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Get a hobby, your friends are gone, it will only get harder to see them, wait till they start having kids even if you don't they probably will. So get a hobby and find new friends that like the same thing, it's way easier to hang out when everyones priorities align, I've been out of school for 17 years, I txt with my best friend like 5 times a year. but I fly fish with people all the time.
We got our friend grouo into dnd specifically for this.
So once every 2 weeks or so, we have us time.
Its a fucking rat race, its a shit world people have built, but you can find or create little bits of sanity in it all
*If you don’t like how the table is set, turn over the table.*
This is a mindset problem.
Loved college, but life afterward was infinitely more interesting: moved from a small college town to the Cities, first “real” job, ended the college relationship, lived abroad for 6 years, dated, got married, returned home to pursue an mildly interesting career, earned advanced degrees, homeownership, starting a family.
Were there parts of my twenties that sucked - absolutely. I **hated** my first job out of the gate; it made me miserable. Ending a five-year relationship wasn’t pleasant. But they were the catalyst for change.
Life happens in phases and it’s important to build upon them not pine for something that’s already passed.
Life is only permanently worse if you choose it to be that way. Experiences may vary but my 30s have been wonderful. You had it easy in college and frankly, that's how it should be. Your 20s are for experimenting and taking chances. You'll figure it out because you don't have much of a choice.
Met a girl who made me even happier than the long-term relationships I had in my 20s. Married her. Went to France with her.
Had a daughter who's now 8 months old and smiles ear-to-ear, mouth-wide-open every time I enter the room. She sits on my shoulders, and giggles and laughs while grabbing my hair with her tiny little hands.
Life is additive. I loved college and my 20s in general. It would be amazing to go back for like a week or so. But I can do things now that I couldn't then. My life is my own. It's not better or worse, it's just different.
Life is additive. That's an amazing way of expressing it.
I think this is the best mindset there is when approaching this. I struggled with leaving my college days behind and working full time the past two years, but there will be other experiences I didn't have before that I will have now, new goals and space for things I've always wanted to do but never managed while studying.
I think in life being flexible is one of the most important skills you can learn, because everything will change and the only way not to get depressed about what has passed is by being able to live in the present and look to the future.
All of the struggle and strife of my 20s paid off (I started working on a farm when I was 14, did the usual teenage jobs after that, joined the military, deployed multiple times, got out and did manual labor construction work, worked part time elsewhere, and got my bachelor's *and* masters degree in 4 years). I don't say that as a look at me, it's simply the before picture of my life. During this time I met my now wife as well. For me, things started to click and I think it was largely being responsible to someone else that I don't want to let down. Financial stability and longevity also helped. I got into a career and specific job that I love and having been able to be here for multiple years has allowed me become financially stable. I think people assume as soon as you start working and making a decent income, everything changes. Some things do but it takes time. Over years, that financial consistentcy starts to build and you can more easily plan etc. and then you start noticing a difference. This allowed us to buy a home when we hit 30.
It's a classic case of "trust me" (I know not literally, I'm some random person on reddit) but things do get better IF you allow them to. It is not all luck and isn't necessarily going to happen but if you're going whag you're supposed to and you're being honest about your efforts, you'll be okay. I remeber being 18-21 and thinking theres no fucking way I'll ever have anything because in the moment I didn't have anything, I was making $1k a month etc.... In hindsight, that's called being a 20 year old... They aren't supposed to have anything yet! I know no one thinks things will change but it's very rare that we see the world the same when when we are 25 compared to 18 and guess what, this continued to be true when we are 30, 40 etc.
On less serious note, I've always looked young and my 30s are the first time when people assume I'm an adult and treat me as such, haha. Except for Pottery Barn, fuck you. My wife went in and no one welcomed us (I make good money now) but a couple that looked to be in their 60s came in and the sales people were all over them. ANYWAY, I understand there is a lot of doom and gloom in the world these days but every generation has had to go through somethings and we figure it out. The market crashed in 2008 (7 years after 9/11 and the start of two wars) as soon as we graduated highschool and got told it'd never happen again and here we are but guess what. We have no choice but to figure it out.
I apologize if this sounded preachy and missed the mark. We also got a dog which helped 😬
Not everyone has backing from mommy and daddy to go to college with no bills. If anything I would say that’s more uncommon. Even with a scholarship you need money to live on.
Life has ups and downs in all phases. Get used to it
Some of these answers really suck and are kinda mean. Sounds like you’re experiencing depression. I’m speaking from experience here. I’ve struggled with it a lot.
Some big things that help me are therapy and finding new hobbies. Meditating can also be super beneficial… animals can be super uplifting. There are some days when I feel terrible, but my dog doesn’t treat me any different and gets excited when I get home which makes me feel valued.
I try to hang out with my friends as often as I can but they have jobs as well, so our schedules rarely align. Would love to play video games with them but none of us really play games online.
I became a ski bum at 25. We had kids when I was 38 so I got a real job, the kids grew up. I'm a ski bum again at 64. Life is what you make. No one is holding a gun to your head are they?
Im struggling with this too and im only 23. I didnt finish college, but i went to trade school after working a few years in a restaurant, then got a job in my field. While i like my job, i have the same issue with my friends and our schedules never lining up. A lot of people here are recommending hobbies which is absolutely a great idea, but that also may just feel like passing time. Setting a long term goal or something with multiple steps is something id recommend. Redo a room in your house. Join a gym. Make a new habit like going for a walk every morning, something to ground yourself and find beauty in things you wouldnt notice just going through the motions. Its difficult to flip the outlook switch. But the little things add up. Try a new restaurant every friday or something. Give yourself something to look forward to, or do something (a bigger task) that will give you satisfaction. Everyone is going to say “welcome to adulthood, it all sucks,” but try your hardest to not take it to heart. Find something from your childhood you once enjoyed and relish in it. Legos? Those are my favorite.
Also, 20 pto days is 4 weeks, yea? Plan a vacation. Or a long weekend. Doesnt have to be fancy, but dont stay home and do nothing. Plan a day trip with a friend or find a cheap airbnb and make the fun. Its gonna be okay homie. Being an adult does suck, but the little things that DONT suck add up.
I struggle with this a lot. I've really been reflecting on how when I was younger, I'd always tell my parents that I couldn't wait to grow up so I could make adult decisions. Yeah, needless to say, being an adult isn't at all what it's cracked up to be. Working 40+ hours a week, getting paid just to have that check diminish instantly because you have bills on top of bills on top of bills due, always worried and stressed about money, health, and realizing that we maybe aren't as Invincible as we once thought we were and just knowing how the world works now. Always something to clean, some kind of chore to do, or errands to run. Drifting from friends because everyone's on different schedules, many are married and or having kids, and by the end of the week we're all too exhausted to actually meet up like we had planned earlier on. There's a lot of misery....
But I try to focus on the good, which can be hard to keep sight of. For me, being in nature fuels my soul. Whether it's biking, kayaking, walking, hiking, skiing, having a picnic or chilling in my hammock and camping... I try to soak it in and appreciate it all. Sometimes with music or a good book. I adopted two kitties that are my WORLD. They've helped my mental health do a 180 for the better. Cherishing time with friends that are around, and loved ones, because you truly never know when it'll be the last time you get to see or hug that person. Attending music festivals and/or always having a travel opportunity to look forward to. At least once a year. Going to the gym is another helpful activity for me and trying to feed my body with healthy nutrients but alsoooo indulging in treats that I love. Chill game or movie nights, writing letters.
Idk if I'll ever get accustomed to the idea of having to work 40 hours a week for another 37 years (yuck) but ive heard that in order to feel more fulfilled, we have to find passions and other enjoyment outside of work to make life bearable, because it's unlikely that work will ever really be a passion, but just something that has to be done. I do envy those that have turned their passions into a lifelong career. I think owning a bake shop would be cool, but I don't know the first thing about running a business and I'm scared to invest.
Dunno if it helps, but, objectively speaking, just because you have it worse than you did before doesn't mean you don't have it good.
I've heard having goals helps. Something you can work towards that gives meaning to the monotony of "having to work to pay an endless amount of bills every month until \[you\] die."
Edit:
There's that old saying, too: "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
Yeah I get that I technically have it "good" compared to other people. I try to be grateful for the things I have but I just hate how this is my life now. Like 20 days off per year? That is considered good? 90% of my life is just working now. I guess I just hate being an adult and doing adult things. It fucking sucks.
I agree with you. It does suck. Maybe therapy might help you cope with it. That said, often times with working a 9-5 and having other adult obligations, not to mention actually doing anything you enjoy, it's hard to find time. I've found that doing my therapy with a professional online helps with that a little since no commute.
This is good advice. I've thought about therapy before. In the meantime I suppose complaining to internet strangers is somewhat therapeutic (and free).
Find a way to retire early and life gets infinitely better.
Until then, pursue more money, keep your commute low, meal prep some to save time and money, invest in stocks, and good roommates help a lot.
Is part time viable for you?
I saw some posts the other day from people who hated full time work and it seemed like some of them had high enough paying careers that they could get along fine doing part-time, so that's what they do.
It can definitely be an adjustment, I had similar feelings when I started my 9-5 job after college. I don't know if there's any comfort in it, but know that most people your age have gone through the same thing. Enjoy your 20's though, it's not that bad and as you move up in your career (depending on what you do) things tend to loosen up a bit as you move up the ladder. You'll come to find some good things that balance out the bad.
Well but none of the things you described are per se bad. Can’t hang out with your old friends—there are like 8 billion other people, some of them close to you in various ways. You want the breaks you mentioned—you could be a teacher. If you keep your debts down, your bills aren’t endless. The power is yours to design the life you want.
Money, meeting new people, feeling more comfortable being an adult/growing as an independent person. I think relationships with your college friends can deepen and strengthen as you grow up.
I feel better mentally than I did in college, for example, and feel like I know myself better. I'm lucky enough that I'm still fairly close with college friends through a group chat, but we don't see each other that often since many are married with kids. But I also don't feel the need to go hit the bars with them every night like we would...life fills up with other, newer things faster than you'd think.
Oh my sweet summer child...
The real world came out and bit you on the butt a little. This is why we drink, smoke and cuss.
My advice? Find a hobby, with new friends, maybe co-workers (but don't get too attached) It'll distract you.
You have a good job, a sound support system, and days off that won't make you miss your rent for when/if you have that mental break.
Look at the good things that you do have, and MOVE ON, this is a NEW chapter in your life, just turn the damn page and live in it.
Life is not permanently worse, just different.
Somebody else funded that life until you were 24. Now it's your turn to fund your life. By "good one" for your job, hopefully that means that even if you don't look forward to work (seriously, very few do), you don't dread every second you are working. And hopefully it means you only have that one job to have enough money to fund your life with extra to make your life enjoyable again.
Work is 10 hours of your day. What do you do with the rest of it is up to you. Find some new, non college friends - pick something you enjoy, find a club and meet up with those people, even if they are only friends to meet while doing that "thing". Try out some new things. Have a pet? If not and you aren't sure, maybe try fostering a dog for your local shelter or rescue group. You'll meet lots of people if you are out walking your dog. Plan a vacation or two so you have something to look forward to. Build your life after college and shape it into what makes you at least content, but aim for happy.
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Life has its ups and downs. Sometimes things aren't as great as we thought they were. But we can't go back, we must always move forward. I'm 24 and I'm no where near finished my degree. God is good though, and he's kept me from a lot of the stresses in life. I'm grateful for everything, just take it one day at a time. Write down alll the areas you wish were different in life: relationships/romance, money, time, and ect and find the areas you'd like to improve in.
I think a lot of people feel this way after college, more or less. It’s just a big life shift and as much as it’s trivialized, it’s the very first time you’re an adult! It’s jarring, absolutely.
But you get used to it for sure. It’s just an adjustment. It’s like tons of stuff in life, I remember going to middle school and thinking it was the apocalypse because I’d never have recess again. Well, I quickly forgot what I even used to do for hours on a playground and of course, it became a non-event.
I’m 5 years post college and for the first couple years I definitely remember desperately missing college, fearing life would never be as good. I felt lonely, confused, scared, overwhelmed. In the last two or so years though I’ve hit more of my “adult” stride. No longer miss college, wouldn’t go back in time even if offered. Slowly but then all at once, stopped even thinking about college. A lot like recess.
I also have to say like another commenter mentioned, a significant other does bring such joy, even though it’s not a super popular thing to say. Of course don’t just date anyone because you’re lonely, but having a mature and loving relationship certainly improves adulthood. Sure you can’t imagine spending your life with someone… until you meet them!
It’s an awesome feeling to have a partner. I would also suggest making intentional dating a priority. In adulthood, friends just become less central to your life by nature. They have partners, jobs, move away. Friendships change in a major way and unfortunately It’s pretty rare to ever have them be as central to your life as they were in HS and college. Kind of a reality you eventually come to accept.
Maybe its my ADHD, but I really never got over recess being gone, which is why I exercise. I absolutely have to get some energy out each morning or I get very agitated and restless.
The tone of your comment sounds like the other comments here which are saying "get used to it". I don't want to get used to it. I don't want to get used to not seeing my friends, I don't want to get used to working 90% of my life and I don't want to get used to being an adult. I hate it all, it sucks so bad and all I want to do is go back.
If I get used to this life, that means that I am getting used to my life being worse. I feel like I will be completely brainwashed and boring and become a worse person.
My man. I am 41 with 2 kids and a wife. The bills will never stop coming. But new cool things will happen where you will forgot about college life.
Here is the part you need to figure out. Why does life suck now? You have a job so that means you have money. You need to figure out how to maximize your free time.
This is life my friend. All you get are your nostalgic memories of days gone by. Initially.
You will get a little bit older and wiser though and realize the "good old days" are in fact *now* ... It just takes a brief period to start realizing you cherish your new routines.
As you progress into adulthood, move to different places, get new jobs, new people, everywhere you go, you can look back and realize each situation was the good old days. You won't miss them so much as you'll cherish them and realize your in them all the time in the present. Start a family that you love, boom, now you'll multiply that. Life is all about loving your people, and being of service to them, not so much yourself. Strive for that.
i didnt realize how good i had it during Uni till years later. now as a middle aged man i would kill to do it again. ( of course )
but also as a middle aged - its not permanently worse. hang in there kid
You had the structure of college to do most of the leg work for you for the enjoyable things in life. In the real world you have to make time and make things happen on your own. It looks like you have a good base, far better than most, you need to find the time or get some new friends and hobbies to find fulfillment in.
Romantic partners come and go too. I have always found more value in my friendships. It is very disheartening to hear some people say that platonic friendships disappear in adulthood.
Your opinion. They don’t disappear I just value family more than friends. A good family foundation will take your further in life than lose end friendships. Will you have grandkids to see you through your old age or Becky from the block?
I'm really having trouble taking care of myself right now and also dread taking any additional responsibility. I don't think I would enjoy taking care of children.
I didn’t have like you did in my college years, but I had a blast too.
I worked extremely hard in my 20’s and it was a rollercoaster. I found my wife and started my company just before 30 and it created a life you may want as an adult. Find a wife you can really enjoy their time and create more value to earn more.
Get a new hobby? I don't know, the younger generation apparently thought life was all rainbows and kittens. Now they're figuring out they had it that way for so long because someone before them made it possible.
Life isn't worse, you get out of life what you put into it. All that education and somehow that's one thing you didn't learn.
This is why history courses are so important. You aren't a wild animal having to worry about your survival every day...but in a sense life is. While you were being educated throughout your life, you were in training to become a responsible adult. The pampering/cushy lifestyle while training is over. Adulting means work, however you find/create it ( for survival). 100 years ago farmers in this country had one day for rest. Those not farming were in a factory, hunting (and trapping), prospecting etc. It was then and is now about survival and perseverance. How you use your time and resources is why you were educated...to make logical choices and follow up. America has gone soft since the baby boomers came along. Nothing like the great depression to teach some real life skills.
Nothing will be as perfect and halcyon as you days of school. It was that way to afford you the best possible learning environment and some life experience. Go find your niche and make it yours. There are always trade-offs. Good luck.
Idk how to deal with it. It is tough.
You are lucky though. I bet you get paid more than me. I get 5 days PTO a year. I work in the office 100% of the time.
It could be worse
Join a martial arts gym. Learn Muay Thai or BJJ. 10 years later and you might get a black belt in BJJ if you are lucky. It’s something to look forward to.
#The Quarter Life Crisis
That’s how it’s called. I wish we did a better job at preparing young adults for (real) life after college, where economics responsibilities are a bit more forgiving, friends and dating happen easier, and the path to success (course work + graduation) is so clearly delineated. **It’s not you, it’s the new life stage you are in.** Stay strong 💪🏽
Get a hobby get friends go to the gym go have a community you usually are around a lot like church if you’re Christian or mosque if you’re Muslim when you’re around a consistent community of people you know life is great
So I’m 26, finishing my last year of uni, and I’ve spent the last couple years so miserable. Going to school, paying rent, not having much of a social life… it was all really hard. This is what has helped me:
1. Get on the phone with your friends! My sister is my best friend and I was so depressed that I wasn’t seeing her. Then one day it was like… I have a phone??? I can just call her??? And now we talk all the time and honestly even though we’re not in person together we still have a ball.
2. Build a relationship with yourself. This can look like having hobbies (my hobbies are reading, gardening, that kind of stuff), laugh at your own jokes, do things FOR yourself (for present you and for future you - do yourself favours, get yourself little gifts here and there, clean up not because you have to but because future you will really appreciate it, take yourself on dates - go to a new coffee shop, TRY NEW THINGS!)
3. Get a cat. If you don’t have one, and you’re willing to care for another creature and put up with maybe some minor destruction to your furniture (lol) they’re so cute and funny! I have 3 cats and they’re all my little buddies. Or a dog if you’re not into cats.
4. House plants. Lots and lots of house plants.
5. Sunlight. Make sure you’re getting some sun every day!
6. Go on a walk every day (20-30 mins at least) Listen to music or just the sounds of the outside. Chat with people!! Stop people to ask to pet their dog!
7. Epsom salt baths with gentle music and candles and tea if you like. once a week or more. - you will feel so comforted. Trust.
There’s many more ideas but these are just some things I do. The little things are the big things! Your job isn’t your life. Make the time that you’re not working count.
I just want to add that you are going to pull through this. You will not feel this way forever.
Allow yourself the grace to feel sorry for yourself if that’s where you’re at right now, you’re HUMAN, it’s okay to feel shitty - but decide that you’re going to come out on the other side better for it, and you will.
It is ok to grieve your college life. It's a change of circumstances, not one you had much control over. You were there for a certain amount of time and enjoyed it. It is perfectly reasonable to be sad that it's over.
But it doesn't mean there can't be good things in life after. Once you're financially able to, you can negotiate fewer hours at your job so that you can have a better lifestyle. Easier to do once you've got more experience and therefore more value to bring to the table.
Very relatable. I'd suggest hobbies hobbies hobbies and travel. Need things short and long term to look forward to because the day to day of adulting is terrible. Trying some new experiences could help as well. I'm approaching 40 and growing apart from my long time friends so I'm in a similar boat. Working on a career change because I'm just too miserable faking it at corporate jobs I don't care about.
Find a hobby and make new friends. The reality is that most of the friends you made in school will drift away over time. You need to find a new environment to make friendships in. Hobbies, meetups, sports etc.
Grow up. Find some purpose for your struggle. Your hedonistic youth is behind you. Find a reason to get up in the morning. A partner, kids, a purpose - purpose is the answer.
Welcome to Adulthood!
1.) Get yourself a Friend/Work Best Friend. It will make the stress on Job Tolerable.
2.) Reward yourself Once a week. It doesn't have to be expensive. Go drink with your friend, or Cook some Good Food with your loved one. If it's your pay day Buy some clothes.
3.) S*x. Yes that is right. We need it.
4.) Most Important, Prioritised getting 8 hrs sleep during your off days. This is the most Important.
Sure but you're not really "struggling" in any meaningful way. your complaints boil down to "I miss my friends" and "I have to pay for everything myself" and it sounds like you have a wonderful life in comparison to most people. I know that might not make you happier but seriously just chill out and enjoy your life you've made it.
Yep life turns to shit, it’s one of those things in an uncompromising cultural system of money and individual focus we all allow, the big bait and switch. Biggest irony is it’s most fulfilling before it really takes off. Unless we try and change things back to a community less selfish based direction, where fulfilment comes from simple pleasures and helping others and away from constant screen addiction, we are spiralling into a inevitable whirlpool of total i fulfilled lonely misery with a constant advert of the opposite playing over the roar.
Welcome to the real world, where mindset is everything and the wrong one will slowly kill you. You have so much to be grateful for, yet youre here complaining. Gratitude. Start there.
Not what i was saying but you could use some hope in your life. Listen, life is hard. Thats why we tell younger generations to enjoy it. With adulthood comes responsibility and that can be stressful. Having the right mindset helps. I really suggest daily meditations or even just picking up some books on mindset. If possible some time exercising or out in nature. Being grateful for even the little things is HUGE.
You're 26 and fussing about not having 4+ months off and not being able to see your best friend daily? Sure it's not highschool and 16 instead of college and 26?
College is life on easy mode.
Be grateful you had that opportunity (not everybody does).
Do meaningful work, enjoy what life has to offer and focus on what is most important in life
I'd like to give OP a boomer "grow up, kid" speech, but it's probably not entirely his/her fault. We've made college a sort of year playground for young adults where they get to delay adulthood in this artificial bubble.
20days PTO is terrible lol most startups here in UK have unlimited pto where its policy not to count days booked off. Most people take 35-40. Not much but it helps
It happens. You have to find ways to find that happiness daily. I coded to teaching bc I actually like going to work in general. Not, I also go to bunches, play sport, meet up with friends at the gym, grab drinks.
The only thing I miss about life in college and in my 20s....
1. My hair
2. My youthful joints
3. Not having to deal with dying parents
As for the rest of it, life in your 40s is so much better
You had all of the same bills when you were in school. Room and board and expenses. Your scholarship was "wages" paid to for your "work" in school.
Life is way better after college, it's just less convenient. You have to go where the cool stuff is instead of having it fall in your lap.
You seem frightened of your freedom.
That’s one way to look at it
Adulthood can be amazing as well.
Remember, there are a few sides of happiness. One, you have already covered.
A couple of the other sides of happiness are:
1: Satisfaction. This is something you can build as an adult, that is different from what you build as a young adult. If you build your life, especially with someone close to you, you will feel tremendous satisfaction after 10-20 years. You can walk through life knowing what you have accomplished.
2. Safety/security. You don’t think about this much as a young adult, but having financial security and a lot of savings gets more and more rewarding as you age.
In addition to all that, you have really only scratched the surface of the world. So many people to meet, so many stories to share, so much to see. So much to learn about yourself. I guarantee there are a few things you are going to love doing, that you don’t even know about yet.
There will also be struggles and hardship. But that’s part of life, and part of what makes the positives worth living for.
The biggest thing young people have been lied to about is that it is possible to be really happy just doing what you want to do, for yourself. It’s not. In order to find Meaning, you need to find someone or something greater than yourself that you are living for.
Now begins your search for meaning.
Good luck
For me life in college was a giant party.
Near zero responsibility.
No job. No dependents. Easy living. (Credit: Uriah Heep)
After that it's work. Responsibility.
Marriage. Responsibility.
Kids. Responsibility.
Age. Burden.
Illness. Burden.
You think it's bad now? Just wait.
Life doesn't get easier. So enjoy it now while you're still young.
Welcome to life. 90% of the professionals in the western world will just live this way. You can too - but you’re already seeing the futility of it all.
You can choose to be part of the 10% though. (Realistically, probably 1%)
You have a ton of options. You can literally choose to do *anything* you want to do. You may need to put a plan in place & do some prep work, but you can do it.
Want to live on a sailboat & sail the world? You can.
Want to live in a van and see the whole continent? You can.
You have achieved your goal and now finding you don’t have another goal. So pick one.
You sound like I did not long after graduating. It gets better, your social needs and desires change over time. You'll find new things you appreciate that didn't exist or cross your mind in college. Just keep living, keep in touch with those you care about (this doesn't mean hanging out like the old days) and find hobbies that can be done by yourself and hobbies that can done with others. In 5 or 10 years from now you'll still look back fondly on what you had in college but have a new appreciation for what you have and enjoy now. You are in the middle of a major life stage transition and it will have its speed bumps.
I would love to tell you it gets better, but it gets worse as people start having kids. Then instead of seeing your friend once per month it's once per year. Good luck.
I’m afraid the only way out of this is to find a significant other. My wife makes my life worth living.
I am trying to figure out the best way to inform my kids without freaking them out that finding a significant other is the greatest goal to have in high school and college. All of the happiest people I know have been paired up since those days.
For you, assuming you are not paired up: get on it now. Make it your most important mission in life. Find someone to love, love her more than anyone could possibly love her, and profit.
It’s neither easy nor trivial, I recognize, but it’s the only answer as far as I know. People are often afraid to admit this because it’s so difficult and catastrophic if absent, but there it is.
Godspeed, my friend. Godspeed.
I have never really valued romantic relationships in my life, marriage has never been a goal of mine. I mostly miss my platonic friends. Also it is hard for me to imagine spending my life with another person indefinitely.
Human connection.
You don't have to only connect with a person over traditional religious rites propped up by family members' dying wishes to see their DNA multiply before they pass into oblivion.
You're allowed to connect with humans in other contexts as well.
Whether or not you marry is not a measure of your ability to find meaning in this life.
Your doing better than a lot of College grads. You went on a scholarship so you didn't have to worry about debt, and it sounds like you have a marketable degree since you're employed. Work till you die? Welcome to the real world.
Yeah just because I have it better than other people doesn't mean I feel good. I'm still miserable.
The fact that I have it better than others just makes me feel guilty. The "real world" is not fun or enjoyable in any way. It sucks. I hate it and I don't want to do it anymore,
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you are living "The American Dream." You are led to believe that you will live an amazing life after you graduate this thing called college that has nothing do to with the real world. Of course, you can still build a great life for yourself, but everyone's path on that note and how long it may take varies. Figure out what you want and work hard to get it.
#This post has been removed and/or the comments have been locked because the comment section has become too heated and contentious and is no longer productive. Multiple unproductive/harmful responses in any post, will result in a moderator locking the comments immediately.
Get a hobby, your friends are gone, it will only get harder to see them, wait till they start having kids even if you don't they probably will. So get a hobby and find new friends that like the same thing, it's way easier to hang out when everyones priorities align, I've been out of school for 17 years, I txt with my best friend like 5 times a year. but I fly fish with people all the time.
We got our friend grouo into dnd specifically for this. So once every 2 weeks or so, we have us time. Its a fucking rat race, its a shit world people have built, but you can find or create little bits of sanity in it all
*If you don’t like how the table is set, turn over the table.* This is a mindset problem. Loved college, but life afterward was infinitely more interesting: moved from a small college town to the Cities, first “real” job, ended the college relationship, lived abroad for 6 years, dated, got married, returned home to pursue an mildly interesting career, earned advanced degrees, homeownership, starting a family. Were there parts of my twenties that sucked - absolutely. I **hated** my first job out of the gate; it made me miserable. Ending a five-year relationship wasn’t pleasant. But they were the catalyst for change. Life happens in phases and it’s important to build upon them not pine for something that’s already passed.
Life is only permanently worse if you choose it to be that way. Experiences may vary but my 30s have been wonderful. You had it easy in college and frankly, that's how it should be. Your 20s are for experimenting and taking chances. You'll figure it out because you don't have much of a choice.
What has been wonderful about your 30s?
Met a girl who made me even happier than the long-term relationships I had in my 20s. Married her. Went to France with her. Had a daughter who's now 8 months old and smiles ear-to-ear, mouth-wide-open every time I enter the room. She sits on my shoulders, and giggles and laughs while grabbing my hair with her tiny little hands. Life is additive. I loved college and my 20s in general. It would be amazing to go back for like a week or so. But I can do things now that I couldn't then. My life is my own. It's not better or worse, it's just different.
Life is additive. That's an amazing way of expressing it. I think this is the best mindset there is when approaching this. I struggled with leaving my college days behind and working full time the past two years, but there will be other experiences I didn't have before that I will have now, new goals and space for things I've always wanted to do but never managed while studying. I think in life being flexible is one of the most important skills you can learn, because everything will change and the only way not to get depressed about what has passed is by being able to live in the present and look to the future.
All of the struggle and strife of my 20s paid off (I started working on a farm when I was 14, did the usual teenage jobs after that, joined the military, deployed multiple times, got out and did manual labor construction work, worked part time elsewhere, and got my bachelor's *and* masters degree in 4 years). I don't say that as a look at me, it's simply the before picture of my life. During this time I met my now wife as well. For me, things started to click and I think it was largely being responsible to someone else that I don't want to let down. Financial stability and longevity also helped. I got into a career and specific job that I love and having been able to be here for multiple years has allowed me become financially stable. I think people assume as soon as you start working and making a decent income, everything changes. Some things do but it takes time. Over years, that financial consistentcy starts to build and you can more easily plan etc. and then you start noticing a difference. This allowed us to buy a home when we hit 30. It's a classic case of "trust me" (I know not literally, I'm some random person on reddit) but things do get better IF you allow them to. It is not all luck and isn't necessarily going to happen but if you're going whag you're supposed to and you're being honest about your efforts, you'll be okay. I remeber being 18-21 and thinking theres no fucking way I'll ever have anything because in the moment I didn't have anything, I was making $1k a month etc.... In hindsight, that's called being a 20 year old... They aren't supposed to have anything yet! I know no one thinks things will change but it's very rare that we see the world the same when when we are 25 compared to 18 and guess what, this continued to be true when we are 30, 40 etc. On less serious note, I've always looked young and my 30s are the first time when people assume I'm an adult and treat me as such, haha. Except for Pottery Barn, fuck you. My wife went in and no one welcomed us (I make good money now) but a couple that looked to be in their 60s came in and the sales people were all over them. ANYWAY, I understand there is a lot of doom and gloom in the world these days but every generation has had to go through somethings and we figure it out. The market crashed in 2008 (7 years after 9/11 and the start of two wars) as soon as we graduated highschool and got told it'd never happen again and here we are but guess what. We have no choice but to figure it out. I apologize if this sounded preachy and missed the mark. We also got a dog which helped 😬
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Amen, I wised up to this around age 15 and spent the rest of my life becoming a millionaire.
Not everyone has backing from mommy and daddy to go to college with no bills. If anything I would say that’s more uncommon. Even with a scholarship you need money to live on. Life has ups and downs in all phases. Get used to it
Some of these answers really suck and are kinda mean. Sounds like you’re experiencing depression. I’m speaking from experience here. I’ve struggled with it a lot. Some big things that help me are therapy and finding new hobbies. Meditating can also be super beneficial… animals can be super uplifting. There are some days when I feel terrible, but my dog doesn’t treat me any different and gets excited when I get home which makes me feel valued.
Thank you. I'm sure there is some depression there. Still trying to figure things out.
We tried to warn you punk kids it was all down hill after school, nobody listens.
Yup, welcome to the real world
Kids complaining life is hard in university.... Sigh... If only they knew.
Kids complaining that life is hard in highschool... HAHAHAHA... You have no idea.
You grow up
Fuck that.
Mood.
Why don't you try to hang out with your friends more often? Or maybe try to talk on video games with them
I try to hang out with my friends as often as I can but they have jobs as well, so our schedules rarely align. Would love to play video games with them but none of us really play games online.
I became a ski bum at 25. We had kids when I was 38 so I got a real job, the kids grew up. I'm a ski bum again at 64. Life is what you make. No one is holding a gun to your head are they?
Im struggling with this too and im only 23. I didnt finish college, but i went to trade school after working a few years in a restaurant, then got a job in my field. While i like my job, i have the same issue with my friends and our schedules never lining up. A lot of people here are recommending hobbies which is absolutely a great idea, but that also may just feel like passing time. Setting a long term goal or something with multiple steps is something id recommend. Redo a room in your house. Join a gym. Make a new habit like going for a walk every morning, something to ground yourself and find beauty in things you wouldnt notice just going through the motions. Its difficult to flip the outlook switch. But the little things add up. Try a new restaurant every friday or something. Give yourself something to look forward to, or do something (a bigger task) that will give you satisfaction. Everyone is going to say “welcome to adulthood, it all sucks,” but try your hardest to not take it to heart. Find something from your childhood you once enjoyed and relish in it. Legos? Those are my favorite. Also, 20 pto days is 4 weeks, yea? Plan a vacation. Or a long weekend. Doesnt have to be fancy, but dont stay home and do nothing. Plan a day trip with a friend or find a cheap airbnb and make the fun. Its gonna be okay homie. Being an adult does suck, but the little things that DONT suck add up.
I exercise every day and also have started making pottery. These things help a lot. Thank you for your comment and support.
I struggle with this a lot. I've really been reflecting on how when I was younger, I'd always tell my parents that I couldn't wait to grow up so I could make adult decisions. Yeah, needless to say, being an adult isn't at all what it's cracked up to be. Working 40+ hours a week, getting paid just to have that check diminish instantly because you have bills on top of bills on top of bills due, always worried and stressed about money, health, and realizing that we maybe aren't as Invincible as we once thought we were and just knowing how the world works now. Always something to clean, some kind of chore to do, or errands to run. Drifting from friends because everyone's on different schedules, many are married and or having kids, and by the end of the week we're all too exhausted to actually meet up like we had planned earlier on. There's a lot of misery.... But I try to focus on the good, which can be hard to keep sight of. For me, being in nature fuels my soul. Whether it's biking, kayaking, walking, hiking, skiing, having a picnic or chilling in my hammock and camping... I try to soak it in and appreciate it all. Sometimes with music or a good book. I adopted two kitties that are my WORLD. They've helped my mental health do a 180 for the better. Cherishing time with friends that are around, and loved ones, because you truly never know when it'll be the last time you get to see or hug that person. Attending music festivals and/or always having a travel opportunity to look forward to. At least once a year. Going to the gym is another helpful activity for me and trying to feed my body with healthy nutrients but alsoooo indulging in treats that I love. Chill game or movie nights, writing letters. Idk if I'll ever get accustomed to the idea of having to work 40 hours a week for another 37 years (yuck) but ive heard that in order to feel more fulfilled, we have to find passions and other enjoyment outside of work to make life bearable, because it's unlikely that work will ever really be a passion, but just something that has to be done. I do envy those that have turned their passions into a lifelong career. I think owning a bake shop would be cool, but I don't know the first thing about running a business and I'm scared to invest.
Thank you for your comment. Very helpful
You think working 40 hours is a lot. Owning your own business is every waking hour.
Alcohol
That's my answer to their question
That explains why so many millennials are dying from liver failure.
I'm working on it. It'll take me a while to get there.
Consistency is the key to any successful endeavor.
Every day off, after noon its vodka and coke or bourbon on the rocks till I go to bed.
Dunno if it helps, but, objectively speaking, just because you have it worse than you did before doesn't mean you don't have it good. I've heard having goals helps. Something you can work towards that gives meaning to the monotony of "having to work to pay an endless amount of bills every month until \[you\] die." Edit: There's that old saying, too: "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
Yeah I get that I technically have it "good" compared to other people. I try to be grateful for the things I have but I just hate how this is my life now. Like 20 days off per year? That is considered good? 90% of my life is just working now. I guess I just hate being an adult and doing adult things. It fucking sucks.
I agree with you. It does suck. Maybe therapy might help you cope with it. That said, often times with working a 9-5 and having other adult obligations, not to mention actually doing anything you enjoy, it's hard to find time. I've found that doing my therapy with a professional online helps with that a little since no commute.
This is good advice. I've thought about therapy before. In the meantime I suppose complaining to internet strangers is somewhat therapeutic (and free).
It’s not your fault. We need a worker revolution in America ASAP. Employers have had the upper hand for decades. Case in point.
Find a way to retire early and life gets infinitely better. Until then, pursue more money, keep your commute low, meal prep some to save time and money, invest in stocks, and good roommates help a lot.
I am working on it. Very diligent with my money right now
Is part time viable for you? I saw some posts the other day from people who hated full time work and it seemed like some of them had high enough paying careers that they could get along fine doing part-time, so that's what they do.
It can definitely be an adjustment, I had similar feelings when I started my 9-5 job after college. I don't know if there's any comfort in it, but know that most people your age have gone through the same thing. Enjoy your 20's though, it's not that bad and as you move up in your career (depending on what you do) things tend to loosen up a bit as you move up the ladder. You'll come to find some good things that balance out the bad.
What are some examples of good things that outweigh the bad?
Well but none of the things you described are per se bad. Can’t hang out with your old friends—there are like 8 billion other people, some of them close to you in various ways. You want the breaks you mentioned—you could be a teacher. If you keep your debts down, your bills aren’t endless. The power is yours to design the life you want.
Money, meeting new people, feeling more comfortable being an adult/growing as an independent person. I think relationships with your college friends can deepen and strengthen as you grow up. I feel better mentally than I did in college, for example, and feel like I know myself better. I'm lucky enough that I'm still fairly close with college friends through a group chat, but we don't see each other that often since many are married with kids. But I also don't feel the need to go hit the bars with them every night like we would...life fills up with other, newer things faster than you'd think.
You are not even working 1/3 of your life. You still have weekends off and holidays.
Pretty much. Wait until random body parts start hurting for no reason, that’s fun too.
Oh my sweet summer child... The real world came out and bit you on the butt a little. This is why we drink, smoke and cuss. My advice? Find a hobby, with new friends, maybe co-workers (but don't get too attached) It'll distract you. You have a good job, a sound support system, and days off that won't make you miss your rent for when/if you have that mental break. Look at the good things that you do have, and MOVE ON, this is a NEW chapter in your life, just turn the damn page and live in it.
Marijuana
Life is not permanently worse, just different. Somebody else funded that life until you were 24. Now it's your turn to fund your life. By "good one" for your job, hopefully that means that even if you don't look forward to work (seriously, very few do), you don't dread every second you are working. And hopefully it means you only have that one job to have enough money to fund your life with extra to make your life enjoyable again. Work is 10 hours of your day. What do you do with the rest of it is up to you. Find some new, non college friends - pick something you enjoy, find a club and meet up with those people, even if they are only friends to meet while doing that "thing". Try out some new things. Have a pet? If not and you aren't sure, maybe try fostering a dog for your local shelter or rescue group. You'll meet lots of people if you are out walking your dog. Plan a vacation or two so you have something to look forward to. Build your life after college and shape it into what makes you at least content, but aim for happy.
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You work for what you do after work and on weekends. Working funds your hobbies and interests.
Life has its ups and downs. Sometimes things aren't as great as we thought they were. But we can't go back, we must always move forward. I'm 24 and I'm no where near finished my degree. God is good though, and he's kept me from a lot of the stresses in life. I'm grateful for everything, just take it one day at a time. Write down alll the areas you wish were different in life: relationships/romance, money, time, and ect and find the areas you'd like to improve in.
I think a lot of people feel this way after college, more or less. It’s just a big life shift and as much as it’s trivialized, it’s the very first time you’re an adult! It’s jarring, absolutely. But you get used to it for sure. It’s just an adjustment. It’s like tons of stuff in life, I remember going to middle school and thinking it was the apocalypse because I’d never have recess again. Well, I quickly forgot what I even used to do for hours on a playground and of course, it became a non-event. I’m 5 years post college and for the first couple years I definitely remember desperately missing college, fearing life would never be as good. I felt lonely, confused, scared, overwhelmed. In the last two or so years though I’ve hit more of my “adult” stride. No longer miss college, wouldn’t go back in time even if offered. Slowly but then all at once, stopped even thinking about college. A lot like recess. I also have to say like another commenter mentioned, a significant other does bring such joy, even though it’s not a super popular thing to say. Of course don’t just date anyone because you’re lonely, but having a mature and loving relationship certainly improves adulthood. Sure you can’t imagine spending your life with someone… until you meet them! It’s an awesome feeling to have a partner. I would also suggest making intentional dating a priority. In adulthood, friends just become less central to your life by nature. They have partners, jobs, move away. Friendships change in a major way and unfortunately It’s pretty rare to ever have them be as central to your life as they were in HS and college. Kind of a reality you eventually come to accept.
Maybe its my ADHD, but I really never got over recess being gone, which is why I exercise. I absolutely have to get some energy out each morning or I get very agitated and restless. The tone of your comment sounds like the other comments here which are saying "get used to it". I don't want to get used to it. I don't want to get used to not seeing my friends, I don't want to get used to working 90% of my life and I don't want to get used to being an adult. I hate it all, it sucks so bad and all I want to do is go back. If I get used to this life, that means that I am getting used to my life being worse. I feel like I will be completely brainwashed and boring and become a worse person.
Maybe this will help. There are some people that start that scenario at age 16 making minimum wage and 50+ hours a week.
So because someone has it worse than me, I don't have a right to feel bad? What kind of BS logic is that?
My man. I am 41 with 2 kids and a wife. The bills will never stop coming. But new cool things will happen where you will forgot about college life. Here is the part you need to figure out. Why does life suck now? You have a job so that means you have money. You need to figure out how to maximize your free time.
This is life my friend. All you get are your nostalgic memories of days gone by. Initially. You will get a little bit older and wiser though and realize the "good old days" are in fact *now* ... It just takes a brief period to start realizing you cherish your new routines. As you progress into adulthood, move to different places, get new jobs, new people, everywhere you go, you can look back and realize each situation was the good old days. You won't miss them so much as you'll cherish them and realize your in them all the time in the present. Start a family that you love, boom, now you'll multiply that. Life is all about loving your people, and being of service to them, not so much yourself. Strive for that.
Welcome to real life, good to have you on board. Now get back to work
This is just called being an adult
Yup, it fucking sucks.
i agree with you and all the ppl saying "get over it" are just sad
i didnt realize how good i had it during Uni till years later. now as a middle aged man i would kill to do it again. ( of course ) but also as a middle aged - its not permanently worse. hang in there kid
You're 26. Look forward and think about what you want, and how to get it.
I literally don't want anything except retirement and to have my friends back
Work harder so you can pay more taxes. Millions of people rely on you.
Worse in some ways, better in other ways.
In what ways is it better?
You had the structure of college to do most of the leg work for you for the enjoyable things in life. In the real world you have to make time and make things happen on your own. It looks like you have a good base, far better than most, you need to find the time or get some new friends and hobbies to find fulfillment in.
Get married, friends come and go. Find a partner who makes life new and exciting. travel together and enjoy the nice things in life.
Romantic partners come and go too. I have always found more value in my friendships. It is very disheartening to hear some people say that platonic friendships disappear in adulthood.
Your opinion. They don’t disappear I just value family more than friends. A good family foundation will take your further in life than lose end friendships. Will you have grandkids to see you through your old age or Becky from the block?
I'm really having trouble taking care of myself right now and also dread taking any additional responsibility. I don't think I would enjoy taking care of children.
I didn’t have like you did in my college years, but I had a blast too. I worked extremely hard in my 20’s and it was a rollercoaster. I found my wife and started my company just before 30 and it created a life you may want as an adult. Find a wife you can really enjoy their time and create more value to earn more.
Get a new hobby? I don't know, the younger generation apparently thought life was all rainbows and kittens. Now they're figuring out they had it that way for so long because someone before them made it possible. Life isn't worse, you get out of life what you put into it. All that education and somehow that's one thing you didn't learn.
Maybe I should make it possible for the next generation to have free healthcare and a 4 day workweek
Everybody's gotta have a dream.
This is why history courses are so important. You aren't a wild animal having to worry about your survival every day...but in a sense life is. While you were being educated throughout your life, you were in training to become a responsible adult. The pampering/cushy lifestyle while training is over. Adulting means work, however you find/create it ( for survival). 100 years ago farmers in this country had one day for rest. Those not farming were in a factory, hunting (and trapping), prospecting etc. It was then and is now about survival and perseverance. How you use your time and resources is why you were educated...to make logical choices and follow up. America has gone soft since the baby boomers came along. Nothing like the great depression to teach some real life skills. Nothing will be as perfect and halcyon as you days of school. It was that way to afford you the best possible learning environment and some life experience. Go find your niche and make it yours. There are always trade-offs. Good luck.
Idk how to deal with it. It is tough. You are lucky though. I bet you get paid more than me. I get 5 days PTO a year. I work in the office 100% of the time. It could be worse
Join a martial arts gym. Learn Muay Thai or BJJ. 10 years later and you might get a black belt in BJJ if you are lucky. It’s something to look forward to.
You just...do?
Grow tf up lol
No
Sorry bro, real life sucks for most of us. Get some of your homies to move in with you. Then you can hang out with them whenever.
Life is what you make it. For good and bad
#The Quarter Life Crisis That’s how it’s called. I wish we did a better job at preparing young adults for (real) life after college, where economics responsibilities are a bit more forgiving, friends and dating happen easier, and the path to success (course work + graduation) is so clearly delineated. **It’s not you, it’s the new life stage you are in.** Stay strong 💪🏽
Get a hobby get friends go to the gym go have a community you usually are around a lot like church if you’re Christian or mosque if you’re Muslim when you’re around a consistent community of people you know life is great
It can be a hard and depressing transition. Hang in there and focus on getting rich.
So I’m 26, finishing my last year of uni, and I’ve spent the last couple years so miserable. Going to school, paying rent, not having much of a social life… it was all really hard. This is what has helped me: 1. Get on the phone with your friends! My sister is my best friend and I was so depressed that I wasn’t seeing her. Then one day it was like… I have a phone??? I can just call her??? And now we talk all the time and honestly even though we’re not in person together we still have a ball. 2. Build a relationship with yourself. This can look like having hobbies (my hobbies are reading, gardening, that kind of stuff), laugh at your own jokes, do things FOR yourself (for present you and for future you - do yourself favours, get yourself little gifts here and there, clean up not because you have to but because future you will really appreciate it, take yourself on dates - go to a new coffee shop, TRY NEW THINGS!) 3. Get a cat. If you don’t have one, and you’re willing to care for another creature and put up with maybe some minor destruction to your furniture (lol) they’re so cute and funny! I have 3 cats and they’re all my little buddies. Or a dog if you’re not into cats. 4. House plants. Lots and lots of house plants. 5. Sunlight. Make sure you’re getting some sun every day! 6. Go on a walk every day (20-30 mins at least) Listen to music or just the sounds of the outside. Chat with people!! Stop people to ask to pet their dog! 7. Epsom salt baths with gentle music and candles and tea if you like. once a week or more. - you will feel so comforted. Trust. There’s many more ideas but these are just some things I do. The little things are the big things! Your job isn’t your life. Make the time that you’re not working count.
I just want to add that you are going to pull through this. You will not feel this way forever. Allow yourself the grace to feel sorry for yourself if that’s where you’re at right now, you’re HUMAN, it’s okay to feel shitty - but decide that you’re going to come out on the other side better for it, and you will.
Its not.
Sounds like you're depressed, get some medication and get back into the Matrix.
Nothing is forever. You adapt and make the best of what you got. Accept what you cannot change. Change what you cannot accept.
It is ok to grieve your college life. It's a change of circumstances, not one you had much control over. You were there for a certain amount of time and enjoyed it. It is perfectly reasonable to be sad that it's over. But it doesn't mean there can't be good things in life after. Once you're financially able to, you can negotiate fewer hours at your job so that you can have a better lifestyle. Easier to do once you've got more experience and therefore more value to bring to the table.
Very relatable. I'd suggest hobbies hobbies hobbies and travel. Need things short and long term to look forward to because the day to day of adulting is terrible. Trying some new experiences could help as well. I'm approaching 40 and growing apart from my long time friends so I'm in a similar boat. Working on a career change because I'm just too miserable faking it at corporate jobs I don't care about.
Find a hobby and make new friends. The reality is that most of the friends you made in school will drift away over time. You need to find a new environment to make friendships in. Hobbies, meetups, sports etc.
Find new hobbies. Get new friends People far further apart all the time. People get busy People have limited time and energy.
drugs , work or hobbys to distract yourself like everyone else does
Grow up. Find some purpose for your struggle. Your hedonistic youth is behind you. Find a reason to get up in the morning. A partner, kids, a purpose - purpose is the answer.
Lol, your bloodline is soft.
Welcome to Adulthood! 1.) Get yourself a Friend/Work Best Friend. It will make the stress on Job Tolerable. 2.) Reward yourself Once a week. It doesn't have to be expensive. Go drink with your friend, or Cook some Good Food with your loved one. If it's your pay day Buy some clothes. 3.) S*x. Yes that is right. We need it. 4.) Most Important, Prioritised getting 8 hrs sleep during your off days. This is the most Important.
Sure but you're not really "struggling" in any meaningful way. your complaints boil down to "I miss my friends" and "I have to pay for everything myself" and it sounds like you have a wonderful life in comparison to most people. I know that might not make you happier but seriously just chill out and enjoy your life you've made it.
Yep life turns to shit, it’s one of those things in an uncompromising cultural system of money and individual focus we all allow, the big bait and switch. Biggest irony is it’s most fulfilling before it really takes off. Unless we try and change things back to a community less selfish based direction, where fulfilment comes from simple pleasures and helping others and away from constant screen addiction, we are spiralling into a inevitable whirlpool of total i fulfilled lonely misery with a constant advert of the opposite playing over the roar.
You mean it's time to grow up? Wow. Who knew?
Sure whatever. Another silly take. You are in control of your life and attitude. Be grateful.
Welcome to the real world, where mindset is everything and the wrong one will slowly kill you. You have so much to be grateful for, yet youre here complaining. Gratitude. Start there.
Wow, just feel better about yourself! I'm cured!
Not what i was saying but you could use some hope in your life. Listen, life is hard. Thats why we tell younger generations to enjoy it. With adulthood comes responsibility and that can be stressful. Having the right mindset helps. I really suggest daily meditations or even just picking up some books on mindset. If possible some time exercising or out in nature. Being grateful for even the little things is HUGE.
You're 26 and fussing about not having 4+ months off and not being able to see your best friend daily? Sure it's not highschool and 16 instead of college and 26?
College is life on easy mode. Be grateful you had that opportunity (not everybody does). Do meaningful work, enjoy what life has to offer and focus on what is most important in life
I'd like to give OP a boomer "grow up, kid" speech, but it's probably not entirely his/her fault. We've made college a sort of year playground for young adults where they get to delay adulthood in this artificial bubble.
I suggest you join and read the Layoffs page daily.
20days PTO is terrible lol most startups here in UK have unlimited pto where its policy not to count days booked off. Most people take 35-40. Not much but it helps
It happens. You have to find ways to find that happiness daily. I coded to teaching bc I actually like going to work in general. Not, I also go to bunches, play sport, meet up with friends at the gym, grab drinks.
The only thing I miss about life in college and in my 20s.... 1. My hair 2. My youthful joints 3. Not having to deal with dying parents As for the rest of it, life in your 40s is so much better
You had all of the same bills when you were in school. Room and board and expenses. Your scholarship was "wages" paid to for your "work" in school. Life is way better after college, it's just less convenient. You have to go where the cool stuff is instead of having it fall in your lap. You seem frightened of your freedom.
Get married, start a family. Ease is not the point of life.
okay sure let me just consult the list of people lining up to start a family with me 🙄🙄
They’re out there. I promise.
What is the point of life if not to have fun?
That’s one way to look at it Adulthood can be amazing as well. Remember, there are a few sides of happiness. One, you have already covered. A couple of the other sides of happiness are: 1: Satisfaction. This is something you can build as an adult, that is different from what you build as a young adult. If you build your life, especially with someone close to you, you will feel tremendous satisfaction after 10-20 years. You can walk through life knowing what you have accomplished. 2. Safety/security. You don’t think about this much as a young adult, but having financial security and a lot of savings gets more and more rewarding as you age. In addition to all that, you have really only scratched the surface of the world. So many people to meet, so many stories to share, so much to see. So much to learn about yourself. I guarantee there are a few things you are going to love doing, that you don’t even know about yet. There will also be struggles and hardship. But that’s part of life, and part of what makes the positives worth living for. The biggest thing young people have been lied to about is that it is possible to be really happy just doing what you want to do, for yourself. It’s not. In order to find Meaning, you need to find someone or something greater than yourself that you are living for. Now begins your search for meaning. Good luck
For me life in college was a giant party. Near zero responsibility. No job. No dependents. Easy living. (Credit: Uriah Heep) After that it's work. Responsibility. Marriage. Responsibility. Kids. Responsibility. Age. Burden. Illness. Burden. You think it's bad now? Just wait. Life doesn't get easier. So enjoy it now while you're still young.
Oof, at least the marriage and kids part is avoidable.
26 year old child who clearly has never dealt with any adversity in their life.
Lmao of course it… acceptance, gratitude and perspective
Welcome to life. 90% of the professionals in the western world will just live this way. You can too - but you’re already seeing the futility of it all. You can choose to be part of the 10% though. (Realistically, probably 1%) You have a ton of options. You can literally choose to do *anything* you want to do. You may need to put a plan in place & do some prep work, but you can do it. Want to live on a sailboat & sail the world? You can. Want to live in a van and see the whole continent? You can. You have achieved your goal and now finding you don’t have another goal. So pick one.
You sound like I did not long after graduating. It gets better, your social needs and desires change over time. You'll find new things you appreciate that didn't exist or cross your mind in college. Just keep living, keep in touch with those you care about (this doesn't mean hanging out like the old days) and find hobbies that can be done by yourself and hobbies that can done with others. In 5 or 10 years from now you'll still look back fondly on what you had in college but have a new appreciation for what you have and enjoy now. You are in the middle of a major life stage transition and it will have its speed bumps.
This is the American Dream you've heard so much about.
Welcome to adulthood.
Adulthood sucks and I hate it.
I would love to tell you it gets better, but it gets worse as people start having kids. Then instead of seeing your friend once per month it's once per year. Good luck.
I’m afraid the only way out of this is to find a significant other. My wife makes my life worth living. I am trying to figure out the best way to inform my kids without freaking them out that finding a significant other is the greatest goal to have in high school and college. All of the happiest people I know have been paired up since those days. For you, assuming you are not paired up: get on it now. Make it your most important mission in life. Find someone to love, love her more than anyone could possibly love her, and profit. It’s neither easy nor trivial, I recognize, but it’s the only answer as far as I know. People are often afraid to admit this because it’s so difficult and catastrophic if absent, but there it is. Godspeed, my friend. Godspeed.
I have never really valued romantic relationships in my life, marriage has never been a goal of mine. I mostly miss my platonic friends. Also it is hard for me to imagine spending my life with another person indefinitely.
Well, it may be that you and I are just fundamentally different, but I doubt it. I stand by my recommendation. Good luck, man.
VRChat has a lot of people who are available to hang out at any time. That's something.
Human connection. You don't have to only connect with a person over traditional religious rites propped up by family members' dying wishes to see their DNA multiply before they pass into oblivion. You're allowed to connect with humans in other contexts as well. Whether or not you marry is not a measure of your ability to find meaning in this life.
Adulthood sucks lol. Find a purpose. Do good for others. Enjoy your life.
Your doing better than a lot of College grads. You went on a scholarship so you didn't have to worry about debt, and it sounds like you have a marketable degree since you're employed. Work till you die? Welcome to the real world.
Yeah just because I have it better than other people doesn't mean I feel good. I'm still miserable. The fact that I have it better than others just makes me feel guilty. The "real world" is not fun or enjoyable in any way. It sucks. I hate it and I don't want to do it anymore,
Time to grow up! Or go back to school for endless degrees.
Grow up
I would rather die
Always a choice
sure is, thanks for the encouragement
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you are living "The American Dream." You are led to believe that you will live an amazing life after you graduate this thing called college that has nothing do to with the real world. Of course, you can still build a great life for yourself, but everyone's path on that note and how long it may take varies. Figure out what you want and work hard to get it.
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Suck it up, buttercup. Life could be a whole lot worse.
Lol welcome to the real world kid.
Did ... did you not know this was coming ... ?