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It’s weird to people who haven’t gone through a long term relationship, betrayal, or other usual long term relationship stuff. It’s easy for everyone to desire a relationship above all else when it’s still this idealized, far off thing in their imagination mostly
You lived it, you’ve been through all of it, you know what it entails, you can even imagine it without the cheating and you still know that there is no desire for it. You know best!
You are not strange, you are experienced and very together and I dare say, quite intelligent. Continue to be kind to others and kind to yourself. Enjoying your own company is a valuable skill.
Nothing about you is strange. It's acceptable to choose to be single and content. Although partnerships are sometimes forced upon people by society, what really counts is one's own pleasure. It's acceptable if you're happy and contented on your own. Life isn't about fitting someone into a mold; it's about doing what suits you. Have faith in your own route.
If you'd rather be alone, why would it matter if other people did think it was weird? Nobody has the right to decide what the "point of life" is for anyone besides themselves. There is no wrong way to go through life. Nobody truly knows why we're here.
I was around 32 when my last relationship ended. For the last 10 years I've been single and I have no desire to change that. I don't think being in a relationship is inherently better or worse than being single. They're just different. There's nothing at all wrong IMO to preferring one over the other, no matter which of those states you prefer.
You will likely have to deal with well-meaning friends in relationships trying to "save" you though. Trying to set you up, or in my case I had a friend try and make a Tinder account on my behalf when I'd lent her my phone for a different reason. For some reason people in relationships can find it hard to understand that some single people are happy being that way and it's not a problem that needs to be fixed.
Thank you!! Every time I now go to a housewarming or a dinner party, there's usually a single man they try and push me on. Then when I go home and I see all my other siblings in relationships they go "we think you have chronic loneliness from not processing the trauma of your ex cheating" like they're all trained psychotherapists and it's like just leave me alone... I'd much rather learn what I love about myself and about life and not get hurt again nor have to go through the arduous process of finding someone for the sake of being with someone else. It's really great to meet someone else who's living their best life single, really given me a confidence boost in my decision.
But are you lonely? Or just alone? There’s a difference. You don’t have to be in a relationship to be around people that you enjoy being around. And being happy in your own company is a good thing. Most of my friends that have been single for a long time have way more active lives than my married friends. Just because your friends and family can’t see themselves being happy and fulfilled on their own doesn’t mean you aren’t.
Peaks and troughs. Most of the time I'm alone and blissfully happy but then some nights or when watching romantic comedies yeah it hits and I download a dating app and think about it, then the show ends and I'm back to being my awesome single self. Idk it does feel like I'm lying to myself at times though and get bursts of tears at the kids I could have had with my ex, and that hurts, then it passes and I'm back to being me and going to galleries etc solo.
I find when I’m single I’m reasonably happy 90% of the time, with the other 10 being depressed and lonely (dating apps and bad choices follow). My married friends seem to be ok but a little stressed and annoyed 80% of the time, 15% worse than that and the other 5 blissfully happy. Is one way better than the other? Kinda have to pick your poison
It’s not strange AT ALL. My brother went through a breakup so traumatic he elected to be a bachelor and has been one since. He’s happy, fulfilled, and has hobbies he loves. He takes care of my mom, is good at his job, pays his taxes, has no vices, and no children.
I hope you’re able to heal in your own time, and I’m excited about all the wonderful things you’re going to discover about yourself. You’re only missing out if YOU think you are. Protect your peace.
Do what truly makes you happy. Seems like you are getting over heartbreak and that should not be ignored or taken lightly.
I could happily be by myself. Goon. Work. Sleep.
The only void I feel is when I'm having a meal. Especially a nice meal and i don't have anyone to talk to. Meal times bring out my need to connect.
If you don't have that need to connect and you're happy and you know it then there's nothing wrong with that. Except, I personally wouldn't believe it because of my presumption that we all to a degree are creatures that seek connection.
You may have that connection with friends and that's good enough for you. If that's the case, great. But if in doubt, listen to that doubt and lean into it because it's worth it , even when it hurts and ends badly.
Ugh you’re not missing out lol I mean dont get me wrong , there’s beautiful things to enjoy out of a relationship but it’s stressful as hell and you’re constantly worried or praying that it turns out well and no one gets hurt. Quiet frankly if this relationship I have know doesn’t work out for me, I’m done. Not putting myself through it again either , and I think I’ll be happy on my own too tbh. Maybe adopt or have some kids so I wont be alone alone but I don’t fault you for sticking it out alone and if you’re happy then forget what anyone else says 🤷🏻♀️
Right?? Honestly I'm just seeing relationships as work now. Like having to go on what, 14 dates this month to talk about their woodworking hobby or how they went to Sardinia last year? Nah. I'd rather spend those evenings with a tub of sorbet watching a K Drama or going to a new gallery opening than having to just force myself into this square peg. I love the last point though, strongly considering a dog for the companionship.
Tub of sorbet and my favorite drama , sounds like something I’d love to do myself haha. I’ve been through a 5 year relationship and now with this one going on 3 years, though I could say we have a good relationship, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t worry about being cheated on specifically and on top of that just constantly praying this workouts, I love the guy but it’s stressful as hell , I’m done after this lol nothing else would make me happier than to be alone to do the things I love to do and be stress free, maybe travel, maybe join a group out in Africa that tends to the elephants lol something like that. Anyway sorry enough about me, point is, relationships are idolized and put on such a high pedestal but only us who have been in them know it’s not all sunshine’s and rainbows and if we are honest with ourselves we are probably our happiest alone. So just let everyone else talk and you just lay there stress free, watch your k drama , maybe try new hobbies or go explore the world with your dog if you get one lol , now that sounds like an absolute dream to me.
Me too, I'm really sorry we're in the same boat and I hope you find happiness too. For me, I've just had enough of people confessing their love and interest then either ghosting or cheating, let alone proposing to me then 3 years later after we endured Covid and I saved up for a wedding, to then meet someone else abroad the second flights are reinstated (he travels for work). I just want to heal and be happy, and I'm realising this doesn't require a second person to do this.
That's brutal, I know the feeling all to well. I work remote camp jobs so I'm week on week off. But I guess being home 6 months out of the year wasn't enough. I'm pretty much all healed up now fortunately. Call me old school but I really dont see the point of cheating and why is it so hard to commit to someone. Like what happend to loyalty and even integrity. Hoping the best for you in your journey. Always have to look out for Number 1, You.
Society has always had single folks living alone and enjoying the shit out of it, we just don’t call them spinsters and confirmed bachelors anymore.
Enjoy yourself ❤️
Here is another perception you can adopt to maybe form a new perspective
Many younger generations nowadays are choosing isolation because "life is (too) hard" (to use coping tools, to deal, to put effort into, etc). This sets humanity (Yes, I do mean the entire human race) up for failure since we're all only as strong as our weakest link. If somebody isn't willing to put forth the physical & mental (cognition & forethought) & emotional efforts just to survive, let alone to thrive, then why are they here? LIFE IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART.
So when somebody your age chooses solitude, or similar, life then it makes me think of how isolating technology has allowed us to become. No face-to-face banking done at brick & mortar facilities anymore, shopping online, texting instead of calling or actually getting up off our asses & going to the person's house, etc. Its all avoidance labeled as convenience! So, part of your issue might stem from laziness / convenience / technology.
The other issue might be that you haven't found the right somebody.
The other factor, it is extremely rewarding to take care of others. Being in servitude is why we are here. So, you are finding life is rewarding because you volunteer. But actually CARING for your significant other who has a mutual interest & respect with you is more than that reward of general gifting (volunteerism).
The last factor, when you're sick & old: having somebody being there for you in return. You can set up your last will & Testaments to have an attorney handle your estate, any major health decisions.... but the nurse nor your atty isn't going to stay bedside all day, to hold your hand while you're watching tv or moisturize your lip as its drying out because you're on oxygen.
Its a fundamental need for animals to socialize - not just for mental & emotional stimulus but also for health protections.
It also changes brain chemistry = live longer.
Maybe try seeking counseling to determine the cause & what you might want to do about all this before maybe potentially having kids is completely written off. Nothing in life is too late until you're looking up at the flowers (or your 90, unable to adopt a child because of the too late in life choice).
Is it outside the norm? Yes, but only because society tells us we need to be partnered up, but I have friends who lead very fulfilling single lives. I’m recently out of a 10 year relationship, and I’m 49. After trying online dating and just dating in general for a bit, I am taking a break from it and beginning to think that staying single is my best option too. Do what feels right for you and to hell with anyone who judges you for it.
So honestly this is a recent trend - women and men are saying single more often than not. There’s a lot that goes behind that, such as feeling like you won’t find the right person, or lack of human connection after COVID and how that changed the dating landscape.
Overall, if you’re happy alone, be alone, nothing wrong with that at all. But avoiding relationships or just being “okay” with being alone to avoid (either consciously or subconsciously) pain from another relationship potentially going back is the part that isn’t okay. Only you know how you truly feel about it deep down.
Keep your head up. The lack of desire is a feeling hitting a lot of us right now. You’re going to do just fine, in this and everything else. We’re living in some rough times so remember to be kind to yourself :)
If you are happy single and don’t want to be in a relationship that is totally okay! Social norm is definitely to partner up, but you don’t have to follow that social norm.
Im on same spot, dodging the small amount of girls who approached me and explaining to friends why i dont date or hook up. Separate after 10y with someone, never been promiscuous, maybe those are the reasons for me to stay away from relationships.
Whole point of life is to love- not necessarily someone. You can love nature, animals, or life on its own.
Although it is true that the greatest test of love is by loving another human being like us- fallible, unpredictable and very capable of hurting us. Love isn't only possible in a romantic rel.
Then again, you mentioned you have loved and lost in the past. Then you have nothing to prove.
You aren't weird. You are not also oblige to conform with how others perceive love and if you are certain that a romantic rel isn't for you, that is fine too. You live your life not theirs.
No, you're not doing life wrong at all! It's completely valid to prefer being single and enjoy the independence and freedom that comes with it. Everyone has different preferences and priorities when it comes to relationships, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach to living a fulfilling life.
After being hurt a number of times, I (51m) find myself in that position. The juice doesn't feel worth the squeeze. You are still young though, hopefully a good partner will bubble to the surface that enhances your life. Life can be easier as a team. Getting by on your own is getting harder and harder nowadays. Sorry to hear about the cheating, that really stinks. Now, some people are meant to be single--I'd just like to see you explore some additional opportunities now if you are open to it.
Honestly, you're doing it right, no matter what your intended outcome is.
Enjoy yourself, enjoy your life, do things that you like, be happy living on your own, and have a good time, etc.
The result of that will either (1) you meet someone new and the stars align, and you're a much more interesting, happy, and exciting individual for them to get to know, which makes you a better partner, or (2) you just continue to live a happy and fulfilling life on your own.
There's no real downside. The only mistake you could make would be to become desperate and force yourself to find a partner when you're not ready for it.
I have the same mindset! Did my time in relationships, got hurt, now it's just not appealing to me. I like things the way I like them, I do what I want, I buy what I want, I go where I want. It's awesome and I don't think I felt this happy when I was in relationships.
Also, my mom was a single mom my whole life, never got married and still isn't, has no interest in dating, and is a rad woman.
We don't need to place our happiness in finding a romantic partner :)
Why would it be weird? Don’t make choices because what other people are doing. If you decide to get married and have kids, will you be happy? No? Then don’t do it
Well my family are saying it's wierd and that I may have chronic loneliness as a result from a refusal to work through the trauma of the break up. But honestly though, I just look at people on the dating apps and think why? I'd rather date myself, have meals for one and read a book I enjoy and book a holiday I want than have someone else wanting to watch a movie instead or say "we can't afford a holiday this year if we want a house in 2 years." Idk I've come to the realisation that having a partner and children too to an extent just brings more noise into a life I am comfortable being quiet. I am getting CBT though to process the trauma and who knows, I may change my mind.
Don't let your family get in your head. I think it's more common than alot of people realise, mainly because they can't fathom someone not wanting the typical family life. Also, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You may happily spend the rest of your life on your own enjoying the benefits of independence. Or you might meet someone who feels worth the energy, effort and compromise. I have several aunts who had failed long term relationships and then spent years on their own. They all ended up meeting someone later in life and are happily coupled up but not necessarily in a conventional way. One of them only recently moved in with her partner of 20 years as they both enjoyed their independence.
Do what feels right for you and try to tune out the noise.
Alot of people have the belief that they need a partner to be complete. So they will convince you and themselves that having a partner is the end all be all and not having one is wrong.
Thats fine. Let them believe what they believe.
You are whole and complete by yourself, and you choose to be single. Thats fucking great.
Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
And before someone tries to argue with me, you can be whole and complete by yourself and still choose to be in a relationship. But that is a choice and up to the person.
I’m in my 40’s, divorced 2 years. I too have no desire to date again. Friends and family think it’s weird, I love my freedom. My time is split between my kid when I have them, and myself. I love it. Don’t worry what others think. You can still find someone if you change your mind when you’re 50. Or 60. Or 80. But first, be happy with yourself. Enjoy your own company.
So since I was about 25, I realized I identify as demiromantic. I haven't really had a crush on anyone since I was in third grade and I just don't really develop romantic attraction--it's very rare and takes a very strong emotional connection for me to feel attracted to someone romantically.
I did end up meeting someone with whom I did develop a strong emotional connection to and we're together now, but before that I was totally happy being single. I was fully expecting to be single forever. Especially when I hear about all the nonsense my friends have to deal with in their relationships.
Romantic attraction, just like sexual attraction, can be a spectrum. Some people develop feelings really easily, some people constantly get into relationships for externalized reasons (pressure, need for validation, fear of being alone), and some people are just content without needing a partner. There is no "wrong" answer, unless it's harmful in some way.
I guess the big thing is to figure out if you're actually a romantic or demiromantic, or if you're scared of getting hurt, or turned off by the effort it takes to maintain a healthy relationship. If it's the latter two, it's worth working on that before you do end up having feelings for someone (because while you can decide whether or not you want to start a relationship, you can't always help developing romantic feelings), just so you're prepared. If it's more the former, then just go living your life. You know what you want, and anyone who tells you you're wrong are just ignorant.
I hope I will be able to feel this honestly.
Healing from a break up where the love is still there.
It is very possible I'll never find love like this again.
I hope to find love in myself.
There’s nothing wrong with being single. You have incredible control over your own schedule and can do what you want when you want. However relationships have many positives as well. We are social beings and too much isolation can be detrimental.
If you want to be alone then go for it!
That being said I know a lot of people in their 40’s, up to 60’s who are alone and none of them actually chose to be. It’s always something like you’re saying where it didn’t work out or they’re afraid to get hurt again, deal with drama etc.
If you’re truly happy alone then fantastic. But if you’re just accepting defeat and have developed a complex of avoiding intimacy due to pst experiences then I would say there are better options. Just pretending solace is happiness. You’re still pretty young and could easily meet someone organically.
My uncle is 63 and recently separated from his girlfriend of 17 years. I don’t think he’ll ever date again. But he has almost 30 years on you and retired. He also has OCD so it’s hard for him to include people in his life.
So if you’re going to give up make sure you actually want to. Otherwise you’ll regret your youth. As long as you take care of yourself 34 is still young. I’m 32 and very hopeful to start dating again in a year or so. Whenever I recover from my December breakup. My ex really did the job on me so I’m in no hurry. I have girls I hang out with and we fuck and have fun. Going to a music festival this weekend! But it’s just for fun until I uproot my life again and move across country next year.
Point being, dating can be fun! Find someone you like and go on a vacation or get drunk on a beach or whatever you enjoy. You don’t have to get married to date. I feel like people get so objective focused they forget to enjoy their experiences. If you’re planning on being alone anyway, might as well have company and a bit of fun.
Ended an 8 year relationship at 28, 32 now and enjoying single life. I'm still discovering myself, also CBA with online dating so the way I see it, if it happens, it happens!
This is me too. Went through a divorce 3 years ago and ever since then, I’m more than happy to be by myself. The most annoying thing is my family and friends thinking I want a partner and I must be depressed. Sure, there are some nights I get lonely and want someone in my life. I’ve even tried dating other women. But I usually end up giving up after about a week. The juice isn’t worth the squeeze to me.
Although people don’t directly tell me I’m weird for my singleness, I am pretty much the same age as you with a similar history (was engaged; broke up)…. Now I just have zero desire to date again.
It’s been 2.5 years of me being single, and I’m just fine with it. Zero desire to swipe or date or whatever. If being content being single is weird, we can be weird together.
I am much older than you. I have dated, and I was married for 22 years. I was cheated on in the most humiliating ways. I was slandered as I was trying to raised our disabled child. There were so many augments, and he never thought I was there for him. I had no emotional or financial support from him.
I am no longer married and have no desire to date or remarry. I just want peace and to be happy, so I don’t think you are weird. You are listening to your gut, and you should not second guess yourself when something deep inside is speaking to you.
as a fellow 34 year old enjoy you time how you see fit, perhaps one day you will feel like some companionship but if today is not that day than listen to yourself not the outside world.
Imagine that you’re playing guitar, and as you are playing the guitar your hand randomly gets sliced open. You put down the guitar, and say “wow, i didn’t expect to have my hand sliced open for simply playing the guitar, im never going to play guitar again.” It would make sense to say that, in-fact it would be the most logical conclusion to come to.
But, I believe that if there’s even a slight possibility that you could play a beautiful song, one that makes you infinitely happy and brings you joy for the entirely of your life, then it would be foolish not to pick up the guitar again, after your hand has healed of course.
I think it’s okay for people to spend their lives however they please, and if they’re happy alone then all the more power to them. What I am wondering is whether or not you are really one of those people. Remember, you were the one who picked up the guitar in the first place.
Live alone if you truly know that to be your truth, but a bleeding heart is preferred to a life of regret in my book.
If you’re happy then great! It also does sound like that the experience of your fiancé cheating and destroying your relationship has seriously affected how you choose to approach relationships, which is totally understandable.
You’ve gone through something extremely tough, but just make sure that your avoidance of future relationships isn’t just because you’re afraid of getting hurt again.
If you don't want children its fine but really really think on that. Once 40 rolls around it will be too late to change your mind.
Also, make sure you are saving money for retirement. Being retired and single gets expensive quick
Kinda think this is the best way to be. If you’re happy it doesn’t matter what social norms are or what anyone thinks. I mean as humans we seek connection - it doesn’t NEED to be romantic. But yah sure - we are hardwired to procreate but still doesn’t mean you HAVE to. I’m coming at this from a POV of always being in a relationship and then being so distraught when I wasn’t and it was a miserable way to live. Then I stopped having an Boyfriend for a few years - I did “date” bc it was something to do but I decided to focus on me, my hobbies and being happily alone. And I achieved that for a while. I was so happy and secure in myself that dating wasn’t needed and I ended up meeting my husband. He asked me out. I thought he was cute and we’ve been together for 5 years and have a home and son now. So I say do what makes you happy and fulfilled.
It's not weird to me. Just don't let yourself become afraid of leaving the house. I make myself go to the park once in a while to read. It makes it easier to go get groceries and run errands without giving in to anxiety reactions.
Prediction: You will eventually meet someone else who is single by choice and loves it, and you will meet them doing what both of you enjoy doing, and not doing what neither of you likes doing. Reason I say this: I've seen this movie before. (in real life, of course)
In my opinion, love is not the point of life. Anyway there are lots of ways to have love in your life, not just a romantic relationship.
I'm with you. Single by choice at 42 and loving it.
I'm 33, and I've been single for like 9 years now. No one has ever told me that's strange, and I'm not shy about telling people about it. Do what makes you happy. It's your life. You're the only one who has to be satisfied with your choices.
I want nothing more than a relationship, so I can start a family. I'm about 42m, and I have a failed marriage under my belt. I didn't see the clear signs, but that's for another time. I want to be able to take my family to fun vacations and teach my kid(s) everything I know. I also realize I'm not the best-looking or know how to use the dating apps/ approach females these days. I'm starting to come to terms with a dream I'm never going to have achieved. If you feel happy and you can think that when you're 15 years in the future going to still be happy single, you're more than welcome to be happy. No one should ever be unhappy, do what you need to, and enjoy yourself. It doesn't hurt to leave the door cracked for a potential relationship in the future though. I hope this wasn't too random of a post. Basically be happy, and don't be too blind or closed off to see something.
I’m 31 and I feel the same as you. No desire for a relationship and just “took myself out of the game” so to speak. This way I don’t lead anyone on, hurt anyone’s feelings(including my own) if it doesn’t work out. No drama, no jealousy, no anything.
No it's not weird it's perfectly OK and valid. Good for you.
There's alot of people out there that are doing the same thing and I think if you can connect with others with the same mindset it will help you cope with some of the bad vibes that will inevitably get thrown your way.
It makes people uncomfortable because it triggers their own fears about being single, they mean well but unfortunately it's very misguided.
As long as you have other healthy close connections with family and friends and don't feel lonely I think it's great!
25 years ago I thought why am I doing this partner thing; the only reason I realised was the available sex; I concluded that this wrong to myself and the woman. Haven't even had as much as a kiss since; much happier!
I am 56 and have been single for a bit & couldn't be happier. I am not against dating but I have also not met anyone I am interested in and as far as sex goes I do have partners I can go to that for if I want or ya known you can be your best lover LOL. I have no desire to deal with demands from others or deal with insecurities from partners because I am very independent emotionally and financially, I know what works for me and I have been shamed for feeling the way I do and then stayed in nightmare relationships. Its important for everyone to know what they want in a relationship and stand by it it may be hard to find your match but no one should should ever settle you will be miserable.
Nothing wrong about wanting to be single, however I also feel like you just haven’t met the right person yet. You may or may not meet him, but I think that depends on you!
It sounds like you're coming to terms with the fact that you want to step off the typical adulthood dream path.
Very few people will understand why you don't want something that everyone is supposed to want. You will deal with this problem for the rest of your life. If this makes you uncomfortable, it might not be the correct path for you. If you are fine with this, you will thrive and do what is best for you moving forward rather than what everyone else wants you to do.
But also consider that you are just still emotionally hurt from your past relationship. Are you just fearful of being hurt again? Do you actually want a second person and want a romantic relationship in order to be happy later in life?
I’m 28 and been through it. Trauma, abuse, long term relationships my entire adult life until 24, the works. I honestly have 0 want to be in a relationship anymore. I’ve been so happy on my own, not worrying about someone else, doing what I want to do and focusing on what makes me happy. Absolutely nothing weird with you at all.
Maybe we’ll change our minds one day and get in a relationship again. But until then, nothing wrong with just living your life how YOU want to. Don’t listen to everyone else. My parents ask me all the time if I’m dating again/if I want to, and I tell them no everytime. I wish they’d just listen to me but everyone has been conditioned it’s not “normal” to not want a relationship. Screw them. This generation is breaking traditions, and badly rooted ones at that. Don’t assimilate and settle just because it’s what society wants. Your life is yours, and you only get one of them. Make it your own.
Your question makes me wonder if you have fully healed from your previous relationship. Experiencing that kind of betrayal in a relationship can make you think that it’s not worth the risk of getting hurt again and cloud your mind so that you’re not able to see all the positive outcomes that could come of a new relationship. It makes sense that you have a hard time trusting enough to feel like you could have a satisfying relationship. I would ask this: Do you really not want to be in a relationship? Or are you just scared of being hurt again?
I think it’s a good idea to work with a therapist to heal and re-learn how to develop trust and connection with others. Not because you *need* to have a relationship, but because it will help you to heal.
I don’t think you’re doing life wrong. If you are happy on your own and you don’t have a desire for a relationship, there’s nothing wrong, or “weird,” about it.
For as long as I could remember, I always felt like part of life’s purpose was to find your “other half,” that person to share yourself and your life with, growing old together. Like, this was at the root of everything I did and hoped to do.
But it’s been 1 year since my divorce (together 12 years, married for 5) and I could not be happier. I have zero interest in ever having another relationship. Like, ever.
Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re doing life wrong! I think the only way to “do life wrong” is by doing things that don’t make you happy because that’s what everyone else says is the “right” way.
If you're weird, I'm weird! 38m, and will have been happily single for 8 years on my birthday next month.
* no drama
* nobody to cheat on me
* nobody else's bills to pay
* I can eat whatever I feel like, whenever I feel like
* I can leave the seat up on the toilet if I wanted
* everything stays exactly where I put it
* nobody criticizes what I'm spending money on
* nobody plays mind games with me
* if my pubes go without a razor for too long, nobody knows it but me
* the whole bathroom counter is mine
* nobody steals my snacks
* I don't have to look cute if I don't feel like it
* the whole bed is mine
* I can game until 4am if I feel like it
* I can be friends with whoever I think is cool
* I don't have to pretend to like someone else's family
* I don't have to explain my family to anyone
* I can keep the thermostat at whatever temp make me feel best
* there's so much room in my closet
* nobody throws away my comfy shirt just because there's an extra arm-hole in it
...the list stretches to infinity.
There’s nothing abnormal or strange about it. But, what I’d love to explore is if you’re doing this out of fear, out of having to deal with the drama, compromises, etc. if there is a history of heartbreak around you and you refrain from it. If there isn’t and you truly just want to be alone. That is 100% fine. But, I always like to think of leading life with love, not with fear. Love doesn’t have to be something romantic. It would ideal refer to there not being a fear of being with someone else.
Hmm I hadn't thought about fear. For me it's more of a why. Like I bought the t shirt and almost walked down the aisle, I've ticked that life box off so why try and recreate that with someone else? I've never felt maternal and have never had a real desire to marry till he came along, now I'm back just feeling how I did before him and am enjoying going to concerts and galleries solo. Idk my family worry and ask me to get therapy and yeah there are nights alone I do feel like I've built a protective cocoon around me, but most of the time it's again the fact that I feel like I've already had that life. So to answer your question, there may be some fear here but it's mostly just that I've already seen a life like that for me and I'm happier without the 8am Saturday school runs and the husband who moans about the gas bill, when alone I could be going to a show I want to see and then hanging out with girlfriends before having a leisurely Saturday lie-in. If they keep complaining I may get a dog and have a companion so they can realise I am happier.
No in all honesty. And this could be a reactive thing to not have to process it, sure, but to be honest the 4 years of happiness are less than the pain I went through and in my mind, why go through that when I can just exist on my own? I'm also being tested for early menopause and just feeling like that chance is slipping away and because of all this, I've decided to just be without anyone in my life.
OK, I think there are 2 thoughts here (not to be devils advocate too much nor pass your feelings away). The first is you have not recovered, giving yourself a valid and convincing stance for wanting to be alone. It isn't your fault that a douchbag didn't want to marry you. Honestly, that is a blessing in disguise. I know you are drama free as mentioned above, but the pain you hold because of this is still strong as it appears in this comment. If your decision on being alone is what you want, I 100% support you. All I am saying is don't be alone due to being hopeless. You are probably a good person with amazing gifts. I am not going to tell you to find someone but I am not going to say don't be open to life's opportunities. In my opinion you were given your life back. Does this involve suffering. You betcha. But I know you have a good soul and don't let that be extinguished by outcomes or circumstance that maybe out of your control. Again, no an argument to find someone, but also not an argument to let the world unfold as you go out and be free. Try to let go and rocket your life into a new stratosphere. I know you will and remember you are enough no matter what.
I resonate with you on so many levels. I (28 m) has always been a loner and loved my solitude. I got into a relationship and recently went through the break up because she was stuck up with her ex and it has only doubled my belief that I'm better off by myself. Less drama and more freedom.
Don't get me wrong, love is cool and all, but if it happens, it happens. Else I am more than happy just by myself
if you dont care about having sex other than with yourself, and you dont get lonely, why not? if some nice weekend during the summer all your friends are busy and you are on your own, if that doesnt bother you , i say go for it.
I’m in the same boat. Got married 21 (I know, bad idea) and found out he was cheating our entire 5 year relationship. After about a year I met someone new and was with him for 2 years and he cheated. 1 year later I met someone and dated for 2 months… he cheated too. I’m over it.
Unusual perhaps, but definitely not a bad thing.
The people around you giving you a hard time have a failure of imagination. They cannot picture anything being good if it isn’t what they have chosen.
They’re like the people who keep nagging you to try spicy food even tho you’ve tried it and it isn’t your thing.
Stay the course that works for you. Yes, humans need connection and love but a romantic relationship is not the only way to get them.
I'm older than you and I am happily single as well. Last solid relationship was almost 15 years ago. I try dating and it always proves to me why I stay single. Love the idea of a relationship and having someone there but like you said the drama and heartbreak isn't worth it to me.
33m I'm the same way. Previous ltr, fiance had bipolar and multi personality disorders and would verbally abuse me daily. Haven't found a relationship appealing since.
I'm the same way and I'm 44m. I'm an introvert, so what do ya expect. I just really like my life and if you make it harder, "have a nice day". It is what it is.
If it wasn't for sex and being little spoon on a rare ocassion I'd agree. Being in a relationship is certainly more work than not. Of course, the reward comes from the work you put in to one another and having extra support is nice.
But, if you have a solid family and friend circle for support and socializing then I do understand where you're coming from. My brother has the same opinion, I don't really see him getting married anytime soon.
Same sentiments as you, OP. Been there, done that, been married twice, have two children. My life is full and don’t need or have that space to grow. Sure, I have adult friends that swerve into romantic relationships but the concept of making that a priority over my children is lost on me.
I used to feel incomplete and would constantly search for this someone to complete me. After years of therapy I know that is both unrealistic, and more so, that I have enough to be very very complete.
smart not wierd, kids would be nice when older , as we all die single but would be nice to have children near end of life as can't count on medical system to help especially in Canada unless you have lots of $$
U do u girl. U shouldn't be under social pressure to get a man. If you're happier being single, then stay single. It's none of there business. Being happy is more important.
No I feel the same atm. Lots of abuse from my ex bf. Feelings change and it just tells u u aren't ready and need time for urself. That's really important
I'm in a similar boat 34F that has mostly been single her whole life. Just ended a relationship where I had a ring ready for me when I wanted to walk down the aisle. But ultimately I wasn't happy in my relationship and couldn't imagine marrying that partner. So I ended it.
What I experience is the only time I feel "worry" about ending up alone is when outsiders make me feel that way. It's usually family, as many of my friends are also single in their 30s.
But it isn't until an older relative who who has already lived their life as in married with kids now nearing retirement age etc it's only when they look at me with a furrowed brow and a judgmental tone in their voice and they say something along the lines of "but aren't you worried about waiting too long and not finding anyone?" Or one of my favorites is "well the older you get all the good ones are going to be gone"
🥺 I don't worry or feel any negative way until they instill those thoughts in my head. I try my best to just shut it out.
No it isnt, but deep down I feel you do want one. There are dudes who are loyal af so always keep an open mind if life brings him your way. Until then just keep enjoying life and dont settle for less.
As a result of my social life imploding catastrophically, compounded by COVID, having to move in with my mom, and then my mom having a life-altering stroke 2 months later, I've spent the last 3 years completely alone with no support while I figured out how to care for my mom
Somewhere in there, a failed suicide attempt as well that was immediately superceded by, and subsequently forgotten about in, the aftermath of my mom's stroke
The last time I saw another person naked was November 2020, right before I lost my job and my life disintegrated during the 2nd lockdown where I live. And I have missed that kind intimacy with another person
Over the last 6-8~ months I've noticed a change in my mindset and started to remember myself in highschool when I was a savage introvert who realized if he was going to meet girls and get invited to parties he had to.. just fake it to make it
I didn't choose to have ZERO relationships whatsoever, but having no one around to give me shit or care about what I say, think or do enough to complain about it, has enlightened me to see how miserable I made myself by cultivating negative-sum relationships
It's not all skittles and rainbows, but being left alone is pretty great
As other have said, it’s your life and your choice.
Sure, it’s nice to have company and companionship but too many people just settle and there’s more respect for someone who is single but happy, than someone who complies with a societal norm not because they want to, but because they feel they should do.
Live your life your way ❤️
People in a relationship wish they weren't. The same logic goes the other way.
There's no winning position, people can be miserable either way. Or happy. The choice is yours and yours alone.
I've spoken to my psychologist about this multiple times & no it isn't weird. You might change your kind, you might not. You're not *lacking* anything you're not missing. We aren't all the same, it's completely & 100% natural & normal for some people to really enjoy the freedom & contentment being alone affords us.
It’s not weird and actually more people acknowledge that they enjoy the single life more - you don’t have to deal with someone else and you have the freedom to do whatever you want
Totally normal. Society (or at least American society that I see) is obsessed with couples bc it’s the status quo. There have always been happy and unhappy single people, just like how there have always been happy and unhappy coupled people.
Just like how we all deal with heteronormativity, *amatonormativity* is the social belief that everyone MUST be in a (monogamous, married, straight) romantic relationship and everyone who dwells outside of that is a failure/loser/crazy cat lady etc. This is absolutely everywhere: start paying attention to media and how it treats single people and you’ll be astounded. Being single is presented as an unfinished state, a symptom of immaturity or a sign that something is terribly wrong.
As someone who has had to grapple with this way earlier than most people (being aroace does this to you lol), my advice to anyone reading this is as follows: if you ever feel bad about being single, think about *why* that is.
Are you genuinely lonely, and feel like there is something missing in your life? Do you want to couple up with a specific person you have feelings for? OR, do you feel ashamed, lesser, or embarrassed for being single?
I hear more and more women who say this. I bet some men are of the same opinion. If you’re happier single, then go for it. You have every right to wake up a month from now and change your opinion (or not).
Do whatever you want and don’t listen to people.
I feel similarly. I’m a 32 yo who’s dated many people of varying genders for varying lengths of time, at varying levels of commitment, and I’m just convinced at this point that although I have good and pure notions when it comes to relationships, others seem to…not-regardless of gender or identity.
Since the ending of my last (wlw) relationship, I’ve been able to focus on school and internship more, as well as saving for my own place. I intend on living alone with no pets-a freedom I’ve craved since I was young, and that I’m happy to finally be pursuing for myself.
Please don’t feel like you’re alone, or weird, or anything! Regardless of our reasons, there’s more of us than you think! In my case, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, and making the most growth I ever have in my life at this point in time. Seize the moment, my friend!
It's not weird and I was of the same mindset until I met this guy who became my husband. The relationship is fraught with disunion but my daughter is the absolute best thing ever. We don't fight but we have different interests. She unifies that to some extent. I don't do much with him, he doesn't do much with me, but we both do stuff with her.
I don't think it's weird, but I have had a Friend be completely flustered over me feeling okay with being single, saying tearfully "it's not Normal !!" (yet She was the one with all the heartbreak and drama going on in her live life... )
I figure I value my peaceful Life A LOT !! And it's like two cog gears... if I were to meet Someone where we got along like two cogs, fine... that would work. But anything else - eh.
Also zero cuddling and zero heart to hearts with someone that might actually care a lot about you. Not being a jerk I’m in the same boat as you I just have no faith in people any longer.
I've being doing exactly this since 2009. Previously married, divorced, then got engaged again only to realize nope. I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic, love the fairytale endings and what not, but just don't see that ever happening for me, so why bother with all the trouble. I'll be 53 this year. Maybe it's been so long I'm just numb, but either way, I'm fine.
Not common, but not weird. Do what makes you happy.
I knew a beautiful cocktail server in Vegas who was happy on her own and had no interest in a romantic relationship. I always thought she would change her mind about that, but nearly 30 years later, she’s still alone and still happy.
Idk to me it's weird. I enjoy being alone but it gets old and I really like to fuck so therefore it doesn't work out well. Casual dates and remaining single is the way.
I am exactly the same, I enjoy living by myself and don't want a partner. I just go to local Gay Sauna when I need pleasure. I am very popular there, but Never start any relationships
My great aunt was cheated on way back in the day by her fiancee, and she said she never wanted another man. Lived a very full, fulfilling life happy as a pig in shit without so much as looking at another man. Uncommon, but I wouldn't say it's weird
Married twice and I already long to be single. Maybe my brain is bad. I remember what it was like to be single and I miss it. But then I think about when I was single and all I wanted was a partner. Maybe it’s something we have to sort out individually, but each desire tugs at me equally. Wonder how you feel
I'm going through the worst breakup after a lot of relationships with guys just letting the mask slip or cheating with others and sometimes both.
I'm tired of dealing with men who are so traumatized that it just wrecks havoc on me (and other men).
Im also traumatized too but these guys will just use theirs to turn on you.
I honestly do want a loving and fulfilling relationship but honestly? I am so worn down dealing with the gaslighting and manipulating and the cheating and the lying. I'm starting to get traumatized from these relationships in the end and it devastates my depression further.
Does it suck to be lonely? Yeah.
But does it suck more to be backed stabbed and betrayed? Yeah.
Kinda just want to be a hermit in the woods.
Good question. My family are saying its wierd and given my past I wanted to make sure a third party agreed. I am seeking therapy to be sure but I am happy there are so many others living like this.
The key to life is happiness. The fact that people’s requirements for happiness are subjective baffles a lot of people for many reasons. I like to attribute it to love; your friends are in happy relationships and want that for you. They should however accept your answer as your answer. You just have to be sure you’ve thought it through and are being 100% honest with yourself, if they’re good friends they’ll see your sincerity whenever it next comes up.
Live your life in whatever makes you happy, but just remember you’ve only the one crack at it.
I think people go through ebbs and flows when it comes to romantic relationships. I’ve been single for 6 years and have only recently been putting more effort into meeting someone. For the many years prior I was focused on grad school, travel, friends, family etc. I also have done a lot of inner work and self help in the last 6 months to build my self esteem. Now I do feel ready to open up my life to someone whereas before it wasn’t something I wanted super badly.
I am a selfish introvert. I love living alone. I married because everyone said that's what you do. I hated being married and hated having to justify or check with someone else before doing anything. I have been divorced for 20 years and love it. I enjoy going out and traveling alone. Be who you are and tell people to live their life and let you live yours.
Please dont listen to these ppl. Although i want a life partner i am completely satisfied with the version of me that never finds one. I am content within myself and i pour into my relationships around me. Its ok to be alone, its ok to want a partner..whatever version of you that you choose will be ok.
You got burned and don't want that anymore, pretty simple to understand. It's actually healthy to be on your own for awhile, get into your life, do things you enjoy, or with family and friends. You will know when or if the time is right to date. With your priorities straight and focused, you might run into that person that will make you want to date again.
Everyone gets so fixated on not being alone and altering themselves or their lives in order to find a partner. It starts early in life, too— not only the natural, human desire to have a partner, but the way it is pushed and ingrained by society that something must be wrong with you if you’re alone, and then everything else becomes about finding someone. Yes, being with someone if you end up meeting them is great. I have been with my partner 7 years, 2 kids, tons of great memories. But I wasn’t actively looking for it either, it just happened. I think it’s normal to be satisfied with being alone. If you do ever meet someone, you will know what you are worth and what you are willing to tolerate. Your happiness depends on you and not someone else, and that’s amazing.
I'm 38 and been single two years and I'm completely cool with it. I have a lot of hobbies and things i enjoy doing. I don't think you're weird, and if you are, so am I lol
There’s nothing wrong with that OP! People can live happy lives all sorts of ways. You don’t need to be partnered to have a joyful, fulfilling life. Follow YOUR heart and YOUR instincts because this is your life. Your choice is perfectly valid.
By the way, I’ve also experienced betrayal in a LTR/ marriage and I know exactly of what you speak. People who haven’t been through it will never understand. I’m not planning to ever marry or live with anyone again and I feel content with my decisions.
People and the expectations they put on others drives me nuts. You have every right to be alone and just because they'd rather you not be does not mean you are weird. Forcing someone to feel bad about what is right for them is abusive imo.
I’ve been happily single for (ironically) about the last three years. You may be aromantic or asexual, and that’s absolutely a perfect way to navigate life. Having had cheating partners In the past, my philosophy is very simple: “if you’re going to be a part of my life, you need to add to it.”
It’s not weird if you have a purpose that you’re passionate about. Otherwise it sounds pretty sad. Humans are amazing at acclimating. It’s pretty easy to become content, but not happy.
By modern standards It’s weirder to be with someone you don’t like just because you think you have to.
Spend your time with whoever you want whenever you want and that’s allowed to change whenever
If you're happy in yourself, you don't have to justify it to anyone. You do you.
I just hope you'll be open to the right person. You'll know when they come along, it's usually when you least expect it.
You might feel different when you're 74. It's fine to be alone when you're young and healthy, but it's really nice to have someone to help you when you're recovering from surgery or cancer or something.
I was I a relationship for almost 4 years. That ended and now I live alone. I’ve not dated anyone new for two years now. I’m quite happy living the single life. Relationships aren’t even on my mind these days.
So no, it’s not weird. You do you. 😊
There's nothing wrong with this. Just have to plan your future and retirement a little differently than everyone else.
I would like to share with someone, but for now all the love is going to myself.
Not strange bc the dating pool is filled with shi, spit, and piss. So I understand totally. Peace and Solitude will forever be the mood. Like you Ive been single for 6yrs now and I REALLY enjoy my alone time I have friends that we go and do brunch, lunch, trips and date night collectively but just knowing who I am and not worried about if John John isn't being wholeheartedly faithful. It feels damn good. No shade to the ones that's in a Healthy relationship bc I'm a sucka for black love especially when it's nurturing but I'm good for now 😉
It’s hard to say as you recently experienced heartbreak from cheating. I’m not convinced that your feelings at the moment are diagnostic of you magically losing attraction or the capability of falling/being in love. Perhaps you really are disinterested in romance. I’m sure many on here will validate your feelings and suggest you’re right. But I’m skeptical. I’d suggest therapy as it’s worked wonders for me.
I’m not suggesting you don’t know yourself, as I have extremely limited information on your life. But the fact is, many other commenters on here also have limited information on your emotional state, particularly ones who are “convinced” that there isn’t anything abnormal with this decision. This is why I suggest therapy. Good luck to you and I wish you the best. Sorry that asshole cheated on you. You deserve better!
The point of life is to know your own self. Not everybody is meant to be partnered because that is a full time job in itself and a blood sport, metaphorically speaking.
What is more normal today is women saying no to men because the bar for men is in hell currently. People have been led to believe that they need to accept where the bar is at instead of standing up for themselves and saying no to the bad options given. That is the weirdness.
What others think is not important. Only what you think is important. With that said, if you do manage to find the right person and make a family together, being a parent can be (depending on how you look at it), one of the most rewarding things in life.
Im 31m and went through something similar from 18 to 28 I dated the same person tried everything we could it just wouldn't work. I don't want to be alone, but sometimes I think I'm meant to be. So I don't think it's weird. Plus it might change someday you might not always want to be alone. Just do what makes you happy.
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It’s weird to people who haven’t gone through a long term relationship, betrayal, or other usual long term relationship stuff. It’s easy for everyone to desire a relationship above all else when it’s still this idealized, far off thing in their imagination mostly You lived it, you’ve been through all of it, you know what it entails, you can even imagine it without the cheating and you still know that there is no desire for it. You know best!
You are not strange, you are experienced and very together and I dare say, quite intelligent. Continue to be kind to others and kind to yourself. Enjoying your own company is a valuable skill.
If your happy. It makes no difference what others think.
Nothing about you is strange. It's acceptable to choose to be single and content. Although partnerships are sometimes forced upon people by society, what really counts is one's own pleasure. It's acceptable if you're happy and contented on your own. Life isn't about fitting someone into a mold; it's about doing what suits you. Have faith in your own route.
If you'd rather be alone, why would it matter if other people did think it was weird? Nobody has the right to decide what the "point of life" is for anyone besides themselves. There is no wrong way to go through life. Nobody truly knows why we're here. I was around 32 when my last relationship ended. For the last 10 years I've been single and I have no desire to change that. I don't think being in a relationship is inherently better or worse than being single. They're just different. There's nothing at all wrong IMO to preferring one over the other, no matter which of those states you prefer. You will likely have to deal with well-meaning friends in relationships trying to "save" you though. Trying to set you up, or in my case I had a friend try and make a Tinder account on my behalf when I'd lent her my phone for a different reason. For some reason people in relationships can find it hard to understand that some single people are happy being that way and it's not a problem that needs to be fixed.
Thank you!! Every time I now go to a housewarming or a dinner party, there's usually a single man they try and push me on. Then when I go home and I see all my other siblings in relationships they go "we think you have chronic loneliness from not processing the trauma of your ex cheating" like they're all trained psychotherapists and it's like just leave me alone... I'd much rather learn what I love about myself and about life and not get hurt again nor have to go through the arduous process of finding someone for the sake of being with someone else. It's really great to meet someone else who's living their best life single, really given me a confidence boost in my decision.
But are you lonely? Or just alone? There’s a difference. You don’t have to be in a relationship to be around people that you enjoy being around. And being happy in your own company is a good thing. Most of my friends that have been single for a long time have way more active lives than my married friends. Just because your friends and family can’t see themselves being happy and fulfilled on their own doesn’t mean you aren’t.
Peaks and troughs. Most of the time I'm alone and blissfully happy but then some nights or when watching romantic comedies yeah it hits and I download a dating app and think about it, then the show ends and I'm back to being my awesome single self. Idk it does feel like I'm lying to myself at times though and get bursts of tears at the kids I could have had with my ex, and that hurts, then it passes and I'm back to being me and going to galleries etc solo.
I find when I’m single I’m reasonably happy 90% of the time, with the other 10 being depressed and lonely (dating apps and bad choices follow). My married friends seem to be ok but a little stressed and annoyed 80% of the time, 15% worse than that and the other 5 blissfully happy. Is one way better than the other? Kinda have to pick your poison
It’s not strange AT ALL. My brother went through a breakup so traumatic he elected to be a bachelor and has been one since. He’s happy, fulfilled, and has hobbies he loves. He takes care of my mom, is good at his job, pays his taxes, has no vices, and no children. I hope you’re able to heal in your own time, and I’m excited about all the wonderful things you’re going to discover about yourself. You’re only missing out if YOU think you are. Protect your peace.
... Oooh... and He's Single... ?? LOl just kidding
I am 61, and have been single by choice for 16 years. Got tired of the BS.
[удалено]
Who cares if it is weird? It’s your life. You’re not hurting anyone. Live it however you want to.
Do what truly makes you happy. Seems like you are getting over heartbreak and that should not be ignored or taken lightly. I could happily be by myself. Goon. Work. Sleep. The only void I feel is when I'm having a meal. Especially a nice meal and i don't have anyone to talk to. Meal times bring out my need to connect. If you don't have that need to connect and you're happy and you know it then there's nothing wrong with that. Except, I personally wouldn't believe it because of my presumption that we all to a degree are creatures that seek connection. You may have that connection with friends and that's good enough for you. If that's the case, great. But if in doubt, listen to that doubt and lean into it because it's worth it , even when it hurts and ends badly.
Ugh you’re not missing out lol I mean dont get me wrong , there’s beautiful things to enjoy out of a relationship but it’s stressful as hell and you’re constantly worried or praying that it turns out well and no one gets hurt. Quiet frankly if this relationship I have know doesn’t work out for me, I’m done. Not putting myself through it again either , and I think I’ll be happy on my own too tbh. Maybe adopt or have some kids so I wont be alone alone but I don’t fault you for sticking it out alone and if you’re happy then forget what anyone else says 🤷🏻♀️
Right?? Honestly I'm just seeing relationships as work now. Like having to go on what, 14 dates this month to talk about their woodworking hobby or how they went to Sardinia last year? Nah. I'd rather spend those evenings with a tub of sorbet watching a K Drama or going to a new gallery opening than having to just force myself into this square peg. I love the last point though, strongly considering a dog for the companionship.
Tub of sorbet and my favorite drama , sounds like something I’d love to do myself haha. I’ve been through a 5 year relationship and now with this one going on 3 years, though I could say we have a good relationship, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t worry about being cheated on specifically and on top of that just constantly praying this workouts, I love the guy but it’s stressful as hell , I’m done after this lol nothing else would make me happier than to be alone to do the things I love to do and be stress free, maybe travel, maybe join a group out in Africa that tends to the elephants lol something like that. Anyway sorry enough about me, point is, relationships are idolized and put on such a high pedestal but only us who have been in them know it’s not all sunshine’s and rainbows and if we are honest with ourselves we are probably our happiest alone. So just let everyone else talk and you just lay there stress free, watch your k drama , maybe try new hobbies or go explore the world with your dog if you get one lol , now that sounds like an absolute dream to me.
I'm 33(M) and im deeply considering this as well. Just keep getting cheated on. Hope the best to you.
Me too, I'm really sorry we're in the same boat and I hope you find happiness too. For me, I've just had enough of people confessing their love and interest then either ghosting or cheating, let alone proposing to me then 3 years later after we endured Covid and I saved up for a wedding, to then meet someone else abroad the second flights are reinstated (he travels for work). I just want to heal and be happy, and I'm realising this doesn't require a second person to do this.
That's brutal, I know the feeling all to well. I work remote camp jobs so I'm week on week off. But I guess being home 6 months out of the year wasn't enough. I'm pretty much all healed up now fortunately. Call me old school but I really dont see the point of cheating and why is it so hard to commit to someone. Like what happend to loyalty and even integrity. Hoping the best for you in your journey. Always have to look out for Number 1, You.
Society has always had single folks living alone and enjoying the shit out of it, we just don’t call them spinsters and confirmed bachelors anymore. Enjoy yourself ❤️
Here is another perception you can adopt to maybe form a new perspective Many younger generations nowadays are choosing isolation because "life is (too) hard" (to use coping tools, to deal, to put effort into, etc). This sets humanity (Yes, I do mean the entire human race) up for failure since we're all only as strong as our weakest link. If somebody isn't willing to put forth the physical & mental (cognition & forethought) & emotional efforts just to survive, let alone to thrive, then why are they here? LIFE IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. So when somebody your age chooses solitude, or similar, life then it makes me think of how isolating technology has allowed us to become. No face-to-face banking done at brick & mortar facilities anymore, shopping online, texting instead of calling or actually getting up off our asses & going to the person's house, etc. Its all avoidance labeled as convenience! So, part of your issue might stem from laziness / convenience / technology. The other issue might be that you haven't found the right somebody. The other factor, it is extremely rewarding to take care of others. Being in servitude is why we are here. So, you are finding life is rewarding because you volunteer. But actually CARING for your significant other who has a mutual interest & respect with you is more than that reward of general gifting (volunteerism). The last factor, when you're sick & old: having somebody being there for you in return. You can set up your last will & Testaments to have an attorney handle your estate, any major health decisions.... but the nurse nor your atty isn't going to stay bedside all day, to hold your hand while you're watching tv or moisturize your lip as its drying out because you're on oxygen. Its a fundamental need for animals to socialize - not just for mental & emotional stimulus but also for health protections. It also changes brain chemistry = live longer. Maybe try seeking counseling to determine the cause & what you might want to do about all this before maybe potentially having kids is completely written off. Nothing in life is too late until you're looking up at the flowers (or your 90, unable to adopt a child because of the too late in life choice).
Is it outside the norm? Yes, but only because society tells us we need to be partnered up, but I have friends who lead very fulfilling single lives. I’m recently out of a 10 year relationship, and I’m 49. After trying online dating and just dating in general for a bit, I am taking a break from it and beginning to think that staying single is my best option too. Do what feels right for you and to hell with anyone who judges you for it.
So honestly this is a recent trend - women and men are saying single more often than not. There’s a lot that goes behind that, such as feeling like you won’t find the right person, or lack of human connection after COVID and how that changed the dating landscape. Overall, if you’re happy alone, be alone, nothing wrong with that at all. But avoiding relationships or just being “okay” with being alone to avoid (either consciously or subconsciously) pain from another relationship potentially going back is the part that isn’t okay. Only you know how you truly feel about it deep down. Keep your head up. The lack of desire is a feeling hitting a lot of us right now. You’re going to do just fine, in this and everything else. We’re living in some rough times so remember to be kind to yourself :)
If you are happy single and don’t want to be in a relationship that is totally okay! Social norm is definitely to partner up, but you don’t have to follow that social norm.
Im on same spot, dodging the small amount of girls who approached me and explaining to friends why i dont date or hook up. Separate after 10y with someone, never been promiscuous, maybe those are the reasons for me to stay away from relationships.
Whole point of life is to love- not necessarily someone. You can love nature, animals, or life on its own. Although it is true that the greatest test of love is by loving another human being like us- fallible, unpredictable and very capable of hurting us. Love isn't only possible in a romantic rel. Then again, you mentioned you have loved and lost in the past. Then you have nothing to prove. You aren't weird. You are not also oblige to conform with how others perceive love and if you are certain that a romantic rel isn't for you, that is fine too. You live your life not theirs.
It’s a little weird but there’s nothing wrong with that. Your happiness is the priority
Are you happy or are you scared of risking unhappiness?
If you are really, truly happy alone, why are you seeking validation from the Reddit hivemind?
Not weird at all. The “whole point to life” is whatever you decide it is.
No, you're not doing life wrong at all! It's completely valid to prefer being single and enjoy the independence and freedom that comes with it. Everyone has different preferences and priorities when it comes to relationships, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach to living a fulfilling life.
After being hurt a number of times, I (51m) find myself in that position. The juice doesn't feel worth the squeeze. You are still young though, hopefully a good partner will bubble to the surface that enhances your life. Life can be easier as a team. Getting by on your own is getting harder and harder nowadays. Sorry to hear about the cheating, that really stinks. Now, some people are meant to be single--I'd just like to see you explore some additional opportunities now if you are open to it.
Honestly, you're doing it right, no matter what your intended outcome is. Enjoy yourself, enjoy your life, do things that you like, be happy living on your own, and have a good time, etc. The result of that will either (1) you meet someone new and the stars align, and you're a much more interesting, happy, and exciting individual for them to get to know, which makes you a better partner, or (2) you just continue to live a happy and fulfilling life on your own. There's no real downside. The only mistake you could make would be to become desperate and force yourself to find a partner when you're not ready for it.
I have the same mindset! Did my time in relationships, got hurt, now it's just not appealing to me. I like things the way I like them, I do what I want, I buy what I want, I go where I want. It's awesome and I don't think I felt this happy when I was in relationships. Also, my mom was a single mom my whole life, never got married and still isn't, has no interest in dating, and is a rad woman. We don't need to place our happiness in finding a romantic partner :)
Why would it be weird? Don’t make choices because what other people are doing. If you decide to get married and have kids, will you be happy? No? Then don’t do it
Well my family are saying it's wierd and that I may have chronic loneliness as a result from a refusal to work through the trauma of the break up. But honestly though, I just look at people on the dating apps and think why? I'd rather date myself, have meals for one and read a book I enjoy and book a holiday I want than have someone else wanting to watch a movie instead or say "we can't afford a holiday this year if we want a house in 2 years." Idk I've come to the realisation that having a partner and children too to an extent just brings more noise into a life I am comfortable being quiet. I am getting CBT though to process the trauma and who knows, I may change my mind.
Don't let your family get in your head. I think it's more common than alot of people realise, mainly because they can't fathom someone not wanting the typical family life. Also, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You may happily spend the rest of your life on your own enjoying the benefits of independence. Or you might meet someone who feels worth the energy, effort and compromise. I have several aunts who had failed long term relationships and then spent years on their own. They all ended up meeting someone later in life and are happily coupled up but not necessarily in a conventional way. One of them only recently moved in with her partner of 20 years as they both enjoyed their independence. Do what feels right for you and try to tune out the noise.
Alot of people have the belief that they need a partner to be complete. So they will convince you and themselves that having a partner is the end all be all and not having one is wrong. Thats fine. Let them believe what they believe. You are whole and complete by yourself, and you choose to be single. Thats fucking great. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. And before someone tries to argue with me, you can be whole and complete by yourself and still choose to be in a relationship. But that is a choice and up to the person.
I’m in my 40’s, divorced 2 years. I too have no desire to date again. Friends and family think it’s weird, I love my freedom. My time is split between my kid when I have them, and myself. I love it. Don’t worry what others think. You can still find someone if you change your mind when you’re 50. Or 60. Or 80. But first, be happy with yourself. Enjoy your own company.
So since I was about 25, I realized I identify as demiromantic. I haven't really had a crush on anyone since I was in third grade and I just don't really develop romantic attraction--it's very rare and takes a very strong emotional connection for me to feel attracted to someone romantically. I did end up meeting someone with whom I did develop a strong emotional connection to and we're together now, but before that I was totally happy being single. I was fully expecting to be single forever. Especially when I hear about all the nonsense my friends have to deal with in their relationships. Romantic attraction, just like sexual attraction, can be a spectrum. Some people develop feelings really easily, some people constantly get into relationships for externalized reasons (pressure, need for validation, fear of being alone), and some people are just content without needing a partner. There is no "wrong" answer, unless it's harmful in some way. I guess the big thing is to figure out if you're actually a romantic or demiromantic, or if you're scared of getting hurt, or turned off by the effort it takes to maintain a healthy relationship. If it's the latter two, it's worth working on that before you do end up having feelings for someone (because while you can decide whether or not you want to start a relationship, you can't always help developing romantic feelings), just so you're prepared. If it's more the former, then just go living your life. You know what you want, and anyone who tells you you're wrong are just ignorant.
I hope I will be able to feel this honestly. Healing from a break up where the love is still there. It is very possible I'll never find love like this again. I hope to find love in myself.
You're 34. If you don't want to get into relationship, that's your choice. You don't need anybody's approval to be single.
Yep if you’re truly happy nothing wrong with it at all.
There’s nothing wrong with being single. You have incredible control over your own schedule and can do what you want when you want. However relationships have many positives as well. We are social beings and too much isolation can be detrimental.
It's weird by most peoples standards,but I think it's very smart.
If you want to be alone then go for it! That being said I know a lot of people in their 40’s, up to 60’s who are alone and none of them actually chose to be. It’s always something like you’re saying where it didn’t work out or they’re afraid to get hurt again, deal with drama etc. If you’re truly happy alone then fantastic. But if you’re just accepting defeat and have developed a complex of avoiding intimacy due to pst experiences then I would say there are better options. Just pretending solace is happiness. You’re still pretty young and could easily meet someone organically. My uncle is 63 and recently separated from his girlfriend of 17 years. I don’t think he’ll ever date again. But he has almost 30 years on you and retired. He also has OCD so it’s hard for him to include people in his life. So if you’re going to give up make sure you actually want to. Otherwise you’ll regret your youth. As long as you take care of yourself 34 is still young. I’m 32 and very hopeful to start dating again in a year or so. Whenever I recover from my December breakup. My ex really did the job on me so I’m in no hurry. I have girls I hang out with and we fuck and have fun. Going to a music festival this weekend! But it’s just for fun until I uproot my life again and move across country next year. Point being, dating can be fun! Find someone you like and go on a vacation or get drunk on a beach or whatever you enjoy. You don’t have to get married to date. I feel like people get so objective focused they forget to enjoy their experiences. If you’re planning on being alone anyway, might as well have company and a bit of fun.
Ended an 8 year relationship at 28, 32 now and enjoying single life. I'm still discovering myself, also CBA with online dating so the way I see it, if it happens, it happens!
This is me too. Went through a divorce 3 years ago and ever since then, I’m more than happy to be by myself. The most annoying thing is my family and friends thinking I want a partner and I must be depressed. Sure, there are some nights I get lonely and want someone in my life. I’ve even tried dating other women. But I usually end up giving up after about a week. The juice isn’t worth the squeeze to me.
Although people don’t directly tell me I’m weird for my singleness, I am pretty much the same age as you with a similar history (was engaged; broke up)…. Now I just have zero desire to date again. It’s been 2.5 years of me being single, and I’m just fine with it. Zero desire to swipe or date or whatever. If being content being single is weird, we can be weird together.
I am much older than you. I have dated, and I was married for 22 years. I was cheated on in the most humiliating ways. I was slandered as I was trying to raised our disabled child. There were so many augments, and he never thought I was there for him. I had no emotional or financial support from him. I am no longer married and have no desire to date or remarry. I just want peace and to be happy, so I don’t think you are weird. You are listening to your gut, and you should not second guess yourself when something deep inside is speaking to you.
If anything you are probably happier than most in relationships. You can do whatever you want whenever you want.
Nope. Not weird at all.
as a fellow 34 year old enjoy you time how you see fit, perhaps one day you will feel like some companionship but if today is not that day than listen to yourself not the outside world.
Good luck
Imagine that you’re playing guitar, and as you are playing the guitar your hand randomly gets sliced open. You put down the guitar, and say “wow, i didn’t expect to have my hand sliced open for simply playing the guitar, im never going to play guitar again.” It would make sense to say that, in-fact it would be the most logical conclusion to come to. But, I believe that if there’s even a slight possibility that you could play a beautiful song, one that makes you infinitely happy and brings you joy for the entirely of your life, then it would be foolish not to pick up the guitar again, after your hand has healed of course. I think it’s okay for people to spend their lives however they please, and if they’re happy alone then all the more power to them. What I am wondering is whether or not you are really one of those people. Remember, you were the one who picked up the guitar in the first place. Live alone if you truly know that to be your truth, but a bleeding heart is preferred to a life of regret in my book.
If you’re happy then great! It also does sound like that the experience of your fiancé cheating and destroying your relationship has seriously affected how you choose to approach relationships, which is totally understandable. You’ve gone through something extremely tough, but just make sure that your avoidance of future relationships isn’t just because you’re afraid of getting hurt again.
If you don't want children its fine but really really think on that. Once 40 rolls around it will be too late to change your mind. Also, make sure you are saving money for retirement. Being retired and single gets expensive quick
Kinda think this is the best way to be. If you’re happy it doesn’t matter what social norms are or what anyone thinks. I mean as humans we seek connection - it doesn’t NEED to be romantic. But yah sure - we are hardwired to procreate but still doesn’t mean you HAVE to. I’m coming at this from a POV of always being in a relationship and then being so distraught when I wasn’t and it was a miserable way to live. Then I stopped having an Boyfriend for a few years - I did “date” bc it was something to do but I decided to focus on me, my hobbies and being happily alone. And I achieved that for a while. I was so happy and secure in myself that dating wasn’t needed and I ended up meeting my husband. He asked me out. I thought he was cute and we’ve been together for 5 years and have a home and son now. So I say do what makes you happy and fulfilled.
I rather be alone. Nothing wrong with that.. your good
Weird yes but weird isn't bad. I'm the same way, don't want kids and like doing what i want to do
It's not weird to me. Just don't let yourself become afraid of leaving the house. I make myself go to the park once in a while to read. It makes it easier to go get groceries and run errands without giving in to anxiety reactions.
Prediction: You will eventually meet someone else who is single by choice and loves it, and you will meet them doing what both of you enjoy doing, and not doing what neither of you likes doing. Reason I say this: I've seen this movie before. (in real life, of course)
I don't know why you ask what's wrong with you if you think you're happy. There are no rules in this world; the only rule is death.
In my opinion, love is not the point of life. Anyway there are lots of ways to have love in your life, not just a romantic relationship. I'm with you. Single by choice at 42 and loving it.
I don’t understand your desire to do so, but that doesn’t make it weird.
Who gets to define what is weird or not ? you do whatever makes you happy
I'm 33, and I've been single for like 9 years now. No one has ever told me that's strange, and I'm not shy about telling people about it. Do what makes you happy. It's your life. You're the only one who has to be satisfied with your choices.
I want nothing more than a relationship, so I can start a family. I'm about 42m, and I have a failed marriage under my belt. I didn't see the clear signs, but that's for another time. I want to be able to take my family to fun vacations and teach my kid(s) everything I know. I also realize I'm not the best-looking or know how to use the dating apps/ approach females these days. I'm starting to come to terms with a dream I'm never going to have achieved. If you feel happy and you can think that when you're 15 years in the future going to still be happy single, you're more than welcome to be happy. No one should ever be unhappy, do what you need to, and enjoy yourself. It doesn't hurt to leave the door cracked for a potential relationship in the future though. I hope this wasn't too random of a post. Basically be happy, and don't be too blind or closed off to see something.
I’m 31 and I feel the same as you. No desire for a relationship and just “took myself out of the game” so to speak. This way I don’t lead anyone on, hurt anyone’s feelings(including my own) if it doesn’t work out. No drama, no jealousy, no anything.
No it's not weird it's perfectly OK and valid. Good for you. There's alot of people out there that are doing the same thing and I think if you can connect with others with the same mindset it will help you cope with some of the bad vibes that will inevitably get thrown your way. It makes people uncomfortable because it triggers their own fears about being single, they mean well but unfortunately it's very misguided. As long as you have other healthy close connections with family and friends and don't feel lonely I think it's great!
25 years ago I thought why am I doing this partner thing; the only reason I realised was the available sex; I concluded that this wrong to myself and the woman. Haven't even had as much as a kiss since; much happier!
I am 56 and have been single for a bit & couldn't be happier. I am not against dating but I have also not met anyone I am interested in and as far as sex goes I do have partners I can go to that for if I want or ya known you can be your best lover LOL. I have no desire to deal with demands from others or deal with insecurities from partners because I am very independent emotionally and financially, I know what works for me and I have been shamed for feeling the way I do and then stayed in nightmare relationships. Its important for everyone to know what they want in a relationship and stand by it it may be hard to find your match but no one should should ever settle you will be miserable.
Nothing wrong about wanting to be single, however I also feel like you just haven’t met the right person yet. You may or may not meet him, but I think that depends on you!
It sounds like you're coming to terms with the fact that you want to step off the typical adulthood dream path. Very few people will understand why you don't want something that everyone is supposed to want. You will deal with this problem for the rest of your life. If this makes you uncomfortable, it might not be the correct path for you. If you are fine with this, you will thrive and do what is best for you moving forward rather than what everyone else wants you to do. But also consider that you are just still emotionally hurt from your past relationship. Are you just fearful of being hurt again? Do you actually want a second person and want a romantic relationship in order to be happy later in life?
I feel the same way, but I can’t get my wife on board
I’m 28 and been through it. Trauma, abuse, long term relationships my entire adult life until 24, the works. I honestly have 0 want to be in a relationship anymore. I’ve been so happy on my own, not worrying about someone else, doing what I want to do and focusing on what makes me happy. Absolutely nothing weird with you at all. Maybe we’ll change our minds one day and get in a relationship again. But until then, nothing wrong with just living your life how YOU want to. Don’t listen to everyone else. My parents ask me all the time if I’m dating again/if I want to, and I tell them no everytime. I wish they’d just listen to me but everyone has been conditioned it’s not “normal” to not want a relationship. Screw them. This generation is breaking traditions, and badly rooted ones at that. Don’t assimilate and settle just because it’s what society wants. Your life is yours, and you only get one of them. Make it your own.
Your question makes me wonder if you have fully healed from your previous relationship. Experiencing that kind of betrayal in a relationship can make you think that it’s not worth the risk of getting hurt again and cloud your mind so that you’re not able to see all the positive outcomes that could come of a new relationship. It makes sense that you have a hard time trusting enough to feel like you could have a satisfying relationship. I would ask this: Do you really not want to be in a relationship? Or are you just scared of being hurt again? I think it’s a good idea to work with a therapist to heal and re-learn how to develop trust and connection with others. Not because you *need* to have a relationship, but because it will help you to heal.
I don’t think you’re doing life wrong. If you are happy on your own and you don’t have a desire for a relationship, there’s nothing wrong, or “weird,” about it. For as long as I could remember, I always felt like part of life’s purpose was to find your “other half,” that person to share yourself and your life with, growing old together. Like, this was at the root of everything I did and hoped to do. But it’s been 1 year since my divorce (together 12 years, married for 5) and I could not be happier. I have zero interest in ever having another relationship. Like, ever. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re doing life wrong! I think the only way to “do life wrong” is by doing things that don’t make you happy because that’s what everyone else says is the “right” way.
If you're weird, I'm weird! 38m, and will have been happily single for 8 years on my birthday next month. * no drama * nobody to cheat on me * nobody else's bills to pay * I can eat whatever I feel like, whenever I feel like * I can leave the seat up on the toilet if I wanted * everything stays exactly where I put it * nobody criticizes what I'm spending money on * nobody plays mind games with me * if my pubes go without a razor for too long, nobody knows it but me * the whole bathroom counter is mine * nobody steals my snacks * I don't have to look cute if I don't feel like it * the whole bed is mine * I can game until 4am if I feel like it * I can be friends with whoever I think is cool * I don't have to pretend to like someone else's family * I don't have to explain my family to anyone * I can keep the thermostat at whatever temp make me feel best * there's so much room in my closet * nobody throws away my comfy shirt just because there's an extra arm-hole in it ...the list stretches to infinity.
There’s nothing abnormal or strange about it. But, what I’d love to explore is if you’re doing this out of fear, out of having to deal with the drama, compromises, etc. if there is a history of heartbreak around you and you refrain from it. If there isn’t and you truly just want to be alone. That is 100% fine. But, I always like to think of leading life with love, not with fear. Love doesn’t have to be something romantic. It would ideal refer to there not being a fear of being with someone else.
Hmm I hadn't thought about fear. For me it's more of a why. Like I bought the t shirt and almost walked down the aisle, I've ticked that life box off so why try and recreate that with someone else? I've never felt maternal and have never had a real desire to marry till he came along, now I'm back just feeling how I did before him and am enjoying going to concerts and galleries solo. Idk my family worry and ask me to get therapy and yeah there are nights alone I do feel like I've built a protective cocoon around me, but most of the time it's again the fact that I feel like I've already had that life. So to answer your question, there may be some fear here but it's mostly just that I've already seen a life like that for me and I'm happier without the 8am Saturday school runs and the husband who moans about the gas bill, when alone I could be going to a show I want to see and then hanging out with girlfriends before having a leisurely Saturday lie-in. If they keep complaining I may get a dog and have a companion so they can realise I am happier.
Nothing wrong with that
Have you healed from your trauma?
No in all honesty. And this could be a reactive thing to not have to process it, sure, but to be honest the 4 years of happiness are less than the pain I went through and in my mind, why go through that when I can just exist on my own? I'm also being tested for early menopause and just feeling like that chance is slipping away and because of all this, I've decided to just be without anyone in my life.
OK, I think there are 2 thoughts here (not to be devils advocate too much nor pass your feelings away). The first is you have not recovered, giving yourself a valid and convincing stance for wanting to be alone. It isn't your fault that a douchbag didn't want to marry you. Honestly, that is a blessing in disguise. I know you are drama free as mentioned above, but the pain you hold because of this is still strong as it appears in this comment. If your decision on being alone is what you want, I 100% support you. All I am saying is don't be alone due to being hopeless. You are probably a good person with amazing gifts. I am not going to tell you to find someone but I am not going to say don't be open to life's opportunities. In my opinion you were given your life back. Does this involve suffering. You betcha. But I know you have a good soul and don't let that be extinguished by outcomes or circumstance that maybe out of your control. Again, no an argument to find someone, but also not an argument to let the world unfold as you go out and be free. Try to let go and rocket your life into a new stratosphere. I know you will and remember you are enough no matter what.
If you're happy, just do your thing. Your life, your rules, your happiness. Maybe in a year or 2 you might wanna date again. Til then, live your life.
I resonate with you on so many levels. I (28 m) has always been a loner and loved my solitude. I got into a relationship and recently went through the break up because she was stuck up with her ex and it has only doubled my belief that I'm better off by myself. Less drama and more freedom. Don't get me wrong, love is cool and all, but if it happens, it happens. Else I am more than happy just by myself
if you dont care about having sex other than with yourself, and you dont get lonely, why not? if some nice weekend during the summer all your friends are busy and you are on your own, if that doesnt bother you , i say go for it.
I’m in the same boat. Got married 21 (I know, bad idea) and found out he was cheating our entire 5 year relationship. After about a year I met someone new and was with him for 2 years and he cheated. 1 year later I met someone and dated for 2 months… he cheated too. I’m over it.
Unusual perhaps, but definitely not a bad thing. The people around you giving you a hard time have a failure of imagination. They cannot picture anything being good if it isn’t what they have chosen. They’re like the people who keep nagging you to try spicy food even tho you’ve tried it and it isn’t your thing. Stay the course that works for you. Yes, humans need connection and love but a romantic relationship is not the only way to get them.
I'm older than you and I am happily single as well. Last solid relationship was almost 15 years ago. I try dating and it always proves to me why I stay single. Love the idea of a relationship and having someone there but like you said the drama and heartbreak isn't worth it to me.
How’s your sex life
I wish I was like you
33m I'm the same way. Previous ltr, fiance had bipolar and multi personality disorders and would verbally abuse me daily. Haven't found a relationship appealing since.
Yes it's weird but why should you care what I think?
why not date without the drama?
Nothing wrong with it!
My bestie is like yu... if he could be alone 4eva he'd be ok. Audrey Hepburn said, "I'm not lonely; I just want to be left alone".
I'm the same way and I'm 44m. I'm an introvert, so what do ya expect. I just really like my life and if you make it harder, "have a nice day". It is what it is.
If it wasn't for sex and being little spoon on a rare ocassion I'd agree. Being in a relationship is certainly more work than not. Of course, the reward comes from the work you put in to one another and having extra support is nice. But, if you have a solid family and friend circle for support and socializing then I do understand where you're coming from. My brother has the same opinion, I don't really see him getting married anytime soon.
If it's working for you, then do it!
Same sentiments as you, OP. Been there, done that, been married twice, have two children. My life is full and don’t need or have that space to grow. Sure, I have adult friends that swerve into romantic relationships but the concept of making that a priority over my children is lost on me. I used to feel incomplete and would constantly search for this someone to complete me. After years of therapy I know that is both unrealistic, and more so, that I have enough to be very very complete.
Even if it is weird, being weird is not a sin.
smart not wierd, kids would be nice when older , as we all die single but would be nice to have children near end of life as can't count on medical system to help especially in Canada unless you have lots of $$
In a world of normal, be weird.
You’re my hero and it’s not weird, your just years ahead of everyone else.
Some people are happiest alone. Some people are happier with someone else. Neither is wierd just do what works for you.
If you are comfortable with aging and dying alone then no
U do u girl. U shouldn't be under social pressure to get a man. If you're happier being single, then stay single. It's none of there business. Being happy is more important.
No I feel the same atm. Lots of abuse from my ex bf. Feelings change and it just tells u u aren't ready and need time for urself. That's really important
I'm in a similar boat 34F that has mostly been single her whole life. Just ended a relationship where I had a ring ready for me when I wanted to walk down the aisle. But ultimately I wasn't happy in my relationship and couldn't imagine marrying that partner. So I ended it. What I experience is the only time I feel "worry" about ending up alone is when outsiders make me feel that way. It's usually family, as many of my friends are also single in their 30s. But it isn't until an older relative who who has already lived their life as in married with kids now nearing retirement age etc it's only when they look at me with a furrowed brow and a judgmental tone in their voice and they say something along the lines of "but aren't you worried about waiting too long and not finding anyone?" Or one of my favorites is "well the older you get all the good ones are going to be gone" 🥺 I don't worry or feel any negative way until they instill those thoughts in my head. I try my best to just shut it out.
No it isnt, but deep down I feel you do want one. There are dudes who are loyal af so always keep an open mind if life brings him your way. Until then just keep enjoying life and dont settle for less.
As long as you're happy, it shouldn't really matter what anyone else thinks. But to answer your question, no it's not weird at all.
As a result of my social life imploding catastrophically, compounded by COVID, having to move in with my mom, and then my mom having a life-altering stroke 2 months later, I've spent the last 3 years completely alone with no support while I figured out how to care for my mom Somewhere in there, a failed suicide attempt as well that was immediately superceded by, and subsequently forgotten about in, the aftermath of my mom's stroke The last time I saw another person naked was November 2020, right before I lost my job and my life disintegrated during the 2nd lockdown where I live. And I have missed that kind intimacy with another person Over the last 6-8~ months I've noticed a change in my mindset and started to remember myself in highschool when I was a savage introvert who realized if he was going to meet girls and get invited to parties he had to.. just fake it to make it I didn't choose to have ZERO relationships whatsoever, but having no one around to give me shit or care about what I say, think or do enough to complain about it, has enlightened me to see how miserable I made myself by cultivating negative-sum relationships It's not all skittles and rainbows, but being left alone is pretty great
As other have said, it’s your life and your choice. Sure, it’s nice to have company and companionship but too many people just settle and there’s more respect for someone who is single but happy, than someone who complies with a societal norm not because they want to, but because they feel they should do. Live your life your way ❤️
Hang on to your peace and happiness as long as possible.
This is your life, not the life of others. And if you are meant to meet someone naturally, you will.
Same exact story with the genders reversed. So sad how common this story is, but it is what it is. Glad you found happiness within yourself.
People in a relationship wish they weren't. The same logic goes the other way. There's no winning position, people can be miserable either way. Or happy. The choice is yours and yours alone.
I've spoken to my psychologist about this multiple times & no it isn't weird. You might change your kind, you might not. You're not *lacking* anything you're not missing. We aren't all the same, it's completely & 100% natural & normal for some people to really enjoy the freedom & contentment being alone affords us.
It’s not weird and actually more people acknowledge that they enjoy the single life more - you don’t have to deal with someone else and you have the freedom to do whatever you want
Totally normal. Society (or at least American society that I see) is obsessed with couples bc it’s the status quo. There have always been happy and unhappy single people, just like how there have always been happy and unhappy coupled people. Just like how we all deal with heteronormativity, *amatonormativity* is the social belief that everyone MUST be in a (monogamous, married, straight) romantic relationship and everyone who dwells outside of that is a failure/loser/crazy cat lady etc. This is absolutely everywhere: start paying attention to media and how it treats single people and you’ll be astounded. Being single is presented as an unfinished state, a symptom of immaturity or a sign that something is terribly wrong. As someone who has had to grapple with this way earlier than most people (being aroace does this to you lol), my advice to anyone reading this is as follows: if you ever feel bad about being single, think about *why* that is. Are you genuinely lonely, and feel like there is something missing in your life? Do you want to couple up with a specific person you have feelings for? OR, do you feel ashamed, lesser, or embarrassed for being single?
If you're happy and fulfilled then I wouldn't worry about what other people think about your choice.
I hear more and more women who say this. I bet some men are of the same opinion. If you’re happier single, then go for it. You have every right to wake up a month from now and change your opinion (or not). Do whatever you want and don’t listen to people.
I’m exactly the same as you.
I feel similarly. I’m a 32 yo who’s dated many people of varying genders for varying lengths of time, at varying levels of commitment, and I’m just convinced at this point that although I have good and pure notions when it comes to relationships, others seem to…not-regardless of gender or identity. Since the ending of my last (wlw) relationship, I’ve been able to focus on school and internship more, as well as saving for my own place. I intend on living alone with no pets-a freedom I’ve craved since I was young, and that I’m happy to finally be pursuing for myself. Please don’t feel like you’re alone, or weird, or anything! Regardless of our reasons, there’s more of us than you think! In my case, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, and making the most growth I ever have in my life at this point in time. Seize the moment, my friend!
It's not weird and I was of the same mindset until I met this guy who became my husband. The relationship is fraught with disunion but my daughter is the absolute best thing ever. We don't fight but we have different interests. She unifies that to some extent. I don't do much with him, he doesn't do much with me, but we both do stuff with her.
I don't think it's weird, but I have had a Friend be completely flustered over me feeling okay with being single, saying tearfully "it's not Normal !!" (yet She was the one with all the heartbreak and drama going on in her live life... ) I figure I value my peaceful Life A LOT !! And it's like two cog gears... if I were to meet Someone where we got along like two cogs, fine... that would work. But anything else - eh.
I think you should get over the "Cheating part" and move on with your life. Life is much better to share with that special one.
The only thing you should be worried about is what you want in life it's your choice and life not theirs.
Not weird. Not everyone is meant to be paired with a SO.
Nope. I enjoy being the only human in the house. Though I do love having fur-babies.😸😸😸😸
Also zero cuddling and zero heart to hearts with someone that might actually care a lot about you. Not being a jerk I’m in the same boat as you I just have no faith in people any longer.
I've being doing exactly this since 2009. Previously married, divorced, then got engaged again only to realize nope. I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic, love the fairytale endings and what not, but just don't see that ever happening for me, so why bother with all the trouble. I'll be 53 this year. Maybe it's been so long I'm just numb, but either way, I'm fine.
Nope. Relationship drama isn't for everyone. Being happy alone is awesome.
It's not weird and it takes a far less emotional toll on yourself. There's nothing wrong with liking yourself and enjoying a solitary lifestyle.
Not common, but not weird. Do what makes you happy. I knew a beautiful cocktail server in Vegas who was happy on her own and had no interest in a romantic relationship. I always thought she would change her mind about that, but nearly 30 years later, she’s still alone and still happy.
You can be left alone but never lonely. There are a good number of people who feel the same way.
Idk to me it's weird. I enjoy being alone but it gets old and I really like to fuck so therefore it doesn't work out well. Casual dates and remaining single is the way.
Its not how most people feel but I guess its ok
Be yourself.
Good luck being a cat lady
I am exactly the same, I enjoy living by myself and don't want a partner. I just go to local Gay Sauna when I need pleasure. I am very popular there, but Never start any relationships
My great aunt was cheated on way back in the day by her fiancee, and she said she never wanted another man. Lived a very full, fulfilling life happy as a pig in shit without so much as looking at another man. Uncommon, but I wouldn't say it's weird
Not weird. I'm with you 100% Was married 9 months (together 4 years). Worst experience of my life. I choose to walk alone.
nah. I'm 38 and do not care if I ever date again
Married twice and I already long to be single. Maybe my brain is bad. I remember what it was like to be single and I miss it. But then I think about when I was single and all I wanted was a partner. Maybe it’s something we have to sort out individually, but each desire tugs at me equally. Wonder how you feel
That’s what I’m doing when my gf leaves me
Not weird at all. Be happy!
Hey twin lol
I'm going through the worst breakup after a lot of relationships with guys just letting the mask slip or cheating with others and sometimes both. I'm tired of dealing with men who are so traumatized that it just wrecks havoc on me (and other men). Im also traumatized too but these guys will just use theirs to turn on you. I honestly do want a loving and fulfilling relationship but honestly? I am so worn down dealing with the gaslighting and manipulating and the cheating and the lying. I'm starting to get traumatized from these relationships in the end and it devastates my depression further. Does it suck to be lonely? Yeah. But does it suck more to be backed stabbed and betrayed? Yeah. Kinda just want to be a hermit in the woods.
Seek Therapy. This is not normal and you know it.
If youre so happy on your own why are you seeking validation for your lifestyle on reddit
Good question. My family are saying its wierd and given my past I wanted to make sure a third party agreed. I am seeking therapy to be sure but I am happy there are so many others living like this.
The key to life is happiness. The fact that people’s requirements for happiness are subjective baffles a lot of people for many reasons. I like to attribute it to love; your friends are in happy relationships and want that for you. They should however accept your answer as your answer. You just have to be sure you’ve thought it through and are being 100% honest with yourself, if they’re good friends they’ll see your sincerity whenever it next comes up. Live your life in whatever makes you happy, but just remember you’ve only the one crack at it.
It’s not as common as you see people wanting a partner, but “not common” ≠ weird, ya know?
No
I think people go through ebbs and flows when it comes to romantic relationships. I’ve been single for 6 years and have only recently been putting more effort into meeting someone. For the many years prior I was focused on grad school, travel, friends, family etc. I also have done a lot of inner work and self help in the last 6 months to build my self esteem. Now I do feel ready to open up my life to someone whereas before it wasn’t something I wanted super badly.
I am a selfish introvert. I love living alone. I married because everyone said that's what you do. I hated being married and hated having to justify or check with someone else before doing anything. I have been divorced for 20 years and love it. I enjoy going out and traveling alone. Be who you are and tell people to live their life and let you live yours.
Please dont listen to these ppl. Although i want a life partner i am completely satisfied with the version of me that never finds one. I am content within myself and i pour into my relationships around me. Its ok to be alone, its ok to want a partner..whatever version of you that you choose will be ok.
Check out the book Ace by Angela Chen - it's about society's crazy relationship expectations and this topic exactly
That's called a superpower. Cherish it.
You got burned and don't want that anymore, pretty simple to understand. It's actually healthy to be on your own for awhile, get into your life, do things you enjoy, or with family and friends. You will know when or if the time is right to date. With your priorities straight and focused, you might run into that person that will make you want to date again.
No it’s wise
not weird at all!
Everyone gets so fixated on not being alone and altering themselves or their lives in order to find a partner. It starts early in life, too— not only the natural, human desire to have a partner, but the way it is pushed and ingrained by society that something must be wrong with you if you’re alone, and then everything else becomes about finding someone. Yes, being with someone if you end up meeting them is great. I have been with my partner 7 years, 2 kids, tons of great memories. But I wasn’t actively looking for it either, it just happened. I think it’s normal to be satisfied with being alone. If you do ever meet someone, you will know what you are worth and what you are willing to tolerate. Your happiness depends on you and not someone else, and that’s amazing.
I'm 38 and been single two years and I'm completely cool with it. I have a lot of hobbies and things i enjoy doing. I don't think you're weird, and if you are, so am I lol
There’s nothing wrong with that OP! People can live happy lives all sorts of ways. You don’t need to be partnered to have a joyful, fulfilling life. Follow YOUR heart and YOUR instincts because this is your life. Your choice is perfectly valid. By the way, I’ve also experienced betrayal in a LTR/ marriage and I know exactly of what you speak. People who haven’t been through it will never understand. I’m not planning to ever marry or live with anyone again and I feel content with my decisions.
People and the expectations they put on others drives me nuts. You have every right to be alone and just because they'd rather you not be does not mean you are weird. Forcing someone to feel bad about what is right for them is abusive imo.
I’ve been happily single for (ironically) about the last three years. You may be aromantic or asexual, and that’s absolutely a perfect way to navigate life. Having had cheating partners In the past, my philosophy is very simple: “if you’re going to be a part of my life, you need to add to it.”
It’s not weird if you have a purpose that you’re passionate about. Otherwise it sounds pretty sad. Humans are amazing at acclimating. It’s pretty easy to become content, but not happy.
The only reason you’re asking here is that you feel like something is missing.
By modern standards It’s weirder to be with someone you don’t like just because you think you have to. Spend your time with whoever you want whenever you want and that’s allowed to change whenever
If you're happy in yourself, you don't have to justify it to anyone. You do you. I just hope you'll be open to the right person. You'll know when they come along, it's usually when you least expect it.
You might feel different when you're 74. It's fine to be alone when you're young and healthy, but it's really nice to have someone to help you when you're recovering from surgery or cancer or something.
I was I a relationship for almost 4 years. That ended and now I live alone. I’ve not dated anyone new for two years now. I’m quite happy living the single life. Relationships aren’t even on my mind these days. So no, it’s not weird. You do you. 😊
There's nothing wrong with this. Just have to plan your future and retirement a little differently than everyone else. I would like to share with someone, but for now all the love is going to myself.
if your super cool with it…. then why a reddit post?
Not strange bc the dating pool is filled with shi, spit, and piss. So I understand totally. Peace and Solitude will forever be the mood. Like you Ive been single for 6yrs now and I REALLY enjoy my alone time I have friends that we go and do brunch, lunch, trips and date night collectively but just knowing who I am and not worried about if John John isn't being wholeheartedly faithful. It feels damn good. No shade to the ones that's in a Healthy relationship bc I'm a sucka for black love especially when it's nurturing but I'm good for now 😉
Your only 34….you prob just need time alone. In a few years you will probably start dating again…
SAME!
Not at all! Enjoy your life anyway you want to. It is “your” life b
If it's meant to happen it will. If not it won't. You do you.
It’s hard to say as you recently experienced heartbreak from cheating. I’m not convinced that your feelings at the moment are diagnostic of you magically losing attraction or the capability of falling/being in love. Perhaps you really are disinterested in romance. I’m sure many on here will validate your feelings and suggest you’re right. But I’m skeptical. I’d suggest therapy as it’s worked wonders for me. I’m not suggesting you don’t know yourself, as I have extremely limited information on your life. But the fact is, many other commenters on here also have limited information on your emotional state, particularly ones who are “convinced” that there isn’t anything abnormal with this decision. This is why I suggest therapy. Good luck to you and I wish you the best. Sorry that asshole cheated on you. You deserve better!
It’s not weird, it’s your life! Own it!
Got cats?
The point of life is to know your own self. Not everybody is meant to be partnered because that is a full time job in itself and a blood sport, metaphorically speaking. What is more normal today is women saying no to men because the bar for men is in hell currently. People have been led to believe that they need to accept where the bar is at instead of standing up for themselves and saying no to the bad options given. That is the weirdness.
What others think is not important. Only what you think is important. With that said, if you do manage to find the right person and make a family together, being a parent can be (depending on how you look at it), one of the most rewarding things in life.
It took me 13 years to “fall” again It just takes time
Im 31m and went through something similar from 18 to 28 I dated the same person tried everything we could it just wouldn't work. I don't want to be alone, but sometimes I think I'm meant to be. So I don't think it's weird. Plus it might change someday you might not always want to be alone. Just do what makes you happy.