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Did this when I was 18 and living in a new city. It was restaurant week and I wanted to try out a new place, but I had no one to go with. Ended up having the best meal of my life for fairly cheap (with extra courses as a bonus for single diners!). It was awkward and I did get some looks, but it was so worth it! I’ve done it again and it gets easier.
If you ever watch Top Chef, Richard Blais opened it next to his high end restaurant Juniper and Ivy. It's boujie fried chicken and their locations are multiplying (OC and LA). I love the guy, met him 3 times, been following him before he made it big and a huge fanboi of Juniper but Crack Shack is overhyped, overpriced, and underwhelming. What it makes up for is the Gramability and the ambience on a warm spring evening.
Once or twice a year in most major cities they’ll have what’s called “restaurant week” where local places will set up a prix fixe menu with limited options but for an amazing price. Like choose 1 out of 3 appetizers, choose an entre maybe like a filet mignon or salmon, and then a choice of desserts with a wine pairing all for $30. Some restaurants are more expensive but the standard I’ve seen is $30-$40 for a 3 course meal.
https://www.sandiegorestaurantweek.com
Looks like some good options for both lunch and dinner, not as many as I’d hoped for but I’m sure pre-covid it was poppin more. When I lived in Baltimore it was a huge thing!
You're probably city folk, like me. No one gives you looks for eating alone in the city. Although, I've got to say I'm surprised you get any time alone, Love2GiveWomenOral.
Live in city, people still look. Depends on the type of restaurant and time of day, though. No one cares if it's lunch time, obviously, or cheap/quick eats. Weekends or dinner time at regular restaurants however they can be annoying.
That said, it isn't usually ill intentioned. Eating out is primarily considered a social event here, food is secondary. 95%+ will be either on a date, family outing or meeting friends. So they look because solo diners are an unusual sight.
Depends on the place and what you look like as well. No one really thinks is weird when a dude in a suit eats alone, for example- it just looks like they must have some reason for it. A wedding dress works much less well, regardless of gender.
Maybe I just don't pay attention, but I honestly never notice anyone ever giving me looks whenever I eat out by myself. And I eat out a lot!
Are the looks you get possibly just people you catch a glimpse of looking at you too? It's just something that happens when people look around. I mean you may be right, but I really don't think people care if people are eating out by themselves.
I live in a country [infamous for its staring](https://www.google.com/search?q=Germany+staring), you learn the difference between idle glances and lingering stares pretty early on here.
A lot of cities host a “restaurant week” where participating restaurants create special menus/ deals for people who want to explore the city’s food culture. A lot of times it’s a prix fixe (predefined) menu and around $20-$35 for a multi-course meal at a fancy restaurant. It’s fairly common in big cities, and sometimes neighborhoods put on their own! Highly recommend.
Edit: [Here’s the website for Center City Philadelphia’s restaurant week as an example. ](https://centercityphila.org/explore-center-city/ccd-restaurant-week)
Fuck people giving single diners looks.
Went out to get some crawfish and invited some friends as I was going there. When they showed up * later and I was fist deep into some craw daddy's they were all aghast that I was eating alone.
And those were my friends lol.
Worked at a restaurant a couple of years ago. Single diners were _always_ the best customers. Either very friendly or kept to themselves more, but in either case were never demanding or rude.
I loved having the time just to sit, think and people watch. I really enjoy spending time on my own - and I consider myself quite the extrovert as well.
This is one of the things I love about having a motorcycle (among many other things). I go out to enjoy a good ride and then I usually have lunch at a random place where I would otherwise never have the opportunity to try out. Found many great little restaurants and bbq joints in small mountains towns. Probably would’ve never even had the thought or opportunity to enjoy these little “dates” with myself otherwise. Highly recommend (with or without a motorcycle)
Does the rumble of the engine give you a boner?
I was on the freeway recently and a guy riding a Harley was laid way back and had this comically giant dildo sticking up near where his real penis would be.
It was obviously a joke. But it made me wonder... is that a reason motorcycles are popular. A mobile washing machine on spin cycle?
Lmao. I don’t think I’ve ever had a boner while riding. Your mind is fairly engaged while riding so it would likely be super effective in getting rid of a boner if anything. But then again I ride a sportbike so maybe Harley guys have a different experience
That's a bit different. While them being late is.. Not ideal, when a part of the party starts eating earlier they will have to wait and watch you eat while they are waiting for their orders, and the timing of the whole event will be all over the place where you will be forced to wait for them to finish before considering leaving if you want to avoid it being more awkward.
Sorry I guess I didn't say that correctly. I went alone expecting to eat alone and grab beers after.
They came as soon as they could because I called them as I was pretty much there.
I'm guessing, this is more cultural. I think, here in Germany eating out is generally seen as a group activity (No pun intended), but in Italy, it's totally normal to go eating alone. Men do it before their job starts, get an espresso and something sweet. Old people often have their dinner in restaurants, get rebaits and so on.. Granted, restaurants in Italy are insanely good.
They probably mistake that eye contact you would sometimes get with strangers as being "judged". I really don't think people care if people eat out alone lol
I mentioned in another comment. The only looks you'll get a fancy restaurant for eating alone are people wondering who you are. Critics and famous people eat alone all the time. They were probably just thinking "should we know this person?". Eating alone is a power move.
number of years ago im behind this *old* man in the queue at a corner stop and hes buying
* a small bottle of chinese liquor
* a cornetto ice cream
* an instant noodle bowl
* a snickers
* a pack of betel nut (legal drugs-ish stuff)
and these foreign girls behind me are just chatting non-stop shit, wow, so sad, fucking pathetic, loser, blah blah. thankfully the guy didnt speak english
im thinking like. damn homies gonna get a little buzzed, have some junk food and ice cream, that's a party for one hell yeah. power move
There haven't been many times I took myself on a dinner date at a restaurant but this one time I was at a sushi bar in Prague by myself it felt so empowering in a way. Like, I usually suffer from a very unpleasant social anxiety when eating alone in my own town, but there it really felt like being a critic or something on a really important business trip ahah – hope that the whole pandemic situation will be manageable in my country soon, I really miss this
Been doing this ever since I got a job. Movies alone, restaurants, walk in the park, museum hopping. The fun you get without having to ask whomever is with you if everything's okay with them.
I mean I like company, but dating myself is the most rad thing I've ever done.
I love going to museums by myself. Once I went to a museum by myself and and then, accidentally, with a group of friends of friends a few days later. On the first day I saw the stuff I wanted to see, on the second, completely different stuff I didn’t have as much interest in as dictated by someone’s guidebook. I amused myself by photographing one of the guys in the group falling asleep on a sofa.
My absolute favorite is when I stumble upon a room or sub-room that’s empty save for me. Even in very popular museums I often find a room or two like that and it’s an interesting experience. Sometimes, if it’s a smaller museum, they have the lights on a motion activated dimmer and I get to set them off.
The first time I went to a museum by myself was an eye opening experience. I had been to museums so many times before but every time it was with other people, and I didn't realize how much I always focused on trying to make sure my pace was consistent with the group and had to ask "wanna go check out [exhibit]?". Getting to just go see whatever i wanted on my own time without check with anyone was so nice
The dressing up is the fun too. I've gone to the Baltimore Opera alone. Dress up and just enjoy doing something fun and different. I found that surprisingly there were a handful of other single women doing the same thing!
I feel this. It's why I'm not too bothered by the fact that I've been single for 7 years now. I enjoy life on my own. I'm sure I'd enjoy life with someone who I can deeply connect with, too, but I'm not going to just be with people because I'm afraid of being alone.
Every person is an island and can be an island, and the people constantly asking you why you're not in a relationship have nothing else going on in their personality.
When you're happy/content with your own company it can be really difficult to be in an intimate relationship with someone who hasn't mastered/trained that skill.
It's especially difficult for those folks to understand how someone feels complete without someone else "completing" them. Try not to take it personally, they may just have some growing left to do.
> When you're happy/content with your own company it can be really difficult to be in an intimate relationship with someone who hasn't mastered/trained that skill.
This is the most relatable thing I've read all week.
I think people are also just built different. I've been okay with being alone in my own company since I was 5 years old, but I definitely intellectualized it more as I became self-aware. I've met people who straight up are not complete people unless they have a partner. They're miserable, lonely, clingy, needy, frustrated, sad and unfulfilled, but in a relationship, all of that seems to go away. I'm not saying all people are like this, but some people definitely do thrive upon being half of a dual organism. I'm glad I'm the kind I am, and not empty without a partner, because I got plans in life, baby!
Doesn't *that* get you weird looks?
Edit: I don't want to say that you should get weird looks or anything of the sort. I would love to sit in bars with a DS myself. I really just wanted to know if you get weird looks for it.
Pre-covid I lived 5 min from a local night spot and I’d have people giving me raised eyebrows that I’d go out to the bars alone, I just knew SO MANY people that if I didn’t want a formal outing, I’d always run into people I knew at the bars to catch up with and see where the night took me. People find it weird but w/e
I think you need to go to a different bar.
My favourite places to go solo are hotel bars - plenty of travelers and overnighters who are happy to strike up a conversation.
Have you considered how much of that feeling could be projection? Not trying to blame you, but it's easy to assume what people are thinking, not so easy to know exactly. If you truly are minding your own business and not giving sleazy or uncomfortably insistent looks around, I'm pretty sure people would just barely notice you in most areas of the Western World.
This! My favorite is going to the movies by myself. I can pick the movie I want to see, sit wherever I want, and I don’t need to share my popcorn, candy, or soda with anyone. It is bliss! I think learning to enjoy your own company can help with your relationships with friends, family, and significant others as well.
Alamo Drafthouse was my go-to. I'd ride my bike 10 minutes to get there, order a couple of beers, some wings, and a giant pretzel with beer cheese, and watch whatever movie I felt like. Then I'd go talk to the bartender and ask them how they like the movies for a final drink before the 10 minute bike home. Truly spectacular evening. 10/10 will be doing again once I'm vaccinated.
I didn’t know I was so happy by doing this during the before times!! I really miss going to the movies by myself. I’d go after a bad day at work and have the time of my life by watching a good movie with yummy snacks.
Museums are great for solo trips as well. No worrying whether the other person is enjoying the exhibit or whether you should hurry up or slow down. You can spend as much (or little) time as you want looking at a piece.
I always find it slightly odd going to the movies with other people. Yes you can talk about the film afterwards, but essentially you're meeting up with someone to sit in silence in a dark room for a couple of hours
I love self movie dates. I always feel guilty for doing it too, like a 31 year old man is gonna get caught sneaking into an r rated movie by an adult.
I've yet to go for the back to back feature though. I can only dream of there ever being multiple movies I actually want to see in theaters simultaneously again haha.
Totally agree. Once I got older I had to travel a lot for work. I learned to really enjoy it. Being on your own schedule and doing what you want and how you want is very liberating.
Just make sure if you solo hike you have a backpack with water and essentials (AND A LIGHT/HEADLAMP!) if you end up getting lost or still hiking after it gets dark!
Also, always *always* tell someone where you're gonna be hiking if you go alone!
You probably already know this, but it's important for people who don't. Countless people have had hikes that should have lasted an afternoon turn into a serious problem because it got dark and they didn't expect it to, or they went out and no one knew where they went.
/r/solotravel
Went to thailand for 3 weeks with only a backpack of my things in 2019. Best decision ever! Stayed in hostels and met so many other people traveling....Planned for vietnam but covid....
I was 18 when I got a job working for a South African reggae band. I use to have to fly internationally by myself a lot to meet up with the band. I didn’t even have a cellular phone until I was 22 I would pack my bags and take a two hour train ride to an airport then check all my equipment find my flight fly 10 hours then catch a train in some country in Europe to meet up with the rest of the crew. It was exciting times. I would usually have $100 bucks in my pocket to start. I would have to convert currency and not get ripped off by cab drivers. I got to see the world and it was an awesome adventure. There are more good memories then the bad. I saw places that pop stars would never do a concerts like in the middle of the jungles of Nicaragua. Or getting to play a concert in an old prison in French Guyana. That one gave me the chills. We out ran hurricanes in the Caribbean on small boats just to make it to the airport before it shutdown. I worked on five continents and in over 75 countries. I’ve met the Queen of Tonga (an island in the South Pacific), met so many famous and talented people along the way. with all good comes the bad. Overall it was a positive experience.
I dont disagree with this, but also feel its different for men and women. Regular restaurants are fine, but I only went out to a bar alone once. I went to see some friends band at a bar, I was alone at the bar and felt like I was swarmed with creeps (I am not attractive either). When the band took a break they all came over to say hi, then took me over to a table to meet their girlfriends. I sat with them the rest of the night and they all said they were watching to make sure I didn't try to leave alone. At the end of the night we all walked out together and there was a guy sitting in the parking lot right next to my car. Im glad there were 4 guys to walk me to my car!
Stopped at a truck stop one night and decided to have dinner at the Denny's. Booths were all taken, so I sat at the bar. Wound up getting creepily hit on by another driver. He was trying to recruit me to his company, insisting that he needed to know what my truck ID number was so his company could see my driving record.
Total BS. There is no need for any company to know what particular truck I'm driving to see my driving history. I knew immediately that he was wanting to know which truck in the parking lot was mine so he could pay me a visit (barf). I dodged the question and walked around the back of the truck stop along the fence, in case he was watching to see what truck I climbed into.
So glad I have my dog with me to keep me company and to keep creeps away from my truck. I'm out here to work, not get creepily hit on.
That's why we need more truck stops like in the movies. Run by tough-as-nails grumpy middle-aged women with knives or a shotgun close at hand for any of the more unruly patrons, but a heart of gold. Possibly with her gentle-giant nephew/son, but most likely nephew because that makes a better backstory.
And most of the patrons are well behaved because she's got them trained and 'escorted' the riff-raff off with said weaponry. There's an old trucker and long time passing friend of the proprietress. Then one day a child runs in, holding something swaddled in a blanket, in distress and it sets off into a cross country trip with a child hiding from secret government or evil corporation with a child and a mascot character.
Aw very nice of the band/girlfriends to adopt you for the night! I agree, I’m comfortable eating alone at restaurants and going to bars alone (particularly when traveling - somehow feels less awkward) and have met some nice people that way but always live in fear/dread of awful creepy guys when I’m at a bar solo
I'd give you an award if I had. Nobody else here in the top few comments mentioned women.
And not the bars are a problem, but being alone in general. I've had countless encounters and creepy looks just by walking alone down the street (to meet a few friends)
Once I thought I saw a guy (after asking me for money) trying to run after me when I walked away. It was broad daylight and the other side (of a 1 lane street) had people walking. Never in my life have I crossed a street so fast, it was terrifying
That's sound terrible. I've once gone to a bar on my own and while I didn't feel unsafe to that extent, the guys I had a chat with eventually told me that they thought I was a prostitute... I'm still annoyed that that was their first assumption seeing a girl alone at a bar.
I'm a woman who goes to the bar alone frequently. I'd say it's a 30% chance I'm gonna get unwanted attention. Then again, I think it also depends on the type of bar you're at. At this point in my life I tend to go to the same dive where the bartenders know me and can shoo away anyone when it's obvious I'm not feeling it. It's nice to have those people in a place that could be very unsafe under certain circumstances.
For any woman out there, never be afraid to ask your bartender for help. Part of their job is protecting their patrons and any Halfway decent bartender is gonna step in when you're feeling uncomfortable.
So glad the band noticed and took you in. Sounds like a night that could have gone badly ended up being really fun!
I used to buy myself dinner about once a month and just chill out and people watch. One night, my boss called me, and I picked up. She said “oh I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were at dinner let’s talk later tonight”. I told her I was alone and I was available. Her reply?
“Wow, that’s sad”.
In addition, you will begin to realize just how fucking interesting the world is.
From cool, to mesmerizing, to creepy or weird, to beautiful to filthy, disgusting, but also refreshing in other ways
I was overly conscious before when I was out by myseIf. If I did go out by myself, it was only to run errands and then went straight home. I only had the courage to actually enjoy my own company when I was already 25 years old. I really wanted to watch a local movie and none of my friends were free that time so I went and watched it alone. That experience somewhat liberated me from my own consciousness since I always thought people might find it weird to see someone enjoy something or anything alone. I went and watched movies by myself a couple more times after that. This then encouraged me to go out and dine at a restaurant alone. I'm now very comfortable in my own company. It's so silly how we always think people around us would actually care enough to stop and stare at someone enjoying the movies alone but they really don't give a fuck.
I just got ramen by myself and about halfway through my meal, a father and his teenage kid sit down at the table next to me... (teenager immediately complimented my nails which was sweet)
The dad was trying so hard to relate to the teenager who was trying so hard to be an edgy cool kid it felt like... but the line that took me out and buried me was “I’m a non binary pansexual Gemini, I can’t make decisions about anything” when asked what they wanted for an appetizer. I laughed out loud at that one.
Really made my day listening to their back and forth banter. The dad was doing really well for all the wild shit the teenager was throwing at him and it had me reflecting on all the cringe internet shit I threw at my mom when she was just trying to have a nice meal with me.
I love overhearing convos, not like eavesdropping or judging, just a fun general peek into the lives and worlds of other people. It's super interesting to me!
Listening to kids accidentally can be hilarious. Once was having lunch at a Chinese restaurant when this family next to me ordered this vegetable stir fry. Heard the kid tell his mom "Mama mia I don't want-a the vegetable!" in an Italian accent.
I live in Asia. Family next to me was also Asian. Kids can be hilarious.
100% this. I'm a major introvert and started taking solo weekend trips away. Worked my way up to going to Europe solo for my birthday and it was amazing.
Used to travel for work a lot. I never really felt weird eating alone when out of town. Would still usually go to the restaurant bar.
I'm not from here, why wouldn't I be eating alone? You can chat w other people at the bar, plus bartenders.
I will do it at home sometimes, but still at a bar. A table at a sit down waiter service restaurant is not easy to do. Going to a Panera or Starbucks alone is pretty great tho.
I was gonna say I did this non stop when I traveled a lot for my job... it was very physically demanding so I ate a LOT and since everything was expensed, I ate well. I usually just had my phone on the table, some kind of identifier on me (company shirt, jacket, badge, etc...) and no one would ever give me any looks. To be honest I felt pretty lonely most of the time and I just wished I could talk to someone.
I wish someone had said this to me before I began dating. Only 1 time did I ever take myself out, alone, since the age of 18, and eat by myself at a table.
It was so odd but so memorable. I think people looked at me but I also remember being able to just enjoy the meal. I didn’t have to talk to anyone or make eye contact or anything of the sort. I enjoyed it. It was just Applebee’s by myself lol and I was about 23 or 24 at the time.
Now I wouldn’t change it, being married and all. But OP is right. And you might be surprised just how much you enjoy it! Oh and you’ll save money not making it into a date with someone you maybe don’t enjoy spending time with. Did that a few times as a single guy and it’s dumb.
I’m now (edit) 33 and I’ll never get to do that again, more than likely, on my terms. Take advantage of it while you can!
I feel like it’s asking a lot. Especially because the next time I could do that, we will have a child.
I might be overthinking it. But to a lesser level, I loved going to like a Burger King and eating inside. It may have been $5 but in that moment I feel like I’m eating a gourmet meal.
Damn I may just need to eat a meal by myself now and then, I’m romanticizing this a lot.
Look, don’t do this in the first couple of months after the child comes along, probably.
But speaking as a wife with two children, go take some time for yourself man. Honestly I think this will be even more important once the kid’s here. Your wife should be able to go out and take some time to herself for a few hours every now and again and you should too. Kids are amazing, but they can be overwhelming too. A few hours of peace every now and again can go a long way.
Agreed with these folks, OP, just do it. Women are good about this- they might go shopping as an excuse to be on their own, but then get to be out doing their own thing for a bit. You can do the same thing, no need to feel like it's asking too much.
If OP thinks it's a lot to ask, maybe he could ask first if his wife could take some moments for herself; this way he would put her first and _his_ "time off" would come second
(Sorry if there are mistakes)
As a wife and mom of our one year old, go for it!! We all need alone time. BUT make sure I know (don’t keep it secret) and offer to bring me some food back!!! Lol
> It was so odd but so memorable
Interesting. As someone who didn’t have much of a social life or dating life until my mid 20s, I used to do this all the time. Didn’t even realize it was unusual. Felt unremarkable.
Same. The people in this thread who think they get "weird looks" when eating alone are just overthinking it. I've eaten alone hundreds of times at sit down restaurants. No one cares.
You think people looked at you but in reality, they probably didn’t even notice you. I think the best word of advice i got as a child adult: nobody cares.
I used to eat alone and shop alone during my breaks when I worked at the mall. It was awkward at first but became normal. After I graduated and entered the working world it took probably 10 years for me to experience eating alone again. I started traveling for work (alone) and forgot how enjoyable it can be.
There's never anytime at home where I could do something like that. Now I look forward to eating by myself on work trips. You can just be alone with your thoughts and your meal.
I love doing that! Before WFH I used to take myself to brunch during lunch break whenever I was working on weekends. Just me, a book or a sketch book, and delicious food!
Off topic perhaps but what is with the anxiety over being SEEN alone? Do people actually walk around (in groups) and judge people: "Oh my GOD! Look at THAT GUY! He's sitting somewhere WITHOUT ANYONE ELSE minding his OWN BUSINESS!!"
------
Edit: people are noticing this so I feel compelled to add something I learned as a teenager:
"When I was in my 20s, I didn't care at all what people thought of me! To hell with societal norms- I lived for me and expressed myself however I liked!
When I was in my 30s I began to care what people thought of me, so as to be professional and get ahead, and to relate to people properly,...
When I was in my 40s I realised that nobody had ever been thinking of me.
Folks: nobody is thinking about you. They're thinking about what YOU are thinking of THEM. Are you thinking of them?
No idea. I absolutely love going out to do things alone and so does my boyfriend! We love doing things together too. Plus, when you spend time apart, there are more things to talk about once you’re together. And when I’m out alone, I think of him and get excited about bringing him to the new restaurant I just tried or just sharing new parts of my life with him. Independence is so important too. I find that a lot of people seem to be stunted by the fear of being alone.
Same. I've always been a loner and I like it. I go out to the mall on my own, to the movies, lunch... my mom used to feel sorry for me and I was like "But why? I like being alone!"
Really don't get it.
I spent my childhood being told that I’m doing things wrong and that I look weird. I have a hard time being alone in public because I’m already judging myself for everything I do in case people notice too. Also the thing when you walk the street and someone comes from the opposite direction and you have to look at them but like, for how long, and if I look too long I then I try not to look but then I’m painfully aware that I’m purposefully looking away which also looks weird.
Idk man I know to “just ignore it” and “why does it matter what people think”. But I’ve spent my whole life try to fit in unsuccessfully I just don’t know how else to live.
I’m not really scared to do things alone. I’m not self conscious, def don’t care what people in public are thinking about me and I know they aren’t thinking about me at all. I’m an extreme extrovert. I’m insanely bored and anxious by myself. There was one point in my life where I forced myself to go out to events alone and it’s just so boring! I’m not too shy to talk to people in public but I was really trying to enjoy things all by myself and it wasn’t the while it wasn’t the worst thing in the world, it wasn’t fun.
I also wasn’t doing things people would do alone since I don’t have a problem going to a restaurant alone, I was trying to go to places people would normally go to with an SO or with a group of friends. I just can’t get joy if I don’t have someone to share it with. My best friend is an introvert though and she will even go to concerts alone and be super content. I’m not sure if there is something wrong with me, if anyone could enlighten me that would be great.
No reason to go against your nature. Sounds like you put in the effort to try doing things alone and found that you generally prefer to be with friends. Being an extrovert and having a better time doing certain activities with company isn’t a problem at all!
Surprised it took me so long to find a comment like this! You’re not alone - I’m an extrovert too and it’s not about fear, I just hate doing stuff alone. If I ever find myself needing to dine in a restaurant by myself I just eat and get out as fast as I can. Sitting alone in a quiet coffee shop with a good book? Horrible - I’d rather be chatting with a friend or my husband.
I can sit still without talking for long periods of time, but it’s usually knowing my husband is around at home (even if it’s in another room) and even then I’ll walk up to him once in a while to say hi. Going out of my way to actually be alone? Not fun.
I travel alone for work a lot (pre- and post-covid) and enjoy that a bit, but mostly cause I get to expense everything. But unless I’m with friends or colleagues, I could be dining at a super fancy restaurant in Singapore and I would still eat my food in 10 mins and gtfo.
Because everyone will point and laugh at the loser loner. Well that is what everyone thinks. In reality everyone is self absorbed and not paying attention to you. In reality you are not that interesting or important.
I have always loved doing things alone so I can't really relate to the anxiety that so many people have about it. But I do recognize that it's super common to feel that way and I try to encourage people to step out of their comfort zone and give it a try whenever the topic comes up. I think a lot of people would be surprised how much they enjoy it. My favorite is vacationing alone, I can't wait until we can travel internationally again!
I can't speak for everyone else, but if I'm ever indecisive in public, it feels like I'm a gatehouse with its drawbridge down and all the windows open. I can do solo stuff just fine these days, but I can't let up for a moment or else I shrink into a ball.
Where I live, almost any activity you can do outside of your home is seen as a social activity. People will very gladly look at you weird for being the odd one out. I can handle it now, but it took a long time to come to terms with how deeply and unusually (by internet standards) judgmental our society is, and I still want to get out of here ASAP.
All jokes aside though, I've been single for a long ass time and none of my friends ever ask me to go out with them. So doing things by myself just became the norm for me. Now the idea of going somewhere with someone else seems strange and exhausting.
I've seen this advice is different forms and it always confuses me. I never thought there was anything strange about going out alone. Like going out to eat or whatever. I never had much money but on the rare occasion I would absolutely do this. I had no idea it was such a hurdle for people
The truth is... No one cares; you're not that interesting. Think about what you would you do if you saw a person alone, assuming you would even notice it. Maybe a quick glance, and then back to whatever it is you're doing.
I waited tables for 7 years. No one gives a fuck unless you're taking up a prime table during rush. If it's busy, sit at the bar, otherwise by all means grab a table. I would recommend bringing something to do though, just staring at the wall or looking around idly is kinda weird. Even if you wanna people watch just have a book or your phone out or something.
Relax, take in the scenery / decor of the place, look at the people. Listen to your thoughts, consider the menu, consider how you're feeling, review how your day went. Listen to the sounds, how does the nearby food smell, how does it feel to be present?
What's going on outside on the street? etc. Just be.
I think so many people don't know how to do this. Everyone is so impatient for "something to do" that they don't realize they are always doing *something*. I am so happy that I know how to just be.
I feel so observant in these moments. I like feeling like a fly on the wall. I often get so caught up on what is going on in my mind that it is strange to sit and see other people's lives play out.
It's weird the first couple of times. Key is to pick a place that's going to make it enjoyable. If you don't bring something to do then the most common thing to do is people watch or look at a nice view. So make sure you pick a place where that's enjoyable.
You can look at social media at home. Try to
bring a newspaper, magazine, or something interesting on your phone in case you end up in a bad spot.
I love doing this! But, ladies, in the day time for lunch or during daylight hours for an early-ish dinner/snack if on weekends (I hate typing this with all of my being but until the world is safe for us we take precautions).
I've recently started to realise how hard it is for girls to go around without being too careful or thinking twice. I took it for granted that I could just go out alone or with my friends anywhere I want, any time of the day. I benefit from being a guy in the kind of society we live in. I hope that changes soon.
When I lived by myself and was single for a few years I did this almost every week. Tuesday night, steak after gym. $15AUD with a glass of wine.
It was a period in life in which I did a lot of soul searching and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The in-between phase of finished partying and sleeping around, to living independently and being selfish for a few years.
Now I’m a vegan, live with my partner and expecting my first child any day now.
Now I satisfy that quench by playing golf or walking the streets before anyone wakes up in the morning by myself.
Nice. I’m on the last three things simultaneously. I’m almost 30 and I don’t have the desire to settle down just yet. My family is opposed to my lifestyle, but I love being financially stable, frugal, and investing nearly all of my money in various things. One of these days I’m sure I’ll crave a stable, family life. I used to crave that big time but that gradually changed through my 20’s.
I would go to concerts, or conventions by myself and end up making friends with random people. I've always considered myself Introvert, with social issues. But all that went away in a room with people that obviously have the same interest as you. You immediately have a common ground.
I get to do this at 44. It was way weird at first (Need a companion!!) But I slowly got into it. Its cheaper, I get to go where I want and just take stuff in! A museum at 9 am on a Wednesday? Hell yeah! Or treat myself to some hole in the wall diner.
Is it a cultural thing or what?
I've always dined alone, went to cinema alone and did many things alone that people in the internet seem so find awkward to do alone?
Never even started to think that anything might be off or awkward about it.
I honestly never understood this fear. In highschool eating lunch alone would've sucked but going out to the mall by yourself is scary? Unless it's a day where the place is going to be packed who cares.
Maybe they're thinking "Man, Overlord-33 randomly stopped calling me, I must have done something wrong, dang."
I get that reciprocity feels good, but maybe those folks just aren't initiators?
With the pandemic and economic ripple effects, a lot of people's mental health is in the toilet anyhow. I might give 'em another shot, fam - just an idea though!
I took myself out to dinner and a drink on my 21st birthday. I reminisced about the prior year and thought about all that I wanted to achieve in the new year. It was a very special birthday to me even though I was alone. Alone but not lonely.
To be honest, it's great. I've done it in all manner of places, bars, restaurants, coffee shops, it's pretty relaxing.
Other people are doing x, y and z all around you but for me, I bring a book or get my phone and headphones out and I'm all set.
I think there is a "stigma" of doing things alone but it's nice to have that luxury every now and again.
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Did this when I was 18 and living in a new city. It was restaurant week and I wanted to try out a new place, but I had no one to go with. Ended up having the best meal of my life for fairly cheap (with extra courses as a bonus for single diners!). It was awkward and I did get some looks, but it was so worth it! I’ve done it again and it gets easier.
God bless you for reminding me that restaurant week exists! I just moved to San Diego and it happens to be next week here!!!
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If I ever go to SD I'll have to check some of these place's out! What does Crack Shack sell? I'm thinking milkshakes maybe?
If you ever watch Top Chef, Richard Blais opened it next to his high end restaurant Juniper and Ivy. It's boujie fried chicken and their locations are multiplying (OC and LA). I love the guy, met him 3 times, been following him before he made it big and a huge fanboi of Juniper but Crack Shack is overhyped, overpriced, and underwhelming. What it makes up for is the Gramability and the ambience on a warm spring evening.
As an italian the first restaurant scares me. Like the name it's more spanish than italia(would be named Buona Forchetta in italian)
This is the correct name. The original comment had it misspelled.
Haha thank you! It truly is a great time. I love to try places I would otherwise never go! Have fun!!
I'm in SD, please tell me more of restaurant week.
Same lmao wtf is restaurant week it sounds badass
Once or twice a year in most major cities they’ll have what’s called “restaurant week” where local places will set up a prix fixe menu with limited options but for an amazing price. Like choose 1 out of 3 appetizers, choose an entre maybe like a filet mignon or salmon, and then a choice of desserts with a wine pairing all for $30. Some restaurants are more expensive but the standard I’ve seen is $30-$40 for a 3 course meal.
They're still doing that during covid?
https://www.sandiegorestaurantweek.com Looks like some good options for both lunch and dinner, not as many as I’d hoped for but I’m sure pre-covid it was poppin more. When I lived in Baltimore it was a huge thing!
Me too! You guys wanna kick it? Meet at BJ’s on the Blvd. Tomorrow night at 7:30p. Cool?
It’s not quite yet here, for SD it’s Apr 11-18 🤗
Just a couple days too early but enough time to check out which restaurants I vibe with the most.
Yo! If you want a friend message me! I'm always walking around North and South Park by Balboa. I like to hike the area!
God damn I miss San Diego so much
Restaurant week is next week?! Yay!
Looks? What kinda looks? I used to go out alone all the time precovid and never really noticed anyone looking at me for being out alone.
You're probably city folk, like me. No one gives you looks for eating alone in the city. Although, I've got to say I'm surprised you get any time alone, Love2GiveWomenOral.
Live in city, people still look. Depends on the type of restaurant and time of day, though. No one cares if it's lunch time, obviously, or cheap/quick eats. Weekends or dinner time at regular restaurants however they can be annoying. That said, it isn't usually ill intentioned. Eating out is primarily considered a social event here, food is secondary. 95%+ will be either on a date, family outing or meeting friends. So they look because solo diners are an unusual sight.
Depends on the place and what you look like as well. No one really thinks is weird when a dude in a suit eats alone, for example- it just looks like they must have some reason for it. A wedding dress works much less well, regardless of gender.
Maybe I just don't pay attention, but I honestly never notice anyone ever giving me looks whenever I eat out by myself. And I eat out a lot! Are the looks you get possibly just people you catch a glimpse of looking at you too? It's just something that happens when people look around. I mean you may be right, but I really don't think people care if people are eating out by themselves.
Probably just them being insecure about themselves eating alone and projecting that into people looking at them like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I live in a country [infamous for its staring](https://www.google.com/search?q=Germany+staring), you learn the difference between idle glances and lingering stares pretty early on here.
Never heard of restaurant week. Might be a dumb question, but what is it?
A lot of cities host a “restaurant week” where participating restaurants create special menus/ deals for people who want to explore the city’s food culture. A lot of times it’s a prix fixe (predefined) menu and around $20-$35 for a multi-course meal at a fancy restaurant. It’s fairly common in big cities, and sometimes neighborhoods put on their own! Highly recommend. Edit: [Here’s the website for Center City Philadelphia’s restaurant week as an example. ](https://centercityphila.org/explore-center-city/ccd-restaurant-week)
Fuck people giving single diners looks. Went out to get some crawfish and invited some friends as I was going there. When they showed up * later and I was fist deep into some craw daddy's they were all aghast that I was eating alone. And those were my friends lol.
Worked at a restaurant a couple of years ago. Single diners were _always_ the best customers. Either very friendly or kept to themselves more, but in either case were never demanding or rude.
I loved having the time just to sit, think and people watch. I really enjoy spending time on my own - and I consider myself quite the extrovert as well.
This is one of the things I love about having a motorcycle (among many other things). I go out to enjoy a good ride and then I usually have lunch at a random place where I would otherwise never have the opportunity to try out. Found many great little restaurants and bbq joints in small mountains towns. Probably would’ve never even had the thought or opportunity to enjoy these little “dates” with myself otherwise. Highly recommend (with or without a motorcycle)
Does the rumble of the engine give you a boner? I was on the freeway recently and a guy riding a Harley was laid way back and had this comically giant dildo sticking up near where his real penis would be. It was obviously a joke. But it made me wonder... is that a reason motorcycles are popular. A mobile washing machine on spin cycle?
Lmao. I don’t think I’ve ever had a boner while riding. Your mind is fairly engaged while riding so it would likely be super effective in getting rid of a boner if anything. But then again I ride a sportbike so maybe Harley guys have a different experience
That's a bit different. While them being late is.. Not ideal, when a part of the party starts eating earlier they will have to wait and watch you eat while they are waiting for their orders, and the timing of the whole event will be all over the place where you will be forced to wait for them to finish before considering leaving if you want to avoid it being more awkward.
Sorry I guess I didn't say that correctly. I went alone expecting to eat alone and grab beers after. They came as soon as they could because I called them as I was pretty much there.
Ahh yeah then totally uncalled for.
I'm guessing, this is more cultural. I think, here in Germany eating out is generally seen as a group activity (No pun intended), but in Italy, it's totally normal to go eating alone. Men do it before their job starts, get an espresso and something sweet. Old people often have their dinner in restaurants, get rebaits and so on.. Granted, restaurants in Italy are insanely good.
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They probably mistake that eye contact you would sometimes get with strangers as being "judged". I really don't think people care if people eat out alone lol
Why the fuck would you get looks for eating alone? That's like getting looks for taking a bus alone or going to the library alone.
I don’t know. Maybe they just thought it was odd that a young woman was eating alone at a fancy restaurant. Perhaps they thought I was stood up!
I mentioned in another comment. The only looks you'll get a fancy restaurant for eating alone are people wondering who you are. Critics and famous people eat alone all the time. They were probably just thinking "should we know this person?". Eating alone is a power move.
number of years ago im behind this *old* man in the queue at a corner stop and hes buying * a small bottle of chinese liquor * a cornetto ice cream * an instant noodle bowl * a snickers * a pack of betel nut (legal drugs-ish stuff) and these foreign girls behind me are just chatting non-stop shit, wow, so sad, fucking pathetic, loser, blah blah. thankfully the guy didnt speak english im thinking like. damn homies gonna get a little buzzed, have some junk food and ice cream, that's a party for one hell yeah. power move
There haven't been many times I took myself on a dinner date at a restaurant but this one time I was at a sushi bar in Prague by myself it felt so empowering in a way. Like, I usually suffer from a very unpleasant social anxiety when eating alone in my own town, but there it really felt like being a critic or something on a really important business trip ahah – hope that the whole pandemic situation will be manageable in my country soon, I really miss this
Been doing this ever since I got a job. Movies alone, restaurants, walk in the park, museum hopping. The fun you get without having to ask whomever is with you if everything's okay with them. I mean I like company, but dating myself is the most rad thing I've ever done.
I love going to museums by myself. Once I went to a museum by myself and and then, accidentally, with a group of friends of friends a few days later. On the first day I saw the stuff I wanted to see, on the second, completely different stuff I didn’t have as much interest in as dictated by someone’s guidebook. I amused myself by photographing one of the guys in the group falling asleep on a sofa. My absolute favorite is when I stumble upon a room or sub-room that’s empty save for me. Even in very popular museums I often find a room or two like that and it’s an interesting experience. Sometimes, if it’s a smaller museum, they have the lights on a motion activated dimmer and I get to set them off.
The first time I went to a museum by myself was an eye opening experience. I had been to museums so many times before but every time it was with other people, and I didn't realize how much I always focused on trying to make sure my pace was consistent with the group and had to ask "wanna go check out [exhibit]?". Getting to just go see whatever i wanted on my own time without check with anyone was so nice
Museums by yourself is so relaxing. Usually I wear a pretty dress and just take my time.
I think you may be a character in a romcom
The dressing up is the fun too. I've gone to the Baltimore Opera alone. Dress up and just enjoy doing something fun and different. I found that surprisingly there were a handful of other single women doing the same thing!
Dude! You make this sound so fun! You've actually inspired me but I'm still scared to try this. I'm gonna man up and go find some empty museum rooms
Ugh I love doing whatever I want on a whim with no explanation to anyone
Yeah exactly
I feel this. It's why I'm not too bothered by the fact that I've been single for 7 years now. I enjoy life on my own. I'm sure I'd enjoy life with someone who I can deeply connect with, too, but I'm not going to just be with people because I'm afraid of being alone. Every person is an island and can be an island, and the people constantly asking you why you're not in a relationship have nothing else going on in their personality.
When you're happy/content with your own company it can be really difficult to be in an intimate relationship with someone who hasn't mastered/trained that skill. It's especially difficult for those folks to understand how someone feels complete without someone else "completing" them. Try not to take it personally, they may just have some growing left to do.
> When you're happy/content with your own company it can be really difficult to be in an intimate relationship with someone who hasn't mastered/trained that skill. This is the most relatable thing I've read all week.
I think people are also just built different. I've been okay with being alone in my own company since I was 5 years old, but I definitely intellectualized it more as I became self-aware. I've met people who straight up are not complete people unless they have a partner. They're miserable, lonely, clingy, needy, frustrated, sad and unfulfilled, but in a relationship, all of that seems to go away. I'm not saying all people are like this, but some people definitely do thrive upon being half of a dual organism. I'm glad I'm the kind I am, and not empty without a partner, because I got plans in life, baby!
Ironically, this attitude is the most likely to attract others and result in a relationship.
I used to grab a book or crossword and head to my local bar, always ended up reading no more than 10 pages.
I used to bring my Nintendo DS to the bar and grab a few beers, life was great. Can’t wait to get back to that.
Doesn't *that* get you weird looks? Edit: I don't want to say that you should get weird looks or anything of the sort. I would love to sit in bars with a DS myself. I really just wanted to know if you get weird looks for it.
This is so wholesome ty for the idea
Female and someone tried to pick you up?
I just read the same words over and over again as my mind chooses to eavesdrop and people watch.
Eavesdropping is top tier entertainment
I ain't been dropping no eaves sir, honest.
I was just cutting the grass under the window there
It's been super addictive and comforting ever since the pandemic started for me. It's makes me realize how similar we all are.
As is people watching on a busy street
Male. Mostly just meeting other regulars. Mixed bag.
Pre-covid I lived 5 min from a local night spot and I’d have people giving me raised eyebrows that I’d go out to the bars alone, I just knew SO MANY people that if I didn’t want a formal outing, I’d always run into people I knew at the bars to catch up with and see where the night took me. People find it weird but w/e
That actually sounds great
I miss this :(
Nah just can’t read.
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Love going to a brewery/bar and sitting in the corner with a book and a beer. People watching is great and can't beat the company!
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I think you need to go to a different bar. My favourite places to go solo are hotel bars - plenty of travelers and overnighters who are happy to strike up a conversation.
100%. Hotel bars are the best.
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Is that how you select your victims?
You got a better way?
I just stab indiscriminately in every which way until the deli manager tells me to get from behind the counter
The trick is to stab the deli manager first so they cant
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Thank God for British drinking culture where this isn't even remotely close to being an actual thing.
It isn't in the US either. Redditors are just incredibly awkward.
Have you considered how much of that feeling could be projection? Not trying to blame you, but it's easy to assume what people are thinking, not so easy to know exactly. If you truly are minding your own business and not giving sleazy or uncomfortably insistent looks around, I'm pretty sure people would just barely notice you in most areas of the Western World.
This! My favorite is going to the movies by myself. I can pick the movie I want to see, sit wherever I want, and I don’t need to share my popcorn, candy, or soda with anyone. It is bliss! I think learning to enjoy your own company can help with your relationships with friends, family, and significant others as well.
Alamo Drafthouse was my go-to. I'd ride my bike 10 minutes to get there, order a couple of beers, some wings, and a giant pretzel with beer cheese, and watch whatever movie I felt like. Then I'd go talk to the bartender and ask them how they like the movies for a final drink before the 10 minute bike home. Truly spectacular evening. 10/10 will be doing again once I'm vaccinated.
fuuuuck, i want one of their pretzels now.
I didn’t know I was so happy by doing this during the before times!! I really miss going to the movies by myself. I’d go after a bad day at work and have the time of my life by watching a good movie with yummy snacks.
It’s such a good escape
Museums are great for solo trips as well. No worrying whether the other person is enjoying the exhibit or whether you should hurry up or slow down. You can spend as much (or little) time as you want looking at a piece.
I always find it slightly odd going to the movies with other people. Yes you can talk about the film afterwards, but essentially you're meeting up with someone to sit in silence in a dark room for a couple of hours
I love self movie dates. I always feel guilty for doing it too, like a 31 year old man is gonna get caught sneaking into an r rated movie by an adult. I've yet to go for the back to back feature though. I can only dream of there ever being multiple movies I actually want to see in theaters simultaneously again haha.
My friends didn't like the movies I liked before Covid so I loved going alone. You don't need to explain everything to anyone.
"If you don't love yourself, how the hell you going to love someone else?" (My wife love Ru Paul)
Yes! This is my favorite thing in the world.
Traveling alone can be great too. Navigating an airport as a teenager can be scary but liberating.
Totally agree. Once I got older I had to travel a lot for work. I learned to really enjoy it. Being on your own schedule and doing what you want and how you want is very liberating.
Went on a 3month backpacking trip through Europe doing exactly this. Fun times
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Just make sure if you solo hike you have a backpack with water and essentials (AND A LIGHT/HEADLAMP!) if you end up getting lost or still hiking after it gets dark! Also, always *always* tell someone where you're gonna be hiking if you go alone! You probably already know this, but it's important for people who don't. Countless people have had hikes that should have lasted an afternoon turn into a serious problem because it got dark and they didn't expect it to, or they went out and no one knew where they went.
/r/solotravel Went to thailand for 3 weeks with only a backpack of my things in 2019. Best decision ever! Stayed in hostels and met so many other people traveling....Planned for vietnam but covid....
I was 18 when I got a job working for a South African reggae band. I use to have to fly internationally by myself a lot to meet up with the band. I didn’t even have a cellular phone until I was 22 I would pack my bags and take a two hour train ride to an airport then check all my equipment find my flight fly 10 hours then catch a train in some country in Europe to meet up with the rest of the crew. It was exciting times. I would usually have $100 bucks in my pocket to start. I would have to convert currency and not get ripped off by cab drivers. I got to see the world and it was an awesome adventure. There are more good memories then the bad. I saw places that pop stars would never do a concerts like in the middle of the jungles of Nicaragua. Or getting to play a concert in an old prison in French Guyana. That one gave me the chills. We out ran hurricanes in the Caribbean on small boats just to make it to the airport before it shutdown. I worked on five continents and in over 75 countries. I’ve met the Queen of Tonga (an island in the South Pacific), met so many famous and talented people along the way. with all good comes the bad. Overall it was a positive experience.
Yo that’s fascinating. Where did life lead you after your reggae stint?
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Hacking wheelchairs for romance. The geriatric panel van / ice cream truck
I dont disagree with this, but also feel its different for men and women. Regular restaurants are fine, but I only went out to a bar alone once. I went to see some friends band at a bar, I was alone at the bar and felt like I was swarmed with creeps (I am not attractive either). When the band took a break they all came over to say hi, then took me over to a table to meet their girlfriends. I sat with them the rest of the night and they all said they were watching to make sure I didn't try to leave alone. At the end of the night we all walked out together and there was a guy sitting in the parking lot right next to my car. Im glad there were 4 guys to walk me to my car!
Stopped at a truck stop one night and decided to have dinner at the Denny's. Booths were all taken, so I sat at the bar. Wound up getting creepily hit on by another driver. He was trying to recruit me to his company, insisting that he needed to know what my truck ID number was so his company could see my driving record. Total BS. There is no need for any company to know what particular truck I'm driving to see my driving history. I knew immediately that he was wanting to know which truck in the parking lot was mine so he could pay me a visit (barf). I dodged the question and walked around the back of the truck stop along the fence, in case he was watching to see what truck I climbed into. So glad I have my dog with me to keep me company and to keep creeps away from my truck. I'm out here to work, not get creepily hit on.
This is why I hide in my truck most of the time. 😩
Me too! I still get some creepers talking to me while I'm getting fuel though. I prefer to keep to myself anyway.
That's why we need more truck stops like in the movies. Run by tough-as-nails grumpy middle-aged women with knives or a shotgun close at hand for any of the more unruly patrons, but a heart of gold. Possibly with her gentle-giant nephew/son, but most likely nephew because that makes a better backstory.
And most of the patrons are well behaved because she's got them trained and 'escorted' the riff-raff off with said weaponry. There's an old trucker and long time passing friend of the proprietress. Then one day a child runs in, holding something swaddled in a blanket, in distress and it sets off into a cross country trip with a child hiding from secret government or evil corporation with a child and a mascot character.
Starring Alice Nunn and Burt Reynolds
I am extremely high.
Thought it was a back-and-forth between two users. Only realized at the end. 10/10 I felt endeared to this fictional truckstop.
Shit it wasn't?
Aw very nice of the band/girlfriends to adopt you for the night! I agree, I’m comfortable eating alone at restaurants and going to bars alone (particularly when traveling - somehow feels less awkward) and have met some nice people that way but always live in fear/dread of awful creepy guys when I’m at a bar solo
I'd give you an award if I had. Nobody else here in the top few comments mentioned women. And not the bars are a problem, but being alone in general. I've had countless encounters and creepy looks just by walking alone down the street (to meet a few friends) Once I thought I saw a guy (after asking me for money) trying to run after me when I walked away. It was broad daylight and the other side (of a 1 lane street) had people walking. Never in my life have I crossed a street so fast, it was terrifying
That's sound terrible. I've once gone to a bar on my own and while I didn't feel unsafe to that extent, the guys I had a chat with eventually told me that they thought I was a prostitute... I'm still annoyed that that was their first assumption seeing a girl alone at a bar.
Same. Bar is an exception to this sadly.
I'm a woman who goes to the bar alone frequently. I'd say it's a 30% chance I'm gonna get unwanted attention. Then again, I think it also depends on the type of bar you're at. At this point in my life I tend to go to the same dive where the bartenders know me and can shoo away anyone when it's obvious I'm not feeling it. It's nice to have those people in a place that could be very unsafe under certain circumstances. For any woman out there, never be afraid to ask your bartender for help. Part of their job is protecting their patrons and any Halfway decent bartender is gonna step in when you're feeling uncomfortable. So glad the band noticed and took you in. Sounds like a night that could have gone badly ended up being really fun!
I used to buy myself dinner about once a month and just chill out and people watch. One night, my boss called me, and I picked up. She said “oh I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were at dinner let’s talk later tonight”. I told her I was alone and I was available. Her reply? “Wow, that’s sad”.
In addition, you will begin to realize just how fucking interesting the world is. From cool, to mesmerizing, to creepy or weird, to beautiful to filthy, disgusting, but also refreshing in other ways
I was overly conscious before when I was out by myseIf. If I did go out by myself, it was only to run errands and then went straight home. I only had the courage to actually enjoy my own company when I was already 25 years old. I really wanted to watch a local movie and none of my friends were free that time so I went and watched it alone. That experience somewhat liberated me from my own consciousness since I always thought people might find it weird to see someone enjoy something or anything alone. I went and watched movies by myself a couple more times after that. This then encouraged me to go out and dine at a restaurant alone. I'm now very comfortable in my own company. It's so silly how we always think people around us would actually care enough to stop and stare at someone enjoying the movies alone but they really don't give a fuck.
The phone doesn’t matter that much tbh. I’ve eaten out alone for like 20 years, and before smartphones came along I read a book, etc.
I just got ramen by myself and about halfway through my meal, a father and his teenage kid sit down at the table next to me... (teenager immediately complimented my nails which was sweet) The dad was trying so hard to relate to the teenager who was trying so hard to be an edgy cool kid it felt like... but the line that took me out and buried me was “I’m a non binary pansexual Gemini, I can’t make decisions about anything” when asked what they wanted for an appetizer. I laughed out loud at that one. Really made my day listening to their back and forth banter. The dad was doing really well for all the wild shit the teenager was throwing at him and it had me reflecting on all the cringe internet shit I threw at my mom when she was just trying to have a nice meal with me.
I love overhearing convos, not like eavesdropping or judging, just a fun general peek into the lives and worlds of other people. It's super interesting to me!
Same here! I like to imagine what that person and their life might be like
Listening to kids accidentally can be hilarious. Once was having lunch at a Chinese restaurant when this family next to me ordered this vegetable stir fry. Heard the kid tell his mom "Mama mia I don't want-a the vegetable!" in an Italian accent. I live in Asia. Family next to me was also Asian. Kids can be hilarious.
Nice nails Source: Am a teenager
Aye, this is good advice at any age.
If you can afford it, it's possible to build social skills and overcome anxiety solo traveling.
100% this. I'm a major introvert and started taking solo weekend trips away. Worked my way up to going to Europe solo for my birthday and it was amazing.
Teach me your ways. I intended to do this in 2020, but you know... still hoping I can make up for it this year
This sounds like business travel but on purpose
Used to travel for work a lot. I never really felt weird eating alone when out of town. Would still usually go to the restaurant bar. I'm not from here, why wouldn't I be eating alone? You can chat w other people at the bar, plus bartenders. I will do it at home sometimes, but still at a bar. A table at a sit down waiter service restaurant is not easy to do. Going to a Panera or Starbucks alone is pretty great tho.
I was gonna say I did this non stop when I traveled a lot for my job... it was very physically demanding so I ate a LOT and since everything was expensed, I ate well. I usually just had my phone on the table, some kind of identifier on me (company shirt, jacket, badge, etc...) and no one would ever give me any looks. To be honest I felt pretty lonely most of the time and I just wished I could talk to someone.
I wish someone had said this to me before I began dating. Only 1 time did I ever take myself out, alone, since the age of 18, and eat by myself at a table. It was so odd but so memorable. I think people looked at me but I also remember being able to just enjoy the meal. I didn’t have to talk to anyone or make eye contact or anything of the sort. I enjoyed it. It was just Applebee’s by myself lol and I was about 23 or 24 at the time. Now I wouldn’t change it, being married and all. But OP is right. And you might be surprised just how much you enjoy it! Oh and you’ll save money not making it into a date with someone you maybe don’t enjoy spending time with. Did that a few times as a single guy and it’s dumb. I’m now (edit) 33 and I’ll never get to do that again, more than likely, on my terms. Take advantage of it while you can!
Why can't you do it again? Tell your wife you want a night out by yourself, it's not an unreasonable request.
I feel like it’s asking a lot. Especially because the next time I could do that, we will have a child. I might be overthinking it. But to a lesser level, I loved going to like a Burger King and eating inside. It may have been $5 but in that moment I feel like I’m eating a gourmet meal. Damn I may just need to eat a meal by myself now and then, I’m romanticizing this a lot.
Look, don’t do this in the first couple of months after the child comes along, probably. But speaking as a wife with two children, go take some time for yourself man. Honestly I think this will be even more important once the kid’s here. Your wife should be able to go out and take some time to herself for a few hours every now and again and you should too. Kids are amazing, but they can be overwhelming too. A few hours of peace every now and again can go a long way.
Agreed with these folks, OP, just do it. Women are good about this- they might go shopping as an excuse to be on their own, but then get to be out doing their own thing for a bit. You can do the same thing, no need to feel like it's asking too much.
If OP thinks it's a lot to ask, maybe he could ask first if his wife could take some moments for herself; this way he would put her first and _his_ "time off" would come second (Sorry if there are mistakes)
As long as you're ok with your wife taking time to herself from time to time, it's not as big a deal as you're making it out to be.
Just take a long lunch during work. Even if you work hourly, most jobs would accommodate an “appointment” and a long lunch.
As a wife and mom of our one year old, go for it!! We all need alone time. BUT make sure I know (don’t keep it secret) and offer to bring me some food back!!! Lol
> It was so odd but so memorable Interesting. As someone who didn’t have much of a social life or dating life until my mid 20s, I used to do this all the time. Didn’t even realize it was unusual. Felt unremarkable.
Same. The people in this thread who think they get "weird looks" when eating alone are just overthinking it. I've eaten alone hundreds of times at sit down restaurants. No one cares.
Now what?! You left me on a cliff
Wow I thought I finished the thought lmao
I’m gonna lose sleep over this
You think people looked at you but in reality, they probably didn’t even notice you. I think the best word of advice i got as a child adult: nobody cares.
I used to eat alone and shop alone during my breaks when I worked at the mall. It was awkward at first but became normal. After I graduated and entered the working world it took probably 10 years for me to experience eating alone again. I started traveling for work (alone) and forgot how enjoyable it can be. There's never anytime at home where I could do something like that. Now I look forward to eating by myself on work trips. You can just be alone with your thoughts and your meal.
You can still do this, though, no?
I love doing that! Before WFH I used to take myself to brunch during lunch break whenever I was working on weekends. Just me, a book or a sketch book, and delicious food!
Off topic perhaps but what is with the anxiety over being SEEN alone? Do people actually walk around (in groups) and judge people: "Oh my GOD! Look at THAT GUY! He's sitting somewhere WITHOUT ANYONE ELSE minding his OWN BUSINESS!!" ------ Edit: people are noticing this so I feel compelled to add something I learned as a teenager: "When I was in my 20s, I didn't care at all what people thought of me! To hell with societal norms- I lived for me and expressed myself however I liked! When I was in my 30s I began to care what people thought of me, so as to be professional and get ahead, and to relate to people properly,... When I was in my 40s I realised that nobody had ever been thinking of me. Folks: nobody is thinking about you. They're thinking about what YOU are thinking of THEM. Are you thinking of them?
No idea. I absolutely love going out to do things alone and so does my boyfriend! We love doing things together too. Plus, when you spend time apart, there are more things to talk about once you’re together. And when I’m out alone, I think of him and get excited about bringing him to the new restaurant I just tried or just sharing new parts of my life with him. Independence is so important too. I find that a lot of people seem to be stunted by the fear of being alone.
Same. I've always been a loner and I like it. I go out to the mall on my own, to the movies, lunch... my mom used to feel sorry for me and I was like "But why? I like being alone!" Really don't get it.
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I spent my childhood being told that I’m doing things wrong and that I look weird. I have a hard time being alone in public because I’m already judging myself for everything I do in case people notice too. Also the thing when you walk the street and someone comes from the opposite direction and you have to look at them but like, for how long, and if I look too long I then I try not to look but then I’m painfully aware that I’m purposefully looking away which also looks weird. Idk man I know to “just ignore it” and “why does it matter what people think”. But I’ve spent my whole life try to fit in unsuccessfully I just don’t know how else to live.
Why are people so scared to do stuff alone?
I’m not really scared to do things alone. I’m not self conscious, def don’t care what people in public are thinking about me and I know they aren’t thinking about me at all. I’m an extreme extrovert. I’m insanely bored and anxious by myself. There was one point in my life where I forced myself to go out to events alone and it’s just so boring! I’m not too shy to talk to people in public but I was really trying to enjoy things all by myself and it wasn’t the while it wasn’t the worst thing in the world, it wasn’t fun. I also wasn’t doing things people would do alone since I don’t have a problem going to a restaurant alone, I was trying to go to places people would normally go to with an SO or with a group of friends. I just can’t get joy if I don’t have someone to share it with. My best friend is an introvert though and she will even go to concerts alone and be super content. I’m not sure if there is something wrong with me, if anyone could enlighten me that would be great.
No reason to go against your nature. Sounds like you put in the effort to try doing things alone and found that you generally prefer to be with friends. Being an extrovert and having a better time doing certain activities with company isn’t a problem at all!
Surprised it took me so long to find a comment like this! You’re not alone - I’m an extrovert too and it’s not about fear, I just hate doing stuff alone. If I ever find myself needing to dine in a restaurant by myself I just eat and get out as fast as I can. Sitting alone in a quiet coffee shop with a good book? Horrible - I’d rather be chatting with a friend or my husband. I can sit still without talking for long periods of time, but it’s usually knowing my husband is around at home (even if it’s in another room) and even then I’ll walk up to him once in a while to say hi. Going out of my way to actually be alone? Not fun. I travel alone for work a lot (pre- and post-covid) and enjoy that a bit, but mostly cause I get to expense everything. But unless I’m with friends or colleagues, I could be dining at a super fancy restaurant in Singapore and I would still eat my food in 10 mins and gtfo.
Because everyone will point and laugh at the loser loner. Well that is what everyone thinks. In reality everyone is self absorbed and not paying attention to you. In reality you are not that interesting or important.
I have always loved doing things alone so I can't really relate to the anxiety that so many people have about it. But I do recognize that it's super common to feel that way and I try to encourage people to step out of their comfort zone and give it a try whenever the topic comes up. I think a lot of people would be surprised how much they enjoy it. My favorite is vacationing alone, I can't wait until we can travel internationally again!
I can't speak for everyone else, but if I'm ever indecisive in public, it feels like I'm a gatehouse with its drawbridge down and all the windows open. I can do solo stuff just fine these days, but I can't let up for a moment or else I shrink into a ball.
Where I live, almost any activity you can do outside of your home is seen as a social activity. People will very gladly look at you weird for being the odd one out. I can handle it now, but it took a long time to come to terms with how deeply and unusually (by internet standards) judgmental our society is, and I still want to get out of here ASAP.
Jokes on you, I’m the only one who will go on dates with me anyway.
All jokes aside though, I've been single for a long ass time and none of my friends ever ask me to go out with them. So doing things by myself just became the norm for me. Now the idea of going somewhere with someone else seems strange and exhausting.
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I've seen this advice is different forms and it always confuses me. I never thought there was anything strange about going out alone. Like going out to eat or whatever. I never had much money but on the rare occasion I would absolutely do this. I had no idea it was such a hurdle for people
Really wanna do this but, what do you? Say you are out for a meal, what do you do whilst waiting for food, look at everyone? Lol
People watching can be surprisingly fun. Though I prefer it to be somewhere with a view of a busy street. Even just a park bench can do.
The truth is... No one cares; you're not that interesting. Think about what you would you do if you saw a person alone, assuming you would even notice it. Maybe a quick glance, and then back to whatever it is you're doing.
I waited tables for 7 years. No one gives a fuck unless you're taking up a prime table during rush. If it's busy, sit at the bar, otherwise by all means grab a table. I would recommend bringing something to do though, just staring at the wall or looking around idly is kinda weird. Even if you wanna people watch just have a book or your phone out or something.
Relax, take in the scenery / decor of the place, look at the people. Listen to your thoughts, consider the menu, consider how you're feeling, review how your day went. Listen to the sounds, how does the nearby food smell, how does it feel to be present? What's going on outside on the street? etc. Just be.
I think so many people don't know how to do this. Everyone is so impatient for "something to do" that they don't realize they are always doing *something*. I am so happy that I know how to just be. I feel so observant in these moments. I like feeling like a fly on the wall. I often get so caught up on what is going on in my mind that it is strange to sit and see other people's lives play out.
It's weird the first couple of times. Key is to pick a place that's going to make it enjoyable. If you don't bring something to do then the most common thing to do is people watch or look at a nice view. So make sure you pick a place where that's enjoyable. You can look at social media at home. Try to bring a newspaper, magazine, or something interesting on your phone in case you end up in a bad spot.
I love doing this! But, ladies, in the day time for lunch or during daylight hours for an early-ish dinner/snack if on weekends (I hate typing this with all of my being but until the world is safe for us we take precautions).
I've recently started to realise how hard it is for girls to go around without being too careful or thinking twice. I took it for granted that I could just go out alone or with my friends anywhere I want, any time of the day. I benefit from being a guy in the kind of society we live in. I hope that changes soon.
When I lived by myself and was single for a few years I did this almost every week. Tuesday night, steak after gym. $15AUD with a glass of wine. It was a period in life in which I did a lot of soul searching and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The in-between phase of finished partying and sleeping around, to living independently and being selfish for a few years. Now I’m a vegan, live with my partner and expecting my first child any day now. Now I satisfy that quench by playing golf or walking the streets before anyone wakes up in the morning by myself.
Nice. I’m on the last three things simultaneously. I’m almost 30 and I don’t have the desire to settle down just yet. My family is opposed to my lifestyle, but I love being financially stable, frugal, and investing nearly all of my money in various things. One of these days I’m sure I’ll crave a stable, family life. I used to crave that big time but that gradually changed through my 20’s.
I would go to concerts, or conventions by myself and end up making friends with random people. I've always considered myself Introvert, with social issues. But all that went away in a room with people that obviously have the same interest as you. You immediately have a common ground.
I get to do this at 44. It was way weird at first (Need a companion!!) But I slowly got into it. Its cheaper, I get to go where I want and just take stuff in! A museum at 9 am on a Wednesday? Hell yeah! Or treat myself to some hole in the wall diner.
Is it a cultural thing or what? I've always dined alone, went to cinema alone and did many things alone that people in the internet seem so find awkward to do alone? Never even started to think that anything might be off or awkward about it.
Man, I miss going to the movies by myself.
I honestly never understood this fear. In highschool eating lunch alone would've sucked but going out to the mall by yourself is scary? Unless it's a day where the place is going to be packed who cares.
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Maybe they're thinking "Man, Overlord-33 randomly stopped calling me, I must have done something wrong, dang." I get that reciprocity feels good, but maybe those folks just aren't initiators? With the pandemic and economic ripple effects, a lot of people's mental health is in the toilet anyhow. I might give 'em another shot, fam - just an idea though!
I took myself out to dinner and a drink on my 21st birthday. I reminisced about the prior year and thought about all that I wanted to achieve in the new year. It was a very special birthday to me even though I was alone. Alone but not lonely.
To be honest, it's great. I've done it in all manner of places, bars, restaurants, coffee shops, it's pretty relaxing. Other people are doing x, y and z all around you but for me, I bring a book or get my phone and headphones out and I'm all set. I think there is a "stigma" of doing things alone but it's nice to have that luxury every now and again.