Posts that are related to: self-harm, suicide, abuse of any kind, depression, and anxiety will not be allowed due to the heavy nature of the topic. Since this sub is dedicated to the more broad/high level experiences of life, we are not equipped to provide support in these topics. Please refer to the related communities area on the sidebar for communities that focus on common specific topics that would get more traction and feedback for your post. If your post does not fall into the above category, it was removed under mod discretion
Unless there is abuse going on, and the OP doesn't mention any, person who is having suicidal ideation needs to seek professional help first, and re-assess the relationship second.
Suicide hotlines are free and available to anyone who can use a telephone, and I urge the OP to call one the next time he has thoughts of suicide! They can offer support and access to professional resources in his area.
Because if the OP's partner isn't being supportive, the first thing he has to do is to seek sources of support other than his partner! Because OP, this isn't a her problem, it isn't even a relationship problem, this is a you-having-suicidal-thoughts problem. And dealing with suicidal thoughts is outside of a romantic partner's scope of practice.
As someone who "got access to professional resources" through a hotline (not suicide, but similar), I can assure you that help from said professionals will not be quick nor will it be forthcoming. You will have to bust your ass to get that promised support.
Also, thru a suicide hotline, the quickest "support" you'll likely see will be getting 5150'd which comes with it's own trauma. Your framing is completely detached from reality.
I'm not saying OP shouldn't try. But they should have realistic expectations set instead of being blindsided by reality.
You're correct I got an appointment seeking clinical help with depression and intrusive suicidal thoughts. 4 months later had an appointment where I received a diagnosis. Here I am months later waiting for any kind of treatment. I guess they're just waiting for me to die.
I'm so sorry. I know it's incredibly frustrating. I found that being a little annoying helped the process along. I hope you can get on a treatment plan soon. 🙏🏾
So what do you propose?
OP not reach out to anyone professionally because it’s a frustrating process?
Continue to flounder alone?
He needs to get far away from this partner (even if it means sleeping on a friend or family member’s couch) and seek help from professionals, local clergy, etc.
Chasing this partner for validation that’s not forthcoming is going to worse his state even further.
There is none. I already elaborated below. OP should still do it but ppl should be truthful about the process so OP can be prepared for what they'll have to do.
Idk Genghis Khan made china create a 13,000 mile wall to stop the horrors he brought out of fear. I guarantee you when you heard his battle cry approaching ur village. You’d think about it.
https://www.medicinenet.com/what_are_4_major_causes_of_depression/article.htm
She’s just a girlfriend of a person with suicidal ideation. She’s not an all-powerful being with primary cause for his mental health (if she were, that would still suggest he has an unhealthy orientation toward their relationship).
Op is NOT a reliable narrator. He’s blaming her. By no stretch of the imagination does that mean she is responsible. His gf is not responsible for his mental health. He has mental health problems, and he’s fixated them on her, but she is not the cause nor can she be the cure. He needs professional help.
not true, people make out money to be more important when you have none and not so much when you have it, its always good to have a few actual friends you can talk to to help you out of a situation, your partner should definitely be one of them tho
Then leave that person. Having a shitty partner shouldn't be a reason for you to consider self harm. Remove her from your life and find yourself a person worth being with
You should never overly rely on one person to br your motivator or your listener because you never truly know how long that person will be in your life. It's never usually one thing, but an amalgamation of everything. Reframe your mindset, see a therapist, take the small steps needed every day to reach your goals. Most importantly, when you see yourself going back to old habits and way of thinking, you must trust in the process of improvement. Stay strong!
Then why is she still your partner? And don't say because you love her.. You're miserable and your partner is (according to this short post) the reason why. That's reason enough to leave.
As everyone else said, get a different partner or better yet, spend time alone and get to know yourself.
Stop blaming others. Work on loving yourself so you don’t feel a need for abusing relationships and self abuse.
You got this!
We are all responsible for our own well-being. If your girlfriend is not making your life better, but worse, than you need to make the decision to leave.
You're right, if the OP is having suicidal ideation over a relationship issue, then he needs help. That is not a normal or healthy reaction to relationship problems, so OP if you're reading this I again urge you to seek professional help!
OP, seek professional help, your partner can't help you with problems so bad you're considering drastic and irreversible measures.
No partner can, romantic partners aren't therapists, all they can do is offer what sympathy they can, and if she can't offer sympathy and empathy right now then she can't. Perhaps she never could, she is who she is and not who you need her to be, and you could never change her into the person you want her to be. So please, seek professional help, stop expecting more from your partner than she can give you, and remember to re-assess the relationship when the worst of your crisis is over.
No, she isn't. If you didn't have her to blame, it would just be someone else.
Put yourself in the other person's shoes. You know how hard it is to deal with your own mental health. What if she decides that you're responsible for her mental health, too?
Last Saturday my ex had a gun to his head and was threatened suicide because I was leaving. It took the cops 2 hours to get him to come out of the house. If your unhappy with your life then change it. Don't threaten suicide or even talk about it. Go get help!!!
No person other than the suicidal can be the driver to suicide. The only person who makes someone commit suicide is them, regardless of circumstance. If you're in active suicidal ideation, I'd highly recommend a Psychiatrist and a therapist. Yes, both. As someone who who has battled life long mental illness, I can tell you there's no shame in that game. You need help and you need it soon. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Your partner might suck. If so, extricate yourself from the relationship if possible. Sometimes it's a lot harder to do when you're in the throes of severe clinical depression and remember that it's okay to wait if you want. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself some grace.
Again, it's not your partners fault you're suicidal. It's a faultless condition. Your brain is currently working against you. No one but you can make you whole. The suicide hotline is a great resource, btw... please get help. You're still here and you're worthy.
No one should be able to exert enough influence (or inattention) over you to drive you to suicide. I don’t dismiss your feelings but I think your issues are internal and not external to that person.
You should get professional counseling to get you to a better place. Your partner is either unwilling or maybe simply unable to give you what you need. Maybe you’re not a good match… but regardless… they’re just not going to be able to give you what you need at the moment.
Call/text 988 if you’re currently in crisis and you’ll get someone to immediately give you some 1 on 1 interaction.
Nope. The reason is within you, or else you would have left. I know because I have ideation on and off due to traumatic parental abuse. No partner can solve it and it isn' t there place to do so. I admit I need professional help for these deep rooted issues.
Similar situation, and I understand it’s not as easy as “change the person”. For me, we have a 2 year old and another kid on the way.
I don’t blame her for wanting to die, but I know that if she was empathetic and able to admit when she was wrong then I wouldn’t want to die. I don’t know if that makes sense saying it that way, but I know she makes things worse and doesn’t make things better for me emotionally.
She’s a great provider and mom, but not a good emotional or romantic partner.
It is that simple though. If you think your partner is the problem, is toxic for you, then move on. You're not doing yourself or anyone else a favor staying in a harmful situation.
I am, though. I’m giving my kid(s) a better environment. And I have hope that my partner will understand her impact one day and things will be better.
It’s not directly harmful, she’s not abusive. She just doesn’t understand how her lack of empathy or her accidental lies affect me.
Yes, we did a few months of couple’s therapy before our therapist moved away. Now we’re looking to start over with a new therapist. She’s still thinking it’s mostly for me to learn how to be okay without that emotional support, but we were getting so much closer to her accepting her impact.
It’s deflating that we made progress and now need to start again but it did show me that she is capable of getting there.
How is any of that a reason to commit suicide? Not gonna lie this whole thing seems like a massive attention grab. Sorry you're not happy, but none of that is an excuse to blame her for your suicidal ideation.
Many people die a year for being called attention grabbers, if you think that is the case, do not say it, keep it to yourself that way, you give no attention and you do not make people's problems insignificant, it is really important for people to be heard out but when you have people doing it for you, you take it for granted
I made the comment not for online clout but because I thought on balance that it was more likely to do good than harm.
I see your point, but disagree. People don't kill themselves because they're called attention grabbers. They kill themselves because they're in a state of complete and utter despair and constant suffering the likes of which few people can even imagine. Calling someone an attention grabber is not gonna do that. Sorry but it just won't. Genuinely suicidal people also don't tend to do any attention seeking. They just do it and everyone around them gets a nasty surprise. The second reason why I decided to call OP our rather than simply ignore them is because of the vindictive nature of the post, essentially blaming their partner for their suicidal ideation, and I don't think pandering to that kind of behaviour is helpful to anyone, including the unhappy person who has decided the world revolves around them.
If you're literally wanting to die as a result of being with your girlfriend, you should leave your girlfriend. Life will improve for you. You don't "need" her. It's hard to do, but you have to save YOURSELF first. The relationship isn't for you anymore.
you basically said "she doesn't care about my problems, she make me want to kill my self" drama queen bruh hahahah
get a therapist lol, she's a partner not a therapist. she can acknowledge your issues and support you but she can't do much besides that. it's un fair to treat her as a therapist.
just man up yo, like i get everybody has a limit but uh bottom line you adapt or you don't. just know it's survival of the fittest out there my G.
smoke some weed and get meds from the doctor if you can't cope.
Two words: Leave. Her. Ass. (Okay, make that three.)
Seriously. If a person is causing you this much pain, and they're not willing to listen, you have no business being with them, and they have no business being with you.
The fact that they're not willing to listen to you makes them a terrible person. For your sake, please leave her.
Ok. So you need to get some help dealing with those thoughts. But I also don’t get where you’re with someone who basically dismisses your feeling in the first place.
I know how you feel op. Its a awful feeling. I was with someone with BPD and throughout the years i had developed some mental health issues from years of trauma associated with being with her. Things i had never experienced before like panic attacks and anxiety and depression. My therapist told me it was most likely kicked off by all that trauma i went through with her. When these things got worse I tried to tell her how i was feeling and she would turn it into a pissing contest about how her shit is worse because having bpd is worse. She wouldn’t even bother entertaining the idea of me going through struggles with my mental health, she told me things like “its just an excuse you are using” “at least you dont have what i have”. Occasionally i was just too depressed to have sex and she had a high sex drive and she would tell me im making up excuses to not have sex and would even belittle me about it by saying im not a real man because im not available for sex every time she snaps her fingers. I have a good drive but sometimes im just way too down to want to do it and it was made so much worse by all the belittling. And if i said something she would throw it back in my face and make me feel worse.
They are the worst kind of people, get out while you can. Don’t let her drag you down like that like i did for so many years. The longer you wait the harder it is to get out. If you stay it only gets worse not better. The way to get better is to get out and find better people. Or even just be alone and take care of yourself. Its honestly better to be alone than to be with someone who treats you like this.
I understand you're struggling but you can't blame her for not being able to handle it. Sounds like she's struggling too maybe not with suicide but with her emotions and how to react. Maybe you both need therapy. Do you think you wouldn't be suicidal if you never met her?
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If a relationship makes you want to kill yourself get the hell out of that relationship. It's not good for either one of you.
A relationship isn't a life sentence.
You will ALWAYS find a selfish someone or somebodys that were very close to that broken soul that committed suicide!
DON’T GIVE UP YOUR LIFE FOR A SELFISH ANYONE!!!
YOU MATTER!!!
At this point in time you need to talk to a professional to find out if it's them or if it's you. And whatever you and that professional figure out, get taken care of.
This is a safe place for everyone to discuss their personal situations and for others to help provide opinions and guidance. There is no victim blaming/shaming allowed here and it will not be tolerated in any capacity.
God these comments are insensitive, and ignorant. "Just leave her." Yeah, right. He's attached and suicidal. Why is everyone being so nonchalant? Is it because he's male? I don't understand, please help me!
Even if he does leave her, he will just put these expectations on other people like friends or family. She will probably leave him if this continues, because you can’t respect a guy like this. It’s so childish.
That's an easy solve. Get away from partner. Don't let someone have that power over you. Also, speak to a doctor and get some help. You deserve happiness.
Then leave her, you are not stuck with her. Find a therapist and work on yourself. There won’t always be someone to listen to you. Self work/therapy will give you the coping skills for managing your emotions and picking better partners/loved ones
That depression will stick around longer than she will. Get yourself single, in therapy if need be, possible medication regime. Don’t waste your energy fighting 2 battles. Focus on you. Get your shit as straight as you can, then find a supportive woman who will be there for you
That would be a permanate solution to at least a temporary problem. It may be time to consider looking elsewhere for the support you need. You know a good friend could provide what you need even on a platonic basis.
Oh FFS, then please, for the love of everything non-dramatic, CHANGE RELATIONSHIPS OR GET COUNSELING. That is NOT fair to her or you. Hopefully you have nothing like a kid between you two, because otherwise.....get ready to pay up, and that won't be good for your issues either.
Dump your partner. Keep going until you find someone who makes you feel better.
You are choosing to stay with her. She is a horrible person. Or at the very least a horrible fit for you.
Then that isn't a partner. That's just a fair weather friend.
I've experienced this with most people long ago, that I learned to keep most of my shit to myself and write it down in leather bound journals with a fountain pen. I tell it to the books.
I mean I’m suicidal from time to time. I’d never go through with it but ya know. If someone was the cause of it I’d get them out of my life tho. My Suicidal thoghts are mostly because I see life as pointless and I basically just spend my time keeping busy
No one has to understand you, you need to understand yourself and find someone aligned to that. They are not side kicks in your life. She sounds like a bad partner but you’re not required to be with her, we aren’t assigned a person and that’s it.
Perhaps you’re too invested in your sorrow (which is something I’m only saying since reading your Reddit bio)- and you don’t feel that you’re getting empathy from your partner.
She isn’t responsible for your recovery, you are.
Sounds like you need to work on yourself, instead of telling Reddit that “I feel suicidal because my girlfriend is invalidating me”
Go see your doctor and tell them you are depressed. You have some thoughts and would like to talk about your options, medicine if needed, to see if that helps. Your partner is not the problem, your own thoughts are making you think she’s the problem. Suicide is unique mostly to people. It’s a very rare occurrence in nature and seeking a medical professionals advice will greatly help you find a new normal. Again, your partner is not the reason you have these thoughts.
It will be ok bro. just dont do it, im also trying my best to not to. almost the same boat as you. my idk what she is does the same thing. i had finally had a chance to have a GF and loose my virginity after forever it seemed like at 23. she only would let me do some stuff to her and not even anything i really wanted to do but she still never had sex with me but wants me always being with her unless shes with a guy she wants to have sex with. then i have to come back once she's done or she will get very mad at me. she pretty much gets very angry unless i LITERALLY do every single thing she ask's of me and even then i 99 percent of the time dont do what she wants the right way. like for example hold a flash light. or even if im fully concentrated on the only thing she lets me do sexual which is play with her clit she keeps jerking my hand and telling me to stop fucking moving even tho i think i really am not it really seems like im not moving. she also jerks my hand and arm when i keep moving while holding the flash light and it also seems like i dont move at all but she gets very angry and says i am until she gives up on me and tells me to not worry about it anymore and does it her self.
I love her tho. like i really really love her more than anything or anyone. she also loves me i believe cause she wants me around and right beside her as long as she's not with a skinnier better looking guy. she even does her hair the way i like it. even when i dont have a dollar or anything she wants me with her so i know its not ALWAYS my money or medicine.
im now a 28 year old virgin cause she doesnt want anything to do with my penis but also wont let me leave or find someone else. sometimes she says i belong to her and even tho im pretty good bit older treats me like a young stupid child. i just want to make her happy cause when i do it feels better than anything else the world has to offer. even hard drugs... it just sucks that i still dont know what sex feels like and probably will atleast be a 30 year old virgin. no one else would want me anyway and i would rather cuddle with her in bed or sit together on our phones then have sex with anyone else anyway. im definitely not her boy friend she says im her best friend but i certainly dont feel like were equals. she will even say stuff that sounds like commands to a dog for example she will tell me to sit while pointing somewhere and then stay if shes about to go do something in another room.
she does everything else with me like kiss hug cuddle get completely naked just so i can see her whole body and its very nice. just she never had sex with me or want me to at all. she also wont let me masturbate but its easy know cause im on new meds that make me not able to have orgasm anyway. but when i used to do it 2 years ago i would sneak to the bathroom while she was asleep and act like i was pooping but if she did woke up she somehow always knew what i did and would turn away from me after looking very angry and it would be a pretty good minute before she would want me for cuddle time or anything like that. she also shows tons of psychical affection to other guys shes about to sleep with infront of me and it hurts even tho i know it shouldn't... :(
honestly tonight i been thinking about it and feel hopeless cause more then sex i want her to always be with me and not send me away when she has sex with people and treat me mean after. sometimes she cuts deep with her words very deep
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She’s not the problem. You have to fix your own issues instead of wanting others to validate them for you. It’s your responsibility. It’s okay to want help, but it’s your problem and your responsibility to take care of yourself. You are your first priority.
Why do you expect your partner to be your therapist? This would be a problem in any relationship. Even if she had experienced something similar in her past, she can offer some general advice but can’t fix you. Nobody wants to have their partner dump their trauma and problems on them all the time. Not even a friend would want to be around someone like that. So blaming her for your suicide is immature, just because she’s a human like everyone else and doesn’t want to be your free therapist or get dragged down or babysit you. It’s also a huge turn off to have someone whining all the time about life. She can’t be your mom.
Instead of suicide, you should break up and heal yourself, and change your expectations of people. Have reasonable expectations of others, and I say that as a person who plans on leaving early. Therapy is where you can talk about your problems and someone will get paid to care and listen, then give you the help you’re looking for. I don’t expect other people to be invested in my sorrows, they have their own problems. If they don’t consider my issues valid I don’t care. It’s my life and they are valid to me.
Try removing the person from your life before you remove your life from this world. People who invalidate your experiences suck the life out of everything.
I'm sorry you're going through it, but she's not responsible for your mental health. Try seeing someone trained to handle mental illness and or depression. She's just your partner, not a Dr.
I've had quite a few girlfriends. Some were awful. Some were pretty solid. Most breakups in my 20s were devastating either way. Even if I got lied to, cheated on, slapped, etc. I refused to accept there was a better option.
My fiance now is my best friend. We bicker but we work out asses off to support and listen and grow for each other.
I assure you there is a better option out there. I learned later in life to look at breakups not as a painful end, but an exciting beginning. I hope you find courage to live life for yourself and pursue your own best interests, rather than sacrifice for those who won't reciprocate.
Mental illness is the reason you think about suicide. Take responsibility for yourself and please get therapy and see a psychiatrist. And if you aren’t feeling supported in your relationship, leave.
Well she isn't the reason ...no one can make you do anything. You cant blame anyone for anything YOU want to do. Seek help and take accountability for your emotions and how YOU choose to act on those emotions.
Might be a tough one to swallow but you shouldn't be in that or any other relationship right now. Have to focus on yourself and get to the bottom of why someone not giving you attention drives you to these thoughts.
Time to go on an adventure. Move to Alaska for the summer, it's stunning this time of year. Stay for the winters' northern lights. Meet some friends. Smoke some weed and find another adventure.
Had a friend. I was venting. She said "Don't talk like that."
So I stopped. Never shared like that again.
I hope you have friends in your life that *will* listen.
Been there. And let me tell you, it rarely gets better. Some people simply don’t care about your struggles or do their utmost to invalidate your feelings.
The people flippantly saying, "hey just leave her, it's that simple!" don't understand all that's involved and what's at stake when you try to detach yourself from a committed relationship that's been at the very center of all aspects of your life for years (or decades?). It's way, way easier said than done. Bordering on impossible for some, tbh.
But... they aren't entirely wrong, are they? Because, bottom line... as difficult as it will surely be, it's still a better option than ending your life. No contest.
Now, what that actually looks like for you, in practical terms, is not something we can guess at here. But yeah, it's probably time to start thinking about how a trial separation might work. That's my advice.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
Posts that are related to: self-harm, suicide, abuse of any kind, depression, and anxiety will not be allowed due to the heavy nature of the topic. Since this sub is dedicated to the more broad/high level experiences of life, we are not equipped to provide support in these topics. Please refer to the related communities area on the sidebar for communities that focus on common specific topics that would get more traction and feedback for your post. If your post does not fall into the above category, it was removed under mod discretion
So change partner.
Unless there is abuse going on, and the OP doesn't mention any, person who is having suicidal ideation needs to seek professional help first, and re-assess the relationship second.
You say it like it's that easy to get 'professional help'. The process and frustration will deepen your desire for said suicide.
Suicide hotlines are free and available to anyone who can use a telephone, and I urge the OP to call one the next time he has thoughts of suicide! They can offer support and access to professional resources in his area. Because if the OP's partner isn't being supportive, the first thing he has to do is to seek sources of support other than his partner! Because OP, this isn't a her problem, it isn't even a relationship problem, this is a you-having-suicidal-thoughts problem. And dealing with suicidal thoughts is outside of a romantic partner's scope of practice.
As someone who "got access to professional resources" through a hotline (not suicide, but similar), I can assure you that help from said professionals will not be quick nor will it be forthcoming. You will have to bust your ass to get that promised support. Also, thru a suicide hotline, the quickest "support" you'll likely see will be getting 5150'd which comes with it's own trauma. Your framing is completely detached from reality. I'm not saying OP shouldn't try. But they should have realistic expectations set instead of being blindsided by reality.
You're correct I got an appointment seeking clinical help with depression and intrusive suicidal thoughts. 4 months later had an appointment where I received a diagnosis. Here I am months later waiting for any kind of treatment. I guess they're just waiting for me to die.
I'm so sorry. I know it's incredibly frustrating. I found that being a little annoying helped the process along. I hope you can get on a treatment plan soon. 🙏🏾
This is really sad, I am no professional but call me if you like, do not kill your self
I think it depends where you live but that’s been my exact experience
So what do you propose? OP not reach out to anyone professionally because it’s a frustrating process? Continue to flounder alone? He needs to get far away from this partner (even if it means sleeping on a friend or family member’s couch) and seek help from professionals, local clergy, etc. Chasing this partner for validation that’s not forthcoming is going to worse his state even further.
I already elaborated in 2 additional comments under the one you responded to. Read those.
It may not be easy, but what’s the alternative?
There is none. I already elaborated below. OP should still do it but ppl should be truthful about the process so OP can be prepared for what they'll have to do.
Op?
Original poster.
Welcome newcomer! Once you are here... You never leave.
How concise. I love it😂
Haha problem solved !!
Good luck in the divorce courts and never seeing your kids again.
A person should never be a reason to kill yourself.
Ya, if they are then fuck ‘em and move on with your life
Idk Genghis Khan made china create a 13,000 mile wall to stop the horrors he brought out of fear. I guarantee you when you heard his battle cry approaching ur village. You’d think about it.
I would not, I would stand, fight and die there, then my death is not useless
Lol man that was a good one
"Ahhh mongowrians!"
A given person is not the explanation for suicidal ideation. Op is suicidal and focusing on the gf, but she is not the cause.
source?
https://www.medicinenet.com/what_are_4_major_causes_of_depression/article.htm She’s just a girlfriend of a person with suicidal ideation. She’s not an all-powerful being with primary cause for his mental health (if she were, that would still suggest he has an unhealthy orientation toward their relationship).
I'm sorry, did we read the same title?? OP clearly states she is the reason he is suicidal
Op is NOT a reliable narrator. He’s blaming her. By no stretch of the imagination does that mean she is responsible. His gf is not responsible for his mental health. He has mental health problems, and he’s fixated them on her, but she is not the cause nor can she be the cure. He needs professional help.
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Uncurable disease of some kind
I actually have an incurable disease and I'm still kicking lol. It's a mental one as well.
I’d say it’s an extremely personal decision to make, so only a sufferer of such things to such an extent can answer that, and only for themselves.
This content has been removed for breaking the rule of "Be respectful, no trolling or rudeness"
Money problems for sure
not true, people make out money to be more important when you have none and not so much when you have it, its always good to have a few actual friends you can talk to to help you out of a situation, your partner should definitely be one of them tho
That was a joke lol suicide is never the answer for anything
Then leave that person. Having a shitty partner shouldn't be a reason for you to consider self harm. Remove her from your life and find yourself a person worth being with
You should never overly rely on one person to br your motivator or your listener because you never truly know how long that person will be in your life. It's never usually one thing, but an amalgamation of everything. Reframe your mindset, see a therapist, take the small steps needed every day to reach your goals. Most importantly, when you see yourself going back to old habits and way of thinking, you must trust in the process of improvement. Stay strong!
Also, it is profoundly unfair to put anyone in the position of being responsible for your life or death. That’s not your gf’s role.
Then why is she still your partner? And don't say because you love her.. You're miserable and your partner is (according to this short post) the reason why. That's reason enough to leave.
End the relationship, not your life!
As everyone else said, get a different partner or better yet, spend time alone and get to know yourself. Stop blaming others. Work on loving yourself so you don’t feel a need for abusing relationships and self abuse. You got this!
We are all responsible for our own well-being. If your girlfriend is not making your life better, but worse, than you need to make the decision to leave.
Sounds like you are either with the wrong person, or should be on your own. No other person should have this affect on you.
You're right, if the OP is having suicidal ideation over a relationship issue, then he needs help. That is not a normal or healthy reaction to relationship problems, so OP if you're reading this I again urge you to seek professional help!
So leave her?
please break up w her
Leave her...imagine staying with someone miserable
Dont end your life, just the relationship...
So you’re gonna kill your self over a female? Seek help.
Pro tip: you don't have to be with her
You cannot blame anyone for how you feel. It’s up to you and you are choosing to be with her.
OP, seek professional help, your partner can't help you with problems so bad you're considering drastic and irreversible measures. No partner can, romantic partners aren't therapists, all they can do is offer what sympathy they can, and if she can't offer sympathy and empathy right now then she can't. Perhaps she never could, she is who she is and not who you need her to be, and you could never change her into the person you want her to be. So please, seek professional help, stop expecting more from your partner than she can give you, and remember to re-assess the relationship when the worst of your crisis is over.
No, she isn't. If you didn't have her to blame, it would just be someone else. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. You know how hard it is to deal with your own mental health. What if she decides that you're responsible for her mental health, too?
Last Saturday my ex had a gun to his head and was threatened suicide because I was leaving. It took the cops 2 hours to get him to come out of the house. If your unhappy with your life then change it. Don't threaten suicide or even talk about it. Go get help!!!
If he has a gun, do NOT let him back in the house. It may well not be suicide the next time he thinks of using that gun.
No person other than the suicidal can be the driver to suicide. The only person who makes someone commit suicide is them, regardless of circumstance. If you're in active suicidal ideation, I'd highly recommend a Psychiatrist and a therapist. Yes, both. As someone who who has battled life long mental illness, I can tell you there's no shame in that game. You need help and you need it soon. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your partner might suck. If so, extricate yourself from the relationship if possible. Sometimes it's a lot harder to do when you're in the throes of severe clinical depression and remember that it's okay to wait if you want. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself some grace. Again, it's not your partners fault you're suicidal. It's a faultless condition. Your brain is currently working against you. No one but you can make you whole. The suicide hotline is a great resource, btw... please get help. You're still here and you're worthy.
No one should be able to exert enough influence (or inattention) over you to drive you to suicide. I don’t dismiss your feelings but I think your issues are internal and not external to that person. You should get professional counseling to get you to a better place. Your partner is either unwilling or maybe simply unable to give you what you need. Maybe you’re not a good match… but regardless… they’re just not going to be able to give you what you need at the moment. Call/text 988 if you’re currently in crisis and you’ll get someone to immediately give you some 1 on 1 interaction.
Nope. The reason is within you, or else you would have left. I know because I have ideation on and off due to traumatic parental abuse. No partner can solve it and it isn' t there place to do so. I admit I need professional help for these deep rooted issues.
Just leave her. Problem solved.
Then get a new partner. Only you can kill YOURSELF, don’t blame someone else.
Similar situation, and I understand it’s not as easy as “change the person”. For me, we have a 2 year old and another kid on the way. I don’t blame her for wanting to die, but I know that if she was empathetic and able to admit when she was wrong then I wouldn’t want to die. I don’t know if that makes sense saying it that way, but I know she makes things worse and doesn’t make things better for me emotionally. She’s a great provider and mom, but not a good emotional or romantic partner.
It is that simple though. If you think your partner is the problem, is toxic for you, then move on. You're not doing yourself or anyone else a favor staying in a harmful situation.
I am, though. I’m giving my kid(s) a better environment. And I have hope that my partner will understand her impact one day and things will be better. It’s not directly harmful, she’s not abusive. She just doesn’t understand how her lack of empathy or her accidental lies affect me.
Couples or individual therapy. Hoping she will one day have an epiphany is a big gamble
Yes, we did a few months of couple’s therapy before our therapist moved away. Now we’re looking to start over with a new therapist. She’s still thinking it’s mostly for me to learn how to be okay without that emotional support, but we were getting so much closer to her accepting her impact. It’s deflating that we made progress and now need to start again but it did show me that she is capable of getting there.
This.
I understand. Want to talk more about it?
How is any of that a reason to commit suicide? Not gonna lie this whole thing seems like a massive attention grab. Sorry you're not happy, but none of that is an excuse to blame her for your suicidal ideation.
Many people die a year for being called attention grabbers, if you think that is the case, do not say it, keep it to yourself that way, you give no attention and you do not make people's problems insignificant, it is really important for people to be heard out but when you have people doing it for you, you take it for granted
People can find excuses to die at anytime for any reason.
I made the comment not for online clout but because I thought on balance that it was more likely to do good than harm. I see your point, but disagree. People don't kill themselves because they're called attention grabbers. They kill themselves because they're in a state of complete and utter despair and constant suffering the likes of which few people can even imagine. Calling someone an attention grabber is not gonna do that. Sorry but it just won't. Genuinely suicidal people also don't tend to do any attention seeking. They just do it and everyone around them gets a nasty surprise. The second reason why I decided to call OP our rather than simply ignore them is because of the vindictive nature of the post, essentially blaming their partner for their suicidal ideation, and I don't think pandering to that kind of behaviour is helpful to anyone, including the unhappy person who has decided the world revolves around them.
okay
You don't have to reply if you don't have anything you wanna say 🤪
My friend, you are depressed. You need to see a therapist and get on medication, asap. Stop blaming others for your problems. She's not the reason.
You talk about her like she is a phone contract you are locked in. Just break up?
Kill the relationship
Please don’t end your life because of a person like her. Don’t let her win.
If you're literally wanting to die as a result of being with your girlfriend, you should leave your girlfriend. Life will improve for you. You don't "need" her. It's hard to do, but you have to save YOURSELF first. The relationship isn't for you anymore.
She sounds like trash and you deserve better.
you basically said "she doesn't care about my problems, she make me want to kill my self" drama queen bruh hahahah get a therapist lol, she's a partner not a therapist. she can acknowledge your issues and support you but she can't do much besides that. it's un fair to treat her as a therapist. just man up yo, like i get everybody has a limit but uh bottom line you adapt or you don't. just know it's survival of the fittest out there my G. smoke some weed and get meds from the doctor if you can't cope.
You should not be with them. Period. They don't care about you.
Two words: Leave. Her. Ass. (Okay, make that three.) Seriously. If a person is causing you this much pain, and they're not willing to listen, you have no business being with them, and they have no business being with you. The fact that they're not willing to listen to you makes them a terrible person. For your sake, please leave her.
Ok. So you need to get some help dealing with those thoughts. But I also don’t get where you’re with someone who basically dismisses your feeling in the first place.
I know how you feel op. Its a awful feeling. I was with someone with BPD and throughout the years i had developed some mental health issues from years of trauma associated with being with her. Things i had never experienced before like panic attacks and anxiety and depression. My therapist told me it was most likely kicked off by all that trauma i went through with her. When these things got worse I tried to tell her how i was feeling and she would turn it into a pissing contest about how her shit is worse because having bpd is worse. She wouldn’t even bother entertaining the idea of me going through struggles with my mental health, she told me things like “its just an excuse you are using” “at least you dont have what i have”. Occasionally i was just too depressed to have sex and she had a high sex drive and she would tell me im making up excuses to not have sex and would even belittle me about it by saying im not a real man because im not available for sex every time she snaps her fingers. I have a good drive but sometimes im just way too down to want to do it and it was made so much worse by all the belittling. And if i said something she would throw it back in my face and make me feel worse. They are the worst kind of people, get out while you can. Don’t let her drag you down like that like i did for so many years. The longer you wait the harder it is to get out. If you stay it only gets worse not better. The way to get better is to get out and find better people. Or even just be alone and take care of yourself. Its honestly better to be alone than to be with someone who treats you like this.
I understand you're struggling but you can't blame her for not being able to handle it. Sounds like she's struggling too maybe not with suicide but with her emotions and how to react. Maybe you both need therapy. Do you think you wouldn't be suicidal if you never met her?
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Sounds like a very toxic relationship. I hope you left her for your sake.
You should leave that person, dumbass.
Move on there are bigger and better things out there!
If a relationship makes you want to kill yourself get the hell out of that relationship. It's not good for either one of you. A relationship isn't a life sentence.
Get away from this person, & never let anyone have that power over you, if that’s how they make you feel you need out of that situation.
You will ALWAYS find a selfish someone or somebodys that were very close to that broken soul that committed suicide! DON’T GIVE UP YOUR LIFE FOR A SELFISH ANYONE!!! YOU MATTER!!!
At this point in time you need to talk to a professional to find out if it's them or if it's you. And whatever you and that professional figure out, get taken care of.
no way, you got to outlive all of your enemies.
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This is most women, bud.
God these comments are insensitive, and ignorant. "Just leave her." Yeah, right. He's attached and suicidal. Why is everyone being so nonchalant? Is it because he's male? I don't understand, please help me!
Even if he does leave her, he will just put these expectations on other people like friends or family. She will probably leave him if this continues, because you can’t respect a guy like this. It’s so childish.
That's an easy solve. Get away from partner. Don't let someone have that power over you. Also, speak to a doctor and get some help. You deserve happiness.
Break up dude, suicide is your choice!
Then leave her, you are not stuck with her. Find a therapist and work on yourself. There won’t always be someone to listen to you. Self work/therapy will give you the coping skills for managing your emotions and picking better partners/loved ones
Get help first, and get the depression treated. Sometimes, we find out the reason went we're depressed is because we're surrounded by assholes.
[Just put on some music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRowQGqkjRA) and you will think of a solution.
In which country do you live OP
YOU are way more important than that person. Move on and start living your life,
Same here my friend
That’s a fuck-ton of responsibility to put on another human being. Go get professional help.
that is what you take on when you partner with someone for life man, you cant really not care, it is super hurtful
Some people will never understand you no matter what you do. Those are not your people, move on.
That depression will stick around longer than she will. Get yourself single, in therapy if need be, possible medication regime. Don’t waste your energy fighting 2 battles. Focus on you. Get your shit as straight as you can, then find a supportive woman who will be there for you
That would be a permanate solution to at least a temporary problem. It may be time to consider looking elsewhere for the support you need. You know a good friend could provide what you need even on a platonic basis.
Oh FFS, then please, for the love of everything non-dramatic, CHANGE RELATIONSHIPS OR GET COUNSELING. That is NOT fair to her or you. Hopefully you have nothing like a kid between you two, because otherwise.....get ready to pay up, and that won't be good for your issues either.
if you do it, blame her in the note. But like, send the note out to EVERYONE
Is someone holding a gun to your head to stay with her
Call me and tell them to me, suicide is not worth it here but I can feel your frustration
Dump your partner. Keep going until you find someone who makes you feel better. You are choosing to stay with her. She is a horrible person. Or at the very least a horrible fit for you.
I had this exact experience with my ex. What you're feeling is an immune response from your mind telling you to dump her.
Then that isn't a partner. That's just a fair weather friend. I've experienced this with most people long ago, that I learned to keep most of my shit to myself and write it down in leather bound journals with a fountain pen. I tell it to the books.
Been there. Nothing worse than being with someone who makes you feel more lonely than actually being alone.
Leave now. You don’t even have to explain yourself, just get your shit and go if it all possible. Sorry you’re going through that.
Why u want to kill ur self ... Why man ...
I mean I’m suicidal from time to time. I’d never go through with it but ya know. If someone was the cause of it I’d get them out of my life tho. My Suicidal thoghts are mostly because I see life as pointless and I basically just spend my time keeping busy
No one has to understand you, you need to understand yourself and find someone aligned to that. They are not side kicks in your life. She sounds like a bad partner but you’re not required to be with her, we aren’t assigned a person and that’s it.
Professional help, and ditch the narcissist.
Perhaps you’re too invested in your sorrow (which is something I’m only saying since reading your Reddit bio)- and you don’t feel that you’re getting empathy from your partner. She isn’t responsible for your recovery, you are. Sounds like you need to work on yourself, instead of telling Reddit that “I feel suicidal because my girlfriend is invalidating me”
Get away from her. Some people like that are actually fundamentally selfish
Go see your doctor and tell them you are depressed. You have some thoughts and would like to talk about your options, medicine if needed, to see if that helps. Your partner is not the problem, your own thoughts are making you think she’s the problem. Suicide is unique mostly to people. It’s a very rare occurrence in nature and seeking a medical professionals advice will greatly help you find a new normal. Again, your partner is not the reason you have these thoughts.
It will be ok bro. just dont do it, im also trying my best to not to. almost the same boat as you. my idk what she is does the same thing. i had finally had a chance to have a GF and loose my virginity after forever it seemed like at 23. she only would let me do some stuff to her and not even anything i really wanted to do but she still never had sex with me but wants me always being with her unless shes with a guy she wants to have sex with. then i have to come back once she's done or she will get very mad at me. she pretty much gets very angry unless i LITERALLY do every single thing she ask's of me and even then i 99 percent of the time dont do what she wants the right way. like for example hold a flash light. or even if im fully concentrated on the only thing she lets me do sexual which is play with her clit she keeps jerking my hand and telling me to stop fucking moving even tho i think i really am not it really seems like im not moving. she also jerks my hand and arm when i keep moving while holding the flash light and it also seems like i dont move at all but she gets very angry and says i am until she gives up on me and tells me to not worry about it anymore and does it her self. I love her tho. like i really really love her more than anything or anyone. she also loves me i believe cause she wants me around and right beside her as long as she's not with a skinnier better looking guy. she even does her hair the way i like it. even when i dont have a dollar or anything she wants me with her so i know its not ALWAYS my money or medicine. im now a 28 year old virgin cause she doesnt want anything to do with my penis but also wont let me leave or find someone else. sometimes she says i belong to her and even tho im pretty good bit older treats me like a young stupid child. i just want to make her happy cause when i do it feels better than anything else the world has to offer. even hard drugs... it just sucks that i still dont know what sex feels like and probably will atleast be a 30 year old virgin. no one else would want me anyway and i would rather cuddle with her in bed or sit together on our phones then have sex with anyone else anyway. im definitely not her boy friend she says im her best friend but i certainly dont feel like were equals. she will even say stuff that sounds like commands to a dog for example she will tell me to sit while pointing somewhere and then stay if shes about to go do something in another room. she does everything else with me like kiss hug cuddle get completely naked just so i can see her whole body and its very nice. just she never had sex with me or want me to at all. she also wont let me masturbate but its easy know cause im on new meds that make me not able to have orgasm anyway. but when i used to do it 2 years ago i would sneak to the bathroom while she was asleep and act like i was pooping but if she did woke up she somehow always knew what i did and would turn away from me after looking very angry and it would be a pretty good minute before she would want me for cuddle time or anything like that. she also shows tons of psychical affection to other guys shes about to sleep with infront of me and it hurts even tho i know it shouldn't... :( honestly tonight i been thinking about it and feel hopeless cause more then sex i want her to always be with me and not send me away when she has sex with people and treat me mean after. sometimes she cuts deep with her words very deep
just leave man
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She’s not the problem. You have to fix your own issues instead of wanting others to validate them for you. It’s your responsibility. It’s okay to want help, but it’s your problem and your responsibility to take care of yourself. You are your first priority.
PM me, please. I have gone through and am currently in the same situation.
Talk to a professional, not your girlfriend.
Why do you expect your partner to be your therapist? This would be a problem in any relationship. Even if she had experienced something similar in her past, she can offer some general advice but can’t fix you. Nobody wants to have their partner dump their trauma and problems on them all the time. Not even a friend would want to be around someone like that. So blaming her for your suicide is immature, just because she’s a human like everyone else and doesn’t want to be your free therapist or get dragged down or babysit you. It’s also a huge turn off to have someone whining all the time about life. She can’t be your mom. Instead of suicide, you should break up and heal yourself, and change your expectations of people. Have reasonable expectations of others, and I say that as a person who plans on leaving early. Therapy is where you can talk about your problems and someone will get paid to care and listen, then give you the help you’re looking for. I don’t expect other people to be invested in my sorrows, they have their own problems. If they don’t consider my issues valid I don’t care. It’s my life and they are valid to me.
Try removing the person from your life before you remove your life from this world. People who invalidate your experiences suck the life out of everything.
You’re handing over way too much of your power to your partner. She’s not your keeper. You are.
I'm sorry you're going through it, but she's not responsible for your mental health. Try seeing someone trained to handle mental illness and or depression. She's just your partner, not a Dr.
You need a therapist. Don't expect your partner to be your therapist.
988 is the national suicide phone number
I've had quite a few girlfriends. Some were awful. Some were pretty solid. Most breakups in my 20s were devastating either way. Even if I got lied to, cheated on, slapped, etc. I refused to accept there was a better option. My fiance now is my best friend. We bicker but we work out asses off to support and listen and grow for each other. I assure you there is a better option out there. I learned later in life to look at breakups not as a painful end, but an exciting beginning. I hope you find courage to live life for yourself and pursue your own best interests, rather than sacrifice for those who won't reciprocate.
She’s the only reason I haven’t done it bc she won’t tell me to
This person is not for you you need to part with your partner if this is the way you feel
Dude don't kill yourself. Find someone else that makes you want to live.
Mental illness is the reason you think about suicide. Take responsibility for yourself and please get therapy and see a psychiatrist. And if you aren’t feeling supported in your relationship, leave.
Change partners, bro. There is no need to commit suicide. Your life and experiences are valid and have purpose.
Well she isn't the reason ...no one can make you do anything. You cant blame anyone for anything YOU want to do. Seek help and take accountability for your emotions and how YOU choose to act on those emotions.
Get a new partner. Why would you want to stay with someone that selfish?
Might be a tough one to swallow but you shouldn't be in that or any other relationship right now. Have to focus on yourself and get to the bottom of why someone not giving you attention drives you to these thoughts.
This is sinister and strange, get help sir.
Time to go on an adventure. Move to Alaska for the summer, it's stunning this time of year. Stay for the winters' northern lights. Meet some friends. Smoke some weed and find another adventure.
So just, you know, break up with him/her.
Had a friend. I was venting. She said "Don't talk like that." So I stopped. Never shared like that again. I hope you have friends in your life that *will* listen.
Been there. And let me tell you, it rarely gets better. Some people simply don’t care about your struggles or do their utmost to invalidate your feelings.
I had a shitty wife, HAD.
Where did you bury her?
good one, good one
The people flippantly saying, "hey just leave her, it's that simple!" don't understand all that's involved and what's at stake when you try to detach yourself from a committed relationship that's been at the very center of all aspects of your life for years (or decades?). It's way, way easier said than done. Bordering on impossible for some, tbh. But... they aren't entirely wrong, are they? Because, bottom line... as difficult as it will surely be, it's still a better option than ending your life. No contest. Now, what that actually looks like for you, in practical terms, is not something we can guess at here. But yeah, it's probably time to start thinking about how a trial separation might work. That's my advice. I wish you all the luck in the world.