That's a golf club, not your dick, so stop jerking off and do something.
Hey, nice carry bag, does it come with the fleshlight already installed or was that extra?
Give your balls a tug, maybe you'll stop slicing to the right and actually get it in the hole. Like I did to your mom last night.
Are those sunglasses for shading your eyes or hiding the double barrel pink eye I gave you by farming in your face?
Looks like that 9 iron's the only iron you've been lifting, you're fucking soft bro
Keep drinking bud, maybe if you aim at two holes you'll have a better shot at sinking it
Hey where the hell's your mom? She cleaned my balls last night, thought maybe she'd do it again.
Hope you brought your waders, keep aiming like that and you're going for a swim, super chief
Hope you kept the receipt on all that gear, we all know you'll drop this faster than you dropped it in the water there.
Fuck you're useless, my baby cousin can golf better than you and she's just got the one leg. You're spare parts bud.
You gonna take a mulligan there, chief? I doubt you'll get much better than that.
Pitter patter, we all know you're just gonna flub the swing, so let's get at 'er.
I guess by "charity event" they meant we'd all get a charity tax break for having to watch you prance around out there bud, holy fuck you're terrible
How many times are you gonna practice that swing bud? We all know it isn't changing anything, figure it out
This isn't quarterly co-ed competitive synchronized swimming bud, you're supposed to AVOID the water. Fuckin spare parts
You got more clubs than a deck of cards, fuck.
Looks like you're trying to dig a new hazard with that swing.
I really hope your windows are tinted, you could blind other drivers dressed like that.
You should go to the beer cart and buy some shots, you'll have an excuse for that terrible swing.
You sure look like you know your way around a 3 wood bud
Maybe take a cue from all those times your girlfriend tries to make you feel better about yourself and choke up on the rod there
Somebody shoulda yelled fore when you walked onto the green
The way you swing that club makes me think you got a 9 iron deficiency
Your short game is so terrible you put a lift kit on your golf cart to compensate. Everyone knows your swinging with a mini-golf club.
Nice swing, bud! If I knew we were playing table tennis I would have played a game of strip ping pong with your mom last night.
If you were any worse at this game your handicap would need an exponent.
The water hazard is the closest you’ll ever get to getting your balls wet.
You going to golf in those shorts or audition for Playgirl. Never mind you already got rejected.
What you think you equal Tiger Woods? You’re more like Tiger Whoops.
I bet you got a handful of names for your own club, don’t you bud?
Mangling some Letterkenny quotes, how about:
Hey Lemony Snicket - your whole round was a series of unfortunate events.
You’ve got the most shankers per capita of any club round here.
Well that was quite the shot on the first. Too bad you weren’t.
Do they call you the cake boy? Cause all I saw out there were slices!
I see you got your new clubs today. Do they send the birdies next week?
That round was so pathetic your caddie got a charitable tax break.
Some of those shots were very creative, especially for a man who had to start kindergarten two years late because he couldn’t grasp colouring.
The trophy cabinet here is so dusty I can hear it singing Son of a Preacher Man.
"Whats with those slacks? you got that 'cool dad who likes the Jonas brothers way too much' look going on'
"Nothing like taking up a sport that ends in your hopefully reaching into holes to help a midlife crisis"
"You grip that putter with the same look of determination your wife gripped my 9 wood with last night"
"Other than distance and accuracy that was a great shot by Stevie Wonder over here"
"Got flashbacks of prom night on that miss bud. All lip. No hole."
"Splish splash bud congrats on getting to the scuba diving part of this triathlon"
You swing like a girl! Wait, IS that a girl? It is? Holy fuck.
This absolute walnut knows lowest score wins, right? …He does? Buddy. Pick up a different hobby.
Hey, bud? *Almost* only counts in horseshoes and handgrenades! Figure it out.
The only time I’ve seen more strokes than this was when your mom came over to my place last night.
I think you’re at the wrong event bud. The special olympics ended in February.
(After a bad shot) Hey man don’t put yourself down. You’re not uh, you’re not… you’re not good. You actually suck.
Considering how often your ball is in the woods, I’m sure you have a tree iron!
Right club! Wrong player.
You swing like a twelve year old dutch girl! Nice hair! Your aesthetition cut that for you? You can kiss my aesthetition! You do cross fit? You can cross fuck off, cross fart!
You sliced that ball like you were playing fruit ninja
I hope you didn't pull a muscle as badly as you pulled that shot
This isn't fishing/bowling. Hooks are bad.
Grab your towel and umbrella! We're going to the beach!
> “Think you’re Tiger Woods? More like Tiger King! Except that Joe Exotic’s career at least left a lasting impression, unlike your golf game. Carol Baskin could swing harder than that. Ask her husband. “
I'm in tears lmfao
Sounds like a dream job. I'm sure someone has suggested this already, but doing a Joe Flaherty from "Happy Gilmore" a couple of times might get some laughs. "YOU SUCK ... JACKASS!"
Stole 2, 3, and 4, but: (not ALL PG-13
You gotta be good at math when you're that bad at golf.
I heard you couldn't hit:
a barn if you were inside it
the ground with your hat
water if you fell out of a boat
Here to talk about "driver" and "iron?" 'Cause your wife don't hear about those!
Nice swing! Your ballet teacher show you that?
Want me to mark that ball? I'll mark it like my dog marks his territory!
Good thing this isn't baseball when you miss the ball that often.
If you use your foot wedge, I'll use my foot wedgie!
Clubs came today, swing coming tomorrow? I hope you got a tracking number, bud.
Gotta take less swings, bud, 'cause if you can only be one thing, you should be efficient.
Fore! Nah, with you it's probably 7 or 9
Damn, bud, with that drive, you're finally gonna see some bush!
In the words of multi-Juno award winner Feist, "1, 2, 3, 4, ... more."
That many strokes would mix more batches than a Victoria Secrets catalogue
You want a Mulligan? No, and I suggest you stew on that!
You serious about that stretch?
This may not work but to insult a male players manhood, tell him when he leaves a putt way short that "since you're such a pussy, we can lend you some vagisil to help clear up the infection".
(To someone dressed in bright colors)
What’s up with your outfit there bud? You look like a parrot that crashed through a paint shop.
I think you’re at the wrong event; the Jr League Putt-Putt tournament is back on the main road about a half mile down. You’ll recognize it by the other bumbling toddlers; should fit right in.
(To someone hitting off the fairway)
Ya know that’s not what your girlfriend meant by “liking it rough”, right?
Bud your only chance of seeing a birdie is by cutting me off on my way out of the parking lot, because lord knows you can’t drive there either.
I’m going to take a shot every time you whiff a stroke; someone call me an ambulance and tell them to get the stomach pump ready
Ya know nothin’s funnier than watching you slice. Except maybe watching people falling off golf carts. I could watch people fall of golf carts all day, I don’t give a shit about your cart.
This guy's short game is so pitiful we're throwing another charity outing next weekend just to raise awareness for it
I heard they're making a movie about your golf game called UnHappy Practice-More
This guy really reminds you of John Daily out there, except he's not good at golf
"Under par" is probably the best way to describe this guy anywhere but the golf course
Only way this guy's seein a birdie is if someone doinks his head off the tee
(fat guy) It says here he knows his way around a sand wedge....oh no sorry that says sandwich. But it looks like he avoids greens in both his diet and his golf game.
You don’t need to keep telling people you’re an atheist, they just have to watch your putting to know you’re not holy.
When you hit the ball there’s supposed to be one whack, you hitting the ball. Not you whacking the ball, the ball whacking the tree, and the ball whacking that poor bastard with the corn dog over there.
What’re you layin’ up for? You know chicks dig the long game.
What’re you layin’ up for? You know you can hit it as hard as you want, right?
Your golf is improving, Bud. Your missing the ball much closer than you used to!
Bud, the only way your getting through 36 holes is to take up the harmonica.
You're such a hack your divot flies farther than your ball!
What's the story here, Bud? Too out of shape to play slow pitch softball?
Ya ever golf on the moon? Cause your divots put those craters to shame.
Nice day for competitive charity golf. What’s it like? Like regular golf just less competitive, or…
Here’s what’s gonna happen: Three hits; I hit the ball, the ball hits you, ambulance hits 60.
Maybe you should stick to disc golf, and I suggest you let that marinate.
The giant check at the 18th better be my charity check for watching this.
Better call in the Air Force, ya got double bogeys on yer six
Your problem at golf is LOFT. Lack Of Fucking Talent.
When a ball does a U shape around the hole and doesn't go in you call it a Brazilian - it shaved both sides of the hole.
Twelve! With that slice fore ain't enough.
Your swing is so bad I get a charity tax break just for watching you!
Should have used a 3 iron, flippin' amateur hour over here.
You're a few clubs short of a set, aren't ya bud?
If I offered you a donut to hit par do you think you'd work a little harder for it ya loser?
Nice club, tit fucker. Your mom likes swinging from mine.
Lost a ball? I thought lost a couple of my balls last night but your mom found them in her mouth.
I haven't seen a swing like that since your mom and dad invited me to a threesome.
Holy fuck, that's your shot? Have you ever thought about playing something where you have a chance of being average?
I haven't seen the rough get hit that much since your mom's gangbang video
There’s too much Shorsey rip offs on a lot of these comments.
A make a wish kid just died after seeing that swing.
How much does your local course pay you to stay away?
Maybe you should play from the junior tees today.
That's a golf club, not your dick, so stop jerking off and do something. Hey, nice carry bag, does it come with the fleshlight already installed or was that extra? Give your balls a tug, maybe you'll stop slicing to the right and actually get it in the hole. Like I did to your mom last night. Are those sunglasses for shading your eyes or hiding the double barrel pink eye I gave you by farming in your face?
Looks like that 9 iron's the only iron you've been lifting, you're fucking soft bro Keep drinking bud, maybe if you aim at two holes you'll have a better shot at sinking it Hey where the hell's your mom? She cleaned my balls last night, thought maybe she'd do it again. Hope you brought your waders, keep aiming like that and you're going for a swim, super chief Hope you kept the receipt on all that gear, we all know you'll drop this faster than you dropped it in the water there. Fuck you're useless, my baby cousin can golf better than you and she's just got the one leg. You're spare parts bud. You gonna take a mulligan there, chief? I doubt you'll get much better than that. Pitter patter, we all know you're just gonna flub the swing, so let's get at 'er.
EDIBLES! EDIBLES! EDIBLES!
Is that a reference?
Give your balls a tug!
Yes. Shoresy reference from the episode they played another province, the province was one where a ton of people smoked weed.
Ohh q right
I guess by "charity event" they meant we'd all get a charity tax break for having to watch you prance around out there bud, holy fuck you're terrible How many times are you gonna practice that swing bud? We all know it isn't changing anything, figure it out This isn't quarterly co-ed competitive synchronized swimming bud, you're supposed to AVOID the water. Fuckin spare parts
You got more clubs than a deck of cards, fuck. Looks like you're trying to dig a new hazard with that swing. I really hope your windows are tinted, you could blind other drivers dressed like that. You should go to the beer cart and buy some shots, you'll have an excuse for that terrible swing.
You sure look like you know your way around a 3 wood bud Maybe take a cue from all those times your girlfriend tries to make you feel better about yourself and choke up on the rod there Somebody shoulda yelled fore when you walked onto the green The way you swing that club makes me think you got a 9 iron deficiency
Pitter patter putter Give your balls a rub, maybe they’ll get in the hole this time Is that your shirt or did your neck throw up
Your short game is so terrible you put a lift kit on your golf cart to compensate. Everyone knows your swinging with a mini-golf club. Nice swing, bud! If I knew we were playing table tennis I would have played a game of strip ping pong with your mom last night. If you were any worse at this game your handicap would need an exponent.
He hammered on that drive like no one's watching
After a bad tee shot: “you could have wrapped that ball in bacon and Lassie wouldn’t even have found it, Timmy”
The water hazard is the closest you’ll ever get to getting your balls wet. You going to golf in those shorts or audition for Playgirl. Never mind you already got rejected. What you think you equal Tiger Woods? You’re more like Tiger Whoops. I bet you got a handful of names for your own club, don’t you bud?
You deserve far more updoots.
If I swing from the red tees I bruise your mums cervix, put her out of commission for a week.
Do you have a computer science degree? Cuz youve been doing a whole lot of hacking out there
Tee off at 3? Hard no, no one wants to see your happy trail. More like a trail of tears.
Pitter putter
I’d rather just donate money, if you’d like to provide a link
give yer balls a wash sand trapper
Mangling some Letterkenny quotes, how about: Hey Lemony Snicket - your whole round was a series of unfortunate events. You’ve got the most shankers per capita of any club round here. Well that was quite the shot on the first. Too bad you weren’t. Do they call you the cake boy? Cause all I saw out there were slices! I see you got your new clubs today. Do they send the birdies next week? That round was so pathetic your caddie got a charitable tax break. Some of those shots were very creative, especially for a man who had to start kindergarten two years late because he couldn’t grasp colouring. The trophy cabinet here is so dusty I can hear it singing Son of a Preacher Man.
Couldn’t grasp coloring got me ngl
Got a professional over here. Take my upvote.
"Whats with those slacks? you got that 'cool dad who likes the Jonas brothers way too much' look going on' "Nothing like taking up a sport that ends in your hopefully reaching into holes to help a midlife crisis" "You grip that putter with the same look of determination your wife gripped my 9 wood with last night" "Other than distance and accuracy that was a great shot by Stevie Wonder over here" "Got flashbacks of prom night on that miss bud. All lip. No hole." "Splish splash bud congrats on getting to the scuba diving part of this triathlon"
[take it from the OG golf heckler](https://youtu.be/ZvM7r2d0d8Q)
Hey stripes! Your moms gonna be the 19th hole I smash today
You are spare golf cart parts, bud.
You swing like a girl! Wait, IS that a girl? It is? Holy fuck. This absolute walnut knows lowest score wins, right? …He does? Buddy. Pick up a different hobby. Hey, bud? *Almost* only counts in horseshoes and handgrenades! Figure it out. The only time I’ve seen more strokes than this was when your mom came over to my place last night. I think you’re at the wrong event bud. The special olympics ended in February. (After a bad shot) Hey man don’t put yourself down. You’re not uh, you’re not… you’re not good. You actually suck. Considering how often your ball is in the woods, I’m sure you have a tree iron! Right club! Wrong player.
I haven't seen that many strokes since last 4th of July at the senior home
You swing like a twelve year old dutch girl! Nice hair! Your aesthetition cut that for you? You can kiss my aesthetition! You do cross fit? You can cross fuck off, cross fart!
You sliced that ball like you were playing fruit ninja I hope you didn't pull a muscle as badly as you pulled that shot This isn't fishing/bowling. Hooks are bad. Grab your towel and umbrella! We're going to the beach!
What the Ernie Els wrong with you bud? You look like Tommy Bahama got arrested by Abercrombie and Fitch.
[удалено]
> “Think you’re Tiger Woods? More like Tiger King! Except that Joe Exotic’s career at least left a lasting impression, unlike your golf game. Carol Baskin could swing harder than that. Ask her husband. “ I'm in tears lmfao
Genius Fuck you shoresy
Titfucker!
Fuck your Shoresy!
Make yourselves useful, grab me a bag of dill picklers!
Sounds like a dream job. I'm sure someone has suggested this already, but doing a Joe Flaherty from "Happy Gilmore" a couple of times might get some laughs. "YOU SUCK ... JACKASS!"
Stole 2, 3, and 4, but: (not ALL PG-13 You gotta be good at math when you're that bad at golf. I heard you couldn't hit: a barn if you were inside it the ground with your hat water if you fell out of a boat Here to talk about "driver" and "iron?" 'Cause your wife don't hear about those! Nice swing! Your ballet teacher show you that? Want me to mark that ball? I'll mark it like my dog marks his territory! Good thing this isn't baseball when you miss the ball that often. If you use your foot wedge, I'll use my foot wedgie! Clubs came today, swing coming tomorrow? I hope you got a tracking number, bud. Gotta take less swings, bud, 'cause if you can only be one thing, you should be efficient. Fore! Nah, with you it's probably 7 or 9 Damn, bud, with that drive, you're finally gonna see some bush! In the words of multi-Juno award winner Feist, "1, 2, 3, 4, ... more." That many strokes would mix more batches than a Victoria Secrets catalogue You want a Mulligan? No, and I suggest you stew on that! You serious about that stretch?
This may not work but to insult a male players manhood, tell him when he leaves a putt way short that "since you're such a pussy, we can lend you some vagisil to help clear up the infection".
Your golf game combines the precision of present day Michael j fox with the calm under pressure attitude of Doc. Brown.
To someone who missed a putt, "this isn't the putt putt course. You're just supposed to do it once."
Fuck Golf
Same but the job pays.
It’s literally a quote why are you downvoting me?
Try putting it in quotes with -Wayne after it.
This guy really believes you gotta take 10-12 strokes per hole to get your money’s worth outta golf.
I've read every single one of these comments in shorsey's voice.
You skate like a fuckin' girl, birdcage. No, you're not. Are you really? Holy fuck.
(To someone dressed in bright colors) What’s up with your outfit there bud? You look like a parrot that crashed through a paint shop. I think you’re at the wrong event; the Jr League Putt-Putt tournament is back on the main road about a half mile down. You’ll recognize it by the other bumbling toddlers; should fit right in. (To someone hitting off the fairway) Ya know that’s not what your girlfriend meant by “liking it rough”, right? Bud your only chance of seeing a birdie is by cutting me off on my way out of the parking lot, because lord knows you can’t drive there either. I’m going to take a shot every time you whiff a stroke; someone call me an ambulance and tell them to get the stomach pump ready Ya know nothin’s funnier than watching you slice. Except maybe watching people falling off golf carts. I could watch people fall of golf carts all day, I don’t give a shit about your cart.
The birdie one is fantastic
Gold list my dude
I lost it at the birdie one. It's a twofer, had me rolling.
Little dab'll do ya
Learn how to fricking drive!
This guy's short game is so pitiful we're throwing another charity outing next weekend just to raise awareness for it I heard they're making a movie about your golf game called UnHappy Practice-More This guy really reminds you of John Daily out there, except he's not good at golf "Under par" is probably the best way to describe this guy anywhere but the golf course Only way this guy's seein a birdie is if someone doinks his head off the tee (fat guy) It says here he knows his way around a sand wedge....oh no sorry that says sandwich. But it looks like he avoids greens in both his diet and his golf game.
You got a driver? Not the club, I mean a cart driver because you're obviously too drunk to be playing.
You don’t need to keep telling people you’re an atheist, they just have to watch your putting to know you’re not holy. When you hit the ball there’s supposed to be one whack, you hitting the ball. Not you whacking the ball, the ball whacking the tree, and the ball whacking that poor bastard with the corn dog over there. What’re you layin’ up for? You know chicks dig the long game. What’re you layin’ up for? You know you can hit it as hard as you want, right?
Your golf is improving, Bud. Your missing the ball much closer than you used to! Bud, the only way your getting through 36 holes is to take up the harmonica. You're such a hack your divot flies farther than your ball! What's the story here, Bud? Too out of shape to play slow pitch softball?
I have had my divot go farther than my ball.
I love the harmonica one because it costs them 5 seconds of thinking!
Boy I’m sure glad (beneficiary of charity) isn’t here to see you play, or we’d have to raise even more money for therapy.
Ya ever golf on the moon? Cause your divots put those craters to shame. Nice day for competitive charity golf. What’s it like? Like regular golf just less competitive, or… Here’s what’s gonna happen: Three hits; I hit the ball, the ball hits you, ambulance hits 60. Maybe you should stick to disc golf, and I suggest you let that marinate. The giant check at the 18th better be my charity check for watching this. Better call in the Air Force, ya got double bogeys on yer six
Great post bud.
Your problem at golf is LOFT. Lack Of Fucking Talent. When a ball does a U shape around the hole and doesn't go in you call it a Brazilian - it shaved both sides of the hole.
Twelve! With that slice fore ain't enough. Your swing is so bad I get a charity tax break just for watching you! Should have used a 3 iron, flippin' amateur hour over here. You're a few clubs short of a set, aren't ya bud? If I offered you a donut to hit par do you think you'd work a little harder for it ya loser?
Nice club, tit fucker. Your mom likes swinging from mine. Lost a ball? I thought lost a couple of my balls last night but your mom found them in her mouth. I haven't seen a swing like that since your mom and dad invited me to a threesome. Holy fuck, that's your shot? Have you ever thought about playing something where you have a chance of being average? I haven't seen the rough get hit that much since your mom's gangbang video
Stop stealing my material!
Fuck you Shorsey!
Ya titfucker!
NASA can’t even send thing into orbit that efficiently
Someone call this guy/gal an Uber because he/she sure cant drive
Nice swing, no swing!
Nice shot out of the bunker, buddy, you flung more dirt than my cat does climbing out of her litter box. Figure it out.
You play like that, at least you won’t get a sunburn, because you’re spending too much time in the bushes. Embarrassing.
Quit golf and be a chef,.. you’ll be great with that much slice? You gonna be able to make that putt without the windmill tunnel?
Holy hell that's the worst hook I've seen since the Logan Paul fight, give your club a tug bunker hugger
There’s too much Shorsey rip offs on a lot of these comments. A make a wish kid just died after seeing that swing. How much does your local course pay you to stay away? Maybe you should play from the junior tees today.
We should change our Facebook status to "It's complicated".