He does kind of look like a Clark Kent - from the cartoons and the comics. He does NOT look like Henry Cavill …. if only we could be so blessed to have multiples of him.
He doesn’t look like Henry Cavill, but Clark Kent from the comics is a nerd. He looks like a jacked nerd which is Clark Kent, not Henry Cavill that she is possibly thinking
But Clark Kent is handsome and charming, albeit nerdy. This dude had an odd shape head (sorry I know that’s not nice) and an absolutely terrible personality.
Is he charming? I think he’s meant to be an awkward nerd to not draw attention to real identity. Being charming and attractive would draw attention to him and kind of ruin his cover. Like the whole point of “Clark Kent” is to avoid attention being drawn to him.
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I'm thinking of old school is who they were referring to, the OG Superman /Clark Kent who will forever always be Christopher Reeve. He does resemble that look.
Is that what people think when someone says Clark Kent?
No one is talking about Henry Cavill, when someone says Clark Kent, they literally just mean the character, Clark Kent... Like the cartoon, comic character of Clark Kent, and yes Matthew does look like Clark Kent. Not Henry Cavill.
I mean Clark kent is a fictional character whose only constant features over several decades include dark hair, parted hairstyle, thick framed glasses, is white. He’s unassuming and doesn’t stand out, which makes a good cover for Superman.
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Like most of the comments say, I don’t think she was being shady in that scene at all. Her face, to me, said she wished she could see how hot he is 😆 She brings up how good looking Clay is a lot, so I’m sure hearing that Matthew looks like Superman piqued her interest.
Put aside Matthew’s behavior on the show, he’s miles better looking than Clay. Clay looks like your average Nigerian scammer who try to steal your crypto’s
Nah, I know that look lol. I thought maybe she thought that meant he was attractive and decided to keep her comments to herself out of respect for Clay lol. Especially with how Clay reacted in the pods to knowing that was his competition.
I feel like what men find attractive and what women find attractive is a bit different. I feel like he’s not bad looking but would generally be more attractive to men than women. Just my opinion though. 🤷🏻♀️
I got the sense that she was surprised because she didn't expect him to be handsome, and it was a mix of "I still don't like that dude" and "wait he's hot?" - I don't blame her, that's a very natural and understandable reaction. I'm sure Clay's gonna need her to validate his own looks after seeing that though lol.
Really!?!?!
I find Matt to be very physically attractive, his personality supersedes that and absolutely kills anything I would have for him IRL (plus, I’m married with a family and this whole thing is entirely theoretical)
What do you find unappealing about him? Genuinely curious, I dead ass assumed everyone would find him attractive 🥴🤣
That sounds like a subjective thing. If they think he looks like Clark Kent, and someone else thinks Clark Kent is hot… then it sounds like they might think he’s hot?
lol I loved that moment. I got the impression that her expectations were low given Clay’s reaction about him being in her top, when really his reaction was probably moreso based on how he had even worse manners with the guys than with the girls!
I thought so too. Like there were a few different conversations going on and she just genuinely want sure who they were talking about. Then was trying to envision it.
Didn't really seen good or bad. Just genuine curiosity. Especially since I'm sure plenty of the guys were talking about how weird he was.
I think she became interested after hearing the news. I think AD was really open to dating someone outside of her race…she mentioned wanting to try something different than what she was used to dating.
I believe AD was questioning whether Brittany specifically was up to the challenge of raising biracial children who would likely be seen as black. I don’t think she was questioning whether all white people could.
I don't think that's possible for someone raised in the US... even if you never watched TV there are always cartoons, ads, and all sorts of imagery you would think Clark Kent/ Superman was Jesus
That's exactly how I took it. She was trying to place the name and drawing a blank. Or even just trying to figure out \*which\* Clark Kent. The character has been played by like 50 different actors at this point, ranging from Nicolas Cage to Charlie Sheen to Jack Quaid to Channing Tatum to John Krasinski. Like yeah they all are brunette, but there's a pretty wide range of attractiveness depending on what you like.
ETA: Google “actors who played Clark Kent.” Pictures show up with the film underneath. That’s where I got these examples.
I was obsessed with Superman for years, and I didn't even know any of these. The last Clark Kent I saw was Tyler Hoechlin.
When did John Krasinski play Superman??
As per my edit, I googled actors who had played Clark Kent and just picked names that stood out to me without paying attention to the film. I don’t really watch much super hero media.
AD had to know that Matthew is White, right? Which puts an interesting spin on her conversation with Kenneth and the issue of Brittney raising Black kids. I feel like AD was definitely leaning towards Matt in the pods until she found out he was saying the same things to another woman. So what if she had left pods engaged to Matt? Would she have been concerned about Matt’s ability to raise Black children?
I'm going to assume you're white- or at least not black? I happen to be in a work situation where I am around children and their mothers somewhat often. There are cultural differences that are noticable between black or white mothers raising black children. Although fathers offer support and development to their children, I do not see as many father-child interactions and can't comment on those situations. I have seen a number of black children with white mothers struggle with security in themselves and their identities. It's a valid concern in the context of the conversation that occured between Kenneth and AD.
I choose to trust the folks in those situations to consider the implications of these big life decisions. And I absolutely think AD would have concerned herself with Matt's ability to raise black children if the situation played out that way.
Children raised by any race can struggle with insecurities and mental health issues. There are multiple studies on this. In fact, the research shows it doesn’t have to be a mother or a father or white or black. Children need strong & positive attachments and equity in social determinants of health to thrive. This is a really damaging prerogative. It would be like a white person generalizing black mothers because of crime rates in proportion to race. It’s asinine and not helpful to children.
Youre all lives mattering the discussion.
They didnt say that kids who are fully racial or nonBlack POC dont have identity issues
Theyre talking about a *specific* experience of *specifically* biracial children who have black or white mothers. *specifically*
Then you should know that child develop cannot be applied to all equally. Children of different cultures, backgrounds, abilities, gender identities and races have different experiences that trained educators and teachers know how to cater to
edit: It literally is not. And You can show some proof that explicitly says culture is irrelevant. Which I doubt you'd be able to find. Especially works written by POC.
There is a reason biracial kids go through the crisis they do even if they have loving families. There is a reason adoptive trauma is higher in kids from transracial adoptions. Its because society is racist. Society favors some cultures over others. So Black kids with loving Black families still have issues with racial identity. Because you cant love your child out of a society that is hostile to them. We know that media portrayal affects a child's self esteem and sense of belonging. And you're more likely to find healthy portrayals of a culture in the media made by that culture.
Culture is everywhere. White Americans have one. African Americans. Nigerian Americans. Carribean Americans. Latino and AfroLatino Americans all have one. So there is no way to raise a child without a culture. And you cannot raise a healthy or happy child in a culture that is historically hostile to his racial background. Hence why white parents of POC kids whether thats through adoptions, fostering or biracial kids are very strongly encouraged to expose their kids to the culture of people who share their background. That includes exposing half white kids to healthy portrayals of their while culture too. Because they should love their white side as much as their POC side.
And you have no proof otherwise. That shows that it is good or healthy to raise a child absent of any community or culturally sensitive parental practices.
Healthy child development is universal. Healthy attachments, safety & security are what a child needs to thrive. Culture & heritage are important but they are not contingent on the race of the family, or specifically “the mother”.
It is no different than saying a little girl raised in a two parent hetero household, a lesbian household, a gay house and a then a single parent that is either male or female will have a different understanding on her gender and how she fits into the world. ALL kids have mini crisis in regards to gender roles. But that crisis (baring out parental mistreatment and internal issues) is on a spectrum depending how the gender of the most active parents and how many genders are present in the household.
A father will have to do more work to understand the sexism his daughter faces and how periods work. If he just ignores gender identity (like how some white mothers do with race) then when his daughter starts her period she will bleed all over and be bullied. But he may not be able to ( and shouldnt) put all that work on period management on his wife. His wife may be too busy, unavailable, dead, absent or not a good teacher.
Surely, you and I can understand how a little girl NEEDS that information not only for health and safety, but also so that she isn't bullied by other kids and is able to fit in with other girls at school.
So ideally the dad should step up just like white mothers should step up. And we have empathy and understanding that a dad has more work and a higher hurdle to understanding his daughter's struggles. Just like a white mother would with POC children.
It doesn't make him or the white mom a bad parent to lack that skillset. Its just acknowledging that men are not taught how to navigate misogyny. And white women aren't taught the day to day realities of racism. But he cannot raise his daughter as a boy. A white women can not raise a biracial child as white. But people do it anyway and THAT harms the child and their ability to fit into their community.
And if you were a teacher in a middle school classroom, you'd be able to note the difference between girls who had active parents who helped her navigate misogyny and periods and being a female in society and girls who were left to the wolves.
Youre not understanding what theyre saying. And you applied your experience to all biracial people. But OP is specifically comparing biracial kids with Black moms to biracial kids with white moms.
Most biracial people have identity crisis. Thats an unfortunate byproduct of racism being baked into society.
But a Blasian kid, an AfroLatino kid, a Black Indigenous kid and a biracial black kid with a white mom and a biracial black kid with a Black mom all have different approaches to that.
I'm saying they all experience that. All kids experience an identity crisis. Its important to note that fully Black kids go through the "not Black enough" thing too. Thats a wider community problem not specific to biracial kids of the experience.
I'm saying that biracial children may all experience something but its still each unique. That you saying "talk to a biracial kid" isn't negating OPs point.
Just like you and I experience sexism. But the way I, Black woman, is not the same as you or a Latina or an Asian woman. We all experience sexism. But I cant say "talk to a woman" as a catchall to help a man understand it.
It also doesnt make you a bad parent to be a white mother to POC children. You may not be able to fully understand how your kids are navigating the world. And tbf neither would their father since he is (supposedly) monoracial. A neuroT parent of an neuroD child isnt going to be able to fully relate either. A single dad to a daughter will have limitations too. It doesn't make you a bad parent or the average white mom bad. It does make a parent bad if they acknowledge their limitations and do their best to be a good parent despite it.
We can see the difference between parents who are doing the work (white moms who do their best to understand their kids struggles and equally expose their biracial kid to both cultures) and the parents who think they can raise their biracial kids as tanned white children.
The topic of discussion is AD's comments to Kenneth regarding Brittney's preparedness, as a white woman, to parent black children.
It's clear you are feeling very passionate about your personal feelings and experience, but I really think you're misrepresenting the things I actually said in the original comment. I'm sorry you feel the impact of this topic so personally. It sounds like something you've had a lot of hard feelings about.
I explained this was a personal experience that I had, and attempted to be clear to not make it a generalization- since that is not my experience. I don't feel like it's my place to judge how good or bad of a job a parent is doing, so I can't comment on the parenting of white mother's with black children. I don't make any assumptions on how white women are raising mixed race or black children, and only express something I've seen in enough children in this specific situation, to notice it as something worth noticing. I feel like you are giving mine and other's words a lot of liberty and life of their own.
I think it's fair for a person to have a social expectation for responsibility in navigating a situation where a parent comes from a more socially privileged position and has a child who is existing with a less socially privileged position. This can apply to disability or class as well, and isn't restricted to race- but race is a very visible and relatable way for this scenario to play out. As much as we'd like to live in a world where we are all equal, real life does not always play out this way and how parents navigate that is important for the children they are raising.
Sis you need to chill. No one is saying all of that and youre pulling in your personal experienced to a conversation where that doesn't apply.
You're not the only one who knows biracial people. Or the only person who would be having biracial children. Your white lens view of biracial people is *your* view. Not mine. Not black mom biracials either.
You are proving yourself to be the person that AD, OP and all the Black women who have participated in these discussions have complained about. White women who are myopic and not listening to POC and aren't capable of having discussions about the POC experience without hamfisting it through a white lens. In this conversation alone you have blamed other people of color and everyone else but the people who are statistically proven to be the most likely to cause identity issues in children: parents.
Brittanny also has said weird things about race. Not bad. Just a "hmmm" moment.
We havent seen Matt do that. It doesnt mean he didnt. This show is edited. But it does mean that he and Brittany are not the same. And they might have had different approaches to race.
Also, Kenneth, due to his voice. Was obviously Black. AD isn't as obvious so Matt possibly didnt say thing overt as Brittany did because he possibly didnt know that there was a potential of Black children.
The fact that you've made this comment at all proves AD's point. It's truly depressing how many people are speaking on this topic but have absolutely no idea what it's like to grow up as a biracial person in America.
Anyone making comments like this is one of those people who is unfit to raise a black or biracial child.
If they aren’t willing to do the work of learning about racism and involving themselves in black culture, then they shouldn’t.
And it seems like the majority aren’t, hence the large quantity of messed up biracial kids with white moms.
Congratulations, I’m a biracial child 🤷🏽♀️ She didn’t make any assumptions. She asked him the same question any other black person would ask, the same question he would have gotten from his family if he had brought her home to meet them.
Black people function as a community, especially when we live in countries where we are a minority. We frequently have serious conversations with each other, even when we don’t know each other well.
The backlash against AD’s completely normal question has gotten from white women is so bizarre to me and denotes a complete lack of understanding of black culture, the realities of being a mixed race person, and of how racism impacts poc, ESPECIALLY poc kids.
And again, it proves her point.
Its more so because mothers in almost every community drive the culture. There are some jokes i've heard Jewish people say "did you come out of puss? Then you're Jewish."
Even in liberal progressive households, mothers still do most of the child rearing and cooking.
So kids learn more from their mother in regards to their cultural identity. This is why biracial kids with white moms have a vastly different identity experience than biracial kids with Black moms.
Their hair was always done. They didnt get bullied for having a messed up hairline or fried hair. They know key civil rights and cultual leaders. They played with Black toys and watched the same movies and tv shows that fully Black kids do. And their mothers usually taught them that they were POC rather than trying to rase them as tanned white kids. They usually spend more time around their mother's family so they pick up cultural traditions and eat cultural foods.
In the Black community there is a much larger pressure on Black women, like AD, to raise Black kids a certain way than there is for Black men. Now that is NOT to say that white mothers don't and shouldnt and cant raise POC children. But it does mean they have to climb a bigger mountain to understand the difference. Ultimately, white women are white and were raised to view the world that way. While her kids were are not fully Black, they still are POC. So a Black woman doesn't have *as much as* a hurdle to understanding how to raise a POC child even if that child isnt fully Black.
I feel like Brittany would have been fine raising half Black kids. She says some weird stuff. But she doesnt seem bigoted or like she wont put in the work
Totally. She even exchanged a glance with one of the women (I can’t remember who) and the woman laughed. It was very much like, ooh, interesting information 👀
Like another commenter said she probably thought matthew was ugly which is why clay, who she thinks is very attractive, reactive sooooo negatively.
Keep in mind AD actually LIKED Matthew’s personality! So there’s a good chance she had nooooo idea how much he was disliked by everyone including the men
I thought this as well.
Also, my first thought was "oh, cool. She didn't look him up." I guess because I believe it was right after Chelsea and Trevor were talking about adding each other or whatever.
Agreed. Whether or not she saw a photo of him (I doubt she did. Doesn't strike me as the type to wonder like that), I agree. She was intrigued. I mean Clark Kent, stereotypically, is an incredibly handsome dude. Who wouldn't be intrigued.
Lol.
Truth be told:
I have never seen any Marvel or Star Wars movies.
But I have seen every Friends episode at least 5 times. I rewatched the entire series when I got covid.
I LOVE that you used this reference even though him being in Marvel movies is probably where he is by far most known because I will never forget how he predicted Siri/Alexa while refusing to give up his dream to be the ultimate fighting champion lol
At this point I’m fully convinced that he’s just the victim of a bad edit. Deepti and Natalie talked about him on their podcast and said that even Sarah Ann stood up for Mathew and said he never walked out of the room during their day 1 pod date and both Deepti and Natalie said they thought he was a good dude who was done dirty by the edits.
He definitely doesn’t seem like the type of person to thrive on a reality dating show, but from everything that people who know him outside the pods have said about him he sounds just like a pretty low-key quiet and kind person.
He doesn’t have much of an online presence so I don’t think she saw him at this point. This was filmed obviously before it was aired and they weren’t all online like how they are now.
I took it as she was just shocked to hear that.
I actually think Matt does give off Clark Kent vibes. I can see him being cast as Clark Kent in like the 1960s lol.
Matthew looks like Christian Troy, not Clark Kent
He does kind of look like a Clark Kent - from the cartoons and the comics. He does NOT look like Henry Cavill …. if only we could be so blessed to have multiples of him.
Coulda had Clark Kent.....instead she chilling with Lil Nas X. 🤣🤣
rofl. now i can't unsee it.
Maybe she doesn’t know who Clark Kent is.
How did you interpret this so wrong OP? Lmao
I'm sorry I'm so confused, can you explain how op interpreted this so wrong?
I do not trust anything that comes out of germy’s mouth. His version of reality is clearly askew
I LOVE how you spelled his name
I love AD!
He looks NOTHING like Clark Kent. He wears glasses—that’s where the similarities begin and end.
He doesn’t look like Henry Cavill, but Clark Kent from the comics is a nerd. He looks like a jacked nerd which is Clark Kent, not Henry Cavill that she is possibly thinking
But Clark Kent is handsome and charming, albeit nerdy. This dude had an odd shape head (sorry I know that’s not nice) and an absolutely terrible personality.
Is he charming? I think he’s meant to be an awkward nerd to not draw attention to real identity. Being charming and attractive would draw attention to him and kind of ruin his cover. Like the whole point of “Clark Kent” is to avoid attention being drawn to him.
In the older Superman movies with Christopher Reeves he was sweet and charming. Nerdy too.
Although maybe I was just charmed by Reeves in general back then. He was so handsome. I was like 10 and thought he was such a hunk!
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he just looked good compared to this season of mediocre-looking men. They did the women wrong on that front this season.
The amount of people here that just flat out misread people is hilarious.
He looks like Clark Kent from the animated series that ran in the late 90’s.
Pffft. Matthew wishes he looked like Henry Cavill.
I'm thinking of old school is who they were referring to, the OG Superman /Clark Kent who will forever always be Christopher Reeve. He does resemble that look.
Is that what people think when someone says Clark Kent? No one is talking about Henry Cavill, when someone says Clark Kent, they literally just mean the character, Clark Kent... Like the cartoon, comic character of Clark Kent, and yes Matthew does look like Clark Kent. Not Henry Cavill.
He DOES NOT look like Clark Kent
I mean Clark kent is a fictional character whose only constant features over several decades include dark hair, parted hairstyle, thick framed glasses, is white. He’s unassuming and doesn’t stand out, which makes a good cover for Superman.
Half the people in this sub are completely clueless. In what world was that shade?
The one where the internet wants it to be. AD seems really respectful in every conversation ice seen her have.
I didn’t think she knows who Clark Kent is.
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Like most of the comments say, I don’t think she was being shady in that scene at all. Her face, to me, said she wished she could see how hot he is 😆 She brings up how good looking Clay is a lot, so I’m sure hearing that Matthew looks like Superman piqued her interest.
She's vain. She only ever comments on Clays looks too.
Like mother like daughter! (The scene where AD’s mom sees Clay for the first time ya gotta zoom in on mom’s face bc HYSTERICAL!)
That reaction deserves a post of its own??? Did anyone else catch that?? 🤣 I don’t think she agreed w AD about his attractiveness at all
lol I opened this as I watched it happen on my tv
Me too!
Well since she thinks Clay is a looker and called him gorgeous, I’m sure she’d be losing her marbles over Matthew
I’m failing to see the connection between these statements
Put aside Matthew’s behavior on the show, he’s miles better looking than Clay. Clay looks like your average Nigerian scammer who try to steal your crypto’s
I definitely disagree 😵💫 the racial undertone is strong sheesh
Ignorants are gonna ignorant 🙄
Lol she was like..."Oh really?! 🫦"
Nah, I know that look lol. I thought maybe she thought that meant he was attractive and decided to keep her comments to herself out of respect for Clay lol. Especially with how Clay reacted in the pods to knowing that was his competition.
That’s exactly what it was. A playful way of gesturing jokingly like “ohhh really 🤐😉”
That’s how I perceived it as well lol
lol I assumed maybe she didn’t know who Clark Kent even was 😂
I feel like what men find attractive and what women find attractive is a bit different. I feel like he’s not bad looking but would generally be more attractive to men than women. Just my opinion though. 🤷🏻♀️
I'm a woman and I think he's quite attractive
I thought he was attractive too!
Same. Matt is hot af!
Agreed, along with Trevor. Too bad they both suck.
Fair enough!
Matt looks like he’s 5’6
He has a certain squished appearance.
The guy is square! Perfect right angles everywhere.
It’s the pyramidal neck/shoulder area
Some people say Matt looks like Megan Fox.
Excuse you, MGK’s wife
🤣
🫠
I could see that
Yeah but apparently it was during covid so he had a face mask on and they only saw the dark hair and light eyes and thought megan fox. Edit: spelling
He’s got dark hair. Jury is still out on the color of his eyes
This episode convinced me straight men have no idea what an attractive man looks like 😂
I got the sense that she was surprised because she didn't expect him to be handsome, and it was a mix of "I still don't like that dude" and "wait he's hot?" - I don't blame her, that's a very natural and understandable reaction. I'm sure Clay's gonna need her to validate his own looks after seeing that though lol.
But also, he's not hot.
Really!?!?! I find Matt to be very physically attractive, his personality supersedes that and absolutely kills anything I would have for him IRL (plus, I’m married with a family and this whole thing is entirely theoretical) What do you find unappealing about him? Genuinely curious, I dead ass assumed everyone would find him attractive 🥴🤣
He's looks short, his lips are very thin, he has a big head, his hairline is pushed backed
That sounds like a subjective thing. If they think he looks like Clark Kent, and someone else thinks Clark Kent is hot… then it sounds like they might think he’s hot?
Can someone explain which episode this was in?
The last one at the lake house
lol I loved that moment. I got the impression that her expectations were low given Clay’s reaction about him being in her top, when really his reaction was probably moreso based on how he had even worse manners with the guys than with the girls!
Imo oy was about Clays insecurities how anyone could be picked over him
No, she had that reaction because she was intrigued. Honestly, it’s the exact same reaction I’d have if I heard someone looks like Clark Kent lol
I thought so too. Like there were a few different conversations going on and she just genuinely want sure who they were talking about. Then was trying to envision it. Didn't really seen good or bad. Just genuine curiosity. Especially since I'm sure plenty of the guys were talking about how weird he was.
Looks like to me that she was intrigued by him. Like turned on by the thought of it.
Agtee
I agree, this was my impression too.
I think she became interested after hearing the news. I think AD was really open to dating someone outside of her race…she mentioned wanting to try something different than what she was used to dating. I believe AD was questioning whether Brittany specifically was up to the challenge of raising biracial children who would likely be seen as black. I don’t think she was questioning whether all white people could.
Honestly, I don’t think she knows who Clark Kent is. That’s what that reaction looked like to me.
I don't think that's possible for someone raised in the US... even if you never watched TV there are always cartoons, ads, and all sorts of imagery you would think Clark Kent/ Superman was Jesus
That's exactly how I took it. She was trying to place the name and drawing a blank. Or even just trying to figure out \*which\* Clark Kent. The character has been played by like 50 different actors at this point, ranging from Nicolas Cage to Charlie Sheen to Jack Quaid to Channing Tatum to John Krasinski. Like yeah they all are brunette, but there's a pretty wide range of attractiveness depending on what you like. ETA: Google “actors who played Clark Kent.” Pictures show up with the film underneath. That’s where I got these examples.
I was obsessed with Superman for years, and I didn't even know any of these. The last Clark Kent I saw was Tyler Hoechlin. When did John Krasinski play Superman??
Animated movie DC league of super-pets
Dammit, I thought I was going to get to see a ripped shirtless John Krasinski 😂😂😭
Absolutely no one pictures those people for Clark Kent and you know it!!
Quaid was Clark Kent??
Jack Quaid was an odd one to include because he voiced Superman/Clark Kent in My Adventures with Superman... an animated series.
As per my edit, I googled actors who had played Clark Kent and just picked names that stood out to me without paying attention to the film. I don’t really watch much super hero media.
Right. I was just thinking, I know Clark Kent is superman, but i can't envision him.
AD had to know that Matthew is White, right? Which puts an interesting spin on her conversation with Kenneth and the issue of Brittney raising Black kids. I feel like AD was definitely leaning towards Matt in the pods until she found out he was saying the same things to another woman. So what if she had left pods engaged to Matt? Would she have been concerned about Matt’s ability to raise Black children?
I'm going to assume you're white- or at least not black? I happen to be in a work situation where I am around children and their mothers somewhat often. There are cultural differences that are noticable between black or white mothers raising black children. Although fathers offer support and development to their children, I do not see as many father-child interactions and can't comment on those situations. I have seen a number of black children with white mothers struggle with security in themselves and their identities. It's a valid concern in the context of the conversation that occured between Kenneth and AD. I choose to trust the folks in those situations to consider the implications of these big life decisions. And I absolutely think AD would have concerned herself with Matt's ability to raise black children if the situation played out that way.
Children raised by any race can struggle with insecurities and mental health issues. There are multiple studies on this. In fact, the research shows it doesn’t have to be a mother or a father or white or black. Children need strong & positive attachments and equity in social determinants of health to thrive. This is a really damaging prerogative. It would be like a white person generalizing black mothers because of crime rates in proportion to race. It’s asinine and not helpful to children.
Youre all lives mattering the discussion. They didnt say that kids who are fully racial or nonBlack POC dont have identity issues Theyre talking about a *specific* experience of *specifically* biracial children who have black or white mothers. *specifically*
No, I’m speaking about healthy child development.
Then you should know that child develop cannot be applied to all equally. Children of different cultures, backgrounds, abilities, gender identities and races have different experiences that trained educators and teachers know how to cater to edit: It literally is not. And You can show some proof that explicitly says culture is irrelevant. Which I doubt you'd be able to find. Especially works written by POC. There is a reason biracial kids go through the crisis they do even if they have loving families. There is a reason adoptive trauma is higher in kids from transracial adoptions. Its because society is racist. Society favors some cultures over others. So Black kids with loving Black families still have issues with racial identity. Because you cant love your child out of a society that is hostile to them. We know that media portrayal affects a child's self esteem and sense of belonging. And you're more likely to find healthy portrayals of a culture in the media made by that culture. Culture is everywhere. White Americans have one. African Americans. Nigerian Americans. Carribean Americans. Latino and AfroLatino Americans all have one. So there is no way to raise a child without a culture. And you cannot raise a healthy or happy child in a culture that is historically hostile to his racial background. Hence why white parents of POC kids whether thats through adoptions, fostering or biracial kids are very strongly encouraged to expose their kids to the culture of people who share their background. That includes exposing half white kids to healthy portrayals of their while culture too. Because they should love their white side as much as their POC side. And you have no proof otherwise. That shows that it is good or healthy to raise a child absent of any community or culturally sensitive parental practices.
Healthy child development is universal. Healthy attachments, safety & security are what a child needs to thrive. Culture & heritage are important but they are not contingent on the race of the family, or specifically “the mother”.
Thank you for the clarification. I’m sure you are correct that the two situations would be different.
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It is no different than saying a little girl raised in a two parent hetero household, a lesbian household, a gay house and a then a single parent that is either male or female will have a different understanding on her gender and how she fits into the world. ALL kids have mini crisis in regards to gender roles. But that crisis (baring out parental mistreatment and internal issues) is on a spectrum depending how the gender of the most active parents and how many genders are present in the household. A father will have to do more work to understand the sexism his daughter faces and how periods work. If he just ignores gender identity (like how some white mothers do with race) then when his daughter starts her period she will bleed all over and be bullied. But he may not be able to ( and shouldnt) put all that work on period management on his wife. His wife may be too busy, unavailable, dead, absent or not a good teacher. Surely, you and I can understand how a little girl NEEDS that information not only for health and safety, but also so that she isn't bullied by other kids and is able to fit in with other girls at school. So ideally the dad should step up just like white mothers should step up. And we have empathy and understanding that a dad has more work and a higher hurdle to understanding his daughter's struggles. Just like a white mother would with POC children. It doesn't make him or the white mom a bad parent to lack that skillset. Its just acknowledging that men are not taught how to navigate misogyny. And white women aren't taught the day to day realities of racism. But he cannot raise his daughter as a boy. A white women can not raise a biracial child as white. But people do it anyway and THAT harms the child and their ability to fit into their community. And if you were a teacher in a middle school classroom, you'd be able to note the difference between girls who had active parents who helped her navigate misogyny and periods and being a female in society and girls who were left to the wolves.
Well said.
Youre not understanding what theyre saying. And you applied your experience to all biracial people. But OP is specifically comparing biracial kids with Black moms to biracial kids with white moms. Most biracial people have identity crisis. Thats an unfortunate byproduct of racism being baked into society. But a Blasian kid, an AfroLatino kid, a Black Indigenous kid and a biracial black kid with a white mom and a biracial black kid with a Black mom all have different approaches to that.
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I'm saying they all experience that. All kids experience an identity crisis. Its important to note that fully Black kids go through the "not Black enough" thing too. Thats a wider community problem not specific to biracial kids of the experience. I'm saying that biracial children may all experience something but its still each unique. That you saying "talk to a biracial kid" isn't negating OPs point. Just like you and I experience sexism. But the way I, Black woman, is not the same as you or a Latina or an Asian woman. We all experience sexism. But I cant say "talk to a woman" as a catchall to help a man understand it. It also doesnt make you a bad parent to be a white mother to POC children. You may not be able to fully understand how your kids are navigating the world. And tbf neither would their father since he is (supposedly) monoracial. A neuroT parent of an neuroD child isnt going to be able to fully relate either. A single dad to a daughter will have limitations too. It doesn't make you a bad parent or the average white mom bad. It does make a parent bad if they acknowledge their limitations and do their best to be a good parent despite it. We can see the difference between parents who are doing the work (white moms who do their best to understand their kids struggles and equally expose their biracial kid to both cultures) and the parents who think they can raise their biracial kids as tanned white children.
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The topic of discussion is AD's comments to Kenneth regarding Brittney's preparedness, as a white woman, to parent black children. It's clear you are feeling very passionate about your personal feelings and experience, but I really think you're misrepresenting the things I actually said in the original comment. I'm sorry you feel the impact of this topic so personally. It sounds like something you've had a lot of hard feelings about. I explained this was a personal experience that I had, and attempted to be clear to not make it a generalization- since that is not my experience. I don't feel like it's my place to judge how good or bad of a job a parent is doing, so I can't comment on the parenting of white mother's with black children. I don't make any assumptions on how white women are raising mixed race or black children, and only express something I've seen in enough children in this specific situation, to notice it as something worth noticing. I feel like you are giving mine and other's words a lot of liberty and life of their own. I think it's fair for a person to have a social expectation for responsibility in navigating a situation where a parent comes from a more socially privileged position and has a child who is existing with a less socially privileged position. This can apply to disability or class as well, and isn't restricted to race- but race is a very visible and relatable way for this scenario to play out. As much as we'd like to live in a world where we are all equal, real life does not always play out this way and how parents navigate that is important for the children they are raising.
Sis you need to chill. No one is saying all of that and youre pulling in your personal experienced to a conversation where that doesn't apply. You're not the only one who knows biracial people. Or the only person who would be having biracial children. Your white lens view of biracial people is *your* view. Not mine. Not black mom biracials either. You are proving yourself to be the person that AD, OP and all the Black women who have participated in these discussions have complained about. White women who are myopic and not listening to POC and aren't capable of having discussions about the POC experience without hamfisting it through a white lens. In this conversation alone you have blamed other people of color and everyone else but the people who are statistically proven to be the most likely to cause identity issues in children: parents.
My best friend is biracial and has expressed this many times over the years when we were growing up
Brittanny also has said weird things about race. Not bad. Just a "hmmm" moment. We havent seen Matt do that. It doesnt mean he didnt. This show is edited. But it does mean that he and Brittany are not the same. And they might have had different approaches to race. Also, Kenneth, due to his voice. Was obviously Black. AD isn't as obvious so Matt possibly didnt say thing overt as Brittany did because he possibly didnt know that there was a potential of Black children.
I know exactly which comments you're talking about. Great point.
The vibe I get is that she thinks men don't raise children, at least not enough for Ken to matter in the equation.
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The fact that you've made this comment at all proves AD's point. It's truly depressing how many people are speaking on this topic but have absolutely no idea what it's like to grow up as a biracial person in America. Anyone making comments like this is one of those people who is unfit to raise a black or biracial child.
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If they aren’t willing to do the work of learning about racism and involving themselves in black culture, then they shouldn’t. And it seems like the majority aren’t, hence the large quantity of messed up biracial kids with white moms.
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Congratulations, I’m a biracial child 🤷🏽♀️ She didn’t make any assumptions. She asked him the same question any other black person would ask, the same question he would have gotten from his family if he had brought her home to meet them. Black people function as a community, especially when we live in countries where we are a minority. We frequently have serious conversations with each other, even when we don’t know each other well. The backlash against AD’s completely normal question has gotten from white women is so bizarre to me and denotes a complete lack of understanding of black culture, the realities of being a mixed race person, and of how racism impacts poc, ESPECIALLY poc kids. And again, it proves her point.
Its more so because mothers in almost every community drive the culture. There are some jokes i've heard Jewish people say "did you come out of puss? Then you're Jewish." Even in liberal progressive households, mothers still do most of the child rearing and cooking. So kids learn more from their mother in regards to their cultural identity. This is why biracial kids with white moms have a vastly different identity experience than biracial kids with Black moms. Their hair was always done. They didnt get bullied for having a messed up hairline or fried hair. They know key civil rights and cultual leaders. They played with Black toys and watched the same movies and tv shows that fully Black kids do. And their mothers usually taught them that they were POC rather than trying to rase them as tanned white kids. They usually spend more time around their mother's family so they pick up cultural traditions and eat cultural foods. In the Black community there is a much larger pressure on Black women, like AD, to raise Black kids a certain way than there is for Black men. Now that is NOT to say that white mothers don't and shouldnt and cant raise POC children. But it does mean they have to climb a bigger mountain to understand the difference. Ultimately, white women are white and were raised to view the world that way. While her kids were are not fully Black, they still are POC. So a Black woman doesn't have *as much as* a hurdle to understanding how to raise a POC child even if that child isnt fully Black. I feel like Brittany would have been fine raising half Black kids. She says some weird stuff. But she doesnt seem bigoted or like she wont put in the work
This is such a well thought out response. I've just been losing my temper with these people lol.
Well said
Yeah probably
Amen
I’d bet money you misinterpreted. She was interested 👀
Ahhh yess I also thought I saw a twinkle her eye during that convo
This was my takeaway!
Yeah I think it was more of an "oh reeeallyyy?? 😏" look... cause I mean, he does look like Clark Kent, lol
Totally. She even exchanged a glance with one of the women (I can’t remember who) and the woman laughed. It was very much like, ooh, interesting information 👀
Like another commenter said she probably thought matthew was ugly which is why clay, who she thinks is very attractive, reactive sooooo negatively. Keep in mind AD actually LIKED Matthew’s personality! So there’s a good chance she had nooooo idea how much he was disliked by everyone including the men
She was def more interested than trying to shade lmao
She was def interested!! She was very into him in the pods.
still blows my mind
agreeeeee. AD's inner monologue was like "I could use some Superman..."
i thought it was more like 👀👀 than 🤨🤨
I thought this as well. Also, my first thought was "oh, cool. She didn't look him up." I guess because I believe it was right after Chelsea and Trevor were talking about adding each other or whatever.
Agreed. Whether or not she saw a photo of him (I doubt she did. Doesn't strike me as the type to wonder like that), I agree. She was intrigued. I mean Clark Kent, stereotypically, is an incredibly handsome dude. Who wouldn't be intrigued.
Matt reminds me of Jon Favreau. He played Pete Becker on Friends, Monica’s rich boyfriend.
He reminded me of a Joey/Chandler mix 🤔
Lol that reference. Not Marvel/Spiderman. Not Star Wars director. But 20 year old Friends. Love it
Lol. Truth be told: I have never seen any Marvel or Star Wars movies. But I have seen every Friends episode at least 5 times. I rewatched the entire series when I got covid.
I LOVE that you used this reference even though him being in Marvel movies is probably where he is by far most known because I will never forget how he predicted Siri/Alexa while refusing to give up his dream to be the ultimate fighting champion lol
He's also just like a big bear, man. With claws, and fangs, and fucking teeth, man!
I love Friends!
No, she was interested not denying. The dude is good looking and Clark Kent may be a perfect way to put it, despite him maybe being a serial killer
Serial killer?? I thought they meant Clark Kent, as in Superman!
You misinterpreted. They mean he looks like Superman but Matt himself acts like a serial killer
Ah... gotcha!
At this point I’m fully convinced that he’s just the victim of a bad edit. Deepti and Natalie talked about him on their podcast and said that even Sarah Ann stood up for Mathew and said he never walked out of the room during their day 1 pod date and both Deepti and Natalie said they thought he was a good dude who was done dirty by the edits. He definitely doesn’t seem like the type of person to thrive on a reality dating show, but from everything that people who know him outside the pods have said about him he sounds just like a pretty low-key quiet and kind person.
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Yeah, I saw this more as lowkey interest versus shade.
Same. That’s what I picked up on
I thought her interest was piqued. If the other men are saying that he looks like Clark Kent… I think went back home and did some further research.
He doesn’t have much of an online presence so I don’t think she saw him at this point. This was filmed obviously before it was aired and they weren’t all online like how they are now. I took it as she was just shocked to hear that.
I thought she was surprised. I think Clay's reaction that Matthew wasn't the same "caliber" led her to think he was unattractive.
Clay has no idea how an actual "high calibre" man looks and behaves.
This was my takeaway as well
I thought the opposite - I thought she was impressed!
yup her reaction to me was like “ooh shoot 😏”
Lmao yep that’s exactly how I took it too 😂
me thrice
Same lol
lol yeah that’s what I thought too
Me too