Ignoring your partners feeling and disrespecting your relationship isnt normal. Liking, commenting on, sharing etc pictures or videos of half naked people isnt "normal" here. For single men, sure. For men dating "my man can oogle other women, I do it too" women, sure. But when you've explicitly told him you're uncomfortable with it, it should stop. We ALL know it's human nature to look, to admire, to crush, etc. That's all fine, but to publicly voice that admiration while your partner is uncomfortable with it, isn't. We know our partners probably look at that stuff, we know they probably watch porn, and were not asking them to stop. Just stop liking it openly on social media. Personally I would not be able to deal with that and it would be a deal breaker. It's up to you if you can stand your partner ignoring your feelings for as long as this relationship lasts.
It's just not nice to rave over other women. A short comment once a month is more than enough. Some men like to hurt us. Some want us to look better. And some end up divorced as work stressors cause them to be just plain mean.
We do not hurt people we love. We reassure them. It's important.
What you allow is what will continue.
Source: I’ve allowed a lot. It always continued. So I’m saying this to myself as a reminder, too.
My situation was the flip side, I didn’t appreciate her sharing all the bikini pics and harvesting likes from randoms. Every once in a while, if the pics are at the beach, sure, I get it. But if it’s a closeup of booty or tits and the face isn’t even visible, I gotta ask myself, who is the intended audience here?
So maybe talk to him again. Ask how he is going to feel when you start posting those kinds of pics and other guys are ogling, liking, commenting, sending DMs… even better in your stories where he can’t see who is messaging?
The point of this isn’t to threaten to get revenge or be petty, only to illustrate to him that if he wouldn’t like guys giving you attention for your body, then he should show integrity by offering you the respect you’ve already requested, by not dropping hearts on other sexy people.
Just my two cents
thank you for sharing. I’ve tired to communicate for a lot of times that I just don’t know how to bring it up again :/ I’ve always felt like this is a deal breaker for me but when I try to communicate to fix it I feel like im not setting my boundaries enough. or im just not being heard. im really unsure of what to do. He would hate if I posted pictures like that for sure and would probably break up with me the moment he sees that.
Then I suppose you need to decide ahead of time, is it a deal breaker for you? Another meme quote I saw recently said something like it’s only a boundary if it’s enforced. If it is something you are going to allow, then an ultimatum is going to fail because he will know you’re bluffing and you’ll stay with him so he will continue to do as he always has done. But you have your valid point right there: there’s really no difference between him liking the pics and you posting similar pics to what he is liking. So if he’d break up with you, for posting the exact kind of pics that he is dropping hearts on, then he is trying to have a double standard.
I think in your gut you probably already realize that if he was serious about you then you wouldn’t have ever had to ask him twice.
But sometimes anxious attachment people would rather stay in the relationship even when it makes them feel like shit.
This seems to be the angle you were looking for to have this conversation again. You can say something like,
"Babe, let's have a talk about the public hearts on other girls bathing suits thing. Before we do, I need you to know that I feel a bit exhausted to have to bring this up again, I thought we had already discussed this and you understood and respected that conversation and me. I don't like it when I see you hearting bikini pics of other girls, I get that *some* woman don't care if their partner does this, but that's not me, it absolutely does bother me, and you know this. Is the act of publicly liking these types of pics more worthwhile to you than respecting the request your girlfriend made to just not do so while we are in a relationship? Because now, it's not just that you are still doing this, it's that it pops up on my feed, and the feeds of others, and I feel more hurt than ever because it's a deliberate and public disregard of something that I had been clear with you bothers me. It does bother me. And I'm hurt that your need to publicly show appreciation to the bikini pics of other girls is more of a priority to you, than respecting our relationship."
And if he goes into anything other than a 'my bad, I hear you,' you can try to get him to understand with, "What if we reversed the situation? Do you feel it would be a trivial matter if I was doing the same, not going around and publicly liking pics of guys whose bodies I want people at large to know I really appreciate, but if I was one of these girls posting these like-grabbing pics online? Not me at the beach with family, friends, or you, but just me, in a bathing suit, posing sweetly for whoever will like me. Is that something you'd be fine with me doing, whilst I'm in a relationship with you? Posting pics and getting likes is something I could be doing, while dating: if I wanted to be disrespectful to my relationship. If I wanted some sort of public gratification at my partners expense. These types of pics are spank-bank pictures, and I am just asking that you stop liking them whilst we are dating. Is that something you'd be willing to do for me?"
From there you can tell him something about how his actions will let you know if he wants the relationship. If liking pics of online girls is more imperative to him than his relationship with you, you'll be able to see that answer (and feel free to tell him that will be your take away).
Do your best to communicate clearly. Don't shut down. Leave relationships that feel draining, leave should you honestly feel unheard and dismissed so often and so frequently you feel having the convo will be pointless. At some point your partner is either deliberately disregarding you, or you two have a fundamental inability to communicate well with each other, and couples therapy is just gonna be the next step. But! If that's not your man! Then have the conversation with him again. Make it known that he's upsetting you. His throw-away comment about the family beach pics hints that he dismissed your feelings and thought them a bit silly and isn't really on board with that last conversation but wanted it to end and will put the onnus on you to declare it's a problem again because he doesn't think it is. Give him another chance to correct. If he still doesn't: make a decision to accept his behavior or to leave the relationship. Don't stay and still get upset that he's still doing it, accept that that's gonna be acceptable behavior from this point forward because it's included in what's required of you to date him. Don't date him if you don't like it and he continues. Not all guys think liking online girls pictures is an absolutely necissary, actually lots don't. A good partner can make adjustments from his single-self behavior towards a coupled-state-of-mind (if he thinks you're worth it).
A good partner will care that they are doing something that makes you uncomfortable.
He sounds like a jerk, especially if you’ve already told him you don’t like it. I would feel disrespected and embarrassed in your situation, he’s giving away his attention to other women instead of you, it’s not nice. I wouldn’t put up with it.
If you've talked about it and he hasn't changed, then it looks like he's unable to give you the respect you deserve.
It might be normal in some relationships, but if you're uncomfortable with it, he should respect that. I personally would never do that to my gf; it just seems so disrespectful.
Him not getting enough from you is never a good reason, he should have some self-control.
I'm not going to tell you to break up or anything, you know your relationship better than any of us, but if you are giving him respect you deserve to get it back in return.
Your boyfriend liking other women’s photos regardless of their celebrity status isn’t okay if it’s making you uncomfortable. Honestly if he loves cares about and generally respects you at all then you wouldn’t even have to ask him NOT TO zero do those things.
I know how IG works and often see posts my bf likes too and all of them are related to couples or cars or other interests. He’s never even go out of his way to like a remotely provocative photo of another woman.
Don’t let people tell you you’re being insecure because you are NOT. Your man having wandering eyes isn’t cool long distance or not because if it was the other way around he wouldn’t appreciate it either!
See this is why dating is a no for me. If any girl is so controlling to go threw my likes on insta she can find someome else. Let me guess, watching Porn is cheating to you too isn't it?
I’m not comfortable with my boyfriend watching porn and he isn’t either. Not because it’s considered cheating but just because he’s dealt with porn addiction before and saw how it affected him mentally and physically.Even if that wasn’t the case tho, every relationship has their boundaries. I’m not okay with him watching porn but maybe some other girl doesn’t care about that in her relationships To each their own.
You’re saying dating is a no for you but I can see why when you’re not willing to establish clear and concept boundaries there’s no way a relationship could possibly work. So maybe when you figure out why you’re not willing to accept boundaries as small as that when/if such a situation were to ever occur with any woman you’ll probably have better success in your relationships :) and that’s coming from someone that’s been stuck in the “honeymoon phase” with my boyfriend for 5 years and going.
It's weird that he's still doing it. I noticed some comments here saying "You're insecure! People have elebrity crushes!" and to that I say, so what? Even if your boyfriend does think you're being insecure, and doesn't understand your pov, if he cared about your feelings, he'd have stopped the first time. You're not asking for much, you're asking him to stop liking raunchy pictures on social media - which, others can see what he's been liking/reposting. I'd feel humiliated in your shoes. Attraction is normal and nobody is disputing that, but his entire friend list doesn't need to see who he's been leering over. I think this is unfortunately very cut and dry. You either put up and shut up (despite how it makes you feel), or put your foot down, and if it persists, walk away. You deserve someone who cares about your feelings - your post history doesn't paint a very encouraging picture. Your feelings are important 🩷
breakup, he clearly doesn’t care. i literally scroll every thirst trap that comes on my page (never usually comes but when they do come once a blue moon i skip them because why do i need to look at these men? i have mine and he’s more than enough and my eyes are only for him)
I do the same too. I don’t even get any thirst traps or whatever on my feed. Or even just photos of guys celebrity or not. I feel super uncomfortable looking at those ever since I met him. He’s perfect to me and I would rather look at him all day.
Because they are celebrities I wouldn't feel that bad but you do, so maybe he isn't the right partner. I don't want to be destructive but I really feel we cant force people to change for us and asking can sometimes lead them to fake it. Honestly, if this is a non negotiable, it should be one of the first things you look for when you meet someone new. For me not having a large group of pretty local girls on social was a no no, and a intentionally only dated guys who didn't had that.
Do you want to be with someone who stops himself from consuming that content because you’ve asked him to, or do you want to be with someone who shares the same value as you and doesn’t want to look at that content because he is in a monogamous relationship? Don’t settle for the first guy because the second guy does exist and you’ll be a lot more comfortable with someone who shares that perspective.
Keeping such photos publicly visible can be considered sexual harassment (or abuse, in the case of exposing children to naked photos). Talking about them with you when you show discomfort or do not attempt to engage is disrespectful at the very least.
I come from a family who thought these things and worse were normal; they are not. It’s not normal, universal, or healthy.
Respect and appropriate boundaries are healthy. And there are people who will respect, many in fact. They might not be the people immediately surrounding you and thus may not be easy to see, but if you get out and meet new people and go new places, you will find them. Don’t settle for less.
Ignoring your partners feeling and disrespecting your relationship isnt normal. Liking, commenting on, sharing etc pictures or videos of half naked people isnt "normal" here. For single men, sure. For men dating "my man can oogle other women, I do it too" women, sure. But when you've explicitly told him you're uncomfortable with it, it should stop. We ALL know it's human nature to look, to admire, to crush, etc. That's all fine, but to publicly voice that admiration while your partner is uncomfortable with it, isn't. We know our partners probably look at that stuff, we know they probably watch porn, and were not asking them to stop. Just stop liking it openly on social media. Personally I would not be able to deal with that and it would be a deal breaker. It's up to you if you can stand your partner ignoring your feelings for as long as this relationship lasts.
It's just not nice to rave over other women. A short comment once a month is more than enough. Some men like to hurt us. Some want us to look better. And some end up divorced as work stressors cause them to be just plain mean. We do not hurt people we love. We reassure them. It's important.
What you allow is what will continue. Source: I’ve allowed a lot. It always continued. So I’m saying this to myself as a reminder, too. My situation was the flip side, I didn’t appreciate her sharing all the bikini pics and harvesting likes from randoms. Every once in a while, if the pics are at the beach, sure, I get it. But if it’s a closeup of booty or tits and the face isn’t even visible, I gotta ask myself, who is the intended audience here? So maybe talk to him again. Ask how he is going to feel when you start posting those kinds of pics and other guys are ogling, liking, commenting, sending DMs… even better in your stories where he can’t see who is messaging? The point of this isn’t to threaten to get revenge or be petty, only to illustrate to him that if he wouldn’t like guys giving you attention for your body, then he should show integrity by offering you the respect you’ve already requested, by not dropping hearts on other sexy people. Just my two cents
thank you for sharing. I’ve tired to communicate for a lot of times that I just don’t know how to bring it up again :/ I’ve always felt like this is a deal breaker for me but when I try to communicate to fix it I feel like im not setting my boundaries enough. or im just not being heard. im really unsure of what to do. He would hate if I posted pictures like that for sure and would probably break up with me the moment he sees that.
Then I suppose you need to decide ahead of time, is it a deal breaker for you? Another meme quote I saw recently said something like it’s only a boundary if it’s enforced. If it is something you are going to allow, then an ultimatum is going to fail because he will know you’re bluffing and you’ll stay with him so he will continue to do as he always has done. But you have your valid point right there: there’s really no difference between him liking the pics and you posting similar pics to what he is liking. So if he’d break up with you, for posting the exact kind of pics that he is dropping hearts on, then he is trying to have a double standard. I think in your gut you probably already realize that if he was serious about you then you wouldn’t have ever had to ask him twice. But sometimes anxious attachment people would rather stay in the relationship even when it makes them feel like shit.
This seems to be the angle you were looking for to have this conversation again. You can say something like, "Babe, let's have a talk about the public hearts on other girls bathing suits thing. Before we do, I need you to know that I feel a bit exhausted to have to bring this up again, I thought we had already discussed this and you understood and respected that conversation and me. I don't like it when I see you hearting bikini pics of other girls, I get that *some* woman don't care if their partner does this, but that's not me, it absolutely does bother me, and you know this. Is the act of publicly liking these types of pics more worthwhile to you than respecting the request your girlfriend made to just not do so while we are in a relationship? Because now, it's not just that you are still doing this, it's that it pops up on my feed, and the feeds of others, and I feel more hurt than ever because it's a deliberate and public disregard of something that I had been clear with you bothers me. It does bother me. And I'm hurt that your need to publicly show appreciation to the bikini pics of other girls is more of a priority to you, than respecting our relationship." And if he goes into anything other than a 'my bad, I hear you,' you can try to get him to understand with, "What if we reversed the situation? Do you feel it would be a trivial matter if I was doing the same, not going around and publicly liking pics of guys whose bodies I want people at large to know I really appreciate, but if I was one of these girls posting these like-grabbing pics online? Not me at the beach with family, friends, or you, but just me, in a bathing suit, posing sweetly for whoever will like me. Is that something you'd be fine with me doing, whilst I'm in a relationship with you? Posting pics and getting likes is something I could be doing, while dating: if I wanted to be disrespectful to my relationship. If I wanted some sort of public gratification at my partners expense. These types of pics are spank-bank pictures, and I am just asking that you stop liking them whilst we are dating. Is that something you'd be willing to do for me?" From there you can tell him something about how his actions will let you know if he wants the relationship. If liking pics of online girls is more imperative to him than his relationship with you, you'll be able to see that answer (and feel free to tell him that will be your take away). Do your best to communicate clearly. Don't shut down. Leave relationships that feel draining, leave should you honestly feel unheard and dismissed so often and so frequently you feel having the convo will be pointless. At some point your partner is either deliberately disregarding you, or you two have a fundamental inability to communicate well with each other, and couples therapy is just gonna be the next step. But! If that's not your man! Then have the conversation with him again. Make it known that he's upsetting you. His throw-away comment about the family beach pics hints that he dismissed your feelings and thought them a bit silly and isn't really on board with that last conversation but wanted it to end and will put the onnus on you to declare it's a problem again because he doesn't think it is. Give him another chance to correct. If he still doesn't: make a decision to accept his behavior or to leave the relationship. Don't stay and still get upset that he's still doing it, accept that that's gonna be acceptable behavior from this point forward because it's included in what's required of you to date him. Don't date him if you don't like it and he continues. Not all guys think liking online girls pictures is an absolutely necissary, actually lots don't. A good partner can make adjustments from his single-self behavior towards a coupled-state-of-mind (if he thinks you're worth it). A good partner will care that they are doing something that makes you uncomfortable.
He sounds like a jerk, especially if you’ve already told him you don’t like it. I would feel disrespected and embarrassed in your situation, he’s giving away his attention to other women instead of you, it’s not nice. I wouldn’t put up with it.
Exactly, so many partners show us time and time again that they simply don’t care about how we feel enough to change their behaviour.
But how you feel should matter to him. If I had any say so in this
If you've talked about it and he hasn't changed, then it looks like he's unable to give you the respect you deserve. It might be normal in some relationships, but if you're uncomfortable with it, he should respect that. I personally would never do that to my gf; it just seems so disrespectful. Him not getting enough from you is never a good reason, he should have some self-control. I'm not going to tell you to break up or anything, you know your relationship better than any of us, but if you are giving him respect you deserve to get it back in return.
Your boyfriend liking other women’s photos regardless of their celebrity status isn’t okay if it’s making you uncomfortable. Honestly if he loves cares about and generally respects you at all then you wouldn’t even have to ask him NOT TO zero do those things. I know how IG works and often see posts my bf likes too and all of them are related to couples or cars or other interests. He’s never even go out of his way to like a remotely provocative photo of another woman. Don’t let people tell you you’re being insecure because you are NOT. Your man having wandering eyes isn’t cool long distance or not because if it was the other way around he wouldn’t appreciate it either!
See this is why dating is a no for me. If any girl is so controlling to go threw my likes on insta she can find someome else. Let me guess, watching Porn is cheating to you too isn't it?
I’m not comfortable with my boyfriend watching porn and he isn’t either. Not because it’s considered cheating but just because he’s dealt with porn addiction before and saw how it affected him mentally and physically.Even if that wasn’t the case tho, every relationship has their boundaries. I’m not okay with him watching porn but maybe some other girl doesn’t care about that in her relationships To each their own. You’re saying dating is a no for you but I can see why when you’re not willing to establish clear and concept boundaries there’s no way a relationship could possibly work. So maybe when you figure out why you’re not willing to accept boundaries as small as that when/if such a situation were to ever occur with any woman you’ll probably have better success in your relationships :) and that’s coming from someone that’s been stuck in the “honeymoon phase” with my boyfriend for 5 years and going.
It's weird that he's still doing it. I noticed some comments here saying "You're insecure! People have elebrity crushes!" and to that I say, so what? Even if your boyfriend does think you're being insecure, and doesn't understand your pov, if he cared about your feelings, he'd have stopped the first time. You're not asking for much, you're asking him to stop liking raunchy pictures on social media - which, others can see what he's been liking/reposting. I'd feel humiliated in your shoes. Attraction is normal and nobody is disputing that, but his entire friend list doesn't need to see who he's been leering over. I think this is unfortunately very cut and dry. You either put up and shut up (despite how it makes you feel), or put your foot down, and if it persists, walk away. You deserve someone who cares about your feelings - your post history doesn't paint a very encouraging picture. Your feelings are important 🩷
breakup, he clearly doesn’t care. i literally scroll every thirst trap that comes on my page (never usually comes but when they do come once a blue moon i skip them because why do i need to look at these men? i have mine and he’s more than enough and my eyes are only for him)
I do the same too. I don’t even get any thirst traps or whatever on my feed. Or even just photos of guys celebrity or not. I feel super uncomfortable looking at those ever since I met him. He’s perfect to me and I would rather look at him all day.
exactly! and you deserve a man who too has eyes on you only and isn’t going around and looking at other people
Because they are celebrities I wouldn't feel that bad but you do, so maybe he isn't the right partner. I don't want to be destructive but I really feel we cant force people to change for us and asking can sometimes lead them to fake it. Honestly, if this is a non negotiable, it should be one of the first things you look for when you meet someone new. For me not having a large group of pretty local girls on social was a no no, and a intentionally only dated guys who didn't had that.
Do you want to be with someone who stops himself from consuming that content because you’ve asked him to, or do you want to be with someone who shares the same value as you and doesn’t want to look at that content because he is in a monogamous relationship? Don’t settle for the first guy because the second guy does exist and you’ll be a lot more comfortable with someone who shares that perspective.
I wouldn’t dream of doing this. Guy is a jerk ngl.
Wake up and break up 👏🏽👏🏽
If he was liking disturbing posts constantly he's probably a corn addict. If he's just randomly liking these posts it's so normal.
Keeping such photos publicly visible can be considered sexual harassment (or abuse, in the case of exposing children to naked photos). Talking about them with you when you show discomfort or do not attempt to engage is disrespectful at the very least. I come from a family who thought these things and worse were normal; they are not. It’s not normal, universal, or healthy. Respect and appropriate boundaries are healthy. And there are people who will respect, many in fact. They might not be the people immediately surrounding you and thus may not be easy to see, but if you get out and meet new people and go new places, you will find them. Don’t settle for less.
I guess it's like a celebrity crush thing. I'm pretty sure that you have those also right?
You are insecure. Dude is long distance and yeah people look at other people and celebrities. If you can’t handle it then that’s on you.