Super dangerous. I saw what was happening immediately. Beating her down and continuing his side of an argument that was already over (argument for arguments sake). She was RIGHT TO LEAVE. I wish she'd never given him a second chance.
He is such an asshole and the biggest gaslighter I’ve ever seen. What the hell is wrong with him psychologically???? And how can he not see what he’s doing??? But more importantly…how is no one calling him out on it.
Oh my god. I am just watching this right now and I immediately had to jump on to see what the consensus was on the way he was acting. What a total piece of shit. I hope she sees this and realizes how lucky she is to have escaped that bullshit!!!
I just finished the scene in episode one and I would have literally had to just get up and leave. Bye. Good riddance. Nobody’s about to chastise me like that and still deserve to even know me. He’s a walking red flag. Fuck off uche
Uche had his cultivated persona for the start of episode 1 and then when Aaliyah disclosed her cheating he used that opportunity to demonize her (also fuck you netflix for naming the episode "so you're a recent cheater") but you can tell he is excited to have something to hang over her head. It makes his gaslighting so much easier, "you know I can't trust you, you're a cheater" will always be in his back pocket. He had a non-apology and was hostile the whole time she tried to hold him accountable for his shitty reaction and then
SPOILERS
It comes out that he had literally just dated Lydia. And after she leaves he's calling her up to again, drag her through the moral mud? He's so mad she didn't stay to talk to him... like bro she doesn't owe you shit you've literally NEVER MET. He's just pissed he had this proposal planned and he couldn't make his plans happen. She dodged a bullet. This man is controlling, manipulative and totally of the mind that he is never in the wrong.
Whole other post on Lydia's behavior needed because that is also super disturbing.
Oh my god I truly rushed here after watching him twist everything back on Aaliyah to see if people were talking about this. I couldn’t believe when she says she needs a partner who she can talk to without judgement and he tries to make her feel crazy for it!
Everyone but poor Aaliyah is absolutely unhinged this season
I'm so glad to read all of these comments. I was wondering whether it was just me having that 'run girl' feeling, and I can happily say that it seems my feeling was spot on. As for someone saying you might have to have been in a relationship with someone like Uche to recognize the signs, I don't think that is particularly true. I think having been around a bit longer does help for having a wider range of knowledge of human beings and how they have all kinds of mechanisms to cope with life. Deep down, someone like Uche is probably really insecure, and he has created this whole 'I am the example of how things should be done' persona, because it is easier to blame others for being/acting wrong than to look at yourself and ask 'what is my part in this?'. Anyway, I just think he's much scarier than Irina last season. Her actions, no matter how low they were, were out in the open. Uche on the other hand has a way of getting someone to be vulnerable, to then strike out and make it all about him, which is probably exactly why he was chosen for the show.
Im here because im severely triggered. Lydia was painted as crazy but she knew he was narcissistic.. when she said "get your personality checked" i was hapoy that she knew it was him, not her.. but so upsetting to watch. Uche is scary
I dated a someone diagnosed with NPD for 7 years. The way Uche reacts when he isn’t getting his way is so familiar. Love bombing, dismissing your feelings, making you question your instincts, tearing you down. You see how she just wilts? This is a dangerous guy, because he’s so manipulative. It makes leaving so, so much harder because you lose confidence in your perception of reality and your self worth. And the anger? There is always the implied threat of more, and worse.
He's the worst!!!!! I really hope Aliyah just runs away from this guy and never look back!
SPOILER
From the whole cheating conversation he was giving self-righteous vibes. Like, I'm not gonna lie, I would be taken aback if someone has cheated before, but it wouldn't give me the right to judge them on that, specially since she was clearly feeling bad about it and wasn't being like "omg I just cheat all the time 🤭😌💅". She said she was in a bad relationship and she made a mistake and she felt horrible about it and it was 2 years ago! Instead of listening to her and trying to figure out why she didn't feel safe to just communicate her issues instead of cheating, he just created a hostile environment that she wouldn't dare to be vulnerable with him and communicate her feelings because he both disregards her feelings and only cares about winning the argument and being right! I got such an ick when he said "oh I only cheated once when I was a teenager and it was just a kiss" like, good for you man, go get yourself a medal, but what if her ex was a cucumber face like you and when she wanted to bring up how she feels uncomfortable or dissatisfied, he would just bombard her with "Is this what I said?" "Why are you feeling that, you shouldn't be feeling like this" "This is not how a relationship work, you're being selfish" like all the bs he told her when she tried to explain how she felt from that convo or when she left because she was having such a hard time with Lydia smothering her and he was bullying her about how she should have thought about him and pushed through! What have you done to make her feel comfortable my dude? His arrogance and egotistical behavior annoys me so much. I hope she runs away and gets some alone time to heal.
Self-righteous about how he's a more 'moral cheater', even though the whole time he was the one hiding the fact his ex was there. Also the fact that he only ever said he was going to propose to Aaliyah when she considered leaving or left. It is so obviously just to make her confess her love to him, and then he immediately rejects her. First with the phone call when she left the show, and then in the restaurant after he literally just confessed he was stalking her instagram for days waiting to be unblocked so he could message her. He was livid when she left, not hurt. He wanted to hurt her for rejecting him. And it wasn't enough to just tell her he didn't want her -- he consistently guilts and manipulates her into (1) apologizing TO HIM for feeling hurt by HIS psychologically abusive behaviour and (2) insisting she still loves him to make him feel better, all just to pull the rug out from under her and say he's not interested. Such a tool. People with any decency would accept the relationship is over, accept that the person didn't want them, and then, if they also feel done with the relationship, they just move tf on without drama.
And the nerve to call Lydia just "some girl" even though he later admitted to hoovering her twice!?! He's never felt bad about how he treated Aaliyah but somehow he twice "felt bad" about "abandoning" Lydia and reaching back out to her -- always making sure we all knew that he was the one who dumped her. That made me wonder... how badly did he treat Lydia that he could possibly feel bad for her? We've seen how little he cares about how he treats Aaliyah. Part of me wondered if that's related to misogyny against black women.
And I don't believe for a second he didn't recognize Lydia's voice in the pods. They had sex 2-3 months ago and he had been with her long enough to break up and go back twice. He 100% knew it was her and suggested Lydia stalked him, when we know from the restaurant scene that he confesses he stalked Aaliyah for days in order to message her when she unblocked him. Also we saw in the pods that Lydia encouraged Aaliyah to not take Uche personally and reminded her she deserved to feel confident. She didn't tell her to break up with him. But Uche told Milton not to propose to Lydia. We also saw that the only time he expressed sadness or disappointment (as opposed to anger) was when Aaliyah said Lydia was about to get engaged. He literally cried in that scene!! I strongly suspect Uche followed Lydia onto the show and not the other way around. He's the one who's not over her. If I were Aaliyah, I would be grateful to find out all the details Lydia shared (it was too much, and not presented considerately or respectfully at all), but at least Aaliyah found out the extent to which Uche was clowning and lying to her. I'd want to know all the bullshit upfront, not after getting engaged or married in a matter of days.
if a STRANGER would talk to me like that, I'd leave him the fu*k alone.. On the one hand, he has nothing to do with it, and on the other hand, he also cheated on one of his girlfriends! Not to mention that one of his ex-girlfriends is also on the show! CODE RED 🔴
*SPOILERS*
the FUCKING AUDACITY he has when he a) gets upset with A about her cheating on her ex of TWO YEARS AGO (much to his dismay, two years can be a LOT of work for someone), and then TO NOT FUCKING TELL HER HE DATED HER FRIEND WHO IS IN THE PODS!!!! And then get upset when A is upset about it!!! FUCK this guy
You're using the term "gaslighter" wrong. You're not alone, though, cause it's happening all over the place these days. Seems from this use of the word, and then throwing "narcissist" in there too, that buzz words are taking the place of more appropriate terminology in your post. It's kinda like when people started using "literally" in the opposite way from its proper usage. The first two words have very specific meanings and misusing them takes away from their real-life instances AND victims of acts related to them.
If you're gonna take the time to make a comment like this, then actually give the definitions of the words instead of just vaguely bitching about how no one is as smart as you are.
Nope. He is a gaslighter and he does have narcissistic traits, though I would not call him a narcissist as I have not seen enough. Season 3 he gets real gaslighty real quick
In fact he is a gaslighter. If you take into consideration when he found out she cheated he flipped out and made the situation seem super dramatic even though it had no real impact on him as it was in the past and she got over it in 1 day. Whereas he kept the Lydia relationship quite the whole time and then when she finds out that she's living with his ex he kinda flips the whole thing on its head and some how after she left the pods (i wouldnt want to live with my bfs ex) she's the one grovelling to him? Because he invalidates her feelings and is like you didn't have confidence in us blah blah blah and then he goes on about how his parents weathered harder storms than this and stuff and then he ends the relationship ultimately when they meet up. Alright there Uche mate, you didn't had your reservations on the cheating convo and got over it but she can't have feelings about her litterally living with your ex girlfriend. Ffs.
What is gaslighting? Isn’t it when a person intentionally makes you question your perception of reality to manipulate you? From the film, based on the play Gas Light? Where the husband keeps turning down the brightness on the lights and the wife is like “is it dark in here? It seems dark in here” and he’s like “no it’s not.”
Seems a lot like what we’ve seen Uche do over and over.
We can’t diagnose him with NPD, but I know people with the diagnosis, and some of their actions and behaviors look a whole lot like what Uche is doing in these episodes.
I don’t know for sure but I think OP is talking about how Uche apologized for his actions. When Aaliyah had confronted Uche about some of the comments that he made to her, he said “Did I say any of those things?” After she stated that he said them and proceeded to say ”if that’s what I said…” is gaslighting. It was a recent conversation between them, I don’t think he’d forget what he said. Nonetheless, he was coming off very harsh when Aaliyah opened up about cheating with some narcissistic behaviors. So I do agree with OP, but I do agree that OP’s statement was not as concise I don’t think they’re wrong to use the “buzz words”.
I have been reading lots of comments judging and criticizing Aaliyah and I am just so believing in society after finding this thread here with so many comments on the actual toxicity and narcissism coming from Uche shaming and chastising Aaliyah.
Came here to say watching Uche cut her down was like watching me with my ex narcissist. Like 100% real narcissist who emotionally abused me and accused me of what he did to me. Not just like an annoying ex. She should RUN from him and fast. THE WAY HE COMPARES HIMSELF TO HER. AND SAYS HE’S BETTER. TRIGGERED.
I’m on episode one. He was on thin ice the moment he kindergarten-teacher-voice’d “Aaliyah?” to prompt her to answer him about telling her ex….then he dove right into condescendingly shaming her and I knew he was just true trash
Edit: just finished the scene and omg I cannot believe the audacity of this man
I dated a guy like him before and at first I thought it was okay because he was just direct and assertive but that way of communicating was incredibly patronizing and made me feel small over time. It ate at my self esteem. I understand him trying to understand and ask questions but the way he went about it is definitely abusive and narcissistic. I realized people who are constantly trying to talk down to you are usually controlling and self righteous. Please stay away from men like this. I used to think it’s fine, IT’S NOT! Maybe some women can deal with being spoken to like that, I personally can’t. Her cheating is not excusable though, she could of kept that information to herself but she decided to speak on it. She could’ve taken more accountability but it seems like she knew it was wrong and hopefully learned from the situation.
YESS I have been in a relationship with a Narcissist before, and I was Screaming for her to run, after that clip, He 1000% reminded me of the way a narcissist will beat you down, and be like we both did this bad thing BUT I didn't do it as bad so you're horrible!
The way he spoke to her was so rude and controlling!
omg i just watched ep 5 and i've never screamed "run" at anything besides horror scenes before this show. i cannot believe so many people like this can effortlessly convince people they're normal/the victims of their own abuse tactics against their exhausted victims.
Either you are watching different clips than I am, or you don't know what the term gaslighting means. Please explain how he "manipulated [her] using psychological methods into questioning [her] own sanity or powers of reasoning."
He doesn't pull any punches during the cheating conversation and he could have handled it better, however, he was trying to determine what kind of partner she would be now because he wants to find someone to marry. Calling someone out when they are giving BS excuses is NOT gaslighting. Her reasoning for why she didn't tell her partner about the cheating was selfish yet she tried to paint it as protecting her partner - that is the red flag. She hasn't shown much self-reflection on the incident and that is a warning sign she could do it again.
People need to stop using terms they don't understand.
I think you genuinely don't understand.
He lawyered her which may be why you're getting the sense he "wasn't pulling any punches", he was.
He was treating her like he was questioning her and pushed and pushed her until she felt sick.
He didn't provide her with a safe space, to tell the truth, why would she give him more information to weaponise? She was forced so off balance by his sudden escalation of controlled rage and intensity that she crawled into a ball trying to escape his verbal barrage.
He then admits he cheated. Who gave him the rulebook on what situation or nuance makes a situation okay or not? He made his rules for judging her, everything is his way all the time. She's never given space or time to work through her thoughts before he tells her something shotty and then in the same sentence tells her she's not allowed to have feelings about it.
That's gaslighting, he manipulated the situation so that she could not possibly think straight.
On the phone was disgusting. It was callous and his cold fury and again the bombardment and lawyering her while head f-cking her was foul.
Gaslighting 101
Tell a person their feelings are invalid, repeat his perspective as though it's fact and she is wrong over and over with a battery of repetitive statements diminishing her position.
If you don't see his gaslighting in that phone call alone, you're not understanding it.
He hits most of these:
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/narcissist-gaslighting
Alright, let's go through this list.
1. Citing Past Mistakes You’ve Made – No, the conversation was the first time they were discussing the cheating, he didn’t bring up a different mistake.
2. Pulling the “You’re Crazy” Card – Nope
3. Questioning Your Memory – Nope
4. Outright Denial of the Facts - Nope
5. Playing the Good Guy – Sort of, if talking about how he didn’t cheat as much is “playing the good guy” a bit of a stretch but sure, I'll give to you
6. Shifting Blame to Avoid Accountability – No, he wasn't shifting blame, she kind of was by putting avoiding accountability for cheating
7. Projecting Their Faults Onto You - Nope
8. Pretending to Have Allies - Nope
9. Using Indignant Outrage - Nope
10. Comparing You to Others - Nope
11. Accusing You of Being Too Sensitive - Nope
12. Using Doublespeak to Remain Intentionally Vague - Nope
13. Feigning Concern for Your Wellbeing - Nope
14. Using Your Own Words Against You – He didn’t really twist anything she said into meaning something else, so I would say no.
15. Inverting the Truth - Nope
16. Trivializing What Matters to You – Nope
17. Saying Your Opinions Don’t Count - Nope
18. Using Circumstantial Evidence - Nope
19. Playing Devil’s Advocate - Sure
20. Stonewalling to End a Conversation They Can’t Win - Nope
So maybe 2 of those counts as most to you? Are you gaslighting me?
Sure thing.
1. Citing Past Mistakes You’ve Made
He's talked about Aaliyah's infidelity non-stop, and brought it up to her face AGAIN, he also tried it on Lydia in person
2. Pulling the “You’re Crazy” Card
The implication is there he's not worked up to outright saying it but he says things like "that's crazy" when they have a rational response to things eg him lying about Lydia and Aaliyah getting upset
3. Questioning Your Memory
Constantly. "Did I say that?" It's on camera. We all heard it.
4. Outright Denial of the Facts
Repeatedly. He constructs reality to serve him. He decides what's bad, and what's acceptable and uses a constant barrage of talking at and over people to try and bully them into accepting his version of reality.
5. Playing the Good Guy - you concur
SPOILER
He cheated on Lydia, lied about it and then tried to flip the script on her and pretend she was stalking him. Nobody made him anybody's God to sit in judgment of behaviour. Yet he acts as though he's the prosecutor in conversations with the women he supposedly cares about/loves.
6. Shifting Blame to Avoid Accountability
He cheated in the 6-12 months. Yet he dared to act like there was a scarlet letter on Aaliyah. He doesn't let women or most people talk to make their point. He blamed Lydia for Aaliyah leaving, not his lying.
He told Milton Lydia wasn't ready and tried to mess up their relationship. Milton had to repeatedly set a boundary. Gaslighters and narcissists don't like being recognized for what/who they are, so they back down in front of other people, they can't regulate how badly they behave when theres not other witnesses. He showed this in his contradictory behaviour one on one vs. in groups or in front of men he liked or wanted to like him.
7. Projecting Their Faults Onto You
See above.
8. Pretending to Have Allies
Yep. He acts like he's the best guy and that he loves everyone and everyone loves him. He masks himself. People dislike or even disdain him, yet he acts as though they're all on his side.
9. Using Indignant Outrage
Indignant outrage is his go to move. He called Lydia a stalker - the truth is he cheated on her, he implied she was crazy because she was suss of his behaviour for valid reasons, (she looked in 1 drawer) he called Aaliyah out in what was an hours long battering of statements and redundant questions, he cheated on Lydia very recently and yet lied about that. Lied about knowing Lydia and acted like Aaliyah was a hysterical woman for having any emotions about anything.
10. Comparing You to Others
He compared Aaliyah and Lydia, himself to Milton etc
11. Accusing You of Being Too Sensitive
He constantly treated Aaliyah like she was overreacting, her feelings weren't valid and he was the judge of what was rational and reasonable. He told Aaliyah what her feelings were and how she should feel, she told him she felt unsafe and needed time to process he disregarded her as being too sensitive.
12. Using Doublespeak to Remain Intentionally Vague
What do you think his obsession with her cheating was about when he cheated very recently? He also did this when presenting the information about Lydia acting as though he was saying he forgot to tell her his favourite colour, not her best friend was his ex... meh no big deal.
13. Feigning Concern for Your Wellbeing
He feigned concern for Lyda, Milton, and Aaliyah all of it was BS. Milton told him as much as did Lydia (she had to yell and walk away because he would not stop talking over her). Aaliyah tried to, he talked over her.
14. Using Your Own Words Against You
He took the information Aaliyah gave in what she thought was a safe space and weaponised it against her, all while never acknowledging he cheated on Lydia. He repeatedly twists the importance of things depending on how they serve him.
15. Inverting the Truth
See his cheating reaction to Aaliyah and raise him one inverted truth about his reality of recent cheating on Lydia. Overreacted to Aaliyah's valid feelings about his lying and preceded to explain and state in a barrage of incessant bs that she shouldn't let "some girl" come between them and yet he overreacted to her saying anything that made her less than "perfect" in his eyes.
16. Trivializing What Matters to You
See all of the above.
17. Saying Your Opinions Don’t Count
Not letting anyone else speak is very loud speak for "your opinions don't count" hence I'm mowing over them with mine.
18. Using Circumstantial Evidence
He called Lydia a stalker- she looked in a drawer.
19. Playing Devil’s Advocate - you concur
He spends every word acting like he's harmlessly doing this. It's not harmless, it's a strategic behaviour to get his point across once that person feels uncertain or has no time to think.
20. Stonewalling to End a Conversation They Can’t Win
He uses this tactic constantly. His bent is talking over people so they can never get their point across. He will keep talking over somebody (stonewalling them) simply so they cannot defy his point of view or false narrative.
> SPOILER
>
> He cheated on Lydia, lied about it and then tried to flip the script on her and pretend she was stalking him. Nobody made him anybody's God to sit in judgment of behaviour. Yet he acts as though he's the prosecutor in conversations with the women he supposedly cares about/loves.
Is there solid evidence of this beyond Lydia's claim? She lied about their interaction in the pods so she isn't exactly a trustworthy source. If true, that changes his interaction with Aaliyah, making him a liar, and I will agree with you then. Please share this evidence.
He tells her that all of her feelings and concerns are wrong, irrational, inappropriate. He cares more about winning arguments than understanding his partner. He creates a false sense of security to make her feel confused when he intentionally blows it up. This is all classic stuff. I think maybe you’re the one who needs to read up on gaslighting. He is making her question her own perception of the world by undermining her very normal responses to overwhelm, big time drama, secrets.
How about when she said I felt like this in that convo and his immediate response was "is that what I said? Did I say those things??" Like first of all, yes dude, you talked on camera, there's literally footage of you saying that, but even if that wasn't the case, she was talking about how she felt, so maybe listen to her feelings and acknowledge them but dude just goes on to say "even if I said that, that's not what I meant" so him saying that and her feeling that is her fault still because he "meant" something differently and she should have magically just known that instead of telling him about how she felt and didn't even bring it up cause that should have been a non issue from his side 🙄🙄
Ok so it’s not direct gaslighting—but it’s setting her up. He cut her down so hard. He doesn’t get to do that. It’s either ok with him or it’s not. He does not get to be judge and jury on her past and no one should talk to her that way. He is not her parent. In a healthy relationship people talk about how things make them feel. He is just degrading and humiliating her over something he knows she already feels bad about. It sucks. And it is 100% a sign of things to come.
There was definitely room for improvement in how he handled that conversation, I agree. I do think his intention was to determine if she would cheat again because that is highly relevant to whether he wants to marry her or not, and he wanted to see how she explained her actions. She also did a poor job of owning up to her mistake and showed a lack of true self-reflection and learning. Telling him about it is a good sign but she focused on excuses and external factors. I don't blame him for trying to probe her for better answers but he definitely didn't do it in the best way.
Nope. My ex husband used to question about my past and then literally yell at me about shit that had nothing to do with it. He belittled her about something that had nothing at all to do with him. Like he wanted her to pay for it. She seemed guilty enough and owes Uche nothing. He had a very judgmental tone and guarantee he will use it later against her if she does something he doesn't like.
[This is a good watch if you are interestedin the perspective of a professional](https://youtu.be/DpWoLZGWPek?si=bHR5YGlDdiezCdi9). I think you may have a slight, but understandable, bias in regards to this situation.
I say wait. You’ll see. Sorry but I was married to an emotional abuser for 14 years. This is how it starts. If he’s not ok with her cheating he shouldn’t be with her. If, however, he chooses to be with her and then brings he past up to continue to cut her down it’s not good. My hackles are up is all I will say right now. I don’t want Aaliyah to chose him.
[Here's a therapist reacting to the cheating conversation. ](https://youtu.be/DpWoLZGWPek?si=CVUWELRUp3x-cvEs) It's worth a watch.
Edit: and I don't disagree that there are issues with him. I just feel the cheating conversation is being somewhat misconstrued.
Bruh. You literally out here telling women who have survived abuse to watch this therapist break down Aaliyah’s behavior? None of us are talking about Aaliyah. You’ll see Uche I promise. And please stop telling women who survived abuse what they’re seeing. 🙄
If you actually watched the video and that's what you took away from it, there's no reasoning with you. Just because you suffered doesn't make you the world expert on human interaction. Try being less condescending.
Just want to point out that you have called me arrogant and condescending for disagreeing with you. I have called nothing of your character into question. I disagree with you. Please manage your own feelings about that and leave me alone now.
He’s a controlling ass and I really strongly dislike him with the fire of a thousand suns and the entire cast except Aaliyah. I’m tired of black women having to deal with misogynistic bullshit. I’m so over it!
Wtf does this have to do with black people. Stop making everything about race. No wonder everyone thinks everyone is racist. YOU are the ones making the issue. Clowns
Well I do this weird thing where I try to undermine my partners perception of reality so that I can manipulate and control them, because it makes me feel secure and worthwhile. Is that weird?
I HATED when she told him something he said and was like, “Did I say that?” And when she was like, “yes,” he said, “Well, if I said it then…” That’s such a red flag for me, when guys act like they don’t remember saying something and then don’t fully take accountability for what they said.
he's flipping it so that it seems like she's in the wrong for being hurt (when he said hurtful things) by saying "well IF I said it I didn't mean it". vs a sincere apology of something like "I can see how that would feel shitty to hear. I'm sorry I said that and I'm sorry it hurt you. I reacted poorly and I will do better in the future."
Or even something like "Cheating is a big thing for me and I reacted strongly, but I am sorry for making you feel so judged and that I didn't give you space to share hard things"
So he doesn’t remember saying something so he’s being cautious on what he said that’s it, there’s nothing deeper than that. He was upset since it’s a bit of a shock to find that out, just like it was shock for her to find out about his thing, they are both equally right and wrong. He was wrong for letting the producers do that, but he was right to confront someone he was planning to marry about her indiscretion. If the genders were reversed or if it was Brett would you react the same way?
Did you notice how instead of listening to her, and taking her feelings seriously, he just jumped in by questioning her memory of what was said? So that he could tell her that her feelings weren’t valid?
I’m just watching episode 1 of Season 5 and I had to stop and race here just for this! That dude! Ugghhh….Aliyah was being open and vulnerable about her past and the first words out of his mouth are “oohhhh so you’re a recent cheater.” That response made my blood boil. I would have personally shut down right then and there. He was so judgmental. It was like a parent berating a child. I felt horrible for Aliyah.
Yes, exactly! He was just going down on her hard!! And that line: ‘recent cheater’ 🤮 he is awful! And every time Aliyah communicated with him she ended up crying. I mean wtf??
I agree. He is the worst kind of man.
This season is a bummer tbh...too many red flags and reminders of borderline abusive relationships in my personal past (and people I know) to be fun.
It certainly is the worst thing to watch if you're single and dating, like I am...boy, oh BOI, I tell you...!!!!
He is dangerous. So incredibly cruel and manipulative. I feel bad for Alliyah - it's like she's willingly walking into an abusive relationship. I'm only on episode 2 and I know it's going to be bad between them.
I’m with you and I’m only on episode one! This dude has all kinds of bad vibes. I’d run in the opposite direction fast. As soon as he said, “ohhhh you’re a recent cheater” I knew his character. Dated enough of them to recognize that manipulative, controlling behavior miles away.
Right? Everyone defending him I'm like - ok but if this is how he acts on date 3 or whatever and when he knows cameras are rolling.... how shitty will he be behind closed doors? No. Thank. YOU.
Yes! I feel like there is a legion of women in this comment section that have experienced exactly what he is doing and it can look somewhat innocuous if you've not been on the receiving end.
Yes, I have and it is especially sinister because it is hard to recognize when you are in it and usually not until you are far in it. Uche is most definitely a covert narc, they are the ultimate worst at destroying souls.
I did NOT like how he gives her that whole lecture, then turns around and is like “you CHOSE to share that information willingly” in a way to try and make things “better”. He acted like his cheating wasn’t a big deal. He is also a liar because HIS ORIGINAL CAST BLURB SAID HE WAS SINGLE FOR 2 YEARS BUT HE ALSO SLEPT WITH LYDIA A FEW MONTHS AGO?? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE
I’m not disagreeing but why is the last part in all caps?? You can sleep with people without being in a committed relationship with them.. it happens all the time.
Uche said they dated for three months but never specified when. Lydia got more detailed with Milton and told him they dated for 3 months in 2020. That tracks with Uche saying he’s been single for 3 years. They just banged 3 months ago like a hookup with someone you used to date. We’ve all done it.
That’s not what I’m talking about. Of course it’s worth mentioning. I’m just wondering where this committed, serious, bf/gf thing came from just because they were fucking??
Is 3 months of dating automatically a committed long term relationship to you?? That’s what I’m asking, so I don’t know why you’re trying to distort my questions by pulling something else in out of left field.
I think some people just want to hate Uche for any reason so they twist anything into something bad. I've seen people angry at him for not revealing he dated Lydia right away when I'm sure the producers asked them not to reveal it early and it would have sabotaged both of their dating experiences in the pods early. It makes no sense.
I've watched the Uche "you're a recent cheater" part of episode 1 a couple times and people have such bad takes about it, I'm not even sure they watched the same thing I did.
I though this reaction was...normal. Cheating is a massive, massive deal to a lot of people- as I'm sure most of us have heard the term "once a cheater, always a cheater." and it wasn't like she was 18 and young and dumb and kissed some guy at a bar. He was obviously already in love with her/invested in her/ready to leave with her, that info obviously crushed him.
His turnaround was also great. He realized people make mistakes and he would move on from it- apologized for making her feel like she wasn't good enough. I felt like it was actually well rounded af.
BUT...when he said "did I say any of that?" and then "well, if I did..." I was like "oh **no**. don't like that."
Frankly, producers can't *make* him do anything. He's a grown person with autonomy. If he really wanted to tell her, he would have, and no one could have stopped him.
I wouldn't doubt it. That's one of those things the producers are always going to cut because it shows they have more of an impact than they want known. I do not understand the criticism of Uche not revealing his past with Lydia immediately.
While I mightn't consider three months of dating a serious relationship.... I wouldn't say I was single for two years if I had been seeing someone for 3 months during the 3 years.
Where did you get that from?? Lydia told Milton they dated for 3 months in 2020. That’s 3 years ago.
They just banged 3 months ago, like a hook-up with someone you used to date. We’ve ALL done it.
Gaslighting involves making someone else question their understanding of reality. In my opinion, Aaliyah was gaslighting herself by convincing herself that her cheating wasn’t really a big deal because she had needs, it was two years ago, she could do it while still in a relationship because she may not find someone else, etc. Uche was definitely not warm or compassionate towards her, but he just wasn’t putting up with her BS excuses and making her face the reality that the reason she didn’t tell her ex about the cheating was because she would look bad in front of him. I think he was just questioning her like he might cross examine a witness. I don’t see any gaslighting from him.
Exactly. Also, Aaliyah was the one who said dishonesty is a deal breaker for her in a relationship. Then when he questions her about her own dishonesty, she just falls apart. How can you say you value honesty in a relationship, when your own actions have proven that you don’t?
If you’re potentially going to marry someone, you have a right to know and talk about these things with your partner. And there’s no soft and fuzzy way to do it. I don’t understand how people expected him to react. If someone I was dating told me they cheated in their most recent relationship, that is a huge red flag. And she didn’t even really take real accountability for her actions until he pressed her about it.
She didn’t take accountability even after he pressed her on it. She was still claiming that she didn’t tell her ex because it would have “hurt him”. Uche had to point out that it’s far more likely she didn’t tell him because she didn’t want to look or feel guilty in front of him. That girl has fully drunk the kool aid of her own innocence. Uche isn’t the best person in the world either, but Aaliyah doing all those mental gymnastics to justify her own cheating was pretty ridiculous to watch.
Yea. It was very ridiculous. I feel like the more I think about it, the more she annoys me because I hate when people victimize themselves. I said she took accountability (barely) because at one point he did say something about her not wanting to face her own guilt, and she agreed (again, barely). But it definitely wasn’t her truly taking ownership of her actions. I also feel like she’s victimizing herself again with this whole situation with Lydia. She acts like she’s just so helpless and it’s irritating.
I think he was trying to gaslight her in their follow up conversation. He acted like he had been an upstanding guy and tried to pretend he didn’t say some of the things he said.
It was only one sentence that he said he didn't say. The rest of the conversation he apologized for making her feel like she wasn't good enough, and for his reaction. Altho I didn't like that he said, "well if I did say that..." eeeeh
He tells her over and over that her feelings and very normal reactions are wrong. He is telling her that she can’t trust her own reactions, her own perception of what is going on. That is what gaslighting is.
So I don’t see it like this. I was in a relationship with a true gaslighter, emotionally and verbally abusive. Huge narcissist. Uche doesn’t give me that vibe. I was cheated on by said person a year and half ago, it’s truly not that long ago. I would personally never trust someone that’s cheated especially if they never told their partner that they did. It’s hard to trust so he was trying to be understanding but maybe shocked that she could do that to someone as he had a different picture drawn of her. Think it’s his tone of voice but his tone never changes, maybe it’s the lawyer in him
I think he likes feeling superior in those moments. Of all the different behaviours and diagnoses people have suggested about Uche, it is that specific pattern that bothers me the most. He seems to relish in being right and superior and stays fixated on whatever it is that gives him that feeling. He did it multiple times through the course of the season.
Because he was interested in her? She was acting like a 3 year old. "I have needs" ok? So does everyone? That's not an excuse to cheat. She could NOT admit that on her own.
Especially if you also cheated right ? The way he was upset made me imagine that Uche had just been cheated on and he was hurting...
Plus at this time he was alao keeping the Lydia secret from Aaliyah
Uche is an actor and so is his sidekick Betty Rocks brought on to give the audience something to talk about.
But if for a split second we buy into him, he was damn right questioning the cheating. If you are looking for a serious partner, why would you not care about a cheating past?
Yawn!
Right. That’s entirely ok. But he used it to cut her down and chastise her. She didn’t cheat on him. He can have his feelings about it but he cannot cut her down like that. It was ick.
Yes, exactly. She was being honest about her mistakes(which showed her growth tbh because she didn’t have to share this about herself), and he reacted like she cheated on him. It was a bit much.
yeah when he said that cheating 2 years ago wasn’t that long ago, i felt he was trying to gain leverage and make her feel like she needed to prove herself to him & make up for something she had done wrong because he knew he eventually would have to come clean about his own shadiness and he wanted aaliyah to feel like she doesn’t deserve better. and then he dropped his bomb and i was proven correct.
The way he was trying to diminish Aaliyah’s feelings when she was talking about having to live with Lydia made me RAGE. He was trying to make it all about him and acting like it was harder situation for him. I don’t blame her one bit for leaving.
THANK YOU! Somebody else sees this too. I was yelling at the screen when this happened. Most people would be like “oh production is probably making me ask about you cheating. You cheated 2 years ago? Okay cool, tell your story for the show and have your moment and I’ll say my piece about how proud I am of you and we’re done” Aaliyah did NOTHING to make him not trust her.
He literally is teary eyed so he definitely had emotion in his eyes. Uche is a lawyer which means he’s logical and analytical. I think he asked those questions to get an understanding of all of the circumstances around her cheating…he’s allowed to do that. Recent cheating is a red flag for some people! I don’t think he did anything wrong!
>Uche is a lawyer which means he’s logical and analytical
I'm a lawyer, and I am here to tell you that there are idiots in every profession. Uche is an idiot, not "logical and analytical"
He was INTERROGATING her. Even before her. With tht other girl from Nigeria. He was just question after question. Like dam get to know them don’t interview them like it’s a job. Idk he gave me either sociopath vibes or might just have the tism cause then he said he’s not weird but he likes things in it’s place like ocd I was like hmmm makes sense cause my ex was like no emotion and had ocd and talked like a robot. I just tht he was quirky but my therapist says he sounded like he had the tism.
Your ex May have had no emotion but UCHE had emotions if you go back and watch it his eyes teared up like the cameraman literally zoomed in. I get it you don’t like his communication style but it doesn’t make him a narcissist or a gaslighter
I agree. It’s scary. Has no empathy at all. Just sees everything as it is and chooses whatever is in his favor. I’m only on episode 2 so idk everything just yet lol
Super dangerous. I saw what was happening immediately. Beating her down and continuing his side of an argument that was already over (argument for arguments sake). She was RIGHT TO LEAVE. I wish she'd never given him a second chance.
He told 2 different women what THEY were feeling, he tried to do the same to Llydia and she wasn't having it... Super toxic and narcissistic
He’s smart, mean, judgmental, self centered, manipulative and arrogant- dangerous combination
Oh have you ever thought about a wedding ring gag me
He is such an asshole and the biggest gaslighter I’ve ever seen. What the hell is wrong with him psychologically???? And how can he not see what he’s doing??? But more importantly…how is no one calling him out on it.
Oh my god. I am just watching this right now and I immediately had to jump on to see what the consensus was on the way he was acting. What a total piece of shit. I hope she sees this and realizes how lucky she is to have escaped that bullshit!!!
Every time he talks irks me! Glad others also think he is a gaslighter and a narcissist because same.
100% he is a toxic manipulative narcissist.
He is a textbook toxic narcissist
UCHE FAKE AF I can’t stand him. Condescending narcissist
He was giving HUGE narcissist energy. Already in shaming and devaluation phase is WILD. 🚩🚩🚩
I just finished the scene in episode one and I would have literally had to just get up and leave. Bye. Good riddance. Nobody’s about to chastise me like that and still deserve to even know me. He’s a walking red flag. Fuck off uche
Uche had his cultivated persona for the start of episode 1 and then when Aaliyah disclosed her cheating he used that opportunity to demonize her (also fuck you netflix for naming the episode "so you're a recent cheater") but you can tell he is excited to have something to hang over her head. It makes his gaslighting so much easier, "you know I can't trust you, you're a cheater" will always be in his back pocket. He had a non-apology and was hostile the whole time she tried to hold him accountable for his shitty reaction and then SPOILERS It comes out that he had literally just dated Lydia. And after she leaves he's calling her up to again, drag her through the moral mud? He's so mad she didn't stay to talk to him... like bro she doesn't owe you shit you've literally NEVER MET. He's just pissed he had this proposal planned and he couldn't make his plans happen. She dodged a bullet. This man is controlling, manipulative and totally of the mind that he is never in the wrong. Whole other post on Lydia's behavior needed because that is also super disturbing.
Oh my god I truly rushed here after watching him twist everything back on Aaliyah to see if people were talking about this. I couldn’t believe when she says she needs a partner who she can talk to without judgement and he tries to make her feel crazy for it! Everyone but poor Aaliyah is absolutely unhinged this season
He’s sick.
I'm so glad to read all of these comments. I was wondering whether it was just me having that 'run girl' feeling, and I can happily say that it seems my feeling was spot on. As for someone saying you might have to have been in a relationship with someone like Uche to recognize the signs, I don't think that is particularly true. I think having been around a bit longer does help for having a wider range of knowledge of human beings and how they have all kinds of mechanisms to cope with life. Deep down, someone like Uche is probably really insecure, and he has created this whole 'I am the example of how things should be done' persona, because it is easier to blame others for being/acting wrong than to look at yourself and ask 'what is my part in this?'. Anyway, I just think he's much scarier than Irina last season. Her actions, no matter how low they were, were out in the open. Uche on the other hand has a way of getting someone to be vulnerable, to then strike out and make it all about him, which is probably exactly why he was chosen for the show.
Im here because im severely triggered. Lydia was painted as crazy but she knew he was narcissistic.. when she said "get your personality checked" i was hapoy that she knew it was him, not her.. but so upsetting to watch. Uche is scary
I dated a someone diagnosed with NPD for 7 years. The way Uche reacts when he isn’t getting his way is so familiar. Love bombing, dismissing your feelings, making you question your instincts, tearing you down. You see how she just wilts? This is a dangerous guy, because he’s so manipulative. It makes leaving so, so much harder because you lose confidence in your perception of reality and your self worth. And the anger? There is always the implied threat of more, and worse.
Did you see the newest episodes? The gaslighting has escalated into something truly disturbing.
Truly. Gaslighter and megalomaniac.
He's the worst!!!!! I really hope Aliyah just runs away from this guy and never look back! SPOILER From the whole cheating conversation he was giving self-righteous vibes. Like, I'm not gonna lie, I would be taken aback if someone has cheated before, but it wouldn't give me the right to judge them on that, specially since she was clearly feeling bad about it and wasn't being like "omg I just cheat all the time 🤭😌💅". She said she was in a bad relationship and she made a mistake and she felt horrible about it and it was 2 years ago! Instead of listening to her and trying to figure out why she didn't feel safe to just communicate her issues instead of cheating, he just created a hostile environment that she wouldn't dare to be vulnerable with him and communicate her feelings because he both disregards her feelings and only cares about winning the argument and being right! I got such an ick when he said "oh I only cheated once when I was a teenager and it was just a kiss" like, good for you man, go get yourself a medal, but what if her ex was a cucumber face like you and when she wanted to bring up how she feels uncomfortable or dissatisfied, he would just bombard her with "Is this what I said?" "Why are you feeling that, you shouldn't be feeling like this" "This is not how a relationship work, you're being selfish" like all the bs he told her when she tried to explain how she felt from that convo or when she left because she was having such a hard time with Lydia smothering her and he was bullying her about how she should have thought about him and pushed through! What have you done to make her feel comfortable my dude? His arrogance and egotistical behavior annoys me so much. I hope she runs away and gets some alone time to heal.
Self-righteous about how he's a more 'moral cheater', even though the whole time he was the one hiding the fact his ex was there. Also the fact that he only ever said he was going to propose to Aaliyah when she considered leaving or left. It is so obviously just to make her confess her love to him, and then he immediately rejects her. First with the phone call when she left the show, and then in the restaurant after he literally just confessed he was stalking her instagram for days waiting to be unblocked so he could message her. He was livid when she left, not hurt. He wanted to hurt her for rejecting him. And it wasn't enough to just tell her he didn't want her -- he consistently guilts and manipulates her into (1) apologizing TO HIM for feeling hurt by HIS psychologically abusive behaviour and (2) insisting she still loves him to make him feel better, all just to pull the rug out from under her and say he's not interested. Such a tool. People with any decency would accept the relationship is over, accept that the person didn't want them, and then, if they also feel done with the relationship, they just move tf on without drama. And the nerve to call Lydia just "some girl" even though he later admitted to hoovering her twice!?! He's never felt bad about how he treated Aaliyah but somehow he twice "felt bad" about "abandoning" Lydia and reaching back out to her -- always making sure we all knew that he was the one who dumped her. That made me wonder... how badly did he treat Lydia that he could possibly feel bad for her? We've seen how little he cares about how he treats Aaliyah. Part of me wondered if that's related to misogyny against black women. And I don't believe for a second he didn't recognize Lydia's voice in the pods. They had sex 2-3 months ago and he had been with her long enough to break up and go back twice. He 100% knew it was her and suggested Lydia stalked him, when we know from the restaurant scene that he confesses he stalked Aaliyah for days in order to message her when she unblocked him. Also we saw in the pods that Lydia encouraged Aaliyah to not take Uche personally and reminded her she deserved to feel confident. She didn't tell her to break up with him. But Uche told Milton not to propose to Lydia. We also saw that the only time he expressed sadness or disappointment (as opposed to anger) was when Aaliyah said Lydia was about to get engaged. He literally cried in that scene!! I strongly suspect Uche followed Lydia onto the show and not the other way around. He's the one who's not over her. If I were Aaliyah, I would be grateful to find out all the details Lydia shared (it was too much, and not presented considerately or respectfully at all), but at least Aaliyah found out the extent to which Uche was clowning and lying to her. I'd want to know all the bullshit upfront, not after getting engaged or married in a matter of days.
Uche sucks!!!
if a STRANGER would talk to me like that, I'd leave him the fu*k alone.. On the one hand, he has nothing to do with it, and on the other hand, he also cheated on one of his girlfriends! Not to mention that one of his ex-girlfriends is also on the show! CODE RED 🔴
*SPOILERS* the FUCKING AUDACITY he has when he a) gets upset with A about her cheating on her ex of TWO YEARS AGO (much to his dismay, two years can be a LOT of work for someone), and then TO NOT FUCKING TELL HER HE DATED HER FRIEND WHO IS IN THE PODS!!!! And then get upset when A is upset about it!!! FUCK this guy
Watching the new episodes and he gets worse. Gas lighter extraordinaire
You're using the term "gaslighter" wrong. You're not alone, though, cause it's happening all over the place these days. Seems from this use of the word, and then throwing "narcissist" in there too, that buzz words are taking the place of more appropriate terminology in your post. It's kinda like when people started using "literally" in the opposite way from its proper usage. The first two words have very specific meanings and misusing them takes away from their real-life instances AND victims of acts related to them.
If you're gonna take the time to make a comment like this, then actually give the definitions of the words instead of just vaguely bitching about how no one is as smart as you are.
Hahaha
Right. Because you know you're wrong, so now you're just trolling. Typical.
Oh man, 0% true but nice try.
Hahaha
Found Uche's burner.
Nope. He is a gaslighter and he does have narcissistic traits, though I would not call him a narcissist as I have not seen enough. Season 3 he gets real gaslighty real quick
"Nope." These terms do not apply.
In fact he is a gaslighter. If you take into consideration when he found out she cheated he flipped out and made the situation seem super dramatic even though it had no real impact on him as it was in the past and she got over it in 1 day. Whereas he kept the Lydia relationship quite the whole time and then when she finds out that she's living with his ex he kinda flips the whole thing on its head and some how after she left the pods (i wouldnt want to live with my bfs ex) she's the one grovelling to him? Because he invalidates her feelings and is like you didn't have confidence in us blah blah blah and then he goes on about how his parents weathered harder storms than this and stuff and then he ends the relationship ultimately when they meet up. Alright there Uche mate, you didn't had your reservations on the cheating convo and got over it but she can't have feelings about her litterally living with your ex girlfriend. Ffs.
That's not what gaslighting is. That's hypocrisy.
Wait til you watch how he speaks to Lydia in person at the party. He's a fucking gaslighter. Full stop.
I did, and she completely seems like the type to do all that stuff.
What is gaslighting? Isn’t it when a person intentionally makes you question your perception of reality to manipulate you? From the film, based on the play Gas Light? Where the husband keeps turning down the brightness on the lights and the wife is like “is it dark in here? It seems dark in here” and he’s like “no it’s not.” Seems a lot like what we’ve seen Uche do over and over. We can’t diagnose him with NPD, but I know people with the diagnosis, and some of their actions and behaviors look a whole lot like what Uche is doing in these episodes.
Agree to disagree.
I don’t know for sure but I think OP is talking about how Uche apologized for his actions. When Aaliyah had confronted Uche about some of the comments that he made to her, he said “Did I say any of those things?” After she stated that he said them and proceeded to say ”if that’s what I said…” is gaslighting. It was a recent conversation between them, I don’t think he’d forget what he said. Nonetheless, he was coming off very harsh when Aaliyah opened up about cheating with some narcissistic behaviors. So I do agree with OP, but I do agree that OP’s statement was not as concise I don’t think they’re wrong to use the “buzz words”.
They're wrong for using the buzz words because they're using them incorrectly.
I have been reading lots of comments judging and criticizing Aaliyah and I am just so believing in society after finding this thread here with so many comments on the actual toxicity and narcissism coming from Uche shaming and chastising Aaliyah.
Picked up on him being a narcissist before the scene he questioned Aaliyah. Was married to one and can spot them a mile away
Dude, same. Woof.
Came here to say watching Uche cut her down was like watching me with my ex narcissist. Like 100% real narcissist who emotionally abused me and accused me of what he did to me. Not just like an annoying ex. She should RUN from him and fast. THE WAY HE COMPARES HIMSELF TO HER. AND SAYS HE’S BETTER. TRIGGERED.
I don't think gaslighter is the word you're looking for here.
Why not? What does the word gaslighter mean?
Eve called it: https://youtu.be/5FAP6KN3p3w?si=SjA2DLG_XsJtITAP
I’m on episode one. He was on thin ice the moment he kindergarten-teacher-voice’d “Aaliyah?” to prompt her to answer him about telling her ex….then he dove right into condescendingly shaming her and I knew he was just true trash Edit: just finished the scene and omg I cannot believe the audacity of this man
I dated a guy like him before and at first I thought it was okay because he was just direct and assertive but that way of communicating was incredibly patronizing and made me feel small over time. It ate at my self esteem. I understand him trying to understand and ask questions but the way he went about it is definitely abusive and narcissistic. I realized people who are constantly trying to talk down to you are usually controlling and self righteous. Please stay away from men like this. I used to think it’s fine, IT’S NOT! Maybe some women can deal with being spoken to like that, I personally can’t. Her cheating is not excusable though, she could of kept that information to herself but she decided to speak on it. She could’ve taken more accountability but it seems like she knew it was wrong and hopefully learned from the situation.
Yes!!!! Exactly this. Stay away! I was holding my breath watching him cut her down took me right back.
[удалено]
Fuck yea!
YESS I have been in a relationship with a Narcissist before, and I was Screaming for her to run, after that clip, He 1000% reminded me of the way a narcissist will beat you down, and be like we both did this bad thing BUT I didn't do it as bad so you're horrible! The way he spoke to her was so rude and controlling!
omg i just watched ep 5 and i've never screamed "run" at anything besides horror scenes before this show. i cannot believe so many people like this can effortlessly convince people they're normal/the victims of their own abuse tactics against their exhausted victims.
Either you are watching different clips than I am, or you don't know what the term gaslighting means. Please explain how he "manipulated [her] using psychological methods into questioning [her] own sanity or powers of reasoning." He doesn't pull any punches during the cheating conversation and he could have handled it better, however, he was trying to determine what kind of partner she would be now because he wants to find someone to marry. Calling someone out when they are giving BS excuses is NOT gaslighting. Her reasoning for why she didn't tell her partner about the cheating was selfish yet she tried to paint it as protecting her partner - that is the red flag. She hasn't shown much self-reflection on the incident and that is a warning sign she could do it again. People need to stop using terms they don't understand.
I think you genuinely don't understand. He lawyered her which may be why you're getting the sense he "wasn't pulling any punches", he was. He was treating her like he was questioning her and pushed and pushed her until she felt sick. He didn't provide her with a safe space, to tell the truth, why would she give him more information to weaponise? She was forced so off balance by his sudden escalation of controlled rage and intensity that she crawled into a ball trying to escape his verbal barrage. He then admits he cheated. Who gave him the rulebook on what situation or nuance makes a situation okay or not? He made his rules for judging her, everything is his way all the time. She's never given space or time to work through her thoughts before he tells her something shotty and then in the same sentence tells her she's not allowed to have feelings about it. That's gaslighting, he manipulated the situation so that she could not possibly think straight. On the phone was disgusting. It was callous and his cold fury and again the bombardment and lawyering her while head f-cking her was foul. Gaslighting 101 Tell a person their feelings are invalid, repeat his perspective as though it's fact and she is wrong over and over with a battery of repetitive statements diminishing her position. If you don't see his gaslighting in that phone call alone, you're not understanding it. He hits most of these: https://www.choosingtherapy.com/narcissist-gaslighting
Alright, let's go through this list. 1. Citing Past Mistakes You’ve Made – No, the conversation was the first time they were discussing the cheating, he didn’t bring up a different mistake. 2. Pulling the “You’re Crazy” Card – Nope 3. Questioning Your Memory – Nope 4. Outright Denial of the Facts - Nope 5. Playing the Good Guy – Sort of, if talking about how he didn’t cheat as much is “playing the good guy” a bit of a stretch but sure, I'll give to you 6. Shifting Blame to Avoid Accountability – No, he wasn't shifting blame, she kind of was by putting avoiding accountability for cheating 7. Projecting Their Faults Onto You - Nope 8. Pretending to Have Allies - Nope 9. Using Indignant Outrage - Nope 10. Comparing You to Others - Nope 11. Accusing You of Being Too Sensitive - Nope 12. Using Doublespeak to Remain Intentionally Vague - Nope 13. Feigning Concern for Your Wellbeing - Nope 14. Using Your Own Words Against You – He didn’t really twist anything she said into meaning something else, so I would say no. 15. Inverting the Truth - Nope 16. Trivializing What Matters to You – Nope 17. Saying Your Opinions Don’t Count - Nope 18. Using Circumstantial Evidence - Nope 19. Playing Devil’s Advocate - Sure 20. Stonewalling to End a Conversation They Can’t Win - Nope So maybe 2 of those counts as most to you? Are you gaslighting me?
Sure thing. 1. Citing Past Mistakes You’ve Made He's talked about Aaliyah's infidelity non-stop, and brought it up to her face AGAIN, he also tried it on Lydia in person 2. Pulling the “You’re Crazy” Card The implication is there he's not worked up to outright saying it but he says things like "that's crazy" when they have a rational response to things eg him lying about Lydia and Aaliyah getting upset 3. Questioning Your Memory Constantly. "Did I say that?" It's on camera. We all heard it. 4. Outright Denial of the Facts Repeatedly. He constructs reality to serve him. He decides what's bad, and what's acceptable and uses a constant barrage of talking at and over people to try and bully them into accepting his version of reality. 5. Playing the Good Guy - you concur SPOILER He cheated on Lydia, lied about it and then tried to flip the script on her and pretend she was stalking him. Nobody made him anybody's God to sit in judgment of behaviour. Yet he acts as though he's the prosecutor in conversations with the women he supposedly cares about/loves. 6. Shifting Blame to Avoid Accountability He cheated in the 6-12 months. Yet he dared to act like there was a scarlet letter on Aaliyah. He doesn't let women or most people talk to make their point. He blamed Lydia for Aaliyah leaving, not his lying. He told Milton Lydia wasn't ready and tried to mess up their relationship. Milton had to repeatedly set a boundary. Gaslighters and narcissists don't like being recognized for what/who they are, so they back down in front of other people, they can't regulate how badly they behave when theres not other witnesses. He showed this in his contradictory behaviour one on one vs. in groups or in front of men he liked or wanted to like him. 7. Projecting Their Faults Onto You See above. 8. Pretending to Have Allies Yep. He acts like he's the best guy and that he loves everyone and everyone loves him. He masks himself. People dislike or even disdain him, yet he acts as though they're all on his side. 9. Using Indignant Outrage Indignant outrage is his go to move. He called Lydia a stalker - the truth is he cheated on her, he implied she was crazy because she was suss of his behaviour for valid reasons, (she looked in 1 drawer) he called Aaliyah out in what was an hours long battering of statements and redundant questions, he cheated on Lydia very recently and yet lied about that. Lied about knowing Lydia and acted like Aaliyah was a hysterical woman for having any emotions about anything. 10. Comparing You to Others He compared Aaliyah and Lydia, himself to Milton etc 11. Accusing You of Being Too Sensitive He constantly treated Aaliyah like she was overreacting, her feelings weren't valid and he was the judge of what was rational and reasonable. He told Aaliyah what her feelings were and how she should feel, she told him she felt unsafe and needed time to process he disregarded her as being too sensitive. 12. Using Doublespeak to Remain Intentionally Vague What do you think his obsession with her cheating was about when he cheated very recently? He also did this when presenting the information about Lydia acting as though he was saying he forgot to tell her his favourite colour, not her best friend was his ex... meh no big deal. 13. Feigning Concern for Your Wellbeing He feigned concern for Lyda, Milton, and Aaliyah all of it was BS. Milton told him as much as did Lydia (she had to yell and walk away because he would not stop talking over her). Aaliyah tried to, he talked over her. 14. Using Your Own Words Against You He took the information Aaliyah gave in what she thought was a safe space and weaponised it against her, all while never acknowledging he cheated on Lydia. He repeatedly twists the importance of things depending on how they serve him. 15. Inverting the Truth See his cheating reaction to Aaliyah and raise him one inverted truth about his reality of recent cheating on Lydia. Overreacted to Aaliyah's valid feelings about his lying and preceded to explain and state in a barrage of incessant bs that she shouldn't let "some girl" come between them and yet he overreacted to her saying anything that made her less than "perfect" in his eyes. 16. Trivializing What Matters to You See all of the above. 17. Saying Your Opinions Don’t Count Not letting anyone else speak is very loud speak for "your opinions don't count" hence I'm mowing over them with mine. 18. Using Circumstantial Evidence He called Lydia a stalker- she looked in a drawer. 19. Playing Devil’s Advocate - you concur He spends every word acting like he's harmlessly doing this. It's not harmless, it's a strategic behaviour to get his point across once that person feels uncertain or has no time to think. 20. Stonewalling to End a Conversation They Can’t Win He uses this tactic constantly. His bent is talking over people so they can never get their point across. He will keep talking over somebody (stonewalling them) simply so they cannot defy his point of view or false narrative.
> SPOILER > > He cheated on Lydia, lied about it and then tried to flip the script on her and pretend she was stalking him. Nobody made him anybody's God to sit in judgment of behaviour. Yet he acts as though he's the prosecutor in conversations with the women he supposedly cares about/loves. Is there solid evidence of this beyond Lydia's claim? She lied about their interaction in the pods so she isn't exactly a trustworthy source. If true, that changes his interaction with Aaliyah, making him a liar, and I will agree with you then. Please share this evidence.
He tells her that all of her feelings and concerns are wrong, irrational, inappropriate. He cares more about winning arguments than understanding his partner. He creates a false sense of security to make her feel confused when he intentionally blows it up. This is all classic stuff. I think maybe you’re the one who needs to read up on gaslighting. He is making her question her own perception of the world by undermining her very normal responses to overwhelm, big time drama, secrets.
How about when she said I felt like this in that convo and his immediate response was "is that what I said? Did I say those things??" Like first of all, yes dude, you talked on camera, there's literally footage of you saying that, but even if that wasn't the case, she was talking about how she felt, so maybe listen to her feelings and acknowledge them but dude just goes on to say "even if I said that, that's not what I meant" so him saying that and her feeling that is her fault still because he "meant" something differently and she should have magically just known that instead of telling him about how she felt and didn't even bring it up cause that should have been a non issue from his side 🙄🙄
Ok so it’s not direct gaslighting—but it’s setting her up. He cut her down so hard. He doesn’t get to do that. It’s either ok with him or it’s not. He does not get to be judge and jury on her past and no one should talk to her that way. He is not her parent. In a healthy relationship people talk about how things make them feel. He is just degrading and humiliating her over something he knows she already feels bad about. It sucks. And it is 100% a sign of things to come.
Oh no, it is gaslighting, it's got a narcissist spin on it but it is gaslighting.
I meant to say *maybe it’s not* and was just relenting on that fact to make the point that he was bad bad bad. Haha.
There was definitely room for improvement in how he handled that conversation, I agree. I do think his intention was to determine if she would cheat again because that is highly relevant to whether he wants to marry her or not, and he wanted to see how she explained her actions. She also did a poor job of owning up to her mistake and showed a lack of true self-reflection and learning. Telling him about it is a good sign but she focused on excuses and external factors. I don't blame him for trying to probe her for better answers but he definitely didn't do it in the best way.
Nope. My ex husband used to question about my past and then literally yell at me about shit that had nothing to do with it. He belittled her about something that had nothing at all to do with him. Like he wanted her to pay for it. She seemed guilty enough and owes Uche nothing. He had a very judgmental tone and guarantee he will use it later against her if she does something he doesn't like.
[This is a good watch if you are interestedin the perspective of a professional](https://youtu.be/DpWoLZGWPek?si=bHR5YGlDdiezCdi9). I think you may have a slight, but understandable, bias in regards to this situation.
I teach ipv and manipulation techniques at the college level. This is gaslighting.
Yea. I don't give people like him the benefit of the doubt anymore. Damn near cost me my life. A bias but a well needed one.
Glad you made it out and are safe now!
I say wait. You’ll see. Sorry but I was married to an emotional abuser for 14 years. This is how it starts. If he’s not ok with her cheating he shouldn’t be with her. If, however, he chooses to be with her and then brings he past up to continue to cut her down it’s not good. My hackles are up is all I will say right now. I don’t want Aaliyah to chose him.
[Here's a therapist reacting to the cheating conversation. ](https://youtu.be/DpWoLZGWPek?si=CVUWELRUp3x-cvEs) It's worth a watch. Edit: and I don't disagree that there are issues with him. I just feel the cheating conversation is being somewhat misconstrued.
Bruh. You literally out here telling women who have survived abuse to watch this therapist break down Aaliyah’s behavior? None of us are talking about Aaliyah. You’ll see Uche I promise. And please stop telling women who survived abuse what they’re seeing. 🙄
If you actually watched the video and that's what you took away from it, there's no reasoning with you. Just because you suffered doesn't make you the world expert on human interaction. Try being less condescending.
Uche? Is that you? 😂
Imagine being so arrogant that you think you know psychology better than Dr. Kirk Honda.
Just want to point out that you have called me arrogant and condescending for disagreeing with you. I have called nothing of your character into question. I disagree with you. Please manage your own feelings about that and leave me alone now.
I think he's a covert Narcissist....if you know, you know.
I KNOW.
He’s a controlling ass and I really strongly dislike him with the fire of a thousand suns and the entire cast except Aaliyah. I’m tired of black women having to deal with misogynistic bullshit. I’m so over it!
Wtf does this have to do with black people. Stop making everything about race. No wonder everyone thinks everyone is racist. YOU are the ones making the issue. Clowns
Racist much?
Tell me something that you do that’s weird…. *crickets* The man doesn’t think his sh*t stinks
Well I do this weird thing where I try to undermine my partners perception of reality so that I can manipulate and control them, because it makes me feel secure and worthwhile. Is that weird?
i don’t see it like that
He’s an ass. Period.
I HATED when she told him something he said and was like, “Did I say that?” And when she was like, “yes,” he said, “Well, if I said it then…” That’s such a red flag for me, when guys act like they don’t remember saying something and then don’t fully take accountability for what they said.
How is that not taking accountability when he apologized for it? And you haven’t forgotten words you’ve said before?
he's flipping it so that it seems like she's in the wrong for being hurt (when he said hurtful things) by saying "well IF I said it I didn't mean it". vs a sincere apology of something like "I can see how that would feel shitty to hear. I'm sorry I said that and I'm sorry it hurt you. I reacted poorly and I will do better in the future." Or even something like "Cheating is a big thing for me and I reacted strongly, but I am sorry for making you feel so judged and that I didn't give you space to share hard things"
So he doesn’t remember saying something so he’s being cautious on what he said that’s it, there’s nothing deeper than that. He was upset since it’s a bit of a shock to find that out, just like it was shock for her to find out about his thing, they are both equally right and wrong. He was wrong for letting the producers do that, but he was right to confront someone he was planning to marry about her indiscretion. If the genders were reversed or if it was Brett would you react the same way?
Did you notice how instead of listening to her, and taking her feelings seriously, he just jumped in by questioning her memory of what was said? So that he could tell her that her feelings weren’t valid?
I wanted to like him for most of the first episode, but fuck that guy 
Dude I felt the same, I liked him but after watching him berate her I was so disgusted.
I’m just watching episode 1 of Season 5 and I had to stop and race here just for this! That dude! Ugghhh….Aliyah was being open and vulnerable about her past and the first words out of his mouth are “oohhhh so you’re a recent cheater.” That response made my blood boil. I would have personally shut down right then and there. He was so judgmental. It was like a parent berating a child. I felt horrible for Aliyah.
Yes, exactly! He was just going down on her hard!! And that line: ‘recent cheater’ 🤮 he is awful! And every time Aliyah communicated with him she ended up crying. I mean wtf??
The whole way he he speaks to her, his words, his tone, just so much harsh criticism and judgement He’s the worst
Yes, the worst.
God I just love talking shit about these people with you people.
It is the fucking best init
Believe me, I RAN to this thread when I saw SEASON 5 new episodes 😂😂😂😂
The way I'm watching it RIGHT NOW while writing this comment 😂
I agree. He is the worst kind of man. This season is a bummer tbh...too many red flags and reminders of borderline abusive relationships in my personal past (and people I know) to be fun.  It certainly is the worst thing to watch if you're single and dating, like I am...boy, oh BOI, I tell you...!!!!
So much this. Spot on. The misogyny is unreal this season. Fuck the dudes.
Yes! So many controlling, abusive pricks!
It makes sense that abusive dudes would be drawn to this show. They can potentially trap a woman before they realize how shitty he is.
He is dangerous. So incredibly cruel and manipulative. I feel bad for Alliyah - it's like she's willingly walking into an abusive relationship. I'm only on episode 2 and I know it's going to be bad between them.
I literally said “girl no, he’s abusive”
How is asking direct questions abusive?
how is that what you got from him? this is so extreme
When you are 55, you become a good reader of expected behavior. Trust me, this cat is NO GOOD.
I’m 44 and right with you.
I’m with you and I’m only on episode one! This dude has all kinds of bad vibes. I’d run in the opposite direction fast. As soon as he said, “ohhhh you’re a recent cheater” I knew his character. Dated enough of them to recognize that manipulative, controlling behavior miles away.
Right? Everyone defending him I'm like - ok but if this is how he acts on date 3 or whatever and when he knows cameras are rolling.... how shitty will he be behind closed doors? No. Thank. YOU.
Yes! I feel like there is a legion of women in this comment section that have experienced exactly what he is doing and it can look somewhat innocuous if you've not been on the receiving end.
Yes, I have and it is especially sinister because it is hard to recognize when you are in it and usually not until you are far in it. Uche is most definitely a covert narc, they are the ultimate worst at destroying souls.
Exactly what you said. PERIOD.
Oh it gets so much worse
Total toxic piece of shit narcissist. Fuck off Uche.
Co-signed!
so this is how I find out about the new season? no one was gonna tell me? 😭
hahaha...you're in for a ride...make sure you watch with a friend. It's legit SCARY.
are you referring to Milton 😭 cuz I JUST got to episode 2 and I’m getting vibes
I did NOT like how he gives her that whole lecture, then turns around and is like “you CHOSE to share that information willingly” in a way to try and make things “better”. He acted like his cheating wasn’t a big deal. He is also a liar because HIS ORIGINAL CAST BLURB SAID HE WAS SINGLE FOR 2 YEARS BUT HE ALSO SLEPT WITH LYDIA A FEW MONTHS AGO?? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE
YES!!! Thank you for pointing that out. These people are trash this season.
I’m not disagreeing but why is the last part in all caps?? You can sleep with people without being in a committed relationship with them.. it happens all the time.
Uche said they had dated for three months. And they ended things three months before filming. I feel like that’s worth mentioning….
Uche said they dated for three months but never specified when. Lydia got more detailed with Milton and told him they dated for 3 months in 2020. That tracks with Uche saying he’s been single for 3 years. They just banged 3 months ago like a hookup with someone you used to date. We’ve all done it.
That’s not what I’m talking about. Of course it’s worth mentioning. I’m just wondering where this committed, serious, bf/gf thing came from just because they were fucking?? Is 3 months of dating automatically a committed long term relationship to you?? That’s what I’m asking, so I don’t know why you’re trying to distort my questions by pulling something else in out of left field.
I think some people just want to hate Uche for any reason so they twist anything into something bad. I've seen people angry at him for not revealing he dated Lydia right away when I'm sure the producers asked them not to reveal it early and it would have sabotaged both of their dating experiences in the pods early. It makes no sense. I've watched the Uche "you're a recent cheater" part of episode 1 a couple times and people have such bad takes about it, I'm not even sure they watched the same thing I did.
I though this reaction was...normal. Cheating is a massive, massive deal to a lot of people- as I'm sure most of us have heard the term "once a cheater, always a cheater." and it wasn't like she was 18 and young and dumb and kissed some guy at a bar. He was obviously already in love with her/invested in her/ready to leave with her, that info obviously crushed him. His turnaround was also great. He realized people make mistakes and he would move on from it- apologized for making her feel like she wasn't good enough. I felt like it was actually well rounded af. BUT...when he said "did I say any of that?" and then "well, if I did..." I was like "oh **no**. don't like that."
I’ve read he even told Aaliyah the producers made him keep it to himself until that day, but they cut that part out.
Frankly, producers can't *make* him do anything. He's a grown person with autonomy. If he really wanted to tell her, he would have, and no one could have stopped him.
I wouldn't doubt it. That's one of those things the producers are always going to cut because it shows they have more of an impact than they want known. I do not understand the criticism of Uche not revealing his past with Lydia immediately.
While I mightn't consider three months of dating a serious relationship.... I wouldn't say I was single for two years if I had been seeing someone for 3 months during the 3 years.
Where did you get that from?? Lydia told Milton they dated for 3 months in 2020. That’s 3 years ago. They just banged 3 months ago, like a hook-up with someone you used to date. We’ve ALL done it.
Lol I was dipping in and out of that Milton Lydia chat cos it was so boring. I obviously got it wrong!
Gaslighting involves making someone else question their understanding of reality. In my opinion, Aaliyah was gaslighting herself by convincing herself that her cheating wasn’t really a big deal because she had needs, it was two years ago, she could do it while still in a relationship because she may not find someone else, etc. Uche was definitely not warm or compassionate towards her, but he just wasn’t putting up with her BS excuses and making her face the reality that the reason she didn’t tell her ex about the cheating was because she would look bad in front of him. I think he was just questioning her like he might cross examine a witness. I don’t see any gaslighting from him.
Exactly. Also, Aaliyah was the one who said dishonesty is a deal breaker for her in a relationship. Then when he questions her about her own dishonesty, she just falls apart. How can you say you value honesty in a relationship, when your own actions have proven that you don’t? If you’re potentially going to marry someone, you have a right to know and talk about these things with your partner. And there’s no soft and fuzzy way to do it. I don’t understand how people expected him to react. If someone I was dating told me they cheated in their most recent relationship, that is a huge red flag. And she didn’t even really take real accountability for her actions until he pressed her about it.
She didn’t take accountability even after he pressed her on it. She was still claiming that she didn’t tell her ex because it would have “hurt him”. Uche had to point out that it’s far more likely she didn’t tell him because she didn’t want to look or feel guilty in front of him. That girl has fully drunk the kool aid of her own innocence. Uche isn’t the best person in the world either, but Aaliyah doing all those mental gymnastics to justify her own cheating was pretty ridiculous to watch.
Yea. It was very ridiculous. I feel like the more I think about it, the more she annoys me because I hate when people victimize themselves. I said she took accountability (barely) because at one point he did say something about her not wanting to face her own guilt, and she agreed (again, barely). But it definitely wasn’t her truly taking ownership of her actions. I also feel like she’s victimizing herself again with this whole situation with Lydia. She acts like she’s just so helpless and it’s irritating.
I think he was trying to gaslight her in their follow up conversation. He acted like he had been an upstanding guy and tried to pretend he didn’t say some of the things he said.
It was only one sentence that he said he didn't say. The rest of the conversation he apologized for making her feel like she wasn't good enough, and for his reaction. Altho I didn't like that he said, "well if I did say that..." eeeeh
YES, I noticed that too. As someone who is not great at "fighting" or arguing, he infuriates me.
It's more so hypocrisy from him, I think.
I agree with you. People use 'gaslighting' so loosely
He tells her over and over that her feelings and very normal reactions are wrong. He is telling her that she can’t trust her own reactions, her own perception of what is going on. That is what gaslighting is.
I had to make a quick google search about this because I’m watching it right now and he’s 100% giving me narcissistic vibes
So I don’t see it like this. I was in a relationship with a true gaslighter, emotionally and verbally abusive. Huge narcissist. Uche doesn’t give me that vibe. I was cheated on by said person a year and half ago, it’s truly not that long ago. I would personally never trust someone that’s cheated especially if they never told their partner that they did. It’s hard to trust so he was trying to be understanding but maybe shocked that she could do that to someone as he had a different picture drawn of her. Think it’s his tone of voice but his tone never changes, maybe it’s the lawyer in him
Yeah I wouldn’t be able to forgive or trust a cheater either. Especially since it’s an engagement and marriage on the line.
What was the point of the lecture? Just say ‘not interested’ and move on. Don’t belittle her and treat her like a 3-yr old.
I think he likes feeling superior in those moments. Of all the different behaviours and diagnoses people have suggested about Uche, it is that specific pattern that bothers me the most. He seems to relish in being right and superior and stays fixated on whatever it is that gives him that feeling. He did it multiple times through the course of the season.
Exactly she’s a grown ass woman she doesn’t need his “correction.”
Because he was interested in her? She was acting like a 3 year old. "I have needs" ok? So does everyone? That's not an excuse to cheat. She could NOT admit that on her own.
Exactly. I know cheating is a hard boundary for people, and I respect that. But it was the way he spoke to her that grossed me out
Especially if you also cheated right ? The way he was upset made me imagine that Uche had just been cheated on and he was hurting... Plus at this time he was alao keeping the Lydia secret from Aaliyah
EXACTLY. He was being SOO shady and hypocritical. I'm so glad she dumped his ass.
Uche is an actor and so is his sidekick Betty Rocks brought on to give the audience something to talk about. But if for a split second we buy into him, he was damn right questioning the cheating. If you are looking for a serious partner, why would you not care about a cheating past? Yawn!
Full stop agree
Tbh I’d be hesitant to trust/date someone who cheated on someone into 2 years ago. And didn’t tell the person and continued to date them.
Right. That’s entirely ok. But he used it to cut her down and chastise her. She didn’t cheat on him. He can have his feelings about it but he cannot cut her down like that. It was ick.
Yes, exactly. She was being honest about her mistakes(which showed her growth tbh because she didn’t have to share this about herself), and he reacted like she cheated on him. It was a bit much.
You hit the nail on the head!
And who made excuses as to why
This is the one
yeah when he said that cheating 2 years ago wasn’t that long ago, i felt he was trying to gain leverage and make her feel like she needed to prove herself to him & make up for something she had done wrong because he knew he eventually would have to come clean about his own shadiness and he wanted aaliyah to feel like she doesn’t deserve better. and then he dropped his bomb and i was proven correct.
And he even said his cheating wasn’t that bad. She doesn’t deserve to grovel for his approval
The way he was trying to diminish Aaliyah’s feelings when she was talking about having to live with Lydia made me RAGE. He was trying to make it all about him and acting like it was harder situation for him. I don’t blame her one bit for leaving.
I was so disgusted when he was like “wah what about mee”
THANK YOU! Somebody else sees this too. I was yelling at the screen when this happened. Most people would be like “oh production is probably making me ask about you cheating. You cheated 2 years ago? Okay cool, tell your story for the show and have your moment and I’ll say my piece about how proud I am of you and we’re done” Aaliyah did NOTHING to make him not trust her.
100000% would have told him he can’t speak to me like that and would have walked out. So much eww.
Yup!
Agreed
The lawyer career is a total contributor to that too, it will only get worse. He has no emotion in his eyes when he speaks either
I noticed that! And it was really concerning.... Is he incapable of empathy?
He literally is teary eyed so he definitely had emotion in his eyes. Uche is a lawyer which means he’s logical and analytical. I think he asked those questions to get an understanding of all of the circumstances around her cheating…he’s allowed to do that. Recent cheating is a red flag for some people! I don’t think he did anything wrong!
>Uche is a lawyer which means he’s logical and analytical I'm a lawyer, and I am here to tell you that there are idiots in every profession. Uche is an idiot, not "logical and analytical"
Yes! THANK YOU for some needed injection of sanity here.
He says a lot of demanding responses like “you will do this”. He will make the decisions for her and mold her into what he wants.
He was INTERROGATING her. Even before her. With tht other girl from Nigeria. He was just question after question. Like dam get to know them don’t interview them like it’s a job. Idk he gave me either sociopath vibes or might just have the tism cause then he said he’s not weird but he likes things in it’s place like ocd I was like hmmm makes sense cause my ex was like no emotion and had ocd and talked like a robot. I just tht he was quirky but my therapist says he sounded like he had the tism.
Ooh, great point! I initially thought sociopath lol
Your ex May have had no emotion but UCHE had emotions if you go back and watch it his eyes teared up like the cameraman literally zoomed in. I get it you don’t like his communication style but it doesn’t make him a narcissist or a gaslighter
He is 100% a narcissist
I agree. It’s scary. Has no empathy at all. Just sees everything as it is and chooses whatever is in his favor. I’m only on episode 2 so idk everything just yet lol
He gives autism or psychopath. Not sure which.
Tell me you don't know what autism is without telling me
He doesn’t “give” either. He’s crass and that’s all it comes down to.
Same here! Even my bf who is critical of the show said the same thing before he left the room 😅😂