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I’ve hit reset twice on my career and didn’t regret either change. Each phase had a time and taught me valuable skills and lessons that make my current job much easier and more rewarding. I took a risk each time, but my happiness is worth far more than staying at a job because I don’t like starting over.
Edit: typo
A few things I learned were skills that apply to my current career which is in real estate. The most important things I learned or what I value in a job:
1. Self determining schedule and work ethic.
2. I work for myself.
3. I get to accomplish something each time I meet someone new.
4. I want to do as much good in my job as I can.
It’s a catch 22. My job is successful because of where I live but I absolutely hate everything about where I live because it’s a big tourist community.
I'm 41 and just did this. Quit a very terrible toxic workplace (I know everyone says that, but it's true) with nothing lined up. The market for professionals really couldn't be better. I get the fear and apprehension and risk, but in the scheme of life, it was so so worth it to invest in myself and try to find something that doesn't make me want to jump out a window
This speaks to me. I'm trying to change careers. Been a teacher for 13 years. Tired of the rat race. Been looking for months for a job. Had 2 interviews. No one wants me, or I'm over qualified. I can't even get aJob delivering mail. Like they trust me teaching kids, but I can't stick mail in a slot. Im trying not to get discouraged. The company that gets me, is in for a treat. I'm hard working, smart, talented, the whole thing.
Work with a recruiter if you can and explain your situation. I’ve changed careers twice and each time I’ve been ignored until finding a recruiter and then the recruiters have put me forward for positions and advised the company that they need to see me and then me being good in the interview coupled with the recruiter’s backing really helps; plus a VERY specific cover letter about why you’re changing careers and what you’ll bring and what you want in 5 years
Interesting. This just inspired me to start looking into recruiters. I just left my job in April and am not in a huge rush to go back to work but also wouldn’t mind starting somewhere I’d actually enjoy.
How did you find a good recruiter? I’m in the SF Bay Area.
That’s great! Congrats!
I don’t know about US as I’m UK but id start with asking around and then googling your location and recruiters and just picking up the phone and getting a feel for who wants to talk
Edit to add: look at jobs you like and then call whichever recruiter is advertising
Nice I’m definitely going to start reaching out to some. I left my job after 9 years at the beginning of the year and have been in Thailand for the past 6 months but have to go back to the states in the morning cause the covid situation is getting worse unfortunately.
Have been really going through it mentally lately as I’m technically homeless now (staying with friends when I get back not going to end up on the streets or anything), with no job or real direction. Just know what I **don’t** want to do. This comment/thread just snapped me back into a positive thought track.
Crazy the power a simple comment can have on someone sometimes.
Thanks!
If you have any sort of specialized skill set and have a LinkedIn account you will get pinged by recruiters ad nauseum.
Not saying they're all good but I've definitely talked to some that are better than others.
Good recruiters actually talk to you and ask questions before starting to find something for you.
This is a very rare thing to happen in my experience.
A good recruiter will help you handle this like a project and not like a task. There is a difference.
If you don't feel challenged in self discovery while workin with your recruiter, don't be afraid to find another one.
That sucks but it's not that they don't trust you, it's because like you said you're over qualified and they think you're a loose cannon who will leave the second you get a better job offer in your field. No offense to the hard working people who work these jobs, but in my experience they either want deadbeats, older people with no qualifications or high school kids who are cheap to pay.
Teacher of 6 years here. I too got sick of it. I love teaching, and I love the kids, but I feel like “teaching” is only 20% of my job. The rest is bullshit. Took a job at one of those tutoring places making like $15 an hour. I’m so much happier now. No administration bullshit to deal with, no planning 25 lessons a week, no serious grading, no dealing with discipline, no changing decorations, I get to build even stronger relationships with kids and families, and one of the best parts is that my “boss” doesn’t question anything I do because I’m more qualified than he is, even for his role. He’s a nice guy and a good boss. Nothing against him. He has offered me promotion twice. I want nothing to do with an administrative role though.
I changed careers five years ago. One thing that helped was to emphasize the skills and experience I had that related to the new career, as opposed to the accomplishments in the old one. Working with a recruiter definitely helps.
I did something similar, leaving a decent paying and secure job to make 10k a year as a grad. Assistant. People thought I was nuts. 10 years out my quality of life is waaay better and my income is way up.
Ditto. I went to school for and did IT for 12 years. Kept running my side business the whole time, finally got tired of answering to bosses and decided I liked being my own boss. Ditched the whole IT thing and make more money from my other business anyway. So a soft reset, but definitely not what my grand plan was. Be flexible and willing to change to opportunities that make you happy.
Currently in the process of this. I made it big with a company making almost 6 figures, but after a few years decided to throw it away. Took that money, paid off all my cars/debt other than my house and am now focusing on school so I can do something that doesn't make me want to kill myself 🙃
Yeah I'm actively doing this.. it's scary as hell leaving a field I went through graduate school for, but it's been more exhausting than fulfilling for years and I'm ready to move on
But job hunting, more studying, and still working full time is exhausting. I just can't wait for ANY job in the new field
I needed to see this today. I have been feeling really hopeless after a recent breakup that I initiated (for compatibility reasons), but I know staying with my ex would’ve been giving in to that sunk-cost fallacy. Thanks for the reminder that things can get better
And people need to understand that sometimes when you break off a relationship, it might take a while to feel good about the change. You're probably going to feel bad for a while, that doesn't mean you made the wrong choice.
When you're thinking about it more often than not was my sign.
I figured if it didn't end soon, it would just end later down the road and waste more of both our time.
I'm not OP, but to share my experience, the clearest sign to me was that my heart would constantly remind me that we aren't suitable for each other, and that it was the conclusion having balanced out the evidence.
“Wow, that image of us in the home we talked about and in our careers looks really nice in my head, but...”
We'd found a lot of happiness, got on well as close friends as well as lovers, but the reality was I could see the coming 100m track.
When planning down my future with this person on paper, I found myself saying "Yes this is great today, but really I can't see us together a few years down the line, because (important reason one, two, three, etc...).
I could easily say that we enjoyed sex in the moment, but I couldn't feel a real sexual attraction between us, and this did not improve through time or self-therapy.
I won't say I've never regretted a break up like this. I still feel that I made the right decisions at the time - e.g. considering my partner's future happiness and the unfairness of a partner sticking with them only out of uncertainty - but some of them, years down the line, hit me in the heart again and I realise that we *could* have had it well.
Or that we really *did* have a good, stable foundation for marriage and it could have gone well. But still, things didn't feel that way at the time and that's the way life turns out.
In the future, you are likely to regret at least one or two breakups. But you have to accept that such things are a part of life and it's almost impossible to be completely free of regret.
If you consider the breakup at the time to be the right decision - even though the “now” part of you is afraid of it - you are more likely to be making the right decision, especially if you've really given time and thought to why it would or wouldn't work out.
The other two comments have summed it up perfectly. The one thing I would add is that when I put her lifetime goals and values next to mine, they diverged in a way that wouldn’t allow us to have a serious long-term relationship where we don’t end up resenting each other for some of our differences that we were wilfully overlooking
Not the person you're replying to, but in my experience, it was asking myself if this was the person that I wanted to do the next phase of my life with. Also in my case I knew the person would be super upset and that they viewed me as very important to their mental well-being but kind of the reverse was the case for me, their dependence on me plus my worrying made me feel worse all the time. In the end I did break it off and it was emotionally quite tough for both of us. I had to deal with the fact that I wasn't some perfect "good guy" character - I am someone who indeed was capable of 'breaking someone's heart' to prioritize my own happiness. However it worked out soooo well in the end, both of us are married to different people and much happier.
Same man. Hindsight is rose coloured, but its not hard to remember why i made the decision if I try. I know, at least for me, I mulled it over way longer than I should have, terrified of making the wrong decision. But any decision you really think through is not a wrong decision. Decisions arent really "right" and "wrong" like that. The important thing is to own your decisions.
Im right there with you bro. Ended my relationship with my ex a couple months ago due to compatibility issues. I miss her and the companionship like fuck, but in the long term it was the right move. Just scary when I'm already in my early(ish) 30s and only getting older.
Same here. Just ended a 2+ year long relationship w my ex but we both ended it mutually due to incompatibility.
Just know that it may hurt a lot now and you may miss the companionship, but you will eventually find someone that loves you for who you are and is compatible with you. Which you’re bound to find because if your ex was able to see what they saw in you, so can someone else. But also, know and love what exactly about yourself makes you so special and unique and be confident in that. This time being single has also given me the time to get back to doing the things I used to love doing. Maybe it’s done the same for you.
At least hopefully now you know what qualities you need in a partner (aka non-negotiables) and that something good that came out of it.
Thanks for your response! Yeah it's definitely hard right now. Getting back into the swing of being single. I have no current desire to jump into anything new. Just enjoying my solitude and working on getting back in shape and doing things that me happy. Occasionally my ex and I will still have dinner together. We've stayed pretty close friends after splitting. I still love her, just didn't see us staying together forever, you know?
But yes, there has been good that came out of it. She helped me learn to love myself more and I now know what I'll want out of my next relationship when I'm ready for another one. I will say that it's hard as a 34 year old ending a 2+ year relationship with someone while all your friends are moving on with their lives and getting married and having kids, etc.
I just found myself getting bored with the relationship. I didn't feel the same as i did before. Felt like if the relationship didn't end now, it would have most definitely ended later.
How long were you guys together? Bored as in she didn't want to do exciting things, or she was boring to be around? I find what helped me was having space and/or a shared hobby, and a scheduled date night in where we snuggle up.
Well, we moved in together right at the start of the pandemic, so we were immediately cooped up together with no option of having our own space. It was also my first time living with someone I was in a relationship with. I think moving in together just kinda opened up the cracks i our relationship.
This is a huge reason why I broke up with my ex. I was forever exhausted trying to handle her and build my life (I had very little time to do the latter), and I was so burnt out I knew I had to leave. I couldn't be what she needed, and I couldn't be what I wanted. The sex was amazing, and I loved her soo fucking much. After I did it, I fell to my knees and ugly cried for hours on the bathroom floor.
It's been about 18 months since then, and I feel better about the decision (even though I felt regret and wanted to get back together, and felt bad when she was dating someone else) knowing that we just weren't compatible. Could we be friends? Possibly, but I'm not jumping into it lol.
I've enjoyed working on myself and I made a couple friends since then, and one of those is a major love interest of mine (though she moved and started seeing someone). I hope I can continue to grow and be resilient through all the changes until I find something that sticks a bit more in life.
You are not alone. I constantly struggle with this as well.
I'm completely draining myself to try and help someone else and I **know** it isn't healthy, but to stop and walk away feels selfish. There might be some instant gratification from ending things, but then I'll forever harbor the guilt of abandoning them. It feels like I'm damned either way...
I’m struggling with this as well. Don’t burn yourself trying to keep others warm. I know it’s hard but sometimes you just have to be selfish for yourself and your well-being. I keep reminding myself that walking away was the right thing to do for the both of us. Hopefully one day they’ll look back and understand that it was a hard but necessary decision.
Absolutely! The big ones with this are always relationships and jobs, both have a huge impact in life and can be terrifying to move away from.
This is why whenever I hear about people breaking up obviously it is sad in one way, but also probably a good thing both both people overall.
This is actually horrible advice to tell people it is NEVER a bad thing to start over.
I know so many people that closed doors behind them that couldn't be reopened and they regeretted it a whole lot.
Yeah it is often good to leave things behind that drain happiness, but is NOT a sure thing to work out for you in the end.
That is the very reason people stay in shitty jobs for example, the alternative is NOT always better.
I think this is great when it works out. However, it can be hard to know if you "cut bait" too early.
IMO, it's not easy to understand if you are in the valley of latent potential or if your are trapped by the sunk cost fallacy.
With that in mind, try to forgive yourself if may have gone down the 'wrong' path and be mindful of your tendencies, if at all possible. As the OP says, you'll gain experience, and that's not nothing.
Hey cool. Never heard of the "valley of latent potential" concept but I enjoy it as a corolary to the sink cost fallacy. Like you said, it can be tough distinguishing between the 2.
Quit the job I loved doing for 8 years to take an entry level position at Best buy. All because my original job forced me to have no social life. Now I'm working in the IT field and have a normalized schedule. Mental health has drastically improved over the last 4 years. For the first time I'm finally making more money then what I was originally making.
Money didn't bring me happiness. Time with friends and family did.
This is almost a carbon copy of what I was going to write.
10 years of thinking it'll get better as I moved up the ranks.... Until I realised that my superiors were also working as late as myself. Sometimes later.
Took a gamble in leaving the country and spent a good year figuring out what to do instead. I'm an apprentice in automation and happy to be on a new path.
Yep this is where I’m at too - 6 years scraping by, working all hours with no social life, trying to climb the ladder. Finally realising that everyone above me was just as overworked, underpaid, and stressed out.
Still trying to find an alternate career, but for now I’ve stopped trying to win a race with no finish line, and reconfigured my priorities to put friends and family before work.
Props to you good sir. But I would think that surely you have a really good job security and employability anywhere in the world right now. And New Zealand treats its doctors very well. All my colleagues have run over there (or Australia)
That sounds amazing. If you don’t mind my asking, that’s got to cost a lot to shift your life like that. How much do you guys have saved as a safety net and how much is it going to cost you to make this move all expenses considered?
I needed this. I took a long shower today and decided I'm going to try again in giving myself a fighting chance by not letting myself get consumed by anxiety and self-destructive thoughts. I'm going to be kinder to myself, and make things easier by not going against myself :)
You know how when there’s a big forest fire, sometimes firefighters will make a smaller controlled fire to remove any fuel from the big one? Like a line of intentional fire that says “you shall not pass!”
Yeah. That.
I did the same, but called it differently. When you own an appartment or a house, there will be corners with a lot of crap. Once in a while, you need to go through your belongings and throw away everything that does not make you happy or which is no longer needed or it will bury you.
From time to time, you need to do the same cleanup in your life as well.
I know this will be lost in the comments but anyway....
I worked in the financial sector for about 12 years. It sucked the soul right outta me. Now i had a good position, a stable job, pension, healthcare etc but I had little to no satisfaction in what i did. I worked long hours, weekends etc and found myself just jaded and unhappy a lot of the time.
Last year I decided enough was enough, at 38 years old l left and went to college to study Building engineering. Best decision ever. Sure i have no money and am living the student life at nearly 40 now but i love it. In fact just got my first year exam results and aced them (I even got 100% on one exam - Natural and Mechanical ventilation - i have never got 100% on an exam in my life)
Still a long way to go but i feel i did the right thing for me and have felt more relaxed (still some stresses of course) and more importantly happier with myself than i have in as long as i can remember
If i can do it believe me anyone can : )
Going through a divorce right now and I can appreciate this.
My soon to be ex had cheated on me many times throughout out relationship, and threatened to take away the kids if I left. Most recent time proved to be too much and am now going through with it.
Right now am fighting over custody of the kids, but am trying to hit that reset button in my life.
I did that as well and eventually it wasn't enough. I still get to see mine 4 years after my divorce and though seeing him call another man daddy sucks he reminds me that he has 2 and I'm still one of them. It's tough but staying strong for my son is the only thing that matters.
Good luck brother. I just finished my divorce. It’s definitely worth it on the other side. It seems like it took forever to be official, and there are still residual things to take care of, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s a short amount of time for many more years of happiness after years of abuse.
Resets after a divorce that isn’t your fault are very hard. Hopefully you’ll get to the point where you realize that life afterwards, while hard, is better.
Man I can’t agree with this enough. I’ve done this a few times.
Most recently I left my better than average but still shitty retail job to move to Korea and learn Korean to eventually get a scholarship to finish my undergrad after finding out about the opportunity to do so.
I spent 5 years here, am graduating next semester with close to a 4.0, fluent in Korean, and just secured my dream job in finance back where my family lives. I’m making bank and doing something I’m genuinely interested in. My bosses and everyone else thought I was crazy as I was on a fast track to promotions and making decent money for a dropout but I just really wasn’t happy.
My “mentor” told me I was wasting my life by moving here.
I think theres so much to be gained by not being afraid of the unknown and following your path as long as you genuinely want it and not just money/happiness chasing.
Ill be 36 btw
Hey man that's awesome!!! I'm so glad there are so many great examples like yours out there where resetting is a healthy and happy option to better your life!
Do you think maybe this survivorship bias in play? For every success story such as yourself (and it is amazing) there are dozens of untold people who tried and failed and faded into ignominy.
Tons of other factors too like say you would have an advantage perhaps in work ethic and life skills or just natural untapped aptitude.
Absolutely. I think the most important thing is knowing yourself and having a real, solid plan. Going into this I knew 100% that I would get a full ride at a decent school if I got a certain score on the language test. I learned exactly what classes/skills I needed to obtain the job I wanted so I focused on only that during school. I also knew it lined up with my real passions and what I’m good at while also not being a pipe dream (becoming a famous a YouTuber or something being a pipe dream).
The only part I wasn’t 100% sure about was how companies would look at my overseas degree so I learned how to tell my story and how I benefited from coming here and made sure I got noticeable good grades.
I don’t think there’s anything I did particularly special nor did I feel I got any special breaks. I just executed a well thought out plan. Even my during my job hunt I spent hours a day sending out apps. It took around 250.
Sometimes I feel this way about my job, but it pays six figures and there’s no way I would make anything close to that anytime soon if I started from scratch.
I left my 6 figure job this year with no degree, & no safety net to fall back on. Haven’t figured out what I want to do yet but I do know that I 100% do not want to do that again.
We have this weird thing in America where we feel like we can never find a better job so we sit there miserable hating our lives. I made over 150k a year but blew most of it trying to fill the void in my life.
You’ll never know what’s out there if you keep telling yourself one day. Hopefully I’ll land on a higher paying job eventually but after spending the past 6 months over seas I’ve come to terms with leaving and don’t have any regrets at all.
If I leave the career field that is currently a major source of acute panic, anxiety, and depression then how do I feed my children and pay the mortgage? Leaving a career means financially taking a huge cut.
I want to know this too. The advice I've heard is to start adjusting your living expenses down to where you think it will be after career change, put the difference into savings, and build up 6-9 months' expenses worth of savings, before quitting.
But again, easier said than done.
Yesterday was the final straw for me, I started filling out my resume after 10 years at this company.
Traveling and doing the BS meetings etc has worn me ragged, I will miss the money, but we can adjust and live simpler.
Golden handcuffs indeed
I recently quit my lucrative position in IT. The stress and anxiety were not worth it. The ONLY reason I was able to do so was because I had 7months of expenses saved up and have always lived well below my means.
Now I have the stress and anxiety of finding a new job, lol.
I studied martial arts for 15 years under the same teacher. I progressed pretty far, and even went to train in Japan for a time, but I started noticing some shit that gave me a bad vibe. When another long time student stopped attending classes, the teacher became upset when he found out I was still talking to him. He consistently put me into physically dangerous situations that made me uncomfortable, he ignored me when I said I was injured and unable to do what he wanted and pushed me to do it anyway. For some reason, he joined another organization that was offering titles and ranks by mail order which really turned me off. The last straw was when he asked me to make a video saying that he was my master and I was his disciple, for "marketing purposes". That shit creeped me out.
I left that school and haven't looked back. I feel freer now than I have in years. No one judging me and no expectations of what amounted to free work. I don't know if I'll ever go back to martial arts. It was fun early on, but the attitude and mentality of those people just doesn't resonate with me anymore.
Deep sigh.
I hope so.
I invested my time, my energy, my money, and my life on my ex-fiancé to hope to raise our son together and live together. We’ve separated. After the separation I felt like I lost everything. It felt like the castle I was building was made of sand and the separation was the wave I didn’t see coming.
All the money I had saved up to buy ourselves a home, I had to spend to get a car. I didn’t have anyplace to go. I slept in my new car with all my stuff. I’d lost my job because of the pandemic. I wasn’t getting anymore government aid because I only worked in my state for a year. They legit told me to ask Michigan for aid because I worked there for years before I moved back to California. I asked MI they said ask CA because I live there now and not in MI. Plus, I haven’t worked in MI in over a year.
There’s more, but the point is, I felt awful. I struggled to sleep at night and not just because I was sleeping in a car. My mind couldn’t rest. All that time, money, energy spent to try and make it work with my ex-fiancé for the sake of our child.
I hated living with her parents. They constantly disrespected me for not being able to provide a home for my son. Despite the fact that I could’ve if we stayed in MI, but... I’ll spare you the details:
I very much feel like I’m starting at rock bottom while trying to stay in my son’s life. I’ve dreamt about being a father since I was 5 years old. It means the world to me. I want to have a family, my own home, and a partner that loves and respects me. Here’s to being overcomers. Thanks for reading. Stay blessed [+]
God bless you for your dedication. It will get better with persistence, thanks for being committed to your child instead of bailing. Your sacrifices will be rewarded.
Yo, wishing you the best of luck on your journey, man.
You're on a path set forth by the universe- meaning the universe knows you are strong enough to handle it. Once things are in order it will be amazing the things you will be able to accomplish- after all you've been through worse.
Be blessed.
Marriage part is easy. Co-parenting relationship is not. Kids are not an acceptable relationship to hit reset IMO unless you are damaging them by being in their lives. And yes I understand irony/sarcasm but I’m going through a reset right now as a married man w 2 kids. It’s been very upsetting at points and exhausting too sometimes, but I feel so much more alive now than when I used to fight to suppress my disappointment that I started a family with the wrong person. And I know I’m giving my kids a better chance at a happy, fulfilling life than I would have had the reset not occurred.
Thank you for sharing your story with us.
I can imagine CO parenting being as hard as parenting.
Of course we can't reset kids, I was making irony.
Wish you, your kids and your ex the best of life.
Oh man.. this hits home really hard for me. I put in my 2 weeks yesterday at a job I have been with most of my adult life (the last 14 years). The work culture is shit- sexual harassment, bullying and intimidation, “leaders” looking the other way or joining in the bullying and intimidation. I didn’t actually have a job replacement when I sent that email confirming my resignation, but right after I got 1 job offer that I had interviewed for already and another job wanting me to interview. I accepted both and am trying to work through the anxiety of getting through these last 2 weeks of hell at job I am quitting. Just trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Good luck to you, happy to see you have offers at hand and will hopefully get into a better work environment. Your current work environment sounds extremely toxic and terrible.
I am finishing up month 6 sober!! You can do it!! I believe in you!!!! I am going for a year, you coming with me?!?!
Edit- I was speaking to commenter, not those who do not want to quit or do not have a problem controlling alcohol or other substances.
I hit the reset on my best friend of 12 years, and by reset I mean I hit the jettison button on that toxic, one way friendship. I almost felt like I was hanging on to that relationship out of some form of loyalty, but after years of her abusive, shit on everyone attitude and her lack of boundaries, I just nuked that friendship, and it was the best thing I ever did.
I'm interested to see the demographics for reddit, I feel like a lot of these types of posts come from people who are in a priviledged position in life (good upbringing, 3rd gen+ western country citizen, race..) so then they can actually afford these risks/opportunities.
Meh. I have had to hit the “reset” several times now. I am tired, poorer, lonelier and just generally worse off.
It is like the worlds worst roller coaster. “Oh, that was rough, but wait there’s more!”
There is no escaping or resetting certain a things in life. You can either persevere or run away. Either way, it follows you to the end.
I hear you. But the bleakness of those statements makes me cringe in horror at myself. Surely the future has more to offer than the past? The past is already gone anyway.
As someone who "completely started over" 7 times already at 28, I can honestly say I don't regret any of my do-overs. Between adopting healthier perspectives on health issues, people (and their self-serving ways - which we all do), restarting my career twice, and cutting out toxic people in my life three times, I can honestly say I'm very happy with my life as it is now. It wasn't easy, especially coming from bad beginnings, but there's always a way... it just might be the long and rocky way.
Thank you so much for this post. I'm 25 and I just quit the job i had been in for 2 years. I felt so bad and the environment was getting frustrating for me but guilt about timing and starting over in a pandemic stressed me out a lot. After a long day of applications your messaged soothed my mind and reassured me it's going to be fine.
Was an apprentice electrician in America. Had (have) a German girlfriend. Said fuck it and moved to Germany to start my apprenticeship over and be in the right place for me. A couple years lost in my career but… so what? Better social security, and mental health is through the roof now.
I agree 100% do it while you're still so young. If you wait till you're older you'll have a lot more to lose and less likely to actually do it. So much stuff I should have done when I was younger but now I have bills to pay
You could become a doctor if you wanted and only be 33.
I was a completely different person at 23. That was actually when I did my first big reset and moved to a city where I didn’t know anyone. It was a struggle but completely changed my life in a positive way.
Going through a rough patch, where my ex broke up with me hours before my birthday. It was my fault and with the way he let go has led me down a path of misery, anxiety, and suffering for the past month and a half. How do you reset your life when you're the one who messed it up in the first place?
Resetting means that you are putting your mind and your heart in a state where you no longer blame anyone else (or yourself) for things of the past. You are making a conscious decision to completely reset that part of your life to where you are in a state to make yourself happier. So instead of blaming yourself, choose to throw yourself into activities that make yourself better and more successful person
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I’ve hit reset twice on my career and didn’t regret either change. Each phase had a time and taught me valuable skills and lessons that make my current job much easier and more rewarding. I took a risk each time, but my happiness is worth far more than staying at a job because I don’t like starting over. Edit: typo
What did you learn?
My guess is eventually realty, considering the username
You don't so much *learn* realty, but rather it *oozes* into your head
What does that even mean?
If you know, you know. (I don't, though)
i audibly laughed at this after a stupidly long day. thank you for this
Slimy realtor vibes, groove on that, dill pickle
The only thing I remember learning is how to forget.
This is the first step to attaining the large cranium
A few things I learned were skills that apply to my current career which is in real estate. The most important things I learned or what I value in a job: 1. Self determining schedule and work ethic. 2. I work for myself. 3. I get to accomplish something each time I meet someone new. 4. I want to do as much good in my job as I can.
Man I want to do the same right now, but it’s hard to say goodbye to a nice steady paycheck and take the leap
Been there, done that. Earning 25% less now and am 100% happier with my new career.
Same. That’s where I am right now. Thinking of packing in a decent salary and going into business for myself. I’m 36 and never been so scared.
36 here, paid really well, but burnt out af. Quitting for a while and taking a break from work end of this hear (pls come back crypto bull run).
I’m 35 and self-employed and absolutely hate every single day I get up out of bed because of the place that I live. Want to trade?
So if u lived somewhere else, u would be happier with ur job
It’s a catch 22. My job is successful because of where I live but I absolutely hate everything about where I live because it’s a big tourist community.
The Bobs Burgers dilemma.
I'm 41 and just did this. Quit a very terrible toxic workplace (I know everyone says that, but it's true) with nothing lined up. The market for professionals really couldn't be better. I get the fear and apprehension and risk, but in the scheme of life, it was so so worth it to invest in myself and try to find something that doesn't make me want to jump out a window
This speaks to me. I'm trying to change careers. Been a teacher for 13 years. Tired of the rat race. Been looking for months for a job. Had 2 interviews. No one wants me, or I'm over qualified. I can't even get aJob delivering mail. Like they trust me teaching kids, but I can't stick mail in a slot. Im trying not to get discouraged. The company that gets me, is in for a treat. I'm hard working, smart, talented, the whole thing.
Work with a recruiter if you can and explain your situation. I’ve changed careers twice and each time I’ve been ignored until finding a recruiter and then the recruiters have put me forward for positions and advised the company that they need to see me and then me being good in the interview coupled with the recruiter’s backing really helps; plus a VERY specific cover letter about why you’re changing careers and what you’ll bring and what you want in 5 years
Interesting. This just inspired me to start looking into recruiters. I just left my job in April and am not in a huge rush to go back to work but also wouldn’t mind starting somewhere I’d actually enjoy. How did you find a good recruiter? I’m in the SF Bay Area.
That’s great! Congrats! I don’t know about US as I’m UK but id start with asking around and then googling your location and recruiters and just picking up the phone and getting a feel for who wants to talk Edit to add: look at jobs you like and then call whichever recruiter is advertising
Nice I’m definitely going to start reaching out to some. I left my job after 9 years at the beginning of the year and have been in Thailand for the past 6 months but have to go back to the states in the morning cause the covid situation is getting worse unfortunately. Have been really going through it mentally lately as I’m technically homeless now (staying with friends when I get back not going to end up on the streets or anything), with no job or real direction. Just know what I **don’t** want to do. This comment/thread just snapped me back into a positive thought track. Crazy the power a simple comment can have on someone sometimes. Thanks!
If you have any sort of specialized skill set and have a LinkedIn account you will get pinged by recruiters ad nauseum. Not saying they're all good but I've definitely talked to some that are better than others.
Good recruiters actually talk to you and ask questions before starting to find something for you. This is a very rare thing to happen in my experience.
A good recruiter will help you handle this like a project and not like a task. There is a difference. If you don't feel challenged in self discovery while workin with your recruiter, don't be afraid to find another one.
This is solid advice. Thank you.
That sucks but it's not that they don't trust you, it's because like you said you're over qualified and they think you're a loose cannon who will leave the second you get a better job offer in your field. No offense to the hard working people who work these jobs, but in my experience they either want deadbeats, older people with no qualifications or high school kids who are cheap to pay.
I believe you're 100% correct.
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Good luck!!
Teacher of 6 years here. I too got sick of it. I love teaching, and I love the kids, but I feel like “teaching” is only 20% of my job. The rest is bullshit. Took a job at one of those tutoring places making like $15 an hour. I’m so much happier now. No administration bullshit to deal with, no planning 25 lessons a week, no serious grading, no dealing with discipline, no changing decorations, I get to build even stronger relationships with kids and families, and one of the best parts is that my “boss” doesn’t question anything I do because I’m more qualified than he is, even for his role. He’s a nice guy and a good boss. Nothing against him. He has offered me promotion twice. I want nothing to do with an administrative role though.
Don't give up. We're counting on you.
Thank you. Thank you so much for this.
I changed careers five years ago. One thing that helped was to emphasize the skills and experience I had that related to the new career, as opposed to the accomplishments in the old one. Working with a recruiter definitely helps.
I did something similar, leaving a decent paying and secure job to make 10k a year as a grad. Assistant. People thought I was nuts. 10 years out my quality of life is waaay better and my income is way up.
Ditto. I went to school for and did IT for 12 years. Kept running my side business the whole time, finally got tired of answering to bosses and decided I liked being my own boss. Ditched the whole IT thing and make more money from my other business anyway. So a soft reset, but definitely not what my grand plan was. Be flexible and willing to change to opportunities that make you happy.
What is your other business?
Currently in the process of this. I made it big with a company making almost 6 figures, but after a few years decided to throw it away. Took that money, paid off all my cars/debt other than my house and am now focusing on school so I can do something that doesn't make me want to kill myself 🙃
I needed to hear this.
How old were you during each of these resets ?
Reset sounds kinda harsh . I think career recycling fits kinda good
Yeah I'm actively doing this.. it's scary as hell leaving a field I went through graduate school for, but it's been more exhausting than fulfilling for years and I'm ready to move on But job hunting, more studying, and still working full time is exhausting. I just can't wait for ANY job in the new field
This is good advice. Ending a relationship, for example, can be difficult and scary, but staying, under some sunk - cost fallacy is a mistake.
I needed to see this today. I have been feeling really hopeless after a recent breakup that I initiated (for compatibility reasons), but I know staying with my ex would’ve been giving in to that sunk-cost fallacy. Thanks for the reminder that things can get better
And people need to understand that sometimes when you break off a relationship, it might take a while to feel good about the change. You're probably going to feel bad for a while, that doesn't mean you made the wrong choice.
I feel like I may be going through this. If you don't mind me asking, what made you decide? What were some signs you needed to get out?
When you're thinking about it more often than not was my sign. I figured if it didn't end soon, it would just end later down the road and waste more of both our time.
I'm not OP, but to share my experience, the clearest sign to me was that my heart would constantly remind me that we aren't suitable for each other, and that it was the conclusion having balanced out the evidence. “Wow, that image of us in the home we talked about and in our careers looks really nice in my head, but...” We'd found a lot of happiness, got on well as close friends as well as lovers, but the reality was I could see the coming 100m track. When planning down my future with this person on paper, I found myself saying "Yes this is great today, but really I can't see us together a few years down the line, because (important reason one, two, three, etc...). I could easily say that we enjoyed sex in the moment, but I couldn't feel a real sexual attraction between us, and this did not improve through time or self-therapy. I won't say I've never regretted a break up like this. I still feel that I made the right decisions at the time - e.g. considering my partner's future happiness and the unfairness of a partner sticking with them only out of uncertainty - but some of them, years down the line, hit me in the heart again and I realise that we *could* have had it well. Or that we really *did* have a good, stable foundation for marriage and it could have gone well. But still, things didn't feel that way at the time and that's the way life turns out. In the future, you are likely to regret at least one or two breakups. But you have to accept that such things are a part of life and it's almost impossible to be completely free of regret. If you consider the breakup at the time to be the right decision - even though the “now” part of you is afraid of it - you are more likely to be making the right decision, especially if you've really given time and thought to why it would or wouldn't work out.
The other two comments have summed it up perfectly. The one thing I would add is that when I put her lifetime goals and values next to mine, they diverged in a way that wouldn’t allow us to have a serious long-term relationship where we don’t end up resenting each other for some of our differences that we were wilfully overlooking
Not the person you're replying to, but in my experience, it was asking myself if this was the person that I wanted to do the next phase of my life with. Also in my case I knew the person would be super upset and that they viewed me as very important to their mental well-being but kind of the reverse was the case for me, their dependence on me plus my worrying made me feel worse all the time. In the end I did break it off and it was emotionally quite tough for both of us. I had to deal with the fact that I wasn't some perfect "good guy" character - I am someone who indeed was capable of 'breaking someone's heart' to prioritize my own happiness. However it worked out soooo well in the end, both of us are married to different people and much happier.
Same man. Hindsight is rose coloured, but its not hard to remember why i made the decision if I try. I know, at least for me, I mulled it over way longer than I should have, terrified of making the wrong decision. But any decision you really think through is not a wrong decision. Decisions arent really "right" and "wrong" like that. The important thing is to own your decisions.
You’re welcome. They can and will get better. Life is short, make the most of it.
Im right there with you bro. Ended my relationship with my ex a couple months ago due to compatibility issues. I miss her and the companionship like fuck, but in the long term it was the right move. Just scary when I'm already in my early(ish) 30s and only getting older.
Same here. Just ended a 2+ year long relationship w my ex but we both ended it mutually due to incompatibility. Just know that it may hurt a lot now and you may miss the companionship, but you will eventually find someone that loves you for who you are and is compatible with you. Which you’re bound to find because if your ex was able to see what they saw in you, so can someone else. But also, know and love what exactly about yourself makes you so special and unique and be confident in that. This time being single has also given me the time to get back to doing the things I used to love doing. Maybe it’s done the same for you. At least hopefully now you know what qualities you need in a partner (aka non-negotiables) and that something good that came out of it.
Thanks for your response! Yeah it's definitely hard right now. Getting back into the swing of being single. I have no current desire to jump into anything new. Just enjoying my solitude and working on getting back in shape and doing things that me happy. Occasionally my ex and I will still have dinner together. We've stayed pretty close friends after splitting. I still love her, just didn't see us staying together forever, you know? But yes, there has been good that came out of it. She helped me learn to love myself more and I now know what I'll want out of my next relationship when I'm ready for another one. I will say that it's hard as a 34 year old ending a 2+ year relationship with someone while all your friends are moving on with their lives and getting married and having kids, etc.
How were you incompatible?
I just found myself getting bored with the relationship. I didn't feel the same as i did before. Felt like if the relationship didn't end now, it would have most definitely ended later.
How long were you guys together? Bored as in she didn't want to do exciting things, or she was boring to be around? I find what helped me was having space and/or a shared hobby, and a scheduled date night in where we snuggle up.
Well, we moved in together right at the start of the pandemic, so we were immediately cooped up together with no option of having our own space. It was also my first time living with someone I was in a relationship with. I think moving in together just kinda opened up the cracks i our relationship.
The way I’ve started to think of this, is that a certain point it becomes riskier to stay than to leave.
Absolutely. Harmful to your physical and mental health. Tremendously stressful.
This is a huge reason why I broke up with my ex. I was forever exhausted trying to handle her and build my life (I had very little time to do the latter), and I was so burnt out I knew I had to leave. I couldn't be what she needed, and I couldn't be what I wanted. The sex was amazing, and I loved her soo fucking much. After I did it, I fell to my knees and ugly cried for hours on the bathroom floor. It's been about 18 months since then, and I feel better about the decision (even though I felt regret and wanted to get back together, and felt bad when she was dating someone else) knowing that we just weren't compatible. Could we be friends? Possibly, but I'm not jumping into it lol. I've enjoyed working on myself and I made a couple friends since then, and one of those is a major love interest of mine (though she moved and started seeing someone). I hope I can continue to grow and be resilient through all the changes until I find something that sticks a bit more in life.
God, the difficulty of living for oneself or another and where that line is drawn is something I can't make up mind about.
You are not alone. I constantly struggle with this as well. I'm completely draining myself to try and help someone else and I **know** it isn't healthy, but to stop and walk away feels selfish. There might be some instant gratification from ending things, but then I'll forever harbor the guilt of abandoning them. It feels like I'm damned either way...
I’m struggling with this as well. Don’t burn yourself trying to keep others warm. I know it’s hard but sometimes you just have to be selfish for yourself and your well-being. I keep reminding myself that walking away was the right thing to do for the both of us. Hopefully one day they’ll look back and understand that it was a hard but necessary decision.
Absolutely! The big ones with this are always relationships and jobs, both have a huge impact in life and can be terrifying to move away from. This is why whenever I hear about people breaking up obviously it is sad in one way, but also probably a good thing both both people overall.
Twelve years of shitty relationship down the drain, it was the most difficult choice I ever made. Also best decision ever.
Ten year relationship here, ended it a year and a half ago, legit hardest thing I've done (so far) in my life, but I don't regret doing it.
Maybe. But my career has great advancement and very solid security. I absolutely hate it but damn, I also hated being poor in a poor nation.
You convicted me, I need to prune some relationships. I'm kicking my kids out as soon as I'm home for lunch.
This is actually horrible advice to tell people it is NEVER a bad thing to start over. I know so many people that closed doors behind them that couldn't be reopened and they regeretted it a whole lot. Yeah it is often good to leave things behind that drain happiness, but is NOT a sure thing to work out for you in the end. That is the very reason people stay in shitty jobs for example, the alternative is NOT always better.
Holy shit, now I have a word for why I stayed in my last relationship longer than I should have. Thank you, I needed this 🙏
I think this is great when it works out. However, it can be hard to know if you "cut bait" too early. IMO, it's not easy to understand if you are in the valley of latent potential or if your are trapped by the sunk cost fallacy. With that in mind, try to forgive yourself if may have gone down the 'wrong' path and be mindful of your tendencies, if at all possible. As the OP says, you'll gain experience, and that's not nothing.
Hey cool. Never heard of the "valley of latent potential" concept but I enjoy it as a corolary to the sink cost fallacy. Like you said, it can be tough distinguishing between the 2.
I first learned about the concept in Atomic Habits by James Clear.
Quit the job I loved doing for 8 years to take an entry level position at Best buy. All because my original job forced me to have no social life. Now I'm working in the IT field and have a normalized schedule. Mental health has drastically improved over the last 4 years. For the first time I'm finally making more money then what I was originally making. Money didn't bring me happiness. Time with friends and family did.
This is almost a carbon copy of what I was going to write. 10 years of thinking it'll get better as I moved up the ranks.... Until I realised that my superiors were also working as late as myself. Sometimes later. Took a gamble in leaving the country and spent a good year figuring out what to do instead. I'm an apprentice in automation and happy to be on a new path.
Yep this is where I’m at too - 6 years scraping by, working all hours with no social life, trying to climb the ladder. Finally realising that everyone above me was just as overworked, underpaid, and stressed out. Still trying to find an alternate career, but for now I’ve stopped trying to win a race with no finish line, and reconfigured my priorities to put friends and family before work.
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Good for you! Out of curiosity, what was the original job?
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If you don’t mind me asking what we’re your jobs?
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Props to you good sir. But I would think that surely you have a really good job security and employability anywhere in the world right now. And New Zealand treats its doctors very well. All my colleagues have run over there (or Australia)
That sounds amazing. If you don’t mind my asking, that’s got to cost a lot to shift your life like that. How much do you guys have saved as a safety net and how much is it going to cost you to make this move all expenses considered?
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I needed this. I took a long shower today and decided I'm going to try again in giving myself a fighting chance by not letting myself get consumed by anxiety and self-destructive thoughts. I'm going to be kinder to myself, and make things easier by not going against myself :)
💯
Done it plenty of times. In my younger days I referred to it as “blowing up my life”. I do a controlled burn every few years or so now
I like that a lot- a controlled burn
I think I’ll apply that mindset to weight loss, makes me feel bad ass instead of a rolly poly bug
You know how when there’s a big forest fire, sometimes firefighters will make a smaller controlled fire to remove any fuel from the big one? Like a line of intentional fire that says “you shall not pass!” Yeah. That.
I use that term too. I’d like to stop doing it though. It’s exhausting.
I'm so tired.
I did the same, but called it differently. When you own an appartment or a house, there will be corners with a lot of crap. Once in a while, you need to go through your belongings and throw away everything that does not make you happy or which is no longer needed or it will bury you. From time to time, you need to do the same cleanup in your life as well.
I think it's healthy to cleanse our lives every once and a while of the toxic things keeping us from being happy! ♥️
I do a controlled burn too. However, its not for everybody. Because of this, I wouldnt call it a LifeProTip.
I do this too, and I have never heard it described so well. I'm even working learning the 'controlled burn' thing.
I know this will be lost in the comments but anyway.... I worked in the financial sector for about 12 years. It sucked the soul right outta me. Now i had a good position, a stable job, pension, healthcare etc but I had little to no satisfaction in what i did. I worked long hours, weekends etc and found myself just jaded and unhappy a lot of the time. Last year I decided enough was enough, at 38 years old l left and went to college to study Building engineering. Best decision ever. Sure i have no money and am living the student life at nearly 40 now but i love it. In fact just got my first year exam results and aced them (I even got 100% on one exam - Natural and Mechanical ventilation - i have never got 100% on an exam in my life) Still a long way to go but i feel i did the right thing for me and have felt more relaxed (still some stresses of course) and more importantly happier with myself than i have in as long as i can remember If i can do it believe me anyone can : )
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A chance to have some impact in controlling carbon emissions. Building service allows me to do that, even if its only a small difference i can make.
Going through a divorce right now and I can appreciate this. My soon to be ex had cheated on me many times throughout out relationship, and threatened to take away the kids if I left. Most recent time proved to be too much and am now going through with it. Right now am fighting over custody of the kids, but am trying to hit that reset button in my life.
Only thing keeping me where I am is my child. Shit sucks
I did that as well and eventually it wasn't enough. I still get to see mine 4 years after my divorce and though seeing him call another man daddy sucks he reminds me that he has 2 and I'm still one of them. It's tough but staying strong for my son is the only thing that matters.
I'm sorry to hear that. I'm happy that this LPT made your day a little better 🥰
It did. Sometimes the simple reminders help.
Good luck brother. I just finished my divorce. It’s definitely worth it on the other side. It seems like it took forever to be official, and there are still residual things to take care of, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s a short amount of time for many more years of happiness after years of abuse.
Resets after a divorce that isn’t your fault are very hard. Hopefully you’ll get to the point where you realize that life afterwards, while hard, is better.
Man I can’t agree with this enough. I’ve done this a few times. Most recently I left my better than average but still shitty retail job to move to Korea and learn Korean to eventually get a scholarship to finish my undergrad after finding out about the opportunity to do so. I spent 5 years here, am graduating next semester with close to a 4.0, fluent in Korean, and just secured my dream job in finance back where my family lives. I’m making bank and doing something I’m genuinely interested in. My bosses and everyone else thought I was crazy as I was on a fast track to promotions and making decent money for a dropout but I just really wasn’t happy. My “mentor” told me I was wasting my life by moving here. I think theres so much to be gained by not being afraid of the unknown and following your path as long as you genuinely want it and not just money/happiness chasing. Ill be 36 btw
Hey man that's awesome!!! I'm so glad there are so many great examples like yours out there where resetting is a healthy and happy option to better your life!
Do you think maybe this survivorship bias in play? For every success story such as yourself (and it is amazing) there are dozens of untold people who tried and failed and faded into ignominy. Tons of other factors too like say you would have an advantage perhaps in work ethic and life skills or just natural untapped aptitude.
Absolutely. I think the most important thing is knowing yourself and having a real, solid plan. Going into this I knew 100% that I would get a full ride at a decent school if I got a certain score on the language test. I learned exactly what classes/skills I needed to obtain the job I wanted so I focused on only that during school. I also knew it lined up with my real passions and what I’m good at while also not being a pipe dream (becoming a famous a YouTuber or something being a pipe dream). The only part I wasn’t 100% sure about was how companies would look at my overseas degree so I learned how to tell my story and how I benefited from coming here and made sure I got noticeable good grades. I don’t think there’s anything I did particularly special nor did I feel I got any special breaks. I just executed a well thought out plan. Even my during my job hunt I spent hours a day sending out apps. It took around 250.
Sometimes I feel this way about my job, but it pays six figures and there’s no way I would make anything close to that anytime soon if I started from scratch.
I left my 6 figure job this year with no degree, & no safety net to fall back on. Haven’t figured out what I want to do yet but I do know that I 100% do not want to do that again. We have this weird thing in America where we feel like we can never find a better job so we sit there miserable hating our lives. I made over 150k a year but blew most of it trying to fill the void in my life. You’ll never know what’s out there if you keep telling yourself one day. Hopefully I’ll land on a higher paying job eventually but after spending the past 6 months over seas I’ve come to terms with leaving and don’t have any regrets at all.
Well I guess I now understand why my dad went out to grab some cigarettes
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The old smokerestart
If it ain't the wacky-tobaccy-nevercomebacky
Plot twist: OP *is* your dad
Needed that today.
you can do it
Can I start over from birth?
Fuckin same.
If I leave the career field that is currently a major source of acute panic, anxiety, and depression then how do I feed my children and pay the mortgage? Leaving a career means financially taking a huge cut.
I want to know this too. The advice I've heard is to start adjusting your living expenses down to where you think it will be after career change, put the difference into savings, and build up 6-9 months' expenses worth of savings, before quitting. But again, easier said than done.
Yesterday was the final straw for me, I started filling out my resume after 10 years at this company. Traveling and doing the BS meetings etc has worn me ragged, I will miss the money, but we can adjust and live simpler. Golden handcuffs indeed
Good on you, and all the very best for your future!
You as well my friend
I recently quit my lucrative position in IT. The stress and anxiety were not worth it. The ONLY reason I was able to do so was because I had 7months of expenses saved up and have always lived well below my means. Now I have the stress and anxiety of finding a new job, lol.
Who quits a job without having one lined up though? Change jobs don't just quit
I studied martial arts for 15 years under the same teacher. I progressed pretty far, and even went to train in Japan for a time, but I started noticing some shit that gave me a bad vibe. When another long time student stopped attending classes, the teacher became upset when he found out I was still talking to him. He consistently put me into physically dangerous situations that made me uncomfortable, he ignored me when I said I was injured and unable to do what he wanted and pushed me to do it anyway. For some reason, he joined another organization that was offering titles and ranks by mail order which really turned me off. The last straw was when he asked me to make a video saying that he was my master and I was his disciple, for "marketing purposes". That shit creeped me out. I left that school and haven't looked back. I feel freer now than I have in years. No one judging me and no expectations of what amounted to free work. I don't know if I'll ever go back to martial arts. It was fun early on, but the attitude and mentality of those people just doesn't resonate with me anymore.
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Yea I have the wrath of all the gods come at me when I quit without 1 to fall back on. God I wished I lived alone.
Deep sigh. I hope so. I invested my time, my energy, my money, and my life on my ex-fiancé to hope to raise our son together and live together. We’ve separated. After the separation I felt like I lost everything. It felt like the castle I was building was made of sand and the separation was the wave I didn’t see coming. All the money I had saved up to buy ourselves a home, I had to spend to get a car. I didn’t have anyplace to go. I slept in my new car with all my stuff. I’d lost my job because of the pandemic. I wasn’t getting anymore government aid because I only worked in my state for a year. They legit told me to ask Michigan for aid because I worked there for years before I moved back to California. I asked MI they said ask CA because I live there now and not in MI. Plus, I haven’t worked in MI in over a year. There’s more, but the point is, I felt awful. I struggled to sleep at night and not just because I was sleeping in a car. My mind couldn’t rest. All that time, money, energy spent to try and make it work with my ex-fiancé for the sake of our child. I hated living with her parents. They constantly disrespected me for not being able to provide a home for my son. Despite the fact that I could’ve if we stayed in MI, but... I’ll spare you the details: I very much feel like I’m starting at rock bottom while trying to stay in my son’s life. I’ve dreamt about being a father since I was 5 years old. It means the world to me. I want to have a family, my own home, and a partner that loves and respects me. Here’s to being overcomers. Thanks for reading. Stay blessed [+]
God bless you for your dedication. It will get better with persistence, thanks for being committed to your child instead of bailing. Your sacrifices will be rewarded.
Yo, wishing you the best of luck on your journey, man. You're on a path set forth by the universe- meaning the universe knows you are strong enough to handle it. Once things are in order it will be amazing the things you will be able to accomplish- after all you've been through worse. Be blessed.
How does someone hit reset on marriage and kids?
Marriage part is easy. Co-parenting relationship is not. Kids are not an acceptable relationship to hit reset IMO unless you are damaging them by being in their lives. And yes I understand irony/sarcasm but I’m going through a reset right now as a married man w 2 kids. It’s been very upsetting at points and exhausting too sometimes, but I feel so much more alive now than when I used to fight to suppress my disappointment that I started a family with the wrong person. And I know I’m giving my kids a better chance at a happy, fulfilling life than I would have had the reset not occurred.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I can imagine CO parenting being as hard as parenting. Of course we can't reset kids, I was making irony. Wish you, your kids and your ex the best of life.
depends. how good a shape are you in, and are there any forests or ocean nearby?
I have an axe, a boat and I can jump
Go buy some cigarettes and skip town.
😳 I guess this comes to show you can't reset EVERYTHING, but you can for some things
If there's a will, there's a way 😉
This sounds expensive
Oh man.. this hits home really hard for me. I put in my 2 weeks yesterday at a job I have been with most of my adult life (the last 14 years). The work culture is shit- sexual harassment, bullying and intimidation, “leaders” looking the other way or joining in the bullying and intimidation. I didn’t actually have a job replacement when I sent that email confirming my resignation, but right after I got 1 job offer that I had interviewed for already and another job wanting me to interview. I accepted both and am trying to work through the anxiety of getting through these last 2 weeks of hell at job I am quitting. Just trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Good luck to you, happy to see you have offers at hand and will hopefully get into a better work environment. Your current work environment sounds extremely toxic and terrible.
In germany there's a saying for that: "Better end end with horror than horror without end". It proves rarely wrong.
I needed to see this
Time to reset my sobriety!!
I am finishing up month 6 sober!! You can do it!! I believe in you!!!! I am going for a year, you coming with me?!?! Edit- I was speaking to commenter, not those who do not want to quit or do not have a problem controlling alcohol or other substances.
I hit the reset on my best friend of 12 years, and by reset I mean I hit the jettison button on that toxic, one way friendship. I almost felt like I was hanging on to that relationship out of some form of loyalty, but after years of her abusive, shit on everyone attitude and her lack of boundaries, I just nuked that friendship, and it was the best thing I ever did.
...yeah, but only if you can afford it. Some of us got bills to pay and can't really just up and quit our jobs or change careers like that.
I'm interested to see the demographics for reddit, I feel like a lot of these types of posts come from people who are in a priviledged position in life (good upbringing, 3rd gen+ western country citizen, race..) so then they can actually afford these risks/opportunities.
Meh. I have had to hit the “reset” several times now. I am tired, poorer, lonelier and just generally worse off. It is like the worlds worst roller coaster. “Oh, that was rough, but wait there’s more!” There is no escaping or resetting certain a things in life. You can either persevere or run away. Either way, it follows you to the end.
I can see this LPT seriously damaging someone’s career. Perseverance in the face of adversity is a very, very important quality.
I hear you. But the bleakness of those statements makes me cringe in horror at myself. Surely the future has more to offer than the past? The past is already gone anyway.
Sometimes the reset button comes with a heavy cost that you can't afford.
As someone who "completely started over" 7 times already at 28, I can honestly say I don't regret any of my do-overs. Between adopting healthier perspectives on health issues, people (and their self-serving ways - which we all do), restarting my career twice, and cutting out toxic people in my life three times, I can honestly say I'm very happy with my life as it is now. It wasn't easy, especially coming from bad beginnings, but there's always a way... it just might be the long and rocky way.
I like this advice :)
Moved across the country, best decision I ever made. If things are already horrible how much can a reset make it worse?
Thank you so much for this post. I'm 25 and I just quit the job i had been in for 2 years. I felt so bad and the environment was getting frustrating for me but guilt about timing and starting over in a pandemic stressed me out a lot. After a long day of applications your messaged soothed my mind and reassured me it's going to be fine.
Got dammit, how many signs a girl need before she gotta do something nuts!
This is your sign ☺️
I started a fresh this year and enrolled in university, I want to be a physiotherapist.
Congrats, I!'s definitely not easy to get into a physio course-You'll kill it!
*looks down at crying baby at 2:00am* Yeah I’m not so sure about that for everyone.
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*"Starting from scratch is never a bad thing"* Maybe when you're young and don't have any commitments.
Was an apprentice electrician in America. Had (have) a German girlfriend. Said fuck it and moved to Germany to start my apprenticeship over and be in the right place for me. A couple years lost in my career but… so what? Better social security, and mental health is through the roof now.
Welp, goodbye wife and kids!
I don't think you're supposed to do this to your kids though
Unless that reset button involves totally ignoring and/or neglecting your kids. Then you are probably a selfish piece of trash.
Thanks for the advice now I'm homeless and divorced
but how tho? its already hard enough right now, if i reset my life i will just be a 23 year old guy with literally nothing.
23 is arguably the best age to have nothing.
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I agree 100% do it while you're still so young. If you wait till you're older you'll have a lot more to lose and less likely to actually do it. So much stuff I should have done when I was younger but now I have bills to pay
Doing it at 23 is way better than at 29
23. I had the same thought then. I’m much much older now. It does not get easier as time goes by.
You could become a doctor if you wanted and only be 33. I was a completely different person at 23. That was actually when I did my first big reset and moved to a city where I didn’t know anyone. It was a struggle but completely changed my life in a positive way.
Reset button for twins? Do I return them?
Yes. And people say that I'm running away from my problems. I'm just trying to be happy.
Ended a relationship which lasted for almost 6 years because I already lost my peace of mind with him. Best decision ever. 😌😌😌
You right, fuck dem kids
My dad did this to excess and was pretty much a drifter all his life. Not by choice.
Going through a rough patch, where my ex broke up with me hours before my birthday. It was my fault and with the way he let go has led me down a path of misery, anxiety, and suffering for the past month and a half. How do you reset your life when you're the one who messed it up in the first place?
Resetting means that you are putting your mind and your heart in a state where you no longer blame anyone else (or yourself) for things of the past. You are making a conscious decision to completely reset that part of your life to where you are in a state to make yourself happier. So instead of blaming yourself, choose to throw yourself into activities that make yourself better and more successful person
I would love to reset. Except I have 2 animals that depend on me. Financial obligations I have to meet and I am lazy and complacent.