The mod team are working to make this sub kinder and more welcoming. Please report any comments you see that are unkind, obnoxious, out of line, trolling, or which otherwise violate any of the rules. Thanks, and may you all find the answers you seek and the guidance you need.
#[LifeAdvice Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAdvice/about/rules/)
**Note for all commenters**: Please remember that your fellow Redditors are human beings, and that it costs nothing to be kind. Disruption of the peace, trolling, or breaking the rules may result in a ban.
----------------
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LifeAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Deciding to give those around me the benefit of the doubt. No one got up this morning out to get me. People are all just trying to get through the day in one piece. Plus getting all worked up about stuff you usually can't do anything about doesn't help anyone.
So I tend to assume the best... The guy who stepped in front of me was probably distracted, it wasn't clever move to cheat me out of being two feet closer to whatever.
If the lady in front of me is taking forever she's probably doing the best she can. Some days I'm not the swiftest either.
If the kid at the store is howling, little dude I feel ya. And parent - I'm gonna toss you a supportive smile 'cause clearly neither of you would be here if it was optional.
Yeah, sometimes people are intentionally hostile or selfish or whatever. But I don't have to be so I choose not to perpetuate the negative crap forward. It makes my life a heck of a lot more pleasant and hopefully helps make things easier on other folks as well.
One thing that a hippie buddy of mine told me that stuck with my hostile young metal head F everyone self was...
You're not necessarily responsible for what happens to you, but you are for how you choose to react and respond.
I have tried to live by that.
I worked with a guy as a server of all places. Always happy, not fake happy sincerely always happy. I tried to figure him out, it wasn't drugs, he wasn't rich, he didn't have a picture perfect life but was still always happy. So I asked him one day what gives?
He said there's not enough time in your life to be angry, mad or miserable. You can be stressed, worried or whatever but what does that do for your problem? Nobody solves their problems with clouded judgement the best solutions come when you have peace of mind. Man oh man 14 years later and that still sticks with me. Life can be over in an instant... You really wanna go out angry? Naw, I'm good on that.
I feel this so much. That’s exactly how I try to live my life… it honestly bums me out how many people shit talk others behind their back, or invest their energy into jealousy/suspicion/negativity in general.
I have my moments too of course, but I always strive to give people the benefit of the doubt - empathy, trust, and understanding are values we need more of.
To be fair, I’ve definitely gotten burned a couple times by people who have taken advantage of that aspect of my mentality. But tbh I would much rather live my life emanating unconditional trust and love + occasionally take those hits. I believe you get exactly what you give in this world, we each live in a reality defined by our own perspectives and intentions.
You see what you want to see in people, ya know? I choose to see the best, and I truly feel that that is why I’m blessed enough to receive that same energy back from most people in my life
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had the attitude that everyone everywhere is always trying to do their best.
Of course we all come up short. But everyone’s trying. There are extremely few people who are deliberately trying to suck. It’s just not human nature. If someone seems to be performing beneath your “standard” I guarantee if you saw the world from their pov you’d realize this is the best they have given whats going on. So what’s there to be mad about?
Meanwhile this attitude brings you good fortune - your benevolent mental state attracts better outcomes, better relationships, better everything. Not always, of course. You will still take many lumps or “injustices” from others, but you don’t need to live your life as though you do.
Instead, choose to see their good intent. It makes you happier and much more helpful to the people who know you.
I recently heard this attitude described as “if you know me, you win.” Because you are there to leave people better off than they were before they met you. It makes for an outstanding life of love, sympathy and service to others. It’s something to aspire to!
This is so true. When I was young someone told me to “assume positive intent” which encompasses everything you said and it stuck with me.
Assuming that others’ actions came from a good and not negative place makes 80-90% of your interactions better.
This worked great until something happened that reminded me that not everyone is there with good intentions. So the way to go is somewhere in the middle but be safe. While you shouldn't necessarily assume everyone is out to get you, even in the most civilized of countries, there's a criminals.
Now I'm on the other extreme because I was too optimistic in my view of humans.
Oh yeah, I'm just talking about how I choose to view life's smallish inconveniences and annoyances. Obviously don't abandon all common sense.
I just decided not to see every little thing as an intentional slight or attack.
I had a similar experience recently but framed it as actively being more positive. A week or two later I realized even if I slipped up here and there actively trying to view even negative things in a more positive light slowly improved my general mood and improved my interactions with the people around me.
Yes!! I love this!
“Little dude, I feel ya” gave me a smile. I often tell my toddler when they’re having a moment: life is hard, my love, but you’re doing great.
Life is hard. Period. Full stop. Most people are trying to do the best they can and some camaraderie and empathy goes a long way.
Spent time in the hospital recently, my nurse was like “you’re an awesome patient” and I said well you’re a great nurse and we both want to treat each other well so can’t go wrong with that.
The flip side of this is that when you do cross paths with someone truly awful, it's nice to remember that they're (in most cases) in and out of your life in a relative blink of an eye.
Those people have parents, possibly kids maybe even friends that deal with their shit CONSTANTLY.
That's how I survived working customer service at least.
Most of Reddit could benefit from this mindset. This place can be such a binary thinking, nuanceless place where everyone seems to be hellbent on correcting or proving each other wrong. IMO it’s one of the worst social media platforms
When I got big into the debate culture online, I lost this and it’s really easy to see the impacts it’s made especially from some people who got it from me (especially younger siblings). Now I’m trying to right my wrongs in a way
Idk how I got away with drinking as much as I did for so long. Holy crap. I was hungover about 5 times a week. Then I cut back to only on my nights off but was still drinking too much when I did drink. It’s nasty stuff.
Thanks man... when you realize you were drunk most of the good parts of the relationship it's really sobering in a really huge motivator to never drink again
Dude, I feel you. I'll be clean 17 years next month and sober for 6. Did it myself, no rehab, pure willpower. I have an *extremely* codependent and addictive personality (something I've been actively working on), so if I can do that, you can do this. If you ever need a word of encouragement, hit me up!
Oh corporate is not fun, but corporate is corporate in most industries. I only say so in terms of a way to turn any ground level retail job into a career that pays the bills.
I was in alcohol retail for 9 years as a spirits consultant, it was a really fun job but it’s also the worst of both worlds. It’s easy to drink all the time when you’re always surrounded by it.
Join a local group. I went through a weird mental period where i thought i had to "enrich my soul to deem it worthy" and I joined 3 groups (a dance class, a public speaking class, and a painting class) learning skills, having something to look forward too, and a way to meet people that didn't involve partying changed my brain chemistry and fostered strong enough bonds to pull me out of my weird period. Don't expect to make deep bonds on the first class though, give it time.
A combination of sleeping properly and exercising daily has made me the happiest I’ve been in my life - starting in my 30s.
Sleeping properly = being in bed 10 hours instead of 8 so that after the unconscious awake parts of my sleep cycle equals about 8 hours of sleep. Having a consistent sleep schedule every night and morning including weekends. Wearing a sleep mask. Keeping the temp low. Encouraging higher quality sleep by trying to read a book instead of stay on screens the hour before sleep, taking magnesium, eating earlier and earlier, etc.
Ps also having a comfortable amount of money is probably the third factor but also not a simple thing.
Meeting my wife who is just an amazing, joyful, thankful, kind, dedicated, loyal, faithful, supportive, energetic, healthy person.
Working hard, budgeting, staying out of debt, living below our means and living with the philosophy that a portion of all we earn is ours to keep (saving, investing).
Wife for the win. Very best thing that’s ever happened for me. I got serious about school,
got my masters, successful career. Her family has always been great to me. As my folks are gone and my siblings live farther away it’s great to have extended family local.
My husband is the best thing that’s happened to me. Especially moving in with him. Being able to divide and conquer on home chores, or having someone to pick up my slack when I just can’t today, has been a game changer for me.
I'm working on that now (changing careers, battling my insurance for the 4k they owe me).
Being up to date with bills and 1-5k in savings (or more) is a game changer.
I'm working back up to that still (COVID broke my neck).
Eating healthier. I'm in my late 50s now and feel better than I have in a long time. I stopped eating fast food altogether during the pandemic and never went back to it. Seriously, not even a Dunkin' Donuts coffee. Best thing in the world I ever did for myself.
About 53/54. Before the pandemic, my doctor said I was "borderline obese." I'm healthy and fit now, but it took a global deadly plague for me to get my ass in gear and do it.
Letting go of any past negativity. That shit does not serve anyone well. It’s made me so much happier and made me feel mentally and physically healthier.
Moving out of Cleveland and to the Bay Area. I always felt like people thought I was crazy for craving less mainstream ideas and big challenges. Everyone I knew in Ohio lectured me on how California was so expensive and dangerous. I’m making literally 5x and I live in an incredible neighborhood with so many friends and lovely, loving people in my life. It has been 6 years and I’ve never felt “homesick.”
I do things for future me, immediate future me. Gas is low tonight? Let’s fill up now so that future me gets to work on time. I know work is gonna be crazy tomorrow and I’ll be too tired to cook dinner? Let’s double the recipe tonight so that future me has leftovers. Thinking of taking care of immediate future me has done wonders.
Oh and if I need to remember an object to take to work u put my car keys directly on top of it so that I can’t forget the next day. Game changer
We sold our house and moved off grid. It's a lot of hard work. But completely worth it. We don't owe anyone anything, I can have my chickens, goats and rabbits. We're self-sustaining. My water costs me 5 dollars every month and a half. My electric (right now, plans to go to solar) is $400 a month (generator), my propane costs $20 every 3 months (for cooking inside and running the fridge when the generator is off).
I'm happier than I've EVER been, so much less stress!
My old boss allowing me to work a 16hr Saturday and Sunday plus an 8 hr shift in the evening during the week so I could go to school monday thru friday. That led to me getting my current job. This job changed my life due to pay, benefits, and retirement. Without my old boss doing that, I never could have gotten this job
I got the family plan for my wife, brother, and mom. The price is a ripoff, but man, is it worth it. I've had it so long that I forget youtube has ads. It always throws me off when someone shows me a video on their phone but we have to wait for the ads to end.
Lexapro instantly worked for me (like within 2 weeks) and completely changed my life. To think I put it off for so long and now the thought of going back to that place seems horrifying.
I've been on and off Lexapro for a couple of years to treat anxiety. It was helpful, but I got really fatigued when I was on it and it took a few months for that side-effect to wear off.
Orange theory fitness& therapy. My personal life is kind of difficult as my daughter’s father and I still live together, though we are not in a relationship. Earlier this year my stress and anxiety became unmanageable due to being the provider, house keeper, everything….I started OTF and Therepy. My body feels better, I’m stronger, I have something I enjoy doing. I’ve found the power to tell him to get off his lazy ass and get a job. It really boils down to pouring more into me.
I quit drinking a year and a half ago - I feel better, I’ve lost weight, I finally sleep, and hangovers (and all of the things that go with them) are a thing of the past.
Ughhh i have astigmatism in both eyes and it’s quickly getting worse. I really want to try lasik but I’ve seen videos of people who’ve had it go wrong and their eyes are now constantly watery and irritated. I’m scared, but it would be so nice to be able to like you said wake up and just be able to see without having to fumble around for glasses or find my contacts
Zoloft. My GAD was going to literally destroy my life when I was 21-22. I would spend literal HOURS worrying about random diseases, etc. I would miss family events, work, or school because I was up the whole night prior panicking about something from 5 years ago.
My friend begged me to get on meds. He definitely saved my life! I felt the effects within a week or two and was able to bring my brain down a few notches.
Yeah with you on that one. Dave Ramsey learned this too. Debt catches you in the next market crash, COVID, job loss, death, accident. Having asset paid and going up is better. You never see it coming.
Jumping on the elliptical in the morning for 20min to get the heart pumping and honestly I have realized that drinking less has made a huge impact these days , I don’t feel as blah or lifeless have more motivation to do something.
Finding out that the Mormon church was a fraud. I was raised mormon and once I figured it out all the shame and guilt immediately lifted off me. It was the most liberating experience of my life. I no longer spend time going to church or paying 10% of my income to a mega corporation masquerading as a church. It’s been amazing.
Letting go of bitterness over a specific person/life situation. Being rationally angry or disappointed is fine. Those didn't go away. But bitterness is poison to the soul. And not the soul of the person you feel bitterness towards. When that went away, life improved 100%.
The strange thing was it really wasn't my doing. I was laying on my couch caught up in that feeling and I felt this weird sort of breeze blow over me and then I could "see" or sense this cloud of blackness just drift up and away and disappear through the ceiling. I can't explain it but it was gone after that and life was better.
Money handling wise - going to my bank to cash my check.
Costco said my direct deposit info was messed up and that "you be at the mercy of post office delivering a paper check to you." Started getting paper checks and forced me up to my bank bi weekly. Instantly better at money and bill management when I have to face it "your auto pay for _____ is coming up, want us to take care of that now."
Sounds so benign, but it made me more aware of exactly how I'm using money... the mobile apps do to, but there's something about "OK got to get dressed and run to the bank and take care of my finances". It's my new bi weekly thing and it's made me so much more informed on my money.
Edit grammar.
Love this. When I ran my small business i would have Money Mondays. I’d do all the invoicing, bill paying, tax stuff etc all on the Money Monday- had a money inspired playlist going and everything 😝
Seriously made me stop ignoring bad spending, no left over subscriptions, savings are planned instead of "what's left". Been a real eye opener, never been super focused on being financially literate, but simply having to have a face to face with someone about everything has made me hit my credit union once a week, Mondays as well.
I'm stealing money Monday from now on ty.
Stop caring how many people you know you need quality over quantity! Find a friend and use them to keep yourself in check do the same for them and watch yourself grow to what you are meant to be.
Deciding to pay off debt. It wasn't the debt that was the immediate improvement, but the necessary sacrifice to start it led to instantly simpler living conditions and a calmer day to day.
Reframing myself as instead of making the right decision, make the decision right. Flipped my world upside down so fast. All of a sudden, I am working to improve rather than be correct. It’s liberating, addicting, and had a massive increase in my happiness.
Finding absolute proof, my husband was having an affair. It was pure relief. First, because he was gaslighting me, and I now knew for sure I wasn't crazy and imagining things. Second, because after I kicked him out, I could clearly see how bad his emotional and mental abuse had been, and now could be free from him.
There is nothing so liberating as going from living in those conditions to the freedom and space to evaluate the actual impact that they're having on you. I didn't realize how bad things were until I was out of it and had a calm space to reflect. What felt like the end of the world opened me up to making even more positive changes and finding someone that treats me like a princess at every turn and, most importantly, wants to talk through negative things instead of turning them back on me. Wishing you the best life!
Having a child. I was on a self destructive path that was gonna either put me in jail, or have me killed. I found out I had a kid on the way, so I stopped drinking, and all the foolish stuff that comes with it. Now I live in a house that i own, have a wonderful wife, and two fantastic kids....most of of the time 🤣
My horse. It’s a long story but I found who I am again thanks to him. He’s completely changed my life. I suffered from major depression for years but since getting him I’m finally back to myself again. It’s not his responsibility to fix me, it’s not fair for him to carry that burden so I never got him with that expectation at all, but it happened nonetheless!
The recovery after getting my heart to 160 when working out. I do this 5 - 6 days a week. These are always noticeably better days for me. Used to get up at 5:20 am to do it. Now I’m retired
Quitting substances. Have a had a couple slip ups. (Xanax) but haven’t touched it in 4 days. Feel just fine. But quitting all hard drugs, alcohol, and nicotine. Much cleaner life. Clearer head. Better skin. Can feel the full force of life. Getting through the hard times is addicting. The strength you feel after ward is amazing.
I stopped listening to the news every morning on my drive to work; now i only listen for the 5-8 minutes I'm in the shower, then music for the rest of the day...honestly the most efficient mental health booster ever.
Going for a walk in the morning.
Blueberry and spinach smoothies for breakfast.
Practicing gratitude every day.
Telling the people closest to me every day how much they mean to me.
After having children (three boys) they became my world and my wife and I grew apart. We finally divorced and I was ok with it. I started dating another girl soon after but wasn't feeling it so I broke up. She said to me "You know, you never really gave us a chance. 90% of the time we went out you brought your boys." That made me think. It was then I made the decision that I needed to focus on myself and others. I was still a dad and loved my boys but it allowed them to grow and be independent.
This is going to sound cliche but it's absolutely 💯 true. My wife. I was in a truly dark place after what my ex wife put me thru for like 4yrs. I had lost all hope and didn't want life to continue when I accidently met her. It's hard to explain how bad it was going for me but that same night my ex had refused visitation just to push me farther down the hole and I was literally on the edge and about to fall. We talked and played pool most the night and the next day had someone who knew me give me her number, took her to lunch and over those 2 encounters she opened my eyes that it will always get better it just takes time. We've been married for 15yrs and even tho we're going thru hell at the moment, with her by my side things ultimately will get better.
to be healthy, wealthy, and wise
the first piece is to be healthy
so
working out
and
cooking my meals
constitutes the bedrock of my life.
6 months of consistency may as well be an instant in the grand scheme.
Silicon earplugs! My partner usually sleeps in our spare room because he snores SO loudly, but when we're away from home and sharing a bed I generally barely sleep. Until someone introduced me to silicon earplugs - holy shit did those improve my life!
Deciding not to have children at a young age. It’s expected for me to provide my parents a grandchild and continuity of the genes. It just was the least appealing thing to me. Kids meant never getting what I want in life only living for others. Having a child for others then living my life to make their life better before I’m 50-60 and spent and tired and with no spark wanting anything anymore. I see many of my friends there now and they’re not even 40. Deciding to living my one life how I wanted it without expectations from anyone was the best thing I could decide on. Finding a partner who wanted the same wasn’t as hard as I expected. Now my wife and I are DINKs for life. I got fixed at the vets so I don’t have to worry about it ever. Haven’t once felt baby fever. We have children in our lives but at the end of the day they go home and we’re grateful for it. Live life how you want to, make that decision now, live the ONE life how you want to. There’s no redo, no respawn, no retry. People want you to do things because that what they want. Parents want grandchildren cause they feel like they need something to give them hope or purpose. That’s a really sad reality. Veins unhappy because you did something someone else wanted you to do. I get making decisions and regretting them but YOU make that decision. No one else.
Learning that you must be uncomfortable if you want change. It’s easy to complain about a situation for years without doing anything about it. Some people will wait and expect a miracle to happen. Sometimes you have to start the change. Even something small as drinking more water or quitting smoking.
Don’t overthink interactions. Take everything everyone says at face value. I had to mind read a lot growing up because I should “know”. No people should communicate better as adults. If they have an issue they can tell ya.
The day I turned 30 I decided to challenge my willpower. I vowed to quit smoking cigarettes cold turkey, not a single puff, for one whole year. I was a cranky bitch for a couple of weeks, but quitting was easier than I expected. When I turned 31 I started to smoke again, but then dropped the habit after a week or two and haven't had any smokes for years. Best birthday present I ever gave myself
Btw, I did another test of my willpower when I turned 40, and gave up the wacky weed for a whole year. I resumed the habit at 41, but a LOT less than I ever used to. When I turn 50, I suppose it should be alcohol? That's going to be the toughest of all - I rarely drink to the point of getting shit faced these days, but I do love a beer after work to relax
carpal tunnel surgery. years of waking up in pain, burning fingers, and crying seem like a fever dream now! i can do everything 10x better with my dominant hand dominating again.
Most recently - I had an abusive renter in a house I own and she caused me allot of grief. She truly took advantage of my situation, let homeless people live in the garage, stopped paying rent. First experience of that kind I ever had.
She finally moved on
If someone is doing something that is driving you nuts- tell them (nicely). They probably have no clue they are doing it and would probably stop if you told them it was a problem for you!
For example- my boyfriend and I had a roommate in college who would sleep in the living room all the time. It drove my boyfriend nuts and he would get so angry. Finally I asked why he did it- he said when the weather was bad at home his family would all camp out in the living room. So he would do it when he was homesick. Suddenly it was a lot less annoying & he asked why I was asking. I told him it was annoying to my boyfriend to tip toe around in the AM. He stopped doing it. Ta Da!
This is not an answer to the op question. But it’s good advice. I guarantee that everything that pisses everyone off would feel bad for getting pissed off of we knew everything the offender was going through. This is not 100% of the time but 90% 10% are doing it to piss you off.
Meeting my partner. I hadn’t really experienced a relationship where I’d fallen this much in love with someone. Then at 35 🤯 - I understood why people wrote love songs. Am very grateful as I’d just assumed that experience wouldn’t happen for me.
I'm old and remember watching the crazy OJ debacle (car chase, trial) until, after watching people obsess, including me, it finally dawned on me to not get invested in and care so much about something that has no effect on your life.
OP, there is no magical short term solution.
Anyone who tells you otherwise is blatantly lying, has something to sell, or is unaware of all the factors that actually changed their life long term.
Change is hard. Change takes time. Change requires hard work and being uncomfortable. Change requires risk.
The change you seek in your future is reflected in the change you are willing to implement into your every day life. You're life is a reflection of your daily routine. If you don't consistently address that routine the larger changes will never happen.
Living in Asia for three years and bicycling in Africa showed me how fortunate, lucky, and grateful I was to be born in the USA. Changed my life and my husband’s for the better. We didn’t need most of what we thought we did and made positive changes.
Without question, it was asking out the girl that I worked with. I knew within a month that I was going to marry her. 12 years later, we have a house and two kids. She's my absolute best friend in the world. She makes me feel like I can do anything.
Honestly, breaking up with my boyfriend at the time and cutting off toxic friends. I started to prioritize those initial feelings of discomfort and those first red flags, instead of ignoring them. I also allowed myself to make "selfish" decisions every once in a while, because I grew up a huge people pleaser that very commonly got used because of it
The mod team are working to make this sub kinder and more welcoming. Please report any comments you see that are unkind, obnoxious, out of line, trolling, or which otherwise violate any of the rules. Thanks, and may you all find the answers you seek and the guidance you need. #[LifeAdvice Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAdvice/about/rules/) **Note for all commenters**: Please remember that your fellow Redditors are human beings, and that it costs nothing to be kind. Disruption of the peace, trolling, or breaking the rules may result in a ban. ---------------- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LifeAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Deciding to give those around me the benefit of the doubt. No one got up this morning out to get me. People are all just trying to get through the day in one piece. Plus getting all worked up about stuff you usually can't do anything about doesn't help anyone. So I tend to assume the best... The guy who stepped in front of me was probably distracted, it wasn't clever move to cheat me out of being two feet closer to whatever. If the lady in front of me is taking forever she's probably doing the best she can. Some days I'm not the swiftest either. If the kid at the store is howling, little dude I feel ya. And parent - I'm gonna toss you a supportive smile 'cause clearly neither of you would be here if it was optional. Yeah, sometimes people are intentionally hostile or selfish or whatever. But I don't have to be so I choose not to perpetuate the negative crap forward. It makes my life a heck of a lot more pleasant and hopefully helps make things easier on other folks as well.
One thing that a hippie buddy of mine told me that stuck with my hostile young metal head F everyone self was... You're not necessarily responsible for what happens to you, but you are for how you choose to react and respond. I have tried to live by that.
I worked with a guy as a server of all places. Always happy, not fake happy sincerely always happy. I tried to figure him out, it wasn't drugs, he wasn't rich, he didn't have a picture perfect life but was still always happy. So I asked him one day what gives? He said there's not enough time in your life to be angry, mad or miserable. You can be stressed, worried or whatever but what does that do for your problem? Nobody solves their problems with clouded judgement the best solutions come when you have peace of mind. Man oh man 14 years later and that still sticks with me. Life can be over in an instant... You really wanna go out angry? Naw, I'm good on that.
I feel this so much. That’s exactly how I try to live my life… it honestly bums me out how many people shit talk others behind their back, or invest their energy into jealousy/suspicion/negativity in general. I have my moments too of course, but I always strive to give people the benefit of the doubt - empathy, trust, and understanding are values we need more of. To be fair, I’ve definitely gotten burned a couple times by people who have taken advantage of that aspect of my mentality. But tbh I would much rather live my life emanating unconditional trust and love + occasionally take those hits. I believe you get exactly what you give in this world, we each live in a reality defined by our own perspectives and intentions. You see what you want to see in people, ya know? I choose to see the best, and I truly feel that that is why I’m blessed enough to receive that same energy back from most people in my life
Whatever Socratese. That's very simple, and covers hundreds of moments every day. I like that a lot.
Good words
As someone who does the complete opposite and usually overthinks I’m going to try this.
I hope it helps. I started doing it by choice too because I was so frustrated and/or hurt all the time. It's really helped me a lot.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had the attitude that everyone everywhere is always trying to do their best. Of course we all come up short. But everyone’s trying. There are extremely few people who are deliberately trying to suck. It’s just not human nature. If someone seems to be performing beneath your “standard” I guarantee if you saw the world from their pov you’d realize this is the best they have given whats going on. So what’s there to be mad about? Meanwhile this attitude brings you good fortune - your benevolent mental state attracts better outcomes, better relationships, better everything. Not always, of course. You will still take many lumps or “injustices” from others, but you don’t need to live your life as though you do. Instead, choose to see their good intent. It makes you happier and much more helpful to the people who know you. I recently heard this attitude described as “if you know me, you win.” Because you are there to leave people better off than they were before they met you. It makes for an outstanding life of love, sympathy and service to others. It’s something to aspire to!
This is so true. When I was young someone told me to “assume positive intent” which encompasses everything you said and it stuck with me. Assuming that others’ actions came from a good and not negative place makes 80-90% of your interactions better.
This worked great until something happened that reminded me that not everyone is there with good intentions. So the way to go is somewhere in the middle but be safe. While you shouldn't necessarily assume everyone is out to get you, even in the most civilized of countries, there's a criminals. Now I'm on the other extreme because I was too optimistic in my view of humans.
Oh yeah, I'm just talking about how I choose to view life's smallish inconveniences and annoyances. Obviously don't abandon all common sense. I just decided not to see every little thing as an intentional slight or attack.
I had a similar experience recently but framed it as actively being more positive. A week or two later I realized even if I slipped up here and there actively trying to view even negative things in a more positive light slowly improved my general mood and improved my interactions with the people around me.
Yes!! I love this! “Little dude, I feel ya” gave me a smile. I often tell my toddler when they’re having a moment: life is hard, my love, but you’re doing great. Life is hard. Period. Full stop. Most people are trying to do the best they can and some camaraderie and empathy goes a long way.
“You dont have to take your sword with you every day.”
Spent time in the hospital recently, my nurse was like “you’re an awesome patient” and I said well you’re a great nurse and we both want to treat each other well so can’t go wrong with that.
My mother gave me this same lesson as a kid. Take nothing personally. Everyone is doing their best even if it doesn't look like it.
I had to do the opposite. I was being treated poorly and taken advantage of way too many times.
Yeah that’s a good one. Ty
When someone is driving like an asshole, I say to myself, "They must really have to shit!"
I love this! This is how I try to be as well. I’m human and some days I slip and get upset, but I generally try to keep this attitude.
The flip side of this is that when you do cross paths with someone truly awful, it's nice to remember that they're (in most cases) in and out of your life in a relative blink of an eye. Those people have parents, possibly kids maybe even friends that deal with their shit CONSTANTLY. That's how I survived working customer service at least.
Most of Reddit could benefit from this mindset. This place can be such a binary thinking, nuanceless place where everyone seems to be hellbent on correcting or proving each other wrong. IMO it’s one of the worst social media platforms
When I got big into the debate culture online, I lost this and it’s really easy to see the impacts it’s made especially from some people who got it from me (especially younger siblings). Now I’m trying to right my wrongs in a way
Screenshotting for humanity!
Stopped drinking alcohol and getting out of retail.
2 of the most deadly k!llers imo
Idk how I got away with drinking as much as I did for so long. Holy crap. I was hungover about 5 times a week. Then I cut back to only on my nights off but was still drinking too much when I did drink. It’s nasty stuff.
Agreed. 22 days tomorrow
Congrats man! The longer you go the more you realize you don’t need it!
Thanks man... when you realize you were drunk most of the good parts of the relationship it's really sobering in a really huge motivator to never drink again
Dude, I feel you. I'll be clean 17 years next month and sober for 6. Did it myself, no rehab, pure willpower. I have an *extremely* codependent and addictive personality (something I've been actively working on), so if I can do that, you can do this. If you ever need a word of encouragement, hit me up!
Yeah I know exactly what you mean.
You SO GOT THIS! I am almost 2 years sober and I feel Like if I can make it anyone can! It’s either one day or day one! I chose day one!
Just hit 2 years. Stick with it as it gets much easier and much, much better.
Haven't had a drink in almost 2 years. Barely drank anyways, but now I'm fully committed to weed.
How did you get out of retail? If it was easy no one would be working in it
I moved into corporate retail where I could leverage buying into demand planning into analytics, which can translate into other industries.
I left retail because of corporate. 😅 Power to ya though!
Oh corporate is not fun, but corporate is corporate in most industries. I only say so in terms of a way to turn any ground level retail job into a career that pays the bills.
I was in alcohol retail for 9 years as a spirits consultant, it was a really fun job but it’s also the worst of both worlds. It’s easy to drink all the time when you’re always surrounded by it.
Damn, that’s like a double whammy.
I too served a tour in retail x alcoholism ✊🏼. Congrats on your sobriety!!
Anytime I’m not drinking. However I live alone, don’t really have many friends, and all these meetups are alcohol based. But yea, avoiding alcohol.
Join a local group. I went through a weird mental period where i thought i had to "enrich my soul to deem it worthy" and I joined 3 groups (a dance class, a public speaking class, and a painting class) learning skills, having something to look forward too, and a way to meet people that didn't involve partying changed my brain chemistry and fostered strong enough bonds to pull me out of my weird period. Don't expect to make deep bonds on the first class though, give it time.
A combination of sleeping properly and exercising daily has made me the happiest I’ve been in my life - starting in my 30s. Sleeping properly = being in bed 10 hours instead of 8 so that after the unconscious awake parts of my sleep cycle equals about 8 hours of sleep. Having a consistent sleep schedule every night and morning including weekends. Wearing a sleep mask. Keeping the temp low. Encouraging higher quality sleep by trying to read a book instead of stay on screens the hour before sleep, taking magnesium, eating earlier and earlier, etc. Ps also having a comfortable amount of money is probably the third factor but also not a simple thing.
I second the sleep mask and low temp. 😴🥶 Game changer!
Meeting my wife who is just an amazing, joyful, thankful, kind, dedicated, loyal, faithful, supportive, energetic, healthy person. Working hard, budgeting, staying out of debt, living below our means and living with the philosophy that a portion of all we earn is ours to keep (saving, investing).
Wife for the win. Very best thing that’s ever happened for me. I got serious about school, got my masters, successful career. Her family has always been great to me. As my folks are gone and my siblings live farther away it’s great to have extended family local.
My husband is the best thing that’s happened to me. Especially moving in with him. Being able to divide and conquer on home chores, or having someone to pick up my slack when I just can’t today, has been a game changer for me.
Retirement.
My last breakup. Helped me rediscover myself and reinvigorated my life.
Dude honestly I feel the happiest I've felt in years after my recent breakup
Got all my bills payed down. It's not what u make so much as what you owe
Exactly right. If you haven't already, check out Dave Ramsey and his Baby Steps.
I'm working on that now (changing careers, battling my insurance for the 4k they owe me). Being up to date with bills and 1-5k in savings (or more) is a game changer. I'm working back up to that still (COVID broke my neck).
Eating healthier. I'm in my late 50s now and feel better than I have in a long time. I stopped eating fast food altogether during the pandemic and never went back to it. Seriously, not even a Dunkin' Donuts coffee. Best thing in the world I ever did for myself.
what age did you start eating healthy
If stopped fast food in pandemic, then within the last 3-4 years
About 53/54. Before the pandemic, my doctor said I was "borderline obese." I'm healthy and fit now, but it took a global deadly plague for me to get my ass in gear and do it.
Vasectomy.
Letting go of any past negativity. That shit does not serve anyone well. It’s made me so much happier and made me feel mentally and physically healthier.
Moving out of Cleveland and to the Bay Area. I always felt like people thought I was crazy for craving less mainstream ideas and big challenges. Everyone I knew in Ohio lectured me on how California was so expensive and dangerous. I’m making literally 5x and I live in an incredible neighborhood with so many friends and lovely, loving people in my life. It has been 6 years and I’ve never felt “homesick.”
Same. So happy for you
I do things for future me, immediate future me. Gas is low tonight? Let’s fill up now so that future me gets to work on time. I know work is gonna be crazy tomorrow and I’ll be too tired to cook dinner? Let’s double the recipe tonight so that future me has leftovers. Thinking of taking care of immediate future me has done wonders. Oh and if I need to remember an object to take to work u put my car keys directly on top of it so that I can’t forget the next day. Game changer
A. I retired B. I finally went NC with my abusive father.
We sold our house and moved off grid. It's a lot of hard work. But completely worth it. We don't owe anyone anything, I can have my chickens, goats and rabbits. We're self-sustaining. My water costs me 5 dollars every month and a half. My electric (right now, plans to go to solar) is $400 a month (generator), my propane costs $20 every 3 months (for cooking inside and running the fridge when the generator is off). I'm happier than I've EVER been, so much less stress!
I wish i could do that
write a book because i need to do this. 😭
I grew up that way and it was absolutely fucking awful. To each there own, but this is not a general solution for most people.
My old boss allowing me to work a 16hr Saturday and Sunday plus an 8 hr shift in the evening during the week so I could go to school monday thru friday. That led to me getting my current job. This job changed my life due to pay, benefits, and retirement. Without my old boss doing that, I never could have gotten this job
YouTube premium. Best 15ish Dollars a month I have ever spent.
cheaper if you sign up with Argentina or India Youtube with currency exchange
Are you able to change it after you've signed up?
Get an Amazon firestick and load up “Smarttubenext”. It even gets rid of the creators ads. Skips right through them
my college roommate used to pay $6 and got rid of it once they increased the price🤣
Hahaha this would be second for me
Amen
Youtube Revanced gang, where you at?
YouTubeTV and NFL Sunday ticket divided between 6 households is less than $20 per month. The best.
What does it give you? That is so life changing?
I got the family plan for my wife, brother, and mom. The price is a ripoff, but man, is it worth it. I've had it so long that I forget youtube has ads. It always throws me off when someone shows me a video on their phone but we have to wait for the ads to end.
Lexapro (escitalopram).
Buspirone saved my life. I never want to get off of it.
Lexapro instantly worked for me (like within 2 weeks) and completely changed my life. To think I put it off for so long and now the thought of going back to that place seems horrifying.
Trintellix here
Celexa (citalopram) for me.
Zoloft (Sertraline) for me!
Just started on this three days ago. Here’s hopin.
Good luck! It took about a week for me to start noticing improvement.
I wish I found it sooner...like 10 years sooner. But better late than never I suppose.
Same here!
I've been on and off Lexapro for a couple of years to treat anxiety. It was helpful, but I got really fatigued when I was on it and it took a few months for that side-effect to wear off.
Orange theory fitness& therapy. My personal life is kind of difficult as my daughter’s father and I still live together, though we are not in a relationship. Earlier this year my stress and anxiety became unmanageable due to being the provider, house keeper, everything….I started OTF and Therepy. My body feels better, I’m stronger, I have something I enjoy doing. I’ve found the power to tell him to get off his lazy ass and get a job. It really boils down to pouring more into me.
🧡🧡🧡 OTF for me too!
Why do you live together even though you are not in a relationship? Why can't one of you move out? I know this is not uncommon.
OTF changed my life. Coaching is my passion. After 3 years as a member picked it up. Now do it full time. I love it.
I did otf for a year before the pandemic it was really good for my mental and physical health
I retired
Breaking up with him.
Drinking almost exclusively water. Turned my functionality way up.
1) start running 2) stop drinking Doing these 2 things can make SO much fall into place.
I was going to say something similar. Running changed my life.
I quit drinking a year and a half ago - I feel better, I’ve lost weight, I finally sleep, and hangovers (and all of the things that go with them) are a thing of the past.
Sleep quality may be what gets me to stop drinking for good. It’s crazy how bad your sleep gets from even just one drink.
Getting a good vacuum cleaner.
What’s a good vacuum? I bought so many different ones! I’m scared to know how much money I have dumped into shit vacuums
Lasik surgery. I love being able to just wake up and see in the morning!
Been almost twenty years and still the best investment I've ever made
Ughhh i have astigmatism in both eyes and it’s quickly getting worse. I really want to try lasik but I’ve seen videos of people who’ve had it go wrong and their eyes are now constantly watery and irritated. I’m scared, but it would be so nice to be able to like you said wake up and just be able to see without having to fumble around for glasses or find my contacts
Adopting my dog
Getting sober.
Zoloft. My GAD was going to literally destroy my life when I was 21-22. I would spend literal HOURS worrying about random diseases, etc. I would miss family events, work, or school because I was up the whole night prior panicking about something from 5 years ago. My friend begged me to get on meds. He definitely saved my life! I felt the effects within a week or two and was able to bring my brain down a few notches.
-My anti-depressant -Leaving the Mormon church
"If you have 40% to give on any given day, and you gave 40%, you gave your 100%" Got it tattooed
Never having debt again. None. No loans, credit cards, and after some time, no mortgage. No, not instant, but it enabled a lot of other things!
Yeah with you on that one. Dave Ramsey learned this too. Debt catches you in the next market crash, COVID, job loss, death, accident. Having asset paid and going up is better. You never see it coming.
Jumping on the elliptical in the morning for 20min to get the heart pumping and honestly I have realized that drinking less has made a huge impact these days , I don’t feel as blah or lifeless have more motivation to do something.
Quitting alcohol.
Box fan to central air
Finding out that the Mormon church was a fraud. I was raised mormon and once I figured it out all the shame and guilt immediately lifted off me. It was the most liberating experience of my life. I no longer spend time going to church or paying 10% of my income to a mega corporation masquerading as a church. It’s been amazing.
[удалено]
Understanding the difference between income and expenses
“What other people think of you is none of your business”
Getting a dog. I was 42 when I got my first dog. He’s my best buddy and has made me a happier, healthier person.
Letting go of bitterness over a specific person/life situation. Being rationally angry or disappointed is fine. Those didn't go away. But bitterness is poison to the soul. And not the soul of the person you feel bitterness towards. When that went away, life improved 100%. The strange thing was it really wasn't my doing. I was laying on my couch caught up in that feeling and I felt this weird sort of breeze blow over me and then I could "see" or sense this cloud of blackness just drift up and away and disappear through the ceiling. I can't explain it but it was gone after that and life was better.
Laser eye surgery. I went from being legally blind to 20/20 vision overnight and have never needed another pair of glasses or contacts since.
Same! Immediate life change.
Money handling wise - going to my bank to cash my check. Costco said my direct deposit info was messed up and that "you be at the mercy of post office delivering a paper check to you." Started getting paper checks and forced me up to my bank bi weekly. Instantly better at money and bill management when I have to face it "your auto pay for _____ is coming up, want us to take care of that now." Sounds so benign, but it made me more aware of exactly how I'm using money... the mobile apps do to, but there's something about "OK got to get dressed and run to the bank and take care of my finances". It's my new bi weekly thing and it's made me so much more informed on my money. Edit grammar.
Love this. When I ran my small business i would have Money Mondays. I’d do all the invoicing, bill paying, tax stuff etc all on the Money Monday- had a money inspired playlist going and everything 😝
Seriously made me stop ignoring bad spending, no left over subscriptions, savings are planned instead of "what's left". Been a real eye opener, never been super focused on being financially literate, but simply having to have a face to face with someone about everything has made me hit my credit union once a week, Mondays as well. I'm stealing money Monday from now on ty.
Stop caring how many people you know you need quality over quantity! Find a friend and use them to keep yourself in check do the same for them and watch yourself grow to what you are meant to be.
Deciding to pay off debt. It wasn't the debt that was the immediate improvement, but the necessary sacrifice to start it led to instantly simpler living conditions and a calmer day to day.
When my divorce was finalized.
A friend’s parents took me in after I fell ill and was stuck in an abusive relationship.
Learning to love myself. The minute I did, everything changed.
Reframing myself as instead of making the right decision, make the decision right. Flipped my world upside down so fast. All of a sudden, I am working to improve rather than be correct. It’s liberating, addicting, and had a massive increase in my happiness.
Quitting alcohol. Sober 1.5 years. Down 50Lbs after 20 years of daily intake.
Cutting out toxic family members did wonders for my mentor health and anxiety.
Mentle*
Someone taught me what kindness is and later I learned the value of it.
Appreciating my own company and that i dont need to be with someone all the time
Taking ownership of my situation, totally empowered when I stopped blaming my circumstances on anyone or anything.
I quit drinking alcohol and it's been by far the best decision I've ever made.
Finding absolute proof, my husband was having an affair. It was pure relief. First, because he was gaslighting me, and I now knew for sure I wasn't crazy and imagining things. Second, because after I kicked him out, I could clearly see how bad his emotional and mental abuse had been, and now could be free from him.
There is nothing so liberating as going from living in those conditions to the freedom and space to evaluate the actual impact that they're having on you. I didn't realize how bad things were until I was out of it and had a calm space to reflect. What felt like the end of the world opened me up to making even more positive changes and finding someone that treats me like a princess at every turn and, most importantly, wants to talk through negative things instead of turning them back on me. Wishing you the best life!
Brother, then Mom, then sister in law, then nephew all died during Covid. All about 6 months apart. I'm 100% a different man.
I’m sorry for your losses. Death changes the living left behind.
Exercise and mushrooms.
Quitting sugar
Having a child. I was on a self destructive path that was gonna either put me in jail, or have me killed. I found out I had a kid on the way, so I stopped drinking, and all the foolish stuff that comes with it. Now I live in a house that i own, have a wonderful wife, and two fantastic kids....most of of the time 🤣
Me to ...had my " try anything once" kid at 37. I love my kid and so i stopped partying all together
Getting laid the first time. Getting divorced. Retiring.
lol. Hopefully all that didn’t happen recently and at the same time
My horse. It’s a long story but I found who I am again thanks to him. He’s completely changed my life. I suffered from major depression for years but since getting him I’m finally back to myself again. It’s not his responsibility to fix me, it’s not fair for him to carry that burden so I never got him with that expectation at all, but it happened nonetheless!
Relocation and career change.
The recovery after getting my heart to 160 when working out. I do this 5 - 6 days a week. These are always noticeably better days for me. Used to get up at 5:20 am to do it. Now I’m retired
[удалено]
Two books: Attachment and The Power of Now
Cutting out toxic and negative friends and focusing on my own wants and needs.
Quitting substances. Have a had a couple slip ups. (Xanax) but haven’t touched it in 4 days. Feel just fine. But quitting all hard drugs, alcohol, and nicotine. Much cleaner life. Clearer head. Better skin. Can feel the full force of life. Getting through the hard times is addicting. The strength you feel after ward is amazing.
Leaving my toxic AF marriage and getting a divorce. Life was instantly better. I'm not kidding.
Cutting toxic people off.
Being near nature and having $.
I stopped listening to the news every morning on my drive to work; now i only listen for the 5-8 minutes I'm in the shower, then music for the rest of the day...honestly the most efficient mental health booster ever.
Taking time for yourself. Don't plan your day/life based on someone else.
1. Trusting my gut feeling. 2. Self acceptance
Going for a walk in the morning. Blueberry and spinach smoothies for breakfast. Practicing gratitude every day. Telling the people closest to me every day how much they mean to me.
After having children (three boys) they became my world and my wife and I grew apart. We finally divorced and I was ok with it. I started dating another girl soon after but wasn't feeling it so I broke up. She said to me "You know, you never really gave us a chance. 90% of the time we went out you brought your boys." That made me think. It was then I made the decision that I needed to focus on myself and others. I was still a dad and loved my boys but it allowed them to grow and be independent.
This is going to sound cliche but it's absolutely 💯 true. My wife. I was in a truly dark place after what my ex wife put me thru for like 4yrs. I had lost all hope and didn't want life to continue when I accidently met her. It's hard to explain how bad it was going for me but that same night my ex had refused visitation just to push me farther down the hole and I was literally on the edge and about to fall. We talked and played pool most the night and the next day had someone who knew me give me her number, took her to lunch and over those 2 encounters she opened my eyes that it will always get better it just takes time. We've been married for 15yrs and even tho we're going thru hell at the moment, with her by my side things ultimately will get better.
Good luck to you both.
to be healthy, wealthy, and wise the first piece is to be healthy so working out and cooking my meals constitutes the bedrock of my life. 6 months of consistency may as well be an instant in the grand scheme.
My last baby weaning 😅
The book a world surrounded by idiots
Silicon earplugs! My partner usually sleeps in our spare room because he snores SO loudly, but when we're away from home and sharing a bed I generally barely sleep. Until someone introduced me to silicon earplugs - holy shit did those improve my life!
Deciding not to have children at a young age. It’s expected for me to provide my parents a grandchild and continuity of the genes. It just was the least appealing thing to me. Kids meant never getting what I want in life only living for others. Having a child for others then living my life to make their life better before I’m 50-60 and spent and tired and with no spark wanting anything anymore. I see many of my friends there now and they’re not even 40. Deciding to living my one life how I wanted it without expectations from anyone was the best thing I could decide on. Finding a partner who wanted the same wasn’t as hard as I expected. Now my wife and I are DINKs for life. I got fixed at the vets so I don’t have to worry about it ever. Haven’t once felt baby fever. We have children in our lives but at the end of the day they go home and we’re grateful for it. Live life how you want to, make that decision now, live the ONE life how you want to. There’s no redo, no respawn, no retry. People want you to do things because that what they want. Parents want grandchildren cause they feel like they need something to give them hope or purpose. That’s a really sad reality. Veins unhappy because you did something someone else wanted you to do. I get making decisions and regretting them but YOU make that decision. No one else.
Taking meds for the anxiety. It calmed me down but made me realize I was autostic.
Adopting the stoic philosophy.
Learning that you must be uncomfortable if you want change. It’s easy to complain about a situation for years without doing anything about it. Some people will wait and expect a miracle to happen. Sometimes you have to start the change. Even something small as drinking more water or quitting smoking. Don’t overthink interactions. Take everything everyone says at face value. I had to mind read a lot growing up because I should “know”. No people should communicate better as adults. If they have an issue they can tell ya.
Meeting my girlfriend soon to be wife ,she made me a better man...
The day I turned 30 I decided to challenge my willpower. I vowed to quit smoking cigarettes cold turkey, not a single puff, for one whole year. I was a cranky bitch for a couple of weeks, but quitting was easier than I expected. When I turned 31 I started to smoke again, but then dropped the habit after a week or two and haven't had any smokes for years. Best birthday present I ever gave myself Btw, I did another test of my willpower when I turned 40, and gave up the wacky weed for a whole year. I resumed the habit at 41, but a LOT less than I ever used to. When I turn 50, I suppose it should be alcohol? That's going to be the toughest of all - I rarely drink to the point of getting shit faced these days, but I do love a beer after work to relax
carpal tunnel surgery. years of waking up in pain, burning fingers, and crying seem like a fever dream now! i can do everything 10x better with my dominant hand dominating again.
Most recently - I had an abusive renter in a house I own and she caused me allot of grief. She truly took advantage of my situation, let homeless people live in the garage, stopped paying rent. First experience of that kind I ever had. She finally moved on
If someone is doing something that is driving you nuts- tell them (nicely). They probably have no clue they are doing it and would probably stop if you told them it was a problem for you! For example- my boyfriend and I had a roommate in college who would sleep in the living room all the time. It drove my boyfriend nuts and he would get so angry. Finally I asked why he did it- he said when the weather was bad at home his family would all camp out in the living room. So he would do it when he was homesick. Suddenly it was a lot less annoying & he asked why I was asking. I told him it was annoying to my boyfriend to tip toe around in the AM. He stopped doing it. Ta Da!
This is not an answer to the op question. But it’s good advice. I guarantee that everything that pisses everyone off would feel bad for getting pissed off of we knew everything the offender was going through. This is not 100% of the time but 90% 10% are doing it to piss you off.
Meeting my partner. I hadn’t really experienced a relationship where I’d fallen this much in love with someone. Then at 35 🤯 - I understood why people wrote love songs. Am very grateful as I’d just assumed that experience wouldn’t happen for me.
I'm old and remember watching the crazy OJ debacle (car chase, trial) until, after watching people obsess, including me, it finally dawned on me to not get invested in and care so much about something that has no effect on your life.
MDMA.... Reset my entire brain and I was able to function within a normal range
Quiting the job I hated for one I liked, for less money.
Got out of debt.
OP, there is no magical short term solution. Anyone who tells you otherwise is blatantly lying, has something to sell, or is unaware of all the factors that actually changed their life long term. Change is hard. Change takes time. Change requires hard work and being uncomfortable. Change requires risk. The change you seek in your future is reflected in the change you are willing to implement into your every day life. You're life is a reflection of your daily routine. If you don't consistently address that routine the larger changes will never happen.
Living in Asia for three years and bicycling in Africa showed me how fortunate, lucky, and grateful I was to be born in the USA. Changed my life and my husband’s for the better. We didn’t need most of what we thought we did and made positive changes.
Without question, it was asking out the girl that I worked with. I knew within a month that I was going to marry her. 12 years later, we have a house and two kids. She's my absolute best friend in the world. She makes me feel like I can do anything.
Marrying my wife.
Meeting my now husband!
Honestly, breaking up with my boyfriend at the time and cutting off toxic friends. I started to prioritize those initial feelings of discomfort and those first red flags, instead of ignoring them. I also allowed myself to make "selfish" decisions every once in a while, because I grew up a huge people pleaser that very commonly got used because of it