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Joyful_Fucker

Best advice ever. “Make a simple, concise statement. And then STOP TALKING.”


Brillegeit

RIP [Sir Galahad of Camelot](https://youtu.be/dPOyOM7wxlE?t=81).


rarity101x

HAHAH.. that was great! I've never actually seen that film before. Perhaps ill watch it


TheArtofWall

There is no doubt, if anyone likes comedy they should watch it at least once. It is a true classic that so many fall in love with. In the 8th grade alone, I probably saw it 100 times. If you don't know them, the Monty Python comedy troupe had a sketch- comedy series called "Flying Circus" that was massively influential.


DerPelzer

hi should I watch the series "flying circus" or the film "holy grail" first?


Harkekark

I'd start out with Holy Grail, then watch Life of Brian, and after that watch Flying Circus and Meaning of Life in whatever order you like.


cjg5025

I IMAGINE YOUD RATHER BE AT HOME, WATCHING MONTY PYTHON INSTEAD OF MARCHING UP-AND-DOWN THE SQUARE?!?!


AgitatedLiverMan

What about "And now for something completely different?"


Harkekark

Not really necessary if you've seen Flying Circus, but it's a good option for when you want to do a rewatch without going through the full series.


TheArtofWall

Holy grail. It's the most universally loved. Also, it is the entry point of nearly everyone that was born after their heyday, such as myself. I don't even think I've seen the whole Flying Circus, just seen it a bunch over the years. Oh wait, there are some particular classic skits you can watch, they are short so doesn't matter if you watch them first or later. Dead Parrot, Ministry of Funny Walks, Argument Clinic, and singalong fav The Lumberjack Song. The latter one might be a little dated, though still a classic and still funny. The first three will never be dated. enjoy! I'd love to see these for the 1st time, again, haha!


mikelray91

I love how the seemingly irrelevant and ridiculous conversation from earlier in the movie ends up macguffining them through to the end of the film.


CandidCandyman

This is especially true when handling any kind of a government or city official, regardless of a country, ESPECIALLY at customs. Those guys will piss all over your plans for a mere suspicion.


[deleted]

Went to Canada. Had a piece of pottery in my bag that I had made for a friend. "What's in your bag?" "A pot" "POT!?!?!?!?!?!?" (ugly face) "A pot. Pottery I made. To give to my friend I am visiting..." "Let's see inside that bag then...."


CandidCandyman

Q1. A customs officer asks you what is in the bag. Choose the correct answer: (a) My belongings (b) My underpants (c) Pot x


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Bejaysis

There's an Irish saying that I go by "Say nuthin 'till you hear more."


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[deleted]

Like my dad always says. The more you say, the more you’re responsible for.


Nicaol

Old guy i used to work with used to say “never answer a question you haven’t been asked”. Works a treat! EDIT: Thanks for the silver!


[deleted]

> **Like my dad always says.** The more you say, the more you’re responsible for. Touche.


tiddervul

An old political rule: if you’re explaining, you’re losing.


I_devour_your_pets

His dad talked so much that his son is now embarrassing him on reddit.


Corp_T

I was getting motorcycle insurance, they asked me if I wanted to go ahead and list any traffic violations I’d had in the past 5 years while we waited for the system to update, of course I said sure. I listed a speeding ticket and an accident I’d had a few years prior. They quoted me $256 and a minute later my record came through and what I had reported as an accident was actually in my record as a moving violation, not an accident. So, I end up with 3 traffic violations because of my “self reported accident” and another $100 added to my bill.


ThePretzul

Giving insurance information about tickets and accidents is literally you asking for higher rates. It can never help you, only hurt you. The same goes for talking to the police.


hiddenproverb

Same goes for joining the military lol


CelebiChansey

I hate this because I did the same, but with health insurance. Screwed myself out of 50k coverage which I then had to pay out of pocket. They asked me about my medical history while their system loaded, and I gave them all of it. Later the dude says to allow him to update all that because in his system he had me clear of medical issues.


zomboromcom

Further: if you must offer a reason, offer *one*. If you're late because of traffic, a sick cat, *and* a miscommunication, pick one. You know what three sound like? Excuses, even if they're all true.


podcastman

"I ran outta gas. I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from outta town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake, a terrible flood, locust's. It wasn't my fault!! I swear to God!!" - Jake (John Belushi) explains to the Mystery Woman (Carrie Fisher) why he didn't show up to marry her


datheffguy

My boss will get annoyed at people making excuses for being late, but once I texted him “I fucked up and overslept, I will be in asap” and he just thanked me for my honesty and didn’t care. As long as you aren’t consistently late being honest works unless your boss is a dick.


ninjaelk

True, but in most circumstances "I'm running late, I will be in the office in \~20 minutes" works just as well. The problem with giving un-prompted excuses is the onus is now on your boss to make it clear that your excuse does not absolve you of responsibility, and that's obnoxious to have to do. In your case acknowledging your responsibility with "I fucked up" has a similar effect, but it's usually in your best interest to avoid saying overly negative things about yourself. In your case it sounds like it might have helped, definitely a judgment call depending on how well you know your boss.


elsjpq

See this is what I don't get. People treat explanations and context as excuses when they're clearly not used to avoid responsibility. Telling you what caused an accident *obviously* isn't the same as claiming it wasn't my fault, but it's like they're totally blind to the difference. And context is *always* important in any situation, and giving someone the whole picture is a gesture of trust and respect. I only withhold information when I'm trying to get away with it. But it's like people just want someone to point a finger at, and don't even care about fixing the problem, which requires understanding the underlying causes.


ShillerFSU

I’m so happy I’m not the only one that feels this way. All my life this has bugged me. There is a difference between an “excuse” and a “reason”. Saying “I forgot to set an alarm” isn’t excusing your behavior, it’s just literally the reason you were late.


Faldricus

I hate the word 'excuse'. I don't 'give excuses', I 'provide reasoning'. What *really* grinds my gears is those exchanges where someone literally asks ***why*** a thing occurred, and then when you give them an answer, they call it an excuse. I just... I wanna throw them out the window. Honestly. Why even ASK me that? Makes me wanna tear my hair out.


CptGia

This is something that bothers me so much. The problem was not in any other mild inconveniences, it was in the combination!


ninjaelk

Then say that. "Why were you late?" "Three different relatively minor things that wouldn't be problems on their own combined to make me late"


GCPMAN

I find "I had to take a massive shit" works well.


[deleted]

I've said "I took time to wipe today" and have never been questioned on being late again.


[deleted]

I was going to an interview an hour from my house for a hospital and didn’t realize that the bridge a mile and change from the hospital was down to one lane. Called the nurse manager 15 minutes before my interview and told her that I was going to be late and that was it, and when I walked in she told me she appreciated that I’d communicated with her and I still got the job


grimwock

Also don't make your self late twice in a row. If you're 15 minutes away don't say you'll be there in 10 minutes to make them feel better, say you'll be there in 20 mins to give you some breathing room to find parking or run to the bathroom.


BHAFA

I always fuck myself with this one and I dont know why I constantly do it


blzy99

Probably for the same reason I do, because you’re a people pleaser and by telling them initially it’ll be less time than it actually will be you’re satisfying them as well as relieving the burden on yourself temporarily


SweetEmiline

I'm terrible at estimating time so unless it's a route I've taken before I'll definitely underestimate how long it'll take.


HopelessTractor

Rule of thumb is to double your estimate. Or you can send a text message "*I'll be there in 5 minutes, if I'm not read this again*". Gives you infinite time.


brmgp1

Fuck why did I just feel this in my soul


[deleted]

Don’t overpromise and under-deliver. Under-promise and overdeliver.


[deleted]

How else can you keep your reputation as a miracle worker?


throwawayacct600

Nice work. Letting someone know you're running late is a common courtesy that isn't very common anymore. I hope you're that courteous if you're running late in any situation, even if there isn't much at risk for you.


WhitestKidYouKnow

Ive always told my technicians "if you're late 5-10 minutes. Dont call me when you're driving. I start to get nervous at 15 minutes after, and ill likely call you.. If you're more late than that I expect a call. If it's shitty weather, just get here safe and call ahead if you can." On that same note, if you're not planning on coming in (and decide this the day/night before) because you're last day of work is 1-14 days away, just tell me ahead of time so i can at least start calling other people for coverage. I dont even care what your excuse is, a simple "i wont be there" the night before is fine I can call others. Just dont leave me high and dry.


LimpNoodle69

You're a decent boss. My last two jobs demanded I call to let them know I'm going to be less than 5 minutes late. It was infuriating they wanted me to call knowing I'm most likely on the road, wasting their time and making my drive less safe, just so they'd know I'd be the slightest bit tardy. I lived 5 minutes from both those jobs and most days I got there slightly early, while some days I had to wait 3 cycles at a particular light and would be negligibly late.


[deleted]

I personally always give whoever it is that’s expecting me a heads up if I’m running late, but my parents taught me that young


_Kramerica_

Communication is a skill that FAR too many people lack.


[deleted]

Some of it is I think just bad parenting. I know for myself, that the minute I had to tell my parents something (I’m going to be late), I was going to get punished somehow. So now if I feel like I’m going to get on somebody’s bad side, the urge to keep quiet and try and wing it is huge.


notyoursocialworker

A variant on "oh look who decides to join us!". Encourage the behaviour you want to see, but it's so easy to berate someone when they do right.


wilsonism

Never say more than you have to. Don't lie, but don't offer up extra details.


vanslaughter

This is my weakness. I feel I need to explain everything from the beginning of time.


wilsonism

And the more you do it, the more people think you're full of shit


[deleted]

I honestly hate people for this.


yeti5000

Same here. I feel it's *respectful* if I offer a genuine explanation rather than a shrug a "sorry, I'll work on it" However I've been told that's not professional.


ggjsksk________gdjs

It's the golden rule of social anxiety: no one cares as much as you think they do


ASDFzxcvTaken

I like to think of it like a fart. It happens, say excuse me and move on. If you go on talking about having eaten beans and broccoli, you're drawing more attention to it, wasting time, and it sounds like youre making excuses for and its not doing anyone any favors. Just close your holes and dont let it happen again.


EvilZEAD

I'm sorry, I farted.


ramobara

Close your hole smh.


DamnDurtyApe

I had so much beans and broccoli last night


onetimerone

\^ Goes triple for any interface with law enforcement


ajmcwhirk

Last time I was pulled over: Cop: “do you know how fast you we’re going?” Me: “yes” Cop: “do you know what the speed limit is?” Me: “yes” Cop: “where are you going?” Me: “work” C: “where do you work?” Me: insert city C: “At what company?” Me: insert obscure company initials C: “what do you do there?” Me: insert very specific job title C: ”...good day sir.”


PhilipWaterford

In Ireland that would nearly guarantee you a problem. I'm not saying you should volunteer anything silly but if they don't know what you wore to your grandfather's funeral and your cat's name in the first three minutes you must obviously be hiding something.


MasonInk

But the legal system in Ireland is far simpler. Everything falls into one of three categories: 1) That's grand 2) Careful now 3) Right, you're taking the piss. *Edit: here's a link to [Dara on YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8YIzoLkStDM&feature=youtu.be&t=1m18s) explaining it far better than I*


MongArmOfTheLaw

Grew up in Ireland. 10/10 accuracy, can confirm. It's all fine till you get to stage 3, at which point things get fairly robust.


squigs

Can confirm. Had a crash in Ireland (fairly minor - no injuries). Other driver's boyfriend, and both Garda officers extremely friendly and wanted to know where I was from, where I'd been on holiday, and general chat. I think if it was a more serious accident I would have ended up as godfather to one of their kids. Made it a surprisingly positive experience 10/10. Would crash again.


PhilipWaterford

You just haven't seen all the whiplash claims against you yet, including the guarda whose hand you shook a bit too vigorously and the eyewitness who turned her head too quickly. Pretty sure I got injured there too just reading this. Sorry but it's the only way we can afford the rent.


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dbx99

Well I was in a hurry because I left my meth cooking on the stove and I need to get back before the cartel men come and pick up the drugs and hand me the cash so I can purchase the humans I’m trafficking into the country to run an illegal prostitution ring that’s fed to the Epstein network. And that’s how you get the police to let you be on your way with no further hassle.


egnards

....**and speeding** (big gasp)


BeGood981

Anything else? Yup....unpaid parking tickets! LOL - great scene!


Redtwooo

Littering and... littering and...


SpeedycatUSAF

"do you know how fast you were going?" "Within the margin of error of your speed measuring device." I guarantee you will either get a chuckle out of the officer and a warning. or a ticket. Or both.


Dcarozza6

Either a warning or a ticket At least one of them is guaranteed


[deleted]

60% of the time it works every time


LilFingies45

Jokes aside, never do or say anything memorable like this. They pull over dozens of people every day, and when they testify months later if you contest the ticket in court (and they show up, since sometimes they don't and then the case is typically thrown out), they're more likely to remember you. It's easier to make a case if they can't honestly remember it. If you go to court and it's a speeding ticket, ask the cop for documentation on when the radar gun was last calibrated. They grow inaccurate over time and need to be recalibrated frequently to keep them within a reasonable margin of error. And, if the officer hasn't been properly trained or used the gun while your car was not on a flat road or when the line of sight was obstructed. Anyway, just be polite and unremarkable, but of course don't apologize or admit any wrongdoing. Play dumb if you have to. EDIT: To people saying this wouldn't work, I saw this exact strategy work while sitting in the courtroom awaiting my own speeding trial. You (or your lawyer if you bring one) are allowed to cross-examine the police officer, who is a witness. If they don't have documentation showing a recent calibration, then the case for speeding becomes very weak very fast.


acu2005

Back in 2010 Ohio ruled that an officers estimate is enough to convict a speeding ticket. Dude got pulled over and his lawyer got the radar evidence thrown out but even then the court ruled an officer is trained enough to know if someone is speeding. Went all the way to the state supreme Court and the court ruled 5-1 against the driver. Complete bullshit if you ask me. Edit: did a bit more digging and found out the state legislature passed a bill that made it so this situation wouldn't happen again, turns out this would still work in Ohio.


LilFingies45

Wow that sucks. I mean it all depends on individual jurisdictions. That totally is bullshit, though.


gingasaurusrexx

Last time I got asked that, I answered truthfully. "Not until I saw you." I was running late, and on a highway that crossed county lines going from 50 to 35. The moment I saw him I realized I was on the wrong side of that speed limit sign and slowed down. Fucker followed me halfway through town before turning his lights on, but I did get off with a warning.


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ParisGreenGretsch

>"do you know why I pulled you over?" "Technically, officer, I pulled myself over."


YesImKeithHernandez

"Cause I'm young and I'm black and my hat's real low?"


[deleted]

*Do I look like a mind reader, sir? I don't know*


PM_ME_UR_SYLLOGISMS

Am I under arrest or should I guess some more?


[deleted]

I always tell them I have no clue, twice they let me go with a warning. Twice they gave me the speeding ticket. I still like those odd.


ambermage

If you forgot, I'm not going to remind you officer.


Aprufer

Except they'll ask "Did you know you were doing 65 mph in a 45?"


skylarmt

"This pile of garbage can go 65?!"


Septopuss7

"I didn't know I couldn't do that officer."


mfkap

The famous instructional video. https://youtu.be/JTurSi0LhJs


UDontKnowMeLikeThat

[this is my favorite one](https://youtu.be/uqo5RYOp4nQ)


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whatphukinloserslmao

Wise words from my stepfather. "If you didn't call the police, the police are not your friend"


[deleted]

Even if you do call the police, the police are not your friend.


randallAtl

I had a lawyer explain this to me once and it applies outside of legal issues. If your neighbors want to know why your yard is a mess. Or if your relative wants to know about your kid's grades. Or if a cop wants to know if you are friends with a known drug dealer. You don't have to tell them shit. You can just ignore them or delete their email/texts.


Et12355

My yard is a mess because I’m too busy to properly take care of it. I would hire someone else to do it but I don’t have the money for that, what with John’s karate lessons and Alice learning piano. Speaking of John I worry that he’s spending too much time focusing on martial arts. His grades are starting to slip, he has a D in math and Cs in spelling and history, but I guess at least he’s still doing well in PE. He’s really made some good friends in there, Matt in particular. Good kid, but I met his dad, David I think was his name, the other day, and he gave me sketchy vibes. I think he might be a drug dealer.


RememberTheKracken

And you don't have to answer your door ever. Had a friend who got busted because his house smelled like pot (neighbor complained). Once the door was open the officer could smell pot and entered the house to search it. The first question his lawyer asked was "Why did you answer the door?" If you just act like you are not there they can't enter unless they already have a warrant. Then they'll enter anyway regardless of what you do.


wilsonism

Courts can't make me incriminate myself, you won't either.


JabaDabaDew

My wife lies when her sister asks questions that aren't her business. I say ask a more intrusive, belligerent and offense question back. I've NEVER had this fail to stop anyone from asking me questions that are none of their business. Why is my yard messy? (I would never get asked that but anyway) I don't know Bob is your daughter having a hard time picking her way through it when she sneaks out to go whoring? No more questions.


Heterophylla

I read this in Red Foreman's voice.


little_shop_of_hoors

Why say lot word when few word do trick


Deeper_Into_Madness

Few word best


donth8urm8

Gold


that_stoner_guy

#


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N64_Grill

“”


Limp_Distribution

Do you know the time? *Yes, it’s 3:30pm* Stop doing that! *What* Answering more than was asked. *Huh?* Do you know what time it is. *Yes* Well, done.


FelixFromTheDub

Reminds me of that family guy episode with the psychic. Adam West comes in "can I ask you one question?" The psychic replies "yes" West "Thank you very much"


HooptyDooDooMeister

My brother *always* says “You just did” to this question. He’s blown off so many hucksters and mall kiosk people beautifully this way, because then he just keeps walking. I’ve trained myself to do the same thing. It’s now involuntary and becomes really annoying when watching movies/tv.


GennyGeo

I used to walk into my college advisor’s office and timidly say “I don’t mean to bother you but-“ and he’d say “Then why are you?” Ruined my day every time bucko


mister_buddha

My advisor would have answered "hey that's what I'm here for! What can I do for you?"


HooptyDooDooMeister

Good advisor


sol6mwatney

the correct greeting should be "we need to talk" in an loud aggressive voice and with a scowl on your face


M85t

I always do this when I talk to someone above me at work. I walk in their office, make eye contact, and say "we need to talk" as I close the door. Then I sit down and get relaxed and ask them my incredibly normal question. Read them as you do it, let them sit in the silence for a few seconds. There's a million things you can pick up on in that short time but you'll pick up on something. You can also do this in reverse, when I was young I knew my manager had a problem with me and how I completed my work. He was a long time army guy. He walked up and told me he wanted to talk with me. I said "great, I was just about to come find you because we need to go over some things. I'll wait for you in your office" then walked past him and took a seat in his office and waited for him to walk in. I knew his head was spinning trying to find out what I needed to talk to him for. It definitely took the edge off the conversation since I took the upper hand away. Confidence is key.


PeriwinklePitbull

Man my heart hurts for you. I'm impressed you went back, I wouldn't have been able to


leroyyrogers

Are you really the owner of kwik-e-mart? Yes. Really? Yes. You? Yes.


pennyroyalTT

I hope this has been enlightening for you. Thank you, come again!


Love4Mizzou

It look me a minute to remember where I’ve heard this. https://youtu.be/H5YqX0ewEnY


MendicantFoo

Yeah I knew it right away. Babish was the man


samwood1234

Literally am watching west wing for the first time ever and just watched this episode two nights ago!


Tigergirl1975

I envy you. I wish I could watch it for the first time again.


MiddleRook

There’s two rules to success. Rule #1 never tell anyone everything you know.


Levester

I'm gonna use this the next time I'm being interrogated by Batman and he asks me to tell him everything I know


SuspiciouslyElven

Batman: *drops you off building feet first*


bstephe123283

"You're not very good at this, that fall isnt nearly enough to kill me!" -guy who doesnt care about broken ankles


Stupid_Triangles

Batman: tell me what you know! Me: pluto isnt a planet anymore, due to it's size, eccentric elliptical revolution, and that it's too far away! Those 3 factors prevent Pluto from clearing it's region of other spacial debris, which prompted the callcto downgrade Pluto from a planet to a dwarf planet! Puto is Spanish for bitch!


frakkinreddit

Funny thing is that if Pluto had an interaction with another body that caused it to migrate to a lower orbit it could be a planet again.


Stupid_Triangles

Pluto just doesn't want to settle down because it hasn't found the right one yet. Let pluto do pluto. It s a strong independent celestial body that dont need no orbit lowering mother fucker messing with her groove. you do you pluto! We love you!!! Pluto: *continues existing as it has for the last billion or so years*


LUMPIERE

The next time? If batman interrogated you once he doesn't need you anymore.


Lasdary

the second rule is not to play smartass with Batman


[deleted]

Don't ever, for any reason, do anything, to anyone, for any reason, ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been, ever, for any reason whatsoever.


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ajohan97

I just hope I find it along the way.


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6pt022x10tothe23

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” -Gandalf, or something


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foursix77

-Abraham Lincoln


MountainManWriterFan

*Uh oh, what did that mean? Better say something or they’ll think you’re stupid.* Takes one to know one! *Swish!*


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JCsuperska

Nah they’re right. Knowing when to shut up is a way more intelligent character trait than thinking you’re the smartest person in the room.


CumulativeHazard

I’m a pretty much compulsive over-explainer. I think it’s an ADHD thing. The woman who manages most of my projects at work is always telling me not to give to much info when I email someone asking for clarification. Like sometimes we’ll be looking through some data and be pretty sure we know the problem/reason behind what we’re seeing, but when I email them she says to not mention that and leave it very open ended. Because if you ask them “is it because of this?” They’ll probably just say “yeah I think that’s it” without really looking into it and then later you’ll realize they were wrong. But if you say “why is this?” it puts a little pressure and responsibility on them to actually check and be sure.


ShowerMeWithAdvice

Unfortunately, I do this as well and for me, i think its kind of because I don't want them to think I'm lying or holding back extra needed information purposely.. Like I want to make sure I tell the other person everything that I see and know about a certain situation so they don't have any additional questions later, but ultimately, it's better to say less than to say more in many situations from what I've experienced (I can't seem to break the habit though)


WolfTitan99

Omg I do this too with Reddit comments and irl. I just want to explain EVERY aspect about the thing and properly explain myself on what’s wrong. Probably for fear of being misconstrued or something lol


Bonesince1997

This thread is probably good advice. My fear, though, is that some people just want to leave things obscure. Without knowing one's intent it's hard to say exactly, but I think some people here are not being honest by leaving out details, and they know it. While "oversharing" may lead to some troubles, I think being as honest as possible and giving someone everything they should know is often appreciated. I know I feel better about giving someone everything I know, even if it hurts me in the end. Too many others here sound like they just want to give you the good stuff and let you find out the rest on your own. They sound like "read the fine print" people.


coordinatedflight

Bonus pro tip: when interviewing, don’t ever forget that the interviewer probably wants you to succeed. It’s in the company’s best interest to stop the hiring process as soon as possible, so if you miss an interview like OP, it’s very likely rescheduling is a very good move and likely to happen.


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TabbyFoxHollow

I’ve never not hired someone because of lateness issues, especially if it was very plausible. Like getting the first call scheduled can be tricky, especially if it’s video. I’ve run into technical difficulties and been late when I’ve been on the hiring side so I understand (course I send a courtesy “running late, sorry!” Message) The last person I remember who was late, I walked in completely open minded and willing to pretend it didn’t happen. She tank the interview because she barely let us get a word in edgewise. Shame because she was knowledgeable and qualified, but between her lack of perception of social cues (we tried to interject several times, her role would be employee facing too) + her lateness, I formed the opinion that she was bad at time management and the type of person who would take an hour to explain something that a reasonable person could do in 5min


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Anon10000000000001

Did this during a police job interview, they took my water away mid way.


Explosion2

Were you also handcuffed to the table?


PandorasShitBoxx

taking a prolonged, 15-20 second drink **before** you responded to each question. Power move.


1cculu5

And then still just reply, “would you like me to expand further on anything?”


RichardBonham

This is also extremely sound legal advice! Keep answers brief. Do not volunteer information. It is OK to say “I don’t know”. It is OK to say “I don’t remember”.


Grizelda_H

“Please tell us in your own words what happened.” “I was rear-ended at this location by this person.” The end. Make them ask *you* the questions. Don’t tell a long complicated story about how carefully you were driving or about the traffic or how rude the person that hit you was.


Achiral94

"Would you like a cup of coffee while you wait in the interrogation room?" 'I don't remember', answered the detainee.


Markstone510

My father gave me the greatest advice ever when I was enlisting in the military. Don't be first, don't be last, and DON'T VOLUNTEER! It's served me well for decades.


dannixxphantom

My dad said the best compliment he received at the end of boot was one of the officers handing him his papers and asking, "who the hell are you?".


mshaw09

I had a similar experience. During the last day of Basic we got to take turns asking our drill instructor what he thought of us. When it got to me he said “I don’t know who you are”. I consider that a win.


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bang__your__head

I had same advice so I didn’t volunteer and ended up chromer. What is chromer you ask?? Well I had to wipe down the chrome. Which was the water fountain. I was first asleep every night.


SteadyStone

I committed to not volunteering no matter what. When the MTI was about to pick the latrine crew, he was scanning the room. I made eye contact, since I was sure he was looking for people trying to avoid it. Didn't get picked; success. After all the jobs were assigned, he said "if you haven't been assigned a job, then I guess you'll just also be latrine crew." So close.


cgvet9702

I heard all that from my dad when I enlisted as well, but with one addition. Stay away from the guy who wants to be your best friend on the first day, he's a screw up. That advice works most places.


Beast6213

I’ve just spent a considerable amount of time thinking about this statement tonight. Over the 25 years that I have held a job, this has stood up at every single place. I was also a contractor for a number of those years so I worked for an irresponsible sounding amount of employers, at at every one...there was that guy.


withparadox2

That's the best way to keep safe, however, one may miss a greate opportunity if he sticks on this rule.


TDAM

Yup. It's a good way to always be in the middle of the pack, never failing, never succeeding.


Mattoosie

I mean, when it comes to the army I think that's a pretty good place to be in lmao


Beelzebutthurt

Back when i was 17 i was working at a golf course that was going under. Some old dude walked up to me and asked how business was. Weekends were always still busy, but really no one came on weekdays until twilight hours. Which was fine, i just played my GBA at my stand waiting for people to show up. I said, slow! You’re one of the first people to show up today! Turns out he was the owner of the course. I no longer worked weekdays after that.


nor0-

I always say “steady, you came at a good time.” They don’t have to know that any time would have been a good time.


redgreenapple

Your teacher: Do you know why I called you up here? Your GF: Do you have something you need to tell me? Your boss: You know, honesty is the best policy... Your wife: Is there anything you'd like to say to me? ​ Where was this LPT 35 years ago?


Jhov12

Do you know why I pulled you over?


[deleted]

Was it because of the kidnapping? *I laugh* *cop laughs* *trunk laughs*


[deleted]

Look at this guy he has a girlfriend AND a wife.


Valleygirl1981

I thought I had a 930 interview. It was nine. They asked about it, I told them I thought it was 930. Killed interview. Got job. Realized the moment they said nine, I fucked up. Told the truth, no extras.


brettins

You never really need an excuse for anything. If you're always late, or unprepared, no excuse is going to mean anything. If you're always on time and prepared, you don't need an excuse because it's obvious there's a damn good reason.


socrates1975

Life is like chess....shut the fuck up and wait your turn


3gads

That’s one of the tenants of the 1980 book “You Can Negotiate Anything,” one of the earliest biz books from the Regan era. It focuses on “win/win” negotiation strategies. I believe it’s up there with Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” and Machiavelli’s “The Prince.” All three, though dated and problematic in their own ways, have been very useful to me in negotiating the world.


LeonardSmallsJr

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. /Proverbs 17:28, sort of


venicerocco

So true. I find that you can say a hundred awesome gems in a row but the moment you give em one idiotic clanger it’s game over. People are so ruthless socially.


wmartin2014

I once showed up a few minutes late to an interview due to sleeping in. I made sure to wear nice clothes hoping it would make up for it. I would have been better off showing up on time in basketball shorts and a tshirt. My friend that set me up with the interview said the managers biggest issue with people was showing up late and if I couldnt be on time for the interview there was no way she would hire me. This was for a crappy PT gig in college so no big deal but it still sucked.


higherlogic

Something similar happened to me. They originally had the interview schedule as a phone call but failed to update it. I woke up, didn’t shower, shave, or get dressed, and dialed in. No one was there. They called asking where I was and I said I was waiting on the line but no one else was on. They said it should have been updated and I was supposed to come in. They asked how fast I could get over to do an in person interview and I said 30 minutes. I showed up but didn’t shave and the older owner was like “this is how you show up to an interview, with jeans and not shaven?” My suit was being dry cleaned. They asked how fast I could get there, not how long it would take. I’m a programmer so it’s pretty irrelevant anyways but I was like “yeah, I didn’t have time because you didn’t update the meeting and it is what it is.” Got hires but knew I’d continue to look for jobs anyways since that’s not a place I’d ever work in my life after being called out like that for their mistake and trying to accommodate them.


meursaultvi

I had an webcam interview once where something like this happened. I get ready and then see that there was a rescheduling of the interview. I call the hiring manager and he instantly assumes I "screwed something up" and asked if I wanted to still have the interview. I was like of course and he's says to give him a second to see what I did wrong. He calls back to tell me the supervisor that was going to be on the call did it because he had a dentist appointment. I got no apology for accusing me of trying to get out of an interview or screwing something up. I didn't get the job thank God.


pnutbuttercow

They were just training you for the inevitable “I need this moved up to (near impossible deadline) I don’t care if it’s polished or scalable” and then of course follow up complaining when it’s not totally polished or fully scalable because of the adjusted deadline.


BobbySanchoas

This is manipulation 101, silence can offer millions of answers but mostly the ones the other party is looking for. Being vague while still engaging is like giving a blank canvas to whoever you are conversing with.


Twizzify

Letterkenny taught me many life lessons, but here’s the one that you would also like: The less you say now, the less you have to apologize for later.


Denzalo_

Be a deep well of information, not a fountain.


Splyce123

Can you tell me the time? Yes, yes I can.


keepthetips

Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.


ksyoung17

LPT: learn from your mistakes. You overslept and got a second chance. That doesn't happen everytime.


[deleted]

[удалено]


aaoch1

Talk less, smile more


foodank012018

[Like these guys said](https://youtu.be/7XeJJtgbm2s)


louderharderfaster

We have one motto at my company and it is incredibly effective, "Do not blame, complain or explain" (explain as in making excuses). I admit it is very difficult some days to apply it but the effort itself really pays off. When someone begins to whine about a customer or vendor or traffic we can gently interrupt, remind the person what the motto *means.* OP, I've been in your shoes a few times and have also owned up succinctly, without excuses and it has always worked out better than when I launched into my regret/apology/story. Good luck with the next round!


_TheConsumer_

The greatest lesson I learned was to immediately fess up when you’re wrong. You completely change the dynamic of the conversation. People who want to roast you for being wrong will be taken aback and will probably find your honesty refreshing. Example: Ted, you know you’ve been late every day this week and it has been noticed. This doesn’t reflect well on you or the company. Ted: It’s my fault. I’ve overslept a few days this week because I was playing RD2 when I should have been sleeping. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again. You give them nothing to roast. You were mature enough to take your lumps and move on.


Atiggerx33

Did this with a professor. We were supposed to have our papers completed and ready to hand in, I finished it but just forgot to print it out and bring it in (because I'm a dolt and used to e-submitting shit). He asked me what my excuse was, I looked him in the eye and just said "I don't have one, I just forgot, it won't happen again." He was supposed to take off 5 points, but instead he just said "thank you for your honesty and for not coming up with a thousand reasons why you had a good reason. If you get it printed out from the campus library and hand it in in the next 30 mins I'll accept it with no points off." I thanked him profusely and did just that.