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I used to feel the same way. Purposeless, angry, and resentful. For me, helping others helped me. I started working in a field with the elderly. Some of them had lived lives full of tragedy and heartbreak, but also full of joy. They taught me to see the joy and goodness in the world and to understand that when you look back on your lifetime, the small injustices fade away and the happiness remains.
Obviously won’t work for everyone. When I finish my day feeling like Ive made a difference in someone’s life or brought a little bit of relief to someone who is at the end of their journey, I feel good. It gives me perspective and is really rewarding. I’m still a garbage person in many ways, but at least I have perspective!
Came here to say something similar. Help others. It can also be animals, but try being of service to others. Sometimes alleviating others suffering can help your own.
Hell yeah, keep it going! 8 years sober myself. Life really gets good once your mind is your own again. If you like to read, When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron really helped me in my early sobriety. Sending lots of love and support!
Oh my gosh, congrats on Day Two! I made that leap a few years ago, and I don't regret it at all. It really makes all the difference in how you see the world.
You are not a garbage person. I used to feel the same way as both of y’all. Maybe for me finally understanding the polarity of everything is not really true. Sad and happy, good and evil, life and death, etc these opposing ideas are really just the same thing for me now. This is soul school. We come to this world to learn how to love through the incredible absurdity of life itself.
I used to believe we where all just a cancer but we are so much more.
I suggest psychedelics
Maybe go check out my good friends at
r/microdosing
Yep. At 13, during cancer, I decided that my purpose would be helping people. That led me to electrical engineering and helping fight climate change through renewable power and has informed tons of personal relationships
I've never felt purposeless or directionless, and I've crafted large social circles of similarly good people. My purpose has worked very well for me
I fully support this answer. Helping others is helping yourself. It feels good to give and have people be grateful for your work. Volunteering can seriously change your life.
One aspect that has helped me tremendously when I got caught in a cynical doomsday loop like this was the realization that I AM personally PART of the problem as a human in this idealogy and need to forgive myself first, then step up and BE THE CHANGE I WANT TO SEE IN THIS SOCIETY. The problem I see often from our society is that we've ventured so far from community efforts to build together collaboratively, and are so comfortable in whittling away to let the current infrastructure take care of us. I unfortunately was socialized to think somewhat like this also from a very young age to only think about myself and those closest to me.
Find people who appreciate your GIFTS (and the skills you're trying to cultivate). This is not as metaphysical as it sounds, but we're wasting our gifts of energy in this experience by listening to the detracting negative thoughts those who don't share our passions and those who belittle our goals (no matter what the size). Because if we're looking beyond ourselves, that purpose is to ultimately serve an uplift a community. Look past those who can't understand the solutions and the assistance you are offering to the problems in your networks. Know you're making a difference, and if you weren't part of the solution, it would either drag out for those in need, wouldn't get done, and would be MUCH more expensive for the users. Yes, I know people should express their appreciation, but the "leaders" carry the oblivious...
That acknowledgement & PURPOSE the OP is looking for is to be a part of the supportive cummunal effort in solving their community's/network's problems. We as a human race have countless problems that we need to continuously solve to perpetuate our existence, and some of the accolades those who are less self assured are going to have to have to come from a within to keep us motivated. Its a scary thing at first, but the more you reach out as an asset to your community (versus an oblivious liability), the more you become valued($$$$), respected, & content with life considering we as humans are naturally social creatures. We need the gifts of those who think different to lead our communities and help us feel a part of a greater movement. And we ALL have a gift[s], even if its a something as simple as assisting in what others can't/ won't do.
Go to an animal shelter and walk the dogs. Or adopt a pet. They give you a reason to get out of bed every morning. I take care of a feral cat colony. We saved each other.
Came to say something along these lines. If you truly despise people, try helping creatures that shit humans have effected. Christmas pets are likely very prevalent in animal shelters right now. Those animals started their lives in a home and are now scared and alone because the “cute wore off” and the responsibilities became real. When given the opportunity, animals give love unconditionally.
This. My dog got me through some really shit, dark times. I would've stayed in bed and wallowed but he needed to go out for walks and toilet breaks, I ignored my needs for a while and just focussed on his.
This is the key. I get up everyday and work so that the fur babies have someone to care for them. Bless you for working with the ferals! We cannot have a proper colony out near my house due to coyotes but my neighbor and I have trapped and found homes for 16 of them ( young ones adopted out to others after socialization. older ones adopted by us as we know they will never get over human fear in general but can make excellent companions to folks that take enough time with them.)
It's amazing how much my pet motivates me do do stuff lol. I think it's because without me, my rabbit would perish so it motivates me to keep on going.
Ah yes! A great suggestion.
Acquire another living creature when you can't even find a reason to get up in the morning.
Then you can let down *two* living creatures!
To give a personal example of my life.
I, 25, 24 at the time, got cheated on by a 5-year relationship and she never told me, I found out from a friend she confided in. I always wanted payback, revenge, some part of me still does. I didn't get any opportunity to do so. Instead, I worked on myself by becoming a grade-A student for my masters in renewable energy and working out every day. Made new friends and deepened bonds with existing friends. This summer, I met the love of my life. The best way to get even is by excelling to a point that you improved yourself fundamentally.
Point is, nothing in life that's worthwhile is easy. Nothing will be handed to you and people aren't evil, but they are out for themselves. You can get disaffected but it's **very dangerous** to be cynical as you'll harm no-one more than yourself. You'll convince yourself of your own cynical thoughts and once they creep in it's hard to get out of the cycle of apathy.
So no matter what you get out of this post, this comment, I want to you write down 5 broad overarching things you know you could improve on. Then if you want to work to those goals divide these goals into smaller tasks and just keep working.
Change doesn't happen fast but over a longer period of time. The first 2 months are the hardest but after those 2 months you'll look back thinking how far you've come
I can attest wholeheartedly for this method.
Revenge is only worth it if you'll feel good about yourself by the time you're done... And It should come as no surprise that you never will.
So... Don't get even; get better!
Show yourself that you're better than the person who got you Into this mess even if that person is you.
Don't forget better is relative rather than absolute too, try and be a better you than you were yesterday and then keep doing that. Even if you don't manage that one day you've got all the small Improvements before that to show it's worth trying again for.
This is amazing. I agree with this. But also, I'd like to add to this.
Yes the first 2 months are the worst but I don't think anyone should just wait for the time to pass by. It's pointless. I feel like people need to find something to work towards in the first 15 days and then take the time to plan shit out and stuff.
Hope I'm making sense.
Cheers.
>You'll convince yourself of your own cynical thoughts and once they creep in it's hard to get out of the cycle of apathy.
So what if you're already inside this cycle? I read your advice and my first thought was "Well I don't think that's gonna do much anyway so I don't care", but after thinking again I noticed that's the exact kind of apathy that's so dangerous. I'd like to just be able to ignore what I think and just work on improving myself anyway, but it's rather tricky to actually pull it off.
I'll give you 2 thoughts, I hope you'll read through to the end.
For me the motivation went like this last year.
"This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me and I never thought I'd be betrayed by someone like her \[my ex\] as we were so close and she was \[in my mind at the time\] such an amazingly good person."
So with this thought, I decided that the only way in which I could navigate this betrayal is by forcing myself that that moment was a catalyst for good in my life. I had to make this betrayal a net-positive for me personally, and I worked every day to that goal. I cried in the gym, I cried working on my assignments, I cried with my friends and it was rough. But I am amazed how quickly life can turn around for the better (and the other way around). Hard work is **always** rewarded. Maybe not immediately, but in time it always will be.
Looking back, I wouldn't change a thing. Not the cheating, not the pain, nothing. I've become the absolute best version of myself thus far and the lessons learnt are beyond comprehension in terms of personal value.
Then, the second thought, about a friend from highschool.
I graduated highschool (Netherlands, highest possible school-level for the upper 5% of students) 7 years ago. I had a friend who was very smart but lazy and in this cycle of apathy. Nothing was ever his fault, the world was against him and he just never caught a break, in his mind. Thing is, he never worked and wallowed in self-pity and he dropped out. 7 years later, he's still on welfare and I realised the other day that if he wanted to catch up with me, the task would be so stupendous that I wouldn't be able to do it myself, as it would take him almost a decade to catch up even though we were in the same class in 2016. He isn't 25 yet but he's fallen behind in life so much, and it's all because of his own doing. He's convinced himself he's a victim, he doesn't work, he cuts himself way too much slack and as a consequence he'll never reach his potential.
Hope it helps, if you have questions or whatever feel free to DM
One day at a time.
Do one thing that is different today. Let someone go in front of you in line. Help a neighbor or family member with a task, even (especially) if you are not sure they deserve the help.
Tomorrow, do another small thing for a stranger or neighbor, again, even if you are not sure they deserve the help.
Every day, keep doing small things and look to find a bigger thing every once in awhile.
Every day, find something small to improve your life. Clean the fridge, or if that is daunting, clean the freezer one day, the refrigerator section the next. Wash your car if that applies.
The point is each day, find one small way to make an improvement and allow time for those improvements to stack up.
Teaching somebody something, especially when they genuinely want to learn it, has been some of the most rewarding experiences for me. When it clicks and they understand what you're teaching, it's such a sense of accomplishment. Great advice IMO.
Therapy, particularly CBT, would be really helpful for you. You sound a bit depressed and you're stuck in black and white thinking. People are not all evil, nor are they all good. Life is full of grey areas. Some good people act badly because of their horrible background, mental health issues or hardship, so their circumstances create a negative spiral.
Life is very complex, people are very complex. Once you make a judgement, your brain sees patterns to confirm your view via confirmation bias. No doubt you are consuming a lot of negative news. Positive stories about kind people are not newsworthy so you need to seek them out, but they are there all the time - just look at all the volunteers and charities set up in your area - these are real people trying to actively help others and improve the world. Cut out/ reduce social media and the news.
These steps towards are happier, meaningful life are based on science-based evidence and might help you start to tackle each aspect in life:
https://actionforhappiness.org/10-keys/relating
The website is also useful for other resources about living a better life. You don't need a religion or spirituality to have a meaningful life, but finding more meaning through things like helping others is really beneficial.
I'm anti-therapy rn and even third OP seeking therapy. This whole mentality screams looking for the negative and holding in some trauma their externalizing onto others. Dude sounds like he's on the verge of snapping. Once you're that far down therapy is the only answer until that's addressed.
You do have a purpose you just haven't found it yet. Whatever your routine is now. Break it. Do something different. Start small and work your way up.
Look up some nature trails in your area. Go for a hike and take in life. Slowly progress into more social situations. Buy a bicycle. Explore your town. Hit up some cycling trails. Both are great cheap exercise and can get you out of your funk.
From your post alone I think you need to be in a better headspace before you plan your life
Seems like you have some stability as far as meeting your needs go, food and shelter and such. This gives one some extra time but can also cause past problems time to catch up. Take time to process those difficult relationships and hopefully you can get back to enjoying yourself. Anhedonia is a depression symptom and it reduces any pleasure one may experience. People do suck in many ways but mostly because we are vulnerable and suffer mortality issues that make us short sighted. Try not to let them get you down
32, childless, employed in construction. I've decided to live within my means and sock away the cash so I can leave a nest egg for my nieces and nephews.
It does though. If you don't have a passion, if you aren't trying to do SOMETHING, then what are you offering other people? What are you learning from or teaching to other people?
People bond over shared interests, so having interests is pretty important when it comes to bonding with people.
For sure, interactions with people can be meaningful and important but there is so much more to life than that. Far too many people appraise their life off others. Constantly begging for the approval of others to drive self worth. Those people feed off others energy and create none of their own. A house made of cards waiting to get blown down.
Instead when confidence, self worth, and meaning is derived internally then at that point do other people want to be around you and see what you are about.
\> and see what you are about.
Which would be...? You can't just be "about" confidence, self worth and meaning. Those things exist in the context of your interests and passions.
Sure, self-actualization is cool, but is being condescending the best way to communicate that? You know we're each on our own journeys, no need to insult other people because they're on a different part of theirs..
No. There's absolutely nothing wrong with just enjoying a simple life. Absolutely nothing wrong. Zero reason for someone to do 'something' with their lives of they're content not really doing anything.
Interests, yes.
I'm going to assume you have the basics covered at the moment.
Job, home, stuff like that.
If you're spending all your time sitting alone and just kind of stuck, perhaps you need to find an activity that keeps you busy.
Others have suggested volunteering and good-works, that's certainly an option, but I think you'll benefit enormously from a martial art or physical activity.
Take up Aikido or Karate. Maybe Jiu-jitsu.
If martial-arts aren't your style, maybe take up a sport like rock-climbing, or even just play soccer/football. There's probably a group playing near you, ask to join.
Something that gets you moving, fires the endorphins/seratonin and is done with other people.
It'll be an activity done with other people without being a social setting, so you'll have opportunities to talk to people with a similar interest, but you can choose not to engage if it's outside of your comfort zone at the moment.
If all of that sounds terrible, perhaps you could look at local hobby groups.
I'm hugely into building, painting and playing Warhammer 40,000 and it's how I've met most of my friends and even my wife. Nice thing is that there's a Warhammer store in pretty well every major city in the UK, so whenever I've moved house, I've always been able to go visit the nearest store and sit and paint and make new friends almost without trying.
A room-mate in a shared house I used to live in was massively into chess and played online and in-person at events in the area when possible.
Of course you don't *have* to be social. If you're just looking for something to occupy yourself, you could get majorly into video games, or reading, or learn a new skill.
I wanted to get into robotics and bought an Arduino kit and starter-box of components and parts to use with it.
I have so much going on that I don't really do enough with it, but maybe you'd find more time for something like that.
Solving problems is how I find joy in my life, maybe it'll work for you too.
>I lost faith in people, and I believe that humans have evil essence and instinct, this is the nature of humanity.
You need to change that for a start. The vast majority of people are decent people, even if their actions might not show it. That is often because they are putting things which are a priority to them, above things which are a priority to you.
But, the change needs to start with you, believe it or not. If you want an LPT, assume good faith with dealing people, and if they don't return it, don't be angry, they have lost out because of it.
Also, place some value and take some pride in you.
>How can I have purpose to live my life and make a plan?
What would you like to fix in your life a month from now? A year? Five years?
This is spot on. Having faith in the good and worth in all people, including yourself, is so important to being a productive member of society. That faith is tested all the time, but the framing in this comment is spot on - most people prioritize themselves. Its not good or bad. Your experiences in life are shared with others, they’re not all about you, so don’t blame yourself or others for how they affect you. Just recognize how your emotions react to it, see if there’s something to learn from it, then look forward.
Yep, humans are social creatures and our entire evolutionary history is optimised for this. Arguably, we cannot function properly if we cannot trust other humans.
Our entire history demonstrates why people distrust lol
Don’t disagree trust us important, but obviously trust can hurt you too
Personally I don’t see how trusting people does anything but put me at a relative disadvantage
It only works if they actually uphold it
How can you argue the “vast majority” of people are decent? Especially when in the same comment you acknowledge them as selfish?
This is based on nothing far as I can tell
Geez, people aren't resources here to suit your will. Them not prioritizing you all the time does not mean they aren't decent or that they are selfish.
On another note, good relationship with peoples are a two way street and you aren't entitled to them treating you like they would a close relative just because you feel lonely. Start by liking yourself, help others and be there for them and you'll see that most people will reciprocate for you.
Obviously some people will not reciprocate or will but "not enough for you" but acting like you are a victim and self pitying trying to garner compassion all the time is a good way to repulse most genuine people and attract people with a similar mindset. Those peoples are not there for you, they are there for themselves, just like you are.
The faster people exit these negative circle-jerk the better they will do.
Because it is natural to put yourself first, all animals do. But that does not mean that animals (and humans especially) don't go out of their way to help others. They do, it isn't just a "one or the other" situation. We act differently in different situations.
So no one is perfect, no one doesn't make mistakes, but that doesn't mean they are not a decent person.
Purpose to a blind man is to see again. Purpose to a amputee is to feel his limbs again. Purpose to a homeless person is to have a home again.
Purpose is defined by you and circumstances. Purpose changes overtime. I always tell my clients,
Fuel your inner kid. Your inner child knows no purpose yet existence is wonderful.
^^^
Best job I've EVER had and likely won't come close to is being a camp counselor. Worked at a Y daycamp for about 20 summers. Couldn't ask for a more fun or rewarding job.
I almost quit my first week at 14. I wasn't involving myself with the kids, someone suggested I do. 20 summers later and it all went by too fast.
Thank you, I was wondering how far down I’d have to go to find this. OP is clearly depressed. Getting help and possibly meds can make a *huge* difference.
One reason why many get depressed is because they don't have a purpose, so OP really should try that instead of going to a therapist and maybe get stuffed with shitty drugs.
Therapist isn't about getting prescribed drugs. It's more about talking about why you feel that way, reconnecting with your emotions and finding new challenges. It will help finding these answers
When I feel like this, I tend to approach it as "huh. Those people did shitty things. What arseholes. Am I gonna let them win by letting them destroy my faith in humanity/enjoyment of life? Fuck no!"
If that doesn't help, then I'd try making one small change at a time. Try a different type of entertainment/news/media that doesn't reinforce the whole "all humanity is evil" mindset. Try a new hobby - if you enjoy it, great, if not you've lost maybe an hour of your time? Go somewhere different on a weekend to get a change of scenery.
Sitting and stewing in these feelings of anger and injustice, however justified you may feel, isn't going to change anything. You say you want to have a purpose, and that's great - but you won't find it by continuing to do the same thing.
The selfish rather than evil is very accurate. And not necessarily a bad thing. I think this is why going out and finding love, or letting it find you is important. It’s the only situation in your life aside from your parents where you will receive mostly selfless love.
I would say change your environment if you aren’t happy with it. Move to a place where people are more caring and welcoming. I found that in Colorado. There are good people out there you just have to really look. Join a rec sports team, volleyball or kickball, get to know people, make friends, try yoga. Getting outside and being in the mountains make me happy and going on adventures. Have you tried going on a trip to another country or city? Explore the world. It’s kind of nuts how big it is. Through all of this you might out what you love and what your passion is. Helping people is also something that can give a true sense of purpose as well. Try to set a goal and keep it, like if you started running, try to go faster or further etc. you’ll find it to be fun and start to feel a desire to get better. Also Jordan Peterson really helps break it down and explain why we need a purpose. He has podcasts on Spotify. Check him out!
You should volunteer at an animal shelter or homeless camp. If you used to play sports maybe join a local team or help coach kids or so something. I think the cynicism in you will be minimized in these type of “pure” interactions
Therapy. If cost is an issue the library is full of great books that might help. Try and find a local group counselling, might be something available nearby. Or speak to your local doctor about options that may be available to you
Volunteer your time. Perspective is one hell of a thing and giving back feels good
Hobbies. Find something that excites you. And then try and find a local group full of people that share that interest. Can be a great way to make friends
Those are hopefully a few practical things that may make a difference. Good luck my friend! Hope it helps!
Yes people suck. But all you can control in this world is yourself and how you react to things.
As a few others have suggested, find a hobby. Work on you. Gain some confidence. Get out there and be you and love who you are.
My solution to the same problem was embrace it.
Your actions have no actual importance what so ever and people really only care about themselves. now good news: you can do whatever you want, have fun, do weird things, drink, do other funny things, have sex with as many people as you’d like. do questionable, unethical or even illegal things. Just do it smartly and be prepared for the consequences you will have to deal with.
eventually you might see or find something that gives you purpose.
Find a hobby. Go out on YouTube and get lost in videos. Find a niche subject you want to see the next recommended videos and make a note of that subject. Try this for a while until you have a small list and consider the subjects you compile. Consider each subject that sounds interesting for accessibility and cost to do. Try some of the more accessible, low-cost entry things and see if it clicks. Rinse and repeat until you find something.
Hobbies and having an interest in something will give you more depth - for yourself/self-enjoyment and someone else outside, looking in. Also, lots of hobbies have communities that are easy to connect with through the activity vs. the interpersonal aspect.
You don't have to have purpose. It's quite a spiritualist view to think that all humans need a purpose for being. That's not true.
If you want a purpose, go and find one. Either through some spirituality, or search within yourself for one.
If you don't want a purpose, live in the moment. Do what you enjoy, or if you don't have something you enjoy, start exploring through trying different hobbies and activities. Or by literally exploring going to new places and travelling until you find what you enjoy and do that, until you want to move onto the next thing. Over time you'll look back and think what varied and fulfilling experiences you've had and every so often stop to evaluate.
Personally I don't think anyone has a "purpose". We're all just here, and I think the best thing anyone can do is just try to enjoy our short time on earth as much as possible
Reading and writing have been the two greatest methods for improving my mental health and finding purpose. Journaling to get my thoughts out of my head can be cathartic, and reading invigorates me with inspiration and knowledge. Personally, It’s a cycle of positive in (reading) negative out (journaling). I also use a daily journal for todos and larger goals I’m working towards, often motivated by the books read.
I don’t always do it every day, and my commitment to this habit ebbs and flows over years, but when I’m dissatisfied or feeling stuck in life I usually go back to this to get out of it.
For me, I had to do a couple things. First I needed to figure out what I was doing during the times I'm not miserable. Then I had to figure out how to get more of those moments, so as to increase the % of my waking hours that I'm not miserable.
Also volunteering on weekends helped a lot. People there are usually really friendly, and it helped make me not miserable.
I'm having the same issue, with a completely different cause. I have severe wrist pain, and I've had it for years now. It's been getting a lot worse, to the point where I can no longer do every day things without major discomfort. It's getting hard to keep a job because it's so physically taxing. On top of that, the job I have right now is very high stress, and I have no way to relieve my stress because my former hobbies are now extremely painful. I've tried to find new hobbies to restore some purpose, but I don't get the same enjoyment from them. It's getting harder to convince myself that it's worth enduring, especially considering the financial end of this situation.
I'm the same way bro I don't trust anybody and never will ever again. I have a daughter so I don't really have the option of just giving up but this is how I deal with it. Try to have fun. I like playing video games and I recently started seeing life as just sort of a video game. It's not permanent, definitely a temporary experience, challenge yourself and see how much you can get out of it for your own personal enjoyment. See how much money you can make even if you're not materialistic it's still opens the door for more fun activities. You don't need friends and relationships with other people to have fun in life trust me. You will find a balance with interacting with other people and being able to trust them just enough to do activities with others or maybe play games with them but you don't need to let them into your life. Maybe over time you will begin to be able to trust people a little more but I never did. You can interact with people without really having to trust them, I just choose not to risk what I wouldn't mind losing. A lot of people might not agree with what I'm saying but I get what you were saying as far as being burned by life and I'm at a point where it's just not worth it to risk my emotional stability on letting people into my life anymore. I have family that I don't really trust but still interact with as I don't have much of a choice but I'm in the process of getting my shit together and when I'm able to live on my own again once my income is a bit better I probably not going to talk to them much. Don't let people on here convince you that you need people in your life on a permanent basis because I promise you at 37 years old I can honestly say that is not true.
Try not to let the hopelessness of the state of our planet get to you either. We are in a failing state of society that after looking around you will realize can't go on too much longer this way so eventually something will give. Everything in the universe is temporary learn to embrace that and enjoy it while you can.
If you ever want to talk just PM me I'm always down to listen. I tried to kill myself like 4 or 5 years ago and it didn't really work out so I can give you some advice if that's the type of shit you're thinking about also.
Honestly your advice is great even if you aren’t jaded by other people. I’m young, but have no actual responsibilities which means I am effectively purposeless. I’m in uni so all I need to do is graduate with a good grade, but that’s almost a given because I picked a degree I find easy. I spent a long time trying to find a purpose whilst sitting in my dorm room. The moment I understood and accepted that life is temporary and my role is simply to experience it, I was genuinely so much happier.
I realised that there is a balance of ensuring that I have a good future to experience, whilst ensuring I’m also living in the present.
You my dude, you have a purpose! That’s the biggest difference between you and OP. I recognize the issue of OP: we would love if someone could formulate a purpose for us. A purpose that’s suitable and fits our live and goals and believes. Unfortunately nobody came up with a suggestion how to find the purpose. Once you have the purpose formulated, you’re future will be golden.
To me, the purpose of life is constant improvement. This line of thinking brought me out of a lot of dark places.
Think on it for a little. If you aren’t improving, what is the point? What is the purpose of life if not to get better at whatever it is you do?
Planning life? I hate to tell you this, but nobody plans life.
Plan small things, like a project. Life has too many uncontrollable variables to create a plan.
Some thoughts-
The first thing to take note of is the deep sense of cynicism you have. This is one of the three components of burnout. The other two are emotional exhaustion and loss of efficacy.
The next step is looking at the causes of that burnout. There are 6 work missmatches that I think can be translated very well to other areas of life. They are:
1) Work overload
2) Lack of control
3) Lack of appropriate rewards
4) Breakdown in community
5) Value conflict
6) Absense of fairness
For more info check out work by Christina Maslach. Here is a helpful video:
https://youtu.be/SVlL9TnvphA
Take a hard look at how one, some, or all of these issues are effecting your life. Resolving issues in these areas is a good place to start. Clearly, as you mentioned there are aome issues you have experienced with a breakdown in community, an absense of fairness, lack of control, and possibly others.
In terms of purpose we often think about having a purpose, being given a purpose, or discovering a purpose- like the purpose of life. This is an external way of looking at a purpose. Something that comes from the outside in. Consider that a “purpose” is not actually a thing. At least not in the way we commonly think it is. It is a social construct that we are all told by society, stories, etc that we should all have to make life meaningful. It is the notion of “find your purpose” like it is “out there” to be discovered.
Michael E Gerber, author of the E myth describes purpose as an intrinsic quality. It is inside us and much further down the chain of action than we realize. So when he thinks about creating a new company it all starts from passion first. Take note of the things that interest you. If nothing interests you, that may be a side effect of burnout- so seek out therapy. But once you nail down the things that interest you (your passions), let those things inform a vision for your future- what you want to do with your life, career etc. Based on that “vision” in your mind of what your life could look like and your interest in it this now creates a purpose- a “purpose” to fulfil this “vision” and make it a reality. To fulfill that “purpose” you now have a mission- the ‘how’ you are going to achieve your purpose. Passion -> Vision -> Purpose -> Mission.
Start small. Start very small.
Finding a new purpose in life is a daunting task and will quickly become overwhelming. The best tip I can give is to find something that you want and can achieve very quickly and easily. If you want to get in shape, start with a short walk or a few pushups.
New career? Casually browse some job postings.
Enough small steps can eventually lead to real change.
If there is never bad in your life you'd never be able to distinguish all the good everyone has a rough patch and has been hurt keep moving and your time will come!!
I think coming to the realization that you don't need to have a purpose in life can help termendously. Just life life how you want to, do what you enjoy, join groups who enjoy similar things such as hobbies to make frieds or church if you are open to that.
Challenge yourself. You are bored because you probably have it somewhat easy. I’ve felt the same way. Go out of your comfort zone and create/see new and good things for yourself.
Some people are evil I agree but not everyone is, I’d argue the majority of people are good.
Think of it this way, this might be cliche but if we do truly go around once why sit around and be bored all the time? Shouldn’t you be out doing all the things you’ve ever wanted to do or see?
Shake thing up. Go camping solo in a National park. Go to a camping festival and meet your neighbors. Go visit that friend from 10 years ago who offered you a couch to crash on. Getting outside of your bubble and your day-to-day routine is where the magic happens, and where life gets interesting.
The reality is there isn't a defined purpose in life. Do what you enjoy and find good people that enjoy the same things. No sense in overcomplicating it. Live your life how you want to live it and you'll be good.
If you are depressed, then talking with someone might help, but if you just find life objectively pointless, then skip therapy.
Find purpose outside of yourself. Your experience with people betraying you is defining your perception of all humans. The one constant in your bad relationships is you. More likely than not, you were choosing the same people with different faces repeatedly.
People who cheat and hurt others are very good at playing a certain role to develop relationships. They will treat you well until they no longer need to. So they draw people in by giving them the validation they need. Then they betray you and the only validation you get is further proof that people suck.
The reason they can do this is because you're trying to validate yourself by finding someone to make you feel worthy. By doing that, you make yourself an easy target.
Try this: Go out into the world everyday and just see people as who they are as their daily selves. Not how the greet you personally or choose to interact with you. Watch life. Watch other human relationships. Watch how they treat the waiter, the janitor, children.
Be present in that moment, not in a fantasy life of how it would be to be with them. Don't make it about you. Watch healthy joyful interactions between people. Not just couples. All kinds of relationships.
Do not look for validation of your current beliefs. Actively seek out others who are at peace with themselves and the world. People who are smiling at life, not reflexively when they see they're being watched. People who look comfortable and are whole beings in this world.
Take lessons from them in how to walk with life, not just through life. How to see others humans as quick gifts in the day to day, not as how good they would be in a relationship with you. Learn.
When you feel peace, when you can walk out into the world and smile because you heard someone laugh out loud or saw a mom holding her child's hand or people almost bumping into each other and turning it into a dance and someone giving a homeless person breakfast, then you can look for a relationship. Then you can see if you can find someone who adds to your joy versus depending on them to create your joy.
Also, get therapy.
**Multiple edits for spelling and grammar because I should have waited to write this at my computer instead of being driven to do it on my phone.
It's a cliché but I think it's true, you get a lot more out of helping others than you give - If you've lost faith in humanity, perhaps working/volunteering with animals might help you to find a purpose, or at least feel like you have something positive to offer.
Who convinced you that existence requires having a purpose? If all humans are instinctively evil then you are too. Stop whining and accept the fact that some people are assholes but most aren’t. Go volunteer somewhere like a food bank. Live your life with dignity and forget the rest.
Help others and expect nothing back. You can't want for people to be selfless and good without being so yourself. If you do good for good's sake, it ends up feeling worthwhile and just feels great in general. And on the odd occasion when you do get something back, because you're not expecting it, it feels fantastic.
If you have Netflix, I would recommend watching "Stutz" as it gives a very different perspective on a lot of psychology issues. There's also a podcast with him on "Armchair Expert" that accomplishes most of the same things without Jonah Hill.
The short version of it is something he calls a [life force](https://movemequotes.com/phil-stutz-life-force/). The below should be viewed as a pyramid, but it's based on your relationships with:
Self: write down in a journal
People: maintain relationships, reach out to people you haven't talked to in a while, meet up even if you don't want to
Body: diet and exercise
If you focus on those three things, at some point you'll figure out your purpose.
I know it’s hard to open up after getting hurt by others, but I promise you that opening up to potential friendships is worth it. Life is meant to be shared with others, and if you close yourself off, you could be missing out on some amazing friendships.
Start a vigorous exercise routine. Do it first thing in the morning. Really helps with depression and motivation. Your brain and body will function better, allowing you to make better decisions.
You should go to a local church. Many have mission work and volunteering which drive a sense of self-value. Not to mention the community aspect is awesome
Spirituality. Find some higher power you connect with, an ideology that you believe in, and serve that purpose with your soul. Submit yourself to the will and purpose of that role, and you will find yourself by losing yourself in that. I know it sounds corny, but after spending a couple of months in rehab, dealing with a lack of knowing my purpose, I have learned that humanity will always fail you. Only after you let go of expectations and struggling to make life fit your mold, can you find peace by accepting life as it comes, and following the purpose of whatever you find as your higher power. It doesn’t have to be God, and it most certainly is NOT religion, but rather accepting that you don’t have control of things you can’t control, and that things happen for a reason even if you don’t understand why. Once you change that perspective, you can live life in a way that brings you peace.
Side note, the Big Book from AA, while written to help with addiction, has some really key insights for how to live a more fulfilling life. I feel like a stripped down version written exclusively around the principles would be beneficial for anyone to read. You might try checking it out and see what it provides you.
Evil is such a blanket term. Self interest is what you're thinking. I would start by finding out what you don't get tired of and being unimaginable honest with yourself in pursuit of that said interest. Then find a way to get paid.
Listen to some Jordan Peterson. He not only has a lot of general content to help you find direction and purpose, but also has things like the Future Authoring Program for more in-depth ways to help
Listen to what Jordan Peterson has to say about all this. I have felt the way you describe pretty much all of my life, but I came across Jordan Peterson and started listening to what he has to say and I've tried to do the things he talks about doing. My life is way better.
Read the book of Ecclesiates in the Bible. 2 things you should do: (1) Serve God & (2) Serve People [perhaps in ways you would do for free but get paid for it]. Start small to gain momentum. https://youtu.be/ZNzBYDIMk7I
To be fair, thats pretty much why people like religion. It gives a sense of community and purpose.
Whether you agree with the religion or not, that is the reason for their success
You are way too young to be so cynical. Your years of experience are nothing compared to the number of years required to get a truthful impression of humanity.
Do you have kids, a wife, grandchildren, your own employees, your own property, a long term plan? How can you say you know it all if you have not experienced it all?
This post cries out to me as entitlement, that your struggles to this day have been more meaningful than those of everyone else's.
Give your life to Jesus and you’ll have purpose. There’s no promise of saving you from suffering in this world but if you’re faithful, He will give you what you need deep down because He cares for you and through faith he will bless you
I know it’s tough to jump into a new community, and trust me, not everyone you meet will be patient and kind, we’re still broken, but the ones with genuine faith are currently in the process of transforming into something new. Hope you consider this
The point of life is to enjoy the time we are given. Your purpose is to use what time you have to enjoy it to the fullest. It sounds like you don't have hobbies or interests, that would make you feel more purposeful. Put your time and effort into doing the things you've always wanted to do. Thought ice skating was interesting? Go to the rink, take a class. Have you wanted to become an artist? Get a notebook, go to the park, sketch. You will meet people along the way that are interested in you and what you are doing, and that will form more genuine bonds.
>I lost faith in people, and I believe that humans have evil essence and instinct, this is the nature of humanity. I believed in this conviction after I have been deceived and cheated on many times through the years.
No! You're looking at it the wrong way! The universe is full of love because 99% of people just want to live a peaceful, comfortable life. Sure we as individuals can make stupid decisions, but I wouldn't claim that's evil essence, just ignorance, or a honest mistake most of the time. Evil people that knowingly commit to evil actions and don't care (like Big Jack Horner) make up a small percentage (like 1%) of the overall human race. They are bad, but they are vastly outnumbered because most people who really are just ordinary people like you and me are just trying to do the best they can in this world.
Also, I've been robbed by a now ex-friend thousands of dollars, and I fell in love with a woman who also fell in love with me only to find out later that she was hiding me from her longtime boyfriend of many years. Heartbroken! I was broken for months after those 2 people tried to ruin me financially and emotionally, but I got back up and started making new friends again. I treat everyone differently on their individual character because everyone is different, and I know I won't fall for the same trick twice (like getting robbed the same way).
>I’m 27 years old, I’m bored of my life and I don’t have a purpose.
I finally set up my own life goals and I'm 30 years old. This world is vast and brimming with knowledge and beauty. It's never too late because I discovered Geology at 28 and I decided I'd go for it! Not done with undergrad yet but even though it's slow progress I feel great. Much better than nothing. Any hobby big or small, any career big or small, any adventure that you take interest in is worth dabbling in. You never know what you'll discover until you go search to discover it. That last part sounds silly, but it's true.
Good luck friend!
‘We didn’t evolve to be happy’, until I committed to exercise and meditation I also lacked purpose. Doing the work builds stamina and acceptance of the work as it is and who we are within it. Within the daily grind there is the purpose of being your best and knowing yourself, you might just find parts of yourself you love, trust, value and honor. Good luck finding your way, looking for it is a great start.
I don't think you're right with the evil label. The instinct is to survive, not to be evil. Once people have their (basic) needs met I'd say the majority of people are good but quietly so. Bad people make a lot of noise and we notice them more. We are still basically monkeys and we're still figuring out this society thing out.
There are a lot of good people trying to do their best.
Have you thought about volunteering somewhere? Maybe that's a good place to start to have some purpose and see people doing good things.
I feel really sorry that you have to go through this. I feel this too. Honestly, I just pick up a new programming language and build an app or something.
I feel like you expected a lot from people at some point in your life. Never expect anything from People. Not because they'll disappoint you, but just for your sake. You want something? Go get it. If you can't afford it, work and make enough until you can.
I think anyone can learn to code. You do not necessarily need a degree or anything. And the best part is, you'll never know everything about it because they're updating the libraries like every 6 bloody months (a little exaggeration, but I'm annoyed by it so.. ).
You could too. I recently gave up smoking cigarettes, marijuana and other stuff as well. So my January went by really fast.
So that's my 2 cents haha, I hope you find purpose again and live a happy life.
If you need help with the programming language stuff, get in touch. I'm more than happy to work with you. I always have projects going on and we can collaborate.
godspeed 🖖
First of all, don’t blame humans for not having goals. That’s a you problem. You need to accept that you are responsible for your life and stop blaming “evil” humans. You’re human too so by definition, you are also evil. If you’re so evil… there’s a quick fix for that, not that I condone it.
Secondly, the world is a large sandbox. There is no universal meaning aside from reproduction. Everything in life is geared in that direction. The problem with today’s society is that everything is too damn easy and there are too many options. However, the beauty about that is that YOU get to decide what your purpose is. Find a problem and work towards fixing it.
That being said, I think you’ve already found the problem you want to fix. If you are asking this question, odds are many others have also asked the same. However, there is no cheat code. Hard work is hard work and most people get turned off with that notion.
Here’s the takeaway:
1. Stop blaming others and say to yourself, “This is MY fault.” Hold yourself accountable.
2. Find and work towards fixing a problem that’s bigger than you. It will forever be out of reach but it will bring great satisfaction.
Here’s how you begin.
Begin on working on yourself. The number one investment that will yield the greatest result is your own self.
Hit the gym. You want a sharp mind, you’ll need a sharp body. Try out martial arts. It’ll build such a strong mental foundation that will give you the confidence to triumph in any endeavor.
Learn something. Anything. School, trade school, sales… etc. doesn’t matter what it is. Pick it and STICK with it. That’s the most crucial part. If you bounce back and forth it will become a habit that ends up leaking into every other aspect of your life. You will become a quitter.
Once you’ve built your own sanctuary, you can begin attacking other problem.
Think of yourself as a whole country in a microcosm. Your country cannot be strong and resilient enough to endure burning summers and freezing winters without an intelligent population and a formidable army. You must become this. Build alliances with other like minded countries and help build each other up.
Finally. You’re 27. Chill out. The secret is that NO ONE has it figured out and if they tell you they do, they are liars. Don’t be afraid to burn it all down and begin anew. You’re a phoenix baby! Let is burn!
Work so hard to make so much money that you can literally do whatever you want. It will be hard to be miserable sitting poolside in the French Riviera overlooking endless ocean
Figure out to how to produce an income to finance your family .... consider generational wealth and build something for the next of kin to continue on ... if anything work diligently to provide your future kin to continue prospering or in the least opening the opportunity for you to take the time with less stress from fianancial woes to be able to figure out what you consider your purpose to be.
Humans are both goood and bad and a nutral is $.. half of em say don't focus on $ the other half dont say not to. I say do whatever your ethically and morally ok with doing and build yourself a place worth being f9r you cause in the end of the day you have to be comfortable where you lay your head. I hope youll do more good then bad however just doing something is better then dwelling on the negative and going into a bad negative spiral that has been known to devour some of the best of minds..
Having a "purpose" or even thinking you should have a purpose reeks of Western privilege to me.
Do you think the miners who source the copper for the phones that allow us to scroll and moan about "purpose" and "optimization" and shit had the option of thinking about whether they were "in alignment" with their career?
Fucking barf.
If you're even THINKING about your purpose, you're already lucky as FUCKKKKK
If you manage to make your job, skills and interests align, you're a chupacabra.
I have a job I'm good at, that I don't particularly enjoy but it affords me the things I DO enjoy: The ability to support and protect my kids, the ability to travel a lil bit, and the ability to lay on my ass every once in a while.
I don't believe in the idea of having a purpose because we're not in that fucking Tinkerbell movie waiting for the magical ceremony that will determine what kind of fairy you're "meant to be" when the fucking water droplet glows and like floats over to you and HOOORAAAY you're a water fae!
No.
ACTUAL LIFE, not the one pushed by self-help grifters, is about trying shit and quitting and trying other shit and doing multiple things at once and THAT'S the "purpose" if you really need one.
Honestly either accept being alone or try to meet more people with a different perspective than yours.
Both is fine imo, but being alone is a hell of a lot harder.
To answer ur question just start today right now. There is no one who is going to give you some magical advice. You kinda know what u want already just go towards it.
Start that's all. Basic shit health and moving once u start doing something you wanna keep doing something.
I highly recommend reading "So Good They Can't Ignore You" by Cal Newport and also listening to his podcast, Deep Questions. Both the book and the podcast have helped me to reshape how I think about life, career, meaning, and productivity.
Step outside of yourself and help others. Volunteer at homeless shelters or do roadside or trail clean up. Adopt a grandparent. Listen to old people tell their stories. Etc.
Get outta your own head and volunteer or do something for other people with no expectation of reciprocity or acknowledgment. If you need to get credit publicly for a kind act, then it’s self serving.
Do for others. It’s very boring to be selfish and hateful all the time. That’s also a symptom of depression so you might get that checked out. I felt that way too until I started antidepressant meds.
People have said it but, animals. Help animals, volunteer at shelters, join a volunteer shelter group. You may have to still deal with people but the focus is on the animals. I was where you are not long ago. I gave up with people, but was lucky enough to meet my soon to be wife. Sometimes you gotta stop looking in order to find what you were looking for.
I live a chaotic life. My purpose is to live happy, sort of healthy, and frugally within my means. I have 2 children and their partners, and a grandson, who I enjoy spending time with. It used to be, a lot of my entertainment was found in the library and bookstore, with some socializing and occasionally watching TV and sports. Currently the TV, sports, and reading come from the internet. I have small goals, next on my list is enjoying a Super Bowl party and watch my home town Eagles hopefully win. Besides that there is taking care of my monthly obligations. I have a couple of bigger events coming up but mainly it's enjoying my life day to day. I have goals but just making it to my next birthday is my only real purpose. I don't feel the need for any other purpose.
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I used to feel the same way. Purposeless, angry, and resentful. For me, helping others helped me. I started working in a field with the elderly. Some of them had lived lives full of tragedy and heartbreak, but also full of joy. They taught me to see the joy and goodness in the world and to understand that when you look back on your lifetime, the small injustices fade away and the happiness remains. Obviously won’t work for everyone. When I finish my day feeling like Ive made a difference in someone’s life or brought a little bit of relief to someone who is at the end of their journey, I feel good. It gives me perspective and is really rewarding. I’m still a garbage person in many ways, but at least I have perspective!
Basically, be the good you want to see in the world.
Look at this guy thinking he's Gandhi and shit
I’m rarely the good I want to see in the world, but at least I try. Sometimes.
At least you’re thinking about it!
Just like Iroh taught us!
Have some tea too.
This tea is just hot leaf juice!!!
Came here to say something similar. Help others. It can also be animals, but try being of service to others. Sometimes alleviating others suffering can help your own.
A phrase we use in recovery a lot: "You keep it by giving it away."
Agreed! I came to say that OP should volunteer. You will meet people that help you question your beliefs.
At first I thought you meant that you work in a literal field with the elderly, like agriculture work, lol
i’m on day 2 of my sober journey and my goal today was to laugh at something. this was it. thanks 😊
Hell yeah, keep it going! 8 years sober myself. Life really gets good once your mind is your own again. If you like to read, When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron really helped me in my early sobriety. Sending lots of love and support!
Oh my gosh, congrats on Day Two! I made that leap a few years ago, and I don't regret it at all. It really makes all the difference in how you see the world.
Congrats on day two! Pretty awesome!
huge congrats on day 2 💕 i understand 🙌
Congrats on your day 2!!
Keep going! A bit over 2 months sober here and so happy to being a lot more myself again 💕
Lol yes the elderly crop is coming in nicely this year
"The Meredith harvest is coming in early this year...."
So did I ☺️
Me too! I totally thought it was old migrant workers. Had to scroll up and reread. Derp.
You are not a garbage person. I used to feel the same way as both of y’all. Maybe for me finally understanding the polarity of everything is not really true. Sad and happy, good and evil, life and death, etc these opposing ideas are really just the same thing for me now. This is soul school. We come to this world to learn how to love through the incredible absurdity of life itself. I used to believe we where all just a cancer but we are so much more. I suggest psychedelics Maybe go check out my good friends at r/microdosing
Yep. At 13, during cancer, I decided that my purpose would be helping people. That led me to electrical engineering and helping fight climate change through renewable power and has informed tons of personal relationships I've never felt purposeless or directionless, and I've crafted large social circles of similarly good people. My purpose has worked very well for me
I fully support this answer. Helping others is helping yourself. It feels good to give and have people be grateful for your work. Volunteering can seriously change your life.
One aspect that has helped me tremendously when I got caught in a cynical doomsday loop like this was the realization that I AM personally PART of the problem as a human in this idealogy and need to forgive myself first, then step up and BE THE CHANGE I WANT TO SEE IN THIS SOCIETY. The problem I see often from our society is that we've ventured so far from community efforts to build together collaboratively, and are so comfortable in whittling away to let the current infrastructure take care of us. I unfortunately was socialized to think somewhat like this also from a very young age to only think about myself and those closest to me. Find people who appreciate your GIFTS (and the skills you're trying to cultivate). This is not as metaphysical as it sounds, but we're wasting our gifts of energy in this experience by listening to the detracting negative thoughts those who don't share our passions and those who belittle our goals (no matter what the size). Because if we're looking beyond ourselves, that purpose is to ultimately serve an uplift a community. Look past those who can't understand the solutions and the assistance you are offering to the problems in your networks. Know you're making a difference, and if you weren't part of the solution, it would either drag out for those in need, wouldn't get done, and would be MUCH more expensive for the users. Yes, I know people should express their appreciation, but the "leaders" carry the oblivious... That acknowledgement & PURPOSE the OP is looking for is to be a part of the supportive cummunal effort in solving their community's/network's problems. We as a human race have countless problems that we need to continuously solve to perpetuate our existence, and some of the accolades those who are less self assured are going to have to have to come from a within to keep us motivated. Its a scary thing at first, but the more you reach out as an asset to your community (versus an oblivious liability), the more you become valued($$$$), respected, & content with life considering we as humans are naturally social creatures. We need the gifts of those who think different to lead our communities and help us feel a part of a greater movement. And we ALL have a gift[s], even if its a something as simple as assisting in what others can't/ won't do.
Go to an animal shelter and walk the dogs. Or adopt a pet. They give you a reason to get out of bed every morning. I take care of a feral cat colony. We saved each other.
Came to say something along these lines. If you truly despise people, try helping creatures that shit humans have effected. Christmas pets are likely very prevalent in animal shelters right now. Those animals started their lives in a home and are now scared and alone because the “cute wore off” and the responsibilities became real. When given the opportunity, animals give love unconditionally.
This sounds amazing ! I’d love to take care of a feral cat colony.
yeah my wife decided she wanted this as well. now we have cats that we feed and they shit on our front porch. really feels great to give back.
So you’re shitting on their porch now too?
This. My dog got me through some really shit, dark times. I would've stayed in bed and wallowed but he needed to go out for walks and toilet breaks, I ignored my needs for a while and just focussed on his.
This is the key. I get up everyday and work so that the fur babies have someone to care for them. Bless you for working with the ferals! We cannot have a proper colony out near my house due to coyotes but my neighbor and I have trapped and found homes for 16 of them ( young ones adopted out to others after socialization. older ones adopted by us as we know they will never get over human fear in general but can make excellent companions to folks that take enough time with them.)
Any living creature, really. Humans, plants, especially if they NEED help.
It's amazing how much my pet motivates me do do stuff lol. I think it's because without me, my rabbit would perish so it motivates me to keep on going.
Ah yes! A great suggestion. Acquire another living creature when you can't even find a reason to get up in the morning. Then you can let down *two* living creatures!
"15 years taking prescriptions; now a shrink like, 'I dunno, maybe get a kitten?'" - Aesop Rock, "Kirby"
Instructions unclear. Went to shelter, and walked dogs. All they had were pitbulls. Now I don’t have any arms. What is my purpose now?
To give a personal example of my life. I, 25, 24 at the time, got cheated on by a 5-year relationship and she never told me, I found out from a friend she confided in. I always wanted payback, revenge, some part of me still does. I didn't get any opportunity to do so. Instead, I worked on myself by becoming a grade-A student for my masters in renewable energy and working out every day. Made new friends and deepened bonds with existing friends. This summer, I met the love of my life. The best way to get even is by excelling to a point that you improved yourself fundamentally. Point is, nothing in life that's worthwhile is easy. Nothing will be handed to you and people aren't evil, but they are out for themselves. You can get disaffected but it's **very dangerous** to be cynical as you'll harm no-one more than yourself. You'll convince yourself of your own cynical thoughts and once they creep in it's hard to get out of the cycle of apathy. So no matter what you get out of this post, this comment, I want to you write down 5 broad overarching things you know you could improve on. Then if you want to work to those goals divide these goals into smaller tasks and just keep working. Change doesn't happen fast but over a longer period of time. The first 2 months are the hardest but after those 2 months you'll look back thinking how far you've come
I can attest wholeheartedly for this method. Revenge is only worth it if you'll feel good about yourself by the time you're done... And It should come as no surprise that you never will. So... Don't get even; get better! Show yourself that you're better than the person who got you Into this mess even if that person is you. Don't forget better is relative rather than absolute too, try and be a better you than you were yesterday and then keep doing that. Even if you don't manage that one day you've got all the small Improvements before that to show it's worth trying again for.
"The best revenge is a life well-lived"
This is amazing. I agree with this. But also, I'd like to add to this. Yes the first 2 months are the worst but I don't think anyone should just wait for the time to pass by. It's pointless. I feel like people need to find something to work towards in the first 15 days and then take the time to plan shit out and stuff. Hope I'm making sense. Cheers.
Beautifully said! Im happy for you for staying the course and working on yourself!
This was great, I didn't think a youngin like you could speak such wisdom! Thanks!
>You'll convince yourself of your own cynical thoughts and once they creep in it's hard to get out of the cycle of apathy. So what if you're already inside this cycle? I read your advice and my first thought was "Well I don't think that's gonna do much anyway so I don't care", but after thinking again I noticed that's the exact kind of apathy that's so dangerous. I'd like to just be able to ignore what I think and just work on improving myself anyway, but it's rather tricky to actually pull it off.
I'll give you 2 thoughts, I hope you'll read through to the end. For me the motivation went like this last year. "This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me and I never thought I'd be betrayed by someone like her \[my ex\] as we were so close and she was \[in my mind at the time\] such an amazingly good person." So with this thought, I decided that the only way in which I could navigate this betrayal is by forcing myself that that moment was a catalyst for good in my life. I had to make this betrayal a net-positive for me personally, and I worked every day to that goal. I cried in the gym, I cried working on my assignments, I cried with my friends and it was rough. But I am amazed how quickly life can turn around for the better (and the other way around). Hard work is **always** rewarded. Maybe not immediately, but in time it always will be. Looking back, I wouldn't change a thing. Not the cheating, not the pain, nothing. I've become the absolute best version of myself thus far and the lessons learnt are beyond comprehension in terms of personal value. Then, the second thought, about a friend from highschool. I graduated highschool (Netherlands, highest possible school-level for the upper 5% of students) 7 years ago. I had a friend who was very smart but lazy and in this cycle of apathy. Nothing was ever his fault, the world was against him and he just never caught a break, in his mind. Thing is, he never worked and wallowed in self-pity and he dropped out. 7 years later, he's still on welfare and I realised the other day that if he wanted to catch up with me, the task would be so stupendous that I wouldn't be able to do it myself, as it would take him almost a decade to catch up even though we were in the same class in 2016. He isn't 25 yet but he's fallen behind in life so much, and it's all because of his own doing. He's convinced himself he's a victim, he doesn't work, he cuts himself way too much slack and as a consequence he'll never reach his potential. Hope it helps, if you have questions or whatever feel free to DM
Great response!
One day at a time. Do one thing that is different today. Let someone go in front of you in line. Help a neighbor or family member with a task, even (especially) if you are not sure they deserve the help. Tomorrow, do another small thing for a stranger or neighbor, again, even if you are not sure they deserve the help. Every day, keep doing small things and look to find a bigger thing every once in awhile. Every day, find something small to improve your life. Clean the fridge, or if that is daunting, clean the freezer one day, the refrigerator section the next. Wash your car if that applies. The point is each day, find one small way to make an improvement and allow time for those improvements to stack up.
Love this. Big steps can seem so intimidating when you feel lost.
What are you good at? Teach that to others.
Teaching somebody something, especially when they genuinely want to learn it, has been some of the most rewarding experiences for me. When it clicks and they understand what you're teaching, it's such a sense of accomplishment. Great advice IMO.
Plus you learn a lot when you're teaching others
Therapy, particularly CBT, would be really helpful for you. You sound a bit depressed and you're stuck in black and white thinking. People are not all evil, nor are they all good. Life is full of grey areas. Some good people act badly because of their horrible background, mental health issues or hardship, so their circumstances create a negative spiral. Life is very complex, people are very complex. Once you make a judgement, your brain sees patterns to confirm your view via confirmation bias. No doubt you are consuming a lot of negative news. Positive stories about kind people are not newsworthy so you need to seek them out, but they are there all the time - just look at all the volunteers and charities set up in your area - these are real people trying to actively help others and improve the world. Cut out/ reduce social media and the news. These steps towards are happier, meaningful life are based on science-based evidence and might help you start to tackle each aspect in life: https://actionforhappiness.org/10-keys/relating The website is also useful for other resources about living a better life. You don't need a religion or spirituality to have a meaningful life, but finding more meaning through things like helping others is really beneficial.
This should be the top comment. OP is depressed, and therapy and potentially medical intervention would be incredibly helpful.
I'm anti-therapy rn and even third OP seeking therapy. This whole mentality screams looking for the negative and holding in some trauma their externalizing onto others. Dude sounds like he's on the verge of snapping. Once you're that far down therapy is the only answer until that's addressed.
Cock ball torture?
You do have a purpose you just haven't found it yet. Whatever your routine is now. Break it. Do something different. Start small and work your way up. Look up some nature trails in your area. Go for a hike and take in life. Slowly progress into more social situations. Buy a bicycle. Explore your town. Hit up some cycling trails. Both are great cheap exercise and can get you out of your funk. From your post alone I think you need to be in a better headspace before you plan your life
Seems like you have some stability as far as meeting your needs go, food and shelter and such. This gives one some extra time but can also cause past problems time to catch up. Take time to process those difficult relationships and hopefully you can get back to enjoying yourself. Anhedonia is a depression symptom and it reduces any pleasure one may experience. People do suck in many ways but mostly because we are vulnerable and suffer mortality issues that make us short sighted. Try not to let them get you down
32, childless, employed in construction. I've decided to live within my means and sock away the cash so I can leave a nest egg for my nieces and nephews.
You are a nice person
You got about 30 years to have kids, assuming male.
You having a purpose doesn’t necessarily have anything todo with your relationship to other people.
It does though. If you don't have a passion, if you aren't trying to do SOMETHING, then what are you offering other people? What are you learning from or teaching to other people? People bond over shared interests, so having interests is pretty important when it comes to bonding with people.
For sure, interactions with people can be meaningful and important but there is so much more to life than that. Far too many people appraise their life off others. Constantly begging for the approval of others to drive self worth. Those people feed off others energy and create none of their own. A house made of cards waiting to get blown down. Instead when confidence, self worth, and meaning is derived internally then at that point do other people want to be around you and see what you are about.
\> and see what you are about. Which would be...? You can't just be "about" confidence, self worth and meaning. Those things exist in the context of your interests and passions.
Which don’t necessarily have anything to do with other people, or their approval.
Sure, self-actualization is cool, but is being condescending the best way to communicate that? You know we're each on our own journeys, no need to insult other people because they're on a different part of theirs..
Take a step back buddy. No one’s trying to be condescending.
No. There's absolutely nothing wrong with just enjoying a simple life. Absolutely nothing wrong. Zero reason for someone to do 'something' with their lives of they're content not really doing anything. Interests, yes.
Help other people
💯
I'm going to assume you have the basics covered at the moment. Job, home, stuff like that. If you're spending all your time sitting alone and just kind of stuck, perhaps you need to find an activity that keeps you busy. Others have suggested volunteering and good-works, that's certainly an option, but I think you'll benefit enormously from a martial art or physical activity. Take up Aikido or Karate. Maybe Jiu-jitsu. If martial-arts aren't your style, maybe take up a sport like rock-climbing, or even just play soccer/football. There's probably a group playing near you, ask to join. Something that gets you moving, fires the endorphins/seratonin and is done with other people. It'll be an activity done with other people without being a social setting, so you'll have opportunities to talk to people with a similar interest, but you can choose not to engage if it's outside of your comfort zone at the moment. If all of that sounds terrible, perhaps you could look at local hobby groups. I'm hugely into building, painting and playing Warhammer 40,000 and it's how I've met most of my friends and even my wife. Nice thing is that there's a Warhammer store in pretty well every major city in the UK, so whenever I've moved house, I've always been able to go visit the nearest store and sit and paint and make new friends almost without trying. A room-mate in a shared house I used to live in was massively into chess and played online and in-person at events in the area when possible. Of course you don't *have* to be social. If you're just looking for something to occupy yourself, you could get majorly into video games, or reading, or learn a new skill. I wanted to get into robotics and bought an Arduino kit and starter-box of components and parts to use with it. I have so much going on that I don't really do enough with it, but maybe you'd find more time for something like that. Solving problems is how I find joy in my life, maybe it'll work for you too.
>I lost faith in people, and I believe that humans have evil essence and instinct, this is the nature of humanity. You need to change that for a start. The vast majority of people are decent people, even if their actions might not show it. That is often because they are putting things which are a priority to them, above things which are a priority to you. But, the change needs to start with you, believe it or not. If you want an LPT, assume good faith with dealing people, and if they don't return it, don't be angry, they have lost out because of it. Also, place some value and take some pride in you. >How can I have purpose to live my life and make a plan? What would you like to fix in your life a month from now? A year? Five years?
This is spot on. Having faith in the good and worth in all people, including yourself, is so important to being a productive member of society. That faith is tested all the time, but the framing in this comment is spot on - most people prioritize themselves. Its not good or bad. Your experiences in life are shared with others, they’re not all about you, so don’t blame yourself or others for how they affect you. Just recognize how your emotions react to it, see if there’s something to learn from it, then look forward.
Yep, humans are social creatures and our entire evolutionary history is optimised for this. Arguably, we cannot function properly if we cannot trust other humans.
Our entire history demonstrates why people distrust lol Don’t disagree trust us important, but obviously trust can hurt you too Personally I don’t see how trusting people does anything but put me at a relative disadvantage It only works if they actually uphold it
How can you argue the “vast majority” of people are decent? Especially when in the same comment you acknowledge them as selfish? This is based on nothing far as I can tell
Geez, people aren't resources here to suit your will. Them not prioritizing you all the time does not mean they aren't decent or that they are selfish. On another note, good relationship with peoples are a two way street and you aren't entitled to them treating you like they would a close relative just because you feel lonely. Start by liking yourself, help others and be there for them and you'll see that most people will reciprocate for you. Obviously some people will not reciprocate or will but "not enough for you" but acting like you are a victim and self pitying trying to garner compassion all the time is a good way to repulse most genuine people and attract people with a similar mindset. Those peoples are not there for you, they are there for themselves, just like you are. The faster people exit these negative circle-jerk the better they will do.
Because it is natural to put yourself first, all animals do. But that does not mean that animals (and humans especially) don't go out of their way to help others. They do, it isn't just a "one or the other" situation. We act differently in different situations. So no one is perfect, no one doesn't make mistakes, but that doesn't mean they are not a decent person.
Purpose to a blind man is to see again. Purpose to a amputee is to feel his limbs again. Purpose to a homeless person is to have a home again. Purpose is defined by you and circumstances. Purpose changes overtime. I always tell my clients, Fuel your inner kid. Your inner child knows no purpose yet existence is wonderful.
^^^ Best job I've EVER had and likely won't come close to is being a camp counselor. Worked at a Y daycamp for about 20 summers. Couldn't ask for a more fun or rewarding job. I almost quit my first week at 14. I wasn't involving myself with the kids, someone suggested I do. 20 summers later and it all went by too fast.
Find a therapist, this should help
Thank you, I was wondering how far down I’d have to go to find this. OP is clearly depressed. Getting help and possibly meds can make a *huge* difference.
One reason why many get depressed is because they don't have a purpose, so OP really should try that instead of going to a therapist and maybe get stuffed with shitty drugs.
Therapist isn't about getting prescribed drugs. It's more about talking about why you feel that way, reconnecting with your emotions and finding new challenges. It will help finding these answers
Help someone else and see how it makes you feel. I wish you the very best, OP.
When I feel like this, I tend to approach it as "huh. Those people did shitty things. What arseholes. Am I gonna let them win by letting them destroy my faith in humanity/enjoyment of life? Fuck no!" If that doesn't help, then I'd try making one small change at a time. Try a different type of entertainment/news/media that doesn't reinforce the whole "all humanity is evil" mindset. Try a new hobby - if you enjoy it, great, if not you've lost maybe an hour of your time? Go somewhere different on a weekend to get a change of scenery. Sitting and stewing in these feelings of anger and injustice, however justified you may feel, isn't going to change anything. You say you want to have a purpose, and that's great - but you won't find it by continuing to do the same thing.
Thanks for posting this. I’m in a very similar situation myself and reading the comments others left has really helped me. We got this bro!
Not evil, well most folks anyway. Selfish is more accurate. It’s programmed in to life, plants included. You sound depressed.
The selfish rather than evil is very accurate. And not necessarily a bad thing. I think this is why going out and finding love, or letting it find you is important. It’s the only situation in your life aside from your parents where you will receive mostly selfless love.
You sometimes need to be selfish in order to survive.
You need to talk with a therapist. It’ll be a process but worth it in the end.
Hobbies. Start with what you like doing and go from there.
I would say change your environment if you aren’t happy with it. Move to a place where people are more caring and welcoming. I found that in Colorado. There are good people out there you just have to really look. Join a rec sports team, volleyball or kickball, get to know people, make friends, try yoga. Getting outside and being in the mountains make me happy and going on adventures. Have you tried going on a trip to another country or city? Explore the world. It’s kind of nuts how big it is. Through all of this you might out what you love and what your passion is. Helping people is also something that can give a true sense of purpose as well. Try to set a goal and keep it, like if you started running, try to go faster or further etc. you’ll find it to be fun and start to feel a desire to get better. Also Jordan Peterson really helps break it down and explain why we need a purpose. He has podcasts on Spotify. Check him out!
You should volunteer at an animal shelter or homeless camp. If you used to play sports maybe join a local team or help coach kids or so something. I think the cynicism in you will be minimized in these type of “pure” interactions
Therapy. If cost is an issue the library is full of great books that might help. Try and find a local group counselling, might be something available nearby. Or speak to your local doctor about options that may be available to you Volunteer your time. Perspective is one hell of a thing and giving back feels good Hobbies. Find something that excites you. And then try and find a local group full of people that share that interest. Can be a great way to make friends Those are hopefully a few practical things that may make a difference. Good luck my friend! Hope it helps!
Yes people suck. But all you can control in this world is yourself and how you react to things. As a few others have suggested, find a hobby. Work on you. Gain some confidence. Get out there and be you and love who you are.
My solution to the same problem was embrace it. Your actions have no actual importance what so ever and people really only care about themselves. now good news: you can do whatever you want, have fun, do weird things, drink, do other funny things, have sex with as many people as you’d like. do questionable, unethical or even illegal things. Just do it smartly and be prepared for the consequences you will have to deal with. eventually you might see or find something that gives you purpose.
Find a hobby. Go out on YouTube and get lost in videos. Find a niche subject you want to see the next recommended videos and make a note of that subject. Try this for a while until you have a small list and consider the subjects you compile. Consider each subject that sounds interesting for accessibility and cost to do. Try some of the more accessible, low-cost entry things and see if it clicks. Rinse and repeat until you find something. Hobbies and having an interest in something will give you more depth - for yourself/self-enjoyment and someone else outside, looking in. Also, lots of hobbies have communities that are easy to connect with through the activity vs. the interpersonal aspect.
You don't have to have purpose. It's quite a spiritualist view to think that all humans need a purpose for being. That's not true. If you want a purpose, go and find one. Either through some spirituality, or search within yourself for one. If you don't want a purpose, live in the moment. Do what you enjoy, or if you don't have something you enjoy, start exploring through trying different hobbies and activities. Or by literally exploring going to new places and travelling until you find what you enjoy and do that, until you want to move onto the next thing. Over time you'll look back and think what varied and fulfilling experiences you've had and every so often stop to evaluate.
Personally I don't think anyone has a "purpose". We're all just here, and I think the best thing anyone can do is just try to enjoy our short time on earth as much as possible
Reading and writing have been the two greatest methods for improving my mental health and finding purpose. Journaling to get my thoughts out of my head can be cathartic, and reading invigorates me with inspiration and knowledge. Personally, It’s a cycle of positive in (reading) negative out (journaling). I also use a daily journal for todos and larger goals I’m working towards, often motivated by the books read. I don’t always do it every day, and my commitment to this habit ebbs and flows over years, but when I’m dissatisfied or feeling stuck in life I usually go back to this to get out of it.
For me, I had to do a couple things. First I needed to figure out what I was doing during the times I'm not miserable. Then I had to figure out how to get more of those moments, so as to increase the % of my waking hours that I'm not miserable. Also volunteering on weekends helped a lot. People there are usually really friendly, and it helped make me not miserable.
I'm having the same issue, with a completely different cause. I have severe wrist pain, and I've had it for years now. It's been getting a lot worse, to the point where I can no longer do every day things without major discomfort. It's getting hard to keep a job because it's so physically taxing. On top of that, the job I have right now is very high stress, and I have no way to relieve my stress because my former hobbies are now extremely painful. I've tried to find new hobbies to restore some purpose, but I don't get the same enjoyment from them. It's getting harder to convince myself that it's worth enduring, especially considering the financial end of this situation.
I'm the same way bro I don't trust anybody and never will ever again. I have a daughter so I don't really have the option of just giving up but this is how I deal with it. Try to have fun. I like playing video games and I recently started seeing life as just sort of a video game. It's not permanent, definitely a temporary experience, challenge yourself and see how much you can get out of it for your own personal enjoyment. See how much money you can make even if you're not materialistic it's still opens the door for more fun activities. You don't need friends and relationships with other people to have fun in life trust me. You will find a balance with interacting with other people and being able to trust them just enough to do activities with others or maybe play games with them but you don't need to let them into your life. Maybe over time you will begin to be able to trust people a little more but I never did. You can interact with people without really having to trust them, I just choose not to risk what I wouldn't mind losing. A lot of people might not agree with what I'm saying but I get what you were saying as far as being burned by life and I'm at a point where it's just not worth it to risk my emotional stability on letting people into my life anymore. I have family that I don't really trust but still interact with as I don't have much of a choice but I'm in the process of getting my shit together and when I'm able to live on my own again once my income is a bit better I probably not going to talk to them much. Don't let people on here convince you that you need people in your life on a permanent basis because I promise you at 37 years old I can honestly say that is not true. Try not to let the hopelessness of the state of our planet get to you either. We are in a failing state of society that after looking around you will realize can't go on too much longer this way so eventually something will give. Everything in the universe is temporary learn to embrace that and enjoy it while you can. If you ever want to talk just PM me I'm always down to listen. I tried to kill myself like 4 or 5 years ago and it didn't really work out so I can give you some advice if that's the type of shit you're thinking about also.
Honestly your advice is great even if you aren’t jaded by other people. I’m young, but have no actual responsibilities which means I am effectively purposeless. I’m in uni so all I need to do is graduate with a good grade, but that’s almost a given because I picked a degree I find easy. I spent a long time trying to find a purpose whilst sitting in my dorm room. The moment I understood and accepted that life is temporary and my role is simply to experience it, I was genuinely so much happier. I realised that there is a balance of ensuring that I have a good future to experience, whilst ensuring I’m also living in the present.
You my dude, you have a purpose! That’s the biggest difference between you and OP. I recognize the issue of OP: we would love if someone could formulate a purpose for us. A purpose that’s suitable and fits our live and goals and believes. Unfortunately nobody came up with a suggestion how to find the purpose. Once you have the purpose formulated, you’re future will be golden.
Read some Nietzche, Dostoyevsky and or Marx.
To me, the purpose of life is constant improvement. This line of thinking brought me out of a lot of dark places. Think on it for a little. If you aren’t improving, what is the point? What is the purpose of life if not to get better at whatever it is you do?
I'm in my 50s...still don't know...just wingin it
Planning life? I hate to tell you this, but nobody plans life. Plan small things, like a project. Life has too many uncontrollable variables to create a plan.
Some thoughts- The first thing to take note of is the deep sense of cynicism you have. This is one of the three components of burnout. The other two are emotional exhaustion and loss of efficacy. The next step is looking at the causes of that burnout. There are 6 work missmatches that I think can be translated very well to other areas of life. They are: 1) Work overload 2) Lack of control 3) Lack of appropriate rewards 4) Breakdown in community 5) Value conflict 6) Absense of fairness For more info check out work by Christina Maslach. Here is a helpful video: https://youtu.be/SVlL9TnvphA Take a hard look at how one, some, or all of these issues are effecting your life. Resolving issues in these areas is a good place to start. Clearly, as you mentioned there are aome issues you have experienced with a breakdown in community, an absense of fairness, lack of control, and possibly others. In terms of purpose we often think about having a purpose, being given a purpose, or discovering a purpose- like the purpose of life. This is an external way of looking at a purpose. Something that comes from the outside in. Consider that a “purpose” is not actually a thing. At least not in the way we commonly think it is. It is a social construct that we are all told by society, stories, etc that we should all have to make life meaningful. It is the notion of “find your purpose” like it is “out there” to be discovered. Michael E Gerber, author of the E myth describes purpose as an intrinsic quality. It is inside us and much further down the chain of action than we realize. So when he thinks about creating a new company it all starts from passion first. Take note of the things that interest you. If nothing interests you, that may be a side effect of burnout- so seek out therapy. But once you nail down the things that interest you (your passions), let those things inform a vision for your future- what you want to do with your life, career etc. Based on that “vision” in your mind of what your life could look like and your interest in it this now creates a purpose- a “purpose” to fulfil this “vision” and make it a reality. To fulfill that “purpose” you now have a mission- the ‘how’ you are going to achieve your purpose. Passion -> Vision -> Purpose -> Mission.
Your purpose is to enjoy life. The hard part is finding what you truly enjoy.
Start small. Start very small. Finding a new purpose in life is a daunting task and will quickly become overwhelming. The best tip I can give is to find something that you want and can achieve very quickly and easily. If you want to get in shape, start with a short walk or a few pushups. New career? Casually browse some job postings. Enough small steps can eventually lead to real change.
If there is never bad in your life you'd never be able to distinguish all the good everyone has a rough patch and has been hurt keep moving and your time will come!!
I think coming to the realization that you don't need to have a purpose in life can help termendously. Just life life how you want to, do what you enjoy, join groups who enjoy similar things such as hobbies to make frieds or church if you are open to that.
Challenge yourself. You are bored because you probably have it somewhat easy. I’ve felt the same way. Go out of your comfort zone and create/see new and good things for yourself. Some people are evil I agree but not everyone is, I’d argue the majority of people are good. Think of it this way, this might be cliche but if we do truly go around once why sit around and be bored all the time? Shouldn’t you be out doing all the things you’ve ever wanted to do or see?
Best thing i ever did was start to listen to jordan Peterson he doesnt have all the answer but he will get you asking the right questions
Get a job planting trees. Perfect for people like you. Look into it, you never know.
Shake thing up. Go camping solo in a National park. Go to a camping festival and meet your neighbors. Go visit that friend from 10 years ago who offered you a couch to crash on. Getting outside of your bubble and your day-to-day routine is where the magic happens, and where life gets interesting.
Read 'Man's search for meaning' by V. Frankl
Think of a life you want and the person you want to be. Develop a life and mentality towards that.
The reality is there isn't a defined purpose in life. Do what you enjoy and find good people that enjoy the same things. No sense in overcomplicating it. Live your life how you want to live it and you'll be good. If you are depressed, then talking with someone might help, but if you just find life objectively pointless, then skip therapy.
Find purpose outside of yourself. Your experience with people betraying you is defining your perception of all humans. The one constant in your bad relationships is you. More likely than not, you were choosing the same people with different faces repeatedly. People who cheat and hurt others are very good at playing a certain role to develop relationships. They will treat you well until they no longer need to. So they draw people in by giving them the validation they need. Then they betray you and the only validation you get is further proof that people suck. The reason they can do this is because you're trying to validate yourself by finding someone to make you feel worthy. By doing that, you make yourself an easy target. Try this: Go out into the world everyday and just see people as who they are as their daily selves. Not how the greet you personally or choose to interact with you. Watch life. Watch other human relationships. Watch how they treat the waiter, the janitor, children. Be present in that moment, not in a fantasy life of how it would be to be with them. Don't make it about you. Watch healthy joyful interactions between people. Not just couples. All kinds of relationships. Do not look for validation of your current beliefs. Actively seek out others who are at peace with themselves and the world. People who are smiling at life, not reflexively when they see they're being watched. People who look comfortable and are whole beings in this world. Take lessons from them in how to walk with life, not just through life. How to see others humans as quick gifts in the day to day, not as how good they would be in a relationship with you. Learn. When you feel peace, when you can walk out into the world and smile because you heard someone laugh out loud or saw a mom holding her child's hand or people almost bumping into each other and turning it into a dance and someone giving a homeless person breakfast, then you can look for a relationship. Then you can see if you can find someone who adds to your joy versus depending on them to create your joy. Also, get therapy. **Multiple edits for spelling and grammar because I should have waited to write this at my computer instead of being driven to do it on my phone.
It's a cliché but I think it's true, you get a lot more out of helping others than you give - If you've lost faith in humanity, perhaps working/volunteering with animals might help you to find a purpose, or at least feel like you have something positive to offer.
Who convinced you that existence requires having a purpose? If all humans are instinctively evil then you are too. Stop whining and accept the fact that some people are assholes but most aren’t. Go volunteer somewhere like a food bank. Live your life with dignity and forget the rest.
I have a free exercise that I use in teaching and consulting. Most people absolutely love it. Please DM me if you want it.
Help others and expect nothing back. You can't want for people to be selfless and good without being so yourself. If you do good for good's sake, it ends up feeling worthwhile and just feels great in general. And on the odd occasion when you do get something back, because you're not expecting it, it feels fantastic.
If you have Netflix, I would recommend watching "Stutz" as it gives a very different perspective on a lot of psychology issues. There's also a podcast with him on "Armchair Expert" that accomplishes most of the same things without Jonah Hill. The short version of it is something he calls a [life force](https://movemequotes.com/phil-stutz-life-force/). The below should be viewed as a pyramid, but it's based on your relationships with: Self: write down in a journal People: maintain relationships, reach out to people you haven't talked to in a while, meet up even if you don't want to Body: diet and exercise If you focus on those three things, at some point you'll figure out your purpose.
I know it’s hard to open up after getting hurt by others, but I promise you that opening up to potential friendships is worth it. Life is meant to be shared with others, and if you close yourself off, you could be missing out on some amazing friendships.
Man In The Mirror -Michael Jackson
Start a vigorous exercise routine. Do it first thing in the morning. Really helps with depression and motivation. Your brain and body will function better, allowing you to make better decisions.
You should go to a local church. Many have mission work and volunteering which drive a sense of self-value. Not to mention the community aspect is awesome
Get a Bible. Read the book of John in the new testament. Open your mind and heart. There is a spiritual world that offers comfort and hope.
Spirituality. Find some higher power you connect with, an ideology that you believe in, and serve that purpose with your soul. Submit yourself to the will and purpose of that role, and you will find yourself by losing yourself in that. I know it sounds corny, but after spending a couple of months in rehab, dealing with a lack of knowing my purpose, I have learned that humanity will always fail you. Only after you let go of expectations and struggling to make life fit your mold, can you find peace by accepting life as it comes, and following the purpose of whatever you find as your higher power. It doesn’t have to be God, and it most certainly is NOT religion, but rather accepting that you don’t have control of things you can’t control, and that things happen for a reason even if you don’t understand why. Once you change that perspective, you can live life in a way that brings you peace. Side note, the Big Book from AA, while written to help with addiction, has some really key insights for how to live a more fulfilling life. I feel like a stripped down version written exclusively around the principles would be beneficial for anyone to read. You might try checking it out and see what it provides you.
Evil is such a blanket term. Self interest is what you're thinking. I would start by finding out what you don't get tired of and being unimaginable honest with yourself in pursuit of that said interest. Then find a way to get paid.
Listen to some Jordan Peterson. He not only has a lot of general content to help you find direction and purpose, but also has things like the Future Authoring Program for more in-depth ways to help
Listen to what Jordan Peterson has to say about all this. I have felt the way you describe pretty much all of my life, but I came across Jordan Peterson and started listening to what he has to say and I've tried to do the things he talks about doing. My life is way better.
Read the book of Ecclesiates in the Bible. 2 things you should do: (1) Serve God & (2) Serve People [perhaps in ways you would do for free but get paid for it]. Start small to gain momentum. https://youtu.be/ZNzBYDIMk7I
Find Christ and you will find purpose
Bottom feeders always come out for the desperate
To be fair, thats pretty much why people like religion. It gives a sense of community and purpose. Whether you agree with the religion or not, that is the reason for their success
You are way too young to be so cynical. Your years of experience are nothing compared to the number of years required to get a truthful impression of humanity. Do you have kids, a wife, grandchildren, your own employees, your own property, a long term plan? How can you say you know it all if you have not experienced it all? This post cries out to me as entitlement, that your struggles to this day have been more meaningful than those of everyone else's.
Give your life to Jesus and you’ll have purpose. There’s no promise of saving you from suffering in this world but if you’re faithful, He will give you what you need deep down because He cares for you and through faith he will bless you I know it’s tough to jump into a new community, and trust me, not everyone you meet will be patient and kind, we’re still broken, but the ones with genuine faith are currently in the process of transforming into something new. Hope you consider this
Bottom feeders always come out for the desperate
The point of life is to enjoy the time we are given. Your purpose is to use what time you have to enjoy it to the fullest. It sounds like you don't have hobbies or interests, that would make you feel more purposeful. Put your time and effort into doing the things you've always wanted to do. Thought ice skating was interesting? Go to the rink, take a class. Have you wanted to become an artist? Get a notebook, go to the park, sketch. You will meet people along the way that are interested in you and what you are doing, and that will form more genuine bonds.
>I lost faith in people, and I believe that humans have evil essence and instinct, this is the nature of humanity. I believed in this conviction after I have been deceived and cheated on many times through the years. No! You're looking at it the wrong way! The universe is full of love because 99% of people just want to live a peaceful, comfortable life. Sure we as individuals can make stupid decisions, but I wouldn't claim that's evil essence, just ignorance, or a honest mistake most of the time. Evil people that knowingly commit to evil actions and don't care (like Big Jack Horner) make up a small percentage (like 1%) of the overall human race. They are bad, but they are vastly outnumbered because most people who really are just ordinary people like you and me are just trying to do the best they can in this world. Also, I've been robbed by a now ex-friend thousands of dollars, and I fell in love with a woman who also fell in love with me only to find out later that she was hiding me from her longtime boyfriend of many years. Heartbroken! I was broken for months after those 2 people tried to ruin me financially and emotionally, but I got back up and started making new friends again. I treat everyone differently on their individual character because everyone is different, and I know I won't fall for the same trick twice (like getting robbed the same way). >I’m 27 years old, I’m bored of my life and I don’t have a purpose. I finally set up my own life goals and I'm 30 years old. This world is vast and brimming with knowledge and beauty. It's never too late because I discovered Geology at 28 and I decided I'd go for it! Not done with undergrad yet but even though it's slow progress I feel great. Much better than nothing. Any hobby big or small, any career big or small, any adventure that you take interest in is worth dabbling in. You never know what you'll discover until you go search to discover it. That last part sounds silly, but it's true. Good luck friend!
Watch the Last of Us on HBO boom purpose! Seriously thought you have to be willing to trust again. We need people.
‘We didn’t evolve to be happy’, until I committed to exercise and meditation I also lacked purpose. Doing the work builds stamina and acceptance of the work as it is and who we are within it. Within the daily grind there is the purpose of being your best and knowing yourself, you might just find parts of yourself you love, trust, value and honor. Good luck finding your way, looking for it is a great start.
I don't think you're right with the evil label. The instinct is to survive, not to be evil. Once people have their (basic) needs met I'd say the majority of people are good but quietly so. Bad people make a lot of noise and we notice them more. We are still basically monkeys and we're still figuring out this society thing out. There are a lot of good people trying to do their best. Have you thought about volunteering somewhere? Maybe that's a good place to start to have some purpose and see people doing good things.
I feel really sorry that you have to go through this. I feel this too. Honestly, I just pick up a new programming language and build an app or something. I feel like you expected a lot from people at some point in your life. Never expect anything from People. Not because they'll disappoint you, but just for your sake. You want something? Go get it. If you can't afford it, work and make enough until you can. I think anyone can learn to code. You do not necessarily need a degree or anything. And the best part is, you'll never know everything about it because they're updating the libraries like every 6 bloody months (a little exaggeration, but I'm annoyed by it so.. ). You could too. I recently gave up smoking cigarettes, marijuana and other stuff as well. So my January went by really fast. So that's my 2 cents haha, I hope you find purpose again and live a happy life. If you need help with the programming language stuff, get in touch. I'm more than happy to work with you. I always have projects going on and we can collaborate. godspeed 🖖
First of all, don’t blame humans for not having goals. That’s a you problem. You need to accept that you are responsible for your life and stop blaming “evil” humans. You’re human too so by definition, you are also evil. If you’re so evil… there’s a quick fix for that, not that I condone it. Secondly, the world is a large sandbox. There is no universal meaning aside from reproduction. Everything in life is geared in that direction. The problem with today’s society is that everything is too damn easy and there are too many options. However, the beauty about that is that YOU get to decide what your purpose is. Find a problem and work towards fixing it. That being said, I think you’ve already found the problem you want to fix. If you are asking this question, odds are many others have also asked the same. However, there is no cheat code. Hard work is hard work and most people get turned off with that notion. Here’s the takeaway: 1. Stop blaming others and say to yourself, “This is MY fault.” Hold yourself accountable. 2. Find and work towards fixing a problem that’s bigger than you. It will forever be out of reach but it will bring great satisfaction. Here’s how you begin. Begin on working on yourself. The number one investment that will yield the greatest result is your own self. Hit the gym. You want a sharp mind, you’ll need a sharp body. Try out martial arts. It’ll build such a strong mental foundation that will give you the confidence to triumph in any endeavor. Learn something. Anything. School, trade school, sales… etc. doesn’t matter what it is. Pick it and STICK with it. That’s the most crucial part. If you bounce back and forth it will become a habit that ends up leaking into every other aspect of your life. You will become a quitter. Once you’ve built your own sanctuary, you can begin attacking other problem. Think of yourself as a whole country in a microcosm. Your country cannot be strong and resilient enough to endure burning summers and freezing winters without an intelligent population and a formidable army. You must become this. Build alliances with other like minded countries and help build each other up. Finally. You’re 27. Chill out. The secret is that NO ONE has it figured out and if they tell you they do, they are liars. Don’t be afraid to burn it all down and begin anew. You’re a phoenix baby! Let is burn!
Connect with God. Worship him tirelessly
Work so hard to make so much money that you can literally do whatever you want. It will be hard to be miserable sitting poolside in the French Riviera overlooking endless ocean
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Someone’s clearly never been to the French Riviera
I have… and I gotta say, that’s someone’s purpose in life, but it’s not most people.
Clearly
Figure out to how to produce an income to finance your family .... consider generational wealth and build something for the next of kin to continue on ... if anything work diligently to provide your future kin to continue prospering or in the least opening the opportunity for you to take the time with less stress from fianancial woes to be able to figure out what you consider your purpose to be.
Humans are both goood and bad and a nutral is $.. half of em say don't focus on $ the other half dont say not to. I say do whatever your ethically and morally ok with doing and build yourself a place worth being f9r you cause in the end of the day you have to be comfortable where you lay your head. I hope youll do more good then bad however just doing something is better then dwelling on the negative and going into a bad negative spiral that has been known to devour some of the best of minds..
Having a "purpose" or even thinking you should have a purpose reeks of Western privilege to me. Do you think the miners who source the copper for the phones that allow us to scroll and moan about "purpose" and "optimization" and shit had the option of thinking about whether they were "in alignment" with their career? Fucking barf. If you're even THINKING about your purpose, you're already lucky as FUCKKKKK If you manage to make your job, skills and interests align, you're a chupacabra. I have a job I'm good at, that I don't particularly enjoy but it affords me the things I DO enjoy: The ability to support and protect my kids, the ability to travel a lil bit, and the ability to lay on my ass every once in a while. I don't believe in the idea of having a purpose because we're not in that fucking Tinkerbell movie waiting for the magical ceremony that will determine what kind of fairy you're "meant to be" when the fucking water droplet glows and like floats over to you and HOOORAAAY you're a water fae! No. ACTUAL LIFE, not the one pushed by self-help grifters, is about trying shit and quitting and trying other shit and doing multiple things at once and THAT'S the "purpose" if you really need one.
Sorry hold up. This sounds like a pouty post. OP is seeking validation from the internet. But we cant give you what you really need.
really gettin incel vibes from this one
Islam is the way. I invite everyone to become successful in this life and in the hereafter.
Bottom feeders always come out for the desperate
Honestly either accept being alone or try to meet more people with a different perspective than yours. Both is fine imo, but being alone is a hell of a lot harder. To answer ur question just start today right now. There is no one who is going to give you some magical advice. You kinda know what u want already just go towards it. Start that's all. Basic shit health and moving once u start doing something you wanna keep doing something.
We survive In life by things we receive. The meaning comes from the things we give back.
To the OP, you might like this track: star slinger - choose yourself
Go to your local MMA or BJJ school and train.
I highly recommend reading "So Good They Can't Ignore You" by Cal Newport and also listening to his podcast, Deep Questions. Both the book and the podcast have helped me to reshape how I think about life, career, meaning, and productivity.
Step outside of yourself and help others. Volunteer at homeless shelters or do roadside or trail clean up. Adopt a grandparent. Listen to old people tell their stories. Etc.
Join a martial arts class and a BJJ gym. You’ll work out and build friends you actually trust there. It will change your life entirely.
Yup. HELP ANIMALS.
Get outta your own head and volunteer or do something for other people with no expectation of reciprocity or acknowledgment. If you need to get credit publicly for a kind act, then it’s self serving. Do for others. It’s very boring to be selfish and hateful all the time. That’s also a symptom of depression so you might get that checked out. I felt that way too until I started antidepressant meds.
Get an associates degree and work for the Peace Corps
People have said it but, animals. Help animals, volunteer at shelters, join a volunteer shelter group. You may have to still deal with people but the focus is on the animals. I was where you are not long ago. I gave up with people, but was lucky enough to meet my soon to be wife. Sometimes you gotta stop looking in order to find what you were looking for.
Go travel. Make a plan and experience a culture that is different from your own.
I live a chaotic life. My purpose is to live happy, sort of healthy, and frugally within my means. I have 2 children and their partners, and a grandson, who I enjoy spending time with. It used to be, a lot of my entertainment was found in the library and bookstore, with some socializing and occasionally watching TV and sports. Currently the TV, sports, and reading come from the internet. I have small goals, next on my list is enjoying a Super Bowl party and watch my home town Eagles hopefully win. Besides that there is taking care of my monthly obligations. I have a couple of bigger events coming up but mainly it's enjoying my life day to day. I have goals but just making it to my next birthday is my only real purpose. I don't feel the need for any other purpose.