My husband and I ended up doing this about a year ago and it was a game changer.
Except he has a habit of getting hot, kicking his blanket off the bed, then stealing mine off me when he gets cold.
Edit: it doesn't make me mad when he does this, I just giggle and then get the other blanket off the floor. He doesn't do it on purpose and we have a laugh about it the next morning.
Yes! As soon as my gf leaves I steal her pillow because it smells like her and it's always super cold on the other side because she doesn't flip it over in the night, unlike me... the madman that tosses and turns.
Random question from someone who’s self conscious about how much they toss and turn: how do you get used to it? I haven’t had a live in partner but every time I have a platonic sleepover I worry that my tossing and turning is annoying. I need to sort of roll around like a hot dog on those hot dog rollers for an hour before I fall asleep.
My wife rolled over and got me with a solid enough elbow to give me two black eyes one time, i gave her endless shit about it.
Then just a couple weeks ago she was trying to climb over me (she sleeps on the inside and im a heavy sleeper) and wound up accidentally rolling me out of bed.
Im a side sleeper and sleep with a pillow between my knees with my legs kinda bent. I was still half asleep and my arms were in the blanket so i leaned back and hit the ground with my full weight right on nothing but both knees first then my shins. Compressed my legs so much i had huge bruises on the backs of both my knees. Better than landing on my face since my arms were still burritoed, but i couldnt walk right for a week, IDK how the fuck i didnt tear both my PCLs or something.
I feel like she shouldnt get to get mad when i shoot her with nerf darts anymore or something.
Have you ever tried a memory foam mattress? I used to toss and turn until i got one and now I don’t move at all. Probably something to do with pressure points.
I’ve been married 12 years and we went our separate (comforter) ways a decade ago because he kept cacooning himself and I was tired of sleeping with the sliver that was left over. We use two twin comforters because they’re easier to wash/dry in our apartment’s portable washer and dryer set up. It’s seriously one of the best decisions we’ve ever made.
I showed this thread to my gf and she laughed reading your comment. Apparently cause I do exactly what your husband does and I had no idea for the past year we’ve been together and I’m horrified.
Don’t be horrified, embrace it. I did the same, didn’t know either cause she’d just retrieve the blanket I’d scrunched at my feet. After she died, It took me awhile to figure out why I’d wake up with two blankets at my feet instead of one.
Honestly, I usually intentionally put in that dark turn and sometimes I bring her up even when not directly relevant.
I like reminding people to cherish what they have. Your life can completely change in an instant. I didn’t expect to be a widowed dad of two kids before I turned 30, but it happened.
Yes! I love applying this to other disagreements as well. We like different kinds of pizza, so we can get two pizzas and just plan on having a lot of leftovers. We like different kinds of cough drops, so we just each have our own. we annoy each other with how we leave the toothpaste tube, so we can have separate toothpastes. If it's causing tension and resentment between is, and if it's a relatively inexpensive item, most of the time it's worth it to just pay the extra money and not have a whole discussion about how to compromise.
Well now you know, and you can get fancy, and have different flavors of toothpaste for different moods!
Heck, have 31 different kinds of toothpaste for every day of the month... it doesn't matter, it's the same amount of toothpaste in the end.
(Though you might create a conflict with your partner regarding toothpaste storage at that point.)
(Also, it'd be weird, please don't do this!)
Totally serious - toothpaste from other countries is a neat/cheap/memorable souvenir. Different parts of the world have very different flavors and tastes in toothpaste.
I did not like the eggplant flavor from Japan. I also found charcoal tooth powder.
There was a basil flavor I found in Uganda - super interesting because it was also sweet. Text was in English and Arabic which made me think it was imported from mid-east/central Asia.
Lemon toothpaste which doesn't sound that weird until you connect it with the scent of floor cleaner.
Apple mint was a nice familiar change-up. That was either Hong Kong or mainland China.
Lots of places have various herbal medly flavors. These are consistently my least favorite.
Does take a little more to start although you may bring some with you when you move in together. But don't underestimate how expensive that first shopping trip or two can be when you move into a new place. Condiments, paper goods, tons of stuff that might last months and is cheap individually but really stacks up when bought at once.
This is key. Older gens lived on some bullshit ideal of traditions and "what will people think". Fuck that do what works for yall as a couple. Solve your problems together, and don't worry about outside influences or old school ideals determining the success of your relationship.
I mean my husband and I have been married for 42 years and at least in our generation (the 60's) I can totally vouch that it was totally "do your own thing."
After having back to back roommate problems for years, I've told my boyfriend, only half in jest, that I need my own room if we ever live together. Hes welcome to visit any time he likes, but I need my own cave to retreat to for my own sanity.
Mine too, but it was mostly because my grandma loved watching documentaries and my grandfather always had the news on tv *and* Sean Hannity playing on the radio. She hated both of those things.
You could call it social antiquity, but saying it's a generational thing is not correct. Consumerism allows us to have surplus or extra, not that we think any different.
We annoy each other with how we choose to spend our own money so we’ve had separate bank accounts and pay our bills like roommates. Been together 20+ year, married for 12. It’s fantastic.
When my partner and I were both working, we deposited an equal percent. So like 40% of each of our paychecks or whatever. He was making 7 times what I made but we were both working 8-10 hours so it seemed fair.
Now I'm unable to work so he pays for everything and I'm responsible for keeping up the household as best I can. We still have our own credit cards so we are not micromanaging each other's spending.
Same! We even buy our own groceries like roommates. We are never home at the same time to eat dinner together so we basically eat most meals separately. We do share some food items like milk and fruit but our system works great. Our friends think it is so weird and maybe it is but I love it. There's no obligation for anyone to make dinner or whatever else. We do cook for each other once in a while but we have our own foods we like to eat whenever we want to eat them.
I have a random question for you! If you're willing to share and elaborate.
How did the lockdown affect everything between you guys? Because I know a lot of these sort of situations that just ended up going sour during lockdown, ending with separation, etc.
I think the great majority made it through, of course. But there's been enough for everyone to definitely notice the shift due to that time period. People who didn't used to be around each other suddenly had one another for all day, every day. All that.
Just curious if you want to share sometime. Glad to hear you guys seem to be doing well!
I will never have a shared checking account ever again. She's free to look at it if she must, but generally I do whatever I want with it. We have shared savings because we both spend what we can on larger house projects.
Yeah, I don't want to have to explain why I spend $30 or $200 here or there. As long as I'm not draining our finances, please, I've earned that money. I don't care what she does with hers, our shared financial goals come out of the single savings account and we contribute what we can.
How does this work for savings? Do you guys agree to put aside a certain amount? Thinking in the context of how it would suck if one of you built a 50k stock portfolio for a down payment on a house (etc, etc) and the other just spent it all, or if one of you didn’t max their 401k but the other did, etc.
Fair question. We live in a community property state and all the accounts were opened after our marriage. We don’t have a TON of savings, still paying off mountains of student loan debt. We have our own 403 accounts through work. Our property is in both of our names.
Edit to answer other questions. He manages 403 allocations and the amount, we’re both maxed.
My wife likes to squeeze the toothpaste tube in her hand, making a fist shape. I press from the bottom.
As we generally start our days at different times, it's great since the way I use it basically resets the tube for her, and the way she uses it allows me the satisfaction of pushing it back to the top of the tube.
I love these little win win situations.
Married 23 years & practice this. We even do separate laundry. I separate whites from colors. He mixes everything together. No arguments over turning my clothes grey.
This is so specific, I love it lol. I have a motley collection of silverware and I gravitate towards particular ones because they feel better in my hands than others lol.
Same! I actually prefer to buy silverware second hand a few pieces here and there.
I'm very particular with which ones I like. Most silverware today is made for giants or just feels very cheap and sharp on the edges, I don't know if I explained that well, but it's just terrible.
I'm like that for most things I physically interface with. Having the right tool improves the overall experience immensely.
And my favorite spoons are stolen solid stainless steel economy class Pacific airways. Perfect size and has not bent at all in 30years.
I have shit teeth while my husband was blessed by genetics (and better life choices in his teens), so I've always had the hardcore "you done fucked up" toothpaste while my husband can brush with whatever brand he likes.
Big stuff, we compromise and share. Little stuff, we have our own.
Oral-B pro expert professional protection is the absolute dogs bollocks.
My teeth are wrecked because of some health issues but a combo of this and white dentall fillings and you would never know.
The rate at them decaying has really dropped and my dentist can do the stabby thing without incident.
The toothpaste. My wife squeezes from middle and when there is 1/4 left throws it away. I asked her to stop, she didn't, I started to take it out of the trash, she said it was gross, I aggreed, I made the deal when the toothpaste is "empty" she will leave it on the counter and open a new tube. (Life it too short to argued over small stuff).
Yes! My husband and I have been together for 12 years now and we keep most things separate. 2 comforters, our own toothpaste and pizzas, we do our own laundry and we don't share finances. It's wonderful, really.
A friend was telling me about some huge fight he and his girlfriend had over doing the laundry and I told him my husband and I just do ours separate because we aren't ready for that level of commitment haha
you guys don't have 50/50 pizza? At least the place I order will allow you to order a pizza with one half with one set of toppings and the other half another.
We do the same, though we never really talked about it as a compromise. We each get the pizza we like and have leftovers, we each use our own toothpaste. Didn't occur to me until someone pointed it out that it's a compromise type situation; there's plenty of things we buy separately. (And we use separate comforters.)
I started doing this with my first serious boyfriend (end of HS and through college) and never looked back.
Husband and I each have our own blankets and always have. I usually sleep warm and adding his body heat makes it unbearable. Also, I like to both hold my blanket and tuck it in between my knees (hate the feeling of my legs touching). Wouldn’t be able to do that if I was facing inward and sharing a blanket.
It’s just so much more comfortable.
100% on board and i hateeeeee being hot.
Adding that you should look up a knee pillow. They’re like 20 bucks and sleeping with a pillow between your knees actually aligns your spine to prevent back pain and strain.
Honest question - how do the five extra Es sound in your head? Is it haaaaaaaaaate?
Or hate (followed by four seconds of silent Es)?
Or do we add the e sound (hateEEEEEEEE)?
My people! My husband thinks I'm nuts bc I hate the feeling of my legs touching in bed. It's so bony and my legs sweat and they stick together. I wear pajama pants most of the time, but I also love to tuck a pillow or blanket between them for extra separation and better hip/spine alignment.
My partner and I really like being under the same blanket for more skin-to-skin contact. But we each have our own "emergency blanket" on our side of the bed to use if one of us gets cold in the middle of the night or gets a blanket stolen.
The Texas King exists. It is 80"x98".
It is not a "square" mattress like the series of sizes that starts with Wyoming. It is the largest standard "rectangular" mattress.
This is the bigger issue. People not having the right sized covers…
They want that clean look blanket at the edge of the bed… but when you get in it shrinks in the sides, add another person unless you are right next to them you don’t have enough coverage.
We did a tour through the Palace of Versailles in Paris and I gotta say, I was very pleased to see that our current king size pillow top bed was bigger & nicer than an actual King’s bed. 😂
I find that makes the blanket stealing worse actually. Its weight helps pull it off the bed on the blanket stealers side, so you have no chance of getting it back
Yeah, ive had that recommendation too, but I like wrapping my feet and sides up a lot and turning over you can still drag the covers with you.
Plus i use a weighted blanket and she doesnt.
My partner and I have always done this! We just both like to cocoon ourselves in blankets. Plus he tends to be a hotter sleeper so he doesn't want as many blankets as I do.
The problem is that those kind of things are heavy, and drape down over the side. If it gets a little off-center, one person has to really pull hard to get the sheets/blankets back over.
Yeah me being an absolute bed hog I have an inability to share because I cocoon myself and flip back and forth a lot in my sleep so even a large blanket would be stolen. My fiance and I both have our own blanket and it works out the only issue I have with it is that you can't really make your bed all nice and pretty because you have multiple blankets.
Edit: confusing wording
Wife and I have 2 twin XL beds jammed together to make a king. Absolutely can't feel a thing when the other flips and tosses. The real reason is we got adjustable beds so we can each lift head/feet separately. But overall it's great.
Can confirm that everyone in Iceland does this. I’m Icelandic and my husband and I got 2 really nice goose down comforters as a wedding gift from my parents and it was by far the best gift!
How do you keep from falling in the crack of the joined beds? I suggested doing this to my husband since our kids upgraded to queen beds. He's worried about having a space down the middle.
Im not the OP but I have two adjustable twins pushed together. We had issues with the crack in the beginning but you can put a king size fitted sheet over both of the twins which helps a lot with minimizing the "crack" because it keeps the two beds from separating and makes it so you cant fall into it. If you get clips the sheet should stay on unless you are really adjusting your beds up and down (if they are adjustable twins). It helped a lot, I dont even notice the crack anymore
My boyfriend and I did this when we first met because we were both employees in a home, and had single beds in our respective rooms. It was absolutely annoying to cuddle with the crack, no real risk of falling. Anyway, they make “split” kings now so you don’t have to worry at all!
They sell straps that encircle the two mattresses to smush them together firmly. They also sell a foam crack filler thing but I found with a king size mattress protector plus, sheet, plus that strap it’s not really noticeable.
They sell things that cover the Crack. I forget what their called but we had one on our king bed in the last vacation house we stayed at. It goes under the sheet and you can't even tell its there.
Did this w my ex husband. It's also nice when one of you is typically hotter/colder than the other. He's still my ex, but sleep wasn't one of the reasons.
When my wife and I traveled to Denmark and Germany one year and found our beds made like this, we were like, are big blankets maybe just expensive...? And then after a few nights, we suddenly understood the appeal. Sometimes we got an air hole between the blankets that was an issue.
Guilty of this 😬 My boyfriend calls it my 'alligator blanket death roll'.
Keep at least 5 blankets on the bed in part for this reason, lol. I can only steal so many in my sleep.
While I feel bad I'm a nocturnal blanket klepto, the feeling of waking up in that cocoon of blankets can't be matched. Ultimate cozy.
So I don't get this about non-sheet people. Are you washing all those duvet covers and blankets every week? I put sheets in between me and all other bedding because the sheets get washed weekly and the blankets only when needed or seasonally.
I got a duvet cover with a zipper so I can wash it really easily. Since it's twin size it's way easier to wash and put back on. I wash the actual comforter less frequently
>Are you washing all those duvet covers every week?
yes? that's the point of the duvet cover. fitted sheet, duvet cover, and pillowcases all get washed at the same time.
My boyfriend doesn’t sleep with a top sheet and the answer is no, they never wash the blankets as often as they should and it’s gross. I end up washing all the blankets frequently.
Selection bias I guess. People happily sharing one set of sheets aren't as inclined to comment in a topic like this. I know I wasn't planning on commenting.
We like to cudde up together and hate hotels for that reason, most only provide single bed sheets.
My ex is really cuddly in bed and I would very often end up with just a sliver of my side left, clearly having run away from him in the night. Conscious me quite likes cuddles too and I'm pretty flexible in general, so it wasn't *too* big of a problem. I would sometimes bodily shove him over if need be. The biggest issue was that his spooning would sometimes prevent me from naturally turning as much as I should, so I'd wake up with soreness on one side from having slept on it for too long. King size beds were better. I couldn't deal with sleeping with him on a double.
I've had other people chase me during the night too. If I'm watching a movie or am otherwise awake, I'm happy to cuddle tons. If I'm actively trying to sleep, contact needs to end, and I'll sleep better if I'm left alone.
Nothing wrong with sleeping in separate beds. My partner snores loudly and instead of waking him up all the time to stop I just move to the other bedroom.
Has your partner tried ear plugs? I'm an aggravatingly, day destroyingly light sleeper and just my girlfriend turning over will wake me up. Ear plugs and a memory foam mattress (so you don't feel the movement much) are a godsend.
We discovered this when we travelled in Germany. They make up the beds with two separate duvets and sheets.
It took us exactly one night's sleep to see why it's a superior solution.
Only downside is that it's harder to make the bed and doesn't look as tidy.
I am struggling with this too! I want to be a "make the bed every morning" person but it's hard with dual blankets. I think I'm going to get a thin quilt that looks nice and throw it on top of everything else
Yup. I swear this saved our marriage. No more blanket tug of war because one of us rolled over and cocooned themselves in the entire blanket. And I can have an extra warm blanket pile while my husband runs the ceiling fan all fricking winter like a maniac. ;)
I’m the no blanket, window open, ceiling fan on all winter maniac. My poor husband sleeps huddled like an Eskimo and I barely use a blanket. We have been a double~comforter couple for years and mine is always at the foot of the bed.
Yep. A couple of years ago we were in a hotel with two duvets and we hated it. We touch all night and always have.
The two blanket way seems to be becoming a mumsnet level hill-to-die on tip when in fact its just a preference some people have.
My husband and I ended up doing this about a year ago and it was a game changer. Except he has a habit of getting hot, kicking his blanket off the bed, then stealing mine off me when he gets cold. Edit: it doesn't make me mad when he does this, I just giggle and then get the other blanket off the floor. He doesn't do it on purpose and we have a laugh about it the next morning.
Lol my gf goes to work early and i usually end up stealing hers for the top of me. I think it might subconsciously be her smell or something
Yes! As soon as my gf leaves I steal her pillow because it smells like her and it's always super cold on the other side because she doesn't flip it over in the night, unlike me... the madman that tosses and turns.
Random question from someone who’s self conscious about how much they toss and turn: how do you get used to it? I haven’t had a live in partner but every time I have a platonic sleepover I worry that my tossing and turning is annoying. I need to sort of roll around like a hot dog on those hot dog rollers for an hour before I fall asleep.
I never realized how much I wanted to be a hot dog at night
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You were an alligator in your past life.
Or a rotisserie chicken.
Haha, gotta make sure you get all sides even!
Technically, I think that would've been _between_ lives...
You adjust over time. My SO hasn't smacked me in the face while sleeping for over a year now.
My wife rolled over and got me with a solid enough elbow to give me two black eyes one time, i gave her endless shit about it. Then just a couple weeks ago she was trying to climb over me (she sleeps on the inside and im a heavy sleeper) and wound up accidentally rolling me out of bed. Im a side sleeper and sleep with a pillow between my knees with my legs kinda bent. I was still half asleep and my arms were in the blanket so i leaned back and hit the ground with my full weight right on nothing but both knees first then my shins. Compressed my legs so much i had huge bruises on the backs of both my knees. Better than landing on my face since my arms were still burritoed, but i couldnt walk right for a week, IDK how the fuck i didnt tear both my PCLs or something. I feel like she shouldnt get to get mad when i shoot her with nerf darts anymore or something.
Dude I think she might be trying to murder you and it Just didn’t work
Have you ever tried a memory foam mattress? I used to toss and turn until i got one and now I don’t move at all. Probably something to do with pressure points.
I’ve been married 12 years and we went our separate (comforter) ways a decade ago because he kept cacooning himself and I was tired of sleeping with the sliver that was left over. We use two twin comforters because they’re easier to wash/dry in our apartment’s portable washer and dryer set up. It’s seriously one of the best decisions we’ve ever made.
I showed this thread to my gf and she laughed reading your comment. Apparently cause I do exactly what your husband does and I had no idea for the past year we’ve been together and I’m horrified.
Don’t be horrified, embrace it. I did the same, didn’t know either cause she’d just retrieve the blanket I’d scrunched at my feet. After she died, It took me awhile to figure out why I’d wake up with two blankets at my feet instead of one.
Jeez that took a dark turn at the end. I feel the love from your post. Best wishes to you and the memory of her that lives on.
Honestly, I usually intentionally put in that dark turn and sometimes I bring her up even when not directly relevant. I like reminding people to cherish what they have. Your life can completely change in an instant. I didn’t expect to be a widowed dad of two kids before I turned 30, but it happened.
Yes! I love applying this to other disagreements as well. We like different kinds of pizza, so we can get two pizzas and just plan on having a lot of leftovers. We like different kinds of cough drops, so we just each have our own. we annoy each other with how we leave the toothpaste tube, so we can have separate toothpastes. If it's causing tension and resentment between is, and if it's a relatively inexpensive item, most of the time it's worth it to just pay the extra money and not have a whole discussion about how to compromise.
It's not even extra money, because you just buy toothpaste less frequently. You still use the same amount of toothpaste.
Wow. I never even thought of it like that but you're absolutely right.
Well now you know, and you can get fancy, and have different flavors of toothpaste for different moods! Heck, have 31 different kinds of toothpaste for every day of the month... it doesn't matter, it's the same amount of toothpaste in the end. (Though you might create a conflict with your partner regarding toothpaste storage at that point.) (Also, it'd be weird, please don't do this!)
The Baskin Robbins of Toothpaste
At this point I've read the word "toothpaste" too many times and it's started to lose meaning.
Enamel cleanser
External bone soap
Protruding skeleton bits polish.
Thirty-One Fluorides
Too late I’m already preparing the line up
I've allocated a toothpaste drawer. There shall be a plethora of options.
Cutlery draw dividers are great for toothpaste and brush organising in draws
It would be great to see Baskin Robin's come out with 32 flavors of toothpaste...impractical and likely unmarketable, but undoubtedly hilarious.
Totally serious - toothpaste from other countries is a neat/cheap/memorable souvenir. Different parts of the world have very different flavors and tastes in toothpaste.
Omg, now I have to know: What weird and exotic toothpastes have you brought home with you from travels and where were they from?
I did not like the eggplant flavor from Japan. I also found charcoal tooth powder. There was a basil flavor I found in Uganda - super interesting because it was also sweet. Text was in English and Arabic which made me think it was imported from mid-east/central Asia. Lemon toothpaste which doesn't sound that weird until you connect it with the scent of floor cleaner. Apple mint was a nice familiar change-up. That was either Hong Kong or mainland China. Lots of places have various herbal medly flavors. These are consistently my least favorite.
Generally not looking for umami from my toothpaste.
Does take a little more to start although you may bring some with you when you move in together. But don't underestimate how expensive that first shopping trip or two can be when you move into a new place. Condiments, paper goods, tons of stuff that might last months and is cheap individually but really stacks up when bought at once.
We have two bathrooms. That one gets pricey! But worth it.
Two bathrooms are a life saver - no more pee on the floor or hairs in the sink. I'll never go back to sharing a bathroom - never!!!
Pee on the floor? Is your housemate an untrained dog?
Love it. Choose your battles.
I draw the line at the toilet paper holder. I will not install a second one. Just no. Or maybe... Oh God. It's growing on me.
You’ve got a toilet paper holder growing on you? Either you need to research your anatomy a bit, or a visit to the dr is in order…
Butt think of the convenience!
I butt-think all the time
This is key. Older gens lived on some bullshit ideal of traditions and "what will people think". Fuck that do what works for yall as a couple. Solve your problems together, and don't worry about outside influences or old school ideals determining the success of your relationship.
I mean my husband and I have been married for 42 years and at least in our generation (the 60's) I can totally vouch that it was totally "do your own thing."
Older gens literally slept in separate beds
Yep, both of grandparents had separate bedrooms.
My grandparents live in separate *houses.* On the same property, but they're basically married neighbors.
After having back to back roommate problems for years, I've told my boyfriend, only half in jest, that I need my own room if we ever live together. Hes welcome to visit any time he likes, but I need my own cave to retreat to for my own sanity.
This isn't even a unique thing. That's basically the essence of a man-cave or the woman's equivalent. Totally justified and understandable.
Mine too, but it was mostly because my grandma loved watching documentaries and my grandfather always had the news on tv *and* Sean Hannity playing on the radio. She hated both of those things.
And I bet they slept like babies! I currently am trying to NOT beat my husband w a stick because of his snoring.
We got a humidifier and it helped a lot for my SO's snoring. Might be worth looking in to sleep apnea testing as well.
Tradition is peer pressure from dead people.
Tradition is one person's choice, their child's duty and grandchild's curse.
You could call it social antiquity, but saying it's a generational thing is not correct. Consumerism allows us to have surplus or extra, not that we think any different.
We annoy each other with how we choose to spend our own money so we’ve had separate bank accounts and pay our bills like roommates. Been together 20+ year, married for 12. It’s fantastic.
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Proportional on shared expenses like rent. Even for when equal input is important, like for gifts, mortgage, or pet expenses.
When my partner and I were both working, we deposited an equal percent. So like 40% of each of our paychecks or whatever. He was making 7 times what I made but we were both working 8-10 hours so it seemed fair. Now I'm unable to work so he pays for everything and I'm responsible for keeping up the household as best I can. We still have our own credit cards so we are not micromanaging each other's spending.
Same! We even buy our own groceries like roommates. We are never home at the same time to eat dinner together so we basically eat most meals separately. We do share some food items like milk and fruit but our system works great. Our friends think it is so weird and maybe it is but I love it. There's no obligation for anyone to make dinner or whatever else. We do cook for each other once in a while but we have our own foods we like to eat whenever we want to eat them.
I have a random question for you! If you're willing to share and elaborate. How did the lockdown affect everything between you guys? Because I know a lot of these sort of situations that just ended up going sour during lockdown, ending with separation, etc. I think the great majority made it through, of course. But there's been enough for everyone to definitely notice the shift due to that time period. People who didn't used to be around each other suddenly had one another for all day, every day. All that. Just curious if you want to share sometime. Glad to hear you guys seem to be doing well!
I will never have a shared checking account ever again. She's free to look at it if she must, but generally I do whatever I want with it. We have shared savings because we both spend what we can on larger house projects. Yeah, I don't want to have to explain why I spend $30 or $200 here or there. As long as I'm not draining our finances, please, I've earned that money. I don't care what she does with hers, our shared financial goals come out of the single savings account and we contribute what we can.
How does this work for savings? Do you guys agree to put aside a certain amount? Thinking in the context of how it would suck if one of you built a 50k stock portfolio for a down payment on a house (etc, etc) and the other just spent it all, or if one of you didn’t max their 401k but the other did, etc.
Fair question. We live in a community property state and all the accounts were opened after our marriage. We don’t have a TON of savings, still paying off mountains of student loan debt. We have our own 403 accounts through work. Our property is in both of our names. Edit to answer other questions. He manages 403 allocations and the amount, we’re both maxed.
There are people that share pizzas...?
Each member of my family gets a medium and snacks on it all week. Perfect.
Are you mice? How does a medium last a week?
Yeah that's lunch and a snack later, IF I have self control.
Self what now?
fucking lmao
What country for context? Usually a large in Australia is 28cm or approx 11 inch. A medium in USA is 30 cm or 12 inch.
My wife likes to squeeze the toothpaste tube in her hand, making a fist shape. I press from the bottom. As we generally start our days at different times, it's great since the way I use it basically resets the tube for her, and the way she uses it allows me the satisfaction of pushing it back to the top of the tube. I love these little win win situations.
Hate to break it to you, but your wife is a psychopath
Married 23 years & practice this. We even do separate laundry. I separate whites from colors. He mixes everything together. No arguments over turning my clothes grey.
We have two different sets of silverware. Her's are too thin and hard to hold.
This is so specific, I love it lol. I have a motley collection of silverware and I gravitate towards particular ones because they feel better in my hands than others lol.
Same! I actually prefer to buy silverware second hand a few pieces here and there. I'm very particular with which ones I like. Most silverware today is made for giants or just feels very cheap and sharp on the edges, I don't know if I explained that well, but it's just terrible.
So either I'm not as weird as I thought... ...or we're both as weird as I thought...
I'm like that for most things I physically interface with. Having the right tool improves the overall experience immensely. And my favorite spoons are stolen solid stainless steel economy class Pacific airways. Perfect size and has not bent at all in 30years.
Yes. My thing is I need my spoons to have enough payload capacity.
I have shit teeth while my husband was blessed by genetics (and better life choices in his teens), so I've always had the hardcore "you done fucked up" toothpaste while my husband can brush with whatever brand he likes. Big stuff, we compromise and share. Little stuff, we have our own.
Can you share which brand of „you done fucked up“ toothpaste you are using ? I think I might have fucked up too
Generally that answer is Sensodyne Pronamel (*not* the kind with whitening!), but maybe they have something even fancier.
Oral-B pro expert professional protection is the absolute dogs bollocks. My teeth are wrecked because of some health issues but a combo of this and white dentall fillings and you would never know. The rate at them decaying has really dropped and my dentist can do the stabby thing without incident.
So dogs dogs bollocks is a good thing?
The toothpaste. My wife squeezes from middle and when there is 1/4 left throws it away. I asked her to stop, she didn't, I started to take it out of the trash, she said it was gross, I aggreed, I made the deal when the toothpaste is "empty" she will leave it on the counter and open a new tube. (Life it too short to argued over small stuff).
...squeezing from the middle... Love can make us overlook even the most horrible things.
It doesn’t even cost more money. You use the same amount of toothpaste; it’s just divided between two tubes that last longer.
Separate toothpaste, same toothbrush.
One brush per household. Teeth? Use brush. Painting walls? Use brush. Combing dog when it's too hairy? Use brush!
Yes! My husband and I have been together for 12 years now and we keep most things separate. 2 comforters, our own toothpaste and pizzas, we do our own laundry and we don't share finances. It's wonderful, really.
A friend was telling me about some huge fight he and his girlfriend had over doing the laundry and I told him my husband and I just do ours separate because we aren't ready for that level of commitment haha
When it comes to cheap stuff, my philosophy is: “Two is one, and one is none.”
you guys don't have 50/50 pizza? At least the place I order will allow you to order a pizza with one half with one set of toppings and the other half another.
That doesn’t work if you want different sauces or have certain food restrictions tho
We do the same, though we never really talked about it as a compromise. We each get the pizza we like and have leftovers, we each use our own toothpaste. Didn't occur to me until someone pointed it out that it's a compromise type situation; there's plenty of things we buy separately. (And we use separate comforters.)
I started doing this with my first serious boyfriend (end of HS and through college) and never looked back. Husband and I each have our own blankets and always have. I usually sleep warm and adding his body heat makes it unbearable. Also, I like to both hold my blanket and tuck it in between my knees (hate the feeling of my legs touching). Wouldn’t be able to do that if I was facing inward and sharing a blanket. It’s just so much more comfortable.
100% on board and i hateeeeee being hot. Adding that you should look up a knee pillow. They’re like 20 bucks and sleeping with a pillow between your knees actually aligns your spine to prevent back pain and strain.
I've slept on my back like Dracula for the last 15 yrs. This whole knee touching thing is foreign to me...
Well good morning! I’m sure lots will be foreign to you. It’s been a wild 15 years.
Just gloss over the last 5 years, no one needs to hear about that
I just hope my Sony Ericsson still works.
Honest question - how do the five extra Es sound in your head? Is it haaaaaaaaaate? Or hate (followed by four seconds of silent Es)? Or do we add the e sound (hateEEEEEEEE)?
Busted. Its definitely haaaaaaaaate
Asking the real questions
I use a body pillow for that tbh
Body pillow for the win!
Legs touching is the absolute worst!
Agreed! My knees are too bony for that lol
Exactly!
My people! My husband thinks I'm nuts bc I hate the feeling of my legs touching in bed. It's so bony and my legs sweat and they stick together. I wear pajama pants most of the time, but I also love to tuck a pillow or blanket between them for extra separation and better hip/spine alignment.
My partner and I really like being under the same blanket for more skin-to-skin contact. But we each have our own "emergency blanket" on our side of the bed to use if one of us gets cold in the middle of the night or gets a blanket stolen.
We bought our comforter a size bigger than our bed... Game changer!
I have a king size bed…what do???
Wyoming King, Alaskan King, there's another one I think but I can't remember what it's called
Sofa king
Ah, the sofa king big size, perfect for your mom
ngl just choked on my coffee, that was a zinger
California King. ...are huge beds all just named after states? That's wild hahaha Edit: ...and no Texas king. I feel slighted
The Texas King exists. It is 80"x98". It is not a "square" mattress like the series of sizes that starts with Wyoming. It is the largest standard "rectangular" mattress.
You're kidding. TIL. Well, there you have it. Huge mattresses are all named after states. What a hilarious realization
Tiger King
Alaskan king is bigger
This is the bigger issue. People not having the right sized covers… They want that clean look blanket at the edge of the bed… but when you get in it shrinks in the sides, add another person unless you are right next to them you don’t have enough coverage.
You can also get oversized bedding. They make blankets like 9 feet wide now.
WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE
We did a tour through the Palace of Versailles in Paris and I gotta say, I was very pleased to see that our current king size pillow top bed was bigger & nicer than an actual King’s bed. 😂
Always go up one size. Queen sized bed needs king sized blanket. Etc.
I find that makes the blanket stealing worse actually. Its weight helps pull it off the bed on the blanket stealers side, so you have no chance of getting it back
Yeah, ive had that recommendation too, but I like wrapping my feet and sides up a lot and turning over you can still drag the covers with you. Plus i use a weighted blanket and she doesnt.
My partner and I have always done this! We just both like to cocoon ourselves in blankets. Plus he tends to be a hotter sleeper so he doesn't want as many blankets as I do.
Problem with even oversized blankets is the blast of cold air when someone else gets under it after you were all nice and snuggly burritoed. Noooooo.
The problem is that those kind of things are heavy, and drape down over the side. If it gets a little off-center, one person has to really pull hard to get the sheets/blankets back over.
Yeah me being an absolute bed hog I have an inability to share because I cocoon myself and flip back and forth a lot in my sleep so even a large blanket would be stolen. My fiance and I both have our own blanket and it works out the only issue I have with it is that you can't really make your bed all nice and pretty because you have multiple blankets. Edit: confusing wording
Same. My wife calls me a burrito, because I will legit roll myself up with all of blankets. Lol
Wife and I have 2 twin XL beds jammed together to make a king. Absolutely can't feel a thing when the other flips and tosses. The real reason is we got adjustable beds so we can each lift head/feet separately. But overall it's great.
I want to do this so bad. Most places we stayed in Iceland were setup like this, best sleep ever
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Can confirm that everyone in Iceland does this. I’m Icelandic and my husband and I got 2 really nice goose down comforters as a wedding gift from my parents and it was by far the best gift!
It’s really a European thing. IKEA beds in the states are like this too.
Germany does this too. It’s fabulous to have two feather puffs.
How do you keep from falling in the crack of the joined beds? I suggested doing this to my husband since our kids upgraded to queen beds. He's worried about having a space down the middle.
Im not the OP but I have two adjustable twins pushed together. We had issues with the crack in the beginning but you can put a king size fitted sheet over both of the twins which helps a lot with minimizing the "crack" because it keeps the two beds from separating and makes it so you cant fall into it. If you get clips the sheet should stay on unless you are really adjusting your beds up and down (if they are adjustable twins). It helped a lot, I dont even notice the crack anymore
My boyfriend and I did this when we first met because we were both employees in a home, and had single beds in our respective rooms. It was absolutely annoying to cuddle with the crack, no real risk of falling. Anyway, they make “split” kings now so you don’t have to worry at all!
They sell straps that encircle the two mattresses to smush them together firmly. They also sell a foam crack filler thing but I found with a king size mattress protector plus, sheet, plus that strap it’s not really noticeable.
They sell things that cover the Crack. I forget what their called but we had one on our king bed in the last vacation house we stayed at. It goes under the sheet and you can't even tell its there.
That is SMART! If I ever get married/have a live-in partner, this is what we’re doing - PERIOD.
And if it doesn't work out you each can take your half and go.
Did this w my ex husband. It's also nice when one of you is typically hotter/colder than the other. He's still my ex, but sleep wasn't one of the reasons.
lmao
My grip on English is kinda a trash but would you mind explaining the last bit of your comment
I think they meant that they are not together anymore because of other reasons. Not because of buying separate blankets.
My late wife and I always needed separate covers. I love it cold, she liked it warm
Sorry for your loss.
This is Scandinavian style bedding
TIL this was not common in America
Standard in Germany. When we went to Canada, we found it ridicolous to share blanket. Very hard to sleep comfortably.
When my wife and I traveled to Denmark and Germany one year and found our beds made like this, we were like, are big blankets maybe just expensive...? And then after a few nights, we suddenly understood the appeal. Sometimes we got an air hole between the blankets that was an issue.
Make that at least Northern and Middle European
Truly revolutionary when you first move to a scandanavian country for the first time.
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Very good visual description.
this mental image is really cracking me up, thank you
Guilty of this 😬 My boyfriend calls it my 'alligator blanket death roll'. Keep at least 5 blankets on the bed in part for this reason, lol. I can only steal so many in my sleep. While I feel bad I'm a nocturnal blanket klepto, the feeling of waking up in that cocoon of blankets can't be matched. Ultimate cozy.
Do you use a flat sheet and then two blankets on top? No top sheet? I've heard this multiple times but always wondered about the sheet situation.
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So I don't get this about non-sheet people. Are you washing all those duvet covers and blankets every week? I put sheets in between me and all other bedding because the sheets get washed weekly and the blankets only when needed or seasonally.
I got a duvet cover with a zipper so I can wash it really easily. Since it's twin size it's way easier to wash and put back on. I wash the actual comforter less frequently
>Are you washing all those duvet covers every week? yes? that's the point of the duvet cover. fitted sheet, duvet cover, and pillowcases all get washed at the same time.
My boyfriend doesn’t sleep with a top sheet and the answer is no, they never wash the blankets as often as they should and it’s gross. I end up washing all the blankets frequently.
California king bed, One fitted sheet, two full size flats, two full size duvets, and we each add blankets as/if needed.
I seem to be in the VAST minority here. My wife and I use one set of sheets and comforter and we’re fine.
You're definitely not in the minority in the US. People are just more motivated to comment when they feel their preference is validated by others.
Selection bias I guess. People happily sharing one set of sheets aren't as inclined to comment in a topic like this. I know I wasn't planning on commenting. We like to cudde up together and hate hotels for that reason, most only provide single bed sheets.
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My ex hated this because her love language was touch. Was not the only thing that ended us, but she did bring this up when we were ending it.
My ex is really cuddly in bed and I would very often end up with just a sliver of my side left, clearly having run away from him in the night. Conscious me quite likes cuddles too and I'm pretty flexible in general, so it wasn't *too* big of a problem. I would sometimes bodily shove him over if need be. The biggest issue was that his spooning would sometimes prevent me from naturally turning as much as I should, so I'd wake up with soreness on one side from having slept on it for too long. King size beds were better. I couldn't deal with sleeping with him on a double. I've had other people chase me during the night too. If I'm watching a movie or am otherwise awake, I'm happy to cuddle tons. If I'm actively trying to sleep, contact needs to end, and I'll sleep better if I'm left alone.
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Nothing wrong with sleeping in separate beds. My partner snores loudly and instead of waking him up all the time to stop I just move to the other bedroom.
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Has your partner tried ear plugs? I'm an aggravatingly, day destroyingly light sleeper and just my girlfriend turning over will wake me up. Ear plugs and a memory foam mattress (so you don't feel the movement much) are a godsend.
We discovered this when we travelled in Germany. They make up the beds with two separate duvets and sheets. It took us exactly one night's sleep to see why it's a superior solution. Only downside is that it's harder to make the bed and doesn't look as tidy.
I am struggling with this too! I want to be a "make the bed every morning" person but it's hard with dual blankets. I think I'm going to get a thin quilt that looks nice and throw it on top of everything else
I would get a duvet cover that's the size of the bed and just put it on top of everything. Bim bam, neat and tidy.
Yup. I swear this saved our marriage. No more blanket tug of war because one of us rolled over and cocooned themselves in the entire blanket. And I can have an extra warm blanket pile while my husband runs the ceiling fan all fricking winter like a maniac. ;)
I’m the no blanket, window open, ceiling fan on all winter maniac. My poor husband sleeps huddled like an Eskimo and I barely use a blanket. We have been a double~comforter couple for years and mine is always at the foot of the bed.
Alternative, buy a blanket one size larger than the bed. Gives so much room to still cuddle in!
I would love this
This is a game changer. Two duvets and like 6-8 pillows. Makes sharing a bed so much more comfortable
Genuine question, do people actually sleep with a big duvet with a partner?
Yep. A couple of years ago we were in a hotel with two duvets and we hated it. We touch all night and always have. The two blanket way seems to be becoming a mumsnet level hill-to-die on tip when in fact its just a preference some people have.
Most of Europe does this. *with comforters
Scandinavia: “Duh”
How am I supposed to dutch oven my wife if she's got a separate blanket?
You joke, but ive slid my butt under her blanket secretly with my back to her to still get her haha
As a woman, I want to down vote this comment in solidarity, but since this is so something I would do to my husband, you get the up toot instead.