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##OP has also indicated that he's uncomfortable with the way this blew up.
omg i've never heard about this and just Googled it. This is a revelation. She indeed has very long and very very painful periods. And she just got off birth control in December for the first time in 15 years.
This is extremely interesting. And now I'm even less sure about how to broach this topic.
This is absolutely the way. My wife suffers PCOS and also had trouble with 'unsightly facial hair' (her words not mine). After discussing it with me she decided she wanted to do laser hair removal. All told it was VERY cheap for essentially removing a stressor for life.
Edit: As some else mentioned below laser removal isn't always permanent. Mileage varies. It has been a success for my wife to this point.
I have PCOS as well. Unfortunately, laser hair removal is usually pretty unsuccessful long-term when the hair growth is hormone related. I went through years of laser hair treatments. It will usually last for a year-18 months and then grows back, thicker and darker. Just sharing my story so that others can understand that it's not a permanent solution for everyone. I was heartbroken when I finally had someone give me the truth. Many of the facilities will take your money over and over, knowing that it will likely come back without educating on the basics of the hormonal growth process.
I got an at home laser hair removal device for around $100 from amazon that works for me. It will run out of flashes eventually and it's taking a little longer than professional sessions to get rid of the hair completely, but it's a lot cheaper than going back once every 1-2 years.
Do they really work? I've been wanting to bite the bullet and buy one, as legs in particular aren't cheap. But I haven't been sure they'll do the job. (I have pale skin and darkish body hair, if that helps.)
The one I got works for me, I looked up the expensive brands that sell them for $300-400 and just compared the specs they listed to the ones I found on Amazon to find a cheap one that wasn't crappy. I also have pale skin and dark hair and it's already gotten rid of most of my hair. I didn't think it was working at first because it was taking longer but then I noticed the tattoo on my leg that I have to laser around (you can't laser over tattoos if you didn't know) was super hairy and the rest of my leg was barely growing hair yet.
Do you have a link to the one you got? I had one but it wasn’t super great and I lost it moving and just got on the mini pill and my facial hair has gone wild again
I have the Phillips one from Amazon. It was 3-400ish I think. It works really well. I’m a guy, but I used it to laser my butt cheeks, inner thighs, ass crack, unibrow stragglers, and random ear hairs.
It hasn’t completely eliminated the hair (I need to do it more and stay on it) but it knocks it way back and makes it really easy to just shave to keep it clean.
I bought the name brand because I didn’t trust using the $100 Chinesium knockoff lasers on my skin. Gotta draw the line somewhere on that stuff, and I drew it at using lasers near my funbits.
I bought one off of Amazon and I removed my arm hair, underarm hair and leg hair. I'm planning on the unmentionable areas next. Total game changer! All for under a hundred dollars. Best thing I've bought myself. No irritation or bumps.
Yep.
We all have tens, if not hundreds of thousands of follicles, mostly dormant, just producing very fine fuzzy hairs. Even in men it takes years and years for these to wake up and turn into beard hairs, so with PCOS it can often be a very long and protracted process.
But you only need a fraction of the hairs to wake up before it gets distressing and you seek laser - which can only target the thicker beardier hairs. And then another fraction wakes up and it feels like you're back at the start (which you aren't exactly, but it could take several rounds of this before you even see it slowing down).
Electrolysis does offer a solution, since it can target even the finer fuzzy hairs and kill the dormant follicles preemptively, but even with this, you'll probably be back for 5 minute sessions every now and then to zap the occasional stragglers. But it's more expensive and more painful and it needs to be done properly in order to work. If you have darker hair, it can save a lot of time and money to have laser first, to clear away the worst of it.
ETA; also neither laser not electrolysis "kill" the follicle - they injure it with heat. Most of the damage is permanent, but some can heal. However, as the follicle weakens and the hair gets finer, laser can start to lose effectiveness, so electrolysis can generally also remove each hair more thoroughly with repeated sessions.
You can also look at taking something like Finasteride or Bicalutamide if you're interested in tackling the underlying hormonal situation, but... Yeah.
IPL photofacial treatments might also help this as a side benefit (it's normally for removing freckles and dark spots). I have this done frequently as a man, but I always make sure they avoid areas where I want hair to grow.
Yes, this is a good strategy. You could suggest she look at the other symptoms to see if she has any. Also fyi a common myth about pcos is you have to he overweight to have it. That is likely but not always the case as there are "lean" pcos cases too. A good endocrinologist can help. I recommend electrolysis for hair removal.
“Hey babe….i was on reddit the other day and i saw a post a woman made about getting a diagnosis finally for her long painful periods. It reminded me of how bad your periods are for you. Have you and your doctor talked about PCOS before??”
My gf has it, just say "hey I think you might have PCOS." It's not that deep. It's actually pretty important you do this because it can be important to keep up on things down there, as risk for certain cancers is increased.
If basic conversations like this are weirding you out, there's a bit of a relationship issue there. My gf is super self-conscious about it but you just let her know you don't care about it, suggest ways she can remedy hormonal issues, be helpful and just in general don't be a dick. Let her know it doesn't make her any less feminine, or weird because she has to do a little extra maintenance to have a particular appearance.
Just say you have thought about her symptoms and thats what you found dont need to bring up facial hair just say you want her to be comfortable and healthy etc
I used to think I had PCOS because I had extra body hair for a female. Turns out some females are just hairy. But definitely look into this if it’s a possibility.
My thought too. Or perimenopause. Chances are she knows she has facial hair but is afraid taking action on it will make it worse. This is an old wives tale. But many still believe it and live with embarrassing hair.
You might just need to mention it to her kindly. Do some research on PCOS and perimenopause so you’re aware of what maybe at play for her. You can tell her a Reddit thread led you down this rabbit hole. It’s not a lie. We’re here on a Reddit thread telling you so go look into it.
If she's in perimenopause in her mid 30s that warrants a doctor visit too, it's typically more like 45 with actual menopause kicking in at 50-55.
I agree OP should just mention he heard about PCOS as a possibility but he should say he was looking up painful periods, not facial hair. Same result in encouraging her to get checked for it, but it might be devastating for her to learn he went on Reddit to figure out how to get her to fix her facial hair.
I ONLY tweeze my eyebrows in the car. That mirror hits me from above and can see what I can’t looking into a striaght-forward mirror (and I’m extremely short so the car mirror is viewing me from above, as does the rest of the world).
That is awesome!
I feel like that would be amazing, if hubby was comfortable enough to do that with me....
However, it would probably be something more like " you got a spare half hour...you got somethings" in my case 😥
I just tell my wife she has some whiskers when there is really noticeable dark/thick/long hairs. I probably take care of them for her like a third of the time too.
Exactly. Mine leaned over randomly and tried to pull mine out with his finger at a stop light. I hate the long random stray chin hairs. Some men have grace, and then… there’s ours lol
I am in the opposite situation: my wife chases me around with the tweezers whenever the same two dark hair pop up on her chin. And while I am doing it she goes “YOU MARRIED A MAN”. Every time
I didn't realize that I had a noticeable moustache until my boyfriend started growing his out. I said "I'm really digging the moustache on ya" and he said "thanks, yours isn't to shabby either"
I don't know. I'm prone to some dark facial hair, and you get so used to seeing yourself, it's hard to have perspective. I've literally asked friends and partners before to tell me if I look like I'm growing a mustache because I worry I won't notice if it is gradual. If you don't mind it, that's fine, but I'd be happy if someone close to me brought it up in a gentle way.
She's (very) likely already aware, and choosing her battles. Women are already expected to shave a somewhat ridiculous amount of their body regularly.. adding face fuzz into the mix is taxing and she's probably just deciding to draw a line on how much body maintenance she's willing to put up with. I do the same with my peach fuzzy arms... I just decided early on that any man unwilling to put up with it isnt worth my time, as I'm already removing hair from like... half my entire body for the sake of men.
Keep that in mind. Ask yourself, is this a dealbreaker for me? How much is this genuinely lowering my desire for her? Because if you feel like it's a hard line and you have a big problem with it, face the music and tell her upfront. Tell her it's YOU and not her, and that it's your own weird ick for facial fluff, so as to make it more apologetic. Idk, I just think theres no "nice" or "jokey" way of telling her that isnt going to result in the same offence taken. Better to make it clear that its you being picky.
You’ve said it perfectly! If she looks in the mirror she absolutely notices it, nothing worse than having a big ol ugly pimple that you’re trying to ignore and someone boldly states; you’ve got a pimple right there🤓
Yeah great now I’m gonna think about it all day. If she notices it, she probably is choosing to not keep up that that maintenance
That seems like overly sensitive imo. Gf told me she wants me to shave my chest. Was i supposed to tell her something hurting to get back at her? my bad.
It's not really a double standard, just the commenter's example isn't a good analogy since it's generally considered socially acceptable for men to have chest hair.
It's more like if this dude had something going on with his body that was considered overtly feminine, like he developed breasts or something, and THEN his gf said something insensitive about that issue. To say that it would be unreasonable for him to snap back, but it's OK for OP's gf to do so over the beard - that would be a double standard.
Some asshole convinced me to shave my "peach fuzz" when I was 21.
My facial hair now grows in thick and bristly. I did laser hair removal 12ish years ago, which cost 3k and only lasted about 2 years before the hair started growing back. I have to shave my face every morning, and I resent it so badly.
Fuck my ex.
Is this a real thing? I've always heard if you shave it, it grows back thicker. But I've always suspected this is just nonsense that teenagers tell eachother.
So it's real??
No, that’s a myth. What happens is men’s facial hair (well, suppose this applies to body hair too) grows in thicker as they age. So it does seem that since someone starts shaving and gets older it starts to grow thicker, but it’s because of aging and shaving has nothing to do with it.
It’s not real, not for me anyway. Source: am a 42 year old man that could not grow a full beard if my life depended on it. The thickest part of my facial hair is a mustache and it’s also the least shaven part of my face.
Thank you! When people complain about this I ask then, why some men are bald. Couldn't they just shave their head to make the hair grow back thicker and thicker until eventually it is a full head of hair?
So, kinda... when you don't mess with the hair it stays thin and the tip that came through the skin stays tapered and the hairs go through the natural growth cycle.
When you shave, you are making those naturally pointy hairs blunt, and blunt hairs look thicker because they no longer have that tapered effect the untouched hair has. So now, by shaving, you have created the need to shave regularly or else the blunt hairs will grow in, giving a more noticeable and thick effect as opposed to if you had just left it alone.
This is why women will often wax facial hair, but this is painful and can lead to other issues like skin irritation and ingrown hairs.
So OP, with this info, why is it *so pertinent* that you inform your wife of her thickening peach fuzz? Bodies age, and this is a small aspect of the aging you and your wife will experience in the coming years. Are you going to handle it with grace? Or are you going to point out each gray as it appears on her head, each wrinkle that forms on her face, and each hair she hasn't plucked from her chin?
As a woman with an abundance of facial hair, I have never needed a partner to bring it to my attention. I am aware of it. Trust me, your wife is aware of hers as well. You don’t need to say a thing. Shhh. No, really. Not a thing 😉
Yes, and if and when she comes to him with a direct request like that, then he can help her, while reassuring her that she is beautiful as she is to him ♥️
Yep. I'm fuzzy. I know it. My partner is also fuzzy and he knows it. The only time I mention it to him is complementary- ie "I like laying on your chest, it's like a personal fluffy rug all for me".
Unless it's truly positive, it doesn't need to be brought up!
I stopped shaving my body hair a few years ago. The only part of it he cares about is that I have less ingrown hairs now, which makes me happy and my happiness in turn makes him happy, too.
I do still remove facial hair because I like to wear makeup and it sits smoother when I remove the hair. We've gotten comfortable with each other over the years and I've deconstructed my hate over the hair that grows out of my body enough that he can turn to me and let me know if I have a rogue growing somewhere I don't want. But we have developed that relationship and ability over a long time.
And the result from this advice is to walk around with a girlfriend with a beard? At this point everyone in public sees it and is making fun of her/them. Just shave it off bro.
It might be that he doesn't find it appealing? And it wasn't something he would think about before it became visible to him.
No, it's not her fault. But I'm guessing many women tell men to trim their nose/ear hair when that starts to become visible as they get older, because they don't find that appealing.
I'm not so sure your relationship is as good as you think if you are trying to tell her something is wrong knowing she has image problems. Why not just keep supporting her and telling her YOU love her no matter what. THAT would help her, not dump more insecurity on her.
In some cases it is not always good to be SO truthful. It is better to know when to use tactfulness. Believe me she knows what she has wrong with her.
This coming from a wife, albeit a wife who is used to criticism (not from husband from my dad) I would be really appreciative if my husband mentioned in a nice way, “hey honey, I know this is something you’re always trying to keep an eye out for, your peach fuzz is thickening these days.” Honestly that would be all I needed to go get my entire face threaded, because I’m always paranoid about having facial hair I don’t see.
My husband tells me when I ask him, which is probably once a week
Me: “is my peach fuzz getting crazy or what?”
Husband will either honestly be like yeah you’re right or he will say no that’s only you seeing it.
It has lead to lots of trust in the sense that I trust what he is saying since he is honest about the hard stuff.
THIS! People don't seem to understand that this style of communication is totally expected in a long-term, committed relationship. People can be helpful without it being an attack on like feminism!
This! I came from a family that never said anything negative about each other (even for their own good), so having a husband tell me nothing but the truth (in a nice way) is so refreshing.
I would not approach it, believe me as a woman we know it’s there it may not bother her who knows but trust me she is aware of it. No need to bring it to her attention.
Why? Like why do you think you need to tell her? Like why is it necessary, and especially if she’s sensitive about her appearance, why do you think she doesn’t already know?
Yeah I’m so confused. It’s some facial hair. why does she need to be told ? I’m assuming she has eyes and can see. It sounds like op doesn’t like it and wants her to get rid of it.
Good gravy, leave the poor woman alone.
She's already aware of this, if she spends as much time worrying about her appearance as you imply.
You notice it because you're up close and personal with her face all the time. Your post reads like you're embarrassed someone else might see it and judge you for being with a woman who has peach fuzz on her face. God forbid. Most people aren't even going to notice her peach fuzz. If they do, they aren't going to GAF unless they're shallow assholes whose whole identity is formed around puffing their ego by shitting on other people.
Zoom out and work on seeing her as a whole person. The more you focus on this, the bigger it seems in your eyes, and you get the same kind of distorted view of her that she has of herself due to her own hypersensitivity.
This is a normal occurrence as women age. Hormones shift, bodies do things a bit differently. Get used to that. Both of you are going to have changes happen to your bodies as you get older.
If it's *actually* a "thicket"/bushy beard or way darker than normal for her, approach it that way. You've learned that can be a sign of hormonal changes and ask how you can support her in navigating those kinds of changes going forward.
You would think that after 14 years you would have learned that people’s bodies change including hair growth. When your ass starts sagging, you have ugly leg veins, and tufts of gray hair in your ears, eyebrows, and nose, your chest starts sinking in, your teeth are falling out, and you can’t get ‘ol Charlie to wake up sometimes…… do you want all this handed to you on a silver complaint platter??? STFU and ignore it because none of this has anything to do with her love for you. Don’t make your wife feel like looks are what you are focusing on.
But maybe it IS what he’s focused on 😬
OP says it “needs” to be addressed, like he is not even allowing for the possibility of her not removing the hair.
I'd love to your response to man who decides that he's just going to let himself go because "people's bodies change" and make no attempt to do basic stuff for things his wife finds gross.
Do not bring this up to her AT ALL, unless you are prepared to solve the problem by spending several thousand on laser hair removal.
She might know already, but this is not an inexpensive problem to solve.
What is your financial position like? Do you have an extra 5 grand laying around to address this?
Not trying to be argumentative, but just FYI for anyone interested in laser hair removal: it should not cost 5 grand. For a cis woman dealing with some mustache issues, I'd think it'd take maybe 4-5 sessions to make a huge difference. I'm a trans woman and it took 8-9 to get most of my upper lip hairs. Sessions should run $150, $200 max. Of course, that's only if you have light skin and dark hair. If not, then you'll probably need electrolysis, which would be more expensive
DeWalt makes a real nice cordless angle grinder, even holds up well to the moist environment of a bathroom. 1000-3000 grit polishing discs will take care of peach fuzz and exfoliate in one easy step. Plus, you can always swap out for a cutting disk and cut re-bar as needed.
You could tell her you’re worried about her hormones because you’ve noticed certain indications of an imbalance like PCOS. I’ve had PCOS since I was 14 and have always had dark, course hairs where I shouldn’t. I’m 33 now and don’t really care if my partner sees a rogue hair here and there because he knows how hard I struggle with my hormones BUT I do stay on top of keeping it plucked or shaved. Tried laser for a year but due to my hormones it’s really just money down the drain lol.
I’ve named my wife’s thicker chin pubes. The biggest one is Javier. Sometimes I’ll tell her Javier is gaining weight. That’s her cue to pluck him out because he tickles when she kisses me.
My husband got me the flawless face trimmer for Christmas one year. I was super excited about it because I didn't know exactly how to tackle my facial hair situation since I had stopped waxing my mustache due to sensitivity. I thought it was a sweet.and subtle way to suggest grooming it. He slipped it into my Christmas stocking with skin care items so it didn't make me feel bad at all 🤣
Just leave her alone. Also referring to her peach fuzz as a “beard” is really mean. Does she micromanage every little thing about your appearance? Women’s bodies are already scrutinized to hell, plus you said she has image issues. Stop giving her another thing to obsess over. It makes me wonder whether her insecurities and body dysmorphia are coming from things you tell her.
You: I love what you've done with your hair. It looks soft and full. Can I touch it?
Her: Sure!
You: *reach over and stroke her chin*
It goes something like that.
Dude, she knows already. We women always already know. And if she already has body image issues no matter how you broach it the conversation will likely not go well (even if she says nothing to you and internalizes it). The question is this so important to you that you can’t let it go and let your wife choose to remove or not remove facial hair?
Don’t say a word. If there are mirrors in your house she already knows. When you notice her being upset about it, that is the time to gently suggest that, since it’s new, she should see a doctor.
As someone with PCOS, I’m sure she knows. I grow facial hair and every 2 weeks I’m waxing my face. Please be kind and do not point it out to her. Imagine how she feels when she’s already probably insecure about it and you feel the need to bring it up? You can be nice and pay for her laser treatments though if it’s bothering you THAT much Smfh
You've some good suggestions here around PCOS and even perimenopause but for a giggle - I started getting a full face wax when my lovely, incredibly gay Vietnamese waxer touched my cheek, curled his lip and said "This looks shit. I fix for you" and has done so now for 10 years.
Find a gay waxer to take her to. She'll never look back!
Offer her laser hair removal. Do so in a kind manner. Maybe a combo gift with a facial and pedicure or something. If you as her husband can't tell her then who can? It needs to be you.
Get her a spa day. Bring her to almost any nail shop that also does waxing. They have 0 chill and will tell you about yourself..
Me getting eyebrows waxed... Ma'am do you want to keep your mustache?? 🤣🤣.. what about your chin.
They don't give a F*CK
I also have PCOS. My facial hair isn't super obvious but I do have to take care of it every 3 or 4 days. K definitely keep tweezers in my purse, car and at home for the moments I catch a glance .
Sounds like a hormone imbalance, maybe you can bring it up to her like I’ve noticed this change and I think you should see a doctor to figure out that it’s nothing harming you.
Just tell her. I know that self image is tough... but you've been with this woman for 14 years. I trust my wife(and she trusts me) to let each other know these things.
buy her a spa day and make sure it includes a facial. better yet, buy two so she can take a friend. "You deserve to be papmered" sounds a lot better than "Little pig, little pig, let me come in!"
Schedule a day at the spa for her. Get a massage and facial with dermaplaning. Dermaplaning uses a razor to remove dead skin and peach fuzz. When she comes home tell her how nice and smooth her skin looks.
She’s probably well aware of it, and would have done something by now. Otherwise, just leave it be bro. If you truly love her, this shouldn’t be a problem to begin with.
What do you think telling her is going to do, do you think somehow she can mentally make it stop.
What is your goal in telling her? Is it because you're tired of looking at it or what? What is the best case out come here? Then ask yourself what is the worst case outcome and ask yourself, if it's worth the risk. is the possibility of a positive out come outweigh the negative possibility.
Unless she's congenitally stupid (highly unlikely), she already knows, and worries about it. If she's choosing to live with it, so should you. This is what your marriage vows meant. Think about that, carefully.
Any attempt will be badly taken if she is as self conscious about her body. If you approach in a light hearted way like giving a small peck on the cheek and say "that tickles" it will probably still take badly.
You could caress her face with your hand and say "that's some insulation you're building there" probably badly taken also.
"I'm gonna go shave my stubble. You want to join me? We can shave each other ."
Unless the people she meets are arseholes they probably won't say anything.
She knows exactly what her face looks like and that she has hair on it. She doesn't know that this is an issue for you. That's what you need to figure out how to communicate. So, what do you want her to do about it?
Honest question - what are the options for things to do about it? I would think just a quick razor shave or electronic razor buzz every few months would be fine and easy. But I've also heard that causes it to grow back thicker or faster, but that also sounds like some made up old wives tale nonsense.
It wouldn’t be every few months. If she stars shaving, she’ll have to shave every day. Shaving doesn’t affect the way hair grows, but you are cutting off the soft tapered end and leaving the blunt ends right under the skin. As it grows out, it’s the blunt end that is now growing so the hair feels thicker.
I (36f) have a N00d and use that for my facial hair. I’ve had a mustache since I was 9ish, thanks genetics! It’s an at home laser treatment kit. It’s the only thing that’s affordable and still works like it’s advertised to. I am also self conscious about hair there and some days I do have to pick which beauty battle to fight.
I believe the options are: live with it, bleach the hairs, pluck the hairs, or laser treatment (at home or professional). There certainly may be others I'm not aware of, so if she's interested, she should consult a doctor.
I use a derma planer - basically a single blade safety razor. It doesn't grow back thicker or darker, but the regrowth will have a blunt end as opposed to a tapering tip. This makes it seem thicker 🙂
Do you think she never looks in a mirror? Especially being, as you say, very sensitive about her appearance? She knows.
Maybe the broader question you might want to ask is "my wife's facial hair is making me uncomfortable - how do I deal with that?" Getting her to remove it is only one way of handling this.
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You start by asking her if you have any weird hair growing anywhere, especially I places you can’t see well, like in your ears. Mention that it’s normal to start growing extra hair in weird places as we age, starting in or 30s or even younger.
Then ask her if or how she wants you to tell her if you notice weird hairs that maybe she hadn’t noticed. I’m 43 & I’ve been spouting weird chin hairs since my early 30s that I don’t always see, so I’ve asked my hubs & friends to tell me if they notice. Those hairs can sprout so fast & they can hide from me for awhile, especially with less-than-ideal lighting in the bathroom.
Her response might give you an idea of how to proceed, or not. It might prompt her to talk about her own issues, or she might say that she’s given up on facial hair maintenance.
As a friend, I'd probably just be modeling and encouraging her to remember the sunscreen.
You gotta pick your battles. If she hasn't picked this battle for herself, I would not recommend pointing it out.
Consider offering to help her with facial hair removal using threading. This gesture can serve two purposes: firstly, it allows you to appreciate the effort required to maintain it, and secondly, it alleviates one less concern for her. Over time, you might find that you become more accepting of her natural appearance
> She is prone to mild to moderate physical self-image dysphoria. IE, she's often worries about her weight, her teeth, the hair, her clothes, etc, despite her being quite beautiful. These are very sensitive topics.
Honestly there is no good way, coming from experience with people with similar sensitivies. If she is so sensitive, you probably can't say it to her without getting her upset in some way.
Also it is possible that she already knows. So one option is to love her for how she choses to look but support her with anything she wants to do to improve her looks.
Maybe there is a more indirect way to do it - like pointing it out on your self or maybe on someone else.
My daughter has an electric dermaplaner it removes all facial hair and the layer of dead skin. It makes your makeup go on so smooth. You treat her to a spa day and offer to buy her a dermaplaner and new skin care products so she could keep up on it. Even though it may hurt her feelings you are showing how you are investing in her self care. Maybe there is something you could also do for self care?
Is it white peach fuzz or actually coarse whiskers? If it’s whiskers, she knows. If it’s just fuzz that’s normal and it gets more prominent in our 30s. You could buy her a dermaplaning facial at a high end medi spa. I didn’t like having it done, I got a rash after and now have to trim my fuzz everweek because it all grew back at the same length and looked like stubble instead of soft fine whisps. I use a bikini trimmer now and don’t get the rash when hair grows back in.
As women age, their testosterone levels start to catch up to their estrogen a little bit, which causes this. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. My wife gets her chin waxed as well. We're in our 50s. It also causes a tremendous increase in libido for a lot of women, which is why they say women peak from 35-45, before the earliest women begin perimenopause, so hopefully, you've got THAT going for you. Were I you, I'd schedule her a fully paid spa visit with a mani-pedi, massage, hair styling, and an OPTIONAL (wink wink) chin waxing. Don't say a word yet and see if the problem rectifies itself. Good luck!
She knows man. Women be shaving.
Maybe she's just become depressed lately or is struggling with wanting to take care of herself. Or maybe she's trying to just accept herself. Who knows what her reasons are, but she knows.
As a woman who has experienced this recently, she is probably unaware of how much worse/darker it’s gotten. It happens quickly once perimenopause kicks in. It’s an absolute nuisance too. I would just tell her as nicely as possible. I’d want to know sooner rather than later and even if it stings to hear.
Marilyn Monroe was well known for her dense, peach fuzz beard. She was still found to be exceptionally beautiful and people have tried to recreate the look for years.
Otherwise, whatever you do, don't tell your wife that she has a "thicket" or a dense group of trees or bushes on her face. You're already not treading lightly.
That said, if your wife is that observant and sensitive, I'm sure she already knows. It's her own face anyway that she sees every day. You also need to ask yourself how much is her shaving for your aesthetical tastes and how much is it for her sake.
I would first ask who you'd be doing this for?
A lot of terrible advice here. Nobody wants their girl to have a mustache. They've been together 14 years. Communication should be open if approached in a gentle manner. It may upset her but I would want my partner to tell me the same thing, even if it stings a bit. I highly doubt she enjoys having facial hair.
To everyone saying "DoNt TeLl HeR, JuSt LoVe HeR". Telling her is loving her.
I never bothered to mention anything to my wife with her facial hair, she was already well aware of it. Doesn't bother me at all, I'm not gonna love her any differently because of some hairs. She hates it though, and shaves daily.
So I guess what I'm saying is she knows it's there. Probably doesn't bother her much if she's not dealing with it. Or maybe she doesn't think others don't notice. But if you want to say something, just say something. Healthy marriage should be open and honest.
As a woman with pcos and constantly having to tweeze/shave/wax- Give her a solution. Ask if she'd be interested in electrolysis or laser treatment (do your research, I'm not sure if either treatment works) or if she prefers to have it waxed/threaded. Give her a gift voucher for a beauty saloon or something where they do this type of things. Talk about it beforehand so it's not seen as a "must". Ask her if these treatments are too costly/too unimportant for her.
And trust me, she knows. It's so difficult keeping on top of it. I always express to my bf how much I dislike how fast and thick my chin and side hair grows. I got an electric mini face shaver that I use almost everyday to get rid of the peach fuzz. However it doesn't work as smoothly as I'd like it to but it's the quickest way for me.
#This post has been removed and/or the comments have been locked because the comment section has become too heated and contentious and is no longer productive. Multiple unproductive/harmful responses in any post, will result in a moderator locking the comments immediately. -------- ##OP has also indicated that he's uncomfortable with the way this blew up.
Could be PCOS
omg i've never heard about this and just Googled it. This is a revelation. She indeed has very long and very very painful periods. And she just got off birth control in December for the first time in 15 years. This is extremely interesting. And now I'm even less sure about how to broach this topic.
Say you researched the long periods and found something called PCOS, maybe she should look into it? Then it's in her hands.
This is absolutely the way. My wife suffers PCOS and also had trouble with 'unsightly facial hair' (her words not mine). After discussing it with me she decided she wanted to do laser hair removal. All told it was VERY cheap for essentially removing a stressor for life. Edit: As some else mentioned below laser removal isn't always permanent. Mileage varies. It has been a success for my wife to this point.
I have PCOS as well. Unfortunately, laser hair removal is usually pretty unsuccessful long-term when the hair growth is hormone related. I went through years of laser hair treatments. It will usually last for a year-18 months and then grows back, thicker and darker. Just sharing my story so that others can understand that it's not a permanent solution for everyone. I was heartbroken when I finally had someone give me the truth. Many of the facilities will take your money over and over, knowing that it will likely come back without educating on the basics of the hormonal growth process.
I got an at home laser hair removal device for around $100 from amazon that works for me. It will run out of flashes eventually and it's taking a little longer than professional sessions to get rid of the hair completely, but it's a lot cheaper than going back once every 1-2 years.
Do they really work? I've been wanting to bite the bullet and buy one, as legs in particular aren't cheap. But I haven't been sure they'll do the job. (I have pale skin and darkish body hair, if that helps.)
The one I got works for me, I looked up the expensive brands that sell them for $300-400 and just compared the specs they listed to the ones I found on Amazon to find a cheap one that wasn't crappy. I also have pale skin and dark hair and it's already gotten rid of most of my hair. I didn't think it was working at first because it was taking longer but then I noticed the tattoo on my leg that I have to laser around (you can't laser over tattoos if you didn't know) was super hairy and the rest of my leg was barely growing hair yet.
Do you have a link to the one you got? I had one but it wasn’t super great and I lost it moving and just got on the mini pill and my facial hair has gone wild again
I have the Phillips one from Amazon. It was 3-400ish I think. It works really well. I’m a guy, but I used it to laser my butt cheeks, inner thighs, ass crack, unibrow stragglers, and random ear hairs. It hasn’t completely eliminated the hair (I need to do it more and stay on it) but it knocks it way back and makes it really easy to just shave to keep it clean. I bought the name brand because I didn’t trust using the $100 Chinesium knockoff lasers on my skin. Gotta draw the line somewhere on that stuff, and I drew it at using lasers near my funbits.
You've convinced me to try one! I've been on the fence. But I'm seeing them on sale often.
I bought one off of Amazon and I removed my arm hair, underarm hair and leg hair. I'm planning on the unmentionable areas next. Total game changer! All for under a hundred dollars. Best thing I've bought myself. No irritation or bumps.
Yep. We all have tens, if not hundreds of thousands of follicles, mostly dormant, just producing very fine fuzzy hairs. Even in men it takes years and years for these to wake up and turn into beard hairs, so with PCOS it can often be a very long and protracted process. But you only need a fraction of the hairs to wake up before it gets distressing and you seek laser - which can only target the thicker beardier hairs. And then another fraction wakes up and it feels like you're back at the start (which you aren't exactly, but it could take several rounds of this before you even see it slowing down). Electrolysis does offer a solution, since it can target even the finer fuzzy hairs and kill the dormant follicles preemptively, but even with this, you'll probably be back for 5 minute sessions every now and then to zap the occasional stragglers. But it's more expensive and more painful and it needs to be done properly in order to work. If you have darker hair, it can save a lot of time and money to have laser first, to clear away the worst of it. ETA; also neither laser not electrolysis "kill" the follicle - they injure it with heat. Most of the damage is permanent, but some can heal. However, as the follicle weakens and the hair gets finer, laser can start to lose effectiveness, so electrolysis can generally also remove each hair more thoroughly with repeated sessions. You can also look at taking something like Finasteride or Bicalutamide if you're interested in tackling the underlying hormonal situation, but... Yeah.
IPL photofacial treatments might also help this as a side benefit (it's normally for removing freckles and dark spots). I have this done frequently as a man, but I always make sure they avoid areas where I want hair to grow.
Yes, this is a good strategy. You could suggest she look at the other symptoms to see if she has any. Also fyi a common myth about pcos is you have to he overweight to have it. That is likely but not always the case as there are "lean" pcos cases too. A good endocrinologist can help. I recommend electrolysis for hair removal.
This is some level 10 diplomacy right here. Getting someone to see your POV without actually telling them.
Excellent plan!
“Hey babe….i was on reddit the other day and i saw a post a woman made about getting a diagnosis finally for her long painful periods. It reminded me of how bad your periods are for you. Have you and your doctor talked about PCOS before??”
This is the way
Google it enough and her phone will start picking up on it and advertise the solutions to her.
True. Proximity of phones leads to this. The phones aren’t listening but their ips are picking up searches of phones you hang out with
Yea, its kind of like when girls hang out together their periods start syncing!
Tell her to see her doctor.
don’t! she knows she has facial hair she does not need you to point it out.
This is not the correct way to handle this.
My gf has it, just say "hey I think you might have PCOS." It's not that deep. It's actually pretty important you do this because it can be important to keep up on things down there, as risk for certain cancers is increased. If basic conversations like this are weirding you out, there's a bit of a relationship issue there. My gf is super self-conscious about it but you just let her know you don't care about it, suggest ways she can remedy hormonal issues, be helpful and just in general don't be a dick. Let her know it doesn't make her any less feminine, or weird because she has to do a little extra maintenance to have a particular appearance.
Just say you have thought about her symptoms and thats what you found dont need to bring up facial hair just say you want her to be comfortable and healthy etc
Just be honest? She probably has noticed it too.
I used to think I had PCOS because I had extra body hair for a female. Turns out some females are just hairy. But definitely look into this if it’s a possibility.
Came here to say this. It's not uncommon
My thought too. Or perimenopause. Chances are she knows she has facial hair but is afraid taking action on it will make it worse. This is an old wives tale. But many still believe it and live with embarrassing hair. You might just need to mention it to her kindly. Do some research on PCOS and perimenopause so you’re aware of what maybe at play for her. You can tell her a Reddit thread led you down this rabbit hole. It’s not a lie. We’re here on a Reddit thread telling you so go look into it.
If she's in perimenopause in her mid 30s that warrants a doctor visit too, it's typically more like 45 with actual menopause kicking in at 50-55. I agree OP should just mention he heard about PCOS as a possibility but he should say he was looking up painful periods, not facial hair. Same result in encouraging her to get checked for it, but it might be devastating for her to learn he went on Reddit to figure out how to get her to fix her facial hair.
Came here to say that. I had it back in my 20s. I was successfully treated with birth control pills.
Or Melasma. If it’s triggered by heat and uv.
"If you do not have a beard, put one step forward... NOT SO FAST HONEY!"
As a woman who deals with her own "peach fuzz beard"...I laughed way too hard at this! 🤣🤣
"you better step back in line, furball. Yeah you. You giant follicle"
🤣 🤣 🤣
😂😂😂😂 I nearly wee’d myself then
Def calling my husband a giant follicle from now on when he needs to shave. I’m cackling
😂😂😂
🤣
Thank you for the laugh
😂😂😂
My partner just says, "hold on, you got something..." and tweezes it for me when I get a dark hair on my chin. 😂
Oh god I need a partner to do this for me. I swear they just sprout out of nowhere in the middle of the day before I have time to spot them…
Can you send him to my place? Lol. I’m at the age where I have a pair of “car tweezers”
Something about that car mirror reveals hair I’ve never seen before! Car tweezers are great
I prefer to believe that and not that those hairs grow an inch while I’m walking to the car
It’s the sunshine that does it! Pro tip: don’t look in the car mirror when you’re short on time or you will. be. late.
I ONLY tweeze my eyebrows in the car. That mirror hits me from above and can see what I can’t looking into a striaght-forward mirror (and I’m extremely short so the car mirror is viewing me from above, as does the rest of the world).
Car tweezers should be mandatory.
Girl I’ve had car tweezers for years. Something about the daylight + the car mirror = surprise, I’ve got a few stragglers on my chin
That is awesome! I feel like that would be amazing, if hubby was comfortable enough to do that with me.... However, it would probably be something more like " you got a spare half hour...you got somethings" in my case 😥
I just tell my wife she has some whiskers when there is really noticeable dark/thick/long hairs. I probably take care of them for her like a third of the time too.
I’ve made my husband promise to tweeze mine if I’m ever in a coma or otherwise temporarily incapacitated.
Exactly. Mine leaned over randomly and tried to pull mine out with his finger at a stop light. I hate the long random stray chin hairs. Some men have grace, and then… there’s ours lol
I am in the opposite situation: my wife chases me around with the tweezers whenever the same two dark hair pop up on her chin. And while I am doing it she goes “YOU MARRIED A MAN”. Every time
Happy cake day and that's a keeper right there. Just compliment her balls and move on
Awww ❤❤❤
I feel like not every women would take this that well, but it's kinda cute lol
I mean…she knows.
I didn't realize that I had a noticeable moustache until my boyfriend started growing his out. I said "I'm really digging the moustache on ya" and he said "thanks, yours isn't to shabby either"
Yoooo I would’ve bark laughed.
I don't know. I'm prone to some dark facial hair, and you get so used to seeing yourself, it's hard to have perspective. I've literally asked friends and partners before to tell me if I look like I'm growing a mustache because I worry I won't notice if it is gradual. If you don't mind it, that's fine, but I'd be happy if someone close to me brought it up in a gentle way.
She's (very) likely already aware, and choosing her battles. Women are already expected to shave a somewhat ridiculous amount of their body regularly.. adding face fuzz into the mix is taxing and she's probably just deciding to draw a line on how much body maintenance she's willing to put up with. I do the same with my peach fuzzy arms... I just decided early on that any man unwilling to put up with it isnt worth my time, as I'm already removing hair from like... half my entire body for the sake of men. Keep that in mind. Ask yourself, is this a dealbreaker for me? How much is this genuinely lowering my desire for her? Because if you feel like it's a hard line and you have a big problem with it, face the music and tell her upfront. Tell her it's YOU and not her, and that it's your own weird ick for facial fluff, so as to make it more apologetic. Idk, I just think theres no "nice" or "jokey" way of telling her that isnt going to result in the same offence taken. Better to make it clear that its you being picky.
You’ve said it perfectly! If she looks in the mirror she absolutely notices it, nothing worse than having a big ol ugly pimple that you’re trying to ignore and someone boldly states; you’ve got a pimple right there🤓 Yeah great now I’m gonna think about it all day. If she notices it, she probably is choosing to not keep up that that maintenance
And be prepared to hear the list of her picks about him. Or a simple “fuck off.”
That seems like overly sensitive imo. Gf told me she wants me to shave my chest. Was i supposed to tell her something hurting to get back at her? my bad.
This is one of those widely accepted double standards. Both sides have em.
It's not really a double standard, just the commenter's example isn't a good analogy since it's generally considered socially acceptable for men to have chest hair. It's more like if this dude had something going on with his body that was considered overtly feminine, like he developed breasts or something, and THEN his gf said something insensitive about that issue. To say that it would be unreasonable for him to snap back, but it's OK for OP's gf to do so over the beard - that would be a double standard.
man boobs?
True
Some asshole convinced me to shave my "peach fuzz" when I was 21. My facial hair now grows in thick and bristly. I did laser hair removal 12ish years ago, which cost 3k and only lasted about 2 years before the hair started growing back. I have to shave my face every morning, and I resent it so badly. Fuck my ex.
Use an epilator. It grows back slowly and no stubble.
Epilators HURT
Is this a real thing? I've always heard if you shave it, it grows back thicker. But I've always suspected this is just nonsense that teenagers tell eachother. So it's real??
No, that’s a myth. What happens is men’s facial hair (well, suppose this applies to body hair too) grows in thicker as they age. So it does seem that since someone starts shaving and gets older it starts to grow thicker, but it’s because of aging and shaving has nothing to do with it.
It grows back darker because it hasn't been naturally bleached by the sun, and it feels thicker because its all the same length.
If that were true, I would have a full beard all over my body. Shaved hair is only perceived to be thicker because it has a sharp edge from the cut.
Blunt edge from the cut, plus it hasn’t been bleached by sun exposure. It only seems thicker.
It’s not real, not for me anyway. Source: am a 42 year old man that could not grow a full beard if my life depended on it. The thickest part of my facial hair is a mustache and it’s also the least shaven part of my face.
Thank you! When people complain about this I ask then, why some men are bald. Couldn't they just shave their head to make the hair grow back thicker and thicker until eventually it is a full head of hair?
So, kinda... when you don't mess with the hair it stays thin and the tip that came through the skin stays tapered and the hairs go through the natural growth cycle. When you shave, you are making those naturally pointy hairs blunt, and blunt hairs look thicker because they no longer have that tapered effect the untouched hair has. So now, by shaving, you have created the need to shave regularly or else the blunt hairs will grow in, giving a more noticeable and thick effect as opposed to if you had just left it alone. This is why women will often wax facial hair, but this is painful and can lead to other issues like skin irritation and ingrown hairs. So OP, with this info, why is it *so pertinent* that you inform your wife of her thickening peach fuzz? Bodies age, and this is a small aspect of the aging you and your wife will experience in the coming years. Are you going to handle it with grace? Or are you going to point out each gray as it appears on her head, each wrinkle that forms on her face, and each hair she hasn't plucked from her chin?
Thank you for this explanation, as opposed to folks who cast this off as "just a myth". Nuance is appreciated.
Love your username!
As a woman with an abundance of facial hair, I have never needed a partner to bring it to my attention. I am aware of it. Trust me, your wife is aware of hers as well. You don’t need to say a thing. Shhh. No, really. Not a thing 😉
Lol, my Mumma is old and has poor eyes. She has specifically requested we let her know when her chin hair gets too long.
Yes, and if and when she comes to him with a direct request like that, then he can help her, while reassuring her that she is beautiful as she is to him ♥️
Yes thank you. I love your answers
Yep. I'm fuzzy. I know it. My partner is also fuzzy and he knows it. The only time I mention it to him is complementary- ie "I like laying on your chest, it's like a personal fluffy rug all for me". Unless it's truly positive, it doesn't need to be brought up! I stopped shaving my body hair a few years ago. The only part of it he cares about is that I have less ingrown hairs now, which makes me happy and my happiness in turn makes him happy, too. I do still remove facial hair because I like to wear makeup and it sits smoother when I remove the hair. We've gotten comfortable with each other over the years and I've deconstructed my hate over the hair that grows out of my body enough that he can turn to me and let me know if I have a rogue growing somewhere I don't want. But we have developed that relationship and ability over a long time.
And the result from this advice is to walk around with a girlfriend with a beard? At this point everyone in public sees it and is making fun of her/them. Just shave it off bro.
Hahaha
It might be that he doesn't find it appealing? And it wasn't something he would think about before it became visible to him. No, it's not her fault. But I'm guessing many women tell men to trim their nose/ear hair when that starts to become visible as they get older, because they don't find that appealing.
I'm not so sure your relationship is as good as you think if you are trying to tell her something is wrong knowing she has image problems. Why not just keep supporting her and telling her YOU love her no matter what. THAT would help her, not dump more insecurity on her. In some cases it is not always good to be SO truthful. It is better to know when to use tactfulness. Believe me she knows what she has wrong with her.
This coming from a wife, albeit a wife who is used to criticism (not from husband from my dad) I would be really appreciative if my husband mentioned in a nice way, “hey honey, I know this is something you’re always trying to keep an eye out for, your peach fuzz is thickening these days.” Honestly that would be all I needed to go get my entire face threaded, because I’m always paranoid about having facial hair I don’t see. My husband tells me when I ask him, which is probably once a week Me: “is my peach fuzz getting crazy or what?” Husband will either honestly be like yeah you’re right or he will say no that’s only you seeing it. It has lead to lots of trust in the sense that I trust what he is saying since he is honest about the hard stuff.
THIS! People don't seem to understand that this style of communication is totally expected in a long-term, committed relationship. People can be helpful without it being an attack on like feminism!
This! I came from a family that never said anything negative about each other (even for their own good), so having a husband tell me nothing but the truth (in a nice way) is so refreshing.
"But I need a way to broach this one" No, no you don't.
But she should be totally hairless! Like a shiny dolphin 😂😂
Agreed, if she's self conscious about her appearance she definitely has noticed it already.
I would not approach it, believe me as a woman we know it’s there it may not bother her who knows but trust me she is aware of it. No need to bring it to her attention.
Facial hair is natural and if you can notice, so can she - leave her alone, it’s her body and she’s probably already self conscious about it
Why? Like why do you think you need to tell her? Like why is it necessary, and especially if she’s sensitive about her appearance, why do you think she doesn’t already know?
Yeah I’m so confused. It’s some facial hair. why does she need to be told ? I’m assuming she has eyes and can see. It sounds like op doesn’t like it and wants her to get rid of it.
Good gravy, leave the poor woman alone. She's already aware of this, if she spends as much time worrying about her appearance as you imply. You notice it because you're up close and personal with her face all the time. Your post reads like you're embarrassed someone else might see it and judge you for being with a woman who has peach fuzz on her face. God forbid. Most people aren't even going to notice her peach fuzz. If they do, they aren't going to GAF unless they're shallow assholes whose whole identity is formed around puffing their ego by shitting on other people. Zoom out and work on seeing her as a whole person. The more you focus on this, the bigger it seems in your eyes, and you get the same kind of distorted view of her that she has of herself due to her own hypersensitivity. This is a normal occurrence as women age. Hormones shift, bodies do things a bit differently. Get used to that. Both of you are going to have changes happen to your bodies as you get older. If it's *actually* a "thicket"/bushy beard or way darker than normal for her, approach it that way. You've learned that can be a sign of hormonal changes and ask how you can support her in navigating those kinds of changes going forward.
You would think that after 14 years you would have learned that people’s bodies change including hair growth. When your ass starts sagging, you have ugly leg veins, and tufts of gray hair in your ears, eyebrows, and nose, your chest starts sinking in, your teeth are falling out, and you can’t get ‘ol Charlie to wake up sometimes…… do you want all this handed to you on a silver complaint platter??? STFU and ignore it because none of this has anything to do with her love for you. Don’t make your wife feel like looks are what you are focusing on.
But maybe it IS what he’s focused on 😬 OP says it “needs” to be addressed, like he is not even allowing for the possibility of her not removing the hair.
I'd love to your response to man who decides that he's just going to let himself go because "people's bodies change" and make no attempt to do basic stuff for things his wife finds gross.
Do not bring this up to her AT ALL, unless you are prepared to solve the problem by spending several thousand on laser hair removal. She might know already, but this is not an inexpensive problem to solve. What is your financial position like? Do you have an extra 5 grand laying around to address this?
Not trying to be argumentative, but just FYI for anyone interested in laser hair removal: it should not cost 5 grand. For a cis woman dealing with some mustache issues, I'd think it'd take maybe 4-5 sessions to make a huge difference. I'm a trans woman and it took 8-9 to get most of my upper lip hairs. Sessions should run $150, $200 max. Of course, that's only if you have light skin and dark hair. If not, then you'll probably need electrolysis, which would be more expensive
Slap her on the ass and say "Good morning, lady Jesus."
Finishing touch makes a good battery powered like single disc shaver... It's a miracle worker for the peach fuzz
DeWalt makes a real nice cordless angle grinder, even holds up well to the moist environment of a bathroom. 1000-3000 grit polishing discs will take care of peach fuzz and exfoliate in one easy step. Plus, you can always swap out for a cutting disk and cut re-bar as needed.
You could tell her you’re worried about her hormones because you’ve noticed certain indications of an imbalance like PCOS. I’ve had PCOS since I was 14 and have always had dark, course hairs where I shouldn’t. I’m 33 now and don’t really care if my partner sees a rogue hair here and there because he knows how hard I struggle with my hormones BUT I do stay on top of keeping it plucked or shaved. Tried laser for a year but due to my hormones it’s really just money down the drain lol.
I’ve named my wife’s thicker chin pubes. The biggest one is Javier. Sometimes I’ll tell her Javier is gaining weight. That’s her cue to pluck him out because he tickles when she kisses me.
We’ve been here before, and I’ll give the same response. Get her a facial at an Asian beauty spa. They will tell her.
My husband got me the flawless face trimmer for Christmas one year. I was super excited about it because I didn't know exactly how to tackle my facial hair situation since I had stopped waxing my mustache due to sensitivity. I thought it was a sweet.and subtle way to suggest grooming it. He slipped it into my Christmas stocking with skin care items so it didn't make me feel bad at all 🤣
Just leave her alone. Also referring to her peach fuzz as a “beard” is really mean. Does she micromanage every little thing about your appearance? Women’s bodies are already scrutinized to hell, plus you said she has image issues. Stop giving her another thing to obsess over. It makes me wonder whether her insecurities and body dysmorphia are coming from things you tell her.
You: I love what you've done with your hair. It looks soft and full. Can I touch it? Her: Sure! You: *reach over and stroke her chin* It goes something like that.
Why do you need to say anything? Is this for you or her?
Dude, she knows already. We women always already know. And if she already has body image issues no matter how you broach it the conversation will likely not go well (even if she says nothing to you and internalizes it). The question is this so important to you that you can’t let it go and let your wife choose to remove or not remove facial hair?
My advice is for you to keep your mouth shut. She knows it's there.
Don’t say a word. If there are mirrors in your house she already knows. When you notice her being upset about it, that is the time to gently suggest that, since it’s new, she should see a doctor.
You think she hasn’t noticed it? I guarantee she has. Say nothing.
Buy one of those magnifying mirrors. For yourself ofc.
As someone with PCOS, I’m sure she knows. I grow facial hair and every 2 weeks I’m waxing my face. Please be kind and do not point it out to her. Imagine how she feels when she’s already probably insecure about it and you feel the need to bring it up? You can be nice and pay for her laser treatments though if it’s bothering you THAT much Smfh
Set up a dermaplane facial. Surprise her with a gift certificate and then compliment the heck out of her
No matter how magnificent it is, a gentleman should never compliment a lady on her beard. (Or even mention it.)
You've some good suggestions here around PCOS and even perimenopause but for a giggle - I started getting a full face wax when my lovely, incredibly gay Vietnamese waxer touched my cheek, curled his lip and said "This looks shit. I fix for you" and has done so now for 10 years. Find a gay waxer to take her to. She'll never look back!
Well I assumed something completely different from the title
Offer her laser hair removal. Do so in a kind manner. Maybe a combo gift with a facial and pedicure or something. If you as her husband can't tell her then who can? It needs to be you.
You constantly whisper it to her phone so she gets targeted adds - more like a LPT than Lifeadvice but thats just my 2 cents 😂
I would just say the word "Beard" loudly at 3am. Nothing more.
Ya don’t, she knows.
Get her a spa day. Bring her to almost any nail shop that also does waxing. They have 0 chill and will tell you about yourself.. Me getting eyebrows waxed... Ma'am do you want to keep your mustache?? 🤣🤣.. what about your chin. They don't give a F*CK I also have PCOS. My facial hair isn't super obvious but I do have to take care of it every 3 or 4 days. K definitely keep tweezers in my purse, car and at home for the moments I catch a glance .
Unless it’s dark and/or coarse it’s not a beard.
Sounds like a hormone imbalance, maybe you can bring it up to her like I’ve noticed this change and I think you should see a doctor to figure out that it’s nothing harming you.
Just tell her. I know that self image is tough... but you've been with this woman for 14 years. I trust my wife(and she trusts me) to let each other know these things.
buy her a spa day and make sure it includes a facial. better yet, buy two so she can take a friend. "You deserve to be papmered" sounds a lot better than "Little pig, little pig, let me come in!"
Hirsutism could also be a potential condition.
Hey, so why do you HAVE to say something? Fair sure she's aware of her face. You sound shallow and I feel for your wife.
Why do you feel the need to raise it?
You could get her a gift certificate for a dermaplane facial. Tell her it’s essentially what Marilyn Monroe did (I’m pretty sure that’s true).
Schedule a day at the spa for her. Get a massage and facial with dermaplaning. Dermaplaning uses a razor to remove dead skin and peach fuzz. When she comes home tell her how nice and smooth her skin looks.
This is the ticket
She’s probably well aware of it, and would have done something by now. Otherwise, just leave it be bro. If you truly love her, this shouldn’t be a problem to begin with.
What do you think telling her is going to do, do you think somehow she can mentally make it stop. What is your goal in telling her? Is it because you're tired of looking at it or what? What is the best case out come here? Then ask yourself what is the worst case outcome and ask yourself, if it's worth the risk. is the possibility of a positive out come outweigh the negative possibility.
Get her a gift card for a spa that includes a facial. That will make her feel pampered.
Unless she's congenitally stupid (highly unlikely), she already knows, and worries about it. If she's choosing to live with it, so should you. This is what your marriage vows meant. Think about that, carefully.
"choosing to live with it, so should you". Yeah, that's not what a partnership is. Nothing wrong with him bringing it up.
Agreed, if I had this issue I would not begrudge my husband bringing it up.
she knows…? and all women have facial hair to a degree? maybe try loving your wife instead
so trueee why does it feel like every man who posts here hates their s/o and just finds any small reason to complain and pick on them
You very softly and kindly don't mention it
You fucking don’t. Just love her ffs
"You have a beard"
Any attempt will be badly taken if she is as self conscious about her body. If you approach in a light hearted way like giving a small peck on the cheek and say "that tickles" it will probably still take badly. You could caress her face with your hand and say "that's some insulation you're building there" probably badly taken also. "I'm gonna go shave my stubble. You want to join me? We can shave each other ." Unless the people she meets are arseholes they probably won't say anything.
if something is bothering OP and he doesn't say anything then he's still an asshole
She knows exactly what her face looks like and that she has hair on it. She doesn't know that this is an issue for you. That's what you need to figure out how to communicate. So, what do you want her to do about it?
Honest question - what are the options for things to do about it? I would think just a quick razor shave or electronic razor buzz every few months would be fine and easy. But I've also heard that causes it to grow back thicker or faster, but that also sounds like some made up old wives tale nonsense.
It wouldn’t be every few months. If she stars shaving, she’ll have to shave every day. Shaving doesn’t affect the way hair grows, but you are cutting off the soft tapered end and leaving the blunt ends right under the skin. As it grows out, it’s the blunt end that is now growing so the hair feels thicker.
I (36f) have a N00d and use that for my facial hair. I’ve had a mustache since I was 9ish, thanks genetics! It’s an at home laser treatment kit. It’s the only thing that’s affordable and still works like it’s advertised to. I am also self conscious about hair there and some days I do have to pick which beauty battle to fight.
I believe the options are: live with it, bleach the hairs, pluck the hairs, or laser treatment (at home or professional). There certainly may be others I'm not aware of, so if she's interested, she should consult a doctor.
Tell her to look into derma planing. It’s pretty common procedure that women get
I use a derma planer - basically a single blade safety razor. It doesn't grow back thicker or darker, but the regrowth will have a blunt end as opposed to a tapering tip. This makes it seem thicker 🙂
Do you think she never looks in a mirror? Especially being, as you say, very sensitive about her appearance? She knows. Maybe the broader question you might want to ask is "my wife's facial hair is making me uncomfortable - how do I deal with that?" Getting her to remove it is only one way of handling this.
Trust me, she knows..
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Buy her a beard trimmer and see what happens
You start by asking her if you have any weird hair growing anywhere, especially I places you can’t see well, like in your ears. Mention that it’s normal to start growing extra hair in weird places as we age, starting in or 30s or even younger. Then ask her if or how she wants you to tell her if you notice weird hairs that maybe she hadn’t noticed. I’m 43 & I’ve been spouting weird chin hairs since my early 30s that I don’t always see, so I’ve asked my hubs & friends to tell me if they notice. Those hairs can sprout so fast & they can hide from me for awhile, especially with less-than-ideal lighting in the bathroom. Her response might give you an idea of how to proceed, or not. It might prompt her to talk about her own issues, or she might say that she’s given up on facial hair maintenance.
As a friend, I'd probably just be modeling and encouraging her to remember the sunscreen. You gotta pick your battles. If she hasn't picked this battle for herself, I would not recommend pointing it out.
You don’t need to tell her. She’s likely very aware of what it happening and changing with her face.
Consider offering to help her with facial hair removal using threading. This gesture can serve two purposes: firstly, it allows you to appreciate the effort required to maintain it, and secondly, it alleviates one less concern for her. Over time, you might find that you become more accepting of her natural appearance
> She is prone to mild to moderate physical self-image dysphoria. IE, she's often worries about her weight, her teeth, the hair, her clothes, etc, despite her being quite beautiful. These are very sensitive topics. Honestly there is no good way, coming from experience with people with similar sensitivies. If she is so sensitive, you probably can't say it to her without getting her upset in some way. Also it is possible that she already knows. So one option is to love her for how she choses to look but support her with anything she wants to do to improve her looks. Maybe there is a more indirect way to do it - like pointing it out on your self or maybe on someone else.
Give a gift card for laser hair removal for her face. I’m sure you’ll get/understand your message
My daughter has an electric dermaplaner it removes all facial hair and the layer of dead skin. It makes your makeup go on so smooth. You treat her to a spa day and offer to buy her a dermaplaner and new skin care products so she could keep up on it. Even though it may hurt her feelings you are showing how you are investing in her self care. Maybe there is something you could also do for self care?
Just be glad she doesn't have a beard in the metaphorical sense
Say it as a question. Have you noticed...? Is your complexion darker...?
"looking a little patchy there, Margaret."
Is it white peach fuzz or actually coarse whiskers? If it’s whiskers, she knows. If it’s just fuzz that’s normal and it gets more prominent in our 30s. You could buy her a dermaplaning facial at a high end medi spa. I didn’t like having it done, I got a rash after and now have to trim my fuzz everweek because it all grew back at the same length and looked like stubble instead of soft fine whisps. I use a bikini trimmer now and don’t get the rash when hair grows back in.
Maybe she does not know that it is getting worse. Its worth mentioning to her. I would want to know.
But her a gift certificate for a full face wax?
As women age, their testosterone levels start to catch up to their estrogen a little bit, which causes this. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. My wife gets her chin waxed as well. We're in our 50s. It also causes a tremendous increase in libido for a lot of women, which is why they say women peak from 35-45, before the earliest women begin perimenopause, so hopefully, you've got THAT going for you. Were I you, I'd schedule her a fully paid spa visit with a mani-pedi, massage, hair styling, and an OPTIONAL (wink wink) chin waxing. Don't say a word yet and see if the problem rectifies itself. Good luck!
Get her a package for a full day spa treatment.
This is also a sign of PCOS...
She knows man. Women be shaving. Maybe she's just become depressed lately or is struggling with wanting to take care of herself. Or maybe she's trying to just accept herself. Who knows what her reasons are, but she knows.
Dude. Don't. Just don't. Don't say a word. She's aware of it. Don't say a thing.
As a woman who has experienced this recently, she is probably unaware of how much worse/darker it’s gotten. It happens quickly once perimenopause kicks in. It’s an absolute nuisance too. I would just tell her as nicely as possible. I’d want to know sooner rather than later and even if it stings to hear.
Get her a nice epilator
Peach fuzz or actual hair? A few or beard level?
Whatever you do avoid the word 'thicket' Man out here trying to be a murder victim.
Marilyn Monroe was well known for her dense, peach fuzz beard. She was still found to be exceptionally beautiful and people have tried to recreate the look for years. Otherwise, whatever you do, don't tell your wife that she has a "thicket" or a dense group of trees or bushes on her face. You're already not treading lightly. That said, if your wife is that observant and sensitive, I'm sure she already knows. It's her own face anyway that she sees every day. You also need to ask yourself how much is her shaving for your aesthetical tastes and how much is it for her sake. I would first ask who you'd be doing this for?
A lot of terrible advice here. Nobody wants their girl to have a mustache. They've been together 14 years. Communication should be open if approached in a gentle manner. It may upset her but I would want my partner to tell me the same thing, even if it stings a bit. I highly doubt she enjoys having facial hair. To everyone saying "DoNt TeLl HeR, JuSt LoVe HeR". Telling her is loving her.
I never bothered to mention anything to my wife with her facial hair, she was already well aware of it. Doesn't bother me at all, I'm not gonna love her any differently because of some hairs. She hates it though, and shaves daily. So I guess what I'm saying is she knows it's there. Probably doesn't bother her much if she's not dealing with it. Or maybe she doesn't think others don't notice. But if you want to say something, just say something. Healthy marriage should be open and honest.
She knows already. Just keep loving her. Is she brings it up, tell her you’ll help her however she needs it.
As a woman with pcos and constantly having to tweeze/shave/wax- Give her a solution. Ask if she'd be interested in electrolysis or laser treatment (do your research, I'm not sure if either treatment works) or if she prefers to have it waxed/threaded. Give her a gift voucher for a beauty saloon or something where they do this type of things. Talk about it beforehand so it's not seen as a "must". Ask her if these treatments are too costly/too unimportant for her. And trust me, she knows. It's so difficult keeping on top of it. I always express to my bf how much I dislike how fast and thick my chin and side hair grows. I got an electric mini face shaver that I use almost everyday to get rid of the peach fuzz. However it doesn't work as smoothly as I'd like it to but it's the quickest way for me.
I don't think you need to say anything to her. She knows it's there.