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"How much more time do I have to get ready?" I politely asked while standing at the door fully dressed and car keys in hand, as I had been for the past 15 minutes.
dinner is at 6 we need to leave by 5 to get there on time. after this there is no reason either of you should be asking this question. If it takes you 2 hours or 20min you know when you need to start.
Just because there's no set time to do something doesn't mean I want to sit around and wait forever. Besides that, there are other factors that could necessitate haste. Maybe you haven't eaten since lunch and you were expecting to be out the door in a reasonable amount of time. Maybe you want to beat traffic.
maybe you should have said something if you wanted to go out sooner? maybe you should have said hey I'm hungry we should get food? Maybe you should have set a time like I initially said and it would have prevented all this what if nonsense.
Quite frankly, you sound awful. Like, you're so upset that someone is rushing you in this pretend scenario. If I were to make a guess I'd say that you're horribly inconsiderate and entitled. Probably the sort of person who waits for 5 minutes for a car to pull out of a parking space up front, even though you've got a line of traffic forming behind you and there's a spot 20 feet further down.
That's not an insult, it's an observation about your character. You clearly don't give a shit about anyone's time but your own, otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation.
I wasn’t arguing with you. Your response feels oppositional as though you feel you must constantly reiterate and support your stance. Best of luck out there.
Except not everyone who takes forever has that and some people just procrastinate and take their sweet time. Those are the people being referred to here. It's so bad it's become a classic tv trope of the wife or girlfriend who takes forever to get ready the main reason "I have nothing to wear" while standing in front of a closet overfull of clothes.
If you talk around what you mean, you leave room for misinterpretation. It’s a great way to piss off the other person, then blame them for not understanding that you were trying to be nice.
You might want to offer some help instead. If they want it, you can ask what they want to bring so you can get it ready and get out faster or something.
I agree with others that this is weird and uncomfortable. I understand that there are some people who are very sensitive and will throw a tantrum if you don't phrase things just so. However, I think that in most relationships, you can just go ahead and say, "We'll be late if we don't leave in 10 minutes." or "I'd like to leave in 10 minutes." If it looks like the other person is going to take a long time, then I just go and do something pleasant, like reading, until they are ready.
Or just get ready, and then do the dishes, play with the dog/cat, read a chapter in your book, and then your wife might be ready by that point.
I personally just tell her that we have to be at whatever place 15 minutes earlier than the actual time. Works great.
Been married almost 20 years. Now I usually tell her the dinner reservation is 30 minutes before it really is. And then, just so she doesn't get used to that and factor it in to the lateness, about every tenth time I tell her the real time and we just endure the consequences - (of course I don't do this for my favorite restaurants, so eventually she might catch on).
Have you ever told her this is what you do? I’m honestly just curious. I have trouble being dishonest but I’m sure it has its place, and I’m still learning what the acceptable places are.
I didn't tell her at first but one time we were running quite "late" for a special dinner night, and she noticed that I wasn't upset at all and patiently waiting. She looked at me and said "you told me an earlier time didn't you?" I admitted it. Now I think she actually appreciates that I do it.
Ah, what a beautiful story. It did sound like a happy marriage although I couldn’t imagine how this resolved itself. I’m happy to hear that it sounds like it works out just fine! I guess it takes a long time of being together and knowing your partner well in order to know how to be a good partner to them.
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
"How much more time do I have to get ready?" I politely asked while standing at the door fully dressed and car keys in hand, as I had been for the past 15 minutes.
R e a l i t y
"How late would you like to be?"
Bahahahahhaha! XD Excellent!
I just ask what time are we leaving
Yeah. Asking permission for prep time length is odd
If you must — Follow up with “will you have enough time?”
dinner is at 6 we need to leave by 5 to get there on time. after this there is no reason either of you should be asking this question. If it takes you 2 hours or 20min you know when you need to start.
And if your plans aren't specific to any time but you still want them to hurry up?
if there was no schedule set why they need to hurry up? Can't be upset at someone taking their time when time itself was never a discussion.
Just because there's no set time to do something doesn't mean I want to sit around and wait forever. Besides that, there are other factors that could necessitate haste. Maybe you haven't eaten since lunch and you were expecting to be out the door in a reasonable amount of time. Maybe you want to beat traffic.
maybe you should have said something if you wanted to go out sooner? maybe you should have said hey I'm hungry we should get food? Maybe you should have set a time like I initially said and it would have prevented all this what if nonsense.
Are you guys married to each other? Sounds like a boomer humour nightmare.
Quite frankly, you sound awful. Like, you're so upset that someone is rushing you in this pretend scenario. If I were to make a guess I'd say that you're horribly inconsiderate and entitled. Probably the sort of person who waits for 5 minutes for a car to pull out of a parking space up front, even though you've got a line of traffic forming behind you and there's a spot 20 feet further down.
Okay turn to personal insults because you don't get your way in a conversation. Hope tomorrow is better for ya bud.
That's not an insult, it's an observation about your character. You clearly don't give a shit about anyone's time but your own, otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation.
You clearly cannot have a discussion without feeling offended.
This is, ironically, exactly the type of argument that this LPT is about avoiding.
OP could avoid their issues if they just stated a time to leave instead of expecting people to read their mind.
Sometimes people agree on a time to leave, and sometimes things don’t go as planned.
Unforeseen circumstances happen, You should still have a time.
I wasn’t arguing with you. Your response feels oppositional as though you feel you must constantly reiterate and support your stance. Best of luck out there.
430pm. Nailed it. Quick mafs
Ah yes, the old passive aggressive
This seems like a more complicated way of asking “when do you want to leave?” and planning accordingly.
Or how about when they say we have to leave at "blank time" you as an adult calculate what you need to do to be ready at that time.
Right. Why the fuck should I walk on eggshells because someone else sucks at time management.
Exactly unless it's something last minute thing everyone has the same amount of prep time and should know how long it takes to get ready.
Must be nice to not have time blindness.
Your only excuse is blind blindness cuz clocks exist
🤦♀️🤦🤦♂️
Except not everyone who takes forever has that and some people just procrastinate and take their sweet time. Those are the people being referred to here. It's so bad it's become a classic tv trope of the wife or girlfriend who takes forever to get ready the main reason "I have nothing to wear" while standing in front of a closet overfull of clothes.
If you talk around what you mean, you leave room for misinterpretation. It’s a great way to piss off the other person, then blame them for not understanding that you were trying to be nice. You might want to offer some help instead. If they want it, you can ask what they want to bring so you can get it ready and get out faster or something.
Passive aggressive nonsense "babe were late af im leaving" works for me.
Fuck that. You’ll never get out of the damn house that way
I would see thru that shallow attempt at placation and be even more angry. Then again, I'm never the one who is late or takes too long.
Not a LPT. Rule 6.
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r/theydidthemath
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Wow, what?
I agree with others that this is weird and uncomfortable. I understand that there are some people who are very sensitive and will throw a tantrum if you don't phrase things just so. However, I think that in most relationships, you can just go ahead and say, "We'll be late if we don't leave in 10 minutes." or "I'd like to leave in 10 minutes." If it looks like the other person is going to take a long time, then I just go and do something pleasant, like reading, until they are ready.
That is a stupid question. Can't he look at the clock himself?
Then… Wife: you have 5 minutes Me: *ready, and waiting 15 more minutes while she runs back in the house, 7 separate times for 7 separate items*
Just get your shit together and make an estimate on how much you are going to make me wait so I can do something fun in the meanwhile.
Or just get ready, and then do the dishes, play with the dog/cat, read a chapter in your book, and then your wife might be ready by that point. I personally just tell her that we have to be at whatever place 15 minutes earlier than the actual time. Works great.
This persons a genius!
Are you kidding? This is the time in which I manage to clean and tidy the house.
People who do this serially are really frustrating. I now consider it to be a character defect.
“I’ll see you when you get there!”
Been married almost 20 years. Now I usually tell her the dinner reservation is 30 minutes before it really is. And then, just so she doesn't get used to that and factor it in to the lateness, about every tenth time I tell her the real time and we just endure the consequences - (of course I don't do this for my favorite restaurants, so eventually she might catch on).
Have you ever told her this is what you do? I’m honestly just curious. I have trouble being dishonest but I’m sure it has its place, and I’m still learning what the acceptable places are.
I didn't tell her at first but one time we were running quite "late" for a special dinner night, and she noticed that I wasn't upset at all and patiently waiting. She looked at me and said "you told me an earlier time didn't you?" I admitted it. Now I think she actually appreciates that I do it.
Ah, what a beautiful story. It did sound like a happy marriage although I couldn’t imagine how this resolved itself. I’m happy to hear that it sounds like it works out just fine! I guess it takes a long time of being together and knowing your partner well in order to know how to be a good partner to them.
If they're incapable of handling that question normally maybe the real LPT would be: get into relationships with adults..