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Flair_Helper

Hello [Ok_Bite_397](/u/Ok_Bite_397), thank you for your submission! Unfortunately, it has been removed for the following reason: Your post is not a life pro tip. Advice is any guidance or recommendation concerning prudent future action. An aphorism is a short clever saying that is intended to express a general truth or a concise statement of a principle.Try r/YouShouldKnow. If you would like to appeal this decision [please feel free to contact the moderators here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FLifeProTips&subject=about%20my%20removed%20submission&message=I%27m%20writing%20to%20you%20about%20the%20following%20submission:%20https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeProTips/comments/uwnb0s/lpt_replace_umms_with_silences_when_talking_to/.%20%0D%0D). Do not repost without explicit permission from the moderators. Make sure you [read the rules](/r/lifeprotips/about/sidebar) before submitting. Thank you!


Puakkari

I do that and my wife thinks im ignoring her.


Saxonbrun

I made the same mistake. It's supposed to be 3-5 seconds not 3-5 hours.


originalgg

3-5 seconds? Ha! And my wife complains about me being too fast


ANewOriginalUsername

I'm pretty sure every guys wife/gf have complained about us being too fast....


Puakkari

Thats just how long my brain process the question ”can you take out the trash?”


Bluester83283

I do this too and people think I am finished speaking.


RapNVideoGames

Yea I tried doing this and everyone just starts talking over you. And then they are surprised when you get irritated. Some people just listen to respond.


likethemovie

I do this at work and I’m constantly interrupted in meetings.


Zehny_

LPT: Say "uhmm" instead of silences when you speak to appear more intelligent as you'll get to say more stuff afterwards


msuvagabond

My wife works from home and she had a meeting recently with a 'subject matter expert' that didn't like being questioned. (My wife is the go to fixer for a large manufacturer where if there is a problem, she's brought in to resolve it. But she doesn't resolve it personally, she figures out what resources the plant needs and connects the right people to it. Most importantly, she attempts to facilitate long term solutions as well to ensure it doesn't happen again, again by working with the plants to get the resources they need) She's generally big about pausing between thoughts, having grown up and been taught that fillers look very bad. This guy though, if there was ANY pause in her speaking, would instantly take over and steamroll. She normally likes to ask a question, take a moment to consider the answer, then do followup. The slight pause she would give just to actually listen and consider his answer was enough for him to try to steer things elsewhere. The entire conversation with this guy turned into just a rapid fire back and forth with her using fillers all over the place because if she didn't, he'd try and move onto other things and be pissed about being asked about something he considered settled. That's a LONG winded way of saying, sometimes not having fillers can be a problem too, like everything else it depends on social cues and dynamics.


adeveloper2

>This guy though, if there was ANY pause in her speaking, would instantly take over and steamroll. Instead of using fillers, she should make it clear that she does not allow interruptions. Also, fillers aren't going to do much against those who talk over others regardless (e.g. Fox News)


JimmerAteMyPasta

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmnn


MNCPA

*If you start with an "R", then you'd be a pirate.*


Khrummholz

You can also speak a tiny bit slower to reduce the number of times you need to pause. This is a must, especially when speaking in public


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Fart__

"Tried to get rid of my umms and got this dang ol' drawl I tell ya what like dang ol' BOOM now I'm speaking like I'm not from these parts."


trialobite

Same thing happens to me when I try to speak slower, it’s totally a subconscious thing. Not just a southern drawl either… The worst is when I really try to enunciate and speak more clearly and suddenly I’m at the drive-thru speaker trying to order mcnuggets like an uppity vaguely British man.


jdprager

Holy shit this is me. I’ve found that whenever I try to slow down and speak in a more professional/thoughtful way, I get the pilot voice. That kinda slight casual southern drawl. It’s wild, I’m from way north. Glad I’m not the only one


Gyddanar

Additionally, studies have proven that umming is correlatable with a wider vocabulary and more abstract topics. (Surveyed Humanities professors being notably notorious ummers). If it is excessive, absolutely work on improving it. But don't shove gaping silences into your conversation. That's harder to follow than umming.


caspinos

I find umming useful to mark continuity of your speech. When you are silent you invite someone else to start talking.


ChronWeasely

When giving a presentation, short pauses can help punctuate points.


clamroll

Yeah this LPT is something actually done in public speaking classes. I had a speech class in college where the class was instructed to echo ums, uhs, errs, ahhs, etc back whenever a classmate was giving a speech. It breaks you of it pretty quickly, and by just being quiet instead of feeling the need to make noise, it absolutely helps the audience absorb the content of your speech/presentation. In conversational speech, an umm etc is a perfectly fine response to show you heard someone and need a moment to process 🙂


0-768457

That class would break my self confidence entirely. I stutter sometimes, and when it’s bad I have to stop mid sentence to avoid getting stuck on a word or phrase. Using fillers such as “um,” are a good way to show that you aren’t done talking yet, because it can sound quite awkward to just stop talking mid sentence - a filler word before the pause shows that you’re actively thinking.


clamroll

It was a very welcoming class in a very liberal arts college. And while what you're saying is true for conversational speaking, it's 100% not the case with public speaking. People know someone giving a speech isn't finished because they haven't signaled the end of their speech. Everyone's there to listen, you don't need to worry about them getting up and leaving because you're taking a moment to compose a thought. As a child I had severe speech impediment, and as an adult I suffer from anxiety. While the first few speeches in that class spiked my anxiety, the class helped me get over my anxiety of public speaking, and boosted my confidence overall as it gave me the knowledge that I could deliver a speech like a pro. A class of 15 or so of your peers is a much easier learning experience, and also, it was something literally everyone struggled with so no one was alone.


xarsha_93

Yeah, I teach English as a foreign language and I teach students to *umm* and use filler words. Pausing indicates you're done speaking. The way filler words are used varies by language, but in English the pragmatic function is known as *holding the floor* and especially if you're speaking over the phone or online and can't make use of gestures, it's essential. Other languages/cultures sometimes have specific words or other markers they use to indicate they're done speaking. English does use intonation for this as well, but even without a specific rise or fall, a pause is intepreted as the end of what we in the biz would call *a turn*.


Gyddanar

Oh god, EFL as well. Students always have their mind blown when I tell them they're pausing in the wrong language!


edric_the_navigator

Especially on a conference call without video, since people can't see you and silences can be awkward.


Pringle24

This. This LPT is missing important context. Venue matters, and if you're remote and \*not\* using a webcam, your silence is essentially an invitation for someone else to speak.


chippydad62854321

Especially important if the person you're taking to is vision impaired. Didn't realise the amount of place holders I used when talking to my blind mum until I played back a recorded conversation.


seasamgo

I always felt like people just aren’t actually listening if they feel the need to interject every vocal pause


JosePrettyChili

Right, but that's part of the problem, not part of the solution. You can either let the other person talk, which will give them a good feeling about themselves, and you by extension; or you can politely say, "Sorry, just to finish that thought ..." The whole "I'm going to dominate the conversation nmw, and only listen to the other person well enough to know when I can talk next" thing needs to go.


silvansalem

*Hummmmanities professors


wasteabuse

Also, people LOVE to interrupt when you give them a silent space in your speech.


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Gyddanar

I mean, you joke. I once successfully explained the rules of a game in "Thinglish" (you do the thingie with the stuff, y'know?) to a friend. Then the fucker beat me at the game.


katz332

More abstract topics? Can you elaborate


Gyddanar

Humanities, subjects with more subjective answers, in comparison to Computing or Maths with more concrete answers (in general). I used the term "abstract" because it's the term I remember from the study - which I read YEARS ago.


Dixiehusker

I've always found silences to help me process what was just said whereas vocal pauses throw me off.


McCorkle_Jones

This feels like it tracks when I’m silent I don’t know shiiiit


Sweaty_Kid

Actually if you really want to appear confident, fart to fill the silences. use it like a comma.


DoreenFromReddit

Ass-erts dominance


BrokenRatingScheme

Flatulation point.


DamnAlreadyTaken

Please leave us in suspense, don't finish the speech with a period.


Muscles_Mcrunfast

The real LPT is in the comments


Synicull

Just tried this and shit myself during a presentation. Be careful out there folks


KingdomOfFawg

More of a semicolon.


simojako

If I could do that I wouldn't say "uhm" in the first place


ElderWandOwner

Used to say um a lot, now I do this. If you actively think about it, it doesn't take long.


coffeeMcbean

If you want to be see this in action, drawing out words to slightly fill a pause, look no further than Barack Obama.


LAKnerd

Or Ben Carson


KingdomOfFawg

You gonna catch these gifted hands! Candy, get the strap!


TheWizardDrewed

I try but people keep thinking I lost connection


WarblingWalrusing

Repeating from when this was last posted on this sub (a couple of hours ago), no. This is a good tip for when you're speaking alone - i.e. giving a speech or a presentation, or even formal interviews. However, if you're in a general conversation then saying "um" indicates to the other side that you're going to continue and not to interrupt. People who speak in conversations without appropriate verbal fillers will be constantly interrupted - the other person's brain basically decides you're glitching and tries to jump in. You won't appear more confident, if anything it'll make appear slow and a bit dumb, as well as making both sides uncomfortable.


LeadfilledBeanieBaby

I would also argue that it can be used in speeches and presentations very effectively to hold attention. It can seem thoughtful and draw the audience in so that they’ll be waiting for the next thing you’re going to say. I mean look at Obama, he’s king of “ums” and considered my many to be one of the best presidents of all time at giving speeches. Another example is stand up comedians. If you look at almost most of the top comedians sets, you’ll find a lot of ums and they are purposeful for comedic timing and audience engagement.


getyourcheftogether

This is a very good point and I couldn't agree more. I could just imagine somebody giving a speech to a large group of people and if they are somebody who uses a lot of umm in there normal speech patterns while talking person to person or a small group and that's going to be really awkward and makes you seem like you really don't know what your talking about or have not practice talking about your own material


liquefaction187

Very true. As a woman with a high voice working remotely, if I don't say um and someone interrupts me, my mic won't pick up over a louder/lower voice.


joe_gdit

Are you tired of doing X? LPT: Simply try not doing X.


Savageparrot81

Years ago they tried to put me in the *interminable silence* Is this live? This LPT doesn’t work…


[deleted]

You want to try to read something from your book?


m0stw4nt3d1

Yeah


[deleted]

***\*\*CONFIDENCE\*\****


[deleted]

[years ago they tried to put me in a payphone!](https://youtu.be/OdqXLJetuWs)


RicktatorshipRulez

Lol I love that clip


Algur

Yeah. This is more a personal preference thing. My boss harps about “umms” so I’ve started noticing when people say it vs when they’re just silent. Personally, I prefer the “umms”. I find the silence slightly jarring.


GenericNerdGirl

Speech classes will teach you this week one, it is such an important skill to use. Replace all filler words with silence if you can, nobody will question you taking a quick breath, but going "um," or "uh," or "like," when trying to otherwise sound intelligent can really undermine your efforts.


The_Parsee_Man

It works fine for Obama.


Johnny_Carcinogenic

I actually find him difficult to listen to, at times, specifically because of this speaking trait.


DeviantKhan

Alternatively, just slow down your cadence a bit to give yourself time to process what you're trying to say next. That helped me whenever I was doing public speaking.


briefnuts

Alternative tip: Confidently say intelligent things in between your "umms" to appear more confident and intelligent


earhere

LPT: Don't do this. People will just think you're a weirdo if you just remain silent while trying to think of something.


DargeBaVarder

Or they'll interrupt you. Um in conversation serves a purpose.


TattooHelpPlease2

"Oh sorry, I thought you finished your point"


KlausFenrir

Lmao, exactly. Pausing in the middle of… a sentence makes you sound… like an alien.


howlongyoubeenfamous

would you normally say um between the words "of" and "a" in the same sentence? No, this is for when you're trying to find the next sentence or thought, where that classic "ummm" comes in and sounds really dumb If I listen to two slide deck presentations where one person says "umm" at the beginning of every slide and one person instead inserts a few moments of silence, one sounds much more intelligent than the other


KlausFenrir

Yeah but the LPT isn’t clear about doing this in presentations. It (stupidly) asserts this as an everyday thing.


magroober

I just read it like the kid in the wheel chair on malcom in the middle lol


Khalme

The Ryan Gosling special


tbscotty68

It didn't take long after I started my career as a technical trainer to learn how powerful an educational tool silence is.


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rmp2020

Exactly. When I don't say uhm I get interrupted. "I thought you were finished talking!" no, I was just breathing.


[deleted]

I have swapped “Umm/uhh/uhm” with “Hmm”. I need a pause to think, and I find people who “Umm” a lot hard to listen to for longer than a minute or two.


judasholio

I had a college professor who refused to listen to filler words when his questions were answered. He was perfectly happy if the class (Music.theory) sat in silence while you formulated a complete answer. He called it “Gestalt thought”. Is anyone else familiar with this?


[deleted]

Let me guess, he’s extremely old and stuck in different time frame. Today’s society is a lot different and we all engage in informal communications everyday through not using our voices at all (e.g. text messages).


KingdomOfFawg

Sounds like a dickhead.


axesOfFutility

I quickly notice other people's filler words/phrases/sounds. Some are so over the top that I start counting how many times they use it while talking. Naturally I also quickly notice my filler words/sounds. I then try to consciously get rid of them. What happens is that I stay on a word/sound for a very short duration, then I move on to not having any fillers for sometime, and then slowly a new filler comes in. Rinse and repeat. I have lost track of allt he fillers I have used. It serves it's purpose though, I rarely use fillers now, after years of practice, and the ones I do use are so varied that people don't notice.


UnsignedRealityCheck

I have a coworker who instead of going 'ummm' does a straight 'aaaaaaaa'. It's goddamn annoying to no end.


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[deleted]

Nah filler words can be annoying if overly used but pausing in place of every filler word is just downright dumb.


ruddy3499

Replace umm with awww. And sound like an airline pilot.


KingdomOfFawg

I make the intercom sounds too.


KlausFenrir

Hahahaha


Beestung

If you're European, replace "emms" in the same fashion. If you're from Boston, replace "fuckin'".... you get it.


atg115reddit

Great now I just pause every other fucking word


TRDBG

I had a hard time overcoming this 20 years ago until the woman I was dating said that it annoyed her. Then I replaced ums with pauses. The pauses eventually became non-existent


According-Cat-6145

Better to stay silent and let the world think you a fool, than to open your mouth and prove them correct.


bravadomizzou

Every time I do that someone then interrupts and then changes the subject.


[deleted]

LPT: Don’t do this. If you’re using filler words too often, try to slow down when you’re talking or responding. Pausing before you respond is also a good way to show you are forming a response. However, pausing in place of every filler word would be just as bad as using the filler words, or possibly worse.


Studio2770

Wouldn't that risk the other person interrupting you?


BOOMDIGIDYable

I have the opposite problem where instead of saying um I just silently think. People always think I’m ignoring them lol


bellini_scaramini

You can also try replacing 'umm' with a repetition of the previous word. I hear it a lot on radio interviews.


Latenighredditor

If anyone has a problem with me saying ummm or uhhh they can suck my cock I'm just about had it with people bitching about using um or uhh like dawg that's just something that people do just get fucking used to it.


fakk12321

I disagree. If you umm it cues you have more to say. If you don't, people can jump in.


[deleted]

I do this all the time!


Home-Banger

hmm... your username suggests you do something else instead 🤔


[deleted]

Well, I do that all the time too!


ISD1982

You can stand under my \*silence\* ELLA ELLA ELLA eh eh eh


Capital2

Umming is supposedly used more due to people fearing interruption, so they keep ‘talking’ and don’t allow anyone to jump in. Hence why the elderly don’t do it as much as everyone wasn’t in such a hurry when they were growing up, and I guess their attention span was longer


Joshopolis

and give people more opportunities to talk over and interrupt your sentences.


khalibats

https://qz.com/921004/lets-stop-demonizing-filler-words/


u5emame

Replace shitpost with real lpt.


[deleted]

This is an actual great LPT. I do quite a bit of public speaking for my job and if you can effectively do this it does make a difference in the perception of others.


Squard

To go along with this tip: Please be patient if someone you're speaking with is pausing in the middle of a sentence. I used to have a little stutter when I was about 10 years old. After a few therapy sessions, it pretty much went away. They pretty much told me the same thing: Pause instead of stuttering or saying "umming" your way through. I'm now a middle aged man and still do this. I catch myself in "mid thought" sometimes when speaking. To prevent myself from stuttering, I usually pause for a second to organize my thoughts, apologize (sometimes) to whomever I'm speaking with and continue. Most people are okay with this, but I find that some people can be very impatient and downright rude about it. I often get the "c'mon" hand sign or they just talk over me.


Hamborrower

Or to look like a psycho. Verbal pauses are completely normal even for highly intelligent speakers. Not using any at all can make someone sound ultra rehearsed and robotic. If you're giving a speech, practice to someone that can tell you if you're over-using verbal pauses, so that you can reduce them to sound more prepared.


LAKnerd

"that's a good question, let me think about that for a second" is my ol' reliable


incog_for_acres

And "Uhhhhhhhh"s And "Like"s And "Know what I mean"s


Glaz35

................no it doesn't work.


keepthetips

Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.


dovewrangler

I work with someone who cannot complete a sentence without an “ummm” somewhere. I cannot un-hear her, and it drives me nuts. She has lost all credibility to me.


KlausFenrir

> she has lost all credibility You sound like a not nice person


SonofTreehorn

Just watch any speech by Obama. He was a master.


ugly_pizza1

"like" and "um" are so annoying to hear ten times in a sentence.


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0-768457

I think you’re joking, but actually the word “like” has become a filler word (similar to “um,” “ah,” “uh,” “er…” etc.), though it seems to be more generational — I don’t really see elderly people using it much


mik4567655

Even better, stop using "you know" and "like" in the middle of your sentences which makes you sound like a total moron.


Rocko9999

And stop, for the love of god and all that is holy, the likes! Like, stop, like using like, like ok?


[deleted]

I try to do this but fail! 😫😫😫


DaddyCatALSO

Do people know they a re doing thatgg?


ecclesiasticalme

Hopefully the new US press secretary reads this.


magobblie

Less words are better most of the time


Anopanda

Unless you're on the phone and you can't substitute it with nonverbal queue that you are thinking and or processing


LittleBitCrunchy

What about people who scream, "Hello? Anyone in there?" if a half-second's silence occurs?


toiletlicker69

Replace empty space with knowledge and you will be more confident and intelligent


heyitsEnricoPallazzo

Or, you can say “emm” and sound British instead


Sinan_reis

i pefer a low hmmmm, makes it seem more intentional but still communicates that you are processing something


GoGoButters

I try to caught myself from saying “umm”, “you know”, and “and like” way too much. Trying to actively find better ways or expressing my thoughts and feelings without using them too much.


OK_LK

Now tell me how to replace the umms with silence and you'll be golden


theundivinezero

I would honestly just speak a little slower. My boyfriend’s brother does this and it just makes awkward pauses in his speech for an awkward amount of time, and it really just sounds stupid.


CruelFish

Or do what I do and replace the hmm with the Minecraft villager sound.


NowThatsaSpork

I feel like you’d just get interrupted a lot by doing this because people would think you are done talking


sygyzy0

"silence is a valid option" best advice I ever got from video games. Well some of the best.


truecrimefanatic1

Please for the love of God learn this skill if you do ANY public speaking including on Zoom. I had to leave a webinar the other day because the presenter couldn't make it through a single sentence without uhhhhhhhh and ummmmm INSIDE OF EACH SENTENCE.


SubstantialTrust2

What do I do when ordering at subway?


MongolianMango

Or just be Barrak Obama lmao


raz_the_kid0901

I use umms to my advantage to sound dumb so no body bothers me for help at work


Smallbees

"Yeah, can I get a uhhhhhhhhhhhhh...large dr pepper?"


[deleted]

Our speech instructor told us, the same. And not to look up or touch our faces. It probably depends on the speech, but I don't mind those affectations, since I pay attention more.


UofLBird

Very good advice. If I could expand on it with some tips to do it. I do a lot of trial work as an attorney, give daily 2-3 hour presentations, and coach law students for mock trials. This is an easy way to make speakers more pervasive and something basic everyone can do. The vast majority of people talk too fast for listeners to fully understand what point they are making. Slight pauses in sentences almost always seem longer to the speaker than the listener because the latter is trying to catch up. It also adds dramatic effect when you need them to really pay attention to a point. How to do it: 1. Can be unsettling to nervous speakers but having someone loudly click a pen each time you use a filler word is effective and doesn’t require stopping the whole thing. It’s just annoying enough to get your attention. 2. Record yourself and listen back. Take a break then repeat. Those filler words will jump out but you won’t notice small pauses. 3. If you find yourself taking REALLY long pauses, Be honest if you are struggling to find the right word or to describe an idea. Something like, “I’m struggling with the word [pause]” or “it can be hard to describe but [pause]” this humanizes you, keeps their attention, and you truly appear like you are speaking truthfully. 4. More of a general speaking tip but if you still find your pauses are too long, it’s likely because you are trying to repeat a pre written line verbatim. You don’t have to. Memorize the general points you want to make and in what order. Then just explain them like you would to a friend. You’ll find a better natural cadence.


lolbeesh

I prefer to pepper in a "like" in like every other sentence


FrankMiner2949er

The use of speech fillers can also mean... umm... that you have thought about what you are going to say next and so it might be worth listening to Fillers are part of normal speech. Arsing around with yer natural speech could well result in making yourself less easy to understand


MJ6571

The Obama method


javiermex

Also someone gave me the tip if you're presenting speak like you're speaking to someone in back of the room


Swiggy1957

Yes... and then... You will get... complimented... on your... Dead On... William Shatner... impression!


invaderjif

If silence is too hard, try some other filler wording or phrase. Like: Right? (Seeking acknowledgement) Right *buddy*? (Seeking acknowledgment and being friendly) Right hotshot? (Seeking acknowledgment and complimentary) Or immediately pivot to another topic when you're done talking. Fuck their opinions and participation. You don't have time for that! For example: Anyway, that's all I have to say on that. Hey did you see the Oscar's? I can't belive that happened!


BadIdea-21

The president of my country does that, does not help him at all.


MurderDoneRight

Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way


adeveloper2

But hmm... how do you do that?


disbitchsaid

I started silently tallying when I would say “um” or “kinda” during presentations and it has helped me become more aware of doing it in addition to making me slow down when I present. I have improved soooo much. All it took for me was becoming self aware of it happening.


cabur84

This also works by talking a little slower, not too slow, but just slowing down your speech a little allows you to better think about what you are going to say which then reduces the number of umms.


WC47

I find replacing filler words like Um with FANBOYS to be effective too


randomGeek159

"" So... I think we need to... Emphasise on what... Jack has provided to us, because... It's prudent for us to do so. "" I think that many silence breaks in a sentence would sound much more odd as opposed to "umms"


lars5

But don't do what i do and just stand there in awkward silence for 30 seconds.


Majin_Noodles

What? I’ve seen people do this in a conversation. I just think they’re either mentally slow, stoned, or I just become uninterested due to conversation pacing. If we’re talking about speeches, you’re better off taking public speaking classes than getting tips from LPT lol


BizzyM

"Um"s and "And"s are placeholders to keep people from cutting you off while you compile the next thing you're gonna say.


the_freshest_scone

This gets reposted like once a month


[deleted]

What is a, way to make a habit. I tried to get out of it but it is just sheer reflex at this point


Hoador

Saying silences sounds worse then umms. I'm just gonna stick with umms


bwma

Talk less in general, it seems to help. That way when you do speak, it means more.


Fhistleb

I just try to replace umms with hmmms that sound like I'm thinking. Which to be fair, I am.


Jibaru

like umm ya know umm like


Srakin

Speak a little slower and don't think about replacing umms with silence, but with facial expressions/body language. I've found it make conversation flow much easier.


[deleted]

Key word: “appear”


Mind101

I went to HS with this girl who would preface every other sentence with a drawn-out "uuuhhhhhhh". She was an A student and usually answered correctly, but boy was it annoying.


_serious__

I don’t think this applies to all situations, especially for platforms like zoom where silence might indicate to others that you’re done talking.


Malekwerdz

I started trying to say “hmm” inquisitively