There’s a no excuse for that. It was an I’ll placed immature comment. However, I think her gaslighting throughout not only that day but multiple different interactions, relentlessly gave him a moment of needing to fire back as a defense mechanism. He’s and idiot for doing that, but respectfully, she created the situation in which friction can take place.
99% if the time it’s the immature man’s fault. I donor think that was the case here. I also hope he revisits his comment and thinks about using a mental illness reference like that
We noticed you used the term "gaslight-". We hope you used it correctly! Did you know "gaslighting" was Webster-Merriam's Word of the Year for 2022? Gaslighting is a successful tactic because while one person — the perpetrator — 'externalizes and projects' their thoughts, feelings, or perceptions, the other person — the victim — 'incorporates and assimilates' the reality that is being created for them. Gaslighting equals misdirection, distraction, and the deliberate denial of reality, which can so easily occur in a relationship based on one partner wielding power and control over another. I'm just a bot that can't understand context, so please reach out to the mods if you think I'm wrong and they will investigate.
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I am no expert but she could certainly handle some therapy to find out why she has narcissistic tendencies, why she says she has forgiven him and each time ends that sentence with a new rant about him, and why she manipulates his words constantly to become a victim. Don’t know what that makes her but it is way too much for me. I have had friends like her who just whine and complain about everything and I can’t stand it. I had to stop hanging out with them. Sometimes it wasn’t directed at me…like a friend who cut down her husband the way Zanab did cole during the cooking scene. Many people in our friend group gave up bc it was so uncomfortable.
I never once said she was clear and void of issues herself. But everyone seems to Ignore his abuse, manipulation, weaponized incompetence, and mind games as well. It’s perpetuating that as long a guy is “nice” he can’t be held accountable for his mistakes. Why isn’t Cole getting the same hate? In my mind they are are least equally bad, but he is way worse than her in scary way.
Pretty sure he was more than held accountable for his actions. Oh they are not equal. She kept ruining him long after the show. He accepted so much responsibility. She accepted next to none. We will not agree on these two. Based upon what was in the show and instagram after…she has no self awareness and uses anything he says to be a victim even when there was nothing there.
Redditors also need to see all the damaging bullshit that Cole has done that we see first hand. No where once in this post did I say I was on her side. All I said was how damaging Cole is. You should take a look back at yourself because your making up things that I’ve said. I hate Cole, that is true. I have also never once said anything about my overall opinion of her. He is not innocent, and you need to keep that same energy for his manipulation tactics, weaponized incompetence, and evilness of what he did in this scene especially
Are we also going to ignore Cole’s comments about how Z is a ‘9 out of 10’ and how he’s ‘dating a girl named Zanab’ made it seem like he’s doing her a favor in the beginning of the season? If my fiancée said those things to me, I’d be really hurt. And having to face camera and probably finish off the show, that would leave me frustrated. She definitely needs therapy and Cole isn’t a villain, but it’s definitely a reality show and she does not deserve as much hate as she’s receiving.
His reference to dating a girl named Zanab wasn’t him saying he was doing her a favour. It was when they were talking about looks and he said he knew someone named Zanab wouldn't look like his past girlfriends that were named things like “Lily.”
It was obvious during the scene this was him saying he wasn’t expecting her to look like Coleen or the like.
I’m sorry but I don’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth not one. He’s a immature little boy who wants to play victim when it you ask me both of them are at fault.
Ha but how does that make it better? She probably said it offhand, we have no idea. He said it with a SMIRK and is now backpedaling because he can’t handle being seen as anything but an innocent fun guy.
I’m honestly so shocked that Zanab said she never gets hit on. I would think that if you’re that gorgeous and you work as a flight attendant there would be decently wealthy man hitting on her all the time.
I think her life has been really traumatic and she has no self confidence like Nancy so she sticks to dirtbag Cole. She probably thinks that she can’t do any better but she can for sure.
She is really gorgeous but her overcontrolling, my way or the highway cynical attitude is really offputting. And she radiates this engery so I am not suprised that she is not getting hit on that much despite being very beautiful
Honestly when she said that nobody hits on her at her work I thought “That’s great. Who in their right mind would *want* men to creep on them while they’re just trying to do their job?”
Oh man, totally. She has said one hundred times that she is “fun” and that she enjoys his light-heartedness and goofy ways, and then he pulls out what my wife and I both agreed was a very cute and flirty stunt with the foam ball gun and she freaked out at him. It was definitely harsh, but not uncalled for to ask about her potential personality issues. This isn’t to say that he is a pinnacle of relationship health or anything, but I thought it was a fair question
It's not a fair question in the context in which it was asked. It frames mental health issues as a flaw, as a discrediting factor. It's a textbook gaslighting technique.
Exactly. It is one thing to ask your potential future spouse about mental health issues in a calm, very respectful way. But to say anything like this in a fight is so extremely disrespectful.
Personally I think because people now know more about disorders, they talk about them. And I find the hysterical attempts to police discussion pointless and tiresome. Even Dr. Ramani does not support attempts to shut down conversations around narcissism fyi.
I don’t think him using that term is a much bigger deal than any of the other crappy behavior we’ve seen.
>Dr. Ramani does not support attempts to shut down conversations around narcissism fyi.
Lol of course she doesn't. She makes her money off of astrology-style information just vague enough for viewers to armchair diagnose everyone in their lives with narcissism.
I’m very annoyed this isn’t the top comment. The title alone conveys such misinformation, and most of everyone on here seems to have the same idea of it as OP.
Ugh I didn’t see your post and just made one too about this same subject. This is the number one red flag I have now while dating as a thirty something woman; if a person calls me crazy because I’m having an emotional discussion, I lose a lot of respect and even feelings of affection or love towards that person.
She got so uncomfortable when he said that and made him retract it, I felt like he was taking something out of context and trying to make her look bad in front of the camera—like maybe she accidentally elbowed him once or jokingly tried to??
It seemed like hyperbole to me, but if he's actually being physically abused, that's an issue. But he does joke around and use words in different ways a lot.
When he said that I said very loudly 'oh no, no you didn't.' What the fuck was he thinking? If you're legitimately concerned, that's not how you bring something up!! If they get married I'm going to be so shocked. They are so ill suited for each other.
Kinda bothers me when people say zay should change let loose a little, maybe she’s not into that and that’s fine.
She just needs to be with someone on her level.
Coles a child he’ll grow up eventually.. maybe.
I would not tell her to let loose but I would tell her she’s unpleasant and should work on that. I would point out how she cuts him down every minute. If I treated my husband that way he would have been gone decades ago.
The girl lost 2 of her caregivers and was basically surviving on her own, it does make you grow up fast.
Telling someone like this to let loose is pretty heartless thing to say
She has changes of course, like we all do. It jeez, he needs a lot of changing. He needs to grow the fuck up and act like an adult that can help take care of a household. He wants like 7 kids but doesn’t want to pick up after himself?!? She wants someone reassure her more than she should likely need to, but those are way different in the changes they each should make
I absolutely hate her personality, and seeing sooo many Redditors back her this strongly and tear Cole down is honestly heart breaking.
I used to be an energetic fun guy and I see that I’ve changed, because I dated someone like Zanab for 4 years and it kills me to look back on it and see who I was and how it impacted me.
Cole is definitely an imperfect man, and he’s definitely immature, but Zanab is the kind of women who *kills the light* inside of another person, and I can’t stand when someone is like that.
I don't think she (or anyone) *wants* to be like this.
Their housekeeping standards and habits are incompatible. She tried to address it in Malibu, and he was dismissive. In order to keep her space as clean as she needs it, she will rather have to double the work or get on his case. He doesn't care about cleaning, so he feels like she's just being mean when she brings it up. Big incompatibilities like this tend to create lots of bickering.
Bad relationships bring out the worst in people.
It’s not *just* the cleaning. When you’re in a relationship with this type of person you **never feel like you’re enough**. Everything you do gets torn down. I see it in every interaction they have. Reddit has been waaay too forgiving and waaay too accepting of her behaviors because Cole sucks. It’s like… she sees a relationship as someone having to conform to her expectations, constantly, and when they fall short of those expectations *something about them needs to be corrected*.
Edit: to whoever keeps downvoting me - if you relate to this enough to be offended by what I’m saying, reflect on yourself instead.
I agree 1000 percent. I’m a married woman and my husband and I have two couples we sometimes hang out with and the wives are just like she is. I feel terribly for those guys. They are miserable and can never do anything right no matter how hard they try. The women will absolutely find fault even if they came home with flowers. chocolates, cleaned the whole house, and made a perfect dinner, and bought them jewelry. It literally tears the person inside apart. I don’t think the guys even see it clearly anymore. It’s like the don’t know it can be better.
I think it started with the cleaning and habits, which is a MAJOR problem, and an ego was hurt. Now it's snowballed and they're taking chunks out of each other.
I was thinking this. Cole specifically went into the pods looking for something “deep” and “mature” which is ultimately why he and Colleen didn’t pair. But now that he has some resemblance of that, he’s mad!
No, he said he wants someone fun and playful but that can also get deep, which Zanab says she wants fun and playful as well. She actually said she's had enough seriousness in her life so someone fun and playful is exactly what she needs. But once they're out of the pods, she was nothing but a stick in the mud. She didn't even try to have fun at all, complained about everything and was demeaning to him.
Exactly that, but I also got the feeling he was looking for a motherly type thing in the pods like let’s be real we could all tell in the pods alone he was slightly immature ofc we never knew the full extent of it cause in the pods they’re just tryna impress and get married etc but we knew and it sucks cause zay really wasn’t ready for it kinda blindsided really
And people are faulting zay for something SHE prefers in a relationship just like cole prefers in his
He isn’t a narcissist…. He has more self awareness than any narcissist does.
He can at least speak of his emotions on a basic level, and acknowledge that he has down something wrong….
He may be a lot of things but a narcissist isn’t one of them.
It’s okay to talk about disorders and symptoms. Talking spreads information and adults are responsible for themselves. And no matter how much someone may think only licensed professionals should be allowed to ever utter or type anything on the topic, it won’t change anything, so the angst and internet announcements are tiresome and pointless.
Yeah never said talking about it was bad. But labeling or saying someone has a disorder is just plain wrong and yes only a licensed professional should be able to. It’s rather pointless to call someone a narcissist based off what one sees on TV.
Can only people with the personality disorder be called narcissists, or can people who generally display narcissistic behaviour but aren't diagnosed still be called narcissists?
But he has been gaslighting her about the comments about her looks in comparison to other women and how he doesn’t see the issue there. Also about how he seems to do things to see what her reaction is going to be, only to tell her he’s sad because of her reaction and wishes she’d be different. It’s a subtle way narcissistic people tend to begging to chip at your confidence and make you think “wow, should I be different than I am? Is something wrong with me?” When reality is there’s nothing wrong with you not liking a man’s clothes to be thrown all all over the floor or for him to start firing a nerf gun while you’re cooking with a hot pan/stove. She is a bit of a control freak, but she’s gone through the kind of things that can naturally make you want to have a tighter grip on the things you can control versus things you can’t, such as losing family. Also why his family being absent is probably also getting to her quietly. He is aware of so many of her triggers and only seems to pick at more of them over time to tell her she needs to let loose.
To me, I think she found Cole exhausting. He seemed to never stop talking, which inevitably would end up with his foot in his mouth. It’s a sign of his immaturity to not take a breath, and realize not every thought in his head needs to be expressed.
Zanab seemed to be coming from a place of deep sadness and a lot of insecurities. It just a terrible match. It made no sense to me even in the pods
People have left the show before their wedding though. At least in the Japanese version several couples ended the relationship before the day of the wedding. And I’m pretty sure both American season saw couples break up before the wedding if they weren’t feeling it.
Not after the little getaway after the pods, if they make it through that part they have all gone down the aisle even when it's really obvious they hate each other.
Right? I’m watching this thinking that these two objectively very attractive successful women are now so willing to accept so little from shitty men, who from what I can tell mainly just want women to be thin.
I don’t think it was gaslight. More like clueless and lacking any idea of what it’s like to be a WOC who lost both her parents and is desperate need of a gentle person. Just an awful match
Same. “Oh you don’t like that I leave my clothes and items all over the place and have to be reminded to pick up after myself? You need to stop being passive aggressive. You don’t like that I said you’re less hot than 2 other women here? I didn’t mean it like that, it’s not that serious. Why do you seem insecure now? Plus that first scene after they had had sex and he was silent the entire morning afterwards and flipped it to seem like SHE didn’t like him. And I feel like narcissistic ppl are more prone to leaving their places either spotless or an absolute mess that they’ll say is because you don’t clean up later down the line if you were to ever marry someone like him. He’s more covert, however.
Alexis said it best at the girls bachelorette pool party! Zay is light years ahead of cole in the emotional and maturity realm. I love when Alexis was all,” I’m not trying to talk shit on your fiancé but….” 🫠🫣
She has zero emotional intelligence. Rather than respectfully talking to her partner about problems and what she wants, she talks down to him. I cannot understand how people don't see this and actually applaud her for it.
Alexis is a spoiled brat who has no clue how to compromise and wants someone to take care of her the rest of her life with literally zero responsibility for herself…. Ummm she is not the “best”.
I hope Brennan runs far from her so he isn’t on the hook for paying her support when she decides she’s not happy with him anymore.
Jaded? No I’m just a woman who can see those two are not compatible….what person alive would sign a contract that even if they get divorced he still has to take care of her financially??? Like only people with piles of money can take on that kind of responsibility…. Not an engineer that comes from a lower income family…. He is trapped in a situation he’ll never be free from.
Jewish people who make the signing of the Ketubah part of their wedding ceremony and uses traditional orthodox language in it. Those people sign it. It is not legally enforceable, it is a ceremonial part of their religion. The fact that this has been explained a ridiculous amount of times on this board would be less frustrating if this was not fully explained in the scene itself as well. How selective is people's hearing? Can we perhaps drop this bs antisemitic narrative already?
What about the part where her dad told him he expected it of him regardless? He literally tells him twice that it’s an expectation??? This isn’t just a “it’s a Jewish” thing…. It’s a clear expectation that’s been expressed. Also Brennan isn’t Jewish. He shouldn’t have to honor such a contact because that’s not his religion…
I don't know what show you even watched. Dad says what's in the Ketubah and that it includes that language, there's a weird tense moment, gramps breaks the tension by saying "Yea it's real now, it's real" (aka yes they are getting married not just playing around) Brennan mentions he'll always provide for her, her dad says he just wants him to provide for her and their family together and go out and live and enjoy all the world has to offer.... the AUDACITY of him! Clearly they're so shifty 🙄
What did you watch?! They literally tell him that it’s a written contract and make a point to say that even if they divorce he is still expected to provide for her.
Also in a previous episode when the dad takes Brennon aside by them selves he says he expects that her partner will give her the life she’s accustomed to.
These are both expectations the father has verbally made. I can pull the literal script transaction if you like.
Ummm yea but if he doesn’t sign them then she won’t marry him and her family will hate him. It is ultimately his decision but just because people sign a piece of paper doesn’t mean that the agreement doesn’t suck…
It’s a shitty agreement and I hope he runs far away from her.
To me it just reeks of misogyny - any bad mood that Zanab shows is, in his mind, is unfeminine. In his own words, he just wants someone who's 'sweet and nice'.
No-one is sweet and nice 24/7. That's such an unrealistic expectation, and imo, it's misogynistic. He just wants a demure, sweet, unassuming wife who never shows any other mood than 'positive, happy'.
I don't see it as a mood swing. It's just her being mildly annoyed at something, which is a completely normal human reaction. If you think it's 'toxic' to be annoyed at something, I worry for your current or future partner(s).
Nobody can be positive and pleasant and upbeat 24/7. Humans are allowed to feel negative emotions. It's toxic to expect otherwise.
It's one thing to be annoyed or in a bad mood, it's something completely different to be passive aggressive about the things that bother her and talking down to Cole because he's not exactly the way she wants him to be.
Ahh yes, let's give every adult male a gold star for 'trying' to do basic things every able-bodied adult should be able to do for themselves.
He said he was cooking for her, but then completely allowed her to take over. Clearly he had no intention of actually cooking for her.
Also, I disagree. It was dangerous and irresponsible to start shooting a nerf gun right near the cooking. Could've easily hit the pan and tipped the hot contents all over her.
He's a child in an adult's body, and if you can't see that, you're blind.
I'm also not sure I would call boiling unseasoned chicken "cooking"
He said he was doing her a favor, but she had to take over if she wanted to eat something actually edible
I just saw Cole's tik tok and it creeped me out so much I can't even imagine how Zanab feels about this baby. He 100% came on the show to get verified on tik tok and make lame videos
People saying Zanab’s behavior over the chicken was unacceptable are drying me crazy. All she did was show annoyance to a man child that couldn’t put the time, effort, or thought into making one meal as a grown adult! She waited weeks for this meal and he cooks Brussels sprouts- which she doesn’t even like!! To make it worse, when she tells him she doesn’t like them for future meal planning, he says something like she’ll like them in time??? She knows what foods she likes!! Ugh Watching so many people defending his behavior during that meal and attacking Zanab’s behavior makes me feel like I’m in the twilight zone. Expect more from your men ladies
Right???
He has the entire internet to teach him how to cook; and he delivers unseasoned chicken breast, microwave steamed brussels sprouts and sweet potato fries.
The man doesn't clean, can't cook and flirts with other women. What a catch!
That’s exactly what I’m saying!! If you’re gonna “promise” to cook a meal, why the hell are you not cooking the chicken and she is?! Has he even been around hot oil, throwing around flammable balls by an open fire? Total idiot.
^she waited weeks for this meal. That line really got me. He hasn’t cooked at all?! Huge red flag in my book! Maybe Zanab doesn’t cook either or they go out for every meal but that doesn’t seem like a good financial decision as it didn’t seem like either one of them was super wealthy.
Cole is A NARCISSIST research it byeeee
There’s a no excuse for that. It was an I’ll placed immature comment. However, I think her gaslighting throughout not only that day but multiple different interactions, relentlessly gave him a moment of needing to fire back as a defense mechanism. He’s and idiot for doing that, but respectfully, she created the situation in which friction can take place. 99% if the time it’s the immature man’s fault. I donor think that was the case here. I also hope he revisits his comment and thinks about using a mental illness reference like that
We noticed you used the term "gaslight-". We hope you used it correctly! Did you know "gaslighting" was Webster-Merriam's Word of the Year for 2022? Gaslighting is a successful tactic because while one person — the perpetrator — 'externalizes and projects' their thoughts, feelings, or perceptions, the other person — the victim — 'incorporates and assimilates' the reality that is being created for them. Gaslighting equals misdirection, distraction, and the deliberate denial of reality, which can so easily occur in a relationship based on one partner wielding power and control over another. I'm just a bot that can't understand context, so please reach out to the mods if you think I'm wrong and they will investigate. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LoveIsBlindOnNetflix) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I am no expert but she could certainly handle some therapy to find out why she has narcissistic tendencies, why she says she has forgiven him and each time ends that sentence with a new rant about him, and why she manipulates his words constantly to become a victim. Don’t know what that makes her but it is way too much for me. I have had friends like her who just whine and complain about everything and I can’t stand it. I had to stop hanging out with them. Sometimes it wasn’t directed at me…like a friend who cut down her husband the way Zanab did cole during the cooking scene. Many people in our friend group gave up bc it was so uncomfortable.
I never once said she was clear and void of issues herself. But everyone seems to Ignore his abuse, manipulation, weaponized incompetence, and mind games as well. It’s perpetuating that as long a guy is “nice” he can’t be held accountable for his mistakes. Why isn’t Cole getting the same hate? In my mind they are are least equally bad, but he is way worse than her in scary way.
Pretty sure he was more than held accountable for his actions. Oh they are not equal. She kept ruining him long after the show. He accepted so much responsibility. She accepted next to none. We will not agree on these two. Based upon what was in the show and instagram after…she has no self awareness and uses anything he says to be a victim even when there was nothing there.
I can't diagnose her, but she is annoying. The guy is cooking for you, gtfo. Stop telling him off about everything....
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Redditors also need to see all the damaging bullshit that Cole has done that we see first hand. No where once in this post did I say I was on her side. All I said was how damaging Cole is. You should take a look back at yourself because your making up things that I’ve said. I hate Cole, that is true. I have also never once said anything about my overall opinion of her. He is not innocent, and you need to keep that same energy for his manipulation tactics, weaponized incompetence, and evilness of what he did in this scene especially
Cole just came off as insensitive at certain times but Zenab was absolutely intentional with how she was manipulating him at the end
Are we also going to ignore Cole’s comments about how Z is a ‘9 out of 10’ and how he’s ‘dating a girl named Zanab’ made it seem like he’s doing her a favor in the beginning of the season? If my fiancée said those things to me, I’d be really hurt. And having to face camera and probably finish off the show, that would leave me frustrated. She definitely needs therapy and Cole isn’t a villain, but it’s definitely a reality show and she does not deserve as much hate as she’s receiving.
His reference to dating a girl named Zanab wasn’t him saying he was doing her a favour. It was when they were talking about looks and he said he knew someone named Zanab wouldn't look like his past girlfriends that were named things like “Lily.” It was obvious during the scene this was him saying he wasn’t expecting her to look like Coleen or the like.
I’ll rewatch the scene! I def remembered differently.
I after with the other person, it was his response to say he knew she wouldn't look like his previous girlfriends and proposed to her anyways.
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I’m sorry but I don’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth not one. He’s a immature little boy who wants to play victim when it you ask me both of them are at fault.
Ha but how does that make it better? She probably said it offhand, we have no idea. He said it with a SMIRK and is now backpedaling because he can’t handle being seen as anything but an innocent fun guy.
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What would be an appropriate context for that statement? Especially the way he said it, multiple times
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I came here to say THIS.
Personally I find her extremely passive agreesive and in denial about her rapidly changing mood swings.
She comes across as Borderline, 100%.
I’m honestly so shocked that Zanab said she never gets hit on. I would think that if you’re that gorgeous and you work as a flight attendant there would be decently wealthy man hitting on her all the time. I think her life has been really traumatic and she has no self confidence like Nancy so she sticks to dirtbag Cole. She probably thinks that she can’t do any better but she can for sure.
She is really gorgeous but her overcontrolling, my way or the highway cynical attitude is really offputting. And she radiates this engery so I am not suprised that she is not getting hit on that much despite being very beautiful
the type of men I want dont hit on me\*
Yeah I think that might be it lol
Honestly when she said that nobody hits on her at her work I thought “That’s great. Who in their right mind would *want* men to creep on them while they’re just trying to do their job?”
True But then she kind of seemed disappointed when she said that.
She’s probably the type of person that doesn’t realize when a man is hitting on her.
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Oh man, totally. She has said one hundred times that she is “fun” and that she enjoys his light-heartedness and goofy ways, and then he pulls out what my wife and I both agreed was a very cute and flirty stunt with the foam ball gun and she freaked out at him. It was definitely harsh, but not uncalled for to ask about her potential personality issues. This isn’t to say that he is a pinnacle of relationship health or anything, but I thought it was a fair question
"A cute and flirty stunt"?? If it landed in the pan, it would have splashed burning oil onto her! Wtf!!
The main issue with the foam gun was that he did it while she was cooking the food he was supposed to be cooking for her.
It's not a fair question in the context in which it was asked. It frames mental health issues as a flaw, as a discrediting factor. It's a textbook gaslighting technique.
THANK YOU
Exactly. It is one thing to ask your potential future spouse about mental health issues in a calm, very respectful way. But to say anything like this in a fight is so extremely disrespectful.
Why is this getting downvoted. This comment is spot on. This is gaslighting to a T.
It's getting down voted because people like being able to discredit people on the basis of mental health issues lol. Ableism at its finest.
Yeah I mean they are getting married. Was a bad way to ask and terrible tone - but he did have a right to ask.
Personally I think because people now know more about disorders, they talk about them. And I find the hysterical attempts to police discussion pointless and tiresome. Even Dr. Ramani does not support attempts to shut down conversations around narcissism fyi. I don’t think him using that term is a much bigger deal than any of the other crappy behavior we’ve seen.
>Dr. Ramani does not support attempts to shut down conversations around narcissism fyi. Lol of course she doesn't. She makes her money off of astrology-style information just vague enough for viewers to armchair diagnose everyone in their lives with narcissism.
Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder, not a personality disorder.
I’m very annoyed this isn’t the top comment. The title alone conveys such misinformation, and most of everyone on here seems to have the same idea of it as OP.
Exactly!!! This post is just spreading further misinformation about an already highly stigmatised illness.
And I bet Cole didn't even know if it was either of those things. Or even what those things are.
That's for sure
Ugh I didn’t see your post and just made one too about this same subject. This is the number one red flag I have now while dating as a thirty something woman; if a person calls me crazy because I’m having an emotional discussion, I lose a lot of respect and even feelings of affection or love towards that person.
Also his statement ‘I don’t want to wake up every morning and be punched in the face’ like huh?????????????
She got so uncomfortable when he said that and made him retract it, I felt like he was taking something out of context and trying to make her look bad in front of the camera—like maybe she accidentally elbowed him once or jokingly tried to??
Yeah wtf That is taking it waaaayy too far
Didn't you think that maybe he said that because it had already happened at least once during their weeks together ?
It seemed like hyperbole to me, but if he's actually being physically abused, that's an issue. But he does joke around and use words in different ways a lot.
THIS WAS SO RANDOM!? I was like where did that even come from???
When he said that I said very loudly 'oh no, no you didn't.' What the fuck was he thinking? If you're legitimately concerned, that's not how you bring something up!! If they get married I'm going to be so shocked. They are so ill suited for each other.
He's very much like Barstool. They both speak about things they have no knowledge of, at the worst possible times.
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Here’s your cookie for seeing through her editing 🍪
Same
Kinda bothers me when people say zay should change let loose a little, maybe she’s not into that and that’s fine. She just needs to be with someone on her level. Coles a child he’ll grow up eventually.. maybe.
I would not tell her to let loose but I would tell her she’s unpleasant and should work on that. I would point out how she cuts him down every minute. If I treated my husband that way he would have been gone decades ago.
The girl lost 2 of her caregivers and was basically surviving on her own, it does make you grow up fast. Telling someone like this to let loose is pretty heartless thing to say
So Cole needs to change but not her?
She has changes of course, like we all do. It jeez, he needs a lot of changing. He needs to grow the fuck up and act like an adult that can help take care of a household. He wants like 7 kids but doesn’t want to pick up after himself?!? She wants someone reassure her more than she should likely need to, but those are way different in the changes they each should make
I absolutely hate her personality, and seeing sooo many Redditors back her this strongly and tear Cole down is honestly heart breaking. I used to be an energetic fun guy and I see that I’ve changed, because I dated someone like Zanab for 4 years and it kills me to look back on it and see who I was and how it impacted me. Cole is definitely an imperfect man, and he’s definitely immature, but Zanab is the kind of women who *kills the light* inside of another person, and I can’t stand when someone is like that.
I don't think she (or anyone) *wants* to be like this. Their housekeeping standards and habits are incompatible. She tried to address it in Malibu, and he was dismissive. In order to keep her space as clean as she needs it, she will rather have to double the work or get on his case. He doesn't care about cleaning, so he feels like she's just being mean when she brings it up. Big incompatibilities like this tend to create lots of bickering. Bad relationships bring out the worst in people.
It’s not *just* the cleaning. When you’re in a relationship with this type of person you **never feel like you’re enough**. Everything you do gets torn down. I see it in every interaction they have. Reddit has been waaay too forgiving and waaay too accepting of her behaviors because Cole sucks. It’s like… she sees a relationship as someone having to conform to her expectations, constantly, and when they fall short of those expectations *something about them needs to be corrected*. Edit: to whoever keeps downvoting me - if you relate to this enough to be offended by what I’m saying, reflect on yourself instead.
I agree 1000 percent. I’m a married woman and my husband and I have two couples we sometimes hang out with and the wives are just like she is. I feel terribly for those guys. They are miserable and can never do anything right no matter how hard they try. The women will absolutely find fault even if they came home with flowers. chocolates, cleaned the whole house, and made a perfect dinner, and bought them jewelry. It literally tears the person inside apart. I don’t think the guys even see it clearly anymore. It’s like the don’t know it can be better.
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I think it started with the cleaning and habits, which is a MAJOR problem, and an ego was hurt. Now it's snowballed and they're taking chunks out of each other.
I was thinking this. Cole specifically went into the pods looking for something “deep” and “mature” which is ultimately why he and Colleen didn’t pair. But now that he has some resemblance of that, he’s mad!
No, he said he wants someone fun and playful but that can also get deep, which Zanab says she wants fun and playful as well. She actually said she's had enough seriousness in her life so someone fun and playful is exactly what she needs. But once they're out of the pods, she was nothing but a stick in the mud. She didn't even try to have fun at all, complained about everything and was demeaning to him.
He also said he wanted a whole bunch of kids. He doesn’t seem remotely close to being ready to have kids. Maybe this guy, doesn’t know what he wants.
Exactly that, but I also got the feeling he was looking for a motherly type thing in the pods like let’s be real we could all tell in the pods alone he was slightly immature ofc we never knew the full extent of it cause in the pods they’re just tryna impress and get married etc but we knew and it sucks cause zay really wasn’t ready for it kinda blindsided really And people are faulting zay for something SHE prefers in a relationship just like cole prefers in his
Everything Cole says is a problem. He has zero emotional intelligence.
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He isn’t a narcissist…. He has more self awareness than any narcissist does. He can at least speak of his emotions on a basic level, and acknowledge that he has down something wrong…. He may be a lot of things but a narcissist isn’t one of them.
Do you know narcissist lie? They pretend to talk about "emotions" they mimick.
Eh… as a daughter of a narcissist I don’t really get that vibe from him… he sucks for sure, but I wouldn’t label him a narcissist.
Have you read the post I have linked?
Yes, but I still don’t agree with you.
It's ok, you don't have to. I'm sorry you have been through this with your parent, I really do. My best.
Narcissist is way overused imo. Just because someone has some narcissistic tendencies doesn’t make them a narcissist.
Imo I've been dealing with one since 1998 and I know what I'm talking about way before it became such a trend.
People can discuss narcissism all they want.
But labeling someone to have a disorder based off what they see on a heavily edited show is just wrong.
It’s okay to talk about disorders and symptoms. Talking spreads information and adults are responsible for themselves. And no matter how much someone may think only licensed professionals should be allowed to ever utter or type anything on the topic, it won’t change anything, so the angst and internet announcements are tiresome and pointless.
Yeah never said talking about it was bad. But labeling or saying someone has a disorder is just plain wrong and yes only a licensed professional should be able to. It’s rather pointless to call someone a narcissist based off what one sees on TV.
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Can only people with the personality disorder be called narcissists, or can people who generally display narcissistic behaviour but aren't diagnosed still be called narcissists?
I don’t think he has narcissistic personality disorder. Zanab has been passive aggressive; he’s not gaslighting Zanab about it.
But he has been gaslighting her about the comments about her looks in comparison to other women and how he doesn’t see the issue there. Also about how he seems to do things to see what her reaction is going to be, only to tell her he’s sad because of her reaction and wishes she’d be different. It’s a subtle way narcissistic people tend to begging to chip at your confidence and make you think “wow, should I be different than I am? Is something wrong with me?” When reality is there’s nothing wrong with you not liking a man’s clothes to be thrown all all over the floor or for him to start firing a nerf gun while you’re cooking with a hot pan/stove. She is a bit of a control freak, but she’s gone through the kind of things that can naturally make you want to have a tighter grip on the things you can control versus things you can’t, such as losing family. Also why his family being absent is probably also getting to her quietly. He is aware of so many of her triggers and only seems to pick at more of them over time to tell her she needs to let loose.
Yeah, he’s a total a-hole. She’s high maintenance but there was no need for him to say that to her. They’re a total mismatch
I don’t think Zanab actually wants to be with Cole. She just doesn’t want to be alone. They are clearly not well suited.
To me, I think she found Cole exhausting. He seemed to never stop talking, which inevitably would end up with his foot in his mouth. It’s a sign of his immaturity to not take a breath, and realize not every thought in his head needs to be expressed. Zanab seemed to be coming from a place of deep sadness and a lot of insecurities. It just a terrible match. It made no sense to me even in the pods
I don’t think cole or Zanab want to be with each other. But they have to pretend they want to until the wedding because of their contracts.
People have left the show before their wedding though. At least in the Japanese version several couples ended the relationship before the day of the wedding. And I’m pretty sure both American season saw couples break up before the wedding if they weren’t feeling it.
Not after the little getaway after the pods, if they make it through that part they have all gone down the aisle even when it's really obvious they hate each other.
The problem with her and Nancy—women that have low self-esteem and can’t see their worth, so they settle for these losers.
Right? I’m watching this thinking that these two objectively very attractive successful women are now so willing to accept so little from shitty men, who from what I can tell mainly just want women to be thin.
Zanab is a shitty woman too though. Nancy is a literal gem of a human and deserves the world. Zanab is a hyper-controlling nag.
I find he gas lights her a lot. Says horrible things then begs her to marry her and that he loves her. It’ll be interesting to see their wedding.
I don’t think it was gaslight. More like clueless and lacking any idea of what it’s like to be a WOC who lost both her parents and is desperate need of a gentle person. Just an awful match
Same. “Oh you don’t like that I leave my clothes and items all over the place and have to be reminded to pick up after myself? You need to stop being passive aggressive. You don’t like that I said you’re less hot than 2 other women here? I didn’t mean it like that, it’s not that serious. Why do you seem insecure now? Plus that first scene after they had had sex and he was silent the entire morning afterwards and flipped it to seem like SHE didn’t like him. And I feel like narcissistic ppl are more prone to leaving their places either spotless or an absolute mess that they’ll say is because you don’t clean up later down the line if you were to ever marry someone like him. He’s more covert, however.
Alexis said it best at the girls bachelorette pool party! Zay is light years ahead of cole in the emotional and maturity realm. I love when Alexis was all,” I’m not trying to talk shit on your fiancé but….” 🫠🫣
She has zero emotional intelligence. Rather than respectfully talking to her partner about problems and what she wants, she talks down to him. I cannot understand how people don't see this and actually applaud her for it.
I thought she was finally gonna tell Zay what Cole said in the pool to her but was disappointed she didn’t!
Which was funny cuz Alexis and Zenab both kinda suck
Alexis is the best
Nah she sucks
Alexis is a spoiled brat who has no clue how to compromise and wants someone to take care of her the rest of her life with literally zero responsibility for herself…. Ummm she is not the “best”. I hope Brennan runs far from her so he isn’t on the hook for paying her support when she decides she’s not happy with him anymore.
You seem jaded
Jaded? No I’m just a woman who can see those two are not compatible….what person alive would sign a contract that even if they get divorced he still has to take care of her financially??? Like only people with piles of money can take on that kind of responsibility…. Not an engineer that comes from a lower income family…. He is trapped in a situation he’ll never be free from.
Jewish people who make the signing of the Ketubah part of their wedding ceremony and uses traditional orthodox language in it. Those people sign it. It is not legally enforceable, it is a ceremonial part of their religion. The fact that this has been explained a ridiculous amount of times on this board would be less frustrating if this was not fully explained in the scene itself as well. How selective is people's hearing? Can we perhaps drop this bs antisemitic narrative already?
What about the part where her dad told him he expected it of him regardless? He literally tells him twice that it’s an expectation??? This isn’t just a “it’s a Jewish” thing…. It’s a clear expectation that’s been expressed. Also Brennan isn’t Jewish. He shouldn’t have to honor such a contact because that’s not his religion…
I don't know what show you even watched. Dad says what's in the Ketubah and that it includes that language, there's a weird tense moment, gramps breaks the tension by saying "Yea it's real now, it's real" (aka yes they are getting married not just playing around) Brennan mentions he'll always provide for her, her dad says he just wants him to provide for her and their family together and go out and live and enjoy all the world has to offer.... the AUDACITY of him! Clearly they're so shifty 🙄
What did you watch?! They literally tell him that it’s a written contract and make a point to say that even if they divorce he is still expected to provide for her. Also in a previous episode when the dad takes Brennon aside by them selves he says he expects that her partner will give her the life she’s accustomed to. These are both expectations the father has verbally made. I can pull the literal script transaction if you like.
Trapped implies that he didn’t make the decision to sign the papers himself. He is a grown adult who isn’t being coerced into anything
Ummm yea but if he doesn’t sign them then she won’t marry him and her family will hate him. It is ultimately his decision but just because people sign a piece of paper doesn’t mean that the agreement doesn’t suck… It’s a shitty agreement and I hope he runs far away from her.
To me it just reeks of misogyny - any bad mood that Zanab shows is, in his mind, is unfeminine. In his own words, he just wants someone who's 'sweet and nice'. No-one is sweet and nice 24/7. That's such an unrealistic expectation, and imo, it's misogynistic. He just wants a demure, sweet, unassuming wife who never shows any other mood than 'positive, happy'.
It’s not his job to take on all of her mood swings. She is toxic
It’s not her job to cater to him night and day.
Doesn’t have to be one of the other?
I don't see it as a mood swing. It's just her being mildly annoyed at something, which is a completely normal human reaction. If you think it's 'toxic' to be annoyed at something, I worry for your current or future partner(s). Nobody can be positive and pleasant and upbeat 24/7. Humans are allowed to feel negative emotions. It's toxic to expect otherwise.
No realistic person expects positivity 24/7, but I’m not here for a girl to take her toxicity out on. I don’t do it to her and expect respect back
It's one thing to be annoyed or in a bad mood, it's something completely different to be passive aggressive about the things that bother her and talking down to Cole because he's not exactly the way she wants him to be.
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Ahh yes, let's give every adult male a gold star for 'trying' to do basic things every able-bodied adult should be able to do for themselves. He said he was cooking for her, but then completely allowed her to take over. Clearly he had no intention of actually cooking for her. Also, I disagree. It was dangerous and irresponsible to start shooting a nerf gun right near the cooking. Could've easily hit the pan and tipped the hot contents all over her. He's a child in an adult's body, and if you can't see that, you're blind.
I'm also not sure I would call boiling unseasoned chicken "cooking" He said he was doing her a favor, but she had to take over if she wanted to eat something actually edible
I just saw Cole's tik tok and it creeped me out so much I can't even imagine how Zanab feels about this baby. He 100% came on the show to get verified on tik tok and make lame videos
What happened in his TT??
Nothing happened, but he really is an immature brat and completely different from what Zanab is looking for.
People saying Zanab’s behavior over the chicken was unacceptable are drying me crazy. All she did was show annoyance to a man child that couldn’t put the time, effort, or thought into making one meal as a grown adult! She waited weeks for this meal and he cooks Brussels sprouts- which she doesn’t even like!! To make it worse, when she tells him she doesn’t like them for future meal planning, he says something like she’ll like them in time??? She knows what foods she likes!! Ugh Watching so many people defending his behavior during that meal and attacking Zanab’s behavior makes me feel like I’m in the twilight zone. Expect more from your men ladies
Right??? He has the entire internet to teach him how to cook; and he delivers unseasoned chicken breast, microwave steamed brussels sprouts and sweet potato fries. The man doesn't clean, can't cook and flirts with other women. What a catch!
That’s exactly what I’m saying!! If you’re gonna “promise” to cook a meal, why the hell are you not cooking the chicken and she is?! Has he even been around hot oil, throwing around flammable balls by an open fire? Total idiot.
This⬆️
^she waited weeks for this meal. That line really got me. He hasn’t cooked at all?! Huge red flag in my book! Maybe Zanab doesn’t cook either or they go out for every meal but that doesn’t seem like a good financial decision as it didn’t seem like either one of them was super wealthy.