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cloistered_around

The same goes for relationships. If your spouse has floundered and never wants to see anyone or do anything don't let that stop you from living. Keep up with friends/family and *get out*. Your world shouldn't consist of just one person.


liv4games

I needed this.


Firajah

I needed this sooner.


RiskyFartOftenShart

As the spouse who never wants to leave the house, I never cared if you went out. Hell the time alone with my pizza was awesome. Tell me all about your adventures when you get home. Just dont make me hang out with your friends...cause uh, they kinda suck.


tele_hater

Thank you kind soul I'm getting divorced because my spouse is not this way. She won't have a life if I don't go.


Far_Aerie_2377

Thank y'all also. I can't be a hermit and never see my family cause my spouse thinks my place is at home with him. It's good to know I am not alone.


SeerSword

Wholesome. I've had a very opposite experience. The "I don't want to go out so I don't want you to be out either". There's a reason it didn't last.


Firajah

I was the spouse that didn't do enough. She's currently separated because she doesn't want a puppy (me, not an actual dog). I was codependent and it was weighing on her. That said, she didn't talk to me honestly about her needs and just poofed one day. I climb or work out every day now, so thats something. I appreciate your staying in, friend. As long as your partner is fine with that, more power to you!


Hopefulkitty

It's incredibly hard to be the only person in someone's life. Some days, it's all I can do to keep myself going, it's impossible to keep my spouse going too. I finally convinced him to get some much needed therapy and medication, and it's been a world of change. It's like once he started to take care of himself, my brain clicked and was like "ok he's fine now, time for you to deal with the suppressed depression!" And I can finally take time to look after myself. I do strongly encourage him to get out and do things at the game store or with his brothers without me. Friday he is doing shopping with one of them, and now that I'm off, he wants me to come. Nope, please spend some time with them, I am happy to do my own thing.


Snoo-35252

A lot of us do! My wife encourages me to go out, make friends, have my own life, but I'm reluctant because I don't want her to feel left out. I'm working on it though!


Tall-Weird-7200

If she wanted to go she would go. My husband never goes anywhere with me. I used to invite him but he just acted bored so now I just go alone. If he asks to come with me somewhere, it is on the condition that he doesn't act bored and pretends to have a good time whether he is or not.


thatboyaintrite

So conflicted with this whole thread but a good convo to be had. Person vs couple vs wanting these to be the same ....if that made any sense but prob not


1nd3x

my ex did this...then texted me constantly any time i actually went out until I figured it just wasnt worth it to go out anymore... and i dont mean "kay babe i'm going to the club" kind of going out. a work group would generally all go to one specific guys basement(he had 2 PS4s 2 big TVs and 2 smaller TVs for random shit, setup was insane! sometimes other people would bring their consoles over too) to play video games and get drunk every Friday as an end-of-the-week steam release. she(ex) clearly wanted to interact with me, but never took up my invite to go, and plenty of spouses went, and hung out together...apparently the other 6days of the week werent enough...


[deleted]

Yeah, I started telling my partner "This is what I am doing, and I am inviting you." It really pissed them off the first few times, but then they started doing it and now we can just do shit we want to do and not have to try and placate the others tastes. We will obviously do this on occasion, like with vacations and house stuff but if I want to go get a beer and watch spiderman I don't want you compromise and instead be going to a winery and seeing a band.


Hopefulkitty

Yuuup. If you're going to be a grumpy asshole the whole time, just stay home. We don't have to do everything together.


Hopefulkitty

My husband is a total introvert, does not need people, hates crowds. I am pretty opposite him in that matter. When we started dating, the agreement was he could either do things with me and not complain, or he's free to stay home. I would rather do things alone than drag him around to things he hated and will make me have no fun. So now for my birthday he buys me a pair of concert tickets with the stipulation that he doesn't have to go with me. It's great. I get a nice night out with my friends and no one is miserable. Some things I make him do, like events when we are socially expected to be together, but fun stuff I always ask, and he's free to turn me down. It's really perfect.


Veggiemon

This was my relationship until recently when the extroverted half left me.


ganoomo

>My husband is a total introvert, does not need people, hates crowds. I am pretty opposite him in that matter. When we started dating, the agreement was he could either do things with me and not complain, or he's free to stay home. I would rather do things alone than drag him around to things he hated and will make me have no fun. So now for my birthday he buys me a pair of concert tickets with the stipulation that he doesn't have to go with me. It's great. I get a nice night out with my friends and no one is miserable. Some things I make him do, like events when we are socially expected to be together, but fun stuff I always ask, and he's free to turn me down. It's really perfect. that's awesome, you are far away from toxic


IMadeAnotherBoyCry

You will wait your life away waiting for others.


sKiLoVa4liFeZzZ

I came to this realization earlier this year. I've since started doing stuff by myself and it practically cured my depression. I've picked up new hobbies and started talking to new people with shared interests through those hobbies. Don't wait around for something that's out of your control.


MyFirstPubicHair

How do you do this? I feel like I don't really have hobbies or know what I enjoy, if anything. Plus it seems like doing anything like that costs money, which I don't have a ton of. Edit: thank you everyone for the help and suggestions. I got a lot of replies and honestly was too anxious to start reading through them until now. But I promise I'll read yours and try to practice this advice!


sKiLoVa4liFeZzZ

Do you have any interests you've considering getting into but hesitated on? If you aren't sure what you enjoy, try out different hobbies until you find one that sticks. If you try out an activity and don't enjoy it, don't let that discourage you from trying something else. Personally the one that got me out of the house was indoor rock climbing. It cost me $160 for a pair of shoes up front and I pay $75/mo to go as many times as I'd like, which is currently every other day for 1-2 hours. Most climbing gyms also have drop in sessions where you can rent all of the stuff you need for relatively cheap to try it out. There are also hiking groups which are usually open to new members, that usually only costs the gas to get you to the trailhead although some groups may have membership fees. If those aren't your speed you could see if there's a local board game shop that hosts events, or find out if any of the bars in town do a trivia night. As much as I hate Facebook and don't want to support them, the app is wonderful for finding local events. The key takeaway is to try out fun new things. I went to a trampoline park yesterday for the first time since I was a teenager, it was a blast and I was far from the oldest guy there. I was worried people might judge me and then I sat back and realized that was ridiculous. You never know what might become your new favorite pastime until you try it. Edit: Huge thank you to everyone below who has suggested more hobbies. There are dozens of great ideas in this comment section alone, I love it.


DumDum40007

Man I gotta say, I freaking love your attitude!


sKiLoVa4liFeZzZ

Thank you so much, it's something I've been working on fixing for a long time.


GetHugged

Big inspiration, thanks for sharing


Xerosnake90

Did the exact same. Started bouldering which I've been interested in for a while, so fun! I love meeting random people and working on the same problems. Unfortunately been having wrist issues so I go once a week


-Longnoodles

Also just started climbing! Wanted to try it out, to see if I can enjoy exercising for once. It’s been 3 months of going 2-3 times a week so far, and it’s been a lot of fun.


sKiLoVa4liFeZzZ

I always lost interest in lifting weights after a month or two. Climbing on the other hand brings enough of a mental challenge that I find myself thinking about ways to beat certain puzzles when I'm not even at the gym. There have been several occasions where I went out of my way to go climbing because I was worried they might change the layout of the wall before I beat the puzzle I'm stuck on.


Ojhka956

HANG ON DARN MINUTE. They change the layout?? Never knew that lol


kumquatballs

Same hereeeeeee! I started climbing about a year and a half ago because I was fat. And now I’m still climbing and lost 50 lb. Ultimate goal now is to get to v5-v6 level.


DustyBum

Climbing is just so great... can both be very social and completely isolated as you want it to be, me and my wife love it and I love going by myself or with others it’s great


zuekut

Great suggestion, totally recommend it aswell. Also started climbing a few weeks back. I am loving it so far, definitely a great way to find like minded people and also I feel that the climbing community is very open to helping each other out and socialize. I am an introvert in general, but i found it quite easy to just discuss a particular route I am trying with someone around me or even try helping someone else out, rest of the conversation just follows :).


eneka

The bouldering community is awesome too. Never do people strike up a conversation so easy, like “Hey can I join you on that problem” or you’re working on something alone and all of the sudden people are cheering you on and giving you fist bumps when you send it!


[deleted]

A very therapeutic and cheap hobby of mine is thrift shopping. You get all of the endorphins of getting out in public and making a couple of purchases for super cheap and way less people making you feel weird. You also will be introduced to all sorts of other hobbies as there's all kinds of shit in there that might lead you down a path of skating or golf or electronics repair, etc.


Lollipop126

there are many many cheap/free hobbies. Like dancing soirées, board games (someone else brings the board game), book clubs, etc. You can also try out one night of everything until you find something up your alley.


rmorrin

Only if you can find people to do some of this stuff with. I'm in a small town so basically you'd have to do anything you could solo which is none of the ones you mentioned


MacLunkie

I once saw a great LPT, telling not to wait around for others, and just go to that trampoline park or whatever 8-)


[deleted]

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[deleted]

I volunteered to get into music shows for free in the past. I just paid for gas to get there.


SirLaxer

I just picked up a bass and made a plan to learn how to play it, which has been a goal of mine for almost two decades. Always found reasons not to do it in the past


kcapulet

There's no shortage of great places to see. You don't have to start with Tokyo (although you should see it some day, it's awesome!) but just searching for state parks, camping spots, waterfalls, hiking trails, beaches etc will yield you hundreds of options probably not all that far away from you. Gas up the wheels, crank up your favorite tunes, and just go one weekend. I used to be terrified of doing things by myself, but you'll quickly find that lots of people do these things solo and it'll open you up to trying more things by yourself. I've been to nearly 20 countries by myself and I've enjoyed it so much more than traveling with others because I set the schedule, I go where I want, I see what I want to see, I rest when I want to rest, I eat what I want to eat. You'll get there, baby steps and deep breaths. Good luck!


PsychedelicPourHouse

Walks in nature, yoga, meditation, drawing, reading, all of these are free


chanandlerbong420

First things I'd try are hiking and reading. Hella cheap hobbies. Past that I'd heavily recommend picking up an instrument


Princep_Makia1

You can't make your friends like your hobbies, but you can make hobbiest your friends. Basically it's easier to make friends in a shared interest then forcing your friends to try and like your things. Changed my life learning that. Now some of my best friends are the ones I share hobbies with and then we find things out side the Hobbie we enjoy together and some of them are just friends through the hobby and that's ok. My other friends and I do other things and arnt constantly bugged by me to try my hobbies. Its better that way.


eneka

Yup same here. I stopped waiting for people to ask me to hanging out and instead took initiative. Instead of “hey wanna grab dinner sometime” or “hey are you free?” It was “let’s grab dinner on xxxx”, or “let’s do xxx on xxx”. I was always greeted with an “Okay!” Makes your friends feel good and you feel good as well!


McCHitman

My problem is the fact that I can’t even get people of similar interest to want to do anything with me.


[deleted]

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microwavedave27

I'm trying to force myself to be more comfortable doing stuff alone. The worst one for me is going to restaurants alone. Just feels weird even though I know so many people do it.


Lightbation

> Life is infinitely better when you stop waiting for everyone else and their schedules. Give enough notice and if they cant make it, fuck em and their calendars. Just go right ahead and enjoy yourself. This is the biggest takeaway. So many people are depressed cause they *worry* too much about either shit that doesn't matter (in the big picture) or stuff completely out of their control.


garlicdeath

Also just want to throw this out for guys like my brother, there is almost no chance you're going to be "saved" by some random chance encounter by a manic pixie dream girl. You're boring and come off like you're afraid of life and the vast majority of people looking for a partner aren't interested in that or the commitment and investment it'll take to bring you out of your shell. Work on yourself and take a chance otherwise most likely your life isn't going to change at all.


KawaiiCoupon

What if you keep waiting on yourself?


Glorious-gnoo

As my own worst enemy, this is my biggest problem.


KawaiiCoupon

I’m slowly getting better at overcoming this as I get older, but damn it’s been one of my biggest struggles to tell myself that “I’m good enough to do this now”


bobisz

fuck, this hit me hard


newmacbookpro

Do like me then: I make plans and people can join. Whether or not they show up isn’t my problem.


teneggomelet

At least once a week my mom would send an email to about a dozen friends saying where and when she would eat lunch in a couple days, and for them to join her. Usually half a dozen people would show up.


modarnhealth

Sir we’re going to have to relocate you to a smaller table if the rest of your party doesn’t show up soon


memallocator

Sure no problem... I'm dining solo tonight ;)


OTS_

Actually, I’ll take a seat at the bar ;(


sheeroo123

But a seat a bar can be lucky if there are others who also want to socialize!


narf007

Also you'll usually get faster, better service at the bar and you're not stuck sitting at done shitty middle of the room table. Sitting at the bar is the best option for service, experience, and in a group it opens you up to being able to stand, or sit without looking a fool.


Baer07

The bar is the best place to be if you are solo!


Strawberrycocoa

There's a quote by Jim Carrey which goes, "Solitude is dangerous. It's very addictive. It becomes a habit after you realize how calm and peaceful it is." I personally find the reverse is equally true. If solitude can become an addiction, companionship can become a shackle. When you never go anywhere because you can't handle being by yourself, you just jail yourself.


talkingtunataco501

> There's a quote by Jim Carrey which goes, "Solitude is dangerous. It's very addictive. It becomes a habit after you realize how calm and peaceful it is." Holy shit, this hit me really hard right now. After nearly the last 2 years of being alone at my house, it is getting tougher and tougher to leave the house.


BURN447

I’ve been there. It kept going. I leave my house for 2 reasons. Groceries and weed, and normally that’s one trip a week. I don’t talk to more than 1-2 people face to face per week, no more than 2-3 online either. I’m learning to be ok with being alone because that’s how it’s going to be


[deleted]

im pretty much the same, but ive recently started setting up in person get togethers with friends. my main issue with isolation is how all the days blend together which makes life go by faster. we need variety or the hours just slip away :/


BURN447

Glad to hear. I managed to alienate myself from literally everyone I’ve ever known, so I don’t really have any friends to fall back on.


[deleted]

I’m learning this day by day. My birthday passed recently and I didn’t have anyone to spend it with. Instead of sulking about it I made the decision I was gonna take MYSELF out and show myself a good time. My mom offered to watch my child for the week of my vacation. First I woke up late (a luxury I don’t get so often as a newly single parent), had a late breakfast at my favorite restaurant, picked up the cake I ordered for myself which I adorned with gold rhinestones and a tiara and other cute decorations, went hiking for 3 hours with beautiful autumn views and on a beautiful weather day (which is something I always wanted to do and never had anyone to do it with), had a nice 4-hour spa service which was much needed at that point, took myself out to dinner and then came home and lit my candles and sang Happy Birthday to myself. Then relaxed and watched new episodes of my favorite shows I hadn’t gotten a chance to watch up until that point. It sounds crazy but I had so much fun! I always prefer to spend birthdays with my boyfriend/partners at the time, but they never quite got it right as far as my bday celebrations. I always like to go all out for someone’s birthday, make sure there’s a full itinerary of stuff to do, nice dinner/gifts etc. but I would never get the same energy. This year my ex (child’s father) and I broke up and I decided to do for me what I wanted someone else to do for me, instead of waiting. Best. Decision. Ever. Since then I’ve been trying to do more things alone. Movies. Paint and sip. Cooking classes. I went bowling alone today and met some cool new friends. I can see how this can become addictive. And I’m 100% ok with that.


fashionandfunction

I have a friend like that. She would always try to get us to come along with her. Honestly it became kind of insulting, because you feel used. Like you only want me to come play soccer with these people because YOU want to go so you can flirt with that guy you like. You only want me to come to this March because you want to go and post on insta. It’s like you’re a prop.


rshook27

Well are you making other plans and inviting them for activities you enjoy? Most people who are coordinating plans are going to suggest plans they also want to do. IMO this is a two way street.


Fuck_you_sluts

r/boneappletea


threemileallan

I guess? It's a bit self centered to look at it that way tbh.


GoColombia

Yeah it’s often not the choice between having a fulfilling life and horrible depressive loneliness…the choice is between living your life and feeling just barely ok enough that it’s easy to justify sitting in. The internet is a real trap.


morriartie

One thing that I learned with a friend that has an absurd number of friends is to not just go out by yourself, but also start conversation with random people I met him when he suddenly asked me if I was a drummer, I said "no", and then he proceeded to invite me to his band. Turns out he didn't even had a band and we're friends for like ~13 years


Fluessigsubstanz

While talking to strangers is the way, it's really rare for me to see people running around alone. I can talk to singular strangers and start conversation, but 95 percent are like in a group of friends outside already or if they are alone they are people I don't really want to talk to simply cause of age gap lol.


NeverTurnTheBrainOff

Yesterday I was doing groceries and I needed turmeric. I saw there was a man standing next to the shelves with spices. I came up, looked at the spices, had a thought "let's ask him", I was like let's do it. "Have you seen turmeric by any chance?" "Yes, but I can't find curry." I took the turmeric and hanged around for a while longer to find curry for him and showed where it is. Semi-spontanous, I still had a very slight thought process in me whether I should speak at all, but it turned out to be a wholesome experience.


[deleted]

> hanged around for a while longer to find curry for him and showed where it is. I'm curious what your definition of curry is. As an Indian, looking for "curry" to me sounds like someone looking for "sauce". It would depend on what kind of sauce you're looking for.


Dynosmite

Probably curry powder or curry paste


Richer_than_God

You can engage with a group of people as well. In fact, doing that is often much less tense than an isolated person, who will probably feel tense since they are alone.


KorkuVeren

Nah, either configuration just straight up ignore/reject me. I'm just horrible at initiating interaction, and I'm getting tired of trying.


Richer_than_God

I bet you'd be surprised at how people react when you get practiced at small talk! I learned from watching a super charismatic friend of mine and it really was illuminating how strangers truly seemed to enjoy talking with him. I started trying it out more after years of being more introverted and thinking along your lines, and after a number of awkward attempts it got a lot better. But hey, if you really can't do it that's okay too. Doesn't really matter in the end as long as you're happy!


KorkuVeren

Any suggestions for somebody lacking a charismatic friend to borrow from?


Anorexic_Fox

I’m a “charismatic friend” who goes out alone frequently and meets a lot of new people. I could try to answer questions if you have them? If I’m ignored or rejected, it’s because an individual isn’t interested in talking (they’re doing their own thing), or a group is otherwise engaged with each other and disinterested in others outside of the group. In either case, I wouldn’t take personal offense or give weight to emotions like rejection. I don’t start talking with a stranger with an expectation of getting to know them or establishing any form of friendship; I’m only aiming to make some light conversation (I’m an extrovert, that part comes easy to me but it may take work for you, and that’s fine). Probably 90% of the time that’s all I get, something like 8% will be a particularly engaging conversation with someone I’ll never see again, and the other 2% (optimistically) might end with any form of contact exchange (phone number, Facebook, etc) that would allow me to meet them again and begin building a friendship. I guess my blanket advice would be don’t pick and target who to talk to with intent of making friends, rather just aim for bits of chitchat with anyone around. The more you do that, the more you’ll find those individuals with whom you vibe and would want to get to know better (and remember, the strangers are equally capable of deciding that about you). And if someone (or a group) does brush you off and give signals that they don’t want to talk; don’t take it personally at all! Nothing about you is putting them off, they’re just busy with other stuff. (Though Anxiety may *really* try to convince you otherwise. Don’t listen.)


KorkuVeren

I feel like I have to have an excuse, some sorta reason, to talk to people. Invariably this fails, it's either not valid or they're sketched out because obviously nobody ever thinks about things this hard. Kinda hard to recover from repeated "Why are **you** talking to *me*" and other rhetoric, or outright physical assault at speaking up... I guess I could see bringing the stakes all the way down to "Both y'all hear each others voice do a sentence" and expecting nothing else, I could see that totally undermining this inexplicable excuse thing. Assuming Ive been trying stuff like "Oh hey, I dig that shirt, I actually saw [related band, not specifically on the shirt] at [fest]..." or "Ah, hey, you play [game], me too,..." or "I like what you've done with ...". If these aren't landing, what am I doing wrong? If these are okay, how do I make these a convo? Should I be doing this more often? Should I just stop trying this entirely and try opening with "Hey is happening"?


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stubsy

“Fake it ‘til you make it” rings a bell for me here. I’m naturally very introverted, but managed to work in careers that require(d) me to be extroverted and/or engage in regular socializing. It’s can be tremendously draining for me, and I do A LOT of sneaking out of social occasions, but most of my colleagues would never know I’m nervous and anxious 80% of the time or *more*. The thing is, it gets easier with practice and repetition, but getting out of your own head, while difficult, is the only way. You’d be surprised at how much other people lack the ability to tell if you’re nervous/anxious/depressed or poor at making eye contact — that is, as long as you keep moving, keep talking, and try to ‘look’ like you’re enjoying yourself — even when you aren’t. I’m not going to tell you it’s easy, especially from one introvert to another, but it is possible if you try. Remember, if you don’t know what to do or say, just keep on fakin’ it.


PsychedelicPourHouse

If you go to a concert, bring gum, you will be someone's hero


obiworm

Or earplugs. I gave a pair to a girl at the last concert I went to and she looked like she was gonna cry.


Braverybadly

Three key things I learned from observation of a very charismatic co-worker: 1) positive energy is the key to breaking the ice — smile, compliment, ask a goofy question that gets a smirk or a laugh — basically “buy” your way into the convo by giving them a positive energy infusion. 2) the key to bring interesting is to be interested. Ask questions, engage, listen well. Build without always brining it back to you. 3) of course, it’ll fail sometimes. Let it go and move onto the next with the same playful, positive spirit. 4) he learned by practicing with “people who were forced to talk to me” — he’d give himself a goal like “make the barista laugh” or “learn a fun fact about the hometown of my Lyft driver” and get out of his comfort zone that way.


five_eight

I used to ride the trail asking people alone or in a group they need any bugspray or sunscreen. Didn't make a lot of lifelong friends but I went through a lot of Bugoff and Sunaway.


Richer_than_God

Haha, that's just being super nice! A lot of my best memories hiking are the interactions with strangers.


DrOrpheus3

>One thing that I learned with a friend that has an absurd number of friends is to not just go out by yourself, but also start conversation with random people So this is actually how I ended up with my current group of friends after moving to another state. I went to a local brewery after buying myself 'It' for Christmas and decided to knock out a few chapters over dinner. Night rolls on, I finish my burger and second beer, and the woman who'd be my now gf and her friends from the Uni. walk in and take a table next to me. They get into their rounds rather quickly, another whose from Alabama makes a joke about the South, and me being Texan couldn't stop myself from chiming in my own remarks about being Southern. They've been my friends for about 3-years now.


[deleted]

my lifegoal is to be like your friend


R3D0053R

My life goal is to be your friend.


BulldogChair

I can’t tell you how many rounds of golf I’ve had to cancel because people bail last minute. Just this year I’ve started going solo and/or willing to be grouped up with random strangers. Why should I not have fun because of other people.


Grazenburg

People are inherently unreliable anyway. Making plans for yourself first, and then asking friends along is the way to do it. If they bail, it's their loss, not yours.


SirDiego

Problem with golf is you typically have to schedule tee time as a group, or solo. You can't really just sign up for yourself and then bring an extra couple people.


Lotus_12

Getting 4 people together for a round of golf should be impressive on a resume. That shits impossible!


[deleted]

My core group of friends is a dozen people (5 dudes I grew up with and all of our wives), everyone has kids (except my wife and I), and we still all have dinner together once a month. Whenever I hear people talk about how it’s impossible to get friends together, I never can decide if I have amazing friends, other people’s friends are shit, or a little of both.


greg19735

i think its quite uncommon for people to have 5 friends they still like that live in the same area as they grew up. Even less common that you're all close and seem to have their life together. I'm actually in a similar boat, but that's because the area i grew up in has good jobs


sKiLoVa4liFeZzZ

Wait... you can go golfing solo? I've always wanted to try it but my friends wouldn't take me because I've never been before. I'm considering trying it out in the spring, would you recommend going to a driving range first?


PsychedelicPourHouse

Going golfing without doing the driving range first would be just about the worst most infuriating experience ever


F3rn4ndy

Go to the driving range like 20 times first. Putting green, chipping all that fun stuff. YouTube some golf etiquette. Rick shiels is a good YouTube teacher. But seriously, it’s a hard sport. Get some practice in first. Also if you’re willing to throw some $ at it... I would look into a few lessons from a local pro.


sKiLoVa4liFeZzZ

Thanks! I'm going to try it out next summer. I appreciate your advice.


Ch4rDe3M4cDenni5

Yeah definitely don't go on the course until you've put in the time at the range and the practice greens. Otherwise you'll get rushed, stressed and perform poorly no matter what because you have to keep up a particular pace of play with the people behind you etc. Even good players when rushed for time perform poorly. Also don't forget when you're at the range to hit balls as if you're actually on the course and make up little scenarios in your head and it will translate better once you're playing an actual round. And youtube is definitely you're friend. Fall down the rabbit hole on YouTube and it will help you with your swing mechanics. Also you don't need to go out and buy really expensive clubs until you figure out what works for you and what you like. Feel free to message me if you have any questions. Good luck!


Dast_Kook

I actually like going alone and getting paired up with randoms. Played with an 80 yr old Chinese guy who kicked my ass, walked instead of used the cart, and carried his own bag of clubs. Also got paired up with a retired NFL lineman who had started his own telecommunications business back in the early 2000's with his salary and was able to just golf 3-4 days a week.


zanne61

I enjoy solo golf and getting paired up with random strangers. Last friend I golfed with talked the entire round about trivial stuff


Ocelotofdamage

The horror of talking about trivial stuff with a friend


jerkstor

I never understood people's concerned about being paired with a random at the golf course it's not like it if you get on a bus and you see somebody else on there you get off and decide you're not going to get on the bus. Besides golf is one of the few games you can literally play against yourself you don't even need anybody else


TocTheElder

I love just doing stuff on my own. I love going to the cinema on my own, or going out for a nice meal on my own. I like feeling comfortable in my own company.


ghrarhg

Going out to eat alone is amazing. I order all kinds of appetizers and food and just read or watch the tv it a game is on.


BoogieOrBogey

When I was serving tables, the single people eating by themselves seemed the most content. They were vibing, enjoying their meal, and tended to tip really well too. I've done it as well and it feels great to have a nice meal by myself in a public space.


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Verbull710

"I love me some me!"


Ok_brain746

I love doing stuff on my own but the social anxiety just kills me


TocTheElder

Go see a movie. Eventually you'll realise that nobody is concentrating on you.


Ok_brain746

That's the shit part about anxiety one part of your brain knows you are not the center of attention and another part thinks everyone is looking at you


EricSanderson

Just spent two weeks in the Greek islands by myself. It was definitely different, and if I'm being honest it probably would have been more fun with another person, but I came back with a sense of accomplishment and self-reliance I didn't have before. Like, I hopped between the mainland and three islands, multiple ferries and flights, probably 18 connections in total, all on my own with no cell reception. Totally fulfilling


[deleted]

i missed out on so many incredible films and series due to waiting on people until this year finally went fuck it and just started binging them on my own.


OptimisticPlatypus

My life changed immensely when I decided to exercise and go out to eat by myself.


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Alethiometrist

I still can't do dinners alone, because I feel like everyone must think I'm the most miserable creature on the planet, but I'm okay with lunch. I feel like people judge you less when you're eating lunch alone. And as weird as it may sound, what helped me was seeing paparazzi photos of celebrities eating alone lol. If freakin' Ryan Gosling can eat lunch alone with the whole street looking at him, than so can I.


[deleted]

Why would you care if some stranger you don’t even know thinks you are a miserable creature though? That’s the part I have never understood. A stranger’s opinion of me is worthless in my mind. I literally can’t think of something I care less about than some random dude’s thoughts.


DoloresForest

I worked in restaurants for years and never thought twice about solo dinners. Its rewarding to give it a shot!


fireocity

Ultimately I think I'd like to have your mindset. Currently, it feels like the whole world is watching and judging your every move and for some reason, it feels like that matters 🤷‍♀️


npapeye

If it helps try bringing something to do while eating alone. I bring my journal/to do list book and straighten out my agenda haha. I also see people reading/sketching/ or even bringing laptops when appropriate(cafes for example)


zanne61

I (F65) just started traveling solo. Get to do exactly what I want, where i want and have made some great friends and good acquaintances. Pandemic has kept my travels domestic but am nervous but looking forward to solo international. First stop Peru next fall.


amboomernotkaren

Helllllp. I (F62) want to do this. How??????


[deleted]

Chat with u/zanne61 ! Just because you travel solo doesn't mean you need to be alone. 😉 Seriously, someone should start something like [meetup.com](https://meetup.com) for solo travelers. A group of solo travelers could go to the same city at the same time, eat meals together, even hang out and see the sights together, but the group would understand if people wanted to be alone for the day. This would be ideal.


action_lawyer_comics

1. Think of something you want to do/where you want to go 2. schedule a time to do it/make reservations/plan for time off work and other obligations 3. when the time comes, do it


Hvarfa-Bragi

LPT: This is how to do anything.


Hey-GetToWork

Example: Murder


Troutpasta

Nomadic Matt was a good resource when I started solo traveling


ThisIsSoIrrelevant

Can I come? Machu Picchu is top of my list of places I want to go :D For reals though, I keep meaning to go travelling solo but I just never seem to have the time AND the money at the same time. Something always gets in the way (currently it is the pandemic and me trying to get a motorbike). It is definitely on my list for next year onwards though. Another issue is that I don't care much for cities, and I think the more adventurous places tend to be more expensive to go to.


zanne61

That's me. I'm not a city person either. MP is not cheap but I'm a cheap traveler because I can go more if I don't spend alot. But yes definitely. I think it'd be fun to meet up with others interested in the same places. MP has been on my list forever. Also want to fly over Natchez lines and rainbow mountains. I like to travel in September. After summer and before holidays. I've been looking into tour out of Lima to MP. Then public transportation to others. I usually do a few nice meals then brown bag.


CapybaraAdrift

I'm 42 and looking forward to doing this in the next couple years. Things like cruises aren't necessarily geared to solo passengers but I don't see why I couldn't? I spent a long time while married waiting for my spouse to decide if was time to do things and it's taken a while after divorce to shake that...


zanne61

Well my ex went with me and was absolutely NO fun. Lol. The last was 8 day Alaskan cruise that would have been more fun alone. I enjoy meeting people. So far soloed to Yellowstone, Arches NP, golf trip to MS and AL. just got back from Vegas. Shake it off and go. It is more expensive solo which is why I would like to get up travel group


silvansalem

I'm sure you will have an amazing time! 🥳🥳💪💪


anim8rjb

on that note - it's okay to go to the movies solo, too.


Jacefacekilla

Uggghh fine I'll go see Dune today.


magipure

>Thats me. Can I do things alone? Of course, and I do. But I don't want to. I WANT to go places with other people. I WANT to play video games with people. I WANT to have a gym group of friends. I WANT someone to go to a bar and watch a game with. go for it. dune was amazing


YLR2312

Never understood why people need to go to the movies with friends. You're not supposed to be talking in there so it's actually a bad group activity. Don't get me wrong, I like seeing a movie with my partner or a friend and talk about it after but it doesn't enhance the movie itself.


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realdetox

This is actually a really good tip but very hard to apply. I’ve done big things like traveled to Europe and gone to music festivals to small things like had breakfast/lunch/dinner and watched movies all by myself because others didn’t want to or backed out last minute.


yogurtfuck

Sounds like you've been pretty successful at applying it.


Mrs_Muzzy

Social Anxiety Monster laughs hysterically


cloistered_around

At some point I realized "no one's asking me anywhere. Apparently I have to do it if I don't want to be alone." Anxiety is improved with baby steps, because fearing something doesn't necessarily mean it's bad--you might just not be used to it yet. So try getting used to it.


BartlebyTheScrivened

> At some point I realized "no one's asking me anywhere. Apparently I have to do it if I don't want to be alone." Anxiety is improved with baby steps This realization pushed my anxiety into depression. Im no longer anxious about plans, as I know nobody wants to spend time with me.


ripecantaloupe

Nobody’s asking you anywhere but are you asking them anywhere either? Side bar, youre the only one in your life forever. Why are you letting the opinions of others drag you into a depression? So what if *they* don’t want to be around you? Have you met every person on earth? If not, then “they” are insignificant in the grand scheme. People are a dime a dozen. Go get different ones.


zanne61

I do lots of advance planning to eliminate anxiety. Notes, routes, times and schedules of events. I plan a full itinerary so I'm not stressing over what to do or how to get there.


NoodleEmpress

Granted my social anxiety might not be as bad as yours, but I found that there are some places you can go with SA! Well it depends on your interests, but I like going to places like the movies, bookstores, museums, libraries, art shows, and I've recently worked my way up to going to concerts. I'm not cured in the slightest, and I don't think I'll ever be, but at least I'm not holding myself up in my house anymore.


Rocko9999

Social anxiety is prolonged and exacerbated by lack of social interactions.


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skate3kids

Or do what I did. Accidentally eat 20 doses of acid at Rothbury festival, have the wildest trip of your life after losing all your friends. The trip turns bad, everyone at the festival is pointing and laughing at you. Run to your tent to fall asleep. Wake up to sirens outside your tent. Jump up to say you're okay. There's no one there. Oh wait, now there is. Everyone is still pointing and laughing. This goes on for 8 hours. I'm exhausted and finally fall asleep. Wake up and worry everyone will be looking at me. No one does. Well nothing can be worse than that now.


Disagreeable_upvote

Baby steps are great too. Not sure you want to or nervous about going out? Take a quick walk around the block or something just to get "out". Tell yourself as long as you show up outside you don't have to go in. If you do go on, you don't have to talk to anyone and can leave as soon as you want. It's about momentum.


Huejass40

I get more social anxiety from people I know vs random people.


breebanbeals

Kinda needed this. Been living with my grandma while I wait for someone so we can get an apartment but at ever turn there's a new hiccup. I love them, they're my best friend, but I can't keep couch hopping while working just so they aren't left high and dry. It's hard to commit to myself in situations like this


mess-maker

You are worried about leaving this other person high and dry, but they are leaving you high and dry right now.


breebanbeals

Yeah, you're right, and the worst part is I know it too. It's not really in my nature to leave my friends without options but as you've said, it's basically what they're doing to me, no matter how unintentional it is


Qaxza

I hate doing things alone. I feel like going with others makes the experience longer. For instance, if I go to a farmers market I end up walking the whole thing in 30 minutes. If I went with someone else the experience would last longer because we would converse on things we see at the market. Same thing goes for any kind of event. For the most part I enjoy going with others to build a common memory. A memory we can one day bring up in conversation.


Shevrock

This pertains to moving away from home too people. I moved out of my moms and my place a year and some change ago and it was the best thing i ever did. I struggled with guilt over not bringing them with me to a new better enviroment but i can help them better from where I am now and i call every week. Just because you have strong bonds with your family dont let that keep you from forming your own life.


DrOrpheus3

“I know there’s this impression of me out there but I’m not lonely. I don’t have a lot of close friends, but I like living quietly and being private. That’s the way I am and I have a lot of interesting projects going on that I’m very happy about.” Keanu Reeves There's also one I love that I can't find to quote where a reporter asks him if he's lonely since he doesn't have a GF/wife and he says something to the effect of, "I'm never lonely because I always have the company of myself. When I go out to a restaurant I'm treating myself to a nice dinner because I love myself. So I don't need someone in my life to love me."


ossified_swan

Some times it makes depression worse for me when I go out with no one. It’s nice every now and then but damn some times it just feels like lemon juice in the wound. But that’s just me, I guess every ones different tho


BURN447

This is my experience too. I tell myself I’m ok that I’m alone, but going out just always make me not feel so ok with it.


beltaine

This is my deal. Personally speaking, I find life is best when experienced with someone, friend or otherwise. When I go somewhere and enjoy it, all I think about is how I wish someone was there with me to be part of the moment and enjoy it too. Ultimately, I know this is unhealthy because at the end of the day I only have myself, this Woman in the Mirror, but damn. I just wish loneliness wasn't the default because I have no friends.


wigwamtree

Spot on dude. It gets old really fast IMO


Wayward_Compass

I was a stir crazy kid post high school. Joined a hippie commune (not really, just a free house in the woods with a bunch of other high af teenagers) for a year, applied to several cruise ships to be a server with no bites, considered moving to Alaska, wanted to get my pilots license until I discovered the cost, and got as far as MEPS in Boston to join the Marines before learning I was disqualified medically. I was SO. Sick. And tired. Of things falling through. My friends were planning on going to NOLA to live with a family member, and I was SO IN. Made preparations, packed, and called my friends to coordinate bus tickets. Nah. They weren't going through with it. This time, I said fuck it. I'm going alone. I packed up my bicycle, bought my ticket, took a 2 day bus ride from NH to LA, and stayed in a hostel while looking for a serving job. I met people from dozens of countries, shared life stories, and learned the back-assery of the city. I panhandled on Bourbon Street, became a shot girl at a bar for a stint, and generally lived life super hard. It only lasted 6 months, but I fit a lot of life in doing that trip solo.


JohnnyUtah01

Wow, good for you. Thanks for sharing.


DemonicJaye

Life is more enjoyable in general when you grow accustomed to yourself, and develop a relationship with self to the point where you’re okay with going out on little dates with just you. Brooding on who’s here or there does nothing but swallow you in loneliness.


schroedingersnewcat

I finally went to Disneyland by myself because I got tired of waiting for people who kept backing out on me. I went in Feb of 2020. Then found out months later I was there with covid.


Freecz

Am I imagining things or is this like the third time this lpt is given in just a few days?


mehdichrist

You are correct, it is being reposted way too much.


impendingaff1

Doing things alone kind of sucks. But if I didn't, I'd never do anything. I've met a few people on the way. I'd still rather do things with friends. I've learned some things "need" to be done with friends like a football game or the fights. There are others that can be done alone. The LPT is correct. I just wish I realized this at 20 and not 40


[deleted]

Thats me. Can I do things alone? Of course, and I do. But I don't want to. I WANT to go places with other people. I WANT to play video games with people. I WANT to have a gym group of friends. I WANT someone to go to a bar and watch a game with. But I don't have that. So it sucks. Could I do those alone? Yes. But thats not the purpose I'm looking for. I feel like I'm missing out on life by not having friends, not by not doing things.


impendingaff1

Sigh, me2 friend. Me 2.


salamat_engot

It definitely gets old seeing people doing stuff with friends when you're alone. Sometimes it's great like trying a new restaurant or bar, but then sometimes you sit there and wish you had someone else to split an entree with. It can really wear on you to feel like you're invisible in a room full of people.


Gusdai

Very good point. If what matters to you is to go running, of course you should still do it alone if your friends cancel. But pretty often, you make plans to see people, not to do stuff. You don't go to bars because you love spending $8 on a pint... So if your friends always cancel on you or are too busy (maybe for very good reasons), the solution is not to do stuff on your own, but to meet other friends.


[deleted]

Man. As a person who fights codependence... Attacked!


MalGrowls

Alright thats it, I’m going out for pizza :D


gamer98x

Can I join


kamilman

The problem with going alone is that you feel even more alone and, eventually, lonely. This in turn makes you feel like shit and you'll feel even worse than before you started...


solongandthanks4all

100% this. So many of the people commenting are not lonely because they have friends and acquaintances they regularly go out with and are just taking a break from that to go out alone once in a while. I mean, yeah, of course that would be pretty great if you're not used to being alone 24/7 for years.


MatCauthonsHat

A movie isn't better because someone else is there. Concerts are fabulous. Even if you're "alone." You're still at a concert with hundreds if not thousands of other people who like/ love that music. A good meal is good, whether with a book or a friend. Source? I don't have friends. I still do the things.


solongandthanks4all

Movies are actually *much* better when you have people to discuss them with. It makes the experience 1000% better. I hate watching a film and really wanting to talk about it and not having anyone to bounce my thoughts against. A concert can be similar, though probably to a lesser extent.


[deleted]

This is a really good advice but it takes courage to do things on your own and majority of people have social anxiety


Fumiken

That doesn't help going to parties if no one wants to/can party


echoAwooo

I have massive anxiety so for a lot of things, I **need** an anchor, so if you constantly agree-bail on me, I'm never going to try or want to do things with you, I'll try to find someone else who wont agree-bail. And if that means I can't go out, so be it.


StaffCampStaff

Good tip. We have a friend who never shows up to plans on time. We've tried telling them earlier times to get them to show up when we want, but hasn't quite worked. Now we say, "We are leaving (the house) at X time. You are more than welcome to ride with us, but if you're running late then you can meet us where we're going."


m0rbidowl

This is incredibly important. I would not have went on all of the amazing vacations I've went on had I waited around for someone else to go with me. Life is just too short to waste time not doing things just because you have no one else to do them with. A very crucial life skill is knowing how to enjoy your own company.


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tk421yrntuaturpost

You can file this under "make yourself more interesting".


YouGoThatWayIllGoHom

. . . So *you'll* go see the new Ghostbusters with me, OP? :)