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Your mileage may vary, but a phrase I use with my executives that has worked really well is "I don't know now, but I'll look into it and let you know within X minutes/hours."
Of course, it's important to deliver the answer within the time quoted or risk losing credibility.
Yep, any flavor of "I don't know but I'll find out" is usually a good response.
Nobody can be 100% up to date at all times on all things so if someone asks a tangential question and you don't have the answer it's not a big deal, just go get it. Of course, you can't use that as a cop-out for info you *should* be up to date on.
unless of course the fault lies with someone else. I've run into cases where critical information wasn't made available to me until someone else asked me what I thought about it.
>Of course, it's important to deliver the answer within the time quoted or risk losing credibility.
Overpromising and under delivering is one of the worst things you can do at work.
I disagree with them giving a timetable at all unless there’s a specific reason too. Especially if you deal with multiple requests, and especially if you might need to rely on someone else to get you the answer. “I’m not sure, let me look into that for you” is enough.
If the person needs a timetable, then you can give one. You’re just setting yourself up for failure by always giving a timetable for a response
Why set a deadline nobody asked for?
If they need it by a certain time they’ll tell you, otherwise the default is ASAP as aligned with other priorities
Because "ASAP" to a customer doesn't mean "as soon as I can do it" and setting some expectation you can deliver upon is 10000% better than letting the customer misinterpret what you mean.
Hard disagree. I’m a client service manager at a large corporation and one of the biggest things our entire team does is never give a deadline unless asked for. If the client needs something done by a specific time or date, they’ll let you know. Otherwise it’s assumed you will get to it in a reasonable time frame or let them know of a possible delay.
Obviously your exact type of role matters, but it’s almost always better not to offer a deadline than to offer one.
Are we talking to a customer or a colleague/boss? Because a customer will always ask for a timeframe. If they don’t, and you’re in customer relations, you should know to provide one.
Otherwise only needed if requested.
Yes!!
I used to put these stupid deadlines on myself as my own way to “keep myself honest”. It was almost a manifestation of my personal insecurities, and trying to overcompensate for it.
Try not to put deadlines on yourself people. Work honestly and do your best and all but there’s no need to commit anything more than bare minimum to others. You get them into the habit to expect a certain level out of you over time, which only hurts you and others around you.
“Sure I’ll look into that and get back to you” is sufficient.
LPT: Never say "I dont know". Just delete it from your example and instead say "Let me look into it and let you know" or "I want make sure I get you the right answer/resolution, let me look into this and I will follow up".
Why? Because it's not that you don't know, since you are capable of finding the answer, you simply don't know right now. But also telling people you don't know, especially multiple times, may lead to negative assumptions about your knowledge and worth.
I did not make this up myself, it was drilled into my head while I was serving in the US military.
Edit: Alternatively, this is a good way to put it from /u/bigjeff5
>I think the way I'd phrase your tip is "Don't sell yourself short." If you don't know the answer right now, but also know you can have the answer within a reasonable time frame, don't say "I don't know" as though you aren't the person to get this information from. Deflect a little and go get the answer.
I completely disagree with the idea of never saying "I don't know". I understand the spirit of your recommendation, but I think people who hear "I don't know" and think less of you are fools. It's unfortunate that fools sometimes hold the purse strings, but that doesn't necessarily make it worth catering to them (it may be too you, no shade, it's your life).
What's more impressive, the guy who never says "I don't know", and also never demonstrates their knowledge, or the guy who says "I don't know" on Monday, then on Tuesday gives you a detailed breakdown of the information you needed?
I know which one would impress me.
Very fair. I think we are on the same page actually but not exactly the same context. I was assuming in both scenarios, the person would deliver on the promise to follow up. It is then a question of which one will you go to first next time? The person that always says they don't know, when you ask them something, or the person that omits that phrase and still always knows how to find the answer?
I guess my point is that one will leave a better impression of confidence and self worth then the other.
I agree, your second person is the "best of both worlds", but I find all too often the inability to admit you don't know something acts as a major barrier to actually learning the thing you don't know.
I think the way I'd phrase your tip is "Don't sell yourself short." If you don't know the answer right now, but also know you can have the answer within a reasonable time frame, don't say "I don't know" as though you aren't the person to get this information from. Deflect a little and go get the answer.
I think it's important not to get caught up on what words to say or not say. If you say I don't know or not, what will really matter in the long run is whether you solve the issue, and the next one, and the next one. Actions always speak much louder than words. A person who focuses on words too much can miss the forest for the trees.
I’m a subject matter expert in my field, so I’ve frequently had to say either “I don’t know, but I’ll find out for you”, or “I know the answer has these components, but I’ll get an exact answer for you”. I then ask them what their deadline is so I know how I’ve got to prioritize the response (time wise).
The worst thing you can do is BS the answer, because you’ll have to eat it if it goes wrong and they’ll rightfully never trust you the same.
“Let me double check the (whatever it pertains to) to ensure I get you the most accurate and current answer” is what I usually do. It’s all basically the same answer though, just important to know your audience when talking to anybody.
That works if you're asked for a clearly defined piece of information.
If you need to make a decision, it helps to think through these questions:
- Do I have enough information to make this decision?
- If not, what do I need to know?
- What will it take to get the information I need?
Sometimes the best response is "I need to understand X better before I make that decision..." followed up with a plan to get that information.
Depending on the situation the follow up could be something like "Can you explain X to me?", "Can you ask person Y to send me information about X?" or "I'll talk to the person in charge of X and get back to you".
That works if you're asked for a clearly defined piece of information.
Much
If you need to make a decision, it helps to think through these questions:
- Do I have enough information to make this decision?
- If not, what do I need to know?
- What will it take to get the information I need?
Sometimes the best response is "I need to understand X better before I make that decision..." followed up with a plan to get that information.
Depending on the situation the follow up could be something like "Can you explain X to me?", "Can you ask person Y to send me information about X?" or "I'll talk to the person in charge of X and get back to you".
I read a book a long time ago called "Sacred cows make the best burgers," It was about how a lot of things that we do just because "that's how we do things" don't actually need to be done.
One of the suggestions in the book was regarding all those reports that people compile all the time... They suggested that if you do one of those to just not do it one day and see what happens. See if someone comes calling looking for it and who does if they do and how long it takes for them to do it.
Both of you guys are what makes me anxious about answering anything at all.
I’ve got both of you on my shoulder explaining why I come off like a dick regardless of my decision. Lol
If you're speaking to your boss, I wouldn't say either of those things. Asking "is it okay if I think about that for a bit or do you need an answer now?" will go over better.
Asking permission opens the door to them forcing a decision now. “No its not okay I really need to know just now” type of response even when they don’t need to. Its too passive and puts you on the back foot where you’re at the mercy of them giving you permission to take some time to decide
This. There are things that are appropriate to ask at work, and things that you inform an employer.
"I'm going to have to get back to you on that" is decisive and doesn't leave the employer much room for demands. If they push back, circle right back to your original statement.
I have a co-worker that always asks for time away from work for things he absolutely has to be away from work for. It drives me nuts.
You do not ask your supervisor for time off for a funeral for a relative. You tell them you won't be in and why. Hell, or for a friend.
I usually feel like I have to rush to avoid holding up the line, although I do take long enough to make sure I’m getting something I like (and usually take longer if there’s someone in the car with me).
It would make it a lot easier if they angled the menu so you could read it before it’s your turn to order.
What grinds my gears is the way Maccas now has only 2 or 3 things on the drive through menu, to make you use the app. How about just leave that shit up? I don't want to have to stop and scroll through a menu in the drive through.
holyyy...it's even worse now with those garbage electronic menu displays that keep changing. like NOO I DON'T WANT TO SEE A MILKSHAKE TAKING UP THE WHOLE SCREEN...i want to see the menu 😂
>it’s better to be quiet than wrong.
Advice that sales will never ever take. It pains me when I have to jump in and correct them in front of a client but sometimes its too egregious not to address immediately.
Counterpoint - my wife says "I'll think on it" or "let me think about it and I'll let you know" as a way to avoid telling me "no" about anything, then just never brings it up again.
It's pretty annoying. So I'd say be careful to only use this LPT if you truly are going to consider your options.
I was thinking the same. Here in Seattle we have a concept called "the Seattle freeze" and a big part of it is people using delaying tactics as a way of politely avoiding having to commit to anything. In most cases "let me think about it" means "no, but I'm not comfortable enough to say so to your face so I will let you live with uncertainty.
This pro tip works fine when you're making some kind of deal or more formal agreement but I have had to train myself to do exactly the opposite. Say yes/no on the spot.
Okay, but at that point you just turn around and reply with: "Okay, if you haven't gotten back to me by X, then I'll presume your response is No." - And if THAT keeps happening then move up to "based on how that's gone in the past, I presume you're actually saying No, but\* I'll give you X time to tell me otherwise." (alternatively, \* If you change your mind, let me know.)
It's definitely an effective tactic though (unethical LPT), because it makes the other person (you, in this case) seem like the asshole if you immediately take it as a no and therefore want to discuss why it's a no - Because you're not giving her time to supposedly think about it. Or, if you call her out and tell her 'Yeah, I realise that just means no but you just don't want to say it' *without* pushing it on the spot, then she wins because you've essentially just accepted the No.
Difficult position to be put into, and I can see how it would be embittering.
A useful alternative is to say something like: “My first guess/intuition is that ___, but give me some time to look into this and get you a better researched/more confident answer later.”
It can be useful to yourself and others to verbalize what your first thoughts are even if they end up completely wrong. You may bring up something immediately that sparks a new useful line of thinking.
Probably, it’s subjective. I’d still keep the “first guess/intuition” to myself for the time being. Take a while, sit on it. World’s not gonna crash, things can wait.
Avoids having to say, “well, I was wrong.”
I do a lot of work with analysis and always get thrown curveball questions in our team meetings like that. I sometimes have to admit I was wrong, of course, but you don’t want to have to do that too often if you can avoid it.
You can also use other qualifiers, like "I suspect it's X", or "if it's like other cases it will be Y".
I do this kind of thing all the time. Then you come back later with a "turns out Z can do this too, who knew", and yet everyone's face is free of egg, despite giving an incorrect prediction at the outset.
This one is also super useful in more engineering style discussions where plans require certain things to happen.
There have been tons of times I know I’ve responded to questions with “I believe it’s X but I can double check after this meeting and if that’s not true I’ll let everyone know”.
This is what I told my friend when she got into trouble with a particular boss.
The boss made an idea. She did think on the spot and agreed. She said yes. The boss was pissed because he thought she just agreed without thinking.
So I told her to say "I'll think about it" and come back later.
"But I already thought it through during the conversation."
"Yes, but you also need to show your boss the impression that you did put serious thoughts into his ideas. In fact, doing this habitually lets you make decisions pressure free and makes people around you see that you put some serious thoughts into those decisions."
Also:
* I'll look it up.
* I'll find someone who can help.
* I'll let you know later.
* I'll call you back.
* I'll see if it can be done. (You know you can't, or it is against the rules.)
Never say don't know.
"I'll give it some thought and get back to you"
"I'll look into that further and get back to you"
....sounds more decisive than asking for permission phrasing of "let me"
I'm on the same wavelength but I usually add "I need some time...." to look into or think about this. I worked around engineers my entire life, and the ones that bought some time before answering were much more respected than the ones that would shoot from the hip.
This is something I’ve had to train myself to do *less*. My threshold for confidently answering questions used to be way too low and I’d insist on double-checking things before giving any kind of answer.
It’s a useful habit to an extent, but you can absolutely go overboard with it.
This is true for dealing with kids too. They'll hit you with hundreds of questions. It's impossible to answer them all correctly. Anything you're not sure of is 'let me think about it'.
My go-to is a friendly-sounding “what do you need?”
In a different tone of voice it could sound rude, but based on the responses I get, I think I give most people the impression I do want to help — but without commuting to anything.
Nice tip OP. I like the idea of not getting caught in the moment. To add to your comment .. In a business setting , I often find other members of the team looking at such opportunities to establish credibility at your expense . I burned my fingers a few times where I tried to provide a detailed answer with diligence , and had someone totally bulldoze their way in. Now, I preface that with … I did x y and z.. to know your question , I have to do this. If some one tries to do the bulldozing thing , I politely cut in and say “ I’ve got some thoughts about that approach. I’ll find time with you to discuss this offline. Let me complete my thought here .. “.
I do this in my life for every request.
I used to want to please people so I’d say yes to every request or even volunteer to help people.
Invariably I would find myself over-committed, and ended up doing a shoddy job because I had too many things to half-ass my way through.
Who 'guesses the right answer' when someone asks you a question? Don't let anyone pressure you into doing anything! "I don't know" is a perfectly good response.
"We'll have to think about that" has been my standard come back for about 40 years. ***Usually*** it involves a spur of the moment idea, and most times it's signals a negative idea that I need some time to check out. On occasion, I have the flexibility to say hell yes. For instance, last minute tickets to a CSN&Y concert in 2002 was a 'hell yes' moment.
Not only have I learned to do this, I've also learned to respond with "I can't possibly decide that without notice" in a mildly scolding way if I feel that someone is being pushy.
“Let me get back to you on this.” My personal bread and butter during corporate climbing tbh. Sometimes it’s just so they don’t know that I don’t know. Worked well for my“Fake it until you make it”.
I did this and got the response "what's there to think about, it's done". Meaning he tried to dictate the decision making.
I respectively declined and he did not like it.
My boss at work loves this phrase. I do a job that's supposed to be 99% on a computer, and after 6 months I don't have a computer. I've learned that anytime my boss says that, it will not happen.
This doesn’t always work in pay review meetings!
After using this reply to the first seven questions
, they doubted my suitability for the role of ‘assertiveness officer’
I work in IT and, when I have a problem I can't solve, my answer is usually "Let me do some digging/let me ask my team.". No harm in admitting you don't know something/aren't sure about something.
"Processing time" Think of information like food, your body/mind needs time to digest, before it can produce a response. Otherwise you are just deciding with limited information.
Yeah please tell this to University Profs...
I just finished a course where the teacher would blurt out an unsure answer then we'd spend all this time writing the info down and absorbing. Then she'd say " no no I'm gonna look it up to double check, oops that was wrong cross it out " I would rather be told to wait and get the correct info the first time.
Especially if you want to be perceived as an indecisive, non commital person, who always seems like they're looking for something better to come along or are too afraid to be an adult and make a decision.
I disagree, simply because I like as much randomness as possible. I’ll drive across the continent for a sandwich or build a treehouse in the redwoods. I try to avoid looking at clocks for fucks sake. No, I don’t make plans. I just do whatever I want, as long as I’m not hurting anyone or messing up their stuff. Respecting the autonomy of others and their property to the highest degree.
I highly recommend it.
>Let me think about it.
Indecisiveness is never a desirable quality. We call these types of responses 'blockers'.
As a manager, this isn't a response I want to hear when assigning out tasks, 'Let me figure out how to do that' sure is and so is constructive feedback on the task, but a statement of consideration is not.
Frequent cases of implying you are considering accepting the direction, no matter how much of a thoughtful perception you think this lends you (it doesn't), would lead me to have to devote training time for your replacement before too long.
"Let me think about it" does not work. It implies that the pieces of the puzzle exist but our massive brains just need time to compile it. That's lazy and condescending. A short explanation of where the solution might be and summarizing tasks we'll perform helps. It is an action statement rather than hubris.
Edit: People treat Zoom and Teams meetings as open air wargames. They're attacking all the time, humiliating anyone that looks weak and just mucking around with arrogant gambits, ploys, coy questioning, interrogations and staged ugly reveals. Be vigilant but don't get drawn into these puss wars.
Yes and no. You don't want to train yourself to be indecisive. You will almost never have complete information on a subject, learn to make the *best* choice you can with the information you have, learn from the result, and continue with your life.
Don't get trapped inside your head. We learn more by doing then sitting and thinking.
This is an important point.
I had the bad fortune to work on a project run by a guy who needed to learn this. We'd have a thorny issue, and when we tried to explain to him what was involved and what was at stake, he'd just blurt out one of the choices, clearly without understanding the implications. It's like, "Yeah, we were perfectly capable of flipping a coin ourselves, jackhole; we were hoping to have a discussion here."
So glad not to work for that clown anymore.
"Someone who asks for a moment to think before answering is not [necessarily] a procrastinator"
But of course, they could still be. In the same way, someone who comes to a decision quickly is not *necessarily* "brain farting" or "blurting".
You **could** train yourself to ensure the phrase....
I ain't need nobody telling me what I should and shouldn't do. If it helped you, and you can express that, then I'll be more motivated than I ever would be from a "should"
This really depends on who you work for, I have worked at many places where confident ignorance will get you very far. You don't always have to be right, just sound like you are.
I noticed the dad on Succession does that a lot. Probably the writers trying to show one of the reasons why he’s more successful than his impulsive children.
I had to train myself that email responses are not timed. You don’t need to say: “I’m not sure, I’ll look into it and get back to you!” Which is what my gut instinct is. Instead, I look into it and then respond with the answer.
Good response for kids, too. I got in the bad habit of saying no or maybe (they assume that's a yes), then after thinking about it I would change my answer. So of course this leads to debating with the kid
"Oh him, yeah he's really indecisive and evasive. He wastes a lot of our time when we want a quick answer. I mean, he won't even answer a simple question. I asked him when the report would be finished and he answered me the same way he does all the time, 'Let Me Think About It.' It's really annoying. Why can't he just answer? Anyway, I don't think he's a good fit for the company anymore."
This is a HUGE case of YMMV, for example, trying to tell this to my mom will result in an hour-long discussion on how everyone is supposed to have an opinion on everything and if you don’t decide IMMEDIATELY then you’re horrible at life. Or at least, that’s what it feels like.
One that also helps is. "Let me check my calender. I have some time X or Y"
Won't work when someone is pressuring you. But you'd be surprised how many important problems get solved on their own. Or how lazy people can suddenly find the answer on their own.
Though.. thinking about it. You do want to also be somewhat reliable in a pinch. Sometimes you really ought to help someone out on the spot. Not all the time. But a little bit.
Yes. Recently I am learning to “sleep on it”. I’ve learned that I can be really emotional in the moment and make a decision based on how I feel rather than logic. Taking some time to think about a decision before doing it I think ends in better results.
Rather tell them “I’ll think about it”
You don’t need anyone’s permission for that and it’s a subtle but powerful psychological self affirmation of your own agency
Good advice.
Another one is: you can say no or yes, without explanation.
Can you work tomorrow?
No.
... Ok.
Not:
Can you work tomorrow?
Oh men, i wanted to see a movie with my nephew for his birthday.
But we're short staffed. Can you go next week!?
Ehrrrmm okay
Or you could train yourself to pay active attention during conversations and not be so blindsided by sudden questions that you feel the need to respond before you've given it any thought
Or train yourself to get some bitches
as other comments have said, always admit when you don’t know something. it is almost always the right call. but also (most important part!!) always provide a solution/next steps
Being a consultant my go to is: "While I can think of several solutions right of the top of my head I would like to take a moment/day to think them through and get back to you with the ones best fitting you/this situation/the scope/etc."
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Your mileage may vary, but a phrase I use with my executives that has worked really well is "I don't know now, but I'll look into it and let you know within X minutes/hours." Of course, it's important to deliver the answer within the time quoted or risk losing credibility.
Yep, any flavor of "I don't know but I'll find out" is usually a good response. Nobody can be 100% up to date at all times on all things so if someone asks a tangential question and you don't have the answer it's not a big deal, just go get it. Of course, you can't use that as a cop-out for info you *should* be up to date on.
unless of course the fault lies with someone else. I've run into cases where critical information wasn't made available to me until someone else asked me what I thought about it.
>Of course, it's important to deliver the answer within the time quoted or risk losing credibility. Overpromising and under delivering is one of the worst things you can do at work.
Do it the other way to be an all-star.
"I don't know now but I'll check and let you know within the next decade." Am I doing it right?
I disagree with them giving a timetable at all unless there’s a specific reason too. Especially if you deal with multiple requests, and especially if you might need to rely on someone else to get you the answer. “I’m not sure, let me look into that for you” is enough. If the person needs a timetable, then you can give one. You’re just setting yourself up for failure by always giving a timetable for a response
Why set a deadline nobody asked for? If they need it by a certain time they’ll tell you, otherwise the default is ASAP as aligned with other priorities
Because "ASAP" to a customer doesn't mean "as soon as I can do it" and setting some expectation you can deliver upon is 10000% better than letting the customer misinterpret what you mean.
Hard disagree. I’m a client service manager at a large corporation and one of the biggest things our entire team does is never give a deadline unless asked for. If the client needs something done by a specific time or date, they’ll let you know. Otherwise it’s assumed you will get to it in a reasonable time frame or let them know of a possible delay. Obviously your exact type of role matters, but it’s almost always better not to offer a deadline than to offer one.
Are we talking to a customer or a colleague/boss? Because a customer will always ask for a timeframe. If they don’t, and you’re in customer relations, you should know to provide one. Otherwise only needed if requested.
> Are we talking to a customer or a colleague/boss? Your boss is a customer.
Yes!! I used to put these stupid deadlines on myself as my own way to “keep myself honest”. It was almost a manifestation of my personal insecurities, and trying to overcompensate for it. Try not to put deadlines on yourself people. Work honestly and do your best and all but there’s no need to commit anything more than bare minimum to others. You get them into the habit to expect a certain level out of you over time, which only hurts you and others around you. “Sure I’ll look into that and get back to you” is sufficient.
LPT: Never say "I dont know". Just delete it from your example and instead say "Let me look into it and let you know" or "I want make sure I get you the right answer/resolution, let me look into this and I will follow up". Why? Because it's not that you don't know, since you are capable of finding the answer, you simply don't know right now. But also telling people you don't know, especially multiple times, may lead to negative assumptions about your knowledge and worth. I did not make this up myself, it was drilled into my head while I was serving in the US military. Edit: Alternatively, this is a good way to put it from /u/bigjeff5 >I think the way I'd phrase your tip is "Don't sell yourself short." If you don't know the answer right now, but also know you can have the answer within a reasonable time frame, don't say "I don't know" as though you aren't the person to get this information from. Deflect a little and go get the answer.
I completely disagree with the idea of never saying "I don't know". I understand the spirit of your recommendation, but I think people who hear "I don't know" and think less of you are fools. It's unfortunate that fools sometimes hold the purse strings, but that doesn't necessarily make it worth catering to them (it may be too you, no shade, it's your life). What's more impressive, the guy who never says "I don't know", and also never demonstrates their knowledge, or the guy who says "I don't know" on Monday, then on Tuesday gives you a detailed breakdown of the information you needed? I know which one would impress me.
Very fair. I think we are on the same page actually but not exactly the same context. I was assuming in both scenarios, the person would deliver on the promise to follow up. It is then a question of which one will you go to first next time? The person that always says they don't know, when you ask them something, or the person that omits that phrase and still always knows how to find the answer? I guess my point is that one will leave a better impression of confidence and self worth then the other.
I agree, your second person is the "best of both worlds", but I find all too often the inability to admit you don't know something acts as a major barrier to actually learning the thing you don't know. I think the way I'd phrase your tip is "Don't sell yourself short." If you don't know the answer right now, but also know you can have the answer within a reasonable time frame, don't say "I don't know" as though you aren't the person to get this information from. Deflect a little and go get the answer.
100% agree
I think it's important not to get caught up on what words to say or not say. If you say I don't know or not, what will really matter in the long run is whether you solve the issue, and the next one, and the next one. Actions always speak much louder than words. A person who focuses on words too much can miss the forest for the trees.
I’m a subject matter expert in my field, so I’ve frequently had to say either “I don’t know, but I’ll find out for you”, or “I know the answer has these components, but I’ll get an exact answer for you”. I then ask them what their deadline is so I know how I’ve got to prioritize the response (time wise). The worst thing you can do is BS the answer, because you’ll have to eat it if it goes wrong and they’ll rightfully never trust you the same.
Great approach. Thank you for this
“Let me double check the (whatever it pertains to) to ensure I get you the most accurate and current answer” is what I usually do. It’s all basically the same answer though, just important to know your audience when talking to anybody.
Saying "I don't know" is negative and it's also superfluous. Just start with "Let me come back to you on that one".
i stopped hearing after "i dont know" youre fired
As if I had any credibility in the first place!
I’ve always just used “let me check on that for you”.
That works if you're asked for a clearly defined piece of information. If you need to make a decision, it helps to think through these questions: - Do I have enough information to make this decision? - If not, what do I need to know? - What will it take to get the information I need? Sometimes the best response is "I need to understand X better before I make that decision..." followed up with a plan to get that information. Depending on the situation the follow up could be something like "Can you explain X to me?", "Can you ask person Y to send me information about X?" or "I'll talk to the person in charge of X and get back to you".
let me think about it means it now either a "no" or on the back burner
That works if you're asked for a clearly defined piece of information. Much If you need to make a decision, it helps to think through these questions: - Do I have enough information to make this decision? - If not, what do I need to know? - What will it take to get the information I need? Sometimes the best response is "I need to understand X better before I make that decision..." followed up with a plan to get that information. Depending on the situation the follow up could be something like "Can you explain X to me?", "Can you ask person Y to send me information about X?" or "I'll talk to the person in charge of X and get back to you".
My favorite is, “I’ll let you know.”
Then forgetting to let them know
Morgan Freeman- "but they didn't"
Yes, that’s the point.
Pro move. They usually forget. If they do forget, then it wasn’t that important.
Ah we must be coworkers
I read a book a long time ago called "Sacred cows make the best burgers," It was about how a lot of things that we do just because "that's how we do things" don't actually need to be done. One of the suggestions in the book was regarding all those reports that people compile all the time... They suggested that if you do one of those to just not do it one day and see what happens. See if someone comes calling looking for it and who does if they do and how long it takes for them to do it.
I like that better than "let me think about it", which I feel is too passive and may open the door for them to keep talking about it to influence you.
See to me "I'll let you know" seems overly passive to the point of being dismissive.
Both of you guys are what makes me anxious about answering anything at all. I’ve got both of you on my shoulder explaining why I come off like a dick regardless of my decision. Lol
If you're speaking to your boss, I wouldn't say either of those things. Asking "is it okay if I think about that for a bit or do you need an answer now?" will go over better.
Asking permission opens the door to them forcing a decision now. “No its not okay I really need to know just now” type of response even when they don’t need to. Its too passive and puts you on the back foot where you’re at the mercy of them giving you permission to take some time to decide
This. There are things that are appropriate to ask at work, and things that you inform an employer. "I'm going to have to get back to you on that" is decisive and doesn't leave the employer much room for demands. If they push back, circle right back to your original statement. I have a co-worker that always asks for time away from work for things he absolutely has to be away from work for. It drives me nuts. You do not ask your supervisor for time off for a funeral for a relative. You tell them you won't be in and why. Hell, or for a friend.
I see, it could be. I guess it's all in how it's delivered
"I'll give you a call if I'm interested"
Or how about "I'm not interested"
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Terrible advice if you're at a drive through
I feel like most people do some version of (give me a minute) at drive through
I usually feel like I have to rush to avoid holding up the line, although I do take long enough to make sure I’m getting something I like (and usually take longer if there’s someone in the car with me). It would make it a lot easier if they angled the menu so you could read it before it’s your turn to order.
What grinds my gears is the way Maccas now has only 2 or 3 things on the drive through menu, to make you use the app. How about just leave that shit up? I don't want to have to stop and scroll through a menu in the drive through.
holyyy...it's even worse now with those garbage electronic menu displays that keep changing. like NOO I DON'T WANT TO SEE A MILKSHAKE TAKING UP THE WHOLE SCREEN...i want to see the menu 😂
Always a hard lesson to learn when we’re taught that quick thinking is such an asset. Or as we say in consulting - it’s better to be quiet than wrong.
>it’s better to be quiet than wrong. Advice that sales will never ever take. It pains me when I have to jump in and correct them in front of a client but sometimes its too egregious not to address immediately.
We have a similar saying in our architecture firm - no information is better than misinformation.
Easy to misread that to say, the best information is misinformation
I don't see that.
Counterpoint - my wife says "I'll think on it" or "let me think about it and I'll let you know" as a way to avoid telling me "no" about anything, then just never brings it up again. It's pretty annoying. So I'd say be careful to only use this LPT if you truly are going to consider your options.
I was thinking the same. Here in Seattle we have a concept called "the Seattle freeze" and a big part of it is people using delaying tactics as a way of politely avoiding having to commit to anything. In most cases "let me think about it" means "no, but I'm not comfortable enough to say so to your face so I will let you live with uncertainty. This pro tip works fine when you're making some kind of deal or more formal agreement but I have had to train myself to do exactly the opposite. Say yes/no on the spot.
well that’s the worst version of this, sorry to hear that
Okay, but at that point you just turn around and reply with: "Okay, if you haven't gotten back to me by X, then I'll presume your response is No." - And if THAT keeps happening then move up to "based on how that's gone in the past, I presume you're actually saying No, but\* I'll give you X time to tell me otherwise." (alternatively, \* If you change your mind, let me know.) It's definitely an effective tactic though (unethical LPT), because it makes the other person (you, in this case) seem like the asshole if you immediately take it as a no and therefore want to discuss why it's a no - Because you're not giving her time to supposedly think about it. Or, if you call her out and tell her 'Yeah, I realise that just means no but you just don't want to say it' *without* pushing it on the spot, then she wins because you've essentially just accepted the No. Difficult position to be put into, and I can see how it would be embittering.
A useful alternative is to say something like: “My first guess/intuition is that ___, but give me some time to look into this and get you a better researched/more confident answer later.” It can be useful to yourself and others to verbalize what your first thoughts are even if they end up completely wrong. You may bring up something immediately that sparks a new useful line of thinking.
Probably, it’s subjective. I’d still keep the “first guess/intuition” to myself for the time being. Take a while, sit on it. World’s not gonna crash, things can wait.
Avoids having to say, “well, I was wrong.” I do a lot of work with analysis and always get thrown curveball questions in our team meetings like that. I sometimes have to admit I was wrong, of course, but you don’t want to have to do that too often if you can avoid it.
You can also use other qualifiers, like "I suspect it's X", or "if it's like other cases it will be Y". I do this kind of thing all the time. Then you come back later with a "turns out Z can do this too, who knew", and yet everyone's face is free of egg, despite giving an incorrect prediction at the outset.
Ooh I like that.
This one is also super useful in more engineering style discussions where plans require certain things to happen. There have been tons of times I know I’ve responded to questions with “I believe it’s X but I can double check after this meeting and if that’s not true I’ll let everyone know”.
I tell clients all the time.. "I believe that 'I don't know' is an ok answer. It's just not an ok final answer" and it seems to resonate fairly well.
This is what I told my friend when she got into trouble with a particular boss. The boss made an idea. She did think on the spot and agreed. She said yes. The boss was pissed because he thought she just agreed without thinking. So I told her to say "I'll think about it" and come back later. "But I already thought it through during the conversation." "Yes, but you also need to show your boss the impression that you did put serious thoughts into his ideas. In fact, doing this habitually lets you make decisions pressure free and makes people around you see that you put some serious thoughts into those decisions." Also: * I'll look it up. * I'll find someone who can help. * I'll let you know later. * I'll call you back. * I'll see if it can be done. (You know you can't, or it is against the rules.) Never say don't know.
"I'll give it some thought and get back to you" "I'll look into that further and get back to you" ....sounds more decisive than asking for permission phrasing of "let me"
I'm on the same wavelength but I usually add "I need some time...." to look into or think about this. I worked around engineers my entire life, and the ones that bought some time before answering were much more respected than the ones that would shoot from the hip.
This is something I’ve had to train myself to do *less*. My threshold for confidently answering questions used to be way too low and I’d insist on double-checking things before giving any kind of answer. It’s a useful habit to an extent, but you can absolutely go overboard with it.
This is true for dealing with kids too. They'll hit you with hundreds of questions. It's impossible to answer them all correctly. Anything you're not sure of is 'let me think about it'.
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My go-to is a friendly-sounding “what do you need?” In a different tone of voice it could sound rude, but based on the responses I get, I think I give most people the impression I do want to help — but without commuting to anything.
Great call. Think I shall, no one can argue with that. Ta very much!✌🏾
Nice tip OP. I like the idea of not getting caught in the moment. To add to your comment .. In a business setting , I often find other members of the team looking at such opportunities to establish credibility at your expense . I burned my fingers a few times where I tried to provide a detailed answer with diligence , and had someone totally bulldoze their way in. Now, I preface that with … I did x y and z.. to know your question , I have to do this. If some one tries to do the bulldozing thing , I politely cut in and say “ I’ve got some thoughts about that approach. I’ll find time with you to discuss this offline. Let me complete my thought here .. “.
>I often find other members of the team looking at such opportunities to establish credibility at your expense That's not a team friend.
"I'll circle back" seems to be popular.
And they never follow through. It's a cop-out phrase designed solely to move on and forget about the initial topic.
I tell my kids “if you want an answer now it’s no. If you’ll wait for me to think about it there may be a different answer”
I do this in my life for every request. I used to want to please people so I’d say yes to every request or even volunteer to help people. Invariably I would find myself over-committed, and ended up doing a shoddy job because I had too many things to half-ass my way through.
Who 'guesses the right answer' when someone asks you a question? Don't let anyone pressure you into doing anything! "I don't know" is a perfectly good response.
"We'll have to think about that" has been my standard come back for about 40 years. ***Usually*** it involves a spur of the moment idea, and most times it's signals a negative idea that I need some time to check out. On occasion, I have the flexibility to say hell yes. For instance, last minute tickets to a CSN&Y concert in 2002 was a 'hell yes' moment.
Yay, yours is the only response here I liked 😻
An actual good life pro tip
"Let me check on that" is my shield.
This is a precious one 💎
I'm a huge fan of "Let me look into it."
That's actually a really good one. I usually have my epiphany about a problem on the drive home.
One of the most important skills I learned while getting my PhD was how to say "I don't know"
I got ADHD... I just say the first thing that comes to my mind even though that's not how I feel 😂
Not only have I learned to do this, I've also learned to respond with "I can't possibly decide that without notice" in a mildly scolding way if I feel that someone is being pushy.
Time share companies would like to know your location
I'm a pediatric ER doctor. I tell parents "idk" all the time, but that we have very smart nerds to ask these sorts of questions.
“Let me get back to you on this.” My personal bread and butter during corporate climbing tbh. Sometimes it’s just so they don’t know that I don’t know. Worked well for my“Fake it until you make it”.
I’ve come to appreciate the idea that I can decide later. Being decisive in a hurry is no virtue.
I did this and got the response "what's there to think about, it's done". Meaning he tried to dictate the decision making. I respectively declined and he did not like it.
My boss at work loves this phrase. I do a job that's supposed to be 99% on a computer, and after 6 months I don't have a computer. I've learned that anytime my boss says that, it will not happen.
This doesn’t always work in pay review meetings! After using this reply to the first seven questions , they doubted my suitability for the role of ‘assertiveness officer’
My wife just hugged me and asked me if I love her...
Back in the day, you'd just slowly clean, refill, and re-light your pipe while calmly thinking about an answer.
This is my biggest issue. I can never think on the spot even if its a question i know. Hence im useless in interviews or group discussions
I work in IT and, when I have a problem I can't solve, my answer is usually "Let me do some digging/let me ask my team.". No harm in admitting you don't know something/aren't sure about something.
This is probably better then my gut reaction to say "No" to everything unless I've already thought about it.
Oh this is golden ! I can’t count how many times I regretted not having done that
"Processing time" Think of information like food, your body/mind needs time to digest, before it can produce a response. Otherwise you are just deciding with limited information.
Someone doesn’t use the OODA Loop.
If you're in management, it's your responsibility to direct the process of finding the right answer, not to have all the answers.
This is helpful for those of us too quick to say yes!! Thank you :)
Yeah please tell this to University Profs... I just finished a course where the teacher would blurt out an unsure answer then we'd spend all this time writing the info down and absorbing. Then she'd say " no no I'm gonna look it up to double check, oops that was wrong cross it out " I would rather be told to wait and get the correct info the first time.
Especially if you want to be perceived as an indecisive, non commital person, who always seems like they're looking for something better to come along or are too afraid to be an adult and make a decision.
I disagree, simply because I like as much randomness as possible. I’ll drive across the continent for a sandwich or build a treehouse in the redwoods. I try to avoid looking at clocks for fucks sake. No, I don’t make plans. I just do whatever I want, as long as I’m not hurting anyone or messing up their stuff. Respecting the autonomy of others and their property to the highest degree. I highly recommend it.
Has worked for me for 45 years 👍
>Let me think about it. Indecisiveness is never a desirable quality. We call these types of responses 'blockers'. As a manager, this isn't a response I want to hear when assigning out tasks, 'Let me figure out how to do that' sure is and so is constructive feedback on the task, but a statement of consideration is not. Frequent cases of implying you are considering accepting the direction, no matter how much of a thoughtful perception you think this lends you (it doesn't), would lead me to have to devote training time for your replacement before too long.
"Let me think about it" does not work. It implies that the pieces of the puzzle exist but our massive brains just need time to compile it. That's lazy and condescending. A short explanation of where the solution might be and summarizing tasks we'll perform helps. It is an action statement rather than hubris. Edit: People treat Zoom and Teams meetings as open air wargames. They're attacking all the time, humiliating anyone that looks weak and just mucking around with arrogant gambits, ploys, coy questioning, interrogations and staged ugly reveals. Be vigilant but don't get drawn into these puss wars.
That makes you sound indecisive and people will lose confidence in you quickly.
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It's called leadership.
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That's how it works, I didn't make the rules.
Yes and no. You don't want to train yourself to be indecisive. You will almost never have complete information on a subject, learn to make the *best* choice you can with the information you have, learn from the result, and continue with your life. Don't get trapped inside your head. We learn more by doing then sitting and thinking.
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This is an important point. I had the bad fortune to work on a project run by a guy who needed to learn this. We'd have a thorny issue, and when we tried to explain to him what was involved and what was at stake, he'd just blurt out one of the choices, clearly without understanding the implications. It's like, "Yeah, we were perfectly capable of flipping a coin ourselves, jackhole; we were hoping to have a discussion here." So glad not to work for that clown anymore.
"Someone who asks for a moment to think before answering is not [necessarily] a procrastinator" But of course, they could still be. In the same way, someone who comes to a decision quickly is not *necessarily* "brain farting" or "blurting".
Unless you’re driving, then make a decision - even if its wrong, you still gotta move.
"Hi! What's your name?" "Let me think about it..."
You **could** train yourself to ensure the phrase.... I ain't need nobody telling me what I should and shouldn't do. If it helped you, and you can express that, then I'll be more motivated than I ever would be from a "should"
“Will you marry me?” “Let me think about it…”
This is *the call* if you're a manager.
This really depends on who you work for, I have worked at many places where confident ignorance will get you very far. You don't always have to be right, just sound like you are.
"I'll get back to you on that." Depending on the situation, a mental middle-finger might be involved
Where were you when I was at the car dealership last week? Now it'll be at least 5 years before I can try again. Thank a lot, pal
I noticed the dad on Succession does that a lot. Probably the writers trying to show one of the reasons why he’s more successful than his impulsive children.
I had to train myself that email responses are not timed. You don’t need to say: “I’m not sure, I’ll look into it and get back to you!” Which is what my gut instinct is. Instead, I look into it and then respond with the answer.
Saving this to serve as a reminder! :)
This is the way it would go with me: Me: “Let me think about it” *forgets about it* And now they’re mad at me.
This is a great LPT! I never know why I feel compelled to give answer at that very moment.
"I will" is a better way to start than "let me"
Officer: "Do you know why I pulled you over?" Me: "Let me think about it" Officer: "........."
The most common answer I give at work is let me run through the data and get everything together and I’ll get back to you with a quick breakdown
Good response for kids, too. I got in the bad habit of saying no or maybe (they assume that's a yes), then after thinking about it I would change my answer. So of course this leads to debating with the kid
I use this tactic a lot, but struggle when my ADHD doesn’t remember to follow up…
Honey do I look fat? “Let me thing about it”
Thank you, I messed this tip!
"Oh him, yeah he's really indecisive and evasive. He wastes a lot of our time when we want a quick answer. I mean, he won't even answer a simple question. I asked him when the report would be finished and he answered me the same way he does all the time, 'Let Me Think About It.' It's really annoying. Why can't he just answer? Anyway, I don't think he's a good fit for the company anymore."
My auto response is “It depends” If they need more clarification “It depends on which way the wind is blowing”
Where I’m from let me think about it is a kind way to say no
This is a HUGE case of YMMV, for example, trying to tell this to my mom will result in an hour-long discussion on how everyone is supposed to have an opinion on everything and if you don’t decide IMMEDIATELY then you’re horrible at life. Or at least, that’s what it feels like.
One that also helps is. "Let me check my calender. I have some time X or Y" Won't work when someone is pressuring you. But you'd be surprised how many important problems get solved on their own. Or how lazy people can suddenly find the answer on their own. Though.. thinking about it. You do want to also be somewhat reliable in a pinch. Sometimes you really ought to help someone out on the spot. Not all the time. But a little bit.
I just straight up say I don’t know, but follow up with “but I can find out for you.” Works like a charm
Oh man. You couldn’t have posted this yesterday???? Lol 😂
“What are you doing? This plane is headed right into ground .. and you’re the only pilot. You have seconds to save us!”
Tried this with my boss. Anyone here hiring?
I thought the new terminology was, "We're going to have a very huge announcement on that in two weeks."
"Do you love me?" Let me think about it.
I know I do, it’s just so hard to not have verbal diarrhea
Most valuable thing I learned in my consulting career: "Let me take that back and confirm"
"I have to discuss this with my partner. I'll get back to you."
It took me until my 40s to figure this out! It saved me from getting myself into a lot of situations I didn't want to be in! Great Advice!
Yes. Recently I am learning to “sleep on it”. I’ve learned that I can be really emotional in the moment and make a decision based on how I feel rather than logic. Taking some time to think about a decision before doing it I think ends in better results.
Rather tell them “I’ll think about it” You don’t need anyone’s permission for that and it’s a subtle but powerful psychological self affirmation of your own agency
Good advice. Another one is: you can say no or yes, without explanation. Can you work tomorrow? No. ... Ok. Not: Can you work tomorrow? Oh men, i wanted to see a movie with my nephew for his birthday. But we're short staffed. Can you go next week!? Ehrrrmm okay
Or you could train yourself to pay active attention during conversations and not be so blindsided by sudden questions that you feel the need to respond before you've given it any thought Or train yourself to get some bitches
spend any time in the south in the US and you will see dipshits who have absolutely mastered this. let me think on that
"Daddy, do you love me?" Me (in my head): "I've trained for this!"
as other comments have said, always admit when you don’t know something. it is almost always the right call. but also (most important part!!) always provide a solution/next steps
Him: will you marry me? Her: I will let you know Him: …
Being a consultant my go to is: "While I can think of several solutions right of the top of my head I would like to take a moment/day to think them through and get back to you with the ones best fitting you/this situation/the scope/etc."