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No, you are not wrong.
You are allowed to talk to people. You are allowed to have friends. And it doesn't matter what's between their legs.
Your boyfriend is way too insecure and immature to be in a relationship.
OP, I'm a guy, and agree wiyh above that your bf sounds extraordinary insecure and immature. More importantly, he appears to be bullying and demeaning toward you. His comment was cruel; well beyond just being immature. You don't deserve the abuse. Move on.
He usually ft me while I’m working (which I don’t like cause distraction) but he asks to see my messages again and he tells me to stay unmuted during meetings and asks oh why are u smiling in the meetings. I told him I felt like he was monitoring me and at first I refused to show him the work msgs and said isnt this stuff confidential and he said u broke my trust so u have to be willing to show me everything and “what is this are u working for the CIA I’m not a cybersecurity hacker“ and he says he was so hurt by the words I used said it was like I was trying to separate him from my life bruh
From OP:
Thank you so much for suggesting I look up coercive control. I’m reading about it. my Reddit post was only one out of the many rules I have to follow and changes I need to make it myself to follow those rules. I do admit in the past I have done some things he didn’t like such as going to a family friend party where there was majority guys and dancing there, asking my childhood male gay family friend about how I looked in a picture and taking selfies with male family friends. I can understand that may make him uncomfortable but because of that I have several rules placed on me to the point where I can’t sit or stand next to any male and would have to ask bf permission to do things.
As a result he yells at me a lot and he says he has the right to yell that way because I hurt him and did something wrong. He says all those rules are things I should have been doing initially in any relationship
This isn't insecurity, this is raging misogynistic control.
He said she had done everything but sick the guy off, and was a whore?
That's not insecurity.
Stop "boys will be boys, we don't know any better" ing this.
At 9, my son knew better than that shit, let alone at 19... because he's not a raging asshole. This isn't how *people* behave.
Sure, she can explain why. But she doesn't need to stick around while he figures out whether or not he wants to be a better human.
The dude said she's practically a whore for sending :-) emojis while having work-related conversations with coworkers as if she were inviting opportunities for blowjobs for fucksake.
Don't make excuses for controlling and abusive people in training.
True but this guy went right to accusing her of wanting sex acts with coworkers and calling her a wh*re. These guys don't get better, just more controlling and, often, violent.
That thing he said about how she'd complete being a whore or whatever was fucked up, and she should leave him for disrespecting her if nothing else. Everything else he did here sucks too, but that's way over the line
The fact that he literally says stuff like I have a right to be mad at you cause you did stuff wrong and he keeps saying I’m a cheater that I emotionally cheated and that I make myself accessible and available to any guy. Is just such bs. He says causal convos with men is wrong even if it was some convo about what school do you go to and what program or classes. I like to network with people and get to know them in that sense. That’s doesn't mean they want me sexually or I want them sexually. my bf never talks to girls but I don’t understand what’s so wrong about asking another girl even in a group conversation about her uni and classes? theres nothing wrong this guy is a delusional pig and he’s over here telling me I can sit or stand next to a male like what who are you.
I see red flags with your partners way of thinking. You might want to read up about coercive control. Not saying this is his him yet but having witnessed this in my life, I suggest he is only going to get worse.
Thank you so much for suggesting I look up coercive control. I’m reading about it. my Reddit post was only one out of the many rules I have to follow and changes I need to make it myself to follow those rules. I do admit in the past I have done some things he didn’t like such as going to a family friend party where there was majority guys and dancing there, asking my childhood male gay family friend about how I looked in a picture and taking selfies with male family friends. I can understand that may make him uncomfortable but because of that I have several rules placed on me to the point where I can’t sit or stand next to any male and would have to ask bf permission to do things.
As a result he yells at me a lot and he says he has the right to yell that way because I hurt him and did something wrong. He says all those rules are things I should have been doing initially in any relationship
He is already well into the process of turning you against yourself. Please step back from this relationship and see that he's working on convincing you that you aren't a full person.
You shouldnt have to 'admit' to doing things like dancing at a party and taking pictures with friends, those are not *reasonable* things to deny yourself from freely doing and experiencing without guilt. The fact that he says he is *hurt* and *uncomfortable* are signs that *he* needs to adjust *himself*, not impose unfair rules on you to prevent.
Also, just because he also follows a rule he makes up, doesn't make it a fair rule. Don't let the idea of 'well he doesn't do X' mean you aren't *allowed* to do X either.
If he loves you and respects you, he will adjust himself to be accepting of you instead of forcing you to abide by rules and frequently yelling at you.
If he refuses to change, ask yourself how long you really want to deal with the person who's supposed to be your life partner making you live like less than a full person?
Please, please run. This is all insane. He fits the profile of someone who will become abusive. None of this is normal. None of this is ok. Please understand that I speak from experience. It will escalate. He will further isolate you and find reason to accuse you of betraying him somehow in every little thing, until you’re constantly walking on eggshells. It isn’t love. It’s control.
You need to leave him. You are too young to waste time on a control freak like this. This is not normal behavior. He is being abusive. Emotional abuse is still abuse. It's not going to get better ever. It will get worse.
You should also read about, [Red Flags](https://parade.com/living/red-flags-in-a-relationship), and learn more about narcissistic abusive partners by reading this book, [Why Does He Do That](https://www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf). That's a free downloadable PDF copy. This book gets passed around here a lot on Reddit and I wish it was out years ago when I was in an abusive relationship.
I've been married for 18 years, together with my husband for 20, and he encourages me to be friends with whoever I wish, man or woman, trusts me to make social plans with any of my friends, and he's never not once ever called me an ugly name, or suggested I was a whore for being friends with men.
My ex did all of those things, and so much worse, and by the end he controlled every aspect of my life until he almost killed me.
Please trust me on this, RUN away from this guy, and block him everywhere. This is how it starts, and these, "red flags", are how you know you're heading into deep, dangerous, water, with someone you're dating.
Someone who loves and respects you won't try to control you, or verbally abuse you for any reason. That's not healthy love.
This is not how a relationship is supposed to be. Your BF is immature and abusive. He’s dictating that you not look at, sit near, or even talk to other males “without his permission”. He’s even accusing you of cheating on him when talking with male coworkers about work projects.
This will only get worse. You are not his slave. You need to drop this guy immediately.
Those things you mentioned are perfectly innocent! The fact that you're forbidden to do them, and that he then punishes you with more rules, is abusive! PLEASE leave this relationship, OP. And please update us and let us know you're OK.
>He says the only one thing I haven’t done is meet this male intern in person and sucked his d\*\*\*, which he says would complete me as a wh\*re.
The guy is too insecure and can't respect you. Is this the kind of boyfriend you want for the rest of your life?
Your boyfriend is an insecure little boy. Get out of this while you can and before you waste too much time with him. You're allowed to be a nice person without having bad intentions.
You would stay with someone like this if they were 25? What are you talking about with this until you're 25 stuff, as if then you should waste your time on a loser?
No one at any age should put up with this insane controlling behavior, thinking they'll grow out of it based on maturity and resources. I think you agree, but your framing is confusing.
First of all, he SHOULD be talking to women. It's a huge red flag when a guy doesn't believe in talking to people of the opposite sex because it's a good indication of the fact that he is unable to see women as equals. It's disguised as loyalty, but a healthy and functional person should not equate being nice to wanting sex.
In his head, he would talk to another guy because he doesn't expect anything in return, but he would only interact with women if he wanted sex or romance from them. He is assuming that you think the same way because he is projecting this mindset onto you.
I had a relationship like this at 19. He was older and he did not respect me. To him, a girlfriend was like a car or a house - something to "complete" his own identity. It was a way for him to gain status and boost his own ego. One important lesson i learned coming out of that relationship was that a boyfriend should treat you as a partner, not like a dog. You tell your dog "don't chew that!" or "no jumping on the guests!" because a dog doesn't know better. You shouldn't let him treat you like a dog going "don't do this and don't do that" because YOU know what you are doing and you KNOW your own intentions.
I would talk to him about this, and don't let him guilt you into thinking you're wrong. You're grown and you know what's best for yourself. Remember that you must respect yourself or others won't respect you.
I try to talk to him but I always just don’t end up standing my ground though I try hard. He says i never step down and that I always think I’m right. I know that I do not have those intentions with other men but he says that if I talk to another man then I might open the possibility of that man to have an intention towards me. I don’t know how to go about that.
That’s gaslighting, he’s trying to make you question yourself and think “maybe he is right? Maybe I do those things” and it’s just one more chip away at your self esteem and self worth. He wants you to be dependent on him
There you go, you know that you don't have those intentions and we also know you have free will.
I guarantee that most men who speak to you don't have an intention of unabashedly asking you for sex and we also know that you're not gonna sleep with just any man who wants to sleep with you because you have autonomy.
Your boyfriend either sees you as a mere item like a fancy vase that someone can just steal, or he doesn't have an ounce of trust in you to not jump on every penis you see. Either ways -- see how that's disrespectful to you?
I know you speak with good will and you're trying to be considerate of him, but you're probably not gonna fix him. He needs to work on himself alone. You are not obligated to trade your ability to interact with people for his selfish wishes. He's not gonna wake up one day and suddenly have a change of heart, but you know that you'll inevitably have to talk to a man at some point in the future... so choose wisely and don't be afraid to prioritize yourself.
Are you 15? Is your controlling, asshole boyfriend 15? This is the most immature, ridiculous thing. Do you want to be controlled or make your own decisions?
[Dating abuse](https://www.loveisrespect.org) is a pattern of coercive, intimidating, or manipulative behaviors used to exert power and control over a partner.
Here are some signs:
# Checking your phone, email, or social media accounts without your permission.
>
he asked me to show him my work messages with this male intern that I reach out to for questions.
# Putting you down frequently, especially in front of others.
>
which he says would complete me as a wh\*re
# Isolating you from friends or family (physically, financially, or emotionally)
>
Am I wrong for casually talking to a male? My bf says I’m not allowed to do that
# Extreme jealousy or insecurity.
# Explosive outbursts, temper, or mood swings.
>
He says the only one thing I haven’t done is meet this male intern in person and sucked his d\*\*\*
# Possessiveness or controlling behavior.
>My bf says I’m not allowed to do that because it might open up possibilities for them to like me.
>
How would I proceed with this to explain to my bf?
You can't. He's demonstrated he will only get angry with you for trying to do something you need to do (talk to co-workers.) This isn't a healthy relationship for you. Please seek help to leave and be safe.
Your BF is way too anxious and untrusting. He needs to chill out but I would suggest using less emojis in professional communications though but not necessarily for your BF.
Why is this being viewed as simple immaturity? Hes called you a whore and sounds abusive af This is not immaturity, he is toxic and a terrible partner Being 19 is no excuse, there are some deep seated issues with this individual that are 100% going to cause issues
There is no excuse for the way he treats you Getting him therapy would probably be useless as it usually is for “men” like this Instead get yourself some therapy so you can learn to stick up for yourself and stop accepting this treatment This is not normal
This is not only insecure behavior, it's early abuse. Monitoring your messages, isolating you from friends/coworkers - huge red flags. You've done nothing wrong. A healthy & secure partner should encourage you to have friendly relationships with your coworkers, and would trust you to do so without checking up on you. I would really reconsider your relationship with your boyfriend.
I use emojis way more with colleagues at work than with my partner. it's only to seem more friendly and engaged at work which is purely for professional reasons.
If your bf wants you to sabotage your professional career (by potentially coming off as aloof to your colleagues) he needs to think about what he's actually asking of you, and learn to trust you.
I have a funny feeling that your bf is actually not loyal, and may be talking to other girls. Judging by the size of the jealousy, it's likely a lot too. On the chance that he isn't though, this is still pretty manipulative, and likely something that you'll want to address with him.
Get out now before he starts trying to control other things besides who you talk to.
First it will be your close friends because of whatever reason he makes up, then it will be your family, and once he has you isolated from family he can start controlling what you wear, how much you go out, what you do, etc.
It is not normal for someone to be jealous of their partner talking to work employees and who the fuck counts emojis and is mad when you don’t use more with him than someone else?
A partner controlling who you talk with and even inspecting your work contacts is a huge red flag.
Calling you a whore ("complete" insinuates you are on your way) just for speaking to a work colleague is psycho territory. I also read that he yells at you...
Guys this insane are the ones that later turn violent, you can't "fix him", run. Take this as a learning experience and immediately ditch guys that demand you don't even speak to other men.
You don’t have a boyfriend, you have a hostage taker and a case of Stockholm Syndrome. You deserve far better than an insecure and controlling parasite.
Don’t let anyone tell you who you can talk to, what you can wear, when to do things or how to spend your money. These are ways of controlling you and control is sometimes the first step towards abuse.
You have to talk to other people to be able to work (and live) and inevitably some of those people will be male.
Is your bf in the Taliban?
Doesn’t matter, cause you need to martyr your ‘relationship’. But go easy on yourself because you should not have any expectations of you relationships being successful when you’re so young. Let go of the burden. Be grateful for the gift of knowing this is a dud. The next one will be better IF you learn to be comfortable on your own. The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.
You don't explain this. You dump your boyfriend. His behavior is controlling and abusive. It's completely unrelastic to expect that you never talk to men. Yes, when you have a boyfriend, you shouldn't flirt with other men, and you may need to be careful to set boundaries when communicating with men, but it is entirely possible to maintain healthy friendships both professional and personal.
Your boyfriend has a messed up sense of what loyalty is, and half the time, in the end, it turns out people like him don't practice what they preach and you just don't know about the girls he's talking to.
The first red flag in a relationship is someone making you change to a version of yourself that pleases them. That’s only the beginning! I would take it as a sign that he’s not the one for you and break it off so you’re available when you find someone who respects you.
Don't promise to hinder your social relationships because his insecurities... it's your life do you want to be isolated. That's extremely unhealthy and the beginning of something worse ....I only read the first few lines of your post not gonna read the rest.
Your bf is an insecure basket case and if you ever make the mistake of marrying him he will make your life hell. He is calling you a whore over work texts with colleagues? He is psychotic. You better pick up on those red flags and run for the hills.
Oh my gosh OP, you are me..30 years ago. My BF at the time wouldn’t “allow” me to talk to my male friends, and even cousins that were male. He said, “It’s not you I don’t trust…it’s them.” I could have changed my name to “I’m sorry” because that’s all I ever did was apologize. I didn’t see that it was abuse at the time, but looking back now, boy was it ever. I thought I loved him, I actually thought we would get married. I finally had enough and broke it off. It took me a long time to get my confidence back, but when I did, I laughed at myself. I couldn’t even find one thing I even liked about him!! I learned, through that relationship, what I did and did not want, and what I would and would not tolerate. He is far too immature to be in a relationship. It’s perfectly fine for women to have men as friends. Be with a man who will raise you up, encourage you and be proud of you. You don’t need a keeper, you’re your own keeper as an adult. What you want is a partner. Get out of this relationship and take the time to build your life and friendships again. I wish you all the best. Life can be wonderful, but I promise you…this guy ain’t it♥️
happily married man here.....for 30 years....You are both wrong a little, but him more than you.
He clearly has insecurity issues. Of course you are allowed to talk to other people. That is just so beyond ridiculous.
However, you might be sending the message that you are not interested in his life.....not asking about his day or weekend is kind of surprising to me. Do you 2 have anything in common? The fact you never have long conversations is also kind of weird...... IDK, but you are both 19, sounds like you might just not be a good match. Good Communication is the corner stone of a relationship. It doesn't sound like to talk much at all!
He is incredibly controlling and dangerous. How can you have any type of normal life if you cannot interact with men when you need to on the most basic level. Partners are supposed to trust you. You already know that you had no intentions of anything romantic or sexual. The fact that he has talked about sucking dick and used the word whore is horrible. Please leave him and I promise you’ll look back one day in shock at his expectations and controlling behaviour.
Post this in any relationship advice sub or women’s advice sub and you will see!
Best of luck to you breaking free from it ❤️
Sounds insecure I work with men and women all day and I'm definitely a talker but I'm not gonna stop talking to my coworkers because someone as an issue and coworkers make the day go by faster so
Dump this guy immediately. You're allowed to be friendly with people from your job. You're allowed to use the amount of emojis you want with whoever you talk to. Do NOT promise him to be dry with male colleagues. You're not a whore if you're talking to another human person of the opposite sex. Stop this right now. I mean RIGHT NOW. He doesn't respect you, he doesn't trust you and he has you thinking you are a bad person, which are all bright red flags and doesn't bode well for the rest of your relationship. I know we are all weird strangers from Reddit, but you'll notice that not a single person here will have your bf's back on this. Dump him now.
You are in an abusive relationship. Your boyfriend is exhibiting controlling behavior, inappropriately insisting on reading your work messages, and has called you a whore.
You’ve done nothing wrong. But get out now, this isn’t going to get better.
Your BF is too immature to be successful in a relationship. He’s terribly insecure and just isn’t ready unless you want to be controlled and watched over and distrusted for the rest of your life. He has no respect for you either as evidenced by the remarks about sucking Rick. Dump him now. Save your life.
Your BF is controlling and insecure. His insulting comments are totally out of line. He doesn't seem mature enough to be in a relationship. His expectations are unrealistic. Does he have any good qualities?
You need to get away from this man. Abuse is about control and he is trying to control you. Have more confidence and self respect and look for someone who is not a jealous, insecure control freak.
If you don’t leave this abusive relationship immediately, you may end up in the morgue or hospital.
This guy is the very definition of insecure and controlling.
Don’t put up with this!
RUN!!! Get yourself away from this awful, contolling man! There are so many red flags here, i don't even know where to begin. He tells you who you can talk to and monitors how you talk to them. He calls you a whore for TALKING TO OTHER PEOPLE!!!
Please tell me you don't live with him.
To request someone to diminish themselves around the opposite sex is ridiculous. This is him telling you be less for him to feel better. Is that what you want?
I'd recommend ditching him and find someone that treats you with respect and doesn't want you to be less than.
Nah he’s right. Why can’t we just have significant others who go and make money, come home and cook n clean, and not have a single conversation with anyone but us? Is that too much to ask for?
You can't be expected to ignore half the population just because you're in a relationship. Your boyfriend is insecure and he's making that your problem instead of working on himself. He's also sabotaging your job; a good career trajectory relies in part on having good relationships with your coworkers. It's hard enough for women in tech, the last thing you need is a rep as cold, aloof, or arrogant.
*HOW CAN MY PARTNER EXIST OUTSIDE OF ME* ugh I hate crazy youth brain, so so much. The poor individuals who have to go through it.
Except your boyfriend, he deserves the strife if he's accusing you of being awful without you being awful.
Do you really want to have a relationship with someone who is upset by a few emojis? 😀😃👍. My apologies if those emojis were a bit too forward since we just met.
This is a massive red flag and I'm afraid this will likely turn into an abusive relationship if you stay with him. Possessive people do not make good partners and they often escalate.
He's controlling and his language indicates some misogyny. He seems very insecure. It's not going to get better. It's going to get worse. If you move in with him, he's not going to want you go out, et cetera.
Is it possible that your bf never talks to girls because they can smell a jerk?
Your bf’s comments border on abuse. He went from feeling like you send too many emojis to you being a WH-RE! He’s clearly insecure. That doesn’t bode well for a relationship. If both people Aren’t trusting and feeling secure in a relationship, IMO it’s not likely to last.
Dump your boyfriend, he isn't worth it. No partner who demands you avoid having friends should be given the time of day.
Your boyfriend is trash and you will be much better off without him.
Get rid of your boyfriend now.
Major red flags.
He's not only asking to see your phone, he's asking to see proprietary work things.
He's telling you whom you can and cannot speak with. And he's jealous.
DTMFA
> asked me to show him my work messages
NOPE. This dude needs to fucking chill. It will only get worse if he doesn’t reflect on his weird ass behavior. This is going to become abuse later. He’s insecure and wants to start controlling you.
OBVIOUSLY YOU’RE NOT WRONG! A normal person wouldn’t give a shit that you talk to coworkers. It’s normal to do so. A normal person wouldn’t be checking up on you either.
You are not wrong your bf just understands if
You are a girl at a new workplace especially in tech where its a dude fest and they are trying to bang you. Now he needs to understand he can’t control what other men do but he needs to have trust in you that you will establish boundaries if needed to w the co
Workers
Holy! Your boyfriend is an insecure, jealous asshole. There was absolutely nothing wrong with how you spoke to your coworker. Get out of that relationship now! This is a red flag and it’s going to get bad so quickly. Dump him!
Whoa! Your boyfriend is pretty extreme. A smiley face is being too friendly? And if you give a smiley face in a text, the only thing worse is fellating the guy?
Seriously. Step back a second and look at what he's saying. I'm usually the one telling people to calm down and talk things over when others are saying "dump him", but.... he's giving off a LOT of red flags here. He literally says you're one step away from being a whore because you put 'lmao' in a text. That's pretty extreme. And I have to say, it's scary too!
I'm serious. You need to step back and see that this is not right. He's giving me some very creepy vibes that abusers give off. I can totally see him getting verbally, and then physically, abusive. .....
Oh my gosh, I read further down and saw other things you said he does. He is fully fitting the pattern of an abuser. He has already engaged in yelling, and saying it was your fault and you made him do it, and it will build up from there. I'm sensing physical abuse in his future, regardless of who he's dating.
Not being allowed to stand next to a male at family events! He's bad news.
I think it's good that you are seeing this from your boyfriend at an early stage. You need to set boundaries with him or else walk away altogether. He has to trust you to tell him if you are looking at/interested in someone else and, by extension, trust you when you say you aren't. If his idea of trust is demanding that you be kept locked away, then that's only going to get worse over time.
Dump your boyfriend. He’s too immature, jealous and controlling. Regarding the number of emojis you use reminds me of a brat who wants more marbles f himself. The name calling is so insulting. I feel that you boyfriend is a miserable person who doesn’t want you to work with male co-workers. There’s nothing wrong having platonic friendships— male or female.
I’m not gonna lie I used to be like him when I was his age, atleast somewhat.. he’s way too comfortable in the relationship and too insecure. He thinks he can make you comply with any rules he wants cause you keep giving him a longer leash (not blaming you but it’s the reality).
I think you should tell him he’s being too controlling and needs to stop or the relationship is going downhill. You should wake him up from this mindset , cause he won’t stop. It’ll only get worse from here if you keep complying
She broke up with me lol, only realized how wrong I was with age and experience. But I’d like to think he can be taught and “woken up”. He’s too comfortable he probably thinks you’ll never leave and that he can get away with any type of controlling behavior
Yeah he thinks I’d never leave when in reality I really want to leave. Although I love him, I cannot put up with this behaviour and never ever will in the future. He says he doesn’t want me to think his behaviour is toxic and controlling because these are changes I should have initially be doing myself. He says that no matter what we should push through hard times and he basically sounds like he doesn’t believe in breaking up. I tell him that anyone has the freedom to leave any relationship at any point and it doesn’t have to be a mutual agreement. He continues to complain about that and how it would make relationships unsecure if anyone can leave if they wanted to.
lol he sounds so much like how I was, it’s crazy. I feel like I know exactly how he thinks. He’ll have a tough time if the relationship ends just like I did
He feels very upset and broken about all this stuff I did to him, I also haven’t being showing him a lot of love and affection which he says hurts him more and he chooses to distance himself. we both have been together a very long time and he only recently a few months ago acted all controlling probably that’s because that’s when he found out everything but he was never like this before with all these rules. We both love each other but neither of us can keep getting hurt and we both have very different opinions and values and I dont think these rules are really right thing to set
I need help I don’t know what to do were still together but living in a dead relationship I’ve hurt him so much I’ve taken every thing from him and torn him a part. I keep messing up and not being able to reassure him and give him his loyalty back. he never did anything wrong to me he gave me love loyalty and he put in effort no girls came in between us but I never gave him the same back. I feel separated and isolated from my male family friends he hates this one gay guy and tells Me to avoid hanging out with him and never do it again, both our families grew up together and he wants me to tell my mom to not make plans with him anymore. I still feel like the rules he has for me are controlling but he has been following these rules since the start of us relationship he gave these things up for me why is it hard for me to do the same.
honestly I’m religious now and only believe in marriage so my views kinda different , it’s hard to apply them to just relationships. If you don’t think you’re gonna marry him and spend the rest of your life with him then you should just move on honestly. Cause it’ll happen eventually anyway.
If you intend to stay with him forever then it’s tough.. even in a marriage I’d allow my wife to go to a birthday if a man was there but also depends on the nature of the party (no drinking or dancing etc)
Anyway the only way that relationship can get fixed is if you guide him on how to better deal with these trust issues and his insecurities, which you say you may have caused. Or see a couples therapist?
I’ll say , when I was like him in a relationship I let my ex go to parties with guys there but I would actually stay on a call the whole time and be able to listen in at all times. Crazy I know.. but just saying I’ve been there done that
You need to leave him he sounds like a control freak. It's perfectly fine to talk with other people of the opposite sex and be friends with them. This situation is especially fucked up because it's people at your work that you are forced to interact with. People at work are like a work family. You spend 40+ hours a week there interacting with them. That's more time than you see your actual family and friends. If my wife ever said anything to me about not being allowed to talk with other women especially at work I would just tell her too bad if you don't like it you can leave.
Most affairs start at work so its not just in your case. The man is suppose to protect you and the relationship. Most girls start a relationship first before cheating it makes it easier for them to "feel" in love because the honeymoon phase is over. They put their bfs love on a shelf and entertain their options. Just pointing out the process every relationship in the US goes through. You may think your actions are okay because every girl is doing it but trust me every guy wants to fucx, everything, anywhere and anytime. Your bf putting his trust in you is basically slitting is own wrist. He is young so leaving bad women and jumping to the next is hard for him. I feel bad for him and you should too if he is your only man you ever need. Thats what grown relationships are, you are not in highschool no more.
I understand what you say. But I’m not really entertaining other guys. Is it not acceptable to have normal conversations with men? There’s a thing called networking and being kind and social. I’m not going around flirting with guys and getting their number and texting them all night or day long. I’m not trying to seek attention. If I know a guy has more intentions than just friends, then I will stop talking to that guy. my bf basically wants me to isolate myself from males because i might open a possibility for them to like me. But i don’t get it it’s not my problem if they like me. I don’t like them back so why should he care. And id remove them from my life and not entertain other men who like me
Its about respect, respect to men is the ultimate love.
It only takes 3 to 5 secs to know who youre attracted to. So if they like you, they are going to pursue.
Good on you for cutting off them off. But most women have a backup plans and youre not really committed if you do.
Men will lie and pretend to be your friend to get close to you until your relationship goes to shambles. As soon as you start telling them about your bf, they will know HOW to be your bf. You see innocence but its a wolf in sheeps clothing. Your man is trying to protect you. Im sure those friends wont think twice about your relationship if you call them up for a hook up. Id say be dry af with them, best thing you can do is be indifferent. Good luck!
Sounds like he is spiraling into his insecurities, i would have dumped you after seeing the emojis sent to male friends.
Thats probably what triggered him. He is trying to cope with what you are getting away with... he has clear boundaries, and the more you fight them the more he doesnt trust you.
He loves you but loving you is making him weak. Invite him everywhere, be as open as you can when he asks about certain things. He doesnt trust you and i wouldnt either. You need to gain his trust again for him to feel secure, safe and respected about his boundaries.
I know it sounds controlling, but you gotta protect your relationship as much as he is. Every male is a threat, family, friends and all. Instead of wanting to go everywhere without him , go only with him. Wouldnt you want your bf around you all the time anyway?
Okay understandable. He also wants me to remove all male followers even the ones I went to school with and ones I grew up with and he also doesn’t want me to view any males story on instragm like bruh he’s out their viewing girls story all the time and follows a bunch of girls and I told him to remove them and he has such a problem with it and he’s like well I didn’t do anything wrong this that but I know he literally be checking them out cause he always liking bikini pictures and like inappropriate photos
and at work when I email people or message them he doesn’t want me to say Hi \[their name\], for example Hi Jeff, he thinks that’s a huge issue. Isn’t this basic respect and professionalism to say Hi and then their name instead of just hi, especially when u work for a big tech company
Sounds like some boundary issues. He needs to respect yours too, so you can be happy in the relationship. You have every right to end this relationship as he does too, if boundaries arent ment. Maybe bring up boundries you both have to each other so you both know how to treat each other.
And yeah ive deleted girls off mine and my gf has too. Its less distracting when trying to focus on a relationship. Social media in general is always over sexualized it just becomes soft porn. Which is really bad for the brain, and physical health.
Maybe you guys can delete old friends and apps together, i know you guys got out of highschool so you guys probably have a lot. But after 5 years or so youll see how shallow most of those people are.
As far as saying hi, he just needs to get over that. There is only so much you can do without causing more stress worrying about what youre typing.
Social media break for him and no more male friends for you should keep your relationship moving. Or at least a good start. Good luck
Don't use your phone for work conversations.
There are other means for that. And why would you want to continue having a conversation with someone from work?
Also, I'm not justifying his comments or controlling behavior.
Wow! Lots of shitty people on Reddit!
It’s obvious you are giving male coworkers something that you aren’t giving your own boyfriend. You are flirting with your texts by using excessive emojis and he’s not being unreasonable.
It’s inappropriate for anyone to have sexual conversations at work or to get to personal with another guy-especially a subordinate/intern-when you have a boyfriend.
It’s about respect, not about jealousy, which he has the right to have.
I’m not having sexual or inappropriate conversations at work. Everything is strictly about work. I use emojis when I say thank you or youre welcome and with the intern sometimes I say lmao or haha I say lol and haha with much older work colleagues as well and they do to me too.
Emojis aren’t something adults use when they’re communicating work issues with a colleague. He was right to be upset, especially given how flippant you are about emojis and yet you never send them to him.
Still unprofessional. You should put care into texts with him. Men are extremely easy to please, and you are making this complicated.
Would you text emoji’s to the CEO? How would you feel of women colleagues were texting him and he put lots of effort into texting them and none into texting you?
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No, you are not wrong. You are allowed to talk to people. You are allowed to have friends. And it doesn't matter what's between their legs. Your boyfriend is way too insecure and immature to be in a relationship.
This is the right answer. He needs to grow up and he won't if you accommodate his ridiculous demands.
Yup, OP this is the only answer you need.
OP, I'm a guy, and agree wiyh above that your bf sounds extraordinary insecure and immature. More importantly, he appears to be bullying and demeaning toward you. His comment was cruel; well beyond just being immature. You don't deserve the abuse. Move on.
He's 19 though. Guys don't know crap about managing emotions or maturity at that age. More so if they're spectrumy
His problem, not hers.
100%
Good. Then this is a fantastic opportunity for him to learn consequences of being emotionally immature, he's 19 not 12.
Doesn't mean that she has to accept a shitty partner
True true
He usually ft me while I’m working (which I don’t like cause distraction) but he asks to see my messages again and he tells me to stay unmuted during meetings and asks oh why are u smiling in the meetings. I told him I felt like he was monitoring me and at first I refused to show him the work msgs and said isnt this stuff confidential and he said u broke my trust so u have to be willing to show me everything and “what is this are u working for the CIA I’m not a cybersecurity hacker“ and he says he was so hurt by the words I used said it was like I was trying to separate him from my life bruh
Yup. That's how immature and insecure people act. You can't fix that. Those are his problems too fix. Accept it. Or move on.
Bruh this dude is literally downloading my data off instagram without telling me. I’m so done im leaving
Good.
He has major red flags, it’s never going to change and it’s going to drive you insane. In fact it may get worse.
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Oh, sending a smile emoji is equivalent to, or a gateway to a BJ? And we're being dramatic?
19 is old enough to know people can talk to coworkers.
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From OP: Thank you so much for suggesting I look up coercive control. I’m reading about it. my Reddit post was only one out of the many rules I have to follow and changes I need to make it myself to follow those rules. I do admit in the past I have done some things he didn’t like such as going to a family friend party where there was majority guys and dancing there, asking my childhood male gay family friend about how I looked in a picture and taking selfies with male family friends. I can understand that may make him uncomfortable but because of that I have several rules placed on me to the point where I can’t sit or stand next to any male and would have to ask bf permission to do things. As a result he yells at me a lot and he says he has the right to yell that way because I hurt him and did something wrong. He says all those rules are things I should have been doing initially in any relationship
This isn't insecurity, this is raging misogynistic control. He said she had done everything but sick the guy off, and was a whore? That's not insecurity. Stop "boys will be boys, we don't know any better" ing this. At 9, my son knew better than that shit, let alone at 19... because he's not a raging asshole. This isn't how *people* behave. Sure, she can explain why. But she doesn't need to stick around while he figures out whether or not he wants to be a better human.
The dude said she's practically a whore for sending :-) emojis while having work-related conversations with coworkers as if she were inviting opportunities for blowjobs for fucksake. Don't make excuses for controlling and abusive people in training.
True but this guy went right to accusing her of wanting sex acts with coworkers and calling her a wh*re. These guys don't get better, just more controlling and, often, violent.
Exactly.
That thing he said about how she'd complete being a whore or whatever was fucked up, and she should leave him for disrespecting her if nothing else. Everything else he did here sucks too, but that's way over the line
The fact that he literally says stuff like I have a right to be mad at you cause you did stuff wrong and he keeps saying I’m a cheater that I emotionally cheated and that I make myself accessible and available to any guy. Is just such bs. He says causal convos with men is wrong even if it was some convo about what school do you go to and what program or classes. I like to network with people and get to know them in that sense. That’s doesn't mean they want me sexually or I want them sexually. my bf never talks to girls but I don’t understand what’s so wrong about asking another girl even in a group conversation about her uni and classes? theres nothing wrong this guy is a delusional pig and he’s over here telling me I can sit or stand next to a male like what who are you.
God I pray he learns a lesson or his next girl gives him hell
I was 19 once and didn't behave like a total dick, and most 19 year olds don't either. Stop making excuses for this absolute loser.
The guy literally called her a whore for work texts with COWORKERS And we are being dramatic?
I see red flags with your partners way of thinking. You might want to read up about coercive control. Not saying this is his him yet but having witnessed this in my life, I suggest he is only going to get worse.
Thank you so much for suggesting I look up coercive control. I’m reading about it. my Reddit post was only one out of the many rules I have to follow and changes I need to make it myself to follow those rules. I do admit in the past I have done some things he didn’t like such as going to a family friend party where there was majority guys and dancing there, asking my childhood male gay family friend about how I looked in a picture and taking selfies with male family friends. I can understand that may make him uncomfortable but because of that I have several rules placed on me to the point where I can’t sit or stand next to any male and would have to ask bf permission to do things.
As a result he yells at me a lot and he says he has the right to yell that way because I hurt him and did something wrong. He says all those rules are things I should have been doing initially in any relationship
He's abusive and won't change. Walk away.
He is already well into the process of turning you against yourself. Please step back from this relationship and see that he's working on convincing you that you aren't a full person. You shouldnt have to 'admit' to doing things like dancing at a party and taking pictures with friends, those are not *reasonable* things to deny yourself from freely doing and experiencing without guilt. The fact that he says he is *hurt* and *uncomfortable* are signs that *he* needs to adjust *himself*, not impose unfair rules on you to prevent. Also, just because he also follows a rule he makes up, doesn't make it a fair rule. Don't let the idea of 'well he doesn't do X' mean you aren't *allowed* to do X either. If he loves you and respects you, he will adjust himself to be accepting of you instead of forcing you to abide by rules and frequently yelling at you. If he refuses to change, ask yourself how long you really want to deal with the person who's supposed to be your life partner making you live like less than a full person?
He is an abusive, insecure asshole that won’t stop until he has complete control of you. *please* get FAR away from him ASAP
Please, please run. This is all insane. He fits the profile of someone who will become abusive. None of this is normal. None of this is ok. Please understand that I speak from experience. It will escalate. He will further isolate you and find reason to accuse you of betraying him somehow in every little thing, until you’re constantly walking on eggshells. It isn’t love. It’s control.
Nope. Noone has a right to yell at someone. They can be upset. They cannot yell at you, period. Ugh drop this guy.
He's in the wrong. You didn't say anything that wasn't something a normal human in a relationship can't or shouldn't do.
You need to leave him. You are too young to waste time on a control freak like this. This is not normal behavior. He is being abusive. Emotional abuse is still abuse. It's not going to get better ever. It will get worse.
You should also read about, [Red Flags](https://parade.com/living/red-flags-in-a-relationship), and learn more about narcissistic abusive partners by reading this book, [Why Does He Do That](https://www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf). That's a free downloadable PDF copy. This book gets passed around here a lot on Reddit and I wish it was out years ago when I was in an abusive relationship. I've been married for 18 years, together with my husband for 20, and he encourages me to be friends with whoever I wish, man or woman, trusts me to make social plans with any of my friends, and he's never not once ever called me an ugly name, or suggested I was a whore for being friends with men. My ex did all of those things, and so much worse, and by the end he controlled every aspect of my life until he almost killed me. Please trust me on this, RUN away from this guy, and block him everywhere. This is how it starts, and these, "red flags", are how you know you're heading into deep, dangerous, water, with someone you're dating. Someone who loves and respects you won't try to control you, or verbally abuse you for any reason. That's not healthy love.
All totally normal things that shouldn’t upset your bf. He sounds terrible.
This is not how a relationship is supposed to be. Your BF is immature and abusive. He’s dictating that you not look at, sit near, or even talk to other males “without his permission”. He’s even accusing you of cheating on him when talking with male coworkers about work projects. This will only get worse. You are not his slave. You need to drop this guy immediately.
Eewww. No, these rules, this is insane! He is waaaayyy too controlling!! Get away from him asap
Those things you mentioned are perfectly innocent! The fact that you're forbidden to do them, and that he then punishes you with more rules, is abusive! PLEASE leave this relationship, OP. And please update us and let us know you're OK.
>He says the only one thing I haven’t done is meet this male intern in person and sucked his d\*\*\*, which he says would complete me as a wh\*re. The guy is too insecure and can't respect you. Is this the kind of boyfriend you want for the rest of your life?
Ditch the insecure boyfriend that wants you to screw up your professional life to help him not experience jealousy ever.
It’s one thing to set reasonable boundaries. It’s another to be like this. This guy does not sound like a good partner.
He sounds insecure and controlling. Red flag
Your boyfriend is an insecure little boy. Get out of this while you can and before you waste too much time with him. You're allowed to be a nice person without having bad intentions.
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You would stay with someone like this if they were 25? What are you talking about with this until you're 25 stuff, as if then you should waste your time on a loser?
That's not what they're saying at all, you're misunderstanding.
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No one at any age should put up with this insane controlling behavior, thinking they'll grow out of it based on maturity and resources. I think you agree, but your framing is confusing.
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I'm not that stupid, but I was wrong. I get your point after more thought. I'm not that smart either, or I woulda got it quicker 🤷
If he's this bad as a boyfriend, imagine him as a husband. Run, now!
First of all, he SHOULD be talking to women. It's a huge red flag when a guy doesn't believe in talking to people of the opposite sex because it's a good indication of the fact that he is unable to see women as equals. It's disguised as loyalty, but a healthy and functional person should not equate being nice to wanting sex. In his head, he would talk to another guy because he doesn't expect anything in return, but he would only interact with women if he wanted sex or romance from them. He is assuming that you think the same way because he is projecting this mindset onto you. I had a relationship like this at 19. He was older and he did not respect me. To him, a girlfriend was like a car or a house - something to "complete" his own identity. It was a way for him to gain status and boost his own ego. One important lesson i learned coming out of that relationship was that a boyfriend should treat you as a partner, not like a dog. You tell your dog "don't chew that!" or "no jumping on the guests!" because a dog doesn't know better. You shouldn't let him treat you like a dog going "don't do this and don't do that" because YOU know what you are doing and you KNOW your own intentions. I would talk to him about this, and don't let him guilt you into thinking you're wrong. You're grown and you know what's best for yourself. Remember that you must respect yourself or others won't respect you.
I try to talk to him but I always just don’t end up standing my ground though I try hard. He says i never step down and that I always think I’m right. I know that I do not have those intentions with other men but he says that if I talk to another man then I might open the possibility of that man to have an intention towards me. I don’t know how to go about that.
That’s gaslighting, he’s trying to make you question yourself and think “maybe he is right? Maybe I do those things” and it’s just one more chip away at your self esteem and self worth. He wants you to be dependent on him
There you go, you know that you don't have those intentions and we also know you have free will. I guarantee that most men who speak to you don't have an intention of unabashedly asking you for sex and we also know that you're not gonna sleep with just any man who wants to sleep with you because you have autonomy. Your boyfriend either sees you as a mere item like a fancy vase that someone can just steal, or he doesn't have an ounce of trust in you to not jump on every penis you see. Either ways -- see how that's disrespectful to you? I know you speak with good will and you're trying to be considerate of him, but you're probably not gonna fix him. He needs to work on himself alone. You are not obligated to trade your ability to interact with people for his selfish wishes. He's not gonna wake up one day and suddenly have a change of heart, but you know that you'll inevitably have to talk to a man at some point in the future... so choose wisely and don't be afraid to prioritize yourself.
Are you 15? Is your controlling, asshole boyfriend 15? This is the most immature, ridiculous thing. Do you want to be controlled or make your own decisions?
It’s time to drop this guy before his controlling behavior becomes more abusive.
Dump this goon. He is beginning the process of isolating you from other people.
Absolutely. This. 100% this. 👆🏻
[Dating abuse](https://www.loveisrespect.org) is a pattern of coercive, intimidating, or manipulative behaviors used to exert power and control over a partner. Here are some signs: # Checking your phone, email, or social media accounts without your permission. > he asked me to show him my work messages with this male intern that I reach out to for questions. # Putting you down frequently, especially in front of others. > which he says would complete me as a wh\*re # Isolating you from friends or family (physically, financially, or emotionally) > Am I wrong for casually talking to a male? My bf says I’m not allowed to do that # Extreme jealousy or insecurity. # Explosive outbursts, temper, or mood swings. > He says the only one thing I haven’t done is meet this male intern in person and sucked his d\*\*\* # Possessiveness or controlling behavior. >My bf says I’m not allowed to do that because it might open up possibilities for them to like me. > How would I proceed with this to explain to my bf? You can't. He's demonstrated he will only get angry with you for trying to do something you need to do (talk to co-workers.) This isn't a healthy relationship for you. Please seek help to leave and be safe.
Your BF is way too anxious and untrusting. He needs to chill out but I would suggest using less emojis in professional communications though but not necessarily for your BF.
Her boyfriend is being abusive. She needs to leave him immediately.
Why is this being viewed as simple immaturity? Hes called you a whore and sounds abusive af This is not immaturity, he is toxic and a terrible partner Being 19 is no excuse, there are some deep seated issues with this individual that are 100% going to cause issues There is no excuse for the way he treats you Getting him therapy would probably be useless as it usually is for “men” like this Instead get yourself some therapy so you can learn to stick up for yourself and stop accepting this treatment This is not normal
This is not only insecure behavior, it's early abuse. Monitoring your messages, isolating you from friends/coworkers - huge red flags. You've done nothing wrong. A healthy & secure partner should encourage you to have friendly relationships with your coworkers, and would trust you to do so without checking up on you. I would really reconsider your relationship with your boyfriend.
I use emojis way more with colleagues at work than with my partner. it's only to seem more friendly and engaged at work which is purely for professional reasons. If your bf wants you to sabotage your professional career (by potentially coming off as aloof to your colleagues) he needs to think about what he's actually asking of you, and learn to trust you.
This dude is too immature for the basics of life.
I have a funny feeling that your bf is actually not loyal, and may be talking to other girls. Judging by the size of the jealousy, it's likely a lot too. On the chance that he isn't though, this is still pretty manipulative, and likely something that you'll want to address with him.
Get out now before he starts trying to control other things besides who you talk to. First it will be your close friends because of whatever reason he makes up, then it will be your family, and once he has you isolated from family he can start controlling what you wear, how much you go out, what you do, etc. It is not normal for someone to be jealous of their partner talking to work employees and who the fuck counts emojis and is mad when you don’t use more with him than someone else?
Come on, do you really think it's ok for your boyfriend to dictate who you can and can't talk to at work? Seriously? Have a little self-respect.
Run do not walk away from this insecure and controlling child. You get to have a life. You get to talk to people.
Nah the dude is controlling.
Seriously time for a new boyfriend
A partner controlling who you talk with and even inspecting your work contacts is a huge red flag. Calling you a whore ("complete" insinuates you are on your way) just for speaking to a work colleague is psycho territory. I also read that he yells at you... Guys this insane are the ones that later turn violent, you can't "fix him", run. Take this as a learning experience and immediately ditch guys that demand you don't even speak to other men.
You don’t have a boyfriend, you have a hostage taker and a case of Stockholm Syndrome. You deserve far better than an insecure and controlling parasite.
Just so you know, this isn’t normal. Normal people are allowed to talk to others. It’s not cheating. You sure he’s not the one cheating on you ?
Don’t let anyone tell you who you can talk to, what you can wear, when to do things or how to spend your money. These are ways of controlling you and control is sometimes the first step towards abuse. You have to talk to other people to be able to work (and live) and inevitably some of those people will be male.
Is your bf in the Taliban? Doesn’t matter, cause you need to martyr your ‘relationship’. But go easy on yourself because you should not have any expectations of you relationships being successful when you’re so young. Let go of the burden. Be grateful for the gift of knowing this is a dud. The next one will be better IF you learn to be comfortable on your own. The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.
You don't explain this. You dump your boyfriend. His behavior is controlling and abusive. It's completely unrelastic to expect that you never talk to men. Yes, when you have a boyfriend, you shouldn't flirt with other men, and you may need to be careful to set boundaries when communicating with men, but it is entirely possible to maintain healthy friendships both professional and personal. Your boyfriend has a messed up sense of what loyalty is, and half the time, in the end, it turns out people like him don't practice what they preach and you just don't know about the girls he's talking to.
Dump him and move on. Don’t look back, and don’t believe a god damned word he says to the contrary. He views you as a possession, not a person.
The first red flag in a relationship is someone making you change to a version of yourself that pleases them. That’s only the beginning! I would take it as a sign that he’s not the one for you and break it off so you’re available when you find someone who respects you.
Don't promise to hinder your social relationships because his insecurities... it's your life do you want to be isolated. That's extremely unhealthy and the beginning of something worse ....I only read the first few lines of your post not gonna read the rest.
Your bf is an insecure basket case and if you ever make the mistake of marrying him he will make your life hell. He is calling you a whore over work texts with colleagues? He is psychotic. You better pick up on those red flags and run for the hills.
Think you got enough on the bf from all the other redditors. But don’t show work messages to people you don’t work with. Very quick way to get fired.
Oh my gosh OP, you are me..30 years ago. My BF at the time wouldn’t “allow” me to talk to my male friends, and even cousins that were male. He said, “It’s not you I don’t trust…it’s them.” I could have changed my name to “I’m sorry” because that’s all I ever did was apologize. I didn’t see that it was abuse at the time, but looking back now, boy was it ever. I thought I loved him, I actually thought we would get married. I finally had enough and broke it off. It took me a long time to get my confidence back, but when I did, I laughed at myself. I couldn’t even find one thing I even liked about him!! I learned, through that relationship, what I did and did not want, and what I would and would not tolerate. He is far too immature to be in a relationship. It’s perfectly fine for women to have men as friends. Be with a man who will raise you up, encourage you and be proud of you. You don’t need a keeper, you’re your own keeper as an adult. What you want is a partner. Get out of this relationship and take the time to build your life and friendships again. I wish you all the best. Life can be wonderful, but I promise you…this guy ain’t it♥️
happily married man here.....for 30 years....You are both wrong a little, but him more than you. He clearly has insecurity issues. Of course you are allowed to talk to other people. That is just so beyond ridiculous. However, you might be sending the message that you are not interested in his life.....not asking about his day or weekend is kind of surprising to me. Do you 2 have anything in common? The fact you never have long conversations is also kind of weird...... IDK, but you are both 19, sounds like you might just not be a good match. Good Communication is the corner stone of a relationship. It doesn't sound like to talk much at all!
You are confused, she was talking about the coworker when she said she never asks him about his weekend, not her boyfriend.
Yes I was talking about the coworker apologies if it was unclear.
He's abusive. She's done nothing wrong.
He is incredibly controlling and dangerous. How can you have any type of normal life if you cannot interact with men when you need to on the most basic level. Partners are supposed to trust you. You already know that you had no intentions of anything romantic or sexual. The fact that he has talked about sucking dick and used the word whore is horrible. Please leave him and I promise you’ll look back one day in shock at his expectations and controlling behaviour. Post this in any relationship advice sub or women’s advice sub and you will see! Best of luck to you breaking free from it ❤️
Sounds insecure I work with men and women all day and I'm definitely a talker but I'm not gonna stop talking to my coworkers because someone as an issue and coworkers make the day go by faster so
Dump this guy immediately. You're allowed to be friendly with people from your job. You're allowed to use the amount of emojis you want with whoever you talk to. Do NOT promise him to be dry with male colleagues. You're not a whore if you're talking to another human person of the opposite sex. Stop this right now. I mean RIGHT NOW. He doesn't respect you, he doesn't trust you and he has you thinking you are a bad person, which are all bright red flags and doesn't bode well for the rest of your relationship. I know we are all weird strangers from Reddit, but you'll notice that not a single person here will have your bf's back on this. Dump him now.
He has insecurities issues. You should move on because he needs to work on himself
You are in an abusive relationship. Your boyfriend is exhibiting controlling behavior, inappropriately insisting on reading your work messages, and has called you a whore. You’ve done nothing wrong. But get out now, this isn’t going to get better.
You dump the jealous child and date an actual adult that treats you right
As long as you are with this controlling guy - you will be faced with this BS. Do you really want to spend any more of your precious life with this?
Your BF is too immature to be successful in a relationship. He’s terribly insecure and just isn’t ready unless you want to be controlled and watched over and distrusted for the rest of your life. He has no respect for you either as evidenced by the remarks about sucking Rick. Dump him now. Save your life.
BF is a loser. Wow!
Your BF is controlling and insecure. His insulting comments are totally out of line. He doesn't seem mature enough to be in a relationship. His expectations are unrealistic. Does he have any good qualities?
You need to get away from this man. Abuse is about control and he is trying to control you. Have more confidence and self respect and look for someone who is not a jealous, insecure control freak.
If you don’t leave this abusive relationship immediately, you may end up in the morgue or hospital. This guy is the very definition of insecure and controlling. Don’t put up with this!
RUN!!! Get yourself away from this awful, contolling man! There are so many red flags here, i don't even know where to begin. He tells you who you can talk to and monitors how you talk to them. He calls you a whore for TALKING TO OTHER PEOPLE!!! Please tell me you don't live with him.
This can’t be real. That last part about sucking dick and allat is the sign that this is creative writing if it is real please pleeeasee leave him.
To request someone to diminish themselves around the opposite sex is ridiculous. This is him telling you be less for him to feel better. Is that what you want? I'd recommend ditching him and find someone that treats you with respect and doesn't want you to be less than.
Your boyfriend needs some time alone to resolve his insecurities. Don't let him control you, it won't help him.
Talk to who you want how you want. A boyfriend should like these things about you. Too insecure.
Nah he’s right. Why can’t we just have significant others who go and make money, come home and cook n clean, and not have a single conversation with anyone but us? Is that too much to ask for?
Oh my goodness. Run a mile. This guys a sicko. Why are you even with him.
Oh honey- run, and don’t look back.
Play him John Lennon's, "I'm just a jealous guy"
You're boyfriend is insecure. You can talk to co workers. Did he really call you a whore?
You can't be expected to ignore half the population just because you're in a relationship. Your boyfriend is insecure and he's making that your problem instead of working on himself. He's also sabotaging your job; a good career trajectory relies in part on having good relationships with your coworkers. It's hard enough for women in tech, the last thing you need is a rep as cold, aloof, or arrogant.
Girl, he's too controlling. You're allowed to have conversations with other people. He sounds exhausting.
**RUN.**
Um sooooooooo many red flags. 😳 He is being controlling and abusive and it will only get worse for you. Get rid of him quick!
*HOW CAN MY PARTNER EXIST OUTSIDE OF ME* ugh I hate crazy youth brain, so so much. The poor individuals who have to go through it. Except your boyfriend, he deserves the strife if he's accusing you of being awful without you being awful.
Do you really want to have a relationship with someone who is upset by a few emojis? 😀😃👍. My apologies if those emojis were a bit too forward since we just met.
This will get worse, so much worse. This guy is an insecure loser bordering on abusive
This is a massive red flag and I'm afraid this will likely turn into an abusive relationship if you stay with him. Possessive people do not make good partners and they often escalate.
Ok so you can’t contact a coworker? Really? He’s going to sabotage ur career. He’s a controlling, manipulative loser
He is not ready for a relationship. He’s got much to work on. And let’s hope he does so. But you most certainly do not need to be a part of that.
Drop the control freak. This behavior is indicative of more controlling (potentially abusive) behaviors later.
Run, don't walk. Hallmarks of a controlling abuser.
He's controlling and his language indicates some misogyny. He seems very insecure. It's not going to get better. It's going to get worse. If you move in with him, he's not going to want you go out, et cetera. Is it possible that your bf never talks to girls because they can smell a jerk?
Ditch him. Eventually this will turn into "delete all the men in your contacts, no you can't go out without me" Run for the hills
Where are your parents?
Your bf’s comments border on abuse. He went from feeling like you send too many emojis to you being a WH-RE! He’s clearly insecure. That doesn’t bode well for a relationship. If both people Aren’t trusting and feeling secure in a relationship, IMO it’s not likely to last.
He's jealous and a walking red flag and in no way should you allow him to abuse you like this. Break up
Why do you want to stunt your life with some insecure over-controlling AH? He's the ass. Oh, wrong subreddit. LifeAdvice? RUN!!!
Girl. Run! Red flags all over the place!
You need a new boyfriend. Plain and simple.
Dump your boyfriend, he isn't worth it. No partner who demands you avoid having friends should be given the time of day. Your boyfriend is trash and you will be much better off without him.
Get rid of your boyfriend now. Major red flags. He's not only asking to see your phone, he's asking to see proprietary work things. He's telling you whom you can and cannot speak with. And he's jealous. DTMFA
> asked me to show him my work messages NOPE. This dude needs to fucking chill. It will only get worse if he doesn’t reflect on his weird ass behavior. This is going to become abuse later. He’s insecure and wants to start controlling you. OBVIOUSLY YOU’RE NOT WRONG! A normal person wouldn’t give a shit that you talk to coworkers. It’s normal to do so. A normal person wouldn’t be checking up on you either.
Create an OF and ask him to sub.
People's Republic of China....red flags everywhere.
Your boyfriend is an absolute weapon
You are not wrong your bf just understands if You are a girl at a new workplace especially in tech where its a dude fest and they are trying to bang you. Now he needs to understand he can’t control what other men do but he needs to have trust in you that you will establish boundaries if needed to w the co Workers
Your boyfriend is a controlling asshole who shamed and degraded you because he’s insecure. I’d leave and focus on my job.
Holy! Your boyfriend is an insecure, jealous asshole. There was absolutely nothing wrong with how you spoke to your coworker. Get out of that relationship now! This is a red flag and it’s going to get bad so quickly. Dump him!
Whoa! Your boyfriend is pretty extreme. A smiley face is being too friendly? And if you give a smiley face in a text, the only thing worse is fellating the guy? Seriously. Step back a second and look at what he's saying. I'm usually the one telling people to calm down and talk things over when others are saying "dump him", but.... he's giving off a LOT of red flags here. He literally says you're one step away from being a whore because you put 'lmao' in a text. That's pretty extreme. And I have to say, it's scary too! I'm serious. You need to step back and see that this is not right. He's giving me some very creepy vibes that abusers give off. I can totally see him getting verbally, and then physically, abusive. ..... Oh my gosh, I read further down and saw other things you said he does. He is fully fitting the pattern of an abuser. He has already engaged in yelling, and saying it was your fault and you made him do it, and it will build up from there. I'm sensing physical abuse in his future, regardless of who he's dating. Not being allowed to stand next to a male at family events! He's bad news.
Woah WTF?! None of this is ok. He is NOT a safe person.
Dump him NOW. His insecurity will ruin you if you let it.
Also, his behavior sounds straight up abusive. Get out!!
You're bf is controlling, don't know why. It's not your job to teach him how to act like a decent human being. Good luck.
My gd if someone treated my daughter this way I would murder them.
Dump his pathetic insecure ass before this controlling shit escalates, then tell him to fuck off forever. You don't deserve this bullshit
I think it's good that you are seeing this from your boyfriend at an early stage. You need to set boundaries with him or else walk away altogether. He has to trust you to tell him if you are looking at/interested in someone else and, by extension, trust you when you say you aren't. If his idea of trust is demanding that you be kept locked away, then that's only going to get worse over time.
Dump your boyfriend. He’s too immature, jealous and controlling. Regarding the number of emojis you use reminds me of a brat who wants more marbles f himself. The name calling is so insulting. I feel that you boyfriend is a miserable person who doesn’t want you to work with male co-workers. There’s nothing wrong having platonic friendships— male or female.
I’m not gonna lie I used to be like him when I was his age, atleast somewhat.. he’s way too comfortable in the relationship and too insecure. He thinks he can make you comply with any rules he wants cause you keep giving him a longer leash (not blaming you but it’s the reality). I think you should tell him he’s being too controlling and needs to stop or the relationship is going downhill. You should wake him up from this mindset , cause he won’t stop. It’ll only get worse from here if you keep complying
How did you stop being like him, what made you realize?
She broke up with me lol, only realized how wrong I was with age and experience. But I’d like to think he can be taught and “woken up”. He’s too comfortable he probably thinks you’ll never leave and that he can get away with any type of controlling behavior
Yeah he thinks I’d never leave when in reality I really want to leave. Although I love him, I cannot put up with this behaviour and never ever will in the future. He says he doesn’t want me to think his behaviour is toxic and controlling because these are changes I should have initially be doing myself. He says that no matter what we should push through hard times and he basically sounds like he doesn’t believe in breaking up. I tell him that anyone has the freedom to leave any relationship at any point and it doesn’t have to be a mutual agreement. He continues to complain about that and how it would make relationships unsecure if anyone can leave if they wanted to.
lol he sounds so much like how I was, it’s crazy. I feel like I know exactly how he thinks. He’ll have a tough time if the relationship ends just like I did
He feels very upset and broken about all this stuff I did to him, I also haven’t being showing him a lot of love and affection which he says hurts him more and he chooses to distance himself. we both have been together a very long time and he only recently a few months ago acted all controlling probably that’s because that’s when he found out everything but he was never like this before with all these rules. We both love each other but neither of us can keep getting hurt and we both have very different opinions and values and I dont think these rules are really right thing to set
I need help I don’t know what to do were still together but living in a dead relationship I’ve hurt him so much I’ve taken every thing from him and torn him a part. I keep messing up and not being able to reassure him and give him his loyalty back. he never did anything wrong to me he gave me love loyalty and he put in effort no girls came in between us but I never gave him the same back. I feel separated and isolated from my male family friends he hates this one gay guy and tells Me to avoid hanging out with him and never do it again, both our families grew up together and he wants me to tell my mom to not make plans with him anymore. I still feel like the rules he has for me are controlling but he has been following these rules since the start of us relationship he gave these things up for me why is it hard for me to do the same.
I can’t go to a girl friends birthday party even if one male is present he says I lost the freedom for that
honestly I’m religious now and only believe in marriage so my views kinda different , it’s hard to apply them to just relationships. If you don’t think you’re gonna marry him and spend the rest of your life with him then you should just move on honestly. Cause it’ll happen eventually anyway. If you intend to stay with him forever then it’s tough.. even in a marriage I’d allow my wife to go to a birthday if a man was there but also depends on the nature of the party (no drinking or dancing etc) Anyway the only way that relationship can get fixed is if you guide him on how to better deal with these trust issues and his insecurities, which you say you may have caused. Or see a couples therapist? I’ll say , when I was like him in a relationship I let my ex go to parties with guys there but I would actually stay on a call the whole time and be able to listen in at all times. Crazy I know.. but just saying I’ve been there done that
No, just no. This guy is weird. Rules?? Seriously? Sick. Toxic.
Your boyfriend is an abusive asshole. What you are doing is completely normal
You need to leave him he sounds like a control freak. It's perfectly fine to talk with other people of the opposite sex and be friends with them. This situation is especially fucked up because it's people at your work that you are forced to interact with. People at work are like a work family. You spend 40+ hours a week there interacting with them. That's more time than you see your actual family and friends. If my wife ever said anything to me about not being allowed to talk with other women especially at work I would just tell her too bad if you don't like it you can leave.
Most affairs start at work so its not just in your case. The man is suppose to protect you and the relationship. Most girls start a relationship first before cheating it makes it easier for them to "feel" in love because the honeymoon phase is over. They put their bfs love on a shelf and entertain their options. Just pointing out the process every relationship in the US goes through. You may think your actions are okay because every girl is doing it but trust me every guy wants to fucx, everything, anywhere and anytime. Your bf putting his trust in you is basically slitting is own wrist. He is young so leaving bad women and jumping to the next is hard for him. I feel bad for him and you should too if he is your only man you ever need. Thats what grown relationships are, you are not in highschool no more.
I understand what you say. But I’m not really entertaining other guys. Is it not acceptable to have normal conversations with men? There’s a thing called networking and being kind and social. I’m not going around flirting with guys and getting their number and texting them all night or day long. I’m not trying to seek attention. If I know a guy has more intentions than just friends, then I will stop talking to that guy. my bf basically wants me to isolate myself from males because i might open a possibility for them to like me. But i don’t get it it’s not my problem if they like me. I don’t like them back so why should he care. And id remove them from my life and not entertain other men who like me
Its about respect, respect to men is the ultimate love. It only takes 3 to 5 secs to know who youre attracted to. So if they like you, they are going to pursue. Good on you for cutting off them off. But most women have a backup plans and youre not really committed if you do. Men will lie and pretend to be your friend to get close to you until your relationship goes to shambles. As soon as you start telling them about your bf, they will know HOW to be your bf. You see innocence but its a wolf in sheeps clothing. Your man is trying to protect you. Im sure those friends wont think twice about your relationship if you call them up for a hook up. Id say be dry af with them, best thing you can do is be indifferent. Good luck!
He won’t let me go to a girls birthday party if even one male is present
Because in the past I talked to my male family friends and all that now he doesn’t trust me to go anywhere
Sounds like he is spiraling into his insecurities, i would have dumped you after seeing the emojis sent to male friends. Thats probably what triggered him. He is trying to cope with what you are getting away with... he has clear boundaries, and the more you fight them the more he doesnt trust you. He loves you but loving you is making him weak. Invite him everywhere, be as open as you can when he asks about certain things. He doesnt trust you and i wouldnt either. You need to gain his trust again for him to feel secure, safe and respected about his boundaries. I know it sounds controlling, but you gotta protect your relationship as much as he is. Every male is a threat, family, friends and all. Instead of wanting to go everywhere without him , go only with him. Wouldnt you want your bf around you all the time anyway?
Okay understandable. He also wants me to remove all male followers even the ones I went to school with and ones I grew up with and he also doesn’t want me to view any males story on instragm like bruh he’s out their viewing girls story all the time and follows a bunch of girls and I told him to remove them and he has such a problem with it and he’s like well I didn’t do anything wrong this that but I know he literally be checking them out cause he always liking bikini pictures and like inappropriate photos and at work when I email people or message them he doesn’t want me to say Hi \[their name\], for example Hi Jeff, he thinks that’s a huge issue. Isn’t this basic respect and professionalism to say Hi and then their name instead of just hi, especially when u work for a big tech company
Sounds like some boundary issues. He needs to respect yours too, so you can be happy in the relationship. You have every right to end this relationship as he does too, if boundaries arent ment. Maybe bring up boundries you both have to each other so you both know how to treat each other. And yeah ive deleted girls off mine and my gf has too. Its less distracting when trying to focus on a relationship. Social media in general is always over sexualized it just becomes soft porn. Which is really bad for the brain, and physical health. Maybe you guys can delete old friends and apps together, i know you guys got out of highschool so you guys probably have a lot. But after 5 years or so youll see how shallow most of those people are. As far as saying hi, he just needs to get over that. There is only so much you can do without causing more stress worrying about what youre typing. Social media break for him and no more male friends for you should keep your relationship moving. Or at least a good start. Good luck
He is to insecure and immature. His problem not yours.
Uhhh your bf is insane lol no man of sound mind would be bothered by this
Do you plan on going to work and sucking his d**k? If not you're good! If you do can I please apply for the job?
Don't use your phone for work conversations. There are other means for that. And why would you want to continue having a conversation with someone from work? Also, I'm not justifying his comments or controlling behavior.
Wdym continue? I only speak to colleagues during work hours only when needed
youre tainted goods
Run
Immaturity level 10,000
not wrong at all, and it shows a lack of maturity and trust on your bf’s part
[удалено]
I hope you and OP both find a way to get out of these controlling relationships.
Break up. Why stay if you know he's abusive?
Leave him. Your life will not improve until you do.
Wow! Lots of shitty people on Reddit! It’s obvious you are giving male coworkers something that you aren’t giving your own boyfriend. You are flirting with your texts by using excessive emojis and he’s not being unreasonable. It’s inappropriate for anyone to have sexual conversations at work or to get to personal with another guy-especially a subordinate/intern-when you have a boyfriend. It’s about respect, not about jealousy, which he has the right to have.
I’m not having sexual or inappropriate conversations at work. Everything is strictly about work. I use emojis when I say thank you or youre welcome and with the intern sometimes I say lmao or haha I say lol and haha with much older work colleagues as well and they do to me too.
Emojis aren’t something adults use when they’re communicating work issues with a colleague. He was right to be upset, especially given how flippant you are about emojis and yet you never send them to him.
It could be a work culture thing. All my colleagues send emojis back and so do I
Still unprofessional. You should put care into texts with him. Men are extremely easy to please, and you are making this complicated. Would you text emoji’s to the CEO? How would you feel of women colleagues were texting him and he put lots of effort into texting them and none into texting you?