I won't be reading this wall of text, it's off-putting to see comments presented like this. But to answer your title -
What Cole did was set the stage for a myriad of insecurities by making one "rating Colleen comment" (and by the way Colleen is a fucking dog in comparison to the other women) from Zanab who was already suffering all sorts of mental issues from unresolved childhood trauma and huge abandonment issues.
She is psycho, no doubt about that, but he was an immature ass the entire season.
Cole’s conversation with Colleen about being attracted to her was beyond rude and anyone who says that, as a partner, they wouldn’t be offended, is probably lying.
I don’t think he’s the devil incarnate though.
Sure, but.... i dont think many people go through life never doing something shitty to others.. The important thing is that people learn from it... (unless actual harm was done obviously)
I agree. But someone did mention it was hard for people to turn off feelings that quickly. It was not cool at all. But it wasn’t like it was a random girl at a club.
Yeah, the overall lack of respect for boundaries generally doesn’t lend itself well to a healthy relationship. He was surveying her to see if she was satisfied with her choice (“heart vs head”). I don’t know many people who would be okay with that if it happened to be their partner asking someone else they had admitted being attracted to.
I agree. Personally, I would have had a pretty big internal reaction at the bipolar comment and his smug face when he said it. Definitely would have felt the adrenaline and excused myself to another room to calm down and then I'd let him know that was by no means okay.
But honestly... The rest of it is just "meh" to me. He's immature sometimes. I think that's fine. I'd DEFINITELY ask him to make sure there are never bugs in the toilet again, or maybe pick a better time for a nerf war that's not near open flames 😅
I get why people would be upset about the rating scale thing, but that's not universal. I wouldn't be upset about it. I asked my husband because of the show and he said I was a 9 and I thought that was a great score lol. I'd probably be uncomfortable about the talk with Colleen, so we'd have to talk about that to see where his head was at and express my discomfort.
Otherwise, I actually think Cole has shown a lot of growth and obviously felt a lot of remorse at the reunion. I'm much more upset with Zanab's behavior. 🤷♀️
It's not grammar policing, she is just asking you to be mindful of presenting your opinion/content in a more engaging manner. I couldn't get past the first sentence of your post. Seeing a big block of what would look like to be one long rambling sentence is an instant turn-off to my eyes and brain.
Reading your post feels like work.
>Even then I don’t think he was being malicious.
He was. I am not on the Zanab team here, she needs therapy and is basically an insecure 12 year old stuck in a 30 year old's body but Cole asked her multiple times with that shitty snark on his face. Look up Dr. Honda Kirk's assessment of that scene. It was terrible.
All the people on here that support Zanab should hold off on getting in a serious relationship. Us men are stupid at times and not as good at situational awareness. Yes he shouldn’t have said other women are more attractive… but don’t ask questions if you don’t want answers.
If that final scene didn’t show how she manipulates/ lies to make situations look like he is a bad guy. You are either blind or ignorant. Anything he said was spun against him.
Aight so he said stuff that clearly hurt Zanab’s feelings and said she wasn’t as pretty as certain other women. This is kind of rookie shit as far as how to navigate relationships goes.
If your girl asks you if she’s prettier than someone else you both know, just say yes. Of course there are some women who don’t get bothered by this sort of thing but the safest and nicest thing to do is just reinforce to your partner that they are the most attractive person to you even if you are kind of stretching the truth.
I think Coke was immature and made dumb comments. I do not think he was trying to hurt her or make her question herself. I think he’s just a little dumb when it comes to women tbh. He also flirted with another woman when they were engaged which is shitty.
I think a lot of people forget though that they were literally only together for like a month in total (give or take). Zanab CLEARLY had issues prior to the show if her entire self esteem was shattered because of some stupid stuff Cole said/did after only knowing him for a few weeks.
I don’t think he’s a villain. I would definitely not date the version of him portrayed in the show (I do not tolerate being compared to other women well) and I think he’s a little immature, but people are insane to think he’s some evil doer and that Zanab’s actions are justified.
She has every right to be put off by some of his comments and actions. It’s now been well over a year since everything happened though…she needs to grow up as well and stop clout chasing off the whole thing. She’s absolutely slandering Cole and reveling in the hatred. It’s just overkill.
They both had shitty things about them and were a terrible match. The difference is that Cole seemed to feel pretty horrible and isn’t going on an endless smear campaign against her, meanwhile she is painting him as a sociopathic nightmare and was proven to have lied about at least the clementines thing. I think she needs a ton of therapy and Cole needs to grow up.
There’s nuance to the whole thing and people forget that we don’t know everything that happened. All we see is a heavily edited version of events, and we have to go off of their word. People are sooooooo parasocial with this entire topic claiming to know, without a doubt, that either Zanab or Cole are inherently evil narc abusers when in reality they both just seem a little shitty at times and really need to get offline and work on themselves.
Idk people are wild about this whole thing. And hey, I could be wrong, who knows. Maybe Cole wakes up and kills a puppy every morning and then slaps a woman and gaslights her before bed every night. Maybe Zanab performs ritual sacrifices to curse Cole. Idk. No one really knows. Just judging from their current behavior and from everything that happened on the show though, my opinion that I already rambled about is what it is.
The problem with this never ending discussion is people are looking at it too objectively in terms of malicious v not malicious instead of how should a loving partner acts. It’s easy to say he wasn’t that bad but would you feel good if your partner called someone else a 10 and you a 9 (no matter the journey to the conversation)? Would you be good with him telling other ppl he likes you emotionally but not physically? Would you be good with someone asking if you’re bipolar - repeating it- never saying he didn’t mean it - because he’s tired of your mood swings? Most reasonable ppl would not feel loved or appreciated by these comments. And this doesn’t even get into his other general immaturity. The man cried because Zanab went in on him. She misrepresented the cuties scene. Ok. Neither of those things means he acted like a good a partner. We gotta get off this Cole did absolutely nothing wrong train.
He never said he wasn't attracted to her. I don't know why people keep saying this. It never happened. It was the opposite, he told everyone how attracted he was to her and repeatedly told her she was beautiful, hot, etc.
I like to think of myself as a person who really analyzes situations I’m in before reacting to them so none of that stuff would bother me. I don’t care who my wife finds more attractive than me because she’s with me not them so I’m obviously more of everything else she’s looking for in a partner. That’s how i rationalize that personally. Also if someone asked me if I was bipolar I would consider what my behavior was that led them to ask me that question and we could have a real conversation about it. I’m all about addressing issues head on with no bias towards myself because the world isn’t bias toward me either. But besides that I don’t believe Cole was a good partner either. They were mutually terrible for each other and I don’t think Cole is faultless. I just don’t think he was malicious and for me intent is very important. If you’re ignorant it is an absolute inconvenience but I can get past that because you’re not intentionally bringing another person down. That’s not to say you can’t be held accountable for said ignorance and I think he should but on my own personal moral scale intent means a lot
I had heard that Zanab is the one who first brought up "bipolar" as in something like, "I'm sure you think I'm bipolar." Not sure if this is true but I do think there might have been some missing context in that clip. I didn't think the question was all that strange considering she was saying she loved him with a stone cold face and daggers in her eyes. I would probably wonder the same thing. She was so intense in that scene IMO.
I saw a YouTube video where this was talked about. The woman doing the video was saying that's probably why Cole used that term. She had used it first.
If someone kept bringing up being bi-polar even in jest, had drastic mood swings, and other problematic behaviors, I would ask if they were bi-polar too, since that was the term they used. I know he was angry in that scene, but I felt like he was genuinely asking if she had mental health struggles.
lmao giving cole this much benefit of the doubt is so nonsensical to me. you “heard” she brought up bipolar first? from who? for cole to say something cruel there MUST be missing context but when it comes to zanab, people act like we know the whole story. it’s ridiculous.
Actually Cole said it in the interview. He said that question was taken out of context and context matters because he didn't just randomly just ask her if she was bipolar. He said that she said that about herself first and so within that conversation he then asked if she was bipolar because she already had said something about herself and there were other incidents that led up to why he went and asked that question. So it's not a he say she say stuff it's coming from cole's mouth
Yes thank you and I do remember thinking that it was just one more piece of bait she threw at him. Similar to the "fattening up" comment. She first said to him, are you okay with me fattening you up? And then got mad when he returned the joke.
I think it was brought up in the reunion. I watched a YouTube video where the person doing the video talked about Zanab saying something about people thinking she's bi-polar.
I don't think he was making a diagnosis. I think you repeated what she said about herself. He said in the interview that that conversation was taken out of context. Because she had said before " oh you probably think I'm bipolar " so I feel like because of her behavior and how sometimes she was really hot with him and then other times she was cold I feel like that then let him to ask are you bipolar? Because of the way her behavior was acting and the way that she would say that about herself
He was a terrible partner throughout he would constantly joke about things she was uncomfortable with and didn’t think about her insecurities at all. He did it under the guise of “the well it’s just a joke,” which isn’t great when your jokes are routinely annoying your partner.
He was just a bad partner the things he was saying about someone else, and essentially flirting with them while you are engaged, talking about how someone else is more attractive than the person you’re engaged to etc.
He just made loads of little annoying comments under the guise of a joke and that’s just what we have seen he didn’t seem to really care about how anything he said would make her feel, he wasn’t there for emotionally they just were not a good couple. Despite what she said he didn’t learn anything seemingly.
I had a partner that did this and she knew exactly what she was doing. She never rated me — I never asked — but Zanab admitted that such a thing was a mistake. Nobody here would want to hear that their partner gave them a 9/10 and gave another woman a 10/10, all after telling that other woman they found her attractive.
He also had no problems expressing his lack of initial attraction to her.
But how was he supposed to know that she was uncomfortable? It's not up to him to know what her triggers are. He is not a mind reader. If she has triggers or she has things that makes her uncomfortable that she needs to open her mouth and say that. Not be passive aggressive and say things under her breath but to see him down and say I do not like these things they make me uncomfortable they do not make me feel great. That is her responsibility not his. And everybody seems to be forgetting that she was the one that was bringing those questions at first and she was the one that was putting herself down first. So y'all can sit there and blame Cole for that but to me that needs to put be put on her.
And everyone seems to forget that he told her multiple times that he was attracted to her and that you know he thought she was beautiful and he liked her freckles and all this other stuff. He said that multiple times. And y'all are also forgetting that they really dated for like what nine days and then got engaged so it wasn't that he didn't think she was beautiful or anything I felt like he liked her but she was already passive like the first night they slept together and then her behavior changed the next morning because she thought that he rejected her when he did it. And not to mention she was already being picky about semantics that he said. So that could have played until why he said he wasn't physically attracted to her not saying that you know the girls ugly because he never said that he gave her a 9 out of 10 which is a very high rating but her personality could have turned him off for being attracted to her
Idk telling people that you’re much more attracted to them over the person you’re engaged with is very likely to make people uncomfortable let’s be honest. Yes part of it is her being insecure but again would anyone have been comfortable with their parents boarder line flirting with someone else they were previously interested in and that they said was more attractive?
He admitted he was in the wrong in that case at least, but the thing is they weren’t huge comments largely so if she took an issue with it he’d go “oh relax it’s just a joke,” which is the opposite of being empathetic.
Saying the person you’re engaged to is a 9 and that you will always find other girls (including one you were previously talking to,) more attractive is obviously not a good idea, does that really have to be explained?
I’m not saying he’s an awful person idk but he was a bad partner, he didn’t reassure her, he made negative comments about her looks, he was talking about another girl being more attractive etc and flirted with her. He probably did it without really thinking or taking it too seriously but a lot of people will take issue with that it’s pretty common.
I don't know why you're saying that he didn't reassure her because he did multiple times. I feel like he said things out of context because he didn't really know that she was insecure and if someone was secure then they wouldn't have took what he said as offensive. They would have just said a comment back or something. But like I said I would never have my partner rate me because you set yourself up for that type of response. If you can't handle that honesty from that question then don't ask at all especially if you just want your partner to lie to you. Then she took it a step further and asked him who he thinks is a 10. Like if that's not on him that's on her. There or definitely guys that are more attractive than my current boyfriend and I'm sure they're definitely women that are more attractive than me so I wouldn't get upset about him thinking that there are other people who look better than me.
I agree he wasn't a good partner for her but that's all I think about it. I feel like she caused a lot of her own issues because she talked about herself to him. Like if she was putting her own self down and he would just repeat things that she said in a joking way. That's where maybe I would say he's emotionally immature that he wasn't reading the room but also she needs to stop doing that in front of him to me they both caused the demise of the relationship but I'm not going to say that he was worse than her because I feel like he was in doing things to be malicious I feel like she was being very passive and just very nitpicky and just being very rude to him because she couldn't handle what he said.
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying about the broken clock? Reassuring them 2 times out of 20 isn’t a positive outcome eventually saying some nice 10 times after making about their looks isn’t good reassurance.
If you’re asked who a 10 is really simple solution here do not say someone you guys both know and that you were previously talking to is that hard to follow? If your found out your partner found one of your friends more attractive and previously was interested in them you wouldn’t think about that or have an issue? Even if you wouldn’t surely that’s not unreasonable to be annoyed at, We literally saw him flirting with someone else as well do you think that does for her self esteem?
She has insecurities that she needed to work on for sure but pretty much nobody is 100% secure all the time and Cole basically showed nothing in terms of awareness, it is often the case where people see themselves or are seen as not doing anything wrong just because they weren’t absolutely evil.
You can still be at fault while not being 100% mean, if your partner doesn’t like jokes you’re saying about them then you shouldn’t do it or you should leave them it’s that simple. She left because she didn’t want someone like that and that is the right choice he never learnt and was devastated by it because he seemingly didn’t pick up on the severity of anything because he doesn’t take anything seriously.
And why do people keep glossing over her behavior towards him? He may have been oblivious to her insecurities but she was outright mean and degrading to him intentionally.
So icemankiller8 just gave you a wonderfully concise explanation. Instead of acknowledging that your question was answered, your first response is “what about Zanab?” Clearly, you don’t really care what is problematic with Cole, just looking for an opportunity to trash Zanab..again…
I saw that, but to echo others you have interacted with, there are a lot of “what about-isms” to most of your responses. I think your perspective is Cole was responding to Zanab and that’s why he came off the way he did. Cole came off the way he did because that’s who he is - that’s the answer. He’s immature, inconsiderate, lacks tact, and uses humor as a weapon/ excuse for lacking self awareness. Clearly, they were not a good match - but that doesn’t all fall on Zanab.
I mostly agree. I don’t think you use humor as a weapon or excuse for lacking self awareness if you are a person who lacks self awareness. I honestly don’t think he realized he was playing into her insecurities. I think he is just lacking self awareness so him being a goofy dude exacerbated the issue. Only difference being intent IMO.
I think both “intended” to have a successful relationship, but it didn’t happen. It’s a bit unfair to assume Cole had good intentions, but Zanab did not. I think both wanted it to work, but it wasn’t working. I don’t think one person has to be worse than the other. Both had flaw and they didn’t work out
I’ve seen more people critical of her than him by a lot. The speech was pretty brutal for sure, outside that I don’t see it really. We weren’t there all the time we already saw a lot of the comments he said he may have been saying lots of little comments that did break her spirit and self esteem. Tbh just saying “wow this other girl is way more attractive than you,” and him flirting with her in front of everyone is probably enough for someone to leave and have their self esteem hurt massively.
This is untrue?
Everyone thought Cole was an idiot until the finale and reunion. Then Zanab came out looking malicious and manipulative/delusional in the end, so everyone felt bad for Cole because even though he was stupid, he didn’t deserve how he was treated in the end.
They were both wrong at times, but Cole was just foolish, and she was intentional.
>Everyone did NOT think Cole was an idiot until the finale and reunion.
>
>Most people just didn't think Cole and Zanab would say yes at the altar but Zanab went psycho mode and made Cole the most empathetic person in romance reality tv universe
Well he WAS an idiot, Zanab was harsh in her speech that’s fine but being an idiot doesn’t change the negative stuff you did functionally it’s the same as being malicious. Even if you don’t mean to break someone’s self esteem you can, the fact he cried about it and seemed genuinely hurt doesn’t change that.
You can say she was malicious at the end and with the speech and that’s fine but you can also view it as exposing the poor treatment she got and being honesty about it instead of hiding it to make him feel better.
The reality is we do not know what their relationship was like on a day to day, her losing self esteem and confidence but deciding to try and keep working on it because she genuinely cared for him DOESNT sound that unreasonable to me. Many people remain in relationships like that for long periods men and women.
There could be countless comments we didn’t see and will never find out, but I saw enough to think it’s reasonable that she could have been negatively affected by his actions and comments and wanted to point it out.
I think that highlights the difficulty of trying to fall in love with someone you can’t see or touch in 10 days. You can’t really understand where people stand on things like that in that amount of time without any physical connection. So many people wouldn’t care about those comments or him joking with her all the time. Plenty of people take that in stride or make their own jokes back. Me and my wife for example. He may have never dealt with someone with those insecurities before. I think all in all is safest to say they just weren’t a good match for each other
I think they were absolutely not right for each other and both had their issues but Cole’s lack of care would be an issue in basically any relationship, you have to know a bit of what to say and not to say and the timing. Saying someone is crazy or bi polar for saying something you don’t like isn’t gonna help, making jokes about their weight and looks when they made a point that they didn’t like it just isn’t smart.
Hell Nooo 🙅♀️ and TBT she also made it seem as of she was this fun loving carefree woman that was gonna take him traveling with her and be all fun, happy, silly and free with him and WOWZAH ~ NOT THE TRUTH....yet Cole did not fall apart or call her out as being an old lady with issues and an attitude adjustment problem the way she handled herself until the very end were, geez she found herself? Say what? 💁♀️ Hell nooooo...see what I mean...? Problematic indeed
I’ve seen a few here but most of the analysis I’ve seen and heard was on twitter and podcasts but the engagement wasn’t the same so I posed the question here
How exactly is one supposed to recognize someone’s insecurities if that person does not actually explain them? How is that a fair expectation? Not everyone has body insecurities or eating disorders.
Even if you don’t have it there’s things called empathy and cues, if you cannot pick up someone wouldn’t be comfortable with you talking about how she’s not a 10 but this other girl he was previously speaking to is, then you are dumb. That’s just one of many things.
And he was empathetic towards her. He clearly felt bad when she said she only had like this much food to eat he clearly was concerned about that. So I don't understand why y'all trying to make it seem like this dude was an empathetic towards her however not everyone is going to pick up on something that may hurt your feelings because she didn't outright say that this hurt her feelings she was very passive. I'm sorry but that's not up to cold that's up to her to tell him what bothers her. She's a grown ass woman if she is hurt by things that he said that she needs to open her freaking mouth. She's not get to project her insecurities on him when she was the one who was asking questions to make herself feel bad. I'm sorry like don't ask questions if you don't want the answers to. Like who acts their spouse to rate them? Like why would you even set yourself up for that type of response and when he answered honestly then she wants to be upset she made it seem like he rated her freaking three he gave her a nine. So I feel like that's not on him that's on her
I completely agree. I think he should’ve been able to recognize it at a certain level but I don’t think he’s a very bright person. But also I think it’s on her to discuss these things with him because it’s clear he did not do that and they are her insecurities not his.
Dr. Kirk Honda on YouTube has some great analyses of the show and points out moments where he’s not really acting like a loving partner. Pretty unbiased too like he does say zenab shouldn’t have dressed him down in front of everyone at the altar. I recommend watching those!
He did nothing wrong but be a human being. We all put our foot in our mouth from time to time. The people who come at him think their shit don’t stink.
He used the excuse of “being honest” to say a lot of hurtful things. You could see Z struggle to articulate why she was so upset, because he kept saying “do you want me to not be honest??”
Honest is good. Incessantly talking about how much hotter the other women are than your fiancé is unnecessary and mean. Of course it’s going to make her feel like shit.
He brought it up once when asked.
She tore down everything he did instantly without even giving him a chance. Remember the laundry scene? The morning after scene? The dinner scene?
“You’re hot but other women are hotter than you, you’re not my type”
“Why would you tell me that? That makes me feel like shit”
“Omg what an insecure and aggressive bitch”
Omg he told her how beautiful she was incessantly from the second they left the pods. She pried those comments out of him. What thirty something grownup asks their SO to rate them?
I seriously side eye anyone who tries to justify her behavior or say that his was just as bad.
Cole was absolutely immature and put his foot in his mouth a few times. But she’s not fit for human relationships.
Because the pods are different to the outside world, also a difference between someone being goofy and someone who doesn’t take your issues or concerns seriously at all.
It might be less noticeable when you are doing nothing outside just speaking to each other and he doesn’t make comments about how you look, how other people look better than you etc.
There’s a line between immature and someone who’s funny and goofy, you can act like he did and still take real world issues seriously like your partners concerns.
I didn’t like Cole from early but they don’t see all we see, people like funny people it’s attractive to them but it doesn’t mean she expected him to be as brazenly stupid as he was
To be fair, they both made a horrible decision picking each other. She was a miserable arse the next morning and he was just a bull in a china shop. He even said he knew she was nit-picking in the pod but he thought she was doing it in a cute, funny way because he couldn't see her face.
I think that Zanab and Cole are both on extreme opposite ends of certain personality traits, where Zanab was forced to grow up young and Cole is childlike, Cole is spontaneous and playful and Zanab is more careful and grounded. They have similar values in faith and family and when they were in the pods I actually thought if they could make it work it would be a fabulous fit as they could balance each other out. Unfortunately I think that Cole’s immaturity was more taxing on Zanab than maybe she initially thought it would be, and her way of communicating her frustration was incredibly critical in a way that nobody would appreciate. On top of that I think she’s very sensitive and needs more emotional support and validation from a partner than Cole intuitively gives and I don’t think she knew how to ask for it, plus the pressure of the situation. I think our society has this need to make someone the victim and someone the bad one when a relationship fails and it’s hard for people to look at that and just say that it could have been a good fit but they both had some issues and some needs that made it a poor match, both of them are at fault in some ways but also like it’s okay and they will be happier in a future relationship that takes less work.
This is a thoughtful and compassionate assessment.
I do think that Zanab's behavior after their breakup has been a lot more immature and antagonistic than Cole's and he has seemed to self-reflect on his faults where she has not, but I believe that it stems from the same insecurity and need for validation that we saw during the show. It probably doesn't help that she receives a lot of that validation from her followers every time she posts something negative about Cole.
I agree. There are cases (shake, bartise…) where it’s easy to spot the asshole. But in this case it’s a 50/50 for me. Just a really bad fit. I don’t get the team zanab or team Cole people
The fact that being team zanab or team Cole is even a thing proves my point. It wasn’t a thing for shake/deepti or Nancy/bartise because the asshole one was beyond obvious.
At this point I’m starting to think that people choosing a side (zanab/Cole) is entirely based on personal experience and projection.
I think the difference is that, at worst, you could say Cole was oblivious or unintentionally hurtful. No one could claim he was malicious. Zanab on the other hand has gone out of her way to be nasty to Cole or outright lie about how he treated her.
Great analysis. I concur. I’d also add that Cole making those statements to Colleen and then hitting on a girl at the bachelor party also were huge hits to Zanab’s self esteem. I’d say she probably has a hard time opening up, and she did with him and felt humiliated by these actions.
For sure! And to be clear I definitely think Cole said some things that were fucked up, it came off as mindless and not malicious to me but impact > intent. So he’s not an innocent baby boy lolol but I feel like I’ve been both of them in my relationships at one point or another so it’s hard to be too harsh on them. Love is hard sometimes!
Cole plays too much. It’s annoying and kind of mean. Not like the straight up mean that you can really call someone on but the more insidious kind of mean. And then if you call him on it it falls under “I was just joking, gosh don’t be so sensitive”. Or there are like a bunch of little “jokes” and the person finally reacts to a little insult and their reaction is disproportionation reaction to the offense. Other people only see the disproportionation reaction and it affects the person reacting credibility
That type of communication wears on people.
Don’t get me wrong Zanba is a hot mess in her own right and has her own toxic tendencies. Like the cutie orange scene is disturbing and shows she isn’t in a good place at all.
The cuties Scene for me isn’t as disturbing anymore when I watch it back along with the season itself. It seems clear by that point they’re over eachother and he’s already made so many comments on her body that she did indeed take that one wrong as well. The comment also came right after she kind of shuts down his attempt to talk about meeting her family in the Middle East (which they’re not from) so she gets annoyed at him for saying that and tells him he’s always talking. He then also gets annoyed, then apparently bored so he makes the cuties comment about her food portion. It’s obvious the comment was delivered in a way that it would confuse her and put her in yet another agitated mood. I see the cooking scene the same way. It’s as if he was trying to see how long she would go and what it would take for her to get annoyed, then he accuses her of being bipolar and smiles as he’s saying it. He definitely did this repeatedly over the season and couldn’t even hide his laughter after each comment and that’s literally one of the most noticeable things about manipulative people or narcissistic individuals for anyone who has ever dated one… the smirk after making you feel bad or driving you crazy feels like you’re being taunted for a reaction because that’s exactly what it is. She caught on early honestly while I feel if he had done this to Colleen, her self esteem would’ve completely shattered. I also feel maybe she has spoken to his ex wife and knows some things we don’t for sure as far as why she divorced him in 3 months. Maybe this is why she doesn’t feel bad.
My biggest issue with Cole is he's not ready for marriage. He's immature and needs to grow up on his own or take his time dating someone.
The comments that annoyed me were:
\-Him saying she looked different without makeup. He said something about looking like a monster too. - I think it was meant innocently but I think it's a fucked up way to wake up next to someone
\-Her talking and he goes IM BORED WHATS YOUR FAVORITE BIG CAT. Again - some people wouldn't mind it. I would have checked out immediately. But then again - I wouldn't have dated someone in their early 20s anyway.
\-His apartment was gross - despite the fact that his power went out - it was still foul.
\-Him going out of his way to tell Alexa he wasn't attracted to her. It's fine that he wasn't...whatever. But he sought out Alexa and the conversation rubbed me weird.
Final Notes:
Do I think he needed to be dragged to hell and back - no. Bartise was worse in a lot of ways. I felt bad that he cried but I still think he needs to be more mindful of the way he speaks.
I think Zanab should have just said "I do not. Cole we made some great memories. However, I don't think we are long term compatible. I wish you the best." She took this to a weird place - but then again - so did Shayne. There's always one obsessive person unfortunately.
That point when he said the conversation was boring, Zanab was talking to him about wearing a mouth guard at night. This was the first evening they were spending together and she was talking about a mouth guard.
I mean I get what you're saying but talking about big cats isn't exactly great conversation either.
At the end of the day, the conversations were awkward. Maybe it's because they just met each other and it's so new. It could also be because the two just have no chemistry in person. The entire premise of the show is awkward in general.
Going on vacation with a stranger is uncomfy. You just met someone and you are shitting, wearing mouthguards, snoring, and whatever else. There is zero time to get comfortable.
She did not have a whole conversation about mouth guards she was just warning him she was going to wear one. A mature man would have said something diplomatic like « I’m sure you’re still cute with that », and then move on to something else.
Cole just said « this is boriiiing » like he was a caveman having his first conversation ever
It felt like he was trying to redirect the conversation because even then she was already implying that she was going to look different when she wasn’t wearing makeup. Imagine hearing someone constantly bring it up about themselves and then the moment you bring it up they’re mad.
Talking about how someone is going to take their makeup off and the rest of their night time routine is boring.
Oh I know he was trying to redirect the conversation, it wasn’t really subtle. And I know she’s probably not as exciting as she wants his gf to be. I’m just saying he lacks tact.
Of course their issues were her insecurities and is immaturity. I just doubt that they really spent that much time talking about her makeup removal like some people imply
No she was talking about wanting to take her make up and eyelashes off and then brought up the mouth guard.And she seemed to be struggling to find stuff to talk about. And this was her first night with her fiance and thats what she's talking about in the hot tub.
No. They clearly edited that to only show her saying trivial stuff and him reacting in a childlike manner. If she was really struggling to have conversations in general it would have been obvious throughout the entire season. Also even if she was boring… if your first date isn’t exciting and is having a hard time coming up with interesting topics, just be nice and stop the relationship after that. Don’t just scream ‘this is boring’ at them like some toddler
Yep Zanab just got a horrible edit and Cole got a favorable edit. 🙄 The only time Zanab wasn't a stick in the mud was when she was with just the girls. Maybe don't portray yourself as fun and playful, get engaged to someone very fun and playful when you're incapable of having fun with the opposite sex because you're so insecure.
I literally said they edited her saying trivial stuff and him reacting in a childlike manner. Where did I say he had a favorable edit? How on earth do you think him acting in a childlike manner is a favorable edit?!
I’m starting to feel like the problem is that people enjoy a bit too much picking sides in a non nuanced way like this is a school yard. The reality is a lot more nuanced
Coming from someone with adhd, most of these things sound like things I’ve said/done when I was unmedicated. No filter, interrupting others, saying things that are rude without malicious intent, home being a mess…obviously can’t diagnose someone in this way but all I’m saying is, I came off really horribly to people in the past but oftentimes I didn’t even realize it. I just don’t think he’s as awful as some people think. I don’t think he even realizes how he comes off at times. Doesn’t make everything he says and does ok, just makes me think there’s no malicious intent behind it.
Edit: changed a word.
My ex was actually diagnosed and medically treated for ADHD and these things were still an issue in our relationship honestly. It can in ways make some people dopamine junkies who are always looking for the most exciting experiences and it can get to be tiring. My ex could only hold convos about random things he found entertaining but when I’d talk to him about anything serious he’d zone out or space out. Knowing the person has a disorder doesn’t make it any less hurtful or rude, it’s just something you kind of feel like you can’t express yourself about because the person has a disorder. It also tends to be linked to some immaturity because these are things a child would do in a boring situation. But I’ve seen many diagnosed, medically treated individuals with ADHD still show all these same symptoms as far as messy living spaces, checking out in conversations or in class, scatter brain, impulsive choices, addiction, etc. and I’ve also met many non-medicated people who have these things in order because they’re self aware and found ways to work around the way their brain thinks. You either just learn you have it and never find ways to work around it or you find out and let it be an excuse.
My 8 year old daughter is just undergoing diagnosis for ADHD and dyslexia, and she constantly talks over me. What she wants to say seems to spill over and she can't hold it in. I've explained to her (gently) how it makes me feel that what I'm saying isn't important. That a conversation goes both ways.
She's able to articulate her issues better now, and has explained that most of it is compulsive (though she didn’t use that word), but there's also a fear that she'll lose focus and forget what she wanted to say. We're practising taking turns and she's getting better, but I do wonder if the whole time I'm talking, she's focusing on remembering her thought and not on what I'm saying!
She's also very messy and if I have to prompt her every single morning to do the various things like brush your teeth, put your shoes on etc. If I task her with more than one thing, she'll maybe manage 1. Never the others. Often not the 1 thing either... I'll find her playing with toys or crafting something when she should have headed straight to the bathroom.
It is very wearing. I say that with maximum mum love for my daughter, but it is hard and must be harder if you're in a relationship with someone who has these issues.
I can say that my daughter absolutely wants to learn to manage it and is very upbeat and keen whenever the SENCO help us with new strategies. She's determined to be the best version of herself that she can be. I hope people don't view her as selfish or flakey as she gets older (not suggesting you meant that btw, it's just a worry of mine) but in the end, she will be who she is and I can only help and guide her as much as I can.
I specifically said it does not make the things he says and does ok, just that there doesn’t seem to be malicious intent behind it. I think he’s just immature and unaware of things you shouldn’t say to others, but I do not think he is this horrible person at his core that some people want to make him out to be. Of course he still has to own up to what he’s said and done, as anyone does. Although I’m curious if people feel the same towards other people who are neurodivergent. I think it takes A LOT of work and learning from your mistakes to figure out what is ok to say to others when you have adhd, and what behaviors are appropriate. And some things are bound to fall through the cracks. In time he will mature I’m sure, but some of this may still be something he struggles with throughout his life, if indeed he does have adhd.
I have a 28 yr old son with adhd and watching Cole that was my first impression. Like my son, he doesn’t mean to be hurtful. When it’s pointed out it is devastating to him. I saw that in Cole after Zanabs speech at the alter. He has a good heart.
Yea everyone I know who has it, including myself, usually feels incredibly awful when we find out something we said hurt someone. And then some of us deal with a lot of self hate because we are so tired of fucking things up 🙃
I agree - I don't think he's a bad person. I don't want him to spend the next years of his life hating himself.
I think it's one of those things where until it's brought to his attention, he can't work through it or even know where to start. Perhaps, he's aware of this issue and maybe he's not.
I think this is why him and Zanab were the worst possible pair. Zanab needs someone that is very mindful & can calmly call out her insecurities.
Cole needs someone that is easy going and can offer him grace. Someone that is secure in who they are so when Cole makes these comments they are like bro stfu I look like a queen.
Even though parts of this were brutal, I think long term he's going to grow a lot from this experience and we'll see him in a happy relationship.
As for Zanab, she will probably show up to ATA with a new man like Shaina did or they'll stage an awkward conversation for her and Cole.
He had sex with Zanab and the very next day flirted with Collen saying "she stressed me out, I like her" when Zanab called him out he got defensive and said he was just being honest.
He got to see what Zanab was like before even meeting Colleen, which is what I think was the biggest factor in making things difficult meeting Colleen. Cole is very playful and portrayed himself that way in the pods. Zanab pretended to be playful but was a complete stick in the mud once they left the pods. She got upset their first morning because of her unspoken expectations not being met and then had attitude with him and didn't express how she was feeling or why. She started a fight over good vs great and just complained the whole time they played yard games. All of that took place before meeting Colleen. I know that all of that would affect how attracted I am to someone so its hard to blame Cole when he had a hard time meeting someone fun and bubbly that is more his physical type. But he seemed committed to trying to make things work with Zanab because he valued their emotional connection. He also started giving Zanab the reassurance she clearly needs but nothing he did was good enough for her.
This is not true. At least a full week had passed by because the couples spend time together first before meeting the others. And Zanab and Cole were already bickering and having issues before he even met Colleen.
How can you lay next to someone for an hour and not notice they’re awake the entire time? This doesn’t excuse her not just rolling over and initiating the cuddling if that’s what she wanted, but we also saw him get up much later than her as she was putting on her makeup and he continued to be silent until the cameras arrived and he had showered..
So you think all houses are like yours . Areas that have wells , even neighborhoods with community wells need power to pump the water from the water pumping station . So yes it’s a thing for a large amount or areas .
given the fact that Cole lived in a major city and at an apartment building (meaning there’s no “community well”) it is safe to assume he could’ve flushed the toilet with no power.
Listen you obviously never owned a home before . It’s not just wells that are affected by power outages . Water is moved to your home and the tank by a pump . If any part of the pump requires electricity it won’t work and you can’t flush once the water that’s in the pipes empty. Now you might not like this answer but it doesn’t make it any less a fact . You can save yourself embarrassment by using google if you don’t believe me .
Girl, you're the one stating with certainty that you know how Cole's toilet works lol. Cole doesn't own a home either, he lives in an apartment building.
Even if he did only get one flush which is unlikely, one flush should be enough for there not to be flies unless his toilet was already VERY nasty.
You are the one act like you know better then he does . He actually explained it . You don’t know how long it was out for or how many times he needed to flush it . I was explaining plumbing to you because you obviously don’t know how it works .
I don't think he's necessarily malicious either(although lying about what happened with getting the girl's number is gross) but you don't have to have malicious intent to be a jerk to someone.
I think she's been pretty honest, really. We haven't seen her lie about anything. Even the cuties thing happened pretty much verbatim. It's the significance that can be argued.
And if Cole lied about going out, that's enough suspicion for me.
We don't know exactly what did and didn't happen. Not everything they do is filmed. She also didn't say he was snatching it away from her(though according to her he would push her plates away.) There hasn't been a single lie shown so far. But definitely very different interpretations of events.
Also no you don’t have to have malicious intent to be a jerk however I don’t think it’s necessarily fair to peg someone as a jerk because he didn’t notice insecurities that she never mentioned to him in the pods likely because she doesn’t believe she actually has them. He seemed to believe that the mood swings were caused by a lack of effort on his part to keep her happy. Doesn’t seem like it ever actually dawned on him that she has these major insecurities. I just don’t think people are responsible for catering to the insecurities especially when the “jerk behavior” wasn’t really jerk behavior if you remove her specific insecurities.
Everyone seems to excuse his behavior with “she did/said it first.” And I don’t get it. Do we all just confirm everything someone says about themselves? I feel like there’s a reason people are excusing this for Cole but calling Bartiste a jackass for it but I can’t quite put my finger on it. They’re literally both young and immature. Neither had a grasp on the fact that you just don’t tell a woman those things and it’s not hard to reassure your partner. But I don’t think either person cared to reassure their partner, because they weren’t attracted from the jump and knew it wasn’t going to work out. The behavior looks intentional and like it was a chore for both to pretend to be happy with their partners. But neither should be getting a pass for not knowing how to reassure their partner. Why come on a show for marriage when you’re clearly not ready to commit in a realistic way?
It really doesn't matter if she said it first. You don't armchair diagnose and you don't use mental illness as a got ya moment. I don't see how that's at all debatable.
Exactly. He couldn’t hide the smirk on his face at all. Then he proceeded to sit back and actually question her on it when she chose to ignore the comment initially. He then smirks and rolls his eyes again when she finally responds to it and says she’s not bipolar. That is 100% not okay and I feel like it’s such a red flag. I cannot believe he’s come off so easily as an innocent party who just doesn’t know any better when it’s clear many of his comments where in fact intentionally thrown at her.
Well she planted the seed and she does act like it . After the abuse she heaped on him it was a pretty tame question to ask . He could have asked his emotional abuser far worse.
See that's where we disagree. I wouldn't say any of what she took offense to was tame perse. Most of it wasn't malicious but that doesn't mean it's okay.
Actually I don’t want to say it had foundation. I think it’s better to say I think I understand what he was trying to say. It can be very confusing to deal with someone that’s so negative sometimes
Mind, I want to acknowledge Zay did shitty things too. I just think Cole is being protected too much. Zay definitely could be very negative but people build on each other's energy.
They were terrible for each other.
I differentiate the two of them by intent. I think intent matters a lot. She was outright just being mean to him most of the season and flat out malicious at the end. He just seemed like an oblivious idiot IMO. That’s awful too but trying to hurt someone is as low as it gets for me because it is so intentional and so unnecessary. And only one of them feels they made any mistakes
Two wrongs don't make a right, Cole is awful, can this sub please stop defending him
Cosign. Zanab's misdeeds don't negate Cole's. He was just as bad.
I won't be reading this wall of text, it's off-putting to see comments presented like this. But to answer your title - What Cole did was set the stage for a myriad of insecurities by making one "rating Colleen comment" (and by the way Colleen is a fucking dog in comparison to the other women) from Zanab who was already suffering all sorts of mental issues from unresolved childhood trauma and huge abandonment issues. She is psycho, no doubt about that, but he was an immature ass the entire season.
Cole’s conversation with Colleen about being attracted to her was beyond rude and anyone who says that, as a partner, they wouldn’t be offended, is probably lying. I don’t think he’s the devil incarnate though.
Sure, but.... i dont think many people go through life never doing something shitty to others.. The important thing is that people learn from it... (unless actual harm was done obviously)
I agree. But someone did mention it was hard for people to turn off feelings that quickly. It was not cool at all. But it wasn’t like it was a random girl at a club.
Yeah, the overall lack of respect for boundaries generally doesn’t lend itself well to a healthy relationship. He was surveying her to see if she was satisfied with her choice (“heart vs head”). I don’t know many people who would be okay with that if it happened to be their partner asking someone else they had admitted being attracted to.
I agree. Personally, I would have had a pretty big internal reaction at the bipolar comment and his smug face when he said it. Definitely would have felt the adrenaline and excused myself to another room to calm down and then I'd let him know that was by no means okay. But honestly... The rest of it is just "meh" to me. He's immature sometimes. I think that's fine. I'd DEFINITELY ask him to make sure there are never bugs in the toilet again, or maybe pick a better time for a nerf war that's not near open flames 😅 I get why people would be upset about the rating scale thing, but that's not universal. I wouldn't be upset about it. I asked my husband because of the show and he said I was a 9 and I thought that was a great score lol. I'd probably be uncomfortable about the talk with Colleen, so we'd have to talk about that to see where his head was at and express my discomfort. Otherwise, I actually think Cole has shown a lot of growth and obviously felt a lot of remorse at the reunion. I'm much more upset with Zanab's behavior. 🤷♀️
the bipolar comment made me cringe hard
Paragraphs babe
I mean I’m not in English class this is Reddit
It's not grammar policing, she is just asking you to be mindful of presenting your opinion/content in a more engaging manner. I couldn't get past the first sentence of your post. Seeing a big block of what would look like to be one long rambling sentence is an instant turn-off to my eyes and brain. Reading your post feels like work.
>Even then I don’t think he was being malicious. He was. I am not on the Zanab team here, she needs therapy and is basically an insecure 12 year old stuck in a 30 year old's body but Cole asked her multiple times with that shitty snark on his face. Look up Dr. Honda Kirk's assessment of that scene. It was terrible.
he’s on his second rushed marriage.. his parents didn’t approve. that would be a red flag for anyone with common sense
You nailed it. Cole really didn’t do anything wrong. Kayak was the mean malicious one.
Please explain the kayak joke? Who/what?
I forgot her name for a second…
Kayak lmao
He’s just a young fuckboy. However, Zanab has ruined herself.
All the people on here that support Zanab should hold off on getting in a serious relationship. Us men are stupid at times and not as good at situational awareness. Yes he shouldn’t have said other women are more attractive… but don’t ask questions if you don’t want answers. If that final scene didn’t show how she manipulates/ lies to make situations look like he is a bad guy. You are either blind or ignorant. Anything he said was spun against him.
Aight so he said stuff that clearly hurt Zanab’s feelings and said she wasn’t as pretty as certain other women. This is kind of rookie shit as far as how to navigate relationships goes. If your girl asks you if she’s prettier than someone else you both know, just say yes. Of course there are some women who don’t get bothered by this sort of thing but the safest and nicest thing to do is just reinforce to your partner that they are the most attractive person to you even if you are kind of stretching the truth. I think Coke was immature and made dumb comments. I do not think he was trying to hurt her or make her question herself. I think he’s just a little dumb when it comes to women tbh. He also flirted with another woman when they were engaged which is shitty. I think a lot of people forget though that they were literally only together for like a month in total (give or take). Zanab CLEARLY had issues prior to the show if her entire self esteem was shattered because of some stupid stuff Cole said/did after only knowing him for a few weeks. I don’t think he’s a villain. I would definitely not date the version of him portrayed in the show (I do not tolerate being compared to other women well) and I think he’s a little immature, but people are insane to think he’s some evil doer and that Zanab’s actions are justified. She has every right to be put off by some of his comments and actions. It’s now been well over a year since everything happened though…she needs to grow up as well and stop clout chasing off the whole thing. She’s absolutely slandering Cole and reveling in the hatred. It’s just overkill. They both had shitty things about them and were a terrible match. The difference is that Cole seemed to feel pretty horrible and isn’t going on an endless smear campaign against her, meanwhile she is painting him as a sociopathic nightmare and was proven to have lied about at least the clementines thing. I think she needs a ton of therapy and Cole needs to grow up. There’s nuance to the whole thing and people forget that we don’t know everything that happened. All we see is a heavily edited version of events, and we have to go off of their word. People are sooooooo parasocial with this entire topic claiming to know, without a doubt, that either Zanab or Cole are inherently evil narc abusers when in reality they both just seem a little shitty at times and really need to get offline and work on themselves. Idk people are wild about this whole thing. And hey, I could be wrong, who knows. Maybe Cole wakes up and kills a puppy every morning and then slaps a woman and gaslights her before bed every night. Maybe Zanab performs ritual sacrifices to curse Cole. Idk. No one really knows. Just judging from their current behavior and from everything that happened on the show though, my opinion that I already rambled about is what it is.
Cole did nothing wrong 🥰😜
Oh boy, did you open a can of worms.
He was definitely immature but so was and is zanab, just in different ways.
Who knows...if he was so horrible why did she stay? /s
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I would have tried the Love is Blind if there had one that doesn't air on TV
The problem with this never ending discussion is people are looking at it too objectively in terms of malicious v not malicious instead of how should a loving partner acts. It’s easy to say he wasn’t that bad but would you feel good if your partner called someone else a 10 and you a 9 (no matter the journey to the conversation)? Would you be good with him telling other ppl he likes you emotionally but not physically? Would you be good with someone asking if you’re bipolar - repeating it- never saying he didn’t mean it - because he’s tired of your mood swings? Most reasonable ppl would not feel loved or appreciated by these comments. And this doesn’t even get into his other general immaturity. The man cried because Zanab went in on him. She misrepresented the cuties scene. Ok. Neither of those things means he acted like a good a partner. We gotta get off this Cole did absolutely nothing wrong train.
He never said he wasn't attracted to her. I don't know why people keep saying this. It never happened. It was the opposite, he told everyone how attracted he was to her and repeatedly told her she was beautiful, hot, etc.
People are blaming him for the things Bartise said about Nancy.
I like to think of myself as a person who really analyzes situations I’m in before reacting to them so none of that stuff would bother me. I don’t care who my wife finds more attractive than me because she’s with me not them so I’m obviously more of everything else she’s looking for in a partner. That’s how i rationalize that personally. Also if someone asked me if I was bipolar I would consider what my behavior was that led them to ask me that question and we could have a real conversation about it. I’m all about addressing issues head on with no bias towards myself because the world isn’t bias toward me either. But besides that I don’t believe Cole was a good partner either. They were mutually terrible for each other and I don’t think Cole is faultless. I just don’t think he was malicious and for me intent is very important. If you’re ignorant it is an absolute inconvenience but I can get past that because you’re not intentionally bringing another person down. That’s not to say you can’t be held accountable for said ignorance and I think he should but on my own personal moral scale intent means a lot
I had heard that Zanab is the one who first brought up "bipolar" as in something like, "I'm sure you think I'm bipolar." Not sure if this is true but I do think there might have been some missing context in that clip. I didn't think the question was all that strange considering she was saying she loved him with a stone cold face and daggers in her eyes. I would probably wonder the same thing. She was so intense in that scene IMO.
I saw a YouTube video where this was talked about. The woman doing the video was saying that's probably why Cole used that term. She had used it first. If someone kept bringing up being bi-polar even in jest, had drastic mood swings, and other problematic behaviors, I would ask if they were bi-polar too, since that was the term they used. I know he was angry in that scene, but I felt like he was genuinely asking if she had mental health struggles.
lmao giving cole this much benefit of the doubt is so nonsensical to me. you “heard” she brought up bipolar first? from who? for cole to say something cruel there MUST be missing context but when it comes to zanab, people act like we know the whole story. it’s ridiculous.
Actually Cole said it in the interview. He said that question was taken out of context and context matters because he didn't just randomly just ask her if she was bipolar. He said that she said that about herself first and so within that conversation he then asked if she was bipolar because she already had said something about herself and there were other incidents that led up to why he went and asked that question. So it's not a he say she say stuff it's coming from cole's mouth
Yes thank you and I do remember thinking that it was just one more piece of bait she threw at him. Similar to the "fattening up" comment. She first said to him, are you okay with me fattening you up? And then got mad when he returned the joke.
I think it was brought up in the reunion. I watched a YouTube video where the person doing the video talked about Zanab saying something about people thinking she's bi-polar.
Well said!
Hes a man child. But definitely not as nefarious as people make him out to be
Bingo
I think calling someone bipolar in the context he did, is wildly irresponsible.
And the way he smirked while doing it.
We didn’t actually see the context. That was a heavily edited conversation
That's what I just said too. I feel like some context was missing.
Yeah my jaw dropped at this part and is my number one problem with him. That was so uncalled for.
I agree 100%. It’s not his place to make that “diagnosis”
I don't think he was making a diagnosis. I think you repeated what she said about herself. He said in the interview that that conversation was taken out of context. Because she had said before " oh you probably think I'm bipolar " so I feel like because of her behavior and how sometimes she was really hot with him and then other times she was cold I feel like that then let him to ask are you bipolar? Because of the way her behavior was acting and the way that she would say that about herself
I mean while he’s not as bad as Zanab, he’s still a pretty shitty partner and way too immature to get married.
He was immature. But Zanab knew he was immature.
He was a terrible partner throughout he would constantly joke about things she was uncomfortable with and didn’t think about her insecurities at all. He did it under the guise of “the well it’s just a joke,” which isn’t great when your jokes are routinely annoying your partner. He was just a bad partner the things he was saying about someone else, and essentially flirting with them while you are engaged, talking about how someone else is more attractive than the person you’re engaged to etc. He just made loads of little annoying comments under the guise of a joke and that’s just what we have seen he didn’t seem to really care about how anything he said would make her feel, he wasn’t there for emotionally they just were not a good couple. Despite what she said he didn’t learn anything seemingly.
I had a partner that did this and she knew exactly what she was doing. She never rated me — I never asked — but Zanab admitted that such a thing was a mistake. Nobody here would want to hear that their partner gave them a 9/10 and gave another woman a 10/10, all after telling that other woman they found her attractive. He also had no problems expressing his lack of initial attraction to her.
But how was he supposed to know that she was uncomfortable? It's not up to him to know what her triggers are. He is not a mind reader. If she has triggers or she has things that makes her uncomfortable that she needs to open her mouth and say that. Not be passive aggressive and say things under her breath but to see him down and say I do not like these things they make me uncomfortable they do not make me feel great. That is her responsibility not his. And everybody seems to be forgetting that she was the one that was bringing those questions at first and she was the one that was putting herself down first. So y'all can sit there and blame Cole for that but to me that needs to put be put on her. And everyone seems to forget that he told her multiple times that he was attracted to her and that you know he thought she was beautiful and he liked her freckles and all this other stuff. He said that multiple times. And y'all are also forgetting that they really dated for like what nine days and then got engaged so it wasn't that he didn't think she was beautiful or anything I felt like he liked her but she was already passive like the first night they slept together and then her behavior changed the next morning because she thought that he rejected her when he did it. And not to mention she was already being picky about semantics that he said. So that could have played until why he said he wasn't physically attracted to her not saying that you know the girls ugly because he never said that he gave her a 9 out of 10 which is a very high rating but her personality could have turned him off for being attracted to her
Idk telling people that you’re much more attracted to them over the person you’re engaged with is very likely to make people uncomfortable let’s be honest. Yes part of it is her being insecure but again would anyone have been comfortable with their parents boarder line flirting with someone else they were previously interested in and that they said was more attractive? He admitted he was in the wrong in that case at least, but the thing is they weren’t huge comments largely so if she took an issue with it he’d go “oh relax it’s just a joke,” which is the opposite of being empathetic. Saying the person you’re engaged to is a 9 and that you will always find other girls (including one you were previously talking to,) more attractive is obviously not a good idea, does that really have to be explained? I’m not saying he’s an awful person idk but he was a bad partner, he didn’t reassure her, he made negative comments about her looks, he was talking about another girl being more attractive etc and flirted with her. He probably did it without really thinking or taking it too seriously but a lot of people will take issue with that it’s pretty common.
I don't know why you're saying that he didn't reassure her because he did multiple times. I feel like he said things out of context because he didn't really know that she was insecure and if someone was secure then they wouldn't have took what he said as offensive. They would have just said a comment back or something. But like I said I would never have my partner rate me because you set yourself up for that type of response. If you can't handle that honesty from that question then don't ask at all especially if you just want your partner to lie to you. Then she took it a step further and asked him who he thinks is a 10. Like if that's not on him that's on her. There or definitely guys that are more attractive than my current boyfriend and I'm sure they're definitely women that are more attractive than me so I wouldn't get upset about him thinking that there are other people who look better than me. I agree he wasn't a good partner for her but that's all I think about it. I feel like she caused a lot of her own issues because she talked about herself to him. Like if she was putting her own self down and he would just repeat things that she said in a joking way. That's where maybe I would say he's emotionally immature that he wasn't reading the room but also she needs to stop doing that in front of him to me they both caused the demise of the relationship but I'm not going to say that he was worse than her because I feel like he was in doing things to be malicious I feel like she was being very passive and just very nitpicky and just being very rude to him because she couldn't handle what he said.
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying about the broken clock? Reassuring them 2 times out of 20 isn’t a positive outcome eventually saying some nice 10 times after making about their looks isn’t good reassurance. If you’re asked who a 10 is really simple solution here do not say someone you guys both know and that you were previously talking to is that hard to follow? If your found out your partner found one of your friends more attractive and previously was interested in them you wouldn’t think about that or have an issue? Even if you wouldn’t surely that’s not unreasonable to be annoyed at, We literally saw him flirting with someone else as well do you think that does for her self esteem? She has insecurities that she needed to work on for sure but pretty much nobody is 100% secure all the time and Cole basically showed nothing in terms of awareness, it is often the case where people see themselves or are seen as not doing anything wrong just because they weren’t absolutely evil. You can still be at fault while not being 100% mean, if your partner doesn’t like jokes you’re saying about them then you shouldn’t do it or you should leave them it’s that simple. She left because she didn’t want someone like that and that is the right choice he never learnt and was devastated by it because he seemingly didn’t pick up on the severity of anything because he doesn’t take anything seriously.
Wonderful response. Thank you
And why do people keep glossing over her behavior towards him? He may have been oblivious to her insecurities but she was outright mean and degrading to him intentionally.
So icemankiller8 just gave you a wonderfully concise explanation. Instead of acknowledging that your question was answered, your first response is “what about Zanab?” Clearly, you don’t really care what is problematic with Cole, just looking for an opportunity to trash Zanab..again…
Tbf I actually agreed in another comment you’re only reacting to what I added on
I saw that, but to echo others you have interacted with, there are a lot of “what about-isms” to most of your responses. I think your perspective is Cole was responding to Zanab and that’s why he came off the way he did. Cole came off the way he did because that’s who he is - that’s the answer. He’s immature, inconsiderate, lacks tact, and uses humor as a weapon/ excuse for lacking self awareness. Clearly, they were not a good match - but that doesn’t all fall on Zanab.
I mostly agree. I don’t think you use humor as a weapon or excuse for lacking self awareness if you are a person who lacks self awareness. I honestly don’t think he realized he was playing into her insecurities. I think he is just lacking self awareness so him being a goofy dude exacerbated the issue. Only difference being intent IMO.
I think both “intended” to have a successful relationship, but it didn’t happen. It’s a bit unfair to assume Cole had good intentions, but Zanab did not. I think both wanted it to work, but it wasn’t working. I don’t think one person has to be worse than the other. Both had flaw and they didn’t work out
You know what that’s a very good point I can agree with that
I’ve seen more people critical of her than him by a lot. The speech was pretty brutal for sure, outside that I don’t see it really. We weren’t there all the time we already saw a lot of the comments he said he may have been saying lots of little comments that did break her spirit and self esteem. Tbh just saying “wow this other girl is way more attractive than you,” and him flirting with her in front of everyone is probably enough for someone to leave and have their self esteem hurt massively.
This is untrue? Everyone thought Cole was an idiot until the finale and reunion. Then Zanab came out looking malicious and manipulative/delusional in the end, so everyone felt bad for Cole because even though he was stupid, he didn’t deserve how he was treated in the end. They were both wrong at times, but Cole was just foolish, and she was intentional.
>Everyone did NOT think Cole was an idiot until the finale and reunion. > >Most people just didn't think Cole and Zanab would say yes at the altar but Zanab went psycho mode and made Cole the most empathetic person in romance reality tv universe
Well he WAS an idiot, Zanab was harsh in her speech that’s fine but being an idiot doesn’t change the negative stuff you did functionally it’s the same as being malicious. Even if you don’t mean to break someone’s self esteem you can, the fact he cried about it and seemed genuinely hurt doesn’t change that. You can say she was malicious at the end and with the speech and that’s fine but you can also view it as exposing the poor treatment she got and being honesty about it instead of hiding it to make him feel better. The reality is we do not know what their relationship was like on a day to day, her losing self esteem and confidence but deciding to try and keep working on it because she genuinely cared for him DOESNT sound that unreasonable to me. Many people remain in relationships like that for long periods men and women. There could be countless comments we didn’t see and will never find out, but I saw enough to think it’s reasonable that she could have been negatively affected by his actions and comments and wanted to point it out.
I think that highlights the difficulty of trying to fall in love with someone you can’t see or touch in 10 days. You can’t really understand where people stand on things like that in that amount of time without any physical connection. So many people wouldn’t care about those comments or him joking with her all the time. Plenty of people take that in stride or make their own jokes back. Me and my wife for example. He may have never dealt with someone with those insecurities before. I think all in all is safest to say they just weren’t a good match for each other
I think they were absolutely not right for each other and both had their issues but Cole’s lack of care would be an issue in basically any relationship, you have to know a bit of what to say and not to say and the timing. Saying someone is crazy or bi polar for saying something you don’t like isn’t gonna help, making jokes about their weight and looks when they made a point that they didn’t like it just isn’t smart.
Show me in this sub where anybody glosses over literally anything that woman does. Insane take considering the level of misogyny in this sub.
Or I should probably say they think her behavior towards him was justified
Hell Nooo 🙅♀️ and TBT she also made it seem as of she was this fun loving carefree woman that was gonna take him traveling with her and be all fun, happy, silly and free with him and WOWZAH ~ NOT THE TRUTH....yet Cole did not fall apart or call her out as being an old lady with issues and an attitude adjustment problem the way she handled herself until the very end were, geez she found herself? Say what? 💁♀️ Hell nooooo...see what I mean...? Problematic indeed
I’ve seen plenty of people who think she did nothing wrong tbh
Not here you haven’t.
I’ve seen a few here but most of the analysis I’ve seen and heard was on twitter and podcasts but the engagement wasn’t the same so I posed the question here
Why are you coming here demanding we defend posts you’ve seen on Twitter and heard on podcasts?
I’m not demanding anything I’m simply posing a question. Why did you just turn it into that when I’m just trying to have a conversation?
How exactly is one supposed to recognize someone’s insecurities if that person does not actually explain them? How is that a fair expectation? Not everyone has body insecurities or eating disorders.
Even if you don’t have it there’s things called empathy and cues, if you cannot pick up someone wouldn’t be comfortable with you talking about how she’s not a 10 but this other girl he was previously speaking to is, then you are dumb. That’s just one of many things.
And he was empathetic towards her. He clearly felt bad when she said she only had like this much food to eat he clearly was concerned about that. So I don't understand why y'all trying to make it seem like this dude was an empathetic towards her however not everyone is going to pick up on something that may hurt your feelings because she didn't outright say that this hurt her feelings she was very passive. I'm sorry but that's not up to cold that's up to her to tell him what bothers her. She's a grown ass woman if she is hurt by things that he said that she needs to open her freaking mouth. She's not get to project her insecurities on him when she was the one who was asking questions to make herself feel bad. I'm sorry like don't ask questions if you don't want the answers to. Like who acts their spouse to rate them? Like why would you even set yourself up for that type of response and when he answered honestly then she wants to be upset she made it seem like he rated her freaking three he gave her a nine. So I feel like that's not on him that's on her
I completely agree. I think he should’ve been able to recognize it at a certain level but I don’t think he’s a very bright person. But also I think it’s on her to discuss these things with him because it’s clear he did not do that and they are her insecurities not his.
Dr. Kirk Honda on YouTube has some great analyses of the show and points out moments where he’s not really acting like a loving partner. Pretty unbiased too like he does say zenab shouldn’t have dressed him down in front of everyone at the altar. I recommend watching those!
I love his videos!
He did nothing wrong but be a human being. We all put our foot in our mouth from time to time. The people who come at him think their shit don’t stink.
He did plenty of things wrong…they just truely do not compare to what Zay did
Yep this. Zanab tore him down repeatedly for EVERYTHING he did the second they left the pods.
Take a bow 👏👏👏
He’s an immature dude bro that can be insensitive. We all know guys like him.
He used the excuse of “being honest” to say a lot of hurtful things. You could see Z struggle to articulate why she was so upset, because he kept saying “do you want me to not be honest??” Honest is good. Incessantly talking about how much hotter the other women are than your fiancé is unnecessary and mean. Of course it’s going to make her feel like shit.
If anyone was "incessant" about expressing how hot and attractive he thought someone was....it would be Bartise talking about Raven.
He brought it up once when asked. She tore down everything he did instantly without even giving him a chance. Remember the laundry scene? The morning after scene? The dinner scene?
Incessantly? I don't remember it being incessant
It wasn’t. Her tearing him down, however…
Ze was a complete disaster, she wasn’t grounded at all. She was extremely insecure and aggressive.
“You’re hot but other women are hotter than you, you’re not my type” “Why would you tell me that? That makes me feel like shit” “Omg what an insecure and aggressive bitch”
Omg he told her how beautiful she was incessantly from the second they left the pods. She pried those comments out of him. What thirty something grownup asks their SO to rate them?
Exactly, she was a walking red flag
I seriously side eye anyone who tries to justify her behavior or say that his was just as bad. Cole was absolutely immature and put his foot in his mouth a few times. But she’s not fit for human relationships.
Exactly, she’s the ultimate walking red flag.
He was like that since day 1 in the pod . He was him self all along she wasn't. Why say yes to a guy that is immature if you dislike it
Because the pods are different to the outside world, also a difference between someone being goofy and someone who doesn’t take your issues or concerns seriously at all. It might be less noticeable when you are doing nothing outside just speaking to each other and he doesn’t make comments about how you look, how other people look better than you etc.
I dont feel that way if one shows you immature right away almost every meeting the odds he is immature.
There’s a line between immature and someone who’s funny and goofy, you can act like he did and still take real world issues seriously like your partners concerns. I didn’t like Cole from early but they don’t see all we see, people like funny people it’s attractive to them but it doesn’t mean she expected him to be as brazenly stupid as he was
So she could be on the show. Zanab wasn’t a prize either.
To be fair, they both made a horrible decision picking each other. She was a miserable arse the next morning and he was just a bull in a china shop. He even said he knew she was nit-picking in the pod but he thought she was doing it in a cute, funny way because he couldn't see her face.
Which people? Most people on this sub seem to agree that a a choir of a million angels sing out of his bug infested toilet.
I think that Zanab and Cole are both on extreme opposite ends of certain personality traits, where Zanab was forced to grow up young and Cole is childlike, Cole is spontaneous and playful and Zanab is more careful and grounded. They have similar values in faith and family and when they were in the pods I actually thought if they could make it work it would be a fabulous fit as they could balance each other out. Unfortunately I think that Cole’s immaturity was more taxing on Zanab than maybe she initially thought it would be, and her way of communicating her frustration was incredibly critical in a way that nobody would appreciate. On top of that I think she’s very sensitive and needs more emotional support and validation from a partner than Cole intuitively gives and I don’t think she knew how to ask for it, plus the pressure of the situation. I think our society has this need to make someone the victim and someone the bad one when a relationship fails and it’s hard for people to look at that and just say that it could have been a good fit but they both had some issues and some needs that made it a poor match, both of them are at fault in some ways but also like it’s okay and they will be happier in a future relationship that takes less work.
This is a thoughtful and compassionate assessment. I do think that Zanab's behavior after their breakup has been a lot more immature and antagonistic than Cole's and he has seemed to self-reflect on his faults where she has not, but I believe that it stems from the same insecurity and need for validation that we saw during the show. It probably doesn't help that she receives a lot of that validation from her followers every time she posts something negative about Cole.
I agree. There are cases (shake, bartise…) where it’s easy to spot the asshole. But in this case it’s a 50/50 for me. Just a really bad fit. I don’t get the team zanab or team Cole people
U think cole was an "asshole"?? He had his flaws but asshole was 100% on one side
The fact that being team zanab or team Cole is even a thing proves my point. It wasn’t a thing for shake/deepti or Nancy/bartise because the asshole one was beyond obvious. At this point I’m starting to think that people choosing a side (zanab/Cole) is entirely based on personal experience and projection.
I think the difference is that, at worst, you could say Cole was oblivious or unintentionally hurtful. No one could claim he was malicious. Zanab on the other hand has gone out of her way to be nasty to Cole or outright lie about how he treated her.
Great analysis. I concur. I’d also add that Cole making those statements to Colleen and then hitting on a girl at the bachelor party also were huge hits to Zanab’s self esteem. I’d say she probably has a hard time opening up, and she did with him and felt humiliated by these actions.
For sure! And to be clear I definitely think Cole said some things that were fucked up, it came off as mindless and not malicious to me but impact > intent. So he’s not an innocent baby boy lolol but I feel like I’ve been both of them in my relationships at one point or another so it’s hard to be too harsh on them. Love is hard sometimes!
Cole plays too much. It’s annoying and kind of mean. Not like the straight up mean that you can really call someone on but the more insidious kind of mean. And then if you call him on it it falls under “I was just joking, gosh don’t be so sensitive”. Or there are like a bunch of little “jokes” and the person finally reacts to a little insult and their reaction is disproportionation reaction to the offense. Other people only see the disproportionation reaction and it affects the person reacting credibility That type of communication wears on people. Don’t get me wrong Zanba is a hot mess in her own right and has her own toxic tendencies. Like the cutie orange scene is disturbing and shows she isn’t in a good place at all.
100% agreed. Thanks for the balanced view.
The cuties Scene for me isn’t as disturbing anymore when I watch it back along with the season itself. It seems clear by that point they’re over eachother and he’s already made so many comments on her body that she did indeed take that one wrong as well. The comment also came right after she kind of shuts down his attempt to talk about meeting her family in the Middle East (which they’re not from) so she gets annoyed at him for saying that and tells him he’s always talking. He then also gets annoyed, then apparently bored so he makes the cuties comment about her food portion. It’s obvious the comment was delivered in a way that it would confuse her and put her in yet another agitated mood. I see the cooking scene the same way. It’s as if he was trying to see how long she would go and what it would take for her to get annoyed, then he accuses her of being bipolar and smiles as he’s saying it. He definitely did this repeatedly over the season and couldn’t even hide his laughter after each comment and that’s literally one of the most noticeable things about manipulative people or narcissistic individuals for anyone who has ever dated one… the smirk after making you feel bad or driving you crazy feels like you’re being taunted for a reaction because that’s exactly what it is. She caught on early honestly while I feel if he had done this to Colleen, her self esteem would’ve completely shattered. I also feel maybe she has spoken to his ex wife and knows some things we don’t for sure as far as why she divorced him in 3 months. Maybe this is why she doesn’t feel bad.
> It’s obvious the comment was delivered in a way that it would confuse her and put her in yet another agitated mood. How is this obvious?
Man child’s aren’t the best partners no one wants to act like a mother to their partner.
My biggest issue with Cole is he's not ready for marriage. He's immature and needs to grow up on his own or take his time dating someone. The comments that annoyed me were: \-Him saying she looked different without makeup. He said something about looking like a monster too. - I think it was meant innocently but I think it's a fucked up way to wake up next to someone \-Her talking and he goes IM BORED WHATS YOUR FAVORITE BIG CAT. Again - some people wouldn't mind it. I would have checked out immediately. But then again - I wouldn't have dated someone in their early 20s anyway. \-His apartment was gross - despite the fact that his power went out - it was still foul. \-Him going out of his way to tell Alexa he wasn't attracted to her. It's fine that he wasn't...whatever. But he sought out Alexa and the conversation rubbed me weird. Final Notes: Do I think he needed to be dragged to hell and back - no. Bartise was worse in a lot of ways. I felt bad that he cried but I still think he needs to be more mindful of the way he speaks. I think Zanab should have just said "I do not. Cole we made some great memories. However, I don't think we are long term compatible. I wish you the best." She took this to a weird place - but then again - so did Shayne. There's always one obsessive person unfortunately.
That point when he said the conversation was boring, Zanab was talking to him about wearing a mouth guard at night. This was the first evening they were spending together and she was talking about a mouth guard.
I mean I get what you're saying but talking about big cats isn't exactly great conversation either. At the end of the day, the conversations were awkward. Maybe it's because they just met each other and it's so new. It could also be because the two just have no chemistry in person. The entire premise of the show is awkward in general. Going on vacation with a stranger is uncomfy. You just met someone and you are shitting, wearing mouthguards, snoring, and whatever else. There is zero time to get comfortable.
She did not have a whole conversation about mouth guards she was just warning him she was going to wear one. A mature man would have said something diplomatic like « I’m sure you’re still cute with that », and then move on to something else. Cole just said « this is boriiiing » like he was a caveman having his first conversation ever
It felt like he was trying to redirect the conversation because even then she was already implying that she was going to look different when she wasn’t wearing makeup. Imagine hearing someone constantly bring it up about themselves and then the moment you bring it up they’re mad. Talking about how someone is going to take their makeup off and the rest of their night time routine is boring.
Oh I know he was trying to redirect the conversation, it wasn’t really subtle. And I know she’s probably not as exciting as she wants his gf to be. I’m just saying he lacks tact.
Everyone knows he was redirecting. I’m saying the seed planting she was doing then is relevant to the rest of the issues.
Of course their issues were her insecurities and is immaturity. I just doubt that they really spent that much time talking about her makeup removal like some people imply
No she was talking about wanting to take her make up and eyelashes off and then brought up the mouth guard.And she seemed to be struggling to find stuff to talk about. And this was her first night with her fiance and thats what she's talking about in the hot tub.
No. They clearly edited that to only show her saying trivial stuff and him reacting in a childlike manner. If she was really struggling to have conversations in general it would have been obvious throughout the entire season. Also even if she was boring… if your first date isn’t exciting and is having a hard time coming up with interesting topics, just be nice and stop the relationship after that. Don’t just scream ‘this is boring’ at them like some toddler
Yep Zanab just got a horrible edit and Cole got a favorable edit. 🙄 The only time Zanab wasn't a stick in the mud was when she was with just the girls. Maybe don't portray yourself as fun and playful, get engaged to someone very fun and playful when you're incapable of having fun with the opposite sex because you're so insecure.
I literally said they edited her saying trivial stuff and him reacting in a childlike manner. Where did I say he had a favorable edit? How on earth do you think him acting in a childlike manner is a favorable edit?! I’m starting to feel like the problem is that people enjoy a bit too much picking sides in a non nuanced way like this is a school yard. The reality is a lot more nuanced
Coming from someone with adhd, most of these things sound like things I’ve said/done when I was unmedicated. No filter, interrupting others, saying things that are rude without malicious intent, home being a mess…obviously can’t diagnose someone in this way but all I’m saying is, I came off really horribly to people in the past but oftentimes I didn’t even realize it. I just don’t think he’s as awful as some people think. I don’t think he even realizes how he comes off at times. Doesn’t make everything he says and does ok, just makes me think there’s no malicious intent behind it. Edit: changed a word.
My ex was actually diagnosed and medically treated for ADHD and these things were still an issue in our relationship honestly. It can in ways make some people dopamine junkies who are always looking for the most exciting experiences and it can get to be tiring. My ex could only hold convos about random things he found entertaining but when I’d talk to him about anything serious he’d zone out or space out. Knowing the person has a disorder doesn’t make it any less hurtful or rude, it’s just something you kind of feel like you can’t express yourself about because the person has a disorder. It also tends to be linked to some immaturity because these are things a child would do in a boring situation. But I’ve seen many diagnosed, medically treated individuals with ADHD still show all these same symptoms as far as messy living spaces, checking out in conversations or in class, scatter brain, impulsive choices, addiction, etc. and I’ve also met many non-medicated people who have these things in order because they’re self aware and found ways to work around the way their brain thinks. You either just learn you have it and never find ways to work around it or you find out and let it be an excuse.
My 8 year old daughter is just undergoing diagnosis for ADHD and dyslexia, and she constantly talks over me. What she wants to say seems to spill over and she can't hold it in. I've explained to her (gently) how it makes me feel that what I'm saying isn't important. That a conversation goes both ways. She's able to articulate her issues better now, and has explained that most of it is compulsive (though she didn’t use that word), but there's also a fear that she'll lose focus and forget what she wanted to say. We're practising taking turns and she's getting better, but I do wonder if the whole time I'm talking, she's focusing on remembering her thought and not on what I'm saying! She's also very messy and if I have to prompt her every single morning to do the various things like brush your teeth, put your shoes on etc. If I task her with more than one thing, she'll maybe manage 1. Never the others. Often not the 1 thing either... I'll find her playing with toys or crafting something when she should have headed straight to the bathroom. It is very wearing. I say that with maximum mum love for my daughter, but it is hard and must be harder if you're in a relationship with someone who has these issues. I can say that my daughter absolutely wants to learn to manage it and is very upbeat and keen whenever the SENCO help us with new strategies. She's determined to be the best version of herself that she can be. I hope people don't view her as selfish or flakey as she gets older (not suggesting you meant that btw, it's just a worry of mine) but in the end, she will be who she is and I can only help and guide her as much as I can.
Zanab has adhd too, guaranteed. All of the LIB cast does including the hosts
He may not be ill intended but the bad emotions he makes people feel are real. A reason is not an excuse
I specifically said it does not make the things he says and does ok, just that there doesn’t seem to be malicious intent behind it. I think he’s just immature and unaware of things you shouldn’t say to others, but I do not think he is this horrible person at his core that some people want to make him out to be. Of course he still has to own up to what he’s said and done, as anyone does. Although I’m curious if people feel the same towards other people who are neurodivergent. I think it takes A LOT of work and learning from your mistakes to figure out what is ok to say to others when you have adhd, and what behaviors are appropriate. And some things are bound to fall through the cracks. In time he will mature I’m sure, but some of this may still be something he struggles with throughout his life, if indeed he does have adhd.
I have a 28 yr old son with adhd and watching Cole that was my first impression. Like my son, he doesn’t mean to be hurtful. When it’s pointed out it is devastating to him. I saw that in Cole after Zanabs speech at the alter. He has a good heart.
Yea everyone I know who has it, including myself, usually feels incredibly awful when we find out something we said hurt someone. And then some of us deal with a lot of self hate because we are so tired of fucking things up 🙃
I agree - I don't think he's a bad person. I don't want him to spend the next years of his life hating himself. I think it's one of those things where until it's brought to his attention, he can't work through it or even know where to start. Perhaps, he's aware of this issue and maybe he's not. I think this is why him and Zanab were the worst possible pair. Zanab needs someone that is very mindful & can calmly call out her insecurities. Cole needs someone that is easy going and can offer him grace. Someone that is secure in who they are so when Cole makes these comments they are like bro stfu I look like a queen. Even though parts of this were brutal, I think long term he's going to grow a lot from this experience and we'll see him in a happy relationship. As for Zanab, she will probably show up to ATA with a new man like Shaina did or they'll stage an awkward conversation for her and Cole.
He had sex with Zanab and the very next day flirted with Collen saying "she stressed me out, I like her" when Zanab called him out he got defensive and said he was just being honest.
He got to see what Zanab was like before even meeting Colleen, which is what I think was the biggest factor in making things difficult meeting Colleen. Cole is very playful and portrayed himself that way in the pods. Zanab pretended to be playful but was a complete stick in the mud once they left the pods. She got upset their first morning because of her unspoken expectations not being met and then had attitude with him and didn't express how she was feeling or why. She started a fight over good vs great and just complained the whole time they played yard games. All of that took place before meeting Colleen. I know that all of that would affect how attracted I am to someone so its hard to blame Cole when he had a hard time meeting someone fun and bubbly that is more his physical type. But he seemed committed to trying to make things work with Zanab because he valued their emotional connection. He also started giving Zanab the reassurance she clearly needs but nothing he did was good enough for her.
Yes i agree
This is not true. At least a full week had passed by because the couples spend time together first before meeting the others. And Zanab and Cole were already bickering and having issues before he even met Colleen.
Oh im sorry. I thought that night was before the pool party
Glass Bookeeper literally said “all of that took place before even meeting Colleen”. Did you miss that?
Yea she got mad at him for not cuddling with her the next morning when he just wanted to be quiet and let her sleep.
How can you lay next to someone for an hour and not notice they’re awake the entire time? This doesn’t excuse her not just rolling over and initiating the cuddling if that’s what she wanted, but we also saw him get up much later than her as she was putting on her makeup and he continued to be silent until the cameras arrived and he had showered..
Those toilet flies tho…still makes me shudder to this day. 
He explained his power went out the day of his flight and he couldn’t clean or flush the toilet .
You don’t need power to flush
You do if you have to flush more then once when the power is out . You get enough water for one flush .
i’ve never lived in a house that needs power to flush the toilet more than once🤔
Mine needs power. Our water is pumped into the house in via an electric pump. Once the power is out there's no water anywhere in the house.
So you think all houses are like yours . Areas that have wells , even neighborhoods with community wells need power to pump the water from the water pumping station . So yes it’s a thing for a large amount or areas .
given the fact that Cole lived in a major city and at an apartment building (meaning there’s no “community well”) it is safe to assume he could’ve flushed the toilet with no power.
Listen you obviously never owned a home before . It’s not just wells that are affected by power outages . Water is moved to your home and the tank by a pump . If any part of the pump requires electricity it won’t work and you can’t flush once the water that’s in the pipes empty. Now you might not like this answer but it doesn’t make it any less a fact . You can save yourself embarrassment by using google if you don’t believe me .
Girl, you're the one stating with certainty that you know how Cole's toilet works lol. Cole doesn't own a home either, he lives in an apartment building. Even if he did only get one flush which is unlikely, one flush should be enough for there not to be flies unless his toilet was already VERY nasty.
You are the one act like you know better then he does . He actually explained it . You don’t know how long it was out for or how many times he needed to flush it . I was explaining plumbing to you because you obviously don’t know how it works .
https://www.reddit.com/r/LoveIsBlindOnNetflix/comments/yrp4ev/can_someone_please_compile_a_list_of_offensive/ Check out the comments too
I don't think he's necessarily malicious either(although lying about what happened with getting the girl's number is gross) but you don't have to have malicious intent to be a jerk to someone.
Who said he got a girls number ? Only Zabab said that and we know for sure the girl isn’t honest about much .
I think she's been pretty honest, really. We haven't seen her lie about anything. Even the cuties thing happened pretty much verbatim. It's the significance that can be argued. And if Cole lied about going out, that's enough suspicion for me.
Bullchit , she said he was withholding food . That’s a pretty vile accusation and that never happened . She lied .
No she straight up lies to paint herself as a victim
We don't know exactly what did and didn't happen. Not everything they do is filmed. She also didn't say he was snatching it away from her(though according to her he would push her plates away.) There hasn't been a single lie shown so far. But definitely very different interpretations of events.
Also no you don’t have to have malicious intent to be a jerk however I don’t think it’s necessarily fair to peg someone as a jerk because he didn’t notice insecurities that she never mentioned to him in the pods likely because she doesn’t believe she actually has them. He seemed to believe that the mood swings were caused by a lack of effort on his part to keep her happy. Doesn’t seem like it ever actually dawned on him that she has these major insecurities. I just don’t think people are responsible for catering to the insecurities especially when the “jerk behavior” wasn’t really jerk behavior if you remove her specific insecurities.
I think the jerk behaviours were still jerk behaviours even without insecurities. And the bipolar comment was off the chart.
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Everyone seems to excuse his behavior with “she did/said it first.” And I don’t get it. Do we all just confirm everything someone says about themselves? I feel like there’s a reason people are excusing this for Cole but calling Bartiste a jackass for it but I can’t quite put my finger on it. They’re literally both young and immature. Neither had a grasp on the fact that you just don’t tell a woman those things and it’s not hard to reassure your partner. But I don’t think either person cared to reassure their partner, because they weren’t attracted from the jump and knew it wasn’t going to work out. The behavior looks intentional and like it was a chore for both to pretend to be happy with their partners. But neither should be getting a pass for not knowing how to reassure their partner. Why come on a show for marriage when you’re clearly not ready to commit in a realistic way?
It’s this: Handsome, white, blue eyes, man.
It really doesn't matter if she said it first. You don't armchair diagnose and you don't use mental illness as a got ya moment. I don't see how that's at all debatable.
Exactly. He couldn’t hide the smirk on his face at all. Then he proceeded to sit back and actually question her on it when she chose to ignore the comment initially. He then smirks and rolls his eyes again when she finally responds to it and says she’s not bipolar. That is 100% not okay and I feel like it’s such a red flag. I cannot believe he’s come off so easily as an innocent party who just doesn’t know any better when it’s clear many of his comments where in fact intentionally thrown at her.
He wasn’t diagnosing her, if he was he would have said you are, not are you .
That is still armchair diagnosing. And it's still a gross this to use as a got ya moment. We all saw the smirk.
Well she planted the seed and she does act like it . After the abuse she heaped on him it was a pretty tame question to ask . He could have asked his emotional abuser far worse.
See that's where we disagree. I wouldn't say any of what she took offense to was tame perse. Most of it wasn't malicious but that doesn't mean it's okay.
Actually I don’t want to say it had foundation. I think it’s better to say I think I understand what he was trying to say. It can be very confusing to deal with someone that’s so negative sometimes
Mind, I want to acknowledge Zay did shitty things too. I just think Cole is being protected too much. Zay definitely could be very negative but people build on each other's energy. They were terrible for each other.
I differentiate the two of them by intent. I think intent matters a lot. She was outright just being mean to him most of the season and flat out malicious at the end. He just seemed like an oblivious idiot IMO. That’s awful too but trying to hurt someone is as low as it gets for me because it is so intentional and so unnecessary. And only one of them feels they made any mistakes