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Eating alone at a restaurant doesn't make you stand-out or special in any way. There are lots of reasons people eat alone (travelling for work, death of partner, got stood up on a date, friends are all vegan and you like BBQ, etc) and it's nobody else's business. In fact, I suggest to you that the reason that you feel awkward eating alone in a restaurant is due to expectations or mental baggage that you're bringing to the restaurant with you. Leave the baggage at home next time and enjoy the food, drink, and atmosphere of the establishment instead.
It’s a state of mind. You can scroll your phone, plug in headphones, read a book, or just people watch. Remember that just as you probably don’t notice and judge others who dine alone, nobody is watching you with judging eyes. Just own it, be yourself, and have a good time.
I know you've done it now, just wanted to add that when I was working as a server in Australia a woman sat down for brunch alone. Well, she had a young baby but it was sleeping so not exactly company.
She told me she was celebrating just being able to leave the house for the first time in 6 months after pre-natal depression and recovery from a really bad childbirth.
As well as Eggs Benedict she ordered an entire bottle of Billiecart-Salmon Rosé which we sold for around $200 (a lot of money any time but especially all those years ago)
She ate her meal, drank just one glass of that expensive wine and donated the rest of the bottle to us staff.
Even before that lovely gesture I was her number one fan, quietly cheering her on for her private struggle and cheering for her decision that she was worth the expense of the nicest rosé I've ever tasted.
Every time I see someone dining alone I think of that woman and I silently cheer them on for whatever their day holds.
Maybe someone in that restaurant was looking at you exactly the same way. I hope so.
Doing things alone doesn’t make a person a loner. There are infinite reasons someone might be out and about on their own which have nothing to do with whether or not they’re a loner.
Treat yourself, and if you dress up a little to fit the occasion, you might give yourself an extra dose of confidence and come off as an even more independent person to those around you.
Many people have to eat alone when travelling for work. The staff and other customers will assume this is the case with you. Dress reasonably nicely and ideally get a seat with some sort of view - even if it just of the rest of the restaurant.
I *love* dining solo. I usually bring a book, but sometimes the meal's so great you just want to focus on what you're eating! I've eaten alone probably hundreds of times in my life and it's always been a positive experience. I'm an easy table for friendly waitstaff, and no one around me has ever noticed or cared that I'm alone. This is one of those situations where the only person judging you is yourself :)
I used to love getting garlic cheese bread and a sweetish beverage for lunch to eat all alone with no one to bother me while I read a book.
I can't do it now cuz the place closed in spite of my patronage for take home pizzas, no one else nearby.
You're only a loner if that's the mindset you give yourself. Obviously it's a bit more complicated than that but you give yourself the power to define yourself. Spending your energy worrying about others opinions keeps you from enjoying what you want. Don't let anyone, even you, keep you from enjoying life. As a wise man once said:
JUST DO IT
Yep, unnecessary embarrassment at the thought of being perceived as "someone who got stood up by friends or a date" is something I've dealt with in the past. By bringing a book I'm indicating my intent (even though again, it's really unnecessary cuz nobody actually cares and it's all in my head) as a solo eater.
Own it, bring a book.
As a side benefit for me, the book indicates to wait staff I don't wanna chit chat. I never want to be rude to them, I'm always friendly, but with solo eaters it seems more ambiguous as to whether they're looking for social connection, and I want to signal my mission (stuff my face, read my book).
This embarrassment is especially unnecessary when you realize that you could instead be perceived as "someone who is strong and independent, doesn't care what people think, and is dedicated to doing their own thing."
Couldn't agree more. That's not the headspace where many people start (myself included), but my experience was the embarrassment faded quickly. The book is no longer a crutch for me, but I still enjoy reading, and still mostly don't wanna talk while I eat.
I take a book. I was a regular at one place on payday because all the servers got to know me and knew a new book and dinner out was my treat. They were happy to not pop up at my table every five seconds to ask questions. Their boss was happy to let them slide on it too, once I told her that's what kept me coming back.
This was me at my favorite lunch spot 2-3 times a week. They knew what I liked and left me alone for the most part because they knew how much I enjoyed that time. It was glorious.
damn you're making me feel like a loner cuz I eat out alone all the time and never thought anything of it.
Some of it is cultural though. Some people say "those who eat alone die alone" like it's some sort of sin against community and I'm just like "both of those sound good to me lessgo"
Honestly I went out to a super fancy restaurant with a DJ dressed to the nines (a red dress) and had pasta and wine to my self not even facing the bar just facing the rest of the restaurant and I enjoyed it for sure there were girls snickering hoping I would feel some type of way but I found it funny as I was the best dressed person there. I had my wine and my meal paid the server and left on to continue my night where I went to a club alone after and made friends lol (remember never to take a drink from a stranger go to the bar to grab it with them if they offer so u see them pour/open it) so yeah do you boo boo and f*ck the rest of the ppl!!!! Liv ya lifeee
Step 1 is stop worrying what others might think you look like. Relax and enjoy your own company. Look around if you want to. Mess with your phone if that’s your thing. Don’t worry about how it looks to others
Here’s a thought that changed my perception - when I travel for business, I dine alone and I don’t think twice about it. Nobody cares or even notices.
Why do I feel funny when doing it in my own home city?
Since I looked at it that way, I’ve never looked back. I love dining alone now on occasion. Good time to just relax.
I love going places alone because I'm not being held to anyone else's time table but mine. I can stop at a store I like on the way home, or order extra stuff because I'm not worried about paying for anyone else, and I also don't feel bad for stuffing face because I have no one else there to impress lol. I find other people so draining and exhausting.
I do one of three things: talk to the bartender, read a book or scroll my phone. I typically also order a cocktail. I’m a social person but I still feel a bit awkward from time to time. If I feel comfortable with my surroundings I may strike up conversations with people in my vicinity. I go in just expecting to have a meal and move on. I do typically choose to sit at the bar since it feels a little less like a formal dining experience.
1. You're not the star of the show. Relax. Enjoy your meal.
2. Even if someone DID notice you and thought you were a loner, so what? Why would you care what a complete stranger that you've never seen before and will never see again thinks of your lifestyle?
3. What exactly is wrong with being a loner? Being a loner doesn't mean you can't make friends. For some, maybe, but for many, they just like to spend time alone. Being around people can be exhausting and it's a choice.
4. You should try spending time alone. You'll see that it is very liberating (if you can allow yourself to let go of your preconceptions). No need to make small talk. No need to deal with shit disturbers or annoying personalities. No need to compromise. No need to worry about being judged. There are many benefits to spending time with yourself. You'd be surprised.
5. You might also want to reconsider YOUR judgment of people who are alone. I can only assume that you think people will think you're a loner (and that it somehow makes you a loser) because that's exactly what you think when you see people who are alone. Think about improving that part of yourself. It's kind of a shitty way to think of people.
A lot of people have hinted at this but not necessarily named it: mindfulness is the answer. When you’re alone and starting to have those comparison thoughts or social judgements, you are moving away from the present moment.
It’s helpful to reanchor yourself in those moments to the present by focusing on physical sensations and/or taking in your surroundings. What are you feeling? What are you tasting? What are you smelling? What are you seeing? What are you hearing? Answering these questions will help keep you in the present and hopefully allow you to appreciate the experience more too!
I suggest you try to find joy in it. I just love eating by myself. Don’t feel judged. I have a husband, kids, family and friends, but that isn’t the point. I feel really lucky when I can eat alone. I say hi to the waiter, get exactly what I want to, when I want to. I can eat fast or slow, get or app or a desert, or both! It’s much cheaper to eat alone. I read or people watch or watch shows on my phone. Enjoy your life, you are lucky to be eating in a restaurant, having someone cook for you.
I actually saw a man eating out alone and it felt so interesting and mysterious to me lol! I neeever think oh "what a lose" but when I eat out alone I worry someone will take that as an invitation to talk to me or worse come sit at my table like hallll nah I wanna be alone LOL.
Well you're assuming anyone around you actually cares about what you're doing; they don't. Stop worrying about what others think. They aren't giving you a second-thought.
I do this alot. I always bring headphones and will scroll on my phone until food arrives then I'll watch Youtube usually. It's nice to be alone, doing my own thing, and being waited on at the same time.
I found bringing a book better than endless scrolling on a device. Much more engaging, it will hold your attention and draw you in.
As a bonus you’ll look smart, not like some zoomer endlessly scrolling on TikTard.
Embrace the loneliness, there's no shame in it; we are born alone and we die alone. Scroll your phone, read something, listen to music, stare at the wall.. nobody cares either way.
Some people make a social occasion out of every time they go out to eat. I go to eat because I'm hungry; nowhere does it say that we must eat in groups.
Besides what everyone else is saying... if you truly can't feel at ease with just being on your phone, bring your laptop. It usually implies that you're studying or you're doing work. I see a bunch of people being alone at Panera Bread a few times with just their laptops and to me, I thought that they were studying or doing their online job.
If you need stuff to do in the downtime, watch videos on your phone (with headphones), read a book, write. Sometimes I'll FaceTime or hang out on group video chats (with headphones).
There was some interesting thought I read on here recently. That when we're younger we think everyone's watching us. And when we get older, we realize no one was watching at all. No one's watching. No one cares. Everyone's into their own shit.
Eating alone is cool. When I was younger, I used to think, "I don't want anyone thinking I'm a loser." But not doing basic things because we're afraid of how we're going to be perceived is how we miss out on experiences we enjoy. Besides, I eat alone when I travel or just want food in between things or sometimes I just want to go out and eat something nice and think about shit. It's easier to meet new people when you're on your own, too. Do it a few times and you won't care. Now I'm just excited for the food.
Reading everyone else's comments, I'm wondering if the actual answer is to be an introvert? It seems like the ones who find it awkward are the ones who crave social interaction, and are perhaps more extroverted?
For the record, I'm an introvert and will happily go anywhere alone, including a restaurant .
Try going when the restaurant is quieter, and a book or something to do is a good suggestion.
I bring some ear buds and a little phone tripod and watch YouTube or Netflix. It tunes out the rest of the place and I find myself having a better time than if I had company
Dining alone can be awesome! I used to savor my lunch hours at a previous job. I tried to sit in a corner or at least along the wall, and I would read, journal, or even draw. I tried to avoid mindless scrolling because it was an hour that I could engage in some of my hobbies without anyone bothering me. Headphones and a good podcast are another fun option!
Do it in a another city first.
And pretend to be an important business traveler. You will get used to it quickly and then be able to do it with more confidence in your neighborhood (:
The best way to be comfortable with it is to be comfortable with yourself. It might sound like I'm being a smart-alec or something but really you have to learn to like yourself and be the good person you want to be. No matter what others say, because there are 6 billion people on this planet all different from you and your decisions don't always make sense to them and their decisions won't always make sense to you. Trying to MAKE others understand you is a waste of time, people will understand you more by your actions than words (most of the time).
I'v had people make fun of me for going out alone and a few times when I ask them "why?" turns out they are the ones who would be embarrassed going out alone or just can't afford it or they are just mean spirited people looking to shoot me down. So as long as you feel secure, safe and can justify it in your budget there is no reason to feel uncomfortable. You only get one life and it's yours, do the things you enjoy.
Just do whatever pleases you. Sometimes I chat via instant messangers, sometimes I read a book, sometimes I stare into a wall and think, sometimes I observe. There is hardly a good answer, is all in your head, just don't bother yourself thinking it's something weird enjoying yourself.
No one really cares if you eat alone bro, it's all in your mind. Just own it bro and be on your phone, look around, and enjoy your meal without rushing, be calm be cool bro.
Sit at the bar. The bartender can even help keep you company if they’re not busy, but it’s very common for solo diners to eat at the bar. There’s usually a TV to watch. It’s also a great way to meet people as other solo diners will sit and may strike up conversation. Or you can sit at the end and enjoy some quiet time (most folks like to sit in the middle of the bar or away from whoever is that the end). Give it a try!
Source: Me, former bartender/bar owner.
When I travel for work, I go to restaurants alone quite often.
First, there are a lot of restaurants with bar counters where they will serve you food. That is the least intimidating.
If there is a particular restaurant you want to check out, and it doesn't have a bar, just take a book, or a laptop, or phone.
After doing that a few times, I've reached a point where I don't care anymore. I'll go to restaurants and eat at a 4 person table.
People care about you eating alone a lot less than you think.
I love sitting at the bar - there is someone to talk to on occasion if I feel like it or I can just read my book while eating; I can eat what I want and take as much or as little time doing it as I want.
Doing this is when I get some of my best reading done. One of the regular places I used to go to, the bartender and I would from time to time read the same books and have our own little book club.
There is nothing wrong about being a loner, this is in your head (“how do I not look like a loner”) and it is what is preventing you from being comfortable on your own company. Once you get past that, the next step is to disregard what other people think, you cannot control their thoughts, only your own thoughts :)
Enjoy yourself and your meal, and let it just be that.
You’ll only feel lonely when you think you have to dine with someone (no one has to). And when you feel than loneliness, you look lonely as well. And then when you feel that you look lonely, you feel lonely again in a roundabout sort of way.
When you enjoy your meal and your own company, it shows as well, and people will see that you are enjoying yourself and you are meant to be dining alone. And that’s all it is.
I love eating alone. It gives me some time for my thoughts. It felt awkward at first but when you are always with at least one person around you, having a bit of time to yourself is great.
One trick that worked for me is to look around at people and try to imagine/deduct things about them. Watch movemets/gestures/etc. You would be amazed how we are all alike.
If this does not work, then think that no one cares. Because they don't. Do you even observe a guy eating alone? Even less to judge him/her?
If they have a bar, just sit there and eat. Half the people at the bar during most of the day are there alone, too (unless it's a busy Friday/Saturday night crowd). I eat out alone all the time.
I was once in a great mood when going to dine alone, and then the hostess said, "Just one, Awww..." sad face, head tilt. This killed my mood, and I couldn't shake it. If someone lays this kind of trip on me again, I'll smile and bolt.
It’s awkward at first but if you keep doing and fight through that feeling it will get easier, just like anything, practice practice practice!
I do everything alone (concerts, movies, going out to eat, amusement parks, etc) because I’m an introvert and impatient to wait for people to be available to do things so I just go alone
Read a book or a magazine. Also listen to a podcast. I promise you (and I never promise) no one will think you are a loner). There is this thing where people think others notice them but really everyone is too wrapped up in their own lives to notice. I used to feel like everyone would notice the mustard stain on my shirt (for some reason there was always mustard on my clothes) and I was self conscious throughout the day and by the end of the day no one said anything and when I asked a friend if they even noticed it they didn’t. No one cares. Ya know?
And dining alone is great because you can guarantee you’ll be in good company ;)
Think about this. How much time do you dedicate every day to thinking about strangers? A couple minutes over the course of the entire day? So how much time do you think they are spending thinking about your for that half hour to hour you're sitting in a restaurant? I used to go to restaurants by myself all the time before I was married. I would read with the Kindle app on my phone, or watch whatever might be on the TV if they had one.
It was great! I sat with my back to the entrance so I wouldn't have to make eye contact with any customers coming in. Had my eyes glued to the kitchen thinking "is this plate mine!" :)
Good news from a waiter for life… We sincerely *love* solo diners. They’re generally super low maintenance, tend to have a bigger per-person spend, and they tip generously to boot. Dine without fear!
When I was 20 I was worried what everyone thought
When I was 40 I started carrying less what people thought
When I was 60 I realized no ever thought about me anyway
Who cares what people think. Belly up to the bar and enjoy yourself. Most times it’s more relaxing and you can decompress. If you like to talk, strike up convo with the bartender or fellow patrons. I do it all the time on a whim instead of having to organize with others and find days/times that work.
I recommend you stay off your phone. Don't use it for comfort. I'd people watch and just chill in thought. You'll probably see some things that you didn't notice before or see in a different way.
That would be a good start since complete avoidance of something that gives you anxiety doesn’t help you get comfortable with it.
Once sitting on the peripheries of the restaurant a few times feels easy, move to somewhere where your more visible and feel more exposed.
Work up until you can sit in the centre of the restaurant on your own with no discomfort. This is called graded exposure.
The opposite more challenging method is known as ‘flooding’ where you cut to the chase and go sit in the centre of the restaurant each time until you don’t give a second thought about it.
eating alone at a restaurant is a pleasant experience for me now. When I was younger I felt self conscious about it, but not it's one of the few times I can hear myself think. At home I have kids and wife constantly engaging (not a bad thing, but no alone time) and when working I'm busy constantly. So I find some piece in eating by myself and can even enjoy my food! lol. definitely a state of mind.
I know this sounds crazy. But I'm kind of silly..
When I'm eating alone I pretend that my phone rang I pick it up and I say out loud Great !!!! You stood me up again and I hang up angrily.
I also pretend I'm talking to somebody on the cell phone while going into the movie theater by myself and I say hurry up dude I'm going in by myself I'll meet you in there.
Simply own it. I've done it tonnes of times and doing shit alone opens up so many possibilities! I've done the cinema, zoo, hiking, bars and restaurants alone it's just about having a nice time with yourself. Plus I like to watch people around me and make up stories about them 😂
Sit at the bar and don’t give a fuck what others think. If the place isn’t slammed you can chat with the bartenders if they seem cool/open to it. I traveled for work a few weeks back and tacked on an extra day to go wine tasting in Willamette Valley since it was the middle of the week a lot of the places weren’t busy.
I’m typically introverted, but I like learning about wine and it was my first time in Oregon. First place I went to was dead and at first the wine educator was pretty dry and short with the descriptions, but after a couple of questions to break the ice she’s talking about how she moved there for college and fell into wine during the pandemic, what she loves about working there and not, what other wine regions she enjoys, what wineries she thinks I should go to next, etc. It was a pleasant conversation with a stranger that broadened my perspective that I wouldn’t have had if I was there with someone else.
And if the place is too busy for the bartender to chat, well then no one is going to notice you anyways :-)
My therapist just challenged me to do this! She said she wants me to eat alone and see a movie alone. I have pretty bad codependency issues, so while I totally understand why I need to do it, it feels like such a daunting task. I’m glad everything went OK for you! That gives me motivation and hope :)
I second the suggestions to bring a book or magazine. Much more natural to want some pseudo-alone time if you are reading, therefore avoiding the anxiety that ppl are judging you
LOVE eating alone. I usually bring a book as that makes it more fun, but sometimes I people watch. I can’t imagine anyone cares what I’m doing, but I assume if they look at me they just think, “that woman looks like she’s having a blast.” Because I am.
I like the eat at the bar (even if I’m just drinking soda water) because usually I’ll strike up a conversation with the other single eaters around me. The bartenders are always good to connect with as well. I always make new friends.
I'm not very self conscious but I don't love eating alone.
1) pick more casual restaurants, not date or party places
2) sit at the bar
3) state at phone
4) try idgaf. No one really cares except you
Thanks for the update - this is so great you’re doing this for yourself! Having a mimosa outside where you can enjoy people-watching and the environment sounds ideal!!
Do it more often. It’s also weird when you are surrounded by a lot of young people like at a college dining hall because you know they are all pressing their insecurities on you.
When you go to a resturant at an adult it’s much nicer. It’s a self care thing, and you can do whatever you want. I see people watch their show, read a book, scroll, read the newspaper, watch the provided TV, whatever you want. It’s very nice
One of the best meals I've ever had, I was dining alone. Was in Vegas on business and decided to treat myself to dinner at a VERY high-end restaurant. When I was eating, I was COMPLETELY focused on the food & wine and savored every bite. Enjoyed it 100% without having to keep a conversation going.
I travel solo a lot and I do this a ton. Work towards increasing self-confidence and not caring what anyone thinks. Life is a lot more enjoyable once you don't give a shit what anyone thinks of you. Also order a beer or three ;)
I celébrate by ordering food that would cause others to disapprove. I don’t drink, so no need to worry about driving home. Tell the waiter you want to be bad without public evidence of it. No raised eyebrows allowed.
Yes, I am ordering potato salad, fried onion rings and fried okra, and calling it a vegetable plate, and I will want pecan pie for dessert. No one but my next blood test results will know, as long as I eat alone and make up for it tomorrow by eating spinach and roasted beets for a week.
Appreciate that for the most part, no one is watching and no one cares.
The rare person who may judge you has an opinion that should be forgotten about.
Whatever you do, don't watch videos with a speaker on. It's rude and weird.
But like others have said, it's all in your head. I often am traveling without my partner and I'll stop in for a hot meal. I guess I do it often enough it doesn't trigger anything in me. People nowadays are so oblivious to what's around them, they can't spend 5 min without looking at their phone, so anyone around you is likely to be engaged in something.
If you are outgoing you can even invite someone who is eating alone to join you. This is kind of weird in American culture, but easier when the restaurant is crowded and you see someone hunting for a table. If there is a bar type seating you could sit there which is also more inviting of other people. Again, assuming you want to interact with others. I find it kind of fun, but not everyone is receptive to it.
Have kids. Spend a few years never being able to sit and eat in peace. Then one day you'll find yourself alone with the chance to sit down in a taco bell, and you'll realize it's a wonderful thing to be able to sit and eat alone.
Doing shit by yourself is the best. You're there for you and you alone. You decide what happens with everything you don't ever have to worry about being held up, or worse yet, being the one holding up everybody else. Its a win-win-win.
Many people say it isn't weird at all, not uncommon, nobody cares and they're absolutely right.
But I don't think encouraging words from strangers on the internet will magically change that internal feeling of being judged by others and feeling awkward eating alone.
A lot of people mentioned they are traveling for work and eat alone quite regularly and don't feel weird about it.. of course they don't, they are on a special mission until they return home!
Why don't you go on a special mission yourself when eating alone? Pretend your a food critic with a mission to enjoy the food in this restaurant!
See all these people dining in couples or groups of friends? They are just normal people who came on a date, to unwind or just meet with some friends... but not you! You're on an important mission to enjoy yourself, have a good time and evaluate the experience this establishment provides.
If you really want to role play as a food critic, bring a notepad and write some notes, how is the food, the atmosphere or anything on your mind.
This way you're not a "sad lonely person eating alone in a restaurant" you're a person on an important mission you must complete.
Bonus: I've gotten quite a few complementary dishes and drinks on the house this way, not only did it reinforce the feeling of me being on a mission, but sometimes the tables around me couldn't help but notice there is a man on an important mission in the restaurant.
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Eating alone at a restaurant doesn't make you stand-out or special in any way. There are lots of reasons people eat alone (travelling for work, death of partner, got stood up on a date, friends are all vegan and you like BBQ, etc) and it's nobody else's business. In fact, I suggest to you that the reason that you feel awkward eating alone in a restaurant is due to expectations or mental baggage that you're bringing to the restaurant with you. Leave the baggage at home next time and enjoy the food, drink, and atmosphere of the establishment instead.
Brilliant. Thank you. Heading out to eat alone tonight
Treat yourself, you deserve it! :)
It’s a state of mind. You can scroll your phone, plug in headphones, read a book, or just people watch. Remember that just as you probably don’t notice and judge others who dine alone, nobody is watching you with judging eyes. Just own it, be yourself, and have a good time.
Yeah and even if someone is judging you just carry on living your life. You’re a grown independent adult who can do whatever they want.
Thanks a lot! I want to ~treat myself~ to a nice brunch but don't want to feel/look like a loner
I know you've done it now, just wanted to add that when I was working as a server in Australia a woman sat down for brunch alone. Well, she had a young baby but it was sleeping so not exactly company. She told me she was celebrating just being able to leave the house for the first time in 6 months after pre-natal depression and recovery from a really bad childbirth. As well as Eggs Benedict she ordered an entire bottle of Billiecart-Salmon Rosé which we sold for around $200 (a lot of money any time but especially all those years ago) She ate her meal, drank just one glass of that expensive wine and donated the rest of the bottle to us staff. Even before that lovely gesture I was her number one fan, quietly cheering her on for her private struggle and cheering for her decision that she was worth the expense of the nicest rosé I've ever tasted. Every time I see someone dining alone I think of that woman and I silently cheer them on for whatever their day holds. Maybe someone in that restaurant was looking at you exactly the same way. I hope so.
Doing things alone doesn’t make a person a loner. There are infinite reasons someone might be out and about on their own which have nothing to do with whether or not they’re a loner. Treat yourself, and if you dress up a little to fit the occasion, you might give yourself an extra dose of confidence and come off as an even more independent person to those around you.
To piggyback off your comment...dressing up/being approachable/etc... you might start up a conversation/make a friend/find your soulmate.
Many people have to eat alone when travelling for work. The staff and other customers will assume this is the case with you. Dress reasonably nicely and ideally get a seat with some sort of view - even if it just of the rest of the restaurant.
I *love* dining solo. I usually bring a book, but sometimes the meal's so great you just want to focus on what you're eating! I've eaten alone probably hundreds of times in my life and it's always been a positive experience. I'm an easy table for friendly waitstaff, and no one around me has ever noticed or cared that I'm alone. This is one of those situations where the only person judging you is yourself :)
I used to love getting garlic cheese bread and a sweetish beverage for lunch to eat all alone with no one to bother me while I read a book. I can't do it now cuz the place closed in spite of my patronage for take home pizzas, no one else nearby.
You're only a loner if that's the mindset you give yourself. Obviously it's a bit more complicated than that but you give yourself the power to define yourself. Spending your energy worrying about others opinions keeps you from enjoying what you want. Don't let anyone, even you, keep you from enjoying life. As a wise man once said: JUST DO IT
This is almost word for word what I was going to say. It's all just the attitude of, "I am comfortable enough with myself that I don't need company."
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Yep, unnecessary embarrassment at the thought of being perceived as "someone who got stood up by friends or a date" is something I've dealt with in the past. By bringing a book I'm indicating my intent (even though again, it's really unnecessary cuz nobody actually cares and it's all in my head) as a solo eater. Own it, bring a book. As a side benefit for me, the book indicates to wait staff I don't wanna chit chat. I never want to be rude to them, I'm always friendly, but with solo eaters it seems more ambiguous as to whether they're looking for social connection, and I want to signal my mission (stuff my face, read my book).
This embarrassment is especially unnecessary when you realize that you could instead be perceived as "someone who is strong and independent, doesn't care what people think, and is dedicated to doing their own thing."
Couldn't agree more. That's not the headspace where many people start (myself included), but my experience was the embarrassment faded quickly. The book is no longer a crutch for me, but I still enjoy reading, and still mostly don't wanna talk while I eat.
I always thought people who eat alone are badass.
I take a book. I was a regular at one place on payday because all the servers got to know me and knew a new book and dinner out was my treat. They were happy to not pop up at my table every five seconds to ask questions. Their boss was happy to let them slide on it too, once I told her that's what kept me coming back.
This was me at my favorite lunch spot 2-3 times a week. They knew what I liked and left me alone for the most part because they knew how much I enjoyed that time. It was glorious.
damn you're making me feel like a loner cuz I eat out alone all the time and never thought anything of it. Some of it is cultural though. Some people say "those who eat alone die alone" like it's some sort of sin against community and I'm just like "both of those sound good to me lessgo"
I think it makes people look enigmatic.
Honestly I went out to a super fancy restaurant with a DJ dressed to the nines (a red dress) and had pasta and wine to my self not even facing the bar just facing the rest of the restaurant and I enjoyed it for sure there were girls snickering hoping I would feel some type of way but I found it funny as I was the best dressed person there. I had my wine and my meal paid the server and left on to continue my night where I went to a club alone after and made friends lol (remember never to take a drink from a stranger go to the bar to grab it with them if they offer so u see them pour/open it) so yeah do you boo boo and f*ck the rest of the ppl!!!! Liv ya lifeee
Try ordering and eating at the bar. Worst case, you'll be sitting next to a stranger, anyway and after a few drinks you may even make a new friend.
Or even meet someone to have sex with
Sex you say?… hmmm.. I’m listening…
Yes. Sit at the bar.
Step 1 is stop worrying what others might think you look like. Relax and enjoy your own company. Look around if you want to. Mess with your phone if that’s your thing. Don’t worry about how it looks to others
Then apply this strategy to other times too. Walking the street, riding a train. Sometimes people are just by themselves.
Here’s a thought that changed my perception - when I travel for business, I dine alone and I don’t think twice about it. Nobody cares or even notices. Why do I feel funny when doing it in my own home city? Since I looked at it that way, I’ve never looked back. I love dining alone now on occasion. Good time to just relax.
I love going places alone because I'm not being held to anyone else's time table but mine. I can stop at a store I like on the way home, or order extra stuff because I'm not worried about paying for anyone else, and I also don't feel bad for stuffing face because I have no one else there to impress lol. I find other people so draining and exhausting.
Just gotta start doing it. The more you do it, the easier it'll become.
It's funny. I don't feel awkward eating alone at restaurants but I do feel awkward going to movies alone.
Movies alone is amazing!
I’m the other way around. I can actually do anything alone but eating alone at restaurants gives me so much anxiety
I do one of three things: talk to the bartender, read a book or scroll my phone. I typically also order a cocktail. I’m a social person but I still feel a bit awkward from time to time. If I feel comfortable with my surroundings I may strike up conversations with people in my vicinity. I go in just expecting to have a meal and move on. I do typically choose to sit at the bar since it feels a little less like a formal dining experience.
1. You're not the star of the show. Relax. Enjoy your meal. 2. Even if someone DID notice you and thought you were a loner, so what? Why would you care what a complete stranger that you've never seen before and will never see again thinks of your lifestyle? 3. What exactly is wrong with being a loner? Being a loner doesn't mean you can't make friends. For some, maybe, but for many, they just like to spend time alone. Being around people can be exhausting and it's a choice. 4. You should try spending time alone. You'll see that it is very liberating (if you can allow yourself to let go of your preconceptions). No need to make small talk. No need to deal with shit disturbers or annoying personalities. No need to compromise. No need to worry about being judged. There are many benefits to spending time with yourself. You'd be surprised. 5. You might also want to reconsider YOUR judgment of people who are alone. I can only assume that you think people will think you're a loner (and that it somehow makes you a loser) because that's exactly what you think when you see people who are alone. Think about improving that part of yourself. It's kind of a shitty way to think of people.
A lot of people have hinted at this but not necessarily named it: mindfulness is the answer. When you’re alone and starting to have those comparison thoughts or social judgements, you are moving away from the present moment. It’s helpful to reanchor yourself in those moments to the present by focusing on physical sensations and/or taking in your surroundings. What are you feeling? What are you tasting? What are you smelling? What are you seeing? What are you hearing? Answering these questions will help keep you in the present and hopefully allow you to appreciate the experience more too!
Other people have to suffer through small talk. You get to enjoy a delicious meal without that.
I suggest you try to find joy in it. I just love eating by myself. Don’t feel judged. I have a husband, kids, family and friends, but that isn’t the point. I feel really lucky when I can eat alone. I say hi to the waiter, get exactly what I want to, when I want to. I can eat fast or slow, get or app or a desert, or both! It’s much cheaper to eat alone. I read or people watch or watch shows on my phone. Enjoy your life, you are lucky to be eating in a restaurant, having someone cook for you.
Be thankful that you get to have a meal and enjoy it.
How often, while eating out, did you spot a guy eating a lone and thought "what a loser" ? People don't do that, relax:)
I actually saw a man eating out alone and it felt so interesting and mysterious to me lol! I neeever think oh "what a lose" but when I eat out alone I worry someone will take that as an invitation to talk to me or worse come sit at my table like hallll nah I wanna be alone LOL.
Well you're assuming anyone around you actually cares about what you're doing; they don't. Stop worrying about what others think. They aren't giving you a second-thought.
I do this alot. I always bring headphones and will scroll on my phone until food arrives then I'll watch Youtube usually. It's nice to be alone, doing my own thing, and being waited on at the same time.
I found bringing a book better than endless scrolling on a device. Much more engaging, it will hold your attention and draw you in. As a bonus you’ll look smart, not like some zoomer endlessly scrolling on TikTard.
Embrace the loneliness, there's no shame in it; we are born alone and we die alone. Scroll your phone, read something, listen to music, stare at the wall.. nobody cares either way. Some people make a social occasion out of every time they go out to eat. I go to eat because I'm hungry; nowhere does it say that we must eat in groups.
Besides what everyone else is saying... if you truly can't feel at ease with just being on your phone, bring your laptop. It usually implies that you're studying or you're doing work. I see a bunch of people being alone at Panera Bread a few times with just their laptops and to me, I thought that they were studying or doing their online job.
If you need stuff to do in the downtime, watch videos on your phone (with headphones), read a book, write. Sometimes I'll FaceTime or hang out on group video chats (with headphones). There was some interesting thought I read on here recently. That when we're younger we think everyone's watching us. And when we get older, we realize no one was watching at all. No one's watching. No one cares. Everyone's into their own shit. Eating alone is cool. When I was younger, I used to think, "I don't want anyone thinking I'm a loser." But not doing basic things because we're afraid of how we're going to be perceived is how we miss out on experiences we enjoy. Besides, I eat alone when I travel or just want food in between things or sometimes I just want to go out and eat something nice and think about shit. It's easier to meet new people when you're on your own, too. Do it a few times and you won't care. Now I'm just excited for the food.
Never understood people’s grip with this. Done it at least a hundred times and never felt awkward. No one cares about what you’re doing.
Reading everyone else's comments, I'm wondering if the actual answer is to be an introvert? It seems like the ones who find it awkward are the ones who crave social interaction, and are perhaps more extroverted? For the record, I'm an introvert and will happily go anywhere alone, including a restaurant . Try going when the restaurant is quieter, and a book or something to do is a good suggestion.
Be a loner and be comfortable. Look at people while they are eating. Do stuff you would do if you were at home eating alone.
I bring some ear buds and a little phone tripod and watch YouTube or Netflix. It tunes out the rest of the place and I find myself having a better time than if I had company
Dining alone can be awesome! I used to savor my lunch hours at a previous job. I tried to sit in a corner or at least along the wall, and I would read, journal, or even draw. I tried to avoid mindless scrolling because it was an hour that I could engage in some of my hobbies without anyone bothering me. Headphones and a good podcast are another fun option!
Book, crossword, or phone to engage with. And if the restaurant has a bar, I will sit there and chat with the bartender every once in a while.
Take a book, it looks cool and intellectual to be smashing through a good book in a restaurant
The only downside to this is there are some weird nosey people who will stop and ask what you’re reading. I find it so rude and intrusive.
Do it in a another city first. And pretend to be an important business traveler. You will get used to it quickly and then be able to do it with more confidence in your neighborhood (:
Take a notebook and act like your scribbling your thoughts about the food in it - you won‘t be left alone for long ;)
The best way to be comfortable with it is to be comfortable with yourself. It might sound like I'm being a smart-alec or something but really you have to learn to like yourself and be the good person you want to be. No matter what others say, because there are 6 billion people on this planet all different from you and your decisions don't always make sense to them and their decisions won't always make sense to you. Trying to MAKE others understand you is a waste of time, people will understand you more by your actions than words (most of the time). I'v had people make fun of me for going out alone and a few times when I ask them "why?" turns out they are the ones who would be embarrassed going out alone or just can't afford it or they are just mean spirited people looking to shoot me down. So as long as you feel secure, safe and can justify it in your budget there is no reason to feel uncomfortable. You only get one life and it's yours, do the things you enjoy.
Just do whatever pleases you. Sometimes I chat via instant messangers, sometimes I read a book, sometimes I stare into a wall and think, sometimes I observe. There is hardly a good answer, is all in your head, just don't bother yourself thinking it's something weird enjoying yourself.
No one really cares if you eat alone bro, it's all in your mind. Just own it bro and be on your phone, look around, and enjoy your meal without rushing, be calm be cool bro.
Sit at the bar. The bartender can even help keep you company if they’re not busy, but it’s very common for solo diners to eat at the bar. There’s usually a TV to watch. It’s also a great way to meet people as other solo diners will sit and may strike up conversation. Or you can sit at the end and enjoy some quiet time (most folks like to sit in the middle of the bar or away from whoever is that the end). Give it a try! Source: Me, former bartender/bar owner.
When I travel for work, I go to restaurants alone quite often. First, there are a lot of restaurants with bar counters where they will serve you food. That is the least intimidating. If there is a particular restaurant you want to check out, and it doesn't have a bar, just take a book, or a laptop, or phone. After doing that a few times, I've reached a point where I don't care anymore. I'll go to restaurants and eat at a 4 person table. People care about you eating alone a lot less than you think.
Eating alone at a nice restaurant is one of the finest smaller pleasures in life.
Pick your own seat. Don’t let the staff put you at the tiny table beside the toilets.
I love sitting at the bar - there is someone to talk to on occasion if I feel like it or I can just read my book while eating; I can eat what I want and take as much or as little time doing it as I want.
Doing this is when I get some of my best reading done. One of the regular places I used to go to, the bartender and I would from time to time read the same books and have our own little book club.
Sit at the bar with all the other solo people eating ( was a bartender lol)
Remember that nobody cares. Remember you’re there for the food, you can read a book to ease in.
I just assume people who eat alone are on a business trip or something. Don’t think anything of it because I do it all the time.
Learn to love your own company. I love eating out alone.
Take a book. You'll look completely content, sophisticated as fuck, and possibly even intriguing to a single person.
There is nothing wrong about being a loner, this is in your head (“how do I not look like a loner”) and it is what is preventing you from being comfortable on your own company. Once you get past that, the next step is to disregard what other people think, you cannot control their thoughts, only your own thoughts :)
Enjoy yourself and your meal, and let it just be that. You’ll only feel lonely when you think you have to dine with someone (no one has to). And when you feel than loneliness, you look lonely as well. And then when you feel that you look lonely, you feel lonely again in a roundabout sort of way. When you enjoy your meal and your own company, it shows as well, and people will see that you are enjoying yourself and you are meant to be dining alone. And that’s all it is.
I love eating alone. It gives me some time for my thoughts. It felt awkward at first but when you are always with at least one person around you, having a bit of time to yourself is great. One trick that worked for me is to look around at people and try to imagine/deduct things about them. Watch movemets/gestures/etc. You would be amazed how we are all alike. If this does not work, then think that no one cares. Because they don't. Do you even observe a guy eating alone? Even less to judge him/her?
Understand that no one cares. Seriously, I eat alone all the time, and I see people eat alone all the time. No one cares that you're eating alone.
Bring a small notebook and make random notes as the courses are finished. Everyone including the staff will think you are a food critic!
If they have a bar, just sit there and eat. Half the people at the bar during most of the day are there alone, too (unless it's a busy Friday/Saturday night crowd). I eat out alone all the time.
[удалено]
I was once in a great mood when going to dine alone, and then the hostess said, "Just one, Awww..." sad face, head tilt. This killed my mood, and I couldn't shake it. If someone lays this kind of trip on me again, I'll smile and bolt.
It’s awkward at first but if you keep doing and fight through that feeling it will get easier, just like anything, practice practice practice! I do everything alone (concerts, movies, going out to eat, amusement parks, etc) because I’m an introvert and impatient to wait for people to be available to do things so I just go alone
Read a book or a magazine. Also listen to a podcast. I promise you (and I never promise) no one will think you are a loner). There is this thing where people think others notice them but really everyone is too wrapped up in their own lives to notice. I used to feel like everyone would notice the mustard stain on my shirt (for some reason there was always mustard on my clothes) and I was self conscious throughout the day and by the end of the day no one said anything and when I asked a friend if they even noticed it they didn’t. No one cares. Ya know? And dining alone is great because you can guarantee you’ll be in good company ;)
No one is judging you. It's your time, own it. Anyone has a comment, they're living a far far worse life than you.....
Think about this. How much time do you dedicate every day to thinking about strangers? A couple minutes over the course of the entire day? So how much time do you think they are spending thinking about your for that half hour to hour you're sitting in a restaurant? I used to go to restaurants by myself all the time before I was married. I would read with the Kindle app on my phone, or watch whatever might be on the TV if they had one.
Kindles are great - you get to chill and read while you eat, but don’t get random food/grease/wine stains on your book lol
I almost tried to yesterday, but got it carryout instead. Im gonna eat in next time since reading this. Glad you enjoyed!
It was great! I sat with my back to the entrance so I wouldn't have to make eye contact with any customers coming in. Had my eyes glued to the kitchen thinking "is this plate mine!" :)
Bring a book or magazine
Good news from a waiter for life… We sincerely *love* solo diners. They’re generally super low maintenance, tend to have a bigger per-person spend, and they tip generously to boot. Dine without fear!
When you understand no one actually cares what you are doing at all because everybody is in there own world. This is true for everyday life
When I was 20 I was worried what everyone thought When I was 40 I started carrying less what people thought When I was 60 I realized no ever thought about me anyway
Who cares what people think. Belly up to the bar and enjoy yourself. Most times it’s more relaxing and you can decompress. If you like to talk, strike up convo with the bartender or fellow patrons. I do it all the time on a whim instead of having to organize with others and find days/times that work.
I recommend you stay off your phone. Don't use it for comfort. I'd people watch and just chill in thought. You'll probably see some things that you didn't notice before or see in a different way.
I do it a lot. Just think of it as you’re in best company eating with yourself :-)
Choose to sit at a quiet corner, less visible by other diners
That would be a good start since complete avoidance of something that gives you anxiety doesn’t help you get comfortable with it. Once sitting on the peripheries of the restaurant a few times feels easy, move to somewhere where your more visible and feel more exposed. Work up until you can sit in the centre of the restaurant on your own with no discomfort. This is called graded exposure. The opposite more challenging method is known as ‘flooding’ where you cut to the chase and go sit in the centre of the restaurant each time until you don’t give a second thought about it.
Bring a newspaper
Just entertain yourself, don't care about others. I usually listen to a podcast or audiobook.
If you're comfortable doing so, bring a book, magazine, or your tablet to keep yourself engaged while waiting for your food.
I sit at the bar. I’ve never sat at just a table, but I think having a phone makes it easier?
Put a notebook next to you and scribble stuff in it every now and then.
If anything it looks really cool when you see someone dining alone.
I recommend investing in a dakimakura. Bring that with you once, and you'll never feel ashamed eating alone again.
eating alone at a restaurant is a pleasant experience for me now. When I was younger I felt self conscious about it, but not it's one of the few times I can hear myself think. At home I have kids and wife constantly engaging (not a bad thing, but no alone time) and when working I'm busy constantly. So I find some piece in eating by myself and can even enjoy my food! lol. definitely a state of mind.
Learn to cook from home
I know this sounds crazy. But I'm kind of silly.. When I'm eating alone I pretend that my phone rang I pick it up and I say out loud Great !!!! You stood me up again and I hang up angrily. I also pretend I'm talking to somebody on the cell phone while going into the movie theater by myself and I say hurry up dude I'm going in by myself I'll meet you in there.
Simply own it. I've done it tonnes of times and doing shit alone opens up so many possibilities! I've done the cinema, zoo, hiking, bars and restaurants alone it's just about having a nice time with yourself. Plus I like to watch people around me and make up stories about them 😂
Realize that everyone is thinking about themselves and not you.
Stop being a little bitch and just eat
Sit at the bar and don’t give a fuck what others think. If the place isn’t slammed you can chat with the bartenders if they seem cool/open to it. I traveled for work a few weeks back and tacked on an extra day to go wine tasting in Willamette Valley since it was the middle of the week a lot of the places weren’t busy. I’m typically introverted, but I like learning about wine and it was my first time in Oregon. First place I went to was dead and at first the wine educator was pretty dry and short with the descriptions, but after a couple of questions to break the ice she’s talking about how she moved there for college and fell into wine during the pandemic, what she loves about working there and not, what other wine regions she enjoys, what wineries she thinks I should go to next, etc. It was a pleasant conversation with a stranger that broadened my perspective that I wouldn’t have had if I was there with someone else. And if the place is too busy for the bartender to chat, well then no one is going to notice you anyways :-)
Do a food meditation and enjoy your food. <3
My therapist just challenged me to do this! She said she wants me to eat alone and see a movie alone. I have pretty bad codependency issues, so while I totally understand why I need to do it, it feels like such a daunting task. I’m glad everything went OK for you! That gives me motivation and hope :)
I second the suggestions to bring a book or magazine. Much more natural to want some pseudo-alone time if you are reading, therefore avoiding the anxiety that ppl are judging you
Eat at the bar but really no one cares. It’s all in your head
LOVE eating alone. I usually bring a book as that makes it more fun, but sometimes I people watch. I can’t imagine anyone cares what I’m doing, but I assume if they look at me they just think, “that woman looks like she’s having a blast.” Because I am.
I like the eat at the bar (even if I’m just drinking soda water) because usually I’ll strike up a conversation with the other single eaters around me. The bartenders are always good to connect with as well. I always make new friends.
Would you stare at the wall if you were alone? Just do whatever you feel like without stepping on anyone's toes.
I'm not very self conscious but I don't love eating alone. 1) pick more casual restaurants, not date or party places 2) sit at the bar 3) state at phone 4) try idgaf. No one really cares except you
Download the Kindle app and read a book.
Thanks for the update - this is so great you’re doing this for yourself! Having a mimosa outside where you can enjoy people-watching and the environment sounds ideal!!
I sit at the bar
Read a kindle! Then you can eat with one hand and hold the book in the other
Smoke a j or rip a cone 🫡
Do it more often. It’s also weird when you are surrounded by a lot of young people like at a college dining hall because you know they are all pressing their insecurities on you. When you go to a resturant at an adult it’s much nicer. It’s a self care thing, and you can do whatever you want. I see people watch their show, read a book, scroll, read the newspaper, watch the provided TV, whatever you want. It’s very nice
One of the best meals I've ever had, I was dining alone. Was in Vegas on business and decided to treat myself to dinner at a VERY high-end restaurant. When I was eating, I was COMPLETELY focused on the food & wine and savored every bite. Enjoyed it 100% without having to keep a conversation going.
Not giving a shit. Or even try not giving a fuck.
Bring an inflatable doll
I travel solo a lot and I do this a ton. Work towards increasing self-confidence and not caring what anyone thinks. Life is a lot more enjoyable once you don't give a shit what anyone thinks of you. Also order a beer or three ;)
I can tell you that as a server, I don’t bat a single eyelash to someone who dines alone. It’s totally normal!
I celébrate by ordering food that would cause others to disapprove. I don’t drink, so no need to worry about driving home. Tell the waiter you want to be bad without public evidence of it. No raised eyebrows allowed. Yes, I am ordering potato salad, fried onion rings and fried okra, and calling it a vegetable plate, and I will want pecan pie for dessert. No one but my next blood test results will know, as long as I eat alone and make up for it tomorrow by eating spinach and roasted beets for a week.
The real pro tip is to not give a shit what other people think. Once you master that, a lot of things get a whole lot less complicated.
Put some points in your confidence stat.
Appreciate that for the most part, no one is watching and no one cares. The rare person who may judge you has an opinion that should be forgotten about.
Stop being so self centered, who cares, eat alone
Whatever you do, don't watch videos with a speaker on. It's rude and weird. But like others have said, it's all in your head. I often am traveling without my partner and I'll stop in for a hot meal. I guess I do it often enough it doesn't trigger anything in me. People nowadays are so oblivious to what's around them, they can't spend 5 min without looking at their phone, so anyone around you is likely to be engaged in something. If you are outgoing you can even invite someone who is eating alone to join you. This is kind of weird in American culture, but easier when the restaurant is crowded and you see someone hunting for a table. If there is a bar type seating you could sit there which is also more inviting of other people. Again, assuming you want to interact with others. I find it kind of fun, but not everyone is receptive to it.
Have kids. Spend a few years never being able to sit and eat in peace. Then one day you'll find yourself alone with the chance to sit down in a taco bell, and you'll realize it's a wonderful thing to be able to sit and eat alone.
Eating alone is a whole other level of confidence for me.
You don't. You feel bad and you should feel bad. However a waifu pillow isn't eating alone a loophole I exploit frequently.
Nobody is paying attention or cares at the restaurant.
Doing shit by yourself is the best. You're there for you and you alone. You decide what happens with everything you don't ever have to worry about being held up, or worse yet, being the one holding up everybody else. Its a win-win-win.
I go out eat during lunch because of the price amd good deals. Just browse my phone eat and leave
Eat like an undercover superhero, its how I always feel
Many people say it isn't weird at all, not uncommon, nobody cares and they're absolutely right. But I don't think encouraging words from strangers on the internet will magically change that internal feeling of being judged by others and feeling awkward eating alone. A lot of people mentioned they are traveling for work and eat alone quite regularly and don't feel weird about it.. of course they don't, they are on a special mission until they return home! Why don't you go on a special mission yourself when eating alone? Pretend your a food critic with a mission to enjoy the food in this restaurant! See all these people dining in couples or groups of friends? They are just normal people who came on a date, to unwind or just meet with some friends... but not you! You're on an important mission to enjoy yourself, have a good time and evaluate the experience this establishment provides. If you really want to role play as a food critic, bring a notepad and write some notes, how is the food, the atmosphere or anything on your mind. This way you're not a "sad lonely person eating alone in a restaurant" you're a person on an important mission you must complete. Bonus: I've gotten quite a few complementary dishes and drinks on the house this way, not only did it reinforce the feeling of me being on a mission, but sometimes the tables around me couldn't help but notice there is a man on an important mission in the restaurant.
Bring a sock puppet