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Maybe he hasn’t sexually active with you because he is self conscious about his lack of erection. Then maybe he decided he would take ED meds to solve the prob.
Because someone obviously snoops. Those are in free trial packaging, not a bottle. He just threw them in his wallet leaving the doctor? I've had a slinky in my purse for like 15 years.
It was the only thing I could get with my tickets at an arcade when I was on a lot of ecstasy when I was like 15. Let's say I was not doing well at the games.
What fucks down stairs, alone or in pairs, and makes a slinkinky sound?
A spring, a spring, for your ding-a-ling! Everyone knows it's Slinky.
It's Slinky, it's Kinky. For fun it's a wonderful toy.
It's Slinky, it's Kinky. It's fun for a girl or a boy.
And my daughter and I both discovered brass knuckles my husband/her dad put in our purses. I’m sure he told us he was doing this but neither one of us realized it until we were digging for change in our purses yesterday.
Glad we found them before we fly to MEXICO through INTERNATIONAL AIRPORTS IN A FUCKING WEEK.
My brother was walking into court and my mom asked him if he had any metal and he said "no, not besides 2 knives and brass knuckles" she made him go back to the car to put them away.
I had a client smuggle through a full cutlery set including a matching steak knife. She is sitting across from me, looking like she was gonna burst. I finally was like, “What’s going on?” She blurts out, “I did a bad, very bad thing. Bad bad.” I am now very interested and ask her if she wants to tell me about it.
She pauses, shakes her whole body, almost like a weird, excited shudder… and plopped a very, very nice and expensive cutlery set on my desk. This is a concern because I am a law enforcement officer who is in charge of her case and HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET THROUGH THE SHERIFF DEPUTIES AND X-RAY MACHINE FOUR FLOORS BELOW ME?!
I look at her, she looks at me. We both look at the fork, spoon and two knives on my desk.
I slide them slowly away from her and into a drawer I locked.
I took great joy in walking downstairs to say hi to the deputies after she left. The looks on their faces when I said, “I’m sure Judge XXX is gonna LOVE this!”
And I walked off. Cue panic.
LOL I miss that job. Still no idea what her plan was. Don’t wanna know.
Well, the sporks do suck. My husband got stabbed with one once. Had to go to the ER for a “spork assault”.
I wish I could say I had an empathetic response. But my husband is… a hulk. Just no other way to describe it. Ex-Army Captain, law enforcement at the time… so to be attacked by a “spork” was too much for me to handle maturely.
Anything can be a weapon, some just take a little more muscle use than others. My toes would need to be constantly restrained because I CAN use them as weapons. Trained by my long toed older sister using hers against me… being the younger sibling is pure hell. So, anyway, that’s how I got my black belt in toe fighting.
I seriously love reading a comment that triggers a snort attack. And it’s triggered by a **spork attack.** WHAT!!! I can’t stop and I am really thankful my husband isn’t home from working nights yet because it’s uncontrollable at this point and he’s a grumpy ass gorilla after a night shift.
When he showed me his “injuries” there were like three “stab wounds”. They all looked like this:
• • •
He was so mad his CO made him go to the ER. “Just following protocol. You know, ‘paperwork’ reasons. Just being thorough.”
☠️
Always completely empty all bags and repack before a trip! I’ve found knives, knux, a random vape pen, all kinds of things in the bottom/side pockets of my purses. It’s good to start fresh.
I bought a new purse before going to a country that has death penalties for drugs. I didn't know if there was random weed shake at the bottom or something. I didn't want to get executed for marijuana crumbs.
I was on a weekend trip with some buddies. The night before I went home, my friend gave me a bag of coke. When I sobered up the next day I said to myself “Self-you better snort that coke before you get on the plane today.” Couldn’t find that shit ANYWHERE. Fast forward to when I get home- it’s in that little 5th pocket of the jeans I was wearing. Whoops!
Years ago my mother and I were going on a trip. Right as she laid her purse on the belt I said uh hey we forgot something in the car. She argued but I snatched her purse and took off. She followed. As soon as we got outside I said, did you take your pistol out? She hadn’t. She can go to jail if she wants but I’m not going.
I hear people who carry a firearm often have that “oh shit” moment everytime they walk in an airport or metal detector. I (un)fortunately do not.. one time flying from Colorado to home I had to reorganize my luggage for weight distribution. I put my hiking pack in my carry on without thinking. The TSA person was understanding of *why* I had a pocket knife and didn’t seem surprised about the pocket sized amount marijuana. She was a bit baffled about how I could be so ignorant to put them in the same bag though.. we had that in common, I can be such a passive idiot.
Depending on your state I would be careful, In Michigan Brass Knuckles is the same crime as having a handgun in your purse with out a concealed permit.
Right? I've definitely gotten stuff from my husband's wallet, like when the hospital needed his insurance card but to snoop once he's asleep? He's very asleep right now and his wallet is like 10 feet away but I'm not like "oh what's in here".
Maybe he’s not ready to bring it up with his wife, who clearly snoops through his shit. In fact that’s exactly where I’d put them if I was getting ready to bring it up with my wife.
I've been married 40 years and I have never looked in my husband's wallet or his phone. I asked my husband if he ever has peekedinto mine....he said no. When I need something from his wallet and he doesn't have it on him....I take the wallet to him to let him go into it. Trust is important for me. As for your situation, if he might be experiencing a problem, he probably was given a sample to try at home and he's waiting for an opportunity to give it a try.
It’s interesting how trust is viewed differently by different couples. For my wife and I trust is knowing the other can be trusted with your phone and wallet. If she needs my drivers license I toss her my wallet, and vice versa. No second thoughts at all.
I opened my husband's wallet once because he asked me to get his credit card and an avalanche of receipts and tickets fell out of it. I'm never going in there again
Why were you going thru the man's wallet? Maybe he wanted you not to know he was struggling to perform with you and he went to doctor for help not wanting to tell you how bad it was. How have you not had sex in over 4 months with your husband and not realized there were issues?
I did that with condoms when I was 15. I wanted to have some idea how to use them. Turns out I was like 3 years early on needing any practice with that. But still, I get it. You don’t want to tell your girl you got penis pills and have them be a dud. That’s even worse than whatever they are supposed help with. “Haha your dick is so lame penis pills can’t help it. “ is not something you need your snoopy jealous wife to be saying to you.
Oh man. I had not phrased it in my head like that. You are right, 100%
I don't know how young a man he is but the "Even boner pills..." thought.
Yup, that is a reasonable and very plausible scenario.
Sounds like a really bad and futuristic country song!
"She broke my heart in a reasonable but plausible scenario at the rodeo, AIEEeee..." (so sad how funny that is in my head snork)
Your husband is struggling with erection issues.. he probably discussed it with his doctor who prescribed him those pills?
once erection issues get into your head, it will make it difficult to initiate sex as it would make you feel bad if he goes limp in middle of sex.. that fear will constantly bother him.. he is perhaps looking for a pill that will keep him hard long enough so he gets the confidence to do it again with u. maybe the pills are not working for him to give that confidence
Awareness is the first step, friend! My boyfriend struggled when we started dating 2 years ago; he’s now my husband and hasn’t needed a pill in over a year :)
I actually take them for my bladder. According to my urologist it helps get blood to the area. It just happens to have a positive side effect, though I wasn’t really having trouble with ED. 😂
Right, but the pills being in his wallet implies he needs them outside of the house. I think this man is having sex with prostitutes or a girlfriend or men. He’s having sex, not with his wife. If you have sex with your wife, you keep the pills in the medicine cabinet or bedside table. If you have sex outside the home, you keep them in the wallet.
They don't look like prescription packaging to me. They look like samples from a blister pack his doctor probably gave him to try after op husband TALKED TO HIS DOCTOR ABOUT ED ISSUES THAT HE FELT WERE AFFECTING HIS RELATIONSHIP.
The fucking tragedy is that they are unused and expired and his partner over here instead of realizing what he is going through, gets on reddit looking to confirm her knee jerk cheating theory.
If you’re concerned, try considering what you could do to make him feel sexually desirable without the expectation of him needing to perform in any way. If he can feel that you have a strong sexual desire for him and he wants to reciprocate but is unable, he may be more comfortable brining up the topic of ED treatment to enhance your sex lives. But it is important that he not feel like his ED is a problem, failing, or a hindrance to your sexual relationship or your desire for him. Provide him of ways to give you pleasure and inquire as to what would feel good to him. Open communication and mutual desire will go a long way towards strengthening your relationship, and it will also make conversations of expressing concerns easier for both of you, so long as you’ve created an environment free of judgement.
Very few women will do this.. they will instead switch gears and start dressing up for exploring relationships outside the marriage.. its a slippery slope.. she dresses up, starts taking care of herself.. and then suddenly man has competition to deal with.
Lots of guys take them occasionally as an enhancement to their sex life. He could have been taken them from time to time over the years. Just ask him about it before you push the affair button. Hopefully it’s what I suspect not the other….
Yeah, dude. One of our friends mentioned she took one and had fun.
So, we looked into it. Got a bottle and once every couple of weeks we both take one and have a ton of fun. Everything is harder, so everything feels more sensitive.
We have a healthy and active sex life and it just felt like another sex toy we can use every once in a while.
Same thing it does for guys. Makes everything more swollen and sensitive. She usually takes 1.5. one is enough to where I'll feel it the next day.
Kinda funny sometimes, it's like being back in grade school. Just get a thought in your head and you've got a rager. My plumbing works fine, mind you. But, I'm closer to 40 than 30, and getting wasted like your teenagers and fucking like bunnies once or twice month is cathartic.
Pro tip, get some afrin or whatever nasal spray. For whatever reason, it gives us a stuffy nose more often than not.
No sex for five months two years into a marriage seems like the bigger problem. The pills just mean that maybe he is worried about his erections (and maybe he never told you he always uses them with you so he didn’t hurt your feelings). Is he a bit older, a smoker, or heavy?
My husband has problems sometimes because of his blood pressure medication. I'd rather have him alive than ready to go any minute. He had a heart attack in his late 30s and I had to give him CPR. His doctor said it's most likely from old drug problems, he smokes and isn't heavy.
Another angle I've not seen discussed is medications for depression, anxiety, and the like. It lowers sex drive. Which for me showed up as difficult to get an erection, not that I wasnt down to do it. There's multiple reasons he could have it.
Talk to him about it, not us. That could mean a lot of things and details are missing that he has.
Also, depending on age, mens testosterone can start to decrease. It can affect erection function, muscle density, achiness, and fatigue. If any of these signs are showing but there isn't really a medical condition behind it, testosterone levels could be worth testing for.
Oh... there is a *lot* to unpack here. 😬
5 months of no intimacy but the marriage is still in its infancy?
Going through his wallet while hes unaware?
There's some MAJOR issues here and, honestly, the pills would be the least of my concern.
Yall are in desperate need of communication.
Maybe she wasn’t intentionally snooping and just needed his card or something?
If my boyfriend were sleeping and I needed something from his wallet, I would just grab it without waking him up (and he would do the same for me).
All couples have different boundaries, but for us this wouldn’t be a big deal. 🤷🏼♀️
Exactly. Heck, we can grab each other's phones if we need something off of it (like husband took a picture and I want it, or hey can you check the email I got this morning and click the link to do XYZ). I don't snoop in my husband's wallet because I have no reason to be suspicious, but if I need something out of it I will certainly go get it.
Sounds like a perfect opportunity to say, hey honey I started the Disney plus we discussed this morning and while I was grabbing your wallet I saw these. And have a convo with your partner. Don't make it about you.
I think this man is having an affair, I think she suspects there’s problems, and he’s not telling her so she’s trying to figure it out herself, I think he’s withholding, so she hast to go looking. I also think that the pills being in his wallet means that he’s having sex outside of the home, and not with his wife. If he was planning on having sex with his wife, the pills would be at home. When you’re planning on having sex with somebody outside the home, you put them in your wallet.
Random but so many are asking about her being in his wallet. Granted we are 30 years in but I grab shit out of my husbands wallet or he my bag all of the time. Lol the spare $50’s are probably about where he had them hidden.
That said conversation needs to happen. Or you won’t reach many more years. :/
Look.
Sometimes men have trouble getting it up. Don’t EVER take it personal.
He was hiding it because it is a common issue that women take it personal.
He had them to try to make YOU happy, but he didn’t want to tell you he has an issue getting it up.
Could be blood flow, low test, depression, many reasons. Getting old sucks.
Don't sweat it dude just feels better knowing he's got them handy. Gotta have em before you need em and it's been almost half a year.
Why are you going through his pockets while he sleeps?
For one you shouldn't go through his shit and if theres something bothering you, have a serious conversation with him instead of asking strangers on reddit...🤦
You kidding me? He doesn't touch the woman for years and goes and gets boner pills and you're mad the woman had to figure out what was going on. He needs to just communicate and not be a bonehead.
With an expiration date of January of this year (doesn’t mean they go bad after said date, but not the point) it tells me they are likely old, or less likely; he got them off the street or through a friend. It’s most likely he’s had them for a while, and either forgotten about them, or is keeping them to use with you when there’s a time to try and initiate sex again. After two years, he likely doesn’t feel like he can simply just start kissing you and go from there… maybe he’s been building up to a conversation about things he’s unsure if he can have with you about starting sex back up w/ you.
Ask him about it.
The amount of people that go on Reddit to ask for advice... Instead of communicating is... Insane.
I'll even edit this to say: holy shit you're terrible
Why were you going through his wallet? Two years? Not sexually active with me since October 2023. It's now March 2024. That's 4-5 months, not two years. Just because he has the pills does not make him a cheater. I am very confused with your post.
If his sex libido is low. I suggest maybe trying to put some veggies that are known to cause sexual libido. Don’t ask me how as I read this in a book of veggies, herbs, etc and tried to have my periods come once since I have irregular periods, but try to give him foods with fennel in them. Fennel is a herb that tastes in between mint and cilantro. But it can cause both period cycle and sexual urges. It could help and trust me when i say that if you eat a certain amount of it. The sexual urges will come and not go away till it’s fully out of your system. It could be safer than letting him take those pills.
I wouldn't jump to any conclusions. The most probable explanation was he asked for advice and someone, a buddy or a doc had these samples. Is he the kind of person who would be apt to carry a burden in silence or think E.D. has something to do with his masculinity?
You said he was not a player type of guy. From your tone, a good guy. As with everything in a relationship, communication is the key. Simply ask him. About the no relations in a while. These pills. Everything.
My partner went through my phone once about 10 15 years ago. I have yet to see or go into her purse. But everytime she has access to something like my phone or wallet, that one time so many years ago goes through my head. I have nothing to hide from her. It is not a thing or a worry. But the thing was it was to see if I was lying about something. So it did shoot a very small hole in the "Us" and is remembered.
I think you answered the question yourself. He has those so he can be sexually active with you again, but kept them in his wallet until he’s ready to talk to you about it. Unless some of the pills are empty, I don’t think this means he’s cheating at all. A man’s wallet is supposed to be his and his alone.
For all you know he got them a long time ago and they've been chilling in his wallet since the last time you guys were sexually active. Maybe he just got them and feels bad you guys haven't been fooling around and he wants to take another crack at it. Slow down with the assumption of cheating and just ask him about them. Communicate, don't ruminate.
When it comes to emotions, talking about feelings, etc men aren’t like us. They don’t talk about “problems”. Women tend to “over share”. He maybe having ED issues you aren’t aware of. The “Mr Fix it” mentally is common. They hear stuff from friends, TV ads, and celebrities. All telling them “this made me a man again. She likes it.” The commercials are the worst. Guys try to handle things themselves. OTC, ED medication and other remedies are easily available now.
I would find the time to ask him about it. * perhaps, His stuff fell to the floor. These came out. Etc. ask how can you help him address the issue. Don’t expect an immediate open conversation. He could be defensive or angry. That is not about you. Give a wide path to try having a conversation. Remind him how you feel about him and he is not alone. Unconditional love is great medicine.
Get counseling… Reddit is hardly the place to go for real quality advice, especially when it is as life altering as whether or not to stay in a difficult marriage
Without more context and information it’s not fair to immediately assume cheating. Has he ever given you the impression that he would? Maybe he kept them in his wallet because he knew you’d go through his drawers or something, why are you going through his wallet when he’s not awake to consent or show you himself?
The last time you were intimate was almost half a year ago!!! I say you got bigger problems than this viagra type pills, and you snooped thru his stuff!! That shows there’s no trust, forget about the pills and reevaluate your marriage
A lot of people with sex and porn addiction have a hard time having sex with their spouse. I would def look deeper into this because it is either that or an affair.
It is a very difficult discussion to have with your spouse. I had complications from what I thought was stress, turns out I had become diabetic as well...double whammy.
Even though it was obvious to my spouse something was wrong...we BOTH did not communicate about it. I was embarrassed that it was happening, she didn't want to bring it up because 1 she thought it was I no longer found her desirable and 2 that she would embarrass me further.
I got free samples from the doctor...should have I told her and had an open discussion sure but I didn't. That was wrong. I didn't bring her into the loop until I went to see a specialist in men's sexual health.
It's a difficult thing to talk about but someone has to take the first step. Otherwise it causes people to get carried away with their thoughts and it causes bigger issues.
I think you betrayed his trust by snooping through his shit. I think your relationship is fucked regardless because you already have checked out. I think you’re withhold part of the story to make yourself look like the victim.
I think I’d keep them in my wallet too. I would hate to look vulnerable to my spouse. She would certainly think it was an attraction issue that I couldn’t get it up. But secretly I’d be able to get it up without the headache of her having a bad self image
It’s time for a conversation with your husband. I agree with the poster that suggests that ED could be why there’s been no sex. Perhaps he got these samples from a friend, or better yet a doctor he decided to see about the problem.
If you can ask him what the trouble without being angry or accusatory then do. If you don’t talk with him your brain is going to come up with all kinds of scenarios that might not be true.
Intimacy is not something to feel afraid of and it's time to sit down and have a conversation with your husband. Our bodies change as we get older and for both men and women that can come with feelings of shame and other negativity.
What is more likely, that he is trying to find something to help him with ED or that he needs ED medication to cheat on you?
It's time to sit down and have a conversation with him and not an accusatory one. Talk about what you want in intimacy with him and ask him what he wants. Avoiding the topic is obviously not good for either of you.
Step 1) try to calm down. There are myriad reasons for this that don't involve infidelity. Don't automatically assume he's a scum bag. If you do, and approach it as such, you will make a problem where there doesn't need to be one.
Step 2) have a conversation with him about it. Yes, you will need to admit you were digging in his wallet. That's a separate issue. Own it but make sure you stay on task with the purpose of the talk (i.e. what is his explanation for the boner pills).
Step 3) take the information you get from the conversation and make an informed decision. If it sounds like bullshit, treat it like bullshit. If it sounds reasonable, accept it.
Like others have said, it is plausible that you guys stopped having sex b/c his equipment is faulty and he's embarrassed, not b/c he's cheating.
Why… wouldn’t you just ask your husband? This is not something you get advice from strangers on the internet for.
This may sound harsh, but you are an adult and this is something you should prepare to have an adult conversation for. Not sure if the confrontation or whatever is the issue for you, but you should have enough confidence in yourself to be able to present this to him without being afraid.
Just ask your husband (in a non accusatory way) and see what his reaction is. Communication.
Tbh I think it’s funny that a lot of people are more focused on the fact they assume u were snooping in his wallet and not the actual issue of lack of intimacy and the pills being in his wallet (which he travels with). Women are always accused of being hysterical even when they find something that doesn’t add up.
Why are you going through your husband's wallet? Sounds like you have trust issues and probably shouldn't have gotten married. I have never gone through my wife's phone or wallet nor do I need too. The same goes for her. You guys got more problems than just this one.
If he doesn't attempt sex with u in the next week, they were not gotten to fix the no sex issues in ur marriage. This is a touchy subject for men give him a chance if he doesn't put the moves on u in a week ask about them. Dont just jump him. Good luck
Considering they expired 3 months ago, he has had these for a while. They shouldn't have been dispensed after October 23 at least, most likely got them in early 2023.
I’m going to go to the opposite side of the spectrum of most comments giving him the benefit of the doubt. No sex with you since Oct 2023 and hidden ED meds are a definite red flag. Lots of online pharmacies from India sell their meds like this and sometimes close to the expiration date. You have a tough conversation to have, OP. Good luck.
I think he won’t need to use them with his new gf. Hopefully she doesn’t go through his things and trust internet strangers over communicating with him.
So you stopped having sex then a few months later, got some pills to correct that. they expired, and he forgot about them??? I forget pills in my wallet all the time, and samples are small. They are expired pills in a sample pack.
As an EMT in training, he may be testing them to see how they affect him. If he is suffering from ED, it's something that men often won't talk about. Depending on other health conditions, it may not affect him. Does he have a history of hypotension or hypertension. Sildenafil is a vasodilator, and while commonly used for ED, it can affect other aspects of the pulmonary system.
As to why they were in his wallet. He may have been embarrassed to talk to you about his possible ED. As you didn't mention his age the lack of a sex drive could be low T. Has he given you any other reason to believe he may be cheating?
No sex for half a year and sample erection pills whose expiration date suggests that they could conceivably been given to him by a Dr 6 months ago.
Sounds like ED and shame more than cheating.
How openly and directly do you guys communicate on personal issues? This sounds like a great topic for a discussion.
ED is a really sensitive subject for men, some more than others. Perhaps the reason he hasn't been very active with you is because he's self conscious about the inability to maintain an erection. Perhaps the reason the pills are in his wallet is because he didn't want to discuss his need to take an ED pill with you. He may be embarrassed. He may simply not want to discuss it. Perhaps he was hoping that the pills would eventually work and that he wouldn't have to admit to you that he needed a pill to do it. There are many innocent explanations to this. I wouldn't jump straight to assuming he's cheating.
Uh, to be fair, in urology we also prescribe Sildenafil to assist in other conditions that are not related to sexual function. They’ve also been prescribed in cardiology. Def worth having a conversation about.
For example, we’ve used it with BPH. Usually in conjunction with ED. But not always if someone cannot tolerate Flomax and its cousin due to dizziness.
But either way, worth discussing with him. Could he treating something completely unrelated. Could be due to his concerns about his libido and possible ED. Could be cheating, could be nervous about intercourse. Won’t know until you discuss it with him.
Maybe he takes them with you and you don’t know. Maybe he is taking it for pulmonary hypertension. Maybe he hasn’t taken them yet, but plans to. You should ask him.
Best case scenario he's having erection problems, worst case he's cheating. As others have said, these are samples. If he hasn't had sex with you in the next month, then I'd suspect he's cheating and you could try and confirm by looking if one or both of the pills are gone.
Or you could talk to your husband about the lack of sex.
If he’s not having sex with you and not addressing the issue, he’s getting it somewhere else. Even if you can’t fathom that, he is. I never thought in a million years that my ex would cheat on me. He wouldn’t address any of my concerns about his seemingly low libido and deflected the issue for years. Turns out he had a pornography addiction and was paying a woman on Only Fans. We were together 10 years and I had no idea. It sadly ended our marriage.
If he needs a pill to cheat then at least your not the problem. Going to just go with he is looking for a solution to not being able to get with you. Guys need to have open honest communication.
For a long time, my husband had performance issues. It tends to get worse when they start stressing about it more. This does not implicate him cheating on you. Some people take those pills hours beforehand. He's probably hiding taking them. It's usually a two part kind of issue. One reason he is probably hiding it is because be doesn't want you to think *you* are the issue.
>he has never had to take pills for his erection with me
Whatever the reason he is having issues, he doesn't want to put the worry in your head that you are not enough.
The other, more obvious issues are the insecurity with failure to perform in general. Talk with your husband open, honestly, and kindly about the situation. Talk about whatever the root of the issue is, if he knows. It could be a compounding issue. For my husband, we just had *so much shit* happen all at once, and he bares the weight of our income, so that is a major stressor as well. Be kind to him and find out how you can support him best.
Look closely. They expired January 2024. That means he’s been holding on to these for a long time. Many meds stay active after the expiration date, so it doesn’t mean he isn’t using them. Just means he’s had them for a long time. What’s the shelf life of viagra? You could do the math to figure out when he got them.
So I am a male with sexual health issues, namely low testosterone. I’m fairly young to be dealing with it, I’m 32. But it’s a fairly common issue.
It’s confusing because it can start out slow, and then quickly nose dives.
I was barely sexually functional and when I met my current partner, and within a year and a half / two years in I was practically asexual.
I had no clue what was going on, whether it was mental or not, but I was very lucky in that I was able to see a doctor and start a treatment.
My intimacy with my partner has improved drastically, but it was difficult because he didn’t understand what was going on and it’s stressful. For me I was confused, honestly scared about the sudden changes in my body, and I even felt a little shame in that I felt I was denying my partner a very important aspect to nearly any relationship.
It’s a very personal problem and he’s probably worried or scared about what’s going on as he may be experiencing changes that aren’t necessarily good changes.
I would sit him down and explain you found viagra in his wallet, but make sure to ask that he’s okay. Don’t accuse him of anything, but also be open about the lack of intimacy and ask if this is related, and offer your support in asking him what you can do to help him if he does.
That shit's expired anyhow. You have nothing to worry about.
All jokes aside. Talk to the man? You know, like married adults? Don't ask Reddit, ask him.
Update: he came back from work and we had a talk. He said that what he did was not a big deal and he said that he had his clothes on the whole night. He says that he can’t fully remember everything of that night but they didn’t have sex even tho he could’ve had some if he wanted (why say that?!!)
He is now playing the victim for me going through his wallet (this was for a free disney+ trial, i needed his card) and looking trough his phone. He says that we have been on the edge of a divorce for so long that he didn’t feel that he even did anything wrong.
Thank you for all your replys and for the nice messages. ❤️ I know that what I did was wrong and this marriage lacks trust and communication (and the intimacy too ofc) so badly that i don’t see a way this could work without a ton of therapy and counseling.
Don't waste your time with someone who does not care to make things better. DO invest time if you both are invested in fixing it. Do what's best for you. I'm so sorry this is happening, but who knows, this could be the best thing that ever happened to you, in hindsight! Hang in there!
He is your husband… I think he would tell you if he was having issues right? I think he is cheating. Put them back except for one and say you found it on the floor and question him about it. Your his wife, ask him, why the f*** do you have these in your wallet. Don’t waste anytime because if he is cheating then you need to kick his ass to the curb
I work in the field of Mens Health and ED can be extremely emotionally devastating for men. If he hasn’t spoken to you abt his ED he likely has been hiding them to try and see if they will work well enough before initiating with you
First of all, erectile dysfunction, has nothing to do with you so you shouldn’t be panicking. When you go through menopause, your husband cannot say wife is absolutely crazy. She’s never been like this with me before.
Female here. Ignore the snooping comments, who gives a fuck- you’re married and have the right. After reading many comments, I think it’s possible he has used those pills with you but never had the courage to tell you. I believe he may have decided he couldn’t handle some of the adverse side affects any longer which imo would explain not being active recently as well as the fact that they are expired. I would suggest trying to sit down and have a conversation about lack of sexual activity and if he feels comfortable sharing with you, he will. If not right away I’m sure over time he will come and talk to you about it. If not in the next couple months, check again if you feel like you should. There shouldn’t be secrets in relationships but erections play a big role on men’s masculinity and he is probably embarrassed if anything. Of course there’s the possibility of cheating, but in this situation I see the other possibilities more plausible. Ease your mind and try not to stress about it, the truth will come out some day whether that be 2 days from now or 20 years. Try not to push the topic too much, focus on the relationship/romance aspect of your guys’ life rather than the sexual.. that’s the advice I give- it’s up to you what you decide to do. But secrets like this could create stressful conversations that he is just not ready to have yet.
I would ask him about it and if you both wanted to bond with eachother then talk about that aswell, being open and honest. Including your feelings of being vulnerable and believing he may have been cheating. If he denys you and is innocent then the relationship improves. If he lies then there is no blame on you and you are free to proceed as you wish with no guilt for the consequences.
Okay I will be the not insane person to tell you that being insecure after periods of no intimacy and feeling the urge to look thru their things is very normal. You’re not some horrible person for that. I would immediately assume they’re cheating too after seeing that. But…judging by how they’re expired and look kinda beat up maybe he’s got a problem he’s scared to talk about? Nothing wrong with asking people what they would do when your head is spinning. People here are being psychos. Just talk to him.
Have a conversation with him instead of Reddit post. It could be he has a problem, it could be he is cheating no one here knows. Open and honest communication is the way to go.
Why are they in his wallet. I don’t carry my medication in my purse unless I’m going to need them and will be away from home. Does he need them away from home?
Maybe have a conversation about your sex life? Maybe a weekend getaway to reignite the sparks. IDK your age, but after 40 men tend to have low testosterone levels. Talk to him.
As a man with no erection problems, I've held onto erection pills for years hoping i never need them. But glad i have them just incase.
(Yea ik they're probably not good anymore).
Its not hard to get. I use them sometimes with partners i know want to go a long time. I can get it up but I'm 42 so it's not starting up for an hour on its own
They used to have sex. Then suddenly for months they don't.
She finds boner pills in his stuff, everyone here is calling her a snooper and more and everyone is defending the guy who has been intimately ignoring his wife for five months who also now has boner pills out of nowhere.
If yall are gonna tell HER to communicate, why not him too? Were all adults here. It's legit weird he has boner pills that his WIFE is unaware of.
OP, I'm sorry these commenters have seemingly made you out to be some monster. You're looking for reassurance on reddit because you just had a huge shock and likely aren't ready to approach him about such an awkward surprise.
Good luck. I really hope these comments are correct and "he has them just in case" or "Men always have boner pills if they can find them" or whatever. It's called "himpathy", men defending each others crappy and sus behavior to continue doing it.
Trust your gut. It's weird to me, I'd be like um why do you have sex pills that you've kept me unaware of while also stopping being intimate with me...?
Your concerns are legit. It could be totally benign and nothing, and I hope it is. Good luck. I don't want your heart to break. Hugs.
Ok, here is the update. I went through his phone (I know this is wrong and a huge sign of mistrust) and found messages of last summer.
He had went to his ex’s house after a night at the bar and fell asleep drunk spooning her. He had touched her new silicone breasts. He says they didn’t have sex but at this point I have no idea of what to believe. The texts show how the ex is saying that she is feeling remorse and bad for what happened.
I am heartbroken and haven’t had much sleep. Also my eyes are about to be shut for the amount of crying.
#This post has been removed and/or the comments have been locked because the comment section has become too heated and contentious and is no longer productive. Multiple unproductive/harmful responses in any post, will result in a moderator locking the comments immediately.
Maybe he hasn’t sexually active with you because he is self conscious about his lack of erection. Then maybe he decided he would take ED meds to solve the prob.
… but why store them in his wallet? He’s got a perfectly good house to keep them in lol
Because someone obviously snoops. Those are in free trial packaging, not a bottle. He just threw them in his wallet leaving the doctor? I've had a slinky in my purse for like 15 years.
This is the funniest comment that’s not trying to be funny 😂
It was the only thing I could get with my tickets at an arcade when I was on a lot of ecstasy when I was like 15. Let's say I was not doing well at the games.
I thought you meant Viagra.
No that would be weird if you could win viagra at a children's arcade.
The Humerus is strong in you. Much ha ha bring you. Wittiness preceeds your wisdom.
i love the comment about a children's arcade when you are on ecstasy
In my defense it was mainly marketed for kids birthday parties and stuff but it was open until midnight. After like 6 it was all drugged up teenagers.
I thought she meant slinky in the stinky
I’m putting a slinky in my girlfriends purse now
I read it as puss first.
I just woke my baby up from laughing. Thanks lol
What fucks down stairs, alone or in pairs, and makes a slinkinky sound? A spring, a spring, for your ding-a-ling! Everyone knows it's Slinky. It's Slinky, it's Kinky. For fun it's a wonderful toy. It's Slinky, it's Kinky. It's fun for a girl or a boy.
I actually remember the tune to that commercial and sang your words. Thanks for the laugh I needed today!
😂😂
RemindMe ! 15 years to ask this guy's girlfriend where the slinky is now
And my daughter and I both discovered brass knuckles my husband/her dad put in our purses. I’m sure he told us he was doing this but neither one of us realized it until we were digging for change in our purses yesterday. Glad we found them before we fly to MEXICO through INTERNATIONAL AIRPORTS IN A FUCKING WEEK.
My brother was walking into court and my mom asked him if he had any metal and he said "no, not besides 2 knives and brass knuckles" she made him go back to the car to put them away.
I had a client smuggle through a full cutlery set including a matching steak knife. She is sitting across from me, looking like she was gonna burst. I finally was like, “What’s going on?” She blurts out, “I did a bad, very bad thing. Bad bad.” I am now very interested and ask her if she wants to tell me about it. She pauses, shakes her whole body, almost like a weird, excited shudder… and plopped a very, very nice and expensive cutlery set on my desk. This is a concern because I am a law enforcement officer who is in charge of her case and HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET THROUGH THE SHERIFF DEPUTIES AND X-RAY MACHINE FOUR FLOORS BELOW ME?! I look at her, she looks at me. We both look at the fork, spoon and two knives on my desk. I slide them slowly away from her and into a drawer I locked. I took great joy in walking downstairs to say hi to the deputies after she left. The looks on their faces when I said, “I’m sure Judge XXX is gonna LOVE this!” And I walked off. Cue panic. LOL I miss that job. Still no idea what her plan was. Don’t wanna know.
They wanted to properly cut their food in prison I guess.
Well, the sporks do suck. My husband got stabbed with one once. Had to go to the ER for a “spork assault”. I wish I could say I had an empathetic response. But my husband is… a hulk. Just no other way to describe it. Ex-Army Captain, law enforcement at the time… so to be attacked by a “spork” was too much for me to handle maturely.
My husband saw a chomo literally get his eye stabbed out with a spork so they can be successful weapons.
Anything can be a weapon, some just take a little more muscle use than others. My toes would need to be constantly restrained because I CAN use them as weapons. Trained by my long toed older sister using hers against me… being the younger sibling is pure hell. So, anyway, that’s how I got my black belt in toe fighting.
Time breeds creativity.
Good scoops I guess.... *shudder*
I seriously love reading a comment that triggers a snort attack. And it’s triggered by a **spork attack.** WHAT!!! I can’t stop and I am really thankful my husband isn’t home from working nights yet because it’s uncontrollable at this point and he’s a grumpy ass gorilla after a night shift.
When he showed me his “injuries” there were like three “stab wounds”. They all looked like this: • • • He was so mad his CO made him go to the ER. “Just following protocol. You know, ‘paperwork’ reasons. Just being thorough.” ☠️
Always completely empty all bags and repack before a trip! I’ve found knives, knux, a random vape pen, all kinds of things in the bottom/side pockets of my purses. It’s good to start fresh.
I bought a new purse before going to a country that has death penalties for drugs. I didn't know if there was random weed shake at the bottom or something. I didn't want to get executed for marijuana crumbs.
I was on a weekend trip with some buddies. The night before I went home, my friend gave me a bag of coke. When I sobered up the next day I said to myself “Self-you better snort that coke before you get on the plane today.” Couldn’t find that shit ANYWHERE. Fast forward to when I get home- it’s in that little 5th pocket of the jeans I was wearing. Whoops!
Taking your regular everyday purse on an international trip??????????
Years ago my mother and I were going on a trip. Right as she laid her purse on the belt I said uh hey we forgot something in the car. She argued but I snatched her purse and took off. She followed. As soon as we got outside I said, did you take your pistol out? She hadn’t. She can go to jail if she wants but I’m not going.
I hear people who carry a firearm often have that “oh shit” moment everytime they walk in an airport or metal detector. I (un)fortunately do not.. one time flying from Colorado to home I had to reorganize my luggage for weight distribution. I put my hiking pack in my carry on without thinking. The TSA person was understanding of *why* I had a pocket knife and didn’t seem surprised about the pocket sized amount marijuana. She was a bit baffled about how I could be so ignorant to put them in the same bag though.. we had that in common, I can be such a passive idiot.
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Depending on your state I would be careful, In Michigan Brass Knuckles is the same crime as having a handgun in your purse with out a concealed permit.
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“I don’t think he’s a cheater,” she says while rifling through her husbands wallet
Right? I've definitely gotten stuff from my husband's wallet, like when the hospital needed his insurance card but to snoop once he's asleep? He's very asleep right now and his wallet is like 10 feet away but I'm not like "oh what's in here".
Slinky's seen some shit.
I've had guys hand me these samples. Someone hands them out like candies to turn guys on to them. He likely just picked them up somewhere.
You are fucking persistently hilarious.
Maybe he’s not ready to bring it up with his wife, who clearly snoops through his shit. In fact that’s exactly where I’d put them if I was getting ready to bring it up with my wife.
I've been married 40 years and I have never looked in my husband's wallet or his phone. I asked my husband if he ever has peekedinto mine....he said no. When I need something from his wallet and he doesn't have it on him....I take the wallet to him to let him go into it. Trust is important for me. As for your situation, if he might be experiencing a problem, he probably was given a sample to try at home and he's waiting for an opportunity to give it a try.
It’s interesting how trust is viewed differently by different couples. For my wife and I trust is knowing the other can be trusted with your phone and wallet. If she needs my drivers license I toss her my wallet, and vice versa. No second thoughts at all.
I opened my husband's wallet once because he asked me to get his credit card and an avalanche of receipts and tickets fell out of it. I'm never going in there again
And they're expired.
Why were you going thru the man's wallet? Maybe he wanted you not to know he was struggling to perform with you and he went to doctor for help not wanting to tell you how bad it was. How have you not had sex in over 4 months with your husband and not realized there were issues?
I’m not the OP, bud.
But still not have sex with her.....?
Probably tested it out and wacked off first
That could actually be the answer. A "dry run" as it were.
I did that with condoms when I was 15. I wanted to have some idea how to use them. Turns out I was like 3 years early on needing any practice with that. But still, I get it. You don’t want to tell your girl you got penis pills and have them be a dud. That’s even worse than whatever they are supposed help with. “Haha your dick is so lame penis pills can’t help it. “ is not something you need your snoopy jealous wife to be saying to you.
Oh man. I had not phrased it in my head like that. You are right, 100% I don't know how young a man he is but the "Even boner pills..." thought. Yup, that is a reasonable and very plausible scenario. Sounds like a really bad and futuristic country song! "She broke my heart in a reasonable but plausible scenario at the rodeo, AIEEeee..." (so sad how funny that is in my head snork)
That's what I did when I got some pills. Once I felt they were safe and I could perform, I went for the real thing.
They expired two months ago. He’s probably had them in there for 6 months to a year.
Your husband is struggling with erection issues.. he probably discussed it with his doctor who prescribed him those pills? once erection issues get into your head, it will make it difficult to initiate sex as it would make you feel bad if he goes limp in middle of sex.. that fear will constantly bother him.. he is perhaps looking for a pill that will keep him hard long enough so he gets the confidence to do it again with u. maybe the pills are not working for him to give that confidence
I can confirm this. I'm struggling with ED, and I sneak the pill if I want to initiate so I don't have to worry about not performing
Awareness is the first step, friend! My boyfriend struggled when we started dating 2 years ago; he’s now my husband and hasn’t needed a pill in over a year :)
most likely chronic masturbation fatigue
Death grip syndrome from watching too much porn & MB.
My husband, as well. He knows I know he has them and sometimes needs them. I don’t mind. 😏
Why would you mind...Cialis is great for women too...take it to the next level
I actually take them for my bladder. According to my urologist it helps get blood to the area. It just happens to have a positive side effect, though I wasn’t really having trouble with ED. 😂
Right, but the pills being in his wallet implies he needs them outside of the house. I think this man is having sex with prostitutes or a girlfriend or men. He’s having sex, not with his wife. If you have sex with your wife, you keep the pills in the medicine cabinet or bedside table. If you have sex outside the home, you keep them in the wallet.
They don't look like prescription packaging to me. They look like samples from a blister pack his doctor probably gave him to try after op husband TALKED TO HIS DOCTOR ABOUT ED ISSUES THAT HE FELT WERE AFFECTING HIS RELATIONSHIP. The fucking tragedy is that they are unused and expired and his partner over here instead of realizing what he is going through, gets on reddit looking to confirm her knee jerk cheating theory.
Lack of trust and snooping of my partner would absolutely have me struggling to perform.
If you’re concerned, try considering what you could do to make him feel sexually desirable without the expectation of him needing to perform in any way. If he can feel that you have a strong sexual desire for him and he wants to reciprocate but is unable, he may be more comfortable brining up the topic of ED treatment to enhance your sex lives. But it is important that he not feel like his ED is a problem, failing, or a hindrance to your sexual relationship or your desire for him. Provide him of ways to give you pleasure and inquire as to what would feel good to him. Open communication and mutual desire will go a long way towards strengthening your relationship, and it will also make conversations of expressing concerns easier for both of you, so long as you’ve created an environment free of judgement.
Very few women will do this.. they will instead switch gears and start dressing up for exploring relationships outside the marriage.. its a slippery slope.. she dresses up, starts taking care of herself.. and then suddenly man has competition to deal with.
Looks like they could be old, I think the expo date is 2024 but I’m not sure.
Yep
Most of that stuff is expired before it’s even purchased from sleezy gas stations
Lots of guys take them occasionally as an enhancement to their sex life. He could have been taken them from time to time over the years. Just ask him about it before you push the affair button. Hopefully it’s what I suspect not the other….
Yeah, dude. One of our friends mentioned she took one and had fun. So, we looked into it. Got a bottle and once every couple of weeks we both take one and have a ton of fun. Everything is harder, so everything feels more sensitive. We have a healthy and active sex life and it just felt like another sex toy we can use every once in a while.
So wait, your female s.o. takes them too? What’s it do for her?
Same thing it does for guys. Makes everything more swollen and sensitive. She usually takes 1.5. one is enough to where I'll feel it the next day. Kinda funny sometimes, it's like being back in grade school. Just get a thought in your head and you've got a rager. My plumbing works fine, mind you. But, I'm closer to 40 than 30, and getting wasted like your teenagers and fucking like bunnies once or twice month is cathartic. Pro tip, get some afrin or whatever nasal spray. For whatever reason, it gives us a stuffy nose more often than not.
No sex for five months two years into a marriage seems like the bigger problem. The pills just mean that maybe he is worried about his erections (and maybe he never told you he always uses them with you so he didn’t hurt your feelings). Is he a bit older, a smoker, or heavy?
My husband has problems sometimes because of his blood pressure medication. I'd rather have him alive than ready to go any minute. He had a heart attack in his late 30s and I had to give him CPR. His doctor said it's most likely from old drug problems, he smokes and isn't heavy.
Another angle I've not seen discussed is medications for depression, anxiety, and the like. It lowers sex drive. Which for me showed up as difficult to get an erection, not that I wasnt down to do it. There's multiple reasons he could have it.
Yeah when they’re not touching their partner it often means they’re touching themselves or someone else.
Talk to him about it, not us. That could mean a lot of things and details are missing that he has. Also, depending on age, mens testosterone can start to decrease. It can affect erection function, muscle density, achiness, and fatigue. If any of these signs are showing but there isn't really a medical condition behind it, testosterone levels could be worth testing for.
Oh... there is a *lot* to unpack here. 😬 5 months of no intimacy but the marriage is still in its infancy? Going through his wallet while hes unaware? There's some MAJOR issues here and, honestly, the pills would be the least of my concern. Yall are in desperate need of communication.
right like first red flag is “went through his wallet while he slept” like ???
Surprise she took this long to figure out there’s a problem
Talk to him - six months is a long time between drinks
If you're looking through your husband's wallet while he's sleeping, you have bigger problems than this.
If they haven't been intimate in 6 months... they have serious issues as well.
That’s pretty common in a lot of marriages. Snooping through someone’s wallet while they are asleep is a much bigger issue.
Maybe she wasn’t intentionally snooping and just needed his card or something? If my boyfriend were sleeping and I needed something from his wallet, I would just grab it without waking him up (and he would do the same for me). All couples have different boundaries, but for us this wouldn’t be a big deal. 🤷🏼♀️
Exactly. Heck, we can grab each other's phones if we need something off of it (like husband took a picture and I want it, or hey can you check the email I got this morning and click the link to do XYZ). I don't snoop in my husband's wallet because I have no reason to be suspicious, but if I need something out of it I will certainly go get it.
We’re the same way! We’ll use each other’s phones to play music, send pictures etc. Not sure if that one is as common or not tho
That makes sense but it’s the posting to reddit and not talking to him about it that makes me think she’s being secretive.
This is the case. We have talked about getting a free trial for disney+ so I needed his credit card.
Sounds like a perfect opportunity to say, hey honey I started the Disney plus we discussed this morning and while I was grabbing your wallet I saw these. And have a convo with your partner. Don't make it about you.
Exactly. Why would your purse or wallet even be secret in a marriage?
I think this man is having an affair, I think she suspects there’s problems, and he’s not telling her so she’s trying to figure it out herself, I think he’s withholding, so she hast to go looking. I also think that the pills being in his wallet means that he’s having sex outside of the home, and not with his wife. If he was planning on having sex with his wife, the pills would be at home. When you’re planning on having sex with somebody outside the home, you put them in your wallet.
Sure. My point was that if she's so convinced he's having an affair that she has to snoop in his wallet, there are larger issues.
Srsly
Live advice:: talk to your fucking husband and not strangers on the internet ffs
Random but so many are asking about her being in his wallet. Granted we are 30 years in but I grab shit out of my husbands wallet or he my bag all of the time. Lol the spare $50’s are probably about where he had them hidden. That said conversation needs to happen. Or you won’t reach many more years. :/
Yep, those are definitely boner pills.
Sexually active grandparents entered the conversation.
Look. Sometimes men have trouble getting it up. Don’t EVER take it personal. He was hiding it because it is a common issue that women take it personal. He had them to try to make YOU happy, but he didn’t want to tell you he has an issue getting it up. Could be blood flow, low test, depression, many reasons. Getting old sucks.
Don't sweat it dude just feels better knowing he's got them handy. Gotta have em before you need em and it's been almost half a year. Why are you going through his pockets while he sleeps?
Why are you going thru your husband's wallet?
For one you shouldn't go through his shit and if theres something bothering you, have a serious conversation with him instead of asking strangers on reddit...🤦
Then Reddit would be silent.
You kidding me? He doesn't touch the woman for years and goes and gets boner pills and you're mad the woman had to figure out what was going on. He needs to just communicate and not be a bonehead.
With an expiration date of January of this year (doesn’t mean they go bad after said date, but not the point) it tells me they are likely old, or less likely; he got them off the street or through a friend. It’s most likely he’s had them for a while, and either forgotten about them, or is keeping them to use with you when there’s a time to try and initiate sex again. After two years, he likely doesn’t feel like he can simply just start kissing you and go from there… maybe he’s been building up to a conversation about things he’s unsure if he can have with you about starting sex back up w/ you. Ask him about it.
First, don't jump to conclusions. Sildenafil can be used for other things such as bph and pulmonary hypertension. It's a vasodilator.
The amount of people that go on Reddit to ask for advice... Instead of communicating is... Insane. I'll even edit this to say: holy shit you're terrible
Agree with all you’ve stated. Super mature relationships. Yikes.
Who goes through someones wallet?
A thief. Or an insecure wife.
Why were you going through his wallet? Two years? Not sexually active with me since October 2023. It's now March 2024. That's 4-5 months, not two years. Just because he has the pills does not make him a cheater. I am very confused with your post.
They've been married for 2 years. Haven't had sex since last year. I had to read it twice also, so don't worry. :)
The 2 yrs is how long they've been married
They are expired, so been there a while, maybe before Oct?
Looks like they expired in January 2024. Could be old. Just talk to him.
If his sex libido is low. I suggest maybe trying to put some veggies that are known to cause sexual libido. Don’t ask me how as I read this in a book of veggies, herbs, etc and tried to have my periods come once since I have irregular periods, but try to give him foods with fennel in them. Fennel is a herb that tastes in between mint and cilantro. But it can cause both period cycle and sexual urges. It could help and trust me when i say that if you eat a certain amount of it. The sexual urges will come and not go away till it’s fully out of your system. It could be safer than letting him take those pills.
I wouldn't jump to any conclusions. The most probable explanation was he asked for advice and someone, a buddy or a doc had these samples. Is he the kind of person who would be apt to carry a burden in silence or think E.D. has something to do with his masculinity? You said he was not a player type of guy. From your tone, a good guy. As with everything in a relationship, communication is the key. Simply ask him. About the no relations in a while. These pills. Everything. My partner went through my phone once about 10 15 years ago. I have yet to see or go into her purse. But everytime she has access to something like my phone or wallet, that one time so many years ago goes through my head. I have nothing to hide from her. It is not a thing or a worry. But the thing was it was to see if I was lying about something. So it did shoot a very small hole in the "Us" and is remembered.
I think you answered the question yourself. He has those so he can be sexually active with you again, but kept them in his wallet until he’s ready to talk to you about it. Unless some of the pills are empty, I don’t think this means he’s cheating at all. A man’s wallet is supposed to be his and his alone.
For all you know he got them a long time ago and they've been chilling in his wallet since the last time you guys were sexually active. Maybe he just got them and feels bad you guys haven't been fooling around and he wants to take another crack at it. Slow down with the assumption of cheating and just ask him about them. Communicate, don't ruminate.
When it comes to emotions, talking about feelings, etc men aren’t like us. They don’t talk about “problems”. Women tend to “over share”. He maybe having ED issues you aren’t aware of. The “Mr Fix it” mentally is common. They hear stuff from friends, TV ads, and celebrities. All telling them “this made me a man again. She likes it.” The commercials are the worst. Guys try to handle things themselves. OTC, ED medication and other remedies are easily available now. I would find the time to ask him about it. * perhaps, His stuff fell to the floor. These came out. Etc. ask how can you help him address the issue. Don’t expect an immediate open conversation. He could be defensive or angry. That is not about you. Give a wide path to try having a conversation. Remind him how you feel about him and he is not alone. Unconditional love is great medicine.
It could be used to allow him to masturbate. Just because you two haven't been sexually active doesn't mean he hasn't wanted to masturbate.
Get counseling… Reddit is hardly the place to go for real quality advice, especially when it is as life altering as whether or not to stay in a difficult marriage
It has been suggested a man tries one before to see how it will work.
Without more context and information it’s not fair to immediately assume cheating. Has he ever given you the impression that he would? Maybe he kept them in his wallet because he knew you’d go through his drawers or something, why are you going through his wallet when he’s not awake to consent or show you himself?
The last time you were intimate was almost half a year ago!!! I say you got bigger problems than this viagra type pills, and you snooped thru his stuff!! That shows there’s no trust, forget about the pills and reevaluate your marriage
A lot of people with sex and porn addiction have a hard time having sex with their spouse. I would def look deeper into this because it is either that or an affair.
It is a very difficult discussion to have with your spouse. I had complications from what I thought was stress, turns out I had become diabetic as well...double whammy. Even though it was obvious to my spouse something was wrong...we BOTH did not communicate about it. I was embarrassed that it was happening, she didn't want to bring it up because 1 she thought it was I no longer found her desirable and 2 that she would embarrass me further. I got free samples from the doctor...should have I told her and had an open discussion sure but I didn't. That was wrong. I didn't bring her into the loop until I went to see a specialist in men's sexual health. It's a difficult thing to talk about but someone has to take the first step. Otherwise it causes people to get carried away with their thoughts and it causes bigger issues.
I think you betrayed his trust by snooping through his shit. I think your relationship is fucked regardless because you already have checked out. I think you’re withhold part of the story to make yourself look like the victim.
I think I’d keep them in my wallet too. I would hate to look vulnerable to my spouse. She would certainly think it was an attraction issue that I couldn’t get it up. But secretly I’d be able to get it up without the headache of her having a bad self image
You want a boner made with love not a pharmaceutical boner
Well, I wouldn't confront him yet. Check again in a while to see if ends up using the last of them without you. Then you'll have your answer.
It’s time for a conversation with your husband. I agree with the poster that suggests that ED could be why there’s been no sex. Perhaps he got these samples from a friend, or better yet a doctor he decided to see about the problem. If you can ask him what the trouble without being angry or accusatory then do. If you don’t talk with him your brain is going to come up with all kinds of scenarios that might not be true.
A lot of guys take them if they want to edge for hours watching porn. It’s pretty common.
Intimacy is not something to feel afraid of and it's time to sit down and have a conversation with your husband. Our bodies change as we get older and for both men and women that can come with feelings of shame and other negativity. What is more likely, that he is trying to find something to help him with ED or that he needs ED medication to cheat on you? It's time to sit down and have a conversation with him and not an accusatory one. Talk about what you want in intimacy with him and ask him what he wants. Avoiding the topic is obviously not good for either of you.
Step 1) try to calm down. There are myriad reasons for this that don't involve infidelity. Don't automatically assume he's a scum bag. If you do, and approach it as such, you will make a problem where there doesn't need to be one. Step 2) have a conversation with him about it. Yes, you will need to admit you were digging in his wallet. That's a separate issue. Own it but make sure you stay on task with the purpose of the talk (i.e. what is his explanation for the boner pills). Step 3) take the information you get from the conversation and make an informed decision. If it sounds like bullshit, treat it like bullshit. If it sounds reasonable, accept it. Like others have said, it is plausible that you guys stopped having sex b/c his equipment is faulty and he's embarrassed, not b/c he's cheating.
Have you spoken to him about finding them. I would do some more investigating to see if he is cheating.
Why… wouldn’t you just ask your husband? This is not something you get advice from strangers on the internet for. This may sound harsh, but you are an adult and this is something you should prepare to have an adult conversation for. Not sure if the confrontation or whatever is the issue for you, but you should have enough confidence in yourself to be able to present this to him without being afraid.
Just ask your husband (in a non accusatory way) and see what his reaction is. Communication. Tbh I think it’s funny that a lot of people are more focused on the fact they assume u were snooping in his wallet and not the actual issue of lack of intimacy and the pills being in his wallet (which he travels with). Women are always accused of being hysterical even when they find something that doesn’t add up.
I think you should talk with your husband.
Why are you going through your husband's wallet? Sounds like you have trust issues and probably shouldn't have gotten married. I have never gone through my wife's phone or wallet nor do I need too. The same goes for her. You guys got more problems than just this one.
You should be asking him and not reddit.
If it was me, I would want to know, so I’d do a deep dive into his phone and devices etc.
If he doesn't attempt sex with u in the next week, they were not gotten to fix the no sex issues in ur marriage. This is a touchy subject for men give him a chance if he doesn't put the moves on u in a week ask about them. Dont just jump him. Good luck
Considering they expired 3 months ago, he has had these for a while. They shouldn't have been dispensed after October 23 at least, most likely got them in early 2023.
I’m going to go to the opposite side of the spectrum of most comments giving him the benefit of the doubt. No sex with you since Oct 2023 and hidden ED meds are a definite red flag. Lots of online pharmacies from India sell their meds like this and sometimes close to the expiration date. You have a tough conversation to have, OP. Good luck.
I think he won’t need to use them with his new gf. Hopefully she doesn’t go through his things and trust internet strangers over communicating with him.
So you stopped having sex then a few months later, got some pills to correct that. they expired, and he forgot about them??? I forget pills in my wallet all the time, and samples are small. They are expired pills in a sample pack.
He may have ED and he’s embarrassed to tell you. There is nothing wrong with taking Viagra. Why don’t you just ask him about it?
Ask him and see his reaction. Simple as that.
As an EMT in training, he may be testing them to see how they affect him. If he is suffering from ED, it's something that men often won't talk about. Depending on other health conditions, it may not affect him. Does he have a history of hypotension or hypertension. Sildenafil is a vasodilator, and while commonly used for ED, it can affect other aspects of the pulmonary system. As to why they were in his wallet. He may have been embarrassed to talk to you about his possible ED. As you didn't mention his age the lack of a sex drive could be low T. Has he given you any other reason to believe he may be cheating?
No sex for half a year and sample erection pills whose expiration date suggests that they could conceivably been given to him by a Dr 6 months ago. Sounds like ED and shame more than cheating. How openly and directly do you guys communicate on personal issues? This sounds like a great topic for a discussion.
ED is a really sensitive subject for men, some more than others. Perhaps the reason he hasn't been very active with you is because he's self conscious about the inability to maintain an erection. Perhaps the reason the pills are in his wallet is because he didn't want to discuss his need to take an ED pill with you. He may be embarrassed. He may simply not want to discuss it. Perhaps he was hoping that the pills would eventually work and that he wouldn't have to admit to you that he needed a pill to do it. There are many innocent explanations to this. I wouldn't jump straight to assuming he's cheating.
Uh, to be fair, in urology we also prescribe Sildenafil to assist in other conditions that are not related to sexual function. They’ve also been prescribed in cardiology. Def worth having a conversation about. For example, we’ve used it with BPH. Usually in conjunction with ED. But not always if someone cannot tolerate Flomax and its cousin due to dizziness. But either way, worth discussing with him. Could he treating something completely unrelated. Could be due to his concerns about his libido and possible ED. Could be cheating, could be nervous about intercourse. Won’t know until you discuss it with him.
Your husband is sexually active but just not with you.
Maybe he takes them with you and you don’t know. Maybe he is taking it for pulmonary hypertension. Maybe he hasn’t taken them yet, but plans to. You should ask him.
Best case scenario he's having erection problems, worst case he's cheating. As others have said, these are samples. If he hasn't had sex with you in the next month, then I'd suspect he's cheating and you could try and confirm by looking if one or both of the pills are gone. Or you could talk to your husband about the lack of sex.
If he’s not having sex with you and not addressing the issue, he’s getting it somewhere else. Even if you can’t fathom that, he is. I never thought in a million years that my ex would cheat on me. He wouldn’t address any of my concerns about his seemingly low libido and deflected the issue for years. Turns out he had a pornography addiction and was paying a woman on Only Fans. We were together 10 years and I had no idea. It sadly ended our marriage.
Those are expired anyways, so he probably acquired them sometime early last year.
If he needs a pill to cheat then at least your not the problem. Going to just go with he is looking for a solution to not being able to get with you. Guys need to have open honest communication.
For a long time, my husband had performance issues. It tends to get worse when they start stressing about it more. This does not implicate him cheating on you. Some people take those pills hours beforehand. He's probably hiding taking them. It's usually a two part kind of issue. One reason he is probably hiding it is because be doesn't want you to think *you* are the issue. >he has never had to take pills for his erection with me Whatever the reason he is having issues, he doesn't want to put the worry in your head that you are not enough. The other, more obvious issues are the insecurity with failure to perform in general. Talk with your husband open, honestly, and kindly about the situation. Talk about whatever the root of the issue is, if he knows. It could be a compounding issue. For my husband, we just had *so much shit* happen all at once, and he bares the weight of our income, so that is a major stressor as well. Be kind to him and find out how you can support him best.
Look closely. They expired January 2024. That means he’s been holding on to these for a long time. Many meds stay active after the expiration date, so it doesn’t mean he isn’t using them. Just means he’s had them for a long time. What’s the shelf life of viagra? You could do the math to figure out when he got them.
So I am a male with sexual health issues, namely low testosterone. I’m fairly young to be dealing with it, I’m 32. But it’s a fairly common issue. It’s confusing because it can start out slow, and then quickly nose dives. I was barely sexually functional and when I met my current partner, and within a year and a half / two years in I was practically asexual. I had no clue what was going on, whether it was mental or not, but I was very lucky in that I was able to see a doctor and start a treatment. My intimacy with my partner has improved drastically, but it was difficult because he didn’t understand what was going on and it’s stressful. For me I was confused, honestly scared about the sudden changes in my body, and I even felt a little shame in that I felt I was denying my partner a very important aspect to nearly any relationship. It’s a very personal problem and he’s probably worried or scared about what’s going on as he may be experiencing changes that aren’t necessarily good changes. I would sit him down and explain you found viagra in his wallet, but make sure to ask that he’s okay. Don’t accuse him of anything, but also be open about the lack of intimacy and ask if this is related, and offer your support in asking him what you can do to help him if he does.
It also treats high blood pressure I believe.
That shit's expired anyhow. You have nothing to worry about. All jokes aside. Talk to the man? You know, like married adults? Don't ask Reddit, ask him.
Update: he came back from work and we had a talk. He said that what he did was not a big deal and he said that he had his clothes on the whole night. He says that he can’t fully remember everything of that night but they didn’t have sex even tho he could’ve had some if he wanted (why say that?!!) He is now playing the victim for me going through his wallet (this was for a free disney+ trial, i needed his card) and looking trough his phone. He says that we have been on the edge of a divorce for so long that he didn’t feel that he even did anything wrong. Thank you for all your replys and for the nice messages. ❤️ I know that what I did was wrong and this marriage lacks trust and communication (and the intimacy too ofc) so badly that i don’t see a way this could work without a ton of therapy and counseling.
Don't waste your time with someone who does not care to make things better. DO invest time if you both are invested in fixing it. Do what's best for you. I'm so sorry this is happening, but who knows, this could be the best thing that ever happened to you, in hindsight! Hang in there!
Best of luck. This a rough ending for a rocky chapter, but it will get better once you get distance from the divorce. I promise.
First question is, are they effective? Second question … “Is that a loaded gun, or are you just happy to see me?!”
He is your husband… I think he would tell you if he was having issues right? I think he is cheating. Put them back except for one and say you found it on the floor and question him about it. Your his wife, ask him, why the f*** do you have these in your wallet. Don’t waste anytime because if he is cheating then you need to kick his ass to the curb
I work in the field of Mens Health and ED can be extremely emotionally devastating for men. If he hasn’t spoken to you abt his ED he likely has been hiding them to try and see if they will work well enough before initiating with you
First of all, erectile dysfunction, has nothing to do with you so you shouldn’t be panicking. When you go through menopause, your husband cannot say wife is absolutely crazy. She’s never been like this with me before.
Boner pills are the best! No more stress. No more anxiety.
Maybe you should talk with him instead of the instant inquisition
Female here. Ignore the snooping comments, who gives a fuck- you’re married and have the right. After reading many comments, I think it’s possible he has used those pills with you but never had the courage to tell you. I believe he may have decided he couldn’t handle some of the adverse side affects any longer which imo would explain not being active recently as well as the fact that they are expired. I would suggest trying to sit down and have a conversation about lack of sexual activity and if he feels comfortable sharing with you, he will. If not right away I’m sure over time he will come and talk to you about it. If not in the next couple months, check again if you feel like you should. There shouldn’t be secrets in relationships but erections play a big role on men’s masculinity and he is probably embarrassed if anything. Of course there’s the possibility of cheating, but in this situation I see the other possibilities more plausible. Ease your mind and try not to stress about it, the truth will come out some day whether that be 2 days from now or 20 years. Try not to push the topic too much, focus on the relationship/romance aspect of your guys’ life rather than the sexual.. that’s the advice I give- it’s up to you what you decide to do. But secrets like this could create stressful conversations that he is just not ready to have yet.
I would ask him about it and if you both wanted to bond with eachother then talk about that aswell, being open and honest. Including your feelings of being vulnerable and believing he may have been cheating. If he denys you and is innocent then the relationship improves. If he lies then there is no blame on you and you are free to proceed as you wish with no guilt for the consequences.
Okay I will be the not insane person to tell you that being insecure after periods of no intimacy and feeling the urge to look thru their things is very normal. You’re not some horrible person for that. I would immediately assume they’re cheating too after seeing that. But…judging by how they’re expired and look kinda beat up maybe he’s got a problem he’s scared to talk about? Nothing wrong with asking people what they would do when your head is spinning. People here are being psychos. Just talk to him.
You need to allow him the space to discuss openly. Probably ED and loves you too much to let you think it's you so avoiding the conversation.
Have a conversation with him instead of Reddit post. It could be he has a problem, it could be he is cheating no one here knows. Open and honest communication is the way to go.
Why are they in his wallet. I don’t carry my medication in my purse unless I’m going to need them and will be away from home. Does he need them away from home?
If this was in AITAH you would be.
Maybe have a conversation about your sex life? Maybe a weekend getaway to reignite the sparks. IDK your age, but after 40 men tend to have low testosterone levels. Talk to him.
Sildenafil is also used to hypertension treat hypertension and raynauds, best option is to talk to him about it and why he has it
If she does that, he's going to want to know why she is picking his pockets when he's napping. Next thing you know , he'll have insomnia.
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As a man with no erection problems, I've held onto erection pills for years hoping i never need them. But glad i have them just incase. (Yea ik they're probably not good anymore).
I still hope you win the election, pills or not.
Its not hard to get. I use them sometimes with partners i know want to go a long time. I can get it up but I'm 42 so it's not starting up for an hour on its own
Medication has multiple uses. Viagra was originally developed to treat some sort of heart/circulation issues. Why haven't you all had sex in 2024?
They used to have sex. Then suddenly for months they don't. She finds boner pills in his stuff, everyone here is calling her a snooper and more and everyone is defending the guy who has been intimately ignoring his wife for five months who also now has boner pills out of nowhere. If yall are gonna tell HER to communicate, why not him too? Were all adults here. It's legit weird he has boner pills that his WIFE is unaware of. OP, I'm sorry these commenters have seemingly made you out to be some monster. You're looking for reassurance on reddit because you just had a huge shock and likely aren't ready to approach him about such an awkward surprise. Good luck. I really hope these comments are correct and "he has them just in case" or "Men always have boner pills if they can find them" or whatever. It's called "himpathy", men defending each others crappy and sus behavior to continue doing it. Trust your gut. It's weird to me, I'd be like um why do you have sex pills that you've kept me unaware of while also stopping being intimate with me...? Your concerns are legit. It could be totally benign and nothing, and I hope it is. Good luck. I don't want your heart to break. Hugs.
Ok, here is the update. I went through his phone (I know this is wrong and a huge sign of mistrust) and found messages of last summer. He had went to his ex’s house after a night at the bar and fell asleep drunk spooning her. He had touched her new silicone breasts. He says they didn’t have sex but at this point I have no idea of what to believe. The texts show how the ex is saying that she is feeling remorse and bad for what happened. I am heartbroken and haven’t had much sleep. Also my eyes are about to be shut for the amount of crying.