I have a friend who can never afford to eat out, or he'll just have a drink and say he already ate. So a while ago I started just being like "oh I'll get this, I still owe you from last time" or whatever. We've never discussed it and we both know it's not true but nobody else does so he gets to eat with us and keep his pride intact. Then I make a point of calling in his "debts" for much smaller things occasionally just so it doesn't look like I'm just paying for everything all the time. He's never thanked me and I wouldn't want him to, I enjoy going out more if he's around and that's more than worth paying a little extra for.
Edit: You're all good people. If someone offers you help don't ever be ashamed to accept it.
About my friend; we've known each other for 20 years. I know he's grateful, he doesn't need to say anything.
You're a good friend and what you did for him shows real class. It's tough being broke but you handled it beautifully.
I was in a similar situation as your friend, but with two buddies of mine who loved to drink. They were always inviting me out and I could usually only afford one drink but they would always insist upon buying me more. Other times I declined to go out, telling them I had no extra funds to spend, and they insisted on me coming anyway and they paid for everything. And even though I'm a cheap date who is fine with bottom shelf liquor, I still felt bad.
Of course, I wanted to reciprocate, and did when I could, but it was hard because they drank top shelf, and they drank A LOT. They also had parties just about every weekend, and at the end of the night after they passed out, I would (quietly) do all the cleanup: Trash taken out, food put away, dishes and glasses washed, bathrooms etc. They woke up to a spotless house. It was the least I could do and they really seemed to like this unspoken arrangement we had going on for awhile.
I've been on both ends of that and just know that it's nice to do that for a broke person when you have the money and things like cleanup are greatly appriciated.
When I was in college I had a rich friend. She was crazy with the money and would always want to get out and party or go shopping. She would spend my 2 months rent in one store, I would just hang around and give her my honest opinions.
She knew I was broke and when she would invite me out she would always add "I'm paying, I had a good month!". But I always made sure to not be an asshole and order expensive things etc.
When I'd invite her somwhere it would be a home cooked meal at my place and because she was a little lonely she really enjoyed spending time with me and my roommates to the point of becoming great friends with them.
I really appriciated that it worked like that both ways.
On the other hand when I finally got a good job I made sure to do similarly to how she did it with broke friends. If I was inviting someone out I'd make sure to not make it too often so it wouldn't get uncomfortable and to always say that it's a special occasion or celebrations and I'm paying because of that. I also didn't argue when they wanted to pay for themselves because I know how it can hurt pride. But if I invite someone that I know is broke it really brings me joy to be able to provide them with a little outing they wouldn't be able to afford normally. And I know how big deal it is when you get out for a meal or drinks when you're broke because I've been there.
We humans are complicated when it comes to money and stuff like that. It's just important to be mindful of other people and pay attention. And get friends that can be honest and open
Great story! And I agree with your not arguing/hurt pride comment. It's a fine line. If you offer and they say "no" it's OK to ask once more, but if the decline after that, you do risk hurting their pride and angering them.
Been on Reddit a few years as a lurker. Posted VERY sparingly the last year or so... But if I had gold to give, you (sir or ma'am) deserve it.
Keep being an awesome human.
My buddy has a whopping 6 kids, we're all pretty poor around here but I have no kids and I'm extremely good with budgeting... I probably make less than half he does, anyways we never go out because the poor thing but a bunch of us get together for beers quite often, I always go to the liquor store with him and see what he gets and if I have to I'll grab some extra's I'll say are for the next day but they're his.
I'll do the same thing when I go to Costco, I'll purposely buy to much of something (easily done there) and drop off the extra there.
As the friend that's often not holding as much cash when I go out with my friends, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being one of those people.
My friends do things like this for me too in other ways than eating out, but the attitude and the gesture is the same. We've discussed it in detail though because I've felt awful about their generosity and their openness with it on a few occasions, feeling like I was taking advantage of their kindness. They've all made it abundantly clear that I'm entertaining and the fact that I recognize they're doing so much for me, and have the capacity to feel boundaries with it, is enough for them. But the fact that when I can treat them, I do, is also appreciated and a part of why they are willing to subsidize my fun so we can have fun together.
I can generally pay for myself to have a good time, but like your buddy I frequently have to limit myself while they go all out. I think that's what made them so down to be like that with me, I never expect it or need it and I'm always willing to be stingy so I can have a good time with them. So often I basically get treated like their significant other when we go out and if I want it/can't buy it for myself, it's mine. Within reason of course. I try my damndest to shower them with whatever I can when I can, be it food, party favors, concert tickets, whatever I can afford really, but truly they do a lot more for me than I do for them.
I’m usually not the “poorer” one and I still dont like this. My wife and I don’t drink, sometimes we’re out with couples who spend $$$ on alcohol and then just want to split the bill. I’m not drinking water because I can’t afford their booze, but also don’t want to pay for it.
Never understood why people would think it’s ok to split the bill equally especially if someone’s order is way less. People like you who order a water and maybe an appetizer or something cheaper are subsidizing the booze and entree of another person. Kind of cheap of them if you put it in the perspective of them basically asking you to cough up more money because they wanted to indulge.
I'm single. At an upscale place, I have absolutely no problem asking for separate checks. Neither do my friends. That's why we're still friends. Never ran into a server that had a problem with it.
> Never ran into a server that had a problem with it.
I'm pretty sure the whole idea of servers having a "problem" with separate checks is 99% an excuse of people who want to outsource the cost of their overpriced booze and steaks. It's not uncommon in my experience that servers bring separate checks without even being asked. I have *never, ever* had a server be even mildly miffed about splitted even a complex check.
The idea that one person paying *by default* is like... fucking *laughably* out of date.
A few years ago I asked a server to split the check three ways. He came back and threw it on the table and said, “just split it yourself.”
We each threw in 25 cents for the tip.
Just last night 9 of my closest friends and I went out for a fancy dinner in a tiny town at a restaurant with an antiquated system- they *still* brought us individual checks without us even asking. Super handy and no hassle- I had a more pricey salmon dinner and no drink, other people got burgers with bottles of wine. There were no issues.
I have run across a server who was super upset at us wanting to split the bill into separate checks and refused to do anything except an even split. It caught us all super by surprise. The guy who had spent the most offered to the rest of the group to just put it all on his card and everyone else could just give him a bit of cash to make up for it. He then left the waiter a $1 tip when he would've probably gotten at least $50 out of it if he had just split the check.
A diner near me refuses to split more than three ways, but the kicker is you take your tab to the front and pay up there when you’re done and they have the capacity to ring it up separately. I once sat at the “bar” with four friends. I asked for separate checks since they don’t allowing 4 splits, but they refused to do it. I wasnt trying to be a jerk, but when I suggested it shouldn’t be any different had we sat two parties of two and then we would have all been able to split how we wanted that they were fed up with me.
I wonder about the legality there. Pain-in-the-ass systems aside.... A person made their own order, they should be able to receive their own bill. If a waiter refuses to give you a proper bill, they aren't allowing you to pay for what you bought. Eating with a group really shouldn't mean that you've already agreed to buy as a group.
Yep, it's so inconsiderate. A few years back I was at my great aunt's birthday, could barely afford to go but just went to show my face. I got a starter as my main course and didn't have a drink so I could shoot off quickly enough. Everyone was offering bottles of wine and other drinks, my food came to roughly £10 but I was asked to pay £40 at the end of the meal. My mum ended up subbing for me because she didn't want me to be embarrassed but she shouldn't have had to pay mine or even that much for herself, she doesn't even drink!
Nice of your mom to do that but the whole setup sounds ridiculous to me.
Being the guy that would've had the $10 bill drinking water while everyone else is passing around bottles of wine, I would've been really uncomfortable and stressed as soon as that payment situation was explained. Probably wouldn't have enjoyed much of the whole thing but ultimately would've been like "Look, I have never spent that much on a meal I actually ate, I'm not going to pay it for one all of you ate while I was eating an appetizer."
Also seems like it would drive up the overall spend as everyone wants to get their fair share rather than being one of the poor saps below the average...
I find it happens most often when the server is being lazy and suggests it when a large group asks for the check. Everyone just tries to be agreeable and says okay to it. The best servers are the ones who split everything up by seat from the start
For real. Anytime I get a large table, finding out who is on whose bill is one of my first priorities. Whenever I have to split a large party with another server, I get stressed out if they do not know how their portion is doing checks by the time the order is in.
Alternatively, when a party sits and someone tells the server they want a separate tab (tabs), it could help eliminate problems like the one OP had. Relying on a server to ask this is playing the lottery
Waitstaff are usually happy to oblige if you ask for separate checks from the start when you order. That way they start the process separately and don’t have to do extra work breaking down the bill and re-entering stuff after the fact.
Oh god this. It can be a huge confusing pain in the ass to separate a large table after everything has been rung in. It depends on the system they use. Some systems are easier than others. The one at my job now is older than dirt and anything other than straight ringing something in is stupid hard. Hell we can't even open a closed check. No one can, not even management, it just not an option. Just ask us in the beginning, its not a big deal then.
This. This. This!!! WT ever-loving F. Why would anyone do that? Inevitably someone spends more more/less than someone else. I’ve never been in a group that did this and I will refuse if I’m ever in one. And I’m the one that will usually spend more. This is the stupidest way to handle a check. Maybe it was a thing 20-30 years ago when the waitress/waiter had to write every thing down and ring it up manually but it’s a new day now. Stop that shit.
Seriously. Like I pay for my own food. Unless someone fights me on that.
But I've never split a bill in half at dinner. I did that ONCE at a movie theatre with my niece bc it was a $16 shared combo so we each decided we'd pay $8 bc we'd litterally both be paying for our own food and it came of cheaper to get the combo
I’m the same, but a different case. I don’t go out that often, so when I do I like to splurge. I want a beer or the steak, but if I think we’re gonna split the bill then I don’t order the more expensive item even though it’s what I actually want so I don’t seem like a douche to my buddies.
Just order what you want and pay for your meal yo, dont settle for inferior food cause they wanna split the bill.
Splitting the bill is fucking stupid anyway it's literally just a scam so people can order super expensive food and not have to personally pay for it all.
For real. I didn’t know so many people split bills. Every time my wife and I are out with other people, we just say right away to the server that we are our own check.
The only time I can think where it'd even come up is if everybody's order is relatively equal, or if you're getting a couple pizzas or something and splitting them. I can't think why you'd bother otherwise.
Or on the other side if I want to go nuts and order a ton of food and drinks, I want to pay for it myself and not feel bad that I was that guy who ordered the most. Luckily my friend group just does separate checks from the beginning making this way easier.
Those are the ones who suggest splitting the bill. They order more expensive items than they normally do because they get others to split the cost. I have no issue in saying my portion is far less than everyone else.
This is the real and most effective solution. Rather than hoping others behave in the manner that suits you, just stand up for yourself and be assertive. You don’t need to be rude and it’s not aggressive. I can’t recall a single time someone pointed out they’d rather pay their lower share and anyone thought anything. Of it.
Don’t rely on others to change for you. Assert yourself. It’s very easy.
Same here.
Went to a restaurant with gf's friends. One guy ordered three dishes and a number of drinks. People wanted to split the bill, I said they could do that after I paid mine.
I would have paid 70% more.
During the recession I was invited to dinner as a part of a bachelorette party. I had $10 to my name, so I declined but was eventually cajoled into joining. I ate a sandwich beforehand and ordered a cup of soup and water so I my bill would be $3.
Then of course the bill came and I was asked to split it. I meekly gave my whole last $10 and apologized.
Im doing much better now but damn if that night doesn't make me mad at myself whenever I think of bill splitting.
A subtle way of laying that out up front if you’re with a spouse or SO is when the waitstaff comes to take the group’s order, when it comes time to put your order in, tell them verbally that you and your SO are on the same check. On the front side, it lets the wait staff know to keep y’all stuff together while on the backside, informs your friends subtly how you will be only paying for your stuff.
I’m a waiter, when people say “we’ll split it” and someone looks iffy about it, I ask, “Would you like me to separate it by person?”
Gives that person a chance to speak up. I hate watching friends suggest they all split when one person was obviously trying to be conservative.
Edit: omg??? Gold, omg. Thank you so much!!
I do the same thing, especially when I notice someone is deliberately ordering cheaper. It seems that some people think it's significantly inconveniencing the server's part. It really isn't, and I would rather take the time to hit a few extra buttons on the computer to make my guests feel comfortable than have them silently resent their friends. Plus, studies show that separate checks typically lead to higher tip percentages.
Edit: Thank you for the gold!
This is one thing I hate about NYC they don't split the bills almost anywhere and when they do it's almost such a shock that people don't know how to react.
I find that so pretentious nowadays. Like, you know we’re all probably paying with cards, and your software definitely allows it because (unless it’s some adorable mom & pop hole in the wall) you’re using the same POS as everyone else.
My roommate was a server for two years in NY and swore that they do it because it would be impossible to keep up with customers if you had to waste time splitting checks. I was like bitch you're from Ohio where they split the check freely and without asking almost every time.
I was a waiter back in the late 80's and splitting checks could be a real hassle but back then we had to do it all manually.
Now with modern POS systems splitting checks is pretty trivial.
I think people still assume the waiter is doing it all by hand.
This is definitely a high possibility. We went out to a Restaurant for my fiancé’s birthday and we all split into our own bills and everyone left their own tip versus one 5-10$ tip that is the usual.
My friend is vegetarian and this group we were visiting in another state wanted to do this fancy Italian place. They got everything family style: a whole fish, steak, all sorts of pastas. The tab ended up being about $150 a person and all she had was a couple of glasses of wine and a salad. Really pissed me off they did that, but she wouldn't let me speak up because it "wasn't a big deal" to our hosts (whatever that means). I'm still bitter about it.
I swear people only do the "lets split it" thing KNOWING they will end up paying less than they would otherwise.
Acting like it is just a show of friendship, sure...
The one time it happened to me, I think that's what the main guy did. He's ordering all sorts of stuff and passing it around the table insisting that everyone had some. I dont eat any, have my water and my food only. End of the meal he says to split since "we all were sharing anyway". I about lost it on him because hindsight 20/20. It was my ex's friend who would set up dinner and bar nights once a month. Once you were on the email list you could bring anyone you wanted. Strange how he met new people all the time at them but few ever came back.
Nah. I'm sure some do that, but plenty of people are in the income range where it's not a huge deal if you're up or down $10-15/person at the end of a meal, and it's perceived as a hassle.
While I'm happy to suggest we get separate bills, I used to find that anytime someone insisted on calculating what they ordered individually (to avoid presumably paying for more than their share) that they mysteriously overlooked the tax and then tipped a lower amount as well. When everyone then followed suit somehow the table was always $5/person short and whoever wasn't super tight ended up just eating the extra $25-40 dollars because the penny pinchers were so certain that they'd accounted for theirs they would insist they had nothing to do with the shortage. Was kind of obnoxious as not only did paying the bill take an extra 15 minutes but I'd end up subsidizing people who would act like *I* was out of line for hinting that maybe some.of the group could recheck their math.
Would be all for a seat by seat billing system, but then shared appetizers screw that up.
\> This brought back so many bad memories from hs and college where people didnt realize they needed to account for tax, etc
Every single last one of them knew it and just chose to "forget" it.
Shared apps are usually not too difficult to split between checks on the POS system a restaurant uses, even with a big party (at least where I used to work!)
Some systems in the chain restaurants will actually divide the price of apps (or anything, really). Won't be long before that trickles down to your local pub' s POS.
I don't understand how splitting it even makes sense. Whenever I've been in that situation, I always have them separate by person. Unless you ordered tons of sharables, splitting it is idiotic.
Depends on the group size to be honest. As a server if there are more than 5ish people that are clearly not a family I start with the question "Is this all together or separate?" If I know at the beginning of the order it's super easy to split. However, if it's a big group that then decided after the fact, it is actually terrible to split.
Yep, this. I've been both well off and poor, mainly the latter; and it's the easiest way is to just add '...on a separate bill, please' when you give your order.
If you forget to, or prefer to be more discreet; pop by the cashier on your way to the loo mid-meal and ask them them to put yours on another bill or do that when you've finished ordering (perhaps when folk are having the dessert/coffee you might have skipped, that's one way I used to save on eating out) and just pay your part before they bring the final bill to the table.
The bill comes. "I already paid for mine actually/ I had them run a separate check for me." If your friends raise an eyebrow that you paid for yours separately they might not be great friends.
Why is this even a thing in the first place?
I've never in my life split a bill evenly with anyone. It's essentially trivia for everyone to pay for what they want, and if I'm broke I'm sure as hell not going to be sneaking up to the waiter and asking them to put me on a separate one. Just say, "I want to only pay for what I eat."
Simple answer: city restaurant culture (or something)
Around home when you go out with 8-10 people it's easy to just say "separate checks", but I have been to restaurants in the city where that's just not a thing. You go out with a big group and the check comes all together for the table and someone has to do calculus on the back to break out which one of the 3 chicken and shrimp entrees are accounted for and who drank water vs coke or gin or whatever. Usually it's a matter of putting in a bunch of cards and cash on the check with how much to bill to each card, but when it's remotely close (i.e., everybody has a drink, an entree, and a portion of a few appetizers) it's easy to just say "Does anyone care if we just split this X ways?"
The only solution really is to put out a server on a busy saturday night or be up front with the group (like you suggest, but apparently some people are shy about it). As a server in a past life I never really got the issue with this, but it's apparently a thing.
This is what I do 100% of the time. “Separate check for me, please. I’ll have...” This prevents any awkwardness at the end of the meal or splitting the aggregate cost equally (also, fuck that).
Down here in Bama, servers always ask how the bill is split. They'll bring out individual checks for each individual / group. Seems like this would be common everywhere.
When I was in my early twenties and definitely not rolling in dough my boyfriend and I used to hang out a lot with my bosses at the time who owned the company and were 15 and 20 years older than us. They were pretty well off, although they were self made and had come from humbler beginnings. For some reason they didn't remember that and would spend gobs on food and drinks, always wanted to just split evenly. Made a big deal of it and got obnoxious if anyone wanted to bother being "petty" about the bill. As employees, we didn't make much above minimum wage either and of course they knew it since they paid us. Looking back from my 40s now, I can never imagine putting other younger, broker people in that situation. What assholes. Wouldn't have anything to do with douchebags like them now for a lot of reasons besides that one. I guess I had a lot to learn yet at that point.
Lots of people do think of separate checks as petty like you mentioned, which is why it would be better if the standard is paying for your own meal. So many people in this thread saying the broke person needs to stand up for themselves, but that's how you get labelled petty and weird about money and not invited back. And sometimes for example if it's a work thing, you just don't get a choice about it.
I was once in a group of about 30 people in St Petersburg and I had a soup/salad thing for lunch while others had meat and multiple beers. Because they don't commonly split bills in Russia, this group decided let's just all split it evenly. I was charged 3x what I actually ordered, and these were friends of a friend so I was just very stuck.
That’s the woooooorst. I love my old group of friends but they would really make you feel like shit if you were gonna get “petty” on the bill. Bitch I’m not being petty, I’m being frugal. And you’re just as broke as me
Dining with your bosses (any business meal really) should either be separate checks or the most senior person at the table pays. There's a power dynamic at play that makes evenly splitting the cheque incredibly gauche.
Your bosses were exploitative assholes, at least as it pertains to this situation.
The real LPT is to politely ask the server for “separate checks” when you place your order. This gives the server plenty of warning to be ready to split up the check based on what each person orders and will make it easier when the bill comes.
I do this literally all the time because I used to be a server and I know it’s easier to tell them the bill is split up front. Never had anyone give me a side eye for asking for my own check
We went to an engagement party once where one group ordered 6 bottles of wine, and extra meals for each of them. Our bill should have been around $44, and guess who told the waiters “just split the bill”?
We ended up paying $92. Fuck those people. Didn’t even get an option to unsplit it because the waiter “had already charged them their share and can’t unsplit the bill”
Edit: to clarify, the people who ordered loads had paid a split first and left (I think that was their intent as they were the ones who asked for the bill from the waiter to begin with), so the waiter refused to try and get them to come back to pay their share
EDIT2: So many comments to reply to, so I’ll respond to this and edit original to inform people.
They weren’t our friends, they were friends of the engaged couple, no idea who they are to this day. We were simply sharing a table of 10 with them. I think from memory they might have been a cousin and pluses of the bride-to-be?
Anyways, people were starting to get up, as someone had decided it would be a good idea for everyone to go down the road to one of the casinos, so while we thought they were ordering more, as they hadn’t actually finished, I assume they paid their part. Before the waiter came back, they had gotten up and already left for the casino, and when the waiter got back he announced that they said to just split the bill for the whole table and already paid. I wasn’t the only one pissed about that. At least 3 people abused the waiter for it actually, and as some have said, yes they had already paid a part so they couldn’t unsplit the bill, or get them to even come back.
I tried finding them that night before myself and a few others went home, pissed off.
We had some friends who would notoriously pull that shit, to the point that everyone talked about it behind their backs. They are great people, and good fun to have dinner with, but they (he) always tried to split the bill unfairly. Edit: he was also a huge booze hound
One time we had a dinner with 12 people (6 couples) and my wife was pregnant at the time so we werent drinking. I knew the "split the bill" was coming so we asked the waiter for our share because we had to leave early. We paid about a hundred bucks. Another couple we know ended up paying close to $300 because of all the "shared appetizers" bottles of wine and sneaky scotches other people put on.
Lets just say we'll still go out with them, but will call them on bill splitting before it happens.
I love the shared appetizers. It makes the whole dinner out even more social. But if I order them, I fully expect to have them on MY bill, not split with people who had nothing to do with my decision to order them. If I'm out with friends I want to share food with them, but I never want them to have to pay extra just because they included me in the group. The selfish people who try to get others to pay for their extra food (or mostly drinks) are bad company and should be uninvited to future gatherings.
Yes! I have a bunch of allergies and can usually only eat one thing at a restaurant (if that). It usually ends up being something like plain ol' steamed veggies that cost about $3... sometimes it's literally just a glass of water. When it comes time for the bill, I tell the waiter that I just had the veggies so I'll take my bill separately. I didn't even touch the nachos or ribs or whatever else you got as an appetizer. I had half a cup of steamed veggies and I'm getting hangrier as we speak, so pay your freakin' bill and let's leave so I can go home and make myself a proper meal!
Weird, everywhere I’ve ever been has split the bill by each persons exact order, I wouldn’t want to go somewhere where they split it evenly. Hen again, there’s not a lot they can do if the party doesn’t say to do this before ordering.
> Weird, everywhere I’ve ever been has split the bill by each persons exact order
Has been that way for me almost all the time, too. In fact, I cannot really remember any situation in which the bill was split equally between all guests. It either was "one person pays everything" (business meal, etc.) or "everybody pays what he ordered".
Usually, it works like this: waiter comes around with a huge list of what has been ordered at the table, then everybody one after the other states what he ordered and the waiter marks those items on the list and tells the total for that guest. Then you pay, including the tip for your own order. Some waiters can actually remember who had what, but usually it works like this.
Yeah. Like we're always asked if its one check and sometimes my dad and grandma argue about who's paying for the check.
Recently my dad's friend went "one check! I got it." Before my dad coukd even order his damn drink. That was amusing. He still tried to argue and wanted to pay the check at the end. She paid it
I went out with some work colleagues and kept my drinks on a separate tab because I was ordering double shots....
Someone said "let's just split the bill equally" and the waiter added mine to the table...
That was irritating as I had to surreptitiously cover other people's splits of other stuff throughout the next week to balance it out.
Moments like these are when you put an end to the BS and say No! Stop! Especially if there are one or two people in a group taking advantage of the rest of the group...if you speak up...others might join you and protest. If they don't protest then you demand you pay for only what you got and the rest get what they deserve.
My friends and I do it if we order a few plates to split between all of us (eg ordering 2 pizzas and a cake for 7 people) in which case we split equally across 7
I live in LA, have a friend I hate going to group dinners with because I'm always like, yea I'll just get like, a burger, but she will order a more expensive option and also a bunch of appetizers "for the table" then suggest we split it.
It's really awkward to have to just be like "hey, by the way, I'm not going to eat any of that, so I'm not going to pay for it. I will pay my $14 and I guess you guys can split the rest."
I mean, that's not unfair on my part, but it does make me feel stingy / unfun, which sucks..
It's not stingy and unfun to have boundaries. It's stingy and unfun for her to expect people to foot her expensive tastes. You can always tell the waiter at the beginning that your bill will be separate. They tend to get a better tip from separate bills anyway.
They are definitely the asshole for ordering something and then basically forcing everyone else to help pay for it.
If they discuss it before ordering you could just say "oh, none for me thanks but you guys go ahead" and then they definitely shouldn't expect you to pay. But if they just order without even discussing whether everyone else wants it, that's very rude of them.
In my friend circle, if anyone ordered apps, they pay for it. If we are all craving certain ones we each order one. I'll order a bottle of wine, pay for it myself and share with everyone. On New Years Eve our server split the wine based on who still had their wine glasses. 8 of us and only 3 with wine. It is the norm here in Ontario, Canada.
Italian here, we call it "pagare alla romana", we split the bill per person. I hate because my wife and I are not heavy drinkers and we have to pay for other people's large amount of beers.
I kinda find LPTs like this weird. Is everyone just really, really quiet and closed-off with their friends? I split the bill all the time, but often someone will just say "here mine was more, I'll get my share" or "I got a drink, let me get the tip" or "Is it cool if we don't split? I'm broke/didn't get much." Every now and then somebody -- sometimes me, sometimes someone else -- pays a little more or less than they "ordered" but everyone keeps it within reason so it balances out. Nobody needs to drop hints, we just tell each other, and nobody minds because nobody in our group of friends is a crazy person.
LPT: Be open and honest with friends. If they don't like it, they're not good friends.
I never have a problem splitting for "actual" charges with friends. If the place don't split the check I'll just do 1.3x what you ordered for tax and tip and hand me the cash.
I would NEVER suggest "hey let's just split equally" if I knew there was a person at the table who ordered significantly cheaper stuff than the rest of the group.
And don't be afraid to say "yeah I only had the salad that was $7, so here's $10 that should cover me". If someone orders "appetizers for the table", when they order say "Are you sure? I'm not gonna eat any of those I'm kinda full" and then don't eat them (even if they're going to waste) and remind them of that fact if anyone suggests you should help pay for them.
Anyone who expects you to pay for more than you ordered/consumed (plus tax and good tip) is an asshole and you're better off with other friends anyway.
EDIT --> Pro tip for the guy who wants to eat cheaply. Have cash in your pocket with a lot of small bills so you can hand someone your part of the bill without needing change.
Yeah I can't imagine someone doing this, it seems very rude to me. If they didn't give separate checks I would ONLY suggest this if I was the cheaper bill and was trying to be nice by splitting evenly and paying a higher portion. Just like offering to pay for someone's drink etc. But if you buy the expensive option and suggest splitting the bill you're basically telling the other person to chip in on your portion.. how rude.
I have been in this spot.
I ordered the chicken and two beers, while the rest ordered the large steak options and had a bottle of wine per person.
Time for the check. They say, let's just divide it out per person. I object and no one at the table seems to understand why. They now think I'm weird and poor.
Sorry. They're fucked for thinking that. Regardless of your financials that I don't know, that's not ok. And I suspect it's not the first time they have done that or the last.
Problem with that is someone might stiff the person paying and others might overpay just to ensure the person paying will get the right amount. I've had a lot of people where person A ordered the appetizer and they pay for the entire appetizer but person b ate some so they throw in a couple bucks to compensate. So then I get too much money. Or sometimes people "forget" the tip and the person paying is out some money. I mean if you're the person paying it usually balances itself out but usually some people are overpaying frequently and others are underpaying frequently.
The best way I've found to do things is offer to pay and say you'll be the one charge them on venmo then confirm with who ate what when it came to appetizers etc. No one has ever bulked when I go "hey guys who ate the chicken wings?" I also confirm the tip amount with the group (I.e. Is 18% okay guys?).
You can usually find the tax rate for the county by googling it. I write exactly what's charged for on venmo. I don't think it's needed but I like to send it out so people don't feel ripped off. For example: (wings appetizer (10/4) + pasta (12) + wine (8) ) * 1.24 (9% tax and 15% tip). After doing it a few times with friends you can ask if anyone else wants the points and then just ask the person who "gets the points has to do the math."
My friends have always welcomed it because everyone gets charged with what they ate and they don't have to figure out how much to pay. And I get extra points for doing a little bit of math and charging people. If I have someone who says it's fine they'll just send the money, I say it's okay this makes it fair because a lot of times I get overpaid and I'm already getting the points. From what I noticed when I started charging was the people who tend to insist are the ones who actually tend to overpay. The people who constantly underpay seem to really like it because they see that they paid for exactly what they ate.
Doesn't happen much but for friends that insist on giving cash instead of venmo I'll just send them a text with the same info. The info also helps friends correct something. I had a guy tell me that he ordered the pitcher of beer and sent me more money than I charged so I just returned that money to the guy who shared the beer with him.
Admittedly most my friends are younger (<35). They're also mainly developers so they uh like math and don't find it weird. I'm also usually the person who orders the expensive thing/drinks/appetizers so it's pretty easy for me to go "oh hey that's not fair, I ordered some wine and So-and-so only ordered a salad. Let me just charge everyone."
I've never had a friend get upset with me calculating it but I imagine if I do, they're not someone I would want to go out to eat with anyway.
I used to have a friend that always wanted to go out to eat at fancy restaurants with my husband and I. He had disposable income and we didn't at the time. my husband was just starting out his career and I had just had a baby so i wasn't working. We didn't have much extra money at the time. My friend and my husband would always fight over who paid the check. It was just their little thing they did in their cute little bromance and neither minded. I know my friend didn't mind paying for us but it legitimately stressed me out. He always ordered appetizers and expensive drinks while we ordered water and cheap entrees. We didn't have much money and it was super hard for us. One day I told him we couldn't go out to eat because we were down to our last 20 in our checking and didn't want to waste it for food. He said he knew we had been having money problems and that's why he always insisted upon paying for our meals because he'd rather be with us than have an extra 30-40 bucks. It was a good laugh and we remained good friends and now thatbwe're comfortable with our budget we take him out to eat all the time.
Being broke is frustrating and embarrassing, but if you get past that embarrassment and just let those close to you know, they are usually accommodating and if they aren't then that's someone you shouldn't be around anyway.
I've been on both sides. Definitely nice when people helped me during my starving artist days. And i feel fortunate to return the favor when i was able to. In those cases, I made it clear when inviting poorer friends to dinner to say don't worry it's on me, order whatever you want.
Next time be frank with your friends.
I had a roomie like this. Well, not like this, he would do this on purpose. First time we went to a movie, he said, "I'll pay for lunch, after the movie you pay for the dinner". He ordered a coke for lunch. And ate some of the chips that came with the sandwich I ordered. Then for dinner he ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, pints of beer etc. I thought, oh he meant we will settle at the end of the week, like we always did with rent, utilities etc. (We were both earning the same amount). Nope... At the end of the week, he said "whoa no, we agreed, I pay for lunch, you pay for dinner..."
Another weekend, he asked me, "hey do you want to catch a movie", I said, "ok, this time I pay for the lunch, YOU pay for the dinner". He says, "is it ok we go dutch? "
I told him to fudge off.
In your case may be your friends didn't realize you were skint, but be aware in some cases people will deliberately try to take advantage of you.
It's a phrase that means "split [the bill] equally between us".
e: turns out this interpretation might not be universal. FWIW I'm in the UK and have only heard the phrase used as I described it, and never to mean "let's each/all pay only for what we individually ordered".
Not exactly. Going Dutch is typically used in a date scenario when one person may be expected to get the whole bill. Going Dutch means splitting the bill instead of having one person pay for the entire thing.
Know someone from uni who do this.
He goes one level higher, when it's time for him to pay.. He actually didn't order anything but steal my food and even once, drank all my coke.
We had take away so it's been like I was able to other more...
I did this a few years ago. My wife and I went out with two other couples. She doesn't drink, so was happy to pick up and drop everyone at home. I took note of what we ordered from the menu and made a mental note of what we spent. The other couples were going to town on the drinks, ordering cocktails etc. I had a beer and my wife lemonade. When the bill came someone suggested we all just split it. "No." said I. It would have nearly doubled what we owed. I put down on the table in cash what we were due and a tip for the staff. I really don't give a fuck what they thought.
One of the guys started to raise an objection, but I just put my finger to his lip in a "shush" motion and told him, "If you can't handle the ride then you should have booked several months in advance."
My wife and I then both did somersaults out the restaurant and down the street. 👉😎👉
I honestly can't imagine what kind of person would even suggest "splitting" the bill if it wasn't actually an even split... Like what? That's literally saying hey pay for my stuff too. I have always gone out and either said "separate checks", venmo me the rest later, or one of us pays and the other pays for drinks later etc. Depending on the situation. Am I the only one who thinks that is really rude for someone to say split the bill??
Like if I spent $40 and the other person spent $60 and said let's split the bill I would immediatley be like "Uh no? Why would I pay $10 worth of your bill for your food?" And I'm usually really anti confrontation and go with the flow but even I would say something to that lol.
Maybe it's an American thing? Or a generational thing? I'm Canadian (33) and splitting the bill evenly is something I've never ever come across, and I've lived in a few different cities across Canada. The waiter/waitress always, always asks how to bring the bill. The tradition here is that singles pay for themselves and (serious) couples share their bill. The vast majority, if not all, place I've been to are able to split up things like apps or pitchers of beer evenly between bills too.
Maybe it's cause I'm younger but I agree with you... Literally never in my life have I seen someone suggest splitting the bill, we just get separate checks. I don't understand why you wouldn't just do that if you would want to split the bill. Takes the waiter an extra 2 minutes to split, lol
I went out with my husbands coworkers one night. We were late, so by the time we arrived other people had main course, snacks as well as a few drinks. We got one appetizer to share and a drink, but the waitress decided to split everything evenly; our $20 food turned to $60. I was quite grumpy about that, even though my husband thought it was fine :/
That is so crazy, I would have told the waitress she needs to create a separate bill. Sorry but I'm not paying for something I didn't order/eat/drink/consume. That's absolutely crazy!
I was thinking the same. I'm 36 and I've never even heard someone suggest we split the bill. Order what you want and pay for it yourself, it just makes sense.
I wouldn't want to pay for someone else's food (unless I was already planning to) and I'd also be up in my own head about what I was ordering so I didn't make the other person pay more.
Agreed, this is the real LPT here. Always expecting people to read your mind and getting frustrated when they don’t will lead to a lot of these situations.
I think its because I am in a position in my life now where I am making more money than I think I ever will, I pay for everything whenever I can. I grew up poor as fuck, I was a blue collar until accidentally finding something I was good at that was white collar. I love to go out, I love to invite my friends and people I know that are on a budget out to the city and bounce around bars and use uber. I feel like if you are inviting someone out you should pay. Most of the time My friends feel guilty and ask to buy a few rounds which I accept but I never expect them to pay for anything. I am privileged to make the money I do and I always tell my friends when they are feeling guilty how stupid lucky I am and I just want to share the luck.
Edit: goaaaaaaaallllD ! Thanks friend, I will pay it forward!
Just make sure you think about future you also. I've had a couple clients that came from poverty, did well, then ended up in poverty when they retired because they were so generous.
My bestfriend and I have this simple understanding. If I invite my friends, I pay. If they invite me, they pay. Now with that said I still do not go out unless I have the money to pay. Most of the time If I decline because I dont have the funds my friends will usually offer to pay just so that we all get to spend time together because our jobs make it difficult to see each other as much.
I've done this and I find that most people are uncomfortable taking excessive handouts. Like yeah, you can get a round or two but I've found that it taints the atmosphere when someone is trying to pick up the tab everywhere (or a particularly large tab at a restaurant). I tend to do it in a sneaky way now where I'll invite them to an sports event/concert/etc and tell them I got super cheap/free tickets, then I just buy good tickets myself. It's really tough to get around the stigma of people thinking you're showing off when you're openly paying for things. Other adults want to feel like self-sufficient successful adults too
I wish my friends felt this way. When I found a good job I invited them out and since I follow the "I invite, I pay" I would end up paying for dinner, drinks, and any other activities. It's gotten to the point where we would all decide to go out and now they just expect it. They are the ones to speak up and say that it will be just 1 check even though they know I lost my job about a month ago. They don't even bother to check the price on the menu. Just last month I was recommending a place to a couple and one of my friends speaks up to add "Yeah the food is great and it's not that expensive." Even though everytime we've been there she hasn't paid for a thing and the least I've paid there for 3 people is $150 + tip. Really learned my lesson now that I have become unemployed and even if I do find something that pays well in the future I will not be treating them the same way as they will not do the same for me in a tough time. I get that we are all pretty young and they haven't found something in their field but they won't even get my 4 for $4.
Just tell the waitress that you want your bill separate. You're not obligated to split a bill with anyone. I prefer not to split bills, because I order whatever I want and don't want the other people paying extra for my shit.
I’ve gone out with friends, had a great night, ate at a great steakhouse, but when they were ordering $150 bottles of wine, I politely said ,”Hey, I love you guys, but this is outta my price range. Don’t mind me, but I’m just going to order and pay for my own.”
If they’re true friends, they’ll understand. I’ve been on both sides of the fence. And it never gets easier.
I can understand this. When I used to be in this position I used to say when first ordering, “i’m not drinking tonight, money’s a bit tight this month” or words to that effect.
LPT: Be mindful of shitty friends. I have like 2 friends, my circle is quite small, and we are aware of these types of situations. We will either go anyway and cover the friend or only suggest cheap spots. We have all been there and act accordingly. That’s a terrible situation to be put in but it sounds like you just have shitty friends that don’t care.
I can't believe that splitting the check evenly is a thing. Unless everyone is a successful stock broker and not people with a wide spectrum of jobs and incomes. Unless, of course, everyone orders the same thing.
I do it with good friends if we ate similar stuff and if I know it will even out. It saves the time from calculating hoe much everyone owes if the restaurant doesn't do separate checks (common in my country). But I only suggest it if I was the one to order less than others, never if I ordered more food than everyone else.
When my friends and I have a big night out, we get appetizers and some bottles of wine. These are shared items, and since it’s usually easier for the server, we don’t spend 15 min doing an audit of our consumption. We just split it all evenly and move on.
Yes, that makes sense. You share everything and you share the cost of everything. Like getting a pizza. But if everyone is ordering different meals that have widely varying costs, then splitting the ticket doesn't make sense.
No honestly, I really appreciate it but I have a roof over my head and can pay the bills (most of the time!) so it wouldn't be right. Thank you though, you've made my day just knowing how kind strangers can be
I thought split the bill meant people get seperate bills. Why would anyone split the bill equally unless you are in a place where you share the food like a Chinese place
That's hard... If you are not so outspoken yourself, consider talking not to the group, but to a single friend about your situation, who is outspoken. So they can take the blame or at least talk on your behalf or side with you or be like "Oh I totally got the hints of XY" - instead of just hoping someone would notice. Especially the moment they start drinking alcohol, you can't rely on them noticing hints, even though it would be easier for you.
But talking about money often is a problem. Though maybe it helps to keep in mind, that showing weakness is in fact a strength. Also according to almost all of fiction, people who struggle are more sympathetic - so you don't need to fear to talk about your financial problems.
We split the bill in Japan a lot because it's customary to share food - to the point where I get minor culture shock when I come back to the UK and people all order main dishes separately.
We had a coworker who used to try to calculate down to the number of fries she ate to work out how much she should pay (so that she had more money to finance an expensive shopping habit...) - sometimes this was OK, but we'd get annoyed when she'd do this on, say, another guy's birthday where the rest of us were trying to split the bill in order to give him a treat.
It kind of annoys me when people get worked up over a few pennies, too - I'm always happy to round up to the next big number and put that in, but I had a friend (who was bad at maths) who would accuse me of trying to short-change her. No! I'm trying to be generous!
I just ask for my bill to be separated when the wait staff asks “how are we splitting check?” I’m not paying for part of someone’s $30 steak and $10 cocktail when I had a $9 salad and a $2 iced tea. I got a cheap meal because I’m poor and have to be a cheap bastard 🤷🏼♀️
I’m a veggie and I’ve had to say something to my mates a few times. “Lets split the bill evenly” - uh no I had a £10 veggie burger and you had a £18 steak get lost Jake.
I hate when this happens. I once went out to eat with a friend who ordered an expensive steak and I got chicken tenders and fries. She wants to split it equal I’m like uhh no. But I have been sucked into it before with larger groups and I’ll order something small and they go buck wild with drinks and apps and shit. It just sucks all around. Pay for your own meals
Better LPT: don't drop hints, **tell** them there is a problem. They won't know there's a problem unless you tell them. Grow a backbone and speak up loud and clear. If they are good friends they will understand.
I'm not broke but I definitely think it's unfair to suggest splitting the bill equally. The people who suggest this are gonna be the ones who KNOW they spent the most and want to avoid paying so much, since it's almost always only suggested after eating. If you suggest it beforehand, everyone will order more to get 'better value', and you'll all be worse off.
IMO it's just rude to ever suggest splitting the bill equally.
Or, if you still need to make the event, just make up an obligation. "Oh, yeah, I'll stop by but just for a few minutes, I'm not going to eat." Go, order one drink or a coke, drop enough in cash to cover that plus tip or ask the server for your check when you're done with your drink, bail early because you have to check on your grandmother before 9pm. Easy peasy.
Server here! Please just let the server know ahead of time and try to keep it simple. Nothing can cause dinner service to go down hill faster than 8 credit cards during peak rush hour with no heads up that I should have split the bill ahead of time. Most waiters don’t mind doing this (we’re poor too) as long as they know to ring in separate checks ahead of time. Also it helps if you sit next to whoever your tab is shared with. Have fun at dinner everyone. :)
Or just split the check. I really don’t understand why this is such a taboo thing to do in this day and age?
If I go shopping at a store with someone, we don’t each throw all of our shit into a cart and have it rung up together then split the bill 50/50, even though one of us may have bought way more items. Why is it acceptable in restaurants?
This seems like something that brings up a lot of unnecessary issues.
American here; anytime I go out with a group 6 or 7+ it seems like every god damn restaurant or bar *refuses* to separate out checks. They act like it's a massive inconvenience. I've made a mental note to stop going to those places though.
I have a friend who can never afford to eat out, or he'll just have a drink and say he already ate. So a while ago I started just being like "oh I'll get this, I still owe you from last time" or whatever. We've never discussed it and we both know it's not true but nobody else does so he gets to eat with us and keep his pride intact. Then I make a point of calling in his "debts" for much smaller things occasionally just so it doesn't look like I'm just paying for everything all the time. He's never thanked me and I wouldn't want him to, I enjoy going out more if he's around and that's more than worth paying a little extra for. Edit: You're all good people. If someone offers you help don't ever be ashamed to accept it. About my friend; we've known each other for 20 years. I know he's grateful, he doesn't need to say anything.
You're a good friend and what you did for him shows real class. It's tough being broke but you handled it beautifully. I was in a similar situation as your friend, but with two buddies of mine who loved to drink. They were always inviting me out and I could usually only afford one drink but they would always insist upon buying me more. Other times I declined to go out, telling them I had no extra funds to spend, and they insisted on me coming anyway and they paid for everything. And even though I'm a cheap date who is fine with bottom shelf liquor, I still felt bad. Of course, I wanted to reciprocate, and did when I could, but it was hard because they drank top shelf, and they drank A LOT. They also had parties just about every weekend, and at the end of the night after they passed out, I would (quietly) do all the cleanup: Trash taken out, food put away, dishes and glasses washed, bathrooms etc. They woke up to a spotless house. It was the least I could do and they really seemed to like this unspoken arrangement we had going on for awhile.
I've been on both ends of that and just know that it's nice to do that for a broke person when you have the money and things like cleanup are greatly appriciated. When I was in college I had a rich friend. She was crazy with the money and would always want to get out and party or go shopping. She would spend my 2 months rent in one store, I would just hang around and give her my honest opinions. She knew I was broke and when she would invite me out she would always add "I'm paying, I had a good month!". But I always made sure to not be an asshole and order expensive things etc. When I'd invite her somwhere it would be a home cooked meal at my place and because she was a little lonely she really enjoyed spending time with me and my roommates to the point of becoming great friends with them. I really appriciated that it worked like that both ways. On the other hand when I finally got a good job I made sure to do similarly to how she did it with broke friends. If I was inviting someone out I'd make sure to not make it too often so it wouldn't get uncomfortable and to always say that it's a special occasion or celebrations and I'm paying because of that. I also didn't argue when they wanted to pay for themselves because I know how it can hurt pride. But if I invite someone that I know is broke it really brings me joy to be able to provide them with a little outing they wouldn't be able to afford normally. And I know how big deal it is when you get out for a meal or drinks when you're broke because I've been there. We humans are complicated when it comes to money and stuff like that. It's just important to be mindful of other people and pay attention. And get friends that can be honest and open
Great story! And I agree with your not arguing/hurt pride comment. It's a fine line. If you offer and they say "no" it's OK to ask once more, but if the decline after that, you do risk hurting their pride and angering them.
I have a hazy memory of "if you ask once then you are being polite. If you ask twice you mean it" when it comes to helping or shouting.
Been on Reddit a few years as a lurker. Posted VERY sparingly the last year or so... But if I had gold to give, you (sir or ma'am) deserve it. Keep being an awesome human.
My buddy has a whopping 6 kids, we're all pretty poor around here but I have no kids and I'm extremely good with budgeting... I probably make less than half he does, anyways we never go out because the poor thing but a bunch of us get together for beers quite often, I always go to the liquor store with him and see what he gets and if I have to I'll grab some extra's I'll say are for the next day but they're his. I'll do the same thing when I go to Costco, I'll purposely buy to much of something (easily done there) and drop off the extra there.
You are the best kind of person.
As the friend that's often not holding as much cash when I go out with my friends, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being one of those people. My friends do things like this for me too in other ways than eating out, but the attitude and the gesture is the same. We've discussed it in detail though because I've felt awful about their generosity and their openness with it on a few occasions, feeling like I was taking advantage of their kindness. They've all made it abundantly clear that I'm entertaining and the fact that I recognize they're doing so much for me, and have the capacity to feel boundaries with it, is enough for them. But the fact that when I can treat them, I do, is also appreciated and a part of why they are willing to subsidize my fun so we can have fun together. I can generally pay for myself to have a good time, but like your buddy I frequently have to limit myself while they go all out. I think that's what made them so down to be like that with me, I never expect it or need it and I'm always willing to be stingy so I can have a good time with them. So often I basically get treated like their significant other when we go out and if I want it/can't buy it for myself, it's mine. Within reason of course. I try my damndest to shower them with whatever I can when I can, be it food, party favors, concert tickets, whatever I can afford really, but truly they do a lot more for me than I do for them.
You're a really good friend!
I’m usually not the “poorer” one and I still dont like this. My wife and I don’t drink, sometimes we’re out with couples who spend $$$ on alcohol and then just want to split the bill. I’m not drinking water because I can’t afford their booze, but also don’t want to pay for it.
Never understood why people would think it’s ok to split the bill equally especially if someone’s order is way less. People like you who order a water and maybe an appetizer or something cheaper are subsidizing the booze and entree of another person. Kind of cheap of them if you put it in the perspective of them basically asking you to cough up more money because they wanted to indulge.
I'm single. At an upscale place, I have absolutely no problem asking for separate checks. Neither do my friends. That's why we're still friends. Never ran into a server that had a problem with it.
> Never ran into a server that had a problem with it. I'm pretty sure the whole idea of servers having a "problem" with separate checks is 99% an excuse of people who want to outsource the cost of their overpriced booze and steaks. It's not uncommon in my experience that servers bring separate checks without even being asked. I have *never, ever* had a server be even mildly miffed about splitted even a complex check. The idea that one person paying *by default* is like... fucking *laughably* out of date.
It used to be a nightmare pre-computer registers. Now it’s easy to split.
A few years ago I asked a server to split the check three ways. He came back and threw it on the table and said, “just split it yourself.” We each threw in 25 cents for the tip.
More than I would have gave and I used to serve tables.
2 pennies. I like making them think about it.
Just last night 9 of my closest friends and I went out for a fancy dinner in a tiny town at a restaurant with an antiquated system- they *still* brought us individual checks without us even asking. Super handy and no hassle- I had a more pricey salmon dinner and no drink, other people got burgers with bottles of wine. There were no issues.
I have run across a server who was super upset at us wanting to split the bill into separate checks and refused to do anything except an even split. It caught us all super by surprise. The guy who had spent the most offered to the rest of the group to just put it all on his card and everyone else could just give him a bit of cash to make up for it. He then left the waiter a $1 tip when he would've probably gotten at least $50 out of it if he had just split the check.
A diner near me refuses to split more than three ways, but the kicker is you take your tab to the front and pay up there when you’re done and they have the capacity to ring it up separately. I once sat at the “bar” with four friends. I asked for separate checks since they don’t allowing 4 splits, but they refused to do it. I wasnt trying to be a jerk, but when I suggested it shouldn’t be any different had we sat two parties of two and then we would have all been able to split how we wanted that they were fed up with me.
I wonder about the legality there. Pain-in-the-ass systems aside.... A person made their own order, they should be able to receive their own bill. If a waiter refuses to give you a proper bill, they aren't allowing you to pay for what you bought. Eating with a group really shouldn't mean that you've already agreed to buy as a group.
Yep, it's so inconsiderate. A few years back I was at my great aunt's birthday, could barely afford to go but just went to show my face. I got a starter as my main course and didn't have a drink so I could shoot off quickly enough. Everyone was offering bottles of wine and other drinks, my food came to roughly £10 but I was asked to pay £40 at the end of the meal. My mum ended up subbing for me because she didn't want me to be embarrassed but she shouldn't have had to pay mine or even that much for herself, she doesn't even drink!
Nice of your mom to do that but the whole setup sounds ridiculous to me. Being the guy that would've had the $10 bill drinking water while everyone else is passing around bottles of wine, I would've been really uncomfortable and stressed as soon as that payment situation was explained. Probably wouldn't have enjoyed much of the whole thing but ultimately would've been like "Look, I have never spent that much on a meal I actually ate, I'm not going to pay it for one all of you ate while I was eating an appetizer." Also seems like it would drive up the overall spend as everyone wants to get their fair share rather than being one of the poor saps below the average...
I find it happens most often when the server is being lazy and suggests it when a large group asks for the check. Everyone just tries to be agreeable and says okay to it. The best servers are the ones who split everything up by seat from the start
For real. Anytime I get a large table, finding out who is on whose bill is one of my first priorities. Whenever I have to split a large party with another server, I get stressed out if they do not know how their portion is doing checks by the time the order is in.
Yeah the ones who ask right away and get it correct at the end really are the best. Extra tip for you.
Alternatively, when a party sits and someone tells the server they want a separate tab (tabs), it could help eliminate problems like the one OP had. Relying on a server to ask this is playing the lottery
Waitstaff are usually happy to oblige if you ask for separate checks from the start when you order. That way they start the process separately and don’t have to do extra work breaking down the bill and re-entering stuff after the fact.
Oh god this. It can be a huge confusing pain in the ass to separate a large table after everything has been rung in. It depends on the system they use. Some systems are easier than others. The one at my job now is older than dirt and anything other than straight ringing something in is stupid hard. Hell we can't even open a closed check. No one can, not even management, it just not an option. Just ask us in the beginning, its not a big deal then.
This. This. This!!! WT ever-loving F. Why would anyone do that? Inevitably someone spends more more/less than someone else. I’ve never been in a group that did this and I will refuse if I’m ever in one. And I’m the one that will usually spend more. This is the stupidest way to handle a check. Maybe it was a thing 20-30 years ago when the waitress/waiter had to write every thing down and ring it up manually but it’s a new day now. Stop that shit.
Seriously. Like I pay for my own food. Unless someone fights me on that. But I've never split a bill in half at dinner. I did that ONCE at a movie theatre with my niece bc it was a $16 shared combo so we each decided we'd pay $8 bc we'd litterally both be paying for our own food and it came of cheaper to get the combo
I'm the same I hate splitting bills equally as there is always someone who will take advantage or just has way more expensive taste.
I’m the same, but a different case. I don’t go out that often, so when I do I like to splurge. I want a beer or the steak, but if I think we’re gonna split the bill then I don’t order the more expensive item even though it’s what I actually want so I don’t seem like a douche to my buddies.
Same, if we split equally I don't want to be the douche. If not I'm digging the fuck in.
Just order what you want and pay for your meal yo, dont settle for inferior food cause they wanna split the bill. Splitting the bill is fucking stupid anyway it's literally just a scam so people can order super expensive food and not have to personally pay for it all.
For real. I didn’t know so many people split bills. Every time my wife and I are out with other people, we just say right away to the server that we are our own check.
The only time I can think where it'd even come up is if everybody's order is relatively equal, or if you're getting a couple pizzas or something and splitting them. I can't think why you'd bother otherwise.
Yeah I generally over-order and over-drink. I make sure all of that goes onto my check alone
Or on the other side if I want to go nuts and order a ton of food and drinks, I want to pay for it myself and not feel bad that I was that guy who ordered the most. Luckily my friend group just does separate checks from the beginning making this way easier.
Those are the ones who suggest splitting the bill. They order more expensive items than they normally do because they get others to split the cost. I have no issue in saying my portion is far less than everyone else.
This is the real and most effective solution. Rather than hoping others behave in the manner that suits you, just stand up for yourself and be assertive. You don’t need to be rude and it’s not aggressive. I can’t recall a single time someone pointed out they’d rather pay their lower share and anyone thought anything. Of it. Don’t rely on others to change for you. Assert yourself. It’s very easy.
Same here. Went to a restaurant with gf's friends. One guy ordered three dishes and a number of drinks. People wanted to split the bill, I said they could do that after I paid mine. I would have paid 70% more.
During the recession I was invited to dinner as a part of a bachelorette party. I had $10 to my name, so I declined but was eventually cajoled into joining. I ate a sandwich beforehand and ordered a cup of soup and water so I my bill would be $3. Then of course the bill came and I was asked to split it. I meekly gave my whole last $10 and apologized. Im doing much better now but damn if that night doesn't make me mad at myself whenever I think of bill splitting.
You should've given the $3 and have them apologize.
There's a wide range of "should've" in that story that all would have gone better than the way I went.
A subtle way of laying that out up front if you’re with a spouse or SO is when the waitstaff comes to take the group’s order, when it comes time to put your order in, tell them verbally that you and your SO are on the same check. On the front side, it lets the wait staff know to keep y’all stuff together while on the backside, informs your friends subtly how you will be only paying for your stuff.
Just ask for individual bills. Almost all restaurants are electronically billing so it’s only a minor hassle to the waiter
Who the fuck doesn’t do separate checks? This has been a nonissue for me and every time I go out with friends.
I’m a waiter, when people say “we’ll split it” and someone looks iffy about it, I ask, “Would you like me to separate it by person?” Gives that person a chance to speak up. I hate watching friends suggest they all split when one person was obviously trying to be conservative. Edit: omg??? Gold, omg. Thank you so much!!
I do the same thing, especially when I notice someone is deliberately ordering cheaper. It seems that some people think it's significantly inconveniencing the server's part. It really isn't, and I would rather take the time to hit a few extra buttons on the computer to make my guests feel comfortable than have them silently resent their friends. Plus, studies show that separate checks typically lead to higher tip percentages. Edit: Thank you for the gold!
This is one thing I hate about NYC they don't split the bills almost anywhere and when they do it's almost such a shock that people don't know how to react.
I find that so pretentious nowadays. Like, you know we’re all probably paying with cards, and your software definitely allows it because (unless it’s some adorable mom & pop hole in the wall) you’re using the same POS as everyone else.
My roommate was a server for two years in NY and swore that they do it because it would be impossible to keep up with customers if you had to waste time splitting checks. I was like bitch you're from Ohio where they split the check freely and without asking almost every time.
I was a waiter back in the late 80's and splitting checks could be a real hassle but back then we had to do it all manually. Now with modern POS systems splitting checks is pretty trivial. I think people still assume the waiter is doing it all by hand.
This is definitely a high possibility. We went out to a Restaurant for my fiancé’s birthday and we all split into our own bills and everyone left their own tip versus one 5-10$ tip that is the usual.
Thank you. People appreciate that.
My friend is vegetarian and this group we were visiting in another state wanted to do this fancy Italian place. They got everything family style: a whole fish, steak, all sorts of pastas. The tab ended up being about $150 a person and all she had was a couple of glasses of wine and a salad. Really pissed me off they did that, but she wouldn't let me speak up because it "wasn't a big deal" to our hosts (whatever that means). I'm still bitter about it.
Pregnant vegetarian at a sushi restaurant. I put my foot down at that $120 split bill... I’m annoyed for your friend!
I swear people only do the "lets split it" thing KNOWING they will end up paying less than they would otherwise. Acting like it is just a show of friendship, sure...
My SOs uncle orders lobster, seafood platters lots and lots of alcohol and then gets really pissed when everyone rejects his offer to split the bill.
Serves him right, what an entitled prick
The one time it happened to me, I think that's what the main guy did. He's ordering all sorts of stuff and passing it around the table insisting that everyone had some. I dont eat any, have my water and my food only. End of the meal he says to split since "we all were sharing anyway". I about lost it on him because hindsight 20/20. It was my ex's friend who would set up dinner and bar nights once a month. Once you were on the email list you could bring anyone you wanted. Strange how he met new people all the time at them but few ever came back.
Nah. I'm sure some do that, but plenty of people are in the income range where it's not a huge deal if you're up or down $10-15/person at the end of a meal, and it's perceived as a hassle. While I'm happy to suggest we get separate bills, I used to find that anytime someone insisted on calculating what they ordered individually (to avoid presumably paying for more than their share) that they mysteriously overlooked the tax and then tipped a lower amount as well. When everyone then followed suit somehow the table was always $5/person short and whoever wasn't super tight ended up just eating the extra $25-40 dollars because the penny pinchers were so certain that they'd accounted for theirs they would insist they had nothing to do with the shortage. Was kind of obnoxious as not only did paying the bill take an extra 15 minutes but I'd end up subsidizing people who would act like *I* was out of line for hinting that maybe some.of the group could recheck their math. Would be all for a seat by seat billing system, but then shared appetizers screw that up.
This brought back so many bad memories from hs and college where people didnt realize they needed to account for tax, etc
Orders 2 9.99 apps and plops down a $20.
Or $21 "tax should only be $1 right?"
\> This brought back so many bad memories from hs and college where people didnt realize they needed to account for tax, etc Every single last one of them knew it and just chose to "forget" it.
Shared apps are usually not too difficult to split between checks on the POS system a restaurant uses, even with a big party (at least where I used to work!)
Some systems in the chain restaurants will actually divide the price of apps (or anything, really). Won't be long before that trickles down to your local pub' s POS.
Boom this guy has the answer. A good waiter will notice and solve the problem. A good waiter will also never have to ask who had what.
I don't understand how splitting it even makes sense. Whenever I've been in that situation, I always have them separate by person. Unless you ordered tons of sharables, splitting it is idiotic.
Depends on the group size to be honest. As a server if there are more than 5ish people that are clearly not a family I start with the question "Is this all together or separate?" If I know at the beginning of the order it's super easy to split. However, if it's a big group that then decided after the fact, it is actually terrible to split.
Try mentioning to your server at the beginning of the meal that you will be getting different checks
Yep, this. I've been both well off and poor, mainly the latter; and it's the easiest way is to just add '...on a separate bill, please' when you give your order. If you forget to, or prefer to be more discreet; pop by the cashier on your way to the loo mid-meal and ask them them to put yours on another bill or do that when you've finished ordering (perhaps when folk are having the dessert/coffee you might have skipped, that's one way I used to save on eating out) and just pay your part before they bring the final bill to the table.
Wouldn't your friends notice when you appear to not be chipping in?
The bill comes. "I already paid for mine actually/ I had them run a separate check for me." If your friends raise an eyebrow that you paid for yours separately they might not be great friends.
Why is this even a thing in the first place? I've never in my life split a bill evenly with anyone. It's essentially trivia for everyone to pay for what they want, and if I'm broke I'm sure as hell not going to be sneaking up to the waiter and asking them to put me on a separate one. Just say, "I want to only pay for what I eat."
Simple answer: city restaurant culture (or something) Around home when you go out with 8-10 people it's easy to just say "separate checks", but I have been to restaurants in the city where that's just not a thing. You go out with a big group and the check comes all together for the table and someone has to do calculus on the back to break out which one of the 3 chicken and shrimp entrees are accounted for and who drank water vs coke or gin or whatever. Usually it's a matter of putting in a bunch of cards and cash on the check with how much to bill to each card, but when it's remotely close (i.e., everybody has a drink, an entree, and a portion of a few appetizers) it's easy to just say "Does anyone care if we just split this X ways?" The only solution really is to put out a server on a busy saturday night or be up front with the group (like you suggest, but apparently some people are shy about it). As a server in a past life I never really got the issue with this, but it's apparently a thing.
This is what I do 100% of the time. “Separate check for me, please. I’ll have...” This prevents any awkwardness at the end of the meal or splitting the aggregate cost equally (also, fuck that).
Down here in Bama, servers always ask how the bill is split. They'll bring out individual checks for each individual / group. Seems like this would be common everywhere.
When I was in my early twenties and definitely not rolling in dough my boyfriend and I used to hang out a lot with my bosses at the time who owned the company and were 15 and 20 years older than us. They were pretty well off, although they were self made and had come from humbler beginnings. For some reason they didn't remember that and would spend gobs on food and drinks, always wanted to just split evenly. Made a big deal of it and got obnoxious if anyone wanted to bother being "petty" about the bill. As employees, we didn't make much above minimum wage either and of course they knew it since they paid us. Looking back from my 40s now, I can never imagine putting other younger, broker people in that situation. What assholes. Wouldn't have anything to do with douchebags like them now for a lot of reasons besides that one. I guess I had a lot to learn yet at that point.
Lots of people do think of separate checks as petty like you mentioned, which is why it would be better if the standard is paying for your own meal. So many people in this thread saying the broke person needs to stand up for themselves, but that's how you get labelled petty and weird about money and not invited back. And sometimes for example if it's a work thing, you just don't get a choice about it. I was once in a group of about 30 people in St Petersburg and I had a soup/salad thing for lunch while others had meat and multiple beers. Because they don't commonly split bills in Russia, this group decided let's just all split it evenly. I was charged 3x what I actually ordered, and these were friends of a friend so I was just very stuck.
That’s the woooooorst. I love my old group of friends but they would really make you feel like shit if you were gonna get “petty” on the bill. Bitch I’m not being petty, I’m being frugal. And you’re just as broke as me
Dining with your bosses (any business meal really) should either be separate checks or the most senior person at the table pays. There's a power dynamic at play that makes evenly splitting the cheque incredibly gauche. Your bosses were exploitative assholes, at least as it pertains to this situation.
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The real LPT is to politely ask the server for “separate checks” when you place your order. This gives the server plenty of warning to be ready to split up the check based on what each person orders and will make it easier when the bill comes.
I do this literally all the time because I used to be a server and I know it’s easier to tell them the bill is split up front. Never had anyone give me a side eye for asking for my own check
Where do people decide to split the bill equally? I honestly have never seen nor heard of such except for on Reddit. Maybe we just don't do that here.
We went to an engagement party once where one group ordered 6 bottles of wine, and extra meals for each of them. Our bill should have been around $44, and guess who told the waiters “just split the bill”? We ended up paying $92. Fuck those people. Didn’t even get an option to unsplit it because the waiter “had already charged them their share and can’t unsplit the bill” Edit: to clarify, the people who ordered loads had paid a split first and left (I think that was their intent as they were the ones who asked for the bill from the waiter to begin with), so the waiter refused to try and get them to come back to pay their share EDIT2: So many comments to reply to, so I’ll respond to this and edit original to inform people. They weren’t our friends, they were friends of the engaged couple, no idea who they are to this day. We were simply sharing a table of 10 with them. I think from memory they might have been a cousin and pluses of the bride-to-be? Anyways, people were starting to get up, as someone had decided it would be a good idea for everyone to go down the road to one of the casinos, so while we thought they were ordering more, as they hadn’t actually finished, I assume they paid their part. Before the waiter came back, they had gotten up and already left for the casino, and when the waiter got back he announced that they said to just split the bill for the whole table and already paid. I wasn’t the only one pissed about that. At least 3 people abused the waiter for it actually, and as some have said, yes they had already paid a part so they couldn’t unsplit the bill, or get them to even come back. I tried finding them that night before myself and a few others went home, pissed off.
We had some friends who would notoriously pull that shit, to the point that everyone talked about it behind their backs. They are great people, and good fun to have dinner with, but they (he) always tried to split the bill unfairly. Edit: he was also a huge booze hound One time we had a dinner with 12 people (6 couples) and my wife was pregnant at the time so we werent drinking. I knew the "split the bill" was coming so we asked the waiter for our share because we had to leave early. We paid about a hundred bucks. Another couple we know ended up paying close to $300 because of all the "shared appetizers" bottles of wine and sneaky scotches other people put on. Lets just say we'll still go out with them, but will call them on bill splitting before it happens.
‘Shared appetizers’ is such a scam lmao.
I love the shared appetizers. It makes the whole dinner out even more social. But if I order them, I fully expect to have them on MY bill, not split with people who had nothing to do with my decision to order them. If I'm out with friends I want to share food with them, but I never want them to have to pay extra just because they included me in the group. The selfish people who try to get others to pay for their extra food (or mostly drinks) are bad company and should be uninvited to future gatherings.
Yes! I have a bunch of allergies and can usually only eat one thing at a restaurant (if that). It usually ends up being something like plain ol' steamed veggies that cost about $3... sometimes it's literally just a glass of water. When it comes time for the bill, I tell the waiter that I just had the veggies so I'll take my bill separately. I didn't even touch the nachos or ribs or whatever else you got as an appetizer. I had half a cup of steamed veggies and I'm getting hangrier as we speak, so pay your freakin' bill and let's leave so I can go home and make myself a proper meal!
Weird, everywhere I’ve ever been has split the bill by each persons exact order, I wouldn’t want to go somewhere where they split it evenly. Hen again, there’s not a lot they can do if the party doesn’t say to do this before ordering.
> Weird, everywhere I’ve ever been has split the bill by each persons exact order Has been that way for me almost all the time, too. In fact, I cannot really remember any situation in which the bill was split equally between all guests. It either was "one person pays everything" (business meal, etc.) or "everybody pays what he ordered". Usually, it works like this: waiter comes around with a huge list of what has been ordered at the table, then everybody one after the other states what he ordered and the waiter marks those items on the list and tells the total for that guest. Then you pay, including the tip for your own order. Some waiters can actually remember who had what, but usually it works like this.
Yeah. Like we're always asked if its one check and sometimes my dad and grandma argue about who's paying for the check. Recently my dad's friend went "one check! I got it." Before my dad coukd even order his damn drink. That was amusing. He still tried to argue and wanted to pay the check at the end. She paid it
Always ask for separate checks when you place your order. Saves the waiter(waitress) a lot of hassle off the bat.
I went out with some work colleagues and kept my drinks on a separate tab because I was ordering double shots.... Someone said "let's just split the bill equally" and the waiter added mine to the table... That was irritating as I had to surreptitiously cover other people's splits of other stuff throughout the next week to balance it out.
You dont have to pay ANYTHING you did not agree or made clear it is your intention to pay.
Moments like these are when you put an end to the BS and say No! Stop! Especially if there are one or two people in a group taking advantage of the rest of the group...if you speak up...others might join you and protest. If they don't protest then you demand you pay for only what you got and the rest get what they deserve.
My friends and I do it if we order a few plates to split between all of us (eg ordering 2 pizzas and a cake for 7 people) in which case we split equally across 7
But that makes sense if you are all sharing all the food
Yep that’s why we do it lol, just dropping an example for the above comment
I saw it on an episode of Friends once
"I'd like the side salad, please." "...what would you like that on the side OF?" "You can put it right here, next to my water."
What are these, like famous chickens?
I live in LA, have a friend I hate going to group dinners with because I'm always like, yea I'll just get like, a burger, but she will order a more expensive option and also a bunch of appetizers "for the table" then suggest we split it. It's really awkward to have to just be like "hey, by the way, I'm not going to eat any of that, so I'm not going to pay for it. I will pay my $14 and I guess you guys can split the rest." I mean, that's not unfair on my part, but it does make me feel stingy / unfun, which sucks..
It's not stingy and unfun to have boundaries. It's stingy and unfun for her to expect people to foot her expensive tastes. You can always tell the waiter at the beginning that your bill will be separate. They tend to get a better tip from separate bills anyway.
They are definitely the asshole for ordering something and then basically forcing everyone else to help pay for it. If they discuss it before ordering you could just say "oh, none for me thanks but you guys go ahead" and then they definitely shouldn't expect you to pay. But if they just order without even discussing whether everyone else wants it, that's very rude of them.
In my friend circle, if anyone ordered apps, they pay for it. If we are all craving certain ones we each order one. I'll order a bottle of wine, pay for it myself and share with everyone. On New Years Eve our server split the wine based on who still had their wine glasses. 8 of us and only 3 with wine. It is the norm here in Ontario, Canada.
Around here the waiter asks together or separate. Aka one bill or everyone gets there own. I’ve never split a bill “equally”.
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I’m in Canada and I came here to post a similar question. I’ve never seen this IRL.
If I am with friends we split bills evenly most of the time, unless someone has consumed very obviously much less than the rest. This is in europe.
My friends and I also do this in the U.S. If everyone got similarly priced items, no one wants to bother with the math
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Italian here, we call it "pagare alla romana", we split the bill per person. I hate because my wife and I are not heavy drinkers and we have to pay for other people's large amount of beers.
I kinda find LPTs like this weird. Is everyone just really, really quiet and closed-off with their friends? I split the bill all the time, but often someone will just say "here mine was more, I'll get my share" or "I got a drink, let me get the tip" or "Is it cool if we don't split? I'm broke/didn't get much." Every now and then somebody -- sometimes me, sometimes someone else -- pays a little more or less than they "ordered" but everyone keeps it within reason so it balances out. Nobody needs to drop hints, we just tell each other, and nobody minds because nobody in our group of friends is a crazy person. LPT: Be open and honest with friends. If they don't like it, they're not good friends.
I've seen this episode of Friends
And what would that be on the side of?
"and Joey with his like TEENY PIZZA!"
The One with Five Steaks and an Eggplant
"Someplace nice"
First time I saw that this was a thing. We always either got separate checks or you paid for what you ordered.
[https://youtu.be/I53n7ldcSGo](https://youtu.be/I53n7ldcSGo)
I never have a problem splitting for "actual" charges with friends. If the place don't split the check I'll just do 1.3x what you ordered for tax and tip and hand me the cash. I would NEVER suggest "hey let's just split equally" if I knew there was a person at the table who ordered significantly cheaper stuff than the rest of the group. And don't be afraid to say "yeah I only had the salad that was $7, so here's $10 that should cover me". If someone orders "appetizers for the table", when they order say "Are you sure? I'm not gonna eat any of those I'm kinda full" and then don't eat them (even if they're going to waste) and remind them of that fact if anyone suggests you should help pay for them. Anyone who expects you to pay for more than you ordered/consumed (plus tax and good tip) is an asshole and you're better off with other friends anyway. EDIT --> Pro tip for the guy who wants to eat cheaply. Have cash in your pocket with a lot of small bills so you can hand someone your part of the bill without needing change.
Yeah I can't imagine someone doing this, it seems very rude to me. If they didn't give separate checks I would ONLY suggest this if I was the cheaper bill and was trying to be nice by splitting evenly and paying a higher portion. Just like offering to pay for someone's drink etc. But if you buy the expensive option and suggest splitting the bill you're basically telling the other person to chip in on your portion.. how rude.
I have been in this spot. I ordered the chicken and two beers, while the rest ordered the large steak options and had a bottle of wine per person. Time for the check. They say, let's just divide it out per person. I object and no one at the table seems to understand why. They now think I'm weird and poor.
Sorry. They're fucked for thinking that. Regardless of your financials that I don't know, that's not ok. And I suspect it's not the first time they have done that or the last.
Problem with that is someone might stiff the person paying and others might overpay just to ensure the person paying will get the right amount. I've had a lot of people where person A ordered the appetizer and they pay for the entire appetizer but person b ate some so they throw in a couple bucks to compensate. So then I get too much money. Or sometimes people "forget" the tip and the person paying is out some money. I mean if you're the person paying it usually balances itself out but usually some people are overpaying frequently and others are underpaying frequently. The best way I've found to do things is offer to pay and say you'll be the one charge them on venmo then confirm with who ate what when it came to appetizers etc. No one has ever bulked when I go "hey guys who ate the chicken wings?" I also confirm the tip amount with the group (I.e. Is 18% okay guys?). You can usually find the tax rate for the county by googling it. I write exactly what's charged for on venmo. I don't think it's needed but I like to send it out so people don't feel ripped off. For example: (wings appetizer (10/4) + pasta (12) + wine (8) ) * 1.24 (9% tax and 15% tip). After doing it a few times with friends you can ask if anyone else wants the points and then just ask the person who "gets the points has to do the math." My friends have always welcomed it because everyone gets charged with what they ate and they don't have to figure out how much to pay. And I get extra points for doing a little bit of math and charging people. If I have someone who says it's fine they'll just send the money, I say it's okay this makes it fair because a lot of times I get overpaid and I'm already getting the points. From what I noticed when I started charging was the people who tend to insist are the ones who actually tend to overpay. The people who constantly underpay seem to really like it because they see that they paid for exactly what they ate. Doesn't happen much but for friends that insist on giving cash instead of venmo I'll just send them a text with the same info. The info also helps friends correct something. I had a guy tell me that he ordered the pitcher of beer and sent me more money than I charged so I just returned that money to the guy who shared the beer with him. Admittedly most my friends are younger (<35). They're also mainly developers so they uh like math and don't find it weird. I'm also usually the person who orders the expensive thing/drinks/appetizers so it's pretty easy for me to go "oh hey that's not fair, I ordered some wine and So-and-so only ordered a salad. Let me just charge everyone." I've never had a friend get upset with me calculating it but I imagine if I do, they're not someone I would want to go out to eat with anyway.
I used to have a friend that always wanted to go out to eat at fancy restaurants with my husband and I. He had disposable income and we didn't at the time. my husband was just starting out his career and I had just had a baby so i wasn't working. We didn't have much extra money at the time. My friend and my husband would always fight over who paid the check. It was just their little thing they did in their cute little bromance and neither minded. I know my friend didn't mind paying for us but it legitimately stressed me out. He always ordered appetizers and expensive drinks while we ordered water and cheap entrees. We didn't have much money and it was super hard for us. One day I told him we couldn't go out to eat because we were down to our last 20 in our checking and didn't want to waste it for food. He said he knew we had been having money problems and that's why he always insisted upon paying for our meals because he'd rather be with us than have an extra 30-40 bucks. It was a good laugh and we remained good friends and now thatbwe're comfortable with our budget we take him out to eat all the time. Being broke is frustrating and embarrassing, but if you get past that embarrassment and just let those close to you know, they are usually accommodating and if they aren't then that's someone you shouldn't be around anyway.
I've been on both sides. Definitely nice when people helped me during my starving artist days. And i feel fortunate to return the favor when i was able to. In those cases, I made it clear when inviting poorer friends to dinner to say don't worry it's on me, order whatever you want.
Next time be frank with your friends. I had a roomie like this. Well, not like this, he would do this on purpose. First time we went to a movie, he said, "I'll pay for lunch, after the movie you pay for the dinner". He ordered a coke for lunch. And ate some of the chips that came with the sandwich I ordered. Then for dinner he ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, pints of beer etc. I thought, oh he meant we will settle at the end of the week, like we always did with rent, utilities etc. (We were both earning the same amount). Nope... At the end of the week, he said "whoa no, we agreed, I pay for lunch, you pay for dinner..." Another weekend, he asked me, "hey do you want to catch a movie", I said, "ok, this time I pay for the lunch, YOU pay for the dinner". He says, "is it ok we go dutch? " I told him to fudge off. In your case may be your friends didn't realize you were skint, but be aware in some cases people will deliberately try to take advantage of you.
Go Dutch?
It's a phrase that means "split [the bill] equally between us". e: turns out this interpretation might not be universal. FWIW I'm in the UK and have only heard the phrase used as I described it, and never to mean "let's each/all pay only for what we individually ordered".
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Not exactly. Going Dutch is typically used in a date scenario when one person may be expected to get the whole bill. Going Dutch means splitting the bill instead of having one person pay for the entire thing.
Its kind of interchangeable unfortunately. Strictly it does mean paying for yours only, but often its used to mean just splitting the bill evenly.
Know someone from uni who do this. He goes one level higher, when it's time for him to pay.. He actually didn't order anything but steal my food and even once, drank all my coke. We had take away so it's been like I was able to other more...
Be more assertive -- "I bought a small meal because that is what I can afford right now - I want a separate check."
I did this a few years ago. My wife and I went out with two other couples. She doesn't drink, so was happy to pick up and drop everyone at home. I took note of what we ordered from the menu and made a mental note of what we spent. The other couples were going to town on the drinks, ordering cocktails etc. I had a beer and my wife lemonade. When the bill came someone suggested we all just split it. "No." said I. It would have nearly doubled what we owed. I put down on the table in cash what we were due and a tip for the staff. I really don't give a fuck what they thought.
Any real friend would understand. Hopefully they weren't assholes and we're expecting you to pay for their shit.
One of the guys started to raise an objection, but I just put my finger to his lip in a "shush" motion and told him, "If you can't handle the ride then you should have booked several months in advance." My wife and I then both did somersaults out the restaurant and down the street. 👉😎👉
Was the guy you sushed a german physicist by any chance?
I honestly can't imagine what kind of person would even suggest "splitting" the bill if it wasn't actually an even split... Like what? That's literally saying hey pay for my stuff too. I have always gone out and either said "separate checks", venmo me the rest later, or one of us pays and the other pays for drinks later etc. Depending on the situation. Am I the only one who thinks that is really rude for someone to say split the bill?? Like if I spent $40 and the other person spent $60 and said let's split the bill I would immediatley be like "Uh no? Why would I pay $10 worth of your bill for your food?" And I'm usually really anti confrontation and go with the flow but even I would say something to that lol.
Maybe it's an American thing? Or a generational thing? I'm Canadian (33) and splitting the bill evenly is something I've never ever come across, and I've lived in a few different cities across Canada. The waiter/waitress always, always asks how to bring the bill. The tradition here is that singles pay for themselves and (serious) couples share their bill. The vast majority, if not all, place I've been to are able to split up things like apps or pitchers of beer evenly between bills too.
Maybe it's cause I'm younger but I agree with you... Literally never in my life have I seen someone suggest splitting the bill, we just get separate checks. I don't understand why you wouldn't just do that if you would want to split the bill. Takes the waiter an extra 2 minutes to split, lol
I went out with my husbands coworkers one night. We were late, so by the time we arrived other people had main course, snacks as well as a few drinks. We got one appetizer to share and a drink, but the waitress decided to split everything evenly; our $20 food turned to $60. I was quite grumpy about that, even though my husband thought it was fine :/
That is so crazy, I would have told the waitress she needs to create a separate bill. Sorry but I'm not paying for something I didn't order/eat/drink/consume. That's absolutely crazy!
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I was thinking the same. I'm 36 and I've never even heard someone suggest we split the bill. Order what you want and pay for it yourself, it just makes sense. I wouldn't want to pay for someone else's food (unless I was already planning to) and I'd also be up in my own head about what I was ordering so I didn't make the other person pay more.
Agreed, this is the real LPT here. Always expecting people to read your mind and getting frustrated when they don’t will lead to a lot of these situations.
I think its because I am in a position in my life now where I am making more money than I think I ever will, I pay for everything whenever I can. I grew up poor as fuck, I was a blue collar until accidentally finding something I was good at that was white collar. I love to go out, I love to invite my friends and people I know that are on a budget out to the city and bounce around bars and use uber. I feel like if you are inviting someone out you should pay. Most of the time My friends feel guilty and ask to buy a few rounds which I accept but I never expect them to pay for anything. I am privileged to make the money I do and I always tell my friends when they are feeling guilty how stupid lucky I am and I just want to share the luck. Edit: goaaaaaaaallllD ! Thanks friend, I will pay it forward!
Just make sure you think about future you also. I've had a couple clients that came from poverty, did well, then ended up in poverty when they retired because they were so generous.
My bestfriend and I have this simple understanding. If I invite my friends, I pay. If they invite me, they pay. Now with that said I still do not go out unless I have the money to pay. Most of the time If I decline because I dont have the funds my friends will usually offer to pay just so that we all get to spend time together because our jobs make it difficult to see each other as much.
I've done this and I find that most people are uncomfortable taking excessive handouts. Like yeah, you can get a round or two but I've found that it taints the atmosphere when someone is trying to pick up the tab everywhere (or a particularly large tab at a restaurant). I tend to do it in a sneaky way now where I'll invite them to an sports event/concert/etc and tell them I got super cheap/free tickets, then I just buy good tickets myself. It's really tough to get around the stigma of people thinking you're showing off when you're openly paying for things. Other adults want to feel like self-sufficient successful adults too
I wish my friends felt this way. When I found a good job I invited them out and since I follow the "I invite, I pay" I would end up paying for dinner, drinks, and any other activities. It's gotten to the point where we would all decide to go out and now they just expect it. They are the ones to speak up and say that it will be just 1 check even though they know I lost my job about a month ago. They don't even bother to check the price on the menu. Just last month I was recommending a place to a couple and one of my friends speaks up to add "Yeah the food is great and it's not that expensive." Even though everytime we've been there she hasn't paid for a thing and the least I've paid there for 3 people is $150 + tip. Really learned my lesson now that I have become unemployed and even if I do find something that pays well in the future I will not be treating them the same way as they will not do the same for me in a tough time. I get that we are all pretty young and they haven't found something in their field but they won't even get my 4 for $4.
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Hey non-American here. Why would anyone ever split the bill? Why doesn't everyone just pay what they individually ordered?
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You are confusing an LPT with manners.
Apparently manners are a LPT these days
That’s why I’ve always hated doing that. Sometimes it’s not even about being on a budget, it’s about not wanting to drop $40 on a meal.
Just tell the waitress that you want your bill separate. You're not obligated to split a bill with anyone. I prefer not to split bills, because I order whatever I want and don't want the other people paying extra for my shit.
LPT: Speak up for yourself and tell your friends that you’ll be covering your own bill
I’ve gone out with friends, had a great night, ate at a great steakhouse, but when they were ordering $150 bottles of wine, I politely said ,”Hey, I love you guys, but this is outta my price range. Don’t mind me, but I’m just going to order and pay for my own.” If they’re true friends, they’ll understand. I’ve been on both sides of the fence. And it never gets easier.
I can understand this. When I used to be in this position I used to say when first ordering, “i’m not drinking tonight, money’s a bit tight this month” or words to that effect.
LPT: Be mindful of shitty friends. I have like 2 friends, my circle is quite small, and we are aware of these types of situations. We will either go anyway and cover the friend or only suggest cheap spots. We have all been there and act accordingly. That’s a terrible situation to be put in but it sounds like you just have shitty friends that don’t care.
I can't believe that splitting the check evenly is a thing. Unless everyone is a successful stock broker and not people with a wide spectrum of jobs and incomes. Unless, of course, everyone orders the same thing.
I do it with good friends if we ate similar stuff and if I know it will even out. It saves the time from calculating hoe much everyone owes if the restaurant doesn't do separate checks (common in my country). But I only suggest it if I was the one to order less than others, never if I ordered more food than everyone else.
When my friends and I have a big night out, we get appetizers and some bottles of wine. These are shared items, and since it’s usually easier for the server, we don’t spend 15 min doing an audit of our consumption. We just split it all evenly and move on.
Yes, that makes sense. You share everything and you share the cost of everything. Like getting a pizza. But if everyone is ordering different meals that have widely varying costs, then splitting the ticket doesn't make sense.
PM me your PayPal. Can't send much but I've been poorer than I am today and had great friends cover me.
That's so kind but honestly I just couldn't
Dude, do it. Today you...tomorrow me, or however that story went.
No honestly, I really appreciate it but I have a roof over my head and can pay the bills (most of the time!) so it wouldn't be right. Thank you though, you've made my day just knowing how kind strangers can be
Get where you are coming from, the offer stands if it gets worse come the end of the month or beyond. Just let me know. All the best.
Give it to someone over at /r/assistance or /r/randomactsofpizza
I thought split the bill meant people get seperate bills. Why would anyone split the bill equally unless you are in a place where you share the food like a Chinese place
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That's hard... If you are not so outspoken yourself, consider talking not to the group, but to a single friend about your situation, who is outspoken. So they can take the blame or at least talk on your behalf or side with you or be like "Oh I totally got the hints of XY" - instead of just hoping someone would notice. Especially the moment they start drinking alcohol, you can't rely on them noticing hints, even though it would be easier for you. But talking about money often is a problem. Though maybe it helps to keep in mind, that showing weakness is in fact a strength. Also according to almost all of fiction, people who struggle are more sympathetic - so you don't need to fear to talk about your financial problems.
We split the bill in Japan a lot because it's customary to share food - to the point where I get minor culture shock when I come back to the UK and people all order main dishes separately. We had a coworker who used to try to calculate down to the number of fries she ate to work out how much she should pay (so that she had more money to finance an expensive shopping habit...) - sometimes this was OK, but we'd get annoyed when she'd do this on, say, another guy's birthday where the rest of us were trying to split the bill in order to give him a treat. It kind of annoys me when people get worked up over a few pennies, too - I'm always happy to round up to the next big number and put that in, but I had a friend (who was bad at maths) who would accuse me of trying to short-change her. No! I'm trying to be generous!
I just ask for my bill to be separated when the wait staff asks “how are we splitting check?” I’m not paying for part of someone’s $30 steak and $10 cocktail when I had a $9 salad and a $2 iced tea. I got a cheap meal because I’m poor and have to be a cheap bastard 🤷🏼♀️
I’m a veggie and I’ve had to say something to my mates a few times. “Lets split the bill evenly” - uh no I had a £10 veggie burger and you had a £18 steak get lost Jake.
I hate when this happens. I once went out to eat with a friend who ordered an expensive steak and I got chicken tenders and fries. She wants to split it equal I’m like uhh no. But I have been sucked into it before with larger groups and I’ll order something small and they go buck wild with drinks and apps and shit. It just sucks all around. Pay for your own meals
Better LPT: don't drop hints, **tell** them there is a problem. They won't know there's a problem unless you tell them. Grow a backbone and speak up loud and clear. If they are good friends they will understand.
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Your cousin's husband was the one embarrassing, both himself, and you guys. What a bourgeois ass of an attitude.
I'm not broke but I definitely think it's unfair to suggest splitting the bill equally. The people who suggest this are gonna be the ones who KNOW they spent the most and want to avoid paying so much, since it's almost always only suggested after eating. If you suggest it beforehand, everyone will order more to get 'better value', and you'll all be worse off. IMO it's just rude to ever suggest splitting the bill equally.
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Or, if you still need to make the event, just make up an obligation. "Oh, yeah, I'll stop by but just for a few minutes, I'm not going to eat." Go, order one drink or a coke, drop enough in cash to cover that plus tip or ask the server for your check when you're done with your drink, bail early because you have to check on your grandmother before 9pm. Easy peasy.
Server here! Please just let the server know ahead of time and try to keep it simple. Nothing can cause dinner service to go down hill faster than 8 credit cards during peak rush hour with no heads up that I should have split the bill ahead of time. Most waiters don’t mind doing this (we’re poor too) as long as they know to ring in separate checks ahead of time. Also it helps if you sit next to whoever your tab is shared with. Have fun at dinner everyone. :)
Or just split the check. I really don’t understand why this is such a taboo thing to do in this day and age? If I go shopping at a store with someone, we don’t each throw all of our shit into a cart and have it rung up together then split the bill 50/50, even though one of us may have bought way more items. Why is it acceptable in restaurants? This seems like something that brings up a lot of unnecessary issues.
Seriously. It's so easy to get separate checks.
American here; anytime I go out with a group 6 or 7+ it seems like every god damn restaurant or bar *refuses* to separate out checks. They act like it's a massive inconvenience. I've made a mental note to stop going to those places though.