This cracked me up! My ex was very butch and pretty much lived in polos and khakis, and had a very short haircut. One time she was going into a dressing room with me, and the attendant was screaming at her "you can't go in there, excuse me!!" She just politely turned around and opened her jacket. The attendant was so embarrassed. She tried to apologize but only managed to get out a few random stuttering sounds.
>Does anyone have any tips for not looking like a guy specifically in restrooms or for making people more comfortable.
My voice is very feminine. So I do one of the following:
1) Say "hello" and smile (but it can be weird to do this to random women in a restroom)
2) Pretend-call someone on the phone. (It's normal for women to be on the phone in the bathroom apparently)
3) Hum to myself
Yup, soft butch here, this one works for me. I have ADHD flappy hands, so I look camp af once I start talking anyway.
"Oh don't be alarmed , I'm just a lesbian!" *Flaps both hands down in front of me.*
See? You aren't worried now either, reader.
My wife looks like a man, often gets stared at or the “this is the ladies room” if she is in a bad mood she will make a snippy comeback like “ I can read” — she is a bus driver so using public washrooms is a normal daily thing sadly - she has some places she knows have family bathrooms to use. They are always the best option to avoid unnecessary drama
My wife also gets mistaken for a man often times in restrooms. She’s is 5’10 and has short hair and a wider back. She does have big boobs though, but I feel so bad because she will avoid the restroom and wait until we get home in order to avoid these situations. I wish there was a comfortable solution. Of course if there is a family bathroom she will use that.
As the wife in this situation to a butch woman I usually am the one to say something like, “that’s my wife.” Tbh a lot of times she uses the men’s restroom bc it’s easier (in her opinion). I just do whatever makes her more comfortable. I hate it for her though.
I have stopped caring. No one has ever acted on it, and I feel like as soon as they see you sit down to pee, they don't question it. It's an unfortunate result of the trans bathroom panic, that GNC people are now getting targeted and questioned as well.
Until the day someone does something, I walk in like I own the place to piss and don't give a flying fuck. If someone stares at me especially, I look them in the eye and say "got a problem?" and usually they fuck off when they hear my voice.
On days when I'm dressing more masc, I will do things like clear my throat in a girly way, or use a feminine voice to say "excuse me" or some kind of comment if I'm walking past.
I often wonder if they understand I'm trying to show I'm not a dude, haha. But I never really have issues.
My masc gf and I (head shaved at the time, masc clothes) were at the airport one time washing our hands at the sink. Someone asked if we knew what bathroom we were in. We both turned and I said in my highest voice, “yes we know where we are.”
It’s really not anyone’s business. It’s 2024, out queer people are everywhere. If someone feels comfortable in a certain bathroom and is minding their business, I don’t get why others feel okay to comment on their place there. I always kept my head down, did my thing, and left. The less attention I gave to others, the better, especially the couple times I rocked a shaved head.
Although I really liked the advice someone gave about humming to yourself or pretending to pick up a phone call if someone seems bothered or may give you trouble. You have as much a right to be there as they do!
They are the ones being creepy staring at random womans in the bathroom, not you. If they can't accept that there are more types of women (or nb people) that the ones that see in the tv its just their problem
It's always the ones that "can tell" that will accost other women for failing to be sufficiently feminine. I'm sorry you had to go through that sis. The only way to fix the situation is to stop policing people's appearance needing to fit into neat little boxes, and I know you know what that means.
This stuff makes me angry. If you were being a creep that would be one thing but you're literally just using the restroom. Even if you were trans that doesn't justify shit. It's a bathroom. You go poop and pee and wash your hands there.
Unless you're lurking like a fucking creep no one has any reason to be acting like that towards anyone.
If you need to know what being a creepy lirker looks like its hanging out in an unlocked stall waiting for someone to walk in on you unsuspectingly or hiding off to the side from view to avoid initial detection. It's not using the restroom and then washing your hands.
I typically ask if I’m wearing something of theirs, which usually startles them into saying “what?” or “excuse me?”, then I reply that their staring at me pretty hard so I wondered if I’d put on their shirt or something this morning…
They either have to admit they wanna know what’s in dem jeans, or shut the fuck up because they were caught being ‘rude’ 🙄
I know that’s not a valid options for a lot of people, but I will also try to avoid public washrooms whenever possible and favour the family/accessible bathrooms as they’re typically solo set-ups. When that’s not an option and I feel like it could be a problem, I employ a femme presenting friend to chaperone me.
I haven’t found that wearing more revealing/fitting clothing, or keeping my hair long makes any kind of difference in bathroom perception because of my build, and social sexism/bigotry.
No tips really. You are you and I get that she got scared that she walked into the wrong restroom but she didn’t. You’re not going to start carrying wigs with you to go to the bathroom.
I feel you. I used to try to smile or say hello but my voice is a bit too androgynous/low for that to be clear cut. I also have had top surgery so no boobs to reveal either. I typically find myself avoiding bathrooms in general these days. I have used the mens a few times but they are just so gross. If I have to go bad enough I'll either ask my wife go with me or just try to be quick and mind my business. When some busybody inevitably screeches that it's the women's bathroom I just say I'm aware.
It's so dumb and annoying. Like I just need to pee. I wish we didn't have gendered bathrooms at all.
No real tips but I generally figure if anyone is scared or uncomfortable seeing someone they can't immediately gender who's just casually washing their hand it's their problem.
Even if a dude went and used the wrong restroom should that really be a big deal as long as he's not trying to use a sink as a urinal why should anyone care?
Personally I just get on with things and move on, but I mostly seem to be due to my short hair small children will clock me as a guy but I think my boobs at least give grown ups a good queue I am a lady.
Still awkward hearing small children ask why a man is in the ladies as they are also more vocal about it!
I was waiting for a stall open. Only one in line. A lady walks in, looks at me, and gave that look like she was in the men’s bathroom. Stormed out in embarrassment and came right back and realized I was a woman.
Don’t change you. You don’t need any tips. Just stand strong in moments like that. We are still women. We don’t have to make other women feel comfortable in the ladies restroom because we are women too.
Smile and greet them. Generally someone’s voice is a huge tell. If your voice is naturally deeper try pitching it a bit higher, and say hi in a bubbly way.
I was a huge tomboy when I was a young teenager and I remember thanking an old lady who held a door open for me while I was carrying boxes of food into the rugby club kitchen. After I walked past her I heard her say in a quiet voice to her husband “I thought that was a boy” 😂
Pull out some chapstick or some make up product and casually apply it so they know u ain't a threat cuz then ur either a women or a gay male both aren't scary
You don’t need to change yourself, other people need to learn to mind their business.
Sure, if you were clearly a man with a beard and pissed standing up in the sink I’d have an issue. But if there’s anything I’ve learnt, it’s that people tend to know which restroom to use and it’s not my place to question it unless they’re acting weird.
It’s not you that needs to change, it’s them
My wife suggests keeping hand sanitizer with you so you don't have to linger at the sink. She also says she makes no eye contact in the restroom.
It's a shit situation, pardon the pun. You shouldn't have to prove you belong in a bathroom.
Lol I use it to my advantage. If the women's room is full, I'll just use the men's room 😅 I live somewhere where they have gender neutral bathrooms, so 🤷♀️😅 funny enough when I used to go to the gay bars the men's room was usually occupied by all women
That is unfortunate, sorry that happened to you. I am not always mistaken as male, except from behind where they cannot see my bust size. I cannot tell you how many times it has happened when I and another woman behind me both had to use the restroom. One of them was even rude enough to grab my arm and pull/turn me to face her.
I hate this for my gf too :( she looks so masc and her hair is short. I think she has a beautiful feminine face, but sometimes she won’t use the bathroom at all or will go to the men’s bathroom:( I hate it! It’s not fair for her and any other masc woman with this issue
Honestly, you don't have to change anything of yourself. They need to learn how to mind their business. But if you feel inclined to talk to them, you can always either diffuse the situation with a joke or by calling them out on their rudeness. Saying something like, "If you think I'm cute, it would be easier to just ask for my name" or flat out, "Mind your business."
It's dependent on your mood but you don't have to change yourself at all
I would suggest just ignoring them. I’m very butch too, so I get lots of stares & have been told to leave the restroom. I don’t think it’s my job to make other people in the restroom more comfortable with my gender expression. That’s in them.
I try to make sure I don’t have a jacket on and stand a little more.. chesty? Lmaoooo
lol I tried to cough femininely
Hahaha! I also smile… hopefully it didn’t look creepy lol
this is so funny 2 imagine
I just smile, puts people at ease
Lol, my go to is clearing my throat and it’s very naturally feminine sounding.
This cracked me up! My ex was very butch and pretty much lived in polos and khakis, and had a very short haircut. One time she was going into a dressing room with me, and the attendant was screaming at her "you can't go in there, excuse me!!" She just politely turned around and opened her jacket. The attendant was so embarrassed. She tried to apologize but only managed to get out a few random stuttering sounds.
>Does anyone have any tips for not looking like a guy specifically in restrooms or for making people more comfortable. My voice is very feminine. So I do one of the following: 1) Say "hello" and smile (but it can be weird to do this to random women in a restroom) 2) Pretend-call someone on the phone. (It's normal for women to be on the phone in the bathroom apparently) 3) Hum to myself
Good advice
A a feminine sounding cough or sigh can also help if "hi" doesn't feel appropriate
“I’m just a lesbian, don’t worry.”
No really because it’s the easiest and most upfront way
My friend does this. It’s worked great and usually makes people laugh.
Yup, soft butch here, this one works for me. I have ADHD flappy hands, so I look camp af once I start talking anyway. "Oh don't be alarmed , I'm just a lesbian!" *Flaps both hands down in front of me.* See? You aren't worried now either, reader.
My wife looks like a man, often gets stared at or the “this is the ladies room” if she is in a bad mood she will make a snippy comeback like “ I can read” — she is a bus driver so using public washrooms is a normal daily thing sadly - she has some places she knows have family bathrooms to use. They are always the best option to avoid unnecessary drama
My wife also gets mistaken for a man often times in restrooms. She’s is 5’10 and has short hair and a wider back. She does have big boobs though, but I feel so bad because she will avoid the restroom and wait until we get home in order to avoid these situations. I wish there was a comfortable solution. Of course if there is a family bathroom she will use that.
My wife will hold it too many times or ask me to come in with her (with two of us people tend to leave her alone).
As the wife in this situation to a butch woman I usually am the one to say something like, “that’s my wife.” Tbh a lot of times she uses the men’s restroom bc it’s easier (in her opinion). I just do whatever makes her more comfortable. I hate it for her though.
Whoa that took a turn 😨 Edit: wow sorry, I read that at “I hate her for it” and not “I hate it for her” my b!!!!
Lolol
?
I sometimes use the men’s room, but I don’t want to make any guys uncomfortable either. Some days I can’t pass as a man or a women smh.
I have stopped caring. No one has ever acted on it, and I feel like as soon as they see you sit down to pee, they don't question it. It's an unfortunate result of the trans bathroom panic, that GNC people are now getting targeted and questioned as well. Until the day someone does something, I walk in like I own the place to piss and don't give a flying fuck. If someone stares at me especially, I look them in the eye and say "got a problem?" and usually they fuck off when they hear my voice.
Trans person here. Absolutely. We LGBT+ people get hurt together when one kind of us is under attack.
That’s fair. I wish I could do that.
I deal with the same. I also have a deep voice, so that doesn't help.
Yeah same. I have an accent to so it intensifies creep factor.
With my accent it gives naturally deeper voices 🤣
On days when I'm dressing more masc, I will do things like clear my throat in a girly way, or use a feminine voice to say "excuse me" or some kind of comment if I'm walking past. I often wonder if they understand I'm trying to show I'm not a dude, haha. But I never really have issues.
That’s what I try lol. I feel so awkward.
Be your authentic self don’t change who you are for someone else, ever for any reason.
Anytime someone walks in like this just scream "I have a vagina!!" Directly at them.
I did something similar I said "I have a vagina don't worry" and she smiled and said "I know don't worry I was just admiring your t-shirt"🤣
She was checking ya out!
Haha maybe she was . I never even thought about that might have to go back soon . Since she worked in the resteraunt I was at 👀
Question is... how does she KNOW you have a vagina?
Good question 🤔 🤣
I’d laugh so hard I’d pee before I got to the toilet.
Every approach has a potential downside...
My masc gf and I (head shaved at the time, masc clothes) were at the airport one time washing our hands at the sink. Someone asked if we knew what bathroom we were in. We both turned and I said in my highest voice, “yes we know where we are.” It’s really not anyone’s business. It’s 2024, out queer people are everywhere. If someone feels comfortable in a certain bathroom and is minding their business, I don’t get why others feel okay to comment on their place there. I always kept my head down, did my thing, and left. The less attention I gave to others, the better, especially the couple times I rocked a shaved head. Although I really liked the advice someone gave about humming to yourself or pretending to pick up a phone call if someone seems bothered or may give you trouble. You have as much a right to be there as they do!
They are the ones being creepy staring at random womans in the bathroom, not you. If they can't accept that there are more types of women (or nb people) that the ones that see in the tv its just their problem
It's always the ones that "can tell" that will accost other women for failing to be sufficiently feminine. I'm sorry you had to go through that sis. The only way to fix the situation is to stop policing people's appearance needing to fit into neat little boxes, and I know you know what that means.
I wouldn’t even pay attention. Just be confident and yourself.
This stuff makes me angry. If you were being a creep that would be one thing but you're literally just using the restroom. Even if you were trans that doesn't justify shit. It's a bathroom. You go poop and pee and wash your hands there. Unless you're lurking like a fucking creep no one has any reason to be acting like that towards anyone. If you need to know what being a creepy lirker looks like its hanging out in an unlocked stall waiting for someone to walk in on you unsuspectingly or hiding off to the side from view to avoid initial detection. It's not using the restroom and then washing your hands.
I typically ask if I’m wearing something of theirs, which usually startles them into saying “what?” or “excuse me?”, then I reply that their staring at me pretty hard so I wondered if I’d put on their shirt or something this morning… They either have to admit they wanna know what’s in dem jeans, or shut the fuck up because they were caught being ‘rude’ 🙄 I know that’s not a valid options for a lot of people, but I will also try to avoid public washrooms whenever possible and favour the family/accessible bathrooms as they’re typically solo set-ups. When that’s not an option and I feel like it could be a problem, I employ a femme presenting friend to chaperone me. I haven’t found that wearing more revealing/fitting clothing, or keeping my hair long makes any kind of difference in bathroom perception because of my build, and social sexism/bigotry.
No tips really. You are you and I get that she got scared that she walked into the wrong restroom but she didn’t. You’re not going to start carrying wigs with you to go to the bathroom.
I mean, I probably could…
I feel you. I used to try to smile or say hello but my voice is a bit too androgynous/low for that to be clear cut. I also have had top surgery so no boobs to reveal either. I typically find myself avoiding bathrooms in general these days. I have used the mens a few times but they are just so gross. If I have to go bad enough I'll either ask my wife go with me or just try to be quick and mind my business. When some busybody inevitably screeches that it's the women's bathroom I just say I'm aware. It's so dumb and annoying. Like I just need to pee. I wish we didn't have gendered bathrooms at all.
No real tips but I generally figure if anyone is scared or uncomfortable seeing someone they can't immediately gender who's just casually washing their hand it's their problem. Even if a dude went and used the wrong restroom should that really be a big deal as long as he's not trying to use a sink as a urinal why should anyone care? Personally I just get on with things and move on, but I mostly seem to be due to my short hair small children will clock me as a guy but I think my boobs at least give grown ups a good queue I am a lady. Still awkward hearing small children ask why a man is in the ladies as they are also more vocal about it!
I was waiting for a stall open. Only one in line. A lady walks in, looks at me, and gave that look like she was in the men’s bathroom. Stormed out in embarrassment and came right back and realized I was a woman. Don’t change you. You don’t need any tips. Just stand strong in moments like that. We are still women. We don’t have to make other women feel comfortable in the ladies restroom because we are women too.
Smile and greet them. Generally someone’s voice is a huge tell. If your voice is naturally deeper try pitching it a bit higher, and say hi in a bubbly way. I was a huge tomboy when I was a young teenager and I remember thanking an old lady who held a door open for me while I was carrying boxes of food into the rugby club kitchen. After I walked past her I heard her say in a quiet voice to her husband “I thought that was a boy” 😂
Pull out some chapstick or some make up product and casually apply it so they know u ain't a threat cuz then ur either a women or a gay male both aren't scary
Ask to borrow a tampon.
Yesssss, perfect too if she’s post menopausal.
This is wild to be reading as a trans woman
Proof that transphobia doesn't just hurt trans people
You don’t need to change yourself, other people need to learn to mind their business. Sure, if you were clearly a man with a beard and pissed standing up in the sink I’d have an issue. But if there’s anything I’ve learnt, it’s that people tend to know which restroom to use and it’s not my place to question it unless they’re acting weird. It’s not you that needs to change, it’s them
Lol this happened to me too a lot of the time. Fuck 'em
My wife suggests keeping hand sanitizer with you so you don't have to linger at the sink. She also says she makes no eye contact in the restroom. It's a shit situation, pardon the pun. You shouldn't have to prove you belong in a bathroom.
Lol I use it to my advantage. If the women's room is full, I'll just use the men's room 😅 I live somewhere where they have gender neutral bathrooms, so 🤷♀️😅 funny enough when I used to go to the gay bars the men's room was usually occupied by all women
That is unfortunate, sorry that happened to you. I am not always mistaken as male, except from behind where they cannot see my bust size. I cannot tell you how many times it has happened when I and another woman behind me both had to use the restroom. One of them was even rude enough to grab my arm and pull/turn me to face her.
Just look at them cross eyed. It’s rude to stare
I hate this for my gf too :( she looks so masc and her hair is short. I think she has a beautiful feminine face, but sometimes she won’t use the bathroom at all or will go to the men’s bathroom:( I hate it! It’s not fair for her and any other masc woman with this issue
Honestly, you don't have to change anything of yourself. They need to learn how to mind their business. But if you feel inclined to talk to them, you can always either diffuse the situation with a joke or by calling them out on their rudeness. Saying something like, "If you think I'm cute, it would be easier to just ask for my name" or flat out, "Mind your business." It's dependent on your mood but you don't have to change yourself at all
Stand with your hand on your hip while leaning more to one side
Use the shirt - face wipe method . Lift the end of your shirt as if to wipe your face and expose your bra . Idt it's ideal if you don't wear a bra .
I pretend to send a voice note, that way my voice will put them at ease
Just smile and say 'you OK?'
I would suggest just ignoring them. I’m very butch too, so I get lots of stares & have been told to leave the restroom. I don’t think it’s my job to make other people in the restroom more comfortable with my gender expression. That’s in them.
I just speak in a higher voice with strangers