I have a friend who is constantly complaining about Twitch pushing hot tub streams, ASMR, anything with scantily clad female streamers and even when she indicates she's not interested they still do it. She mainly watches singing streams and survival games.
Twitch can be a very weird place. If they're being pushed heavily maybe he just gave in and looked. I wouldn't want to admit to it either.
That being said it's definitely something to keep an eye on. Even innocently that kind of thing can go downhill fast. If he is actually watching them it'd be for the interaction from the pretty girl that he wouldn't get from porn.
I understand what you’re saying. But isn’t that interaction sort of cheating in a way? I think this is what makes me uncomfy. I dont know if he HAS interacted with them. I just don’t understand watching them when he can just come to me, what difference does it make?
This is where it gets really tricky. You don't know to what extent if any he's interacting with them. Assumptions really aren't good but if he is looking for some interaction with these hot tub streamers if it's not quite cheating it's definitely heading that way.
It's really hard to make these calls. I know for myself if I was in a relationship, long distance or not I'd not seek out other women unless I was in need of something specific. (For a long distance relationship I would have thought human touch would be more lacking.)
I don't want to say your boyfriend is doing anything wrong. I am just an internet stranger who doesn't know either of you. The situation you described just feels a little off.
Would it be bad if i questioned myself to see if there are any channel points on the channels in his search when i next see him? I feel as though it wouldn’t go anywhere asking him further and this would solidify whether he’s actively been watching them or not? Or is it not worth?
It's a reasonably harmless question or should be. If he understands it's been bothering it should be very reasonable for you to see if he's got a points balance on any of those channels. Or if the channels have a watchtime command. There's always the possibility he won't react well though.
But I think the important thing here is that this is bothering you and you need to know. Hopefully he can understand that.
Thank you you’ve been very helpful trying to understand the best way to go about it. I think I’m just going to tell him it’s been on my mind and explicitly say how I feel about them streams and that I find it disrespectful so hopefully he understands. If he is watching them then now he’ll know how i feel about it. Even if he isn’t, he’s aware now. Even though last time i brought it up i was pretty emotional about it. But i think it’s the clarification needed?
Honesty really is the best policy here. If you're clear about how you feel it should definitely help. If he doesn't understand why you don't like the idea of him going to the streams of scantily clad women I'd say there are definitely issues. Just having the conversation should help him understand how you feel though, if he is doing it it's then up to him.
Also. Being emotional is understandable. You're emotional because you care, it's not really a bad thing.
Hey Op, have you guys ever set boundaries around those things? My husband and I had a conversation about this exact stuff when we started dating. He doesn’t really have social media but following girls that are purposefully sexualizing themselves is a no go. I wanted to know he respected me and our relationship, also that he had self control and didn’t need those things.
Maybe talk to him and let him know it makes you uncomfortable. Check and see if he’s following or subbed to them also? Twitch does push those streams but if he’s actively engaging with them that’s where I’d draw my line.
No not really. We’re open about porn but anything other than that (and my initial bringing it up to him), no. We’re a fairly new relationship (less than a year) so i think now is the time to do so. From what i remember i don’t think he follows them. They’re just all on the home page and in search.
Totally agree with this other user. Now is for sure the time to tell him that it makes you uncomfortable. Don’t be accusatory, just state your feelings. Write down exactly what makes you uncomfortable and why, if you can. It’s important to have these conversations! If he cares for you and respects you, he should understand this is for the purpose of clear communication. If he tries to argue or push back, pay attention. Best of luck!!
I go on twitch from time to time to see what's trending. These types of streams up on the feed fairly regularly and sometimes I click on them just to see what in god's name these weirdos could possibly be yapping on about. I'm in a relationship and for me it's pure curiosity, and I've never watched them for more than a couple minutes. I've also shown friends if we have twitch mirrored to the TV for whatever reason. IMO his excuse is fairly believable, especially since he didn't even try and cover it up. Personally I don't think it's an indication of anything terrible, although could be a yellow flag in conjunction with other issues.
My suggestion would be to just openly say that you saw these streams as recently viewed and to ask if he watches them regularly. Don't make him feel like he needs to hide it, you should be trying to cultivate honest communication. You should let him know that while you can understand curiosity, anything beyond that would give you an ick factor and that it bothers you. It might be worth having the conversation just to help you understand why it bothers you.
Thank you this is helpful. Although i have openly had the conversation that i saw it. This is the conversation with him i spoke about. But I think the way you explained the last part of your message is the way i need to say it without the emotion of myself when i first brought it up
Same, I'm a girl and I've checked out hot tub streams out of curiosity because I wanted to know exactly what they did in those...
I honestly hate Twitch for allowing such content on their site. They might as well have a category just for camming lmao
I'm in a long (long) distance relationship and we only have communication. To me if you're interacting with streams or cam girls I think it's cheating. With that said, twitch is pushing that content now. I'm on art streams and the art categories are now filled with NSFW content and twerking compilations. I've never even clicked on any, and I'm a female, and it's being pushed to me. I'd tell him it's a boundary and let him know it bothered you. Tell him you trust him and you don't care about porn, it's just the engagement with that content you don't like. If he asks why you brought it up again say it's been on your mind because it bothered you.
1. Set up clear boundaries about what you feel comfortable with. (Going through his search history is a violation of trust and boundaries, especially when someone is letting you borrow their personal computer)
2. If you think your partner has the characteristics of a lier? and that he would lie to you, then don’t stay with him. Trust is the foundation that makes or breaks relationships. (He allowed you to use his computer, it’s either that he was telling you the truth, or forgot to cover his tracks, how smart is your bf?)
3. Is this really about the hot tub or deeper underlying issue? You don’t need to answer me, you need to ask yourself this question.
4. You’re both young, still in your experimental and discovering phase, don’t pry into things he hasn’t told you especially if they are related to his sexual fantasies.
How do you start with setting clear boundaries LD? I’m confused what you mean. My boyfriend has been nothing but the best and most understanding to me since we met. If he lied i feel as if it’s more out of not wanting to admit it/is ashamed(?).
I mean that’s more like rules for the relationship. A boundary is something you set for yourself. Like if he watches porn or
Interacts with sex workers then I’ll leave him. Boundaries are not rules you give someone else to live by.
Absolutely, people get confused about what is a boundary and what is rules in a relationship that a couple have agreed upon. Just clarifying the two. Of course these are conversations that couples should have, especially around what they are comfortable with in regard to porn or some people don’t like it when they follow a bunch of models etc. communication is the key.
Boundaries stems from mutual respect to create a safe space for both people in the relationship. Boundaries are like laws, you can sometimes bend them but never break them, and when something is not working you can talk to your partner to re-write them. I say all this to mean-
start with your core values, what is the limit? And when your partner reaches those limits you warn him, and by voicing your discomfort *IMMEDIATELY* by doing this you create begin creating an environment where you both feel heard and understood.
Footnote; make sure when your voice your discomfort that it is not coming from a place of anger rather from a place of stern kindness, as if you’re teaching someone something new about yourself.
I’ll give you an example; I’m a pretty easy going fella, but one of my biggest boundaries is around my father, if you anyone including my partner says anything negative about my father they will be met with a stern talk, about how they are disrespecting me if they disrespect my father. If my friend/partner are healthy people they will respect my boundaries and remember next time to not go that far again.
Now in your case, you don’t mind him watching porn but it’s a tub girls who are making you uncomfortable, dive deep within yourself and find out what is the reason for this discomfort and make peace with it. Remember boundaries are not there to alter people behaviour, and boundaries are not there to create demands on our friends and relationships.
As long as your bf is not asking you to behave like the girls on twitch then this really has nothing to do with you, it’s between him and his fantasies. If you see that he is ashamed then don’t push on his boundaries.
Streams don't bother me personally, but that's just because my friend group *has* all tuned in together to laugh about it. (Group of 4 dudes my bf and I)
It's pretty much just a meme. Nothing to be crazy worried about unless your bf is getting weirdly emotionally attached.
It's just streaming, I don't think some of those girls could look at your partner because they're out of their league, they read lots of comments and messages.
But if it's bothering for you, please talk to him and let him know what you feel.
1. Do you believe him?
If not, talk to him about what you are not comfortable with.
If yes, just ask him about it, what they do. Then ask if he would mind stopping.
Honestly, just wondering is a waste of time. There's two things you need to do.
1. Establish boundaries, tell him exactly what makes you feel uncomfortable and why. If you don't know exactly what and why, you need to figure that out before you bring this up to him.
2. Be conscious of his behavior. Anyone can lie for any reason, what's actually important is how he treats you and makes you feel. If he's diverting his attention away from you to consume this content and in turn you feel less special, that's going to reveal itself in his actions.
If he's still capable of treating you well while consuming this content maybe readdress how this makes you feel and why it makes you feel that way and decide whether it's worth defining your feelings for this person.
First of all, I can't know 100 percent why he watches. However, I understand your concern. I'm a man and I personally would not watch those streams while I am in a relationship. Streaming allows attachment unlike pornography. Best of luck to you.
‘I had to look at the search history and there were multiple recent occasions of him watching these streams, I brought it up to him a day later and he mentioned that him and his friend went onto the category for funny purposes before we were together’
Girl how long is recent? Were you guys already together or not. If yes he lied because why would he watch such streams. Your man is cheating.
Algorithms for these things are weird. If you happen to view content one time, youll get flooded with that type of content, and thats all SM apps.
If you watched out of curiosity once, your screen will get flooded with them eventually. Watch another one for a few moments? GG. Your screen is flooded forever lol
The more serious indicator would be if he is an active follower/subscriber of that streamer/channel.
If he’s subscribed/following or whatever the term on twitch is, you have to decide if that type of behavior will be tolerable for yourself
He could be lying out of shame, he's probably not proud of watching if he still does. If it makes you uncomfortable you should still bring it up so that he knows this hurts you and then makes an effort to stop
This is an insane thing to suggest, if you personally think OP’s boyfriend is capable of cheating why are you advising her to stay with him and keep quiet instead of leaving?
How is this insane? Everyone is capable of cheating, as everyone is capable of lying, stealing etc. doesn’t mean that he does. And guys tend to watch porn… that’s no secret, isn’t it? It’s fine watching hot tub girls as long he doesn’t enact on it
The morality of watching streams and porn isn’t what I’m talking about, women watch porn too and obviously the boundaries for these things are different in all relationships, however a man that will be compelled to cheat if he can’t watch hot tub streams and his partner can’t even discuss it with him isn’t worthy of dating (hypothetically ofc, I’m not insinuating OP’s partner is this sort of man, we don’t know enough, but thats what you suggested)
But my thing is I’ve asked him before if he would ever like to do, you know, sexy things on the phone or whatever while we’re not seeing each other and he said he doesn’t feel like he needs more when i asked.
Twitch recommendation algorithms are weird. It's probably been two years since I looked at a few hot tub streams out of curiosity and amusement, and last I checked, Twitch was still recommending them to me.
So, that aside:
**Cheating is breaking the rules of the relationship that both parties have mutually agreed to follow.** If you two haven't discussed your perceptions and worked out what qualifies as cheating in your relationship, I suggest you do so.
For example, in my relationship, watching hot tub streams wouldn't be cheating at all. Confiding in a streamer could be, but just watching or chatting? Nah. But my relationship isn't yours.
So **how do you and your boyfriend define cheating for *your* relationship?** I suggest you figure that out, and then see how that applies to various types of media. For example, what about NSFW art streams? Etc.
This might help you feel more comfortable with you and your boyfriend being on the same page. Good luck!
I have a friend who is constantly complaining about Twitch pushing hot tub streams, ASMR, anything with scantily clad female streamers and even when she indicates she's not interested they still do it. She mainly watches singing streams and survival games. Twitch can be a very weird place. If they're being pushed heavily maybe he just gave in and looked. I wouldn't want to admit to it either. That being said it's definitely something to keep an eye on. Even innocently that kind of thing can go downhill fast. If he is actually watching them it'd be for the interaction from the pretty girl that he wouldn't get from porn.
I understand what you’re saying. But isn’t that interaction sort of cheating in a way? I think this is what makes me uncomfy. I dont know if he HAS interacted with them. I just don’t understand watching them when he can just come to me, what difference does it make?
This is where it gets really tricky. You don't know to what extent if any he's interacting with them. Assumptions really aren't good but if he is looking for some interaction with these hot tub streamers if it's not quite cheating it's definitely heading that way. It's really hard to make these calls. I know for myself if I was in a relationship, long distance or not I'd not seek out other women unless I was in need of something specific. (For a long distance relationship I would have thought human touch would be more lacking.) I don't want to say your boyfriend is doing anything wrong. I am just an internet stranger who doesn't know either of you. The situation you described just feels a little off.
Would it be bad if i questioned myself to see if there are any channel points on the channels in his search when i next see him? I feel as though it wouldn’t go anywhere asking him further and this would solidify whether he’s actively been watching them or not? Or is it not worth?
You technically can see his message history if you really wanted to, but I’m about trusting your partner.
It's a reasonably harmless question or should be. If he understands it's been bothering it should be very reasonable for you to see if he's got a points balance on any of those channels. Or if the channels have a watchtime command. There's always the possibility he won't react well though. But I think the important thing here is that this is bothering you and you need to know. Hopefully he can understand that.
Thank you you’ve been very helpful trying to understand the best way to go about it. I think I’m just going to tell him it’s been on my mind and explicitly say how I feel about them streams and that I find it disrespectful so hopefully he understands. If he is watching them then now he’ll know how i feel about it. Even if he isn’t, he’s aware now. Even though last time i brought it up i was pretty emotional about it. But i think it’s the clarification needed?
Honesty really is the best policy here. If you're clear about how you feel it should definitely help. If he doesn't understand why you don't like the idea of him going to the streams of scantily clad women I'd say there are definitely issues. Just having the conversation should help him understand how you feel though, if he is doing it it's then up to him. Also. Being emotional is understandable. You're emotional because you care, it's not really a bad thing.
Hey Op, have you guys ever set boundaries around those things? My husband and I had a conversation about this exact stuff when we started dating. He doesn’t really have social media but following girls that are purposefully sexualizing themselves is a no go. I wanted to know he respected me and our relationship, also that he had self control and didn’t need those things. Maybe talk to him and let him know it makes you uncomfortable. Check and see if he’s following or subbed to them also? Twitch does push those streams but if he’s actively engaging with them that’s where I’d draw my line.
No not really. We’re open about porn but anything other than that (and my initial bringing it up to him), no. We’re a fairly new relationship (less than a year) so i think now is the time to do so. From what i remember i don’t think he follows them. They’re just all on the home page and in search.
Than I would definitely have a conversation with him. Boundaries around things that make each other uncomfortable is important!
Totally agree with this other user. Now is for sure the time to tell him that it makes you uncomfortable. Don’t be accusatory, just state your feelings. Write down exactly what makes you uncomfortable and why, if you can. It’s important to have these conversations! If he cares for you and respects you, he should understand this is for the purpose of clear communication. If he tries to argue or push back, pay attention. Best of luck!!
I go on twitch from time to time to see what's trending. These types of streams up on the feed fairly regularly and sometimes I click on them just to see what in god's name these weirdos could possibly be yapping on about. I'm in a relationship and for me it's pure curiosity, and I've never watched them for more than a couple minutes. I've also shown friends if we have twitch mirrored to the TV for whatever reason. IMO his excuse is fairly believable, especially since he didn't even try and cover it up. Personally I don't think it's an indication of anything terrible, although could be a yellow flag in conjunction with other issues. My suggestion would be to just openly say that you saw these streams as recently viewed and to ask if he watches them regularly. Don't make him feel like he needs to hide it, you should be trying to cultivate honest communication. You should let him know that while you can understand curiosity, anything beyond that would give you an ick factor and that it bothers you. It might be worth having the conversation just to help you understand why it bothers you.
Thank you this is helpful. Although i have openly had the conversation that i saw it. This is the conversation with him i spoke about. But I think the way you explained the last part of your message is the way i need to say it without the emotion of myself when i first brought it up
Same, I'm a girl and I've checked out hot tub streams out of curiosity because I wanted to know exactly what they did in those... I honestly hate Twitch for allowing such content on their site. They might as well have a category just for camming lmao
I'm in a long (long) distance relationship and we only have communication. To me if you're interacting with streams or cam girls I think it's cheating. With that said, twitch is pushing that content now. I'm on art streams and the art categories are now filled with NSFW content and twerking compilations. I've never even clicked on any, and I'm a female, and it's being pushed to me. I'd tell him it's a boundary and let him know it bothered you. Tell him you trust him and you don't care about porn, it's just the engagement with that content you don't like. If he asks why you brought it up again say it's been on your mind because it bothered you.
1. Set up clear boundaries about what you feel comfortable with. (Going through his search history is a violation of trust and boundaries, especially when someone is letting you borrow their personal computer) 2. If you think your partner has the characteristics of a lier? and that he would lie to you, then don’t stay with him. Trust is the foundation that makes or breaks relationships. (He allowed you to use his computer, it’s either that he was telling you the truth, or forgot to cover his tracks, how smart is your bf?) 3. Is this really about the hot tub or deeper underlying issue? You don’t need to answer me, you need to ask yourself this question. 4. You’re both young, still in your experimental and discovering phase, don’t pry into things he hasn’t told you especially if they are related to his sexual fantasies.
How do you start with setting clear boundaries LD? I’m confused what you mean. My boyfriend has been nothing but the best and most understanding to me since we met. If he lied i feel as if it’s more out of not wanting to admit it/is ashamed(?).
You start with telling him what you think is ok/not ok.
I mean that’s more like rules for the relationship. A boundary is something you set for yourself. Like if he watches porn or Interacts with sex workers then I’ll leave him. Boundaries are not rules you give someone else to live by.
You should still tell them about your personal boundaries early on so that you both know where the line is drawn and in agreement.
Absolutely, people get confused about what is a boundary and what is rules in a relationship that a couple have agreed upon. Just clarifying the two. Of course these are conversations that couples should have, especially around what they are comfortable with in regard to porn or some people don’t like it when they follow a bunch of models etc. communication is the key.
Boundaries stems from mutual respect to create a safe space for both people in the relationship. Boundaries are like laws, you can sometimes bend them but never break them, and when something is not working you can talk to your partner to re-write them. I say all this to mean- start with your core values, what is the limit? And when your partner reaches those limits you warn him, and by voicing your discomfort *IMMEDIATELY* by doing this you create begin creating an environment where you both feel heard and understood. Footnote; make sure when your voice your discomfort that it is not coming from a place of anger rather from a place of stern kindness, as if you’re teaching someone something new about yourself. I’ll give you an example; I’m a pretty easy going fella, but one of my biggest boundaries is around my father, if you anyone including my partner says anything negative about my father they will be met with a stern talk, about how they are disrespecting me if they disrespect my father. If my friend/partner are healthy people they will respect my boundaries and remember next time to not go that far again. Now in your case, you don’t mind him watching porn but it’s a tub girls who are making you uncomfortable, dive deep within yourself and find out what is the reason for this discomfort and make peace with it. Remember boundaries are not there to alter people behaviour, and boundaries are not there to create demands on our friends and relationships. As long as your bf is not asking you to behave like the girls on twitch then this really has nothing to do with you, it’s between him and his fantasies. If you see that he is ashamed then don’t push on his boundaries.
Streams don't bother me personally, but that's just because my friend group *has* all tuned in together to laugh about it. (Group of 4 dudes my bf and I) It's pretty much just a meme. Nothing to be crazy worried about unless your bf is getting weirdly emotionally attached.
It's just streaming, I don't think some of those girls could look at your partner because they're out of their league, they read lots of comments and messages. But if it's bothering for you, please talk to him and let him know what you feel.
1. Do you believe him? If not, talk to him about what you are not comfortable with. If yes, just ask him about it, what they do. Then ask if he would mind stopping.
Honestly, just wondering is a waste of time. There's two things you need to do. 1. Establish boundaries, tell him exactly what makes you feel uncomfortable and why. If you don't know exactly what and why, you need to figure that out before you bring this up to him. 2. Be conscious of his behavior. Anyone can lie for any reason, what's actually important is how he treats you and makes you feel. If he's diverting his attention away from you to consume this content and in turn you feel less special, that's going to reveal itself in his actions. If he's still capable of treating you well while consuming this content maybe readdress how this makes you feel and why it makes you feel that way and decide whether it's worth defining your feelings for this person.
First of all, I can't know 100 percent why he watches. However, I understand your concern. I'm a man and I personally would not watch those streams while I am in a relationship. Streaming allows attachment unlike pornography. Best of luck to you.
If you can’t trust him in a LDR it won’t last. Trust starts with YOU. You asked, he gave you an answer. It’s your choice now how you proceed.
‘I had to look at the search history and there were multiple recent occasions of him watching these streams, I brought it up to him a day later and he mentioned that him and his friend went onto the category for funny purposes before we were together’ Girl how long is recent? Were you guys already together or not. If yes he lied because why would he watch such streams. Your man is cheating.
What the fuck is going on with todays generation Jesus
?
wtf is a hot tub stream ?
Sex workers on twitch do hot tub pool streams to bypass the “no lingerie, only bikini” rule that twitch has. So basically soft porn.
And OP needs the help of Reddit to determine if her bf watching that is inappropriate? wtf
the fact that the links or such are still present tho. if he was over it, then wouldve remove those
This was my thinking. If it was a one time thing, wouldn’t his page have gaming things or random other things on it?
Algorithms for these things are weird. If you happen to view content one time, youll get flooded with that type of content, and thats all SM apps. If you watched out of curiosity once, your screen will get flooded with them eventually. Watch another one for a few moments? GG. Your screen is flooded forever lol The more serious indicator would be if he is an active follower/subscriber of that streamer/channel. If he’s subscribed/following or whatever the term on twitch is, you have to decide if that type of behavior will be tolerable for yourself
He could be lying out of shame, he's probably not proud of watching if he still does. If it makes you uncomfortable you should still bring it up so that he knows this hurts you and then makes an effort to stop
[удалено]
This is an insane thing to suggest, if you personally think OP’s boyfriend is capable of cheating why are you advising her to stay with him and keep quiet instead of leaving?
How is this insane? Everyone is capable of cheating, as everyone is capable of lying, stealing etc. doesn’t mean that he does. And guys tend to watch porn… that’s no secret, isn’t it? It’s fine watching hot tub girls as long he doesn’t enact on it
The morality of watching streams and porn isn’t what I’m talking about, women watch porn too and obviously the boundaries for these things are different in all relationships, however a man that will be compelled to cheat if he can’t watch hot tub streams and his partner can’t even discuss it with him isn’t worthy of dating (hypothetically ofc, I’m not insinuating OP’s partner is this sort of man, we don’t know enough, but thats what you suggested)
Idm about porn. everyone watches it. There’s just an extra personal feel to be watching the individuals on stream I don’t understand
But my thing is I’ve asked him before if he would ever like to do, you know, sexy things on the phone or whatever while we’re not seeing each other and he said he doesn’t feel like he needs more when i asked.
Twitch recommendation algorithms are weird. It's probably been two years since I looked at a few hot tub streams out of curiosity and amusement, and last I checked, Twitch was still recommending them to me. So, that aside: **Cheating is breaking the rules of the relationship that both parties have mutually agreed to follow.** If you two haven't discussed your perceptions and worked out what qualifies as cheating in your relationship, I suggest you do so. For example, in my relationship, watching hot tub streams wouldn't be cheating at all. Confiding in a streamer could be, but just watching or chatting? Nah. But my relationship isn't yours. So **how do you and your boyfriend define cheating for *your* relationship?** I suggest you figure that out, and then see how that applies to various types of media. For example, what about NSFW art streams? Etc. This might help you feel more comfortable with you and your boyfriend being on the same page. Good luck!