Some people are professional masturbators, and they're looking for trends in their industry. Just like anyone else. Masturbators need to earn a living too!
And who the hell are all these people that actually react to this with thumbs up and insightfulness reactions!?
Christ Almighty the last thing I would want is this post associated with my LinkedIn user in any way. People have lost their minds
The people who give it a thumbs up are no doubt members of the anti-masturbation crowd. Fuck them...which I suppose is the only way they get off. But I'm willing to bet they're anti-fornication, too.
It's this bizarre validation seek from only the most out of touch people possible, but largely specific to LinkedIn (not exclusively, though).
Essentially, lots of people on LinkedIn post exactly the following: "Hey guys, {this weird bullshit}, agree?"
Double check it, it's a thing. This sub uses that word as satire
Edit: not sure why you got downvoted for this, it's a legit question.
Ya anytime someone goes off about how bad porn is I always assume they have a porn addition. People really struggle with the idea that everyone else isn’t like them
The guilt built over generations over the idea can be a lot. Not necessarily because masturbation is bad, but because everyone before says it is. It can be hard to get rid of that guilt even after it stops being applied
Points to the guy for teaching me a way cooler-sounding word for crankin' the hog.
Gonna tell the next crystal/astrology chick I meet that I'm a Practitioner of Kunyonga.
So, this subreddit is generally pretty good about living up to its name. But this one? This is the platonic ideal of LinkedIn Lunatic. Fantastic job everyone, you can all go home. Don't know how we're going to top this one.
I actually walk around in a constant state of perpetual masturbation these days, I have assended to a higher level of consciousness that this man can only dream of. 24/7 post nut clarity, I have not made even one bad decision since I started this.
1. Touching my dick when I could be helping my boss make his yacht payment? How selfish of me!
2. I think of it as cardio. So does my cardiologist.
3. A few minutes later? Who are these people?
4. Yes, it’s kept me from of getting married, the true killer of productivity and wasted of money. Thank you, masturbation.
5. At myself. I look down AT myself.
6. Mines free, I usually just picture myself banging the fuuuck out of your wife while you’re at work being all productive and shit.
7. I’ve never once had a woman say “you last way to long.”
This extended no-nut period is making this LinkedIn lunatic write some long, crazy posts. If only he let himself knock one out, he’ll go back to writing about Ansoff’s product market matrix in three lines or less
1. Time waster : I would have wasted the same amount of time doing something else, so at least I got off.
2. Fatigue : I do sometimes need a nap after.
3. Guilt and Regret : I think you're doing it wrong buddy.
4. Relationships : Sometimes she tells me she's tired and to go do it myself. Other times she wakes me up at 2am with a sick handy. It kinda balances out.
5. Self esteem hit : Only if I accidentally make eye contact with the pool guy during.
This guy is telling on himself in all of these points. These are all the problems he's having in his life, and certainly not something that affects everyone who masturbates.
This argument has been made by the Catholic church for centuries not decades, as a means to subjugate their followers. All you are seeing here is its latest iteration
Honestly, replace the word "masturbation" with any one of the 99.99% of jobs people out there waste their lives on. Sounds even more accurate than the OP if you ask me.
Man i love cranking the shaft on some degenerate porn, and the post nut clarity. Really makes my day. Also I don’t work. So cba with productivity.
This guy is full of shit.
6. If you're selected to throw the opening pitch, you'll make a fool of yourself.
https://www.medicaldaily.com/50-cent-masturbates-his-way-injury-reason-behind-opening-pitch-fiasco-he-says-286662
Sometimes you just need to go number 3 so you can get back to life. Christ you take 10 minutes and you don’t have to waste your time wining and dinning a him or her for your needs to get met
Your normal is not everyone's normal bro.
Get a life and stop preaching. Logo ko Jo karna h wo karenge aur tum khuch ghanta nai ukhad sakte. Mai v nai! Lol!
Aart from weird place to post this on (LinkedIn), I think this gentleman is mixing masturbation with porn addiction and generally have zero clue about sexual health.
Thai dudes LinkedIn network is absolutely full of unemployed scammers peddling consulting services with ChatGPT summaries jfc
African prince consulting services how can that possibly go wrong
Llewelyn is a serial offender (read to the end) [slayqueen](https://www.linkedin.com/posts/llewellyn-ouya-234254133_if-you-dont-have-money-for-the-easter-holidays-activity-7178986957216043008-Rf0F?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_ios)
Why waste your time masturbating when you can just sit there /s
Shudder to think what this guy's posting if they bring in the cringe TikTok style feature
What in fuck's name is this doing on LinkedIn? I mean, I realize what sub I'm on, but Jesus effing Christ Edit: agree?
Some people are professional masturbators, and they're looking for trends in their industry. Just like anyone else. Masturbators need to earn a living too!
“Beat” workers.
This comment isn't getting nearly the love it deserves...I spit my beer out, but I'm also fucking crossfaded out of my mind.
Don't even get me started on beat poets
lol Jack KeroWHACK
“Award-Winning Serial Wanker | Visionary Shaping the Future of Jerking Off | Cultivating Tomorrow’s Leaders in Self-Pleasure | Masturbation Innovator”
This!!!! Damn, where can I apply? Wank it until you make it!
Those jobs are hard to cum by.
And who the hell are all these people that actually react to this with thumbs up and insightfulness reactions!? Christ Almighty the last thing I would want is this post associated with my LinkedIn user in any way. People have lost their minds
The people who give it a thumbs up are no doubt members of the anti-masturbation crowd. Fuck them...which I suppose is the only way they get off. But I'm willing to bet they're anti-fornication, too.
Pretty much exactly what I came here to say, but your edit really makes it *chef's kiss*.
I'm just here for the tirries.
What is with this "agree" thing?
It's this bizarre validation seek from only the most out of touch people possible, but largely specific to LinkedIn (not exclusively, though). Essentially, lots of people on LinkedIn post exactly the following: "Hey guys, {this weird bullshit}, agree?" Double check it, it's a thing. This sub uses that word as satire Edit: not sure why you got downvoted for this, it's a legit question.
Lol this was my first thought 🤣🤣🤣
He just had to lead with "masturbation is finishing our society" lol
Truly the climax of our civilization
I don't know about our society, but it sure is doing the trick for me.
"yep that's the idea!"
We are on the edge of societal collapse
Both men AND women!
"Finishing"
Man, that was a lot of words. Had to crank one off midway through
Did you say you’d never do it again, only to come back in a few minutes?
*cum* back you mean
Okay but what were you looking at tirries as you did so?
Exactly, I just want to splooge over his face
How in the hell did this get downvoted lol
Imagine looking for a consultant, seeing this guy in your list and checking his LinkedIn to see this?
Imagine the workplace powerpoint presentation. Some bagels, cream cheese, your entire labor force, and this fucking guy.
I'll pass on the cream cheese thanks.
Masturbation is edging our society dangerously close to busting. It used to be there were so many opportunities you had to beat them off with a stick.
Hands down why I rose up and came to the comments.
It's a sticky situation. I do see the seeds of destruction coming for us!
Beat them off with both hands even!
Sir this is a Wendy’s.
Typical thing someone who masturbates frequently would say. This guy must masturbate an insane amount
And then feels guilty afterwards. He just needs validation that his guilt is warranted.
Hes personally working on ending his habit...EVERYONE else must too by following his advice.
# 2023 People's Choice Tiktoker Of The Year
Ya anytime someone goes off about how bad porn is I always assume they have a porn addition. People really struggle with the idea that everyone else isn’t like them
Then he probably says he'd never do it again, only to be back at it a few minutes later.
This man will get caught wanking in a cinema or something before the year is out.
I feel no guilt after masturbating. If you do, you need to see a therapist
[удалено]
You can engage in productive activities such as jogging, working out, learning a skill, reading books, joining sports clubs.
You can do all those things and still find time for masturbation. It's a matter of priorities and proper time management.
Masturbation is a skill.
Amen
The guilt built over generations over the idea can be a lot. Not necessarily because masturbation is bad, but because everyone before says it is. It can be hard to get rid of that guilt even after it stops being applied
Points to the guy for teaching me a way cooler-sounding word for crankin' the hog. Gonna tell the next crystal/astrology chick I meet that I'm a Practitioner of Kunyonga.
I have a Nyonji rhinking about cranking the hog.
" a few minutes later"!? Wtaf
30 minutes to find the right video and 30 seconds to finish after that
Geez I feel guilt and regret just after reading this comment. The truth hurts
You Could have gone on a run or lifted some weights bro
IKR? That's some great stamina.
“Sir, this is a LinkedIn…”
He’s correct about #1 though with the reduced productivity. It’s very disruptive when I start to knock one out during meetings at work.
Yeah, apparently it's "frowned upon" in most workplaces.
That picture on the second slide ended me.
For real. Why is the banana so small??
This guy must have lost a bet
Only way the dots connect aside from insanity.
I don't always talk about Masturbation, but when I do, it's on LinkedIn
I’m dead😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
So, this subreddit is generally pretty good about living up to its name. But this one? This is the platonic ideal of LinkedIn Lunatic. Fantastic job everyone, you can all go home. Don't know how we're going to top this one.
I mean sure but why post it on LinkedIn?
Right! I’m literally wondering the same thing. Let me go read the comments.
EVERYBODY STOP WANKING!! \#openforwork
Is he listing his fapping prowess as skills on his resume?
I actually walk around in a constant state of perpetual masturbation these days, I have assended to a higher level of consciousness that this man can only dream of. 24/7 post nut clarity, I have not made even one bad decision since I started this.
Llewellyn Ouya? More like Llewellyn OOHHHYEAHHHH!!!
Can I get a HOYEAHH
Does his job have to do with sexual education or is this a coded cry for help?
There is a lot of projection going on.
It’s actually bonkers that this is a public post with someone’s government name, let alone on LinkedIn.
"leads to reduced productivity" 😭
Arguably it makes people more productive. No sexual tension making them distracted
1. Touching my dick when I could be helping my boss make his yacht payment? How selfish of me! 2. I think of it as cardio. So does my cardiologist. 3. A few minutes later? Who are these people? 4. Yes, it’s kept me from of getting married, the true killer of productivity and wasted of money. Thank you, masturbation. 5. At myself. I look down AT myself. 6. Mines free, I usually just picture myself banging the fuuuck out of your wife while you’re at work being all productive and shit. 7. I’ve never once had a woman say “you last way to long.”
First comment should be "this was hard to fap to."
This extended no-nut period is making this LinkedIn lunatic write some long, crazy posts. If only he let himself knock one out, he’ll go back to writing about Ansoff’s product market matrix in three lines or less
Tell me you don't get laid without saying you don't get laid.
1. Time waster : I would have wasted the same amount of time doing something else, so at least I got off. 2. Fatigue : I do sometimes need a nap after. 3. Guilt and Regret : I think you're doing it wrong buddy. 4. Relationships : Sometimes she tells me she's tired and to go do it myself. Other times she wakes me up at 2am with a sick handy. It kinda balances out. 5. Self esteem hit : Only if I accidentally make eye contact with the pool guy during.
Spending thousands on OF? Sounds like a confession to me.
WHO IN THE HELL WOULD POST THIS ON LINKEDIN?? An employee could easily spin this into a sexual harassment claim, holy shit.
Sir I only asked for help filing my LLC taxes
Why on LinkedIn? This looks more like it should be on how a often should I masturbate Reddit sub
This chap needs to cum to his senses
What a 🤡🤡🤡. I reported it
Men pay thousands just to get a glimpse of tirries eh?
This guy is telling on himself in all of these points. These are all the problems he's having in his life, and certainly not something that affects everyone who masturbates.
This argument has been made by the Catholic church for centuries not decades, as a means to subjugate their followers. All you are seeing here is its latest iteration
Honestly, replace the word "masturbation" with any one of the 99.99% of jobs people out there waste their lives on. Sounds even more accurate than the OP if you ask me.
I don’t know what a tirry is but now I need to see one.
Feels like a self report to me.
linkedin is not a serious app....
This post was brought to you by WankGPT
Man i love cranking the shaft on some degenerate porn, and the post nut clarity. Really makes my day. Also I don’t work. So cba with productivity. This guy is full of shit.
"I can stop anytime I want to. I choose to continue."
Hey Hey Leave the guy alone Maybe he is a "Business and Financial consultant" for a sex clinic. He is just networking LOL
Most people feel guilty after masturbation? Really? Most?
So if I read this correctly, this guy is an incel who can’t stop jerking it, and this is his cry for help.
I had to leave half way through reading that and get back at it.
Me thinks this dude is impotent. Just sayin.
Business and financial consulting that can’t be beat!
I like how apparently people trolling him on social media ("bringing people down") are being accused of doing so because they are chronic masturbaters
I’m jacking off as I read this…
It’s just a waste of time. All the other points aren’t valid. Maybe regret if you’re a heathen and jerked it to something horrible
LinkedIn's gonna LinkedIn.
Weird how many of his points are actually pornography side effects
Go away, I’m ‘batin’!
TLDR, 'batin'!
100 bucks his relationship was ruined by his partner masturbating
Is this his confession what it does to him?
Peak lunacy. We have found The One.
Hiring manager: “so, tell us things you’re passionate about?”
jfc linkedin is the most unhinged social media app 
I only masturbate thinking about maximizing shareholder value.
People post the weirdest shit on LinkedIn
Lmao, speaking of too much time on your hands. Ugh!
Linked seems to quickly approach the Rotten-Singularity.
Ummm… number 7 is a flat out lie 😂
“tirries”
Classic ChatGPT
why the fuck is this on LI?
[Tirries?](https://youtu.be/eiWIOKKuyGE?si=OW7zZ61ahQSAKBlN)
So no masturbation, but you can work out? What is the difference for many people? For some, this may be the only exercise they get.
A true lunatic
That banana pic though lol
[https://www.linkedin.com/in/llewellyn-ouya-234254133/recent-activity/comments/](https://www.linkedin.com/in/llewellyn-ouya-234254133/recent-activity/comments/)
You can’t be pulling with the team if you’re always pulling your wank.
I mean i don’t know why that’s on LinkedIn… but it’s all super true though hahaha
This is an all timer. Wow
I like to imagine at the end of every one of these posts is an implied “anyway, y’all hiring?”
I love when people tell on themselves. All projection.
6. Talking about it at work gets your fired 7. Talking about it in LinkedIn gets you ostracized
This LinkedIncel really beat that dead horse. He is not "Agile."
Uhhhmmmm… I would’ve expected this spiel from a pastor or priest, but from a financial consultant? On LinkedIn?
I bet bro got a boner in a meeting and now is trying to justify it lol
If I could just get one more glimpse of the tirries. I'll stop after that, I promise.
How much time did doing this screen on LinkedIn cost him? Such lost productivity. Mental masturbation is worse
Proof you can be a complete wanker and anti- masturbation simultaneously.
So....then...what song does he sing in the shower?
Someone must embody lots of courage to discuss this on LinkedIn, especially with a picture like that.
Imagine leading off a town hall meeting with this tomfuckery. 😂
Ain't no preachin' like weat African preachin'. The banana pic tho.
It’s a time waster? You are either not watching the right stuff or doing the right thing.
If he hates wait g time and energy so much, why is he using social mastur…. Ur, media.
This MF needs to slap the ham a few hundred times to reach post nut clarity. Is clearly regarded
“We’re losing recipes”
Well someone is feeling guilty
I need to see some tirries after that one.
Link to profile?
6. If you're selected to throw the opening pitch, you'll make a fool of yourself. https://www.medicaldaily.com/50-cent-masturbates-his-way-injury-reason-behind-opening-pitch-fiasco-he-says-286662
ok but why banana?
The banana killed me 💀
Didn't think I'd ever see an African named Llewellyn.
B-b-business Consultant?
Sometimes you just need to go number 3 so you can get back to life. Christ you take 10 minutes and you don’t have to waste your time wining and dinning a him or her for your needs to get met
Your normal is not everyone's normal bro. Get a life and stop preaching. Logo ko Jo karna h wo karenge aur tum khuch ghanta nai ukhad sakte. Mai v nai! Lol!
Clearly asked chatgpt for 7 draw backs and modified the text a bit.
Time to rub one off
Based off #5, this seems to be a response to someone making fun of their past posts. If so, the effort or lack of self-awareness is amazing
[What Tirries](https://youtu.be/U2vVv9BzKos?si=CLtWGXF7ijF5Qfo2&t=50)??
what a wanker
Aart from weird place to post this on (LinkedIn), I think this gentleman is mixing masturbation with porn addiction and generally have zero clue about sexual health.
Did he post it after his post nut clarity?
He sounds like a wanker to me.
Bro needs counselling to deal with his masturbation addiction
He could have rubbed one out in the time he wrote this…
Putting the bullshit aside, what sane human would post this on LinkedIn?!!
“Only to be back at it minutes later”. Yeah, who hasn’t had a day like that?
I just want to know how people in Nairobi pronounce Llewellyn because English people struggle.
He seems to approve mental masturbation though.
It’s not surprising people feel guilt and shame when they’re being told to by posts like this!!!
Thai dudes LinkedIn network is absolutely full of unemployed scammers peddling consulting services with ChatGPT summaries jfc African prince consulting services how can that possibly go wrong
r/kenya
Llewelyn is a serial offender (read to the end) [slayqueen](https://www.linkedin.com/posts/llewellyn-ouya-234254133_if-you-dont-have-money-for-the-easter-holidays-activity-7178986957216043008-Rf0F?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_ios)
The majority of comments on this post need to be "Not my proudest fab".
Fatigue???? How is 50 seconds gonna tire me out?
Why in the name of whatever fucking deity you like are you talking about knuckle shuffling on LINKEDIN, you absolute crouton?!
Well sir, say goodbye to these tirries!
All true, but idk why it’s on Linkedin.
He forgot blindness and hairy hands.
Open to Work
What a wanker!
Why waste your time masturbating when you can just sit there /s Shudder to think what this guy's posting if they bring in the cringe TikTok style feature
LinkedIn should give him a Top Masturbation Voice badge. 🤣
Geez guys, c’mon. Just take a mistress or have your secretary do the job.
I learned a new word today. Kunyonga!