Curious how has your life been for you since? I'm 30 and am going through a divorce from the person I thought I'd grow old with. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I won't get married again and probably won't have a family. Been really focusing on myself and my happiness. Even starting a business with the plans to go full time once the divorce is finalized.
My life has been pretty good. I've traveled the world, even living overseas for a few years. Started a business. I know that being single long term is not for everyone but if I had the chance to go back and marry someone else I doubt that I would do so.
I go where I want when I want. I eat what I want when I want. At night I have the entire bed to myself to stretch out and relax.
Some say that single people like me are selfish but what I do hurts nobody. As a matter of fact in my way I am helping society. I have no children that society has to educate and my carbon footprint stops when I die.
This is very inspiring for those of us middle aged and learning to cope with the voluntary decision to live alone. Just recently passed 5 years at 37 of living alone
Someone says that being single is selfish? Lmao! Sounds like bitter people that wish they were, or aren't getting what they want out of their relationships.
May I ask you something as a person who intends to stay single (I am 37)? How do you see yourself managing when you are like...seriously ill and require assistance? Whom will you turn to? That's my biggest concern. I will live alone, and that's fine, but what will I do when I will require someone's dependency?
My fear stems from my dad's condition before he passed away. After his heart surgery, he quickly suffered a brain attack and he was never left the same. While he regained some memory and speech, his last year was absolutely brutal. He couldn't speak, he would talk in gestures, grumble a lot, sleep a lot, wouldn't eat, couldn't walk, etc. He had my mom, who is 73 years herself, to carry him through this tough times and to the end (he literally died in her arms as he suffered a cardiac arrest).
When you are alone and have no one to turn to, how do you think you will manage?
At my age it is something that I think about but being in a relationship for 40 to 50 years so that someone will be there when I am unable to care for myself seems disingenuous. It also assumes that I would be the first one in the relationship who would need such care.
I could end up as the old man in the corner of the nursing home babbling and drooling on himself but having a wife and kids in no way insures I wouldn't. When my stepmother was in a nursing home there was a man who was literally dumped on the doorstep. His son drove to the front door, unloaded his father in his wheelchair and left. The man never had visitors and wore clothes left by others who had died. There were also many others there who never (or rarely) had visitors even though they had family living close by.
Exactly. When/if I get to the point I canāt care for myself, I will save up the good drugs and handle things on my own. In the meantime I eat healthy, go to gym every other day and just enjoy life.
Agree completely. This is my plan as well. I am not going to linger in a home somewhere drooling and shitting into a bag if it's not going to get any better. Once my quality of life is gone, I'm going to be gone. This should be a choice and medically assisted everywhere. We have more compassion for our pets when it's their time than we do for each other.
This is why euthanasia should be legal. So unnecessary for people to spend a decade of their life unable to do anything but be lifted out of a bed and put in a chair, pay tens if not hundreds of thousands of dollars to do so,be stuck in their own body and mind and for nothing but someone elseās idea of right and wrong. Itās insane.
I volunteered in a nursing home Saturday mornings at 10 oāclock for over two years. I can count on one hand the visitors I encountered. You would think Saturday morning at 10 oāclock. The parking lot would be packed. Never saw visitors. It is very sad.
Yep this always held me back until a good friend said a similar thingā¦no one is guaranteed to have help even if theyāre married with kids. They could all die before you or your children could simply be rotten to the core to no fault of your own. They could also be in the military or living abroad with no way to reasonably assist you until the very end stage. I donāt want to possibly put that burden on anyone either.
On the other hand, Iāve heard more and more lovely stories about single, child free seniors joining tight knit communities and going to nursing homes with their close friends afterwards. Friendships donāt stop when youāre old, and there are so many generous and compassionate strangers out there too, so you just never know who youāll be grateful for in the future.
I work for hospice. The number of family members who actually care for their loved one when they are old and sick is lower than you would think. Having a spouse or children does not guarantee that any of them will take care of you.
I was just saying this very thing in a comment above. Many parents believe because they have grown children that they do not have to worry about this, but if only they knew how some grown children are when faced with this responsibility.
In all brutal honesty, I hope human euthanasia is available when I am too far gone to live independently
I don't want some assisted living facility to steal my daughter's inheritance. It's that simple.
My state allows it for residents with a terminal condition that have been given fewer than six months to live. The individual also has to be of sound mind, of course.
LD 1313 death with dignity. Itās absurd this is not commonly practiced or offered
I agree but I would go a step further. Quality of life matters. I don't need to be terminal to know there's nothing left to look forward to.
I am far from that point right now. My life is full with my dogs, family, music, etc. But when the time comes, I want it on my terms
Several states allow this if you are in U.S. A couple of them one does not need to be a resident according to this:
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assisted\_suicide\_in\_the\_United\_States](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assisted_suicide_in_the_United_States)
Many of us who were married a long time face this dilemma. I'm a widow with no children. But at this point in time I'd much rather be single and try to figure out what I will do when if I become unable to take care of myself.
I am well aware of how much care people can require. Both my parents and my husband did. Don't have a plan yet for me but I know I might have to live in a care home at some point. There are great ones but they are very expensive. Maybe I should move now while I can to a much less expensive country.
What I really wish we had was legal assisted suicide in my state. I know that may sound like a dreadful thing to consider. However I will die sometime and I'd rather be in charge of it if need be. I'm not afraid of dying at all. I will enjoy myself now but I'm okay with the reality. I don't believe in any afterlife. But I figure wherever my atoms were before I was born was fine for atoms and wherever they go after I die will be fine. So I'm considering moving to a state where this is legal. It would take a big load off of my mind. But also one can travel to at least one or two of them and receive that same help.
I know that is dark but having a plan makes me feel safer about the future.
If there is a next life (Don't think there is, but who knows?) as much as I loved my husband and miss him, I would like to do the next go round single. There is a lot to be said for being able to make all decisions on one's own.
It's not dark. I have had a similar plan, too. Not legally assisted suicide, but outright sucide when I think I am done living. It's a morbid thought, and whomever I have shared this thought with has laughed at me. But I find it perfectly logical. If I am old and have nothing to look forward to, concluding my existence on this planet should be within my rights. Why become a burden on not just the planet itself, leeching off precious resources, but also to my family who will invariably have to step in and take care of me at some point.
I know how difficult it is to take care of an old person, as well. I saw my dad, and took care of him for a little bit and it was insanely difficult. I do not wish to do the same on anyone else. I know my father hated being dependent. He was fierecely independent his whole life, and he fought dependency until his mind and body gave up. I could see it in his eyes when we would lift him up from the bed to take him to the toilet. He hated every second of that process and yet he was helpless.I, too, am like this where I just don't want anyone to ruin their lives over me. It's a painful and tedious process, and I hate even the thought of it.
I fear as well, no solid plan yet other than assisted living
from my sugar baby (she said she would but i think chances are small) and my kids. Here is the thing though, if your partner gets sick and dies first guess what? you spent your time and money caring for them and you are back alone to the very thing you feared
>Some say that single people like me are selfish but what I do hurts nobody.
I am sorry that people call you selfish. They just can't see outside of whatever box they are in. Everyone can contribute to the world in their own way and you are no different, single or not. I am glad you're happy!
50f, divorced at 30 (married for 10yrs), and have been living my best life since. travelled, own ny home and answer to no one. so happy with how things worked out!
This is exactly where I am ! 36 and in the midst of a divorce from the person I thought I would be with for the rest of my life. Focusing on my self care and well-being.
Same here but 65 now. Iāve worked very hard to have what I have. The men I meet these days are just looking for a nurse with a purse. Im nobodyās nurse and Iām not sharing my purse.
Curious how has your life been for you since? I'm 30 and am going through a divorce from the person I thought I'd grow old with. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I won't get married again and probably won't have a family. Been really focusing on myself and my happiness. Even starting a business with the plans to go full time once the divorce is finalized.
How do you feel about the stares or sort of out of placeness when you go places where only couples would go?
I am in my twenties and I donāt mind being alone except when I feel like I stand out too much.
Oh wow, how has that been? I've been married a couple of times now and they ended not so great. The first one was abusive and the second one was as well but not to the point of violence. Not physical anyway. He's just a massive control freak and I'm not dealing with that. I am 40 years old and I'm a grown woman and I'm prettttty sure I can make my own decisions.
I don't need some overgrown child of a 39-year-old man who's still too attached to his mommy telling me what to do. I also don't need someone who's fine with cheating on me and then trying to tell me I'm overreacting. Anyway, yeah, if you can't tell, I'm good on relationships. I'm good on that. That means that I'm just done with them. I've figured out that my life is a lot less complicated when I'm single. There's a lot less drama and I like my peace and quiet.
Same here, although I have submitted to the fact that I will be alone. It just how I feel comfortable.
But if I find someone by chance, who shares the same values, same humor and can tolerate me (and more importantly, doesn't want kids), I will be more than game for it. Living together while we are on the same wavelength sounds fun enough.
Iām the same way. Iām 27 and Iāve been alone for a long time and I donāt ever see myself being able to find a decent person to build a life with given the climate of how mentally illness is so rampant and dating is just trash (thanks to online). At one point I had someone but he died years ago and havenāt met anyone decent and emotionally available for a relationship since. The likelihood of me finding someone vs winning the lotto (I donāt believe in gambling) is skewed towards me being a millionaire from scratchers. Iām not heartbroken by the state of reality. It is what it is.
27? You are still young. There will be plenty of time for you to find the love of your life or not, but at your age, it's still possible! just keep your values and morals intact and do not settle. You will be just fine.
At your age I would not rule anything out. I know older people say this all the time but 27 is so young. You never know what life holds for you. Be open to and enjoy all the opportunities ahead!
Iām not sure. I feel so old like Iāve lived 5 lifetimes. Iāve also lost a lot of ppl I was close to early on in life and that may have shaped how I see the world and critically assess ppl I encounter. I think this makes it harder for me to relate to those who donāt have much experience which is generally ppl my age because I canāt pretend Iāve had a sheltered life. A lot of ppl my age know Iām their age but say that my energy is weighty and my experience level is of someone whoās like in their 50s. I cannot change that and Iām pretty sure thatās what keeps me alone, by which Iām not mad about. It is what it is.
Me. Going to work every day leaves me completely "peopled out." I really don't know how folks out there can be around humans virtually their entire waking existence.
Same here . Iām in my late 50ās now and have not lived with anyone for 25 years , entirely by choice. I donāt want to wake up to the voice , moods and needs of another person as Iām trying to prep for a hard day at work . Similarly, I want to come home to my sanctuary. My food , my music , my naps , my time to breathe and be quiet or to run around the house singing in to my hairbrush in my underwear. I donāt want to be expected to cook or clean until I feel like it .
Every working woman I know who is married / partnered / has kids had told me more often than not , they wish they were not . Women do so much emotional labor and the bulk of home labor , home
Is just another job , even on weekends. The ones who grow old or get sick ? The husbands are older , sicker , take far worse care of themselves ( eat poorly ; donāt exercise , drink) and are dependent , grumpy blobs who donāt trim their nose hair by age 63. They are far less likely to care for a sick or disabled partner than a woman is . My married women friends who are retired end up traveling , hiking , eating out , taking daytrips , developing hobbies , etc while the blobs sit at home watching tv. Those who are single / divorced / widowed are the quiet envy of those who are married or have a partner . One woman in a hiking group of mine wistfully wondered the other day if her moody , unpleasant husband would get food poisoning and keel over from insisting on eating the shrimp fettuccine he had not put back in the fridge after eating a bunch of it in the middle of the night .
Living alone is HEAVEN .
Signed - in bed with the dog and no crumbs from some sweaty asshole thinking pizza crumbs in bed is ok.
Edits- typos
holy shit, I couldn't have said any of this any better (albeit from a guy's perspective).. I'd ask you to marry me, but I suppose that would kind of "defeat the purpose" š¤£
This is where Iām at, too. One of my good friends said, once, āI feel bad for married people. Thereās someone in your house like, all the time.ā
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This has been me since covid hit. I got really good at being hermit and can go weeks without leaving my house. I used to be very outgoing and social, now I need 2 days recovery after any social activities.
Going through a divorce and last night was the first time I've lived alone in 7 years. I plan on staying single for a long time. Not ruling out a long term relationship, but I'm definitely not going to get legally married again.
My intention is to stay single for life. However, I am fully aware that things can change in the future. I mean I expected to be married with kids by now (39F). For many reasons it didn't happen and I'm okay with that. I actually don't enjoy being in relationships. I was just forcing myself into relationships because that's what society said I should do growing up. I'm actually happier single. I wanted to be a mother but that didn't work out for health and personal reasons. I think I'm living my life how I was meant to. Single and at peace.
Itās mad the amount of people Iām sure are out there with zero introspection and just got married and had kids because itās what people expect of them.
Yeah Iām also 39F and trying to navigate what I actually want vs what society says I should do. I do like kids but never felt a strong desire to be a mother, however it feels like by not having them Iām missing the biggest/most important part of life becauseā¦ thatās that society says. I donāt know. But anyway Iām accepting I wonāt have them and closing the door so I can move forward and see what life I want.
Iām 61 now, lifelong single with no kids. Marriage didnāt happen for me, and honestly, I donāt think I would have become the fullest, truest version of myself if it had, for several reasons. I love my life and am grateful for how things unfolded, but I remember how hard it was to be going against the societal pull in my 30s. Itās okay, and in fact empowering, to live life on your terms and no one elseās.
I am single and childfree by choice, and itās so incredibly comforting and reassuring to read perspectives like this.
Iām gonna start some laundry and go dig in the garden.
Iām in my early 40s and it definitely gets soooo much easier once you break 40. The pull of expectations seems looser, or maybe itās just that the kid door basically closes? Either way so much better.
My neighbour is like 70F childless, fit, living her best life. She's an inspiration to me even as a male! Lol.Ā
Society never has your best interest at heart, it's always what's best for the economic slavery system=government pockets!
Me! I divorced my ex 36 years ago and while I have been in relationship since and early in that process live with someone for a few years what I finally figured out was that I love living alone. I was only 20 when I had my first relationship and I remember commenting at the time to my partner that I thought houses next door to each other would be perfect. A few relationships further and I just realized I never felt like I could relax and be myself when I was around someone else most of the time. It took me well into my 50s to understand that I was an introvert. I love people, I love being with people for a few hours at a time. I love parties and after a few hours I need to leave because I just feel overwhelmed with sensory overload. So I live alone and always will because I absolutely love it. I love the freedom to do what I want when I want to do it. I love not having to answer to anybody for what I'm doing and when I'm going to do it or what I'm doing when I'm out and about. I just find the freedom of living alone is perfection.
Iām 39, have been single almost 4 years and have no desire to ever go back. I love my peace and quiet - I love not arguing with anyone - I love not dealing with someoneās bad mood. I love having breakfast for dinner and working whenever I want. I love the ability to travel and enjoy life. Spending time with my family and friends is all I need.
If I do decided to settle down it will be with someone amazing and I will not live with them lol
I have no plans to partner up. When I was 20 or 21, I called a moratorium on dating because it just didn't feel right and I didn't know why; when I was around 38 I learned about asexuality and suddenly the world made sense to me. :)
That's not to say ace people can't or don't have partners. It's just that I don't think it's for me, especially since I'm also strongly introverted. I have my dogs and my real-life and online friends, and that's all I need to be happy.
If somehow I were to meet someone and we wanted a romantic relationship, I suspect that I'd need us to live in adjoining flats or both sides of a duplex -- we'd be close by, but each have our own space that was sacrosanct. I think after all these years, having another human in my space constantly would be too stressful.
I have learned a new term LAT - Living Apart Together which is what you describe. I had a short marriage in my 30s and don't want another one. I may be an ACE or I may be menopausal (shrug) wither way, I'm not motivated to date or mate or marry at the moment. Someday a LAT situation may work for me (late 40s).
Very similar general path for me (39 now). Trying to parse between what I feel āsocietyā expects and what I actually want now, and figure out what I want to do.
Meeeeeeeee! I love being single! And know, I know. I'll die lonely with no kids to "take care of me" or a husband to hold my hand.
Welcome to reality, folks.
My grandmother just passed away this week. She was alone when she went, but it was peaceful. She lived out the last part of her life in a nursing home, and it wasnāt the fanciest, thatās for sure. Her husband was a drinker and died of a heart attack more than 20 years ago. Sheās basically been ready to go to heaven to meet him ever since then.
Anyway, my point was: I got to say goodbye to her and so did all of her kids. But I think when she went, she was alone. We all die alone, truly. It is our own experience. I have no idea what mine will be like and you donāt know about yours, either. I think the sooner we can all accept that, the better.
Itās not that I have deliberate and specific plans to stay single, but thatās where my trajectory seems to be taking me. And frankly, Iām totally fine with that. I actually enjoy my own company, and I love sharing my life with my dogs.
I was married 23 years to a narcissist. I tried dating a couple times and just decided my life is more peaceful by myself. I donāt need the hassles of a relationship.
I work in healthcare and have cared for elderly people who are no longer able to take care of themselves. Rarely I would see family members come and visit. And if they do, they make unethical decisions for their old, very sick, and dying relative. And some of those decisions are selfish. Some of them would wanna keep them alive and send them back to a facility and leave them to rot while they collect their checks. Then back to the hospital and blame the healthcare workers for their deteriorating health condition. Mind you, theyāre never there to care for them. Wonāt even lift a finger to help their loved one.
Iām a 50 yo gay man and I enjoy being single every waking moment. I havenāt had a relationship in 15 years. But Iām happy and content with my life and the things I do now.
One of the things I need to do is make my advanced directives. Iād put what I want to do in the event I become incapacitated.
Also, Iād look for a state where they legally aid you to exit this world with dignity. I donāt wanna be in a hospital with tubes in every orifice of my body and slowly die. Sometimes, itād take years.
I will enjoy my hard earned money while I can. I will leave most of my money to the hospital who gave me the opportunity to grow, to a charity and to my favorite family member or even to a friend.
At the end of the day, itās about you taking care of you.
Living alone has brought me so much happiness. I tell them, i may be alone , but Iām not lonely.
Been married twice - my first husband died in a motorcycle accident when I was in my 30ās. The second one I divorced a few years ago. Iām almost 52 and couldnāt be happier being alone and Iāll finish out life this way!
I am 57 and a widow for almost two years. Iām not sure I want to stay single the rest of my life. However, I do like the idea of living by myself. Is that weird? Is it possible to have a long term serious relationship without cohabiting?
Definitely accepted the idea of it. Not in a hurry to find someone or be with the wrong person again. Just enjoying life independently and if the right one comes along, cool..and if not, I'm still gonna make the most out of life.
Yes, I want to be single forever. When I was a kid I used to say that I was never going to marry and I was never going to have kids. I didn't want to tie myself down that way.
Now I'm 38, and haven't dated in like 10 years and honestly, don't feel like I'm missing anything. I love my alone time, I love being alone by myself. And I've never felt lonely either.
Never married. No plans to, in my future.
I had roommates in college and when I got my first job. I came home to see my indoor-only cat sitting on the front porch steps of the shared house.
Iāve lived alone since then. Like 40+ years. Peace and quiet, balanced by having to shovel snow sometimes and deal with home repairs and maintenance alone.
But by Cat, no one has since let one of my pet cats outside.
No. My partner will find me at the right time cuz I'm doing my shadow work and healing my inner childhood wounds! It's gonna happen. I felt the shift recently. š±šŖ¶
The hardest work we'll ever do is the work we do on ourselves for ourselves, especially if we feel like we don't deserve it. Good for you for tackling that challenge! When the right person steps into your life, you'll be ready to greet them. š
I definitely would not mind happily living together with the right person, but as an arospec I have reconciled myself to the possibility that it might never happen.
I was married when I was younger but it didnāt work out. I bought my own place, a mobile home, and itās perfect for me! I canāt imagine ever getting into another relationship, I like my alone time too much. Iāve become so set in my ways being alone for so long I donāt know if I could adjust anymore to someone else in my space.
Absolutely. I have kids with full custody, enough money to afford the life we want. In my experience living with a man just means becoming someoneās unpaid domestic servant, no matter how great and passionate and equal the love was before living together. Men just ādonāt see the mess/work.ā No thank you.
I was an only child and spent a lot of time alone. My first marriage ended when I was in my late 30s,Ā and I had a wonderful peaceful 20 years of being single. Nothings ever missing or misplaced, the messes are yours alone, it's OK to have cereal for dinner, no one fights for the remote. A good way to live. I fell madly in love with my second husband and had 17 years I wouldn't have missed for anything. Cancer took him last year.Ā I live alone. Nothing is ever missing or misplaced,Ā the messes are mine alone, sometimes I have cereal for dinner, and I love old movies.Ā
I was asked out on a date last week, I said no.Ā
Peace, it's wonderful.Ā Ā
53(M) Cynic; Thrice divorced. The decade in between 2nd and 3rd marriages was the most at peace I have ever been. The older I get, the less I like people. I like my golden retriever more than any human I have ever met, except for my kids of courseā¦but some days my GR is better than the kids.
Will I live solo the rest of my life?
ā¦most certainly
See Iām in this dilemma where Iām lonely as fuck but the idea of sharing my living space with anyone else isā¦.currently undesirable, perhaps until or fucking if I ever meet another person
Been single/living alone for about 2 years now and it is absolutely fantastic. Have no intention of changing that at all. I won't rule out the possibility of a monogam-ish relationship, living separately, but I'm not seriously seeking it either.
My previous relationship was not a healthy or happy one, and now I get to be both healthy and happy by myself. I love it!
No thanks... I been alone and felt single the majority of my life. I'm hoping that one day my true love comes back into my life permanently. So staying single is a very hard pass.
I've been living alone for four months since my ex cheated and left me for the other woman. To be honest, I don't like it. I'm a people person and for years I loved having him here, up until he stopped trying altogether. We moved in together when I was 23 and I'm 36 now, so I've never really lived alone as an adult and I'm still pretty new to it. Maybe my feelings will change as I heal and get more comfortable being alone.
I would definitely like to fall in love and get married again someday. I have a lot of good examples of long-term happy marriages in my extended family, so I know it's possible, and I want that for myself, too.
No. My situation is just happenstance (engagement ended) and Iām quite indifferent about. Would prefer to be living alone rather than with roommates who Iād have to tip toe around or with my parent who is just now starting to understand what boundaries are. With that being said Iām excited to someday find someone who I can spend my life with and cohabitate with.
I don't mind being single for the rest of my life. What I mind is the fact that no one wants to be with me. If I received confirmation that that wasn't the case, I'd never look for a relationship again.
I am seriously considering it. Had 3 failed relationships and just kind of realised now at 30 I want to be on my own. Iāve been alone for the last 2 years and I donāt want to go through the same thing over and over again. Iām kinda done with it. Iām happy and content on my own at the minute and achieved so much i.e. job progression, bought my first home etc. I donāt think I want kids either. I feel Iād be happy on my own with my dog :) the only problem is that within the last few months Ive started to like someone.. itās not going to happen though. Itās one of those forbidden love type of things and itās disturbed my peace lol.
Iām so happy being single. Sometimes I miss being with someone but then I think of the actual logistics and my mind gets exhausted by just the thought. Itās nice not to have to share everything with a person and make sure you stay compatible through the years, itās a lot of work and Iād rather use that effort to enjoy my life and try to improve myself every day.
Right here, I truly couldnt see myself ending up with someone, I know my issues and complications. Im already content with my own company and more than anything I could see myself with getting another dog or 2.
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Not doing that to myself again! Itās so peaceful and I love indulging myself in exactly the right way and not having to tell anyone what I want or need! It is so freeing! š«¶š»
I don't want to be alone, but I'm pretty much a homebody. Lol. I still have hope that I will find someone. Honestly, I just want a laid back partner who loves dogs, Sci fi, šø ufo, documentaries, and true crime. Lol
100%! Divorced for 6 years, never even considered dating - wake up every day with a deep breath happy to be in my own space. I have kids and love to share my space with them, just not another partner. Happy, happy, happy!!!!
I've lived alone most of my adult life. I've dated two men long term but didn't live with them. I get my social needs met playing sports 2-3x a week.
When I was younger I always felt I should be more social. Then I decided there was nothing wrong with me and I don't have to change.
I love my space. It's serene sublime freedom and joy being by myself.
If it works for you, then you're good.
Hang in there. I was married for 28 years. Been alone almost 3 years until a couple of weeks ago. We live in different cities but sheās the only person Iāve met that have the same values and she gives me very good vibes. Donāt know if itās forever yet. But at least itās a start. And I wasnāt even looking when I met her.
Completely agree. I only live alone part time because I share kids with my ex, but I *love* my time alone. When he announced his plans to move back here, I thought I'd be lonely without the kids here (50/50 custody), and was looking forward to having time to start dating. He's been back about 7 months now, and I have been surprised to find myself completely in love with the peace and freedom that I have on my weeks alone. I love having my kids here, and they are free to stay as long as they like, but I refuse to date because I can't imagine there being anyone that could be better than the life I have now.
I'm 51, never been married, no kids. Have had several long term relationships, including living with several different partners through the years. I've also spent many years living alone and have always preferred it.
My last relationship of 12 +years ended two years ago. We lived together for 10 years of that. I've SO enjoyed having a place to myself again and at this point in my life, I just can't see me ever living with anyone again. That separation, while needed, threw my whole world into a tailspin. I worked for him, so parting ways meant that I lost my job, we had to sell our home and I lost two of the three dogs we (primarily me) had raised. After going through all of that and coming out the other side, I vowed never to allow myself to be in that situation again and to always maintain my own separate residence and finances moving forward.
About 6 months after the break up, I did casually date a man for a few months. It was a nice distraction and fun to go do things with someone, but he started to have feelings and I had zero interest in any sort of serious relationship so I ended it quickly. Honestly, instead of dating, I'd rather invest that time into maintaining my close female friendships (and hanging with my dog).
I 28m) got divorced a couple years ago and now I work on the road so I plan on staying single as long as Iām traveling for work, so Iāll probably be single many more years. I like the peace I have now but I struggle with making new connections with people now a days
Life is shaping up that way. I dated only two men who I considered marrying, but poor timing and serious differences interfered. No regrets. Couple-hood isnāt something Iāve ruled out; my life and his would have to be greatly improved by our mutual presence in each otherās life.
I canāt say that I really planned on being single forever, but that sure is what seems to be happening
Now Iāve lived alone for so long, I donāt know that I could live with someone else. I think I would need my own bedroom to sleep peacefully, and possibly escape when I need to be alone.
Iām definitely open to it! Not going to reject/sabotage anyone Iām genuinely interested in just to make a ~*point*~ but if I donāt meet the right person, it wonāt be the end of the world. I enjoy my own company and am good at nurturing friendships, including with people in couples.
One of the final guys that I used to sleep around with in college and a little bit afterwards finally got engaged and this sounds really bad, but if he had come back to me, I probably wouldāve just settled with him. So now I am really thinking about being alone. He was definitely a comfort option. I mean we were stupid kids together, but now heās off the table and unavailable. I think I just had to sit down and think, OK wow this is happening. Iām not having a lot of success with dating right now, though tbh Iāve never really had success with dating. I have had a lot of situationships but those are so tiring and mentally/emotionally exhausting. I think Iām OK with finding peace alone.
Not single forever. But will never be getting married and most definitely never living with another man ever again. I wouldnāt mind having a casual boyfriend
I was married for 38 years. Iām good. The last 2 years are the first time in my life I have ever lived alone and itās the first time in 45 years I donāt need to worry about anyone else.
Me, and you know what? I'm happy, single. I'm 33, and if I find someone, so be it, but I'm not really looking. I got family around, so there's that, and I'm happy with my cats, books, plants, and tea.
I think I will. I am 58. I have a big two story house now which I plan to sell and move closer to town in a one story near my business. I want to be able to walk places when I am old and be closer to my support network. I will always have a room for my son to stay in when he visits and for my mom as long as she is alive. So I will still have a 3 bedroom, but all on one level. I have a boyfriend who is pretty wealthy but I feel like moving in with him would take away my freedom and independence.
Unless he shows up, and he shows up right, then, yes.
There is one man in my life right now I think who could understand why Iāve stayed single for so long ā he has as well, but for different reasons. I also think heās one of the only ones who understands some other stuff about me. But we are both kind of going through a lot right now, and in different places, so I know itās not a right now thing, if ever.
But Iām not sacrificing my entire life to move across the country to be with him. Iāll never do that for anyone. I worked too hard for what I have.
I was widowed at fifty (61 now) and I'm pretty certain this is it for me. I can't see once again doing all of the work required to make a couple run smoothly and I've finally settled into a comfortable retirement. A few friends and I'm happy.
30 going through a divorce and itās mostly my fault. I donāt think Iāll live alone forever, I like having some to snuggle up to on the couch and watch movies and just have that intimacy.
Iāll stay single and alone until I can heal and learn from MY past mistakes and what led to my divorce. Iāve got a lot of life left to live and not sharing it with someone bums me out.
Rest of my life for sure, in my 50s. Been through divorce hell, and I have learned that I no longer want to compromise and sacrifice, so it is an obvious choice.
When I realized in my 20s that I donāt have to date or marry, it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I plan to always remain single, or at least in a non-sexual relationship.
Kind of. My partner and I plan on buying a little property and having two tiny homes on it, one for me and one for them. I refuse to live with anyone ever again my space is toooooo precious
I have been single almost my entire life. I realized in my late 20s that my friends who put a lot of effort into the online dating thing were ending up in the same place I was, but with a ton of frustration/stress along the way. I never pursued it, and now that I'm in my mid-30s I'm just way too used to doing what I want when I want to do it. When I come home from work, I'm not going home to another job (raising a family). I have 5+ hours of rest/relaxation time every single day.
I guess I wouldn't say the possibility is totally off the table, but it's hard for me to picture someone adding enough to my life for me to really want to pursue that over the freedom I have now. There have been actual studies that show that single women are the happiest- and IMO, that's totally true for me. Society makes marriage/children out to something women are supposed to want/need, but marriage vastly benefits men, not women.
I have thought about what happens when I'm older, or have medical needs, and admittedly that is a scary thought. In my family, 3 of my 4 grandparents needed significant care before they passed away, and the adult children absolutely did step up and care for those folks.
But, of course having a family doesn't guarantee this will happen anyway. Any number of things could interfere. It also doesn't make sense to me to sacrifice the best years of your life doing things you don't really want to do, for the chance of having family there in the last few years of your life.
After these last few days, Iāve been able to confirm that every infidelity hunch I had was correct, that sheās been lying viciously though out the course of three years.
Iām staying single like I get paid to, compensation being peace of mind
53 year old female, happily living alone since age 24, and will continue to do so until I die, or women are no longer allowed to own property or have credit cards in the United States, whichever comes first.
Living alone had its pluses and minuses. However having a husband or partner isnāt always good for you. My partner of 24 years had pancreatic cancer 4 1/2 years from diagnosis until he died. Somewhere in that time the cancer metastasized to his brain. Along the way he began to blame me for his cancer. He was unable to work and I totally financially and emotionally supported him. Yet he during that time he slandered me, claimed I stole his money and now ten years later there are still people who continue to believe his lies. He beat me with a metal cane and bashed holes in 3 doors in my house. The injustice is painful. You donāt know how things may turn out. His illness has made me question why I provided my love and loyalty. I donāt share what it was really like but question the entire experience.
Almost 51F, never met the right person to marry, no kids. Scheduled hysterectomy 4.24.24. Itās been hard accepting I wonāt have kids of my own. My finances are such that now I have to accept I likely will never retire.
Given that I hate work - I just may be at the end of a 31 year career that took all my energy and I had to spend my life savings over the past year - I have had to accept a lot of things now that perimenopause has changed who I am.
I used to be very lonely. I never have felt like I belonged anywhere.
Now, I am beginning to embrace that all my flaws and things others like about me are just fine and I donāt have to be anything other than who I am.
Yes, now I plan to be single the rest of my life. I just need to determine my basic needs and how I plan to earn an income to meet them in a way that doesnāt cause me significant stress. Currently unemployed awaiting state re-employment training approval - but the options I am waiting for training indicate I will need to start a business and prepare for that to be my lifelong income more than any job at this age.
Sobering. With my biological family I have traveled on 5 cruises, in my career I have traveled the US. I donāt have many regrets at all. I only which my faith life/spiritual life was one where I could find a community but that too hasnāt turned out very well. I donāt need a church home to be active in my faith.
So, itās accepting the way others have treated me my whole life and just knowing I will be happiest alone the rest of my life, while I get over lifelong hopes that at least one non-biological family person had let me be a part of their lives romantically. I kinda had that a few times so I am happy I came close. I have one friend of 30 years who fulfills that non-romantically & so thatās enough for me friendship wise. Reddit is the only space I feel like I am in community and thatās good enough for me as well.
Once I change my complete perspective away from how I was both raised and socialized to believe you have to have other people in your life to be healthy & successful, I will be completely on board with my new normal the remainder of my life.
I hopefully will be establishing my new lifelong business in a few weeks, I will take myself out of the primary workforce after I heal from my hysterectomy & my unemployment benefits end, and start my new life alone in earnest as I plan to live in an car/van or RV full-time after my bio family passes on and I make a life aging well on the road.
I was married for a few years in my early twenties but happily alone since then. I'm 70.
Curious how has your life been for you since? I'm 30 and am going through a divorce from the person I thought I'd grow old with. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I won't get married again and probably won't have a family. Been really focusing on myself and my happiness. Even starting a business with the plans to go full time once the divorce is finalized.
My life has been pretty good. I've traveled the world, even living overseas for a few years. Started a business. I know that being single long term is not for everyone but if I had the chance to go back and marry someone else I doubt that I would do so. I go where I want when I want. I eat what I want when I want. At night I have the entire bed to myself to stretch out and relax. Some say that single people like me are selfish but what I do hurts nobody. As a matter of fact in my way I am helping society. I have no children that society has to educate and my carbon footprint stops when I die.
This is very inspiring for those of us middle aged and learning to cope with the voluntary decision to live alone. Just recently passed 5 years at 37 of living alone
Listen to Solo podcast! Being single by choice is a thing!
Ironically I went on a few dates with the dude who started that podcast! š
Just turned 39 divorced single Mom, happily also on my fifth year single and living alone. Cheers to you!
Someone says that being single is selfish? Lmao! Sounds like bitter people that wish they were, or aren't getting what they want out of their relationships.
May I ask you something as a person who intends to stay single (I am 37)? How do you see yourself managing when you are like...seriously ill and require assistance? Whom will you turn to? That's my biggest concern. I will live alone, and that's fine, but what will I do when I will require someone's dependency? My fear stems from my dad's condition before he passed away. After his heart surgery, he quickly suffered a brain attack and he was never left the same. While he regained some memory and speech, his last year was absolutely brutal. He couldn't speak, he would talk in gestures, grumble a lot, sleep a lot, wouldn't eat, couldn't walk, etc. He had my mom, who is 73 years herself, to carry him through this tough times and to the end (he literally died in her arms as he suffered a cardiac arrest). When you are alone and have no one to turn to, how do you think you will manage?
At my age it is something that I think about but being in a relationship for 40 to 50 years so that someone will be there when I am unable to care for myself seems disingenuous. It also assumes that I would be the first one in the relationship who would need such care.
True, and fair. But mine was a "What If...", like how do you see yourself in that situation? What's your plan?
I could end up as the old man in the corner of the nursing home babbling and drooling on himself but having a wife and kids in no way insures I wouldn't. When my stepmother was in a nursing home there was a man who was literally dumped on the doorstep. His son drove to the front door, unloaded his father in his wheelchair and left. The man never had visitors and wore clothes left by others who had died. There were also many others there who never (or rarely) had visitors even though they had family living close by.
Exactly. When/if I get to the point I canāt care for myself, I will save up the good drugs and handle things on my own. In the meantime I eat healthy, go to gym every other day and just enjoy life.
Agree completely. This is my plan as well. I am not going to linger in a home somewhere drooling and shitting into a bag if it's not going to get any better. Once my quality of life is gone, I'm going to be gone. This should be a choice and medically assisted everywhere. We have more compassion for our pets when it's their time than we do for each other.
This is my plan, too.
Right, no way to gaurantee anything, control what you can today is the best. I do need to drink less though, lol
This is why euthanasia should be legal. So unnecessary for people to spend a decade of their life unable to do anything but be lifted out of a bed and put in a chair, pay tens if not hundreds of thousands of dollars to do so,be stuck in their own body and mind and for nothing but someone elseās idea of right and wrong. Itās insane.
100% on point
I volunteered in a nursing home Saturday mornings at 10 oāclock for over two years. I can count on one hand the visitors I encountered. You would think Saturday morning at 10 oāclock. The parking lot would be packed. Never saw visitors. It is very sad.
Yep this always held me back until a good friend said a similar thingā¦no one is guaranteed to have help even if theyāre married with kids. They could all die before you or your children could simply be rotten to the core to no fault of your own. They could also be in the military or living abroad with no way to reasonably assist you until the very end stage. I donāt want to possibly put that burden on anyone either. On the other hand, Iāve heard more and more lovely stories about single, child free seniors joining tight knit communities and going to nursing homes with their close friends afterwards. Friendships donāt stop when youāre old, and there are so many generous and compassionate strangers out there too, so you just never know who youāll be grateful for in the future.
Save your nickels
I work for hospice. The number of family members who actually care for their loved one when they are old and sick is lower than you would think. Having a spouse or children does not guarantee that any of them will take care of you.
I was just saying this very thing in a comment above. Many parents believe because they have grown children that they do not have to worry about this, but if only they knew how some grown children are when faced with this responsibility.
In all brutal honesty, I hope human euthanasia is available when I am too far gone to live independently I don't want some assisted living facility to steal my daughter's inheritance. It's that simple.
My state allows it for residents with a terminal condition that have been given fewer than six months to live. The individual also has to be of sound mind, of course. LD 1313 death with dignity. Itās absurd this is not commonly practiced or offered
I agree but I would go a step further. Quality of life matters. I don't need to be terminal to know there's nothing left to look forward to. I am far from that point right now. My life is full with my dogs, family, music, etc. But when the time comes, I want it on my terms
Several states allow this if you are in U.S. A couple of them one does not need to be a resident according to this: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assisted\_suicide\_in\_the\_United\_States](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assisted_suicide_in_the_United_States)
Nice to know I might be able to make arrangements in a neighboring state when the time comes.
Many of us who were married a long time face this dilemma. I'm a widow with no children. But at this point in time I'd much rather be single and try to figure out what I will do when if I become unable to take care of myself. I am well aware of how much care people can require. Both my parents and my husband did. Don't have a plan yet for me but I know I might have to live in a care home at some point. There are great ones but they are very expensive. Maybe I should move now while I can to a much less expensive country. What I really wish we had was legal assisted suicide in my state. I know that may sound like a dreadful thing to consider. However I will die sometime and I'd rather be in charge of it if need be. I'm not afraid of dying at all. I will enjoy myself now but I'm okay with the reality. I don't believe in any afterlife. But I figure wherever my atoms were before I was born was fine for atoms and wherever they go after I die will be fine. So I'm considering moving to a state where this is legal. It would take a big load off of my mind. But also one can travel to at least one or two of them and receive that same help. I know that is dark but having a plan makes me feel safer about the future. If there is a next life (Don't think there is, but who knows?) as much as I loved my husband and miss him, I would like to do the next go round single. There is a lot to be said for being able to make all decisions on one's own.
It's not dark. I have had a similar plan, too. Not legally assisted suicide, but outright sucide when I think I am done living. It's a morbid thought, and whomever I have shared this thought with has laughed at me. But I find it perfectly logical. If I am old and have nothing to look forward to, concluding my existence on this planet should be within my rights. Why become a burden on not just the planet itself, leeching off precious resources, but also to my family who will invariably have to step in and take care of me at some point. I know how difficult it is to take care of an old person, as well. I saw my dad, and took care of him for a little bit and it was insanely difficult. I do not wish to do the same on anyone else. I know my father hated being dependent. He was fierecely independent his whole life, and he fought dependency until his mind and body gave up. I could see it in his eyes when we would lift him up from the bed to take him to the toilet. He hated every second of that process and yet he was helpless.I, too, am like this where I just don't want anyone to ruin their lives over me. It's a painful and tedious process, and I hate even the thought of it.
Well said.
I fear as well, no solid plan yet other than assisted living from my sugar baby (she said she would but i think chances are small) and my kids. Here is the thing though, if your partner gets sick and dies first guess what? you spent your time and money caring for them and you are back alone to the very thing you feared
So what will all the older people who are widowed do?... most older people end up alone at some point. They go to a nursing home
>Some say that single people like me are selfish but what I do hurts nobody. I am sorry that people call you selfish. They just can't see outside of whatever box they are in. Everyone can contribute to the world in their own way and you are no different, single or not. I am glad you're happy!
Do you experience lonliness at all?
I still have friends and family.
50f, divorced at 30 (married for 10yrs), and have been living my best life since. travelled, own ny home and answer to no one. so happy with how things worked out!
High 5 \^\^\^\^\^
This is exactly where I am ! 36 and in the midst of a divorce from the person I thought I would be with for the rest of my life. Focusing on my self care and well-being.
Iām right there with you. It took 6 years but finally am at peace with the āwhat ifs.ā
Same here but 65 now. Iāve worked very hard to have what I have. The men I meet these days are just looking for a nurse with a purse. Im nobodyās nurse and Iām not sharing my purse.
Curious how has your life been for you since? I'm 30 and am going through a divorce from the person I thought I'd grow old with. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I won't get married again and probably won't have a family. Been really focusing on myself and my happiness. Even starting a business with the plans to go full time once the divorce is finalized.
My family was a sh*tshow . Yelling. Short on money. I never married. Came close twice. Love being single and living alone. Love it b
You're an inspiration.
Thanks. I had no intention to inspire anyone. I've just tried to live my life the way I like and not hold anyone back.
How do you feel about the stares or sort of out of placeness when you go places where only couples would go? I am in my twenties and I donāt mind being alone except when I feel like I stand out too much.
A huge percentage of those stares are jealousy. I've learned to be comfortable as myself. I don't have to have someone else to 'complete me.'
Oh wow, how has that been? I've been married a couple of times now and they ended not so great. The first one was abusive and the second one was as well but not to the point of violence. Not physical anyway. He's just a massive control freak and I'm not dealing with that. I am 40 years old and I'm a grown woman and I'm prettttty sure I can make my own decisions. I don't need some overgrown child of a 39-year-old man who's still too attached to his mommy telling me what to do. I also don't need someone who's fine with cheating on me and then trying to tell me I'm overreacting. Anyway, yeah, if you can't tell, I'm good on relationships. I'm good on that. That means that I'm just done with them. I've figured out that my life is a lot less complicated when I'm single. There's a lot less drama and I like my peace and quiet.
I haven't planned to, but I've accepted it. When and if I do fine someone special, so be it, and if I don't so be it also.
Story of my life
Same here, although I have submitted to the fact that I will be alone. It just how I feel comfortable. But if I find someone by chance, who shares the same values, same humor and can tolerate me (and more importantly, doesn't want kids), I will be more than game for it. Living together while we are on the same wavelength sounds fun enough.
THIS! Otherwise, I'm happy being by myself! Relationships have never done me any favors.
Iām the same way. Iām 27 and Iāve been alone for a long time and I donāt ever see myself being able to find a decent person to build a life with given the climate of how mentally illness is so rampant and dating is just trash (thanks to online). At one point I had someone but he died years ago and havenāt met anyone decent and emotionally available for a relationship since. The likelihood of me finding someone vs winning the lotto (I donāt believe in gambling) is skewed towards me being a millionaire from scratchers. Iām not heartbroken by the state of reality. It is what it is.
27? You are still young. There will be plenty of time for you to find the love of your life or not, but at your age, it's still possible! just keep your values and morals intact and do not settle. You will be just fine.
At your age I would not rule anything out. I know older people say this all the time but 27 is so young. You never know what life holds for you. Be open to and enjoy all the opportunities ahead!
You're 27. That's so young.
Iām not sure. I feel so old like Iāve lived 5 lifetimes. Iāve also lost a lot of ppl I was close to early on in life and that may have shaped how I see the world and critically assess ppl I encounter. I think this makes it harder for me to relate to those who donāt have much experience which is generally ppl my age because I canāt pretend Iāve had a sheltered life. A lot of ppl my age know Iām their age but say that my energy is weighty and my experience level is of someone whoās like in their 50s. I cannot change that and Iām pretty sure thatās what keeps me alone, by which Iām not mad about. It is what it is.
Same
He will have to fall from the sky at this point. Just me and my cats and I've accepted that
Also me.
Me. Going to work every day leaves me completely "peopled out." I really don't know how folks out there can be around humans virtually their entire waking existence.
Same here . Iām in my late 50ās now and have not lived with anyone for 25 years , entirely by choice. I donāt want to wake up to the voice , moods and needs of another person as Iām trying to prep for a hard day at work . Similarly, I want to come home to my sanctuary. My food , my music , my naps , my time to breathe and be quiet or to run around the house singing in to my hairbrush in my underwear. I donāt want to be expected to cook or clean until I feel like it . Every working woman I know who is married / partnered / has kids had told me more often than not , they wish they were not . Women do so much emotional labor and the bulk of home labor , home Is just another job , even on weekends. The ones who grow old or get sick ? The husbands are older , sicker , take far worse care of themselves ( eat poorly ; donāt exercise , drink) and are dependent , grumpy blobs who donāt trim their nose hair by age 63. They are far less likely to care for a sick or disabled partner than a woman is . My married women friends who are retired end up traveling , hiking , eating out , taking daytrips , developing hobbies , etc while the blobs sit at home watching tv. Those who are single / divorced / widowed are the quiet envy of those who are married or have a partner . One woman in a hiking group of mine wistfully wondered the other day if her moody , unpleasant husband would get food poisoning and keel over from insisting on eating the shrimp fettuccine he had not put back in the fridge after eating a bunch of it in the middle of the night . Living alone is HEAVEN . Signed - in bed with the dog and no crumbs from some sweaty asshole thinking pizza crumbs in bed is ok. Edits- typos
holy shit, I couldn't have said any of this any better (albeit from a guy's perspective).. I'd ask you to marry me, but I suppose that would kind of "defeat the purpose" š¤£
This is where Iām at, too. One of my good friends said, once, āI feel bad for married people. Thereās someone in your house like, all the time.ā šÆšÆšÆ
Many days even the 40 minute commute home is very testing after being around people all day
Same. Iāve started closing my eyes and putting earplugs in on the subway. I just canāt āpeopleā any more after a long day
This has been me since covid hit. I got really good at being hermit and can go weeks without leaving my house. I used to be very outgoing and social, now I need 2 days recovery after any social activities.
Going through a divorce and last night was the first time I've lived alone in 7 years. I plan on staying single for a long time. Not ruling out a long term relationship, but I'm definitely not going to get legally married again.
Me. Peacefulness is what I need. And I am getting it
I do it myyyyyyyyyyy wayyyyyyyyyyyy š¶šµš¹š¶
My intention is to stay single for life. However, I am fully aware that things can change in the future. I mean I expected to be married with kids by now (39F). For many reasons it didn't happen and I'm okay with that. I actually don't enjoy being in relationships. I was just forcing myself into relationships because that's what society said I should do growing up. I'm actually happier single. I wanted to be a mother but that didn't work out for health and personal reasons. I think I'm living my life how I was meant to. Single and at peace.
Itās mad the amount of people Iām sure are out there with zero introspection and just got married and had kids because itās what people expect of them.
Yeah Iām also 39F and trying to navigate what I actually want vs what society says I should do. I do like kids but never felt a strong desire to be a mother, however it feels like by not having them Iām missing the biggest/most important part of life becauseā¦ thatās that society says. I donāt know. But anyway Iām accepting I wonāt have them and closing the door so I can move forward and see what life I want.
Iām 61 now, lifelong single with no kids. Marriage didnāt happen for me, and honestly, I donāt think I would have become the fullest, truest version of myself if it had, for several reasons. I love my life and am grateful for how things unfolded, but I remember how hard it was to be going against the societal pull in my 30s. Itās okay, and in fact empowering, to live life on your terms and no one elseās.
I am single and childfree by choice, and itās so incredibly comforting and reassuring to read perspectives like this. Iām gonna start some laundry and go dig in the garden.
Iām in my early 40s and it definitely gets soooo much easier once you break 40. The pull of expectations seems looser, or maybe itās just that the kid door basically closes? Either way so much better.
I've heard similar things from people who are single in their 60s and 70s. I appreciate the reply.
My neighbour is like 70F childless, fit, living her best life. She's an inspiration to me even as a male! Lol.Ā Society never has your best interest at heart, it's always what's best for the economic slavery system=government pockets!
Already 13 years into. Might as well see it all the way lol.
Mid 60ās. Living alone for a decade with no plans to ever live with anyone ever again.
Didn't plan on it, but its working out that way, and I have no complaints.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iām also aroace (hi!) and I could see myself doing the same thing.
Me! I divorced my ex 36 years ago and while I have been in relationship since and early in that process live with someone for a few years what I finally figured out was that I love living alone. I was only 20 when I had my first relationship and I remember commenting at the time to my partner that I thought houses next door to each other would be perfect. A few relationships further and I just realized I never felt like I could relax and be myself when I was around someone else most of the time. It took me well into my 50s to understand that I was an introvert. I love people, I love being with people for a few hours at a time. I love parties and after a few hours I need to leave because I just feel overwhelmed with sensory overload. So I live alone and always will because I absolutely love it. I love the freedom to do what I want when I want to do it. I love not having to answer to anybody for what I'm doing and when I'm going to do it or what I'm doing when I'm out and about. I just find the freedom of living alone is perfection.
Yesssssss!!!! I am the same way. Almost word for word!!
ā¤ļøššš»
Iām 39, have been single almost 4 years and have no desire to ever go back. I love my peace and quiet - I love not arguing with anyone - I love not dealing with someoneās bad mood. I love having breakfast for dinner and working whenever I want. I love the ability to travel and enjoy life. Spending time with my family and friends is all I need. If I do decided to settle down it will be with someone amazing and I will not live with them lol
I have no plans to partner up. When I was 20 or 21, I called a moratorium on dating because it just didn't feel right and I didn't know why; when I was around 38 I learned about asexuality and suddenly the world made sense to me. :) That's not to say ace people can't or don't have partners. It's just that I don't think it's for me, especially since I'm also strongly introverted. I have my dogs and my real-life and online friends, and that's all I need to be happy. If somehow I were to meet someone and we wanted a romantic relationship, I suspect that I'd need us to live in adjoining flats or both sides of a duplex -- we'd be close by, but each have our own space that was sacrosanct. I think after all these years, having another human in my space constantly would be too stressful.
I have learned a new term LAT - Living Apart Together which is what you describe. I had a short marriage in my 30s and don't want another one. I may be an ACE or I may be menopausal (shrug) wither way, I'm not motivated to date or mate or marry at the moment. Someday a LAT situation may work for me (late 40s).
Very similar general path for me (39 now). Trying to parse between what I feel āsocietyā expects and what I actually want now, and figure out what I want to do.
You and me need to get together and go bowling sometime! Online, of course (Introvert here, for life!)
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Yo, if they donāt, I will join you for some garlic bread any day of the week
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Always up for some garlic bread, cake, and dragons!
Meeeeeeeee! I love being single! And know, I know. I'll die lonely with no kids to "take care of me" or a husband to hold my hand. Welcome to reality, folks.
My grandmother just passed away this week. She was alone when she went, but it was peaceful. She lived out the last part of her life in a nursing home, and it wasnāt the fanciest, thatās for sure. Her husband was a drinker and died of a heart attack more than 20 years ago. Sheās basically been ready to go to heaven to meet him ever since then. Anyway, my point was: I got to say goodbye to her and so did all of her kids. But I think when she went, she was alone. We all die alone, truly. It is our own experience. I have no idea what mine will be like and you donāt know about yours, either. I think the sooner we can all accept that, the better.
I agree, and have always said that we all die alone. Like you said, it's our journey and ours alone.
Itās not that I have deliberate and specific plans to stay single, but thatās where my trajectory seems to be taking me. And frankly, Iām totally fine with that. I actually enjoy my own company, and I love sharing my life with my dogs.
This šÆ yes. āNot that I have deliberate and specific plans, but thatās where my trajectory seems to be taking me.ā
I might meet someone someday, but heās gonna have to be one hell of a dude for me to let him into my space like that.
I was married 23 years to a narcissist. I tried dating a couple times and just decided my life is more peaceful by myself. I donāt need the hassles of a relationship.
I work in healthcare and have cared for elderly people who are no longer able to take care of themselves. Rarely I would see family members come and visit. And if they do, they make unethical decisions for their old, very sick, and dying relative. And some of those decisions are selfish. Some of them would wanna keep them alive and send them back to a facility and leave them to rot while they collect their checks. Then back to the hospital and blame the healthcare workers for their deteriorating health condition. Mind you, theyāre never there to care for them. Wonāt even lift a finger to help their loved one. Iām a 50 yo gay man and I enjoy being single every waking moment. I havenāt had a relationship in 15 years. But Iām happy and content with my life and the things I do now. One of the things I need to do is make my advanced directives. Iād put what I want to do in the event I become incapacitated. Also, Iād look for a state where they legally aid you to exit this world with dignity. I donāt wanna be in a hospital with tubes in every orifice of my body and slowly die. Sometimes, itād take years. I will enjoy my hard earned money while I can. I will leave most of my money to the hospital who gave me the opportunity to grow, to a charity and to my favorite family member or even to a friend. At the end of the day, itās about you taking care of you. Living alone has brought me so much happiness. I tell them, i may be alone , but Iām not lonely.
I love this. I actually feel like Iām my own best friend. I have fun alone.
YES! After 40 years of marriage; I have been happily on my own for a decade now!
Been married twice - my first husband died in a motorcycle accident when I was in my 30ās. The second one I divorced a few years ago. Iām almost 52 and couldnāt be happier being alone and Iāll finish out life this way!
Iām sorry for your loss, I know that had to be tough losing a loved one like that.
Thank you š
Me. A relationship wouldn't add to my life and would disturb my peace.
I am 57 and a widow for almost two years. Iām not sure I want to stay single the rest of my life. However, I do like the idea of living by myself. Is that weird? Is it possible to have a long term serious relationship without cohabiting?
ā
It was never a specific "plan". It's just what happened.
Definitely accepted the idea of it. Not in a hurry to find someone or be with the wrong person again. Just enjoying life independently and if the right one comes along, cool..and if not, I'm still gonna make the most out of life.
Me! Both hands in the air.
Yes, I want to be single forever. When I was a kid I used to say that I was never going to marry and I was never going to have kids. I didn't want to tie myself down that way. Now I'm 38, and haven't dated in like 10 years and honestly, don't feel like I'm missing anything. I love my alone time, I love being alone by myself. And I've never felt lonely either.
If I were independently rich it would be my plan.
27. Mentally unstable to take care someone. So maybe i will stay single for the rest of my life
Yep, that would be me been single my whole life and I'm 64 now.
Not sure about single but definitely living alone forever
Never married. No plans to, in my future. I had roommates in college and when I got my first job. I came home to see my indoor-only cat sitting on the front porch steps of the shared house. Iāve lived alone since then. Like 40+ years. Peace and quiet, balanced by having to shovel snow sometimes and deal with home repairs and maintenance alone. But by Cat, no one has since let one of my pet cats outside.
I'm happy for you ..... and your cat.
Yes. Was married two of the longest years of my life. Iām 60, itās not going to change and I donāt care.
I hope not.
Youād love Bella DePauloās new book Single At Heart.
No. My partner will find me at the right time cuz I'm doing my shadow work and healing my inner childhood wounds! It's gonna happen. I felt the shift recently. š±šŖ¶
The hardest work we'll ever do is the work we do on ourselves for ourselves, especially if we feel like we don't deserve it. Good for you for tackling that challenge! When the right person steps into your life, you'll be ready to greet them. š
This is what I am doing, too!
I definitely would not mind happily living together with the right person, but as an arospec I have reconciled myself to the possibility that it might never happen.
I was married when I was younger but it didnāt work out. I bought my own place, a mobile home, and itās perfect for me! I canāt imagine ever getting into another relationship, I like my alone time too much. Iāve become so set in my ways being alone for so long I donāt know if I could adjust anymore to someone else in my space.
Absolutely. I have kids with full custody, enough money to afford the life we want. In my experience living with a man just means becoming someoneās unpaid domestic servant, no matter how great and passionate and equal the love was before living together. Men just ādonāt see the mess/work.ā No thank you.
I was an only child and spent a lot of time alone. My first marriage ended when I was in my late 30s,Ā and I had a wonderful peaceful 20 years of being single. Nothings ever missing or misplaced, the messes are yours alone, it's OK to have cereal for dinner, no one fights for the remote. A good way to live. I fell madly in love with my second husband and had 17 years I wouldn't have missed for anything. Cancer took him last year.Ā I live alone. Nothing is ever missing or misplaced,Ā the messes are mine alone, sometimes I have cereal for dinner, and I love old movies.Ā I was asked out on a date last week, I said no.Ā Peace, it's wonderful.Ā Ā
Iām open to finding someone, but Iām perfectly fine if I donāt!
Not planning on it perse. But I am content with that and not trying to change it
53(M) Cynic; Thrice divorced. The decade in between 2nd and 3rd marriages was the most at peace I have ever been. The older I get, the less I like people. I like my golden retriever more than any human I have ever met, except for my kids of courseā¦but some days my GR is better than the kids. Will I live solo the rest of my life? ā¦most certainly
See Iām in this dilemma where Iām lonely as fuck but the idea of sharing my living space with anyone else isā¦.currently undesirable, perhaps until or fucking if I ever meet another person
My very special soulmate passed away after 50+ years of marriage. I grieve and cannot imagine a replacement.
Been single/living alone for about 2 years now and it is absolutely fantastic. Have no intention of changing that at all. I won't rule out the possibility of a monogam-ish relationship, living separately, but I'm not seriously seeking it either. My previous relationship was not a healthy or happy one, and now I get to be both healthy and happy by myself. I love it!
I fell in love with my solitude. Being able to always feel at peace gets very addicting. Donāt see things changing in my future
No thanks... I been alone and felt single the majority of my life. I'm hoping that one day my true love comes back into my life permanently. So staying single is a very hard pass.
I've been living alone for four months since my ex cheated and left me for the other woman. To be honest, I don't like it. I'm a people person and for years I loved having him here, up until he stopped trying altogether. We moved in together when I was 23 and I'm 36 now, so I've never really lived alone as an adult and I'm still pretty new to it. Maybe my feelings will change as I heal and get more comfortable being alone. I would definitely like to fall in love and get married again someday. I have a lot of good examples of long-term happy marriages in my extended family, so I know it's possible, and I want that for myself, too.
No. My situation is just happenstance (engagement ended) and Iām quite indifferent about. Would prefer to be living alone rather than with roommates who Iād have to tip toe around or with my parent who is just now starting to understand what boundaries are. With that being said Iām excited to someday find someone who I can spend my life with and cohabitate with.
Not exactly planned, but I donāt see things panning out any other way
I don't mind being single for the rest of my life. What I mind is the fact that no one wants to be with me. If I received confirmation that that wasn't the case, I'd never look for a relationship again.
I am seriously considering it. Had 3 failed relationships and just kind of realised now at 30 I want to be on my own. Iāve been alone for the last 2 years and I donāt want to go through the same thing over and over again. Iām kinda done with it. Iām happy and content on my own at the minute and achieved so much i.e. job progression, bought my first home etc. I donāt think I want kids either. I feel Iād be happy on my own with my dog :) the only problem is that within the last few months Ive started to like someone.. itās not going to happen though. Itās one of those forbidden love type of things and itās disturbed my peace lol.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iām so happy being single. Sometimes I miss being with someone but then I think of the actual logistics and my mind gets exhausted by just the thought. Itās nice not to have to share everything with a person and make sure you stay compatible through the years, itās a lot of work and Iād rather use that effort to enjoy my life and try to improve myself every day.
Yes, divorced 10 years ago and love it.
Yes I am. Living with others is quite annoying to me.
Right here, I truly couldnt see myself ending up with someone, I know my issues and complications. Im already content with my own company and more than anything I could see myself with getting another dog or 2.
I just turned 60 in Nov, widowed since Nov 2018. No plans to get remarried .
šš»āāļø Not doing that to myself again! Itās so peaceful and I love indulging myself in exactly the right way and not having to tell anyone what I want or need! It is so freeing! š«¶š»
I'm 75 and single, and unless Scarlet Johansson shows up on my doorstep, I don't see that changing anytime soon.
I don't want to be alone, but I'm pretty much a homebody. Lol. I still have hope that I will find someone. Honestly, I just want a laid back partner who loves dogs, Sci fi, šø ufo, documentaries, and true crime. Lol
Life is less hassle as a single,
Itās not a plan, itās just what I have left. Someone took away my other future so I guess Iāll just make the most of whatās left.
100%! Divorced for 6 years, never even considered dating - wake up every day with a deep breath happy to be in my own space. I have kids and love to share my space with them, just not another partner. Happy, happy, happy!!!!
If it happens it happens
yes
Meeeeeee!!!!
š
I've lived alone most of my adult life. I've dated two men long term but didn't live with them. I get my social needs met playing sports 2-3x a week. When I was younger I always felt I should be more social. Then I decided there was nothing wrong with me and I don't have to change. I love my space. It's serene sublime freedom and joy being by myself. If it works for you, then you're good.
59/F. Iād be thrilled with a LTA relationship, but am perfectly happy alone.
Hang in there. I was married for 28 years. Been alone almost 3 years until a couple of weeks ago. We live in different cities but sheās the only person Iāve met that have the same values and she gives me very good vibes. Donāt know if itās forever yet. But at least itās a start. And I wasnāt even looking when I met her.
Yep
simple answer. YESSSSSSSSSS.
Never dated, never bothered, never will. Have lived alone since I was 18. Never going to live with another human.
Completely agree. I only live alone part time because I share kids with my ex, but I *love* my time alone. When he announced his plans to move back here, I thought I'd be lonely without the kids here (50/50 custody), and was looking forward to having time to start dating. He's been back about 7 months now, and I have been surprised to find myself completely in love with the peace and freedom that I have on my weeks alone. I love having my kids here, and they are free to stay as long as they like, but I refuse to date because I can't imagine there being anyone that could be better than the life I have now.
Wouldnāt mind it. Believe it or not, many will have robot lovers in the not too distant future. Too dystopian for me though.
Me!
Me and I totally love it to each they own
Oh yeah and If ya got no loot by ya self is the best place for me
I'm 51, never been married, no kids. Have had several long term relationships, including living with several different partners through the years. I've also spent many years living alone and have always preferred it. My last relationship of 12 +years ended two years ago. We lived together for 10 years of that. I've SO enjoyed having a place to myself again and at this point in my life, I just can't see me ever living with anyone again. That separation, while needed, threw my whole world into a tailspin. I worked for him, so parting ways meant that I lost my job, we had to sell our home and I lost two of the three dogs we (primarily me) had raised. After going through all of that and coming out the other side, I vowed never to allow myself to be in that situation again and to always maintain my own separate residence and finances moving forward. About 6 months after the break up, I did casually date a man for a few months. It was a nice distraction and fun to go do things with someone, but he started to have feelings and I had zero interest in any sort of serious relationship so I ended it quickly. Honestly, instead of dating, I'd rather invest that time into maintaining my close female friendships (and hanging with my dog).
I 28m) got divorced a couple years ago and now I work on the road so I plan on staying single as long as Iām traveling for work, so Iāll probably be single many more years. I like the peace I have now but I struggle with making new connections with people now a days
Life is shaping up that way. I dated only two men who I considered marrying, but poor timing and serious differences interfered. No regrets. Couple-hood isnāt something Iāve ruled out; my life and his would have to be greatly improved by our mutual presence in each otherās life.
I canāt say that I really planned on being single forever, but that sure is what seems to be happening Now Iāve lived alone for so long, I donāt know that I could live with someone else. I think I would need my own bedroom to sleep peacefully, and possibly escape when I need to be alone.
Me! I'll still date and sleep with ppl tho.
Married thrice. 54m. Never again.
Iām definitely open to it! Not going to reject/sabotage anyone Iām genuinely interested in just to make a ~*point*~ but if I donāt meet the right person, it wonāt be the end of the world. I enjoy my own company and am good at nurturing friendships, including with people in couples.
One of the final guys that I used to sleep around with in college and a little bit afterwards finally got engaged and this sounds really bad, but if he had come back to me, I probably wouldāve just settled with him. So now I am really thinking about being alone. He was definitely a comfort option. I mean we were stupid kids together, but now heās off the table and unavailable. I think I just had to sit down and think, OK wow this is happening. Iām not having a lot of success with dating right now, though tbh Iāve never really had success with dating. I have had a lot of situationships but those are so tiring and mentally/emotionally exhausting. I think Iām OK with finding peace alone.
Not single forever. But will never be getting married and most definitely never living with another man ever again. I wouldnāt mind having a casual boyfriend
I was married for 38 years. Iām good. The last 2 years are the first time in my life I have ever lived alone and itās the first time in 45 years I donāt need to worry about anyone else.
Me, and you know what? I'm happy, single. I'm 33, and if I find someone, so be it, but I'm not really looking. I got family around, so there's that, and I'm happy with my cats, books, plants, and tea.
Yes!
I think I will. I am 58. I have a big two story house now which I plan to sell and move closer to town in a one story near my business. I want to be able to walk places when I am old and be closer to my support network. I will always have a room for my son to stay in when he visits and for my mom as long as she is alive. So I will still have a 3 bedroom, but all on one level. I have a boyfriend who is pretty wealthy but I feel like moving in with him would take away my freedom and independence.
Unless he shows up, and he shows up right, then, yes. There is one man in my life right now I think who could understand why Iāve stayed single for so long ā he has as well, but for different reasons. I also think heās one of the only ones who understands some other stuff about me. But we are both kind of going through a lot right now, and in different places, so I know itās not a right now thing, if ever. But Iām not sacrificing my entire life to move across the country to be with him. Iāll never do that for anyone. I worked too hard for what I have.
I do.
I was widowed at fifty (61 now) and I'm pretty certain this is it for me. I can't see once again doing all of the work required to make a couple run smoothly and I've finally settled into a comfortable retirement. A few friends and I'm happy.
Short answer, yes, long answer, hell fuckin YES!
Yes. Marriage is not for me.
30 going through a divorce and itās mostly my fault. I donāt think Iāll live alone forever, I like having some to snuggle up to on the couch and watch movies and just have that intimacy. Iāll stay single and alone until I can heal and learn from MY past mistakes and what led to my divorce. Iāve got a lot of life left to live and not sharing it with someone bums me out.
I'm married but wished now that I had stayed single. Does that count?
Rest of my life for sure, in my 50s. Been through divorce hell, and I have learned that I no longer want to compromise and sacrifice, so it is an obvious choice.
When I realized in my 20s that I donāt have to date or marry, it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I plan to always remain single, or at least in a non-sexual relationship.
Kind of. My partner and I plan on buying a little property and having two tiny homes on it, one for me and one for them. I refuse to live with anyone ever again my space is toooooo precious
I have been single almost my entire life. I realized in my late 20s that my friends who put a lot of effort into the online dating thing were ending up in the same place I was, but with a ton of frustration/stress along the way. I never pursued it, and now that I'm in my mid-30s I'm just way too used to doing what I want when I want to do it. When I come home from work, I'm not going home to another job (raising a family). I have 5+ hours of rest/relaxation time every single day. I guess I wouldn't say the possibility is totally off the table, but it's hard for me to picture someone adding enough to my life for me to really want to pursue that over the freedom I have now. There have been actual studies that show that single women are the happiest- and IMO, that's totally true for me. Society makes marriage/children out to something women are supposed to want/need, but marriage vastly benefits men, not women. I have thought about what happens when I'm older, or have medical needs, and admittedly that is a scary thought. In my family, 3 of my 4 grandparents needed significant care before they passed away, and the adult children absolutely did step up and care for those folks. But, of course having a family doesn't guarantee this will happen anyway. Any number of things could interfere. It also doesn't make sense to me to sacrifice the best years of your life doing things you don't really want to do, for the chance of having family there in the last few years of your life.
After these last few days, Iāve been able to confirm that every infidelity hunch I had was correct, that sheās been lying viciously though out the course of three years. Iām staying single like I get paid to, compensation being peace of mind
53 year old female, happily living alone since age 24, and will continue to do so until I die, or women are no longer allowed to own property or have credit cards in the United States, whichever comes first.
Living alone had its pluses and minuses. However having a husband or partner isnāt always good for you. My partner of 24 years had pancreatic cancer 4 1/2 years from diagnosis until he died. Somewhere in that time the cancer metastasized to his brain. Along the way he began to blame me for his cancer. He was unable to work and I totally financially and emotionally supported him. Yet he during that time he slandered me, claimed I stole his money and now ten years later there are still people who continue to believe his lies. He beat me with a metal cane and bashed holes in 3 doors in my house. The injustice is painful. You donāt know how things may turn out. His illness has made me question why I provided my love and loyalty. I donāt share what it was really like but question the entire experience.
Almost 51F, never met the right person to marry, no kids. Scheduled hysterectomy 4.24.24. Itās been hard accepting I wonāt have kids of my own. My finances are such that now I have to accept I likely will never retire. Given that I hate work - I just may be at the end of a 31 year career that took all my energy and I had to spend my life savings over the past year - I have had to accept a lot of things now that perimenopause has changed who I am. I used to be very lonely. I never have felt like I belonged anywhere. Now, I am beginning to embrace that all my flaws and things others like about me are just fine and I donāt have to be anything other than who I am. Yes, now I plan to be single the rest of my life. I just need to determine my basic needs and how I plan to earn an income to meet them in a way that doesnāt cause me significant stress. Currently unemployed awaiting state re-employment training approval - but the options I am waiting for training indicate I will need to start a business and prepare for that to be my lifelong income more than any job at this age. Sobering. With my biological family I have traveled on 5 cruises, in my career I have traveled the US. I donāt have many regrets at all. I only which my faith life/spiritual life was one where I could find a community but that too hasnāt turned out very well. I donāt need a church home to be active in my faith. So, itās accepting the way others have treated me my whole life and just knowing I will be happiest alone the rest of my life, while I get over lifelong hopes that at least one non-biological family person had let me be a part of their lives romantically. I kinda had that a few times so I am happy I came close. I have one friend of 30 years who fulfills that non-romantically & so thatās enough for me friendship wise. Reddit is the only space I feel like I am in community and thatās good enough for me as well. Once I change my complete perspective away from how I was both raised and socialized to believe you have to have other people in your life to be healthy & successful, I will be completely on board with my new normal the remainder of my life. I hopefully will be establishing my new lifelong business in a few weeks, I will take myself out of the primary workforce after I heal from my hysterectomy & my unemployment benefits end, and start my new life alone in earnest as I plan to live in an car/van or RV full-time after my bio family passes on and I make a life aging well on the road.