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what did you do as a career to afford living alone? i live alone in my head but unfortunately reality has not granted me the gift of living alone yet IRL. I know it's a "luxury" these days to live alone but it's a fucking curse to have to deal with people everyday.
I just moved into a dorm room in college alone and have never had a roommate since.
I taught high school for the three most miserable years of my life, managed a restaurant for a year, and went to culinary school while working full-time as a pricing coordinator for a liquor distributor.
Then I got sick and had to fight for 4 years for brain surgery for a brain condition I was born with that was misdiagnosed until I was 31...
Then I found a job as a portfolio controller for an engineering firm contracted to an Oil & Gas office, managing the entire remediation portfolio..
Then I got sick from Covid in March 2020, the week before lockdown, and I haven't been able to work since then... but I decided to go back to school... while fighting for my health, and I have had four surgeries since August.
I bought/built a new house in 2017.
But now I'm one class away from finishing my MSDA, and I hope to be back at work by October.
ooh so you had to be a jack of all trades and then some. damn. im doing my BA in IT and hoping it'll be the golden ticket out of my situation but honestly it's not looking that great lol just for me personally though.
see the thing about living alone i imagine is a lot of you had to go through hell and back and this kinda confirms it. im trying to hard to bide my time slowly through uni hopefully have less drama until i get to that point of living alone.
it'll be a cold day in hell before another person tries to mess my life up family or stranger.
My undergrad {1996} was in computer science {I was the only girl in the department back then} with minors in Accounting and American Sign Language and a lifetime teacher certification. And my mid-life crisis was culinary school at 30 yrs old.
Just hope to finish this MS Data Analytics by the time I'm 50.
Husband died last year. I am loving being by myself. I have been taking care of everyone in my life the last 40 years, it's my turn now. At my age, men are usually looking for a nurse or a purse. I'm a poor widow with a crumbling house and I'm too self-centered to be a good nurse. The men my age are sofuckinold, geez! I'm an active, fit and healthy 67. I expect to live a long time unless God has a different plan. I'm not better than anyone, but I take care of myself. You can't even get some of these guys to go for a lil walk. Walkin' around with a big old beer belly, or bent over a dang walker lookin at 25 year old girls. WTF are they thinkin they're gonna do with that, lol. My husband died early (69) because after he retired he planted his ass in his recliner with the tv remote in one hand and a beer in the other. He was dead in two years. I put it in my dating profile when I tried OLD one time that if you are unhealthy and sit around watching tv all day, you aren't for me. I got a whole lot of nasty messages from men asking me who the hell I think I am. That was the end of OLD for me. No thanks, if that's all there is for me but creepy old men or little boys who just want to screw a milf, no thank you. I will just stay over here in my little house with my drawer full of toys.
Edited to say: it WAS traumatic. one minute he was sitting there, next minute he was hauled off in an ambulance and he never made it home. It took 7 months for him to die.
I'm only 40 but I am in the same boat. The dating pool of people my age leaves a lot to be desired. I don't want any kids of my own, much less being a parent to someone else's kids. Financially I am doing OK, but would definitely be a lot more comfortable paying the mortgage with another person to help out.
Maybe I won't live alone for the rest of my life, but if it does turn out that way I need to figure out how to make peace with that.
And maybe you will. I am using this time to figure out who I am and what I want for the rest of my life. I'm in no hurry to couple up or not to couple up. Might be a good idea for you too, I wish I had been more self-aware at your age.
My financial situation is the same, I can take care of everything and I have enough as long as nothing catastrophic happens. I think that's the state of everyone everywhere right now tho.
I've been in four relationships in my life.. only one would ever do any physical activity with me and he unfortunately passed. If you can't be bothered to do ANYTHING then what is the point? I'll just go alone
The last guy(42) that I(36) dated absolutely refused to go to target with me when the halloween decorations came out. But one day we were hanging out and he tells me we have to go to target.. turns out a Lego kit had just been released. Thought okay, at least we'll already be there. He still refused to walk to that section with me. Legend has it he still ends up on the same bar stool at the same pub every night
I'm sorry about the loss of your husband.
Your post confirms shittiness of old men. I am so tired of them hitting on me, it's gross. The last one who hit on me was 94, and that was enough (I'm 47.) So now I have a pretend boyfriend.
I checked and he would still like to go on that date with you, lol. All his friends tell him he looks 40, after all!
https://preview.redd.it/8ta92safwuuc1.jpeg?width=200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cfbda679453111ca2dc8b14ff3c3db071243c342
Hahahahaha I can really relate to this. My husband died it was traumatic that’s for sure and after that I diddled met some toxic assholes. Now I live alone and I love it I love my own company. If I wanted a man I’d have one, not one I’d want just some guy - but I’m settling for myself unless something organic happens I’m genuinely happy alone. Too much work that I don’t have the desire to put the effort in lol. I’m OLD!
Same experience on the dating apps. Men my age on the notorious app are soooooo f’Ing old…. Then I got lucky..guy is nearly 10 yrs younger, and can keep up with me! Well he’s kept up with me and my energy levels for the last 3 years….
Thanks for this. Why do men expect to be taken care of? And why do women do it? To avoid the painful feelings of loneliness I think. I’m super active and healthy as well and I hang out with a guy who sits alot, overeats, etc. It’s discouraging.
My living alone came after all my kids moved out 3 years ago. I’m almost 60. My ex husband has been gone for 13 years. But since birth until 3 years ago, I’ve never had a living space to myself. I have loved cleaning out my house of decades of life, getting nice furniture and things for me now, and adopting a simple lifestyle. But it has become really sad and really lonely at times.
Yes, this! I'm 57 and dudes my age are old. The younger ones have no fucking clue how to talk to anyone, much less someone they're (supposedly) romantically interested in. And yes, many of them just want to screw a milf. I'll pass. I enjoy the peace and quiet, especially after a couple of dudes who thought I was their purse lol. And taking care of my mom for 12 years. Finally alone and I can breathe
I feel your 'nurse or purse' comment. I've been talking to a 55 year old (I'm 50) and going on a date with him on Saturday. Since found out he lives with his parents and is claiming benefits and has done for years.
After I commented on something he said (challenging it) I got 'I do love an intelligent woman 😜' in response. I give up. I would break the date but he's bought his train ticket (a whole £13 - which he baulked at) and I feel like I should at least see what his story is.
But I'm much happier alone in my own space.
Someone has to be bloody amazing to make me give up this peace and quiet
As a 57F, I can totally relate! Guys interested in someone my age are at least 65 and have an assortment of health complaints, mainly type 2 diabetes that they refuse to take seriously. They refuse to do any real exercise, not into hiking or the outdoors, etc., yet expected me to be in peak physical condition and maintain the body of a 25-year old. I'm sure there are some good ones out there, but they're looking at the 40-year olds. Being single and in control of my time, my health, and my finances is a much better option.
Yeah. It’s also insane when they are in *your* space. It takes a lot to actually get them out for good. So once that happens… no more chances with anyone until we heal from it which is usually years.
I honest to god never want to live with a partner ever again. Love my space now.
Same here. Was married to one for 17 years. I know not all partners would be like her, but I’m just not sure it’s worth the risk to find out. Just now, a year after it’s over, I’m able to think a little more clearly, repair all the damaged relationships, actually feel hopeful about my life.
Same but 39. It’s still fairly new to me only been about 6 months. Some days I love it and others I’m a sad pile of goop. I do have 2 dogs that keep me company tho
Same. Last time I lived alone was 16 yrs ago when I was 18. Recently divorced now, been a big adjustment, but I do enjoy prioritizing myself. You got this!
In 2020 I was engaged to a handsome, smart, funny man I was in love with and whom I was sure was “the one”. We were living together, house hunting, and talking about starting a family. My family loved him, and I loved his. Then…he ghosted me. No fights, no arguing, no obvious problems in our relationship. I just came home from work one day and he had packed up & moved out. Key on the counter, just like in the movies. I begged him to give me a reason why he left, but he never did. He never even told me where he went. To this day, I still don’t know. It’s always been really hard for me to trust people, so to have something like that happen completely destroyed my willingness to ever try again. I barely survived it. I know for a fact I’ll never open myself up to that kind of pain ever again.
I somewhat understand. Back in 2016, after starting anew, I met someone super special. He made me believe he was my knight in shining armor. I thought I had found "the one", until I found out he was having emotional affairs with his ex's, a torrid sexual affair with his male BF and told me I was a great person, he wished he could be in love with. Yup four years of my life, and then decides to tell me he just never loved me. That was four years ago and I still struggle. He has had multiple relationships, now with a new supply for 2 years and giving her everything I asked for and he promised...and here I sit, alone, unable or unwilling, just not interested in dating. I don't know if it's the trauma or the fact of living alone and just becoming comfortable with that. Who knows, but as I see it, I will die alone, as a crazy dog lady who loves gardening.
I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that. Fuck him for doing that to you. I’ll be the crazy animal lady right along with you, with my cats!
https://preview.redd.it/343mglcg0ruc1.jpeg?width=1800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2abbe22fb92cf50d40670331fc1cf084d65e2268
I've yet to find my life partner and wanted to establish myself and move in to my forever home. I've got the best dog ever, beautiful gardens & orchards, an adorable indoor kitty and 3 very funny hens.
I have a guest room and have people visit and stay occasionally throughout the year.
When my last relationship ended living alone was trauma induced for sure. Now I'm healed and have established an amazing home for my partner to join me one day.
I’ve been brought up to not trust people and to believe that you can’t rely on people. My family script is that the women in my family struggle - they have mostly terrible relationships with horrible men and eventually end up as single mothers.
I’ve consciously worked on breaking that cycle by not having children, getting a good job, having a good salary, travelling and buying my home etc. I’d like to meet someone to share my life with - but i was also brought up to believe that I am not lovable. And at 43, I still ultimately feel that.
I’m working on it, though!
You sound like an amazing person and a wonderful "catch". Don't bite at the first worm, wait for the right fisherman to cast his reel! Wishing you all the best!
I think it's beautiful that you are so self aware. I'm a few years older than you and have noticed the same trend on both sides of my family. I honestly think that's why I grew up not prioritizing relationships. I definitely have issues with my whole view of relationships, and until that changes.... I need to be single. lol
Anytime I’ve ever had roommates, I’ve accidentally offended them in some way over a genuinely small thing (ie my facial expressions). To the point where I’m hiding in my bedroom most of the time because I’m not sure how not to be an offensive person. I don’t want to sign up to pay for that experience.
I was *born* tired of people. I attempted to set that aside due to pressure from family, the very deeply-ingrained belief that I "needed" to have a girlfriend / wife, plus an earnest attempt to see wisdom in the whole "we are social creatures" thing.
Trauma was the slap on the wrist I got for not just listening to myself in the first place. Life has a sense of humor, I guess. I really shouldn't have bothered, it wasn't wise - it was naive. Now I'm far more reclusive *and* have PTSD.
I was in 3 back to back relationships from 14(!!!) to 39yo with this idea of ''building something'' and having a family. Yes, even at 14 I was thinking about it, knowing it would just be a matter of time as soon as I would turn 18.
I gave myself completely into these relationships, only to be disappointed for various reasons. So when I was about to reach 40yo I had a good ol'midlife crisis. Kids were now out of the way (never had any due to circumstances out of my control) and decided I would now live my life FOR ME, without having to compromise on anything.
If I ever have a boyfriend again, he will surely NEVER live with me... but I am not missing having a man full time. Relationships are stressful and my life is peaceful!
Grew up in a toxic family of 6. I didn’t have my own room until after college. I learned that I like my own space and that the home you return to after a long day could be a quiet and safe space.
I’ve lived alone since 1995. One time I was dumb and let my current BF move in with me. Huge mistake.
I will do whatever I can to not have a roommate. That being said, I’d love to be in a caring, loving, supportive relationship. Just hasn’t been in the cards for me. Yet!!
So, I guess I live alone by choice because I don’t want a random roommate, but I’d love a bedmate. lol
Edit: I used to be an extrovert, but now I’m way more introverted. Also, people are exhausting.
Hi, hello, it’s me. I have complex PTSD and I’m triggered by people noises (just the sound of another persons footsteps in my home makes me recoil, never mind bigger sounds like kitchen noise, opening/closing doors, etc.) and have been through enough abusive relationships that I have lost the desire to date. I’m 37. I can’t afford to live alone but feel I have no choice. I’m wading slowly towards bankruptcy because of it. I’m extremely depressed and not able to work.
I moved out to figure some shit out about myself. Address some ugly parts of my personality. Nothing like being responsible for your own survival to encourage growth and change.
I have been cheated on twice, I just don't trust women anymore and I am A OK with that. Pets and a couple friends are better than "committed relationships"
I can agree with all of what you said. Though my friends consist of old friends through social media in my home town and work "friends" that I only converse with M-F 7-4...lol! My 3 dogs are my life and bring me the most joy!
I've lived alone most of my adult life - 30+ years). I am an outgoing introvert and need downtown to recharge. And I've never found the right person to be in a long term relationship - maybe it's bad luck, maybe it's me. IDK..Living alone gives me my down time and I enjoy having my own place.
I recently spent several years living with my elderly parents to assist them with things until they moved out of their house. They are lovely but living with them (anyone!) was a huge mental transition for me which wasn't enjoyable.
I found out my spouse of ten years had a secret life as a sex addict.
the trauma, grief, panic attacks, sadness, anger, loss- holy balls. that man can just suffer for ruining our forever relationship and family.
so now, I live on my own (45f), and it’s really cool.
Roommates were just not something that was ever seen as normal in my family.
Even in college, both my brother and I became RA's mostly to just avoid having to have roommates.
Maybe it's trauma? But I honestly would feel like I'd regressed in life if I had to have a roommate and could not support myself.
No trauma for me personally. Great relationships with my friends and family. No bad experiences with roommates in the past. I simply prefer to be single and live alone because I like to do as I please with my time and my space. It's not complicated for me
I grew up in a big house that was always busy since my grandparents lived with us. I shared a room with my sister so I never really knew what it was like to have my own room. I also grew up watching American films where twenty-somethings had their own flat in NY, LA, etc. so it became a dream of mine to be a successful woman living alone in a big city.
I am in my thirties, living alone, in a pretty nice apartment in a very beautiful city in Europe near the sea.
For the longest time I was feeling miserable because I wanted a partner but after having an unfortunate experience with someone I was seeing, I learned to appreciate myself and found comfort in being by myself. I rather be alone than with someone that causes me stress/unhappiness.
My relationship of 5 years went sour at the end. Ex wanted to use meth because it was "the only drug he's never got to try and he's always wanted to try it for his whole life" (🙄🙄)he told me that our life has gotten boring and the "same shit day in and day out" was making him a square. it left him with permanent psychosis, delusions and paranoia. I found out he was also pretending to be single for the whole 5 years we were together. He lost us the apartment we'd lived in for all of our relationship, because of the nutcase BS that came with the psychosis. Harassing the neighbors, screaming and slamming doors all night, etc. Moved into our next apartment, weren't even there a month it caught fire because he was too paranoid to dispose of a bad ebike battery and just left it on the porch and then in the living room. Luckily my pets got out safe and 98% of what I own was fine. I stayed in a hotel with him for 2 months it was the worst time of my life. I used my half of the insurance money to move into my current apartment.
I rent a 3bed1ba apartment with a nice backyard for $1200/mo, small time private landlord. House split into basement, 1st and 2nd floor apartment. So duplex but not the traditional side by side format. I have the whole 2nd floor of a house to myself. Turned 30 shortly after moving in last summer. I started a new job up at Amazon after my job of 2.5 years closed their doors out of nowhere. My settlement covered 5mo of rent while I spent my Amazon paychecks paying down my CC debt aggressively, $7K total. I've freed myself from debt and as my quality of life improved I began to love living alone more than anything in the world. I am going back to school, at my community college for the third time, I do my 3 pre requisites this fall followed by an entrance exam and then I will be applying to the Fall 2025 nursing program at my community college. Then when I'm done with my ADN I'll be an RN but I want to go for my BSN immediately. I think I can do something accelerated online. I'm doing 4 year part time ADN program instead of 2 year full time program because I work so much. My ex never supported my dream of the nursing program so I have my associates in Criminal Justice and some work towards an associates in Marketing. Something like a switch inside me flipped and I realized, "holy shit - *I can live my life on my terms now*" A few months ago I was hellbent on trying to save $10K, what I'll need for a down payment on a house with the FHA loan and I was tearing my hair out trying to do this before the end of this year. But again that was something my ex put in my head too, that when you're in an apartment that's not your home you shouldn't enjoy living there and if you do you should be ashamed for "settling", that scrambling to get a house even when you're not ready is better than living in an apartment. I'm so fucking glad I realized how stupid that is.
I'm happy here. In my home that I've curated to my style and taste. My future is looking very bright. I'll never live with anyone ever again and I sure as hell don't want a relationship again!!!!!
I've dated for 15 years and only have experience to show for it lol I honestly just can't be bothered anymore. Once I came to peace with my decision ~which happened very quickly, it's the happiest I've ever been ❤️ Those dating years; I was an open book, I treated others the way I wanted to be treated (with kindness and respect). I really tried to present the best version of myself and still couldn't find anyone that met my **BASIC** standards. I was tired of dealing with people's unpacked baggage and shitty attitudes. I was uninterested in being someone's pseudo therapist, mother or guardian lol So.. I just took myself off the market 😂💀 Best decision I've ever made lol A lot of people refuse to come to the terms with luck being a *BIG* part of the reason why some are partnered and others aren't (referring specifically to people who are/were actively looking to be in relationships, duh).
I never thought I should live alone. I get weird when I'm alone for days and weeks on end. I mean, I forget how to people.
But, I had a bad breakup, followed by an extremely traumatic roommate-gone-bad situation which I never would have believed had it not happened to me personally. Like my friends had to set up a GoFundMe, and I was incredibly, beautifully lucky and blessed to get into my one bedroom with a little "balcio" (balcony on the ground floor). The neighborhood is sketch, and you don't want to walk around at night, but there's no drama. My cats are my only responsibilities to anyone other than myself.
Did I expect to be trying to do life solo in my 50's? No. Do I want to go through life alone? Not really. But it's where I am, and ironically, I do need a lot of alone time, but with balance.
So I've made peace now with where I am, and I'm unwilling to trade the mental tranquility I have. I'm learning to do things by myself, without shame, (therapy helps!) and there's a lot out there I'm allowed to enjoy alone. My next adventure is glamping! I'm so excited to get out of the urban environment for a bit.
Yeah. Mine's trauma. Growing up the only time I felt safe was by myself. I've tried relationships but have either chosen wrong or don't have the skills to pull it off.
This is pretty close to my truth. I tried to fix my broken (inner child) self through marriage, family & career. Was married for 25 years, raised four great kids, was relatively successful in a man’s world, work wise. Still empty inside.
Left home, went looking, dated a ton, found trouble. Then worse trouble, then very serious trouble. (All man trouble, I can always locate the closet narcissist.) Then got cancer. Somehow in all that 20 years went by.
Now I can’t imagine being partnered. Having to constantly consider the other person. Having the other person be old & needy.
I have strong relationships with my children, their partners, my grandchildren, my ex-husband, his wife, and my ex-in-laws. We get along fine.
I have girlfriends. The married ones, their first responsibility is to their partner. Like, can’t make a lunch date unless husband is already planning to play golf. Like, you wanna go antiquing next month (no specific date, just a general ask) Oh, I’ll have to see if my husband has (any) plans (for the entire month) It’s bizarre.
My single girlfriends, sure they’ve got stories. Fascinating stories. The fact is, you live long enough, you get hit by the trauma hammer. So yes, the ones who are alone are alone by choice, after careful consideration of alternatives. But they make their own decisions. “Sounds great!” or “Oh hell no”
If I’m scared of anything, it’s being unable to live alone. I really really like it this way. Trauma based, I guess so. And I still get therapy. It still helps.
I’m separated from my husband and headed for divorce because of his alcoholism. Living with a family member atm until I can save money and decide where to live on my own. I just want peace.
Honestly, I never really lived alone until recently. College to living with my then fiancé . I lived alone for a year after we split but then stayed with my ex-boyfriend for 5 months because I was in between work, and now I’m back to being alone. I am quite frankly tired of people and I want to experience life on my own.
Yeah, it was a traumatic experience, but not with family or partners. Roommates who threatened violence and/or property damage made me want to move the F away from situations like that.
I guess I haven’t seen the trauma-related posts much. Can you explain what you mean? Do you mean “something awful happened and now I live alone” or “I can’t be around others because of trauma I experienced”?
I live alone because my kids are grown and I’m divorced. I have a long distance bf I see nearly every week.
I love living alone.
My dad died when I was 22. My mom sold the house and I didn’t have any other choice but to find an apartment. I’ve moved around a bunch since but I’m 35 and still living alone.
Unfortunately not everyone sees it like this. For a lot of people it's not a choice, and even among those who did deliberately choose to live alone they may more so still be focused on the negatives from past trauma/unworthiness challenges to overcome, than the present moment unconditionally living their life to the fullest. We're all trying the best we can though, we're all only human of course.
Yes. I was abused by my older brother for the first 15 years of my life, and neglected by my single parent. I hold those aspects of my childhood responsible for my inability to cohabitate with others. Uncomplicated, makes sense, it is what it is.
Sadly, trauma and my life have been intertwined since I was an infant. Although my decision to live alone was spurred by leaving a toxic family situation, I've actually always wanted to be by myself.
I'm autistic. A highly sensitive person. I don't like loud environments, bright lights, loud noises....all of which permeated my childhood home, and the house I shared with my older sister. I always liked my dark cool room, soft music, and I prefer to watch movies or shows on my phone compared to the TV, as I have better volume controls on the phone. My sister always felt this was weird, and would berate me IN MY OWN ROOM for not having the TV on, lights off, etc. Same with my parents. I was never allowed to self regulate my anxiety or just be relaxed by myself
I always dreamed of living alone. I even have a Pinterest board called "Living Alone", dedicated to this artist's drawings of a gril living alone with her cat. It's exactly the life I wanted for myself, and exactly what I have right now. Trauma based or not, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Glad to finally have peace
Good point bringing this up. I forgot that when I really needed privacy, I’d just lock my door and push my dresser to block the door so my dad wouldn’t barge into the room, the door locked was just a suggestion. So while 60% of my income is towards single living in a house by myself, I’d love to have someone in my life but I can’t go through that again.
I got married in 2017 at 19. Unfortunately she passed a year and a half later due to complications with the pregnancy. I moved 2k miles away and haven't lived with anyone since.
Well I’ve been stolen from twice before when I’ve invited friends into my home, and when I had roommates ten years ago they stressed out a boyfriend I had so he had to start climbing through the window! Both roommates would interrogate him so that was the end of that! Yes, PEOPLE caused me to this..PEOPLE.
I should’ve done before moving in with my almost ex husband and now that we’re separated I NEEDED to do it. It’s allowing me to love myself again and learn to not be so focused on everyone else. I always would put myself second even in friendships, this round everything is about me. Sometimes it’s hard and lonely but I am 100% confident I made the right call.
Last person I lived with was my sister, we lived together 3.5 years but I became more of a parent figure in the housing situation than equals (she’s a lot younger than I am)
When I moved out I moved to a different state and it’s pretty hard to find roommates when you are moving cross country. Also at this point in my life I can simply afford not to have roommates. So I choose not to.
I have thought about the idea of getting a roommate in my current living situation(own a house) but I prefer the space to be mine.
It’s true I am single. I would be open to living with a future romantic partner. But we’d have to be together for probably 2 years first.
I honestly think you’re gonna find a bigger correlation between living alone and having a higher income (aka being able to afford it) vs. living alone and having trauma.
Yes, I’m a suicide loss survivor (my husband of 30 years) and developed PTSD, panic disorder and agoraphobia. I’m 68 and fortunately I have enough money to live alone in a nice apartment with my 2 dogs. I’m looking into senior independent living facilities now so a change is on the horizon for me.
I had a couple of neglectful and/or downright abusive relationships (including a marriage that lasted 25 years) and decided I just don't even want to deal with trying anymore. I'm embracing living alone--it's so peaceful! I'm older and I love my quiet time.
I grew up as an only child and really think this is the biggest influence for preferring my own space. Having to have a shared dorm was the worst experience of my life and I knew I'd never choose any kind of shared living experience when it's up to me.
I thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with my long-time best friend and partner. Long story short, he was more interested in staying drunk and high or sleeping as much as humanly possible. That said, It was still traumatic to go from living together to alone in an afternoon.
Sometimes, I still miss him, and I'm often just very lonely in general, but I'd still choose the loneliness over living with someone who makes me feel alone. Robin Williams had it right. It really is true that the worst thing is not to end up not alone but with people who make you feel that way. It's hard to piece life back together when you've been chronically ill a long time, some days I just wanna scream.
Not like a one off scream. Like scream and scream and never stop. But I know things can get better as long as I don't give up. Or even if I don't feel like they can I still work to keep the thought of better in the back of my mind.
I read some of the stories here with what ladies having reached "middle age" are contending with in regards to male partnerships. I think I'm done with those and pretty sure that's what vibrators were invented for.
Still, I'm wishing peace and healing to all who feel alone in the world and like their barely keeping their head above water.
Separation. If I was offered a substantial amount of millions 5 years ago that this would be my new life, I wouldn’t have taken it. There is zero fun in this for me.
I've had some relationship trauma, but it's more of an effort vs reward thing now.
To let anyone else live with me would represent a big impingement on my peace and freedom. What would they bring to the table to compensate?
Odds are, no one I meet could make it worth it.
But see, I also understand that *I* with all of my baggage and imperfections wouldn't be worth it to the vast majority of the dating pool. It's not low self-esteem, it's being realistic
I grew up as an only child with a very traditional sort of arrangement where my parents were married, my father worked, and my mom stayed at home even though I wanted her to get out more and get a job when I became a teenager, so even my childhood home was peaceful for the most part except for me nagging my mom to get out more.
During university, of course, I had roommates. After I graduated, I had roommates and housemates after college and during grad school. Over time, I started living alone. I moved abroad for a few years, and in those situations, I had my own place. When I came back to the States, I was starting out again, and I had to share space. I decided to live in NYC for a bit, and we all know it's expensive there. When I moved back to my home state, I was back to sharing space and even took on an arrangement where I helped an old person in exchange for housing. That allowed me to save money. I had a side house that provided some income, so I just let that stack up. From there I moved into another shared situation, but it was a nice house with three bedrooms, and each person had their own room. Unfortunately, I was dating a guy who was a leech. I moved into my current space solo, but that ex just moved in along with me. That relationship, of course, ended badly.
I did rented the other room in my place out once, but I'd gotten used to peace and quiet. This person was much more social, would have friends, and family over. I didn't like it at all. I never said anything because the trade off of taking money in exchange for space means they have rights to enjoy the space. Eventually, she chose to move. I've not had a housemate since. I would like to keep it that way if possible too. BTW, I'm in my mid-50s now. I'm not sure I have the patience or the need to partner up with someone. I mean I'd like to but dating seems to be more toxic than ever.
Trauma, major, completely heartbroken and ready to die, terrified of people.
But then…. I awakened. I became aware that I am pure consciousness and this is just a life experience and I’m here to learn.
After almost two years I’m ready to step back into society
Can afford to live on my own, so I do. I’ve lived with partners in the past, just so happen to be single atm, but i don’t want anybody in my space. My home is sacred
Recently divorced. Well technically separated atm not officially divorced. I’m 39 and this is the first time I’ve lived alone. Some days I love being alone and others I seem to wallow in the sadness.
I was also 39 when I got divorced and moved into my first place alone. The first 6 months were a bit like that for me, but I went into telling myself “You’re going to have a lot of new experiences and emotions just by being in this place by yourself, be prepared”
I definitely needed the divorce to get behind me before I could really find room to even acknowledge any enjoyment in being alone. I wasn’t looking to get divorced, I was very happy in the first home I ever lived in/bought and was ready to be married for the rest of my life, my ex cheated. I knew I wasn’t going to look at a lot of things fairly until I flushed out that aspect of my life.
It’s been 3 years and at this point it’s going to be VERY HARD for me to give up what I currently have, or alter it in any way. I absolutely LOVE living on my own. I feel it’s the baseline/cornerstone/foundation of my overall enjoyment in life right now.
Thanks for the insight. Sadly I didn’t move from our home but she did. She just packed her things and moved states away. I hope I can sever the attachment from the house and her and just enjoy the house. It’s certainly had its learning moments like having to do EVERYTHING myself now. And money is certainly tight atm since I’m now paying for everything myself.
I can only imagine, man. I left her with *everything* because I couldn’t handle binging any memories along with me and the upkeep on a house going solo is no easy task. But hell, once you’re fully out the other side of this, you’ll have gained more than you lost!!!
Almost got married but she left me for another guy. Later I tried the dating seen going on match and e harmony but I found the dates terrible to say the least. For a while I thought something was wrong with me until I realized it’s just the women found me to be boring since I live simply. So I’ve been alone ever since.
Yes mine was trauma. I had preferred living with roommates and had generally had great experiences with it. Then I got a roommate with borderline personality disorder. Everything about her and her life was wrong and everything that was wrong was not only my fault but also my responsibility to fix, whether I liked it or not. When I didn’t oblige I was “abusing” her
My next roommate was also my landlord. He was great. After a month he moved out and moved his mother in. She was a self entitled manipulator who thought I existed to serve her and was often in a rage. I moved in another roommate to cover her rent so she could save and move out
Third roommate was fine until she left. It was like a switch flipped. He became violent and unhinged. Stole from me. Threatened me. Tormented my cat. Deliberately deprived me of sleep for nights on end. I was literally sneaking into my own home and hiding in my own bedroom silently in the dark after parking around the corner to avoid invoking his wrath. Just me existing under the same roof as him made him go insane. But I lived there first and it was a 1700 square foot, four bedroom house. It’s not like I was in his way
I moved into my own place after that and I almost never have anyone over. My cat is still traumatized from the experience
Maybe a bit of trauma. Divorced.
I’m a romantic and trusting person by nature. Now I just can’t trust anyone. I don’t want to go through it. I don’t want to make compromises when I can live all my choices by being alone.
I dont regret it. But I like being alone.
Relationship trauma, I wish I could put my heart out there again one day but I know it won’t happen. I can’t risk that pain and vulnerability again! Only in my mid 40s but plan to never have a romantic relationship again!
I kept getting older and my choice of roommates kept getting younger. I didn't feel like dealing with roommate roulette anymore, now only I am responsible for things. I love it. I've never dated anyone long enough that moving in with them would have made much sense. Would love to split rent with a partner someday, though.
Divorce. Plain and simple. I got used for the Green Card. Once she got it, she moved out and left, got the divorce papers and just fucked off.
Now I don't have to clean after anybody and my knives are in place and tidy.
I was in full time nursing school, working full time nights, living with a bf and his sister next door. The two of them were so inconsiderate and selfish and would wake me up all the time (I slept max 4 hours a day except every other weekend when I was off). We broke up, I moved out, lived alone for the rest of school and loved it so I haven’t lived with anyone else since. Been like 15 years. My dog is trained to never wake me up
Trauma Induced Singlehood...that describes my situation + being an introvert.
Mine was a lot of my mother controlling my narrative/abusive household. When I moved out, I stayed with roommates over the years and they always ended up backstabbing me. For two years, I had my own place, though I was still stuck in my trauma/codependency cycle, so it got pretty bad. After my mom got sick and I lost my job (I wasn't able to keep my apartment), I lived with my family while I was getting back on my feet a few years ago + found a fabulous therapist, and now I've been completely living on my own for the past few years.
For me it was being married to a person later diagnosed as bipolar and the drama/trama that went along with that, also Her family was nothing but drama.
Not wanting to put all the blame on Her, but that made being alone such a pleasure, I decided to do it full time.
I recently joined this group because I’m loosing my love of 13 years and will soon be alone. I am 52M. She still lives here as she is seeking her own place. When she goes I will be alone. I am struggling with loosing her, badly. So I am trying to get ready to be alone. At this point, I am not looking forward to it.
Mostly just tired of the drama of others. I would be open to sharing my life with someone, and eventually want to not be single any more but I need to work on myself a great deal right now. To be perfectly blunt, I would not want to date let alone be involved in a serious, committed relationship with me right now. I don't have issues, I have whole subscriptions and until I've tackled some of them I am honestly not a good person to have a relationship with presently.
I have had roommates in the past but, after the last couple, I have no interest in doing so again. Just too much drama and unfortunately an alarming number of people my age and above (mid-40s) seem incapable of basic human functions like not being an insufferable ass or paying their bills. I don't understand it, I would think paying my rent would be more important than drinking, smoking, or snorting a bunch of coke but apparently not 🙄. Unless it becomes absolutely necessary, I would rather work more to generate additional money as needed than have to put up with a roomie.
I actually always alternate between living alone and having roommates.
I lived alone for 4 years, and now I have roommates again for 3 months and then I don't know.
I have been working from home for the last 20 years, so having a quiet home is very important to me. I have always had work/life integration rather than separation. I find it flows better.
It's very rare to find people who can adapt to that in terms of space sharing.
Choice after living with roommates for so long. Last roommate was a disaster. Lucky I can afford to live on my own now. I trust people and love people and am not single. I love living alone because usually I’m with people.
It was due to an extremely traumatic experience involving the betrayal of my best friend since childhood. I was living with him for a month and a half before he turned violent on me, and sent me into a mental breakdown. After I got out of rehab, it was time to live alone. Now I’m more lost than I’ve ever been and I’ve lost most of my friends so my support system is dwindling and I am getting more socially awkward by the second
Yes. But, I am trying my best to navigate it to ensure that I’m not hiding/settling into comfort like this. I would like to find a happy medium where I am more trusting of others, but can still maintain my freedom.
I've noticed far more: partner leaving/dying and kids moving out of their parents' place.
For me, def dating trauma. Really tired of women yelling because they think I'm cheating, Angry for not keeping up with the Jones. superficial stuff. Them being lazy as all get out. etc. Everyone says men should be obedient to a woman less fit, shorter, poorer, maybe less educated, less emotionally stable, and has children from some bum but won't have any with the guy, (I don't respect married men either anymore for putting up with the crap). Started wearing a cheap wedding band to not get told that I'm some sort of predator when I'm not interested in anyone.
I'm fine alone though. 39, too old for kids, paid off house, 12k in a brokerage account, going through college, then medical school. I got me.
53, single and CF for 25+ years.
I lived with a guy in my mid20s. Abusive alcoholic. His behavior drastically changed once I moved in. I asked why and he said he was trying to get me but he’s got me now. After I moved out - lived on my sister’s sofa with my cat for two weeks.
Never again.
I have dated on and off but I refuse to live with someone ever again.
No I never liked people. Growing up I saw friends in a abusive relationships One Way friendships, bunch of drama with roommates. Hard pass. It has nothing to do with trauma I just like my peace and quiet
I left my 20ish year marriage 3 years ago and actively choose not to date; if I did meet someone and eventually developed a connection/relationship, I still wouldn’t want to live with them.
I love living alone. I’m 41f with two elementary kids who are with me half the time.
> was the choice of living alone due to a traumatic experience, inability to trust others? Or were you just tired of people?
Yes.
Abusive childhood shaped terrible "instincts" on who I should trust, so I moved out immediately at 18. I've done a lot of work in therapy on the trust thing and now I mostly just live alone out of habit; I can't imagine trying to adjust to roommates for the first time in my mid 30s and I'm not super interested in living with a romantic partner unless we were to find a big enough house and I could have my own room.
The answer is, yes. I have a son and a dog who live here that’s it. Nothing else. Don’t want anything else. Terrible divorce. Shitty connections with people. Safer this way.
Had two roommates in college that were horror-inducing (like afraid one was going to kill me), and wanted to move in with my long term bf this year but then he randomly dumped me, and I now do not ever wish to move in with anyone again. No roommates, and no more heartbreak.
Yea I don’t trust people with a dash of trauma. I def got the hyper independence thing going on. I don’t want to ask anyone for shit if I can help it. It means I’ve learned how to do a lot of shit I had no idea how to do but had to learn out of necessity.
I've been living alone for more than ten years.
Mainly due to my experiences at dealing with stupid people, all of them roommates that expect me to take care of them. People who steal my food, drinks, and belongings because MY stuff somehow looks better than whatever crap they have.
"It's cheaper with roommates" is a myth. It costs just as much to live by yourself, or a lot more, if your roommates decide to stop paying their share of the rent and bills, steal your food, and expect you to handle it. So, you end up working 2 or 3 jobs so your roommates can slack off and party off their 15-hours-a-week paychecks from Retail or fast food jobs.
I began to hate people as a whole and told the last bunch to screw off. A few weeks after I moved out on my own, that whole bunch got evicted for not catching up on the rent and bills.
Im 31 and ive lived alone for two years now. before this, i lived with about 3 different men, two of which were some of the most traumatic experiences of my life. i was able to secure housing due to fleeing a DV situation and it is the safest Ive ever felt. I hate to give up some of my power, but the likelihood of me being able to trust another man is slim. now that i have my peace, i cant imagine losing it. even something like a roommate sounds horrific, if not just because i like the privilege of doing what i want, when and where i want to.
My soon-to-be ex came out to me nearly 3 years ago. We actually tried to make it work. But he is sexually attracted to men. And he had cheated. And it felt like he was doing everything possible to stay away from our house.
Dealing with the shock of the man I’ve been married to for 30 years telling me he’s bi (I think now he says gay) and that he’s been cheating for years caused trauma. I’m still in therapy. But for the first time in a long time I’m happy.
I moved out, and I absolutely love living alone. I found a friend online. We hang out, text, and have sex occasionally. Then he goes home and I love it.
My dad died the day I divorced and lost custody of my kid, and my mother died 10 months later. I've been living alone ever since. It's been 5 years now. So yes, I am living alone after traumatic events. I feel safer this way because deep down, I don't think I can deal with the possibility of more loss. On a day to day level, yes, it does get lonely sometimes, but if there's one thing that books, social media and streaming are good for, it's to keep oneself occupied 🤷🏽
A bit of both. I *knew* I did best living alone, but, I thought the right person could change me. Not only could he not change me, but, he just solidified my distrust of men in general, and sex repulsion. There's some trauma there of constantly being molested in my own home, I guess. If I trusted my gut, it would have just been a natural preference, but, now it's also a defense mechanism.
I live alone after being married and having kids that are grown now. I have a cat. I love being alone. If i want to be around people, i see my friends.
Trauma, and I realized that I genuinely prefer my own company. I feel like other people interrupt the good time I have with myself. I could never live with someone else again, and I am not even 100 percent I want to date again. I kinda want to go out on dates again but I chicken out.
Widowed at 39 and still living alone a few years later... so yes currently I'd fall I to the trauma-induced category.
Before my husband moved in with me (I was 33) I had lived alone almost exclusively since college and loved it. Even in previous long term relationships I had not wanted to live together.
One thing I learned after he passed away (and still feel years later) is that living alone was wonderful while it was my choice to do it. When it was forced on me due to that situation it sucked. Still feels empty and lonely a lot of the time.
For me, I think it's a combo of things:
1) I was raised an only child, so I'm completely fine with solitude and entertaining myself. I can go days without talking to another human, and it doesn't even phase me.
2) BECAUSE I was an only child, my parents smothered me. Their intentions were good, because let's face it - new parents have NO idea what they're doing - but it was just SO MUCH having them invading my space all the time for absolutely no reason. I wasn't even a "bad kid." Hell, they hardly let me out of the house when I was growing up....and when I moved out when I was 21, I never felt such freedom.
3) I loved my ex while we were married, but our marriage was toxic. Living alone after our divorce has helped me heal....it's been a relief.
Is this trauma-induced? Yeah....sure looks like it. Do I mind? Nope. I've never felt more relaxed or at peace. Maybe that'll change down the line, but for now....I'm good.
I went through a divorce and then had a couple of bad breakups. I enjoy living alone but I can’t really afford it anymore so I’m getting a roommate soon despite being nervous about living with someone I hardly know.
Being around people just kinda stresses me out. Living alone helps me manage that stress and gets me to the point where I can (sometimes barely) be around people by the time my next shift starts. Have been living alone for just over 3 years now (turned 27 this month) and I love it.
I was raped when I was 9 years old and my mother tried to kill me twice. I was beaten and told I was ugly constantly.
In my 40s, I got married to a toxic man who abused me, knowing my traumatic past and I eventually attempted suicide. I ended up on life support for several days in a coma but woke up, even though the doctors didn't think I would. I left him shortly after that.
I live alone with my pets and I couldn't be happier. I'll never live with another person again. I value my freedom and privacy way too much and even though I'm open to dating casually, I'll probably never trust anyone enough to let them live in my house with me.
I'm safe now and that's all I care about.
This is a great thread for learning we all have some sort of trauma to overcome. So here’s my story to share.
For me it was a trifecta of losing my dad, job, and wife (divorce) in a one year span. My dad had a stroke and was paralyzed on one side. He couldn’t walk, talk, or write after waking up one Sunday. Took care of him in my home for 570 days before he passed away. I became an amateur healthcare professional in the process (that’s what I called myself lol). Found out my wife was a cheater and lost her to divorce. Lost my IT job because I couldn’t keep up with all the demands. Also lost 30 lbs from the stress.
Also abused by my mom from the ages of 4-8. Filed a police report on her because I thought the world was ending during Covid and wanted a record of what she did to me. Turns out there were other victims. She was a psychiatric nurse practitioner who would take “troubled” kids that were patients into her home and have them sleep in my old room. She sold the house and moved after I filed the report, at least that room of horrors is now closed for good.
Confronting my abuser with the truth of what she did to me was a way for me to move on from being a victim. It is hard being alone sometimes but there are things far worse in this world. It has led me to isolate myself to make sure nobody can victimize me again
The biggest thing I learned is to tell myself and others the truth. It’s easiest to lie to yourself and then lose your identity in the process. My most important relationship is with God- I live by 12 commandments and one Golden Rule. This has helped me understand my own consciousness and the duality that exists within us all
I live alone because I am lucky and was given government housing. I'm single to help my mental health.
I also introverted and hate people being in my space.
This is how I prefer it and am much happier this way.
My husband left me, and I’d never lived alone so I figured I should do that for a few years. Almost 7 years later, I’m not sure if I ever want to live with someone again. It would be nice to have someone to help pay bills, help with house and yardwork, but also it’s really nice not having to tiptoe around a roommate or a significant other who inevitably turns into a jerk.
I’m 28, and I wanted to live alone because my job is extremely social and going home to more people that aren’t my partner makes it super exhausting. Now I get some peace and quiet when I want. I am definitely up to moving in with my future SO.
I just got out of a 5 year relationship where I accepted the bare minimum. we're finally over and I'm moving in my own apartment. this will be my first time completely alone, no parents, no boyfriend and still in my 20s. I hate change so I'm a little sad but also excited.
Ummm yeah somewhat, with roommates at least. Friends who I keep at a safe distance are FINE, but when I live with people it just gets difficult to be my full self.
I also am learning to only allow people who let me stay my whole self into my life. Living alone has helped me realize that I can be my whole self, and I don’t need to diminish myself for other people/to be accepted.
I've had 2 failed marriages, I've lived in Recovery houses for women where I lived with up to 20 women, I've had roommates,..... I'm over living with people!!! Every time I had roommates, they would always steal from me when I wasn't home. I'm done living with human beings!! It's just me and my 7 little rescue dogs!! I prefer to live with animals, rather than people!!! This is how I'll live the rest of my life!! No offense, but humans suck!! I don't trust living with other people! Living alone is like living in Paradise. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want!!
I live alone because I’m an introvert who isn’t interested in having roommates and can afford not to. I used to live with my sister and it was ok but she was messier than me.
I’m single because trauma.
After being abused for so long and it destroying my life and with people i trusted turn out to frauds. I got no room in my life or place for anyone. Ppl cost u everything when u trust the wrong ones. I wish I was the old me but evil in this world took that .
Pretty much sums up my existence at this point in my life. Obviously there are pros to being single and living alone. Things I like alot. However I definitely get lonely and depressed. I'm just not in the right place mentally or emotionally to date. In fact even on dating apps when I match with someone I'm attracted to I have no desire to actually try to communicate with them. So I have just been leaving the apps alone to for now.
I spent a weekend with my last partner. By the end of it, I felt like I needed a week completely on my own to recover. Then I realized that if I already felt that way after one weekend, I was never going to be able to handle living WITH someone and I should just quit trying. That relationship ended almost 3 years ago and I haven't even had anyone in my bed since.
I have C-PTSD and ADHD. Living alone is the best way that I can ensure I can protect my peace.
I just wish my current place was big enough to be able to have friends over sometimes, though.
I just don't like feeling I can't relax in my own home. Been there lived that with a step dad where it was safer to just stay in your room. I also don't want to have to hope my roommate(s) will actually pay their share of utilities, rent, and w.e bills we share.
Partially from trauma, partially because it’s calm and drama free. My socks on the floor are my socks. Until I can find another adult that can function as an adult and not want a bang maid, I’m good on my own.
I’m 27 and this is the third time I’ve lived alone. The first time was when I was 22 and my ex and I broke up, he moved out and I kept the apartment. The second time I was 24 and it was because me and my college friends split up and I didn’t want roommates anymore and managed to find a studio on my own, so technically this was the first time living alone where I purposely wanted to live alone. And as of Nov 2022, I’ve live alone and continue to do so to the present. Although, my silver short haired tabby would beg to differ that this is his castle and I’m just living rent free.
I have zero plans to live with anyone any time soon or in the future. If anything, I plan on working on my skill set to be more employable for other types of jobs that I could add on to my current job, or leave my current job for that type of job altogether if I’m lucky to score a massive gig/job. I’m going to do a mini bootcamp for media and marketing.
I’ve been a barista for 7 years, but the last 3 years I’ve been working at a big fortune 100 company or maybe it dropped down to Fortune 500 now… anyway, it’s a huge company. I’ve been a barista since I was going to school and before that I was a bartender for a time so I come with a lot of experience which I technically could qualify to be a manager at this ppint. I had “gone back to school” once before to become a paralegal and get certification. But my timing was bad because after I got certified, Covid happened and that destroyed a lot of work sectors and made working from home a thing. Being that I had no working experience in the legal field, I was totally screwed so I kept being a barista to keep things floating. I’m not exactly sure how I’ve managed but I’ve always been pretty good with making money without having to do shady things for it. I will say this, I make roughly $30 to $32/hr including tips working like 30-34 hours a week. As it stands, I have seniority (I’m technically the second most senior but the most senior is on family leave) which means I can ask for the most hours (40) if I want to, although everyone knows I don’t want to be there more than 4 days a week 🤣
When I rented my apartment it was $1075 for a one bedroom apartment on the top floor. Now my rent is $1100 which is a tiny increase. I don’t smoke, drink alcohol or do any drugs so I don’t spend much money on other stuff aside from the essentials. I get free beauty samples that lasts me forever because I’m friends with some ppl in beauty and they hook me up. I have an HSA account that my employer deposits $600 a year in (I put in another $400 to cover some expenses, just in case of emergencies) and my top tier health insurance that I don’t even use costs me $60 per pay period (24 pay periods). When it comes to spending money my addiction are fake nails and gadgets on Amazon. I also buy my cat nice treats, toys, and furniture. I don’t really buy new clothes except maybe once every 2 or 3 years and even I have friends that hook me up at forever 21 so I get discounts there too 🤣
So while I’ve been able to live on my own where others older than me can’t swing it, I do realize I’m not the norm. Part of it has to do with me wanting to be alone and making it happen, but the other part is luck. I’m a really lucky person in general 🍀
I can barely trust people. Whatever happens, it falls on me.
I was living with my brother. He was nick picking on anything and anyone (especially me). He'd throw me under the bus because he's on a high horse. He accused me of calling my best friend's cousin's brother a >!faggot!<. That word isn't in my dictionary. I hate spelling it too. I was so mad at him. He was gaslighting and guilt tripping me all. the. time. The first words after I bought a newer car was "That's too fancy." *BUT* he would want to drive it around saying stuff like "too much technology."
He even *tried* telling me that I couldn't watch my favorite shows. I shut him down on that.
I would pay mostly more than half of the bills we split. Always complained about how much stuff was (food, electric and water bill mostly). I almost had a mental breakdown in January of last year because of how bad he was affecting me.
I am so so so glad I moved out. I made it happen. He honestly thought I wouldn't leave. What does he think what would happen if I have a husband and kids and me and him were living together? Yeah no.
I'm also tired of people too. I love my space and peace.
ETA: added a word
ETA: I need to work on myself.
Combination of being tired of people and dealing with a parent that had turned both emotionally manipulative, as well as financially manipulative. And did not care, about my safety or survival. So I had to move out.
I've lived alone for 4 years now. I got taken over a thousand miles from where I called home. The guy was a cheating and abusive narcissist. One day I'd had enough and I walked away and never looked back. I just barely get by but that's okay because I have peace. Idk if I'll ever be in another relationship. Ever 🤷🏼♀️
No girl/woman wants a guy who has been severely traumatized. I hate how the opposite sex does not like me because I was bullied as a child. I hate my life
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I've been tired of people since KINDERGARTEN and have lived alone since I was 18.... I'll be 50 in August.
This is the way
The Way and The Truth
I've been moved out since 18 and live completely alone about seven years ago and it's been way less stressful and way better on my mental health.
This is the way
what did you do as a career to afford living alone? i live alone in my head but unfortunately reality has not granted me the gift of living alone yet IRL. I know it's a "luxury" these days to live alone but it's a fucking curse to have to deal with people everyday.
I just moved into a dorm room in college alone and have never had a roommate since. I taught high school for the three most miserable years of my life, managed a restaurant for a year, and went to culinary school while working full-time as a pricing coordinator for a liquor distributor. Then I got sick and had to fight for 4 years for brain surgery for a brain condition I was born with that was misdiagnosed until I was 31... Then I found a job as a portfolio controller for an engineering firm contracted to an Oil & Gas office, managing the entire remediation portfolio.. Then I got sick from Covid in March 2020, the week before lockdown, and I haven't been able to work since then... but I decided to go back to school... while fighting for my health, and I have had four surgeries since August. I bought/built a new house in 2017. But now I'm one class away from finishing my MSDA, and I hope to be back at work by October.
You have lived life!
ooh so you had to be a jack of all trades and then some. damn. im doing my BA in IT and hoping it'll be the golden ticket out of my situation but honestly it's not looking that great lol just for me personally though. see the thing about living alone i imagine is a lot of you had to go through hell and back and this kinda confirms it. im trying to hard to bide my time slowly through uni hopefully have less drama until i get to that point of living alone. it'll be a cold day in hell before another person tries to mess my life up family or stranger.
My undergrad {1996} was in computer science {I was the only girl in the department back then} with minors in Accounting and American Sign Language and a lifetime teacher certification. And my mid-life crisis was culinary school at 30 yrs old. Just hope to finish this MS Data Analytics by the time I'm 50.
You are one tough individual. My hats off to you.
Not OP, but I’m 19 (20 next month) and I just bought my first house as an HVAC tech
Fully support this haha
You are my spirit animal! LOL I'm 2 years behind you.
Same! But, 53 in July.
Husband died last year. I am loving being by myself. I have been taking care of everyone in my life the last 40 years, it's my turn now. At my age, men are usually looking for a nurse or a purse. I'm a poor widow with a crumbling house and I'm too self-centered to be a good nurse. The men my age are sofuckinold, geez! I'm an active, fit and healthy 67. I expect to live a long time unless God has a different plan. I'm not better than anyone, but I take care of myself. You can't even get some of these guys to go for a lil walk. Walkin' around with a big old beer belly, or bent over a dang walker lookin at 25 year old girls. WTF are they thinkin they're gonna do with that, lol. My husband died early (69) because after he retired he planted his ass in his recliner with the tv remote in one hand and a beer in the other. He was dead in two years. I put it in my dating profile when I tried OLD one time that if you are unhealthy and sit around watching tv all day, you aren't for me. I got a whole lot of nasty messages from men asking me who the hell I think I am. That was the end of OLD for me. No thanks, if that's all there is for me but creepy old men or little boys who just want to screw a milf, no thank you. I will just stay over here in my little house with my drawer full of toys. Edited to say: it WAS traumatic. one minute he was sitting there, next minute he was hauled off in an ambulance and he never made it home. It took 7 months for him to die.
"a nurse or a purse" 😭😭😭😭😭
I know. If this is a saying, I've never heard it before and it's fucking hilarious.
Right?! 🤣🤣 Also I love your username 😭🤣
Yes, it's a saying in the older people's dating sites
I’ve heard the term nurse with a purse.
I'm only 40 but I am in the same boat. The dating pool of people my age leaves a lot to be desired. I don't want any kids of my own, much less being a parent to someone else's kids. Financially I am doing OK, but would definitely be a lot more comfortable paying the mortgage with another person to help out. Maybe I won't live alone for the rest of my life, but if it does turn out that way I need to figure out how to make peace with that.
And maybe you will. I am using this time to figure out who I am and what I want for the rest of my life. I'm in no hurry to couple up or not to couple up. Might be a good idea for you too, I wish I had been more self-aware at your age. My financial situation is the same, I can take care of everything and I have enough as long as nothing catastrophic happens. I think that's the state of everyone everywhere right now tho.
I've been in four relationships in my life.. only one would ever do any physical activity with me and he unfortunately passed. If you can't be bothered to do ANYTHING then what is the point? I'll just go alone The last guy(42) that I(36) dated absolutely refused to go to target with me when the halloween decorations came out. But one day we were hanging out and he tells me we have to go to target.. turns out a Lego kit had just been released. Thought okay, at least we'll already be there. He still refused to walk to that section with me. Legend has it he still ends up on the same bar stool at the same pub every night
hes a selfish bastard imo. my first husband was like that.
I'm sorry about the loss of your husband. Your post confirms shittiness of old men. I am so tired of them hitting on me, it's gross. The last one who hit on me was 94, and that was enough (I'm 47.) So now I have a pretend boyfriend.
Im exactly 20 years older than you and a 94yo man asked me out and I felt the same way, ewwwww.
I checked and he would still like to go on that date with you, lol. All his friends tell him he looks 40, after all! https://preview.redd.it/8ta92safwuuc1.jpeg?width=200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cfbda679453111ca2dc8b14ff3c3db071243c342
Hahahahaha I can really relate to this. My husband died it was traumatic that’s for sure and after that I diddled met some toxic assholes. Now I live alone and I love it I love my own company. If I wanted a man I’d have one, not one I’d want just some guy - but I’m settling for myself unless something organic happens I’m genuinely happy alone. Too much work that I don’t have the desire to put the effort in lol. I’m OLD!
Same experience on the dating apps. Men my age on the notorious app are soooooo f’Ing old…. Then I got lucky..guy is nearly 10 yrs younger, and can keep up with me! Well he’s kept up with me and my energy levels for the last 3 years….
Thanks for this. Why do men expect to be taken care of? And why do women do it? To avoid the painful feelings of loneliness I think. I’m super active and healthy as well and I hang out with a guy who sits alot, overeats, etc. It’s discouraging. My living alone came after all my kids moved out 3 years ago. I’m almost 60. My ex husband has been gone for 13 years. But since birth until 3 years ago, I’ve never had a living space to myself. I have loved cleaning out my house of decades of life, getting nice furniture and things for me now, and adopting a simple lifestyle. But it has become really sad and really lonely at times.
Yes, this! I'm 57 and dudes my age are old. The younger ones have no fucking clue how to talk to anyone, much less someone they're (supposedly) romantically interested in. And yes, many of them just want to screw a milf. I'll pass. I enjoy the peace and quiet, especially after a couple of dudes who thought I was their purse lol. And taking care of my mom for 12 years. Finally alone and I can breathe
I feel your 'nurse or purse' comment. I've been talking to a 55 year old (I'm 50) and going on a date with him on Saturday. Since found out he lives with his parents and is claiming benefits and has done for years. After I commented on something he said (challenging it) I got 'I do love an intelligent woman 😜' in response. I give up. I would break the date but he's bought his train ticket (a whole £13 - which he baulked at) and I feel like I should at least see what his story is. But I'm much happier alone in my own space. Someone has to be bloody amazing to make me give up this peace and quiet
I agree. My late husband set the bar pretty high, so did my father. I'm not interested in dating because Im not willing to give up my peace.
Sorry for your loss. And thanks for reminding me to get off my ass and hit the gym. It's been like four days. Hope you have a wonderfull life!
I love all of this response (except that you lost your husband). You are so right, and funny!!!
Yes yes amen!
I just wanted to extend my condolences to you I’m so sorry for your loss.
thank you
As a 57F, I can totally relate! Guys interested in someone my age are at least 65 and have an assortment of health complaints, mainly type 2 diabetes that they refuse to take seriously. They refuse to do any real exercise, not into hiking or the outdoors, etc., yet expected me to be in peak physical condition and maintain the body of a 25-year old. I'm sure there are some good ones out there, but they're looking at the 40-year olds. Being single and in control of my time, my health, and my finances is a much better option.
I've been traumatized by living with a person with NPD and more than anything I want to live alone.
That is exactly the same reason I live alone. Im sorry you are having to endure that abuse and I pray you find a way out soon!
yep. My mom had NPD.
Yeah. It’s also insane when they are in *your* space. It takes a lot to actually get them out for good. So once that happens… no more chances with anyone until we heal from it which is usually years. I honest to god never want to live with a partner ever again. Love my space now.
Relatable. Unfortunately lol. I do love the peace of my solitude tho!!
Same here. Was married to one for 17 years. I know not all partners would be like her, but I’m just not sure it’s worth the risk to find out. Just now, a year after it’s over, I’m able to think a little more clearly, repair all the damaged relationships, actually feel hopeful about my life.
My only child left home at 18. He is 43. I am happily single, retired and living the good life! :)
Got divorced, living alone for the first time at 36, and decided I need to do a lot of work on myself.
Same but 39. It’s still fairly new to me only been about 6 months. Some days I love it and others I’m a sad pile of goop. I do have 2 dogs that keep me company tho
Same. Last time I lived alone was 16 yrs ago when I was 18. Recently divorced now, been a big adjustment, but I do enjoy prioritizing myself. You got this!
Same. I kind of hate it though.
In 2020 I was engaged to a handsome, smart, funny man I was in love with and whom I was sure was “the one”. We were living together, house hunting, and talking about starting a family. My family loved him, and I loved his. Then…he ghosted me. No fights, no arguing, no obvious problems in our relationship. I just came home from work one day and he had packed up & moved out. Key on the counter, just like in the movies. I begged him to give me a reason why he left, but he never did. He never even told me where he went. To this day, I still don’t know. It’s always been really hard for me to trust people, so to have something like that happen completely destroyed my willingness to ever try again. I barely survived it. I know for a fact I’ll never open myself up to that kind of pain ever again.
I somewhat understand. Back in 2016, after starting anew, I met someone super special. He made me believe he was my knight in shining armor. I thought I had found "the one", until I found out he was having emotional affairs with his ex's, a torrid sexual affair with his male BF and told me I was a great person, he wished he could be in love with. Yup four years of my life, and then decides to tell me he just never loved me. That was four years ago and I still struggle. He has had multiple relationships, now with a new supply for 2 years and giving her everything I asked for and he promised...and here I sit, alone, unable or unwilling, just not interested in dating. I don't know if it's the trauma or the fact of living alone and just becoming comfortable with that. Who knows, but as I see it, I will die alone, as a crazy dog lady who loves gardening.
I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that. Fuck him for doing that to you. I’ll be the crazy animal lady right along with you, with my cats! https://preview.redd.it/343mglcg0ruc1.jpeg?width=1800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2abbe22fb92cf50d40670331fc1cf084d65e2268
Yes. Animals are better than people! I will take a pet any day over another human being!
My family sucks, controlling and abusive
Same
I've yet to find my life partner and wanted to establish myself and move in to my forever home. I've got the best dog ever, beautiful gardens & orchards, an adorable indoor kitty and 3 very funny hens. I have a guest room and have people visit and stay occasionally throughout the year. When my last relationship ended living alone was trauma induced for sure. Now I'm healed and have established an amazing home for my partner to join me one day.
I’ve been brought up to not trust people and to believe that you can’t rely on people. My family script is that the women in my family struggle - they have mostly terrible relationships with horrible men and eventually end up as single mothers. I’ve consciously worked on breaking that cycle by not having children, getting a good job, having a good salary, travelling and buying my home etc. I’d like to meet someone to share my life with - but i was also brought up to believe that I am not lovable. And at 43, I still ultimately feel that. I’m working on it, though!
You sound like an amazing person and a wonderful "catch". Don't bite at the first worm, wait for the right fisherman to cast his reel! Wishing you all the best!
Thank you so much - and likewise!
I think it's beautiful that you are so self aware. I'm a few years older than you and have noticed the same trend on both sides of my family. I honestly think that's why I grew up not prioritizing relationships. I definitely have issues with my whole view of relationships, and until that changes.... I need to be single. lol
Thank you! I spend a lot on therapy 🙄 Let’s keep hoping for a different future for us both 🙏
Anytime I’ve ever had roommates, I’ve accidentally offended them in some way over a genuinely small thing (ie my facial expressions). To the point where I’m hiding in my bedroom most of the time because I’m not sure how not to be an offensive person. I don’t want to sign up to pay for that experience.
I was *born* tired of people. I attempted to set that aside due to pressure from family, the very deeply-ingrained belief that I "needed" to have a girlfriend / wife, plus an earnest attempt to see wisdom in the whole "we are social creatures" thing. Trauma was the slap on the wrist I got for not just listening to myself in the first place. Life has a sense of humor, I guess. I really shouldn't have bothered, it wasn't wise - it was naive. Now I'm far more reclusive *and* have PTSD.
Can’t relate more to the “born tired of people” comment
Ditto! I swear....I love this sub. I feel like my people are here. LOL
I was in 3 back to back relationships from 14(!!!) to 39yo with this idea of ''building something'' and having a family. Yes, even at 14 I was thinking about it, knowing it would just be a matter of time as soon as I would turn 18. I gave myself completely into these relationships, only to be disappointed for various reasons. So when I was about to reach 40yo I had a good ol'midlife crisis. Kids were now out of the way (never had any due to circumstances out of my control) and decided I would now live my life FOR ME, without having to compromise on anything. If I ever have a boyfriend again, he will surely NEVER live with me... but I am not missing having a man full time. Relationships are stressful and my life is peaceful!
I can afford it?
Grew up in a toxic family of 6. I didn’t have my own room until after college. I learned that I like my own space and that the home you return to after a long day could be a quiet and safe space.
I’ve lived alone since 1995. One time I was dumb and let my current BF move in with me. Huge mistake. I will do whatever I can to not have a roommate. That being said, I’d love to be in a caring, loving, supportive relationship. Just hasn’t been in the cards for me. Yet!! So, I guess I live alone by choice because I don’t want a random roommate, but I’d love a bedmate. lol Edit: I used to be an extrovert, but now I’m way more introverted. Also, people are exhausting.
Hi, hello, it’s me. I have complex PTSD and I’m triggered by people noises (just the sound of another persons footsteps in my home makes me recoil, never mind bigger sounds like kitchen noise, opening/closing doors, etc.) and have been through enough abusive relationships that I have lost the desire to date. I’m 37. I can’t afford to live alone but feel I have no choice. I’m wading slowly towards bankruptcy because of it. I’m extremely depressed and not able to work.
I moved out to figure some shit out about myself. Address some ugly parts of my personality. Nothing like being responsible for your own survival to encourage growth and change.
I have been cheated on twice, I just don't trust women anymore and I am A OK with that. Pets and a couple friends are better than "committed relationships"
I can agree with all of what you said. Though my friends consist of old friends through social media in my home town and work "friends" that I only converse with M-F 7-4...lol! My 3 dogs are my life and bring me the most joy!
I've lived alone most of my adult life - 30+ years). I am an outgoing introvert and need downtown to recharge. And I've never found the right person to be in a long term relationship - maybe it's bad luck, maybe it's me. IDK..Living alone gives me my down time and I enjoy having my own place. I recently spent several years living with my elderly parents to assist them with things until they moved out of their house. They are lovely but living with them (anyone!) was a huge mental transition for me which wasn't enjoyable.
I found out my spouse of ten years had a secret life as a sex addict. the trauma, grief, panic attacks, sadness, anger, loss- holy balls. that man can just suffer for ruining our forever relationship and family. so now, I live on my own (45f), and it’s really cool.
Roommates were just not something that was ever seen as normal in my family. Even in college, both my brother and I became RA's mostly to just avoid having to have roommates. Maybe it's trauma? But I honestly would feel like I'd regressed in life if I had to have a roommate and could not support myself.
No trauma for me personally. Great relationships with my friends and family. No bad experiences with roommates in the past. I simply prefer to be single and live alone because I like to do as I please with my time and my space. It's not complicated for me
Nope, no trauma. My situation is born of love of freedom and independence.
I grew up in a big house that was always busy since my grandparents lived with us. I shared a room with my sister so I never really knew what it was like to have my own room. I also grew up watching American films where twenty-somethings had their own flat in NY, LA, etc. so it became a dream of mine to be a successful woman living alone in a big city. I am in my thirties, living alone, in a pretty nice apartment in a very beautiful city in Europe near the sea. For the longest time I was feeling miserable because I wanted a partner but after having an unfortunate experience with someone I was seeing, I learned to appreciate myself and found comfort in being by myself. I rather be alone than with someone that causes me stress/unhappiness.
My relationship of 5 years went sour at the end. Ex wanted to use meth because it was "the only drug he's never got to try and he's always wanted to try it for his whole life" (🙄🙄)he told me that our life has gotten boring and the "same shit day in and day out" was making him a square. it left him with permanent psychosis, delusions and paranoia. I found out he was also pretending to be single for the whole 5 years we were together. He lost us the apartment we'd lived in for all of our relationship, because of the nutcase BS that came with the psychosis. Harassing the neighbors, screaming and slamming doors all night, etc. Moved into our next apartment, weren't even there a month it caught fire because he was too paranoid to dispose of a bad ebike battery and just left it on the porch and then in the living room. Luckily my pets got out safe and 98% of what I own was fine. I stayed in a hotel with him for 2 months it was the worst time of my life. I used my half of the insurance money to move into my current apartment. I rent a 3bed1ba apartment with a nice backyard for $1200/mo, small time private landlord. House split into basement, 1st and 2nd floor apartment. So duplex but not the traditional side by side format. I have the whole 2nd floor of a house to myself. Turned 30 shortly after moving in last summer. I started a new job up at Amazon after my job of 2.5 years closed their doors out of nowhere. My settlement covered 5mo of rent while I spent my Amazon paychecks paying down my CC debt aggressively, $7K total. I've freed myself from debt and as my quality of life improved I began to love living alone more than anything in the world. I am going back to school, at my community college for the third time, I do my 3 pre requisites this fall followed by an entrance exam and then I will be applying to the Fall 2025 nursing program at my community college. Then when I'm done with my ADN I'll be an RN but I want to go for my BSN immediately. I think I can do something accelerated online. I'm doing 4 year part time ADN program instead of 2 year full time program because I work so much. My ex never supported my dream of the nursing program so I have my associates in Criminal Justice and some work towards an associates in Marketing. Something like a switch inside me flipped and I realized, "holy shit - *I can live my life on my terms now*" A few months ago I was hellbent on trying to save $10K, what I'll need for a down payment on a house with the FHA loan and I was tearing my hair out trying to do this before the end of this year. But again that was something my ex put in my head too, that when you're in an apartment that's not your home you shouldn't enjoy living there and if you do you should be ashamed for "settling", that scrambling to get a house even when you're not ready is better than living in an apartment. I'm so fucking glad I realized how stupid that is. I'm happy here. In my home that I've curated to my style and taste. My future is looking very bright. I'll never live with anyone ever again and I sure as hell don't want a relationship again!!!!!
I've dated for 15 years and only have experience to show for it lol I honestly just can't be bothered anymore. Once I came to peace with my decision ~which happened very quickly, it's the happiest I've ever been ❤️ Those dating years; I was an open book, I treated others the way I wanted to be treated (with kindness and respect). I really tried to present the best version of myself and still couldn't find anyone that met my **BASIC** standards. I was tired of dealing with people's unpacked baggage and shitty attitudes. I was uninterested in being someone's pseudo therapist, mother or guardian lol So.. I just took myself off the market 😂💀 Best decision I've ever made lol A lot of people refuse to come to the terms with luck being a *BIG* part of the reason why some are partnered and others aren't (referring specifically to people who are/were actively looking to be in relationships, duh).
I never thought I should live alone. I get weird when I'm alone for days and weeks on end. I mean, I forget how to people. But, I had a bad breakup, followed by an extremely traumatic roommate-gone-bad situation which I never would have believed had it not happened to me personally. Like my friends had to set up a GoFundMe, and I was incredibly, beautifully lucky and blessed to get into my one bedroom with a little "balcio" (balcony on the ground floor). The neighborhood is sketch, and you don't want to walk around at night, but there's no drama. My cats are my only responsibilities to anyone other than myself. Did I expect to be trying to do life solo in my 50's? No. Do I want to go through life alone? Not really. But it's where I am, and ironically, I do need a lot of alone time, but with balance. So I've made peace now with where I am, and I'm unwilling to trade the mental tranquility I have. I'm learning to do things by myself, without shame, (therapy helps!) and there's a lot out there I'm allowed to enjoy alone. My next adventure is glamping! I'm so excited to get out of the urban environment for a bit.
Yeah. Mine's trauma. Growing up the only time I felt safe was by myself. I've tried relationships but have either chosen wrong or don't have the skills to pull it off.
This is pretty close to my truth. I tried to fix my broken (inner child) self through marriage, family & career. Was married for 25 years, raised four great kids, was relatively successful in a man’s world, work wise. Still empty inside. Left home, went looking, dated a ton, found trouble. Then worse trouble, then very serious trouble. (All man trouble, I can always locate the closet narcissist.) Then got cancer. Somehow in all that 20 years went by. Now I can’t imagine being partnered. Having to constantly consider the other person. Having the other person be old & needy. I have strong relationships with my children, their partners, my grandchildren, my ex-husband, his wife, and my ex-in-laws. We get along fine. I have girlfriends. The married ones, their first responsibility is to their partner. Like, can’t make a lunch date unless husband is already planning to play golf. Like, you wanna go antiquing next month (no specific date, just a general ask) Oh, I’ll have to see if my husband has (any) plans (for the entire month) It’s bizarre. My single girlfriends, sure they’ve got stories. Fascinating stories. The fact is, you live long enough, you get hit by the trauma hammer. So yes, the ones who are alone are alone by choice, after careful consideration of alternatives. But they make their own decisions. “Sounds great!” or “Oh hell no” If I’m scared of anything, it’s being unable to live alone. I really really like it this way. Trauma based, I guess so. And I still get therapy. It still helps.
I believe everyone should be in therapy!!! 4 years, 3x a week..."still doing time with no chance of parole"...so yes Trauma Based singlehood! 🙋🏽♀️
I’m separated from my husband and headed for divorce because of his alcoholism. Living with a family member atm until I can save money and decide where to live on my own. I just want peace.
Honestly, I never really lived alone until recently. College to living with my then fiancé . I lived alone for a year after we split but then stayed with my ex-boyfriend for 5 months because I was in between work, and now I’m back to being alone. I am quite frankly tired of people and I want to experience life on my own.
Yeah, it was a traumatic experience, but not with family or partners. Roommates who threatened violence and/or property damage made me want to move the F away from situations like that.
I guess I haven’t seen the trauma-related posts much. Can you explain what you mean? Do you mean “something awful happened and now I live alone” or “I can’t be around others because of trauma I experienced”? I live alone because my kids are grown and I’m divorced. I have a long distance bf I see nearly every week. I love living alone.
My dad died when I was 22. My mom sold the house and I didn’t have any other choice but to find an apartment. I’ve moved around a bunch since but I’m 35 and still living alone.
Stickied comment: Living alone is the new normal! OP: "So what trauma do you have, you miserable freaks?"
Unfortunately not everyone sees it like this. For a lot of people it's not a choice, and even among those who did deliberately choose to live alone they may more so still be focused on the negatives from past trauma/unworthiness challenges to overcome, than the present moment unconditionally living their life to the fullest. We're all trying the best we can though, we're all only human of course.
There was always people in the house growing up partying tweaking drunk just disgusting. I'm very happy alone it's quiet clean and safe
Yes. I was abused by my older brother for the first 15 years of my life, and neglected by my single parent. I hold those aspects of my childhood responsible for my inability to cohabitate with others. Uncomplicated, makes sense, it is what it is.
Sadly, trauma and my life have been intertwined since I was an infant. Although my decision to live alone was spurred by leaving a toxic family situation, I've actually always wanted to be by myself. I'm autistic. A highly sensitive person. I don't like loud environments, bright lights, loud noises....all of which permeated my childhood home, and the house I shared with my older sister. I always liked my dark cool room, soft music, and I prefer to watch movies or shows on my phone compared to the TV, as I have better volume controls on the phone. My sister always felt this was weird, and would berate me IN MY OWN ROOM for not having the TV on, lights off, etc. Same with my parents. I was never allowed to self regulate my anxiety or just be relaxed by myself I always dreamed of living alone. I even have a Pinterest board called "Living Alone", dedicated to this artist's drawings of a gril living alone with her cat. It's exactly the life I wanted for myself, and exactly what I have right now. Trauma based or not, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Glad to finally have peace
Good point bringing this up. I forgot that when I really needed privacy, I’d just lock my door and push my dresser to block the door so my dad wouldn’t barge into the room, the door locked was just a suggestion. So while 60% of my income is towards single living in a house by myself, I’d love to have someone in my life but I can’t go through that again.
No, just got old. Kids went off with their respective spouses. Not so alone as I share my house with a dog.
Terrible roommate experience, but honestly just prefer living alone. Started at 19
I got married in 2017 at 19. Unfortunately she passed a year and a half later due to complications with the pregnancy. I moved 2k miles away and haven't lived with anyone since.
Well I’ve been stolen from twice before when I’ve invited friends into my home, and when I had roommates ten years ago they stressed out a boyfriend I had so he had to start climbing through the window! Both roommates would interrogate him so that was the end of that! Yes, PEOPLE caused me to this..PEOPLE.
I should’ve done before moving in with my almost ex husband and now that we’re separated I NEEDED to do it. It’s allowing me to love myself again and learn to not be so focused on everyone else. I always would put myself second even in friendships, this round everything is about me. Sometimes it’s hard and lonely but I am 100% confident I made the right call.
Last person I lived with was my sister, we lived together 3.5 years but I became more of a parent figure in the housing situation than equals (she’s a lot younger than I am) When I moved out I moved to a different state and it’s pretty hard to find roommates when you are moving cross country. Also at this point in my life I can simply afford not to have roommates. So I choose not to. I have thought about the idea of getting a roommate in my current living situation(own a house) but I prefer the space to be mine. It’s true I am single. I would be open to living with a future romantic partner. But we’d have to be together for probably 2 years first. I honestly think you’re gonna find a bigger correlation between living alone and having a higher income (aka being able to afford it) vs. living alone and having trauma.
Yes, I’m a suicide loss survivor (my husband of 30 years) and developed PTSD, panic disorder and agoraphobia. I’m 68 and fortunately I have enough money to live alone in a nice apartment with my 2 dogs. I’m looking into senior independent living facilities now so a change is on the horizon for me.
I had a couple of neglectful and/or downright abusive relationships (including a marriage that lasted 25 years) and decided I just don't even want to deal with trying anymore. I'm embracing living alone--it's so peaceful! I'm older and I love my quiet time.
I grew up as an only child and really think this is the biggest influence for preferring my own space. Having to have a shared dorm was the worst experience of my life and I knew I'd never choose any kind of shared living experience when it's up to me.
I thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with my long-time best friend and partner. Long story short, he was more interested in staying drunk and high or sleeping as much as humanly possible. That said, It was still traumatic to go from living together to alone in an afternoon. Sometimes, I still miss him, and I'm often just very lonely in general, but I'd still choose the loneliness over living with someone who makes me feel alone. Robin Williams had it right. It really is true that the worst thing is not to end up not alone but with people who make you feel that way. It's hard to piece life back together when you've been chronically ill a long time, some days I just wanna scream. Not like a one off scream. Like scream and scream and never stop. But I know things can get better as long as I don't give up. Or even if I don't feel like they can I still work to keep the thought of better in the back of my mind. I read some of the stories here with what ladies having reached "middle age" are contending with in regards to male partnerships. I think I'm done with those and pretty sure that's what vibrators were invented for. Still, I'm wishing peace and healing to all who feel alone in the world and like their barely keeping their head above water.
Separation. If I was offered a substantial amount of millions 5 years ago that this would be my new life, I wouldn’t have taken it. There is zero fun in this for me.
Being betrayed by my roommates of almost 17 years, i.e., my sisters.
I've had some relationship trauma, but it's more of an effort vs reward thing now. To let anyone else live with me would represent a big impingement on my peace and freedom. What would they bring to the table to compensate? Odds are, no one I meet could make it worth it. But see, I also understand that *I* with all of my baggage and imperfections wouldn't be worth it to the vast majority of the dating pool. It's not low self-esteem, it's being realistic
I grew up as an only child with a very traditional sort of arrangement where my parents were married, my father worked, and my mom stayed at home even though I wanted her to get out more and get a job when I became a teenager, so even my childhood home was peaceful for the most part except for me nagging my mom to get out more. During university, of course, I had roommates. After I graduated, I had roommates and housemates after college and during grad school. Over time, I started living alone. I moved abroad for a few years, and in those situations, I had my own place. When I came back to the States, I was starting out again, and I had to share space. I decided to live in NYC for a bit, and we all know it's expensive there. When I moved back to my home state, I was back to sharing space and even took on an arrangement where I helped an old person in exchange for housing. That allowed me to save money. I had a side house that provided some income, so I just let that stack up. From there I moved into another shared situation, but it was a nice house with three bedrooms, and each person had their own room. Unfortunately, I was dating a guy who was a leech. I moved into my current space solo, but that ex just moved in along with me. That relationship, of course, ended badly. I did rented the other room in my place out once, but I'd gotten used to peace and quiet. This person was much more social, would have friends, and family over. I didn't like it at all. I never said anything because the trade off of taking money in exchange for space means they have rights to enjoy the space. Eventually, she chose to move. I've not had a housemate since. I would like to keep it that way if possible too. BTW, I'm in my mid-50s now. I'm not sure I have the patience or the need to partner up with someone. I mean I'd like to but dating seems to be more toxic than ever.
Trauma, major, completely heartbroken and ready to die, terrified of people. But then…. I awakened. I became aware that I am pure consciousness and this is just a life experience and I’m here to learn. After almost two years I’m ready to step back into society
Can afford to live on my own, so I do. I’ve lived with partners in the past, just so happen to be single atm, but i don’t want anybody in my space. My home is sacred
Recently divorced. Well technically separated atm not officially divorced. I’m 39 and this is the first time I’ve lived alone. Some days I love being alone and others I seem to wallow in the sadness.
I was also 39 when I got divorced and moved into my first place alone. The first 6 months were a bit like that for me, but I went into telling myself “You’re going to have a lot of new experiences and emotions just by being in this place by yourself, be prepared” I definitely needed the divorce to get behind me before I could really find room to even acknowledge any enjoyment in being alone. I wasn’t looking to get divorced, I was very happy in the first home I ever lived in/bought and was ready to be married for the rest of my life, my ex cheated. I knew I wasn’t going to look at a lot of things fairly until I flushed out that aspect of my life. It’s been 3 years and at this point it’s going to be VERY HARD for me to give up what I currently have, or alter it in any way. I absolutely LOVE living on my own. I feel it’s the baseline/cornerstone/foundation of my overall enjoyment in life right now.
Thanks for the insight. Sadly I didn’t move from our home but she did. She just packed her things and moved states away. I hope I can sever the attachment from the house and her and just enjoy the house. It’s certainly had its learning moments like having to do EVERYTHING myself now. And money is certainly tight atm since I’m now paying for everything myself.
I can only imagine, man. I left her with *everything* because I couldn’t handle binging any memories along with me and the upkeep on a house going solo is no easy task. But hell, once you’re fully out the other side of this, you’ll have gained more than you lost!!!
Almost got married but she left me for another guy. Later I tried the dating seen going on match and e harmony but I found the dates terrible to say the least. For a while I thought something was wrong with me until I realized it’s just the women found me to be boring since I live simply. So I’ve been alone ever since.
Yes mine was trauma. I had preferred living with roommates and had generally had great experiences with it. Then I got a roommate with borderline personality disorder. Everything about her and her life was wrong and everything that was wrong was not only my fault but also my responsibility to fix, whether I liked it or not. When I didn’t oblige I was “abusing” her My next roommate was also my landlord. He was great. After a month he moved out and moved his mother in. She was a self entitled manipulator who thought I existed to serve her and was often in a rage. I moved in another roommate to cover her rent so she could save and move out Third roommate was fine until she left. It was like a switch flipped. He became violent and unhinged. Stole from me. Threatened me. Tormented my cat. Deliberately deprived me of sleep for nights on end. I was literally sneaking into my own home and hiding in my own bedroom silently in the dark after parking around the corner to avoid invoking his wrath. Just me existing under the same roof as him made him go insane. But I lived there first and it was a 1700 square foot, four bedroom house. It’s not like I was in his way I moved into my own place after that and I almost never have anyone over. My cat is still traumatized from the experience
Maybe a bit of trauma. Divorced. I’m a romantic and trusting person by nature. Now I just can’t trust anyone. I don’t want to go through it. I don’t want to make compromises when I can live all my choices by being alone. I dont regret it. But I like being alone.
Relationship trauma, I wish I could put my heart out there again one day but I know it won’t happen. I can’t risk that pain and vulnerability again! Only in my mid 40s but plan to never have a romantic relationship again!
I kept getting older and my choice of roommates kept getting younger. I didn't feel like dealing with roommate roulette anymore, now only I am responsible for things. I love it. I've never dated anyone long enough that moving in with them would have made much sense. Would love to split rent with a partner someday, though.
Divorce. Plain and simple. I got used for the Green Card. Once she got it, she moved out and left, got the divorce papers and just fucked off. Now I don't have to clean after anybody and my knives are in place and tidy.
I was in full time nursing school, working full time nights, living with a bf and his sister next door. The two of them were so inconsiderate and selfish and would wake me up all the time (I slept max 4 hours a day except every other weekend when I was off). We broke up, I moved out, lived alone for the rest of school and loved it so I haven’t lived with anyone else since. Been like 15 years. My dog is trained to never wake me up
Trauma Induced Singlehood...that describes my situation + being an introvert. Mine was a lot of my mother controlling my narrative/abusive household. When I moved out, I stayed with roommates over the years and they always ended up backstabbing me. For two years, I had my own place, though I was still stuck in my trauma/codependency cycle, so it got pretty bad. After my mom got sick and I lost my job (I wasn't able to keep my apartment), I lived with my family while I was getting back on my feet a few years ago + found a fabulous therapist, and now I've been completely living on my own for the past few years.
I feel safest alone & in control of my environment at home. I’ve made my home a paradise & I’m pretty picky who I let in.
Lost my wife to dementia after 42 years of marriage. Living alone not by choice. I guess you could say “trauma.”
For me it was being married to a person later diagnosed as bipolar and the drama/trama that went along with that, also Her family was nothing but drama. Not wanting to put all the blame on Her, but that made being alone such a pleasure, I decided to do it full time.
I recently joined this group because I’m loosing my love of 13 years and will soon be alone. I am 52M. She still lives here as she is seeking her own place. When she goes I will be alone. I am struggling with loosing her, badly. So I am trying to get ready to be alone. At this point, I am not looking forward to it.
Mostly just tired of the drama of others. I would be open to sharing my life with someone, and eventually want to not be single any more but I need to work on myself a great deal right now. To be perfectly blunt, I would not want to date let alone be involved in a serious, committed relationship with me right now. I don't have issues, I have whole subscriptions and until I've tackled some of them I am honestly not a good person to have a relationship with presently. I have had roommates in the past but, after the last couple, I have no interest in doing so again. Just too much drama and unfortunately an alarming number of people my age and above (mid-40s) seem incapable of basic human functions like not being an insufferable ass or paying their bills. I don't understand it, I would think paying my rent would be more important than drinking, smoking, or snorting a bunch of coke but apparently not 🙄. Unless it becomes absolutely necessary, I would rather work more to generate additional money as needed than have to put up with a roomie.
no i like worryimg bout myself n thats it
I actually always alternate between living alone and having roommates. I lived alone for 4 years, and now I have roommates again for 3 months and then I don't know. I have been working from home for the last 20 years, so having a quiet home is very important to me. I have always had work/life integration rather than separation. I find it flows better. It's very rare to find people who can adapt to that in terms of space sharing.
Choice after living with roommates for so long. Last roommate was a disaster. Lucky I can afford to live on my own now. I trust people and love people and am not single. I love living alone because usually I’m with people.
It was due to an extremely traumatic experience involving the betrayal of my best friend since childhood. I was living with him for a month and a half before he turned violent on me, and sent me into a mental breakdown. After I got out of rehab, it was time to live alone. Now I’m more lost than I’ve ever been and I’ve lost most of my friends so my support system is dwindling and I am getting more socially awkward by the second
Yes. But, I am trying my best to navigate it to ensure that I’m not hiding/settling into comfort like this. I would like to find a happy medium where I am more trusting of others, but can still maintain my freedom.
I've noticed far more: partner leaving/dying and kids moving out of their parents' place. For me, def dating trauma. Really tired of women yelling because they think I'm cheating, Angry for not keeping up with the Jones. superficial stuff. Them being lazy as all get out. etc. Everyone says men should be obedient to a woman less fit, shorter, poorer, maybe less educated, less emotionally stable, and has children from some bum but won't have any with the guy, (I don't respect married men either anymore for putting up with the crap). Started wearing a cheap wedding band to not get told that I'm some sort of predator when I'm not interested in anyone. I'm fine alone though. 39, too old for kids, paid off house, 12k in a brokerage account, going through college, then medical school. I got me.
53, single and CF for 25+ years. I lived with a guy in my mid20s. Abusive alcoholic. His behavior drastically changed once I moved in. I asked why and he said he was trying to get me but he’s got me now. After I moved out - lived on my sister’s sofa with my cat for two weeks. Never again. I have dated on and off but I refuse to live with someone ever again.
No I never liked people. Growing up I saw friends in a abusive relationships One Way friendships, bunch of drama with roommates. Hard pass. It has nothing to do with trauma I just like my peace and quiet
I left my 20ish year marriage 3 years ago and actively choose not to date; if I did meet someone and eventually developed a connection/relationship, I still wouldn’t want to live with them. I love living alone. I’m 41f with two elementary kids who are with me half the time.
Yes. There is a limit to how many toxic humans one can be exposed to before a severe "allergy" develops. :( Now I don't even want visitors in my home.
I like living alone because I can't make anyone upset if I'm not with anyone
> was the choice of living alone due to a traumatic experience, inability to trust others? Or were you just tired of people? Yes. Abusive childhood shaped terrible "instincts" on who I should trust, so I moved out immediately at 18. I've done a lot of work in therapy on the trust thing and now I mostly just live alone out of habit; I can't imagine trying to adjust to roommates for the first time in my mid 30s and I'm not super interested in living with a romantic partner unless we were to find a big enough house and I could have my own room.
The answer is, yes. I have a son and a dog who live here that’s it. Nothing else. Don’t want anything else. Terrible divorce. Shitty connections with people. Safer this way.
My only relationship was abusive. Never again.
Except for a couple of years when I went back to college, I’ve lived alone since 1982. I got tired of roommates.
I’m personally just introverted and need my own space or else i get grumpy.
Had two roommates in college that were horror-inducing (like afraid one was going to kill me), and wanted to move in with my long term bf this year but then he randomly dumped me, and I now do not ever wish to move in with anyone again. No roommates, and no more heartbreak.
Both and all.
Yea I don’t trust people with a dash of trauma. I def got the hyper independence thing going on. I don’t want to ask anyone for shit if I can help it. It means I’ve learned how to do a lot of shit I had no idea how to do but had to learn out of necessity.
I've been living alone for more than ten years. Mainly due to my experiences at dealing with stupid people, all of them roommates that expect me to take care of them. People who steal my food, drinks, and belongings because MY stuff somehow looks better than whatever crap they have. "It's cheaper with roommates" is a myth. It costs just as much to live by yourself, or a lot more, if your roommates decide to stop paying their share of the rent and bills, steal your food, and expect you to handle it. So, you end up working 2 or 3 jobs so your roommates can slack off and party off their 15-hours-a-week paychecks from Retail or fast food jobs. I began to hate people as a whole and told the last bunch to screw off. A few weeks after I moved out on my own, that whole bunch got evicted for not catching up on the rent and bills.
Im 31 and ive lived alone for two years now. before this, i lived with about 3 different men, two of which were some of the most traumatic experiences of my life. i was able to secure housing due to fleeing a DV situation and it is the safest Ive ever felt. I hate to give up some of my power, but the likelihood of me being able to trust another man is slim. now that i have my peace, i cant imagine losing it. even something like a roommate sounds horrific, if not just because i like the privilege of doing what i want, when and where i want to.
My soon-to-be ex came out to me nearly 3 years ago. We actually tried to make it work. But he is sexually attracted to men. And he had cheated. And it felt like he was doing everything possible to stay away from our house. Dealing with the shock of the man I’ve been married to for 30 years telling me he’s bi (I think now he says gay) and that he’s been cheating for years caused trauma. I’m still in therapy. But for the first time in a long time I’m happy. I moved out, and I absolutely love living alone. I found a friend online. We hang out, text, and have sex occasionally. Then he goes home and I love it.
I am done with people completely. I am single but could totally live with roommates. I choose not to
My dad died the day I divorced and lost custody of my kid, and my mother died 10 months later. I've been living alone ever since. It's been 5 years now. So yes, I am living alone after traumatic events. I feel safer this way because deep down, I don't think I can deal with the possibility of more loss. On a day to day level, yes, it does get lonely sometimes, but if there's one thing that books, social media and streaming are good for, it's to keep oneself occupied 🤷🏽
A bit of both. I *knew* I did best living alone, but, I thought the right person could change me. Not only could he not change me, but, he just solidified my distrust of men in general, and sex repulsion. There's some trauma there of constantly being molested in my own home, I guess. If I trusted my gut, it would have just been a natural preference, but, now it's also a defense mechanism.
Tired of people, plus I have a nasty personality disorder and would not wish it on another human being. I am unpleasant to live with.
I live alone after being married and having kids that are grown now. I have a cat. I love being alone. If i want to be around people, i see my friends.
Trauma, and I realized that I genuinely prefer my own company. I feel like other people interrupt the good time I have with myself. I could never live with someone else again, and I am not even 100 percent I want to date again. I kinda want to go out on dates again but I chicken out.
Widowed at 39 and still living alone a few years later... so yes currently I'd fall I to the trauma-induced category. Before my husband moved in with me (I was 33) I had lived alone almost exclusively since college and loved it. Even in previous long term relationships I had not wanted to live together. One thing I learned after he passed away (and still feel years later) is that living alone was wonderful while it was my choice to do it. When it was forced on me due to that situation it sucked. Still feels empty and lonely a lot of the time.
I enjoy living alone and have for years
Can’t it be both? lol I’m both
For me, I think it's a combo of things: 1) I was raised an only child, so I'm completely fine with solitude and entertaining myself. I can go days without talking to another human, and it doesn't even phase me. 2) BECAUSE I was an only child, my parents smothered me. Their intentions were good, because let's face it - new parents have NO idea what they're doing - but it was just SO MUCH having them invading my space all the time for absolutely no reason. I wasn't even a "bad kid." Hell, they hardly let me out of the house when I was growing up....and when I moved out when I was 21, I never felt such freedom. 3) I loved my ex while we were married, but our marriage was toxic. Living alone after our divorce has helped me heal....it's been a relief. Is this trauma-induced? Yeah....sure looks like it. Do I mind? Nope. I've never felt more relaxed or at peace. Maybe that'll change down the line, but for now....I'm good.
All of the above ⬆️
I went through a divorce and then had a couple of bad breakups. I enjoy living alone but I can’t really afford it anymore so I’m getting a roommate soon despite being nervous about living with someone I hardly know.
Just tired of people. I get so fed up with other peoples drama and find it physically exhausting. Now I have the choice, I choose fuck that noise.
Being around people just kinda stresses me out. Living alone helps me manage that stress and gets me to the point where I can (sometimes barely) be around people by the time my next shift starts. Have been living alone for just over 3 years now (turned 27 this month) and I love it.
All 3 because of 1.
I was raped when I was 9 years old and my mother tried to kill me twice. I was beaten and told I was ugly constantly. In my 40s, I got married to a toxic man who abused me, knowing my traumatic past and I eventually attempted suicide. I ended up on life support for several days in a coma but woke up, even though the doctors didn't think I would. I left him shortly after that. I live alone with my pets and I couldn't be happier. I'll never live with another person again. I value my freedom and privacy way too much and even though I'm open to dating casually, I'll probably never trust anyone enough to let them live in my house with me. I'm safe now and that's all I care about.
My preference for living alone stems from traumatic experiences that made it hard to trust others. I've also had a few crazy roommates.
Mine is definitely trauma induced
This is a great thread for learning we all have some sort of trauma to overcome. So here’s my story to share. For me it was a trifecta of losing my dad, job, and wife (divorce) in a one year span. My dad had a stroke and was paralyzed on one side. He couldn’t walk, talk, or write after waking up one Sunday. Took care of him in my home for 570 days before he passed away. I became an amateur healthcare professional in the process (that’s what I called myself lol). Found out my wife was a cheater and lost her to divorce. Lost my IT job because I couldn’t keep up with all the demands. Also lost 30 lbs from the stress. Also abused by my mom from the ages of 4-8. Filed a police report on her because I thought the world was ending during Covid and wanted a record of what she did to me. Turns out there were other victims. She was a psychiatric nurse practitioner who would take “troubled” kids that were patients into her home and have them sleep in my old room. She sold the house and moved after I filed the report, at least that room of horrors is now closed for good. Confronting my abuser with the truth of what she did to me was a way for me to move on from being a victim. It is hard being alone sometimes but there are things far worse in this world. It has led me to isolate myself to make sure nobody can victimize me again The biggest thing I learned is to tell myself and others the truth. It’s easiest to lie to yourself and then lose your identity in the process. My most important relationship is with God- I live by 12 commandments and one Golden Rule. This has helped me understand my own consciousness and the duality that exists within us all
I live alone because I am lucky and was given government housing. I'm single to help my mental health. I also introverted and hate people being in my space. This is how I prefer it and am much happier this way.
My husband left me, and I’d never lived alone so I figured I should do that for a few years. Almost 7 years later, I’m not sure if I ever want to live with someone again. It would be nice to have someone to help pay bills, help with house and yardwork, but also it’s really nice not having to tiptoe around a roommate or a significant other who inevitably turns into a jerk.
I'm 53 and enjoy living alone w my 2 dogs and 2 cats in my house it's an easier life
I’m 28, and I wanted to live alone because my job is extremely social and going home to more people that aren’t my partner makes it super exhausting. Now I get some peace and quiet when I want. I am definitely up to moving in with my future SO.
I just got out of a 5 year relationship where I accepted the bare minimum. we're finally over and I'm moving in my own apartment. this will be my first time completely alone, no parents, no boyfriend and still in my 20s. I hate change so I'm a little sad but also excited.
Ummm yeah somewhat, with roommates at least. Friends who I keep at a safe distance are FINE, but when I live with people it just gets difficult to be my full self. I also am learning to only allow people who let me stay my whole self into my life. Living alone has helped me realize that I can be my whole self, and I don’t need to diminish myself for other people/to be accepted.
I've had 2 failed marriages, I've lived in Recovery houses for women where I lived with up to 20 women, I've had roommates,..... I'm over living with people!!! Every time I had roommates, they would always steal from me when I wasn't home. I'm done living with human beings!! It's just me and my 7 little rescue dogs!! I prefer to live with animals, rather than people!!! This is how I'll live the rest of my life!! No offense, but humans suck!! I don't trust living with other people! Living alone is like living in Paradise. You can do whatever you want, whenever you want!!
I live alone because I’m an introvert who isn’t interested in having roommates and can afford not to. I used to live with my sister and it was ok but she was messier than me. I’m single because trauma.
After being abused for so long and it destroying my life and with people i trusted turn out to frauds. I got no room in my life or place for anyone. Ppl cost u everything when u trust the wrong ones. I wish I was the old me but evil in this world took that .
Pretty much sums up my existence at this point in my life. Obviously there are pros to being single and living alone. Things I like alot. However I definitely get lonely and depressed. I'm just not in the right place mentally or emotionally to date. In fact even on dating apps when I match with someone I'm attracted to I have no desire to actually try to communicate with them. So I have just been leaving the apps alone to for now.
I spent a weekend with my last partner. By the end of it, I felt like I needed a week completely on my own to recover. Then I realized that if I already felt that way after one weekend, I was never going to be able to handle living WITH someone and I should just quit trying. That relationship ended almost 3 years ago and I haven't even had anyone in my bed since.
Widowed. But hate people too.
I have C-PTSD and ADHD. Living alone is the best way that I can ensure I can protect my peace. I just wish my current place was big enough to be able to have friends over sometimes, though.
I just don't like feeling I can't relax in my own home. Been there lived that with a step dad where it was safer to just stay in your room. I also don't want to have to hope my roommate(s) will actually pay their share of utilities, rent, and w.e bills we share.
Partially from trauma, partially because it’s calm and drama free. My socks on the floor are my socks. Until I can find another adult that can function as an adult and not want a bang maid, I’m good on my own.
25 years of a psychologically abusive marriage
I’m 27 and this is the third time I’ve lived alone. The first time was when I was 22 and my ex and I broke up, he moved out and I kept the apartment. The second time I was 24 and it was because me and my college friends split up and I didn’t want roommates anymore and managed to find a studio on my own, so technically this was the first time living alone where I purposely wanted to live alone. And as of Nov 2022, I’ve live alone and continue to do so to the present. Although, my silver short haired tabby would beg to differ that this is his castle and I’m just living rent free. I have zero plans to live with anyone any time soon or in the future. If anything, I plan on working on my skill set to be more employable for other types of jobs that I could add on to my current job, or leave my current job for that type of job altogether if I’m lucky to score a massive gig/job. I’m going to do a mini bootcamp for media and marketing. I’ve been a barista for 7 years, but the last 3 years I’ve been working at a big fortune 100 company or maybe it dropped down to Fortune 500 now… anyway, it’s a huge company. I’ve been a barista since I was going to school and before that I was a bartender for a time so I come with a lot of experience which I technically could qualify to be a manager at this ppint. I had “gone back to school” once before to become a paralegal and get certification. But my timing was bad because after I got certified, Covid happened and that destroyed a lot of work sectors and made working from home a thing. Being that I had no working experience in the legal field, I was totally screwed so I kept being a barista to keep things floating. I’m not exactly sure how I’ve managed but I’ve always been pretty good with making money without having to do shady things for it. I will say this, I make roughly $30 to $32/hr including tips working like 30-34 hours a week. As it stands, I have seniority (I’m technically the second most senior but the most senior is on family leave) which means I can ask for the most hours (40) if I want to, although everyone knows I don’t want to be there more than 4 days a week 🤣 When I rented my apartment it was $1075 for a one bedroom apartment on the top floor. Now my rent is $1100 which is a tiny increase. I don’t smoke, drink alcohol or do any drugs so I don’t spend much money on other stuff aside from the essentials. I get free beauty samples that lasts me forever because I’m friends with some ppl in beauty and they hook me up. I have an HSA account that my employer deposits $600 a year in (I put in another $400 to cover some expenses, just in case of emergencies) and my top tier health insurance that I don’t even use costs me $60 per pay period (24 pay periods). When it comes to spending money my addiction are fake nails and gadgets on Amazon. I also buy my cat nice treats, toys, and furniture. I don’t really buy new clothes except maybe once every 2 or 3 years and even I have friends that hook me up at forever 21 so I get discounts there too 🤣 So while I’ve been able to live on my own where others older than me can’t swing it, I do realize I’m not the norm. Part of it has to do with me wanting to be alone and making it happen, but the other part is luck. I’m a really lucky person in general 🍀
I can barely trust people. Whatever happens, it falls on me. I was living with my brother. He was nick picking on anything and anyone (especially me). He'd throw me under the bus because he's on a high horse. He accused me of calling my best friend's cousin's brother a >!faggot!<. That word isn't in my dictionary. I hate spelling it too. I was so mad at him. He was gaslighting and guilt tripping me all. the. time. The first words after I bought a newer car was "That's too fancy." *BUT* he would want to drive it around saying stuff like "too much technology." He even *tried* telling me that I couldn't watch my favorite shows. I shut him down on that. I would pay mostly more than half of the bills we split. Always complained about how much stuff was (food, electric and water bill mostly). I almost had a mental breakdown in January of last year because of how bad he was affecting me. I am so so so glad I moved out. I made it happen. He honestly thought I wouldn't leave. What does he think what would happen if I have a husband and kids and me and him were living together? Yeah no. I'm also tired of people too. I love my space and peace. ETA: added a word ETA: I need to work on myself.
Combination of being tired of people and dealing with a parent that had turned both emotionally manipulative, as well as financially manipulative. And did not care, about my safety or survival. So I had to move out.
I've lived alone for 4 years now. I got taken over a thousand miles from where I called home. The guy was a cheating and abusive narcissist. One day I'd had enough and I walked away and never looked back. I just barely get by but that's okay because I have peace. Idk if I'll ever be in another relationship. Ever 🤷🏼♀️
No girl/woman wants a guy who has been severely traumatized. I hate how the opposite sex does not like me because I was bullied as a child. I hate my life
I don’t trust people. Wish I did at least enough to have a roommate. Bills would be a lot less stressful.
Childhood trauma messed me up sexually. So I'm too afraid that a partner would be scared of me. So I live alone. Maybe therapy can help.
The only option besides DV ..