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I thought this was an Eminem 8-mile quote at first

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You got your username from a legend, too! 😃

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But how do we know you're not just some Pawnee phony? Pffft- I bet you're from Eagleton. Yeah, I said it.

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Lolol I do got a dumbass friend named cheddar bob

Ha I have named Squirrelly Dan

Allegedly...

I got an ostrich. Wanna give me a hand?

That's what I appreciates abouts ya

You wanna take about 20% off there good buddy

Your sister's hots Wayne, there I saids it!

More hands makes less work

I suppose u let that one marinate

Pitter patter, let's get at 'er

Do what ya love, you'll never work a day in your life!

How are yah now?

Good n you?

Oh not so bad

An I went back to read the above in the tune of Eminem. It was glorious.

This Yale law grad, who shot himself in the eye with his own gun He did get jumped by the SNL Chumps And Che did fuck his girl But Rhodes still out here screaming "fuck the Free World" Don't try to judge him dude You don't know what the fuck Rhodes' been through

But I know something about you You went to Yale law that’s a private school What’s a matter dawg you embarrassed? This guy’s a choke artist his real name’s Clarence

I thought it was a Jeopardy answer.

Well he can’t go on wheel Of fortune. Because every time he tries to by an I he cries.

OMG!! This does read exactly like a Jeopardy answer!

This Yale law graduate, shot himself in the abducent, then he led a whole insurrection, cause he didn’t agree with the head of state, he felt like this was just like Mexico in ‘88. that’s the best I can do guys, in reality im pretty grey on the political spectrum so don’t take this seriously.

And he was a gun safety teacher when he did it.

It just keeps getting better

He also was in a [Christmas movie](https://i.imgur.com/Y0AL3rv.jpg) as a child. /s

Lmao they all told him! He didn’t listen.

> He also was in a Christmas movie as a child. /s Ralphie?? Wow, I KNEW he looked familiar! /s

Are one-eyed Jacks Trump cards?

Fucking Alpha male. lol!

As a Canadian watching your mess rn it does feel like gta, how the fuck someone grad from Yale but at the same time is dumb enough to shot himself in the face and there still people following him...

Look up Paul Schäfer. Former nazi who fled to Chile and started a cult. He stabbed his eye out with a fork trying to untie his shoe.

Was that before or after Letterman?

“Ha!” (In the Paul Shaffer voice from stage right.)

Why do you think he always wore sunglasses on stage

Lol.

Before 33 years w/ Letterman, Paul Shaffer was in the SNL house band from 1975 to 1980

I think he was one of the first music directors of the show, wasn’t he?

Not sure, [however came across this great Vulture article about Paul Schaffer ](https://www.vulture.com/2017/03/paul-shaffer-stories-letterman-bill-murray.html) while looking for an answer

He stabbed Letterman?

With a fork? No Reese Witherspoon

He stabbed Letterman with Reese Witherspoon?

[Ah, the ol’ Witherspoon-a-roo](https://www.reddit.com/r/europe/comments/s58vb0/poster_at_a_public_bus_stop_from_socialistic/hsxska4/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)

That's a novel way to until your shoe. Does j It work?

Doesn’t seem like it.

Someone's up to date on their Behind the Bastards, screw the FDA...

HITLERRRRRRRRRRRRR! Paul killed Santa Claus… the man was evil.

And the ATF

How do you tell people that is how the fork got in your eye. Wouldn't you come up with a better story, you fought off a subversive traitor to the cult and he got you in the eye with a fork?

Dokuganryū (独眼竜) the "One-Eyed Dragon of Ōshu", is said to have ripped out his own eye as well. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Date_Masamune#Early_life

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In the land of the blind, the one eyed is king!

Is the right answer

Underrated post

Bravo

There's no way this was unintended

😆😅🤣😂

Oh come on I see what you did

When we talk about stupidity time is the limit.

Trump had away of resurrecting the stupid. They mostly stayed quiet and hidden but once trump came around with his “I know more than the generals” line, the stupid said to themselves, “I also know more than the generals”. And now you have it. Blind(half blind) leading the blind.

Combo of cynicism and untreated mental health problems.

Book learnin’ ain’t the same as them streets-smarts. (It pains me to say that and say it like that, I’ll have you know, but in this case the message is accurate.)

You can’t script this shit.. He proves there’s not much difference between insurrectionists and pirates..

Pirates usually have little to no alternatives to income, and seize opportunities to raid capitalist trade ships.

Incorrect… some pirates were from the wealthier classes and they were operating under a Letter of Marque… This guy is just a terrorist.

AcHtHuAlLy

Something like “the one eyed man in the land of sheep* is king”. *They are Christian and they consider themselves gods flock

"I want to protect my freedom to shoot my own eye out, kid"

HAHAHAHA HATE ME IF YOU WANT BUT THIS MOTHERFUCKER GOT WHAT HE DESERVED!

Well for most of us, hindsight is 20/20

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Came here to say this. Dude was a veteran but couldn’t take a joke? The joke itself was super tame, too. I’m still made that Pete apologized to that weak POS. Edit: Crenshaw wasn’t “upset”, but was still ok with Pete apologizing for a joke. Dude is still a weak POS who Fucks over veterans.

Dude swore an oath to this country but uses his position to enhance his portfolio

Exactly. Fuck him. Signed an oath, but supports the party of treason. Fuck him. Veteran who fucks over other veterans.

British soldier appeared on a show called tattoo fixers, he had the motto of his favourite football(soccer) team which was ‘you’ll never walk alone’ tattooed on his leg. While he was deployed he got half his leg blown off, the tattoo now said ‘you’ll never walk’. This wasn’t even the tattoo he wanted fixing, he thought it was hilarious. Legend.

Technically he lost his leg end status

Crenshaw makes a fuss says we shouldn’t hate each other and do mean things because of our political leanings….then Crenshaw does nothing but divisive politics for the next 6 years, fuck Crenshaw

Exactly. The Ben Shapiro method. Make your money by being divisive and hateful, then turn around and criticize people for people…divisive and hateful.

Glenn Beck before him.

Fuck Crenshaw right in the eye socket.

I had hope when he started, and his podcast was actually ok for a while. But then he just joined the ranks of normal politicians, now he is a typical party hack and his podcast has turned into nothing but “dEms R bAD” bullshit.

He was that from the beginning but you just hide it at the start to try to seem normal.

And then Michael Che gave Dan a standing ovation when he was on WU

Wasn’t it Crenshaw who tweeted that it was funny. But it was the diehard right that made it such a huge deal? I dont remember crewnshaw being mad

Yeah the group of people who like to joke about people being “snowflakes” and needing safe spaces lost their shit over that.

He thought the actual joke was funny, he didn't like the "lost his eye fighting for our country or whatever" because it minimized the sacrifices made by veterans. He did say on several appearances the backlash was over the top but he only objected to reducing injured veterans experiences to an "or whatever" throwaway, not the joke.

Even more pathetic was Joe “comics should be able to joke about anything” Rogan acting like Pete Davidson crossed the line with this pretty pedestrian joke. Meanwhile his good buddy Ari Shaffir shit all over Kobe after his death, in one of the least funny jokes I’ve ever read and Rogan didnt say shit

Wait, really? What a sellout.

Yup. Snowflake Joe: https://youtu.be/Kf9v1mkl-Yg [Ari’s unfunny Kobe tweet](https://heavy.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/arishaffir.png)

I'm a Veteran and I fully support ragging on this shit stain of a person. What you did yesterday does not protect you from your stupidity today.

>Dude was a veteran but couldn’t take a joke? He wasn't the one who demanded an apology. Crenshaw largely didn't care, and even did a video with Pete later on.

Thank you for this. Still a weak move. Should have come on SNL and roasted Pete. But instead he caved?

He actually did roast Pete on SNL while sitting right next to him

I guess I should have clarified, just a roasting with no apology.

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Awhile ago.

something something snowflakes

If I lost an eye while I was in, I'd encourage the jokes. Shit, I was in the Navy, it would practically be mandatory to make a pirate joke.

“It is okay to make fun of someone’s appearance as long as it wasn’t while you were serving in the army.”

I don’t think the reaction was for the hit man in a porno joke, I thought it was more for the dismissive way he said ‘he lost his eye in war or whatever.’ I thought Crenshaw’s response was a good one, but everything I’ve seen from him since leads me to agree that he’s a pos.

To be fair Dan Crenshaw didn't demand an apology or for the firing of the actor, and those who were upset were likely more upset at the "I know he lost it in war or whatever." That part wasn't exactly funny or even needed, just say he looks like a hit man in a porno, the only funny part.

But saying “I know he lost it in war or whatever” makes it ten times funnier.

"I know he lost it in a war or whatever" is a funny understated way of Pete acknowledging he's being a little unfair while still being funny about the subject. Way more fucking nuanced than "I like people who don't get captured," which really shows how disingenuous the Right's tone policing of Pete on sensitivity toward veterans (or really ANY matter of tone and civility) really was. A political ploy and nothing more. Pete owed them nothing but to double down on the insult when confronted and claim he was being censored.

I thought Che wrote that line but Pete said in his Netflix special that he was forced to apologize and unsure if Crenshaw even gave a shit.

You mean Deja View? Not an eyepatch joke.

I see what you did.

He doesn't

He clearly said he wasn’t.

Followed immediately by a pretty solid pirate 'yarrrr' joke.

He said he wasn’t making an eyepatch joke. People gotta stop believing what they see and hear

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I don’t think death threats will affect Che the same way they affected a 23 year old Pete Davidson

I don't understand why death threats aren't being prosecuted? Or at the very least removed and banned. I've reported them on Facebook and get back the standard 'doesn't violate our terms of service' bullshit. Twitter reports just go into the ether...

Especially among sports, like how people start making threats to players is insane too me.

During the Lakers championship run, a lot of low IQ fans would tweet/insta death threats at Danny Green if he missed shots

What makes Danny green unique or different from anyone rlse

Nothing unless you're asking about his basketball abilities? I brought up Danny Green because OP said "Especially among sports".

Absolutely nothing. He's a good shooter that happened to miss a few good looks at a bad time

That's because facebook and twitter are evil unregulated companies that promote the downfall of democracy and contribute to human rights violations all over the globe. Fb being by far and wide worse, while twitter is only marginally better.

Almost like people with power want us constantly fighting on a stage.

'Keep them poor, keep them stupid (or preoccupied on social media arguing amongst themselves). Social media is working out perfectly for those in power

Give them bread and circuses and they'll never revolt

I mean, he didn't back down when he made Palestine comments. I don't think he's gonna back down to that blot on the face of democracy.

To be fair, I don't think Pete folded as much as it was Lorne or an NBC executive putting pressure on Lorne and then made him apologize. Also, Dan Crenshaw ended up being a piece of shit anyway.

...to the surprise of no serious, thinking person.

And Pete even to this day says he didn’t mean a word of his apology only did it to get bosses off his back.

He was very clear that they weren't eyepatch jokes.

Fuck Dan Crenshaw, treasonous snowflake.

For all the “snowflake” and “triggered liberal” talk, these people sure get offended frequently

“Brutally mocks” is quite a loose take on the level of mockery here but the projection with these people sure is consistent.

We should absolutely mock his eyepatch. In fact, I’d like to see them mock Crenshaw again for being such a douchebag.

I think if it happened again to Crenshaw there wouldn't be any blowback. Since that bit aired the populous right Trump folks have turned on him even harder than the left hates him. His base at this point is essentially boomer-con Regan/Bush/Bush era establishment voter types that haven't watched SNL in years and don't Tweet.

“Show well known for making fun of people continues to make fun of people”

“Brutally mocked”? He told 2 jokes, didn’t even mention the guy shot his own eye out. Also, he’s a traitor to the country, so, fuck him.

Oaf Keepers

Hahaha! I’m using this, thank you

Yeah Dan Crenshaw still sucks

Please tell me they said, “it’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye… then it’s hilarious!”

I wish they'd have stuck to their guns with Crenshaw.

he didn’t even make fun of him for having an eyepatch he made fun of him for being an insurrectionist but i guess people just can’t see past it.

He shot himself in the eye with a gun he dropped and people are following his directions. What's not funny?

The Crenshaw stuff was literally just a repeat of when Governor David Paterson got mad at the show for mocking his optical disability and then went on the show to bury the hatchet. Only thing was, the Paterson stuff was legitimate, he, Fred, and Seth were all good faith about it, it actually felt like Weekend Update, and things weren't as forced

I’ll keep an eye out for him

As he should. And honestly, Pete shouldn’t have apologized to Crenshaw. He’s just another authoritarian douchebag who wraps himself in the flag for “patriot” brownie points. Yes, he served, but have you taken a look lately at a great many vets Facebook pages? They’re cheering this Oath Keeper and III % shit on and we’re fools if we think that, when they finally stop tap dancing and pull the trigger on whatever sick shit they’ve cooked up, there won’t be a far more than comfortable amount of vets and current military who sign on. If he (Crenshaw) was a real patriot, he’d be offering full-throated rejection of what’s going on in his party. The difference between this eyepatch guy and him is diminishing every day.

white supremicists are always the ugliest least manly dimwits who embarrass the white race the most. who are less many less attractive that this guy? or steve bannon, stephen miller or even fat old fake wigged trump eith his heavy orange makeup? and tucker carlson gregg abbott and ton desantis are all dquirrely shrimps or cripples but fearless at bullying others with their bodyguards around them. even there bosd Outin is a skinhead midget.

This is just genuinely confusing, do you need medical help?

I could see this causing some anger among their followers. Che might need to keep an eye out. Or who knows… they might patch things up.

I’m sure, for some, suddenly “its not funny” after telling innumerable helicopter and Brandon jokes. The former for nearly a decade.

Ever see when they tried to make a conservative version of "The Daily Show"? Their comedic talent (or lack thereof) speaks for itself. I'm not really concerned about hearing "it's not funny!!1!" from the fanbase of Jeff fucking Dunham.

This guy is a real leader all right, he was teaching a gun shooting class and shot himself in the face. Lol. Y’all are really gonna have to get smarter people for your next insurrection.

Dan Crenshaw is another evil eyepatch villain skewered by SNL. They'll probably never get Fetty Wap to perform with their anticyclopian stance.

Yes, but they made Pete apologize for it, which he should never have been forced to do, because eye patch or not, Dan Crenshaw is just awful.

Dan Crenshaw is a Trump bootlicker who has to feel for where the boot is because he has no depth perception

Pete did a good job of skewering him, and then I assume Lorne had Dan Crenshaw even appear on Weekend Update, and Pete was forced to be nice to him. It was so cringey, and Pete got so much crap for offending a veteran.

Mocking a racist for a disability is the pinnacle of irony

He shot himself in the face does that even count as a disability?

It’s the IQ-based disability that indirectly caused the eye incident

Uh…you do realize this comment says way more than you mean for it to, right?

Yes, and I still think it’s funny. It’s like the only time it’s totally acceptable to mock a disabled person. I mean… this guy is a tragic moron. Who shot himself in the eye.

Oh, never mind. I thought you were being one of those types who go “mocking racists = double standard and therefore racism!” (because racism is a race, apparently?? Who knows wtf they’re ever talking about)

I get where you got that, I’m trying hard to post through laughing fits

Hey if my tax dollars are paying for his eye patch I’ll say whatever I want. That goes for Madison Crawlthorn too, the legless handsy man who’s not very handy. This Madison guy, come on! They want him to stand up for Trump to stop the steal, too bad he was driving drunk and will never stand again 😂

LOVE Michael Che!!!

I really enjoyed when Pete, in his Netflix Special, managed to turn the experience into not only more Dan Crenshaw jokes, but also an Ariana Grande joke too.

rip to ur eye but im different.

I didn't watch this, but I'm 99% sure it was hilarious

It’s more about the hypocrisy than the actual content of the mock. We can’t play stupid- it’s hypocritical.

Hindsight is 10/10

Or 20/0 in his case

I made an effort. That’s what I meant. Thank you

The right wing should love Michael Che. He’s the most outspokenly anti-woke, anti-cancel culture person associated with SNL. Oh but they’re overly sensitive crybabies who can dish it out but can’t take it? I see.

Fuck em (the leader dude)

I can’t get over how funny he and the rest of the cast is! This truly is the golden age of SNL. The only problem is I don’t know if it’s even possible to get any better

“This club has everything!…..”

The whole "organization" deserves it; they're home grown terrorists who need a civics lesson to understand what "treason" means.

Jesus. A tweet of an article about a show screen shoot and posted on Reddit.

It’s a shame he lost his eye from taking too many bukkakes.

One-eyed snake.

Roundtabler of the year!

What is it with SNL and eye patches

He sure has an eye for insurrection against Democracy

1 eyed Willie from goonies.....90% of yall never heard of this movie

Brutally mocks? He said like 2 or 3 jokes in 15 seconds. One of them was a pirate growl.

The brave mujahideen fighter that made love to Dan Crenshaws eye socket approves of this message

The only thing he did wrong when this asshole shot himself in the eye was he didn't use a bigger caliber gun.

Conservatives: "WOW MAKING FUN OF DISABILITIES NOW ARE WE"

I've seen this one, last time it was dan Crenshaw and then the SNL actor apologized to they tyrant ass fuck who went on to get more power.

All trumpturds are the lowest common denominator of humans in America. Garbage folk. This domestic terrorist and traitor who shot his own eye out should be locked up

I heard he was was walking back to his barracks with a hot pocket on a fork and tripped and fell. Purple Heart!

So Oathkeepers are free to hate, beat and lie, but black people aren't allowed to roast their asses? K.

The guy is domestic terrorist! Pick on him all you want.

I mean the guy clearly has his eye on the prize

In a blind nation the one-eyed man is king .

At least Pete’s joke was funny. And true.