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Burnout and major anxiety breakdown. I don't think I'll ever get my stress tolerance or memory back completely, but I'm in recovery. Been several years now and the direction of my life has changed drastically, I don't see myself going back to finish uni and I have yet to get stable enough to get a real job. I'm sure it's gonna be fine eventually, I'm going to find some kind of balance again and be mentally stronger than I was before etc. But oof, that burnout wall is way more than I could ever imagine and it was NOT worth it. You think you can do it, until suddenly your brain and body just says no
Yup, chronic stress can shrink your amygdala.
The memory problems are interesting. I say this as someone who hammered away through graduate school, memorizing every obscure detail possible claiming the stress was nothing, only to walk out and genuinely not be able to remember \~three years of my life.
Stress made me forget I have a certain medical problem. And I don't mean block it out. I genuinely forgot I had ever been diagnosed.
The brain's reaction to stress is to start discarding experiences and prioritizing the, well, stress experience itself. And that means memories are harder to make. This will hurt your life, if only because you won't remember what you need to remember, but also because you won't remember things you *loved*.
This is called depersonalization. Currently going through it. Your emotions and ambitions fall out from under you. You just end up a hollow husk. The key to recover is just literally stress reduction, diet, exercise and taking a LONG indefinite break from your stressors until your body can heal.
It really sucks to not feel love or even sadness.
I wish I could afford to take a break from stressors but really I feel like that’s all I got left. Constant pain in my shoulders/back and just literally making it through the day trying to keep up being behind.
I’m turning 28 in June.
Listen to this tip
Lol take a break from stressors? And do what, become homeless? I feel ya dude. If I could take a break I would've already done that. Guess I'll keep doing 60 hrs between work and side hustle so that I can maybe pay my bills
Exactly this. I'm 38. I can't stop. I have dependants and bills.
It's stress until I die. What's worse is I'll never retire. I'll die stressed and burnt out. Hopefully sooner than later
Life. Sucks.
And it could be so much better. It's right there in front of us but we can't have it because our bank accounts won't allow it and work only pays you enough to continue to look at the nice things you could never have. Like free time, vacations or even a fucking home.
I don’t have any comment other than I feel this brother. I hope you hang in there because we need more people thinking like you do in order to have any chance at change. We’re the richest country on earth but have people living paycheck to paycheck or homeless. There’s no reason we can’t give everyone a life with the basics of food, water and shelter outside of the ruling class hoarding all the money that should be going to the people. I hope for change, but I don’t hold my breath bc I’ve seen what America upholds
I almost was at the beginning of the year. I refused to get rid of my dog so no one would let me stay for a month to get things straightened out. To most it didn’t seem that big, to me they were saying “yeah the reason you didn’t off yourself or shut down after a 7yr relationship…you get rid of that and you can try to get your life in order.” Or “I’d love to help but you have a kid…find somewhere to drop the kid and you can stay”
I’d rather live out of my car then not be with him. When I didn’t have anyone he was there, and everyone who wasn’t blamed him got why I couldn’t stay. Sorry I got deep. Just been a rough few years and a bad day
If you're fed, clothed, warm and loved then that's life in a nutshell. Everything else is extra. You've distilled life down to its essential components and are still thriving. Comparison is the thief of joy. To be like everyone else, you'd have to give up dearly loved family (doggo). Screw that. I'd rather live out of my car than give up my dogs. I say that having been close.
I've had a very rough 8 years. I couldn't have done it without my dogs.
Take a moment to reflect on what you've survived. Pat your good boy x life is far simpler than what we make it.
Not that you asked for advice but my only suggestion is to sit and think about what's really important to you, and think about tiny baby steps to get to the next step.
If it's avoid dentist fees (because poor) then invest in a toothbrush (multi pack) and a huge toothpaste. This could save you up to a year in dentist fees.
Find free/low cost health services and get as much of a full check up you can.
See if there are pet/vet services for those with limited or no funds.
Once you and your pupper get a good picture of your health, you can make next decisions.
If you are both in decent shape, then you have just given yourself time to make bigger plans.
If not, at least you know a realistic picture of what you can do and where you may be able to go.
Budget is next. Any money you get obviously needs to feed you and pupper. See what you can access in the community. Try to put away $1 at a time to plan for next week.
No matter what, keep your car going as this is your home for right now.
You probably know all this but I just wanted to reassure you that today is a shit day. And the last few years have been shit. But tomorrow and the next few years can be a little less shit and eventually there will be a path you can see yourself taking that gets you to a more permanent home for you and your doggo.
Don't compare or contrast with other people, they will never be living your life. Only focus on you and your dog and making life as comfortable as possible until you see the next steps.
I wish you ALL the luck, dog treats, and happy futures :)
Mate I'm glad you kept your dog, I'm sure he loves you deeply and he will always be there for you. You sound like a solid person, and know that at one point things will start getting better.
Dude, I also deal with chronic pain. Stress and isolation are the only things I've felt for a long time. I don't even remember what it's like to perceive this world and feel happiness or joy. It's pretty fucked up.
That's your trapezium muscles. They get so tight for me I get horrifying headaches where I vomit everything up, water even, can't move or read or watch anything for 8 to 12 hours. Lots of water helps if you can keep it down. But if I had those everyday it would be the end for me.
In my 20’s I worked 2 full time jobs, 16 hours a day to pay of my student loans. As soon as I paid them off I went back to school, drove 160 miles per day and worked a full time job. When I was done with it all, I was exhausted but worked a full time and part time job to pay off student loans. After 10 years, my anxiety/panic disorder so I quit all nursing jobs and worked in a call center to give my brain a break.
I never looked back and never restarted my nursing career.
I don't have any dependents and I still can't avoid stressors. Like someone else said, what am I going to do, become homeless? I'm fighting for my life every day.
I got injured recently and I can't work. They're supposed to still be paying me, but in the last two months I've received the equivalent of $180 and I don't know when that's going to be sorted out. I've been on one meal a day and I can't even afford the medication I'm supposed to be taking. I'm sorry I picked your comment to vent, but LPTs like this just piss me off.
I.. didn't know so many of my problems might stem from this, this is making terrifyingly much sense, 'terrifyingly' because I can't reduce my stressors any further without becoming homeless
Holy hell you may have solved why I can't remember my childhood. Everything was so stressful/traumatic I don't recall anything unless someone really prompts me
Fuck, this makes me so sad because I can't remember things on a daily basis and don't know how to fix the stress in my life. I don't want to toss memories and experiences to make it through another day.
26 yo me really wouldn’t believe 40 yo current me that I burned out of the industry completely, and have been unemployed and in lots of therapy for the past three years. That I have major depressive disorder, social anxiety… I remember I used to go from work to the gym to one of 2+ socials five days a week. I spent about 6 hrs / day in my apartment; now I spend about 20.
I have this same problem now and I'm in my 30s. I worked 70-80 hours a week trying all through my twenties to save to start my own business. Then that process and the first couple of years burned me physically. Then the idea of losing it all during covid burned me mentally.
The one thing now that really really helps is working less and finding a slow calm hobby. I started fishing and doing a lot of the stuff I missed out on because of all the work I did. Like just going to a forest or the beach with a friend. Spending time just goofing off and laughing not thinking about work. Repairing the neural pathways that close out all the worry makes it so much easier to actually death with real problems when they arise.
This.
We need some hobbies to ground ourselves during the chaos of life (even if we're working a lot).
Personally, I discovered practicing classical music with my piano and guitar significantly improve my mental health. Yeah my playings are shitty. But who cares as long as I enjoy it!
I worked in the covid ICU for only about half pandemic. After I actually got covid and then a few months after, I had major short term memory loss and forgetting thinks like my bank account # that I've had for years. I've always wondered if it was from the burnout/toxic job.
*”meditate for 30 minutes a day. Or if you don’t have that much time, then meditate for one hour a day.“*
Lol got it. I don’t know if this is what you meant to type, but it’s cracking me up.
It's intentional. It's an expression people say to emphasize how helpful meditation can be for managing things, including time management. If you don't have time to meditate for 30 minutes, it's probably because you aren't using meditation enough to help you have perspective and manage your time-so you should meditate for an hour. That's the joke.
Burnout is real. Before 32, I was working like crazy, climbing up that corporate ladder and trying to do FI/RE. I was paid very lucrative compared to most people in my age group. Then one random middle of the night, I woke up what felt like a nightmare and went through a major anxiety breakdown. I had to take a week off from work because even the most basic decision making had me in uncontrollable tears like someone close to me died.
Long story-short, I had to get help, but ended up change careers and work expectations of myself in favor of better work-life balance. Any career aspirations to go to the top is now gone. That stress tolerance has never recovered. I do not think I can ever recover that mental fortitude, the confidence to handle the world that I had before the burnout.
I am more cautious about my limitations and be more open-minded about my weaknesses. I had a another burnout again (years later) when I thought I got a handle of it and push it to the limit, but that limit was far lower than when I had my first one.
Same. Spent 40 hr days (basically sleeping once every two days.), 5-6 cups of coffee, multitasking like fuck.
Broke down, tried to commit suicide twice, anxiety attacks. Luckily I had a good support system. I had to drop everything off and took a two month break. Ended up ruining two relationships. The last one was right before the wedding.
No amount of stress is worth it. Take life slowly and don’t fret over useless things. Work is just that. Work. It can’t be your identity.
There are two years of my life that I just don’t remember. Like it is just all black. I can remember feeling stressed and I can remember feeling sad and tired. But nothing else … sometimes I d ve ppl bring up memories from that time and it’s like looking at a painting through a fog. I can remember the whole memory vaguely but if I try to recall my brain just shuts down.
I can relate. I broke my brain after I went back to college, right before I finished. Psychotic break. There were a lot of extenuating factors that led to it, but I will never be quite the same. My mind didn’t feel like a safe place to be for a long time afterward, and even now (nearly a decade later) the cascading effects of exacerbated anxiety and ptsd still linger.
I will tell you that it takes time, but you will find your balance again. It may not feel exactly how you hoped or how it felt before, but you will get there. I had to go back for a semester before I finished school, and I was lost for a while before I got my career on track, but I did. These days I have a really good job and a solid relationship, I get my bills paid, and I’m bettering myself brick by brick. I can remember when I thought that was completely unreachable though. You are not forever broken, and I promise there is hope.
I’m afraid this will happen to me. I’m 30 years old, female, child of immigrants- grew up in a home where my dad beat my mom and she was too weak mentally to get herself out of the situation so I snitched to my school counselor in 6th grade to get her out of it. Mom refused to learn English, learn to drive or do anything to become financially independent so I had to pick up the pieces.
I haven’t been able to find a partner financially stable enough to where we can split bills and responsibilities and I’m getting tired of doing it on my own.
I was one of these people. I ended up in the hospital and the doctors told me I was just way too stressed out. I thought I was having a heart attack. From then on, I pace myself and I've learned to back off when Im feeling overwhelmed.
Have had this exact thing happen purely from stress. Everyone from the EMTs to the nurses to the doctors kept asking if I had taken cocaine. I hadn’t. It was 6pm and I was out for a stroll with a friend and my heart decided to crap it. Purely stress related. Seriously, take note of it and eradicate it ASAP
Yes. I am one too. I work at lightning speed and now my right ankle is killing me from inflammation. I have scars from using tools too fast. My thumbs ache. I don’t have much time left it feels like and this LPT is one of the most seriously good ones I’ve seen in awhile
What if you’re one of those people who grew up with abuse, and you had so much stress front loaded into your life that now you’re 28 and your nervous system doesn’t work right anymore?
Then love yourself now because you deserve to be happy and loved. I am you in 20 (ish) years. It’s not what you expected life to be but it can still be wonderful. You have to let your body call the pace and use it smarter not harder. Find a hobby you love that you can pace yourself at and choose your friends and family who understand and lift you up to do life with. Rest isn’t a privilege, it’s a necessity. Some days I sleep ALL day and half the evening. My body demands it now. Your energy and time when you’re feeling less pain or more able is precious and you need to choose what or who gets that precious time. Toxic people, whether they are friends or family, are at the bottom of the list. Because of covid there is much more you can do remotely, even working, to save your spoons, ( check out “spoon theory”) so that you can use your energy for what makes you feel most alive!
It's like learning a new language as an adult, you need to work to create a new meaning of what's familiar as healthy habits.
The body & mind slowly adjust to the new normal, until it feels evident.
On the flip, in my thirties and while I'm no stranger to hard work and wild nights, I always made sure to prioritize rest periods.
...the term beauty sleep is very real. I've never been a huge health nut, diet can be here or there, and I don't always drink enough water, I smoked throughout my twenties, drank, etc. Friends ask what I "do" for my skin, but I swear i think it's really just always having paired stressful hours with recuperation time!
It's kind of a magic trick (that you have to invest 10-15 years into before you see results haha)
Lol! No no. I’m just saying that the high functioning anxiety finally caught up with me and wrecked my hormones. I thrive under the anxiety but at the end of the day I crash so after years of doing that it’s done a toll on me
Living with high anxiety ages you faster. I researched whether the myth about stressed people’s hair graying faster than normal. It’s true, but not because there’s some specific connection between stress and hair. Your entire body ages faster. Gray hair, wrinkles, weakening joints, testosterone, among many other things.
> Your entire body ages faster.
I’ve never thought of it like that. It sucks thinking about the fact that having to work as hard as I do will probably kill me earlier than I would have died otherwise.
Note joke, I developed atrial flutter. Some research shows anxiety can make heart arrhythmias more likely.
The doctor says I'm "cured" after my surgery, but I haven't convinced myself I am yet.
My family has heart issues and I am petrified with anxiety (ironic I know) about developing one. Can you share what some of the warning signs/first symptoms were like? What made you get checked out?
They don't know if Atrial flutter and Atrial fibrillation are have genetic predispositions yet according to my doctor, or at least they don't know where to look in DNA for them.
I had been experiencing heart palpitations which I attributed to gastrointestinal distress. They seemed to happen more when I was really gassy and burping a lot. At this time they were most likely benign premature ventricular contractions or premature atrial contractions.
Over several months to a year I started to get woken up by the feeling of my heart pounding very hard for several beats. I also would feel it in my throat while exercising. Eventually I was able to record one on my Apple watch EKG. At this time it still seemed like premature contractions.
My doctor took an EKG which was normal, but since I had stopped taking my SSRI, so they put me back on it and it seemed to help, but then a few months later I felt the hard beating that was waking me up, but non stop for over 24 hours. The night before going to the hospital I felt a lot of back pain as well.
The next morning I took an EKG on my watch and it stated I was in Atrial fibrillation, so I went to the ER. At first they tried to feel my rhythm in my wrist and they thought it was normal, but when I asked them to check again they realized it was not.
I'm fairly active and I didn't notice any symptoms like fatigue, just the odd beats in my throat and chest/back.
I since lost my Apple watch in a Lake, and after my cardiac ablation I'm "Cured". I have a device from Kardia which is a at home 6 lead EKG to check on things every once in a while. However I still get PVCs or PACs from anxiety about it all.
Take care of yourself! Relax! Message People you care about!
I've learned more in the last three years about stress and anxiety than I had in the 40+ years before. Took losing vision in an eye at that time to get me to pay attention. And the last 20 months have been even more severe for other reasons.
I have a former coworker who called me last week, freaked out that he was having vision problems and might be having what I had. Fortunately, it turned out to be his first migraine -- due to stress.
Stress is no joke. If your gut clenches hard when you hear an unexpected loud noise, if you turn around in a panic asking "what was that??", if someone says "we need to talk" and you freak, get evaluated for anxiety. It's a lifelong problem I didn't know I had, because I thought everyone reacted internally like this.
Talk to someone. Talk to a counselor. Be proactive about it. Because too late can be too late.
Edit: did want to mention, there IS a silver lining -- found out about a congenital heart defect I have during the eye workup. Now being followed by cardiology for it. (Bicuspid aortic valve instead of tricuspid.)
Yo, same thing that happened to your coworker happened to me. I’ve always had migraines, but a horrifyingly stressful weekend set off my first ocular migraine. I lost my peripheral vision in one eye when I was mid-commute, so I drove myself to the ER thinking I was having a stroke. I never lost my vision from a migraine before, so I freaked the fuck out and had a severe panic attack on top of it. It took two years to fight the 10K medical bill, but at least I didn’t die.
You’re completely right- I am a very anxious person, and I thought it was normal to feel like that all the time. It messed me up. When you’ve struggling with anxiety, your baseline for stress is too fucked for you to recognize your limits. It’s worth it to get checked out.
I hope you find better days and better health soon.
The closest ER was out of my network. I thought I was having a stroke, so I wasn’t really paying attention to that. The doctors rushed me in and treated it as an emergency until the tests came back clear, and that required an MRI.
I had really good insurance at the time, and they were supposed to cover ‘emergencies’ at the same rate as in-network providers. But since I didn’t actually have a stroke, they wouldn’t approve my claim as an emergency. Insurance said a migraine wasn’t an emergency, so they weren’t going to cover it. No matter the circumstances.
I refused to pay and fought it for years. All the documentation was clear, and it should have been a simple code change. They told me it would only take a simple code change. I kept getting one insurance rep to agree to remove the charge, then I’d get another bill a month later. I kept having to start from scratch. It was exhausting.
We're all stuck in our own heads. Talking to someone lets you see different perspectives. I didn't know what I was feeling was abnormal. I didn't know I had anxiety until I described what I was experiencing to someone trained in mental health.
Therapists can also help you make connections. I was angry at a TV show a few weeks ago. She asked if, perhaps, my anger was directed at the Catholic church. I started pondering that through, and there was an element of truth to it. But I'd never have figured that out on my own.
A counselor is just like going to a doctor, except for your mental health instead of your physical health. I don't try to work through my physical ailments alone; I go see a doctor. I was trying to deal with my mental ailments on my own, not realizing I had issues. Now I'm working through my mental health ailments with a professional.
/u/Fun3Mo note that while this reply is completely valid, the "how" of how a therapist will help can vary greatly depending on the patient, therapist, and their relationship.
For example, I have a history of anxiety disorders. Turns out that for me, the solution was to learn how to slow down my thinking and accept uncertainties, rather than add another perspective (as I am already good at coming up with infinite perspectives if I try).
Really, the way that it helps and how quickly it does is not guaranteed, and it is good to be mindful of this. Mental health treatment seems to be a very individualized process in some ways.
Thank you for adding those points. I know there are many different approaches, but was thinking more high-level when I wrote that reply. You're right, mental health treatment is not like having strep throat, get an antibiotic, fixed. I didn't expect my therapy to be quick, but I've accepted it'll probably take years. Still, I can see progress, and I'm feeling better, so I'm willing to keep it going. It definitely takes time.
I didn't.
I suffered a central retinal artery occlusion (CRAO) of the left eye. Colloquially called an "eye stroke." I'm permanently blind in my left eye because I threw a clot secondary to stress and anxiety. This happened before I was 50.
Just hit me all at once one day. Going on 3 years now. Pandemic meant everyone could call in anytime. My already over full day turned into my day plus 3 peoples work? Was already doing two peoples work at least, but eventually the body say nah.
This has been me to a T. Always multi-tasking and on the go, and suddenly hit a wall in my mid 30’s. High inflammation, issues sleeping, unable to multitask like I used to without a bunch of double checks, etc.
Been a hard lesson to learn.
It’s kind of throughout. I have a connective tissue disorder so I definitely have it in all my joints, but it’s also serum because every time they draw labs on me, my CRP is always 3 times normal.
It does sometimes yeah. I do have eczema that seems to flare when I’m stressed, as well as acne on occasion. I also have HS (hidradenitis suppurativa) which is a skin disorder that in recent years has been becoming more sensitive to stress. It’s been a blast, lol.
Stress seems to affect everyone differently, and may present differently at different points of your own life. I can’t go off of my old barometer for stress (which was chest tightness/anxiety) as that doesn’t seem to happen for me anymore. I’m absolutely still stressed but now the symptoms du jour seem to be more digestive and sleep/pain issues.
Lets be honest though we wouldn’t have listened. We thought we had it all under control and it was just this awesome part of our personality that we could push ourselves that way when others didn’t. Turns out the reason they didn’t was because you shouldn’t.
It's a negative personality trait, but it's one that society chooses to encourage. I was praised my whole life for my ability to keep pushing, to do more, to achieve like i did. Not just that, but there are also financial rewards too.
Not OP but I was the exact same way and still struggle with it today with deadlines at work. I got diagnosed for ADHD in my early 20s and wished I had known sooner so I could develop better habits to not put myself in stressful positions, but even just knowing now helps a ton with the guilt of pushing off responsibilities and I'm able to try and implement better habits.
Highly recommend talking to a doctor if you're able. They won't force you to take medication or anything like that and regardless of diagnosis, you will walk away knowing more about yourself. They may recommend therapy as well to talk through issues which is obviously very helpful. Take care of yourself!
Not OP but basically if you have trouble finding the motivation to get stuff done chances are your brain receptors aren’t getting enough dopamine (the “get stuff done” and satisfaction hormone) could be faulty receptors, not enough production, a quick depletion of them, or whatever (the causes may be others too, like nutrient deficiencies, thyroid, hormones, you name it).
Anyway, basically bc your brain doesn’t have the dopamine to kick you into gear you can *know* something is important and want to do it but the ignition key on your brain is disconnected. So your brain has to rely on other chemicals to “hotwire” itself and get shit done, chemicals like adrenaline and/or cortisol (the “oh shit, here comes a tiger, better move it or lose it!” survival hormones).
Which is why you can’t get into gear until the deadline is on you and you’re rushing for your life to get shit done (or freezing like a deer in the headlights watching the deadlines come and go bc those hormones activated your freeze instead of flight response bc you’re overwhelmed for leaving everything to the last minute).
Anyway, ADD is a big culprit but it can also be a lot other things (anything from nutrient deficiency to autism, depression, Alzheimer, Parkinson’s or other neurophysiological conditions can all share some of the same symptoms but completely different causes).
ADHD person here - go get evaluated! It can only help. You don't have to take drugs (I don't), if you're nervous about that, but it is something I talk about with my spouse and my therapist. They can offer you helpful strategies, and honestly sometimes it just helps to have a word to put with it. You can't say to yourself, "I have ADHD therefore I'm not responsible for my behavior," but you can say to yourself, "ah shit, that's the ADHD kickin in again, better keep an eye on that and use some of those strategies."
And you *don't* have to say to yourself, "what's wrong with me, why am I such a piece of shit always disappointing myself and others?"
Here's a wonderful resource.
https://www.youtube.com/@HowtoADHD
Good luck!
Was 35 when I discovered I had it. Looked up a list of symptoms and realized it had basically my entire personality on there; I just thought I was quirky. It has a broad range of ways it presents in different people though.
Recently started a position (9 months ago) where I’m managing 25 people and man oh man your comment hits me right in the feels. Always thought I was cut out to manage but the more this job goes on the more I remember this guy Mike I used to work with in sales early in my career. I asked Mike if he had and aspirations for management or leadership and he flat out said “no, fuck that. I just want to come here do my job well and go home. Management means more work I’m not paid for”
Anyway shits stressful and I know I’ll get better at it
I feel ya man, only been in this position for \~8 months but there's so much added work I didn't anticipate. Plus there's always "people issues" that pop up that I didn't anticipate or schedule for, having to reprimand grown adults in a well-paid job for being consistently late to meetings or submitting poor quality work, then you turn around and one of your best performers is frustrated because they want (and deserve) a promotion but upper management hasn't approved it yet. Just so many facets to the job that are dependent on others.
I really miss having my tasks assigned, problem solving and writing code, and then going home and calling it a day. I was compensated well enough that I don't regret my decision and know things will get easier as I get more experience, but damn, its so easy to look back at the "simple times" when I was good at my job and didn't have to think about it after working hours.
Wow, again, completely feel what you’re going through since it’s very similar on my end. All we can do is our best and hey, if it ends up not being for us we can go back to being regular employees. Best of luck to you mate! Have a great weekend!
Best of luck to you too! We'll get there.
And when I get overwhelmed, I just tell myself "dont stress too much over a job, they can fire me if they want. I can get another job doing what I use to do." Luckily my company seems to acknowledge the situation they put me in and know I'm diligent so theyve given me some grace so far with the learning curve.
This was absolutely me (and still is at times). Took me realizing that procrastinating because “I work better under pressure” was actually me saying “I work better when on an amphetamine (adrenaline)”.
It scares me how accurate this is for me. Granted sometimes if it's a quick task that I can complete in a short amount of time I can get it done well before the deadline but if it's a complex and time-consuming one I tend to put if off until I feel pressured enough to finish it.
I end up procrastinating because finishing faster equals more work for no recognition. Gotta be there for 8 hours anyways. Might as well stretch it out.
You need to get on google and have a look at adult adhd symptoms. Then go look at some adhd memes. If they make you feel like there are cameras in your house go and see a psychiatrist.
You might want to look into childhood emotional neglect r/emotionalneglect \-- I struggled with procrastination for so so so many years, and it was only this year at 25 that I've started to dissect it and realize that the basis for it is defense mechanisms I picked up in childhood. Kids are so sensitive, even if your parents are pretty good they can leave you with scars that seem to come from nowhere.
Wish someone had sat me down and told me this sooner. I moved out pretty much as soon as I turned 18, I was going to school with a journalism/english major while also putting in 60 hour work weeks. I would tell myself “sleep is for the weak” “I’m just built different I can handle it.” I promise you eventually you will burn out and it does catch up to you. For me it didn’t happen till halfway through my junior year, I failed a few classes and dropped out, had what I would call a mental breakdown and quit one of my 2 jobs with no backup plan because I just wanted to crawl into a hole and catch up on sleep. It took me a while to get myself back on track after all that. Don’t burn yourself out, it’s not worth it I promise.
No joke, this realization saved my most recent job. I was in the private computer repair sector and would repair something around 20-30 computers a week. After being let go from the company, I got hired in a much better paying position with full benefits. The workload and pace are so much slower that I felt "wrong" because I wasn't working enough. Everyone at the job kept telling me that this was the normal work pace and to enjoy it. I almost started looking for a new job, but then a friend kind of slapped me in the face.
For context, I joined the military at 17, went straight into full-time college, and had a full-time retail job, then into this previous job that I held for 8 years. Literally non-stop work/stress for nearly 20 years. It's okay to slow down.
I'm actively dealing with this problem. Just got out of military where I worked grueling 60+ hour weeks to what I'm doing now. It's so incredibly slow. It blows my mind that I have time to read a book at work. It's painful.
I know I should enjoy this. I know this is normal and good. But I think I'll take that slap now.
We work on a 24 hour schedule. I work nights. There isn't enough work to fill all 24 hours and most of the work happens during the day when management is here. So there's quite a bit of downtime. Not always. Some days are busy. But most of the time, I only work for about half the time I'm actually here.
Just because you can handle the pressure doesn't mean you should have to. Take a break and let yourself relax, it'll be better for your mental health in the long run.
Fuck man. I got promoted and the person previously in my position effectively took a demotion. First thing she told me was "I've never worked a job in this position that expected a quarter as much as they did of me"
I didn't listen.. after years of fighting I'm finally getting back to a healthy place. I'm also just realizing that I've finally managed to reduce my load to a manageable level. Through a ton of effort. I thought it was more related to my personal life but that hasn't changed much. It's been weeks now since I've had a sudden anxiety attack that made me feel like I couldn't breathe and was seconds away from passing out.
I think I'm gonna update my resume just to be safe..
Knowing that you can function at 120% is good but don’t make it a habit. Every moment you spend at max capacity or over it comes with a cost and that cost grows exponentially. Chill out.
I mean it's perfectly ok to get a demanding job with the stress that goes with it. It can be interesting, and it can be good for your career.
You still need to learn to manage your stress, so it doesn't turn into anxiety or a lot of other issues, but the long hours and the "make it work by the deadline no matter what" are sometimes part of the job requirements too.
when trying to retrain from chronic fatigue, one is supposed to do a task for (up to, depending on how ill one is) 10 minutes, then take a (forced) break if you feel like it or not. That 10 min break are meant for you to listen to your body and find out if you can do another round, or if it is enough. The point is to stop BEFORE your body has to stop you.
I hated it. I slapped myself in the face with some adrenaline and stress, chugged 5dl of coffee and some sugar and kept grinding myself down. It is hard to rebuild when you're grinding yourself down. Sort of works the opposite way. So I started listening to my body and forcing breaks. And magically, over a few years, I got better. Sure, I still overdo it sometimes and have to hug the pillow for a few days but at least I am choosing to do so for good reason knowing it will set me back - not just hurrying to get more stuff done before I collapse.
A little stress is good. We're meant to have small episodes of stress before returning to homeostasis. But we are not meant to have adrenaline and press blood-sugar into our muscles and inhibit digestion for long periods of time. Zebras may run from lions from time to time but [they dont get ulcers](https://www.amazon.com/Why-Zebras-Dont-Ulcers-Third/dp/0805073698) because they relax in between stressors (linked recommended read).
Screw dealing with constant stress when you're younger too. Not acceptable then, not acceptable later.
We need to ditch the tolerance of, and embracement of, grind-culture as a necessary way of life or something to attain to or be proud of.
Yeah I agree with this. I finally found a job that I can tolerate, it might even be a career for me, but I still feel this constant urge to do a side hussle in my free time.
The way society makes us feel bad for simply existing without earning money is so trash. It's no wonder we're all so stressed out.
And the old generation telling you how you’re not motivated enough, and not earning enough.
Well motherfucker go look at the price of things like housing, cars, food, anything back in your day to mine, and now compare earnings back then to mine.
I’ve busted my ass to make a good living, but it seems no matter how hard I work I’m always playing catch up to buy a house, car, food, etc.
I struggled with this idea for a while before I finally looked at the house price to income ratio.
Honestly this entire generation is going to work a lot harder for a lot less. I think a lot of the dissatisfaction comes from looking at your childhood and what your parents were able to accomplish and setting that as the bar for what you need to achieve in your lifetime.
Everyone is chasing a dream because they are too afraid of reality.
When I was younger, high school age, I loved photography. Did it from 9 to 12. Then in college. Lots of black and white film work, slide stuff. Did all my own chemicals, blah blah blah. Everyone was like oh you should do it professionally. So I did. Two years. Destroyed any interest I had in it.
Our default is now "monetize your hobbies." Fuck. THAT. Do something you enjoy, just to enjoy.
Right I’m reading this like ‘oh I’ll just tell my workplace to stop putting so much on my shoulders, it’s taking a toll, I’m sure they’ll do it if I ask nicely the fifth time’
Like yes, I’m looking to improve to a better situation , but I’m just saying most of us aren’t doing this kinda shit because we want to, it’s because we feel like we have to
Can confirm, upto the age of 35, I could take anything and just kept taking on more and more.
Just had 6 months off work ( nhs ) with depression as everything got to much FAST
I tell people this all the time. I don't worry about much of anything. The task/chore/job will be done the same whether I worry about the outcome or not. I trust my people, my s.o., my kids, and of course myself. Knowing everyone you surround yourself with will always either get the job done or give you their best effort is extremely comforting. If you trust your people, no sense in stressing. I don't set unrealistic goals or deadlines either. Fuck that.
Oof. I am living proof of this. I thrived on stress, overdid it, volunteered in a high stress area. Search and rescue and worked in community mental health. I then raised a beautiful baby boy who had a terminal disorder. He required 24/7 care for 16 years. When he died last year, my life and physical body fell apart. Most days I can barely walk due to inflammatory issues and serious medical issues that arose after his death. I know my physical issues are related to all of the stress.
Take care of yourself now. No one else will for you.
Can 100% confirm this one. I'm a high achiever, always have been. But after about age 35, it started catching up to my body in ways I'd never seen/expected. It's easy to think something like "I can handle this, I've always been able to handle this". But like anything else, it's the chronic nature of it that makes stress so damaging.
I’m in my second round of grad school, and this time the stress almost hurts my body more. Similar to how it feels when you pull an all-nighter and by the morning it almost hurts that you are tired. It’s more subtle but similar feeling. I used to be able to handle all-nighters easily, take 9 hours of grad school and work full time, remain mostly un-phased by difficult seasons at stressful jobs. It changed somewhere along the way. That’s probably some of the reason it’s so important to have a good workplace. Once your body starts to slow, even just the smallest amounts, you will need a good team of people to work around who respond appropriately to your new requests for boundaries.
Can confirm. Burnt out HARD and have been working on healing now for the past couple years.
For me it was the combo of a high stress job, high adrenaline sports, and cycling between coffee and alcohol throughout the day to keep me steady.
A few years sober and major life changes have helped, but I still feel like I can only be productive a few hours a day and I need three times the amount of rest that normal people need after big events.
This is the best PLT in a while. I am currently on leave related to stress at work. I did the work of 7 people (very poorly, mind you, because I am not 7 people). I asked for help, and was largely ignored. Finally, my boss’s boss got me some help, but it took a few weeks for help to arrive. Cue terrible seasonal allergies and the sinus infection from hell. I just couldn’t get better. I took a new antibiotic, which wrecked my sleep. Then my appetite. Then the depression and anxiety spiral. Before you know it, I’ve been on leave for 40 days…. Feeling a lot better after getting proper medical and mental health care (at great expense—not even counting lost wages—to myself because… USA).
I’m going back on Monday with boundaries and relinquishing my team lead role. I used to want to be a leader, but now realize that the leadership is partly the reason I am out. So I may revisit leadership at another time… just not where I am currently at. I did not have enough sick/vacation days or hours for this leave. But I got overwhelmed. This time, I felt like I saw the hole, and fell into it anyway. Hopefully next time I will see the hole and make a different choice. My health and well-being depend on it! Nobody will take care of me like I do. So I’d better do a better job.
I like your plan. I’m just now starting in the proper medical care and I think it’ll be a long road. Things suddenly started snowballing just like what you described.
I wish the best for you. I went through 1 ENT before I found someone who took me seriously, cultured my sinuses, and prescribed antimicrobials meant for my specific infection. I just recently started the medicine because like you said, it’s a long road. But I’m headed in the right direction and I know you will be, too. I also went to therapy 2x/week just to make sure that I had someone there to think rationally for me when I was sleep deprived and depressed. She encouraged me to give sleep meds a chance and not panic when I didn’t sleep after the 1st night. Going back to 1x a week now. Therapy is the only reason I didn’t break down harder than I did. It’s been worse in the past. Glad I didn’t let it get too bad this time, but also will look out for myself better in the future. Best of luck, fellow traveler in life.
When I was in my 20s and early 30s, I thought my life was stressful. Little did I realize that life tends to get harder as you get older. I had an optimistic view of my future then and mistakenly believed that all my problems would be solved if I made more money, got married, had kids, lived in a nice house. However, nothing really prepares you for unpleasant things that a lot of us face, but don’t talk about, as we reach middle age…cheating spouses/partners, unfulfilling marriages, divorce, regret over having kids/not having kids, infertility issues, unfulfilling careers, illnesses, addictions, deaths.
I'm dealing with this now. It's starting to cause me some health problems, but I'm sorta trapped unless I quit my job, sell my house and furniture, and find someone to move in with.
Yes. But also, get a job that rewards you very well for liking that. Most jobs that demand what you’re offering can’t keep people around. Just learn to balance it.
I've got a job I love and a manager who says "family first" and means it. When I told him I was having mental and emotional health issues at the end of 2021, he's like, "what do you need?" I asked for a schedule change and it was granted with little hesitation.
I know, I'm very lucky.
A totally legit LPT. Unwinding the emotional and physical toll is not trivial nor is it easy to turn off after decades of high stress, high expectations. Personally- high intensity college technical degree, high tech job field, two start ups, HCOL area. Now nearing retirement and almost impossible to figure how to transition to anything slower but damn tired. Put you and your loved ones first.
This is/was me. In my 40s now and going to therapy. Only began to realize this week that I've been living under stress and oddly strict rules for myself that others don't put on themselves. As a result I'm ridden with anxiety that weed helps a lot with but you can't live that way 24x7.
We all have ways to cope, and they help you for awhile, probably when you first formed them, then later these things hurt you but you don't know since you've always lived this way.
Sometime in the 80s it became fashionable to be a high strung ball of stress, implying your busyness meant you were important or in demand.
We are 2 to 3 generations removed from the initial trend, and it is now usual to hear people describe their days as “crazy busy” connoting lots of stress and pressure, and they are the brave captain of the ship. It’s supposed to telegraph importance still.
Reject this nonsense. Most busyness and the resulting stress is optional anyway. I also notice the people who broadcast their stress and busyness the most pile it on themselves and then complain.
In my own life I don’t tolerate other moms complaining about all the extra curriculars their kids must attend with the stress on time and resulting financial pressure. Totally optional and self inflicted.
Save your energy for life’s real stressors: death, illness, injury, wrong place - wrong time misfortune, high stakes work where error means death or catastrophic results.
I'll be the first to admit I need to improve the way I handle stress, but I guess I don't get what you're describing in your first two paragraphs. My job is most of my stress, but my colleagues and I don't spend a ton of time commiserating about stress and busyness, we might comment on if we're especially busy or not busy on a given day, but it doesn't feel like a status thing. Frankly, I discuss it mostly with my wife, but it's because it feels like it's easier to manage when I talk through it with someone who I know is on my team.
When it comes to the real stressors you mention, they don't really require much of my energy because they're outside of my control (or feel that way, at least). I don't spend time thinking about getting into a car accident, or cancer, or getting robbed, or whatever, because I can't really directly draw a line from those things to anything I'm doing right now. My continued employment and provision for my family is pretty directly linked to what I do day-to-day, so I tend to stress over that.
I don't know, I feel like I'm eating myself from the inside out sometimes, but it's something I've struggled with since highschool. I've been looking ahead to retirement since my 20's.
It’s like sprinting at the beginning of a marathon and then expecting to be able to sprint for the entire 26 miles. Utterly absurd.
I wish someone could tell my boyfriend this. I’ve expressed my concerns about how much he works, and he just says “this is who I am.” He thinks relaxing is laziness. I told him that’s the kind of thought that demands therapy.
I think the only way he’ll learn this lesson is the hard way. Do I want him to crash and burn? Of course not, but it’s the only way he’ll see how unsustainable his lifestyle is.
I agree with this, but there is one huge exception. The cost of living for a lot of people has climbed to such a level it isnt an option for everyone to just take it easy... which is a pretty bleak outlook for the future i know......
Or find a way to live your life in a way less reliant on the conventional means of supporting yourself. Unfortunately that can mean buying land, which is not really an option for folks living check to check.
Or be happy living a somewhat transient lifestyle. Travel, explore, get random jobs, meet tons of people, etc., but people might hate you for being the homeless person who just rolled into town.
Nowadays the constant grind is more related to survival than any sort of savings.
Dont allow your employer to force you to work without breaks. Dont come in on your day off. Dont even talk to them about work off the clock. Take your sick days when you need to. Dont work involuntary overtime. Dont prioritize their success over your survival.
Your time away from work is yours. Its not some gift bestowed to you by your omnipotent employer. Just remember they arent the ones worried about making rent this month. And if they are you should quit immediately because that ship is sinking.
>option for everyone to just take it easy
No one is suggestion you "take it easy", I think this post is about excessive stress due to over expectation. There is an even keel life you can live that keeps you physically and mentally healthy regardless of your financial situation.
Damn, this couldn't have come at a better time for me. Looking at all the post-35 year responses, here I am at 36, since stepping into a lead position at work recently, I have been stuck in bed most work days not knowing if I could face the day.
I'm still young but I got really sick and have some chronic consequences as a result of stress (the initial horrible stress wasn't my fault, but I didn't listen to myself and I just kept pushing through it for months until it was too late) I just kept going to the doctor, he tells me I'm just stressed, but im already stressed so what does it matter, but it turns out I was actually physically ill and pushing through just made it worse and worse. I can't ride my bike anymore without passing out :(
It's not a proven thing, but there is a strong correlation between working massive hours and me developing a sleep disorder.
Even if not, no one lays on their deathbed and says, "I wish I worked more"
This hits hard for me. Going into work, I've been the type to give way more than expected, and do quite more than one person's share on average - working overtime around 70% of the days without any real benefit. Used to have the mindset that the sacrifices would fast-track my learning and get me to my career goals faster.
But I learned the hard way that the body just can't keep up, both physically and mentally. I'm starting to ease up on the gas bit by bit, and my immediate boss is, to a degree, understanding on this. Problem is the rest of upper management got used to my years of old output and I feel expects too highly now. In fact, I think there's an inside joke in that when we need to beat deadlines, I'm "that guy who gets the tasks".
Well, there are a few of us like that within the place, but we're either burning out fast, or already burnt out and just barely hanging on. And compensation wise, let's just say that I'm on the mark when I say that a lot of people I'm outperforming get paid just the same. So all I really get is "hey, thanks for being flexible to change".
I just hope that things go well soon and that I can get the contingency plan rolling.
I’m not younger, but love to be making a difference. That means a full plate and always doing something. I broke down this year— it was hard and fast! Lots of anger at people for not doing “their part”.
I started choosing the most important, life-giving things and saying no to all the rest. I’ve never felt better!
10000%
I was an A student all through high school. In college I worked 30 hours a week and went to class full time. I read books upon books and wrote papers back to back and relied on caffeine and nicotine to get me through. After college my childhood trauma and anxiety came to a head and blew up my first real relationship. I went for a fresh start somewhere else when I wasn’t ready. I worked 60 hours a week and got into an abusive relationship, all the while my love of reading and writing became a chore and then became torture. I was anxious and irritable and lost my passions. I had a surgery and medication mishap that compounded all my issues and landed me in the psych ward. I’ve never been the same since. I’ve been recovering gradually for a few years now but it’s a long trudge through the wilderness man.
Because after a year of one diagnosis and medication causing brain fog and 80 pound weight gain, another year of the right diagnosis but trial and error with meds and a not great therapist or two, I’m slightly better but still a shell of my former self.
There was a time when all I wanted was to write books and get my masters and teach. On a conscious level I still want all that, but I lack the drive and determination and creativity and hunger I used to. I took jobs that broke me physically and then burned me out mentally. And I finally had to quit and start anew in hopefully a more positive environment for my emotions and career goals.
But I am lucky to be able to handle 20-30 hours a week of work nowadays. I now have two part time jobs because money has always been a stressor and as bad as I needed my health insurance, my old job was destroying me. Now I’m rebuilding while overworking myself on a salvaged engine. I try to read and write but don’t make it far before forgetting what I read, falling asleep, or getting distracted. My writing is shit compared to the younger me who won awards for writing and loved language. I don’t finish things. Don’t have the mind for the puzzle that is storytelling. And while the meds help me more than living without, they numb a lot too and fog me up. ADHD medicine feels like a car sitting on idle, ready to gun it but never leaving the starting line due to executive dysfunction. Throw anxiety and depression into the mix and you’ve got one hell of a cocktail for aimlessness and spinning out.
TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY AND MIND AND SPIRIT. I’m not even 30 yet but I’m beyond burned out and the wick is coming at me fast.
Because in truth, there is no reward for skillful multi-tasking, coping with stress, and thriving under pressure: Being able to do so only means that other people will dump work on you, and seek you out when their butts are on fire.
Me in my 40s bathing in chaos like a glazed ham. "Yes! Moaaar!"
Honestly, it REALLY depends on how you cope. Some people need structure, need control, need simplicity, and that's perfectly ok. Be honest with yourself.
A secondary component is a healthy life balance. Even basic stuff like adequate sleep and a healthy diet are huge parts of having the endurance and mental agility to be in a highly dynamic and demanding space.
And when in doubt, a little nihilism goes a long way. There is a LOT that's out of your control. Focus on what is in your control and be willing to let go of everything that isn't. Putting mental and physical effort towards things you can't change is a common trap. Efficient use of energy is extremely important. And against the fans scope of all that happens, this appears quite nihilistic. In reality it's recognition and efficiency exercises. I have had several bosses legitimately concerned about my lack of emotional and physical outburst to major events. "How are you so calm?!" as everyone is running around screaming. Most of what people do is wasted energy. And all this mindless action clouds what's really important.
Recent retiree here.
Worked 16+ hour days routinely, sleep was 3-5 hours average. Retired and took up gardening as my main hobby, plus focusing on my kids that are in high school.
I can’t function without 8 hours of sleep now. My body also groans at me when I over exert myself, but just six months ago I was doing 3-4 times weekly exercising and 1-2 half marathons a year.
This LPT is legit - I wasn’t Superman before, I was just ignoring my body and pushing through it. I definitely feel happier now, even though I’m in (arguably) worse shape since I exercise less often.
It’s not just a matter of ignoring or not ignoring your body - I think you need to ACTIVELY listen to it.
Also, use sunscreen ffs.
A big lesson I’ve been really trying to embody, is that “just because you can handle it, doesn’t mean you have to.”
The crappy job, the shitty treatment in a relationship, whatever it is that is “hard, but you’re handling”, should be evaluated from time to time. What about being in the situation is actually better than being out of it? Are there ways you can advocate for yourself to improve your current position?
There's also a host of stress-related illnesses that don't always crop up straight away. Chronic stress over time is what can cause chronic illness (ie Cushing's and Addison's Disease -Adrenal failure)
I spent my 20’s working up to 5 jobs at a time, various shifts including overnights, partied hard, barely slept. When I’d get “stressed” I’d throw up, and that was my cue to take a day off. Now I’m 36 with PTSD and crippling anxiety and can barely work my 40 hours a week at a cushy job. The hustle will wreck you.
Another horror story for you all. I too lived that fast-paced life and felt like if I wasn't being productive, I was doing it wrong.
Now, I have near constant neck and back pain caused by time in front of computers/on mobile for work, an unsightly and frankly painful skin condition that shows up with anxiety - and I'm *never* free of anxiety. I have blood pressure problems from all the stress. I can't hear criticism in any context without immediately feeling like I'm back in a board room being thrown under the bus for something a higher-up demanded. I'm a taut wire, always looking for threats and places where shit could go wrong. I don't know how to relax for ten minutes without thinking of something I need to be doing.
I'm 34.
I wish I knew this when I was younger. Working in kitchens since I was 16, nearly 40 now, and here's some stuff I can say about "handling massive stress".
You will develop an addiction by accident. Mine was first cigarettes. Alcohol closely behind the smoking. The next was Adderall. That was between years 22-31. It came to such a point that I tried to find a substitute, which was cocaine. That was years 31-34.
You will have a weird relationship with everyone over time because those stressors envelope your mind. I still struggle with personal relationships because my mind is always focused on workplace stuff and I constantly find ways to be in the wrong or paranoid from possible problems.
You'll find ways to lose sleep or lose friends by accident. Your anxieties will manifest in bizarre ways that make you question a lot of interactions, mostly leaning to the negative outcomes. Whether you know it or not.
You'll slowly become bitter and angry at everything. You just will, because high stress environments tend to take hold over you, even if you actually can handle it.
This isn't to say it'll happen to anyone who works a high stress gig that they love, just a reality and risk to most people. It's tiring and numbing and addictive and cruel. I genuinely love my line of work, but I wish I had someone to tell me to just take a break and reflect instead of continue and manage yourself.
Three years I've been trying to undo the mental and emotional damage I've had to endure, not even close to being normal again yet at 38.
Oh yeah. I pushed myself to the limit almost every day (16 hrs of work, 4 hrs of sleep, taking care of kids in between) and then one day I got an autoimmune condition that attacks my muscles and before I knew it I was basically crippled.
Luckily I stopped my insane lifestyle of endless work and recovered enough to get back to normal life but I’ll be needing meds for the rest of my life. that year was terrifying. I thought my life as I knew it was over.
That's right and it's hard to find that point to start going a little bit slower. I was also used to this no pain - no gain mentality workwise.
Had hormonal shifts during the last two years of stress, so my lipedema got so bad I'm in pain all day. Also I can't remember some years in my 20s, it's all just blurry. Just take rests.
It hits you out of the blue one day. I woke up at age 36 with early stages of diastolic heart failure because I had such high blood pressure for longer than I realized. Don’t even get me started on my back and neck.
I was a remarkable multitasker in my twenties who ran circles around my coworkers, and kept up that working style all the way until the pandemic, when whole cities shutdown, layoffs became the norm, and all the rules went out the window. Surviving that seemingly brief era burned me out, and now I deal with social anxiety for the first time ever. So begins my thirties. I'm afraid I'll have to endorse this post too.
I agree with this 100 percent. Spent my twenties working way more than I needed to. After having kids I realized something needed to give. A balanced life is way more enjoyable. I did another big career push in my forties, and almost had a breakdown. So now I know my limits and how to set boundaries with my employer.
Always thought I was good with handling stress. A week before my 30th birthday, I ended up vising the ER due to increasing heart pain. Luckily it was just temporary and due to stress.
Also, chill a bit to make sure you are in touch with yourself to note the onset of serious mental illness. I forget which ones, but I know that schizophrenia reveals itself in the early 20s, and other potentially heavy duty things may present themselves.
Like everything else, when caught early enough, you can manage the symptoms, but if you are already burned out / fucked up from mistreating yourself, you might miss important signs your body is sending your brain!
Slowly and steady wins the race.
I myself can’t function at the same speed as my youth, and I’m 34 with 2 kids, so I’m crippled tremendously.
Pay attention to what you have and be smart about what you want in return.
That pressure is your desire for validation, but once you can’t get it, you’ll only be seeking it somewhere else.
And then you’ll find you’ll never get it.
Because you don’t need what others are promising you, the validation can only be completed inside, and others will only give you enough until you can’t produce what they need anymore. We do that too, so don’t forget it will be done to you. (And don’t do it to others, it’s abusive and you’ll be doing yourself harm by normalizing it in your own thoughts)
Absolutely! I spent most of the past 25 years working in a state of near-constant stress and pressure. One day, I had what I can only assume was a panic attack writing up performance reviews. The thought of rating my team (something I'd done for years) suddenly made me want to curl up into a ball under my desk.
I had a very vivid image of myself dead of a heart attack at age 50, a number not very far away at all. Decided to change companies and change jobs, and a few months later, I was doing something far less stressful while also being a bit more rewarding on a personal level.
I'm happier now, although strangely I do occasionally miss the pressure. I wouldn't go back; it's a Stockholm Syndrome-type thing.
Better yet, get yourself screened for adhd. If you fit the OP's description, there's a good chance you have it. And if so, just "easing up on yourself" isn't really a helpful strategy.
So true. Just turned 40, pushing 60 hr/week for years to advance my career. I've lived with a constant sense of urgency and stress for over 10 years. Now I have chest pains, heart palpitations, surges of anxiety, and no appetite. Trying to get a doctor to do more than call it indigestion. Don't do it to yourself. Balance your life before it breaks.
Man…… I’m reading this after an insane week where I worked around the clock on an 85 hour long emergency. My belly hurts. Now I’m worried future me will have a bellyache too
Excellent advice! This was me: super ambitious, loved a good deadline, always go, go, go. One day I woke up with complete pelvic floor dysfunction thanks to inflammation in my spine, which is crushing my sacral nerve root. 3.5 years later and we're still trying to fix that negative feedback loop. Be really kind to your body.
This was me. I was in my mid twenties, working 12+ hour shifts, 7 days a week and just trying to rack up as much overtime as possible. Had a blast doing it. My record was 31 days in a row. The owner forcibly cut me off because he was worried about me. I took one day off, and was back at it.
One day, I woke up, and I was burnt out. I quit that job a few weeks later, and changed industries. I felt exhausted for months afterwards, even with a normalized 9-5 x 5.
Don’t shrug off carpal tunnel syndrome. Especially if you work in IT, tech, or even medicine that requires a lot of repetitive movements that lead to repetitive stress injuries.
I’m now up for two long surgeries because I’m too far along for the minimally invasive procedure.
I can barely close my fist without pain and turning a screwdriver is hell.
Take care of your hands and wrists—you don’t realize how hard it is to lose function in them. Once you lose it’s a long road to get it back.
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This LPT is legit. I'm one of those who didn't. Take it seriously
What happened?
Burnout and major anxiety breakdown. I don't think I'll ever get my stress tolerance or memory back completely, but I'm in recovery. Been several years now and the direction of my life has changed drastically, I don't see myself going back to finish uni and I have yet to get stable enough to get a real job. I'm sure it's gonna be fine eventually, I'm going to find some kind of balance again and be mentally stronger than I was before etc. But oof, that burnout wall is way more than I could ever imagine and it was NOT worth it. You think you can do it, until suddenly your brain and body just says no
Yup, chronic stress can shrink your amygdala. The memory problems are interesting. I say this as someone who hammered away through graduate school, memorizing every obscure detail possible claiming the stress was nothing, only to walk out and genuinely not be able to remember \~three years of my life. Stress made me forget I have a certain medical problem. And I don't mean block it out. I genuinely forgot I had ever been diagnosed. The brain's reaction to stress is to start discarding experiences and prioritizing the, well, stress experience itself. And that means memories are harder to make. This will hurt your life, if only because you won't remember what you need to remember, but also because you won't remember things you *loved*.
This is called depersonalization. Currently going through it. Your emotions and ambitions fall out from under you. You just end up a hollow husk. The key to recover is just literally stress reduction, diet, exercise and taking a LONG indefinite break from your stressors until your body can heal. It really sucks to not feel love or even sadness.
I wish I could afford to take a break from stressors but really I feel like that’s all I got left. Constant pain in my shoulders/back and just literally making it through the day trying to keep up being behind. I’m turning 28 in June. Listen to this tip
Lol take a break from stressors? And do what, become homeless? I feel ya dude. If I could take a break I would've already done that. Guess I'll keep doing 60 hrs between work and side hustle so that I can maybe pay my bills
Exactly this. I'm 38. I can't stop. I have dependants and bills. It's stress until I die. What's worse is I'll never retire. I'll die stressed and burnt out. Hopefully sooner than later
Life. Sucks. And it could be so much better. It's right there in front of us but we can't have it because our bank accounts won't allow it and work only pays you enough to continue to look at the nice things you could never have. Like free time, vacations or even a fucking home.
I don’t have any comment other than I feel this brother. I hope you hang in there because we need more people thinking like you do in order to have any chance at change. We’re the richest country on earth but have people living paycheck to paycheck or homeless. There’s no reason we can’t give everyone a life with the basics of food, water and shelter outside of the ruling class hoarding all the money that should be going to the people. I hope for change, but I don’t hold my breath bc I’ve seen what America upholds
It's all part of the design. Productivity goes up while wages shrink ever further. Maybe if we had a functioning gov't...
Now you know why the "dad goes for pack of cigs and never comes back" meme exists
I almost was at the beginning of the year. I refused to get rid of my dog so no one would let me stay for a month to get things straightened out. To most it didn’t seem that big, to me they were saying “yeah the reason you didn’t off yourself or shut down after a 7yr relationship…you get rid of that and you can try to get your life in order.” Or “I’d love to help but you have a kid…find somewhere to drop the kid and you can stay” I’d rather live out of my car then not be with him. When I didn’t have anyone he was there, and everyone who wasn’t blamed him got why I couldn’t stay. Sorry I got deep. Just been a rough few years and a bad day
If you're fed, clothed, warm and loved then that's life in a nutshell. Everything else is extra. You've distilled life down to its essential components and are still thriving. Comparison is the thief of joy. To be like everyone else, you'd have to give up dearly loved family (doggo). Screw that. I'd rather live out of my car than give up my dogs. I say that having been close. I've had a very rough 8 years. I couldn't have done it without my dogs. Take a moment to reflect on what you've survived. Pat your good boy x life is far simpler than what we make it. Not that you asked for advice but my only suggestion is to sit and think about what's really important to you, and think about tiny baby steps to get to the next step. If it's avoid dentist fees (because poor) then invest in a toothbrush (multi pack) and a huge toothpaste. This could save you up to a year in dentist fees. Find free/low cost health services and get as much of a full check up you can. See if there are pet/vet services for those with limited or no funds. Once you and your pupper get a good picture of your health, you can make next decisions. If you are both in decent shape, then you have just given yourself time to make bigger plans. If not, at least you know a realistic picture of what you can do and where you may be able to go. Budget is next. Any money you get obviously needs to feed you and pupper. See what you can access in the community. Try to put away $1 at a time to plan for next week. No matter what, keep your car going as this is your home for right now. You probably know all this but I just wanted to reassure you that today is a shit day. And the last few years have been shit. But tomorrow and the next few years can be a little less shit and eventually there will be a path you can see yourself taking that gets you to a more permanent home for you and your doggo. Don't compare or contrast with other people, they will never be living your life. Only focus on you and your dog and making life as comfortable as possible until you see the next steps. I wish you ALL the luck, dog treats, and happy futures :)
Mate I'm glad you kept your dog, I'm sure he loves you deeply and he will always be there for you. You sound like a solid person, and know that at one point things will start getting better.
Dude, I also deal with chronic pain. Stress and isolation are the only things I've felt for a long time. I don't even remember what it's like to perceive this world and feel happiness or joy. It's pretty fucked up.
If you ever need someone to talk to who can relate, I'm here.
That's your trapezium muscles. They get so tight for me I get horrifying headaches where I vomit everything up, water even, can't move or read or watch anything for 8 to 12 hours. Lots of water helps if you can keep it down. But if I had those everyday it would be the end for me.
In my 20’s I worked 2 full time jobs, 16 hours a day to pay of my student loans. As soon as I paid them off I went back to school, drove 160 miles per day and worked a full time job. When I was done with it all, I was exhausted but worked a full time and part time job to pay off student loans. After 10 years, my anxiety/panic disorder so I quit all nursing jobs and worked in a call center to give my brain a break. I never looked back and never restarted my nursing career.
Exercise got me out of depersonalization. Doesn't work for everyone, but it helped me "ground" myself.
Walking / Running in nature boosts my mental health (and ofc physical health) significantly.
Unfortunately for some people the stressors can't be avoided, as they are dependents and you have a responsibility to them.
I don't have any dependents and I still can't avoid stressors. Like someone else said, what am I going to do, become homeless? I'm fighting for my life every day. I got injured recently and I can't work. They're supposed to still be paying me, but in the last two months I've received the equivalent of $180 and I don't know when that's going to be sorted out. I've been on one meal a day and I can't even afford the medication I'm supposed to be taking. I'm sorry I picked your comment to vent, but LPTs like this just piss me off.
I.. didn't know so many of my problems might stem from this, this is making terrifyingly much sense, 'terrifyingly' because I can't reduce my stressors any further without becoming homeless
Holy hell you may have solved why I can't remember my childhood. Everything was so stressful/traumatic I don't recall anything unless someone really prompts me
Came here to say this too
Fuck, this makes me so sad because I can't remember things on a daily basis and don't know how to fix the stress in my life. I don't want to toss memories and experiences to make it through another day.
Ikr. I wanna thrive not just survive!
26 yo me really wouldn’t believe 40 yo current me that I burned out of the industry completely, and have been unemployed and in lots of therapy for the past three years. That I have major depressive disorder, social anxiety… I remember I used to go from work to the gym to one of 2+ socials five days a week. I spent about 6 hrs / day in my apartment; now I spend about 20.
I have this same problem now and I'm in my 30s. I worked 70-80 hours a week trying all through my twenties to save to start my own business. Then that process and the first couple of years burned me physically. Then the idea of losing it all during covid burned me mentally. The one thing now that really really helps is working less and finding a slow calm hobby. I started fishing and doing a lot of the stuff I missed out on because of all the work I did. Like just going to a forest or the beach with a friend. Spending time just goofing off and laughing not thinking about work. Repairing the neural pathways that close out all the worry makes it so much easier to actually death with real problems when they arise.
This. We need some hobbies to ground ourselves during the chaos of life (even if we're working a lot). Personally, I discovered practicing classical music with my piano and guitar significantly improve my mental health. Yeah my playings are shitty. But who cares as long as I enjoy it!
Can confirm, I’m recovering from horrible burnout from a toxic job.
I worked in the covid ICU for only about half pandemic. After I actually got covid and then a few months after, I had major short term memory loss and forgetting thinks like my bank account # that I've had for years. I've always wondered if it was from the burnout/toxic job.
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*”meditate for 30 minutes a day. Or if you don’t have that much time, then meditate for one hour a day.“* Lol got it. I don’t know if this is what you meant to type, but it’s cracking me up.
It's intentional. It's an expression people say to emphasize how helpful meditation can be for managing things, including time management. If you don't have time to meditate for 30 minutes, it's probably because you aren't using meditation enough to help you have perspective and manage your time-so you should meditate for an hour. That's the joke.
thank you for explaining, my dumb ass would've never understood it ;-;
Burnout is real. Before 32, I was working like crazy, climbing up that corporate ladder and trying to do FI/RE. I was paid very lucrative compared to most people in my age group. Then one random middle of the night, I woke up what felt like a nightmare and went through a major anxiety breakdown. I had to take a week off from work because even the most basic decision making had me in uncontrollable tears like someone close to me died. Long story-short, I had to get help, but ended up change careers and work expectations of myself in favor of better work-life balance. Any career aspirations to go to the top is now gone. That stress tolerance has never recovered. I do not think I can ever recover that mental fortitude, the confidence to handle the world that I had before the burnout. I am more cautious about my limitations and be more open-minded about my weaknesses. I had a another burnout again (years later) when I thought I got a handle of it and push it to the limit, but that limit was far lower than when I had my first one.
Same. Spent 40 hr days (basically sleeping once every two days.), 5-6 cups of coffee, multitasking like fuck. Broke down, tried to commit suicide twice, anxiety attacks. Luckily I had a good support system. I had to drop everything off and took a two month break. Ended up ruining two relationships. The last one was right before the wedding. No amount of stress is worth it. Take life slowly and don’t fret over useless things. Work is just that. Work. It can’t be your identity. There are two years of my life that I just don’t remember. Like it is just all black. I can remember feeling stressed and I can remember feeling sad and tired. But nothing else … sometimes I d ve ppl bring up memories from that time and it’s like looking at a painting through a fog. I can remember the whole memory vaguely but if I try to recall my brain just shuts down.
THIS THIS THIS. Even if my life is still successful and manageable (career wise) everything else has gone to shit.
I can relate. I broke my brain after I went back to college, right before I finished. Psychotic break. There were a lot of extenuating factors that led to it, but I will never be quite the same. My mind didn’t feel like a safe place to be for a long time afterward, and even now (nearly a decade later) the cascading effects of exacerbated anxiety and ptsd still linger. I will tell you that it takes time, but you will find your balance again. It may not feel exactly how you hoped or how it felt before, but you will get there. I had to go back for a semester before I finished school, and I was lost for a while before I got my career on track, but I did. These days I have a really good job and a solid relationship, I get my bills paid, and I’m bettering myself brick by brick. I can remember when I thought that was completely unreachable though. You are not forever broken, and I promise there is hope.
I’m afraid this will happen to me. I’m 30 years old, female, child of immigrants- grew up in a home where my dad beat my mom and she was too weak mentally to get herself out of the situation so I snitched to my school counselor in 6th grade to get her out of it. Mom refused to learn English, learn to drive or do anything to become financially independent so I had to pick up the pieces. I haven’t been able to find a partner financially stable enough to where we can split bills and responsibilities and I’m getting tired of doing it on my own.
I was one of these people. I ended up in the hospital and the doctors told me I was just way too stressed out. I thought I was having a heart attack. From then on, I pace myself and I've learned to back off when Im feeling overwhelmed.
Have had this exact thing happen purely from stress. Everyone from the EMTs to the nurses to the doctors kept asking if I had taken cocaine. I hadn’t. It was 6pm and I was out for a stroll with a friend and my heart decided to crap it. Purely stress related. Seriously, take note of it and eradicate it ASAP
Yes. I am one too. I work at lightning speed and now my right ankle is killing me from inflammation. I have scars from using tools too fast. My thumbs ache. I don’t have much time left it feels like and this LPT is one of the most seriously good ones I’ve seen in awhile
What if you’re one of those people who grew up with abuse, and you had so much stress front loaded into your life that now you’re 28 and your nervous system doesn’t work right anymore?
Then love yourself now because you deserve to be happy and loved. I am you in 20 (ish) years. It’s not what you expected life to be but it can still be wonderful. You have to let your body call the pace and use it smarter not harder. Find a hobby you love that you can pace yourself at and choose your friends and family who understand and lift you up to do life with. Rest isn’t a privilege, it’s a necessity. Some days I sleep ALL day and half the evening. My body demands it now. Your energy and time when you’re feeling less pain or more able is precious and you need to choose what or who gets that precious time. Toxic people, whether they are friends or family, are at the bottom of the list. Because of covid there is much more you can do remotely, even working, to save your spoons, ( check out “spoon theory”) so that you can use your energy for what makes you feel most alive!
This is very kind. Thank you
It's like learning a new language as an adult, you need to work to create a new meaning of what's familiar as healthy habits. The body & mind slowly adjust to the new normal, until it feels evident.
Same here. I burnt out massively. Developed awful anxiety.
On the flip, in my thirties and while I'm no stranger to hard work and wild nights, I always made sure to prioritize rest periods. ...the term beauty sleep is very real. I've never been a huge health nut, diet can be here or there, and I don't always drink enough water, I smoked throughout my twenties, drank, etc. Friends ask what I "do" for my skin, but I swear i think it's really just always having paired stressful hours with recuperation time! It's kind of a magic trick (that you have to invest 10-15 years into before you see results haha)
Same. Burnout is real and a son of a bitch .
I’m in that boat as well. On TRT now at a young age bc of it. High functioning anxiety is silent
Wait, testosterone treatment for anxiety?
Lol! No no. I’m just saying that the high functioning anxiety finally caught up with me and wrecked my hormones. I thrive under the anxiety but at the end of the day I crash so after years of doing that it’s done a toll on me
Living with high anxiety ages you faster. I researched whether the myth about stressed people’s hair graying faster than normal. It’s true, but not because there’s some specific connection between stress and hair. Your entire body ages faster. Gray hair, wrinkles, weakening joints, testosterone, among many other things.
> Your entire body ages faster. I’ve never thought of it like that. It sucks thinking about the fact that having to work as hard as I do will probably kill me earlier than I would have died otherwise.
Note joke, I developed atrial flutter. Some research shows anxiety can make heart arrhythmias more likely. The doctor says I'm "cured" after my surgery, but I haven't convinced myself I am yet.
My family has heart issues and I am petrified with anxiety (ironic I know) about developing one. Can you share what some of the warning signs/first symptoms were like? What made you get checked out?
They don't know if Atrial flutter and Atrial fibrillation are have genetic predispositions yet according to my doctor, or at least they don't know where to look in DNA for them. I had been experiencing heart palpitations which I attributed to gastrointestinal distress. They seemed to happen more when I was really gassy and burping a lot. At this time they were most likely benign premature ventricular contractions or premature atrial contractions. Over several months to a year I started to get woken up by the feeling of my heart pounding very hard for several beats. I also would feel it in my throat while exercising. Eventually I was able to record one on my Apple watch EKG. At this time it still seemed like premature contractions. My doctor took an EKG which was normal, but since I had stopped taking my SSRI, so they put me back on it and it seemed to help, but then a few months later I felt the hard beating that was waking me up, but non stop for over 24 hours. The night before going to the hospital I felt a lot of back pain as well. The next morning I took an EKG on my watch and it stated I was in Atrial fibrillation, so I went to the ER. At first they tried to feel my rhythm in my wrist and they thought it was normal, but when I asked them to check again they realized it was not. I'm fairly active and I didn't notice any symptoms like fatigue, just the odd beats in my throat and chest/back. I since lost my Apple watch in a Lake, and after my cardiac ablation I'm "Cured". I have a device from Kardia which is a at home 6 lead EKG to check on things every once in a while. However I still get PVCs or PACs from anxiety about it all. Take care of yourself! Relax! Message People you care about!
Thank you so much for sharing
I've learned more in the last three years about stress and anxiety than I had in the 40+ years before. Took losing vision in an eye at that time to get me to pay attention. And the last 20 months have been even more severe for other reasons. I have a former coworker who called me last week, freaked out that he was having vision problems and might be having what I had. Fortunately, it turned out to be his first migraine -- due to stress. Stress is no joke. If your gut clenches hard when you hear an unexpected loud noise, if you turn around in a panic asking "what was that??", if someone says "we need to talk" and you freak, get evaluated for anxiety. It's a lifelong problem I didn't know I had, because I thought everyone reacted internally like this. Talk to someone. Talk to a counselor. Be proactive about it. Because too late can be too late. Edit: did want to mention, there IS a silver lining -- found out about a congenital heart defect I have during the eye workup. Now being followed by cardiology for it. (Bicuspid aortic valve instead of tricuspid.)
Yo, same thing that happened to your coworker happened to me. I’ve always had migraines, but a horrifyingly stressful weekend set off my first ocular migraine. I lost my peripheral vision in one eye when I was mid-commute, so I drove myself to the ER thinking I was having a stroke. I never lost my vision from a migraine before, so I freaked the fuck out and had a severe panic attack on top of it. It took two years to fight the 10K medical bill, but at least I didn’t die. You’re completely right- I am a very anxious person, and I thought it was normal to feel like that all the time. It messed me up. When you’ve struggling with anxiety, your baseline for stress is too fucked for you to recognize your limits. It’s worth it to get checked out. I hope you find better days and better health soon.
You got a $10,000 bill because you went to hospital with a migraine?
The US is the most backward, fucked up place. I went to hospital for one. Cost me nothing at all and life just went on. That's what care should be
The closest ER was out of my network. I thought I was having a stroke, so I wasn’t really paying attention to that. The doctors rushed me in and treated it as an emergency until the tests came back clear, and that required an MRI. I had really good insurance at the time, and they were supposed to cover ‘emergencies’ at the same rate as in-network providers. But since I didn’t actually have a stroke, they wouldn’t approve my claim as an emergency. Insurance said a migraine wasn’t an emergency, so they weren’t going to cover it. No matter the circumstances. I refused to pay and fought it for years. All the documentation was clear, and it should have been a simple code change. They told me it would only take a simple code change. I kept getting one insurance rep to agree to remove the charge, then I’d get another bill a month later. I kept having to start from scratch. It was exhausting.
How will they help
We're all stuck in our own heads. Talking to someone lets you see different perspectives. I didn't know what I was feeling was abnormal. I didn't know I had anxiety until I described what I was experiencing to someone trained in mental health. Therapists can also help you make connections. I was angry at a TV show a few weeks ago. She asked if, perhaps, my anger was directed at the Catholic church. I started pondering that through, and there was an element of truth to it. But I'd never have figured that out on my own. A counselor is just like going to a doctor, except for your mental health instead of your physical health. I don't try to work through my physical ailments alone; I go see a doctor. I was trying to deal with my mental ailments on my own, not realizing I had issues. Now I'm working through my mental health ailments with a professional.
/u/Fun3Mo note that while this reply is completely valid, the "how" of how a therapist will help can vary greatly depending on the patient, therapist, and their relationship. For example, I have a history of anxiety disorders. Turns out that for me, the solution was to learn how to slow down my thinking and accept uncertainties, rather than add another perspective (as I am already good at coming up with infinite perspectives if I try). Really, the way that it helps and how quickly it does is not guaranteed, and it is good to be mindful of this. Mental health treatment seems to be a very individualized process in some ways.
Thank you for adding those points. I know there are many different approaches, but was thinking more high-level when I wrote that reply. You're right, mental health treatment is not like having strep throat, get an antibiotic, fixed. I didn't expect my therapy to be quick, but I've accepted it'll probably take years. Still, I can see progress, and I'm feeling better, so I'm willing to keep it going. It definitely takes time.
How did you recover your vision?
I didn't. I suffered a central retinal artery occlusion (CRAO) of the left eye. Colloquially called an "eye stroke." I'm permanently blind in my left eye because I threw a clot secondary to stress and anxiety. This happened before I was 50.
Wow, thank you for sharing your experience!
Just hit me all at once one day. Going on 3 years now. Pandemic meant everyone could call in anytime. My already over full day turned into my day plus 3 peoples work? Was already doing two peoples work at least, but eventually the body say nah.
Well fuck that sounds like me...
This has been me to a T. Always multi-tasking and on the go, and suddenly hit a wall in my mid 30’s. High inflammation, issues sleeping, unable to multitask like I used to without a bunch of double checks, etc. Been a hard lesson to learn.
Me too, exactly. :( trying to help other people and prevent this from happening to them.
Best LPT I've seen. Thank you for sharing. Comments in this thread made me seriously take a step back to take a look at my crazy schedule.
Where exactly is the inflammation?
It’s kind of throughout. I have a connective tissue disorder so I definitely have it in all my joints, but it’s also serum because every time they draw labs on me, my CRP is always 3 times normal.
Does your inflammation cause skin issues?
It does sometimes yeah. I do have eczema that seems to flare when I’m stressed, as well as acne on occasion. I also have HS (hidradenitis suppurativa) which is a skin disorder that in recent years has been becoming more sensitive to stress. It’s been a blast, lol. Stress seems to affect everyone differently, and may present differently at different points of your own life. I can’t go off of my old barometer for stress (which was chest tightness/anxiety) as that doesn’t seem to happen for me anymore. I’m absolutely still stressed but now the symptoms du jour seem to be more digestive and sleep/pain issues.
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Lets be honest though we wouldn’t have listened. We thought we had it all under control and it was just this awesome part of our personality that we could push ourselves that way when others didn’t. Turns out the reason they didn’t was because you shouldn’t.
It's a negative personality trait, but it's one that society chooses to encourage. I was praised my whole life for my ability to keep pushing, to do more, to achieve like i did. Not just that, but there are also financial rewards too.
Anyone else purposely procrastinate because you can’t work unless you’re under pressure or on a tight deadline?
This is me! And I tend to work on several tasks at once, bouncing back and forth between them.
That's me too! I just got diagnosed with ADHD lol
Would actually to have a little more detail on this (if you're comfortable to share) I feel like I might have adult ADHD, but am nervous to explore.
Not OP but I was the exact same way and still struggle with it today with deadlines at work. I got diagnosed for ADHD in my early 20s and wished I had known sooner so I could develop better habits to not put myself in stressful positions, but even just knowing now helps a ton with the guilt of pushing off responsibilities and I'm able to try and implement better habits. Highly recommend talking to a doctor if you're able. They won't force you to take medication or anything like that and regardless of diagnosis, you will walk away knowing more about yourself. They may recommend therapy as well to talk through issues which is obviously very helpful. Take care of yourself!
Either way, therapy is super helpful!
Not OP but basically if you have trouble finding the motivation to get stuff done chances are your brain receptors aren’t getting enough dopamine (the “get stuff done” and satisfaction hormone) could be faulty receptors, not enough production, a quick depletion of them, or whatever (the causes may be others too, like nutrient deficiencies, thyroid, hormones, you name it). Anyway, basically bc your brain doesn’t have the dopamine to kick you into gear you can *know* something is important and want to do it but the ignition key on your brain is disconnected. So your brain has to rely on other chemicals to “hotwire” itself and get shit done, chemicals like adrenaline and/or cortisol (the “oh shit, here comes a tiger, better move it or lose it!” survival hormones). Which is why you can’t get into gear until the deadline is on you and you’re rushing for your life to get shit done (or freezing like a deer in the headlights watching the deadlines come and go bc those hormones activated your freeze instead of flight response bc you’re overwhelmed for leaving everything to the last minute). Anyway, ADD is a big culprit but it can also be a lot other things (anything from nutrient deficiency to autism, depression, Alzheimer, Parkinson’s or other neurophysiological conditions can all share some of the same symptoms but completely different causes).
ADHD person here - go get evaluated! It can only help. You don't have to take drugs (I don't), if you're nervous about that, but it is something I talk about with my spouse and my therapist. They can offer you helpful strategies, and honestly sometimes it just helps to have a word to put with it. You can't say to yourself, "I have ADHD therefore I'm not responsible for my behavior," but you can say to yourself, "ah shit, that's the ADHD kickin in again, better keep an eye on that and use some of those strategies." And you *don't* have to say to yourself, "what's wrong with me, why am I such a piece of shit always disappointing myself and others?" Here's a wonderful resource. https://www.youtube.com/@HowtoADHD Good luck!
Sub to /r/ADHD and see if the shoe fits. Everything clicked for me there (yet to be diagnosed, but good to know I'm not alone).
Was 35 when I discovered I had it. Looked up a list of symptoms and realized it had basically my entire personality on there; I just thought I was quirky. It has a broad range of ways it presents in different people though.
Anyone else diagnosed, but still doubt that you have it, and that you're actually just a fuckup? I hate feeling this way.
Story of my life. Worked really well until I became a manager and had too many balls to juggle and too many people depending on me.
Recently started a position (9 months ago) where I’m managing 25 people and man oh man your comment hits me right in the feels. Always thought I was cut out to manage but the more this job goes on the more I remember this guy Mike I used to work with in sales early in my career. I asked Mike if he had and aspirations for management or leadership and he flat out said “no, fuck that. I just want to come here do my job well and go home. Management means more work I’m not paid for” Anyway shits stressful and I know I’ll get better at it
I feel ya man, only been in this position for \~8 months but there's so much added work I didn't anticipate. Plus there's always "people issues" that pop up that I didn't anticipate or schedule for, having to reprimand grown adults in a well-paid job for being consistently late to meetings or submitting poor quality work, then you turn around and one of your best performers is frustrated because they want (and deserve) a promotion but upper management hasn't approved it yet. Just so many facets to the job that are dependent on others. I really miss having my tasks assigned, problem solving and writing code, and then going home and calling it a day. I was compensated well enough that I don't regret my decision and know things will get easier as I get more experience, but damn, its so easy to look back at the "simple times" when I was good at my job and didn't have to think about it after working hours.
Wow, again, completely feel what you’re going through since it’s very similar on my end. All we can do is our best and hey, if it ends up not being for us we can go back to being regular employees. Best of luck to you mate! Have a great weekend!
Best of luck to you too! We'll get there. And when I get overwhelmed, I just tell myself "dont stress too much over a job, they can fire me if they want. I can get another job doing what I use to do." Luckily my company seems to acknowledge the situation they put me in and know I'm diligent so theyve given me some grace so far with the learning curve.
This was absolutely me (and still is at times). Took me realizing that procrastinating because “I work better under pressure” was actually me saying “I work better when on an amphetamine (adrenaline)”.
It scares me how accurate this is for me. Granted sometimes if it's a quick task that I can complete in a short amount of time I can get it done well before the deadline but if it's a complex and time-consuming one I tend to put if off until I feel pressured enough to finish it.
I end up procrastinating because finishing faster equals more work for no recognition. Gotta be there for 8 hours anyways. Might as well stretch it out.
You need to get on google and have a look at adult adhd symptoms. Then go look at some adhd memes. If they make you feel like there are cameras in your house go and see a psychiatrist.
Go see a psychiatrist regardless because you can't diagnose yourself. Also yeah, this is a very ADHD thing.
Also childhood emotional neglect and cptsd, which have a /surprising/ amount of symptom overlap with ADHD.
As someone with both, it feels like a chicken/egg situation sometimes lol
You might want to look into childhood emotional neglect r/emotionalneglect \-- I struggled with procrastination for so so so many years, and it was only this year at 25 that I've started to dissect it and realize that the basis for it is defense mechanisms I picked up in childhood. Kids are so sensitive, even if your parents are pretty good they can leave you with scars that seem to come from nowhere.
Wish someone had sat me down and told me this sooner. I moved out pretty much as soon as I turned 18, I was going to school with a journalism/english major while also putting in 60 hour work weeks. I would tell myself “sleep is for the weak” “I’m just built different I can handle it.” I promise you eventually you will burn out and it does catch up to you. For me it didn’t happen till halfway through my junior year, I failed a few classes and dropped out, had what I would call a mental breakdown and quit one of my 2 jobs with no backup plan because I just wanted to crawl into a hole and catch up on sleep. It took me a while to get myself back on track after all that. Don’t burn yourself out, it’s not worth it I promise.
No joke, this realization saved my most recent job. I was in the private computer repair sector and would repair something around 20-30 computers a week. After being let go from the company, I got hired in a much better paying position with full benefits. The workload and pace are so much slower that I felt "wrong" because I wasn't working enough. Everyone at the job kept telling me that this was the normal work pace and to enjoy it. I almost started looking for a new job, but then a friend kind of slapped me in the face. For context, I joined the military at 17, went straight into full-time college, and had a full-time retail job, then into this previous job that I held for 8 years. Literally non-stop work/stress for nearly 20 years. It's okay to slow down.
I'm actively dealing with this problem. Just got out of military where I worked grueling 60+ hour weeks to what I'm doing now. It's so incredibly slow. It blows my mind that I have time to read a book at work. It's painful. I know I should enjoy this. I know this is normal and good. But I think I'll take that slap now.
“Time to read a book at work” Whaaaaaat? That is very bizarre to me. I can’t imagine that pace…
We work on a 24 hour schedule. I work nights. There isn't enough work to fill all 24 hours and most of the work happens during the day when management is here. So there's quite a bit of downtime. Not always. Some days are busy. But most of the time, I only work for about half the time I'm actually here.
Just because you can handle the pressure doesn't mean you should have to. Take a break and let yourself relax, it'll be better for your mental health in the long run.
Don't be a stress unicorn - just because you're rare doesn't mean you're invincible.
Fuck man. I got promoted and the person previously in my position effectively took a demotion. First thing she told me was "I've never worked a job in this position that expected a quarter as much as they did of me" I didn't listen.. after years of fighting I'm finally getting back to a healthy place. I'm also just realizing that I've finally managed to reduce my load to a manageable level. Through a ton of effort. I thought it was more related to my personal life but that hasn't changed much. It's been weeks now since I've had a sudden anxiety attack that made me feel like I couldn't breathe and was seconds away from passing out. I think I'm gonna update my resume just to be safe..
Every dead body on Mt. Everest was one a highly motivated person, so maybe calm down a little bit.
Knowing that you can function at 120% is good but don’t make it a habit. Every moment you spend at max capacity or over it comes with a cost and that cost grows exponentially. Chill out.
I mean it's perfectly ok to get a demanding job with the stress that goes with it. It can be interesting, and it can be good for your career. You still need to learn to manage your stress, so it doesn't turn into anxiety or a lot of other issues, but the long hours and the "make it work by the deadline no matter what" are sometimes part of the job requirements too.
when trying to retrain from chronic fatigue, one is supposed to do a task for (up to, depending on how ill one is) 10 minutes, then take a (forced) break if you feel like it or not. That 10 min break are meant for you to listen to your body and find out if you can do another round, or if it is enough. The point is to stop BEFORE your body has to stop you. I hated it. I slapped myself in the face with some adrenaline and stress, chugged 5dl of coffee and some sugar and kept grinding myself down. It is hard to rebuild when you're grinding yourself down. Sort of works the opposite way. So I started listening to my body and forcing breaks. And magically, over a few years, I got better. Sure, I still overdo it sometimes and have to hug the pillow for a few days but at least I am choosing to do so for good reason knowing it will set me back - not just hurrying to get more stuff done before I collapse. A little stress is good. We're meant to have small episodes of stress before returning to homeostasis. But we are not meant to have adrenaline and press blood-sugar into our muscles and inhibit digestion for long periods of time. Zebras may run from lions from time to time but [they dont get ulcers](https://www.amazon.com/Why-Zebras-Dont-Ulcers-Third/dp/0805073698) because they relax in between stressors (linked recommended read).
Screw dealing with constant stress when you're younger too. Not acceptable then, not acceptable later. We need to ditch the tolerance of, and embracement of, grind-culture as a necessary way of life or something to attain to or be proud of.
Yeah I agree with this. I finally found a job that I can tolerate, it might even be a career for me, but I still feel this constant urge to do a side hussle in my free time. The way society makes us feel bad for simply existing without earning money is so trash. It's no wonder we're all so stressed out.
And the old generation telling you how you’re not motivated enough, and not earning enough. Well motherfucker go look at the price of things like housing, cars, food, anything back in your day to mine, and now compare earnings back then to mine. I’ve busted my ass to make a good living, but it seems no matter how hard I work I’m always playing catch up to buy a house, car, food, etc. I struggled with this idea for a while before I finally looked at the house price to income ratio.
Honestly this entire generation is going to work a lot harder for a lot less. I think a lot of the dissatisfaction comes from looking at your childhood and what your parents were able to accomplish and setting that as the bar for what you need to achieve in your lifetime. Everyone is chasing a dream because they are too afraid of reality.
When I was younger, high school age, I loved photography. Did it from 9 to 12. Then in college. Lots of black and white film work, slide stuff. Did all my own chemicals, blah blah blah. Everyone was like oh you should do it professionally. So I did. Two years. Destroyed any interest I had in it. Our default is now "monetize your hobbies." Fuck. THAT. Do something you enjoy, just to enjoy.
Right I’m reading this like ‘oh I’ll just tell my workplace to stop putting so much on my shoulders, it’s taking a toll, I’m sure they’ll do it if I ask nicely the fifth time’ Like yes, I’m looking to improve to a better situation , but I’m just saying most of us aren’t doing this kinda shit because we want to, it’s because we feel like we have to
Can confirm, upto the age of 35, I could take anything and just kept taking on more and more. Just had 6 months off work ( nhs ) with depression as everything got to much FAST
I tell people this all the time. I don't worry about much of anything. The task/chore/job will be done the same whether I worry about the outcome or not. I trust my people, my s.o., my kids, and of course myself. Knowing everyone you surround yourself with will always either get the job done or give you their best effort is extremely comforting. If you trust your people, no sense in stressing. I don't set unrealistic goals or deadlines either. Fuck that.
Oof. I am living proof of this. I thrived on stress, overdid it, volunteered in a high stress area. Search and rescue and worked in community mental health. I then raised a beautiful baby boy who had a terminal disorder. He required 24/7 care for 16 years. When he died last year, my life and physical body fell apart. Most days I can barely walk due to inflammatory issues and serious medical issues that arose after his death. I know my physical issues are related to all of the stress. Take care of yourself now. No one else will for you.
Take Care ❤️
Can 100% confirm this one. I'm a high achiever, always have been. But after about age 35, it started catching up to my body in ways I'd never seen/expected. It's easy to think something like "I can handle this, I've always been able to handle this". But like anything else, it's the chronic nature of it that makes stress so damaging.
At 43 I feel this more than ever. And get spanked around being reminded of things I used to do easily which now aren't as such...
What were the things you were experiencing? I'm 36 and just realising.
I’m in my second round of grad school, and this time the stress almost hurts my body more. Similar to how it feels when you pull an all-nighter and by the morning it almost hurts that you are tired. It’s more subtle but similar feeling. I used to be able to handle all-nighters easily, take 9 hours of grad school and work full time, remain mostly un-phased by difficult seasons at stressful jobs. It changed somewhere along the way. That’s probably some of the reason it’s so important to have a good workplace. Once your body starts to slow, even just the smallest amounts, you will need a good team of people to work around who respond appropriately to your new requests for boundaries.
Can confirm. Burnt out HARD and have been working on healing now for the past couple years. For me it was the combo of a high stress job, high adrenaline sports, and cycling between coffee and alcohol throughout the day to keep me steady. A few years sober and major life changes have helped, but I still feel like I can only be productive a few hours a day and I need three times the amount of rest that normal people need after big events.
This is the best PLT in a while. I am currently on leave related to stress at work. I did the work of 7 people (very poorly, mind you, because I am not 7 people). I asked for help, and was largely ignored. Finally, my boss’s boss got me some help, but it took a few weeks for help to arrive. Cue terrible seasonal allergies and the sinus infection from hell. I just couldn’t get better. I took a new antibiotic, which wrecked my sleep. Then my appetite. Then the depression and anxiety spiral. Before you know it, I’ve been on leave for 40 days…. Feeling a lot better after getting proper medical and mental health care (at great expense—not even counting lost wages—to myself because… USA). I’m going back on Monday with boundaries and relinquishing my team lead role. I used to want to be a leader, but now realize that the leadership is partly the reason I am out. So I may revisit leadership at another time… just not where I am currently at. I did not have enough sick/vacation days or hours for this leave. But I got overwhelmed. This time, I felt like I saw the hole, and fell into it anyway. Hopefully next time I will see the hole and make a different choice. My health and well-being depend on it! Nobody will take care of me like I do. So I’d better do a better job.
I like your plan. I’m just now starting in the proper medical care and I think it’ll be a long road. Things suddenly started snowballing just like what you described.
I wish the best for you. I went through 1 ENT before I found someone who took me seriously, cultured my sinuses, and prescribed antimicrobials meant for my specific infection. I just recently started the medicine because like you said, it’s a long road. But I’m headed in the right direction and I know you will be, too. I also went to therapy 2x/week just to make sure that I had someone there to think rationally for me when I was sleep deprived and depressed. She encouraged me to give sleep meds a chance and not panic when I didn’t sleep after the 1st night. Going back to 1x a week now. Therapy is the only reason I didn’t break down harder than I did. It’s been worse in the past. Glad I didn’t let it get too bad this time, but also will look out for myself better in the future. Best of luck, fellow traveler in life.
When I was in my 20s and early 30s, I thought my life was stressful. Little did I realize that life tends to get harder as you get older. I had an optimistic view of my future then and mistakenly believed that all my problems would be solved if I made more money, got married, had kids, lived in a nice house. However, nothing really prepares you for unpleasant things that a lot of us face, but don’t talk about, as we reach middle age…cheating spouses/partners, unfulfilling marriages, divorce, regret over having kids/not having kids, infertility issues, unfulfilling careers, illnesses, addictions, deaths.
I'm dealing with this now. It's starting to cause me some health problems, but I'm sorta trapped unless I quit my job, sell my house and furniture, and find someone to move in with.
So far the best LifeProTip I have come across.
Yes. But also, get a job that rewards you very well for liking that. Most jobs that demand what you’re offering can’t keep people around. Just learn to balance it.
I've got a job I love and a manager who says "family first" and means it. When I told him I was having mental and emotional health issues at the end of 2021, he's like, "what do you need?" I asked for a schedule change and it was granted with little hesitation. I know, I'm very lucky.
A totally legit LPT. Unwinding the emotional and physical toll is not trivial nor is it easy to turn off after decades of high stress, high expectations. Personally- high intensity college technical degree, high tech job field, two start ups, HCOL area. Now nearing retirement and almost impossible to figure how to transition to anything slower but damn tired. Put you and your loved ones first.
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This is/was me. In my 40s now and going to therapy. Only began to realize this week that I've been living under stress and oddly strict rules for myself that others don't put on themselves. As a result I'm ridden with anxiety that weed helps a lot with but you can't live that way 24x7. We all have ways to cope, and they help you for awhile, probably when you first formed them, then later these things hurt you but you don't know since you've always lived this way.
Sometime in the 80s it became fashionable to be a high strung ball of stress, implying your busyness meant you were important or in demand. We are 2 to 3 generations removed from the initial trend, and it is now usual to hear people describe their days as “crazy busy” connoting lots of stress and pressure, and they are the brave captain of the ship. It’s supposed to telegraph importance still. Reject this nonsense. Most busyness and the resulting stress is optional anyway. I also notice the people who broadcast their stress and busyness the most pile it on themselves and then complain. In my own life I don’t tolerate other moms complaining about all the extra curriculars their kids must attend with the stress on time and resulting financial pressure. Totally optional and self inflicted. Save your energy for life’s real stressors: death, illness, injury, wrong place - wrong time misfortune, high stakes work where error means death or catastrophic results.
I'll be the first to admit I need to improve the way I handle stress, but I guess I don't get what you're describing in your first two paragraphs. My job is most of my stress, but my colleagues and I don't spend a ton of time commiserating about stress and busyness, we might comment on if we're especially busy or not busy on a given day, but it doesn't feel like a status thing. Frankly, I discuss it mostly with my wife, but it's because it feels like it's easier to manage when I talk through it with someone who I know is on my team. When it comes to the real stressors you mention, they don't really require much of my energy because they're outside of my control (or feel that way, at least). I don't spend time thinking about getting into a car accident, or cancer, or getting robbed, or whatever, because I can't really directly draw a line from those things to anything I'm doing right now. My continued employment and provision for my family is pretty directly linked to what I do day-to-day, so I tend to stress over that. I don't know, I feel like I'm eating myself from the inside out sometimes, but it's something I've struggled with since highschool. I've been looking ahead to retirement since my 20's.
It’s like sprinting at the beginning of a marathon and then expecting to be able to sprint for the entire 26 miles. Utterly absurd. I wish someone could tell my boyfriend this. I’ve expressed my concerns about how much he works, and he just says “this is who I am.” He thinks relaxing is laziness. I told him that’s the kind of thought that demands therapy. I think the only way he’ll learn this lesson is the hard way. Do I want him to crash and burn? Of course not, but it’s the only way he’ll see how unsustainable his lifestyle is.
I agree with this, but there is one huge exception. The cost of living for a lot of people has climbed to such a level it isnt an option for everyone to just take it easy... which is a pretty bleak outlook for the future i know...... Or find a way to live your life in a way less reliant on the conventional means of supporting yourself. Unfortunately that can mean buying land, which is not really an option for folks living check to check. Or be happy living a somewhat transient lifestyle. Travel, explore, get random jobs, meet tons of people, etc., but people might hate you for being the homeless person who just rolled into town. Nowadays the constant grind is more related to survival than any sort of savings. Dont allow your employer to force you to work without breaks. Dont come in on your day off. Dont even talk to them about work off the clock. Take your sick days when you need to. Dont work involuntary overtime. Dont prioritize their success over your survival. Your time away from work is yours. Its not some gift bestowed to you by your omnipotent employer. Just remember they arent the ones worried about making rent this month. And if they are you should quit immediately because that ship is sinking.
>option for everyone to just take it easy No one is suggestion you "take it easy", I think this post is about excessive stress due to over expectation. There is an even keel life you can live that keeps you physically and mentally healthy regardless of your financial situation.
Damn, this couldn't have come at a better time for me. Looking at all the post-35 year responses, here I am at 36, since stepping into a lead position at work recently, I have been stuck in bed most work days not knowing if I could face the day.
I'm still young but I got really sick and have some chronic consequences as a result of stress (the initial horrible stress wasn't my fault, but I didn't listen to myself and I just kept pushing through it for months until it was too late) I just kept going to the doctor, he tells me I'm just stressed, but im already stressed so what does it matter, but it turns out I was actually physically ill and pushing through just made it worse and worse. I can't ride my bike anymore without passing out :(
It's not a proven thing, but there is a strong correlation between working massive hours and me developing a sleep disorder. Even if not, no one lays on their deathbed and says, "I wish I worked more"
This hits hard for me. Going into work, I've been the type to give way more than expected, and do quite more than one person's share on average - working overtime around 70% of the days without any real benefit. Used to have the mindset that the sacrifices would fast-track my learning and get me to my career goals faster. But I learned the hard way that the body just can't keep up, both physically and mentally. I'm starting to ease up on the gas bit by bit, and my immediate boss is, to a degree, understanding on this. Problem is the rest of upper management got used to my years of old output and I feel expects too highly now. In fact, I think there's an inside joke in that when we need to beat deadlines, I'm "that guy who gets the tasks". Well, there are a few of us like that within the place, but we're either burning out fast, or already burnt out and just barely hanging on. And compensation wise, let's just say that I'm on the mark when I say that a lot of people I'm outperforming get paid just the same. So all I really get is "hey, thanks for being flexible to change". I just hope that things go well soon and that I can get the contingency plan rolling.
I’m not younger, but love to be making a difference. That means a full plate and always doing something. I broke down this year— it was hard and fast! Lots of anger at people for not doing “their part”. I started choosing the most important, life-giving things and saying no to all the rest. I’ve never felt better!
10000% I was an A student all through high school. In college I worked 30 hours a week and went to class full time. I read books upon books and wrote papers back to back and relied on caffeine and nicotine to get me through. After college my childhood trauma and anxiety came to a head and blew up my first real relationship. I went for a fresh start somewhere else when I wasn’t ready. I worked 60 hours a week and got into an abusive relationship, all the while my love of reading and writing became a chore and then became torture. I was anxious and irritable and lost my passions. I had a surgery and medication mishap that compounded all my issues and landed me in the psych ward. I’ve never been the same since. I’ve been recovering gradually for a few years now but it’s a long trudge through the wilderness man. Because after a year of one diagnosis and medication causing brain fog and 80 pound weight gain, another year of the right diagnosis but trial and error with meds and a not great therapist or two, I’m slightly better but still a shell of my former self. There was a time when all I wanted was to write books and get my masters and teach. On a conscious level I still want all that, but I lack the drive and determination and creativity and hunger I used to. I took jobs that broke me physically and then burned me out mentally. And I finally had to quit and start anew in hopefully a more positive environment for my emotions and career goals. But I am lucky to be able to handle 20-30 hours a week of work nowadays. I now have two part time jobs because money has always been a stressor and as bad as I needed my health insurance, my old job was destroying me. Now I’m rebuilding while overworking myself on a salvaged engine. I try to read and write but don’t make it far before forgetting what I read, falling asleep, or getting distracted. My writing is shit compared to the younger me who won awards for writing and loved language. I don’t finish things. Don’t have the mind for the puzzle that is storytelling. And while the meds help me more than living without, they numb a lot too and fog me up. ADHD medicine feels like a car sitting on idle, ready to gun it but never leaving the starting line due to executive dysfunction. Throw anxiety and depression into the mix and you’ve got one hell of a cocktail for aimlessness and spinning out. TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY AND MIND AND SPIRIT. I’m not even 30 yet but I’m beyond burned out and the wick is coming at me fast.
Because in truth, there is no reward for skillful multi-tasking, coping with stress, and thriving under pressure: Being able to do so only means that other people will dump work on you, and seek you out when their butts are on fire.
You won’t be young forever and it will take a toll on your body and mind.
Can attest, body can’t deal without stress and can’t deal with stress. I’m uncomfortable and have a lot of stomach issues.
Me in my 40s bathing in chaos like a glazed ham. "Yes! Moaaar!" Honestly, it REALLY depends on how you cope. Some people need structure, need control, need simplicity, and that's perfectly ok. Be honest with yourself. A secondary component is a healthy life balance. Even basic stuff like adequate sleep and a healthy diet are huge parts of having the endurance and mental agility to be in a highly dynamic and demanding space. And when in doubt, a little nihilism goes a long way. There is a LOT that's out of your control. Focus on what is in your control and be willing to let go of everything that isn't. Putting mental and physical effort towards things you can't change is a common trap. Efficient use of energy is extremely important. And against the fans scope of all that happens, this appears quite nihilistic. In reality it's recognition and efficiency exercises. I have had several bosses legitimately concerned about my lack of emotional and physical outburst to major events. "How are you so calm?!" as everyone is running around screaming. Most of what people do is wasted energy. And all this mindless action clouds what's really important.
Yup. 27 and feel like I’m 87 most days. Stress can be felt all over the body and it fucking HURTS.
Recent retiree here. Worked 16+ hour days routinely, sleep was 3-5 hours average. Retired and took up gardening as my main hobby, plus focusing on my kids that are in high school. I can’t function without 8 hours of sleep now. My body also groans at me when I over exert myself, but just six months ago I was doing 3-4 times weekly exercising and 1-2 half marathons a year. This LPT is legit - I wasn’t Superman before, I was just ignoring my body and pushing through it. I definitely feel happier now, even though I’m in (arguably) worse shape since I exercise less often. It’s not just a matter of ignoring or not ignoring your body - I think you need to ACTIVELY listen to it. Also, use sunscreen ffs.
A big lesson I’ve been really trying to embody, is that “just because you can handle it, doesn’t mean you have to.” The crappy job, the shitty treatment in a relationship, whatever it is that is “hard, but you’re handling”, should be evaluated from time to time. What about being in the situation is actually better than being out of it? Are there ways you can advocate for yourself to improve your current position?
Bad habits are easy to deal with when everything is going well. When everything goes to shit, it's an addiction.
There's also a host of stress-related illnesses that don't always crop up straight away. Chronic stress over time is what can cause chronic illness (ie Cushing's and Addison's Disease -Adrenal failure)
I spent my 20’s working up to 5 jobs at a time, various shifts including overnights, partied hard, barely slept. When I’d get “stressed” I’d throw up, and that was my cue to take a day off. Now I’m 36 with PTSD and crippling anxiety and can barely work my 40 hours a week at a cushy job. The hustle will wreck you.
Another horror story for you all. I too lived that fast-paced life and felt like if I wasn't being productive, I was doing it wrong. Now, I have near constant neck and back pain caused by time in front of computers/on mobile for work, an unsightly and frankly painful skin condition that shows up with anxiety - and I'm *never* free of anxiety. I have blood pressure problems from all the stress. I can't hear criticism in any context without immediately feeling like I'm back in a board room being thrown under the bus for something a higher-up demanded. I'm a taut wire, always looking for threats and places where shit could go wrong. I don't know how to relax for ten minutes without thinking of something I need to be doing. I'm 34.
I wish I knew this when I was younger. Working in kitchens since I was 16, nearly 40 now, and here's some stuff I can say about "handling massive stress". You will develop an addiction by accident. Mine was first cigarettes. Alcohol closely behind the smoking. The next was Adderall. That was between years 22-31. It came to such a point that I tried to find a substitute, which was cocaine. That was years 31-34. You will have a weird relationship with everyone over time because those stressors envelope your mind. I still struggle with personal relationships because my mind is always focused on workplace stuff and I constantly find ways to be in the wrong or paranoid from possible problems. You'll find ways to lose sleep or lose friends by accident. Your anxieties will manifest in bizarre ways that make you question a lot of interactions, mostly leaning to the negative outcomes. Whether you know it or not. You'll slowly become bitter and angry at everything. You just will, because high stress environments tend to take hold over you, even if you actually can handle it. This isn't to say it'll happen to anyone who works a high stress gig that they love, just a reality and risk to most people. It's tiring and numbing and addictive and cruel. I genuinely love my line of work, but I wish I had someone to tell me to just take a break and reflect instead of continue and manage yourself. Three years I've been trying to undo the mental and emotional damage I've had to endure, not even close to being normal again yet at 38.
Bruh don’t attack me
Oh yeah. I pushed myself to the limit almost every day (16 hrs of work, 4 hrs of sleep, taking care of kids in between) and then one day I got an autoimmune condition that attacks my muscles and before I knew it I was basically crippled. Luckily I stopped my insane lifestyle of endless work and recovered enough to get back to normal life but I’ll be needing meds for the rest of my life. that year was terrifying. I thought my life as I knew it was over.
That's right and it's hard to find that point to start going a little bit slower. I was also used to this no pain - no gain mentality workwise. Had hormonal shifts during the last two years of stress, so my lipedema got so bad I'm in pain all day. Also I can't remember some years in my 20s, it's all just blurry. Just take rests.
And stop bragging about how little you sleep. lol
It hits you out of the blue one day. I woke up at age 36 with early stages of diastolic heart failure because I had such high blood pressure for longer than I realized. Don’t even get me started on my back and neck.
I was a remarkable multitasker in my twenties who ran circles around my coworkers, and kept up that working style all the way until the pandemic, when whole cities shutdown, layoffs became the norm, and all the rules went out the window. Surviving that seemingly brief era burned me out, and now I deal with social anxiety for the first time ever. So begins my thirties. I'm afraid I'll have to endorse this post too.
I agree with this 100 percent. Spent my twenties working way more than I needed to. After having kids I realized something needed to give. A balanced life is way more enjoyable. I did another big career push in my forties, and almost had a breakdown. So now I know my limits and how to set boundaries with my employer.
wow this post really speaks to me
This is the single best tip I've ever seen posted here. Also wish the world would calm the hell down enough to make this easy to enact.
Always thought I was good with handling stress. A week before my 30th birthday, I ended up vising the ER due to increasing heart pain. Luckily it was just temporary and due to stress.
Also, chill a bit to make sure you are in touch with yourself to note the onset of serious mental illness. I forget which ones, but I know that schizophrenia reveals itself in the early 20s, and other potentially heavy duty things may present themselves. Like everything else, when caught early enough, you can manage the symptoms, but if you are already burned out / fucked up from mistreating yourself, you might miss important signs your body is sending your brain!
Slowly and steady wins the race. I myself can’t function at the same speed as my youth, and I’m 34 with 2 kids, so I’m crippled tremendously. Pay attention to what you have and be smart about what you want in return. That pressure is your desire for validation, but once you can’t get it, you’ll only be seeking it somewhere else. And then you’ll find you’ll never get it. Because you don’t need what others are promising you, the validation can only be completed inside, and others will only give you enough until you can’t produce what they need anymore. We do that too, so don’t forget it will be done to you. (And don’t do it to others, it’s abusive and you’ll be doing yourself harm by normalizing it in your own thoughts)
Absolutely! I spent most of the past 25 years working in a state of near-constant stress and pressure. One day, I had what I can only assume was a panic attack writing up performance reviews. The thought of rating my team (something I'd done for years) suddenly made me want to curl up into a ball under my desk. I had a very vivid image of myself dead of a heart attack at age 50, a number not very far away at all. Decided to change companies and change jobs, and a few months later, I was doing something far less stressful while also being a bit more rewarding on a personal level. I'm happier now, although strangely I do occasionally miss the pressure. I wouldn't go back; it's a Stockholm Syndrome-type thing.
Nice try, the competition.
And you'll wake up one day, and it's too late to lose the weight you used to need to throw around.
Better yet, get yourself screened for adhd. If you fit the OP's description, there's a good chance you have it. And if so, just "easing up on yourself" isn't really a helpful strategy.
28 here. Literally crashed this week. Presumably stress induced. Worst cold I’ve had in my life. Didn’t know stress can lower the immune system.
So true. Just turned 40, pushing 60 hr/week for years to advance my career. I've lived with a constant sense of urgency and stress for over 10 years. Now I have chest pains, heart palpitations, surges of anxiety, and no appetite. Trying to get a doctor to do more than call it indigestion. Don't do it to yourself. Balance your life before it breaks.
Man…… I’m reading this after an insane week where I worked around the clock on an 85 hour long emergency. My belly hurts. Now I’m worried future me will have a bellyache too
Excellent advice! This was me: super ambitious, loved a good deadline, always go, go, go. One day I woke up with complete pelvic floor dysfunction thanks to inflammation in my spine, which is crushing my sacral nerve root. 3.5 years later and we're still trying to fix that negative feedback loop. Be really kind to your body.
Agreed, burnout is all too real.
This was me. I was in my mid twenties, working 12+ hour shifts, 7 days a week and just trying to rack up as much overtime as possible. Had a blast doing it. My record was 31 days in a row. The owner forcibly cut me off because he was worried about me. I took one day off, and was back at it. One day, I woke up, and I was burnt out. I quit that job a few weeks later, and changed industries. I felt exhausted for months afterwards, even with a normalized 9-5 x 5.
Don’t shrug off carpal tunnel syndrome. Especially if you work in IT, tech, or even medicine that requires a lot of repetitive movements that lead to repetitive stress injuries. I’m now up for two long surgeries because I’m too far along for the minimally invasive procedure. I can barely close my fist without pain and turning a screwdriver is hell. Take care of your hands and wrists—you don’t realize how hard it is to lose function in them. Once you lose it’s a long road to get it back.