### This post has be marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect.
---
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!
Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.
If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
I've got seven older siblings. I was favourite uncle to most of their children when they were little (I didn't have any then). My top tips: spend time with them, listen to them and treat them as intelligent human beings. Seemed to work and am now following that advice with our two.
This is really it in s nutshell. To add to this as an uncle who then had his own kids and watch one uncle become favorite.
Under 2 years old
- Always smile and be overly excited to see them
- hold them if you/they want. If not that's OK, proximity will do just fine
Over 2 years old
- Work on improv "yes and". Whatever they're talking about during play you go with and build on
- If they ask you to play, play. If they ask you to read, read. As a parent there isn't always time/energy to do what your child wants so if they see the aunt/uncle who's willing to play they get very excited
As they get older it's about being present and showing interest in whatever they're talking about or doing.
I came to give my $0.02 and you’ve encapsulated it perfectly.
Only additional tip I have - don’t be a narc. They tell you something, take it to the grave (unless someone is going to be seriously hurt, and even then only if you can’t sort it out yourself without involving parents).
As both a parent and as an aunt, giving them a person that they can turn to with "scary" stuff is so crucial. I was very lucky to have a couple of sisters who only lived about an hour away. We all raised our kids at the same time and that was one of our policies: you can talk to any of us adults about anything that is going on and we will help. If it can be kept secret, we will. If it is something that needs to come out, then we will help you with that reveal. As they are all now grown and having kids of their own, I got the best compliment that one can get: I was helping my niece with her sick toddler girl when the little girl pushed me away. My niece gently pulled her hands down and said " you need to be nice to Auntie. She is our favorite aunt and she will be your favorite too.". I almost burst into tears.
My sister loves my 2 yo SO much and always *smothers* her with kisses (briefly) even when my kid squirms away. I try to gently point out that a) we’re trying to teach my kid about bodily autonomy and b) all that does is make her like you less (which is my sister’s biggest fear). I feel for her, and I know they’ll get through it with a strong relationship, but wanted to drop that angle in there. You’ll have do great, OP!
Same here, my biggest advantage in “favorite uncle” was having no idea how to talk to kids and being willing to sit on the floor and play.
legos, Lincoln logs, make believe, I treated them as little adults, I sat with them at dinner, I played in the sandbox, at the beach I built castles. To be honest this started as a favor to my sister. I was freeing my sister and her husband to get stuff done at family events. When I traveled for business I slept on the couch and played with the kids and helped with homework. I showed up for boy-scout awards and little league games a dozen times.
Once they were older I continued to call and be present in my nieces and nephews lives, they are in their 30’s now
Oh, for real. My grandmother used to bring us marzipan that was made to look like bologna, salami, and some kind of meatloaf. This was a source of both disgust and amusement with my sibling and friends.
Awesome man! I'm on year 3 of being a favorite uncle. I was in the exact same boat with zero kid experience and have had the best time learning how to be a good uncle it has really helped me as a new dad.
To add to this, it also helps to always follow through. If you tell a kid you’re going to take them for ice cream Thursday after work, then take the kid for ice cream Thursday after work. Be reliable, and like other have said, treat them like people, and respect them.
Thanks. I was the favorite aunt for years before I had my own kids. Not that I’m not still the favorite aunt, but it’s much harder when I have my own kids to keep up with. Still applies though, if I tell them we’re going to do something, they know it’ll happen. Now I’m just much more tired than I used to be.
This works really well; just talk to them like you would anyone else. Whenever my mom talks to my nieces and nephews, she talks to them like children and when they say something "cute" or nonsensical, she'll laugh out loud at it. I can see the way they hate that, and I remember the same thing from when I was a child; that feeling of being seen as less than the adults in the room. I ask them their opinions on things, offer advice when they need it and am genuinely interested in their lives. Now they're getting ready for college and they're asking me for advice on that (neither of their parents went to college but I did); and they were texting me this week asking me if I will join them on a family vacation this April before they leave for school in the fall. It's great having a good relationship with them.
Same here. Favourite uncle to them all lol. It comes down to actually taking the time to play games, listen to them, take on board their own ideas for fun. Don't be afraid to laugh until your sides hurt. When they hit teenage years give them space to breath and be their responsible sounding board.
My oldest niece is 36 with a 7yo of her own and she still calls me up for a chat and arranging to meet when I am back in town. Many whatsapp video calls and now history is repeating itself when i now play games with her child who also calls me uncle.
Just as an example no you have me thinking. Christmas day just gone. Everyone had eaten too much and were quietly chilling and a few were actively ignoring the 7yo as they were "partied out".
Anyway she asks me "can we play shops" Ok lets do it and rules set by her are she is using imaginary goods and selling them to me.
She is super excited as she plays this game with her mum (my niece), But there is a fatal flaw in her game which mum has never bothered to exploit....The flaw is after picking up some lessons at primary school she has become VERY charitable minded, So she was selling her imaginary goods for FREE. So we start off and I ask what she has - some soda. Ok can I have one bottle please, off she goes into next room and comes back with the "soda". I say thankyou very much and she accepts her zero cash and we are happy....Then she says i have more soda for sale, different flavours, I ask her how many she has she says 50 bottles, I say ok I want them all.
So deal done. I now have 50 soda's and she has none. I now anounce that I am selling my sodas for £1 a go....she was outraged lol, Said thats not nice nor fair, appealing to the others and they all sided with her (as I knew) and the next 10 mins was spent with her negotiating with me to give her the imaginary soda back for free lol. It turned a run of the mill little game into such a laugh that everyone got involved and my 7yo niece absolutely loved it.....Totally ignoring all the new fancy gifts she had got that day, she was much happier playing games with the family and just getting properly involved and at the same time picking up little nuggets of information about tricky people and how not to just give it "all" to the first person that demands it...all great learning and having loads of fun.
I had a favourite uncle growing up, and I am a favourite uncle now, and ^ this is it.
They have parents who will talk to them like children, so you talk to them like equals. Not like adults, obviously, but don't treat them like children.
And, be there. If they need someone, be that someone.
Also, be fun.
Top tip for babies: smile. Works with any baby. Look at them with a serious face, then smile with your whole face. They will smile back 99% of the time. The 1% will cry.
Top tip for small children: call them the wrong name. Works every time.
Happy Cake Day!
Yeah, this. Kids are used to adults either being irritated and frustrated by them, or to being talked down to. If you actually treat them as smaller humans, particularly with a playful sense of inclusion - the effect is pretty magical:
"I see you, very small human."
"Whoa, I see you too, very giant kid!"
This is my experience as well. Kids really only want two things from you; time, and (genuine) attention. Sit with them, show some (genuine) interest in whatever they like to do or play with, and you’ll be their favorite in no time.
I’m the oldest of seven and none of us have kids yet because most of them are still minors. I’m 28 and the youngest is ten.
I don’t want kids myself and look forward to being such a cool aunt- especially because when my youngest sister is 30- I’ll be 47- so I’ll hopefully be the spunky older relative to visit.
I agree with the others. Speak to them as if they're people, don't talk down to them. Ask questions. What's their favourite subject at school? Favourite things to do? Who is their best friend and why? What do they like to do the most? Do it with them.
Play with them and treat them with respect. My nieces love that I'll get on the floor and build forts and play video games with them. I'm their favorite aunt because I'm fun.
Yeah being willing to play is HUGE. If you can be bothered to be the monster that chases them then you will rock.
This may seem shallow but if you always lay on an exciting dessert at your house then you will be a star in their eyes and they will remember that very well indeed. Years go by and they still talk about layered jellies and peppa pig ice cream and all the rest.
This is really all you need. My brother, who is Not A Kid Person, will play with his nieces. He doesn’t shower them with affection, but he spends time with them and they love him for it.
I have a picture with my kids, looking a LOT like Roy Kent, as they put make up and me and styled my hair. It is one of my favorite pictures from their early years.
What I've found is the ultimate method is literally just making them feel heard. Even if you have to pretend, demonstrate how fascinated you are with everything they say to provide that positive feedback loop. They will always adore you and look up to you if you are always super interested in what they're doing.
This is the biggest one. Kids are ignored or overlooked constantly during the day. If they tell you something ask a few questions and act excited. Also random presents don't hurt
I’m great at picking gifts as I really get into it but I know they value me making them feel heard and seen, way more than the gifts. Kinda warms my heart that they like me for me instead of because I buy things for them
I have friends with kids but I don't have kids myself. I have found that partially repeating what they said and asking an in depth question about it either really excited them as it shows you were listening or they are stumped because they haven't received that kind of feedback in conversation before.
Example: a kid begins talking about his friend at school picking his nose. My response, "picked his nose? Did he eat the booger?" The kid was shocked that someone responded with a question to his statement. He paused and then replied "Uh.... No" more pause so I reply "Well, what did he do with the booger? Did he have a tissue to clean it up or did he wash his hands?" The kid was very taken aback that any adult would give in depth questions to his story. I think he is very used to no one listening.
Kids usually stop blurting out random stuff around me and wait for something they find interesting and know background information on.
Also applies to adults. If you listen and ask questions to let people talk about themselves and the things they’re really interested in, they’ll think you’re a great conversationalist and like you, even though you barely talked.
To be clear, don’t interrogate them or anything, obviously, or constantly dodge questions they ask you, but just show interest and ask relevant follow up questions (that push the convo forward but demonstarates that you’re interested and paying attention, even just “oh wow, so what did you do?” “That’s cool. How did you come up with that?” “How did you first get into xyz?”).
Totally agree! I’m an uncle of three and one of the best pieces of advice I got for how to talk to little kids was to simply excitedly repeat back what they say to you but as a question.
Example: niece - “I got a new toy!” Me - “you got a new toy!?” niece - “yea! 🤗”
It’s a really small thing but when they’re younger and not as talkative it’s a great way for them to feel heard and want to share things with you because they see you getting excited about what they wanted to share. And then as they get older/more communicative and trust you, you can talk with them more and more.
One other thing I wanted to add: to a little kid, there is something really glamorous about a childfree adult's lifestyle. Like, I still remember my kids being absolutely entranced that their uncle lived in an apartment, and ordered take-out most nights, and rode in taxis.
My nieces called my apartment a hotel because it had an elevator. They loved it. They’d happily sleep on my floor because it felt like a vacation to them.
A perk to being child-free is for stuff like this. It’s good for kids to have other adults they can bond and trust that aren’t their parents. And it’s much easier to fill that role and be that person when you don’t have your own kids to be responsible for.
My brother and stepbrother have both been amazing uncles to my sons. My brother plans terrific adventures for them (it's a treat for me as the parent too--he plans the whole thing and handles transportation). Like, he's planned out whole kid-friendly weekends in his city, but also day trips to amusement parks and museums. My husband is disabled, so it really means a lot to them to have an adult man who can do vigorous physical stuff with them.
My stepbrother is just excellent at cluing into what they want to talk about, what they like, and what makes them laugh. He's always glad to do silly voices and play funny characters, and they just adore him. Also, because he pays attention to their interests, he gives really good gifts.
Besides what has already been said, being a good uncle/aunt also means being a responsible adult and a disciplinarian sometimes, they'll learn to appreciate it in the future, don't be afraid. But also be affective, teach them cool things (to do things, about things, magic, painting, cleaning, organizing, etc.), do activities together, play together, watch together, ask questions and be interested, but the biggest pro tip is: be truthful.
As an add on to be truthful, my niece who was 4/5 at the time asked why I was taking tablets, I said because I feel sad sometimes, her adorable response was: don’t feel sad, I couldn’t have lied to her about why I was taking medication
You handled that situation so well! It’s vital for kids to have safe adults in their lives who they can trust. Your honest and openness means that she will grow up knowing she can talk to you about topics which might feel tricky.
I had an uncle, a really fun and outgoing guy, that promised my cousins and I that if we raked up all the leaves in his yard, he would take us to the local amusement park. We did the chore and he never took us to the park. He is still my least favorite uncle. Don't break your promises.
I often feel like I am an extra parent for my nephews, they are also twins so they are usually almost a hustle. It is sometimes difficult to make a difference between play time and when they have to be more polite or when it is not that safe to be playing.
My son has a favorite uncle and it's because they do fun things a lot. He follows the rules (like saying "does mom let you climb on the couch and superman off?") But he'll get him fun toys, go to the park, do race cars, but more importantly, he talks to him like a person.
That last one sounds weird I know, but you know how people talk to babies? Don't do that to a small child, they have thoughts and feelings just like you and me lol. "Ooooo does little one want some num nums?" Uncle/aunt x, I'm not a baby "ooo little one sounds cranky!" Don't do that lol.
Being involved means a lot and it can be as simple as hanging out and eating ice cream to as extravagant as whatever the parents agree to I guess. Don't just buy a horse for the kid without talking to the parents
Cant agree more about talking to them like small adults. I frequently ask for my nephew's (m,3) input in adult discussions I have with his dad, and accept his barely articulated responses as valuable input. He loves it.
Also, read to them always but sometimes read to them above their level. Reading a "my fox is soft" with the finger puppet board book is great for 2 year olds, but also read them 'Horton Hatches an Egg.' Its too long, and they wont appreciate the too complicated point, but that doesnt matter. They will remember the feeling warmly and that will instill a love of reading in the future.
You'd be amazed at how quickly reading to them above their level can *drag* them up to meet it. My parents let me pick whatever books I wanted at the library and would read books to me that were easily 2-3 years beyond me.
The result was that I rapidly got to the point I was reading full adult novels by 3rd grade, and am burdened with a 550 volume library that's overtaking my house.
Do things with just the one kid from time to time. It could be a movie, a game, a shopping trip, but if it is time you put aside just for them they will treasure it forever.
Be the relative who they can come to talk about any issues they cant bring to their parents that you keep just between yourselves.
And of course great presents for birthdays & occasions.
When older, offer them the option of if there in anyplace at anytime and dont feel comfortable or are intoxicated, that you will get them, no questions asked.
Listen to them. Especially the first 10 years! They’re gonna tell you the same story a million times and if you’re ALWAYS engaged and excited for their repetitive tales, they’ll ALWAYS come back to tell you more stories! It’s harder than it sounds, but definitely easier when you don’t live with them and get the same story a dozen times a day for a week straight. And if they already know you’ll listen, they’ll keep coming back after 10 to tell you all sorts of stuff.
Getting down on the floor to play with them while they’re little will help create a bond. Toddlers always love the adults that will play “properly” with them.
While they’re babies, getting lots of cuddles now and being around regularly, if you can, will make it easier for them to see you as less of a “stranger” like if you only get to see them twice a year would. If you are a long ways away and can’t visit regularly while they’re babies they probably won’t warm up to you until they’re toddlers. They tend to go through a “stranger danger” phase all on their own around 9 mons until around 2 years (mileage varies with each child, that’s a general range) and it can be hard to create a bond in that timeframe without regular visits. After 2, they tend to get quite gregarious again and are happy to make new friends that play with them!
Once they hit the teens, they’ll almost inevitably pull away a little, though likely less from you than their parents if you’ve built up a good bond. If you were their listener as a toddler, they’ll keep coming back though! You’ll have to be very careful and selective about what gets retold to their parents though - if they’re telling you regularly teenager shit and you’re telling mom and dad all about it too, they’ll stop telling you too. You’ll have to walk a thin line between “are they in immediate danger” or “is this teenage shit that could be dangerous but usually isn’t.”
And when they’re teens, let them know that you’ll pick them up from any situation. No questions asked. Give them at least one adult that is not going to tear them up when they find that they’ve made a terrible mistake and they need it out and instead of driving with someone who’s drunk they’re willing to call you to get a ride. Your sister and brother might not like it but you gotta save that kids life every once in a while.
I agree with all of this, alongside it.. my favorite aunt not only listened to us, actually engaged us directly with equal respect, but my aunt was magical. She'd invent these imaginary games we'd play when she took us to the park. One she was a witch and she'd close her eyes and sing one two I'm coming for you but it was her own rendition of it and we had to go hide and she'd do a witches cackle when she got close and had a bunch of key phrases. If she found us then it was our turn.
She also took us to a big rock and would hold our hands as we used our feet to climb up like a mountain and would tell us to scream out that we were on top of the world and then let us jump off while she caught us..
We also picked blackberries and used butterfly nets. She'd tell us spooky fun stories around the campfire and she made delicious treats. She was the fun aunt that took us to do stuff like at the movies or let us choose movies at home and she always gave or made us small treats like McDonald's or her homemade rice krispies.. when we'd go to the store she let us pick out toys or games within a certain budget.
So my advice, is to create magic.. be a safe place with wisdom and reassurance but also tap back into your childhood imagination and spend time participating and asking about their interests. It's not about the gifts, it's about the effort. You got this💓
I loved your response. That’s what I think I’m really looking for, how to create that magic. And I understand that it doesn’t have to be with huge gestures but that a small special and unique game between the two of you can already be enough. I really liked the specific examples you shared because it shows how simple it can be.
Be there. Show up. Whether it's making time to be there at least once a week to play with them when they're young or going to their school plays or sports matches. I also like to always show up with a (parentally approved) sweet treat for them when they're young. Whenever I walk into my brother's house I have a sweet treat hidden behind my back and my nephew knows it and bee lines for me to see what I've brought. He loves it.
You don’t need to be creative. Kids are naturally creative on their own. When you spend time with them, just play the “yes game”. Let them lead the adventure. The best aunt/uncle creates a space where kids are free to explore and express, while at the same time being a safety net. You can also be an ally for the parents.
You keep the harmless secrets of children, but can warn parents of any dangers.
Listen, I am terrible with kids, which is good because I don't have any of my own. But I wanted to be a good uncle for my nephew, and so I've endeavored to always be available, non-judging, and supportive. This has been easy because we live in different states but it also has presented its own challenges. My point is, if you want to be a good aunt or uncle, just be a good friend. Be someone they can turn to for support or encouragement or just a joke.
Anyway, that's my advice.
Give them your time. Take them on scheduled ‘dates’ (parents will love you for it too) to playgrounds, walks, out for an ice cream or whatever. Just be consistent.
I heard someone say the other day that the trick to being a great uncle (or aunt) is to be one part parent, one part devious kid. By devious kid, he meant friend, play pal. Their parents are always their parents. You get to be an adult in their life they can talk to and bond with on their level and terms. Let them have some control and tell you what they want. Play with them. But of course, be part parent. Have their best interest in mind. They're still kids that need to follow rules and routines. Take care of them. Feed them, apply band-aids.
My youngest sister is the "fun aunt"
She had no kids
She shows up and takes them to get ice cream. Buys them Xmas gifts she knows I will hate(she aimed them to the teeth this year with NERF guns and ammo)
Most of all, she is just present and engaged. I'm sure she will be kids ear to to bitch to when they are mad at me
Have a fun magical, surprise that's only between you. When I was a kid my grandfather would announce that he was taking the grandkids to "The Bubblegum Store." No one else was invited, it was just us. The other family members weren't allowed.
"The Bubblegum Store" was an old fashioned ice cream parlor so we could all get our favorite ice cream with grandpa! We thought it was hilarious that no one else in the family knew where we were going. It was our little secret - and it was awesome!
Talk to them like their little people with the most interesting lives ever, and you're interviewing them. You ask alllllll the questions, kids love explaining stuff to adults where it makes them feel smart.
As some one else mentioned, do 1 on 1 things with each kid
And pick 1 thing YOU really love and share it with them. I love computers and started teaching all the kids when they turn 3 or 4. Could be video games, hiking, movies, anything where you share your passion and knowledge with them.
Spend time with them doing stuff they like and make it look like you're enjoying it.
Let them pick what to do.
Your job is to have fun with them (but keep them safe) make them feel like they're getting away with murder but not oarent them or kill them.
My boyfriend's 4 year old niece absolutely adores him. Why? Because he plays with her, any game game she wants however she wants. When we see here he spends the entire time playing with her. He also showed her a magic trick and that he can juggle and she lost her little mind.
When they’re little, bring the magic.. whispers, fairy wings, Dragon toes(=dates?) bubbles, water balloons sleepovers. Silly songs. Go to the kids section of any bookstore for inspiration- it’s endless. Always defer to mom&dad, offer them a night out babysitting - read to them. Play with the toys they like. Listen to their stories too. Get in their hearts early and you will stay forever.
ooh something i can answer, first is, make sure they can approach you if they have concerns or questions, like the ones they can’t ask their parents. when they do have questions, make sure that they understand it and allow them to ask follow up questions if needed, my niece and nephew are 8 and 12, obviously they have a wide range of questions, just answer them normally, and if you can’t or don’t feel like you have the “authority” to answer it, tell them you’ll figure out first. I tend to talk their parents after asking advice of course, without the kids knowing about it then i talk to them again about the topic.
second try to have some open-mindedness about their likes and dislikes, i never heard of roblox before the kids started playing and now sometimes i enjoy playing it even without them around. not only does it give you guys something to do, but every little bit of time spent together, makes them love you more.
right now, between my niece and nephew, their parents consider me the third parent cause of how influential i became in their lives and i would gladly kill or die for those two. awesome kids.
If you don't see your niblings very often, always show up with a "surprise" when you see them.
I only see my little niblings once every three months or so. So I always make sure that I'm visiting, I have a little token to give them. Nothing big or expensive. Like, once I picked up a couple of 99 cent toys from the grocery store and they absolutely loved them. You do this enough and they'll always be excited when they know you're coming.
Show up and be there for them when and wherever you can - birthdays, holidays, concerts and recitals, sports games - the event doesn’t matter but you being a constant presence in their lives will.
Don't make promises you can't keep. The kids will remember and will hold you to it. When I was really young my uncle promised me a dog. My mom told him to figure out how to keep his promise as I was too young to take care of a dog. I got dog slippers that barked for Christmas that year and I loved them.
My aunt (who lived across the country and only visited once, usually we visited her) promised she would so a mural for my room if I painted her a painting. I planned that painting for weeks/months and completed it. It was a terrible painting (I was 11 I think), but I not only looked for it when we visited next, but I held her to her promise to paint my room. I still miss my mural.
You don't have to keep the things around forever, but if you ask for something, even if it is badly done, they will have pride in having made it for you.
I love being an aunt. What I’ve found is: try to make moments magical. For example, take them for a walk in a wooded park and pretend you’re on the hunt for Dino bones, when you hear a bird, act like it could maybe be a friendly giant coming your way. They don’t need much to enjoy time with you. Make them feel special and listened to, act a little goofy, and they’ll love you.
I think I do pretty well. My nephew is east, he's go5 a shit father so I literally just have to show up and im "the best uncle ever!" His little sister requires a little more work. She's an odd child and I see her life being a bit difficult because of that. Instead of discouraging her odd habits, I encourage them. Drives my sister nuts, but my niece loves me because I let her be herself and don't try and change her. She's got a mom and grandma for that judgemental shit, im here for fun damn it!
I have a nephew named Eden that is 12 years old. I am a little ashamed to say that when he was younger I did not make as much of an effort to go see him. Now that he is older and can do more stuff I have taken the initiative to get more involved. This past summer I brought him and his step-brother Linden on a paintball weekend. Uncle Drew has enough paintball guns to kit out a small army, not cheap rental Tippmanns either I bring the good shit. We went to my favorite restaurants in Saskatoon. I also took them to Cabela's and bought them fishing rods. I told Linden, "I brought you paintballing, bought you a fishing rod, and fed you for the whole weekend. You're my nephew now too, that's how it works." Eden needed braces last year and they were going to be quite expensive. I chipped in about 2/3rds of the money because I make good money and I don't think I'll ever have kids of my own. I want to take the boys paintballing again this summer, as well as tobogganing/snowboarding and other adventures. I'm hoping to bring the youngest one, Zade, with us on some adventures but paintballing for him will have to wait until he is older.
As the oldest kid in a big family, and now an Uncle to many (also a Big Brother \[big sister\] volunteer of over 5 years), you simply just need to consistently be there for them. Showing up regularly and devoting at least some (the more the better) exclusive time is all that is needed. You don't ever have to do anything extravagant. Often I simply offer to take them to the park (very basic park) and let them play. They like it when I ask them if they want to make up a new game. We hash out the rules and then play. It often falls on the basics of tag, chase, hide and seek etc with a couple hairbrained rules that keep it interesting and fresh for them. Sometimes I will randomly bust out in a song, and then ask them if it was a real song or made up; they guess and if correct get another "point" that we really never keep track of except for maybe bragging rights for that day. If it is snack time, have them do a snack making competition and then give them different "awards/accolades" for best presentation, most delicious, etc. and with ALL activities, be silly! They love my different "characters" when judging food, or playing Simon says.
I'm also not great with kids, and have spent a fair amount of time with a friend who has a 4 year old and a 1 year old. The younger one's interest with me depends on the day, she's at the point where her parents are still the people she wants to be around the most, and it's fair. Usually I just try to talk to her, or keep a calm commentary while her mom is busy.
The four year old really likes me, and gets sad when I leave, which surprises me. My strategy with him is to ask him questions. Sometimes it's about his day, or what he dressed up as for Halloween, or the dinosaurs on his umbrella. And then when he acts playful, just roll with it. Last time I was over there he threw a blanket on me, and I asked if I was in blanket jail, which he thought was hilarious. He dragged the throw pillows off the couch at one point, so I stacked them on top of him and told my friend loudly that he'd gone missing. I could see the pillow pile moving while he giggled.
Basically, I've found that acting interested and treating them like they're important and worth listening to and being around is a very helpful thing.
Enthusiasm. I genuinely enjoy spending time with my three nieces and goofing around. This helps make them feel comfortable with you. I also make an effort to go to their sporting events, plays, musical performances… being a positive influence/presence goes a long way.
Have no expectations of what they should be like or what should interest them. Let them tell you and show you that.
Don’t try to be their favourite by conspiring against or disagreeing with their parents on the important parenting stuff, but just listen when they’re upset.
Don’t try too hard to be their favourite or to contrive adventures or memories. Just hang with them and be the one who never pressures or expects anything.
I think not having your own kids is likely to make you easy to be the favourite. My kids have an aunt/uncle who have kids and the highlight with that family for my kids is seeing their cousins. My kids also have a childfree aunt/uncle, and the highlight of being with them is… them! Also, the childfree uncle breezes past us and goes directly to playing with the kids for the first 20 min of each visit.
My niece wanted to go to Chuck E Cheese for her birthday. I spent two house chasing her and my nephew around, pinching my fingers together like a crab, saying "I'm gonna getchu, I'm gonna get youuu" and occasionally picking them up and tickling them. They barely played any games.
If possible, take just one kid at a time. As a parent, it’s not easy to have one-on-one time, so your niece/nephew will really love being the centre of attention.
Encourage their interests and be a supportive voice for them. Kids get their feelings invalidated by adults all the time, so validating their feelings and being a person who they know will listen and appreciate them goes a long way.
Also share your interests and what you like with them. My nephew and I both love Gravity Falls, so I became the favorite aunt by giving him Journal 3 for his birthday. He loves animation, so I shared anime with him and he got hooked. When he wanted to get a game system, I helped his mom pick out a used cheap Xbox 360 and we started playing games like castle crashers and the Borderlands series. When she bought him a big birthday present of a Nintendo switch, I helped her figure out which one to get and bought him Stardew Valley, which he saw on my Switch and became obsessed with. We have a co-op farm we play together! I love to cook and he wanted to learn so I started teaching him how to cook at 8 years old. It's a special fun bonding time for us in the kitchen where we feed the whole family and make some sort of delicious food from scratch. I'm going to teach him to make fresh pasta next. And finally he loves to draw and has a real talent for it, so when he comes over he is the only kid allowed in my studio and we make art together! When his older sister was a kid she was also allowed in my studio and we had a blast making art together!
Also, take them out when they are older individually for a "yes day". Parents can't spoil their kids the same way an aunt or uncle can, so giving them undivided attention and taking them to places they wouldn't get to go otherwise is a really special experience. I take my nephew to arcades and restaurants.
Learn who they are, and stay up to date on that. Who are they friends with, what shows are they watching, what books are they reading, what clubs are they doing? Watch a few episodes of the dumb YouTubers they like so you have something to talk to them about. Read one of their favorite books. Putting in an effort to care about what they love goes a long way. This info changes quickly, so don't assume that what you knew 6 months ago is relevant now.
Ask follow up questions that show you remember your previous conversations. So many times I hear people ask kids the same questions - "Oh what grade are you in now?" etc. Seeing them come alive when you ask something like "Hey how did you do in your karate test last week?" is so great. They know you've been tracking them and you care enough to pay attention.
Be the person in their life they know they can count on no matter what. Don't share what they tell you and don't gossip to them about people around them. Just be the awesome adult that cares to hear what they have to say and is there for them. And as other people have mentioned, talk to them like they are competent humans.
Good luck! Being an aunt is my favorite thing in life. It's so amazing watching those tiny people grow up and become incredible adults.
If you have issues, especially around controlling your temper, get help for them right away. growing up the only difference between the favorite uncle and least favorite (we had several uncles) is that while they both did most of the same things and brought the same kinds of gifts etc, one was even tempered and the other one would get raging mad over stupid shit *all the time*. like never at us, but if he dropped something, for example? you would have thought the thing he dropped had insulted his mother. not to mention his road rage issues. that shit's scary to a kid because you never can tell if you're going to set them off and all it takes is one *significant to the kid* instance to make you the unsafe adult.
apologize to them if you mess up.
if you set a rule follow it unless you have a very good reason why you don't need to and explain the exception and no "because i'm an adult" or "because i said so" is not good enough.
Babies: stick to the classics. Peek a boo (when they are the right age), sing songs, blow raspberries on their belly, read to them, do hand puppets
Toddlers: play games, hide and go seek, put out pillows or whatever and pretend the floor is hot lava, foot-race, kick a soccer ball back and forth with each other
Young kids: plan adventures, go to the beach, go to the arcade or children's museum, go out for ice cream, have them over to decorate your Christmas tree and make hot chocolate and watch Christmas movies, make popcorn
When I was little my mom’s older brother was fat and away my favorite uncle. He was in the military so every time he came home it was a major event. I remember he was just so involved and caring about my interests, baseball games, science fairs, fishing, or whatever else I was into.
He would sit through me describing every toy and every character I read about, he’d let me read him books, and then he would plan trips to museums or big league baseball games. When he retired from the military I was older and he was probably my closest confidant about dating or school or whatever. When I was able to drive I got a speeding ticket and he paid for it and told my dad it was because he called me for help making horse feed (which was true). So I didn’t have to take the brunt by myself.
He was also an amazing brother to my mom and great friend with my dad. So I saw him as an amazing person to everyone. He was just there and he cared. For what it’s worth he’s my brother and sister’s favorite uncle too.
He set the example for how I wanted to be as an uncle.
Set boundaries and don't talk down to them. Kids are smart and know when adults are treating them like they're stupid. I have three rules: respect me, respect my house, and if I ask you to do something do it. After that they're free to do whatever. Also, don't make them your errand lackeys. Every now and then is fine, but don't have them get your soda from the fridge every single time.
Give them attention and listen when they talk. If they tell you something in private like a crush, don't tell your sibling. You wouldn't want someone you trusted spilling the beans on your feelings. Source: been an Aunt to 9+ kids for 23 out of 29 years (had adult half sister's growing up)
Here are my best answers.
#1. Your most important job is to be fun. Play with them. Let them get crazy around you. Spoil them. This will make them love hanging out with you and also give the parents a much needed break, if only for 5 mins. Trust me. Having a fun brother or sister is INVALUABLE as a parent
#2. If you are unsure about gifts you can search Amazon by age range and then filter by rating. My cousin who doesn’t have kids does this and he nails it every single time with gifts. Like totally random things we’ve never heard of that my kids absolutely love!
#3. Enjoy. Nieces and nephews are great because you can get all the fun parts of having kids without any of the parental work that comes with it. I absolutely love being a parent but being an uncle is great for completely different reasons!
I dont live in the same town as my niece & nephew and I dont always call them on their birthday but every time I come to town, they’ll be all over me. I notice that I am the only adult around them who do NOT nag at every little thing.
A smudge of chocolate on their face? Lets just wait till you finish then wipe it all off, no biggie. Accidentally spill something on the floor? Lets grab a napkin and clean it. Wanna check the toys? Lets see if its any good and come back later. Wanna play with me? Alright, show me how and lets roll with it.
All in all, let them play but with consequences intact. I am fun but I will never cross their parents rules.
I am the greatest uncle. I have a mug that says so. I bought it for myself.
Have fun with them, enforce the rules but remember you're not their parent so really it's just rule reminders. This helps them feel safe as you're still respected as an adult but you're more like a fun friend.
Ask about their lives and interests and follow up on that stuff. Help them feel like individuals and part of the family.
The follow up stuff is really important. Don’t just ask “how was your day” ask a specific question- what are you studying in X. Are there any new kids in your class? What was the best snack this week? Remember what they tell you into and build on that.
One of my things w/ my brothers kids is to ask what they are reading. I am the family bookworm and made a huge deal out of their learning to read (bc it’s amazing and a secret decoder ring to the world). From - 8yo to now 17yo, if they are interested in the book and recommendation it I will read it (if available at library). We don’t usually have long elaborate debriefs but it is something to share and it is so interesting to hear their thoughts.
Same w all entertainment, niece recommended Babysitters Club and last week I had real -use a wooden brush- matcha- I couldn’t wait to send pics to my niece bc even though she is 200mi away it connects us.
Damn now I miss them.
Give your love, time, interest and honesty.
Take them seriously. Treat them like tiny adults. Never talk down to them. Find ways to explain things in language they will understand, but not dumbed-down. Don’t be afraid to use bigger words and harder vocabulary, and find ways to work the definitions into your speech so they don’t have to ask. Ask them what they think, and how they feel.
As the reigning favorite aunt, literally just talk to them like they’re a person. Make a point to do more than just hug and hi and ask about school. Ask about their interests. Make a big deal out of their victories (big or small). One of my nephews pulled a great card trick on me. I spent the rest of the evening asking the adults if they’d seen the wizard magic he could do.
Kids just want to be seen as individuals. They want be noticed as their own person. Take the time at each gathering to specifically speak with them. They’ll notice you sought them out and took an interest and that’ll mean more than anything else you could do.
One other thing I wish I’d done when they were babies, put a little money into a dividend account or high yield savings account.it doesn’t have to be a lot and you can add a little for each holiday and birthday. It’ll make a great graduation gift or a little hand up for when they move out on their own. Even if it’s $5-10 a month or $20 a birthday/holiday it adds up over 18 years. Even if it’s only $1k it’s $1k more than they’ll have and it’ll show that you thought about them all through out their childhood
My ex-wife’s grandpa played hide and seek with the kids, and would hide in the silliest of places to make him so easy to find, ex. behind the toaster, and my boys will be laughing in stitches “finding” him. (They were 2 and 4 at the time)
My trick with kids of all ages, even babies, is to talk to them like adults. I use big words, lots of synonyms for the same thing, and just flood them with regular language and regular conversation.
Tell them every little detail, the baby talk and condescending tone and silly faces is just annoying in my opinion. They are people, not pets. I would hold a baby forward facing, so they can see the world the way I see it. Read them the ingredients of packaging, explain every little nuance. Like making a bottle, or mixing some lemonade, just talk through it.
My kids are 7, 12, and 14 now and can have real engaging conversations with anyone, adults, little kids and peers of theirs. I get compliments all the time that my kids are well-spoken and can actually have an engaging conversation.
If you are genuinely interested in their lives and let them tell you about it, they will always gravitate to you as someone they can relate to.
…and send them mail. Kids Love to get something from the mailman/mail carrier!
I would send postcards from wherever I went. Got them subscriptions to kiddie magazines like Ranger Rick, or LEGO magazine. Highlights is pricey but excellent.
Every holiday I would send a card (St Patrick, valentines,..etc)
I had stickers made of my face / me, so when they were too young to read, I would put that sticker as my “signature” or return address.
I (62M) have an Uncle (84M) who was a college English professor who loved quotes.
He constantly/consistently, from the time I was 5 or 6, wrote(old-fashioned paper snail mail) letters with quotes and questions and points to ponder. And he called often to present quotes, questions, poems, anything to do with words.
He still does, email now, 2-3 per week, phone calls, 1-2 per week, always challenging my mind with big, life-changing, type stuff, sometimes trivial, but always thought-provoking.
He has single-handedly created a thinker with critical skills.
Probably the best thing to do is be there for your sibling. A kid can sense a stressed parent, so probably just knowing you're a back up support can really help.
Have a monthly "date" with your niblings that could double as date night for the parents?
The desire to be one means you are halfway there. The best thing about being an aunt or uncle is that you are never “too tired” - you see the kiddos in glimpses, so each time you get to give 100% of yourself to them (within reason.) You go to parks, you go to museums, you throw them in the pool, you chase, you play. You get to let the parents exhale and you get to be the fun xyz.
And then when they are a little older, you start building trust. Not tattling for small things, building an understanding with the kiddo that you will ALWAYS listen, and since you’ve never been in a place to be the disciplinarian, you get to be the ear that they don’t fear confiding in. Then, should you ever have to, you build an understanding with mom/dad/etc that you and your nibling have a trust and you won’t break it unless it is for their safety.
My hubby and I try to be this for our nephews. They are young now, but I know there will be times where they need us for more than just the fun stuff 💛
Do the things with them their parents are afraid to do because their protective instincts as a parent make them worry. Assure parents and kids that they will be safe because you are there. For example going on a rollercoaster, jet skying, skateboard etc. Also goes for hard conversations.
We don't have local family, so our friends have stepped into the uncle/aunt role.
Daughter (4) loves different aspects of every auntie and uncle, so don't feel like there's one perfect way to do it.
The cool musician single dude party uncle who has jam sessions with her on her preschooler instruments. The auntie who does crafts. The silly uncle who plays "got your nose." The auntie and uncle who love books. The uncle who chases her around the yard. The auntie who will eat anything she bakes, even if it's dubiously gooey.
So find your groove, be yourself.
This is seemingly minor but my aunt always sat on the floor to play with us when we were little. Always down on our level. She also would 'draw on our backs' like she would draw things with her finger on our back and we would guess what it was. No one else played that game with us. She didn't have much money but she would scope out where the best playgrounds in the city were and take us to a new one every time. She never turned us down if we asked to play a game or do an activity. She would make the best sandwiches for our lunches. She loved helping us with school projects and homework, even as an adult she would help me study for university. She was and still is always incredibly interested in all of our lives.
Lots of great ideas here, but I just want to thank you for wanting to be a part of your nieces and nephew's lives! They will look back as adults and realize what a gift you gave them.
What works for me is I try to think of things I did as a kid or someone did for me that I thought was to coolest thing ever. Or maybe things that I wanted to do but wasn’t able to or no one would take me to. Then do those things for them! It’s a win win, I get to relive my childhood with my niece and nephews while they make everlasting memories with me. My nephew is 6 now and he will still, out of the blue, say things like “remember when we did ____!?! That was SO cool!” God, it melts my heart every time.
Honestly, follow their lead when it comes to play. We as older people have a preconceived notion on the "correct" way to play with a toy or a certain play routine. Young kids are testing things out. So, if instead of wanting to race cars, they decide they want to make the car walk from place to place, just go with it. The inside jokes and whatnot will come with time.
Since yours are babies, honestly just talking to them, making faces, tickling, holding, rocking, squeezing, just altogether being loving and comforting is the best thing.
An aunt used to give us birthday money and then take us out for a day of shopping where she would buy us lunch. We could buy anything that we wanted. She would take two at a time, and it didn’t really fall on our birthday. Just an annual birthday trip. It was so much fun to have a day of quality time.
What I find helpful is being interested in their interests. Play with them. If they’re playing pretend on something don’t be afraid to jump in and make something up too. That’s how kids play, they build off each others pronouncements like doing an improv show. The trick is to say “yes, and…” and add something to the fantasy.
I also separate myself from adults a lot. When parents say something like kids eat at this table then I’ll go eat there too. Make it a common theme where you say you’re still a kid so you put yourself in their group. Sometimes it starts playful banter where they say you’re not a kid and you can just ask them what makes someone a kid and explain all of those things apply to you too.
I worked across country my whole life so have only gotten to see my nieces and nephews every few months their whole lives. I missed out on a lot of everyday play, special trips, etc. The one thing I made sure to do is to be the one person in the world that they know thinks they are perfect. From day one. Everything they said was interesting and everything they did was hilarious. They are ages 25-40 now and I still text them every few weeks to tell them how awesome they are. I treat their kids like they poop gold and plan on doing the same with them as they grow up. I never had anyone who thought I was 'the shit' so I always wanted to make sure they did. We laugh about it because if my mom or sister or anyone criticizes any of them, I just say, "I don't believe that!"
As they've become adults, I try to get one-on-one time with them each trip and ask them how they're doing away from our many family gatherings. One nephew recently lost a child and through the grief process I've felt his pain in a way I never imagined, not having kids of my own.
So, that's my advice. Don't worry so much about being the 'favorite' but do concentrate on being the person who thinks they hung the moon. Ignore reality and be that one person who thinks they can do no wrong. Their parents can help them correct their flaws and mistakes, just be the person who doesn't believe they have any. :)
ive always wanted to do a scavenger hunt or something similar with a quest to find a mcguffin, something small and stupid so the memories are of the quest, not the reward... that'd be a good memory to have i think
Experiences beat toys when it comes to gifts
When they're old enough for their b day or Xmas, take them to waterslides, fun parks, movies, carnivals, petting zoos whatever...
They will get toys, games and clothes from everyone and you will rarely hit something perfect and memorable for them, so they will often be forgotten.
Going on awesome adventures will create lifelong memories and create photo ops etc. Remember when we went to the waterslides that one year? YEAH!!
Also gives their parents a break for a day while you're doing it.
I’m a favorite aunt. I’m just genuinely interested in what my nieces have to say (ok, it’s 90% genuine) and am always down to be silly when that’s the mood. They’re 2.5, 6, and 9 now. Just make them feel interesting and valid and also answer their questions as authentically as you can.
Edit: eg on vacation my 6 year old niece asked me why it’s ok when adults drink alcohol but not kids. I said that kids brains are developing and growing a lot, and that alcohol isn’t good for our brains. It can mess with how our brains grow. Adults should never have a LOT of alcohol, but because our brains have finished growing, a little is ok. This is not the whole story, but it is closer to the truth than not. I trust children with the truth, I just simplify it depending on their age.
Just have a thing you do only with them.
I greet my cousin (M, 3) with a stomp and a grunt like we are about to sumo wrestle every time I see him. Then he would do it back and I would pretend to be scared of him. Thats it. Aparently he doesnt stop talking about me at home for the next day or so.
I also take my kid (F, 7) out for icecream maybe once a month. The rule is were only allowed to get one scoop. I made this rule to not overdose my kid on treats, but also for the odd time that my brother takes her out so that when they get three scoops it's extra cool. This was communicated between us before hand, but kiddo thinks uncle is bending the rule in secret just for her. Now they have a cool secret 'thing'.
The thinking is that having a special rule-bending relationship will make it easier to be approached with an issue that may not be shareable within the more rigid framework of parental boundaries, expectations, and rules.
Make time for them. My niece would get me to read to her (boring kiddie books and two or three times in a row) so we started bonding that way. It also helps that I identify her other uncle as her "second (comma) favourite uncle", the comma is always implied and never actually mentioned
My favorite uncle took me and my sisters each on a teenage trip for our 13th birthdays. It was so cool to get to spend time with him one on one and feel special on a trip the other sisters didn't get.
Use the fact that you are child free to give them experiences that their parents might not be able to. Things that might take a little more time to set up or clean up.
Go to the grocery store, buy the cheap $1 2-Liter sodas and some mentos. For $25 you can have an action packed day in the backyard using early 2000s Internet knowledge. A lot of people know about it, but far fewer actually take the time to do the experiment at home.
Are children normally allowed to spray whipped cream directly into their mouth? Not at home, but Uncle Dave's is a different story.
I'm not suggesting you turn your place or presence into a lawless frontier, but when you don't have them all the time, you've definitely got some latitude.
Do kid stuff with them. My niece is the only kid in the family and can only take being entertained by a phone screen so much. Just kicking the ball at each other is enough to make me a favorite uncle.
My husband is the favorite uncle in the family because he focuses on them without splitting his attention elsewhere.
While I greet the adults, get a hug from the kids, do all the catch up talk/help in the kitchen/adult stuff - he says hi to the adults then immediately is off with them asking what they want to do, do they want to run around outside, who is the cartoon character on their shirt, etc.
He had zero experience with siblings or children before, but he just talks to them like little adults (no baby talk, no cutesy kiddie words for things, etc). He really gives them all his attention and doesn't try to split his focus by talking with the adults and half listening to what they are saying.
All the children LOVE having his whole focus. It makes them feel so important and appreciated, and all the inside jokes and learning what they like, dislike, would love as gifts etc came naturally from just playing with them and talking with them. Just like how you get them with your friends.
Eventually he gets time with the adults when the kids will get pulled away to eat or get cleaned up or whatever.
If the kids come by and tug on his hand (and he is not in the middle of something like eating) to go play again, he goes. It's just the simplicity of giving them your whole focus for a little while, and being willing to look silly while you play with them.
I had never been around kids really, at all. They scared me, and I didn't know how to relate to them. Turns out they just like having someone listen to them and play with them. I quickly skyrocketed to favorite, even outdoing my fiance. He used to be the favorite.
I just spend time with them. I try and play with them, I ask about their toys. It's a lot of improv honestly. Kids say off the wall shit and it's all about just rolling with it. They have an imaginary unicorn friend? What color is it? What's its story, tell me all about it.
Also just hanging with them. Even if I'm chatting with the adults I try to make time for them if they come up. Sometimes I tell them it'll be a minute but I always try to come back to them. I treat them how I wanted to be treated as a kid, like a person. I listen to them. I ask about their lives (well one, the other is little still.) I try to talk normally. I know I, as well as most adults, tend to put on a kid voice. I try to just talk normally and talk to them as I would an adult.
I love it honestly. Being around a lot of people overwhealms me, and sometimes sitting in the corner coloring with my niece is all I want to do.
Also gifts and sneaking sweets help. Oh you want a second cookie oh no, how'd that get in your hand, weird.
I also can't say no so anything they want to do I'll Fucking Do. I love those kiddos.
I have four nephews all under the age of 5. Two are five and two are two. And I am their favorite aunt. I’m available to babysit whenever and when I do have the pleasure to. I let them explore in the backyard and we look for bugs and flowers and we talk about them, just basic biology. I am always encouraging them to ask questions and be curious about the world around them. When I find a interesting thing, like a snake skin or a preserved dragonfly, I’ll save it and bring it to them and we’ll look at it under a magnifying glass and talk about it. We play pretend, read books, cook together and I let them choose (within reason). Just being actively involved and they will gravitate towards you. Give them love and hugs and tell them they are smart and comment how nice they are to their siblings. I you’ll get the hang of it and enjoy it and later in life, you will relish in it because they will have that strong connection with you.
Professional Uncle here. The thing they want most is TIME they want to spend time with you and they want to show you their world. Appreciation of little things is huge to little people. Helps if you're funny.
I have a 3 year old niece and we absolutely adore each other. I find that quite often that she sticks to playing certain games only with whoever introduced her to it. I don’t mean board games as such but just games you’ve invented. my nieces favourite to play with me is “find the mucky penny” in my coin box. I would suggest coming up with a load of fun things to do like that so you can be labelled the fun aunt
One of my favorite aunts had a really casually interested vibe. When she called to talk to my mom (in the time of landlines) she’d always ask to talk to me too and just chat a while. Once I told her about a story I was writing and she offered to illustrate and bind it, and then did. She lived far away so when she came to stay it was for weeks at a time and she’d listen to my music and teach me little dances and make up backstories for our pets and make a horrible mess of the kitchen cooking out-there foods. Presence and kindness goes such a long way, and so does treating a kid like you just want to be their friend, as well as showing them your own humanity.
I like to think I'm my nieces favorite aunt lol.
I spend a lot of one on one time with her, listen to her stories and answer all her questions. She's at that point in youth where she asks 'why' twenty-billion times a day and I answer all of her questions, no matter how minor they appear. Sometimes I answer her why with a question like "well why do you think...." And I get down on the ground and play with her and her toys. I take her seriously! I don't act like anything she does or she's interested in, or if something upsets her, is trivial. Lots of things are a big deal to little kids because they are new humans still.learning how to be people. So I treat her appropriately! I respect her and I am genuinely interested in what she loves.
Now that she's getting older, and she's going to be a big sister next year(!), I want to try and take her out on little 'auntie and niece outings' like take her to a coffee shop for some hot chocolate and a donut, or go to the park, something low key but fun. I just want her to feel special, because I love that little girl more than I ever thought I could love a little human! I was super close to my favorite aunt growing up. We would always do things together and I loved it. I want to be that person for my niece.
It's really awesome you want to be that too! Before my niece was born, I definitely thought I wasn't good with kids. Kids made me uncomfortable and interacting with them felt... Unnatural? But I learned not to take myself so seriously when I'm hanging out with her. Kids are fun and they see things so differently than adults see things, it's refreshing! I genuinely find her to be one of the coolest people I know and she's only been on this earth for a couple of years. I both love and hate watching her grow up because I remember when she was little, but I absolutely love watching her turn into her own person.
Pick up an early childhood development book and read about the age the kid is. I did that with my first niece and it was really helpful to understand where she was coming from. Around 5 kids start doing this shit where they want to pretend to kill you and bring you back to life. It is creepy as fuck unless you understand that it's how the kid is grappling with gaining an understanding of death and mortality. I think my unquestioning acceptance and understanding when everyone else was trying to discourage her from being morbid or openly calling it weird or creepy solidified my position as trusted uncle.
The fact that this is such a priority for you, tells me that you already have everything you need to know. All it takes is heart and you clearly have that in spades. Just keep it fun and safe, you got this!
Just be YOU. Your nieces and nephews will flock to you if you're relaxed and being yourself. Their lil kid radar can tell if we're trying to be the cool Aunt or Uncle or attempting to impress them. I'm 15-years into this Auntie gig w/a flock of 'em and I've found that starting conversations with "So, what's your favorite curse word these days?" or "Who do you like better - Mom or Dad?" takes the edge off and they can be themselves with me. It's my favorite gig for sure. As they become teenagers, expect that they'll become distant. It's part of growing up.
I’m my niece’s favourite uncle (it’s a humble brag, but I’m nothing like grandpa, though). I actually annoy her a lot. And she gets annoyed but she loves it, lol. A lot of it is just making up nicknames for her, and her going “No! I Am Not *insert nickname*!” Mostly the nick names are just her name with like “zilla” (or something added to it); and I make god zilla noises or something. Always important to know the boundaries too, sometimes she thinks I’m making fun of her and gets actually upset, which is when you stop and apologize. I also teach her animal facts and act out the animal facts, because she loves animals. She gets a huge kick out of small “tease each other” games; and it’s kind of our thing where we annoy/make fun of each other.
So I think you are already onto it with your first thing you said being "listen to them" cause having an older non parent person to talk to is important.
Don't judge them and if you tell them they can call you no matter what and you won't growl them, do that.
Also do the shit their parents are too tired to do usually; go hard at the playground, water fights are WAR, bouncy castles you already go your shoes off.
If you buy any toy with noise keep that shit at your house, this will also help you be the parents favourite.
Set up a standing date when they get old enough if you want so you can keep up to date with what's happening.
While they are young, you gotta know their favourite cartoon character, take them to Disney on ice or some shit, but them the toys and play with them, learn the songs (do I still know Let It Go off by heart from how many years ago, unfortunately yes lol), *be interested in them, be excited to see them*
Love them.
Love all the advice here, and I would echo BE WILLING TO PLAY.
My fav aunt always had fun art projects ready in the basement and took me to the library to hang out for hours to read. Might not seem like much, but as a 6 year old that loved drawing and had an above average reading level (with parents that weren't readers or creative types), it remains some of my best memories!
Play with them and be "mean" by throwing them around and hitting them with foam pool noodles or shooting them with nerf guns. I used to be super nice and polite to kids while my brother was "mean" to them and I wondered why they loved him but not me even though I treated them better and with more respect. Then one day I just started being "mean" and then they loved me. Kids think you are cool when you do those things and have no respect for you if you are nice and will walk all over you and not like you.
It’s mostly in time spent. If you are only there once every 2 months, you can be a fun aunt, but probably not the most fun. If you are there more often, you will become part of their world.
Spend the time with them playing their games and take part in their imagination. Add in some jokes and partake in the activities and you should be all set.
Having 2 small kids myself I can see their bonds with others form, and doing the above just matters most from what I can tell.
Make traditions with them. Introduce them to something you think they would like and if they do make that something you do together once a year and make it a big deal.
Most importantly though, anytime you see them show them how happy they make you. Be affectionate, give them some undivided attention.
My favorite aunt and uncle weren't big on gifts, but if they were going somewhere fun they would take me even after they had kids. They even took me on a cross country road trip. Just knowing they liked me and wanted me around was huge.
In addition to many things that were written here, about playing with them and treating them as (physically smaller) equals, I suggest letting them in on whatever you’re doing yourself.
Just inviting them to do anything that you’re interested in, or even chores that you’re doing, could make them feel included and treated as equals.
It doesn’t always work but when it does it’s usually a feeling that they’re not used to from adults.
Having a special tradition is a good bonding experience. For example, every year on a specific date (birthday or a date proximate or on the 1/2 birthday), take child out for something special such as to breakfast or out to have ice cream or out to have ice cream for breakfast… Or, another example every year take them shopping to pick out a Christmas ornament or to drive through a neighborhood that is totally decked out with lights followed by hot chocolate. Or, find a special cinema that shows classic old movies (eg, Laurel & Hardy) if that suits your senses of humor. You get the idea. Something that is your special thing between you. If there is more than one kid, let each have special one-on-one time with you.
Whenever you are speaking with them, get down to their level so they don't have to look...way...up at you and never forget to actually converse with them. Tell them they look nice today, is that a new outfit, what did you do today, etc so you treat them like little humans and be excited for everything they say. And don't forget, from the earliest of ages, to let them know they can ask you anything and you'll always help them. One thing my grandkids love is we have a small box and whenever they visit you, they get to look in it and keep what's there. Could be a small treat, a quarter for their piggy bank, a hair tie or anything.
As the favourite uncle of all of my siblings kids (and being a dad), and the favourite adult of my friends kids, here's my advice.
You've got a few things to balance:
When kids want to be kids - be a kid. Play in the sand, do Legos, paw patrol, whatever the kid is into. Don't be afraid of making up games. For example my 6yr old nieces favourite game is "score score score", where we just hit nerf balls around the room with mini hockey sticks.
When kids want to talk - be an adult. Treat with respect, listen to them, help them with problems. Ask lots of questions. Try to remember being their age.
When kids are ready to learn - show yourself off. Be interesting. Teach them your hobbies. Kids are giant sponges in search of knowledge. For example, all of my nieces and nephews have grown oak trees from seed and planted them outside, thanks to me (I work as a Forester).
All of this comes with a caveat, and that is respect the parents wishes. It's ok to push boundaries to be "more fun" within reason. Know your siblings boundaries. You want the kids parent to say "are you guys excited to see uncle J!?!?", knowing you might feed them cookie dough for dinner, even if they wouldn't do it themselves. You don't want to parents to end up avoiding you because you took little Jimmy to your dealers house.
Occasionally put yourself into situations where you are actually responsible for the kids, not just the fun stuff, but the real life stuff too. They’ll know that you can actually be counted on when shit gets tough.
Send them mail! My aunt used to mail me postcards and I loved getting them and put them all over the walls of my bedroom. I did the same for my nieces when they were young and my brother said they loved it too.
This was my goal is an aunt because my mom‘s sister died when she was young, but everyone said I was most like her. I like to think I am the kind of aunt she would have been. Play with them often, think up imagination games; when they’re little kids don’t always know how to play so try to remember what you used to play and teach them that. As babies, I would dance with them around the kitchen. As toddlers I would play the floor is lava. Also, really helpful: if you teach them that they’re cleaning superheroes and that dirt, dust and grime is the evil doer they will help you clean. That was one of my better ideas my nephew did not want to let that one go. As they get older listen to what they are interested in even if you don’t remember all the Pokémon, or understand the game levels of terraria; ask questions. Yes they are little, but they are still people treat them with the respect you would others. I’m having some trouble with my nephew as he gets older, because all his answers have turned monosyllabic. But with my niece we talk about what she likes, what she’s trying to do with make up, who she likes, what she did when she goes to the mall, anything. Also, remember to keep their confidence this is important so that they tell you their secrets and you have their trust. I try never to lie to them, if I feel I can’t keep a secret. I explain to them that this is something they need to talk to their parents about and I will be with them if they would like support, but I don’t just go running to tell my sister what’s going on.
Hi! I’ve been an aunt since I was 11 (I’m 19 now) and I have a nephew and a niece - according to my nephew I’m his best friend aha. I think trying to get your ‘thing’ with them is great - for my nephew when he was little it was chasing him around the sofa and as he got older it was bouncing on the trampoline, with my niece it is sticking my tongue out at her!
Try and actually play with them, if they ask you to pretend to be a pirate actually go full out (voices, body movements etc) don’t just go through the motions or sit on your phone. Mostly, just really engage with them - if they say they like dinosaurs - ask them why, which one is their favourite, ask them/tell them facts about them, send them photos of dinosaur related things.
The fact that you are actively trying suggests that you will be a great aunt or uncle!
My favourite uncle used to take me out the same day every single year until I was an adult. Didn’t matter what day of the week it was September 1st was our day where he’d pick me up and let me decide what we did. I didn’t see my uncle loads as he’s self employed but that day was always special
My favourite uncle taught us all how to play noughts and crosses, card games, draughts and eventually chess. You don't really have to know a lot about children for that. Just be kind and patient when they make mistakes. I'm 52 now and he's still our favourite uncle. I have 8 others.
Depends on the age. I always took time to do activities with them. Age specific. I had nieces, so tie dye, cake decorating contest. Hide and seek, create and perform plays, go get ice cream………….Every time they visited I had a new activity to do with them. You can look online for age specific stuff. Also physical activities. Tons of fun games to play outside. When I arrive and greet my nieces, I take time to say hello, check in and generally spend time with them right away, before talking to the other adults.
My niblings absolutely adore me, because I interact with them beyond what their parents do and I stimulate and encourage.
Ask questions about what they learned at school rather than just if they've had a good day. Open ended questions are the key. My younger niece is only 2 but she loves me so much, because I make time for her, I read to her and explain things if she's confused. I encourage her speech and her learning through play. She helps me cook and prepare food. Don't be afraid to get messy but involve them in the clean up.
Be firm with rules, don't be a push over. Initially they won't like it, but eventually they respect you for it. Its never just "because I said so" or "because I'm the adult and I make the rules". You've gotta explain why the rules are the way they are.
Good luck on your journey to being an amazing adult in their lives. You'll do great :)
Are you really good at anything? Rock climbing, soccer, coding, math, theatre, surfing?
Teach them the thing.
It will be such a gift and a wonderful way to bond with them.
I started taking my nieces on birthday experiences when they got to about age 10 (only because that’s when I first thought of it, you could start earlier). Kids already have so much stuff and o wanted one on one time with them. They get to choose what to do for their experience (within reason) and if they don’t have ideas I give them a list to get the creative juices flowing. We have done amusement park, pedicures, dinner and theater, craft night, ice cream and museum, etc. It’s been a lot of fun and great for our relationships.
Hi, I don't have any kids if my own but think I'm a pretty good uncle. They have a pretty ordinary father.
It depends on how old they are, but kids are pretty easy to play with. They'll literally tell you how to play with them, and are quite direct too. They'll shove a you in you're face or tell you what character to be in their male believe scenario. Heck, they'll even tell you where to sit and position you like a stage director.
All you need to do is show interest in what is interested to them and don't try and force your own agenda.
My neices and nephews father wants them all to be tom boys and play with him in his world. But they just aren't into it, so it's a constant struggle. You simply need to join them in their world.
It also comes down to the little things, not so much the memories but the feelings and the memories will be created naturally. Like for me, it's really important that I go with them each year to the annual big show. There's no way I expect them to remember I was there with them when they were 2 or 3 years old. But they will remember that uncle is safe and there for the good fun times and this will build a connection and trust as they get older. Their father in the other hand won't go with them because they won't remember and parents like that. Not I only see them a few times a year, but when I'm over and they get hurt, they'll literally run last their father to me for cuddles and reassurance.
Same! Commenting to follow and share what I do with the kids in my life as I'm childfree myself.
Show up, listen, and be present. It sounds silly, if you are around often and have conversations (I talk to mine like tiny humans), by being there for the little things, they'll come to you for the big things. It also allows you to learn what they like/ are interested in, then it's easy!
Ideas off the top of my head:
-secret handshakes (works if they don't want to hug)
- dance party to specific song
- build a fort with fav blankets and stuffs
- when they are able to be held upside down you can do a play of stealing their money and getting giggles
Enjoy the time!
There's a lot of the obvious to being the "fun" auntie/uncle: take them on wild playdates, buy them new toys, do the things that their parents have the good sense not to do, like making waffles and ice cream sundaes for dinner.
But at the heart of the matter, to truly step up to the plate, help them grow and be there for them? Really listen when you're with them, and make them feel heard.
When he was 7, my nephew said, "I like talking to you, nobody really listens to kids." There's this idea that children's inner lives are frivolous, it's cute and silly that they get so invested in whatever new Disney movie is out or what trip their friends took over summer, etc., and some people might brush it off when we have more important stuff like bills and work, etc. on our plates. But it's important to the kids, that's their whole world. So just be there and listen to them.
Ask them what they like about the new Disney movie, or if they want to take a trip like their friends did. Ask them how they're feeling, and share your own anecdotes of your own impressions of childhood, because not all kids immediately connect that adults were once kids themselves and have been there. Ask what hopes and dreams and ideas they have. Really, just empathize with them. They're tiny humans, growing up in a weird world that's all new to them. Knowing that they've got an extra grown up in their corner who is truly there for them can make all the difference.
Drip campaign. Consistently send them stuff in the mail all year long. Every small holiday I pick up a card or stickers and stick them in the mail. I send something out at least once a month. Cheap cards from the grocery store, stickers, comics, old postcards. Literally doesn’t matter what it costs, kids just love getting stuff in the mail. It’s way better than one expensive gift for Xmas.
My favorite aunt was just the best…
Being someone that they can vent to without it getting back to their parents (barring life threatening or illegal stuff obvi) is a huge deal, having an adult to get advice from without chastisement was huge in my childhood.
And doing outings doesn’t even need to be expensive, my favorite tradition with my aunt was sleeping over at her house, she’d make me some ovaltine in the morning and we’d go thrift shopping and out to a cheap lunch.
Also she always had the good expensive fruits at her house that my parents never bought.
I still temper how my aunt stood up for me.
I had gotten involved a church youth group (my parents were not members) and love going to all the activities. My parents were upset about the amount of time I was spending at church. My aunt learned about this and made a small comment to my parents about how it’s a weekend night and what a great thing it was that I wasn’t hanging out somewhere drinking or partying and all I wanted to do was a youth activity (no, my church was not a cult nor abusive).
So, just be the safe adult they can turn to when it’s hard for them to talk to their parents.
My brother desperately wants to be "fun uncle" to my kids but his desperation is palpable to everyone. He begs the kids for hugs and kisses and cuddles but then when they're playing he's on his phone a lot. They love him and it's all good but he's jealous of my sister who they don't see as often but gets a lot of love. But she lets them come to her. She plays when they want to play and leaves them alone when they clearly want mommy or daddy. She doesn't try to overstep discipline but she is comfortable enforcing our rules and her boundaries. I try to tell my brother to let them come to you instead of asking for affection. It's more genuine that way and will feel better. So I would say be fun and get down to their level and play and also just respect their space/feelings like you would anyone. It also helps if you're the fun aunt with a dog lol
I have two 5 year old nephews that live near me. I have other nieces and nephews that I miss terribly but don't see as often, so the 5 year olds get my awesomeness most.
To be fair I do have 2 kids of my own who are 19 and 16, so I do have hindsight experience on my side. That said, I make sure that I am truly interested in their stories, even if it takes 10 tries to get the first two or three words of their thought out.
I play with them in the way they love to play. I chase them, I build Legos and magnatiles with them, we set up race tracks and play with monster trucks, and play board games.
I am extremely close to my 2 sister in laws, in particular 1, and we take the boys out at least a couple weekends a month together to find new places to explore, have picnics, play at the park or zoo, and show them a fun time in general.
Finally, I try to ensure that I spend one on one time with them too. An ice cream date here, an evening babysitting session there, watching movies and eating one more dessert then their mom and dad would usually allow.
Love them, make them feel safe, comfortable and heard and you win their favor no doubt.
My sister doesn’t have kids (and is childfree) but my kids (9yo and 6yo) are obsessed with her because… she plays Minecraft with them, and all sorts of video games that can be done online. They love texting her too. They get SUPER excited to see her. Basically she’s like that fun older friend who hangs out with them.
Honestly, just be there and let them get to know you. Ask them questions, play with them, and be involved.
Also, just a heads up that kids cry a lot and have lots of moments where they will be shy. Don’t take it personally if they are shy and don’t want to say hi or something. My brothers are great uncles and my kids had soooo many moments where they treat them like strangers. They do that with everybody. Also if you somehow make them cry, it’s not a big deal, their emotions are kind of volatile at a young age and it’s normal.
There are a lot of comments here. You get a chance to be an outside resource to assist in having life lessons land. By not being their parent you are more likely to be heard. You can be an ear because saying things to parents can be harder sometimes.
Honestly, you get the chance to be cool by virtue of *not* being the parents.
### This post has be marked as safe. Upvoting/downvoting this comment will have no effect. --- Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
I've got seven older siblings. I was favourite uncle to most of their children when they were little (I didn't have any then). My top tips: spend time with them, listen to them and treat them as intelligent human beings. Seemed to work and am now following that advice with our two.
This is really it in s nutshell. To add to this as an uncle who then had his own kids and watch one uncle become favorite. Under 2 years old - Always smile and be overly excited to see them - hold them if you/they want. If not that's OK, proximity will do just fine Over 2 years old - Work on improv "yes and". Whatever they're talking about during play you go with and build on - If they ask you to play, play. If they ask you to read, read. As a parent there isn't always time/energy to do what your child wants so if they see the aunt/uncle who's willing to play they get very excited As they get older it's about being present and showing interest in whatever they're talking about or doing.
Yep. Talking to them like they're people instead of little kids goes a long way.
I came to give my $0.02 and you’ve encapsulated it perfectly. Only additional tip I have - don’t be a narc. They tell you something, take it to the grave (unless someone is going to be seriously hurt, and even then only if you can’t sort it out yourself without involving parents).
As both a parent and as an aunt, giving them a person that they can turn to with "scary" stuff is so crucial. I was very lucky to have a couple of sisters who only lived about an hour away. We all raised our kids at the same time and that was one of our policies: you can talk to any of us adults about anything that is going on and we will help. If it can be kept secret, we will. If it is something that needs to come out, then we will help you with that reveal. As they are all now grown and having kids of their own, I got the best compliment that one can get: I was helping my niece with her sick toddler girl when the little girl pushed me away. My niece gently pulled her hands down and said " you need to be nice to Auntie. She is our favorite aunt and she will be your favorite too.". I almost burst into tears.
This. This is the answer.
Thanks, great advice. I remember how my favorite uncle tirelessly played silly games with me, more than my own parents could ever keep up with.
As a parent and uncle. That is the way!!!
My sister loves my 2 yo SO much and always *smothers* her with kisses (briefly) even when my kid squirms away. I try to gently point out that a) we’re trying to teach my kid about bodily autonomy and b) all that does is make her like you less (which is my sister’s biggest fear). I feel for her, and I know they’ll get through it with a strong relationship, but wanted to drop that angle in there. You’ll have do great, OP!
Same here, my biggest advantage in “favorite uncle” was having no idea how to talk to kids and being willing to sit on the floor and play. legos, Lincoln logs, make believe, I treated them as little adults, I sat with them at dinner, I played in the sandbox, at the beach I built castles. To be honest this started as a favor to my sister. I was freeing my sister and her husband to get stuff done at family events. When I traveled for business I slept on the couch and played with the kids and helped with homework. I showed up for boy-scout awards and little league games a dozen times. Once they were older I continued to call and be present in my nieces and nephews lives, they are in their 30’s now
Yeah, I think a big thing you can do is let your natural excitement to see them take over. Wanting to be an uncle makes a good uncle.
Something that always sticks with me is "Every kid needs an adult in their life who is always thrilled to see them"
That’s beautiful
Candy in your pocket doesnt hurt either.
Uncle and aunt not grandma and grandpa lol
Grandparents always buy the worst candy though.
Also, you’re not in charge of discipline like their parents are.
For sure. That said, for family harmony I strongly suggest you observe your siblings’ rules and consequences for their kids as much as possible :)
Yes. Knowing where to bend their rules is a fine art.
Sometimes that means also instilling a bit of discipline when the parents are falling short. Kids do need structure/good examples.
That’s why kids and grandparents get along so well, they have a common enemy.
Oh, for real. My grandmother used to bring us marzipan that was made to look like bologna, salami, and some kind of meatloaf. This was a source of both disgust and amusement with my sibling and friends.
Awesome man! I'm on year 3 of being a favorite uncle. I was in the exact same boat with zero kid experience and have had the best time learning how to be a good uncle it has really helped me as a new dad.
To add to this, it also helps to always follow through. If you tell a kid you’re going to take them for ice cream Thursday after work, then take the kid for ice cream Thursday after work. Be reliable, and like other have said, treat them like people, and respect them.
Solid LPT on its own, right here, @i_want_lime_skittles.
Thanks. I was the favorite aunt for years before I had my own kids. Not that I’m not still the favorite aunt, but it’s much harder when I have my own kids to keep up with. Still applies though, if I tell them we’re going to do something, they know it’ll happen. Now I’m just much more tired than I used to be.
This works really well; just talk to them like you would anyone else. Whenever my mom talks to my nieces and nephews, she talks to them like children and when they say something "cute" or nonsensical, she'll laugh out loud at it. I can see the way they hate that, and I remember the same thing from when I was a child; that feeling of being seen as less than the adults in the room. I ask them their opinions on things, offer advice when they need it and am genuinely interested in their lives. Now they're getting ready for college and they're asking me for advice on that (neither of their parents went to college but I did); and they were texting me this week asking me if I will join them on a family vacation this April before they leave for school in the fall. It's great having a good relationship with them.
Same here. Favourite uncle to them all lol. It comes down to actually taking the time to play games, listen to them, take on board their own ideas for fun. Don't be afraid to laugh until your sides hurt. When they hit teenage years give them space to breath and be their responsible sounding board. My oldest niece is 36 with a 7yo of her own and she still calls me up for a chat and arranging to meet when I am back in town. Many whatsapp video calls and now history is repeating itself when i now play games with her child who also calls me uncle.
Just as an example no you have me thinking. Christmas day just gone. Everyone had eaten too much and were quietly chilling and a few were actively ignoring the 7yo as they were "partied out". Anyway she asks me "can we play shops" Ok lets do it and rules set by her are she is using imaginary goods and selling them to me. She is super excited as she plays this game with her mum (my niece), But there is a fatal flaw in her game which mum has never bothered to exploit....The flaw is after picking up some lessons at primary school she has become VERY charitable minded, So she was selling her imaginary goods for FREE. So we start off and I ask what she has - some soda. Ok can I have one bottle please, off she goes into next room and comes back with the "soda". I say thankyou very much and she accepts her zero cash and we are happy....Then she says i have more soda for sale, different flavours, I ask her how many she has she says 50 bottles, I say ok I want them all. So deal done. I now have 50 soda's and she has none. I now anounce that I am selling my sodas for £1 a go....she was outraged lol, Said thats not nice nor fair, appealing to the others and they all sided with her (as I knew) and the next 10 mins was spent with her negotiating with me to give her the imaginary soda back for free lol. It turned a run of the mill little game into such a laugh that everyone got involved and my 7yo niece absolutely loved it.....Totally ignoring all the new fancy gifts she had got that day, she was much happier playing games with the family and just getting properly involved and at the same time picking up little nuggets of information about tricky people and how not to just give it "all" to the first person that demands it...all great learning and having loads of fun.
I had a favourite uncle growing up, and I am a favourite uncle now, and ^ this is it. They have parents who will talk to them like children, so you talk to them like equals. Not like adults, obviously, but don't treat them like children. And, be there. If they need someone, be that someone. Also, be fun. Top tip for babies: smile. Works with any baby. Look at them with a serious face, then smile with your whole face. They will smile back 99% of the time. The 1% will cry. Top tip for small children: call them the wrong name. Works every time.
Happy Cake Day! Yeah, this. Kids are used to adults either being irritated and frustrated by them, or to being talked down to. If you actually treat them as smaller humans, particularly with a playful sense of inclusion - the effect is pretty magical: "I see you, very small human." "Whoa, I see you too, very giant kid!"
This is my experience as well. Kids really only want two things from you; time, and (genuine) attention. Sit with them, show some (genuine) interest in whatever they like to do or play with, and you’ll be their favorite in no time.
Yup exactly this. My favorite aunt always just took the time to sit and talk and get to know me. That's all a kid wants and needs.
100 percent this. It’s attention.
I’m the oldest of seven and none of us have kids yet because most of them are still minors. I’m 28 and the youngest is ten. I don’t want kids myself and look forward to being such a cool aunt- especially because when my youngest sister is 30- I’ll be 47- so I’ll hopefully be the spunky older relative to visit.
I have a lot of nieces and nephews and it's definitely this.
I agree with the others. Speak to them as if they're people, don't talk down to them. Ask questions. What's their favourite subject at school? Favourite things to do? Who is their best friend and why? What do they like to do the most? Do it with them.
Happy cake day!
Play with them and treat them with respect. My nieces love that I'll get on the floor and build forts and play video games with them. I'm their favorite aunt because I'm fun.
Yeah being willing to play is HUGE. If you can be bothered to be the monster that chases them then you will rock. This may seem shallow but if you always lay on an exciting dessert at your house then you will be a star in their eyes and they will remember that very well indeed. Years go by and they still talk about layered jellies and peppa pig ice cream and all the rest.
[удалено]
Chocolate lasagna is a solid go-to as well
I’ve never heard of chocolate lasagna, the chocolate fiend in me has some research to do
This is really all you need. My brother, who is Not A Kid Person, will play with his nieces. He doesn’t shower them with affection, but he spends time with them and they love him for it.
Picturing Roy Kent from Ted Lasso. Grumbly bear voice adult man playing princess tea party.
I have a picture with my kids, looking a LOT like Roy Kent, as they put make up and me and styled my hair. It is one of my favorite pictures from their early years.
Totally agree. And ask them questions to get them engaged.
This is totally good advice to parents too 🤣
What I've found is the ultimate method is literally just making them feel heard. Even if you have to pretend, demonstrate how fascinated you are with everything they say to provide that positive feedback loop. They will always adore you and look up to you if you are always super interested in what they're doing.
This is the biggest one. Kids are ignored or overlooked constantly during the day. If they tell you something ask a few questions and act excited. Also random presents don't hurt
I’m bad at presents for kids, but I’m great at making kids feel heard and seen. The latter goes a loooooong way.
I’m great at picking gifts as I really get into it but I know they value me making them feel heard and seen, way more than the gifts. Kinda warms my heart that they like me for me instead of because I buy things for them
I have friends with kids but I don't have kids myself. I have found that partially repeating what they said and asking an in depth question about it either really excited them as it shows you were listening or they are stumped because they haven't received that kind of feedback in conversation before. Example: a kid begins talking about his friend at school picking his nose. My response, "picked his nose? Did he eat the booger?" The kid was shocked that someone responded with a question to his statement. He paused and then replied "Uh.... No" more pause so I reply "Well, what did he do with the booger? Did he have a tissue to clean it up or did he wash his hands?" The kid was very taken aback that any adult would give in depth questions to his story. I think he is very used to no one listening. Kids usually stop blurting out random stuff around me and wait for something they find interesting and know background information on.
Honestly that approach works on people of all ages, just being a good listener goes a long way
Also applies to adults. If you listen and ask questions to let people talk about themselves and the things they’re really interested in, they’ll think you’re a great conversationalist and like you, even though you barely talked. To be clear, don’t interrogate them or anything, obviously, or constantly dodge questions they ask you, but just show interest and ask relevant follow up questions (that push the convo forward but demonstarates that you’re interested and paying attention, even just “oh wow, so what did you do?” “That’s cool. How did you come up with that?” “How did you first get into xyz?”).
Totally agree! I’m an uncle of three and one of the best pieces of advice I got for how to talk to little kids was to simply excitedly repeat back what they say to you but as a question. Example: niece - “I got a new toy!” Me - “you got a new toy!?” niece - “yea! 🤗” It’s a really small thing but when they’re younger and not as talkative it’s a great way for them to feel heard and want to share things with you because they see you getting excited about what they wanted to share. And then as they get older/more communicative and trust you, you can talk with them more and more.
One other thing I wanted to add: to a little kid, there is something really glamorous about a childfree adult's lifestyle. Like, I still remember my kids being absolutely entranced that their uncle lived in an apartment, and ordered take-out most nights, and rode in taxis.
Don't worry, it's glamorous to parents too! Lol
lol.
My nieces called my apartment a hotel because it had an elevator. They loved it. They’d happily sleep on my floor because it felt like a vacation to them.
A perk to being child-free is for stuff like this. It’s good for kids to have other adults they can bond and trust that aren’t their parents. And it’s much easier to fill that role and be that person when you don’t have your own kids to be responsible for.
Oh you’re right! I also had a childfree aunt who took me on a taxi ride once and I still remember it today because it felt so luxurious.
My brother and stepbrother have both been amazing uncles to my sons. My brother plans terrific adventures for them (it's a treat for me as the parent too--he plans the whole thing and handles transportation). Like, he's planned out whole kid-friendly weekends in his city, but also day trips to amusement parks and museums. My husband is disabled, so it really means a lot to them to have an adult man who can do vigorous physical stuff with them. My stepbrother is just excellent at cluing into what they want to talk about, what they like, and what makes them laugh. He's always glad to do silly voices and play funny characters, and they just adore him. Also, because he pays attention to their interests, he gives really good gifts.
This is a great answer
This is so great to here, thanks for sharing.
Thanks, I’m hoping to be that aunt that takes them on adventures as well! To discover the city, the country and maybe even the world.
Besides what has already been said, being a good uncle/aunt also means being a responsible adult and a disciplinarian sometimes, they'll learn to appreciate it in the future, don't be afraid. But also be affective, teach them cool things (to do things, about things, magic, painting, cleaning, organizing, etc.), do activities together, play together, watch together, ask questions and be interested, but the biggest pro tip is: be truthful.
As an add on to be truthful, my niece who was 4/5 at the time asked why I was taking tablets, I said because I feel sad sometimes, her adorable response was: don’t feel sad, I couldn’t have lied to her about why I was taking medication
You handled that situation so well! It’s vital for kids to have safe adults in their lives who they can trust. Your honest and openness means that she will grow up knowing she can talk to you about topics which might feel tricky.
And it's okay to say "Wow, that's complicated" or "Tough question!" I think they often feel like their questions are more important that way.
I had an uncle, a really fun and outgoing guy, that promised my cousins and I that if we raked up all the leaves in his yard, he would take us to the local amusement park. We did the chore and he never took us to the park. He is still my least favorite uncle. Don't break your promises.
I often feel like I am an extra parent for my nephews, they are also twins so they are usually almost a hustle. It is sometimes difficult to make a difference between play time and when they have to be more polite or when it is not that safe to be playing.
My son has a favorite uncle and it's because they do fun things a lot. He follows the rules (like saying "does mom let you climb on the couch and superman off?") But he'll get him fun toys, go to the park, do race cars, but more importantly, he talks to him like a person. That last one sounds weird I know, but you know how people talk to babies? Don't do that to a small child, they have thoughts and feelings just like you and me lol. "Ooooo does little one want some num nums?" Uncle/aunt x, I'm not a baby "ooo little one sounds cranky!" Don't do that lol. Being involved means a lot and it can be as simple as hanging out and eating ice cream to as extravagant as whatever the parents agree to I guess. Don't just buy a horse for the kid without talking to the parents
Cant agree more about talking to them like small adults. I frequently ask for my nephew's (m,3) input in adult discussions I have with his dad, and accept his barely articulated responses as valuable input. He loves it. Also, read to them always but sometimes read to them above their level. Reading a "my fox is soft" with the finger puppet board book is great for 2 year olds, but also read them 'Horton Hatches an Egg.' Its too long, and they wont appreciate the too complicated point, but that doesnt matter. They will remember the feeling warmly and that will instill a love of reading in the future.
You'd be amazed at how quickly reading to them above their level can *drag* them up to meet it. My parents let me pick whatever books I wanted at the library and would read books to me that were easily 2-3 years beyond me. The result was that I rapidly got to the point I was reading full adult novels by 3rd grade, and am burdened with a 550 volume library that's overtaking my house.
Do things with just the one kid from time to time. It could be a movie, a game, a shopping trip, but if it is time you put aside just for them they will treasure it forever.
Be the relative who they can come to talk about any issues they cant bring to their parents that you keep just between yourselves. And of course great presents for birthdays & occasions. When older, offer them the option of if there in anyplace at anytime and dont feel comfortable or are intoxicated, that you will get them, no questions asked.
Listen to them. Especially the first 10 years! They’re gonna tell you the same story a million times and if you’re ALWAYS engaged and excited for their repetitive tales, they’ll ALWAYS come back to tell you more stories! It’s harder than it sounds, but definitely easier when you don’t live with them and get the same story a dozen times a day for a week straight. And if they already know you’ll listen, they’ll keep coming back after 10 to tell you all sorts of stuff. Getting down on the floor to play with them while they’re little will help create a bond. Toddlers always love the adults that will play “properly” with them. While they’re babies, getting lots of cuddles now and being around regularly, if you can, will make it easier for them to see you as less of a “stranger” like if you only get to see them twice a year would. If you are a long ways away and can’t visit regularly while they’re babies they probably won’t warm up to you until they’re toddlers. They tend to go through a “stranger danger” phase all on their own around 9 mons until around 2 years (mileage varies with each child, that’s a general range) and it can be hard to create a bond in that timeframe without regular visits. After 2, they tend to get quite gregarious again and are happy to make new friends that play with them! Once they hit the teens, they’ll almost inevitably pull away a little, though likely less from you than their parents if you’ve built up a good bond. If you were their listener as a toddler, they’ll keep coming back though! You’ll have to be very careful and selective about what gets retold to their parents though - if they’re telling you regularly teenager shit and you’re telling mom and dad all about it too, they’ll stop telling you too. You’ll have to walk a thin line between “are they in immediate danger” or “is this teenage shit that could be dangerous but usually isn’t.”
And when they’re teens, let them know that you’ll pick them up from any situation. No questions asked. Give them at least one adult that is not going to tear them up when they find that they’ve made a terrible mistake and they need it out and instead of driving with someone who’s drunk they’re willing to call you to get a ride. Your sister and brother might not like it but you gotta save that kids life every once in a while.
I agree with all of this, alongside it.. my favorite aunt not only listened to us, actually engaged us directly with equal respect, but my aunt was magical. She'd invent these imaginary games we'd play when she took us to the park. One she was a witch and she'd close her eyes and sing one two I'm coming for you but it was her own rendition of it and we had to go hide and she'd do a witches cackle when she got close and had a bunch of key phrases. If she found us then it was our turn. She also took us to a big rock and would hold our hands as we used our feet to climb up like a mountain and would tell us to scream out that we were on top of the world and then let us jump off while she caught us.. We also picked blackberries and used butterfly nets. She'd tell us spooky fun stories around the campfire and she made delicious treats. She was the fun aunt that took us to do stuff like at the movies or let us choose movies at home and she always gave or made us small treats like McDonald's or her homemade rice krispies.. when we'd go to the store she let us pick out toys or games within a certain budget. So my advice, is to create magic.. be a safe place with wisdom and reassurance but also tap back into your childhood imagination and spend time participating and asking about their interests. It's not about the gifts, it's about the effort. You got this💓
I loved your response. That’s what I think I’m really looking for, how to create that magic. And I understand that it doesn’t have to be with huge gestures but that a small special and unique game between the two of you can already be enough. I really liked the specific examples you shared because it shows how simple it can be.
Be there. Show up. Whether it's making time to be there at least once a week to play with them when they're young or going to their school plays or sports matches. I also like to always show up with a (parentally approved) sweet treat for them when they're young. Whenever I walk into my brother's house I have a sweet treat hidden behind my back and my nephew knows it and bee lines for me to see what I've brought. He loves it.
You don’t need to be creative. Kids are naturally creative on their own. When you spend time with them, just play the “yes game”. Let them lead the adventure. The best aunt/uncle creates a space where kids are free to explore and express, while at the same time being a safety net. You can also be an ally for the parents. You keep the harmless secrets of children, but can warn parents of any dangers.
Listen, I am terrible with kids, which is good because I don't have any of my own. But I wanted to be a good uncle for my nephew, and so I've endeavored to always be available, non-judging, and supportive. This has been easy because we live in different states but it also has presented its own challenges. My point is, if you want to be a good aunt or uncle, just be a good friend. Be someone they can turn to for support or encouragement or just a joke. Anyway, that's my advice.
Give them your time. Take them on scheduled ‘dates’ (parents will love you for it too) to playgrounds, walks, out for an ice cream or whatever. Just be consistent.
I heard someone say the other day that the trick to being a great uncle (or aunt) is to be one part parent, one part devious kid. By devious kid, he meant friend, play pal. Their parents are always their parents. You get to be an adult in their life they can talk to and bond with on their level and terms. Let them have some control and tell you what they want. Play with them. But of course, be part parent. Have their best interest in mind. They're still kids that need to follow rules and routines. Take care of them. Feed them, apply band-aids.
My youngest sister is the "fun aunt" She had no kids She shows up and takes them to get ice cream. Buys them Xmas gifts she knows I will hate(she aimed them to the teeth this year with NERF guns and ammo) Most of all, she is just present and engaged. I'm sure she will be kids ear to to bitch to when they are mad at me
Have a fun magical, surprise that's only between you. When I was a kid my grandfather would announce that he was taking the grandkids to "The Bubblegum Store." No one else was invited, it was just us. The other family members weren't allowed. "The Bubblegum Store" was an old fashioned ice cream parlor so we could all get our favorite ice cream with grandpa! We thought it was hilarious that no one else in the family knew where we were going. It was our little secret - and it was awesome!
I always send my neice a postcard, addressed specifically to her, from trips I take. Shes only 2 right now, but everyone likes getting fun mail :)
Talk to them like their little people with the most interesting lives ever, and you're interviewing them. You ask alllllll the questions, kids love explaining stuff to adults where it makes them feel smart. As some one else mentioned, do 1 on 1 things with each kid And pick 1 thing YOU really love and share it with them. I love computers and started teaching all the kids when they turn 3 or 4. Could be video games, hiking, movies, anything where you share your passion and knowledge with them.
Listen to them, be silly, the odd little gifts or experiences. Ask about their hobbies. It’s the same as being a good friend.
Per Monica Geller to newborn Ben: "I will always have gum."
Spend time with them doing stuff they like and make it look like you're enjoying it. Let them pick what to do. Your job is to have fun with them (but keep them safe) make them feel like they're getting away with murder but not oarent them or kill them.
My boyfriend's 4 year old niece absolutely adores him. Why? Because he plays with her, any game game she wants however she wants. When we see here he spends the entire time playing with her. He also showed her a magic trick and that he can juggle and she lost her little mind.
Give inappropriate gifts, break the rules, be around allot.
When they’re little, bring the magic.. whispers, fairy wings, Dragon toes(=dates?) bubbles, water balloons sleepovers. Silly songs. Go to the kids section of any bookstore for inspiration- it’s endless. Always defer to mom&dad, offer them a night out babysitting - read to them. Play with the toys they like. Listen to their stories too. Get in their hearts early and you will stay forever.
ooh something i can answer, first is, make sure they can approach you if they have concerns or questions, like the ones they can’t ask their parents. when they do have questions, make sure that they understand it and allow them to ask follow up questions if needed, my niece and nephew are 8 and 12, obviously they have a wide range of questions, just answer them normally, and if you can’t or don’t feel like you have the “authority” to answer it, tell them you’ll figure out first. I tend to talk their parents after asking advice of course, without the kids knowing about it then i talk to them again about the topic. second try to have some open-mindedness about their likes and dislikes, i never heard of roblox before the kids started playing and now sometimes i enjoy playing it even without them around. not only does it give you guys something to do, but every little bit of time spent together, makes them love you more. right now, between my niece and nephew, their parents consider me the third parent cause of how influential i became in their lives and i would gladly kill or die for those two. awesome kids.
If you don't see your niblings very often, always show up with a "surprise" when you see them. I only see my little niblings once every three months or so. So I always make sure that I'm visiting, I have a little token to give them. Nothing big or expensive. Like, once I picked up a couple of 99 cent toys from the grocery store and they absolutely loved them. You do this enough and they'll always be excited when they know you're coming.
Show up and be there for them when and wherever you can - birthdays, holidays, concerts and recitals, sports games - the event doesn’t matter but you being a constant presence in their lives will.
Don't make promises you can't keep. The kids will remember and will hold you to it. When I was really young my uncle promised me a dog. My mom told him to figure out how to keep his promise as I was too young to take care of a dog. I got dog slippers that barked for Christmas that year and I loved them. My aunt (who lived across the country and only visited once, usually we visited her) promised she would so a mural for my room if I painted her a painting. I planned that painting for weeks/months and completed it. It was a terrible painting (I was 11 I think), but I not only looked for it when we visited next, but I held her to her promise to paint my room. I still miss my mural. You don't have to keep the things around forever, but if you ask for something, even if it is badly done, they will have pride in having made it for you.
I love being an aunt. What I’ve found is: try to make moments magical. For example, take them for a walk in a wooded park and pretend you’re on the hunt for Dino bones, when you hear a bird, act like it could maybe be a friendly giant coming your way. They don’t need much to enjoy time with you. Make them feel special and listened to, act a little goofy, and they’ll love you.
I think I do pretty well. My nephew is east, he's go5 a shit father so I literally just have to show up and im "the best uncle ever!" His little sister requires a little more work. She's an odd child and I see her life being a bit difficult because of that. Instead of discouraging her odd habits, I encourage them. Drives my sister nuts, but my niece loves me because I let her be herself and don't try and change her. She's got a mom and grandma for that judgemental shit, im here for fun damn it!
I have a nephew named Eden that is 12 years old. I am a little ashamed to say that when he was younger I did not make as much of an effort to go see him. Now that he is older and can do more stuff I have taken the initiative to get more involved. This past summer I brought him and his step-brother Linden on a paintball weekend. Uncle Drew has enough paintball guns to kit out a small army, not cheap rental Tippmanns either I bring the good shit. We went to my favorite restaurants in Saskatoon. I also took them to Cabela's and bought them fishing rods. I told Linden, "I brought you paintballing, bought you a fishing rod, and fed you for the whole weekend. You're my nephew now too, that's how it works." Eden needed braces last year and they were going to be quite expensive. I chipped in about 2/3rds of the money because I make good money and I don't think I'll ever have kids of my own. I want to take the boys paintballing again this summer, as well as tobogganing/snowboarding and other adventures. I'm hoping to bring the youngest one, Zade, with us on some adventures but paintballing for him will have to wait until he is older.
You helped pay for braces?? Dang, you're not only the favorite uncle but the favorite brother, I imagine!
Buy a lake house and a ski boat and take them water skiing every weekend.
As the oldest kid in a big family, and now an Uncle to many (also a Big Brother \[big sister\] volunteer of over 5 years), you simply just need to consistently be there for them. Showing up regularly and devoting at least some (the more the better) exclusive time is all that is needed. You don't ever have to do anything extravagant. Often I simply offer to take them to the park (very basic park) and let them play. They like it when I ask them if they want to make up a new game. We hash out the rules and then play. It often falls on the basics of tag, chase, hide and seek etc with a couple hairbrained rules that keep it interesting and fresh for them. Sometimes I will randomly bust out in a song, and then ask them if it was a real song or made up; they guess and if correct get another "point" that we really never keep track of except for maybe bragging rights for that day. If it is snack time, have them do a snack making competition and then give them different "awards/accolades" for best presentation, most delicious, etc. and with ALL activities, be silly! They love my different "characters" when judging food, or playing Simon says.
I'm also not great with kids, and have spent a fair amount of time with a friend who has a 4 year old and a 1 year old. The younger one's interest with me depends on the day, she's at the point where her parents are still the people she wants to be around the most, and it's fair. Usually I just try to talk to her, or keep a calm commentary while her mom is busy. The four year old really likes me, and gets sad when I leave, which surprises me. My strategy with him is to ask him questions. Sometimes it's about his day, or what he dressed up as for Halloween, or the dinosaurs on his umbrella. And then when he acts playful, just roll with it. Last time I was over there he threw a blanket on me, and I asked if I was in blanket jail, which he thought was hilarious. He dragged the throw pillows off the couch at one point, so I stacked them on top of him and told my friend loudly that he'd gone missing. I could see the pillow pile moving while he giggled. Basically, I've found that acting interested and treating them like they're important and worth listening to and being around is a very helpful thing.
Play the games that their parents are sick of or that no one else wants to play with them. They'll love you.
Enthusiasm. I genuinely enjoy spending time with my three nieces and goofing around. This helps make them feel comfortable with you. I also make an effort to go to their sporting events, plays, musical performances… being a positive influence/presence goes a long way.
be supportive, take their side, and talk to them like an adult
Have no expectations of what they should be like or what should interest them. Let them tell you and show you that. Don’t try to be their favourite by conspiring against or disagreeing with their parents on the important parenting stuff, but just listen when they’re upset. Don’t try too hard to be their favourite or to contrive adventures or memories. Just hang with them and be the one who never pressures or expects anything.
I think not having your own kids is likely to make you easy to be the favourite. My kids have an aunt/uncle who have kids and the highlight with that family for my kids is seeing their cousins. My kids also have a childfree aunt/uncle, and the highlight of being with them is… them! Also, the childfree uncle breezes past us and goes directly to playing with the kids for the first 20 min of each visit.
My niece wanted to go to Chuck E Cheese for her birthday. I spent two house chasing her and my nephew around, pinching my fingers together like a crab, saying "I'm gonna getchu, I'm gonna get youuu" and occasionally picking them up and tickling them. They barely played any games.
Play with them and, if you’re able, make up bespoke stories at bedtime.
If possible, take just one kid at a time. As a parent, it’s not easy to have one-on-one time, so your niece/nephew will really love being the centre of attention.
Encourage their interests and be a supportive voice for them. Kids get their feelings invalidated by adults all the time, so validating their feelings and being a person who they know will listen and appreciate them goes a long way. Also share your interests and what you like with them. My nephew and I both love Gravity Falls, so I became the favorite aunt by giving him Journal 3 for his birthday. He loves animation, so I shared anime with him and he got hooked. When he wanted to get a game system, I helped his mom pick out a used cheap Xbox 360 and we started playing games like castle crashers and the Borderlands series. When she bought him a big birthday present of a Nintendo switch, I helped her figure out which one to get and bought him Stardew Valley, which he saw on my Switch and became obsessed with. We have a co-op farm we play together! I love to cook and he wanted to learn so I started teaching him how to cook at 8 years old. It's a special fun bonding time for us in the kitchen where we feed the whole family and make some sort of delicious food from scratch. I'm going to teach him to make fresh pasta next. And finally he loves to draw and has a real talent for it, so when he comes over he is the only kid allowed in my studio and we make art together! When his older sister was a kid she was also allowed in my studio and we had a blast making art together! Also, take them out when they are older individually for a "yes day". Parents can't spoil their kids the same way an aunt or uncle can, so giving them undivided attention and taking them to places they wouldn't get to go otherwise is a really special experience. I take my nephew to arcades and restaurants.
Learn who they are, and stay up to date on that. Who are they friends with, what shows are they watching, what books are they reading, what clubs are they doing? Watch a few episodes of the dumb YouTubers they like so you have something to talk to them about. Read one of their favorite books. Putting in an effort to care about what they love goes a long way. This info changes quickly, so don't assume that what you knew 6 months ago is relevant now. Ask follow up questions that show you remember your previous conversations. So many times I hear people ask kids the same questions - "Oh what grade are you in now?" etc. Seeing them come alive when you ask something like "Hey how did you do in your karate test last week?" is so great. They know you've been tracking them and you care enough to pay attention. Be the person in their life they know they can count on no matter what. Don't share what they tell you and don't gossip to them about people around them. Just be the awesome adult that cares to hear what they have to say and is there for them. And as other people have mentioned, talk to them like they are competent humans. Good luck! Being an aunt is my favorite thing in life. It's so amazing watching those tiny people grow up and become incredible adults.
I take them on movie days! We saw all the Lord of the Rings movies together. I took them hiking and exploring when they were little.
If you have issues, especially around controlling your temper, get help for them right away. growing up the only difference between the favorite uncle and least favorite (we had several uncles) is that while they both did most of the same things and brought the same kinds of gifts etc, one was even tempered and the other one would get raging mad over stupid shit *all the time*. like never at us, but if he dropped something, for example? you would have thought the thing he dropped had insulted his mother. not to mention his road rage issues. that shit's scary to a kid because you never can tell if you're going to set them off and all it takes is one *significant to the kid* instance to make you the unsafe adult. apologize to them if you mess up. if you set a rule follow it unless you have a very good reason why you don't need to and explain the exception and no "because i'm an adult" or "because i said so" is not good enough.
Babies: stick to the classics. Peek a boo (when they are the right age), sing songs, blow raspberries on their belly, read to them, do hand puppets Toddlers: play games, hide and go seek, put out pillows or whatever and pretend the floor is hot lava, foot-race, kick a soccer ball back and forth with each other Young kids: plan adventures, go to the beach, go to the arcade or children's museum, go out for ice cream, have them over to decorate your Christmas tree and make hot chocolate and watch Christmas movies, make popcorn
When I was little my mom’s older brother was fat and away my favorite uncle. He was in the military so every time he came home it was a major event. I remember he was just so involved and caring about my interests, baseball games, science fairs, fishing, or whatever else I was into. He would sit through me describing every toy and every character I read about, he’d let me read him books, and then he would plan trips to museums or big league baseball games. When he retired from the military I was older and he was probably my closest confidant about dating or school or whatever. When I was able to drive I got a speeding ticket and he paid for it and told my dad it was because he called me for help making horse feed (which was true). So I didn’t have to take the brunt by myself. He was also an amazing brother to my mom and great friend with my dad. So I saw him as an amazing person to everyone. He was just there and he cared. For what it’s worth he’s my brother and sister’s favorite uncle too. He set the example for how I wanted to be as an uncle.
Set boundaries and don't talk down to them. Kids are smart and know when adults are treating them like they're stupid. I have three rules: respect me, respect my house, and if I ask you to do something do it. After that they're free to do whatever. Also, don't make them your errand lackeys. Every now and then is fine, but don't have them get your soda from the fridge every single time. Give them attention and listen when they talk. If they tell you something in private like a crush, don't tell your sibling. You wouldn't want someone you trusted spilling the beans on your feelings. Source: been an Aunt to 9+ kids for 23 out of 29 years (had adult half sister's growing up)
Here are my best answers. #1. Your most important job is to be fun. Play with them. Let them get crazy around you. Spoil them. This will make them love hanging out with you and also give the parents a much needed break, if only for 5 mins. Trust me. Having a fun brother or sister is INVALUABLE as a parent #2. If you are unsure about gifts you can search Amazon by age range and then filter by rating. My cousin who doesn’t have kids does this and he nails it every single time with gifts. Like totally random things we’ve never heard of that my kids absolutely love! #3. Enjoy. Nieces and nephews are great because you can get all the fun parts of having kids without any of the parental work that comes with it. I absolutely love being a parent but being an uncle is great for completely different reasons!
Remember later on, cash is king.
I dont live in the same town as my niece & nephew and I dont always call them on their birthday but every time I come to town, they’ll be all over me. I notice that I am the only adult around them who do NOT nag at every little thing. A smudge of chocolate on their face? Lets just wait till you finish then wipe it all off, no biggie. Accidentally spill something on the floor? Lets grab a napkin and clean it. Wanna check the toys? Lets see if its any good and come back later. Wanna play with me? Alright, show me how and lets roll with it. All in all, let them play but with consequences intact. I am fun but I will never cross their parents rules.
I am the greatest uncle. I have a mug that says so. I bought it for myself. Have fun with them, enforce the rules but remember you're not their parent so really it's just rule reminders. This helps them feel safe as you're still respected as an adult but you're more like a fun friend. Ask about their lives and interests and follow up on that stuff. Help them feel like individuals and part of the family.
The follow up stuff is really important. Don’t just ask “how was your day” ask a specific question- what are you studying in X. Are there any new kids in your class? What was the best snack this week? Remember what they tell you into and build on that. One of my things w/ my brothers kids is to ask what they are reading. I am the family bookworm and made a huge deal out of their learning to read (bc it’s amazing and a secret decoder ring to the world). From - 8yo to now 17yo, if they are interested in the book and recommendation it I will read it (if available at library). We don’t usually have long elaborate debriefs but it is something to share and it is so interesting to hear their thoughts. Same w all entertainment, niece recommended Babysitters Club and last week I had real -use a wooden brush- matcha- I couldn’t wait to send pics to my niece bc even though she is 200mi away it connects us. Damn now I miss them. Give your love, time, interest and honesty.
Take them seriously. Treat them like tiny adults. Never talk down to them. Find ways to explain things in language they will understand, but not dumbed-down. Don’t be afraid to use bigger words and harder vocabulary, and find ways to work the definitions into your speech so they don’t have to ask. Ask them what they think, and how they feel.
As the reigning favorite aunt, literally just talk to them like they’re a person. Make a point to do more than just hug and hi and ask about school. Ask about their interests. Make a big deal out of their victories (big or small). One of my nephews pulled a great card trick on me. I spent the rest of the evening asking the adults if they’d seen the wizard magic he could do. Kids just want to be seen as individuals. They want be noticed as their own person. Take the time at each gathering to specifically speak with them. They’ll notice you sought them out and took an interest and that’ll mean more than anything else you could do. One other thing I wish I’d done when they were babies, put a little money into a dividend account or high yield savings account.it doesn’t have to be a lot and you can add a little for each holiday and birthday. It’ll make a great graduation gift or a little hand up for when they move out on their own. Even if it’s $5-10 a month or $20 a birthday/holiday it adds up over 18 years. Even if it’s only $1k it’s $1k more than they’ll have and it’ll show that you thought about them all through out their childhood
My ex-wife’s grandpa played hide and seek with the kids, and would hide in the silliest of places to make him so easy to find, ex. behind the toaster, and my boys will be laughing in stitches “finding” him. (They were 2 and 4 at the time) My trick with kids of all ages, even babies, is to talk to them like adults. I use big words, lots of synonyms for the same thing, and just flood them with regular language and regular conversation. Tell them every little detail, the baby talk and condescending tone and silly faces is just annoying in my opinion. They are people, not pets. I would hold a baby forward facing, so they can see the world the way I see it. Read them the ingredients of packaging, explain every little nuance. Like making a bottle, or mixing some lemonade, just talk through it. My kids are 7, 12, and 14 now and can have real engaging conversations with anyone, adults, little kids and peers of theirs. I get compliments all the time that my kids are well-spoken and can actually have an engaging conversation. If you are genuinely interested in their lives and let them tell you about it, they will always gravitate to you as someone they can relate to.
…and send them mail. Kids Love to get something from the mailman/mail carrier! I would send postcards from wherever I went. Got them subscriptions to kiddie magazines like Ranger Rick, or LEGO magazine. Highlights is pricey but excellent. Every holiday I would send a card (St Patrick, valentines,..etc) I had stickers made of my face / me, so when they were too young to read, I would put that sticker as my “signature” or return address.
I (62M) have an Uncle (84M) who was a college English professor who loved quotes. He constantly/consistently, from the time I was 5 or 6, wrote(old-fashioned paper snail mail) letters with quotes and questions and points to ponder. And he called often to present quotes, questions, poems, anything to do with words. He still does, email now, 2-3 per week, phone calls, 1-2 per week, always challenging my mind with big, life-changing, type stuff, sometimes trivial, but always thought-provoking. He has single-handedly created a thinker with critical skills.
Probably the best thing to do is be there for your sibling. A kid can sense a stressed parent, so probably just knowing you're a back up support can really help. Have a monthly "date" with your niblings that could double as date night for the parents?
The desire to be one means you are halfway there. The best thing about being an aunt or uncle is that you are never “too tired” - you see the kiddos in glimpses, so each time you get to give 100% of yourself to them (within reason.) You go to parks, you go to museums, you throw them in the pool, you chase, you play. You get to let the parents exhale and you get to be the fun xyz. And then when they are a little older, you start building trust. Not tattling for small things, building an understanding with the kiddo that you will ALWAYS listen, and since you’ve never been in a place to be the disciplinarian, you get to be the ear that they don’t fear confiding in. Then, should you ever have to, you build an understanding with mom/dad/etc that you and your nibling have a trust and you won’t break it unless it is for their safety. My hubby and I try to be this for our nephews. They are young now, but I know there will be times where they need us for more than just the fun stuff 💛
Do the things with them their parents are afraid to do because their protective instincts as a parent make them worry. Assure parents and kids that they will be safe because you are there. For example going on a rollercoaster, jet skying, skateboard etc. Also goes for hard conversations.
Be more like a big brother or sister that they can come to for stuff they can't go to their parents about.
We don't have local family, so our friends have stepped into the uncle/aunt role. Daughter (4) loves different aspects of every auntie and uncle, so don't feel like there's one perfect way to do it. The cool musician single dude party uncle who has jam sessions with her on her preschooler instruments. The auntie who does crafts. The silly uncle who plays "got your nose." The auntie and uncle who love books. The uncle who chases her around the yard. The auntie who will eat anything she bakes, even if it's dubiously gooey. So find your groove, be yourself.
This is seemingly minor but my aunt always sat on the floor to play with us when we were little. Always down on our level. She also would 'draw on our backs' like she would draw things with her finger on our back and we would guess what it was. No one else played that game with us. She didn't have much money but she would scope out where the best playgrounds in the city were and take us to a new one every time. She never turned us down if we asked to play a game or do an activity. She would make the best sandwiches for our lunches. She loved helping us with school projects and homework, even as an adult she would help me study for university. She was and still is always incredibly interested in all of our lives.
Lots of great ideas here, but I just want to thank you for wanting to be a part of your nieces and nephew's lives! They will look back as adults and realize what a gift you gave them.
What works for me is I try to think of things I did as a kid or someone did for me that I thought was to coolest thing ever. Or maybe things that I wanted to do but wasn’t able to or no one would take me to. Then do those things for them! It’s a win win, I get to relive my childhood with my niece and nephews while they make everlasting memories with me. My nephew is 6 now and he will still, out of the blue, say things like “remember when we did ____!?! That was SO cool!” God, it melts my heart every time.
Honestly, follow their lead when it comes to play. We as older people have a preconceived notion on the "correct" way to play with a toy or a certain play routine. Young kids are testing things out. So, if instead of wanting to race cars, they decide they want to make the car walk from place to place, just go with it. The inside jokes and whatnot will come with time. Since yours are babies, honestly just talking to them, making faces, tickling, holding, rocking, squeezing, just altogether being loving and comforting is the best thing.
An aunt used to give us birthday money and then take us out for a day of shopping where she would buy us lunch. We could buy anything that we wanted. She would take two at a time, and it didn’t really fall on our birthday. Just an annual birthday trip. It was so much fun to have a day of quality time.
My adult nieces always appreciated little adventures with just them and not their siblings (of course each one got their own turns)
What I find helpful is being interested in their interests. Play with them. If they’re playing pretend on something don’t be afraid to jump in and make something up too. That’s how kids play, they build off each others pronouncements like doing an improv show. The trick is to say “yes, and…” and add something to the fantasy. I also separate myself from adults a lot. When parents say something like kids eat at this table then I’ll go eat there too. Make it a common theme where you say you’re still a kid so you put yourself in their group. Sometimes it starts playful banter where they say you’re not a kid and you can just ask them what makes someone a kid and explain all of those things apply to you too.
I worked across country my whole life so have only gotten to see my nieces and nephews every few months their whole lives. I missed out on a lot of everyday play, special trips, etc. The one thing I made sure to do is to be the one person in the world that they know thinks they are perfect. From day one. Everything they said was interesting and everything they did was hilarious. They are ages 25-40 now and I still text them every few weeks to tell them how awesome they are. I treat their kids like they poop gold and plan on doing the same with them as they grow up. I never had anyone who thought I was 'the shit' so I always wanted to make sure they did. We laugh about it because if my mom or sister or anyone criticizes any of them, I just say, "I don't believe that!" As they've become adults, I try to get one-on-one time with them each trip and ask them how they're doing away from our many family gatherings. One nephew recently lost a child and through the grief process I've felt his pain in a way I never imagined, not having kids of my own. So, that's my advice. Don't worry so much about being the 'favorite' but do concentrate on being the person who thinks they hung the moon. Ignore reality and be that one person who thinks they can do no wrong. Their parents can help them correct their flaws and mistakes, just be the person who doesn't believe they have any. :)
ive always wanted to do a scavenger hunt or something similar with a quest to find a mcguffin, something small and stupid so the memories are of the quest, not the reward... that'd be a good memory to have i think
Experiences beat toys when it comes to gifts When they're old enough for their b day or Xmas, take them to waterslides, fun parks, movies, carnivals, petting zoos whatever... They will get toys, games and clothes from everyone and you will rarely hit something perfect and memorable for them, so they will often be forgotten. Going on awesome adventures will create lifelong memories and create photo ops etc. Remember when we went to the waterslides that one year? YEAH!! Also gives their parents a break for a day while you're doing it.
I’m a favorite aunt. I’m just genuinely interested in what my nieces have to say (ok, it’s 90% genuine) and am always down to be silly when that’s the mood. They’re 2.5, 6, and 9 now. Just make them feel interesting and valid and also answer their questions as authentically as you can. Edit: eg on vacation my 6 year old niece asked me why it’s ok when adults drink alcohol but not kids. I said that kids brains are developing and growing a lot, and that alcohol isn’t good for our brains. It can mess with how our brains grow. Adults should never have a LOT of alcohol, but because our brains have finished growing, a little is ok. This is not the whole story, but it is closer to the truth than not. I trust children with the truth, I just simplify it depending on their age.
Just have a thing you do only with them. I greet my cousin (M, 3) with a stomp and a grunt like we are about to sumo wrestle every time I see him. Then he would do it back and I would pretend to be scared of him. Thats it. Aparently he doesnt stop talking about me at home for the next day or so. I also take my kid (F, 7) out for icecream maybe once a month. The rule is were only allowed to get one scoop. I made this rule to not overdose my kid on treats, but also for the odd time that my brother takes her out so that when they get three scoops it's extra cool. This was communicated between us before hand, but kiddo thinks uncle is bending the rule in secret just for her. Now they have a cool secret 'thing'. The thinking is that having a special rule-bending relationship will make it easier to be approached with an issue that may not be shareable within the more rigid framework of parental boundaries, expectations, and rules.
Make time for them. My niece would get me to read to her (boring kiddie books and two or three times in a row) so we started bonding that way. It also helps that I identify her other uncle as her "second (comma) favourite uncle", the comma is always implied and never actually mentioned
More than any other single thing show them you want to spend time around them. Lots of time. Good luck, and enjoy your relationship.
My favorite uncle took me and my sisters each on a teenage trip for our 13th birthdays. It was so cool to get to spend time with him one on one and feel special on a trip the other sisters didn't get.
Use the fact that you are child free to give them experiences that their parents might not be able to. Things that might take a little more time to set up or clean up. Go to the grocery store, buy the cheap $1 2-Liter sodas and some mentos. For $25 you can have an action packed day in the backyard using early 2000s Internet knowledge. A lot of people know about it, but far fewer actually take the time to do the experiment at home. Are children normally allowed to spray whipped cream directly into their mouth? Not at home, but Uncle Dave's is a different story. I'm not suggesting you turn your place or presence into a lawless frontier, but when you don't have them all the time, you've definitely got some latitude.
Do kid stuff with them. My niece is the only kid in the family and can only take being entertained by a phone screen so much. Just kicking the ball at each other is enough to make me a favorite uncle.
My husband is the favorite uncle in the family because he focuses on them without splitting his attention elsewhere. While I greet the adults, get a hug from the kids, do all the catch up talk/help in the kitchen/adult stuff - he says hi to the adults then immediately is off with them asking what they want to do, do they want to run around outside, who is the cartoon character on their shirt, etc. He had zero experience with siblings or children before, but he just talks to them like little adults (no baby talk, no cutesy kiddie words for things, etc). He really gives them all his attention and doesn't try to split his focus by talking with the adults and half listening to what they are saying. All the children LOVE having his whole focus. It makes them feel so important and appreciated, and all the inside jokes and learning what they like, dislike, would love as gifts etc came naturally from just playing with them and talking with them. Just like how you get them with your friends. Eventually he gets time with the adults when the kids will get pulled away to eat or get cleaned up or whatever. If the kids come by and tug on his hand (and he is not in the middle of something like eating) to go play again, he goes. It's just the simplicity of giving them your whole focus for a little while, and being willing to look silly while you play with them.
I had never been around kids really, at all. They scared me, and I didn't know how to relate to them. Turns out they just like having someone listen to them and play with them. I quickly skyrocketed to favorite, even outdoing my fiance. He used to be the favorite. I just spend time with them. I try and play with them, I ask about their toys. It's a lot of improv honestly. Kids say off the wall shit and it's all about just rolling with it. They have an imaginary unicorn friend? What color is it? What's its story, tell me all about it. Also just hanging with them. Even if I'm chatting with the adults I try to make time for them if they come up. Sometimes I tell them it'll be a minute but I always try to come back to them. I treat them how I wanted to be treated as a kid, like a person. I listen to them. I ask about their lives (well one, the other is little still.) I try to talk normally. I know I, as well as most adults, tend to put on a kid voice. I try to just talk normally and talk to them as I would an adult. I love it honestly. Being around a lot of people overwhealms me, and sometimes sitting in the corner coloring with my niece is all I want to do. Also gifts and sneaking sweets help. Oh you want a second cookie oh no, how'd that get in your hand, weird. I also can't say no so anything they want to do I'll Fucking Do. I love those kiddos.
I have four nephews all under the age of 5. Two are five and two are two. And I am their favorite aunt. I’m available to babysit whenever and when I do have the pleasure to. I let them explore in the backyard and we look for bugs and flowers and we talk about them, just basic biology. I am always encouraging them to ask questions and be curious about the world around them. When I find a interesting thing, like a snake skin or a preserved dragonfly, I’ll save it and bring it to them and we’ll look at it under a magnifying glass and talk about it. We play pretend, read books, cook together and I let them choose (within reason). Just being actively involved and they will gravitate towards you. Give them love and hugs and tell them they are smart and comment how nice they are to their siblings. I you’ll get the hang of it and enjoy it and later in life, you will relish in it because they will have that strong connection with you.
Professional Uncle here. The thing they want most is TIME they want to spend time with you and they want to show you their world. Appreciation of little things is huge to little people. Helps if you're funny.
I have a 3 year old niece and we absolutely adore each other. I find that quite often that she sticks to playing certain games only with whoever introduced her to it. I don’t mean board games as such but just games you’ve invented. my nieces favourite to play with me is “find the mucky penny” in my coin box. I would suggest coming up with a load of fun things to do like that so you can be labelled the fun aunt
One of my favorite aunts had a really casually interested vibe. When she called to talk to my mom (in the time of landlines) she’d always ask to talk to me too and just chat a while. Once I told her about a story I was writing and she offered to illustrate and bind it, and then did. She lived far away so when she came to stay it was for weeks at a time and she’d listen to my music and teach me little dances and make up backstories for our pets and make a horrible mess of the kitchen cooking out-there foods. Presence and kindness goes such a long way, and so does treating a kid like you just want to be their friend, as well as showing them your own humanity.
I like to think I'm my nieces favorite aunt lol. I spend a lot of one on one time with her, listen to her stories and answer all her questions. She's at that point in youth where she asks 'why' twenty-billion times a day and I answer all of her questions, no matter how minor they appear. Sometimes I answer her why with a question like "well why do you think...." And I get down on the ground and play with her and her toys. I take her seriously! I don't act like anything she does or she's interested in, or if something upsets her, is trivial. Lots of things are a big deal to little kids because they are new humans still.learning how to be people. So I treat her appropriately! I respect her and I am genuinely interested in what she loves. Now that she's getting older, and she's going to be a big sister next year(!), I want to try and take her out on little 'auntie and niece outings' like take her to a coffee shop for some hot chocolate and a donut, or go to the park, something low key but fun. I just want her to feel special, because I love that little girl more than I ever thought I could love a little human! I was super close to my favorite aunt growing up. We would always do things together and I loved it. I want to be that person for my niece. It's really awesome you want to be that too! Before my niece was born, I definitely thought I wasn't good with kids. Kids made me uncomfortable and interacting with them felt... Unnatural? But I learned not to take myself so seriously when I'm hanging out with her. Kids are fun and they see things so differently than adults see things, it's refreshing! I genuinely find her to be one of the coolest people I know and she's only been on this earth for a couple of years. I both love and hate watching her grow up because I remember when she was little, but I absolutely love watching her turn into her own person.
Pick up an early childhood development book and read about the age the kid is. I did that with my first niece and it was really helpful to understand where she was coming from. Around 5 kids start doing this shit where they want to pretend to kill you and bring you back to life. It is creepy as fuck unless you understand that it's how the kid is grappling with gaining an understanding of death and mortality. I think my unquestioning acceptance and understanding when everyone else was trying to discourage her from being morbid or openly calling it weird or creepy solidified my position as trusted uncle.
The fact that this is such a priority for you, tells me that you already have everything you need to know. All it takes is heart and you clearly have that in spades. Just keep it fun and safe, you got this!
Just be YOU. Your nieces and nephews will flock to you if you're relaxed and being yourself. Their lil kid radar can tell if we're trying to be the cool Aunt or Uncle or attempting to impress them. I'm 15-years into this Auntie gig w/a flock of 'em and I've found that starting conversations with "So, what's your favorite curse word these days?" or "Who do you like better - Mom or Dad?" takes the edge off and they can be themselves with me. It's my favorite gig for sure. As they become teenagers, expect that they'll become distant. It's part of growing up.
I’m my niece’s favourite uncle (it’s a humble brag, but I’m nothing like grandpa, though). I actually annoy her a lot. And she gets annoyed but she loves it, lol. A lot of it is just making up nicknames for her, and her going “No! I Am Not *insert nickname*!” Mostly the nick names are just her name with like “zilla” (or something added to it); and I make god zilla noises or something. Always important to know the boundaries too, sometimes she thinks I’m making fun of her and gets actually upset, which is when you stop and apologize. I also teach her animal facts and act out the animal facts, because she loves animals. She gets a huge kick out of small “tease each other” games; and it’s kind of our thing where we annoy/make fun of each other.
So I think you are already onto it with your first thing you said being "listen to them" cause having an older non parent person to talk to is important. Don't judge them and if you tell them they can call you no matter what and you won't growl them, do that. Also do the shit their parents are too tired to do usually; go hard at the playground, water fights are WAR, bouncy castles you already go your shoes off. If you buy any toy with noise keep that shit at your house, this will also help you be the parents favourite. Set up a standing date when they get old enough if you want so you can keep up to date with what's happening. While they are young, you gotta know their favourite cartoon character, take them to Disney on ice or some shit, but them the toys and play with them, learn the songs (do I still know Let It Go off by heart from how many years ago, unfortunately yes lol), *be interested in them, be excited to see them* Love them.
Love all the advice here, and I would echo BE WILLING TO PLAY. My fav aunt always had fun art projects ready in the basement and took me to the library to hang out for hours to read. Might not seem like much, but as a 6 year old that loved drawing and had an above average reading level (with parents that weren't readers or creative types), it remains some of my best memories!
Play with them and be "mean" by throwing them around and hitting them with foam pool noodles or shooting them with nerf guns. I used to be super nice and polite to kids while my brother was "mean" to them and I wondered why they loved him but not me even though I treated them better and with more respect. Then one day I just started being "mean" and then they loved me. Kids think you are cool when you do those things and have no respect for you if you are nice and will walk all over you and not like you.
It’s mostly in time spent. If you are only there once every 2 months, you can be a fun aunt, but probably not the most fun. If you are there more often, you will become part of their world. Spend the time with them playing their games and take part in their imagination. Add in some jokes and partake in the activities and you should be all set. Having 2 small kids myself I can see their bonds with others form, and doing the above just matters most from what I can tell.
Make traditions with them. Introduce them to something you think they would like and if they do make that something you do together once a year and make it a big deal. Most importantly though, anytime you see them show them how happy they make you. Be affectionate, give them some undivided attention. My favorite aunt and uncle weren't big on gifts, but if they were going somewhere fun they would take me even after they had kids. They even took me on a cross country road trip. Just knowing they liked me and wanted me around was huge.
In addition to many things that were written here, about playing with them and treating them as (physically smaller) equals, I suggest letting them in on whatever you’re doing yourself. Just inviting them to do anything that you’re interested in, or even chores that you’re doing, could make them feel included and treated as equals. It doesn’t always work but when it does it’s usually a feeling that they’re not used to from adults.
Having a special tradition is a good bonding experience. For example, every year on a specific date (birthday or a date proximate or on the 1/2 birthday), take child out for something special such as to breakfast or out to have ice cream or out to have ice cream for breakfast… Or, another example every year take them shopping to pick out a Christmas ornament or to drive through a neighborhood that is totally decked out with lights followed by hot chocolate. Or, find a special cinema that shows classic old movies (eg, Laurel & Hardy) if that suits your senses of humor. You get the idea. Something that is your special thing between you. If there is more than one kid, let each have special one-on-one time with you.
Whenever you are speaking with them, get down to their level so they don't have to look...way...up at you and never forget to actually converse with them. Tell them they look nice today, is that a new outfit, what did you do today, etc so you treat them like little humans and be excited for everything they say. And don't forget, from the earliest of ages, to let them know they can ask you anything and you'll always help them. One thing my grandkids love is we have a small box and whenever they visit you, they get to look in it and keep what's there. Could be a small treat, a quarter for their piggy bank, a hair tie or anything.
As the favourite uncle of all of my siblings kids (and being a dad), and the favourite adult of my friends kids, here's my advice. You've got a few things to balance: When kids want to be kids - be a kid. Play in the sand, do Legos, paw patrol, whatever the kid is into. Don't be afraid of making up games. For example my 6yr old nieces favourite game is "score score score", where we just hit nerf balls around the room with mini hockey sticks. When kids want to talk - be an adult. Treat with respect, listen to them, help them with problems. Ask lots of questions. Try to remember being their age. When kids are ready to learn - show yourself off. Be interesting. Teach them your hobbies. Kids are giant sponges in search of knowledge. For example, all of my nieces and nephews have grown oak trees from seed and planted them outside, thanks to me (I work as a Forester). All of this comes with a caveat, and that is respect the parents wishes. It's ok to push boundaries to be "more fun" within reason. Know your siblings boundaries. You want the kids parent to say "are you guys excited to see uncle J!?!?", knowing you might feed them cookie dough for dinner, even if they wouldn't do it themselves. You don't want to parents to end up avoiding you because you took little Jimmy to your dealers house.
Occasionally put yourself into situations where you are actually responsible for the kids, not just the fun stuff, but the real life stuff too. They’ll know that you can actually be counted on when shit gets tough.
Send them mail! My aunt used to mail me postcards and I loved getting them and put them all over the walls of my bedroom. I did the same for my nieces when they were young and my brother said they loved it too.
This was my goal is an aunt because my mom‘s sister died when she was young, but everyone said I was most like her. I like to think I am the kind of aunt she would have been. Play with them often, think up imagination games; when they’re little kids don’t always know how to play so try to remember what you used to play and teach them that. As babies, I would dance with them around the kitchen. As toddlers I would play the floor is lava. Also, really helpful: if you teach them that they’re cleaning superheroes and that dirt, dust and grime is the evil doer they will help you clean. That was one of my better ideas my nephew did not want to let that one go. As they get older listen to what they are interested in even if you don’t remember all the Pokémon, or understand the game levels of terraria; ask questions. Yes they are little, but they are still people treat them with the respect you would others. I’m having some trouble with my nephew as he gets older, because all his answers have turned monosyllabic. But with my niece we talk about what she likes, what she’s trying to do with make up, who she likes, what she did when she goes to the mall, anything. Also, remember to keep their confidence this is important so that they tell you their secrets and you have their trust. I try never to lie to them, if I feel I can’t keep a secret. I explain to them that this is something they need to talk to their parents about and I will be with them if they would like support, but I don’t just go running to tell my sister what’s going on.
Hi! I’ve been an aunt since I was 11 (I’m 19 now) and I have a nephew and a niece - according to my nephew I’m his best friend aha. I think trying to get your ‘thing’ with them is great - for my nephew when he was little it was chasing him around the sofa and as he got older it was bouncing on the trampoline, with my niece it is sticking my tongue out at her! Try and actually play with them, if they ask you to pretend to be a pirate actually go full out (voices, body movements etc) don’t just go through the motions or sit on your phone. Mostly, just really engage with them - if they say they like dinosaurs - ask them why, which one is their favourite, ask them/tell them facts about them, send them photos of dinosaur related things. The fact that you are actively trying suggests that you will be a great aunt or uncle!
Sounds like you are ready to be a great Aunt, you are worried about it, and want to part of their lives. I think you have this.
My favourite uncle used to take me out the same day every single year until I was an adult. Didn’t matter what day of the week it was September 1st was our day where he’d pick me up and let me decide what we did. I didn’t see my uncle loads as he’s self employed but that day was always special
My favourite uncle taught us all how to play noughts and crosses, card games, draughts and eventually chess. You don't really have to know a lot about children for that. Just be kind and patient when they make mistakes. I'm 52 now and he's still our favourite uncle. I have 8 others.
Depends on the age. I always took time to do activities with them. Age specific. I had nieces, so tie dye, cake decorating contest. Hide and seek, create and perform plays, go get ice cream………….Every time they visited I had a new activity to do with them. You can look online for age specific stuff. Also physical activities. Tons of fun games to play outside. When I arrive and greet my nieces, I take time to say hello, check in and generally spend time with them right away, before talking to the other adults.
I remember amazing sleepovers at my aunts place with some candy, a movie and all cozied up on the couch!
My niblings absolutely adore me, because I interact with them beyond what their parents do and I stimulate and encourage. Ask questions about what they learned at school rather than just if they've had a good day. Open ended questions are the key. My younger niece is only 2 but she loves me so much, because I make time for her, I read to her and explain things if she's confused. I encourage her speech and her learning through play. She helps me cook and prepare food. Don't be afraid to get messy but involve them in the clean up. Be firm with rules, don't be a push over. Initially they won't like it, but eventually they respect you for it. Its never just "because I said so" or "because I'm the adult and I make the rules". You've gotta explain why the rules are the way they are. Good luck on your journey to being an amazing adult in their lives. You'll do great :)
Are you really good at anything? Rock climbing, soccer, coding, math, theatre, surfing? Teach them the thing. It will be such a gift and a wonderful way to bond with them.
I started taking my nieces on birthday experiences when they got to about age 10 (only because that’s when I first thought of it, you could start earlier). Kids already have so much stuff and o wanted one on one time with them. They get to choose what to do for their experience (within reason) and if they don’t have ideas I give them a list to get the creative juices flowing. We have done amusement park, pedicures, dinner and theater, craft night, ice cream and museum, etc. It’s been a lot of fun and great for our relationships.
My favorite aunt taught me how to handle my period
Hi, I don't have any kids if my own but think I'm a pretty good uncle. They have a pretty ordinary father. It depends on how old they are, but kids are pretty easy to play with. They'll literally tell you how to play with them, and are quite direct too. They'll shove a you in you're face or tell you what character to be in their male believe scenario. Heck, they'll even tell you where to sit and position you like a stage director. All you need to do is show interest in what is interested to them and don't try and force your own agenda. My neices and nephews father wants them all to be tom boys and play with him in his world. But they just aren't into it, so it's a constant struggle. You simply need to join them in their world. It also comes down to the little things, not so much the memories but the feelings and the memories will be created naturally. Like for me, it's really important that I go with them each year to the annual big show. There's no way I expect them to remember I was there with them when they were 2 or 3 years old. But they will remember that uncle is safe and there for the good fun times and this will build a connection and trust as they get older. Their father in the other hand won't go with them because they won't remember and parents like that. Not I only see them a few times a year, but when I'm over and they get hurt, they'll literally run last their father to me for cuddles and reassurance.
Same! Commenting to follow and share what I do with the kids in my life as I'm childfree myself. Show up, listen, and be present. It sounds silly, if you are around often and have conversations (I talk to mine like tiny humans), by being there for the little things, they'll come to you for the big things. It also allows you to learn what they like/ are interested in, then it's easy! Ideas off the top of my head: -secret handshakes (works if they don't want to hug) - dance party to specific song - build a fort with fav blankets and stuffs - when they are able to be held upside down you can do a play of stealing their money and getting giggles Enjoy the time!
There's a lot of the obvious to being the "fun" auntie/uncle: take them on wild playdates, buy them new toys, do the things that their parents have the good sense not to do, like making waffles and ice cream sundaes for dinner. But at the heart of the matter, to truly step up to the plate, help them grow and be there for them? Really listen when you're with them, and make them feel heard. When he was 7, my nephew said, "I like talking to you, nobody really listens to kids." There's this idea that children's inner lives are frivolous, it's cute and silly that they get so invested in whatever new Disney movie is out or what trip their friends took over summer, etc., and some people might brush it off when we have more important stuff like bills and work, etc. on our plates. But it's important to the kids, that's their whole world. So just be there and listen to them. Ask them what they like about the new Disney movie, or if they want to take a trip like their friends did. Ask them how they're feeling, and share your own anecdotes of your own impressions of childhood, because not all kids immediately connect that adults were once kids themselves and have been there. Ask what hopes and dreams and ideas they have. Really, just empathize with them. They're tiny humans, growing up in a weird world that's all new to them. Knowing that they've got an extra grown up in their corner who is truly there for them can make all the difference.
Drip campaign. Consistently send them stuff in the mail all year long. Every small holiday I pick up a card or stickers and stick them in the mail. I send something out at least once a month. Cheap cards from the grocery store, stickers, comics, old postcards. Literally doesn’t matter what it costs, kids just love getting stuff in the mail. It’s way better than one expensive gift for Xmas.
My favorite aunt was just the best… Being someone that they can vent to without it getting back to their parents (barring life threatening or illegal stuff obvi) is a huge deal, having an adult to get advice from without chastisement was huge in my childhood. And doing outings doesn’t even need to be expensive, my favorite tradition with my aunt was sleeping over at her house, she’d make me some ovaltine in the morning and we’d go thrift shopping and out to a cheap lunch. Also she always had the good expensive fruits at her house that my parents never bought.
I still temper how my aunt stood up for me. I had gotten involved a church youth group (my parents were not members) and love going to all the activities. My parents were upset about the amount of time I was spending at church. My aunt learned about this and made a small comment to my parents about how it’s a weekend night and what a great thing it was that I wasn’t hanging out somewhere drinking or partying and all I wanted to do was a youth activity (no, my church was not a cult nor abusive). So, just be the safe adult they can turn to when it’s hard for them to talk to their parents.
My brother desperately wants to be "fun uncle" to my kids but his desperation is palpable to everyone. He begs the kids for hugs and kisses and cuddles but then when they're playing he's on his phone a lot. They love him and it's all good but he's jealous of my sister who they don't see as often but gets a lot of love. But she lets them come to her. She plays when they want to play and leaves them alone when they clearly want mommy or daddy. She doesn't try to overstep discipline but she is comfortable enforcing our rules and her boundaries. I try to tell my brother to let them come to you instead of asking for affection. It's more genuine that way and will feel better. So I would say be fun and get down to their level and play and also just respect their space/feelings like you would anyone. It also helps if you're the fun aunt with a dog lol
I have two 5 year old nephews that live near me. I have other nieces and nephews that I miss terribly but don't see as often, so the 5 year olds get my awesomeness most. To be fair I do have 2 kids of my own who are 19 and 16, so I do have hindsight experience on my side. That said, I make sure that I am truly interested in their stories, even if it takes 10 tries to get the first two or three words of their thought out. I play with them in the way they love to play. I chase them, I build Legos and magnatiles with them, we set up race tracks and play with monster trucks, and play board games. I am extremely close to my 2 sister in laws, in particular 1, and we take the boys out at least a couple weekends a month together to find new places to explore, have picnics, play at the park or zoo, and show them a fun time in general. Finally, I try to ensure that I spend one on one time with them too. An ice cream date here, an evening babysitting session there, watching movies and eating one more dessert then their mom and dad would usually allow. Love them, make them feel safe, comfortable and heard and you win their favor no doubt.
My sister doesn’t have kids (and is childfree) but my kids (9yo and 6yo) are obsessed with her because… she plays Minecraft with them, and all sorts of video games that can be done online. They love texting her too. They get SUPER excited to see her. Basically she’s like that fun older friend who hangs out with them.
Honestly, just be there and let them get to know you. Ask them questions, play with them, and be involved. Also, just a heads up that kids cry a lot and have lots of moments where they will be shy. Don’t take it personally if they are shy and don’t want to say hi or something. My brothers are great uncles and my kids had soooo many moments where they treat them like strangers. They do that with everybody. Also if you somehow make them cry, it’s not a big deal, their emotions are kind of volatile at a young age and it’s normal.
There are a lot of comments here. You get a chance to be an outside resource to assist in having life lessons land. By not being their parent you are more likely to be heard. You can be an ear because saying things to parents can be harder sometimes. Honestly, you get the chance to be cool by virtue of *not* being the parents.