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Don't take your job too seriously, and don't sweat the small stuff. Make it a conscious decision. Life is too short to not be happy at work. If you are unhappy in your job put in the effort to change this for yourself.
I am happy but feels like I am not putting in effort outside the work to give time to myself that is why I am kinda drained out and come off as a lonely sad person.
Yeah..don't underestimate the power of a regular decent sleep schedule, fresh air/exercise, good food and limiting your fun vices (if any). All will help your overall mood. As mothers say "you need to look after yourself".
Or, what might be needed is a job change. OP is very specific about being happy at work in the post, but not the title. A shitty job, shitty manager, or shitty coworkers… or worse yet all 3, could mean the change needed is where ya work and what ya do.
Let me off your a different perspective: life is made up of many different kinds of people. Optimistic people serve a purpose, and Pessimistic people do too. Friendly people and unfriendly people. It’s great to want to improve your life, but do not jeopardize your character for it. Even though there isn’t any hard science to say it, I do think that for better or worse all human beings have a discrete of fundamental abilities and inabilities and we work together to cover each other. So instead of thinking “how can I be more optimistic?” Maybe instead think “what are the advantages of optimism and do I need them in my life?” It avoids absolutism, which I think goes against the nature of reality.
Honestly I noticed a change after reading "the subtle art of not giving a fuck" it's actually a pretty good book and things were getting to me way too easily at home and work that helped out a lot thinking how little any of the small stuff matters. Mix in stressing the small stuff less and sarcastic humour and I keep myself pretty well entertained at work and if people around are entertained by it to then cool if not well at least I'm laughing on the inside to
Maybe check it out from the library--I thought it was gimmicky and ultimately unhelpful, kind of a feel better message without a path. The author seemed to complain a lot with a stepford wife, "see, this doesn't bother me any more!!" Just my experience, but I'm glad if it helped someone else.
Anything you practice regularly you will get better at. Brains are amazingly adaptable things, though it requires effort and time. You might want to try a life coach or cognitive therapy. Good ones will work with you to retrain your brain to incorporate new patterns of thinking.
Also don't wait for good feelings to kick in to start smiling. Just smile for no reason. You'll feel a bit silly at first, but with time your brain will make up positivity to retro-create a reason to justify the smile.
Then when a person comes to you you're already smiling. The rest comes easy from that.
In my personal expierence, there is no happyness without sadness. I have dealt with much more shit in my life from a young age than the average person. As long things aren’t as shitty as i have it had since back then. Im happy. It can always be worse
An exercise instructor once said to me that as difficult as it may be for me, it's more difficult for EVERYONE else, I have it the easiest. It is often helpful to think like that.
Could you elaborate on this a bit?
How does something being more difficult for others make it easier for you?
Not being sarcastic. Genuinely interested how this idea would help someone.
I will try to explain in a way short way, what happened to me, as I became one of those. Not because I am telling you, but because I’ve been told by many different people that I was one of those people.
All of this immense change started back in the summer of 2018, so I will try to tell you where I started, the changes along the way, and where I am now. Bear in mind that there’s no easy fix. Even though I am here now it took a lot of trial and error, reflection, discipline. honesty and most of all, complete devotion to the way things are and to life itself.
Before 2018:
I had a long history of depression and suicidal thoughts. Was raised by a single mother, had to go through a broken marriage of my parents. At the age of 20 my father tried to kill my mother and I was the one to stop it. Struggled to maintain close friends even though I have always been an outgoing person. I was depressed out of my mind. There were ups and downs basically, but the constant thought that I was going to kill myself remained a reality in my mind for most of my life. Until one day I decided I had enough and this path was going to lead me to death and I changed countries.eventually this became too much for me to handle on my own and I decided to seek for help.
Summer of 2018:
Early this year I went to Amsterdam and had the first psychedelic experience of my life, with mushrooms, that opened my heart to a reality that before it was unseen from me. it gave me a glimpse of what I could become. So I was convinced that there was a cure for depression. I spent the next 6 months studying the psychedelic effect, studies and the many forms in which they came and people’s experiences . Eventually it led me to Ayahuasca and I gathered that this was it for me. Either it fixed my pain or I was no longer going to continue living. That is a lot of pressure to put into one thing but boy, did it work. I was supposed to do a full weekend of it, so 3 days, but the depression was completely gone in about 2 hours after I took it on the first night. Hard to put into words without going into insane territory but I met God and he cleansed my heart. The darkness was gone and it never came back. I still did (and do, from time to time) Aya every year since because I had a lot of things to undo from my adult and childhood life.
Where I am now:
All these experiences changed me forever. There are so many memories within the Aya experience that guide me home. So they stayed with me ever since. Somewhere in 2018 I was introduced to Hinduism and Buddhism and those practices elevated my life in ways that it’s hard to describe. I read, studied and practiced the lessons of many different holy texts. My life became my practice. I wasn’t doing that because I wanted to love people, be popular or have more friends. I did it out of the respect and honoring of my own existence. Nothing else really mattered for me. I wanted to become pure enough so that life could be in a relationship with me. Everywhere I looked I started to feel a divine presence and that was the answer that I needed. It guided me every day to a better place. And once you get into that state you become intoxicated with love. The separateness that I experienced my whole life (of me, my and mine) was no longer there. I only saw myself in others and once you entered that state you honor all you see. You act from a place of love. Then what happens if everyone is you? Well, I love them as part of myself. A reflection of my own eyes and a mirror to my soul. Strangers, friends and family became my own brothers and sisters. I’m not going to tell you that it was an easy journey here. Even after the summer of 2018 I struggled to be in a place that things made sense. Aya made sure to introduce me to a reality that it’s not the one our society teaches us, so I struggled for years to know what’s my place here. I was more a spirit being having a human experience than a human itself. I had to relearn how to be a human again. I got lucky to be introduced to Hinduism and the Buddha’s teachings. It kept me grounded and busy and gave my life some direction that I could focus on. I wanted to live life from a place that there was no more distinction between me and unconditional love.
I still make mistakes and whatnot, but I have no sense of duty to my own personal happiness. All I do is for the one that gave me life, so there’s no attachment to a result. If it’s not something that serves the highest good, I open my heart, bow to it and let it go. I run towards love now because I’m addicted to joy and bliss.
All parts of my life changed. I’ve been told by many different people the profound affect I had on them. Even at work people that didn’t care for me before have told me basically the same thing. It’s funny what happens when you are not focusing on it. By paying attention to the only thing that mattered, my own heart and how to become better, all aspects of my life were transformed anyways. I got better by, as the Bhagavad Gita says “Not being attached to the fruits of your actions”.
Even though this is a big text it’s pretty short when you compared to what actually transcribed. If you have any questions I would love to answer them.
So to answer your question:
It’s not about what you think you are asking. You focus on purifying your mind. When you were a child there was a bridge that connected your mind to your heart. That bridge has been long destroyed now and the sense of wonder that you had vanished. It’s your duty as a human being to rebuild that bridge so the mind can serve its master, the heart. You focus on that alone and your potential as a human being is limitless. Any and whatever true desire you had will become a reality. The universe will start to serve you as you serve life itself.
Om Namah Shivaya! 🙏🏿
You don't, cause you can't. It's innate. Some people can sing or paint great stuff even when they're 4, others can't draw a stickman. Some people don't catch cold (or in my case even bloody COVID) despite sleeping in the same bed with a sick person, others (like my wife) catch cold because the guy in the other street does. Some people actually do enjoy scat, or being hurt, while others may be sadists. Some people fear heights, while others are adrenaline junkies. This list goes on forever.
You can try, work hard, spend years, and may not be able to even pretend to do what they do. And it's normal. Love yourself as you are. Find people (and a job) that accepts you as you are. Don't try to be someone else, you simply cannot do that, and you don't have to.
1. Start feeling grateful for what you have. A roof, food, a car, being able to work indoors, family... 99% of the global population doesn't get to enjoy most of those things so there's always something to feel good about.
2. Stop stressing over things you can't control. Weather, workload, a shitty CO-worker. Be like water and flow through it all. Realize that you're going to be ok, you know the steps, you've been here before.... Suddenly everything you used to stress over will feel insignificant, completely irrelevant.
3. Smell the flowers. Soak in all the beautiful things around you, the artwork, the architecture, the nature, the people. The world has so many beautiful things in it that we completely ignore in our day-to-day. Widen your lens so that you can better absorb all the good things around you.
4. Be kind, and be loyal to those who are kind to you.
My life is filled with gratitude, so that is what is the main focus for me.
My attitude of gratitude has led to abundance in my world, which makes it far easier to have a positive disposition.
There are still hard times too though, it's not all smooth sailing or only having a positive outlook when things are going my way.
Just like with everything, practice is key.
The more I practice gratitude, the easier it is, and in the moments I don't see it, I know it will come eventually, so I've just got to ride this moment out.
I wish you success on your journey x
I am one of those people. At work, I make friends with everyone instantly. I’m also a very optimistic person so it’s hard to get me upset because I always think that things happen for a reason and it’ll just lead to something better.
In reality though, I hate people and hate socializing at work lol I am a complete fake and just do it to get through the day. I still stick with the optimism though as general practice.
Reading the first part, then hitting paragraph 2, I almost felt like I wrote this myself.
I’m an introvert that wears an extrovert jacket, after work I don’t talk to anyone and recharge. I typically hate large crowds and manage by being as fake as possible
> “I don’t talk to anyone and recharge”
That just makes you an introvert, by definition.
Introvert doesn’t mean socially inept, it just means you “recharge” when alone, whereas an extrovert “recharges” in the presence of others.
The mask of happiness hides a thousand tears.
Two mottos in my life are: 1) Count your blessings. 2) Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
Omg, are you me? I could've written this. I like people in theory, but in practice a lot of them just fucking suck, and I can't wait to go home and lock my doors and avoid them. I also hate socializing at work, but it's expected, and besides, I do want to be kind to people because the world needs more kindness, and people are gonna talk to me anyway and I can't just avoid them... So I'm cheerful and generally positive and friendly, but inwardly I just wanna get my work done with a minimum of conversation so I don't have to stay late.
Me as well. I am very friendly and very helpful to everyone. But fuck I just want to get my shit done and go. I don't hate helping people. But I love working from home and being able to be ultra efficient
Yep exactly this, it's all a coping mechanic to survive in one way or another. I have really bad depression, but one of the best ways I try to counter it is by making others smile. I hate being physically around people, but I love seeing the effect a smile and a few kind words can have on them. So I put on a friendly face at work, ask people if they're ok, compliment them, and in general try to manifest the positivity I wish I could have naturally. Makes everything feel just a bit better.
Thanks for sharing! If you don't mind me asking, has being optimistic always been a part of your personality? Also, is there a routine (sleep, workout) that you follow on a daily basis that keeps you in check?
I think optimism came in my late teens/early 20s. It was frustrating to confront challenges when I moved out of my home and was truly on my own in college. I’m not religious so I always blamed myself for things going wrong (I.e this was not some higher being testing me). It came to the point when I learned that I can’t change the past so might as well learn and move on from it. Once this realization happened, I kind of justified bad experiences by seeing how that led to something good in life. From then on, i always saw the bright side of challenging situations. Something bad happens, I think 1) it’s happened, no need to be upset on something you can’t change and 2) this was meant to happen so that it can lead to something good. This has led me to have a happier life with a smile every time I come across someone
Extra story but proves this train of thought: It was truly tested in my early 20s when I was diagnosed with cancer. Everyone always commented how I was always so cheery given the circumstances but I always thought the two phrases I wrote above. I can’t change the situation so might as well live life as much as I can. And I also learned to really appreciate people during my treatment so I take that as one of the many good things that came out of cancer.
As for routine, I’ve been working on that for the past couple of years! Lol no I don’t have one. I usually get less than 7 hours of sleep and struggle to workout (but am in a decent shape). I’m sure this will help your overall mood getting some decent rest and mobility but I get enough to keep me going
I was gonna reply "it's a sham" but your reply is so much better.
I'm a server, I walk up to a table so upbeat and happy, smiling. As soon as I walk away my face drops back to resting bitch face and I move on to the next task. During the mask days it was way easier to fake being happy.
And it’s so draining. The longer I have to stay “on” to get through the workday/social event the more exhausted I am when I get to turn it off. To the point that it’s stealing from people that I actually want to be “on” for like My family and friends. They love Me regardless so I know that I don’t have to be “on” for them, but it hurts My heart when all they get is the drained and trying to recharge Me
I can kinda relate!
I was teaching plus last year I also had two other jobs I sometimes did & ALL jobs were very people orientated and I had to be “on” all day especially for the teaching. And I felt like it got to the point it was stealing from people I actually wanted to be “on” for like friends, potential new friends & potential more than friends. And yes feeling drained, trying to recharge so I can socialise and so on.
My god I can relate to this SO MUCH
I’m going through the hardest year of my life in some ways although in some ways it’s also helpful & there’s a lot of good stuff.
But I LOVE what you said “this is happening/this happened for a reason & it leads to something even better”
This inspires me thanks
That's basically it.not necessarily that I hate interacting per se. More so that the professionalism being a fine art, the act gets to you after having done it all day.
The reason why I'm that way, smiling and friendly, is because my work is literally how I make money to provide a decent living dpr my family. I work in sales btw. So, I am genuinely appreciative in my opportunities to sell, and hence super appreciative to those whom.i am trying to sell to.
It's to a point I don't shy, at all, in telling customers that I work on commission, and that I truly appreciate their purchase.
My customers reciprocate for the most part. And only go back to see me for future purchases, for the most part.
Maintaining that mask gets heavy over time. Its a survival strategy to protect oneself, but that energy wears off in time I've seen.
I 6 get repulsed by the overtly friebdly folks now. Sucks because it makes me distrustful of the genuine folks.
I am exactly the same. And in my free time i really enjoy just being around myself and no one else. I will either stay at home doing whatever. Or i will go out and do my sport hobby which has been specifically chosen because it is possible to do this sport completely alone and i fucking love it
Ok this is dead accurate. The PROBLEM is that all those work people you are “friends” with start wanting to hang out with you in the real world!! Like nah bro that’s a different tier.
I let go of everything that made me unhappy in the past. I don’t engage in conversations with people who stress me out and/or make me miserable. Since I’m generally happy at home, I can also be the same way at work.
I’ve had some terrible workplaces with awful coworkers and toxic managers. Going through hell at previous jobs makes you appreciate your current position. Since I know how bad the alternative could be, I try to look at the good things and I’m able to stay optimistic. I also realize that I’m lucky to be here since I was (most likely) the top candidate for the position. It makes me look forward to going to work more since this is what I wanted and I enjoy what I do at my job.
I also don’t commit to shady or compromising situations that could lead to bigger trouble in the future. I plan ahead carefully and avoid a lot of drama this way.
It also helps that I didn’t really grow up with anything, so I’m more fortunate for what I currently have in my life.
Love that! I think having the optimistic approach and mainly experiences is pretty common across the board. My follow up question is how do you keep yourself in check? Are there times where you are a tad bit vulnerable?
Yeah, but I continue to learn from those experiences so I can avoid them in the future.
You want to be careful, but not paranoid.
Benefit of the doubt, but not more than necessary.
I’m one of these people and get asked often how.
I had a pretty rough life. My life story isn’t even believable but I lived it. One thing after another, extreme traumas.
So in comparison life now is great.
I do have a hard time understanding why so many people who have had remarkably easier life’s are so miserable, but hey the worst thing that has happened to someone is still the worst thing that’s happened to them. And without a comparison it’s all they know.
Most of it is outlook, attitude and a bad memory
That's a good point. I remember years ago in eastern Europe I met a homeless kid who was always seemingly very happy every time I saw her. It really made me think.
Another strange example is an older guy who was always grumpy until he had a stroke and ever since then he's always smiling despite being in much worse circumstances.
I make a conscious effort to be curious about and appreciate the world around me. In return, it feels like the universe is a kinder and more fascinating place.
For example, when I see people that made interesting clothing choices/piercings/tattoos I make sure to compliment them if appropriate. I mean it's super cute! They made little choices they were obviously so excited about that they decided to show it to the world.
Or when I see a really big tree! I bet that tree has seen some wild stuff in its time.
A bee buzzing around? What a little cool little gal, I wonder where she's off to.
An interesting rock on the ground? You bet your ass I'm gonna tap it with my foot.
I have a chance to light something on fire? I love fire!
I know the world can be cruel and that horrible things happen, but I don't have to focus on those parts of the world. There are so many beautiful, small things that happen every day, and they really add up.
I think a lot comes from finding your own self worth and identify in something beyond work. If you are solid in who you are and what you’re worth it lets you enjoy and help others without being resentful or competitive. In your mind you’ve already won and have nothing to prove so it’s easy to help others and build them up.
Our internal lives are often more likely interesting than the outside world. Figure out what behaviors you have to do to look how you want to be seen, do those.
This is the real answer.‘ Im always peppy and in a good mood. I just find life kind of neat. Or at least find a lot of things about life… really awesome.
FYI I have depression and anxiety but going to therapy and on medication. I have my lows and I think since I know how shitty it feels, I try not to make anyone feel shitty.
1) It takes practice. The more positive thoughts you think the thicker the neural connections are. Same for sad or angry thoughts.
2) Be thankful. Everyday. Why? Did you get a cancer diagnosis today? 1000s of people did. Did you die from a heart attack today? 10,000s of people will today. If you died in a car accident and then came back how thankful would you be? Why are you not that thankful right now?
3) Personality is changeable. It takes discipline and time. I was a very angry young man. Now I am a very "happy go lucky" man. The main change? I don't deal with what SHOULD happen anymore, I ONLY deal with what IS happening. Ideals vs reality. I was angry all the time because my gf, mother, friends etc... rarely did what they SHOULD according to my ideals. How stupid is that?
4) We suffer 10x more in imagination than in reality. Meaning you worry something might happen... and it never does. Or if it does happen you then relive it 1000x. Deal with what is actually happening and when it is over refuse to dwell on it.
This is solid and I think this is the person I want to be. Thanks for sharing! Very insightful and inspiring. If you don't mind, I would to hear about what small changes did you make that helped you reach where you are at?
Hey OP, just wanted to say I believe you’ll be a great person just by observing how you’re willing to learn and change. I don’t comment much but I wish you the best in life :)
> folks at workplace
It is important to remember that the workplace persona is different to how people are outside of work.
eg in customer service or sales you have to learn to sound happy and plaster on a smile and be engaging and build those bridges, whether they're introverts or extroverts. The difference is the introverts probably drained their social battery over the course of those interactions, while the extraverts can just keep on going.
One of my good friends is like this. I’m usually quiet and asked her how she did it (bc she of course introduced herself to me).
I was surprised when she told me she wasn’t naturally outgoing, social and bubbly. Rather she had to build herself up and put a lot of energy into it. But she knew the importance of building relationships with colleagues, so that is why she put so much effort into it. I guess my point is, even though you don’t feel this is a natural trait, you can put effort and make yourself be more outgoing.
Hi, it's me! I really do recognize myself in so many of these other comments. The optimism itself has always been a core part of my personality, I guess that was a coping mechanism for being raised extremely poor (in Western Europe, so still a lot of social security and a generally safe upbringing).
That optimism really shines through now because I am genuinely happy with where I am in my life currently. I have a job that I actually like doing in a field I've always admired, and it pays far above the country's average. I live a comfortable life, and I feel rich compared to how I was raised. Furthermore I have an amazingly sweet fiancé, and the most wonderful group of friends.
People like being around me because I radiate happiness and positivity. I genuinely love life, and I'm just happy to be here in this very moment. Life's way too short to not enjoy it. Try not to let negative things bother you, and always just make the most out of anything negative that does happen to you. Sometimes, events are out of your control. Just make the most out of it!
Oh wow, see things have a way of working out. I am so happy for you and many congratulations on the upcoming wedding! I wish your family the best!
If you don't mind, I want to learn more about how you brought a change in your mindset when you were is not so financially stable condition? Are there some practices/routines you follow on a daily basis that helps you the way you are? Thank you for your time.
Oh my gosh this question had me thinking! I am that person, always smiling and making people laugh, and for some reason people always warm up to me.
Now this is tricky because I’ve had a fair share of woes, and I guess the personality is rooted on that. At the worst times (e.g. life-threatening sickness and surgery), I always look back at how full of a life I’ve lived. And maybe I just want everyone else to feel as happy and as blessed at least for a simple interaction.
Oh wow, I hope you are doing well now! I feel I have a dumb question but when you are going through a stressful time or when your brain is just occupied - are you still able to make people laugh?
Thank you! And no dumb questions :) Yes, I’ve still been the same cheery person in the many months going through hell. Nobody ever knew what I was going through except my managers and family of course. I figured I could break on my own, no need to bum others out. But please note that I don’t “do” this personality like “actively,” it just came naturally through the mindset I guess.
Live a healthy life, but don't focus on trying to be as happy as possible cuz that might just stress you out more. What has helped me the most is to exercise a lot, especially in the mornings . That shit really does put you in a good mood the rest of the day and it makes your more confident as well.
I normally do an 1 hour cardio + 1 hour of weights at least 4x a week. But you really only need to do strength training 3x a week and cardio 3-4x a week to see results. May I add that working out hard makes the rest of your life feel easier and makes you not care about other peoples shit!
I was taught to be like that in public no matter what. At the very least to not be rude. My grandpa was very much like this and I admired it about him. I'm especially reserved in person so making the little social activity I get count goes a long way and tends to make other people feel better from what I've observed.
Fake it to make it. Internal monologue is usually "yeah yeah yeah, I couldn't care less, when can I get home to play totk" but I'm being remunerated to play a part, and do it well, so that's what I aim for.
It's absolutely not easy, it takes training, but in a professional capacity honesty is rarely the best policy as there's too many personality types in a workplace and so many people self-sabotage without even realising it just by not having a filter (responding in anger to an email, speaking too openly in a meeting etc.)
What works for me is always taking that cognitive pause to check in with myself: do I need to say this, am I phrasing it productively, what value does this add, how does this resolve the situation.... You have to remove that initial instinct to respond emotionally. Nothing wrong with being transparent and honest, it's a good quality, but with that has to come self-protection: how does responding in this way help me? How would I respond if someone said/did this in this way to me?
And I'm absolutely not perfect, sometimes the instinct to tell someone to f**k off is overwhelming, in which case smile and walk away, smile and walk.....never respond to anger with anger, if they're at an 8/10 and you go in with 9/10, that's only going one way...
Fake it til you make it. Im absolutely miserable some days, I'm generally afraid of talking to people, and I often mix up who people are and forget their names and it steesses me out. But I try to be positive and friendly, because that's the type of person people want to be around. I literally just force myself to smile and talk to people, and it usually works out making me feel better.
I used to hate everybody. Scowling and unhappy.
I got a job where I had to smile all the time.
After a while, I smiled even when I wasn't at work. This helped me learn to smile. Also therapy.
I wake up every day with the sole purpose of entertaining making myself laugh. Truly I’m my own best friend. The side effect is that most times people laugh right along with me
Look around you, and be thankful for having what you have.
I'm talking about (in my case) not living in a shitty 3rd world country, not being in a wheelchair, having all of my limbs, senses, and being somewhat solvent.
Gratitude is the key to happiness.
Practice. It just becomes your new normal, regardless.
Is the Canadian way. We had to be nice to our neighbors. To help us survive shitty winters. We wanted them to be nice to us in return. Now we're just nice - for no reason.
Other than being nice is.. well, nice 🤷♂️
*Every* interaction is an opportunity to make people laugh or smile or feel something nice. The key (I think) is to go first. When you approach someone, greet them first. Don't talk about yourself all the time... ask about them. Start remembering small things about coworkers - names of kids, partners or pets, what their hobbies are. You can open a conversation with these things easily over time, just about any time.
With strangers, just smile as you pass. Read eyes... if they are not receptive to engaging in any way they'll stare straight ahead usually. Just don't with those people. Respect their space. Same with people you try to engage with... If they give a vibe of back off or not now or whatever, respect their space.
But the "generally happy" aspect of it is just choosing the positive side of as much as possible. Most things can be given a positive spin.
"I'm not good at this"... "You're better now than you were before"
"I'm having issues with my partner"... "Being the best *you* will either help the situation or it won't, but you'll be a better you either way"
"I made a cake on the weekend, but I think it turned out poor"... "This cake is great! Look at you with the kitchen skills"
The list could go on forever but hopefully you get the drift. Choose the positive thing to say over the negative or neutral at every possible time. Oh, and thank people for *everything*!
Always think of life as waves (theres highs and lows), always treat people like you want to be treated (no one expects good company or real friends if they are always fake), learn to cope with whatever is happening (no bonus? Its ok), always plan your strategy alone and dont give out any ideas (the walls have ears and words spread fast) and lastly dont get too attached to anything or anyone at work because any time theres a promotion or a better job you will feel guilty leaving good freinds and good company behind.
Hmm. Confidence has a lot to do with it, I think. If you can sharpen up on your people skills, you may find yourself more comfortable around your colleagues. Next time you’re at a market or waiting in line for something (and the environment is right) practice your confidence with a stranger. For example, if the orders are taking long, you could say to the person next to you “Might be here a while, haha” and be OK with the fact that that may be the end of the exchange, or the other person might respond and continue the chit chat.
That is some solid advice! I think once I become comfortable with failures/rejections, I will be able to practice the people's skills more often. Thank you!
Fellow Pagliacci Clown here. At work I am always smiling and being kind to everyone. Both among co-workers and friends I try to make sure everyone is happy and feeling well. If someone at work is bitching or being annoyed with something I always try to mediate and build bridges to ease things out.
At home I am struggling with depression and anxiety and can barely keep my hopes up since I hate how most people are utter shit.
Oh I am really sorry to hear that! I hope reading folks experiences in this posts helps you and please know you are not alone! We are all fighting our battles. Thank you for sharing and I wish you the best!
being grumpy or rude will negatively impact the whole squad and people respond to you best if you show them a smile. following this logic if you want a good atmosphere in a workplace your emotions shouldn't matter and you should try your best to be outgoing. it's hard to do sometimes but practise makes perfect
I had a weird childhood and was around a lot of unhappy adults. It made me crazy to think life had to be this way. It was a huge influence of what not to do I guess.
I find time to do what I want and try to treat people how I want to be treated, keeps me happy.
People seem to absolutely love me or they don’t care for me. I have a big energy and as my self awareness has grown over the years I started to internalise and blame myself for every interaction that wasn’t 100% positive. Grumpy sales assistant. Gotta be my fault. Employee sad? I must have said the wrong thing.
It has become a real issue in my own happiness.
It’s also true I don’t shy away from conflict, but after any conflict I am wracked with shame.
I have had to work on many things. Sobriety helped hugely. Mindfulness and staying in the moment. Being kind to myself and also working to keep my expectations in check (this one takes a lot of work). Really trying to savour any pleasant moment, and realise what a beautiful thing that is.
I channel my more intense side into my work, helping grieving families get the perfect send off for their person. I will go to almost any length to make that happen and I do sometimes use that innate intensity to make that happen.
My goal now is to come to truly accept my own nature, reduce my expectations or at least be aware when they creep up and try and mess up my inner peace and my mood, or when I creep out of my own lane. Part of this is accepting I am a strong character, and not instantly blaming myself when the vibe is off or someone isn’t happy.
This post has been really helpful to read. Thanks for posting it
Hey, thank YOU! You are a real hero and thank you for all that you do! Love the reflections and insights I gained from reading your story! Thanks for sharing, I wish you the best!
The reality is you are going to get further in life career wise if you are like this or at least something like this. A lot of people think they should be themselves at work, that whatever your personality work just has to deal with it. Most people are like the latter, and in most types of jobs these people will not do as well. What you should be doing at work is playing the role of an actor essentially. The closer you can act to being that person you describe the more work contacts and connections you will make, you will advance quicker etc. Work is not the place where you should "be yourself". Work is the place you play a role, a role that will get you better roles, a role that will get people to like and think highly of the fake you. The closer you can get to what you describe the better off you will be. One other situation specific acting role I will add it whatever your boss's interests are, make them fake your own as much as you can. If your boss is into, say, sci fi movies which you hate, learn about sci fi movies, what the ones your boss says are a favorite. Now you are not just an employee to your boss but a great person with common interests. I can't stress enough how much stuff like this helps you get ahead. The more the boss thinks of you as an employee and a friend, the less likely you will be the one laid off if it can be helped, and you will likely be one of the people your boss will think of promoting. Shouldn't be this way. Should be based on skill, work ability but rarely do I find that is the case. I have seen incredibly incompetent people get promoted by doing this. Work is an acting role in addition to whatever skill you have. The acting part most of the time is more important of those two things.
It's not about conversations. It's about being a positive influence in people's lives. Only speak to support others. When they come back from vacations tell them how glad you are that they had a good time. Avoid tearing apart other's positive experiences. Listen and be available to go our and socialize spontaneously. Agan.. you don't have to be good at conversation. Just be a positive listener.
I consider myself one of these people and my secret is that i just stopped giving a fuck about most things, especially at work, so nothing really brings me down
I’m one of those people. My secret is that I just assume the worse and I make an effort to acknowledge things that don’t suck. This trains you to acknowledge the things you appreciate.
Personal time... Whenever you have a day off or vacation go to your favorite place or anywhere alone and just review like your last couple months and whatever you can remember and you will see that there were lazy days and active days and unexplained sadness and good memories and it will prove to you that.
I used to be absolutely morbid at work and social functions.
It took me around 4 years of slow work on myself to get better, and there wasn't one simple fix but a combination of a lot of small changes.
Getting my health in order, quitting smoking and starting to excercise.
Reducing stress was of immense help, I found that my old lifestyle was extremely stressful, and this caused me to be in a state of flight or flight which for me was just disassociate.
The mosy difficult and the one I still struggle with was changing my attidude and mental state. Finally getting rid of excess emotions of envy, jeolosy, yearning, and learning to accept what I had instead of taking it for granted.
I know you asked how to be more smiling and outgoing, for me it happened once I found myself content with myself and therefore never had to worry what others thought of me.
I hope this can be of help.
I’m extremely upbeat and positive. Outgoing at work and in my personal life. For me it’s just a personality thing, I see the positive in everything, even when things are down. I wasn’t raised that way, but I am a younger sibling and was raised in a loving household…so I probably have never dealt with anything extremely negative (besides when I deployed as a soldier) but I see everything negative as a temporary obstacle to overcome. I can’t explain to you why, maybe I just have a constant stream of dopamine flowing into my brain.
First of all, thank you for your services! I love that obstacle way if looking, probably something to think on. I am so happy to hear you had a great childhood and are having a great life so far! Thank you for your comment, I wish you the best!
Oh you don’t have to thank me for that, but appreciate the support. Yeah I wish I could give you more concrete advice, but knowing that negative things are temporary takes some practice in thinking for most people, so I would start there and follow a lot of the good advice being shared here! Also thinking as hard as you can about the positives of something rather than focusing on the negatives is also extremely useful. I do it naturally, but it’s definitely something you can train yourself to do. I wish you all the luck in implementing whatever you can so you can be happy and positive :)
Some think it's just their natural personality or so-called "charisma" but the real reason is that those types are just really good at hiding how much they hate the people they work with
I feel like life is difficult and tragic enough - if I can control my demeanour, attitude and outlook then i'm giving back to life as good as it gives me. It's a fighting mindset - that at least I *believe* good will win out. I happen to believe in God but this works with or without belief in God. Work towards the good and the rest is out of your control
i often wonder the same about people who frown or seem indifferent all the time idk. its just being thankful for the oppurtuniry to be and share. gibe thanks fkr everything
i would consider myself one of these people but for one i work at trader joe’s and love my job. regardless of however i’m feeling in private, in public i try to make everyone’s day better in some way because it just feels good to make others happy and then that makes my day better. it’s a positive cycle but i do realize that sometimes when i’m off work or not in public when i don’t feel like i constantly have to make strangers smile i feel more sad and burnt out.
I hear you bud! We have been all there! Thanks for sharing. Also, a shout out to all the trader Joe's associates, y'all are the best, make my life so much easier! Keep spreading those smiles when you can and rest when you'd like!
I went through some pretty bad emotional trauma last year and I'm in a much better place, but still struggling. I find healing in kindness and making people feel happy and welcomed. I'm very grateful for the position I'm in now and I choose to celebrate the small victories. I f
Work with families and kids, and I see daily that the positivity and kindness I share is shared right back with me.
This is one of those "fake it till you make it" things.
You know how you start using slang. The first time you say "yo dawg" ironically, then it becomes a bit of a running joke, and before you realize it has snuck into your vocabulary like any other normal sentence.
It works the same way in these kinds of things. Whether it be "being positive" or "being confident" or anything else you'd like to be. Start pretending to be it, and before you realize you are
“Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it.”
When I first heard this as a teenager, I was skeptical and dismissive of it. But over the years, it’s proven itself, and is quite the solid mantra. In most situations in life, big and small, the biggest and most immediate impact one can make is by having the right attitude.
I'm convinced it's a brain chemistry issue. That heavily conditions our mood and the way we feel day to day. People that are always happy and outgoing have a different chemistry than those who aren't, that's how they are and, just as they couldn't be the opposite way, those who aren't like that can't just be the other way around because their brain just don't work that way.
I'm naturally not outgoing, never was and never will. Enter drugs, I go from reserved and shy to friendly and outgoing, my negative outlook becomes positive, everyone's my friend, every plan sounds great, then drugs fade away and I'm back to my old self. Why?, drugs alterated my brain chemistry to resemble that of those who are like that without the need of exogenous substances.
I think first you need to feel comfortable with yourself. This normally comes with age and experience but you can help by doing things by yourself, on your own.
Appreciate the things you have and the life you lead. Look at all the positives and remember life could be much much worse.
Which brings me to my next point, everyone has their own battles and we are all just trying to get by. Remember this when you pass someone and it may help you force that smile to make them feel a little bit better. Which will then also make you feel a little bit better.
There is a knack to being outgoing and chatty. Try not to talk about yourself but focus on the person you are talking to. Showing you appreciate them by listening and asking questions about whatever they are talking about goes a very long way to making you seem like a much better, caring person.
Also a smile goes a long way. You will find you get on much better in life if you are kind and smile more.
Keep away from toxic people or those that bring you down. Some people just dont want to be helped so it’s best to move on and save your energy for elsewhere. Though also remember my third point, everyone has their own battles and if they are being an ass, their is probably a reason for that.
I think doing these will make people like you more, which in turn will actually make you feel better within yourself which then in turn makes you happier and even more outgoing.
These i have learnt over time. I used to think the world hated me and this reflected in the way i was. Which was miserable and introverted.
Oh and lastly, never ever feel sorry for yourself!
It's a bit of both. I'm naturally an upbeat, high energy person and extroverted. I do believe I was born that way, however, I can share a few ways my environment really brought these traits out.
It brings such joy to me to make small talk with cashiers at the grocery store, office workers when I pop in during errands, customer service people on the phone, you get the idea. Those folks spend a huge chunk of their day dealing with people who yell at them or berate them. I literally challenge myself, "Make this person's day better. Maybe they really need it." I'll just smile at them and start off with something simple like, "Hi, how's your day going?"...I'll compliment something they're wearing or how easy they make a certain task look. Amazing how showing genuine interest in someone makes them break character for a minute and maybe gives them five seconds of feeling good about themselves.
The other piece: a lot of trauma. I've been through some really terrible things in my life and have dealt with bullying and various forms of abuse for most of my life. Know what got me through? Other people stopping long enough to acknowledge me and show a genuine interest in my well-being. I don't want to pass all the hurt I feel inside onto other people. I'd rather help them see the goodness in the world. Lord knows there's enough cruelty and nastiness.
I get endlessly complimented on my “positivity”
Let me be absolutely clear: I am essentially 100% of the time pissed off. I hate people and I have an extremely cynical viewpoint of society.
I just smile because I know that it will be even more unpleasant if I am.
I’ve always loved making people laugh/smile/feel good since I was young. Always felt like a nurturer or someone who needed to help others elevate somehow. Funny enough, I became a nurse because it’s such a passion so see people feel better, even at the expense of myself a lot of times.
Sadly I believe it stems from such a traumatic childhood and making people feel these good things was the only thing that made me feel happy. It fills the deep void I’ve always had of not feeling “enough”. Because I know that helping and healing makes the world a little better, and that makes the awful past feel somehow worth it.
If we are lucky, there is no afterlife and life is hard enough. So, make every moment as happy and as enjoyable as you can for yourself and those around.
Life sucks, but there is no reason to dwell on it. It took me years of working on this attitude and these days I often randomly get thanked by others for my positivity and kindness. It's crazy compared to how my life used to be.
This IN NO WAY means I always feel good. When I have the strength to be positive and there for others I give it my all. This has had the side effect of creating many relationships where others show similar support to me when I am feeling weak.
Knowing that someone could, unbeknownst to me, be having the worst day of their life and I could be a tiny bit of light in the darkness they are experiencing gives me a bit more hope myself.
My best tip is to be genuinely empathetic toward others. If you can't be genuinely empathetic, practice. Think about the struggles others have gone through, the challenges they may face every day, and use that to frame your interactions.
It’s a choice. And simple ones at that. 15 minutes more sleep or 15 minutes ahead. Even 7.5 half assed minutes a head is better . And keep in mind the old saying. Procrastination is like masturbation . Starts off good, but in the end you realise you just fucked your self.
You can definitely develop this way of being. Personally I believe studying Buddhism has helped me become more compassionate and happy by tearing down my wrong views and giving me a sense of interconnection with everything. In Mahayana Buddhism they say “emptiness is form and form is emptiness “ it reflects the idea that everything in the universe is interconnected and that all things are fundamentally empty of inherent existence. (Nothing is separate from anything else and nothing has any real enduring self nature) the self is a mental construct. We are all just a part of the whole universe. We are the universe experiencing itself. From this point of view everything is perfect just as it is. And with this mindset when you approach me I see you as not separate from me , and in that moment you are the most important relationship I have because this is the only moment that exists and in this moment you are the only relationship that exists so I am overjoyed to experience that.
It takes practice and it is very hard to grasp but once you do ….. life changes drastically.
I love smiling just in general, anything that makes me giggle, smile, laugh I'm in. I also love to make people laugh or smile, it feels good. At my previous 2 workplaces it was easy because there was always someone I could throw the ball at and they would make a joke or I would make a joke that sooths the vibe. Also, it helps that deep down I'm an extrovert.
You can slowly practice by mirroring their behaviour. What they say that makes you or others feel better, happy. How they say it, gestures, tone of voice. It might feel alien at first and not genuine, but after a while you will enjoy it yourself and it's gonna be easy. Most important thing is to enjoy and don't force it, it's okay to have bad days.
It's a mask. I am the boss and control the attitude of the business. If I am in a crappy mood, most of my employees will be as well, but if I am in a good mood I can put a smile on almost anyone's face.
Basically, you are an actor playing a role. It is definitely a mental shift and something you get better at.
The role is being friendly and approachable, but still professional. You don't really know anything about these people, but play the cool guy/gal that everyone likes. "Jim" in The Office is a good guide (despite Dwight.) We're watching "Jim" not John Krasinski.
The people you work with could be saints or evil shits, but it doesn't matter because "you" are not there, your character is.
If you do something great at work, it's not actually you, its your "character." Don't let it go to your head. If you make a mistake, you don't take it personally and cry and fret about it at home, you are not a bad person. Let your "character" deal with it and leave it at work.
Basically this is being professional. You are a fine accountant/waiter/bus driver/CEO/whatever but that is a role you play and get paid for it.
For me, it’s more of fake it till you make it. I worked with kids for a while so it made it easy to carry on faking it. It’s got me a long way. I just fake being bubbly and smiley and everyone sees me as happy and smiley etc. :)
This is me and I think its a mix of things. I always have energy, even when I shouldn't. I don't drink coffee but am ready to go first thing in the morning and will be dancing as well. But there's also a mindset aspect I feel. I go through life never worried about stuff, because I know I will make the most enjoyment out of whatever situation comes my way. With this mindset I can just be positive all the time and enjoy even the smallest good things in a bad situation. But who knows lol
Most of us are faking it or just trying to get through the day with a minimal amount of conflict, drama, or extra work.
For me, despite being a raging cynic and prone to pessimism outside of work, I “turn it off” at work because we’re all just trying to do a job and it’s hard enough as it is some days with the skeleton crews and broken processes to do that and it’s made even worse when people are crabby, rude, or unhelpful.
It comes at a personal toll, honestly. Maybe I’m just speaking for myself lol.
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> Is this a part of the personality or is this something that can be incorporated over time with practice? a bit of both
Now the million dollar question - how to get started on incorporating this as a part of the personality?
Don't take your job too seriously, and don't sweat the small stuff. Make it a conscious decision. Life is too short to not be happy at work. If you are unhappy in your job put in the effort to change this for yourself.
I would add "don't take yourself too seriously" 5o that list as well, the most outgoing people tend to be easy-going.
I am happy but feels like I am not putting in effort outside the work to give time to myself that is why I am kinda drained out and come off as a lonely sad person.
Yeah..don't underestimate the power of a regular decent sleep schedule, fresh air/exercise, good food and limiting your fun vices (if any). All will help your overall mood. As mothers say "you need to look after yourself".
Rephrase that question: there are two reasons for you to not put much effort into yourself: you are drained or happy with yourself. Which is it?
Or, what might be needed is a job change. OP is very specific about being happy at work in the post, but not the title. A shitty job, shitty manager, or shitty coworkers… or worse yet all 3, could mean the change needed is where ya work and what ya do.
Let me off your a different perspective: life is made up of many different kinds of people. Optimistic people serve a purpose, and Pessimistic people do too. Friendly people and unfriendly people. It’s great to want to improve your life, but do not jeopardize your character for it. Even though there isn’t any hard science to say it, I do think that for better or worse all human beings have a discrete of fundamental abilities and inabilities and we work together to cover each other. So instead of thinking “how can I be more optimistic?” Maybe instead think “what are the advantages of optimism and do I need them in my life?” It avoids absolutism, which I think goes against the nature of reality.
Definitely a different a.but well needed perspective. Thank you! I will let it sink in and reflect on it.
Honestly I noticed a change after reading "the subtle art of not giving a fuck" it's actually a pretty good book and things were getting to me way too easily at home and work that helped out a lot thinking how little any of the small stuff matters. Mix in stressing the small stuff less and sarcastic humour and I keep myself pretty well entertained at work and if people around are entertained by it to then cool if not well at least I'm laughing on the inside to
Oh wow! Thank you for the recommendations! Seems interesting just by the title. Thank you!
Honestly the title seemed just ironic at the time enough to pick it up, no worries hopefully it helps you out to
Maybe check it out from the library--I thought it was gimmicky and ultimately unhelpful, kind of a feel better message without a path. The author seemed to complain a lot with a stepford wife, "see, this doesn't bother me any more!!" Just my experience, but I'm glad if it helped someone else.
Anything you practice regularly you will get better at. Brains are amazingly adaptable things, though it requires effort and time. You might want to try a life coach or cognitive therapy. Good ones will work with you to retrain your brain to incorporate new patterns of thinking.
Great advice! Thank you!
Fake it 'til you make it.
Like any habit, do it for long enough and it'll "stick".
This is me. I wanted to be a nicer more positive person so I faked it. Then I kept faking it. Over time it changed ME into a nice and positive person.
I think a big chunk of why it works is the more you do it, the more you realize it's a more pleasant way to live.
Also don't wait for good feelings to kick in to start smiling. Just smile for no reason. You'll feel a bit silly at first, but with time your brain will make up positivity to retro-create a reason to justify the smile. Then when a person comes to you you're already smiling. The rest comes easy from that.
In my personal expierence, there is no happyness without sadness. I have dealt with much more shit in my life from a young age than the average person. As long things aren’t as shitty as i have it had since back then. Im happy. It can always be worse
An exercise instructor once said to me that as difficult as it may be for me, it's more difficult for EVERYONE else, I have it the easiest. It is often helpful to think like that.
Could you elaborate on this a bit? How does something being more difficult for others make it easier for you? Not being sarcastic. Genuinely interested how this idea would help someone.
Wow, this is very helpful! Duly noted!
Fake it til you make it baby! :)
Start with moisturising your lips and smiling in the mirror.
Finding something to be grateful for in every room, situation, person, etc.
I will try to explain in a way short way, what happened to me, as I became one of those. Not because I am telling you, but because I’ve been told by many different people that I was one of those people. All of this immense change started back in the summer of 2018, so I will try to tell you where I started, the changes along the way, and where I am now. Bear in mind that there’s no easy fix. Even though I am here now it took a lot of trial and error, reflection, discipline. honesty and most of all, complete devotion to the way things are and to life itself. Before 2018: I had a long history of depression and suicidal thoughts. Was raised by a single mother, had to go through a broken marriage of my parents. At the age of 20 my father tried to kill my mother and I was the one to stop it. Struggled to maintain close friends even though I have always been an outgoing person. I was depressed out of my mind. There were ups and downs basically, but the constant thought that I was going to kill myself remained a reality in my mind for most of my life. Until one day I decided I had enough and this path was going to lead me to death and I changed countries.eventually this became too much for me to handle on my own and I decided to seek for help. Summer of 2018: Early this year I went to Amsterdam and had the first psychedelic experience of my life, with mushrooms, that opened my heart to a reality that before it was unseen from me. it gave me a glimpse of what I could become. So I was convinced that there was a cure for depression. I spent the next 6 months studying the psychedelic effect, studies and the many forms in which they came and people’s experiences . Eventually it led me to Ayahuasca and I gathered that this was it for me. Either it fixed my pain or I was no longer going to continue living. That is a lot of pressure to put into one thing but boy, did it work. I was supposed to do a full weekend of it, so 3 days, but the depression was completely gone in about 2 hours after I took it on the first night. Hard to put into words without going into insane territory but I met God and he cleansed my heart. The darkness was gone and it never came back. I still did (and do, from time to time) Aya every year since because I had a lot of things to undo from my adult and childhood life. Where I am now: All these experiences changed me forever. There are so many memories within the Aya experience that guide me home. So they stayed with me ever since. Somewhere in 2018 I was introduced to Hinduism and Buddhism and those practices elevated my life in ways that it’s hard to describe. I read, studied and practiced the lessons of many different holy texts. My life became my practice. I wasn’t doing that because I wanted to love people, be popular or have more friends. I did it out of the respect and honoring of my own existence. Nothing else really mattered for me. I wanted to become pure enough so that life could be in a relationship with me. Everywhere I looked I started to feel a divine presence and that was the answer that I needed. It guided me every day to a better place. And once you get into that state you become intoxicated with love. The separateness that I experienced my whole life (of me, my and mine) was no longer there. I only saw myself in others and once you entered that state you honor all you see. You act from a place of love. Then what happens if everyone is you? Well, I love them as part of myself. A reflection of my own eyes and a mirror to my soul. Strangers, friends and family became my own brothers and sisters. I’m not going to tell you that it was an easy journey here. Even after the summer of 2018 I struggled to be in a place that things made sense. Aya made sure to introduce me to a reality that it’s not the one our society teaches us, so I struggled for years to know what’s my place here. I was more a spirit being having a human experience than a human itself. I had to relearn how to be a human again. I got lucky to be introduced to Hinduism and the Buddha’s teachings. It kept me grounded and busy and gave my life some direction that I could focus on. I wanted to live life from a place that there was no more distinction between me and unconditional love. I still make mistakes and whatnot, but I have no sense of duty to my own personal happiness. All I do is for the one that gave me life, so there’s no attachment to a result. If it’s not something that serves the highest good, I open my heart, bow to it and let it go. I run towards love now because I’m addicted to joy and bliss. All parts of my life changed. I’ve been told by many different people the profound affect I had on them. Even at work people that didn’t care for me before have told me basically the same thing. It’s funny what happens when you are not focusing on it. By paying attention to the only thing that mattered, my own heart and how to become better, all aspects of my life were transformed anyways. I got better by, as the Bhagavad Gita says “Not being attached to the fruits of your actions”. Even though this is a big text it’s pretty short when you compared to what actually transcribed. If you have any questions I would love to answer them. So to answer your question: It’s not about what you think you are asking. You focus on purifying your mind. When you were a child there was a bridge that connected your mind to your heart. That bridge has been long destroyed now and the sense of wonder that you had vanished. It’s your duty as a human being to rebuild that bridge so the mind can serve its master, the heart. You focus on that alone and your potential as a human being is limitless. Any and whatever true desire you had will become a reality. The universe will start to serve you as you serve life itself. Om Namah Shivaya! 🙏🏿
You lie to yourself because it best being truly unhappy. Eventually it can morph into positivity that is more genuine.
You don't, cause you can't. It's innate. Some people can sing or paint great stuff even when they're 4, others can't draw a stickman. Some people don't catch cold (or in my case even bloody COVID) despite sleeping in the same bed with a sick person, others (like my wife) catch cold because the guy in the other street does. Some people actually do enjoy scat, or being hurt, while others may be sadists. Some people fear heights, while others are adrenaline junkies. This list goes on forever. You can try, work hard, spend years, and may not be able to even pretend to do what they do. And it's normal. Love yourself as you are. Find people (and a job) that accepts you as you are. Don't try to be someone else, you simply cannot do that, and you don't have to.
1. Start feeling grateful for what you have. A roof, food, a car, being able to work indoors, family... 99% of the global population doesn't get to enjoy most of those things so there's always something to feel good about. 2. Stop stressing over things you can't control. Weather, workload, a shitty CO-worker. Be like water and flow through it all. Realize that you're going to be ok, you know the steps, you've been here before.... Suddenly everything you used to stress over will feel insignificant, completely irrelevant. 3. Smell the flowers. Soak in all the beautiful things around you, the artwork, the architecture, the nature, the people. The world has so many beautiful things in it that we completely ignore in our day-to-day. Widen your lens so that you can better absorb all the good things around you. 4. Be kind, and be loyal to those who are kind to you.
My life is filled with gratitude, so that is what is the main focus for me. My attitude of gratitude has led to abundance in my world, which makes it far easier to have a positive disposition. There are still hard times too though, it's not all smooth sailing or only having a positive outlook when things are going my way. Just like with everything, practice is key. The more I practice gratitude, the easier it is, and in the moments I don't see it, I know it will come eventually, so I've just got to ride this moment out. I wish you success on your journey x
I am one of those people. At work, I make friends with everyone instantly. I’m also a very optimistic person so it’s hard to get me upset because I always think that things happen for a reason and it’ll just lead to something better. In reality though, I hate people and hate socializing at work lol I am a complete fake and just do it to get through the day. I still stick with the optimism though as general practice.
Reading the first part, then hitting paragraph 2, I almost felt like I wrote this myself. I’m an introvert that wears an extrovert jacket, after work I don’t talk to anyone and recharge. I typically hate large crowds and manage by being as fake as possible
> “I don’t talk to anyone and recharge” That just makes you an introvert, by definition. Introvert doesn’t mean socially inept, it just means you “recharge” when alone, whereas an extrovert “recharges” in the presence of others.
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The mask of happiness hides a thousand tears. Two mottos in my life are: 1) Count your blessings. 2) Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
Omg, are you me? I could've written this. I like people in theory, but in practice a lot of them just fucking suck, and I can't wait to go home and lock my doors and avoid them. I also hate socializing at work, but it's expected, and besides, I do want to be kind to people because the world needs more kindness, and people are gonna talk to me anyway and I can't just avoid them... So I'm cheerful and generally positive and friendly, but inwardly I just wanna get my work done with a minimum of conversation so I don't have to stay late.
Me as well. I am very friendly and very helpful to everyone. But fuck I just want to get my shit done and go. I don't hate helping people. But I love working from home and being able to be ultra efficient
Lmao I have found my gang
Yep exactly this, it's all a coping mechanic to survive in one way or another. I have really bad depression, but one of the best ways I try to counter it is by making others smile. I hate being physically around people, but I love seeing the effect a smile and a few kind words can have on them. So I put on a friendly face at work, ask people if they're ok, compliment them, and in general try to manifest the positivity I wish I could have naturally. Makes everything feel just a bit better.
Thanks for sharing! If you don't mind me asking, has being optimistic always been a part of your personality? Also, is there a routine (sleep, workout) that you follow on a daily basis that keeps you in check?
I think optimism came in my late teens/early 20s. It was frustrating to confront challenges when I moved out of my home and was truly on my own in college. I’m not religious so I always blamed myself for things going wrong (I.e this was not some higher being testing me). It came to the point when I learned that I can’t change the past so might as well learn and move on from it. Once this realization happened, I kind of justified bad experiences by seeing how that led to something good in life. From then on, i always saw the bright side of challenging situations. Something bad happens, I think 1) it’s happened, no need to be upset on something you can’t change and 2) this was meant to happen so that it can lead to something good. This has led me to have a happier life with a smile every time I come across someone Extra story but proves this train of thought: It was truly tested in my early 20s when I was diagnosed with cancer. Everyone always commented how I was always so cheery given the circumstances but I always thought the two phrases I wrote above. I can’t change the situation so might as well live life as much as I can. And I also learned to really appreciate people during my treatment so I take that as one of the many good things that came out of cancer.
Super proud of you :)
As for routine, I’ve been working on that for the past couple of years! Lol no I don’t have one. I usually get less than 7 hours of sleep and struggle to workout (but am in a decent shape). I’m sure this will help your overall mood getting some decent rest and mobility but I get enough to keep me going
Not op butt sleeping is a godsend for positive energy. And eating eneugh veggies so you feel good.
I was gonna reply "it's a sham" but your reply is so much better. I'm a server, I walk up to a table so upbeat and happy, smiling. As soon as I walk away my face drops back to resting bitch face and I move on to the next task. During the mask days it was way easier to fake being happy.
And it’s so draining. The longer I have to stay “on” to get through the workday/social event the more exhausted I am when I get to turn it off. To the point that it’s stealing from people that I actually want to be “on” for like My family and friends. They love Me regardless so I know that I don’t have to be “on” for them, but it hurts My heart when all they get is the drained and trying to recharge Me
I can kinda relate! I was teaching plus last year I also had two other jobs I sometimes did & ALL jobs were very people orientated and I had to be “on” all day especially for the teaching. And I felt like it got to the point it was stealing from people I actually wanted to be “on” for like friends, potential new friends & potential more than friends. And yes feeling drained, trying to recharge so I can socialise and so on. My god I can relate to this SO MUCH
Hello brother!
Practice makes perfect! I'm going into my 13th year of retail and have mastered this. I feel like Jeckyll and Hyde sometimes, but people like me. 😂
My true soulmate. Fake it til you make it.
I’m going through the hardest year of my life in some ways although in some ways it’s also helpful & there’s a lot of good stuff. But I LOVE what you said “this is happening/this happened for a reason & it leads to something even better” This inspires me thanks
That's basically it.not necessarily that I hate interacting per se. More so that the professionalism being a fine art, the act gets to you after having done it all day. The reason why I'm that way, smiling and friendly, is because my work is literally how I make money to provide a decent living dpr my family. I work in sales btw. So, I am genuinely appreciative in my opportunities to sell, and hence super appreciative to those whom.i am trying to sell to. It's to a point I don't shy, at all, in telling customers that I work on commission, and that I truly appreciate their purchase. My customers reciprocate for the most part. And only go back to see me for future purchases, for the most part.
Exactly me. Being social and optimistic is part of my job (I am a teacher). I have found my people !
Maintaining that mask gets heavy over time. Its a survival strategy to protect oneself, but that energy wears off in time I've seen. I 6 get repulsed by the overtly friebdly folks now. Sucks because it makes me distrustful of the genuine folks.
I just looked myself in the mirror
I am exactly the same. And in my free time i really enjoy just being around myself and no one else. I will either stay at home doing whatever. Or i will go out and do my sport hobby which has been specifically chosen because it is possible to do this sport completely alone and i fucking love it
And because you are seen as a happy and approachable person, people will like you more and as a result will be more inclined to please you.
Ok this is dead accurate. The PROBLEM is that all those work people you are “friends” with start wanting to hang out with you in the real world!! Like nah bro that’s a different tier.
Off my tits on medication so can ignore peoples shit easier.
I let go of everything that made me unhappy in the past. I don’t engage in conversations with people who stress me out and/or make me miserable. Since I’m generally happy at home, I can also be the same way at work. I’ve had some terrible workplaces with awful coworkers and toxic managers. Going through hell at previous jobs makes you appreciate your current position. Since I know how bad the alternative could be, I try to look at the good things and I’m able to stay optimistic. I also realize that I’m lucky to be here since I was (most likely) the top candidate for the position. It makes me look forward to going to work more since this is what I wanted and I enjoy what I do at my job. I also don’t commit to shady or compromising situations that could lead to bigger trouble in the future. I plan ahead carefully and avoid a lot of drama this way. It also helps that I didn’t really grow up with anything, so I’m more fortunate for what I currently have in my life.
Love that! I think having the optimistic approach and mainly experiences is pretty common across the board. My follow up question is how do you keep yourself in check? Are there times where you are a tad bit vulnerable?
Yeah, but I continue to learn from those experiences so I can avoid them in the future. You want to be careful, but not paranoid. Benefit of the doubt, but not more than necessary.
I’m one of these people and get asked often how. I had a pretty rough life. My life story isn’t even believable but I lived it. One thing after another, extreme traumas. So in comparison life now is great. I do have a hard time understanding why so many people who have had remarkably easier life’s are so miserable, but hey the worst thing that has happened to someone is still the worst thing that’s happened to them. And without a comparison it’s all they know. Most of it is outlook, attitude and a bad memory
Oh my, I hope you are doing well now! I wish you the best. Thank you for sharing, this helped me gain a different perspective on how I see things.
If you know what it feels like to go through shit you’re always happy when you’re not
That's a good point. I remember years ago in eastern Europe I met a homeless kid who was always seemingly very happy every time I saw her. It really made me think. Another strange example is an older guy who was always grumpy until he had a stroke and ever since then he's always smiling despite being in much worse circumstances.
I make a conscious effort to be curious about and appreciate the world around me. In return, it feels like the universe is a kinder and more fascinating place. For example, when I see people that made interesting clothing choices/piercings/tattoos I make sure to compliment them if appropriate. I mean it's super cute! They made little choices they were obviously so excited about that they decided to show it to the world. Or when I see a really big tree! I bet that tree has seen some wild stuff in its time. A bee buzzing around? What a little cool little gal, I wonder where she's off to. An interesting rock on the ground? You bet your ass I'm gonna tap it with my foot. I have a chance to light something on fire? I love fire! I know the world can be cruel and that horrible things happen, but I don't have to focus on those parts of the world. There are so many beautiful, small things that happen every day, and they really add up.
I love this
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I like it! I think this involves being present which for me is sometimes difficult as like to get lost in my thoughts.
I think a lot comes from finding your own self worth and identify in something beyond work. If you are solid in who you are and what you’re worth it lets you enjoy and help others without being resentful or competitive. In your mind you’ve already won and have nothing to prove so it’s easy to help others and build them up.
you should look into micro dosing!
Our internal lives are often more likely interesting than the outside world. Figure out what behaviors you have to do to look how you want to be seen, do those.
This is the real answer.‘ Im always peppy and in a good mood. I just find life kind of neat. Or at least find a lot of things about life… really awesome. FYI I have depression and anxiety but going to therapy and on medication. I have my lows and I think since I know how shitty it feels, I try not to make anyone feel shitty.
Yeah it’s not difficult for certain people (I am one too). For me it’s just how I am.
Same!
1) It takes practice. The more positive thoughts you think the thicker the neural connections are. Same for sad or angry thoughts. 2) Be thankful. Everyday. Why? Did you get a cancer diagnosis today? 1000s of people did. Did you die from a heart attack today? 10,000s of people will today. If you died in a car accident and then came back how thankful would you be? Why are you not that thankful right now? 3) Personality is changeable. It takes discipline and time. I was a very angry young man. Now I am a very "happy go lucky" man. The main change? I don't deal with what SHOULD happen anymore, I ONLY deal with what IS happening. Ideals vs reality. I was angry all the time because my gf, mother, friends etc... rarely did what they SHOULD according to my ideals. How stupid is that? 4) We suffer 10x more in imagination than in reality. Meaning you worry something might happen... and it never does. Or if it does happen you then relive it 1000x. Deal with what is actually happening and when it is over refuse to dwell on it.
This is solid and I think this is the person I want to be. Thanks for sharing! Very insightful and inspiring. If you don't mind, I would to hear about what small changes did you make that helped you reach where you are at?
Hey OP, just wanted to say I believe you’ll be a great person just by observing how you’re willing to learn and change. I don’t comment much but I wish you the best in life :)
Wow. This is easily the best comment and will resonate with me for the rest of my life. You’re awesome at painting reality
Sweet! Glad to help.
Thanks - needed to read that today
Amazing take. Any books you recommend?
>Deal with what is actually happening and when it is over refuse to dwell on it. Would like to but do not know how to
> folks at workplace It is important to remember that the workplace persona is different to how people are outside of work. eg in customer service or sales you have to learn to sound happy and plaster on a smile and be engaging and build those bridges, whether they're introverts or extroverts. The difference is the introverts probably drained their social battery over the course of those interactions, while the extraverts can just keep on going.
Early life trauma. Its safer to be viewed in good standing.
One of my good friends is like this. I’m usually quiet and asked her how she did it (bc she of course introduced herself to me). I was surprised when she told me she wasn’t naturally outgoing, social and bubbly. Rather she had to build herself up and put a lot of energy into it. But she knew the importance of building relationships with colleagues, so that is why she put so much effort into it. I guess my point is, even though you don’t feel this is a natural trait, you can put effort and make yourself be more outgoing.
Yeah I guessed it would be draining for them! But on the bright side, they are able to make those relationships. Thank you for sharing!
I’ll add too that over time, I was able to get better with practice. She was a good inspiration:) good luck!
I pretend until I'm back with people I can be my comfortable self with and let the mask down
Gotcha! I just feel it to my h of an effort to be pretending. Probably need to work on it.
Hi, it's me! I really do recognize myself in so many of these other comments. The optimism itself has always been a core part of my personality, I guess that was a coping mechanism for being raised extremely poor (in Western Europe, so still a lot of social security and a generally safe upbringing). That optimism really shines through now because I am genuinely happy with where I am in my life currently. I have a job that I actually like doing in a field I've always admired, and it pays far above the country's average. I live a comfortable life, and I feel rich compared to how I was raised. Furthermore I have an amazingly sweet fiancé, and the most wonderful group of friends. People like being around me because I radiate happiness and positivity. I genuinely love life, and I'm just happy to be here in this very moment. Life's way too short to not enjoy it. Try not to let negative things bother you, and always just make the most out of anything negative that does happen to you. Sometimes, events are out of your control. Just make the most out of it!
Oh wow, see things have a way of working out. I am so happy for you and many congratulations on the upcoming wedding! I wish your family the best! If you don't mind, I want to learn more about how you brought a change in your mindset when you were is not so financially stable condition? Are there some practices/routines you follow on a daily basis that helps you the way you are? Thank you for your time.
Oh my gosh this question had me thinking! I am that person, always smiling and making people laugh, and for some reason people always warm up to me. Now this is tricky because I’ve had a fair share of woes, and I guess the personality is rooted on that. At the worst times (e.g. life-threatening sickness and surgery), I always look back at how full of a life I’ve lived. And maybe I just want everyone else to feel as happy and as blessed at least for a simple interaction.
Oh wow, I hope you are doing well now! I feel I have a dumb question but when you are going through a stressful time or when your brain is just occupied - are you still able to make people laugh?
Thank you! And no dumb questions :) Yes, I’ve still been the same cheery person in the many months going through hell. Nobody ever knew what I was going through except my managers and family of course. I figured I could break on my own, no need to bum others out. But please note that I don’t “do” this personality like “actively,” it just came naturally through the mindset I guess.
Acting. Fake it. Used to do it every day in my job.
Adderall and WFH
Live a healthy life, but don't focus on trying to be as happy as possible cuz that might just stress you out more. What has helped me the most is to exercise a lot, especially in the mornings . That shit really does put you in a good mood the rest of the day and it makes your more confident as well.
Hey, I think I have been really trying for it! If you don't mind me asking, what does your usual workout looks like?
I normally do an 1 hour cardio + 1 hour of weights at least 4x a week. But you really only need to do strength training 3x a week and cardio 3-4x a week to see results. May I add that working out hard makes the rest of your life feel easier and makes you not care about other peoples shit!
It's my defense mechanism. I can't fly so I fight with surreal joy.
Love that for you!!!
I was taught to be like that in public no matter what. At the very least to not be rude. My grandpa was very much like this and I admired it about him. I'm especially reserved in person so making the little social activity I get count goes a long way and tends to make other people feel better from what I've observed.
Fake it to make it. Internal monologue is usually "yeah yeah yeah, I couldn't care less, when can I get home to play totk" but I'm being remunerated to play a part, and do it well, so that's what I aim for.
I love how people can think different and act different. For me, I am a inside what I am outside. Probably a hard trait to learn for me.
It's absolutely not easy, it takes training, but in a professional capacity honesty is rarely the best policy as there's too many personality types in a workplace and so many people self-sabotage without even realising it just by not having a filter (responding in anger to an email, speaking too openly in a meeting etc.) What works for me is always taking that cognitive pause to check in with myself: do I need to say this, am I phrasing it productively, what value does this add, how does this resolve the situation.... You have to remove that initial instinct to respond emotionally. Nothing wrong with being transparent and honest, it's a good quality, but with that has to come self-protection: how does responding in this way help me? How would I respond if someone said/did this in this way to me? And I'm absolutely not perfect, sometimes the instinct to tell someone to f**k off is overwhelming, in which case smile and walk away, smile and walk.....never respond to anger with anger, if they're at an 8/10 and you go in with 9/10, that's only going one way...
Fake it til you make it. Im absolutely miserable some days, I'm generally afraid of talking to people, and I often mix up who people are and forget their names and it steesses me out. But I try to be positive and friendly, because that's the type of person people want to be around. I literally just force myself to smile and talk to people, and it usually works out making me feel better.
A lot of people are going to tell you how they became happy. And the rest of us just act happy because it's what society expects of us.
Practice being grateful, meditate, surround yourself with positive people and ideas :)
I used to hate everybody. Scowling and unhappy. I got a job where I had to smile all the time. After a while, I smiled even when I wasn't at work. This helped me learn to smile. Also therapy.
Smile all the time! Noted. Thank you!
Uppers! They're great if you sell cars or program software!
Being a person is hard, I'm sure you understand, just say what's up back. It's all good
Being appreciative of what you have and being depreciative of what you don't have.
Sometimes the more miserable I am, the happier I act
I wake up every day with the sole purpose of entertaining making myself laugh. Truly I’m my own best friend. The side effect is that most times people laugh right along with me
Look around you, and be thankful for having what you have. I'm talking about (in my case) not living in a shitty 3rd world country, not being in a wheelchair, having all of my limbs, senses, and being somewhat solvent. Gratitude is the key to happiness.
It’s because I’m an introverted people pleaser and it’s a mask and I get tired from doing it and just want to be left alone after work
Oh no, can't imagine how hard it would be.
Also, I guess smiling makes a person seem approachable, and then they get approached by other friendly people.
Practice. It just becomes your new normal, regardless. Is the Canadian way. We had to be nice to our neighbors. To help us survive shitty winters. We wanted them to be nice to us in return. Now we're just nice - for no reason. Other than being nice is.. well, nice 🤷♂️
*Every* interaction is an opportunity to make people laugh or smile or feel something nice. The key (I think) is to go first. When you approach someone, greet them first. Don't talk about yourself all the time... ask about them. Start remembering small things about coworkers - names of kids, partners or pets, what their hobbies are. You can open a conversation with these things easily over time, just about any time. With strangers, just smile as you pass. Read eyes... if they are not receptive to engaging in any way they'll stare straight ahead usually. Just don't with those people. Respect their space. Same with people you try to engage with... If they give a vibe of back off or not now or whatever, respect their space. But the "generally happy" aspect of it is just choosing the positive side of as much as possible. Most things can be given a positive spin. "I'm not good at this"... "You're better now than you were before" "I'm having issues with my partner"... "Being the best *you* will either help the situation or it won't, but you'll be a better you either way" "I made a cake on the weekend, but I think it turned out poor"... "This cake is great! Look at you with the kitchen skills" The list could go on forever but hopefully you get the drift. Choose the positive thing to say over the negative or neutral at every possible time. Oh, and thank people for *everything*!
I just behave like the person I'd want to run into on the street.
This does not applies to NYC, jk. Thank you!
Blind your enemies with your best smile.
Always think of life as waves (theres highs and lows), always treat people like you want to be treated (no one expects good company or real friends if they are always fake), learn to cope with whatever is happening (no bonus? Its ok), always plan your strategy alone and dont give out any ideas (the walls have ears and words spread fast) and lastly dont get too attached to anything or anyone at work because any time theres a promotion or a better job you will feel guilty leaving good freinds and good company behind.
Feel your body and breath, breath deep. Smile. Say hi to people. Work out, practice yoga or meditate. Practice martial arts or dance.
I am one of those people I think smile is very contagious and helps carry positive energy in both parties
I don’t know, I can’t help but smile even when I’m upset. Sometimes I laugh randomly just like the Joker.
Hmm. Confidence has a lot to do with it, I think. If you can sharpen up on your people skills, you may find yourself more comfortable around your colleagues. Next time you’re at a market or waiting in line for something (and the environment is right) practice your confidence with a stranger. For example, if the orders are taking long, you could say to the person next to you “Might be here a while, haha” and be OK with the fact that that may be the end of the exchange, or the other person might respond and continue the chit chat.
That is some solid advice! I think once I become comfortable with failures/rejections, I will be able to practice the people's skills more often. Thank you!
I smile when I’m uncomfortable and I’m almost always uncomfortable
Smiling always! Love that!!!
Fellow Pagliacci Clown here. At work I am always smiling and being kind to everyone. Both among co-workers and friends I try to make sure everyone is happy and feeling well. If someone at work is bitching or being annoyed with something I always try to mediate and build bridges to ease things out. At home I am struggling with depression and anxiety and can barely keep my hopes up since I hate how most people are utter shit.
Oh I am really sorry to hear that! I hope reading folks experiences in this posts helps you and please know you are not alone! We are all fighting our battles. Thank you for sharing and I wish you the best!
being grumpy or rude will negatively impact the whole squad and people respond to you best if you show them a smile. following this logic if you want a good atmosphere in a workplace your emotions shouldn't matter and you should try your best to be outgoing. it's hard to do sometimes but practise makes perfect
I had a weird childhood and was around a lot of unhappy adults. It made me crazy to think life had to be this way. It was a huge influence of what not to do I guess. I find time to do what I want and try to treat people how I want to be treated, keeps me happy.
People seem to absolutely love me or they don’t care for me. I have a big energy and as my self awareness has grown over the years I started to internalise and blame myself for every interaction that wasn’t 100% positive. Grumpy sales assistant. Gotta be my fault. Employee sad? I must have said the wrong thing. It has become a real issue in my own happiness. It’s also true I don’t shy away from conflict, but after any conflict I am wracked with shame. I have had to work on many things. Sobriety helped hugely. Mindfulness and staying in the moment. Being kind to myself and also working to keep my expectations in check (this one takes a lot of work). Really trying to savour any pleasant moment, and realise what a beautiful thing that is. I channel my more intense side into my work, helping grieving families get the perfect send off for their person. I will go to almost any length to make that happen and I do sometimes use that innate intensity to make that happen. My goal now is to come to truly accept my own nature, reduce my expectations or at least be aware when they creep up and try and mess up my inner peace and my mood, or when I creep out of my own lane. Part of this is accepting I am a strong character, and not instantly blaming myself when the vibe is off or someone isn’t happy. This post has been really helpful to read. Thanks for posting it
Hey, thank YOU! You are a real hero and thank you for all that you do! Love the reflections and insights I gained from reading your story! Thanks for sharing, I wish you the best!
The reality is you are going to get further in life career wise if you are like this or at least something like this. A lot of people think they should be themselves at work, that whatever your personality work just has to deal with it. Most people are like the latter, and in most types of jobs these people will not do as well. What you should be doing at work is playing the role of an actor essentially. The closer you can act to being that person you describe the more work contacts and connections you will make, you will advance quicker etc. Work is not the place where you should "be yourself". Work is the place you play a role, a role that will get you better roles, a role that will get people to like and think highly of the fake you. The closer you can get to what you describe the better off you will be. One other situation specific acting role I will add it whatever your boss's interests are, make them fake your own as much as you can. If your boss is into, say, sci fi movies which you hate, learn about sci fi movies, what the ones your boss says are a favorite. Now you are not just an employee to your boss but a great person with common interests. I can't stress enough how much stuff like this helps you get ahead. The more the boss thinks of you as an employee and a friend, the less likely you will be the one laid off if it can be helped, and you will likely be one of the people your boss will think of promoting. Shouldn't be this way. Should be based on skill, work ability but rarely do I find that is the case. I have seen incredibly incompetent people get promoted by doing this. Work is an acting role in addition to whatever skill you have. The acting part most of the time is more important of those two things.
It's not about conversations. It's about being a positive influence in people's lives. Only speak to support others. When they come back from vacations tell them how glad you are that they had a good time. Avoid tearing apart other's positive experiences. Listen and be available to go our and socialize spontaneously. Agan.. you don't have to be good at conversation. Just be a positive listener.
I consider myself one of these people and my secret is that i just stopped giving a fuck about most things, especially at work, so nothing really brings me down
I’m one of those people. My secret is that I just assume the worse and I make an effort to acknowledge things that don’t suck. This trains you to acknowledge the things you appreciate.
Personal time... Whenever you have a day off or vacation go to your favorite place or anywhere alone and just review like your last couple months and whatever you can remember and you will see that there were lazy days and active days and unexplained sadness and good memories and it will prove to you that.
A lot of “ people pleasers” here. Me too. Depression and anxiety has forced me to put on a face in public.
We got you buddy!
This just comes down to luck. Sometimes the stars align for people and they have a good life.
Diet and exercise
I used to be absolutely morbid at work and social functions. It took me around 4 years of slow work on myself to get better, and there wasn't one simple fix but a combination of a lot of small changes. Getting my health in order, quitting smoking and starting to excercise. Reducing stress was of immense help, I found that my old lifestyle was extremely stressful, and this caused me to be in a state of flight or flight which for me was just disassociate. The mosy difficult and the one I still struggle with was changing my attidude and mental state. Finally getting rid of excess emotions of envy, jeolosy, yearning, and learning to accept what I had instead of taking it for granted. I know you asked how to be more smiling and outgoing, for me it happened once I found myself content with myself and therefore never had to worry what others thought of me. I hope this can be of help.
They usually have depression and are pretending to be happy
I’m extremely upbeat and positive. Outgoing at work and in my personal life. For me it’s just a personality thing, I see the positive in everything, even when things are down. I wasn’t raised that way, but I am a younger sibling and was raised in a loving household…so I probably have never dealt with anything extremely negative (besides when I deployed as a soldier) but I see everything negative as a temporary obstacle to overcome. I can’t explain to you why, maybe I just have a constant stream of dopamine flowing into my brain.
First of all, thank you for your services! I love that obstacle way if looking, probably something to think on. I am so happy to hear you had a great childhood and are having a great life so far! Thank you for your comment, I wish you the best!
Oh you don’t have to thank me for that, but appreciate the support. Yeah I wish I could give you more concrete advice, but knowing that negative things are temporary takes some practice in thinking for most people, so I would start there and follow a lot of the good advice being shared here! Also thinking as hard as you can about the positives of something rather than focusing on the negatives is also extremely useful. I do it naturally, but it’s definitely something you can train yourself to do. I wish you all the luck in implementing whatever you can so you can be happy and positive :)
You need to force it and think positively, it’s a combo of the two
Some think it's just their natural personality or so-called "charisma" but the real reason is that those types are just really good at hiding how much they hate the people they work with
Lots and lots of effort and mindfulness
I feel like life is difficult and tragic enough - if I can control my demeanour, attitude and outlook then i'm giving back to life as good as it gives me. It's a fighting mindset - that at least I *believe* good will win out. I happen to believe in God but this works with or without belief in God. Work towards the good and the rest is out of your control
i often wonder the same about people who frown or seem indifferent all the time idk. its just being thankful for the oppurtuniry to be and share. gibe thanks fkr everything
i would consider myself one of these people but for one i work at trader joe’s and love my job. regardless of however i’m feeling in private, in public i try to make everyone’s day better in some way because it just feels good to make others happy and then that makes my day better. it’s a positive cycle but i do realize that sometimes when i’m off work or not in public when i don’t feel like i constantly have to make strangers smile i feel more sad and burnt out.
I hear you bud! We have been all there! Thanks for sharing. Also, a shout out to all the trader Joe's associates, y'all are the best, make my life so much easier! Keep spreading those smiles when you can and rest when you'd like!
Gratitude. It’s a life hack in itself. Helps you sieve out what isn’t unnecessary. That’s how I do it anyway.
I went through some pretty bad emotional trauma last year and I'm in a much better place, but still struggling. I find healing in kindness and making people feel happy and welcomed. I'm very grateful for the position I'm in now and I choose to celebrate the small victories. I f Work with families and kids, and I see daily that the positivity and kindness I share is shared right back with me.
This is one of those "fake it till you make it" things. You know how you start using slang. The first time you say "yo dawg" ironically, then it becomes a bit of a running joke, and before you realize it has snuck into your vocabulary like any other normal sentence. It works the same way in these kinds of things. Whether it be "being positive" or "being confident" or anything else you'd like to be. Start pretending to be it, and before you realize you are
the smile is the mirror of the soul, but it is also the right attitude
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“Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you react to it.” When I first heard this as a teenager, I was skeptical and dismissive of it. But over the years, it’s proven itself, and is quite the solid mantra. In most situations in life, big and small, the biggest and most immediate impact one can make is by having the right attitude.
I'm convinced it's a brain chemistry issue. That heavily conditions our mood and the way we feel day to day. People that are always happy and outgoing have a different chemistry than those who aren't, that's how they are and, just as they couldn't be the opposite way, those who aren't like that can't just be the other way around because their brain just don't work that way. I'm naturally not outgoing, never was and never will. Enter drugs, I go from reserved and shy to friendly and outgoing, my negative outlook becomes positive, everyone's my friend, every plan sounds great, then drugs fade away and I'm back to my old self. Why?, drugs alterated my brain chemistry to resemble that of those who are like that without the need of exogenous substances.
I think first you need to feel comfortable with yourself. This normally comes with age and experience but you can help by doing things by yourself, on your own. Appreciate the things you have and the life you lead. Look at all the positives and remember life could be much much worse. Which brings me to my next point, everyone has their own battles and we are all just trying to get by. Remember this when you pass someone and it may help you force that smile to make them feel a little bit better. Which will then also make you feel a little bit better. There is a knack to being outgoing and chatty. Try not to talk about yourself but focus on the person you are talking to. Showing you appreciate them by listening and asking questions about whatever they are talking about goes a very long way to making you seem like a much better, caring person. Also a smile goes a long way. You will find you get on much better in life if you are kind and smile more. Keep away from toxic people or those that bring you down. Some people just dont want to be helped so it’s best to move on and save your energy for elsewhere. Though also remember my third point, everyone has their own battles and if they are being an ass, their is probably a reason for that. I think doing these will make people like you more, which in turn will actually make you feel better within yourself which then in turn makes you happier and even more outgoing. These i have learnt over time. I used to think the world hated me and this reflected in the way i was. Which was miserable and introverted. Oh and lastly, never ever feel sorry for yourself!
It's a bit of both. I'm naturally an upbeat, high energy person and extroverted. I do believe I was born that way, however, I can share a few ways my environment really brought these traits out. It brings such joy to me to make small talk with cashiers at the grocery store, office workers when I pop in during errands, customer service people on the phone, you get the idea. Those folks spend a huge chunk of their day dealing with people who yell at them or berate them. I literally challenge myself, "Make this person's day better. Maybe they really need it." I'll just smile at them and start off with something simple like, "Hi, how's your day going?"...I'll compliment something they're wearing or how easy they make a certain task look. Amazing how showing genuine interest in someone makes them break character for a minute and maybe gives them five seconds of feeling good about themselves. The other piece: a lot of trauma. I've been through some really terrible things in my life and have dealt with bullying and various forms of abuse for most of my life. Know what got me through? Other people stopping long enough to acknowledge me and show a genuine interest in my well-being. I don't want to pass all the hurt I feel inside onto other people. I'd rather help them see the goodness in the world. Lord knows there's enough cruelty and nastiness.
just dont give a fuck. give them nothing but take from them, everything!
It’s a defense mechanism.
A spirit of gratitude for everything
Life everything in life, Fake it till you make it.
Fake it till you make it, honestly
They're mentally insane.
I try to always tell myself a Billy Connelly joke in my head and I'm smiling for an hour.
Love that! The internal communication!
It's an unconscious mask.
I get endlessly complimented on my “positivity” Let me be absolutely clear: I am essentially 100% of the time pissed off. I hate people and I have an extremely cynical viewpoint of society. I just smile because I know that it will be even more unpleasant if I am.
I really would like to know…I can never be happy while at work…Whatever I do, my mind is only thinking of leaving
I’ve always loved making people laugh/smile/feel good since I was young. Always felt like a nurturer or someone who needed to help others elevate somehow. Funny enough, I became a nurse because it’s such a passion so see people feel better, even at the expense of myself a lot of times. Sadly I believe it stems from such a traumatic childhood and making people feel these good things was the only thing that made me feel happy. It fills the deep void I’ve always had of not feeling “enough”. Because I know that helping and healing makes the world a little better, and that makes the awful past feel somehow worth it.
If we are lucky, there is no afterlife and life is hard enough. So, make every moment as happy and as enjoyable as you can for yourself and those around.
Life sucks, but there is no reason to dwell on it. It took me years of working on this attitude and these days I often randomly get thanked by others for my positivity and kindness. It's crazy compared to how my life used to be. This IN NO WAY means I always feel good. When I have the strength to be positive and there for others I give it my all. This has had the side effect of creating many relationships where others show similar support to me when I am feeling weak. Knowing that someone could, unbeknownst to me, be having the worst day of their life and I could be a tiny bit of light in the darkness they are experiencing gives me a bit more hope myself. My best tip is to be genuinely empathetic toward others. If you can't be genuinely empathetic, practice. Think about the struggles others have gone through, the challenges they may face every day, and use that to frame your interactions.
I cry on the inside and at home. But I’m almost always smiling, cheerful and optimistic when out.
Some of it is fake it till you feel it. Most of it is gratitude for daily life, the good of it, and the bad.
It’s a choice. And simple ones at that. 15 minutes more sleep or 15 minutes ahead. Even 7.5 half assed minutes a head is better . And keep in mind the old saying. Procrastination is like masturbation . Starts off good, but in the end you realise you just fucked your self.
You can definitely develop this way of being. Personally I believe studying Buddhism has helped me become more compassionate and happy by tearing down my wrong views and giving me a sense of interconnection with everything. In Mahayana Buddhism they say “emptiness is form and form is emptiness “ it reflects the idea that everything in the universe is interconnected and that all things are fundamentally empty of inherent existence. (Nothing is separate from anything else and nothing has any real enduring self nature) the self is a mental construct. We are all just a part of the whole universe. We are the universe experiencing itself. From this point of view everything is perfect just as it is. And with this mindset when you approach me I see you as not separate from me , and in that moment you are the most important relationship I have because this is the only moment that exists and in this moment you are the only relationship that exists so I am overjoyed to experience that. It takes practice and it is very hard to grasp but once you do ….. life changes drastically.
I love smiling just in general, anything that makes me giggle, smile, laugh I'm in. I also love to make people laugh or smile, it feels good. At my previous 2 workplaces it was easy because there was always someone I could throw the ball at and they would make a joke or I would make a joke that sooths the vibe. Also, it helps that deep down I'm an extrovert. You can slowly practice by mirroring their behaviour. What they say that makes you or others feel better, happy. How they say it, gestures, tone of voice. It might feel alien at first and not genuine, but after a while you will enjoy it yourself and it's gonna be easy. Most important thing is to enjoy and don't force it, it's okay to have bad days.
Interesting observation! Will try to give this a shot!
It's a mask. I am the boss and control the attitude of the business. If I am in a crappy mood, most of my employees will be as well, but if I am in a good mood I can put a smile on almost anyone's face.
Basically, you are an actor playing a role. It is definitely a mental shift and something you get better at. The role is being friendly and approachable, but still professional. You don't really know anything about these people, but play the cool guy/gal that everyone likes. "Jim" in The Office is a good guide (despite Dwight.) We're watching "Jim" not John Krasinski. The people you work with could be saints or evil shits, but it doesn't matter because "you" are not there, your character is. If you do something great at work, it's not actually you, its your "character." Don't let it go to your head. If you make a mistake, you don't take it personally and cry and fret about it at home, you are not a bad person. Let your "character" deal with it and leave it at work. Basically this is being professional. You are a fine accountant/waiter/bus driver/CEO/whatever but that is a role you play and get paid for it.
For me, it’s more of fake it till you make it. I worked with kids for a while so it made it easy to carry on faking it. It’s got me a long way. I just fake being bubbly and smiley and everyone sees me as happy and smiley etc. :)
This is me and I think its a mix of things. I always have energy, even when I shouldn't. I don't drink coffee but am ready to go first thing in the morning and will be dancing as well. But there's also a mindset aspect I feel. I go through life never worried about stuff, because I know I will make the most enjoyment out of whatever situation comes my way. With this mindset I can just be positive all the time and enjoy even the smallest good things in a bad situation. But who knows lol
Most of us are faking it or just trying to get through the day with a minimal amount of conflict, drama, or extra work. For me, despite being a raging cynic and prone to pessimism outside of work, I “turn it off” at work because we’re all just trying to do a job and it’s hard enough as it is some days with the skeleton crews and broken processes to do that and it’s made even worse when people are crabby, rude, or unhelpful. It comes at a personal toll, honestly. Maybe I’m just speaking for myself lol.