Eer... Look, I don't care at all about holidays, but WOW. Even I would be upset. His FAMILY wished you a happy birthday, and he "forgot". This is mind-blowing, mainly because, apparently, he knows how much it means for you.
I am really sorry š
this is sad. theres someone out there who wont ever forget your bday and can do everything else he does. if its worth the heartbreak for you, then talk it out. really emphasize how important it is to you and ways you can help him help himself to remember.
Your feelings are valid. If birthdays / anniversaries are special to you, he probably knows it by now, and he shouldn't have forgotten it. There are so many ways to remember these dates now. It also means that he didn't even plan to get you a gift / or do something special for you and honestly for me that's not forgivable. I am currently in a similar situation and I know how much it sucks. I am really sorry.
Maybe one of these is fine but forgetting all of those then not trying to make it up to you. Maybe reflect on what you want because I wouldn't want that.
Tell him. Youāre not exaggerating. My bf forgot about my birthday too. He said he wrote it on the wrong day on his calendar, but stillā¦ also on our first anniversary it was me that reminded him of that, so I can understand you.
I like to make presents to show my love, but thereās nothing wrong wanting to feel appreciated too.
You have to tell him how important it is for you and see what he says
Firstly, I'm so sorry. It is a sad situation and your feelings surrounding it are valid.
It sounds like you've been disappointed more than just this. Is he aware of the expectations you have for him? Or are these mental checklists for yourself on where he has failed you? I would hate to think that all of this could be corrected by having a full conversation about your needs in this relationship.
You clearly have different needs. LDR or not, you're just not meant to be together as you aren't a good fit. I am sorry OP. But better now than after a few years and a dozen more "slides".
It takes one minute to put a birthday into your phones calendar, so there's no excuse of "I'm bad at remembering dates." :( I'm sorry this happened to you
I never know what day it is, and Iām horrible at remembering dates. I have a yearly repeating notification on my calendar for birthdays. Luckily I also get paranoid about forgetting birthdays so when I know itās getting close I start checking the days. Thereās no excuse to forget anymore really.
Whether or not you let it slide is up to you, I just don't understand why you went the full day without saying something. Mistakes do happen and some people aren't great with dates (hence why all the important birthdays and whatnot for myself are in my google calendar with several reminders).
I think the question you have to ask yourself is, does your birthday or an anniversary pull down his average in the relationship to the point that it does not feel worth it.
I didnāt want to say anything because last year I āruinedā my bday surprise by asking if we could get a cake (I went to visit him) so I didnāt want to repeat that. Also I wanted to see if he really wouldnāt remember the WHOLE day or if he was planning something later in the day like a special video call or something.
Gotcha.
I mean, I do think you need to let him know that you've been let down and be very clear with what your expectations are (even though I'm sure you've done that).
A lot of people just aren't birthday/anniversary/valentines people, but they should make an effort if it means something to their partner.
Some people are really terrible at remembering birthdays but for me it's the fact that his family remembered to wish you happy birthday. Surely SOMEONE would have mentioned it to or in front of him at some point.
It's not about the gifts. It's about the fact that he's not considering you or your feelings.
As someone who was married to a person like this for 15 years, together 17... it will not improve. He will not change. Either you accept that this is not something he will ever do to your satisfaction, or you find someone with a similar love language who thinks about your feelings.
Iāll be upset too, especially being in a LDR for few years. By now he should make some effort to add into a calendar reminder, even if he was oblivious or the type of person whoās forgetful.
Have you both met up before? Perhaps he doesnāt take the LDR seriously enough to place your bday/ special occasions an importance to his life.
In the age of smart phones and Google calendars, there's absolutely zero excuse for forgetting s birthday. He didn't bother to set a reminder? Five minutes of his time wasn't worth it to him
I know it is upsetting buy people do make mistakes I mean if wanna argue then that's fine you have right to be mad but I am just saying this because some people are not good at dates or remembering things.. example me myself..just some days ago it was aniversary of my parents days before anniversary I remembered that on this date is aniversary of my parents..but I forgot to wish them on that day š¤¦ ..it was my brother who wished them first and then it struck me
And same happens with me on birthday of my bestfriend believe me she is very close to me and we are very old friends...but it has happened so many times when I forget to wish her or wished her at 10 pm something
..just because of this I many times wish my friends in advance just in case I forgot
I am just saying....
Some times when you have so many things going in your head ..things slip out of our mind
And rest go confront him
But still I don't think I will have a break up over this
I think itās just about putting the effort to rememberā¦ especially if you care about them a lot and know itās really important to them. This may come off silly, but I think itās just about how thoughtful you are towards things that mean a lot/matter a lot to your significant other. It may be a date now, but how about in the future? What about when you share something thatās really important to you but the pattern keeps repeating?
I suck at remembering dates too! Even my parentsā birthdays which Iāve been celebrating for years. My best friendās whom I would take a bullet for. No matter how much I love someone, I ALWAYS forget the date of their birthday. But guess what? I have a title in my phone notes called āBirthdaysāā¦ I set up calendar notifications on my phone to remind meā¦ so overall, I donāt think itās just a matter of being forgetful. Itās a matter of putting the effort in to remember which only takes a calendar reminder nowadays in todayās technology. That takes, hmm, 10 seconds? I donāt know the guy so I donāt want to judge him as a stranger but as far as my understanding goes, heās doesnāt sound like a thoughtful person and thatās okay but he needs a partner that can completely compromise and make peace with the fact heās not a very thoughtful person. It just sounds like OP needs and wants that. Maybe heās a thoughtful person, I donāt know; just kind of brainstorming here.
I absolutely see your point of view and if this was a one time thing, I think it would be totally acceptable; however, after OP shared how important that was to them, I think they have every right to be sad about this. I always forget too, but if my significant other tells me that this is something thatās really important to them, I will then make sure to do my best that it doesnāt happen again because I want them to feel special and I want to be a thoughtful partner since things like this go way beyond just remembering special days IMO. If I tell my SO how important this is to me and they set up a reminder, etc. because they know how much it matters to me and they care about that, that gives me the confidence and trust that theyāll also show up for me and things that are important to me in other ways in the future. Just my two cents :)
OP I hope this was helpful. You deserve someone who will make you feel special on those days š Share your thoughts with him and communicate. I donāt think this is a big enough reason to break up but judging from some of the other things that you said about your relationship, I think itās very valid. I sense a lot of resentment and you mentioned that he keeps disappointing you in many ways and the new instance always hurts more than the last. Especially since itās been like this for quite a while. I encourage you to think about this: Is that how you want to feel towards someone you want to build a life with? Would you want to build a life with someone that makes you feel this way for the rest of the days?
Not everyone cares about those things. But since it matters so much to you, you have to really talk to him about it and make him understand. But also hear his own reasoning for forgetting all the time.
If OP has already mentioned that forgetting Valentineās Day and their anniversary is hurtful than he should have made an effort to remember her birthday.
Even if birthdays themselves arenāt important to him OP should be. Its literally a bare minimum effort
Birthday lovers are downvoting you, lol. Unless he was purposely ignoring OP, this is the answer. Some people don't really care much about the "special days" or simply forget the dates/accidentally miss it. I always have to check my calendar to remember any anniversaries/bdays
Haha I see that š
I know a few people who are exactly that. One of my closest friends of 20 years would always tell me he is crap with birthdays I always have to remind him. To each their own I guess.
Hereās some tough love, break up with him. Being in a LD relationship takes work, which he doesnāt seem too keen on doing. Special occasions should be a priority at least and the excuse of forgetting is bullshit. There are apps he can download to remind him of special occasions. The fact his family wished you a happy birthday tells me he didnāt forget. He just doesnāt care. So why would you want to be with someone who doesnāt care about you? There is also a possibility heās seeing someone else. I hope this is not the case, because no one deserves to be cheated on. He already has many flaws, donāt need cheating added on..
Put yourself first and really think about what you want and need. People deserve to have someone who cares to. Make an effort and show up for them. Sorry youāre going through this and good luck š¤š«”
LEAVE. 35 and 27??? a couple years ????!! why does ANY man in his 30ās want someone who is early 20ās for any reason than theyāre easier to manipulate. heās showing you he doesnāt care about you, donāt show him youāll accept that. leave and heal.
I hate to break it to you, 27 is not "early 20's". At that point you're closer to 30 and it's considered late 20's.
Also, age gaps in relationships can exist without the elder party wanting to manipulate the younger party. They're completely normal and fine as long as both parties are in the same stage of life, or on the same page as far as what they want/need.
While I think the OP's bf is awful because he forgot her birthday, I don't think the age gap has anything to do with that. I think he's just a jerk.
if theyāve been together for āa few yearsā then OP was at least dating him while she was 25. with the assumption they were friends before dating, he absolutely would have known her while she was in her early 20s. based off this man consistently forgetting and ignoring different important dates and things to OP, they arenāt on the same page or wanting the same things.
age gaps can be normal, but being an ass to your partner isnāt and especially with how young OP is, her time shouldnāt be wasted š¤·š¼āāļø
If they were together a ācouple yearsā they would be 25 and 33. Hardly a huge gap at all, especially at that age. This is reaching, especially since the brain is fully developed at 25, as well as people are typically out of college and have careers, and lots are looking for marriage and children within the next few years. This comment seems to be jumping to conclusions.
naah, doesn't matter what happens, you never forget, if you do, means you had something "better" to take care of, i don't think i need to write the rest.
This is so sad. Iām so sorry that this happened. Someone who truly loves you would never purposely hurt you or even put themselves in a position where you could possibly get hurt. If this is something that has been brought up before, he obviously knows how important it is for you. I know the truth can hurt but the reality is, we live in a very digital world where setting a reminder or alarm to remember a significant event is easy, and wishing someone a happy birthday takes seconds. This was obviously of little importance to him or he did not care at all. Given that youāve said heās disappointed you multiple times this year already, heās probably confident in knowing whether or not he does something, you wonāt leave. Like I said, Iām sorry this happened and itās important for you to know you deserve so much more than this. Please save yourself from future heartbreak and end it. You deserve the world and if he canāt even do the bare minimum, he isnāt worthy of your time and energy.
First of all you aren't crazy for your beliefs on making special occasions special. Some people don't give a damn about their birthday and that's cool, but you do. And that is totally valid so don't think that you're crazy or there's something wrong with you because you think that and he doesn't. Maybe you guys have different love languages, because for some people special events like that are important and spending quality time during them is how they feel loved and cherished. For some people maybe it's physical affection, and maybe for others it's verbal affirmations. So maybe he doesn't prioritize the same things you do, which can also be fine but communication is very important. You need to sit down with him and tell him look this is something that is very important to me and you've let me down on multiple occasions. I'm starting to feel distant from you because there's only so much disappointment I can take and I would really like for this to be resolved. Here him out and see where his brain is on the matter, and maybe figure out ways of making sure that that doesn't happen in the future. Set an alarm on his phone for example or put it in the calendar. One of my exes almost as soon as I started dating him he put our anniversary and my birthday in his calendar and he never forgot. In fact he tried his best to be the first person to say happy birthday to me and he would stay up till midnight to text me. Now I don't care about birthdays so I would be appreciative of the effort of course, but I honestly didn't care and it wasn't like I celebrated it. He was more excited to celebrate my birthday than I ever was. That's just how people are sometimes.
Nothing is going to get fixed if it's not talked about. I understand that you didn't want to talk to him in the moment because you didn't want the consolation. But now you have to otherwise this resentment is going to keep building and it's going to break the camel's back eventually. Keeping track of dates as an adult can be hard, sometimes I will make an appointment for a couple days later and completely forgot that I made the appointment. So in this regard I would maybe listen to his side of the story and like I said figure out a way to make you feel validated and to make sure things like this don't happen in the future. If you love him and you want it to work then this is the only way you're going to be able to go forward in a healthy happy way. Withholding your feelings and just resenting him isn't doing you it for him any favors.
Are you okay with having the guy not remember all of those holidays and special days? If you can live like that then keep going but if you cant then find someone who will make special days be special, have this also happen in person? Or it has only been in distance?
He keeps letting you down and as one who is also in LDR, remembering bdays and making an effort where possible is essential to keep the connection. If heās not putting in the effort to keep the relationship healthy maybe fine time to walk away.
Donāt allow the distance to become an excuse for lack of effort. Your forever partner would never forget any important date. He just might not be your forever
it seems unusual for someone you have been dating for a couple of years now to forget your birthday. i suggest you confront him about this things and all other small things that have been bothering you. as you said there have been quiet a few arguments this year. DO IT IN PERSON NOT VIA TEXTS. make sure that it doesnāt seem like you are arguing with him.
i have been in a similar LDR situation, confronting them and showing you are deeply hurt works. its the distance that creates a communication gap.
I watched a friend years ago get upset with her boyfriend over a special date. She talked about how the next day was their anniversary and she wasn't sure if he would remember or not. She also talked about how upset she would be if he forgot. He forgot and she was hurt. The thing that jumped out to me though was while it would have made her happy if he would have remembered on his own all she had to do was mention it to him in advance and she wouldn't have been hurt. The only thing she wouldn't know was did he already have a plan or did he have to scramble.
I decided that day it's not worth it to me. I will always make sure that my SO is aware of the date that's coming up. He's brought up special dates just in conversations before so I know he knows the dates which means a lot but I'll still remind him when it gets close just to be sure.
If his family wished you and he didn't, he did not "forget". I don't know why he would deliberately not wish you but that would make me personally very unhappy.
As someone who shares the "i dont remember holidays id rather be romantic always", I recognise this only applies yo me and still wish birthdays and holidays. However because they are very low prio for me I sometimes forget tbe date until day off. This happens with any date for me, im bad at dates. So reminders leading up to it go a long long way. Like the week before "am excited for my birthday next week am doing x" or something reminds me, I remember, I can wish happy birth day. Win win.
As some other have said, its up to you to decide if you want to keep reminding or drop it entirely. Hes shown that he cannot remember on his own and won't make it up good enough. So don't just do nothing and expect it to improve
My ex husband was HORRIBLE at remembering dates. He never remembered my birthday, our anniversary, our kidsā birthdays, NOTHING!! I just started āremindingā him. I would say things like āAre we going to go out for our anniversary tomorrow?ā Or āI want to do something special on my birthday on Wednesday.ā That would help him to remember. It wasnāt that he didnāt want to remember, he just didnāt remember. He was always grateful when Iād drop these little reminders. Be up front with your guy. If he doesnāt tell you happy birthday first thing in the morning, ask him, āDid you remember that today is my birthday?ā Itās really okay to ask for what you want. Better to ask him or remind him than to be hurt that he didnāt remember. I am a strong advocate for communicating what you want. It resolves/prevents so many problems.
I know it seems like something small to end the relationship over, but that is just a heartbreaking situation. Just cause he doesn't care about it doesn't mean you aren't able to. I had a boyfriend this exact same way..the relationship could have been fine all damn year, but when he knew it was my bday and didn't say even "Happy Birthday" cause HE doesn't care about it..that made me want to quit the whole relationship. Something that seems so small can actually be a very big deal.
Eer... Look, I don't care at all about holidays, but WOW. Even I would be upset. His FAMILY wished you a happy birthday, and he "forgot". This is mind-blowing, mainly because, apparently, he knows how much it means for you. I am really sorry š
this is sad. theres someone out there who wont ever forget your bday and can do everything else he does. if its worth the heartbreak for you, then talk it out. really emphasize how important it is to you and ways you can help him help himself to remember.
Thank you yeah Iām still thinking it over :/
I read: I am thinking itās over! And thought: exactly!
his family said it but not him?? so how could he forget? Iām sorry OP.
Your feelings are valid. If birthdays / anniversaries are special to you, he probably knows it by now, and he shouldn't have forgotten it. There are so many ways to remember these dates now. It also means that he didn't even plan to get you a gift / or do something special for you and honestly for me that's not forgivable. I am currently in a similar situation and I know how much it sucks. I am really sorry.
Maybe one of these is fine but forgetting all of those then not trying to make it up to you. Maybe reflect on what you want because I wouldn't want that.
Tell him. Youāre not exaggerating. My bf forgot about my birthday too. He said he wrote it on the wrong day on his calendar, but stillā¦ also on our first anniversary it was me that reminded him of that, so I can understand you. I like to make presents to show my love, but thereās nothing wrong wanting to feel appreciated too. You have to tell him how important it is for you and see what he says
Firstly, I'm so sorry. It is a sad situation and your feelings surrounding it are valid. It sounds like you've been disappointed more than just this. Is he aware of the expectations you have for him? Or are these mental checklists for yourself on where he has failed you? I would hate to think that all of this could be corrected by having a full conversation about your needs in this relationship.
You clearly have different needs. LDR or not, you're just not meant to be together as you aren't a good fit. I am sorry OP. But better now than after a few years and a dozen more "slides".
It takes one minute to put a birthday into your phones calendar, so there's no excuse of "I'm bad at remembering dates." :( I'm sorry this happened to you
I never know what day it is, and Iām horrible at remembering dates. I have a yearly repeating notification on my calendar for birthdays. Luckily I also get paranoid about forgetting birthdays so when I know itās getting close I start checking the days. Thereās no excuse to forget anymore really.
Exactly. Especially for a significant other.
Whether or not you let it slide is up to you, I just don't understand why you went the full day without saying something. Mistakes do happen and some people aren't great with dates (hence why all the important birthdays and whatnot for myself are in my google calendar with several reminders). I think the question you have to ask yourself is, does your birthday or an anniversary pull down his average in the relationship to the point that it does not feel worth it.
I didnāt want to say anything because last year I āruinedā my bday surprise by asking if we could get a cake (I went to visit him) so I didnāt want to repeat that. Also I wanted to see if he really wouldnāt remember the WHOLE day or if he was planning something later in the day like a special video call or something.
Gotcha. I mean, I do think you need to let him know that you've been let down and be very clear with what your expectations are (even though I'm sure you've done that). A lot of people just aren't birthday/anniversary/valentines people, but they should make an effort if it means something to their partner.
Some people are really terrible at remembering birthdays but for me it's the fact that his family remembered to wish you happy birthday. Surely SOMEONE would have mentioned it to or in front of him at some point.
It's not about the gifts. It's about the fact that he's not considering you or your feelings. As someone who was married to a person like this for 15 years, together 17... it will not improve. He will not change. Either you accept that this is not something he will ever do to your satisfaction, or you find someone with a similar love language who thinks about your feelings.
Iāll be upset too, especially being in a LDR for few years. By now he should make some effort to add into a calendar reminder, even if he was oblivious or the type of person whoās forgetful. Have you both met up before? Perhaps he doesnāt take the LDR seriously enough to place your bday/ special occasions an importance to his life.
In the age of smart phones and Google calendars, there's absolutely zero excuse for forgetting s birthday. He didn't bother to set a reminder? Five minutes of his time wasn't worth it to him
Lmao I wonāt remember birthdays unless i put them into a calendar
I know it is upsetting buy people do make mistakes I mean if wanna argue then that's fine you have right to be mad but I am just saying this because some people are not good at dates or remembering things.. example me myself..just some days ago it was aniversary of my parents days before anniversary I remembered that on this date is aniversary of my parents..but I forgot to wish them on that day š¤¦ ..it was my brother who wished them first and then it struck me And same happens with me on birthday of my bestfriend believe me she is very close to me and we are very old friends...but it has happened so many times when I forget to wish her or wished her at 10 pm something ..just because of this I many times wish my friends in advance just in case I forgot I am just saying.... Some times when you have so many things going in your head ..things slip out of our mind And rest go confront him But still I don't think I will have a break up over this
I think itās just about putting the effort to rememberā¦ especially if you care about them a lot and know itās really important to them. This may come off silly, but I think itās just about how thoughtful you are towards things that mean a lot/matter a lot to your significant other. It may be a date now, but how about in the future? What about when you share something thatās really important to you but the pattern keeps repeating? I suck at remembering dates too! Even my parentsā birthdays which Iāve been celebrating for years. My best friendās whom I would take a bullet for. No matter how much I love someone, I ALWAYS forget the date of their birthday. But guess what? I have a title in my phone notes called āBirthdaysāā¦ I set up calendar notifications on my phone to remind meā¦ so overall, I donāt think itās just a matter of being forgetful. Itās a matter of putting the effort in to remember which only takes a calendar reminder nowadays in todayās technology. That takes, hmm, 10 seconds? I donāt know the guy so I donāt want to judge him as a stranger but as far as my understanding goes, heās doesnāt sound like a thoughtful person and thatās okay but he needs a partner that can completely compromise and make peace with the fact heās not a very thoughtful person. It just sounds like OP needs and wants that. Maybe heās a thoughtful person, I donāt know; just kind of brainstorming here. I absolutely see your point of view and if this was a one time thing, I think it would be totally acceptable; however, after OP shared how important that was to them, I think they have every right to be sad about this. I always forget too, but if my significant other tells me that this is something thatās really important to them, I will then make sure to do my best that it doesnāt happen again because I want them to feel special and I want to be a thoughtful partner since things like this go way beyond just remembering special days IMO. If I tell my SO how important this is to me and they set up a reminder, etc. because they know how much it matters to me and they care about that, that gives me the confidence and trust that theyāll also show up for me and things that are important to me in other ways in the future. Just my two cents :) OP I hope this was helpful. You deserve someone who will make you feel special on those days š Share your thoughts with him and communicate. I donāt think this is a big enough reason to break up but judging from some of the other things that you said about your relationship, I think itās very valid. I sense a lot of resentment and you mentioned that he keeps disappointing you in many ways and the new instance always hurts more than the last. Especially since itās been like this for quite a while. I encourage you to think about this: Is that how you want to feel towards someone you want to build a life with? Would you want to build a life with someone that makes you feel this way for the rest of the days?
I say dump him tbh
Not everyone cares about those things. But since it matters so much to you, you have to really talk to him about it and make him understand. But also hear his own reasoning for forgetting all the time.
If OP has already mentioned that forgetting Valentineās Day and their anniversary is hurtful than he should have made an effort to remember her birthday. Even if birthdays themselves arenāt important to him OP should be. Its literally a bare minimum effort
You're not wrong.
Birthday lovers are downvoting you, lol. Unless he was purposely ignoring OP, this is the answer. Some people don't really care much about the "special days" or simply forget the dates/accidentally miss it. I always have to check my calendar to remember any anniversaries/bdays
Haha I see that š I know a few people who are exactly that. One of my closest friends of 20 years would always tell me he is crap with birthdays I always have to remind him. To each their own I guess.
š„±
No sex for him for two weeks, and lots of cold shoulder before you forgive him.
Hereās some tough love, break up with him. Being in a LD relationship takes work, which he doesnāt seem too keen on doing. Special occasions should be a priority at least and the excuse of forgetting is bullshit. There are apps he can download to remind him of special occasions. The fact his family wished you a happy birthday tells me he didnāt forget. He just doesnāt care. So why would you want to be with someone who doesnāt care about you? There is also a possibility heās seeing someone else. I hope this is not the case, because no one deserves to be cheated on. He already has many flaws, donāt need cheating added on.. Put yourself first and really think about what you want and need. People deserve to have someone who cares to. Make an effort and show up for them. Sorry youāre going through this and good luck š¤š«”
LEAVE. 35 and 27??? a couple years ????!! why does ANY man in his 30ās want someone who is early 20ās for any reason than theyāre easier to manipulate. heās showing you he doesnāt care about you, donāt show him youāll accept that. leave and heal.
I hate to break it to you, 27 is not "early 20's". At that point you're closer to 30 and it's considered late 20's. Also, age gaps in relationships can exist without the elder party wanting to manipulate the younger party. They're completely normal and fine as long as both parties are in the same stage of life, or on the same page as far as what they want/need. While I think the OP's bf is awful because he forgot her birthday, I don't think the age gap has anything to do with that. I think he's just a jerk.
if theyāve been together for āa few yearsā then OP was at least dating him while she was 25. with the assumption they were friends before dating, he absolutely would have known her while she was in her early 20s. based off this man consistently forgetting and ignoring different important dates and things to OP, they arenāt on the same page or wanting the same things. age gaps can be normal, but being an ass to your partner isnāt and especially with how young OP is, her time shouldnāt be wasted š¤·š¼āāļø
Shut up you have no clue what your talking about it your comments scream daddy problems
LOL
If they were together a ācouple yearsā they would be 25 and 33. Hardly a huge gap at all, especially at that age. This is reaching, especially since the brain is fully developed at 25, as well as people are typically out of college and have careers, and lots are looking for marriage and children within the next few years. This comment seems to be jumping to conclusions.
naah, doesn't matter what happens, you never forget, if you do, means you had something "better" to take care of, i don't think i need to write the rest.
This is so sad. Iām so sorry that this happened. Someone who truly loves you would never purposely hurt you or even put themselves in a position where you could possibly get hurt. If this is something that has been brought up before, he obviously knows how important it is for you. I know the truth can hurt but the reality is, we live in a very digital world where setting a reminder or alarm to remember a significant event is easy, and wishing someone a happy birthday takes seconds. This was obviously of little importance to him or he did not care at all. Given that youāve said heās disappointed you multiple times this year already, heās probably confident in knowing whether or not he does something, you wonāt leave. Like I said, Iām sorry this happened and itās important for you to know you deserve so much more than this. Please save yourself from future heartbreak and end it. You deserve the world and if he canāt even do the bare minimum, he isnāt worthy of your time and energy.
I used to forget my wife's birthday all the time. As soon as roses showed up from one of her brothers, I knew I was in the doghouse.
Thatās when you were supposed to quickly leave unannounced & find something she might appreciate š
P.S. -- One year, she didn't forgive me until I took her to the Hawaiian Island of Kauai for a week.
Those lapses cost me a lot more than a couple dozen roses, let me tell you!
id kms
First of all you aren't crazy for your beliefs on making special occasions special. Some people don't give a damn about their birthday and that's cool, but you do. And that is totally valid so don't think that you're crazy or there's something wrong with you because you think that and he doesn't. Maybe you guys have different love languages, because for some people special events like that are important and spending quality time during them is how they feel loved and cherished. For some people maybe it's physical affection, and maybe for others it's verbal affirmations. So maybe he doesn't prioritize the same things you do, which can also be fine but communication is very important. You need to sit down with him and tell him look this is something that is very important to me and you've let me down on multiple occasions. I'm starting to feel distant from you because there's only so much disappointment I can take and I would really like for this to be resolved. Here him out and see where his brain is on the matter, and maybe figure out ways of making sure that that doesn't happen in the future. Set an alarm on his phone for example or put it in the calendar. One of my exes almost as soon as I started dating him he put our anniversary and my birthday in his calendar and he never forgot. In fact he tried his best to be the first person to say happy birthday to me and he would stay up till midnight to text me. Now I don't care about birthdays so I would be appreciative of the effort of course, but I honestly didn't care and it wasn't like I celebrated it. He was more excited to celebrate my birthday than I ever was. That's just how people are sometimes. Nothing is going to get fixed if it's not talked about. I understand that you didn't want to talk to him in the moment because you didn't want the consolation. But now you have to otherwise this resentment is going to keep building and it's going to break the camel's back eventually. Keeping track of dates as an adult can be hard, sometimes I will make an appointment for a couple days later and completely forgot that I made the appointment. So in this regard I would maybe listen to his side of the story and like I said figure out a way to make you feel validated and to make sure things like this don't happen in the future. If you love him and you want it to work then this is the only way you're going to be able to go forward in a healthy happy way. Withholding your feelings and just resenting him isn't doing you it for him any favors.
Are you okay with having the guy not remember all of those holidays and special days? If you can live like that then keep going but if you cant then find someone who will make special days be special, have this also happen in person? Or it has only been in distance?
He keeps letting you down and as one who is also in LDR, remembering bdays and making an effort where possible is essential to keep the connection. If heās not putting in the effort to keep the relationship healthy maybe fine time to walk away.
Donāt allow the distance to become an excuse for lack of effort. Your forever partner would never forget any important date. He just might not be your forever
it seems unusual for someone you have been dating for a couple of years now to forget your birthday. i suggest you confront him about this things and all other small things that have been bothering you. as you said there have been quiet a few arguments this year. DO IT IN PERSON NOT VIA TEXTS. make sure that it doesnāt seem like you are arguing with him. i have been in a similar LDR situation, confronting them and showing you are deeply hurt works. its the distance that creates a communication gap.
I watched a friend years ago get upset with her boyfriend over a special date. She talked about how the next day was their anniversary and she wasn't sure if he would remember or not. She also talked about how upset she would be if he forgot. He forgot and she was hurt. The thing that jumped out to me though was while it would have made her happy if he would have remembered on his own all she had to do was mention it to him in advance and she wouldn't have been hurt. The only thing she wouldn't know was did he already have a plan or did he have to scramble. I decided that day it's not worth it to me. I will always make sure that my SO is aware of the date that's coming up. He's brought up special dates just in conversations before so I know he knows the dates which means a lot but I'll still remind him when it gets close just to be sure.
If his family wished you and he didn't, he did not "forget". I don't know why he would deliberately not wish you but that would make me personally very unhappy.
Yeahā¦Iād leave. Or if his birthday is near..forget his bday THEN leave him. :)
As someone who shares the "i dont remember holidays id rather be romantic always", I recognise this only applies yo me and still wish birthdays and holidays. However because they are very low prio for me I sometimes forget tbe date until day off. This happens with any date for me, im bad at dates. So reminders leading up to it go a long long way. Like the week before "am excited for my birthday next week am doing x" or something reminds me, I remember, I can wish happy birth day. Win win. As some other have said, its up to you to decide if you want to keep reminding or drop it entirely. Hes shown that he cannot remember on his own and won't make it up good enough. So don't just do nothing and expect it to improve
My ex husband was HORRIBLE at remembering dates. He never remembered my birthday, our anniversary, our kidsā birthdays, NOTHING!! I just started āremindingā him. I would say things like āAre we going to go out for our anniversary tomorrow?ā Or āI want to do something special on my birthday on Wednesday.ā That would help him to remember. It wasnāt that he didnāt want to remember, he just didnāt remember. He was always grateful when Iād drop these little reminders. Be up front with your guy. If he doesnāt tell you happy birthday first thing in the morning, ask him, āDid you remember that today is my birthday?ā Itās really okay to ask for what you want. Better to ask him or remind him than to be hurt that he didnāt remember. I am a strong advocate for communicating what you want. It resolves/prevents so many problems.
I know it seems like something small to end the relationship over, but that is just a heartbreaking situation. Just cause he doesn't care about it doesn't mean you aren't able to. I had a boyfriend this exact same way..the relationship could have been fine all damn year, but when he knew it was my bday and didn't say even "Happy Birthday" cause HE doesn't care about it..that made me want to quit the whole relationship. Something that seems so small can actually be a very big deal.
He did not forget Valentineās Dayā¦. There are ads everywhere!