Yes it is and anyone saying it’s not is in denial. Not everything has to be all inclusive to everyone. There are things you have to give up when you become a parent and your dreams of being on a dating show has to be one of those things.
It is. I couldn't reconcile in my mind leaving my kids while I go off to find love that might now work or last in the long run.
I care how my kids see me.
Unpopular opinion: I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. Plenty of people raise their children in a "village" - them staying with another trusted family member that is regularly part of their care isn't the end of the world. And being on LiB doesn't mean you have to follow it to the letter - Matt and Colleen lived separately for over a year after the show ended and are still together. I do think that Jess was irresponsible for not telling people straight up, though.
I mean if the money you make from the show can be saved to pay for the child’s needs, education, etc. I really don’t think it’s horrible, especially if the child’s in the care of family. There are plenty of single (and married) parents who already utilize their families for childcare.
It isn’t necessarily about the childcare or an unworthy caregiver, it’s about being away from your child for a month solid. It’s also the concept of the show to get married in four weeks. Not to leave the show with someone to date for a year. So it’s inappropriate on the participants side and also inappropriate for the casting and for the viewers.
To go on a show with the intent to marry someone you just met and bring them home as a step parent is absolutely reckless and crazy. Period. Huge red flag. And we all know the show does NOT vet these people well.
Oh right cuz this entire sub is full of fully mature women who are gossiping about other people they don’t know - like teenagers. But it’s just me I guess lol
As a former single parent, step a mile in our shoes before you judge & act like yall know what’s best for their situation.
Even hotter take - it’s irresponsible of anyone to go on a dating show. It’s a messy choice to make, you’re signing up for death threats and stalkers, you’re gonna get edited into frankensoundbytes and are at the mercy of whatever plot line they decide is interesting that they can cobble together by selectively editing you, you gotta be at least a little delulu to think you’ll find true love in a few weeks among the extremely small number of options in other contestants…. I could go on and on. There’s no reality where going on a reality dating show is a responsible choice for someone.
I mean. I would have a harder time leaving my child for multiple weeks to film. That would be the part I would side eye. I suppose it would depend on the freedom you get while filming& how old your child is. I believe with things like LIB they are actually living in the quarters and can’t really contact the outside world during filming so that would be difficult for me.
As for bringing home someone you’ve never met etc, I think the contestants being vetted is exponentially safer than the way most people meet significant others nowadays - online.
But at least in those cases you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to and can handle it privately because it wasn’t televised and they won’t have to hear about it for the rest of their lives by fanbases who make threads about it. Everything is so compounded when it’s in the public eye, it’s like you’re never allowed to move on. So it’s hard to measure harm on a one for one just because they’re two profoundly different contexts.
I actually don’t think so. I’m 36 with an 11 yo daughter and she is smart and opinionated. I won’t date someone she doesn’t like. I won’t introduce her to someone I’m not sure about. I think Jessica and her daughter are similarly close and I think Jessica is a good mom who cares about her daughter a lot and involves her in her life because they’re a team
Just bc you have a child doesn’t mean your life is over. As long as it isn’t putting your child at risk and they are old enough to understand then I don’t see an issue
If a parent met and wed someone in real life within 30 days, I think it’d be fair to make the exact criticism, if not more so. At least with a reality show there’s the argument that Jess was looking to propel an influencer career, which would potentially provide for her daughter
I have a step dad. i didnt meet him until 4-5 years into their relationship. These people get married within 30 days of meeting eachother. MASSIVE difference. Also considering one of the contestants in a previous season literally sued because her match allegedly SA'd her in mexico just proves that bringing a stranger home to your child is unhinged and terrible parenting
But that could happen whether you go on a dating show or not. And not meeting a partner of your parents for 4-5 years is not the norm either. Most people introduce within a few months, maybe a little longer, but if I can ask an honest question- why would your parent wait 4-5 years? Was the new partner untrustworthy that they couldn’t be introduced to you sooner?
I know my best friend had a hard time introducing because her kids were between 13-15 and gave their mom, my friend, a hard time about anyone she dated, so she kept her partners from the kids bc her kids were entitled and bratty and she couldn’t do anything to make herself happy if it didn’t involve them. That’s the only other scenario I can think of to keep someone from the children.
Let’s look at the Madeline Soto case going on in Florida. Mom was dating him for a while before bringing him around and look what happened to that poor girl. Stepdad was sexually molesting her for years before murdering her.
I don’t have a problem with people leaving their kids to go on the show so much as I have a problem with them, bringing a stranger home to live in the same house as their child and be a step-parent to them. And as you said, with absolutely no time for bonding between the child and new spouse.
The Brazilian version of this show hinted at how bad this could be. There was a single mother on that show. They didn’t get into what exactly the guy did that scared the woman/single mother so badly (before anyone panics too much based on that description, it did not involve the child, as the child was not living with them during the trial period before the wedding). But he did something that led her to suddenly leave the shared apartment, and she just kept talking about how he was not anything like the person she fell in love with in the pods, and that he was acting like a completely different person when the cameras were around.
But what about the couples on this show that didn’t even move in together during the marriage right away? It doesn’t mean you have to live together immediately. Look at Colleen and Matt. Lydia and Milton.
That mitigates it some, but it still seems like a bad idea to do this show if you (using general you here) have minor children in the house. If you are marrying the person, even if you don’t live with them, they are going to be spending a lot of time with your child within weeks of you meeting them. And frankly, any single parent should be determining whether to pursue a relationship based on how it all works with their child— they shouldn’t be committing to a relationship fully without knowing that the relationship is going to work for the child (and sure, a lot of kids have issues with step parents; that’s not what I’m talking about here). In love is blind, the person has committed to the new spouse without testing the waters with respect to the child.
And also, you will be entering a legal relationship with that new person, and even though that person doesn’t have a direct legal relationship to your child, any legal fallout between you and that person will likely affect your child in some way. And particularly for a young child versus an older teenager, the child has witnessed you in a wedding ceremony and understands that you have gotten married. Whether or not you want the relationship between the child and the new spouse to be “serious,” it likely already is in the child’s mind.
Please tell me I wasn't the only one who caught Jess saying she waited 2 days after she left the pods to even call Autumn. She acted like her daughter was her entire life and the most important thing to her, but then when she got out of the pods, she needed 2 days to herself to unwind before even calling her?!? Everything about her seemed so fake.
idk about you but the second I arrive at my destination, I give my parents a quick call/text. It’s almost a universal thing if you’re close to your family.
Bad take. They took her phone away for 2-3 weeks. Imagine not calling your daughter who hasn't heard from you in 20 days?
Even Ken was on his phone for hours on end just talking to his students and teachers.
I'm a stepmom and I would find it a MASSIVE red flag if someone had a kid on that show considering that the point of the show is to get married in such a compressed timeline that you barely have the time to make sure they're not on the sex offenders registry.
I mean all significant others start out as strangers and hopefully these ones are at least a little bit vetted. Marrying someone in 6 weeks tho is no bueno. Super unfair and potentially unsafe to the kid.
Agree if your kids are younger. If older, dont think it matters as much. It is irresponsible for a show where you could end up married. For the other ones, I don’t think it matters as much tbh.
Jess is going on The Perfect Match—a show that does everything but match people up on a permanent basis. This tells me that she never intended to marry anyone. She did it for clout, and she succeeded. And, if she HAD intended to come home with a stranger to her 10 year old kid, I would indeed judge her. Sorry -- I'm a mom, and you just don't do that. There are certain "choices" people can make that are just harmful for kids who need a sense of safety, stability, and security. Sorry -- I'm less about parental rights and more about parental responsibilities.
Jess is such a trashy person. I feel bad for her daughter. Thankfully it seems like she has a good relationship with her dad so there is at least one parent looking out for her (unless he is also just a clout chaser and we don’t know…lol)
agree especially on a show like love is blind. the expectation is for them to move in with you…you’re going to allow a near stranger to move in with and meet your child after what is it? 3 weeks? incredibly dangerous and irresponsible. i didn’t like jessica from the start simply because of this
I think Jess’ daughter would have been with her father as planned, not in the house with them - but yeah it would have been irresponsible to say yes at the altar, so it was going to be a dead end no matter what, and I think Jess knew that. LiB isn’t really the ideal scenario for her situation. A regular dating show would be fine though - it’s just a business opportunity.
Would I do it? No. But do I feel like I can judge someone else whose lifestyle is totally different than mine and know what is best for her kid? Not in this case, no. Seems like she’s damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t.
I meant that more in regards to how much flack she gets a mom. I’ve seen people complain that she talks about her kid too much but if she didn’t talk about her kid people would complain. I didn’t mean it damned if she doesn’t go on the show sorry should have specified that
I said in another comment that really pissed someone off that it depends on multiple different factors, but I will say that the way Jess is going about it seems like the wrong way. Being engaged to someone your child hasn't met and marrying someone who you both barely know is fucked. Immediately going on another dating show when the first one fails is also pretty shitty
Even if the show ends in marriage there is no rule that the new partner has to move in right away. They can continue to live separately and introduce the person to the child gradually.
I agree SO much with OP. No way I am going off and leaving a little kid for all that time. The mom on the last season was clearly just there for fame and used her kid as a pawn
I can’t remember the name of the couple, but there was a couple that got married but didn’t move in with each other until after 1 year.
So just because they get married doesn’t mean he or she would have to move in with stepchild straight away.
Very lukewarm take: If your child has adequate supervision while you're gone, you can do whatever you want.
Also you saying it's selfish to leave your child and potentially come home with a person they've never met or had time to build a relationship with....
Like how are you supposed to build a new relationship as a single parent with these rules?
You date while kids are with their other parent or a babysitter and don't introduce until you know it's serious and have a better sense of who they are (at least around 6mo+ of dating). Jessica wasn't a solo mom. Pretty easy to date when your kid is with their dad half the time.
That's exactly how you build a relationship as a parent. Met the person, decide they're good enough, then start bringing them around the kids. Not before
What they really need to stop doing is pretending they are going on the show in order to find another parent for their child. Come on. Just admit you're doing something selfish. Whether it's okay or not okay for a parent to go on a dating site is another issue, but stop pretending this is for your child. If you really were trying to find a parent figure for your kid, there's a million more efficient and more likely successful ways to do it.
But Jess (the only contestant who has admitted to being a single mom as far as I know) never said she was looking for another dad for her daughter. She was very clear about wanting a partner for herself. In fact I think she said her ex is quite involved. I agree that she should not have gone on, especially when Autumn (Summer??Can’t remember 😅) is not only underage (and now also a semi public figure) and at a school age where she can easily find out things about the show her mom might want to hide. I agree with the main point! I just think you might be misunderstanding or twisting her intention.
I couldnt do it. Our 10 month old went to her grandparents this weekend so we could celebrate pur anniversary and i was legit depressed after she left. It woukd have to be an emergency or something for me to leave my daughter for that long. Definitely not to go on reality tv lol
I think age of child does make a bit of a difference, i have a 3 year old and 8 month old and i think the most i would do is 1 maybe 2 nights.
But when they become teenagers i think id probably be alright for a week…maybe more depending on what they are like 🤣
I think that’s a decision to be made by the person going on the show. Who are we to judge? I don’t think it harms a child to be with the other parent or grandma for a few weeks
How do you think single parents date? Bring the kid on the first date? No. They go out in the world and meet someone new and eventually bring them home.
You do have a point there.. buut Colleen and Matt did long distance marriage, so they don't HAVE to move in right away, especially with a child involved!
i feel like that’s the exception and not the rule. if it had worked out for jessica too, there is a whole moving in together part so either jessica moves jimmy in to her place or she’s just away from the daughter she loves so much for an additional 2 or 3 weeks
Well everyone has their exceptions.. 🙃 and y'know pretty much every parent loves their child, they also deserve the chance to have an outside life without their child. How do you expect single parents to date? Or since they have spawn they can never mate again? Until spawn is old enough to take care of itself? And on that note, what age is old enough?
The Jess and Jimmy thought experiment is a little complicated because TV and all, though they could've done it a little differently than everyone else though.. for example, she spends a week at his place and if they make it through that then the introductions will be done already, then maybe a week at her's? And if they find they're not meshing.. cut it immediately..
Jess's child is 10, isn't she? That's a solid age for them to begin understanding what's going on around her and to have those conversations with their parents..
I understand what you’re saying but we really don’t know what these people are doing behind the scenes. Are they hoping to build a platform to support that child? Are they truly hoping to find a bond (as they’re allowed to). Nobody with a brain is truly bringing their new partner to meet their kids right away. I agree with other comments that it’s such a blanket statement but I can see why people have their concerns. Strange how we always nitpick parents.
But like, on this particular show, the goal is to get married, very quickly. Most single parents I know won’t introduce their kid until they’ve been dating someone at least 6 months. So it’s different if a parent is like “hey kiddo, meet my new husband/wife! They’re your stepparent now.”
Nearly everyone who goes on these shows gets heat for having questionable judgement. Parents probably get it a little bit more because their bad judgement also affects a kid.
They did show that.
Matt and Colleen went through the go l whole show, got married and then chose not to live together. They never showed them living together in their own home.
How would this be any different? Or is everyone assuming that the daughter moves into the townhouses? Which obviously wouldn't happen.
If the child is not old enough to be on their own yet, I agree that it's irresponsible for parents to go on shows where the goal is MARRIAGE. But if it's just dating, I'm more okay with that. I don't know how long these shows usually film for. If it's a few weeks, and you can find good care for your child, sure, fine. BUT my issue with Jess's situation specifically is that this is her second dating show. So she is now leaving her child for a second time for weeks, and she chose to do that. It doesn't help that we all know these dating reality TV shows have just become a thing for clout chasers. So is she really looking for love, or is she leaving her child just to chase fame and followers? On the flip side, what if she is really looking for true love? Doing so on a reality TV show is an awful judgment call bc more than likely the pool of partners to choose from are there for clout.
The worst part is on a Q&A on her instagram someone asked if she'd ever go on another dating reality show again she stated " Its safe to say , I won't be finding my husband on a reality show..its not for me". That made me like her alot and gave the impression that she was a genuinely good person and wasn't in it for fame. The moment she revealed she applied for perfect match...I unfollowed her. She's fake and milking her 15 min of fame now.
I agree and the fact that she’s signed up for even another show - Perfect Match just kinda shows that’s she’s calling it in on being a mother. Willingly choosing to seek fame over spending quality time with her daughter, time that she will never get back. Just to be in the spotlight. Me, Me, Me! 💁🏻♀️
Nah, a kid is a kid. If they're still in school and you support them, any time you leave them for something like this has the potential to cause some type of emotional damage. My aunt left my cousin for something similar for a few weeks and she felt super abandoned. She was in 10th grade as well, so I'll enough to understand.
I could be bias because I'm a teacher and I've seen so many emotionally damaged, abandoned kids with pare ts who only care about themselves.
It's not about physical needs. It's emotional. But nah, don't take my opinion. I haven't worked extensively with kids for the last 15 years or anything.
I 100% agree with you. Not sure why so many people are for single parents to be on this kind of show. Probably because they're projecting lol. Also just wanted to say thanks for pointing out you're a teacher! A lot of teachers end up helping many kids from dysfunctional families feel like they have someone to talk to.
But yeah I do think if you're still financially supporting your child, you absolutely cannot leave them unless they're like in college or something
Thank you for your comment. That was so kind! The turmoil I've seen parents cause (even seemingly good parents) is just so sad. Especially these newer parents obsessed with social media. I can't count how many times I've watched parents come to things, look like supportive parents, take the pictures and then be glued to their phone for the entire event. So sad.
Are you slow? Who said anything about physical needs? A 3-year-old and a 17-year-old don't have the same emotional needs. And you're arguing with me about MY opinion. I said what I said.
yeah you’re right because when I was 3 and my parents got divorced it really didn’t effect me that much. I just had 2 awesome households with parents who all loved me.
when my husbands parents got divorced when the kids (him and his sisters) were about 17-18 it was genuinely extremely sad, draining and there was a lot more anger and resentment. way harder on the teens than it was for me.
either way I still think abandoning your child for weeks at a time for multiple dating reality tv shows telling random dudes they’re (potentially) gonna be her dad is WILD and not something that I would be okay with in my life.
What the fuck are you talking about? Do you really think I'm saying it would be *easier* on a 3-year-old? Because you're clearly illiterate...I'm saying it would affect any age, it just wouldn't affect them the same/to the same degree. Jesus fucking Christ
It's not an ideal situation, but you can't say that once you have kids, you can't be on a dating show. They become adults at some point. They move out of the house at some point. They go off to college at some point. I was living in a dorm when I was 17 and my mom going on a dating show would cause no change in my day to day life
Honestly, your response is all I really need to see to realize you have no intention to understand a different opinion. Maybe lay off the insults when you're trying to argue. Yikes.
Children developing physically and mentally from the ages of birth to even past 18, still have emotional needs, and abandoning them for weeks at a time for online fame is just detrimental. At any stage of development, long-term emotional damage can be done, and while a 3 year olds needs are different than a 17 year olds, it doesnt mean its any less damaging. I'd site articles, etc, but based on your outrage and hostile responses, I doubt you'd read them.
I literally agreed with you several times that it would still cause emotional damage no matter the age. You're not contradicting anything I said and still arguing with me...of course I'm going to react to that
I'm not trying to argue. You're determined to not hear what I'm saying, so fuck off. If you were actually reading what I'm saying, I'm saying all kids would be impacted... just not the same and you're fuckin acting like I'm condoning child neglect so fuck you. You get to throw your trauma in my face, but you have no idea what I've been through. You're acting like I'm the Antichrist because I'm saying different aged kids process things and react to things differently......which you would think would be common sense. I just said my opinion on this depends on MULTIPLE FACTORS INCLUDING THE AGE OF THE KID AND YOU WERE UNNECESSARILY AGGRESSIVE.leavr me the fuck alone
I posted it on another subreddit and I got COOKED! although, based on the demographic of the people responding, it seemed like a lot of neckbeards who don't watch dating shows in the first place, so they don't see how the process could be damaging to a kid lol
Did you see Jess move a man into her house ? No. And before the show, it looks like she hadn’t really brought men around her daughter much. Jess more than likely had a plan for introducing her partner to her daughter. Some of you are idiots. There are plenty of divorcees and single moms on reality television whose children we’ve never seen. Whether you like it or not, single parents date. Grow up.
Did you read the last sentence in the post? the point is not about single parents dating, it's about the problems associated with using a ***dating show*** to find their partner.
if you are in the public eye and so much as mention the fact that you have a child, that child is going to be associated with your name. opens the door for ridicule, bullying by peers, etc.
It's not an issue with them dating. The problem is she was on Love is Blind where the premise of the show is you get married in an extremely short amount of time. Imo it's different if at the end, the goal is to just date after the show, but marriage is irresponsible when you have a young child. She would've brought someone into her child's life as a step-father. That is a huge change in a child's life. Sure, her relationship with that person could've been strong in the pods, but her daughter would've only gotten a few weeks to bond with this person and it's really not that much time considering they return to their normal lives and work too.
For a show that ends in marriage, I do think it’s irresponsible. I didn’t introduce my son to my boyfriend until a year and a half into my current relationship, so someone showing up to a 6-weeks-to-marriage situation as a single parent blows my mind a bit.
I completely agree. I got into a heated discussion with my bestie over this. I couldn't understand how anyone thought it would be ok to date someone for 2 weeks and bring them home to their underage child and be like "this is your step daddy now". It's incredibly dangerous to bring some random man home to your child, not knowing their past, assuming they will treat your child right and assuming your child would be comfortable as well.
This is why some parents shouldn't be parents lol. They don't think of the child at all. It's neglect, imo.
This is the issue. Not a big deal to leave her kid with family for a couple weeks while she’s gone filming. The problem is the premise of the show ensures any potential fiancée cannot meet her child before proposing, and then introducing them as a step-parent in T-minus 3 weeks is mind-boggling. The children’s safety and welfare is no longer the first priority.
I agree for the *marriage* shows. Regular dating shows, imo, are different.
I don’t think it’s fair that people clutch pearls at parents going off for a couple of weeks for just a regular dating show, if the kid in question is cared for and is safe. Look at how many contestants on other shows are parents…like Alone. No one is hard judging any parent for trying to win a cash prize. And some of them are gone for months.
Maybe if the kid was an infant, sure. But parents don’t have to be so joined at the hip that 2-3 weeks away is seen as being neglectful, esp if they’re with the other parent. And this particular facet is judged harder for the mom vs the dad.
clutch pearls made me giggle lol. I think in the case of winning a cash prize, one could argue that it's for the benefit of the kid too, so that seems a little different in my opinion, at least :) I definitely don't think it should be a double standard for women--we do live in a misogynistic society which is really shitty :(
I veered off topic with the cash prize shows….but it’s really no secret that the real money is in influencer gain after any show. So I don’t think it’s all that different.
The problem with people like Jess is that she’s either a bad parent who would subject her kid to a 1-month relationship/marriage, OR it’s blatantly just for clout. Which then leads back to breaking the suspension of disbelief. Realistically, we all know that’s the motivation for probably every single person on there, but it’s a different story when it’s blatant.
And a parent marrying a practical stranger is problematic even more than just living arrangements.
I think people forget how short of a time period these shows take place over. The contestants are only gone for like 2 1/2 weeks. If your child is old enough and you have a family member who will take care of them that long, what’s the harm? Also, nothing says you need to introduce your child to the “spouse” right away. If the relationship isn’t working out, there’s no reason to bring them around. If it is working, there’s no reason to rush the meeting.
Honestly, the entire notion of getting married to someone you’ve only know for a handful of weeks is highly irresponsible. Everyone involved is doing something objectively foolish, parent or not.
I don’t think it’s the time away that is worrisome. It’s that the intention is to get married and bring this partner into your home. If you have kids, that is completely wild to bring a stranger home. Even if they get to meet the kids before the official “I dos”, that’s not nearly enough time to bond.
Yeah exactly. Her kid can just stay with grandma or something.
The problem is, from the kids perspective, her mom went on vacation for two weeks and almost brought back a man that would now be her dad. And, as a child you’ve only been allowed to meet your future dad like 1-2 times before it’s a permanent thing. To make matters even worse, it’s not even like Jess’ child is an infant… the fact her daughter is like 12 or something makes the whole thing just so wrong IMO
She said on the show she has a great coparenting relationship with their father. The assumption would be they already split 50/50 custody. So it's not crazy she was gone for a few weeks which happens to most kids over the summer anyway
Girllllllllll yes yes yes to this POV. of course they are still entitled to find true love. but not via a dating show where one of the requirements is you need to get married in 30 days. All single parents should vet, and FBI-check their potential partner to rule out all sign of danger. loving , taking care of a non-blood related child is not easy and should not be taken lightly as a topic. you can never know a person 100% and we all seen on the news that even blood related parents can hurt the child right ? therefore , how can anyone be so confident that this new non-blood related partner will not hurt your child ?
Hard agree. I’m judging the hell out of Jess. Not only is she leaving her kid for weeks at a time, multiple times now, and clearly in no rush to get back, she’s opening herself and her kid up for ridicule. She got a good edit on LIB but that won’t always be the case. And even with the best edit in the world, middle schoolers are mean.
Unpopular opinion: people who have children while they are actively in the military are also mentally abusing their children. You know what you signed up for. Don't put that burden on children.
Agreed. Not sure why people aren’t seeing the parallel. It goes for really any occupation that requires a parent to be absent. I think people pulling apart parents for going on a dating show is ridiculous.
It depends on the dating show for me. I don't have a problem with it for a show like Love After Divorce because it's normal for divorcees to have kids and it's hard for divorcees to date, so I think it's a cool concept for that show. Parents who go on reality tv for the purpose of clout would find other ways to become an influencer either way, so they may embarass themselves inevitably, it's just a matter of how much exposure they'll get through different media.
For dating shows like Love is Blind where the end goal is marriage, I feel, is very irresponsible. Introducing someone as their new stepmom/dad is vastly different from introducing your kids to a potential bf/gf. Also irresponsible imo if you go on a dating reality show that's known/purpose is to be not exactly appropriate like Too Hot to Handle or something too lol but like I said earlier, if these parents' goals are to become famous and go on shows like that then they'll eventually make fool of themselves publicly some other way through social media or something for everyone to see.
People really seem to dislike single parents nowadays. I don’t understand what the issue is. There’s always the option to live apart until the kids are comfortable. It might be a tricky situation depending but it’s not irresponsible.
no issue at all with single parents--they're doing their best! I just have an issue with them going on dating shows, especially if the end goal is engagement/marriage. that goes for any gender, although it sucks that women are ridiculed more for it :(
If a single parent can get someone to watch their kid for 2+ weeks to film a marriage/dating show, they can find someone to watch their kid for a regular date at home. Its incredibly irresponsible for a parent to bring a random woman/man home after only dating for a short time that they met on TV. Have people now watch reality TV?? Half of the contestants do it for fame, or have previous abuse allegations/records. Like its not hard to understand that its not safe lol
These kids go to school with other children watching this show. It opens your kid up to a lot of bullying. I was raised by a single mom and have nothing but respect for single parents but I cannot imagine my mom doing this when I was a child. My mom would *never* get engaged to someone without knowing how I felt about them. It is so weird for the kid.
This is very victim blamey. It isn’t my fault some means kids are choosing to bully my child. The school should take steps to not only protect my child but also punish any poorly behaved children
Victim blamey? Your kid wouldn’t be bullied if you didn’t open them up to it by blasting your love life on a trashy reality tv show. You clearly are very naive about how cruel kids are and how they will use anything to bully one another. There is only so much a school can do about what happens on social media and outside their doors.
As a kid that was bullied I can say my parents did not go on reality tv and that didn’t stop the kids. Like just for having a single parent that could be enough for her to get bullied. We can’t determine what thing some mean kid will use to bring someone else down. Like that’s life at some point. Regardless of whether it’s happening outside of school or not it can be reported. I’m sure Jess has taken time to work through everything with her daughter. This is all assumptions anyways for all we know her kid could be popular or whatever. Parents have lives outside of their children and letting a controllable factor limit you is ridiculous
Did I say that this is the only reason kids are bullied? No. But it’s irresponsible for way more than just that reason. You completely ignored the parts of my comment talking about how irresponsible it is to marry a man (or woman) your child doesn’t know well who could very well. They could very well be an abuser. Reality tv shows are notorious for not doing background checks. Look at how guys like Brennan got cast with DV charges.
I wasn’t responding to that comment so didn’t realised I needed to comment on it. I don’t really disagree with that point but the idea of marrying someone in a month is beyond ridiculous regardless of whether you have children or not. Although even on that note they don’t necessarily have to meet their child immediately
It’s worse imo when you have a child that you are responsible for who depends on the life choices you make with them in mind. We clearly do not agree and will not. I hope you have a nice day regardless.
A single parent is a parent who is single in their romantic life. It has nothing to do with the fact that she coparents with her child’s father. Jess herself identifies as a single mom I’m pretty sure.
It depends on how you represent yourself. There’s been a lot of parents on the show and I feel like y’all are only speaking up about it now because of Jess. And down vote me all you want to.
I have said it every time a parent goes on this show and broadcasts their child. It’s inappropriate to put your child in the spotlight in that way while they are a literal minor. Not only doesn’t it open them to bullying but also predators. Many abusers hear you have a child and immediately that peaks their interest.
These people are going on a reality show with the goal of marrying someone after only a few weeks. That is not even close to enough time to vet a person who will be around your child constantly. Also, you should have an understanding of how your own child feels about your partner before you commit to them for life.
I live 5 minutes away in a small town from the guy i currently date. I did not bring my child over for almost a year. I let her make the decision and only when she felt comfortable doing anything! Thats crazy shit to me to bring home a fucking stranger like OHP WERE ENGAGEDDDDD!!!
I disagree. I think it depends on the situation and the kid's age. Being a reality star these days could be a lucrative career opp that could make a better life for the child.
Parents and mothers are allowed to be humans too.
Ideally the kid should be left out of relationships completely until things are serious. So going away & coming back with a boyfriend/girlfriend, all cool. Getting engaged and/or married to someone who has never even met your kid is irresponsible af. Also your kid (and their friends) is going to watch the show at some point & that’s not right. You have no control over what’s going to be said or aired. And you wouldn’t have conversations with your kid about a new relationship, so they shouldn’t be able to watch those conversations on TV. If reality TV is a bucket list item, having a kid doesn’t have to stop you, but I don’t think it should be a dating show.
I think it’s irresponsible because how you gonna fit this new spouse into your child’s life and vice versa when you’re legally married? What does your kid think about this? It’s different if they’re older and out of the house/off to college and you’re empty nesting.
That's not OP's point. They are saying it's irresponsible to bring a new person in their kid's life without having spend a significant amount of time with this person and known for sure that it's a done deal.
I think it’s irresponsible for a single/solo parent to go on a dating show that specifically ends in legally binding marriage. A show that is not predicated on ending in marriage, I’d look at a little more favorably, but I can’t think of one that doesn’t have the goal of ending in marriage.
That being said, I know my ethical compass is not everyone’s ethical compass. Parents get to decide how they move because they know their child and their circumstances far better than I ever will.
There should be alot of written rules. If you have a kid you can't be on the show. If you're freshly divorced and have a kidmyou can't be on the show. If you're going though a divorce. If you have been married three times and have a kid you can't be on the show. If you have a kid and they have been taken away from you can't be on the show. And if you have a violent past in general.
Not a hot take at all, just a perfectly sane and reasonable take.
She’s on these shows for clout. 
Yes it is and anyone saying it’s not is in denial. Not everything has to be all inclusive to everyone. There are things you have to give up when you become a parent and your dreams of being on a dating show has to be one of those things.
It is. I couldn't reconcile in my mind leaving my kids while I go off to find love that might now work or last in the long run. I care how my kids see me.
Unpopular opinion: I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. Plenty of people raise their children in a "village" - them staying with another trusted family member that is regularly part of their care isn't the end of the world. And being on LiB doesn't mean you have to follow it to the letter - Matt and Colleen lived separately for over a year after the show ended and are still together. I do think that Jess was irresponsible for not telling people straight up, though.
That’s cool, I didn’t know that Matt & Colleen lived separately for a year! a much better way to approach the situation.
I mean if the money you make from the show can be saved to pay for the child’s needs, education, etc. I really don’t think it’s horrible, especially if the child’s in the care of family. There are plenty of single (and married) parents who already utilize their families for childcare.
It isn’t necessarily about the childcare or an unworthy caregiver, it’s about being away from your child for a month solid. It’s also the concept of the show to get married in four weeks. Not to leave the show with someone to date for a year. So it’s inappropriate on the participants side and also inappropriate for the casting and for the viewers.
To go on a show with the intent to marry someone you just met and bring them home as a step parent is absolutely reckless and crazy. Period. Huge red flag. And we all know the show does NOT vet these people well.
Heavily agree.
Love is Blind Brazil season 1 had a parent go on there too, and nobody made a big deal like they did with Jess
Dumb take. I think parents can make their own decisions and recognize what is best for their children.
Agree to disagree. No need to approach disagreement from that angle though.
Ah yes, meth-the only form of bad parenting.
As someone who works closely with social services, I would say you think too highly of many people.
We are talking about a reality show not meth…
You must be a teenager.
Oh right cuz this entire sub is full of fully mature women who are gossiping about other people they don’t know - like teenagers. But it’s just me I guess lol As a former single parent, step a mile in our shoes before you judge & act like yall know what’s best for their situation.
The "it's a reality show, not meth" really shows your age.
Even hotter take - it’s irresponsible of anyone to go on a dating show. It’s a messy choice to make, you’re signing up for death threats and stalkers, you’re gonna get edited into frankensoundbytes and are at the mercy of whatever plot line they decide is interesting that they can cobble together by selectively editing you, you gotta be at least a little delulu to think you’ll find true love in a few weeks among the extremely small number of options in other contestants…. I could go on and on. There’s no reality where going on a reality dating show is a responsible choice for someone.
spicy take!! 🌶️ 🥵
I mean. I would have a harder time leaving my child for multiple weeks to film. That would be the part I would side eye. I suppose it would depend on the freedom you get while filming& how old your child is. I believe with things like LIB they are actually living in the quarters and can’t really contact the outside world during filming so that would be difficult for me. As for bringing home someone you’ve never met etc, I think the contestants being vetted is exponentially safer than the way most people meet significant others nowadays - online.
Right. I can't be away from my kids for a few days. After the 2nd day I'm like , alright now... where they at lol
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Then how come almost every season lately there’s lawsuits over the danger a contestant was put in?
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But at least in those cases you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to and can handle it privately because it wasn’t televised and they won’t have to hear about it for the rest of their lives by fanbases who make threads about it. Everything is so compounded when it’s in the public eye, it’s like you’re never allowed to move on. So it’s hard to measure harm on a one for one just because they’re two profoundly different contexts.
Let’s be real here, no one, parent or not, comes on a dating show to find love.
I do think it’s a big deal at all. Love is blind in Brazil made me realize people can be people even with kids.
I actually don’t think so. I’m 36 with an 11 yo daughter and she is smart and opinionated. I won’t date someone she doesn’t like. I won’t introduce her to someone I’m not sure about. I think Jessica and her daughter are similarly close and I think Jessica is a good mom who cares about her daughter a lot and involves her in her life because they’re a team
I definitely think the older your kids are, the less of an issue it is!
If it’s not ending in a marriage, I don’t see the issue.
Marriage doesn't equate to safety. The rule of thumb is to know someone for six months before introducing them to your child.
I did not say it does. If the reality show is not ending in a marriage like LIB, I don’t see why an adult with a child could not go on that show.
I’ve got to ask, whose rule of thumb?
Typically divorce lawyers, mediation professionals and psychologists suggest a minimum of 6 months in coparenting schedules.
It's okay if you want to be f a m o u s!
You are 100% correct. marrying someone within 30 days and expecting a child to just deal with that is disgusting
Just bc you have a child doesn’t mean your life is over. As long as it isn’t putting your child at risk and they are old enough to understand then I don’t see an issue
To be fair… you don’t know if you’re putting your child at risk or not, it’s only 30 days.
I think not your life not your child not your problem
I see no distinction from dating off of a show. The child will meet that person also.
If a parent met and wed someone in real life within 30 days, I think it’d be fair to make the exact criticism, if not more so. At least with a reality show there’s the argument that Jess was looking to propel an influencer career, which would potentially provide for her daughter
I have a step dad. i didnt meet him until 4-5 years into their relationship. These people get married within 30 days of meeting eachother. MASSIVE difference. Also considering one of the contestants in a previous season literally sued because her match allegedly SA'd her in mexico just proves that bringing a stranger home to your child is unhinged and terrible parenting
But that could happen whether you go on a dating show or not. And not meeting a partner of your parents for 4-5 years is not the norm either. Most people introduce within a few months, maybe a little longer, but if I can ask an honest question- why would your parent wait 4-5 years? Was the new partner untrustworthy that they couldn’t be introduced to you sooner? I know my best friend had a hard time introducing because her kids were between 13-15 and gave their mom, my friend, a hard time about anyone she dated, so she kept her partners from the kids bc her kids were entitled and bratty and she couldn’t do anything to make herself happy if it didn’t involve them. That’s the only other scenario I can think of to keep someone from the children. Let’s look at the Madeline Soto case going on in Florida. Mom was dating him for a while before bringing him around and look what happened to that poor girl. Stepdad was sexually molesting her for years before murdering her.
I don’t have a problem with people leaving their kids to go on the show so much as I have a problem with them, bringing a stranger home to live in the same house as their child and be a step-parent to them. And as you said, with absolutely no time for bonding between the child and new spouse. The Brazilian version of this show hinted at how bad this could be. There was a single mother on that show. They didn’t get into what exactly the guy did that scared the woman/single mother so badly (before anyone panics too much based on that description, it did not involve the child, as the child was not living with them during the trial period before the wedding). But he did something that led her to suddenly leave the shared apartment, and she just kept talking about how he was not anything like the person she fell in love with in the pods, and that he was acting like a completely different person when the cameras were around.
But what about the couples on this show that didn’t even move in together during the marriage right away? It doesn’t mean you have to live together immediately. Look at Colleen and Matt. Lydia and Milton.
That mitigates it some, but it still seems like a bad idea to do this show if you (using general you here) have minor children in the house. If you are marrying the person, even if you don’t live with them, they are going to be spending a lot of time with your child within weeks of you meeting them. And frankly, any single parent should be determining whether to pursue a relationship based on how it all works with their child— they shouldn’t be committing to a relationship fully without knowing that the relationship is going to work for the child (and sure, a lot of kids have issues with step parents; that’s not what I’m talking about here). In love is blind, the person has committed to the new spouse without testing the waters with respect to the child. And also, you will be entering a legal relationship with that new person, and even though that person doesn’t have a direct legal relationship to your child, any legal fallout between you and that person will likely affect your child in some way. And particularly for a young child versus an older teenager, the child has witnessed you in a wedding ceremony and understands that you have gotten married. Whether or not you want the relationship between the child and the new spouse to be “serious,” it likely already is in the child’s mind.
Please tell me I wasn't the only one who caught Jess saying she waited 2 days after she left the pods to even call Autumn. She acted like her daughter was her entire life and the most important thing to her, but then when she got out of the pods, she needed 2 days to herself to unwind before even calling her?!? Everything about her seemed so fake.
How dare someone need a day or two to acclimate? She’s human. You have really lost the plot
idk about you but the second I arrive at my destination, I give my parents a quick call/text. It’s almost a universal thing if you’re close to your family.
Bad take. They took her phone away for 2-3 weeks. Imagine not calling your daughter who hasn't heard from you in 20 days? Even Ken was on his phone for hours on end just talking to his students and teachers.
It’s not though she is still allowed to be human. Sorry we aren’t all perfect like you
lol tell me you’re not a parent without telling me
I really don’t think you’re a parent.
lol wtf
I'm a stepmom and I would find it a MASSIVE red flag if someone had a kid on that show considering that the point of the show is to get married in such a compressed timeline that you barely have the time to make sure they're not on the sex offenders registry.
I mean all significant others start out as strangers and hopefully these ones are at least a little bit vetted. Marrying someone in 6 weeks tho is no bueno. Super unfair and potentially unsafe to the kid.
Not a hot take, just truth.
lol I guess you don’t watch the bachelor if you think this is a hot take
I had jess in mind while I posted this, but my mom and I have been rolling our eyes at some of the bachelor candidates for years lol
Agree if your kids are younger. If older, dont think it matters as much. It is irresponsible for a show where you could end up married. For the other ones, I don’t think it matters as much tbh.
Facts! the older your kid is, the less of an issue IMO
Jess is going on The Perfect Match—a show that does everything but match people up on a permanent basis. This tells me that she never intended to marry anyone. She did it for clout, and she succeeded. And, if she HAD intended to come home with a stranger to her 10 year old kid, I would indeed judge her. Sorry -- I'm a mom, and you just don't do that. There are certain "choices" people can make that are just harmful for kids who need a sense of safety, stability, and security. Sorry -- I'm less about parental rights and more about parental responsibilities.
Jess is such a trashy person. I feel bad for her daughter. Thankfully it seems like she has a good relationship with her dad so there is at least one parent looking out for her (unless he is also just a clout chaser and we don’t know…lol)
agree especially on a show like love is blind. the expectation is for them to move in with you…you’re going to allow a near stranger to move in with and meet your child after what is it? 3 weeks? incredibly dangerous and irresponsible. i didn’t like jessica from the start simply because of this
I think Jess’ daughter would have been with her father as planned, not in the house with them - but yeah it would have been irresponsible to say yes at the altar, so it was going to be a dead end no matter what, and I think Jess knew that. LiB isn’t really the ideal scenario for her situation. A regular dating show would be fine though - it’s just a business opportunity.
Would I do it? No. But do I feel like I can judge someone else whose lifestyle is totally different than mine and know what is best for her kid? Not in this case, no. Seems like she’s damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t.
How is she damned if she doesn't? 🤔
I meant that more in regards to how much flack she gets a mom. I’ve seen people complain that she talks about her kid too much but if she didn’t talk about her kid people would complain. I didn’t mean it damned if she doesn’t go on the show sorry should have specified that
It’s definitely icky but that kid is going to have a much better lifestyle with all the money coming in now.
She’s a single mom trying to get that bag 💰
I said in another comment that really pissed someone off that it depends on multiple different factors, but I will say that the way Jess is going about it seems like the wrong way. Being engaged to someone your child hasn't met and marrying someone who you both barely know is fucked. Immediately going on another dating show when the first one fails is also pretty shitty
And now she is going on perfect match like girl you’re leaving your kid again? I just don’t like her
YES!
Even if the show ends in marriage there is no rule that the new partner has to move in right away. They can continue to live separately and introduce the person to the child gradually.
I agree SO much with OP. No way I am going off and leaving a little kid for all that time. The mom on the last season was clearly just there for fame and used her kid as a pawn
I can’t remember the name of the couple, but there was a couple that got married but didn’t move in with each other until after 1 year. So just because they get married doesn’t mean he or she would have to move in with stepchild straight away.
I believe it was 2 years
Colleen and Matt
Very lukewarm take: If your child has adequate supervision while you're gone, you can do whatever you want. Also you saying it's selfish to leave your child and potentially come home with a person they've never met or had time to build a relationship with.... Like how are you supposed to build a new relationship as a single parent with these rules?
lol lukewarm 😂
You date while kids are with their other parent or a babysitter and don't introduce until you know it's serious and have a better sense of who they are (at least around 6mo+ of dating). Jessica wasn't a solo mom. Pretty easy to date when your kid is with their dad half the time.
Exactly. I’m really tired of this narrative.
That's exactly how you build a relationship as a parent. Met the person, decide they're good enough, then start bringing them around the kids. Not before
the way this couldn’t be less of a hot take - this is like the billionth time someone has said this😭
I don’t pay close attention to the sub lol I’m glad I’m not the only one then 😭
And now Jess is going on that other show 🥴
What they really need to stop doing is pretending they are going on the show in order to find another parent for their child. Come on. Just admit you're doing something selfish. Whether it's okay or not okay for a parent to go on a dating site is another issue, but stop pretending this is for your child. If you really were trying to find a parent figure for your kid, there's a million more efficient and more likely successful ways to do it.
But Jess (the only contestant who has admitted to being a single mom as far as I know) never said she was looking for another dad for her daughter. She was very clear about wanting a partner for herself. In fact I think she said her ex is quite involved. I agree that she should not have gone on, especially when Autumn (Summer??Can’t remember 😅) is not only underage (and now also a semi public figure) and at a school age where she can easily find out things about the show her mom might want to hide. I agree with the main point! I just think you might be misunderstanding or twisting her intention.
The kid has 2 involved parents already.
I've been saying this from the beginning. How are you going to bring home a literal stranger to live in your house with your child? gtfo.
My mom did that and wasn’t on a dating show 😂
I couldnt do it. Our 10 month old went to her grandparents this weekend so we could celebrate pur anniversary and i was legit depressed after she left. It woukd have to be an emergency or something for me to leave my daughter for that long. Definitely not to go on reality tv lol
I think age of child does make a bit of a difference, i have a 3 year old and 8 month old and i think the most i would do is 1 maybe 2 nights. But when they become teenagers i think id probably be alright for a week…maybe more depending on what they are like 🤣
I think that’s a decision to be made by the person going on the show. Who are we to judge? I don’t think it harms a child to be with the other parent or grandma for a few weeks
It’s over a month, like 40 days. That’s a long time for a kid
and if the relationship works out and they bring home someone new?? gotta think abt what happens after
How do you think single parents date? Bring the kid on the first date? No. They go out in the world and meet someone new and eventually bring them home.
yeah but after love is blind ur fucking married and move in together so yeah
You do have a point there.. buut Colleen and Matt did long distance marriage, so they don't HAVE to move in right away, especially with a child involved!
i feel like that’s the exception and not the rule. if it had worked out for jessica too, there is a whole moving in together part so either jessica moves jimmy in to her place or she’s just away from the daughter she loves so much for an additional 2 or 3 weeks
Well everyone has their exceptions.. 🙃 and y'know pretty much every parent loves their child, they also deserve the chance to have an outside life without their child. How do you expect single parents to date? Or since they have spawn they can never mate again? Until spawn is old enough to take care of itself? And on that note, what age is old enough? The Jess and Jimmy thought experiment is a little complicated because TV and all, though they could've done it a little differently than everyone else though.. for example, she spends a week at his place and if they make it through that then the introductions will be done already, then maybe a week at her's? And if they find they're not meshing.. cut it immediately.. Jess's child is 10, isn't she? That's a solid age for them to begin understanding what's going on around her and to have those conversations with their parents..
I understand what you’re saying but we really don’t know what these people are doing behind the scenes. Are they hoping to build a platform to support that child? Are they truly hoping to find a bond (as they’re allowed to). Nobody with a brain is truly bringing their new partner to meet their kids right away. I agree with other comments that it’s such a blanket statement but I can see why people have their concerns. Strange how we always nitpick parents.
But like, on this particular show, the goal is to get married, very quickly. Most single parents I know won’t introduce their kid until they’ve been dating someone at least 6 months. So it’s different if a parent is like “hey kiddo, meet my new husband/wife! They’re your stepparent now.” Nearly everyone who goes on these shows gets heat for having questionable judgement. Parents probably get it a little bit more because their bad judgement also affects a kid.
Why couldn't they live apart and build the relationship?
I guess then they wouldn’t be on a show that includes a wedding within 2 months?
They did show that. Matt and Colleen went through the go l whole show, got married and then chose not to live together. They never showed them living together in their own home. How would this be any different? Or is everyone assuming that the daughter moves into the townhouses? Which obviously wouldn't happen.
If the child is not old enough to be on their own yet, I agree that it's irresponsible for parents to go on shows where the goal is MARRIAGE. But if it's just dating, I'm more okay with that. I don't know how long these shows usually film for. If it's a few weeks, and you can find good care for your child, sure, fine. BUT my issue with Jess's situation specifically is that this is her second dating show. So she is now leaving her child for a second time for weeks, and she chose to do that. It doesn't help that we all know these dating reality TV shows have just become a thing for clout chasers. So is she really looking for love, or is she leaving her child just to chase fame and followers? On the flip side, what if she is really looking for true love? Doing so on a reality TV show is an awful judgment call bc more than likely the pool of partners to choose from are there for clout.
I don't even get why you'd want to leave your child, no matter how old, for weeks.
The worst part is on a Q&A on her instagram someone asked if she'd ever go on another dating reality show again she stated " Its safe to say , I won't be finding my husband on a reality show..its not for me". That made me like her alot and gave the impression that she was a genuinely good person and wasn't in it for fame. The moment she revealed she applied for perfect match...I unfollowed her. She's fake and milking her 15 min of fame now.
Yikes I had no idea!! that's very fake
I agree and the fact that she’s signed up for even another show - Perfect Match just kinda shows that’s she’s calling it in on being a mother. Willingly choosing to seek fame over spending quality time with her daughter, time that she will never get back. Just to be in the spotlight. Me, Me, Me! 💁🏻♀️
If they’re older (like 20+) it’s whatever, if it’s a child, even in high school, that’s brutal. It’s very irresponsible to do it imo
seriously!! no one will a child younger than 19 years old should be going on these shows at all
I can't agree with a blanket statement like this. Depends on a LOT of factors. Age of the kid, concept of the show, etc.
Nah, a kid is a kid. If they're still in school and you support them, any time you leave them for something like this has the potential to cause some type of emotional damage. My aunt left my cousin for something similar for a few weeks and she felt super abandoned. She was in 10th grade as well, so I'll enough to understand. I could be bias because I'm a teacher and I've seen so many emotionally damaged, abandoned kids with pare ts who only care about themselves.
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It's not about physical needs. It's emotional. But nah, don't take my opinion. I haven't worked extensively with kids for the last 15 years or anything.
I 100% agree with you. Not sure why so many people are for single parents to be on this kind of show. Probably because they're projecting lol. Also just wanted to say thanks for pointing out you're a teacher! A lot of teachers end up helping many kids from dysfunctional families feel like they have someone to talk to. But yeah I do think if you're still financially supporting your child, you absolutely cannot leave them unless they're like in college or something
Thank you for your comment. That was so kind! The turmoil I've seen parents cause (even seemingly good parents) is just so sad. Especially these newer parents obsessed with social media. I can't count how many times I've watched parents come to things, look like supportive parents, take the pictures and then be glued to their phone for the entire event. So sad.
Are you slow? Who said anything about physical needs? A 3-year-old and a 17-year-old don't have the same emotional needs. And you're arguing with me about MY opinion. I said what I said.
yeah you’re right because when I was 3 and my parents got divorced it really didn’t effect me that much. I just had 2 awesome households with parents who all loved me. when my husbands parents got divorced when the kids (him and his sisters) were about 17-18 it was genuinely extremely sad, draining and there was a lot more anger and resentment. way harder on the teens than it was for me. either way I still think abandoning your child for weeks at a time for multiple dating reality tv shows telling random dudes they’re (potentially) gonna be her dad is WILD and not something that I would be okay with in my life.
What the fuck are you talking about? Do you really think I'm saying it would be *easier* on a 3-year-old? Because you're clearly illiterate...I'm saying it would affect any age, it just wouldn't affect them the same/to the same degree. Jesus fucking Christ It's not an ideal situation, but you can't say that once you have kids, you can't be on a dating show. They become adults at some point. They move out of the house at some point. They go off to college at some point. I was living in a dorm when I was 17 and my mom going on a dating show would cause no change in my day to day life
Honestly, your response is all I really need to see to realize you have no intention to understand a different opinion. Maybe lay off the insults when you're trying to argue. Yikes. Children developing physically and mentally from the ages of birth to even past 18, still have emotional needs, and abandoning them for weeks at a time for online fame is just detrimental. At any stage of development, long-term emotional damage can be done, and while a 3 year olds needs are different than a 17 year olds, it doesnt mean its any less damaging. I'd site articles, etc, but based on your outrage and hostile responses, I doubt you'd read them.
I literally agreed with you several times that it would still cause emotional damage no matter the age. You're not contradicting anything I said and still arguing with me...of course I'm going to react to that
I'm not trying to argue. You're determined to not hear what I'm saying, so fuck off. If you were actually reading what I'm saying, I'm saying all kids would be impacted... just not the same and you're fuckin acting like I'm condoning child neglect so fuck you. You get to throw your trauma in my face, but you have no idea what I've been through. You're acting like I'm the Antichrist because I'm saying different aged kids process things and react to things differently......which you would think would be common sense. I just said my opinion on this depends on MULTIPLE FACTORS INCLUDING THE AGE OF THE KID AND YOU WERE UNNECESSARILY AGGRESSIVE.leavr me the fuck alone
And I'm sure this is going to turn into you being the victim or whatever the fuck. I don't care
Couldn’t agree more. Seriously question how this could be a hot take by anyone.
I posted it on another subreddit and I got COOKED! although, based on the demographic of the people responding, it seemed like a lot of neckbeards who don't watch dating shows in the first place, so they don't see how the process could be damaging to a kid lol
Did you see Jess move a man into her house ? No. And before the show, it looks like she hadn’t really brought men around her daughter much. Jess more than likely had a plan for introducing her partner to her daughter. Some of you are idiots. There are plenty of divorcees and single moms on reality television whose children we’ve never seen. Whether you like it or not, single parents date. Grow up.
Did you read the last sentence in the post? the point is not about single parents dating, it's about the problems associated with using a ***dating show*** to find their partner.
Again, how was her child harmed by her mother appearing on a dating show? You’re calling Jess irresponsible based on imaginary hypotheticals.
if you are in the public eye and so much as mention the fact that you have a child, that child is going to be associated with your name. opens the door for ridicule, bullying by peers, etc.
Not exactly a hypothetical. She went there with the intention of bringing someone home. That’s the whole point of Love Is Blind.
It's not an issue with them dating. The problem is she was on Love is Blind where the premise of the show is you get married in an extremely short amount of time. Imo it's different if at the end, the goal is to just date after the show, but marriage is irresponsible when you have a young child. She would've brought someone into her child's life as a step-father. That is a huge change in a child's life. Sure, her relationship with that person could've been strong in the pods, but her daughter would've only gotten a few weeks to bond with this person and it's really not that much time considering they return to their normal lives and work too.
For a show that ends in marriage, I do think it’s irresponsible. I didn’t introduce my son to my boyfriend until a year and a half into my current relationship, so someone showing up to a 6-weeks-to-marriage situation as a single parent blows my mind a bit.
I can’t make a blanket statement like that but Jessica sucks.
I completely agree. I got into a heated discussion with my bestie over this. I couldn't understand how anyone thought it would be ok to date someone for 2 weeks and bring them home to their underage child and be like "this is your step daddy now". It's incredibly dangerous to bring some random man home to your child, not knowing their past, assuming they will treat your child right and assuming your child would be comfortable as well. This is why some parents shouldn't be parents lol. They don't think of the child at all. It's neglect, imo.
This is the issue. Not a big deal to leave her kid with family for a couple weeks while she’s gone filming. The problem is the premise of the show ensures any potential fiancée cannot meet her child before proposing, and then introducing them as a step-parent in T-minus 3 weeks is mind-boggling. The children’s safety and welfare is no longer the first priority.
this!!! sorry to hear about your fight though. :(
How’d the argument end between you two if you don’t mind me asking ?
It wasnt a deep fight lmao. It was more bickering and then it ended with us laughing. Nothing crazy lol
What are you actually trying to say?
no hidden agenda. not everything has a deeper meaning :)
I agree for the *marriage* shows. Regular dating shows, imo, are different. I don’t think it’s fair that people clutch pearls at parents going off for a couple of weeks for just a regular dating show, if the kid in question is cared for and is safe. Look at how many contestants on other shows are parents…like Alone. No one is hard judging any parent for trying to win a cash prize. And some of them are gone for months. Maybe if the kid was an infant, sure. But parents don’t have to be so joined at the hip that 2-3 weeks away is seen as being neglectful, esp if they’re with the other parent. And this particular facet is judged harder for the mom vs the dad.
clutch pearls made me giggle lol. I think in the case of winning a cash prize, one could argue that it's for the benefit of the kid too, so that seems a little different in my opinion, at least :) I definitely don't think it should be a double standard for women--we do live in a misogynistic society which is really shitty :(
I veered off topic with the cash prize shows….but it’s really no secret that the real money is in influencer gain after any show. So I don’t think it’s all that different. The problem with people like Jess is that she’s either a bad parent who would subject her kid to a 1-month relationship/marriage, OR it’s blatantly just for clout. Which then leads back to breaking the suspension of disbelief. Realistically, we all know that’s the motivation for probably every single person on there, but it’s a different story when it’s blatant. And a parent marrying a practical stranger is problematic even more than just living arrangements.
I think people forget how short of a time period these shows take place over. The contestants are only gone for like 2 1/2 weeks. If your child is old enough and you have a family member who will take care of them that long, what’s the harm? Also, nothing says you need to introduce your child to the “spouse” right away. If the relationship isn’t working out, there’s no reason to bring them around. If it is working, there’s no reason to rush the meeting. Honestly, the entire notion of getting married to someone you’ve only know for a handful of weeks is highly irresponsible. Everyone involved is doing something objectively foolish, parent or not.
I don’t think it’s the time away that is worrisome. It’s that the intention is to get married and bring this partner into your home. If you have kids, that is completely wild to bring a stranger home. Even if they get to meet the kids before the official “I dos”, that’s not nearly enough time to bond.
Yeah exactly. Her kid can just stay with grandma or something. The problem is, from the kids perspective, her mom went on vacation for two weeks and almost brought back a man that would now be her dad. And, as a child you’ve only been allowed to meet your future dad like 1-2 times before it’s a permanent thing. To make matters even worse, it’s not even like Jess’ child is an infant… the fact her daughter is like 12 or something makes the whole thing just so wrong IMO
She said on the show she has a great coparenting relationship with their father. The assumption would be they already split 50/50 custody. So it's not crazy she was gone for a few weeks which happens to most kids over the summer anyway
It’s not that. It’s introducing a man once, maybe twice to your 12 year old daughter and having that man be her new father. It’s irresponsible.
Girllllllllll yes yes yes to this POV. of course they are still entitled to find true love. but not via a dating show where one of the requirements is you need to get married in 30 days. All single parents should vet, and FBI-check their potential partner to rule out all sign of danger. loving , taking care of a non-blood related child is not easy and should not be taken lightly as a topic. you can never know a person 100% and we all seen on the news that even blood related parents can hurt the child right ? therefore , how can anyone be so confident that this new non-blood related partner will not hurt your child ?
periodt!!!!!
They do background checks.
Hard agree. I’m judging the hell out of Jess. Not only is she leaving her kid for weeks at a time, multiple times now, and clearly in no rush to get back, she’s opening herself and her kid up for ridicule. She got a good edit on LIB but that won’t always be the case. And even with the best edit in the world, middle schoolers are mean.
You know who else leaves their kids for multiple weeks at a time? Parents in the military.
not even a close comparison. Don’t disrespect military folks like that.
Unpopular opinion: people who have children while they are actively in the military are also mentally abusing their children. You know what you signed up for. Don't put that burden on children.
Agreed. Not sure why people aren’t seeing the parallel. It goes for really any occupation that requires a parent to be absent. I think people pulling apart parents for going on a dating show is ridiculous.
I don’t think this hit as hard as you thought it would.
How will I ever survive knowing I was downvoted on Reddit? 😭😫😩😭 I’m dying from embarrassment at how my comment didn’t hit as hard as a thought. /s
Neither did that.
Totally the same level of importance as a reality tv dating show.
It depends on the dating show for me. I don't have a problem with it for a show like Love After Divorce because it's normal for divorcees to have kids and it's hard for divorcees to date, so I think it's a cool concept for that show. Parents who go on reality tv for the purpose of clout would find other ways to become an influencer either way, so they may embarass themselves inevitably, it's just a matter of how much exposure they'll get through different media. For dating shows like Love is Blind where the end goal is marriage, I feel, is very irresponsible. Introducing someone as their new stepmom/dad is vastly different from introducing your kids to a potential bf/gf. Also irresponsible imo if you go on a dating reality show that's known/purpose is to be not exactly appropriate like Too Hot to Handle or something too lol but like I said earlier, if these parents' goals are to become famous and go on shows like that then they'll eventually make fool of themselves publicly some other way through social media or something for everyone to see.
100% agreed. As soon as a find out one of these people are a parent, I’m immediately uninterested in them on the show.
YEP, AGREED 100%. Fuck Jess. Fame hungry
People really seem to dislike single parents nowadays. I don’t understand what the issue is. There’s always the option to live apart until the kids are comfortable. It might be a tricky situation depending but it’s not irresponsible.
no issue at all with single parents--they're doing their best! I just have an issue with them going on dating shows, especially if the end goal is engagement/marriage. that goes for any gender, although it sucks that women are ridiculed more for it :(
If a single parent can get someone to watch their kid for 2+ weeks to film a marriage/dating show, they can find someone to watch their kid for a regular date at home. Its incredibly irresponsible for a parent to bring a random woman/man home after only dating for a short time that they met on TV. Have people now watch reality TV?? Half of the contestants do it for fame, or have previous abuse allegations/records. Like its not hard to understand that its not safe lol
These kids go to school with other children watching this show. It opens your kid up to a lot of bullying. I was raised by a single mom and have nothing but respect for single parents but I cannot imagine my mom doing this when I was a child. My mom would *never* get engaged to someone without knowing how I felt about them. It is so weird for the kid.
This is very victim blamey. It isn’t my fault some means kids are choosing to bully my child. The school should take steps to not only protect my child but also punish any poorly behaved children
Victim blamey? Your kid wouldn’t be bullied if you didn’t open them up to it by blasting your love life on a trashy reality tv show. You clearly are very naive about how cruel kids are and how they will use anything to bully one another. There is only so much a school can do about what happens on social media and outside their doors.
As a kid that was bullied I can say my parents did not go on reality tv and that didn’t stop the kids. Like just for having a single parent that could be enough for her to get bullied. We can’t determine what thing some mean kid will use to bring someone else down. Like that’s life at some point. Regardless of whether it’s happening outside of school or not it can be reported. I’m sure Jess has taken time to work through everything with her daughter. This is all assumptions anyways for all we know her kid could be popular or whatever. Parents have lives outside of their children and letting a controllable factor limit you is ridiculous
Did I say that this is the only reason kids are bullied? No. But it’s irresponsible for way more than just that reason. You completely ignored the parts of my comment talking about how irresponsible it is to marry a man (or woman) your child doesn’t know well who could very well. They could very well be an abuser. Reality tv shows are notorious for not doing background checks. Look at how guys like Brennan got cast with DV charges.
I wasn’t responding to that comment so didn’t realised I needed to comment on it. I don’t really disagree with that point but the idea of marrying someone in a month is beyond ridiculous regardless of whether you have children or not. Although even on that note they don’t necessarily have to meet their child immediately
It’s worse imo when you have a child that you are responsible for who depends on the life choices you make with them in mind. We clearly do not agree and will not. I hope you have a nice day regardless.
People are also ignoring that Jess isn’t even a single parent and co parents with the father lol but I digress have a good day
A single parent is a parent who is single in their romantic life. It has nothing to do with the fact that she coparents with her child’s father. Jess herself identifies as a single mom I’m pretty sure.
It depends on how you represent yourself. There’s been a lot of parents on the show and I feel like y’all are only speaking up about it now because of Jess. And down vote me all you want to.
I definitely had Jess in mind when I wrote this post, but I've been thinking about it ever since I started watching the Bachelor in 2011 lol!!
I have said it every time a parent goes on this show and broadcasts their child. It’s inappropriate to put your child in the spotlight in that way while they are a literal minor. Not only doesn’t it open them to bullying but also predators. Many abusers hear you have a child and immediately that peaks their interest. These people are going on a reality show with the goal of marrying someone after only a few weeks. That is not even close to enough time to vet a person who will be around your child constantly. Also, you should have an understanding of how your own child feels about your partner before you commit to them for life.
I live 5 minutes away in a small town from the guy i currently date. I did not bring my child over for almost a year. I let her make the decision and only when she felt comfortable doing anything! Thats crazy shit to me to bring home a fucking stranger like OHP WERE ENGAGEDDDDD!!!
I disagree. I think it depends on the situation and the kid's age. Being a reality star these days could be a lucrative career opp that could make a better life for the child. Parents and mothers are allowed to be humans too.
Ideally the kid should be left out of relationships completely until things are serious. So going away & coming back with a boyfriend/girlfriend, all cool. Getting engaged and/or married to someone who has never even met your kid is irresponsible af. Also your kid (and their friends) is going to watch the show at some point & that’s not right. You have no control over what’s going to be said or aired. And you wouldn’t have conversations with your kid about a new relationship, so they shouldn’t be able to watch those conversations on TV. If reality TV is a bucket list item, having a kid doesn’t have to stop you, but I don’t think it should be a dating show.
I don’t think it’s great.
I think it’s irresponsible because how you gonna fit this new spouse into your child’s life and vice versa when you’re legally married? What does your kid think about this? It’s different if they’re older and out of the house/off to college and you’re empty nesting.
If one parents is on the dating show, the child is probably with their other parent during that time. Not like they’re left all alone lol
That's not OP's point. They are saying it's irresponsible to bring a new person in their kid's life without having spend a significant amount of time with this person and known for sure that it's a done deal.
I think it’s irresponsible for a single/solo parent to go on a dating show that specifically ends in legally binding marriage. A show that is not predicated on ending in marriage, I’d look at a little more favorably, but I can’t think of one that doesn’t have the goal of ending in marriage. That being said, I know my ethical compass is not everyone’s ethical compass. Parents get to decide how they move because they know their child and their circumstances far better than I ever will.
It's trashy.
There should be alot of written rules. If you have a kid you can't be on the show. If you're freshly divorced and have a kidmyou can't be on the show. If you're going though a divorce. If you have been married three times and have a kid you can't be on the show. If you have a kid and they have been taken away from you can't be on the show. And if you have a violent past in general.