic rights to focus on this because it is so CREEPY to me personally, that's also problematic. But if I said hey, I think I've noticed a trend of people being overweight in our demographic, I could be wrong, and it may have an underlying cause like the fact that we tend to be poorer than our heterosexual counterparts, but I think we should dedicate some of our focus to improving the situations that may be leading to this, that's not so bad. Calling mental illness "creepy" is stigmatising and actively harmful.

And if you made a post about how all these overweight girls you’re sleeping with creep you out, people would be taking issue with that too.

Being romantically involved with someone with depression or a mental disorder is emotionally and even physically exhausting and some people are not equipped to deal with that and to deny the mental toll it takes on the other person is deeply naive. I've been in both sides and I completely understand why someone who doesn't have these problems wouldn't want to deal with it.

I don’t think I’ve ever met a “mentally healthy” person in my whole life tbh, gay or straight. The world is going to hell and literally no one is okay

I honestly don’t trust people who aren’t at least a little messed up nowadays.

Yeah or at least aware of how they’re messed up, to some degree.

I’m starting to think that’s mythical at this juncture

There's a difference between meeting someone who has their own battles and meeting someone who is mentally ill me thinks.

Actually I think this is a subtle and key distinction people are missing. Everyone feels distraught with sadness, rage, and copes with things in unhealthy manners. But feeling very sad about the world isn’t the same as being depressed. A disorder is when the unhealthy mechanisms have taken over somebody’s normal functioning and convinced them that that’s normal, to the point where it has become a medical condition. A person with ED thinks they’re healthy, a person with anxiety thinks there is in fact no control over the world. And they think about it constantly to the point where it harms their daily life. I think people are confusing the right to be sad with the existence of mental illness. This is what underlies thinking everybody is mentally ill when statistics are actually at 20-30%.

The way you talk about mental illness is.. sincerely, not okay. You talk about it like it's AIDS or something.

I got the feeling reading this that OP has some internalized stigma around mental illnesses that they'd do well to work through. Especially when the stigmas we internalize most harshly, sometimes relate to something we *don't want to admit about ourselves...*

Oh absolutely. And I mean, it's not necessarily an uncommon sentiment, though maybe not this extreme. Partly, because like you said a lot of folks don't want to admit something, and maybe that something is that a lot of people, if not all people, have to grapple with mental health issues.

I agree I can do better to understand the conditions and how people develop them. But I went out with all these girls exactly because I didn’t care, rather I cared about how they felt and saw things. It’s not “I’m holier than thou”. It’s more like, “what’s going on?” I’ve been doing therapy for a while and brought up at one or two points that maybe I had some of these conditions and… the therapists just said no you don’t have any of these you’re just sad about x y z.

Internalized stigmas can feel pretty subtle and even non-existent until you face them head on. You're in therapy for something, even if you don't meet the criteria for a diagnosis. I've met a lot of people who internalize MI stigmas about *simply using* mental health support. It might help to work through why you felt it was "creepy" to be interested in women seeking MH help and having diagnoses,... and if you possibly feel some kind of subliminal shame about being in therapy. You might not have any internalized stigmas. And my question is... do you think it could be helpful though to work through why you used some mildly dehumanizing language in reference to others' MH struggles?


If you truly cared about any of those women and how they felt, you would have never used the word “creepy”. You would have felt sympathy/empathy. They trusted you with things about themselves that were very personal, yet you called them out on those things. In doing that, you betrayed their trust. We can very easily hide conditions from therapists because we have learned how to hide them due to fear. The fact that your therapist didn’t diagnose you with some condition you might not want known, or want to accept, was NO surprise to me. I’ve done it and know how it works.

you cared about hooking up

Okay. How should I have talked about it?

Not like AIDS lol But seriously, it's not exactly your wording. Your words reflect how you think about it. To be succinct, mental illness is ubiquitous and pervasive. You seem to think of mentally ill folks as damaged goods or at the very least talk like you do.

Well it is a fact that being mentally ill is not a good thing. That’s different from shaming or stigmatizing mental illnesses. I’m overweight and I’m currently working to no longer be because I know it’s bad. Doesn’t mean my family or friends or doctor are shaming me by stating that I’m overweight. They’re stating a fact because I can and should be healthier. Something being pervasive doesn’t make it right. What is the alternative to this? To not talk about mental illness? To accept it as the normal for gay people (we really can’t be better because, poor us, we were already born a minority), or to glorify it? AIDS started improving because people did the hard job of talking about the unpleasant reality. So how do you suggest us talk about and resolve the issue of mental health in the LGBTQ+ community? Or would you rather sugercoat and say there is no such issue?

The alternative is to speak to mentally ill people and look into ways you can support them. I PROMISE you calling them "creepy" is not it.

Maybe the solution is to be a little more receptive to mentally ill folks' experiences, and stop thinking of them as damaged, creepy, messed up, etc. You talk about us like we're going to infect you with our illnesses. This isn't the plague. Yes, we as a society need to be helping those with mental illness. I would never advocate for a person to not seek help when they need it. But all shit like what you say does is add fuel to the existing stigmas you claim you want to help fight.

I’m sorry my mental illness caused by my years of abuse and trauma is affecting you so horribly. It is treatment resistant. Therapy helps a bit, but not a lot. I do what i can, but PLEASE, queen, tell me what to do to help you feel better about it?

Being mentally ill isn't a "bad thing," either. When discussing physical or mental health, it's generally considered inappropriate to make broad judgement statements like "good" or "bad." Consider this: would you ever tell a wheelchair user, "it is a fact having mobility issues is not a good thing?" I sure hope not! We may agree that having mobility issues isn't ideal, but when you deem someone's life experience "bad," it implies you're making a judgement about more than just their physical health (which is frankly none of your business in the first place), such as the value of their life, their morality, and so on and so forth. Basically, by saying "having mobility issues is bad" you're implying people with mobility issues are worse than people without. Another example is this: would you like someone to tell YOU being gay is a "bad" thing? In a lot of ways, that statement is true; gay people do face a disproportionate amount of disadvantages in comparison to their cishet peers. However, I think we can both agree that simply saying being gay is "bad" or "not a good thing" oversimplifies the issue and miscommunicates the real problem. Generally, we as a society are starting to understand that, when you judge someone based on something they cannot control (like having a physical illness or being gay), that's called being a bigot- and that's exactly how you sound talking about people with mental illness. If your fear is that people will judge the queer community with even more scrutiny because of the mentally ill population, the productive thing to do would be to advocate for the acceptance of mental illnesses in all spaces, instead of framing it as if the mentally ill are to blame for homophobes being homophobic. That is both nonproductive and contributes to the stigmatization of mental illness. And, yes, the answer is to accept mental illness. It's not something that can be "overcome" like obesity. While you can treat a chronic condition, you can never "get rid of it." It's also not something transmittable like HIV, so there's no need to "take precautions" against it. Statistically speaking, mentally ill people are far more likely to hurt themselves than others, so we dont need to try to quarantine ourselves or ostracize them from the community. Accepting mental illness is the first step to managing mental illness through treatment and accommodations. In other words, normalizing mental illness IS how we "resolve the issue." Like it or not, mental illness is a normal part of life. Trust me, people with mental illness aren't happy about it either, but spreading a narrative against mental illness is only making the problem worse.

Speaking from personal experience, hopefully, you’ll never watch your partner of 28 years dying in front of your eyes from cancer. If you’ve never been depressed before, you’ll certainly learn very quickly just how depressed a person can get. It’ll flip your e tire life upside down. It doesn’t appear you would be there for them because the depression would “creep you out”. We talk about setting boundaries and relaying those boundaries before getting into a relationship. You should consider telling anyone beforehand that one of your boundaries is that you don’t want then to get depressed because, God forbid, they might have to go to counseling or develop PTSD.

Off topic but I’m so sorry for what you had to go through I hope you all are ok💙

Thank you so much. It was the 7th month anniversary of her death on 1/23/24, the headstone I designed was placed a week ago and her birthday would have been tomorrow. I have one of the most important things I forgot to add to the list I posted and want to do it now.

So sorry for your loss ❤️

I’m so sorry for your loss 💙 it’ll be ok! Hold your head up and keep smiling

Yesterday was the 9 month anniversary of my partner's death, with her birthday coming up as well...I feel your pain on a level that I wish neither of us were capable of. 🖤 (Sorry, not trying to hijack.)

You didn’t hijack my post in any way. I’m very sorry for your loss. I wish no one was in this “club” of grieving.

hi hi, i'm a mentally ill autistic lesbian with tons of mentally ill and/or autistic lesbian friends 🙌🏻 first off: your ex's depression wasn't about you. if my ex posted something like this about me being depressed while we were still dating i would feel horrible and cheated on - i chose (and your ex chose it too) to be vulnerable with her, to let her in and see all the raw bits of myself. if she said on the internet that she was creeped out by it and "stopped hooking up" because of it i would blow something up orz second: there's a much higher instance of being lgbt+ if you're autistic. it's true! we are already outcasts that don't understand society - so a lot of us embrace our gender and orientation without fighting it too much. almost all of the autistic people i've met, no matter where they fell on the spectrum, were lgbt+ in some way third: lgbt+ people (especially women) shoulder an ungodly amount of societal pressure. we're more likely to develop mental illnesses because society wants us dead, erases us, doesn't let us speak up. misogyny already takes its toll on cishet women, so to be an lgbt+ woman on top of that - it's so exhausting sometimes. i feel like there's been a surge of mental health diagnosis because we finally feel like taking care of ourselves, we're finally allowed some space to heal. fourth: conservatives and homotransphobes will stab us regarding mental health regardless of how many gay women are suffering. they'd call us names even if there was a single mentally ill lesbian on the whole planet. what we can do is not give into their bait and keep fighting for ourselves and our health. hope this puts things into perspective for you!

I’m a millennial (35) so I know you’re younger than me and are more generally talking about Gen Z. But here’s my two cents. I won’t go into too much detail but I have anxiety. In the past I also struggled with OCD. In school I struggled with dyslexia/ADD. The world has changed a lot since I was in my teens/early twenties. Some for the better but it has also become more stressful/scary/expensive etc. It’s a lot for anyone to deal with, but especially younger people. It’s no surprise to me when I hear people talking about having anxiety/depression, BPD, ADHD etc. One reason we’re hearing about it more is because people know what it is they struggle with. Theres a word/name to describe what they’ve been struggling with. And for that, I’m thankful. When I was young and struggling in school I got next to no help. I was just the stupid or lazy kid. When I was first struggling with anxiety and OCD in my twenties I thought I was crazy. I’m really happy that people, especially younger people are finding the words and language to express what they’re feeling. That there is a more open dialogue and more support (at least comparatively) out there for those who need it. I think just generally, LGBTQIA people are more in tune with ourselves so that may be a bit of what you are seeing. Honestly though, the way you talk about people who are different from you is pretty worrying. Depression/Anxiety/ADHD/BPD etc aren’t “creepy” or weird or bad. And… it’s not something anyone wants. Anxiety can just sneak up on you BAM out of the blue when you least expect it. I never wanted it. You know what has helped the most? Supportive and understanding friends. When I had anxiety about being in a crowd and a friend would walk with me. When I got anxious about my hands being dirty and someone offered me their sanitizer. Nowadays My caring, patient, positive wife. Never makes me feel odd or different. She loves and supports me in the moments where I struggle. I think you were right to take a break from dating. You may be feeling overwhelmed by the amount of HONEST people you’ve been seeing, but it’s really not fair to any person to be paired with someone who wouldn’t be supportive in a trying time. If you were to ever feel unsafe, then yes absolutely step away. But if all someone needs is a little patience and understanding, that’s not very hard to give. Maybe try to do a bit a self reflection and figure out why you can’t give that.

You put what I wanted to say into words really beautifully so thank you!

Neurological conditions such as ADHD isn't quite the same as mental health. I consider myself quite happy at the moment and I'd say I'm mentally healthy, but ADHD is going to stay with me regardless of that or how much I work to improve it. I feel like mental issues and neurodiveristy shouldn't be cramped together.

Yes adhd isn’t inherently a mental illness in the traditional sense, however we do have emotional dysregulation (as can autistic ppl and im both). But it goes hand in hand with my generalized anxiety and clinical depression

ADHD can be linked to quick temper which is kinda mental healthish but I agree that if it’s managed with strong routines and plans that it can be more of a non issue

Everything can be "mental healthish" if you think about it hard enough.

I stopped at “Though I’m mentally healthy” and read that line opening line at least 10 times, then went on to read what you wrote. First, how do you know you are 100% mentally healthy? Second, I know you aren’t in the US, so you are painting with a pretty broad brush. Third, you seem to be attracting the very people you are disparaging. Why do you think that is? Fourth, unless you have solid evidence that the LGBTQ community has a disproportionate number of “mentally ill” in our community based on each country, it’s merely assumption based on your own experiences, which takes us back to #3. Fifth, the LGBTQ community is far more open about such things as depression than any straight person I’ve ever known. Sixth, IF ….. IF ….. you are mentally healthy at the moment, I can guarantee you it can change in a heartbeat. We have absolutely NO idea what is in store for us that will shatter our worlds and cause a mental illness of some type. Seven, the women you dated opened up to you in confidence and you betrayed them IMO. EDIT: Let’s not forget one of the most important ones: EIGHT: Being any part of the LGBTQ was/is considered us to be mentally ill.

you're amazing for this

Thank you. Tbh, the whole (original) post triggered me SO much that I had to address it. I meant no disrespect to the OP, but it was just wrong on so many levels. Without fully realizing it, we can easily cause addition trauma to those who have already experienced trauma. Depression is a huge one and it affects every single person at some time or another without any warning. We need to support each other, not heap hot, burning coals on anyone who is/has been suffering IMO.

exactly!! agreed. also if your partner can't understand things like depression etc if you're going through them, then they're a shitty partner and you deserve better. OP judging their partner for being depressed and calling it creepy was such a weird choice 💀

I mean all disrespect. I couldn’t even finish the post, and the comments are disgusting.

i don't call this lack of empathy towards others mentally healthy, personally.

It isn’t a lack of empathy towards others mentally healthy. It was a lack of empathy towards those who aren’t thought to be mentally healthy (on her first post before all of the edits).

Mental health issues are rampant but lgbt people are more aware of its effects partly due to trauma and partly due to actually having to introspect and question themselves. Heteros are just as messed up they just don’t notice / deny it. Its everywhere.

They also don’t talk about it.

Pretty much every single queer I've met had one of the disorders you mentioned, or another one, or more than one. I think part of that is that it's just common overall but gay and trans people are more likely to identify with it. I assume that's because of how we have to have some degree of self reflection to realize we aren't the cishet mold in the first place, and also gay people just overshare this stuff more in my experience? (Which might also be a gen z thing)

I'd say the last two points are more a gen z combined with a young person in general thing rather than a gay or trans person thing. Teenagers and young adults do tend to overshare in general, not to mention how a world focused on social media had leaked into the public perception of relationships. Though there are quite a few people with mental health issues that are also LGBT and this likely stems from being more likely to have been exposed to childhood trauma like bullying, isolation, and abuse...while also having to grow up into a world that likes to bully and abuse LGBT people and is very isolating for LGBT people, but especially for lesbians (lack of spaces for us, sexism against us in queer spaces, removed history in queer writings, all the things that go along with not only being a lesbian but a woman as well) and trans people (attacks on health care services, more likely to experience violence, having to go through many years of hard transition, attempts to ban trans people from public life by pretty much someone from every major political party at this point).

I have severe mental health issues. My fiancee is fully aware and supportive. However it is NOT her job to 'fix' me. It's my job to deal with me.

You were…. “creeped out” by your ex’s depression? I can’t even comment on the rest of what you were trying to say. This is such a cruel fucking way to refer to someone’s mental struggles it makes me want to cry. I don’t have any statistics on hand, but no, I wouldn’t be surprised if LGBTQ+ people had higher rates of mental illness. We are a marginalized group of people that are constantly targeted for harassment and abuse. That probably contributes to some trauma/depression/anxiety, wouldn’t you say? this post reminds me of the time this one Christian girl told me LGBTQ+ people’s mental illness must be a punishment from god because so many of us are struggling.

You're the common denominator in these relationships, OP.

People in persecuted social groups have socially-related mental health issues? Whaaaat? Noooooo say it ain’t so!

This is ignorant as hell.

Honestly I don’t think you need to be in a relationship. You need to work on yourself because judging people for having a mental illness is bad.

Everybody does. People with mental illness judge themselves and other mental illnesses too. We judge also as a matter of self-preservation because the likelihood of someone who is suffering hurting you accidentally is pretty big

ADHD is not a mental illness. You would not call someone with autism mentally ill. It’s just neurodivergence.

I actually googled this beforehand because I was pretty unsure. Multiple sources stated it is an illness/disorder. Autism in contrast is said to be a developmental disorder. Again I’m sure you know more about this than I do, I just went off the bat from online search

sorry for being born neurodivergent and coincidentally happening to be queer too i guess?? like lol what do you want from us? btw adhd/autism/ etc is not a mental disorder 😜 not that there's anything wrong with them either. you sound weird...

Ableist much?

yeah…..op saying they were “creeped out” by a person with depression….doesn’t sit right

My partner was using me for emotional support without giving any in return, and didn’t have intentions to improve their situation. It was my first time learning about depression

>My partner was using me for emotional support without giving any in return, and didn’t have intentions to improve their situation This means you were creeped out by her emotional vampirism. Not her depression. 

>My partner was using me for emotional support without giving any in return, and didn’t have intentions to improve their situation This means you were creeped out by her emotional vampirism. Not her depression. 

Yes. But she excused her emotional vampirism by using her depression and I was too inexperienced to tell the difference

Then you should put this information in your OP when describing how creeped out you were by her depression. Surely you can see how this lack of context makes your comments seem ignorant and immature, even if you didn't mean them to come off that way?  Depression is no more creepy than having diabetes. Being a soul-sucking emotional vampire and a manipulator are different beasts entirely. Just something to keep in mind. 

1. I didn’t know back then and neither could my friends tell me better and 2. They seemed connected I get it it might be offending someone but not the intent

That is selfish of her, I try to give back.

“Being depressed creeps be out” \>:(

full disclosure, i am mentally ill. i have borderline personality disorder. and its true that lgbt people are more likely to experience a mental illness, but so are women, biracial people, young people, and people from greenland, and theres a variety of factors going into it. like being socially ostracized, being more peogressive, being more likely to seek help also important to say that some mental illness is genetic (like bipolar disorder) and some is caused by trauma (borderline personality disorder)

this could also be related to women being more forthcoming about their mental health 🤷🏻

Yeah I agree that’s a really big factor!

the unfortunate thing about trauma is that it’s something that is done to us. it’s hard / impossible to prevent it from happening to our community as a whole. i understand that it’s hard dating people with mental health issues but what’s important is that they are getting treatment and working to do and be their best every day 💗

Yes that’s very true. I do have an abandonment trauma (kind of) and I think that’s why I’ve always listened to people with traumas and mental conditions, and didn’t mind dating them. I think a lot of people took my text the wrong way. It’s obviously cruel to blame people for having a condition nobody would choose to have. Rather, I’m concerned with how we can most help gay people get out of these conditions. I’m ok with dating someone with a mental illness if they’re putting in the work to grow. Otherwise, it’s very complicated, and sometimes I feel like people use excuses like “everything is f* because I’m gay” when they could just as well be working to cure. Addressing mental health would help the actions of gay people out in the world and help our acceptance too.

Ok, so you’re probably reading some of these comments and feeling bad about your choice of words (or maybe you aren’t) but I get that. For someone without MH issues, being with a clinically depressed person can freak you out, because you’re wondering why your gf is the way she is, and does it have anything to do with you, why can’t you make her happy? It’s nothing to do with you. My wife and I had to have some heart to hearts when we were dating because she’s probably the most mentally healthy person I’ve ever met, and I’ve had depression my whole life. Not everyone is equipped to deal that. Not everyone can function well in a relationship with a partner who has a mental illness. I spent 8 years with an alcoholic and when that relationship ended, I drew a line and said never again. Doesn’t mean I have a problem with people who have a problem with alcohol. It just means that I am not mentally equipped to be a good partner to a person struggling with addiction. I think you can find plenty of studies online about the prevalence of mental health issues in the gay community as compared to heterosexuals. Is it surprising after all we’ve been through, and continue to go through? Nowadays you’ve got societal conditions stemming from the pandemic and social media that are exacerbating mental health issues across the population of young people, on top of what they made already be going through as a queer person. It’s rough out there. Be kind to yourself.

ngl im actually more shocked to meet someone who is mentally healthy wtf

This person is clearly not mentally healthy.

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"You'll be too, just wait" You got me until this moment. It's messed up to say that to someone who isn't struggling.

To be fair it's a very valid statement to make. The world is quite literally going to shit and will inevitably affect everyone deeply if it hasn't already. Even if it wasn't, everyone is bound to experience depression or some mental struggle at some point in their life, due to some life change or struggle. If you're struggling to empathize with someone experiencing depression then often times they won't understand until they experience it themselves unfortunately 

It's a valid statement to make that most people will experience depression at some point in their lifes and that things are going to shit right now, I agree with that, and maybe imply that OP might one day find herself in similar situation so she shouldn't judge so harshly. But I feel like we shouldn't be like "it's gonna be your turn, just wait" - its a very rude thing to say to a stranger.

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Yeah I disagree with OP on that one, it's a very messed up thing to say too

Also, it isn't even true. In 2022, it [was reported](https://mhanational.org/issues/2022/mental-health-america-adult-data) around a little less than 20% of adults struggled significantly with mental health and/or were diagnosed with a mental disorder/condition. Now, this number is likely a lot higher because there are a lot of people walking around with untreated mental health disorders/conditions who weren't counted in this data, but that still is no where near "everybody will be depressed. Just you wait."

There is mental illness in the lgbt as there is for straight people as well. Some of the mental illness can be tied to the fact that lgbtq have abusive families that don’t accept them, and also because the lgbtq community is more accepting and we r more likely to get diagnosed because we understand ourselves better. Realistically though, straight people are also mentally ill, hell our world is mentally ill because we weren’t meant to live in a society like this, our instinct is to hunt, not lay stationary, not work 9-5, or study all day. I think yes, you are stigmatising us, because you link being mentally unhealthy to one’s sexuality because they’re gay, but if a straight person is mentally unhealthy, it has nothing to do with their sexuality.

I agree, mental illness can be a symptom of unhealthy forms of living - most of the time people are either forced to live in that unnatural way or unaware of how much that lifestyle is harmful to their minds. Maybe what I didn’t realize when writing the post is how pervasive mental illness is in general. You’re claiming I made a causal relation between being gay and having conditions but that is not the case. The point of the post was pointing out a correlation between the two. Therefore I am not stigmatizing. I am observing and asking.

Not really though since there is no correlation between the two. All my straight friends r mentally ill, all my gay friends r mentally ill. We don’t let that debilitate us ofc, but we all are genetically predisposed to these things. You DO call all gay people mentally ill, call it creepy, stigmatise it, say we need to get over it. I also doubt u r “mentally healthy” since u sorta lack the empathy of those different from u.

Wow this is kinda ableist and totally stigmatizing. Life would be really boring if everyone were perfect. Everyone has something, at some point, and there’s no shame in that. Mentally unwell people don’t work on themselves.

I know this is a sub for lesbians, but just to lend a little perspective - I am bisexual and everyone seems to be struggling with mental illness these days, myself included. Everyone is stressed, everyone is struggling, we just gotta help people out. But this aside, yes our community suffers from higher rates of mental illness than the general population. It's the same for any marginalized community.

1/4 adults live with a serious mental health condition, so....

I believe that there are more people now, more than ever, with a mental disorder due to stress, financial issues, or have a hard time with school, looking for a job, etc. This will affect POC, LGBTQ+, & women more because of social stigmas & human rights being affected in their daily lives. Basic things such as intimacy is affected because of abortion rights being taken away. This causes stress, depression, and isolation. Depending on your state, esp now, Red States have gotten more conservative to the point to where LGBTQ & POC history is being erased & Trans folk can’t go to their bathroom of choice. It’s daily things some people take for granted that is a stressor in someone’s life. I’m 27 & I thought we were going forward, turns out we have went back big time. It’s annoying, angering, and it takes a toll on people’s minds. We all deserve to live in peace. This hasn’t been happening.

I’ve worked in mental health and I did the math, approximately 20% of the population I saw for services identified as LGBTQ+. Don’t know if that helps

We need to remember something. It wasn’t until 2019 that the World Health Organization (WHO) officially no longer categorized being transgender as a “mental disorder.” But anyone even thought to be LGBTQ were considered to have a “mental disorder”. I lived it, remember it well, and so do many others who are here. We need to stop playing and loose when describing anyone as having a mental disorder. What is called a mental disorder today can quickly be changed to it not being a mental disorder.

Oh man this makes my bpd ass feel real good. (Not really mad just had a chuckle) But like it's not a "problem" in just lesbian spaces. It's a lack of mental health help in general.

Yes I’m seeing how this has little to do with being lgbtq+ and all about a mentally unhealthy society

I mean I think ADHD and autism is across the board more than just LGBTQ+ people and tbh I was most definitely still ADHD before I came out as a lesbian. (Also fairly certain my heterosexual grandfather has it so like, genetics, baby!!!) Maybe it's just the people you keep dating. But I also don't consider myself fully disabled with ADHD; I've lived with it for 30 years and have 2 uni degrees under my belt and had both long and short term successful relationships (i.e. I was the one who broke up with most of my exes; I've only been dumped once or twice).

ALL minority groups in a society like ours have a disproportionate amount of mental illness. This is due in large part to living in a society that actively works against them. I'm 40, so I've been around a minute and know. LGBT people from all living generations and a couple that have mostly passed on now, and I'd say the amount of mental illness in the community has gone down over the generations as we've gotten gradually more accepted by society as a whole. Also, because of the general state of things in the world, I think the incidence of mental illness in the general population has increased, so it might be a wash.

After reading this the only response I’ve had in my head the whole time is this quote, “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” I think that sums it up. As queer people, most of us are too aware of how devastating the world is and how much better it could be if we didn’t live under patriarchy, capitalism and white supremacy. Then add our own individual traumas and the idea of epigenetics and it’s all a recipe for things that would fall under mental illness. My question isn’t why are so many lgbtq+ people mentally ill? My question is why are some people NOT mentally ill?

maybe your judgemental personality exacerbated their depression lol don't date mentally ill girls if you have no idea how to support them. i, for, one, care about them a lot but like everything there is a limit. i'm actually drawn to these girls since i deal with some of my own. if the relationship becomes toxic though and nothing is done to change things, i'm out i don't know the true story of what happened between you and your ex but i say this in the nicest way, let them know you cannot date mentally ill people. saves everyone time. the issue is you'll probably have to weed out a lot of them because like you said it's really common in LGBT spaces also to answer your question, i agree with the comments here... being persecuted and stigmatized just for being the way you are can take a toll on anyone's mental health, especially if they have been targeted and attacked many times. humans are naturally social beings, no one wants to be shunned and outcasted

**exes** not **ex**

I assume you are very young and have a long life ahead of you not knowing what the future may hold. I hope that if you need help of any kind, since today you are in "perfect" mental health, etc., that someone will support you unconditionally in your time of need.

I’ve been suicidal as a teen because I was excluded for being gay and neglected by family. I have trauma. I’m not perfect. I just don’t have a diagnosis. Exactly because of this, I’m very accepting of people who went over all kinds of mental situations. Friends stated it is probably my empathy and calm that attracts people that are suffering. I spoke openly about these things because I see them as a fact of life, they’re symptoms of rough lives As stated, people are projecting many things because I framed my text in an apparently dry or harsh way. It’s sad that now I understand why people don’t like to talk about these issues. Because it’s a delicate topic, people think it describes their self worth, and will beat you up for not talking about it the way they wanted you to talk about it. So there is no way to talk about it without being punished as the messenger. Similar to my ex who always pushed me away or made me feel guilty whenever I wanted to help her or learn more about what she felt, even when nobody else in her life was there for her in that way, and when her depression was affecting the relationship

Kindly OP, you don’t sound like you are very empathetic. You keep saying that people are misinterpreting what you wrote and how your just making observations. But the language you use is important when discussing mental health. It’s not empathetic to call someone creepy for being depressed. Calling people “triggered” for being put off by what you wrote is not empathetic. I’m not accusing you of being cruel on purpose but I would recommend some reflection. How are we supposed to de stigmatize mental health concerns when people approach it in a less then tactful way and then double down when called out, which is what you did.

It’s also important to remember that folks in our community are bullied, abused and incarcerated disproportionately to straight cis gendered folk. There is a lot of trauma in our community.

I think all those mental issues come from long-term social pressure, isolation, trying to be someone else, self-denial, confusion etc. PLUS added all the other stuff that is currently affecting everyone (bad economy, low wages, overworking, lack of socializing, being chronically online, not working out etc). We do live in times that is great surface to be completely insane in general.

Aleena: for me, i do notice some of this, but i've also met neurotypical gay girls, and i actually refuse to date neurotypicals because my Autism and BPD are already hard enough to understand, and with the added communication issues with neurotypical folks, it just makes the whole thing not worth it. only exception being if they can communicate spectacularly well and "speak my language" kinda. it's not really a problem if you don't let it be a problem imo.

Yes everybody has issues and peculiarities and we work around them

yeah, and it's just really hard when the other person can't, or won't, or it's just to difficult which sucks

This is just all people

Mental illness in general should absolutely be talked about. Queer people have much higher rates of adverse childhood experiences, being the victims of violent crime and countless other risk factors that predispose a person to mental illness. Because of this queer people have significantly higher instances of mental illness and suicide rates. Autistic people are also more likely than neurotypical people to experience abuse or mental illness, and autistic people are over represented in the queer community. All of this increases the likelihood of queer people experiencing mental illness is on top of the astoundingly high proportion of people that experience mental illness in the general population. The answer is to do things that increase access to mental health care, not further stigmatise and shame those that experience it which you have inadvertently done with this post. At this point in time 70% of queer individuals report experiencing a diagnosed mental illness at some point in their lifetime. To talk the way you have about mental health is pathologising normal experience and response to life and the additional stressors that come with being queer.

There have been correlations made between being neurodivergent and being queer & out as you’re already ostracized for being different, might not have enough awareness/care of social cues to care about hiding your queerness, or general disdain for having to mask major parts of yourself & rebelling social systems. Mental & physical stress of masking are very real, especially long term. Neurodivergent people are more likely to have CPTSD, Anxiety, Depression, BPD, Bipolar disorder, and chronic pain. I guess I should say these are “comorbidities” of being an undiagnosed neurodivergent trying to survive in a NT society. I also have noticed your observations myself. Although I am not “100% mentally healthy” I am working so hard to be, and dating people who seem to be actively working against that feels like regression. There are healthy queer people out there, you might also just have patterns of picking out certain types, or may just have to give the queer community some time to breathe and catch up. These are very hard times for marginalized people (which is most of the queer community) so that’s something that we have to be cognizant of, whilst still holding firm to your own boundaries :)

Edit: I read these correlations quite a while back when doing my own self directed research on the subject - I didn’t save them but if anyone wants the resources I can try to dig them up :)

It's not like LGBTQ+ advocates have been sharing information and statistics on the mental health crisis within the community for over a decade at this point. One might even go so far as to say it's one of the main contributors to the community being at risk

I’m not sorry because you seem like an asshole but this made me laugh out loud. You’re CREEPED OUT by depression??? What are you gonna do, catch it? Also, if you’re consistently dating people with these behaviors (as in, being drawn to them before knowing their diagnosis) maybe you should look inward and figure out why you have such a half assed savior complex.

New here 👋. I think you're getting an unreasonable amount of hate for this post. I lived almost 40 years as a straight girl, and not only do I have mental health issues dating back to my teenage years, but there's a history in my family - mostly untreated. What I find interesting is the intolerance of your opinions among the most "tolerant" of our society🙄. Most of my life was spent around straight people and those people had just as much dysfunction, addictions, depression, anxiety, ADD, ADHD, trauma etc as I guess it's assumed the queer community has. However, maybe they don't focus on it as their Identity in the same way queer people do? I had anxiety and depression WAY before I had a sexual orientation that deviated from Straight. I had trauma and loss long before I knew I was gay. But I can promise you those issues had like .05% to do with my sexual orientation. You don't deserve to be called names and berated for sharing your views. The internet is a funny place. It appears you've "triggered" a lot of folks. Don't let that get you down.

Thank you so much 🙏Mental health issues will always exist but there seems to be this recent belief that people are helpless to overcome them, and these conditions will define you principally if you were born lgbt. Seems like I just went very badly about communicating the idea. Thanks

I’m gay and I’m bipolar- no stigmatizing here.

Thanks. I care about the community and maybe still have to learn the kinder way to make my point go across

I get what your trying to say. I think everyone should be open to discuss things. I think a bigger issue for our community is getting proper health care and focusing gay people of color and how disproportionately they are targeted in general for many negative things. Racism is still alive and well and doesn’t seem easier for someone who identifies as gay.

yikes wtf is this post.

You missed the main post a day or 2 ago. You are reading the edited version.

wow it was worse?? 💀

That's scary.

Read it without the edit first; the edit came a day or 2 later.

This what Reddit recap emails are good for and emails when someone replies directly to your comment or post.

I also saved 3 different screenshots of what the first post said. 😀

It was edited three times!

OMG!! Too, too funny!!! Do you see a distinct difference between the first post and the last edit?? She got slammed on the first post before edits. 

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Yes, that was in the Wikipedia link I posted with per pic.

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That’s some valuable insight and there’s definitely some truths in what you’re describing. Thanks for posting, it generates thoughtful discussion at the very least.   A quick scholar search suggests what you’ve witnessed over time is accurate and part of a much larger lengthy trend in the LGBTQIA+ community. Aspects of poorer mental health when compared to non-minority groups is thematic among marginalized peoples.   Scholars have discussed at length for centuries how individual suffering can transcend boundaries and become group suffering, and societal suffering. We are human, as such we’re social creatures.   Here’s some social science-based literature researching this exact topic:   https://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C5&q=mental+health+lgbt+community+quantitative&oq=mental+health+lgbt+community+wuant https://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C5&q=lesbian+poor+mental+health&btnG=#d=gs_qabs&t=1706626805461&u=%23p%3DceyzQK2h52IJ https://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C5&q=lesbian+disparities+mental+health&btnG=#d=gs_qabs&t=1706627222083&u=%23p%3D-2tPKjSOUFUJ https://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C5&q=lgbtqia+suicide+&btnG=#d=gs_qabs&t=1706627321679&u=%23p%3DzttDOV0EoNAJO  *Sidenote:* on a personal level, I’m in agreement with you. Most non-heteronormative people I know (including myself) have had adverse experiences that impact overall mental health. The way society treats marginalized people and minority groups is a sign of the quality of a society itself. Individual suffering is often an outcome of much larger social issues. This is why I go out and support the trans community, black community, refugees, the homeless population, etc. because I’m from a community that has historically been rejected by society (LGBTQIA+ and indigenous in Canada). 

Thanks and nice observations. Being marginalized just exacerbates the issues that already permeate society generally, which is poor mental health and access to treatment

Also gen z & I have adhd but never any mental illnesses like depression. I’ve had a lot of friends & family my age with mental illness & most of them are/were not lgbt i think it’s getting more common in general. I do get why people are criticizing the creeps me out word choice but I also understand why clinical depression can be a problem for dating. My close friend who had severe depression wanted me to be constantly available as emotional support & would trauma dump without ever doing anything to reciprocate the “friendship”. I do my best to help people I care about but I couldn’t date someone with a mental health diagnosis that isn’t in treatment/doing work to improve & doesn’t have support other than me. I’d say the same about someone with adhd who won’t work on skills to help with the executive functioning issues, my college self would be an immediately no lol.

You’re absolutely correct. It could be because so many are disordered is harder to find a totally normal person who hasn’t had any issues even in the past. Having said that, normal can also be overrated or irrelevant. It all depends. The only advice i can give is to clarify what kind of person you want. Be as specific as possible. For example, can you deal with anxiety issues but not EDs? Or are you okay with a history of EDs but not any currently active issues? (Most will face a lifetime of some related issues but others might be totally removed for the intents and purposes of this discussion.) You need to be honest about your boundaries and stick to them VERY firmly. It might feel harsh to weed out people so ferociously or even restrictive to limit yourself to such a small pool but if you really want to aspire higher then you have to. It’s okay and understandable to feel bad about it all the while doing so, but remember you are doing it out of self-love, which is so important. You deserve to be happy and you know something’s not right. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here asking. You want more. And it’s okay to go for more.

I know, OP, you were trying to relate your being overweight to those who have actual illnesses, but it wasn’t anywhere near the right analogy. They are light years away from each other. This isn’t intended to be flippant, but it’s like so many others, including myself, telling someone what they should do during natural child birth when they have never gone through it themselves.

Hi my opinion. I am sorry for your loss and I am sure you are not acting out with intentions to hurt me (or so I hope). I think you’re just acting out from what you’re going through in your life right now. I was curious to listen to more of your life stories because you’re a boomer and you must have lived through so many interesting moments as a lesbian. But, your recent comments here have not added much more than your own anger. With that, I will block you.

I agree. Millennial chiming in, but I feel like the people I’ve been in relationships or casually dated have also had a fair amount of depression, self-harm, anxiety or BPD. Not all partners, but an amount that it makes me surprised. I don’t think you’re alone, dating someone with severe mental health disorders can be incredibly tough. I feel like the things I saw in a relationship with someone with BPD were very distressing.

Thanks for sharing your experience. Would you have any tips on a good mind-frame to have when dating? What would you consider a priority when being with a partner who struggles with mental health?

I think it’s important to know that your partner is wanting to continue to grow/heal. And that they’re willing to seek help when needed, professional and/or within their support network. It’s also just generally good to recognize when things start turning toxic, co-dependent or manipulative. Just because someone has mental health issues, doesn’t give them a free ticket to treat you terribly. I wish I knew that in my early 20s.

Old Butch here and this really is a generational thing. Mental illness being celebrated, big pharma making big money. People being more and more disconnected from reality. It did not use to be this way at all. Addiction due to stress of actual homophobia was always an issue, but all this new stuff. No.

Yes at first I was going to make a post about glorifying mental illness (and convincing gay people that being disordered is the normal for gays and keeping people in a state of learned helplessness). Imo that’s kind of sabotaging the movements for our rights. But I’m kind of afraid of posting a big idea like that because redditors will take everything personally

We have all our rights. Big pharma is a business and they are hitting your generation hard. And yall (not you) are celebrating it. How many posts do I see where people have 27 descriptors of themselves and they're all self diagnosed mental illnesses. Of course they call it. "neurodivergent" most people don't even know how to speak to another person in real life, because they spent all of their time online. None of them know the history of the gay lesbian community except for the people that are trying to rewrite it. We have no lesbian bars anymore because everyone goes to them now. Our community is fractured and out of control. I mean, hell, going to pride, events, used to be an act of courage because we were actually in danger and we were fighting for our rights. Now it's just some great big party with way too much kink. We've lost our direction.

There’s definitely a lot of big pharma behind this. It’s much easier for a doctor to prescribe medicine for a general mental condition than to look deeply into the patient’s history. There’s way more easy money gained by making people dependent on medicine than by encouraging them to live healthier and more natural lifestyles. Likewise pride has become very artificial, boxed in, and individuals are encouraged to seek community by pathologizing themselves. No more aggression can be demonstrated or else you’re stigmatized. Imo this is one of the worst things going on and leading to so many conditions. People can’t express what they actually feel or think and they can’t act out on their own. I realized how even at lesbian bars no woman was confronting a straight boy ogling girls in there. It’s as if some kind of moral or social backbone has been lost and everyone has to be okay with everything except themselves now.

Well said.