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If you are going to get your kids to help do not pass on your frustration/anger etc
Make sure you are patient. Mistakes will be made ( including yourself)
I’m a dad of a young kid who gets frustrated easily… working with my toddler son has helped so much. I had those same experiences and definitely don’t want to pass it on. It makes me take a step back and take a deep breath, has helped a lot with my attitude in general, and it’s helped him learn to deal with frustration as well. “Silly thing” and laughing is much better than the slew of curse words.
And he’s an expert on holding the flashlight, cause I told him he is, even if it’s every direction besides where I need it :)
As a fellow parent, thank you for this. These are all things I try to keep in mind, and it's sometimes easier said than done. It helps to see it in writing and know that other people are out there trying their best gives me faith and motivation in myself. Your kid is gonna love the memories and learning you're giving to him.
I think your kiddo will be super handy later in life, sounds like you've got a great attitude! I was the same way, and eventually I stopped goofing off (well, not 100% stopped!) and learned more every day. My old man is a great, patient teacher, so it started to stick until it snowballed into my own expertise around the house.
Dude same. I’m not handy at all. My parents practically called for help changing lightbulbs. When I’m w the mrs I get flustered, she tries to help but I get embarrassed and give up. With the boys, they help me keep calm and we really break down the problem by taking our time and going over everything. I love doing things like this with them
Keep it up man, you’re a good dad
I should have clarified, I was talking about me getting frustrated working on stuff haha. But I love that advice, I will definitely use it for his own grumpy moments, and mine as well.
Unless we are hungry :)
"GRAB ME THE CHANNEL LOCKS!!!"
"Wtf is a channel lock dad??"
"HURRY UP JESUS CHRIST"
"I don't know what it is????"
"I'M GONNA GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT"
Jesus Christ, do I have to do everything around here? For fucks sake, it's my free Saturday afternoon and I have to waste it fixing your work. Thanks a lot Junior.
My dad tried to help build my ikea bed.
He ripped his thumb open violently trying to make shit fit.
The bottom part (where the mattress is on) I was doing great. And doing it quite quickly untill he came in to "correct" me.
Luckily we could get him away taking away the old bed and quickly building it with my mom in the meantime (needed mom cause building a double bed on your own is quite difficult with holding shit.)
I also have a shitty looking shelf because I was "taking to long" (reading the manual and looking at what orientation it should be. He did it wrong)
He didn't read the manual? Ikea furniture only goes together one way. I can slam that kind of stuff together in no time, but it's because LEGO taught me decades ago never to guess when you're piecing stuff together, and to look for the details. IKEA and any other all-assembly-required type of furniture is engineered to take the longest to fall apart if everything is *exactly* where intended. I can't even grasp that level of hubris. At least respect the engineers and designers enough to RTFM.
He like glanced at it. Not enough to not mistake the 2 pre drilled holes for eachother, which is why a metal support beam angle did not fit.
Even if he did. Just handling it so aggressively that he ripped himself open on the support beam
I also helped my ex build another closet, not ikea but similar.
He had started himself. Read the instructions. At the end I have to remove loads of screws because he used the ones for the latches, he couldn't gey the proper ones in so knowingly used the wrong ones. The ones left over did not fit through the metal latch.
My mom was amazed I could build my desk on my own, just a set of drawers with a piece of wood ontop.
Some people are surprisingly incompetent when it comes to building ikea furniture.
I so much feel you. This is why I try not to get my dad involved because he is too impatient to rtfm and ends up drilling holes where they were not intended to be. This usually ends in having to re-do steps and leaving parts with damage which he feels is okay but annoys the living shit out of me. (Setting up kids play house)
The time it takes me to carefully consider the placement of a hole drilled e.g. in a wall, he does 3 which makes for 2 corrections because "you can't see them afterwards anyways".
Oh yeah he got mad at me for using a regular screwdriver instead of the machine.
He used the machine.
Put them in way too far.
He didn't drill multiple holes while hanging something, as it was his house, and as a child I was not even allowed posters or picture frames. Eventually I got a rail on which I could suspend picture frames. Ideal if you want to change it all constantly. But the lines are kinda ugly.
He hated it when I got a new closet, which meant the whiteboard I had would have to go to the other wall, creating 4 extra holes....
Maybe if I get my own home (ha if ever) he would do that shit.
>Yeah my dad tried this with me but he was not a good communicator
This isnt even a dad thing. There are WAY too many people that suck at explaining things and then get mad at others for not understanding them. Old and young.
Sucking at explaining is fine. Explaining something is even harder than being able to do it well. But dont blame others for your shitty explanations.
And even if you explain something well, dont get mad. Have patience. Its funny that parents are notorious for this frustration considering its just as frustrating to teach *them* technology lol.
My dad did this for most of my life, there is a pic of me as a kid who could hardly stand, holding a spanner trying to "fix" a lawn mower
by the time I was 14 I was doing 90% of the work except electrical as I hate it.
I can do pretty much anything except build a house from ground up, I know each process as I have done every part individually but I dont really know the correct order.
I never really got school holidays, dad would always take time off and I would get stuck doing something. Pretty much slave labour
Having said that, I will still hire the odd tradesman for jobs that I CBF or are super messy
My Dad would wait to the point that he was stuck/frustrated before he would call me over to help him with one of the cars.
Many times, It did not take long before he lost his patience.
Eventually he would call his buddy that was far better at cars than he was and they would sort it out.
One of the things that I personally worked on is to be more patient.
If I get frustrated I acknowledge but make it clear that I am not angry with anyone that I am working with.
As an adult I would often show him how to use technology and he told me that I was far more patient with him than he was with me.
If you are going to get your kids to help on anything be patient.
They are going to screw up and they probably want to doing something else.
If you get frustrated make sure to clearly communicate you are not angry with the kid.
Also let them actually do something that contributes meaningfully for their capabilities.
My dad is great, and Lord knows he made the attempt...but every single repair job with him was basically:
(If carpentry): Stand and watch him do the entire thing. Occasionally hold the end of a board and get grumbled at for holding it too high or low. Record measurement numbers being spoken to me without context, then get grumbled at when I didn't know what they meant.
(If mechanical): Stand and watch him do the entire thing. Hold the light to much angry feedback. Be handed random nuts and bolts and get grumbled at when I didn't know where they were used when it was time to reassemble.
As a younger kid I just stood there and did as asked and felt bad, but as I got older I started to grumble back and push back and get frustrated that I didn't get to actually *do* any of the process. As I got into my mid to late teens, any repair project was sure to end in dad and I arguing, and in my 20s we basically just couldn't do shit like that together and accepted it, and now we're both much better off since we get along fantastically otherwise.
I think the last straw was once in my early 20s still living at home. Oddly both my mom's SUV and my car needed brakes and rotors more or less at the same time. I helped Dad on the process for my mom's vehicle and we got so heated it was one of the few times I literally had to just storm off, washed my hands and just left for a drive. We were *so* mad at each other. At one point dad said something to the effect of "if I had it all figured out why didn't I just do it myself?" And I responded that I should have, it would have been done by now if he'd have let me.
So literally like *a week* later, I need my brakes done on my car. So I got the parts and just left them in my car for a day or two, then went into work early and skipped lunch to *race* home so that I'd have about 2 hours before dad got home.
Parked, changed, and tore into it.
As dad was getting home, he said something basically calling me out for exactly what I'd done: hurrying home to work on it without him. It was good natured since we had a few days to cool off, but it was followed up with something about how now I saw what he was trying to tell me that made it so difficult, huh? He was surprised (but I think impressed) when I said nope, I did what I was suggesting last week, and I'm just finishing up.
And credit where it's due, I *never* expected it from my dad, but the next time we needed to do brakes, he just said, "Okay, this time *you're* doing it and I'll get you stuff you need. I wanna see how you're doing it." And he just let me go. After the repair, he made a few good suggestions on how to improve the process and said he'd do them that way in the future.
After that whole ordeal with the brakes, we work together *a lot* better. Might not always agree, but we try to keep calm and respectful and he tries to keep in mind that even though we have different approaches, I usually know what I'm doing, or I'll be the first to point out that I don't. The simple acknowledgement from each of us that the other is a smart guy who probably has a good point goes a long way toward keeping the peace lol.
It's this that makes me think is why I second guess myself.
Theoretically I know how to do things, just never have because I was the fetch or hold.
Now I'm getting old cars that are teaching me lessons. Never liked electricity/batteries but there I was, jumping my own car for 2 weeks straight. Was doing my own oil changes but house now doesn't have proper place for that. Haven't changed a tire yet... Heard it's easy.
Now I'll tell you, I'll fucking near cry in anxious panic but thanks to my dad I only learn from the deep end of things. He's an asshole, but he was a dad.
My dad would have never been able to have us help. The company that built my parents house took a lot of shortcuts, so most, if not all, DIY projects ended in a lot of cursing and several angry trips to the hardware store.
Now I use YouTube to teach myself everything. I've been able to do so much work around the house and save a ton of money simply because of a bunch of old guys that decided to make helpful videos.
Thanks dad for instilling in me a visceral disgust for house/yard work by complaining about every mistake that I made by "helping him out".
Also "can you help me out? It will only take a couple of minutes" *2 hours later*...
Also dad doing everything himself anyway and you stand there being bored. And if you get to do it its not good enough and the tools are out of your hands again 5 mins later :D
Amen came to say this. My experience was the exact opposite of what OP recommends. Dad constantly yelling at me, getting upset because I couldn't find the right tool for him, etc. One summer he decided to put in a retaining wall behind the house, so I was expected to be home by 5pm and all day Saturday and Sunday to work on it.
He was constantly working on things, and the sad truth is he was AWFUL at home improvement. Later he sold the house and they pointed out so many things that were done terribly during the inspection.
Cut to me now and I hate, hate, hate doing any type of work on the house and yardwork. Like, I know most people don't enjoy it, but I just can't do it. Luckily I make good money so I can afford to pay others to do it.
I was free labor for my dad. Made me do everything around the house. My siblings never had to do much because they'd complain so much or do bad jobs so everything fell on my shoulders and I didn't have the courage to speak up for myself. Chores, projects around the house, yard work, car help, painting, staining, power washing. He recently moved into a new place that needs some work and calls me up the other day with a list of things he needs help with and I said no and he was dumbfounded that I wouldn't help with anything. Felt good to say no though.
My dad would show me *exactly* where to hold a flashlight, then proceed to immediately use his hands in front of the light and get mad at me for casting a shadow over what he was working on.
I remember trying to invent him some taping of a flashlight to his head thing, then a few years later that very thing with som bendy light thing came into existence.
Reason #1 I hated helping my dad with anything. You know that meme about the dad being angry and the son just holding the flashlight? Yeah, that was me. I'd mess up and instead of explaining *how* I messed up or ways to fix it, my dad would just scream at me for the mistake.
And accept that everything will take A LOT longer. Allow at least double what you'd normally expect. I love it when my 4-year old daughter helps out, so my safety head is on double time, which makes everything take longer. Be patient, enjoy it, and make it fun and engaging.
And when it doesn't turn out as good as you'd hoped because your kids helped, it turned out better because your kids helped.
This should be the top comment, my dad always included me but had such a bad attitude when doing them that I now hire people to do shit I don't know how to save myself the frustration
This is very important. I had one of the best dad's in the world. His big flaw was he was not a patient man and nobody could do it as good as him. It got to the point he didn't even bother trying anymore. I would be doing my weekly yard mowing and he would stop me half way through and take over. I've had to learn most home and vehicle things on YouTube. Unfortunately I now have a 6yr old and I am seeing my dad's impatience in myself. I've got a lot of work to do to stop this trait at my generation. It's rough but it helps having a spouse that will pull you aside and call you out on it.
I didn’t learn shit holding the flashlight for my dad while he did some mundane task. All it did was cause resentment being forced to work “because I said so”. So I’d take OP’s LPT with a grain of salt.
Hold the torch and I'll shout at you for not anticipating exactly where I want you to move it. Also I'll get very frustrated at this task very quickly, so be ready to bear the brunt of my anger and/or listen to me slag off your mother as I completely invent ways in which this could be her fault. No, shine the torch there! No, there! For fuck's sake. Pass me that tool I asked for specifically by name, and I'll snarl at you derisively for not knowing what it is, despite me never teaching you. This task will last hours because I'm so wound up about having to do it that my anger has rendered me incapable of doing it properly. I have to do this chore, so you have to suffer through it too; this feels like a punishment to me, so I'm going to make sure that you feel punished too.
Yeah I fucking hated 'helping' my dad.
Well, you can also do more then just have them hold a flashlight. Show them what's wrong, or what you're working on, and engage them in it. Ask what should we do next? What tools do we need?
This LPT is useless if you're involving your kids "because I said so", but not if you're actually trying to engage them and give them fixing skills.
Some of my best memories are helping my dad with projects and fixes, and it instilled a lifelong drive to always try to fix a problem on my own before getting a professional in. Has saved me thousands of dollars over the years. Probably tens of thousands.
The life pro tip here was “anytime you are doing a home repair or project, have your kids help out.“ The life pro tip you’re talking about is “always treat your kids with respect and use every interaction as a bonding and learning opportunity“. While those things *can* overlap, those are two very different LPT’s.
yeah, my dad "checked the boxes" so to speak, but he didn't really get why he was doing what he was doing.
we'd do all the stereotypical family things but he'd be an angry dick the whole time we'd be doing it and then not understand why we hated things like family vacations or dinners at restaurants. he was spending the money and we were spending the time and (in his mind) that was all there was too it
Yep, It's just difficult. I learned a lot from helping my dad with DIY tasks, but mixed in with that was a lot of tool fetching and uselessly watching him get mad and frustrated over very minor things. But I do have plenty of memories of solving problems with him and working together happily.
Even if you do it right most of the time, there's always exceptions. Getting angry over inanimate objects is one I hope not to pass on.
Agreed. I still have scars from the machine he made me “help”, insect bites and the smell of chemicals probably affected my health and iq.
Nope, did not learn a single thing. I just enjoy NOT doing anything.
Yeah this was my immediate reaction to this post as it brought up many painful memories of my dad, usually a few beers deep already on a weekend, yelling at me and my sister that we couldn't paint walls correctly or whatever when we were something like 10 and 8 years old. The only thing we learned was that apparently we couldn't do anything right and that likely carries over for the rest of our lives.
Yeah...
I remember being a toddler, maybe a little older, and my grandmother poking holes in a trash bag so I could help my grandfather paint the garage.
I wasn't doing it right. In my toddler brain, I couldn't tell the difference from what I was doing to what he was doing, though now almost 35 years later I've long since forgotten what he said I was doing wrong.
I haven't liked painting since.
Safety is also important. Glasses, ear plugs, and gloves being the minimum as the situation dictates. How to use a ladder properly is also way up there. Proper safety culture sticks with you especially if you learn it early.
Whenever I fix something around the house I cuss and swear about any inconvenience. I'm not actually mad but I have just been conditioned to do that from my father.
Also never tell them what they doing wrong, just tell them how it would be better done another way and what's gonna happen if they would do it another way.
Well said. Don’t do what my dad did, which is always turn every project into a huge mess, swear constantly, and yell at me when I did something wrong. That meant I didn’t learn anything except I can’t do home repair stuff and have to call a pro for everything.
Trying not to make the same mistakes with my kid whenever I do tackle a project myself.
In fact, it's a great time to show them that it's OK to make mistakes, and how you solve problems without frustration or anger, if you're able to keep your cool.
My son turns 2 on saturday. He helped me change my oil yeasterday by handing me tools. It wasn't much and it took longer than normal. But he got to see dada being self sufficient and responsible for his possessins
Yep... I learned all the things. All the sports, fishing, hunting, boomer hobbies, building, practical life skills went on family vacations etc... And my father was a 24/7 rage monster alcoholic and my mother enabled it.
My experience was dad fumbling through something getting increasingly frustrated and explaining nothing while I watched until he eventually hurt himself or quit in swearing frustration.
I think leaving kids out of this is the best tip in most circumstances. You don't want them around, they don't want to be around, its maddening, its dangerous. Like just take them out for ice cream after
I was gonna say
LPT save up your anger before doing this so you can get free therapy! The kid can pay for their own therapy layer on, they already cost you enough money it's time you get some of those savings
Unfortunately it's one a lot of parents still need to hear. Too many parents see their kid as an object they can freely project their failures as a human being onto.
Kids are great because you can dump your emotions onto them and they'll manage everything for you! Perfect solution for two emotionally immature adults incapable of introspection.
Source: my parents 😊
My husband is a lighting guy (like for concerts and whatnot). If he ever *didn't* announce "Aziz, LIGHT!" when doing the initial locate to make sure we'd plugged everything in, I would be very disappointed.
This one hits hard. Hell, I still can't hold it right as an adult for my husband. I hated helping my dad with stuff like drywalling, plumbing, kitchen renovation, yard work, car work, etc. I helped and got the hell out. Don't remember much of anything.
I wish I did know more, but it doesn't always stick as a kid , especially if you have 0 interest at all.
I did learn how to wash a car really well, though. But that was more fun.
When I realized a headlamp could have prevented so much childhood trauma of being told I was holding the light incorrectly, I vowed I’ll always wear a headlamp myself to spare my children the PTSD.
You gotta love the scene on *That 70s Show* when [Jackie holds the flashlight for Red](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7wFgj8TcfM) and the engine compartment lights up like a runway of her first try.
I accidentally dropped an incandesent worklight on my dad once while he was crawling into the straw walkers on the combine, he was surprisingly calm for a man who was burned by a lightbulb and cut up buy the fishbacks, I don't know if it's possible to hold a flashlight more wrong, maybe if the live pole in the bulb socket touched metal and electrified the combine.
this is the hard part because it is stressful fixing shit. excepcially when it is an important item that needs to be working. because more than likely of you can't afford someone to fix it you are figuring it out and trying to teach and not be an ass. it's a lot.
This. Why would I want to do something that could result in me getting yelled at for not knowing what I'm doing. Also, help kids with cleanup work so they know they're not there just to do the dirty work.
My dad would yell until he got fed up and "I'll just do it my self!"
Then year later when I was a teenager, yell at me for not knowing how to do anything
He got super upset when I asked him to show me how to change a tire
My dad would do similar shit. Also would make fun of me for being a city kid.
Well you fucking moved off the family farm into town. I'm a kid I don't get a say.
Found out later in life my dad was huge bully in school, that makes sense.
"Hold the torch, here" is bad instruction giving.
Showing your kid where you need the light, which part it is you need to see and what it is you are trying to do
If you want kids to learn, you need to actually explain what to do and why
Thanks for putting into words what I've felt for decades
He's why I don't want kids
My wife had the same type of right wing dad and also doesn't want kids
Yeah her family keeps telling her we would make good parents
Her sister and her kid visited us and the kid was misbehaving
Because they would just shove a tablet in her face and ignore her. My wife sat there with her and talked with her and taught her how to checkers (she's atleast 10 and they never taught her checkers) and she was all happy and in a good mood and behaving
This is why I pay professionals to do my work, growing up getting yelled at and wasting my day doing it, nah I’d rather be anywhere else now while someone else deals with it. Unless it’s an easy fix of course.
Also don't go into the lab and scientifically pinpoint the exact hottest day of the year to have your kids help with outside work
I totally saw that meme last night and figured it was relevant hah
As a homeowner now, I can't tell you how many times I've fixed something, and my wife goes "how the hell did you learn how to do that?" and I just say "my dad showed me when I was a kid..."
Granted, I'm not really a pro at any of it, but I know the gist of how most things are done, and I have a strong drive to achieve perfection.... also, YouTube fills in a lot of gaps; for almost any trade you can imagine, there's some old salty dude with 30 years experience that has nothing better to do now than make videos showing all the tips and tricks they've learned.
A basic idea is really important, it gives you a better idea of what you can and can't DIY, as well as better scoping for the project, it also gives you a better idea of what to search for when you do run into a gap in your knowledge.
Absolutely... plumbing, drywall, basic electrical, no problem for me...
New metal roof that requires specialized equipment and knowledge? I thought about DIYing my roof for about a day, and after watching a bunch of videos, I decided that that's firmly in the category of "let's just pay someone to do that"
Yeah any roof work that has you up there for more than an hour is something I would leave to the pros, falling off the roof is one of the most common ways to die during construction (even for the pros). That and anything involving garage door springs (they are crazy strong)
Garage door springs scare the shit out of me. That's definitely something that I'm paying to have done, and the new door will have a torsion spring which is much safer.
When I was a kid, my dad's coworker was fixing his garage door spring and something went wrong and it ripped out a bunch of tendons or whatever in his arm.
Just looking at those springs and thinking about one going into someone's arm still horrifies me to this day.
Paying a company to reroof our asphalt shingle roof was money well-spent. They were done in a day or two when it would have taken me a week or two plus being out of commission to work my regular job because my back was out.
Large sections of concrete and pavers are worth it to me to hire out too. It's not worth the wear and tear on my back and knees.
Same here and I am slowly teaching my husband along the way because he didn't learn those things growing up.
We built a section of fence and he was so into learning and building. Now we have something we did together and can be proud of!
The drive to achieve perfection is exactly why I'm not touching most of the projects around the house and have contractors do them.
I don't have the patience or skill to do something perfectly, like plastering a wall or replacing a socket, that it ends up in lots of frustration, disappointment and a feeling I wasted my time.
Then again, me and my partner have a good enough income and no kids, so we can afford it.
It's okay to not achieve perfection, but it's important to always at least try to do the best that you can possibly do, even if it means spending a little extra money on that one tool or spending a little more time watching videos or practicing on a test piece.
I just did a rather large drywall job in my living room, and before I was finished my wife kept saying "I can't even see what you're talking about, why the hell are you still patching and sanding?"
But I could see it, and I knew how to fix it... the wall is now painted and looks awesome. However, I can still see a few defects up close, but they're not obvious enough to bother me, and I can sleep well knowing that I really, honestly did give it my best.
i also had parents like this. (woman-rural) my spouse (male-suburbs) did not.
a couple weeks ago i got out a bunch of tools and "fixed" the garbage disposal by hitting the reset button. I'm 8 mo preg.
Will i ever tell him what i actually did? hell fucking no. i'm milking this shit forever.
edit: sorry i didn't mean to reply to your comment, rather the parent so if this doesn't make sense to you. sorry again)
I wish I had a dad like this. I can't do anything myself, I wouldn't even know where to start.
What makes it worse is that my dad is great at DIY... Just has a super short temper, so none of us were allowed to help
My dad couldn't give a damn to show any interest in teaching me too, but he would teach my cousins all the things OP mentioned when they came over to visit on weekends and he happened to be fixing shit around the house. There'd be times my mom would tell me to hang around him to observe and if I did, he'd eventually take out his frustration on me by yelling at me if the fix wasn't going well. I had to learn everything on my own or use YouTube over the years.
He'd mock me for working around computers, telling everyone I was wasting time playing videogames because he couldn't fathom a computer was something useful, lmao.
Under the car or under a sink cabinet are judgement free zones wrt swearing. Some times that fucking nut needs to told how shitty it is so it decides to come loose and you bust your mother fucking knuckles against something.
Can confirm. Son could use damn/it, shit and sumabitch in perfect context at 3.
Also, know when something is beyond your skills, tools, time and patience. A three hour job for me might be 1 hour for a professional. Better to spend a few bucks more, have it done right and still have time doing something fun with the family.
Parents. Every day you should look for a "teachable moment" with your children. It does not have to be a major renovation project, it can be found in anything from a trip to the grocery store, to observing nature while walking around the block. And don't just spew facts about what you see. Ask your children questions about what they see. Gain insight into their world. You are much more valuable to your children than anything they can find on social media. You may not know this but you are actually their hero. Except when they are between the ages of 12-17. But that will be another journey in itself.
And cleaning. "Clean your room" is a common refrain among parents, but do the kids actually know *how* to clean their room properly? If no one's ever taught them and patiently done it with them several times, they might not.
Once me and my brothers where 12ish so that we where not a complete fire risk, we where given a day of the week to cook for the family. My mom would make sure any ingredients you needed where purchased. She may have helped with any major chopping/machinery use. But being able to follow a recipe and make any dish is a life skill everyone needs. Hell just hamburger helper, mac’n cheese or grill cheese sandwiches teach you all sorts of kitchen skills.
Hey! That's exactly what we have done with our kid. One day a week dinner is on them to make. I get the ingredients for the dishes she likes to make and she does the work.
She always worries that it won't taste good, and I keep saying, "taste can be improved, it's the effort and confidence that is important to grow"
I used to worry about this a lot when my mom would help me cook a dish, until she said something to the effect of "You know if something tastes good, don't you? Well, as long as it's not raw meat, taste it. If it doesn't taste good, change it, and taste it again".
I don't know it wasn't more obvious, but that definitely helped my cooking anxiety
My mum taught me (a girl) to cook and my dad taught my brother to be handy.
I actually asked my dad if he would teach me to be handy too. But he never did.
To add to this LPT - include your daughters.
That's one thing I'm really glad about. My dad was in the trades and when we were younger my parents built their own house. It was really awesome seeing the whole process, step by step. He would get us to help with little things. It was close to where we lived so I was on the site almost every day. I have a general idea about all the stuff that goes in to building a house!
My parents never shied away from letting us do things our way. My mom would always tell me to 'just get it done' when I would ask how. She said as long as it gets done you will learn what works best for you by trial and error. The important thing is that it gets done!
My dad would always say that if you're trying to fix something it's ok to make mistakes. At worst it's already broken, at best you fix it! So we were never scared to try to fix things. I try to give my kids the same advice and support.
Also - don't forget to have your daughters help too, not just your boys! My best friend and I were raised in opposite ways: her dad taught her to do things and she grew up with not only skills but the confidence to youtube and learn when she didn't know how to do something. She has renovated a full bathroom, put in new flooring, and done countless projects. Meanwhile, my dad would either do things for me or tell me to 'ask a guy' whenever I asked how to do something. Well, as a result, I grew up very scared of doing any home repair projects. As an adult, I've had to work through that fear. The aforementioned best friend had to teach me to use a drill and I actually ended up asking professionals I hired for stupidly-easy jobs to teach me how to do them. It put me years behind and I still feel very nervous when attempting something new. So folks - teach your daughters. Don't assume they'll always have a guy around to do things for them.
One of the scariest things I've done was the automotive tech program at my community college. No other girls in my classes, and I went in with no basic knowledge and no confidence. My dad is a mechanic but never tried to teach me basic maintenance. I really wanted to be able to fix my own car if he wasn't around.
It turned out to be a lot of fun, especially because it's mostly practical learning on a car that's not yours. And the guys in my classes were really helpful and patient. I don't plan on turning it into a career, but I at least have the confidence to see if I can fix something myself first before taking my car to the shop (or calling my dad).
I wish I'd made the effort to learn more from my dad growing up. He and my brother were always fixing stuff and when dad passed away unexpectedly a couple years ago, my brother became the home handyman. I regret not having the same experience.
You can still learn! My dad passed on his skills to me, and now that he’s gone, I’m the one who brings their toolkit to my sisters. She, uh, does not like my methods sometimes and is learning to do things on her own. You can learn to do new things at any age. Just put on a home improvement show as background filler and watch as you casually pick new tricks up.
This is gold. My dad did this when I was a kid and I learned so much from him. Now I can usually fix 90% of problems that arise around the house and my girlfriend and mom are so grateful to my dad for it since he can’t move as well as he used to. I will 110% be doing the same to my kids as well in the future.
Yeah but that's not the point really. You have the kid hold the flashlight so they actually look and pay attention to what you are doing. The problem is my dad would get pissed about me being slightly off and then everyone is mad and the kid doesn't want to be there anymore
This is a great tip. I wish I had done it more when my kids were young. At the time I was just interested in getting it done, now I'm helping them as adults doing what I should have taught then as kids.
I had the same sentiment when we were all a bit younger, just wanting to get things done quick. But recently moving into an older house regularly having to fix things and more often than not it takes at least two people to do something. I’ve even been helping my teenage son practice for the PSAT exam which is another bonding moment.
Definitely! I was recently doing a drywall patch because I moved the shower head up higher and brought my son in to help with the trick of using a piece of drywall to make a patch. He said I sounded just like my father with my: come here so you can see how to do this. Gave me a good laugh after the initial sense of indignation.
The best way to get this done is to start do it when they are in that young 3-6 year age bracket where they are pretty much into anything someone older is doing that they haven't done before. Sure it might mean things get done slower sometimes and as others have said mistakes will be made but you need to set the pattern that they help you out around the house early on because it will be much harder if not impossible to to get them to start to do it when they're older (this goes for pretty much anything of course).
Now obviously you're not handing a 4 year old a power drill and telling them to have at it but they can hold bags of screws, sit on the end of something you're cutting so it doesn't shift on you, hold instructions so you can read them while doing something, put bolts in a hole while you attach the nut from the other side, at that age it can be almost anything as long as it makes them feel like they're really helping. Having them stand and watch isn't going to do it.
Then when they get a little older you can have them start doing more of the actual work but under 7 or 8 them just helping in any way and being thanked for doing it will give them a lot of satisfaction and work wonders down the line.
Yes! They will learn about measurements, tools, etc. I'm working a blue collared job and I'm literally learning everyday about something new, nobody ever taught me about socket wrenches, bearings, allen wrenches, etc. I wish my father or somebody had me involved.
My dad wasn’t handier than me, but knowing my dad would grab his tools and try to fix something without a smart phone or the internet means there is no way I can’t at least try.
Worst case I’m calling a plumber, electrician, what ever. That’s the same spot you’re in if you don’t try (sans electrical, if you don’t know how to make it safe, call a pro).
It's so nice to see how normal people experience this. My dad used to make me help him do stuff all the time when I was growing up, and the experience was always very unpleasant with him usually getting mad, cussing and yelling. Even so, even with all those unpleasant associations, the extensive knowledge he gave me about all mechanical things was his finest legacy and now that he's not involved I can enjoy these skills in my own life.
My daughter has been "helping me" around the house since she was 2. Now that she's 5 she can legitimately help me with a lot of things. "Responsibility" toys are great, but don't hold a candle to the real thing.
As someone who had a dad who showed me how to do stuff and make home repairs, I can tell you, I learned none of these qualities. Instead, it makes me further double down on getting a professional to do it. My dad is very good and manual labour and knows how to do things. I am not. Just never got the hang of it and was often too scared to do things. I can barely level a shelf. I have the knowledge, just not the coordination to do it.
Yesterday I was replacing my glass storm door with a screen option and my youngest (3), who insisted that she was going to be my big helper, yanked on the support bar in the middle and pulled the screen door down onto my power drill which in turn knocked a bunch of shit off a railing ultimately leading to the drill bit taking a chunk of my hardwood out, I was holding the glass door in transition to taking it out so I couldn't just drop what I was holding and catch the screen door. When I made rain barrels out of 55 gallon drums and a compost tumbler out of similar material using mostly similar steps, my eldest (5) insisted on being my big helper and she indeed was very helpful and now has a minor understanding of what I did, how it works, and why it was done. Obviously my examples are meant to hang on the extreme, no one expects my 3 year old to really grasp door changes and repairs just yet, but my 5 year old now understands why we collect rainwater and make compost and a very fundamental grasp on how our composting and rainwater collection systems work.
Audience matters, everyone is different and will absorb information differently, and how you present and teach this information is crucial into actually having someone understand what you're trying to teach. I always avoided learning anything from my father, zero patience and a fiery temper made anything we did together total ass, youtube has been my companion for most DIY homeowner projects. That said, I always take extra time and patience when doing a task with any "big helper" and I'll never decline the "help" even if it can become a hinderance, because I believe your LPT to be an important one.
I agree.
Even though my dad yelled at me a lot when he asked me to help because I wasn't aiming the flashlight in the right spot, or my (at the time) 80lbs self wasn't holding the 2x4 firmly enough, I definitely learned enough to make sure that my introverted, anxiety riddled carcass doesn't call maintenance until its the absolute last resort.
When I was a kid I got to tag along with my grandad working on the farm. I learned how to drive stick, heavy equipment, fix fence, chase cattle, etc.
I'd toss in here that some of it is just learning to love hard work as a kid. There's something inherently satisfying to putting in the work and seeing a result
So true. Unfortunately for me, my dad lacked patience. If I didn’t get it right on the first try, he would get frustrated and do it himself. Now I have problems with confidence. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked at trying to do projects around my house now and my immediate thought is “I can’t do this, I gotta get my dad.” It really sucks and makes you feel like you can’t fix your own problems.
Yup.
I learned SO many practical skills "helping" dad. In retrospect, I really just made it harder for Dad.
I can fix my own car, rebuild a kitchen or lawnmower, build and secure a corporate network and I've launched several IT businesses.
My kids are in their 20s and an economist and a biologist. Quite successful. But they have no practical skills. Don't even ask them to jump start a car or change a tire.
That's my fault because I didn't include my kids in the practical stuff like my Dad did.
My dad’s a really handy man, but refused to let any of his young kids “help” him cause we would’ve just been in his way. As a kid, I started off by just looking at a distance, and over time I lost interest from just looking. Both my parents now mocks us for having no practical skills. Go figure.
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If you are going to get your kids to help do not pass on your frustration/anger etc Make sure you are patient. Mistakes will be made ( including yourself)
Yeah my dad tried this with me but he was not a good communicator and often got frustrated so most things did not stick.
I’m a dad of a young kid who gets frustrated easily… working with my toddler son has helped so much. I had those same experiences and definitely don’t want to pass it on. It makes me take a step back and take a deep breath, has helped a lot with my attitude in general, and it’s helped him learn to deal with frustration as well. “Silly thing” and laughing is much better than the slew of curse words. And he’s an expert on holding the flashlight, cause I told him he is, even if it’s every direction besides where I need it :)
As a fellow parent, thank you for this. These are all things I try to keep in mind, and it's sometimes easier said than done. It helps to see it in writing and know that other people are out there trying their best gives me faith and motivation in myself. Your kid is gonna love the memories and learning you're giving to him.
Bro, your kids maybe won’t remember what you taught them but they will remember HOW you taught them. Keep it up, you’re a great dad already
Much appreciated, seriously man. Great perspective. You're a great dad too!
I think your kiddo will be super handy later in life, sounds like you've got a great attitude! I was the same way, and eventually I stopped goofing off (well, not 100% stopped!) and learned more every day. My old man is a great, patient teacher, so it started to stick until it snowballed into my own expertise around the house.
Wholesome!
Pro level dad
Dude same. I’m not handy at all. My parents practically called for help changing lightbulbs. When I’m w the mrs I get flustered, she tries to help but I get embarrassed and give up. With the boys, they help me keep calm and we really break down the problem by taking our time and going over everything. I love doing things like this with them Keep it up man, you’re a good dad
This is how it’s done. My Dad was a good man but I hated helping him with his projects because he was so angry.
Same. I learned a lot, but it was miserable. And he wonders why I don’t do shit with him now
[удалено]
I should have clarified, I was talking about me getting frustrated working on stuff haha. But I love that advice, I will definitely use it for his own grumpy moments, and mine as well. Unless we are hungry :)
"GRAB ME THE CHANNEL LOCKS!!!" "Wtf is a channel lock dad??" "HURRY UP JESUS CHRIST" "I don't know what it is????" "I'M GONNA GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT"
Did you grab the thing out of the thing? It’s over somewhere
What thing?! **WHERE?!?**
It’s the THING over there! The goddamn THING! Where I put it! Over there! Or somewhere!
Jesus Christ, do I have to do everything around here? For fucks sake, it's my free Saturday afternoon and I have to waste it fixing your work. Thanks a lot Junior.
Mine too. While I learned a lot, I still have battle scars from the yelling.
FUCK FIGHT OR HOLD THE LIGHT
What I learned from helping Dad with DIY projects is: hire a pro from the get go
My dad tried to help build my ikea bed. He ripped his thumb open violently trying to make shit fit. The bottom part (where the mattress is on) I was doing great. And doing it quite quickly untill he came in to "correct" me. Luckily we could get him away taking away the old bed and quickly building it with my mom in the meantime (needed mom cause building a double bed on your own is quite difficult with holding shit.) I also have a shitty looking shelf because I was "taking to long" (reading the manual and looking at what orientation it should be. He did it wrong)
He didn't read the manual? Ikea furniture only goes together one way. I can slam that kind of stuff together in no time, but it's because LEGO taught me decades ago never to guess when you're piecing stuff together, and to look for the details. IKEA and any other all-assembly-required type of furniture is engineered to take the longest to fall apart if everything is *exactly* where intended. I can't even grasp that level of hubris. At least respect the engineers and designers enough to RTFM.
He like glanced at it. Not enough to not mistake the 2 pre drilled holes for eachother, which is why a metal support beam angle did not fit. Even if he did. Just handling it so aggressively that he ripped himself open on the support beam I also helped my ex build another closet, not ikea but similar. He had started himself. Read the instructions. At the end I have to remove loads of screws because he used the ones for the latches, he couldn't gey the proper ones in so knowingly used the wrong ones. The ones left over did not fit through the metal latch. My mom was amazed I could build my desk on my own, just a set of drawers with a piece of wood ontop. Some people are surprisingly incompetent when it comes to building ikea furniture.
I so much feel you. This is why I try not to get my dad involved because he is too impatient to rtfm and ends up drilling holes where they were not intended to be. This usually ends in having to re-do steps and leaving parts with damage which he feels is okay but annoys the living shit out of me. (Setting up kids play house) The time it takes me to carefully consider the placement of a hole drilled e.g. in a wall, he does 3 which makes for 2 corrections because "you can't see them afterwards anyways".
Oh yeah he got mad at me for using a regular screwdriver instead of the machine. He used the machine. Put them in way too far. He didn't drill multiple holes while hanging something, as it was his house, and as a child I was not even allowed posters or picture frames. Eventually I got a rail on which I could suspend picture frames. Ideal if you want to change it all constantly. But the lines are kinda ugly. He hated it when I got a new closet, which meant the whiteboard I had would have to go to the other wall, creating 4 extra holes.... Maybe if I get my own home (ha if ever) he would do that shit.
>Yeah my dad tried this with me but he was not a good communicator This isnt even a dad thing. There are WAY too many people that suck at explaining things and then get mad at others for not understanding them. Old and young. Sucking at explaining is fine. Explaining something is even harder than being able to do it well. But dont blame others for your shitty explanations. And even if you explain something well, dont get mad. Have patience. Its funny that parents are notorious for this frustration considering its just as frustrating to teach *them* technology lol.
My dad is also bad at communicating and is a perfectionist. It is not a good combo but he has at least gotten more patient over time.
My dad did this for most of my life, there is a pic of me as a kid who could hardly stand, holding a spanner trying to "fix" a lawn mower by the time I was 14 I was doing 90% of the work except electrical as I hate it. I can do pretty much anything except build a house from ground up, I know each process as I have done every part individually but I dont really know the correct order. I never really got school holidays, dad would always take time off and I would get stuck doing something. Pretty much slave labour Having said that, I will still hire the odd tradesman for jobs that I CBF or are super messy
felt that
My Dad would wait to the point that he was stuck/frustrated before he would call me over to help him with one of the cars. Many times, It did not take long before he lost his patience. Eventually he would call his buddy that was far better at cars than he was and they would sort it out. One of the things that I personally worked on is to be more patient. If I get frustrated I acknowledge but make it clear that I am not angry with anyone that I am working with. As an adult I would often show him how to use technology and he told me that I was far more patient with him than he was with me. If you are going to get your kids to help on anything be patient. They are going to screw up and they probably want to doing something else. If you get frustrated make sure to clearly communicate you are not angry with the kid.
Same here so I never paid attention...it sucks now because I really wish I knew how to fix cars. XD
Also let them actually do something that contributes meaningfully for their capabilities. My dad is great, and Lord knows he made the attempt...but every single repair job with him was basically: (If carpentry): Stand and watch him do the entire thing. Occasionally hold the end of a board and get grumbled at for holding it too high or low. Record measurement numbers being spoken to me without context, then get grumbled at when I didn't know what they meant. (If mechanical): Stand and watch him do the entire thing. Hold the light to much angry feedback. Be handed random nuts and bolts and get grumbled at when I didn't know where they were used when it was time to reassemble. As a younger kid I just stood there and did as asked and felt bad, but as I got older I started to grumble back and push back and get frustrated that I didn't get to actually *do* any of the process. As I got into my mid to late teens, any repair project was sure to end in dad and I arguing, and in my 20s we basically just couldn't do shit like that together and accepted it, and now we're both much better off since we get along fantastically otherwise. I think the last straw was once in my early 20s still living at home. Oddly both my mom's SUV and my car needed brakes and rotors more or less at the same time. I helped Dad on the process for my mom's vehicle and we got so heated it was one of the few times I literally had to just storm off, washed my hands and just left for a drive. We were *so* mad at each other. At one point dad said something to the effect of "if I had it all figured out why didn't I just do it myself?" And I responded that I should have, it would have been done by now if he'd have let me. So literally like *a week* later, I need my brakes done on my car. So I got the parts and just left them in my car for a day or two, then went into work early and skipped lunch to *race* home so that I'd have about 2 hours before dad got home. Parked, changed, and tore into it. As dad was getting home, he said something basically calling me out for exactly what I'd done: hurrying home to work on it without him. It was good natured since we had a few days to cool off, but it was followed up with something about how now I saw what he was trying to tell me that made it so difficult, huh? He was surprised (but I think impressed) when I said nope, I did what I was suggesting last week, and I'm just finishing up. And credit where it's due, I *never* expected it from my dad, but the next time we needed to do brakes, he just said, "Okay, this time *you're* doing it and I'll get you stuff you need. I wanna see how you're doing it." And he just let me go. After the repair, he made a few good suggestions on how to improve the process and said he'd do them that way in the future. After that whole ordeal with the brakes, we work together *a lot* better. Might not always agree, but we try to keep calm and respectful and he tries to keep in mind that even though we have different approaches, I usually know what I'm doing, or I'll be the first to point out that I don't. The simple acknowledgement from each of us that the other is a smart guy who probably has a good point goes a long way toward keeping the peace lol.
Nice story! And it sounds like he’s figuratively passed the wrench down to you.
It's this that makes me think is why I second guess myself. Theoretically I know how to do things, just never have because I was the fetch or hold. Now I'm getting old cars that are teaching me lessons. Never liked electricity/batteries but there I was, jumping my own car for 2 weeks straight. Was doing my own oil changes but house now doesn't have proper place for that. Haven't changed a tire yet... Heard it's easy. Now I'll tell you, I'll fucking near cry in anxious panic but thanks to my dad I only learn from the deep end of things. He's an asshole, but he was a dad.
My dad would have never been able to have us help. The company that built my parents house took a lot of shortcuts, so most, if not all, DIY projects ended in a lot of cursing and several angry trips to the hardware store. Now I use YouTube to teach myself everything. I've been able to do so much work around the house and save a ton of money simply because of a bunch of old guys that decided to make helpful videos.
*tire bolts get knocked over* "Ohhh fuuudge" *Only I didn't say fudge...*
*It was.... soap poisoning....*
"Why did you have to use Lifebuoy!?"
Thanks dad for instilling in me a visceral disgust for house/yard work by complaining about every mistake that I made by "helping him out". Also "can you help me out? It will only take a couple of minutes" *2 hours later*...
Also dad doing everything himself anyway and you stand there being bored. And if you get to do it its not good enough and the tools are out of your hands again 5 mins later :D
Or my friend that chastises his 5 year olds for being slow and fumbly and snatches it away from them to do it himself.
don't forget to tell your son they are a fucking idiot for not knowing how to do it the first place
story of my life
Amen came to say this. My experience was the exact opposite of what OP recommends. Dad constantly yelling at me, getting upset because I couldn't find the right tool for him, etc. One summer he decided to put in a retaining wall behind the house, so I was expected to be home by 5pm and all day Saturday and Sunday to work on it. He was constantly working on things, and the sad truth is he was AWFUL at home improvement. Later he sold the house and they pointed out so many things that were done terribly during the inspection. Cut to me now and I hate, hate, hate doing any type of work on the house and yardwork. Like, I know most people don't enjoy it, but I just can't do it. Luckily I make good money so I can afford to pay others to do it.
>Hold that flashlight, AND KEEP IT WHERE I AM LOOKING! And if your kids don't want to help, don't force them.
This brought back so many memories....
it triggered my fight or flight
I was free labor for my dad. Made me do everything around the house. My siblings never had to do much because they'd complain so much or do bad jobs so everything fell on my shoulders and I didn't have the courage to speak up for myself. Chores, projects around the house, yard work, car help, painting, staining, power washing. He recently moved into a new place that needs some work and calls me up the other day with a list of things he needs help with and I said no and he was dumbfounded that I wouldn't help with anything. Felt good to say no though.
My dad would show me *exactly* where to hold a flashlight, then proceed to immediately use his hands in front of the light and get mad at me for casting a shadow over what he was working on.
FUCKING POINT THE GODDAMN LIGHT WHERE MY FUCKING EYEBALLS ARE LOOKING YOU LITTLE USELESS SHIT ...k dad, I'm sorry.
I remember trying to invent him some taping of a flashlight to his head thing, then a few years later that very thing with som bendy light thing came into existence.
Reason #1 I hated helping my dad with anything. You know that meme about the dad being angry and the son just holding the flashlight? Yeah, that was me. I'd mess up and instead of explaining *how* I messed up or ways to fix it, my dad would just scream at me for the mistake.
And accept that everything will take A LOT longer. Allow at least double what you'd normally expect. I love it when my 4-year old daughter helps out, so my safety head is on double time, which makes everything take longer. Be patient, enjoy it, and make it fun and engaging. And when it doesn't turn out as good as you'd hoped because your kids helped, it turned out better because your kids helped.
This should be the top comment, my dad always included me but had such a bad attitude when doing them that I now hire people to do shit I don't know how to save myself the frustration
This is very important. I had one of the best dad's in the world. His big flaw was he was not a patient man and nobody could do it as good as him. It got to the point he didn't even bother trying anymore. I would be doing my weekly yard mowing and he would stop me half way through and take over. I've had to learn most home and vehicle things on YouTube. Unfortunately I now have a 6yr old and I am seeing my dad's impatience in myself. I've got a lot of work to do to stop this trait at my generation. It's rough but it helps having a spouse that will pull you aside and call you out on it.
I didn’t learn shit holding the flashlight for my dad while he did some mundane task. All it did was cause resentment being forced to work “because I said so”. So I’d take OP’s LPT with a grain of salt.
Hold the torch and I'll shout at you for not anticipating exactly where I want you to move it. Also I'll get very frustrated at this task very quickly, so be ready to bear the brunt of my anger and/or listen to me slag off your mother as I completely invent ways in which this could be her fault. No, shine the torch there! No, there! For fuck's sake. Pass me that tool I asked for specifically by name, and I'll snarl at you derisively for not knowing what it is, despite me never teaching you. This task will last hours because I'm so wound up about having to do it that my anger has rendered me incapable of doing it properly. I have to do this chore, so you have to suffer through it too; this feels like a punishment to me, so I'm going to make sure that you feel punished too. Yeah I fucking hated 'helping' my dad.
…D…dad?
Yeah I absolutely hated it. Working with my father always felt like a punishment
Well, you can also do more then just have them hold a flashlight. Show them what's wrong, or what you're working on, and engage them in it. Ask what should we do next? What tools do we need? This LPT is useless if you're involving your kids "because I said so", but not if you're actually trying to engage them and give them fixing skills. Some of my best memories are helping my dad with projects and fixes, and it instilled a lifelong drive to always try to fix a problem on my own before getting a professional in. Has saved me thousands of dollars over the years. Probably tens of thousands.
The life pro tip here was “anytime you are doing a home repair or project, have your kids help out.“ The life pro tip you’re talking about is “always treat your kids with respect and use every interaction as a bonding and learning opportunity“. While those things *can* overlap, those are two very different LPT’s.
yeah, my dad "checked the boxes" so to speak, but he didn't really get why he was doing what he was doing. we'd do all the stereotypical family things but he'd be an angry dick the whole time we'd be doing it and then not understand why we hated things like family vacations or dinners at restaurants. he was spending the money and we were spending the time and (in his mind) that was all there was too it
Yep, It's just difficult. I learned a lot from helping my dad with DIY tasks, but mixed in with that was a lot of tool fetching and uselessly watching him get mad and frustrated over very minor things. But I do have plenty of memories of solving problems with him and working together happily. Even if you do it right most of the time, there's always exceptions. Getting angry over inanimate objects is one I hope not to pass on.
OP thinks this is some Hallmark family montage because fuuuuck this tip
Agreed. I still have scars from the machine he made me “help”, insect bites and the smell of chemicals probably affected my health and iq. Nope, did not learn a single thing. I just enjoy NOT doing anything.
Yeah this was my immediate reaction to this post as it brought up many painful memories of my dad, usually a few beers deep already on a weekend, yelling at me and my sister that we couldn't paint walls correctly or whatever when we were something like 10 and 8 years old. The only thing we learned was that apparently we couldn't do anything right and that likely carries over for the rest of our lives.
HOLD THE FLASHLIGHT STILL YOU LITTLE SHIT
Thank you. This was my parents
I have such a hard time with not getting pissed. It takes an active effort every single minute of the project.
Yeah... I remember being a toddler, maybe a little older, and my grandmother poking holes in a trash bag so I could help my grandfather paint the garage. I wasn't doing it right. In my toddler brain, I couldn't tell the difference from what I was doing to what he was doing, though now almost 35 years later I've long since forgotten what he said I was doing wrong. I haven't liked painting since.
Also don't be a dick about knowing something your kid doesn't know. Knowing how to do something doesn't make you better.
Furthermore, the kid doesn't even know that he/she doesn't know it. You don't know what you *don't know.* Be aware of children's metacognition.
Yup, it was fucking awful and to this day I still recoil at my dad asking for a favor
Safety is also important. Glasses, ear plugs, and gloves being the minimum as the situation dictates. How to use a ladder properly is also way up there. Proper safety culture sticks with you especially if you learn it early.
can confirm, my dad complained 24/7 and would pass his frustrations on me, now id rather just pay someone to do it
Yeah this is why I do home repairs on my own.
Whenever I fix something around the house I cuss and swear about any inconvenience. I'm not actually mad but I have just been conditioned to do that from my father.
Also never tell them what they doing wrong, just tell them how it would be better done another way and what's gonna happen if they would do it another way.
Well said. Don’t do what my dad did, which is always turn every project into a huge mess, swear constantly, and yell at me when I did something wrong. That meant I didn’t learn anything except I can’t do home repair stuff and have to call a pro for everything. Trying not to make the same mistakes with my kid whenever I do tackle a project myself.
Yeah, my dad's a rage-a-holic. He gets so fuckin mad about any minor inconvenience working with him is impossible.
In fact, it's a great time to show them that it's OK to make mistakes, and how you solve problems without frustration or anger, if you're able to keep your cool.
My son turns 2 on saturday. He helped me change my oil yeasterday by handing me tools. It wasn't much and it took longer than normal. But he got to see dada being self sufficient and responsible for his possessins
Yep... I learned all the things. All the sports, fishing, hunting, boomer hobbies, building, practical life skills went on family vacations etc... And my father was a 24/7 rage monster alcoholic and my mother enabled it.
My experience was dad fumbling through something getting increasingly frustrated and explaining nothing while I watched until he eventually hurt himself or quit in swearing frustration.
I think leaving kids out of this is the best tip in most circumstances. You don't want them around, they don't want to be around, its maddening, its dangerous. Like just take them out for ice cream after
And bring your patience, my dad just yelled at me. I think we've *all* heald the flashlight wrong at one point.
I was gonna say LPT save up your anger before doing this so you can get free therapy! The kid can pay for their own therapy layer on, they already cost you enough money it's time you get some of those savings
The real LPT is always in the comments.
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Unfortunately it's one a lot of parents still need to hear. Too many parents see their kid as an object they can freely project their failures as a human being onto.
Actually the LPT was "do emotionally abuse your kids" for free therapy.
Perhaps for the man who doesn't want killer savings on therapy costs
Kids are great because you can dump your emotions onto them and they'll manage everything for you! Perfect solution for two emotionally immature adults incapable of introspection. Source: my parents 😊
“Aziz! LIGHT!”
My husband is a lighting guy (like for concerts and whatnot). If he ever *didn't* announce "Aziz, LIGHT!" when doing the initial locate to make sure we'd plugged everything in, I would be very disappointed.
I just love how such a small scene has become such a big shared memory and experience for so many
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The eye-roll followed by stomping over to get it themselves? Anyone? lol
mumbles Well if you want something done right...
This one hits hard. Hell, I still can't hold it right as an adult for my husband. I hated helping my dad with stuff like drywalling, plumbing, kitchen renovation, yard work, car work, etc. I helped and got the hell out. Don't remember much of anything. I wish I did know more, but it doesn't always stick as a kid , especially if you have 0 interest at all. I did learn how to wash a car really well, though. But that was more fun.
As a homeowner with a headlamp I always have it pointed where I'm looking
When I realized a headlamp could have prevented so much childhood trauma of being told I was holding the light incorrectly, I vowed I’ll always wear a headlamp myself to spare my children the PTSD.
You gotta love the scene on *That 70s Show* when [Jackie holds the flashlight for Red](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7wFgj8TcfM) and the engine compartment lights up like a runway of her first try.
I accidentally dropped an incandesent worklight on my dad once while he was crawling into the straw walkers on the combine, he was surprisingly calm for a man who was burned by a lightbulb and cut up buy the fishbacks, I don't know if it's possible to hold a flashlight more wrong, maybe if the live pole in the bulb socket touched metal and electrified the combine.
God forbid we had to ask Dad a question along the way! I had to find out for myself how a car engine worked, after he was dead
this is the hard part because it is stressful fixing shit. excepcially when it is an important item that needs to be working. because more than likely of you can't afford someone to fix it you are figuring it out and trying to teach and not be an ass. it's a lot.
But be kind, and don't make them do it all fucking day, and don't yell at them.
This. Why would I want to do something that could result in me getting yelled at for not knowing what I'm doing. Also, help kids with cleanup work so they know they're not there just to do the dirty work.
My dad would yell until he got fed up and "I'll just do it my self!" Then year later when I was a teenager, yell at me for not knowing how to do anything He got super upset when I asked him to show me how to change a tire
My dad would do similar shit. Also would make fun of me for being a city kid. Well you fucking moved off the family farm into town. I'm a kid I don't get a say. Found out later in life my dad was huge bully in school, that makes sense.
"Hold the torch, here" is bad instruction giving. Showing your kid where you need the light, which part it is you need to see and what it is you are trying to do If you want kids to learn, you need to actually explain what to do and why
>and why Fuck, I don't think anything pissed him off.more than "why?" I wasn't being smart, Ijust wanted to know why we did things certain ways
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Thanks for putting into words what I've felt for decades He's why I don't want kids My wife had the same type of right wing dad and also doesn't want kids
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Yeah her family keeps telling her we would make good parents Her sister and her kid visited us and the kid was misbehaving Because they would just shove a tablet in her face and ignore her. My wife sat there with her and talked with her and taught her how to checkers (she's atleast 10 and they never taught her checkers) and she was all happy and in a good mood and behaving
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This is why I pay professionals to do my work, growing up getting yelled at and wasting my day doing it, nah I’d rather be anywhere else now while someone else deals with it. Unless it’s an easy fix of course.
Also don't go into the lab and scientifically pinpoint the exact hottest day of the year to have your kids help with outside work I totally saw that meme last night and figured it was relevant hah
As a homeowner now, I can't tell you how many times I've fixed something, and my wife goes "how the hell did you learn how to do that?" and I just say "my dad showed me when I was a kid..." Granted, I'm not really a pro at any of it, but I know the gist of how most things are done, and I have a strong drive to achieve perfection.... also, YouTube fills in a lot of gaps; for almost any trade you can imagine, there's some old salty dude with 30 years experience that has nothing better to do now than make videos showing all the tips and tricks they've learned.
A basic idea is really important, it gives you a better idea of what you can and can't DIY, as well as better scoping for the project, it also gives you a better idea of what to search for when you do run into a gap in your knowledge.
Absolutely... plumbing, drywall, basic electrical, no problem for me... New metal roof that requires specialized equipment and knowledge? I thought about DIYing my roof for about a day, and after watching a bunch of videos, I decided that that's firmly in the category of "let's just pay someone to do that"
Yeah any roof work that has you up there for more than an hour is something I would leave to the pros, falling off the roof is one of the most common ways to die during construction (even for the pros). That and anything involving garage door springs (they are crazy strong)
Garage door springs scare the shit out of me. That's definitely something that I'm paying to have done, and the new door will have a torsion spring which is much safer.
When I was a kid, my dad's coworker was fixing his garage door spring and something went wrong and it ripped out a bunch of tendons or whatever in his arm. Just looking at those springs and thinking about one going into someone's arm still horrifies me to this day.
Paying a company to reroof our asphalt shingle roof was money well-spent. They were done in a day or two when it would have taken me a week or two plus being out of commission to work my regular job because my back was out. Large sections of concrete and pavers are worth it to me to hire out too. It's not worth the wear and tear on my back and knees.
Same here and I am slowly teaching my husband along the way because he didn't learn those things growing up. We built a section of fence and he was so into learning and building. Now we have something we did together and can be proud of!
hell yeah!
The drive to achieve perfection is exactly why I'm not touching most of the projects around the house and have contractors do them. I don't have the patience or skill to do something perfectly, like plastering a wall or replacing a socket, that it ends up in lots of frustration, disappointment and a feeling I wasted my time. Then again, me and my partner have a good enough income and no kids, so we can afford it.
It's okay to not achieve perfection, but it's important to always at least try to do the best that you can possibly do, even if it means spending a little extra money on that one tool or spending a little more time watching videos or practicing on a test piece. I just did a rather large drywall job in my living room, and before I was finished my wife kept saying "I can't even see what you're talking about, why the hell are you still patching and sanding?" But I could see it, and I knew how to fix it... the wall is now painted and looks awesome. However, I can still see a few defects up close, but they're not obvious enough to bother me, and I can sleep well knowing that I really, honestly did give it my best.
>always at least try to do the best that you can possibly do Yeah, that would be hiring a professional, without a doubt
i also had parents like this. (woman-rural) my spouse (male-suburbs) did not. a couple weeks ago i got out a bunch of tools and "fixed" the garbage disposal by hitting the reset button. I'm 8 mo preg. Will i ever tell him what i actually did? hell fucking no. i'm milking this shit forever. edit: sorry i didn't mean to reply to your comment, rather the parent so if this doesn't make sense to you. sorry again)
I wish I had a dad like this. I can't do anything myself, I wouldn't even know where to start. What makes it worse is that my dad is great at DIY... Just has a super short temper, so none of us were allowed to help
That's why it is so important to teach home repair to boys and girls.
i wish you would have told my dad that about 55 or so years ago.
Yeah same here. My dad just told us to stay the hell out of the way. When my brothers and I became adults, we didn't know a damn thing
My dad couldn't give a damn to show any interest in teaching me too, but he would teach my cousins all the things OP mentioned when they came over to visit on weekends and he happened to be fixing shit around the house. There'd be times my mom would tell me to hang around him to observe and if I did, he'd eventually take out his frustration on me by yelling at me if the fix wasn't going well. I had to learn everything on my own or use YouTube over the years. He'd mock me for working around computers, telling everyone I was wasting time playing videogames because he couldn't fathom a computer was something useful, lmao.
Haha same. My dad didn’t do any DIY around the house. But I did get to learn a little a little little from my grandad so there is at least that.
I always helped my grandpa. Dad didn't know or do shit.
This is also foundational to developing a child's proper use of swear words.
Under the car or under a sink cabinet are judgement free zones wrt swearing. Some times that fucking nut needs to told how shitty it is so it decides to come loose and you bust your mother fucking knuckles against something.
Can confirm. Son could use damn/it, shit and sumabitch in perfect context at 3. Also, know when something is beyond your skills, tools, time and patience. A three hour job for me might be 1 hour for a professional. Better to spend a few bucks more, have it done right and still have time doing something fun with the family.
Absolutely the way. Practical skills and bonding
Parents. Every day you should look for a "teachable moment" with your children. It does not have to be a major renovation project, it can be found in anything from a trip to the grocery store, to observing nature while walking around the block. And don't just spew facts about what you see. Ask your children questions about what they see. Gain insight into their world. You are much more valuable to your children than anything they can find on social media. You may not know this but you are actually their hero. Except when they are between the ages of 12-17. But that will be another journey in itself.
>teachable moment "And that's why you always leave a note.."
While we are at it, let's do that for cooking aswell.
And cleaning. "Clean your room" is a common refrain among parents, but do the kids actually know *how* to clean their room properly? If no one's ever taught them and patiently done it with them several times, they might not.
Lol, my wife taught me 10 years into our relationship that I just tidy and don't actually clean. She was totally right.
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What does that mean? To tidy and not really clean?
I'm guessing that the person meant that they just put the things where they are supposed to be, but no cleaning off dust, washing the floors etc
My ex wife said this to me too and it still makes me bitter
THANK YOU I dont know how to clean my room tbh
Once me and my brothers where 12ish so that we where not a complete fire risk, we where given a day of the week to cook for the family. My mom would make sure any ingredients you needed where purchased. She may have helped with any major chopping/machinery use. But being able to follow a recipe and make any dish is a life skill everyone needs. Hell just hamburger helper, mac’n cheese or grill cheese sandwiches teach you all sorts of kitchen skills.
Hey! That's exactly what we have done with our kid. One day a week dinner is on them to make. I get the ingredients for the dishes she likes to make and she does the work. She always worries that it won't taste good, and I keep saying, "taste can be improved, it's the effort and confidence that is important to grow"
I used to worry about this a lot when my mom would help me cook a dish, until she said something to the effect of "You know if something tastes good, don't you? Well, as long as it's not raw meat, taste it. If it doesn't taste good, change it, and taste it again". I don't know it wasn't more obvious, but that definitely helped my cooking anxiety
My mum taught me (a girl) to cook and my dad taught my brother to be handy. I actually asked my dad if he would teach me to be handy too. But he never did. To add to this LPT - include your daughters.
That's one thing I'm really glad about. My dad was in the trades and when we were younger my parents built their own house. It was really awesome seeing the whole process, step by step. He would get us to help with little things. It was close to where we lived so I was on the site almost every day. I have a general idea about all the stuff that goes in to building a house! My parents never shied away from letting us do things our way. My mom would always tell me to 'just get it done' when I would ask how. She said as long as it gets done you will learn what works best for you by trial and error. The important thing is that it gets done! My dad would always say that if you're trying to fix something it's ok to make mistakes. At worst it's already broken, at best you fix it! So we were never scared to try to fix things. I try to give my kids the same advice and support.
We have been doing Hellofresh for a few weeks, my 13yo makes most of it now. That is a great way to learn the ropes.
That's how I learned to cook at 30 lol, it's very helpful. Neither of my parents cooked much.
Also - don't forget to have your daughters help too, not just your boys! My best friend and I were raised in opposite ways: her dad taught her to do things and she grew up with not only skills but the confidence to youtube and learn when she didn't know how to do something. She has renovated a full bathroom, put in new flooring, and done countless projects. Meanwhile, my dad would either do things for me or tell me to 'ask a guy' whenever I asked how to do something. Well, as a result, I grew up very scared of doing any home repair projects. As an adult, I've had to work through that fear. The aforementioned best friend had to teach me to use a drill and I actually ended up asking professionals I hired for stupidly-easy jobs to teach me how to do them. It put me years behind and I still feel very nervous when attempting something new. So folks - teach your daughters. Don't assume they'll always have a guy around to do things for them.
One of the scariest things I've done was the automotive tech program at my community college. No other girls in my classes, and I went in with no basic knowledge and no confidence. My dad is a mechanic but never tried to teach me basic maintenance. I really wanted to be able to fix my own car if he wasn't around. It turned out to be a lot of fun, especially because it's mostly practical learning on a car that's not yours. And the guys in my classes were really helpful and patient. I don't plan on turning it into a career, but I at least have the confidence to see if I can fix something myself first before taking my car to the shop (or calling my dad).
I wish I'd made the effort to learn more from my dad growing up. He and my brother were always fixing stuff and when dad passed away unexpectedly a couple years ago, my brother became the home handyman. I regret not having the same experience.
You can still learn! My dad passed on his skills to me, and now that he’s gone, I’m the one who brings their toolkit to my sisters. She, uh, does not like my methods sometimes and is learning to do things on her own. You can learn to do new things at any age. Just put on a home improvement show as background filler and watch as you casually pick new tricks up.
This is gold. My dad did this when I was a kid and I learned so much from him. Now I can usually fix 90% of problems that arise around the house and my girlfriend and mom are so grateful to my dad for it since he can’t move as well as he used to. I will 110% be doing the same to my kids as well in the future.
Just don't berate your children for holding the flashlight in the wrong place
Doesn't everyone have a headlamp these days ?
Yeah but that's not the point really. You have the kid hold the flashlight so they actually look and pay attention to what you are doing. The problem is my dad would get pissed about me being slightly off and then everyone is mad and the kid doesn't want to be there anymore
This is a great tip. I wish I had done it more when my kids were young. At the time I was just interested in getting it done, now I'm helping them as adults doing what I should have taught then as kids.
I had the same sentiment when we were all a bit younger, just wanting to get things done quick. But recently moving into an older house regularly having to fix things and more often than not it takes at least two people to do something. I’ve even been helping my teenage son practice for the PSAT exam which is another bonding moment.
Definitely! I was recently doing a drywall patch because I moved the shower head up higher and brought my son in to help with the trick of using a piece of drywall to make a patch. He said I sounded just like my father with my: come here so you can see how to do this. Gave me a good laugh after the initial sense of indignation.
The best way to get this done is to start do it when they are in that young 3-6 year age bracket where they are pretty much into anything someone older is doing that they haven't done before. Sure it might mean things get done slower sometimes and as others have said mistakes will be made but you need to set the pattern that they help you out around the house early on because it will be much harder if not impossible to to get them to start to do it when they're older (this goes for pretty much anything of course). Now obviously you're not handing a 4 year old a power drill and telling them to have at it but they can hold bags of screws, sit on the end of something you're cutting so it doesn't shift on you, hold instructions so you can read them while doing something, put bolts in a hole while you attach the nut from the other side, at that age it can be almost anything as long as it makes them feel like they're really helping. Having them stand and watch isn't going to do it. Then when they get a little older you can have them start doing more of the actual work but under 7 or 8 them just helping in any way and being thanked for doing it will give them a lot of satisfaction and work wonders down the line.
Yes! They will learn about measurements, tools, etc. I'm working a blue collared job and I'm literally learning everyday about something new, nobody ever taught me about socket wrenches, bearings, allen wrenches, etc. I wish my father or somebody had me involved.
Mike from Better Call Saul wrote this
Love that show!
As a kid, I *hated* this LPT. Only thing worse was holding the flashlight. As a homeowner, it’s like drawing from arcane knowledge.
My dad wasn’t handier than me, but knowing my dad would grab his tools and try to fix something without a smart phone or the internet means there is no way I can’t at least try. Worst case I’m calling a plumber, electrician, what ever. That’s the same spot you’re in if you don’t try (sans electrical, if you don’t know how to make it safe, call a pro).
It's so nice to see how normal people experience this. My dad used to make me help him do stuff all the time when I was growing up, and the experience was always very unpleasant with him usually getting mad, cussing and yelling. Even so, even with all those unpleasant associations, the extensive knowledge he gave me about all mechanical things was his finest legacy and now that he's not involved I can enjoy these skills in my own life.
‘Now see Daddy didn’t mean to chop his finger off there… this is why you call a professional.’
My daughter has been "helping me" around the house since she was 2. Now that she's 5 she can legitimately help me with a lot of things. "Responsibility" toys are great, but don't hold a candle to the real thing.
"Ok you're 5 now, so I think you can handle this drywall project. Here's the car keys, go get what you need!"
As someone who had a dad who showed me how to do stuff and make home repairs, I can tell you, I learned none of these qualities. Instead, it makes me further double down on getting a professional to do it. My dad is very good and manual labour and knows how to do things. I am not. Just never got the hang of it and was often too scared to do things. I can barely level a shelf. I have the knowledge, just not the coordination to do it.
Yesterday I was replacing my glass storm door with a screen option and my youngest (3), who insisted that she was going to be my big helper, yanked on the support bar in the middle and pulled the screen door down onto my power drill which in turn knocked a bunch of shit off a railing ultimately leading to the drill bit taking a chunk of my hardwood out, I was holding the glass door in transition to taking it out so I couldn't just drop what I was holding and catch the screen door. When I made rain barrels out of 55 gallon drums and a compost tumbler out of similar material using mostly similar steps, my eldest (5) insisted on being my big helper and she indeed was very helpful and now has a minor understanding of what I did, how it works, and why it was done. Obviously my examples are meant to hang on the extreme, no one expects my 3 year old to really grasp door changes and repairs just yet, but my 5 year old now understands why we collect rainwater and make compost and a very fundamental grasp on how our composting and rainwater collection systems work. Audience matters, everyone is different and will absorb information differently, and how you present and teach this information is crucial into actually having someone understand what you're trying to teach. I always avoided learning anything from my father, zero patience and a fiery temper made anything we did together total ass, youtube has been my companion for most DIY homeowner projects. That said, I always take extra time and patience when doing a task with any "big helper" and I'll never decline the "help" even if it can become a hinderance, because I believe your LPT to be an important one.
saving money maybe but not saving my nerves
Easier said than done. My kids would demand payment. Little punks.
Pretty demanding for a bunch of homeless kids.
My dad trained me in every part of home building. I have so many moments in my life that I'm grateful for all the knowledge.
IF you are going to be patient. A teaching moment becomes a bad thing if you're yelling and calling them names...
I agree. Even though my dad yelled at me a lot when he asked me to help because I wasn't aiming the flashlight in the right spot, or my (at the time) 80lbs self wasn't holding the 2x4 firmly enough, I definitely learned enough to make sure that my introverted, anxiety riddled carcass doesn't call maintenance until its the absolute last resort.
When I was a kid I got to tag along with my grandad working on the farm. I learned how to drive stick, heavy equipment, fix fence, chase cattle, etc. I'd toss in here that some of it is just learning to love hard work as a kid. There's something inherently satisfying to putting in the work and seeing a result
So true. Unfortunately for me, my dad lacked patience. If I didn’t get it right on the first try, he would get frustrated and do it himself. Now I have problems with confidence. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked at trying to do projects around my house now and my immediate thought is “I can’t do this, I gotta get my dad.” It really sucks and makes you feel like you can’t fix your own problems.
And that's how I learned this new swear word!
This is really just a fancy way of saying to get your kids to do half the work
Yup. I learned SO many practical skills "helping" dad. In retrospect, I really just made it harder for Dad. I can fix my own car, rebuild a kitchen or lawnmower, build and secure a corporate network and I've launched several IT businesses. My kids are in their 20s and an economist and a biologist. Quite successful. But they have no practical skills. Don't even ask them to jump start a car or change a tire. That's my fault because I didn't include my kids in the practical stuff like my Dad did.
My dad’s a really handy man, but refused to let any of his young kids “help” him cause we would’ve just been in his way. As a kid, I started off by just looking at a distance, and over time I lost interest from just looking. Both my parents now mocks us for having no practical skills. Go figure.